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Speaker 1: Hello everybody, and welcome back to the Psychology of Your Twenties,

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Speaker 1: the podcast where we talk through some of the big

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Speaker 1: life changes and transitions of our twenties and what they

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Speaker 1: mean for our psychology. Hello everybody, Welcome back to the show.

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Speaker 1: Welcome back to the podcast. New listeners, old listeners. Wherever

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Speaker 1: you are in the world, it is so great to

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Speaker 1: have you here. Back for another episode. Today, we're going

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Speaker 1: to talk about alcohol, the impact of alcohol on our minds,

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Speaker 1: the influence our social circles and friendships have on our

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Speaker 1: drinking habits, anxiety, binge drinking, all the conversations about alcohol

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Speaker 1: that we should be having in our twenties that maybe

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Speaker 1: we are not. Obviously, as we are talking, we have

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Speaker 1: just entered into a new year, and a lot of

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Speaker 1: us probably considering the ways that we can be healthier, happier,

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Speaker 1: more fulfilled, whether that's eating more vegetables, exercising more journaling,

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Speaker 1: turning off our screens, or perhaps rethinking our drinking habits.

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Speaker 1: I think this generation is a lot more educated and

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Speaker 1: aware of the role that alcohol plays in our lives,

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Speaker 1: both good and bad, and just genuinely more sober, curious,

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Speaker 1: more willing to question the relationship with drinking or abstain entirely.

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Speaker 1: It's really interesting because when I was researching this episode,

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Speaker 1: I came across this series of economic papers of financial

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Speaker 1: reports about Japan and how in Japan at the moment,

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Speaker 1: they're actually running a series of commercials to promote drinking

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Speaker 1: amongst younger people, because so many people in this generation

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Speaker 1: are really questioning the pervasiveness of alcohol in our lives,

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Speaker 1: the fact that we drink without thinking twice whether it

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Speaker 1: is worth it, and this question of should I quit

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Speaker 1: drinking or at least limit my alcohol intake has been

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Speaker 1: on my mind a lot recently, especially since quite a

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Speaker 1: few of my friends have started cutting out alcohol from

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Speaker 1: their lives and I'm really seeing some insane benefits to

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Speaker 1: their mental well being, the quality of their relationships, their fitness,

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Speaker 1: even their skin. One of my best friends, Sarah, was

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Speaker 1: really the inspiration for this episode because she is in

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Speaker 1: that very boat at the moment. She quit drinking for

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Speaker 1: a few months and when she told me, my first

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Speaker 1: reaction was like, how how is this possible? And my

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Speaker 1: second thought was I could never do that. That would

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Speaker 1: be way too hard for me, that would be impossible,

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Speaker 1: no chance. I literally have a tattoo of a glas

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Speaker 1: of wine on my wrist. Alcohol it's such a deeply

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Speaker 1: ingrained part of my life. But at what cost? Is

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Speaker 1: that coming out? At what cost? And it was these

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Speaker 1: kind of knee jerk thoughts that really caused me to

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Speaker 1: pause for a second and reconsider whether my drinking habits

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Speaker 1: were actually healthy or it would actually be that hard

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Speaker 1: for me to quit, and if it would be that

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Speaker 1: hard for me to quit impossible, even as I'd initially thought,

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Speaker 1: what was to distinguish between me and someone addicted to alcohol?

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Speaker 1: Clinically addicted? You know, maybe my drinking habits are a

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Speaker 1: bit more socially acceptable. I don't drink at inappropriate times,

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Speaker 1: I'm not drinking to the point of being hungover every day.

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Speaker 1: But just because it's more socially acceptable doesn't mean it's

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Speaker 1: not a problem or there isn't still kind of an

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Speaker 1: underlying emotional or physical dependence occurring there. So it was

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Speaker 1: here that I really began to look back at the

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Speaker 1: past few months and ask myself, you know, when was

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Speaker 1: the last time I didn't drink at least every second

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Speaker 1: day of the week. And I really I could not

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Speaker 1: answer the question. I genuinely couldn't remember my life. The

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Speaker 1: way I socialize, the way I unwind, the way I celebrate,

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Speaker 1: even just relax, it is all centered on the presence

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Speaker 1: of alcohol. And I think that that is the case

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Speaker 1: for many of us in our twenties, especially as we

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Speaker 1: enter into full time work or those around us also

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Speaker 1: start working full time. Most of the time that we

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Speaker 1: reserve to see each other, to hang out is during

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Speaker 1: the evenings. And what do we do when we want

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Speaker 1: to socialize in the evenings We go out for a drink,

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Speaker 1: or we go out for dinner and we get a

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Speaker 1: bottle of wine or we get a beer. And then

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Speaker 1: on the weekends it's the same thing. We want to unwind.

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Speaker 1: Alcohol naturally does that for us. It's this temporary stress release,

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Speaker 1: and I think that has been really contributing to a

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Speaker 1: lot of drinking habits that are quite second nature that

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Speaker 1: we don't actually really consider. There's also just this whole

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Speaker 1: culture of drinking, especially where I live. I live in Australia, obviously,

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Speaker 1: and when notorious for this, you know, Australians drink so much.

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Speaker 1: Alcohol is part of the social fabric. To have a

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Speaker 1: beer after work, to have a beer with dinner, to

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Speaker 1: have a beer with friends, and so the question just

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Speaker 1: kept coming up. Could I stop? Not do I want

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Speaker 1: to stop? But could I? And that right there is

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Speaker 1: actually what we call being sober curious, thinking about your

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Speaker 1: decisions to drink, rather than just going along with social pressures,

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Speaker 1: slowly finding ways to cut back, exploring what life could

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Speaker 1: be without alcohol, because even though alcohol is very omnipresent

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Speaker 1: in our society and the way we interact with our friends,

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Speaker 1: at the end of the day, it is still a drug.

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Speaker 1: I saw this quote and it really changed my perspective

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Speaker 1: on this. Alcohol is the only drug that causes generational

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Speaker 1: trauma that is still culturally tolerated and celebrated. And I

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Speaker 1: believe that many of us perhaps just go along with

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Speaker 1: drinking culture because we don't really know any differently, because

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Speaker 1: alcohol makes us feel good, because we are worried what

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Speaker 1: we would have to give up in our social life

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Speaker 1: if we chose to stop. So let's explore that today.

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Speaker 1: Let's explore the question of should I quit drinking in

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Speaker 1: my twenties. If you are sober curious like me, this

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Speaker 1: is definitely the episode for you, because I'm exploring the

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Speaker 1: same time that you are so without further ado, I say,

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Speaker 1: we jump into all of the psychology, the biology, the

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Speaker 1: physiology behind why we drink, what alcohol does to our

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Speaker 1: minds and our bodies, and some of the reasons for

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Speaker 1: quitting alcohol is, like we said, a drug and why

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Speaker 1: it makes us feel so good and more relaxed and

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Speaker 1: more sociable comes down to its impact on our central

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Speaker 1: nervous system. So drugs come in to forms depressants and stimulants.

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Speaker 1: So stimulants are things like ecstasy or cocaine. They make

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Speaker 1: us more active and energetic and focused, whereas alcohol is

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Speaker 1: a depressant. It slows down our brain activity, our movements.

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Speaker 1: It makes us less anxious because it impacts the ways

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Speaker 1: that messages travel between our body and our brain. So

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Speaker 1: when we have a glass of wine, for example, contained

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Speaker 1: in that glass of wine is ethanol. Ethanol is a

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Speaker 1: psychoactive substance that is metabolized by our body and goes

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Speaker 1: through a series of processes in our body. So the

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Speaker 1: reason we get drunk and happy and carefree specifically comes

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Speaker 1: down to what ethanol does to our neurotransmitter systems. It

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Speaker 1: stimulates the release of dopamine, it stimulates the release of endorphins, serotonin,

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Speaker 1: all mood boosters all associated with pleasure, and then it

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Speaker 1: also enhances the activity of this one neurotransmitter known as GABBA.

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Speaker 1: Now Gabba is an inhibitor. An inhibitor means that it

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Speaker 1: has a really calming effect on the nervous system. That

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Speaker 1: is what leads to the feelings of relaxation, reduced response times,

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Speaker 1: and a confused state the more drunk we get. So

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Speaker 1: the reason we like to drink is because biologically, psychologically,

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Speaker 1: it makes us happy. It's really as simple as that,

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Speaker 1: and psychology tells us, through very simple pre conditioning and

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Speaker 1: learned association, that when something makes us happy, we want

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Speaker 1: to do it even more so if it also removes

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Speaker 1: a negative feeling at the same time, that makes it

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Speaker 1: even more I don't know, not addictive, but even more

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Speaker 1: probable that we will continue to consume an amount that

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Speaker 1: creates the same feeling again and again. It's interesting because

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Speaker 1: a lot of things make us happy and aren't part

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Speaker 1: of our daily lives. I like to use kind of

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Speaker 1: like heroine as an example. Obviously it's a very drastic example,

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Speaker 1: but we don't go and do heroine at a party

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Speaker 1: or at a casual dinner. Maybe you do.

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Speaker 2: I don't know.

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Speaker 1: That is your prerogative. I don't think alcohol is your

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Speaker 1: main concern. But the reason we don't go and do

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Speaker 1: these drugs that make us feel just as good, if

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Speaker 1: not better, is because it's not socially acceptable. Alcohol is

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Speaker 1: not only socially acceptable, it is commonplace, it's celebrated, it's

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Speaker 1: really positively viewed. So for centuries and centuries, humans have

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Speaker 1: been using alcohol to change elevate their mood. Even before

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Speaker 1: we made it into a liquid form, people used to

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Speaker 1: eat fermented fruits as a way to essentially get drunk,

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Speaker 1: because when things ferment or they rot, they produce that ethanol.

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Speaker 1: So we can see really early signs of alcoholic beverages

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Speaker 1: being used in that way across.

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Speaker 2: The world, in Rome, in the Middle Ages, in ancient China,

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Speaker 2: in Japan. Even beer back in the day was as

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Speaker 2: commonplace as water, and nowadays it's associated more so with

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Speaker 2: celebration because if you're feeling really great about something, why

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Speaker 2: not feel even better? Why not let alcohol amplify the mood.

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Speaker 2: And then, of course we can use it in the

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Speaker 2: inverse situation when our mood is low, when anxious board

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Speaker 2: that's a really big one. When we're depressed, when lonely.

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Speaker 2: Alcohol is a substance which can distract us from those

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Speaker 2: feelings or put us temporarily in a better mood by

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Speaker 2: creating artificial euphoria. So they conducted this review in twenty

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Speaker 2: twenty two and they found that alcohol is used in

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Speaker 2: this way to suppress negative feelings more commonly than any

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Speaker 2: other substance, and it's known as self medicating. So self

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Speaker 2: medicating is when you use some kind of substance activity behavior,

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Speaker 2: normally a drug of some sort, to almost minimize negative

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Speaker 2: emotions and try and shift your mood back to a

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Speaker 2: positive point. And the reason alcohol is used so commonly

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Speaker 2: is because it's so widely available. However, whilst it may

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Speaker 2: spike your mood for a while, the problem is that

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Speaker 2: if you want to keep up those lively spirits, you

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Speaker 2: have to keep drinking. And if you stop, those emotions

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Speaker 2: and feelings come back stronger than ever, and they also

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Speaker 2: come back in the form of a hangover, anxiety, a

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Speaker 2: depressed mood. So what do we do in response, Well,

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Speaker 2: we start drinking again, and we drink more in order

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Speaker 2: to cope when that is prolonged. I don't think I

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Speaker 2: need to say it, but it results in a huge

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Speaker 2: cost to our personal lives, our relationships, poor fitness, health problems,

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Speaker 2: reduce concentration. Obviously, self medication and an addiction are very

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Speaker 2: different things. That's incredibly important to remember, but it can

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Speaker 2: quickly become addiction if we're not able to find more sustainable,

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Speaker 2: healthy mechanisms for coping. So there was a one study

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Speaker 2: published in twenty nineteen. It found that replacing alcohol in

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Speaker 2: a self medicating format with something healthier that doesn't rely

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Speaker 2: on a substance is incredibly hard to do, mainly because

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Speaker 2: a lot of people don't even really that they are

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Speaker 2: self medicating.

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Speaker 1: We don't even know that. The reason we have a

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Speaker 1: glass of wine is because we're bored. The reason that

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Speaker 1: we're drinking beer is because we're socially anxious. The reason

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Speaker 1: that we're doing shots is because we want to get

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Speaker 1: over our ex. That is all self medicating, and it's

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Speaker 1: so second nature. We are so in denial of what

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Speaker 1: we're really trying to achieve by drinking. Obviously that is

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Speaker 1: not always the case, but it is another explanation for

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Speaker 1: why alcohol is used so widely. It's also the case,

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Speaker 1: and I've mentioned this a few times, alcohol increases our

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Speaker 1: sociability as well. It's a social lubricant, as people call it,

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Speaker 1: it's the elixir of confidence. It makes you feel powerful,

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Speaker 1: it makes you feel less insecure. So similar to this

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Speaker 1: suppression of some of those darker thoughts, it also elevates

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Speaker 1: the part of you that you think others are going

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Speaker 1: to find more enjoyable. There is this amazing creator on

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Speaker 1: TikTok and I cannot remember their name, but I'll leave

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Speaker 1: it in the description, and they talk a lot about

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Speaker 1: this as a neurodivergent, whereby they use alcohol to feel

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Speaker 1: more comfortable in social situations. It has become somewhat of

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Speaker 1: a crutch for them as a way to fit in

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Speaker 1: because it minimizes all of that social anxiety that would

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Speaker 1: normally keep them very much in their shell. So, when

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Speaker 1: we break it down, the reason we often don't question

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Speaker 1: our drinking habits is because alcohol makes us feel good.

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Speaker 1: It's socially acceptable, it's prolific, So even if we're not

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Speaker 1: consciously aware of it, there is some subliminal cultural peer

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Speaker 1: pressure involved. And then, of course alcohol can be used

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Speaker 1: as a coping strategy for so many internal problems or feelings,

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Speaker 1: a way to feel better about who we are. So

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Speaker 1: what are some of the reasons to stop in the

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Speaker 1: face of all of these quote unquote benefits. Firstly, I

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Speaker 1: really think that we should consider quitting or at least

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Speaker 1: minimizing our drinking if you just want to see if

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Speaker 1: you can. There doesn't need to be a deeper reason

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Speaker 1: than that. Other than that is a per personal challenge

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Speaker 1: for you, and you want to actually evaluate whether you're

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Speaker 1: able to do it or whether this is a deeper problem.

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Speaker 1: You want to test the nature of your reliance, even

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Speaker 1: if it's just for a month. I think you'll see

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Speaker 1: some really huge changes. You will sleep better, you will

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Speaker 1: have less brain fog, you'll feel fitter, your skin will improve.

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Speaker 1: You'll definitely save money, that is for sure. Alcohol is

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Speaker 1: such an expense for a lot of people in their twenties.

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Speaker 1: Some estimates even suggest that you could save at least

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Speaker 1: eight thousand dollars a year if you are having three

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Speaker 1: drinks four days a week. That is like a free

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Speaker 1: vacation right there, like hiding in your sobriety. And additionally,

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Speaker 1: perhaps the biggest non health related reason, you'll just prove

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Speaker 1: to yourself that you can. You get to trial a

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Speaker 1: life without alcohol. You can set yourself a short term goal,

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Speaker 1: one that requires discipline and temporary lifestyle changes and be

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Speaker 1: committed to it. And I think that demons that proves

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Speaker 1: to yourself real mental strength, especially in the face of

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Speaker 1: a lot of social pressure. It gives you a reason

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Speaker 1: to feel proud of yourself, but it also demonstrates that

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Speaker 1: you do have conscious control over these sometimes automatic behaviors

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Speaker 1: like having a glass of wine with dinner or drinking

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Speaker 1: every weekend. And the longer that you abstain or just

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Speaker 1: reduce your consumption, the greater the benefits become. I cannot

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Speaker 1: even begin to list the amount of studies and health

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Speaker 1: articles showing us that those of us who drink less

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Speaker 1: than five drinks a week, so not even completely abstaining,

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Speaker 1: reduce their risk of cancer, high blood pressure, heart disease,

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Speaker 1: liver damage, all of which are really long term side

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Speaker 1: effects of excessive alcohol consumption. Let's also talk about this

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Speaker 1: short term downsides of drinking excessively or at least consistently,

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Speaker 1: that you're gonna avoid if you start rethinking your relationship

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Speaker 1: with alcohol. The biggest one to me is hangovers and anxiety,

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Speaker 1: essentially such a universal experience of our twenties when we

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Speaker 1: drink to the point of excess of being really drunk.

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Speaker 1: What we are basically doing is poisoning our body by

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Speaker 1: putting in more of a psychoactive substance, ethanol than our

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Speaker 1: bodies can process. This is why when we feel really drunk,

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Speaker 1: we often feel the need to vomit. This is literally

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Speaker 1: our body saying I am being poisoned. I cannot process

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Speaker 1: all of this without it doing harm. I need to

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Speaker 1: expel this or else. Throwing up Vomiting after drinking alcohol

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Speaker 1: is the body's natural way of removing what is actually

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Speaker 1: a harmful material, and the next morning we're going to

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Speaker 1: feel the impact of that. When our body metabolizes alcohol,

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Speaker 1: it releases this substance that contributes to feelings of nausea, headaches,

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Speaker 1: overall discomfort. It also spikes our blood sugar levels, it

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Speaker 1: causes us to be dehydrated, interferes with our sleep. That's

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Speaker 1: when we start to encounter some of those psychological and

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Speaker 1: mental side effects as well. Part of that is anxiety.

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Speaker 1: I know that we've all experienced this, waking up the

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Speaker 1: next morning feeling like you were in a mental spiral,

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Speaker 1: worrying about what you've said or done, having this seemingly

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Speaker 1: unspecified anxious pattern of thoughts, feeling paranoid, and impending sense

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Speaker 1: of doom. This is so commonplace for me, and one

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Speaker 1: of the major factors that really contributed to my sober

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Speaker 1: curiosity was I didn't want to wake up and think

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Speaker 1: about everything that I regretted saying the night before. I

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Speaker 1: didn't kind of want that chaos in my life. When

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Speaker 1: we look at the science, particularly the brain science, anxiety

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Speaker 1: is directly related to that neurotransmitter gabba that we were

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Speaker 1: speaking about before. It might make us feel more relaxed,

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Speaker 1: but as you continue drinking, your brain also starts to

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Speaker 1: shut off this hormone, this neurochemical called glutamate. So that

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Speaker 1: is why we feel really calm, we feel free, we

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Speaker 1: feel more natural, but they're short lived because as the

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Speaker 1: alcohol wears off, your brain needs to restore that normal

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Speaker 1: chemical balance, and it does this by reducing gabber, so

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Speaker 1: reducing the calm feelings and spiking that glutamat again, making

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Speaker 1: you more anxious as it tries to get you back

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Speaker 1: to that point of balance. So I think both an

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Speaker 1: increasing level of hangovers and anxiety, those are some of

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Speaker 1: the biggest arguments for considering a limit or reduction to

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Speaker 1: your drinking, especially if you are someone who has one

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Speaker 1: glass one beer and can't stop. The next day is

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Speaker 1: always disrupted. You can't get as much done, You have

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Speaker 1: to do the apology tour, make sure you haven't embarrassed yourself.

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Speaker 1: Your body just doesn't feel quite right. And if you

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Speaker 1: are someone who wants to make changes in your life

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Speaker 1: and has some big goals wants to prioritize being physically

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Speaker 1: active and getting shit done, an early riser, or just

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Speaker 1: a good friend, sometimes we come to realize that alcohol

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Speaker 1: and those broader values and goals they don't align. They

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Speaker 1: are in direct opposition. And it's at this point that

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Speaker 1: you really need to consider how you can build a

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Speaker 1: healthier relationship with this substance. What would your life look

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Speaker 1: like without alcohol in it? What would it look like

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Speaker 1: with less alcohol? If there would be an improvement, I

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Speaker 1: think it's somewhat irrational that you don't make that change,

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Speaker 1: because you are showing to yourself that, despite all the benefits,

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Speaker 1: you're still very much under the thumb of this substance.

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Speaker 1: For some reason, whatever that may be, You're essentially using

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Speaker 1: alcohol as a way to self sabotage. You are standing

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Speaker 1: in your own way of a better quality of life,

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Speaker 1: and it could be possible that you actually have less

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Speaker 1: control over this behavior than you initially believed. Another reason

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Speaker 1: to quit drinking is that you're going to be able

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Speaker 1: to discover who you truly are without using alcohol as

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Speaker 1: a social lubricant. It will show you that you can

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Speaker 1: have fun even if you're not drunk. It will show

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Speaker 1: you who wants to be around you, even if you're

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Speaker 1: not buzzed and funny and saying which shit. It will

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Speaker 1: show you that sobriety isn't a buzzkill, that people are

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Speaker 1: quite accepting. And it also means that you have to

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Speaker 1: be more creative and how you choose to have fun

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Speaker 1: instead of just choosing the easiest option of going out

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Speaker 1: for a drink. You can go to an art class,

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Speaker 1: a movie. You can go rock climbing, and you can

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Speaker 1: drive there. You can be the designated driver. Everyone loves

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Speaker 1: a designated driver. Obviously, this is a limited number of reasons,

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Speaker 1: and some of them may not really motivate you as

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Speaker 1: much as the others do. Whether it's for mental benefits,

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Speaker 1: physical benefits, social benefits, just a personal value benefit of

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Speaker 1: showing yourself that you can do it. There are so

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Speaker 1: many reasons that are so persuasive, but these are the

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Speaker 1: ones that really stick out. I also think that obviously

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Speaker 1: you're discussing quitting drinking, the decision to moderate your drinking

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Speaker 1: is just as valid and important, just as powerful, even

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Speaker 1: though it might not be as much of a drastic change.

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Speaker 1: Any change is good change when it comes to your health,

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Speaker 1: even if you are just sober curious. I think it's

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Speaker 1: important that with any automatically or socially conditioned behavior, we

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Speaker 1: actually evaluate how much control we have, our reasons for partaking,

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Speaker 1: and whether we are still okay with the consequences of that,

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Speaker 1: whether there is a better option for us, even if

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Speaker 1: it's not the status quo. I think contained in that

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Speaker 1: decision making process though a number of barriers, especially around

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Speaker 1: what we would be giving up, abstaining, deciding to limit.

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Speaker 1: I think we understand that it will be difficult, and

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Speaker 1: it's that difficulty. It's that fear of that discomfort and

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Speaker 1: that difficulty that keeps us stuck in this behavior or

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Speaker 1: in the contemplation stage. We fear what a change will

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Speaker 1: cost us. We fear the friends we may lose, that

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Speaker 1: life might be boring, that will miss the taste, the

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Speaker 1: feeling So what I want to discuss next as some

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Speaker 1: of the challenges, but also how to overcome them, my

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Speaker 1: tips for kind of integrating sober curiosity into your life

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Speaker 1: if that's something that you're interested in. So all of

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Speaker 1: that and more. After this short break, what I've realized

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Speaker 1: is that all the reasons why we choose to drink

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Speaker 1: are the reasons why it's so hard to stop. Alcohol

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Speaker 1: tastes good, everyone else is drinking. It makes me feel better,

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Speaker 1: it's an important part of celebrating with friends and family.

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Speaker 1: It makes me more confident. Those are just a few,

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Speaker 1: and maybe that's an obvious statement, but ironically, the reason

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Speaker 1: it's so hard to quit drinking is because it makes

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Speaker 1: us feel so good. Because it is, as we've spoken about,

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Speaker 1: a drug. It produces a lot of the chemistry in

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Speaker 1: our brain that is associated with pleasure. When we drink regularly,

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Speaker 1: as well, our brains get used to elevated dopamine levels,

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Speaker 1: and that is where our tolerance comes from. So when

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Speaker 1: we make the decision to reduce or stop entirely, we

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Speaker 1: are going to experience a drop in a lot of

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Speaker 1: that artificially induced euphoria and happiness that we're experiencing. That

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Speaker 1: we've come to rely on the thing I always will.

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Speaker 1: Have been questioning a lot recently, though, is is that

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Speaker 1: actually real happiness? Is that a genuine feeling of happiness?

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Speaker 1: Or is it just a chemical reaction produced by alcohol?

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Speaker 1: So one of the biggest reasons I had for not

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Speaker 1: quitting was alcohol is just so much fun. What if

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Speaker 1: I'm boring without it? What if my life is just

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Speaker 1: less enjoyable? What am I going to do on those

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Speaker 1: nights when a drink would unfortunately make me happier. A

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Speaker 1: lot of this is tied up in emotion, but equally

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Speaker 1: in a fear of change. Change is really scary, especially

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Speaker 1: if you are someone like me, for whom alcohol is

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Speaker 1: such a normal part of everyday life. It has been

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Speaker 1: since I was eighteen, maybe even younger. So imagining life

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Speaker 1: without it comes with a lot of unknowns. It comes

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Speaker 1: with a lot of fear, and humans naturally fear uncertainty

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Speaker 1: or any sense of change, anything that disrupts what they're

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00:25:28,160 --> 00:25:34,679
Speaker 1: used to. It also requires a lifestyle adjustment that maybe

401
00:25:34,680 --> 00:25:38,000
Speaker 1: we don't feel prepared to make because the effort required

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00:25:38,520 --> 00:25:41,679
Speaker 1: or the secondary impacts on other areas or domains of

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Speaker 1: our lives. Seeing too large there's this really valuable psychological

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00:25:46,280 --> 00:25:48,880
Speaker 1: theory that we really should discuss here actually, and it's

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Speaker 1: called the theory of behavior change, or the stages of

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00:25:52,000 --> 00:25:55,560
Speaker 1: behavior change. When we are in the process of making

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00:25:55,640 --> 00:25:59,280
Speaker 1: a decision like abstaining from alcohol, we go through a

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Speaker 1: series of like chapters, a series of stages. Firstly, we

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00:26:04,160 --> 00:26:07,040
Speaker 1: have pre contemplation. This is where we are not even

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00:26:07,040 --> 00:26:09,880
Speaker 1: thinking about it. We're not thinking about changing, we don't

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00:26:09,880 --> 00:26:14,400
Speaker 1: see any problem. We're happy to continue. Then we might

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00:26:14,440 --> 00:26:17,760
Speaker 1: get to the contemplation stage. We're thinking about the pros

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00:26:17,800 --> 00:26:21,320
Speaker 1: and cons of quitting. We're not quite ready to do it,

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00:26:21,400 --> 00:26:23,960
Speaker 1: but it's definitely on our mind, it's definitely something that

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00:26:23,960 --> 00:26:28,160
Speaker 1: we're considering. Then we move to preparation. We know it's

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Speaker 1: time to make a choice, to make a change, to

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Speaker 1: make a shift. We begin to plan, We begin to

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Speaker 1: make contingencies like Okay, I'm gonna go sober next month,

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Speaker 1: this is how I'm going to do it. And then

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Speaker 1: we have action. This is where we actually do it.

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00:26:41,840 --> 00:26:46,639
Speaker 1: This is the fourth stage. And finally, after that maintenance,

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00:26:47,119 --> 00:26:51,480
Speaker 1: we've quit. We're not going back. Sometimes we cycle through

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00:26:51,560 --> 00:26:55,800
Speaker 1: these stages again and again, either because we're not committed

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Speaker 1: to full sobriety, or because we're still trying to find

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00:26:58,840 --> 00:27:01,919
Speaker 1: the will power to adjust and go through with it,

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00:27:01,960 --> 00:27:06,399
Speaker 1: switching between contemplation and preparation, contemplation and preparation again and

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00:27:06,400 --> 00:27:09,800
Speaker 1: again and again. That's totally okay. This theory shows us

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00:27:09,840 --> 00:27:13,320
Speaker 1: this is part of the cycle. At that moment when

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00:27:13,359 --> 00:27:17,159
Speaker 1: we're really considering maybe some of the downsides of quitting,

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00:27:17,560 --> 00:27:19,960
Speaker 1: like what we're going to miss out on, we are

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00:27:20,000 --> 00:27:23,000
Speaker 1: in the contemplation stage. We know that it might be

432
00:27:23,040 --> 00:27:26,720
Speaker 1: good for us, we know the benefits, but once again

433
00:27:27,480 --> 00:27:30,160
Speaker 1: there is either a fear or something else holding us back.

434
00:27:30,600 --> 00:27:35,680
Speaker 1: And aside from the pure happiness factor, the second biggest

435
00:27:35,720 --> 00:27:41,639
Speaker 1: contributor is social acceptance. I was speaking about this on

436
00:27:41,680 --> 00:27:45,680
Speaker 1: Instagram the other day and I asked you guys, would

437
00:27:45,720 --> 00:27:46,840
Speaker 1: you be able to quit drinking?

438
00:27:47,400 --> 00:27:47,640
Speaker 2: Yes?

439
00:27:47,840 --> 00:27:52,399
Speaker 1: No, maybe if you were, If you answered no, sorry,

440
00:27:52,520 --> 00:27:55,160
Speaker 1: if you said you couldn't quit drinking? Why is that

441
00:27:55,920 --> 00:27:58,200
Speaker 1: every single one of you said this. There was probably

442
00:27:58,720 --> 00:28:01,920
Speaker 1: two out of like two hundred responses that didn't say.

443
00:28:02,680 --> 00:28:06,560
Speaker 1: Alcohol is so socially ingrained in my life. It is

444
00:28:06,600 --> 00:28:09,480
Speaker 1: so omnipresent. What am I going to miss out on

445
00:28:10,000 --> 00:28:13,120
Speaker 1: if I don't drink. What are my friends going to think?

446
00:28:13,480 --> 00:28:15,719
Speaker 1: Am I going to feel left out or miss out

447
00:28:15,800 --> 00:28:20,800
Speaker 1: on like those drunk memories? Here's my response to that. Firstly,

448
00:28:21,400 --> 00:28:23,480
Speaker 1: the memories you make when you're drunk are not actually

449
00:28:23,480 --> 00:28:29,680
Speaker 1: great memories, mainly because alcohol interrupts our ability to consolidate

450
00:28:29,960 --> 00:28:32,200
Speaker 1: the things that we're experiencing and turn them into memories.

451
00:28:32,200 --> 00:28:34,679
Speaker 1: So a lot of the time what we think we

452
00:28:34,720 --> 00:28:37,199
Speaker 1: remember is not even what we remember. There's really a

453
00:28:37,200 --> 00:28:41,720
Speaker 1: lot of points of confusion or blackout in that. Secondly,

454
00:28:41,760 --> 00:28:43,920
Speaker 1: the people you lose if it comes to that, I

455
00:28:43,920 --> 00:28:47,240
Speaker 1: don't think it will. They were not around you for

456
00:28:47,280 --> 00:28:50,560
Speaker 1: the right reasons. And there are so many substitutions these

457
00:28:50,640 --> 00:28:53,480
Speaker 1: days for alcohol, like mocked oles and like alcohol free

458
00:28:53,760 --> 00:28:57,760
Speaker 1: liquors and soft drink. The mere fact that your beverage

459
00:28:57,880 --> 00:29:02,160
Speaker 1: is not alcoholic is not going to dramatically shift your relationships,

460
00:29:02,600 --> 00:29:05,200
Speaker 1: at least not the ones that matter, at least, not

461
00:29:05,240 --> 00:29:08,000
Speaker 1: the ones with the people who are really important. If anything,

462
00:29:08,080 --> 00:29:10,840
Speaker 1: I think you'll find that your relationships will actually deepen

463
00:29:10,920 --> 00:29:15,120
Speaker 1: because you will be more alert, a better listener, you

464
00:29:15,200 --> 00:29:18,520
Speaker 1: won't say things you regret, You'll find other ways to

465
00:29:18,600 --> 00:29:21,600
Speaker 1: hang out with your friends without alcohol being at the center.

466
00:29:22,200 --> 00:29:26,240
Speaker 1: Just because alcohol and drinking are convenient and socially acceptable

467
00:29:26,280 --> 00:29:30,000
Speaker 1: options doesn't mean they are the best options, especially when

468
00:29:30,000 --> 00:29:33,560
Speaker 1: we focus on the positives and the upsides of limiting

469
00:29:33,680 --> 00:29:37,000
Speaker 1: our intake and you can still have fun. I think

470
00:29:37,040 --> 00:29:40,400
Speaker 1: the mere fact that you're worried you won't be able

471
00:29:40,440 --> 00:29:44,440
Speaker 1: to is another reason to actually rethink your alliance on alcohol,

472
00:29:44,920 --> 00:29:47,000
Speaker 1: because if you are relying it on it as a

473
00:29:47,040 --> 00:29:51,080
Speaker 1: crutch in order to socialize or be funnier, more charismatic,

474
00:29:52,040 --> 00:29:54,640
Speaker 1: is it actually you and those moments or is it

475
00:29:54,680 --> 00:29:58,120
Speaker 1: the alcohol that people like? Once again, who would you

476
00:29:58,200 --> 00:30:03,440
Speaker 1: be without alcohol? Would you be healthier, happier, fitter, more confident?

477
00:30:04,200 --> 00:30:07,880
Speaker 1: These reasons all sound really worth it. I want to

478
00:30:07,920 --> 00:30:10,840
Speaker 1: clarify here, I am in no ways completely sober. I

479
00:30:10,880 --> 00:30:13,840
Speaker 1: still drink, but since reflecting on the role that this

480
00:30:13,920 --> 00:30:16,560
Speaker 1: plays in my life, I've massively reduced how much I

481
00:30:16,600 --> 00:30:20,480
Speaker 1: consume and more conscious of my decisions towards drinking. I've

482
00:30:20,520 --> 00:30:23,600
Speaker 1: gone from drinking maybe every night to just weekends or

483
00:30:23,640 --> 00:30:27,640
Speaker 1: special occasions holidays, and definitely not to the same level

484
00:30:27,800 --> 00:30:30,560
Speaker 1: as before where it was like alcohol was just such

485
00:30:31,280 --> 00:30:34,120
Speaker 1: a fixture in my life, right like it was just

486
00:30:34,160 --> 00:30:37,240
Speaker 1: such a huge part of who I chose to be,

487
00:30:37,400 --> 00:30:40,040
Speaker 1: and it was scary seeing who that version of me

488
00:30:40,040 --> 00:30:43,200
Speaker 1: would be without it. I want to discuss some tips

489
00:30:43,240 --> 00:30:46,480
Speaker 1: for my sober curious listeners out there who are maybe

490
00:30:46,680 --> 00:30:51,520
Speaker 1: in the contemplation preparation stage. First of all, get clear

491
00:30:51,600 --> 00:30:55,920
Speaker 1: on the why. Everyone is going to have unique reasons,

492
00:30:56,000 --> 00:30:58,880
Speaker 1: whether it is for physical health, mental well being, to

493
00:30:58,960 --> 00:31:02,480
Speaker 1: save money, to test mental strength. Make sure you are

494
00:31:02,520 --> 00:31:05,920
Speaker 1: certain of your motivations because they are what will keep

495
00:31:05,960 --> 00:31:11,600
Speaker 1: you committed, and start doing your own research on the benefits.

496
00:31:12,120 --> 00:31:15,640
Speaker 1: Follow people on a similar journey who maybe are also

497
00:31:15,720 --> 00:31:20,320
Speaker 1: sober curious, who are also just dead sober, who are

498
00:31:20,360 --> 00:31:24,240
Speaker 1: not kind of participating in the alcohol culture the same

499
00:31:24,240 --> 00:31:27,080
Speaker 1: way that you would like to not participate. Surround yourself

500
00:31:27,080 --> 00:31:29,120
Speaker 1: with people who may be willing to try as well,

501
00:31:29,160 --> 00:31:32,640
Speaker 1: who are already in the action phase. Keep those incentives

502
00:31:32,680 --> 00:31:37,440
Speaker 1: and motives front and center at all times. Set short

503
00:31:37,520 --> 00:31:40,640
Speaker 1: term goals first as well. One of the biggest mistakes

504
00:31:40,640 --> 00:31:43,240
Speaker 1: people make when they set out to change their lives,

505
00:31:43,320 --> 00:31:46,000
Speaker 1: or at least some component of it, is that they

506
00:31:46,040 --> 00:31:50,040
Speaker 1: go all in all at once. They adopt an all

507
00:31:50,120 --> 00:31:53,840
Speaker 1: or nothing approach, which research as therapists, psychologists, They all

508
00:31:53,920 --> 00:31:57,040
Speaker 1: say that is one of the easiest ways to ensure

509
00:31:57,080 --> 00:32:02,000
Speaker 1: that you fail, because if we only accept perfection and

510
00:32:02,160 --> 00:32:07,680
Speaker 1: complete adherence to our goals, we are neglecting reality, specifically

511
00:32:07,960 --> 00:32:12,320
Speaker 1: the reality that behavior change is hard because it requires

512
00:32:12,400 --> 00:32:15,400
Speaker 1: us to revise a lot of what is automatic for

513
00:32:15,520 --> 00:32:20,480
Speaker 1: us instead of going cold turkey. If you can try

514
00:32:20,520 --> 00:32:23,000
Speaker 1: not to drink every second day, then try not to

515
00:32:23,080 --> 00:32:26,280
Speaker 1: drink during the week, and then every second week, then

516
00:32:26,400 --> 00:32:30,040
Speaker 1: challenge yourself to a month month long sobriety challenges like

517
00:32:30,120 --> 00:32:32,960
Speaker 1: drive July, they're a really good trial. In this case,

518
00:32:33,040 --> 00:32:36,080
Speaker 1: where it's only thirty days, it's superdoable. You don't have

519
00:32:36,120 --> 00:32:38,800
Speaker 1: to give up everything in your life. You have the

520
00:32:38,960 --> 00:32:41,760
Speaker 1: promise of a finished date, and that can be something

521
00:32:41,800 --> 00:32:45,320
Speaker 1: that really helps you sometimes. What we actually see though

522
00:32:45,360 --> 00:32:49,720
Speaker 1: with some of those, like thirty day new alcohol challenges,

523
00:32:50,320 --> 00:32:54,080
Speaker 1: is what psychologists call rebound behaviors, where when we are

524
00:32:54,120 --> 00:32:57,280
Speaker 1: allowed to drink again, we actually end up drinking more.

525
00:32:57,960 --> 00:32:59,800
Speaker 1: But if we see this as part of a broader

526
00:32:59,800 --> 00:33:02,440
Speaker 1: long term shift to drinking less, and we keep our

527
00:33:02,480 --> 00:33:06,280
Speaker 1: motives up, we can normally avoid this. And if complete

528
00:33:06,280 --> 00:33:09,960
Speaker 1: sobriety is not for you, or not medically necessary. Try

529
00:33:10,040 --> 00:33:12,960
Speaker 1: to keep drinkings to just the weekends or big events,

530
00:33:13,400 --> 00:33:16,160
Speaker 1: stick to just one or two drinks. It might be

531
00:33:16,320 --> 00:33:18,920
Speaker 1: less scary if you have a limit. You know, less

532
00:33:18,960 --> 00:33:22,080
Speaker 1: scary if you're not completely cutting something out of your life,

533
00:33:22,560 --> 00:33:28,160
Speaker 1: but more so integrating non alcoholic versions into how you socialize,

534
00:33:28,720 --> 00:33:33,640
Speaker 1: integrating sobriety into how you see your life. Small change

535
00:33:34,080 --> 00:33:39,360
Speaker 1: once again, better then no change. Additionally, don't forget to

536
00:33:39,440 --> 00:33:42,480
Speaker 1: reward yourself here. You are really challenging yourself with this.

537
00:33:42,600 --> 00:33:44,480
Speaker 1: You should feel proud of your efforts. A lot of

538
00:33:44,480 --> 00:33:47,960
Speaker 1: people in their twenties of all ages are not considering this.

539
00:33:48,680 --> 00:33:51,400
Speaker 1: With each kind of milestone you hit each week that

540
00:33:51,440 --> 00:33:55,080
Speaker 1: you stay sober each I don't know fortnite that you

541
00:33:55,160 --> 00:33:59,120
Speaker 1: choose to not drink, reward yourself with a little treat,

542
00:33:59,240 --> 00:34:01,880
Speaker 1: with a little amiz on purchase. You really want a

543
00:34:01,880 --> 00:34:05,320
Speaker 1: little snack from the grocery store to keep up that

544
00:34:05,400 --> 00:34:10,120
Speaker 1: positive reinforcement. I think also consistent reward can be helpful

545
00:34:10,120 --> 00:34:13,239
Speaker 1: in counteracting some of the natural declines we're going to

546
00:34:13,280 --> 00:34:15,719
Speaker 1: see in the pleasure that we may have been used

547
00:34:15,719 --> 00:34:19,160
Speaker 1: to getting from alcohol instead of getting that dopamine hit

548
00:34:19,560 --> 00:34:25,760
Speaker 1: and then immediate regret from overdrinking, you can receive that pleasure,

549
00:34:26,040 --> 00:34:30,360
Speaker 1: that sense of satisfaction, that happiness from a more positive

550
00:34:30,440 --> 00:34:36,240
Speaker 1: and meaningful personal reward. Finally, plan ahead when it comes

551
00:34:36,280 --> 00:34:42,080
Speaker 1: to big social situations. We all know what it's like

552
00:34:42,160 --> 00:34:45,120
Speaker 1: to feel fomo, to feel pressure from those around us,

553
00:34:45,880 --> 00:34:49,000
Speaker 1: maybe even anxiety because we're doing something a little bit different,

554
00:34:49,480 --> 00:34:51,840
Speaker 1: and that can really cause us to give up. Because

555
00:34:51,920 --> 00:34:57,840
Speaker 1: there is nothing as significant and influential as someone really

556
00:34:57,880 --> 00:35:00,160
Speaker 1: trying to get you to have a drink, to have

557
00:35:00,160 --> 00:35:02,920
Speaker 1: a cocktail with them. So if you have a plan,

558
00:35:03,200 --> 00:35:06,400
Speaker 1: you bring your own non alcoholic beverages, you know that

559
00:35:06,400 --> 00:35:08,960
Speaker 1: you're going to have one drink, then only have like

560
00:35:09,080 --> 00:35:12,120
Speaker 1: diet coke or lemonade. From there, you're going to feel

561
00:35:12,160 --> 00:35:15,200
Speaker 1: more certain, You're going to feel more committed, You're going

562
00:35:15,239 --> 00:35:17,560
Speaker 1: to feel more strong in the fact that you have

563
00:35:17,640 --> 00:35:20,719
Speaker 1: made a decision for you and you're willing to see

564
00:35:20,719 --> 00:35:23,640
Speaker 1: it through. I think beyond that, whether you are ready

565
00:35:23,680 --> 00:35:25,879
Speaker 1: to quit drinking or just thinking about it, it's so

566
00:35:25,920 --> 00:35:30,120
Speaker 1: important to think about how our behaviors may have consequences

567
00:35:30,400 --> 00:35:33,680
Speaker 1: for our well being that we haven't been taught to consider,

568
00:35:34,280 --> 00:35:37,960
Speaker 1: especially in societies where heavy excessive drinking is so normalized.

569
00:35:38,520 --> 00:35:42,319
Speaker 1: Your health is the most important thing, period, and so

570
00:35:42,840 --> 00:35:45,480
Speaker 1: maybe you might not have a problem at this point.

571
00:35:45,560 --> 00:35:48,160
Speaker 1: You might never have a problem with alcohol, but it

572
00:35:48,239 --> 00:35:52,600
Speaker 1: is worth questioning whether your life could be improved without it.

573
00:35:52,600 --> 00:35:55,879
Speaker 1: It's not always about life just being pretty good. Could

574
00:35:55,880 --> 00:35:58,520
Speaker 1: it be better? I'm also in this phase of really

575
00:35:58,600 --> 00:36:01,839
Speaker 1: exploring this as well. You know, I'm still not sure

576
00:36:01,880 --> 00:36:04,080
Speaker 1: I could ever go sober, and I think that that

577
00:36:04,239 --> 00:36:08,920
Speaker 1: in itself requires its own unpacking. But I'm glad that

578
00:36:09,040 --> 00:36:13,840
Speaker 1: I just stopped going along with what I'd begun to

579
00:36:13,920 --> 00:36:18,520
Speaker 1: feel was normal. I'm glad that I actually, you know,

580
00:36:18,600 --> 00:36:21,160
Speaker 1: took a step back and was like, is this actually

581
00:36:21,239 --> 00:36:25,160
Speaker 1: hurting me or benefiting me? Which one of these is stronger?

582
00:36:25,200 --> 00:36:25,399
Speaker 2: Here?

583
00:36:26,160 --> 00:36:28,200
Speaker 1: How come it is so hard for me to even

584
00:36:28,239 --> 00:36:31,960
Speaker 1: consider stopping? What does that say about my own mental

585
00:36:31,960 --> 00:36:34,440
Speaker 1: strength and the power that this substance may have over me?

586
00:36:35,120 --> 00:36:37,200
Speaker 1: What am I going to see in terms of my

587
00:36:37,280 --> 00:36:40,560
Speaker 1: health and my well being if I made this what

588
00:36:40,680 --> 00:36:44,040
Speaker 1: could be a very small, arbitrary decision, And it really

589
00:36:44,120 --> 00:36:46,560
Speaker 1: hasn't like influenced my life as much as I thought

590
00:36:46,560 --> 00:36:48,919
Speaker 1: it would. I really thought that, like my social life

591
00:36:48,880 --> 00:36:51,400
Speaker 1: would would you know, would end, it would cease, I

592
00:36:51,400 --> 00:36:54,759
Speaker 1: would never see certain friends again. But it hasn't been

593
00:36:54,800 --> 00:36:58,440
Speaker 1: like that, and hopefully it's a decision that I continue

594
00:36:58,440 --> 00:37:01,279
Speaker 1: to make and continue to explore. So I really hope

595
00:37:01,280 --> 00:37:03,440
Speaker 1: that you enjoyed this episode. I hope that it provided

596
00:37:03,480 --> 00:37:06,160
Speaker 1: you with just something to think about or some motivation

597
00:37:06,480 --> 00:37:09,200
Speaker 1: for something that you have been thinking about. As always,

598
00:37:09,239 --> 00:37:11,600
Speaker 1: if you enjoyed this episode, if you think that there

599
00:37:11,640 --> 00:37:14,920
Speaker 1: is a friend, family member, work mate, maybe not work mate,

600
00:37:15,040 --> 00:37:18,319
Speaker 1: anybody though, who needs to hear this episode, please feel

601
00:37:18,320 --> 00:37:21,600
Speaker 1: free to share it with them hopefully it will help

602
00:37:21,640 --> 00:37:24,439
Speaker 1: them out as well, and leave a five star review.

603
00:37:24,480 --> 00:37:26,520
Speaker 1: If you've got something from this episode. Make sure that

604
00:37:26,520 --> 00:37:30,000
Speaker 1: you're following us to know when new episodes will come out,

605
00:37:30,440 --> 00:37:32,480
Speaker 1: and if you have an episode suggestion, if maybe you

606
00:37:32,520 --> 00:37:35,680
Speaker 1: want to follow up, if you are getting sober this year,

607
00:37:35,680 --> 00:37:38,920
Speaker 1: if you're trying to drink less, congratulations, I would love

608
00:37:38,960 --> 00:37:40,960
Speaker 1: to hear from you, and maybe other things that you're

609
00:37:40,960 --> 00:37:43,640
Speaker 1: doing on this kind of like journey on this path,

610
00:37:44,239 --> 00:37:46,880
Speaker 1: And congratulations as well. I think I already said that,

611
00:37:46,920 --> 00:37:49,440
Speaker 1: but that is like amazing. So thank you again for

612
00:37:49,480 --> 00:37:51,960
Speaker 1: tuning in, and we will be back next week with

613
00:37:52,239 --> 00:37:54,960
Speaker 1: another episode