Speaker 1: Hello everybody, and welcome back to the Psychology of Your Twenties,
Speaker 1: the podcast where we talk through some of the big
Speaker 1: life changes and transitions of our twenties and what they
Speaker 1: mean for our psychology. Hello everybody, Welcome back to the show.
Speaker 1: Welcome back to the podcast. New listeners, old listeners. Wherever
Speaker 1: you are in the world, it is so great to
Speaker 1: have you here. Back for another episode. Today, we're going
Speaker 1: to talk about alcohol, the impact of alcohol on our minds,
Speaker 1: the influence our social circles and friendships have on our
Speaker 1: drinking habits, anxiety, binge drinking, all the conversations about alcohol
Speaker 1: that we should be having in our twenties that maybe
Speaker 1: we are not. Obviously, as we are talking, we have
Speaker 1: just entered into a new year, and a lot of
Speaker 1: us probably considering the ways that we can be healthier, happier,
Speaker 1: more fulfilled, whether that's eating more vegetables, exercising more journaling,
Speaker 1: turning off our screens, or perhaps rethinking our drinking habits.
Speaker 1: I think this generation is a lot more educated and
Speaker 1: aware of the role that alcohol plays in our lives,
Speaker 1: both good and bad, and just genuinely more sober, curious,
Speaker 1: more willing to question the relationship with drinking or abstain entirely.
Speaker 1: It's really interesting because when I was researching this episode,
Speaker 1: I came across this series of economic papers of financial
Speaker 1: reports about Japan and how in Japan at the moment,
Speaker 1: they're actually running a series of commercials to promote drinking
Speaker 1: amongst younger people, because so many people in this generation
Speaker 1: are really questioning the pervasiveness of alcohol in our lives,
Speaker 1: the fact that we drink without thinking twice whether it
Speaker 1: is worth it, and this question of should I quit
Speaker 1: drinking or at least limit my alcohol intake has been
Speaker 1: on my mind a lot recently, especially since quite a
Speaker 1: few of my friends have started cutting out alcohol from
Speaker 1: their lives and I'm really seeing some insane benefits to
Speaker 1: their mental well being, the quality of their relationships, their fitness,
Speaker 1: even their skin. One of my best friends, Sarah, was
Speaker 1: really the inspiration for this episode because she is in
Speaker 1: that very boat at the moment. She quit drinking for
Speaker 1: a few months and when she told me, my first
Speaker 1: reaction was like, how how is this possible? And my
Speaker 1: second thought was I could never do that. That would
Speaker 1: be way too hard for me, that would be impossible,
Speaker 1: no chance. I literally have a tattoo of a glas
Speaker 1: of wine on my wrist. Alcohol it's such a deeply
Speaker 1: ingrained part of my life. But at what cost? Is
Speaker 1: that coming out? At what cost? And it was these
Speaker 1: kind of knee jerk thoughts that really caused me to
Speaker 1: pause for a second and reconsider whether my drinking habits
Speaker 1: were actually healthy or it would actually be that hard
Speaker 1: for me to quit, and if it would be that
Speaker 1: hard for me to quit impossible, even as I'd initially thought,
Speaker 1: what was to distinguish between me and someone addicted to alcohol?
Speaker 1: Clinically addicted? You know, maybe my drinking habits are a
Speaker 1: bit more socially acceptable. I don't drink at inappropriate times,
Speaker 1: I'm not drinking to the point of being hungover every day.
Speaker 1: But just because it's more socially acceptable doesn't mean it's
Speaker 1: not a problem or there isn't still kind of an
Speaker 1: underlying emotional or physical dependence occurring there. So it was
Speaker 1: here that I really began to look back at the
Speaker 1: past few months and ask myself, you know, when was
Speaker 1: the last time I didn't drink at least every second
Speaker 1: day of the week. And I really I could not
Speaker 1: answer the question. I genuinely couldn't remember my life. The
Speaker 1: way I socialize, the way I unwind, the way I celebrate,
Speaker 1: even just relax, it is all centered on the presence
Speaker 1: of alcohol. And I think that that is the case
Speaker 1: for many of us in our twenties, especially as we
Speaker 1: enter into full time work or those around us also
Speaker 1: start working full time. Most of the time that we
Speaker 1: reserve to see each other, to hang out is during
Speaker 1: the evenings. And what do we do when we want
Speaker 1: to socialize in the evenings We go out for a drink,
Speaker 1: or we go out for dinner and we get a
Speaker 1: bottle of wine or we get a beer. And then
Speaker 1: on the weekends it's the same thing. We want to unwind.
Speaker 1: Alcohol naturally does that for us. It's this temporary stress release,
Speaker 1: and I think that has been really contributing to a
Speaker 1: lot of drinking habits that are quite second nature that
Speaker 1: we don't actually really consider. There's also just this whole
Speaker 1: culture of drinking, especially where I live. I live in Australia, obviously,
Speaker 1: and when notorious for this, you know, Australians drink so much.
Speaker 1: Alcohol is part of the social fabric. To have a
Speaker 1: beer after work, to have a beer with dinner, to
Speaker 1: have a beer with friends, and so the question just
Speaker 1: kept coming up. Could I stop? Not do I want
Speaker 1: to stop? But could I? And that right there is
Speaker 1: actually what we call being sober curious, thinking about your
Speaker 1: decisions to drink, rather than just going along with social pressures,
Speaker 1: slowly finding ways to cut back, exploring what life could
Speaker 1: be without alcohol, because even though alcohol is very omnipresent
Speaker 1: in our society and the way we interact with our friends,
Speaker 1: at the end of the day, it is still a drug.
Speaker 1: I saw this quote and it really changed my perspective
Speaker 1: on this. Alcohol is the only drug that causes generational
Speaker 1: trauma that is still culturally tolerated and celebrated. And I
Speaker 1: believe that many of us perhaps just go along with
Speaker 1: drinking culture because we don't really know any differently, because
Speaker 1: alcohol makes us feel good, because we are worried what
Speaker 1: we would have to give up in our social life
Speaker 1: if we chose to stop. So let's explore that today.
Speaker 1: Let's explore the question of should I quit drinking in
Speaker 1: my twenties. If you are sober curious like me, this
Speaker 1: is definitely the episode for you, because I'm exploring the
Speaker 1: same time that you are so without further ado, I say,
Speaker 1: we jump into all of the psychology, the biology, the
Speaker 1: physiology behind why we drink, what alcohol does to our
Speaker 1: minds and our bodies, and some of the reasons for
Speaker 1: quitting alcohol is, like we said, a drug and why
Speaker 1: it makes us feel so good and more relaxed and
Speaker 1: more sociable comes down to its impact on our central
Speaker 1: nervous system. So drugs come in to forms depressants and stimulants.
Speaker 1: So stimulants are things like ecstasy or cocaine. They make
Speaker 1: us more active and energetic and focused, whereas alcohol is
Speaker 1: a depressant. It slows down our brain activity, our movements.
Speaker 1: It makes us less anxious because it impacts the ways
Speaker 1: that messages travel between our body and our brain. So
Speaker 1: when we have a glass of wine, for example, contained
Speaker 1: in that glass of wine is ethanol. Ethanol is a
Speaker 1: psychoactive substance that is metabolized by our body and goes
Speaker 1: through a series of processes in our body. So the
Speaker 1: reason we get drunk and happy and carefree specifically comes
Speaker 1: down to what ethanol does to our neurotransmitter systems. It
Speaker 1: stimulates the release of dopamine, it stimulates the release of endorphins, serotonin,
Speaker 1: all mood boosters all associated with pleasure, and then it
Speaker 1: also enhances the activity of this one neurotransmitter known as GABBA.
Speaker 1: Now Gabba is an inhibitor. An inhibitor means that it
Speaker 1: has a really calming effect on the nervous system. That
Speaker 1: is what leads to the feelings of relaxation, reduced response times,
Speaker 1: and a confused state the more drunk we get. So
Speaker 1: the reason we like to drink is because biologically, psychologically,
Speaker 1: it makes us happy. It's really as simple as that,
Speaker 1: and psychology tells us, through very simple pre conditioning and
Speaker 1: learned association, that when something makes us happy, we want
Speaker 1: to do it even more so if it also removes
Speaker 1: a negative feeling at the same time, that makes it
Speaker 1: even more I don't know, not addictive, but even more
Speaker 1: probable that we will continue to consume an amount that
Speaker 1: creates the same feeling again and again. It's interesting because
Speaker 1: a lot of things make us happy and aren't part
Speaker 1: of our daily lives. I like to use kind of
Speaker 1: like heroine as an example. Obviously it's a very drastic example,
Speaker 1: but we don't go and do heroine at a party
Speaker 1: or at a casual dinner. Maybe you do.
Speaker 2: I don't know.
Speaker 1: That is your prerogative. I don't think alcohol is your
Speaker 1: main concern. But the reason we don't go and do
Speaker 1: these drugs that make us feel just as good, if
Speaker 1: not better, is because it's not socially acceptable. Alcohol is
Speaker 1: not only socially acceptable, it is commonplace, it's celebrated, it's
Speaker 1: really positively viewed. So for centuries and centuries, humans have
Speaker 1: been using alcohol to change elevate their mood. Even before
Speaker 1: we made it into a liquid form, people used to
Speaker 1: eat fermented fruits as a way to essentially get drunk,
Speaker 1: because when things ferment or they rot, they produce that ethanol.
Speaker 1: So we can see really early signs of alcoholic beverages
Speaker 1: being used in that way across.
Speaker 2: The world, in Rome, in the Middle Ages, in ancient China,
Speaker 2: in Japan. Even beer back in the day was as
Speaker 2: commonplace as water, and nowadays it's associated more so with
Speaker 2: celebration because if you're feeling really great about something, why
Speaker 2: not feel even better? Why not let alcohol amplify the mood.
Speaker 2: And then, of course we can use it in the
Speaker 2: inverse situation when our mood is low, when anxious board
Speaker 2: that's a really big one. When we're depressed, when lonely.
Speaker 2: Alcohol is a substance which can distract us from those
Speaker 2: feelings or put us temporarily in a better mood by
Speaker 2: creating artificial euphoria. So they conducted this review in twenty
Speaker 2: twenty two and they found that alcohol is used in
Speaker 2: this way to suppress negative feelings more commonly than any
Speaker 2: other substance, and it's known as self medicating. So self
Speaker 2: medicating is when you use some kind of substance activity behavior,
Speaker 2: normally a drug of some sort, to almost minimize negative
Speaker 2: emotions and try and shift your mood back to a
Speaker 2: positive point. And the reason alcohol is used so commonly
Speaker 2: is because it's so widely available. However, whilst it may
Speaker 2: spike your mood for a while, the problem is that
Speaker 2: if you want to keep up those lively spirits, you
Speaker 2: have to keep drinking. And if you stop, those emotions
Speaker 2: and feelings come back stronger than ever, and they also
Speaker 2: come back in the form of a hangover, anxiety, a
Speaker 2: depressed mood. So what do we do in response, Well,
Speaker 2: we start drinking again, and we drink more in order
Speaker 2: to cope when that is prolonged. I don't think I
Speaker 2: need to say it, but it results in a huge
Speaker 2: cost to our personal lives, our relationships, poor fitness, health problems,
Speaker 2: reduce concentration. Obviously, self medication and an addiction are very
Speaker 2: different things. That's incredibly important to remember, but it can
Speaker 2: quickly become addiction if we're not able to find more sustainable,
Speaker 2: healthy mechanisms for coping. So there was a one study
Speaker 2: published in twenty nineteen. It found that replacing alcohol in
Speaker 2: a self medicating format with something healthier that doesn't rely
Speaker 2: on a substance is incredibly hard to do, mainly because
Speaker 2: a lot of people don't even really that they are
Speaker 2: self medicating.
Speaker 1: We don't even know that. The reason we have a
Speaker 1: glass of wine is because we're bored. The reason that
Speaker 1: we're drinking beer is because we're socially anxious. The reason
Speaker 1: that we're doing shots is because we want to get
Speaker 1: over our ex. That is all self medicating, and it's
Speaker 1: so second nature. We are so in denial of what
Speaker 1: we're really trying to achieve by drinking. Obviously that is
Speaker 1: not always the case, but it is another explanation for
Speaker 1: why alcohol is used so widely. It's also the case,
Speaker 1: and I've mentioned this a few times, alcohol increases our
Speaker 1: sociability as well. It's a social lubricant, as people call it,
Speaker 1: it's the elixir of confidence. It makes you feel powerful,
Speaker 1: it makes you feel less insecure. So similar to this
Speaker 1: suppression of some of those darker thoughts, it also elevates
Speaker 1: the part of you that you think others are going
Speaker 1: to find more enjoyable. There is this amazing creator on
Speaker 1: TikTok and I cannot remember their name, but I'll leave
Speaker 1: it in the description, and they talk a lot about
Speaker 1: this as a neurodivergent, whereby they use alcohol to feel
Speaker 1: more comfortable in social situations. It has become somewhat of
Speaker 1: a crutch for them as a way to fit in
Speaker 1: because it minimizes all of that social anxiety that would
Speaker 1: normally keep them very much in their shell. So, when
Speaker 1: we break it down, the reason we often don't question
Speaker 1: our drinking habits is because alcohol makes us feel good.
Speaker 1: It's socially acceptable, it's prolific, So even if we're not
Speaker 1: consciously aware of it, there is some subliminal cultural peer
Speaker 1: pressure involved. And then, of course alcohol can be used
Speaker 1: as a coping strategy for so many internal problems or feelings,
Speaker 1: a way to feel better about who we are. So
Speaker 1: what are some of the reasons to stop in the
Speaker 1: face of all of these quote unquote benefits. Firstly, I
Speaker 1: really think that we should consider quitting or at least
Speaker 1: minimizing our drinking if you just want to see if
Speaker 1: you can. There doesn't need to be a deeper reason
Speaker 1: than that. Other than that is a per personal challenge
Speaker 1: for you, and you want to actually evaluate whether you're
Speaker 1: able to do it or whether this is a deeper problem.
Speaker 1: You want to test the nature of your reliance, even
Speaker 1: if it's just for a month. I think you'll see
Speaker 1: some really huge changes. You will sleep better, you will
Speaker 1: have less brain fog, you'll feel fitter, your skin will improve.
Speaker 1: You'll definitely save money, that is for sure. Alcohol is
Speaker 1: such an expense for a lot of people in their twenties.
Speaker 1: Some estimates even suggest that you could save at least
Speaker 1: eight thousand dollars a year if you are having three
Speaker 1: drinks four days a week. That is like a free
Speaker 1: vacation right there, like hiding in your sobriety. And additionally,
Speaker 1: perhaps the biggest non health related reason, you'll just prove
Speaker 1: to yourself that you can. You get to trial a
Speaker 1: life without alcohol. You can set yourself a short term goal,
Speaker 1: one that requires discipline and temporary lifestyle changes and be
Speaker 1: committed to it. And I think that demons that proves
Speaker 1: to yourself real mental strength, especially in the face of
Speaker 1: a lot of social pressure. It gives you a reason
Speaker 1: to feel proud of yourself, but it also demonstrates that
Speaker 1: you do have conscious control over these sometimes automatic behaviors
Speaker 1: like having a glass of wine with dinner or drinking
Speaker 1: every weekend. And the longer that you abstain or just
Speaker 1: reduce your consumption, the greater the benefits become. I cannot
Speaker 1: even begin to list the amount of studies and health
Speaker 1: articles showing us that those of us who drink less
Speaker 1: than five drinks a week, so not even completely abstaining,
Speaker 1: reduce their risk of cancer, high blood pressure, heart disease,
Speaker 1: liver damage, all of which are really long term side
Speaker 1: effects of excessive alcohol consumption. Let's also talk about this
Speaker 1: short term downsides of drinking excessively or at least consistently,
Speaker 1: that you're gonna avoid if you start rethinking your relationship
Speaker 1: with alcohol. The biggest one to me is hangovers and anxiety,
Speaker 1: essentially such a universal experience of our twenties when we
Speaker 1: drink to the point of excess of being really drunk.
Speaker 1: What we are basically doing is poisoning our body by
Speaker 1: putting in more of a psychoactive substance, ethanol than our
Speaker 1: bodies can process. This is why when we feel really drunk,
Speaker 1: we often feel the need to vomit. This is literally
Speaker 1: our body saying I am being poisoned. I cannot process
Speaker 1: all of this without it doing harm. I need to
Speaker 1: expel this or else. Throwing up Vomiting after drinking alcohol
Speaker 1: is the body's natural way of removing what is actually
Speaker 1: a harmful material, and the next morning we're going to
Speaker 1: feel the impact of that. When our body metabolizes alcohol,
Speaker 1: it releases this substance that contributes to feelings of nausea, headaches,
Speaker 1: overall discomfort. It also spikes our blood sugar levels, it
Speaker 1: causes us to be dehydrated, interferes with our sleep. That's
Speaker 1: when we start to encounter some of those psychological and
Speaker 1: mental side effects as well. Part of that is anxiety.
Speaker 1: I know that we've all experienced this, waking up the
Speaker 1: next morning feeling like you were in a mental spiral,
Speaker 1: worrying about what you've said or done, having this seemingly
Speaker 1: unspecified anxious pattern of thoughts, feeling paranoid, and impending sense
Speaker 1: of doom. This is so commonplace for me, and one
Speaker 1: of the major factors that really contributed to my sober
Speaker 1: curiosity was I didn't want to wake up and think
Speaker 1: about everything that I regretted saying the night before. I
Speaker 1: didn't kind of want that chaos in my life. When
Speaker 1: we look at the science, particularly the brain science, anxiety
Speaker 1: is directly related to that neurotransmitter gabba that we were
Speaker 1: speaking about before. It might make us feel more relaxed,
Speaker 1: but as you continue drinking, your brain also starts to
Speaker 1: shut off this hormone, this neurochemical called glutamate. So that
Speaker 1: is why we feel really calm, we feel free, we
Speaker 1: feel more natural, but they're short lived because as the
Speaker 1: alcohol wears off, your brain needs to restore that normal
Speaker 1: chemical balance, and it does this by reducing gabber, so
Speaker 1: reducing the calm feelings and spiking that glutamat again, making
Speaker 1: you more anxious as it tries to get you back
Speaker 1: to that point of balance. So I think both an
Speaker 1: increasing level of hangovers and anxiety, those are some of
Speaker 1: the biggest arguments for considering a limit or reduction to
Speaker 1: your drinking, especially if you are someone who has one
Speaker 1: glass one beer and can't stop. The next day is
Speaker 1: always disrupted. You can't get as much done, You have
Speaker 1: to do the apology tour, make sure you haven't embarrassed yourself.
Speaker 1: Your body just doesn't feel quite right. And if you
Speaker 1: are someone who wants to make changes in your life
Speaker 1: and has some big goals wants to prioritize being physically
Speaker 1: active and getting shit done, an early riser, or just
Speaker 1: a good friend, sometimes we come to realize that alcohol
Speaker 1: and those broader values and goals they don't align. They
Speaker 1: are in direct opposition. And it's at this point that
Speaker 1: you really need to consider how you can build a
Speaker 1: healthier relationship with this substance. What would your life look
Speaker 1: like without alcohol in it? What would it look like
Speaker 1: with less alcohol? If there would be an improvement, I
Speaker 1: think it's somewhat irrational that you don't make that change,
Speaker 1: because you are showing to yourself that, despite all the benefits,
Speaker 1: you're still very much under the thumb of this substance.
Speaker 1: For some reason, whatever that may be, You're essentially using
Speaker 1: alcohol as a way to self sabotage. You are standing
Speaker 1: in your own way of a better quality of life,
Speaker 1: and it could be possible that you actually have less
Speaker 1: control over this behavior than you initially believed. Another reason
Speaker 1: to quit drinking is that you're going to be able
Speaker 1: to discover who you truly are without using alcohol as
Speaker 1: a social lubricant. It will show you that you can
Speaker 1: have fun even if you're not drunk. It will show
Speaker 1: you who wants to be around you, even if you're
Speaker 1: not buzzed and funny and saying which shit. It will
Speaker 1: show you that sobriety isn't a buzzkill, that people are
Speaker 1: quite accepting. And it also means that you have to
Speaker 1: be more creative and how you choose to have fun
Speaker 1: instead of just choosing the easiest option of going out
Speaker 1: for a drink. You can go to an art class,
Speaker 1: a movie. You can go rock climbing, and you can
Speaker 1: drive there. You can be the designated driver. Everyone loves
Speaker 1: a designated driver. Obviously, this is a limited number of reasons,
Speaker 1: and some of them may not really motivate you as
Speaker 1: much as the others do. Whether it's for mental benefits,
Speaker 1: physical benefits, social benefits, just a personal value benefit of
Speaker 1: showing yourself that you can do it. There are so
Speaker 1: many reasons that are so persuasive, but these are the
Speaker 1: ones that really stick out. I also think that obviously
Speaker 1: you're discussing quitting drinking, the decision to moderate your drinking
Speaker 1: is just as valid and important, just as powerful, even
Speaker 1: though it might not be as much of a drastic change.
Speaker 1: Any change is good change when it comes to your health,
Speaker 1: even if you are just sober curious. I think it's
Speaker 1: important that with any automatically or socially conditioned behavior, we
Speaker 1: actually evaluate how much control we have, our reasons for partaking,
Speaker 1: and whether we are still okay with the consequences of that,
Speaker 1: whether there is a better option for us, even if
Speaker 1: it's not the status quo. I think contained in that
Speaker 1: decision making process though a number of barriers, especially around
Speaker 1: what we would be giving up, abstaining, deciding to limit.
Speaker 1: I think we understand that it will be difficult, and
Speaker 1: it's that difficulty. It's that fear of that discomfort and
Speaker 1: that difficulty that keeps us stuck in this behavior or
Speaker 1: in the contemplation stage. We fear what a change will
Speaker 1: cost us. We fear the friends we may lose, that
Speaker 1: life might be boring, that will miss the taste, the
Speaker 1: feeling So what I want to discuss next as some
Speaker 1: of the challenges, but also how to overcome them, my
Speaker 1: tips for kind of integrating sober curiosity into your life
Speaker 1: if that's something that you're interested in. So all of
Speaker 1: that and more. After this short break, what I've realized
Speaker 1: is that all the reasons why we choose to drink
Speaker 1: are the reasons why it's so hard to stop. Alcohol
Speaker 1: tastes good, everyone else is drinking. It makes me feel better,
Speaker 1: it's an important part of celebrating with friends and family.
Speaker 1: It makes me more confident. Those are just a few,
Speaker 1: and maybe that's an obvious statement, but ironically, the reason
Speaker 1: it's so hard to quit drinking is because it makes
Speaker 1: us feel so good. Because it is, as we've spoken about,
Speaker 1: a drug. It produces a lot of the chemistry in
Speaker 1: our brain that is associated with pleasure. When we drink regularly,
Speaker 1: as well, our brains get used to elevated dopamine levels,
Speaker 1: and that is where our tolerance comes from. So when
Speaker 1: we make the decision to reduce or stop entirely, we
Speaker 1: are going to experience a drop in a lot of
Speaker 1: that artificially induced euphoria and happiness that we're experiencing. That
Speaker 1: we've come to rely on the thing I always will.
Speaker 1: Have been questioning a lot recently, though, is is that
Speaker 1: actually real happiness? Is that a genuine feeling of happiness?
Speaker 1: Or is it just a chemical reaction produced by alcohol?
Speaker 1: So one of the biggest reasons I had for not
Speaker 1: quitting was alcohol is just so much fun. What if
Speaker 1: I'm boring without it? What if my life is just
Speaker 1: less enjoyable? What am I going to do on those
Speaker 1: nights when a drink would unfortunately make me happier. A
Speaker 1: lot of this is tied up in emotion, but equally
Speaker 1: in a fear of change. Change is really scary, especially
Speaker 1: if you are someone like me, for whom alcohol is
Speaker 1: such a normal part of everyday life. It has been
Speaker 1: since I was eighteen, maybe even younger. So imagining life
Speaker 1: without it comes with a lot of unknowns. It comes
Speaker 1: with a lot of fear, and humans naturally fear uncertainty
Speaker 1: or any sense of change, anything that disrupts what they're
Speaker 1: used to. It also requires a lifestyle adjustment that maybe
Speaker 1: we don't feel prepared to make because the effort required
Speaker 1: or the secondary impacts on other areas or domains of
Speaker 1: our lives. Seeing too large there's this really valuable psychological
Speaker 1: theory that we really should discuss here actually, and it's
Speaker 1: called the theory of behavior change, or the stages of
Speaker 1: behavior change. When we are in the process of making
Speaker 1: a decision like abstaining from alcohol, we go through a
Speaker 1: series of like chapters, a series of stages. Firstly, we
Speaker 1: have pre contemplation. This is where we are not even
Speaker 1: thinking about it. We're not thinking about changing, we don't
Speaker 1: see any problem. We're happy to continue. Then we might
Speaker 1: get to the contemplation stage. We're thinking about the pros
Speaker 1: and cons of quitting. We're not quite ready to do it,
Speaker 1: but it's definitely on our mind, it's definitely something that
Speaker 1: we're considering. Then we move to preparation. We know it's
Speaker 1: time to make a choice, to make a change, to
Speaker 1: make a shift. We begin to plan, We begin to
Speaker 1: make contingencies like Okay, I'm gonna go sober next month,
Speaker 1: this is how I'm going to do it. And then
Speaker 1: we have action. This is where we actually do it.
Speaker 1: This is the fourth stage. And finally, after that maintenance,
Speaker 1: we've quit. We're not going back. Sometimes we cycle through
Speaker 1: these stages again and again, either because we're not committed
Speaker 1: to full sobriety, or because we're still trying to find
Speaker 1: the will power to adjust and go through with it,
Speaker 1: switching between contemplation and preparation, contemplation and preparation again and
Speaker 1: again and again. That's totally okay. This theory shows us
Speaker 1: this is part of the cycle. At that moment when
Speaker 1: we're really considering maybe some of the downsides of quitting,
Speaker 1: like what we're going to miss out on, we are
Speaker 1: in the contemplation stage. We know that it might be
Speaker 1: good for us, we know the benefits, but once again
Speaker 1: there is either a fear or something else holding us back.
Speaker 1: And aside from the pure happiness factor, the second biggest
Speaker 1: contributor is social acceptance. I was speaking about this on
Speaker 1: Instagram the other day and I asked you guys, would
Speaker 1: you be able to quit drinking?
Speaker 2: Yes?
Speaker 1: No, maybe if you were, If you answered no, sorry,
Speaker 1: if you said you couldn't quit drinking? Why is that
Speaker 1: every single one of you said this. There was probably
Speaker 1: two out of like two hundred responses that didn't say.
Speaker 1: Alcohol is so socially ingrained in my life. It is
Speaker 1: so omnipresent. What am I going to miss out on
Speaker 1: if I don't drink. What are my friends going to think?
Speaker 1: Am I going to feel left out or miss out
Speaker 1: on like those drunk memories? Here's my response to that. Firstly,
Speaker 1: the memories you make when you're drunk are not actually
Speaker 1: great memories, mainly because alcohol interrupts our ability to consolidate
Speaker 1: the things that we're experiencing and turn them into memories.
Speaker 1: So a lot of the time what we think we
Speaker 1: remember is not even what we remember. There's really a
Speaker 1: lot of points of confusion or blackout in that. Secondly,
Speaker 1: the people you lose if it comes to that, I
Speaker 1: don't think it will. They were not around you for
Speaker 1: the right reasons. And there are so many substitutions these
Speaker 1: days for alcohol, like mocked oles and like alcohol free
Speaker 1: liquors and soft drink. The mere fact that your beverage
Speaker 1: is not alcoholic is not going to dramatically shift your relationships,
Speaker 1: at least not the ones that matter, at least, not
Speaker 1: the ones with the people who are really important. If anything,
Speaker 1: I think you'll find that your relationships will actually deepen
Speaker 1: because you will be more alert, a better listener, you
Speaker 1: won't say things you regret, You'll find other ways to
Speaker 1: hang out with your friends without alcohol being at the center.
Speaker 1: Just because alcohol and drinking are convenient and socially acceptable
Speaker 1: options doesn't mean they are the best options, especially when
Speaker 1: we focus on the positives and the upsides of limiting
Speaker 1: our intake and you can still have fun. I think
Speaker 1: the mere fact that you're worried you won't be able
Speaker 1: to is another reason to actually rethink your alliance on alcohol,
Speaker 1: because if you are relying it on it as a
Speaker 1: crutch in order to socialize or be funnier, more charismatic,
Speaker 1: is it actually you and those moments or is it
Speaker 1: the alcohol that people like? Once again, who would you
Speaker 1: be without alcohol? Would you be healthier, happier, fitter, more confident?
Speaker 1: These reasons all sound really worth it. I want to
Speaker 1: clarify here, I am in no ways completely sober. I
Speaker 1: still drink, but since reflecting on the role that this
Speaker 1: plays in my life, I've massively reduced how much I
Speaker 1: consume and more conscious of my decisions towards drinking. I've
Speaker 1: gone from drinking maybe every night to just weekends or
Speaker 1: special occasions holidays, and definitely not to the same level
Speaker 1: as before where it was like alcohol was just such
Speaker 1: a fixture in my life, right like it was just
Speaker 1: such a huge part of who I chose to be,
Speaker 1: and it was scary seeing who that version of me
Speaker 1: would be without it. I want to discuss some tips
Speaker 1: for my sober curious listeners out there who are maybe
Speaker 1: in the contemplation preparation stage. First of all, get clear
Speaker 1: on the why. Everyone is going to have unique reasons,
Speaker 1: whether it is for physical health, mental well being, to
Speaker 1: save money, to test mental strength. Make sure you are
Speaker 1: certain of your motivations because they are what will keep
Speaker 1: you committed, and start doing your own research on the benefits.
Speaker 1: Follow people on a similar journey who maybe are also
Speaker 1: sober curious, who are also just dead sober, who are
Speaker 1: not kind of participating in the alcohol culture the same
Speaker 1: way that you would like to not participate. Surround yourself
Speaker 1: with people who may be willing to try as well,
Speaker 1: who are already in the action phase. Keep those incentives
Speaker 1: and motives front and center at all times. Set short
Speaker 1: term goals first as well. One of the biggest mistakes
Speaker 1: people make when they set out to change their lives,
Speaker 1: or at least some component of it, is that they
Speaker 1: go all in all at once. They adopt an all
Speaker 1: or nothing approach, which research as therapists, psychologists, They all
Speaker 1: say that is one of the easiest ways to ensure
Speaker 1: that you fail, because if we only accept perfection and
Speaker 1: complete adherence to our goals, we are neglecting reality, specifically
Speaker 1: the reality that behavior change is hard because it requires
Speaker 1: us to revise a lot of what is automatic for
Speaker 1: us instead of going cold turkey. If you can try
Speaker 1: not to drink every second day, then try not to
Speaker 1: drink during the week, and then every second week, then
Speaker 1: challenge yourself to a month month long sobriety challenges like
Speaker 1: drive July, they're a really good trial. In this case,
Speaker 1: where it's only thirty days, it's superdoable. You don't have
Speaker 1: to give up everything in your life. You have the
Speaker 1: promise of a finished date, and that can be something
Speaker 1: that really helps you sometimes. What we actually see though
Speaker 1: with some of those, like thirty day new alcohol challenges,
Speaker 1: is what psychologists call rebound behaviors, where when we are
Speaker 1: allowed to drink again, we actually end up drinking more.
Speaker 1: But if we see this as part of a broader
Speaker 1: long term shift to drinking less, and we keep our
Speaker 1: motives up, we can normally avoid this. And if complete
Speaker 1: sobriety is not for you, or not medically necessary. Try
Speaker 1: to keep drinkings to just the weekends or big events,
Speaker 1: stick to just one or two drinks. It might be
Speaker 1: less scary if you have a limit. You know, less
Speaker 1: scary if you're not completely cutting something out of your life,
Speaker 1: but more so integrating non alcoholic versions into how you socialize,
Speaker 1: integrating sobriety into how you see your life. Small change
Speaker 1: once again, better then no change. Additionally, don't forget to
Speaker 1: reward yourself here. You are really challenging yourself with this.
Speaker 1: You should feel proud of your efforts. A lot of
Speaker 1: people in their twenties of all ages are not considering this.
Speaker 1: With each kind of milestone you hit each week that
Speaker 1: you stay sober each I don't know fortnite that you
Speaker 1: choose to not drink, reward yourself with a little treat,
Speaker 1: with a little amiz on purchase. You really want a
Speaker 1: little snack from the grocery store to keep up that
Speaker 1: positive reinforcement. I think also consistent reward can be helpful
Speaker 1: in counteracting some of the natural declines we're going to
Speaker 1: see in the pleasure that we may have been used
Speaker 1: to getting from alcohol instead of getting that dopamine hit
Speaker 1: and then immediate regret from overdrinking, you can receive that pleasure,
Speaker 1: that sense of satisfaction, that happiness from a more positive
Speaker 1: and meaningful personal reward. Finally, plan ahead when it comes
Speaker 1: to big social situations. We all know what it's like
Speaker 1: to feel fomo, to feel pressure from those around us,
Speaker 1: maybe even anxiety because we're doing something a little bit different,
Speaker 1: and that can really cause us to give up. Because
Speaker 1: there is nothing as significant and influential as someone really
Speaker 1: trying to get you to have a drink, to have
Speaker 1: a cocktail with them. So if you have a plan,
Speaker 1: you bring your own non alcoholic beverages, you know that
Speaker 1: you're going to have one drink, then only have like
Speaker 1: diet coke or lemonade. From there, you're going to feel
Speaker 1: more certain, You're going to feel more committed, You're going
Speaker 1: to feel more strong in the fact that you have
Speaker 1: made a decision for you and you're willing to see
Speaker 1: it through. I think beyond that, whether you are ready
Speaker 1: to quit drinking or just thinking about it, it's so
Speaker 1: important to think about how our behaviors may have consequences
Speaker 1: for our well being that we haven't been taught to consider,
Speaker 1: especially in societies where heavy excessive drinking is so normalized.
Speaker 1: Your health is the most important thing, period, and so
Speaker 1: maybe you might not have a problem at this point.
Speaker 1: You might never have a problem with alcohol, but it
Speaker 1: is worth questioning whether your life could be improved without it.
Speaker 1: It's not always about life just being pretty good. Could
Speaker 1: it be better? I'm also in this phase of really
Speaker 1: exploring this as well. You know, I'm still not sure
Speaker 1: I could ever go sober, and I think that that
Speaker 1: in itself requires its own unpacking. But I'm glad that
Speaker 1: I just stopped going along with what I'd begun to
Speaker 1: feel was normal. I'm glad that I actually, you know,
Speaker 1: took a step back and was like, is this actually
Speaker 1: hurting me or benefiting me? Which one of these is stronger?
Speaker 2: Here?
Speaker 1: How come it is so hard for me to even
Speaker 1: consider stopping? What does that say about my own mental
Speaker 1: strength and the power that this substance may have over me?
Speaker 1: What am I going to see in terms of my
Speaker 1: health and my well being if I made this what
Speaker 1: could be a very small, arbitrary decision, And it really
Speaker 1: hasn't like influenced my life as much as I thought
Speaker 1: it would. I really thought that, like my social life
Speaker 1: would would you know, would end, it would cease, I
Speaker 1: would never see certain friends again. But it hasn't been
Speaker 1: like that, and hopefully it's a decision that I continue
Speaker 1: to make and continue to explore. So I really hope
Speaker 1: that you enjoyed this episode. I hope that it provided
Speaker 1: you with just something to think about or some motivation
Speaker 1: for something that you have been thinking about. As always,
Speaker 1: if you enjoyed this episode, if you think that there
Speaker 1: is a friend, family member, work mate, maybe not work mate,
Speaker 1: anybody though, who needs to hear this episode, please feel
Speaker 1: free to share it with them hopefully it will help
Speaker 1: them out as well, and leave a five star review.
Speaker 1: If you've got something from this episode. Make sure that
Speaker 1: you're following us to know when new episodes will come out,
Speaker 1: and if you have an episode suggestion, if maybe you
Speaker 1: want to follow up, if you are getting sober this year,
Speaker 1: if you're trying to drink less, congratulations, I would love
Speaker 1: to hear from you, and maybe other things that you're
Speaker 1: doing on this kind of like journey on this path,
Speaker 1: And congratulations as well. I think I already said that,
Speaker 1: but that is like amazing. So thank you again for
Speaker 1: tuning in, and we will be back next week with
Speaker 1: another episode