WEBVTT - My Super Bowl Episode 0:00:00.200 --> 0:00:04.960 Okay, guys, it's that time of year. It's time for 0:00:05.040 --> 0:00:13.720 our fifty ninth annual Toss Show super Bowl Pregame special Tashha, 0:00:14.240 --> 0:00:20.520 Tosh Show Up, Tosh Show, Cup Show. Welcome to Tosh Show. 0:00:21.320 --> 0:00:24.320 Let's get it going. Here we go one two, three 0:00:24.520 --> 0:00:33.559 way way. You know what? Doing the wave with a 0:00:33.600 --> 0:00:36.199 group of people where only one of them is on camera, 0:00:36.640 --> 0:00:40.199 it really loses something. I'm gonna talk a lot of 0:00:40.200 --> 0:00:44.120 sports today and that's gonna infuriate some and it's gonna 0:00:44.240 --> 0:00:47.280 entertain others. But before we get into that, I gotta 0:00:47.320 --> 0:00:51.839 tell you a story about my son the other night 0:00:51.880 --> 0:00:54.360 when we were putting them down for bed. Can't believe this. 0:00:54.960 --> 0:00:58.840 I overheard my wife wrapping up. I walk in. I 0:00:58.880 --> 0:01:00.800 never know what I'm gonna say. I walk into a 0:01:00.840 --> 0:01:03.480 room like Kramer, you know, come flying and screaming the 0:01:03.520 --> 0:01:06.720 N word. No, I'm kidding. I don't know what's gonna 0:01:06.720 --> 0:01:08.640 come out of my mouth. I just yell something at him. 0:01:08.640 --> 0:01:11.160 I think it's funny. I just I barged in. I 0:01:11.200 --> 0:01:13.640 just started screaming. I found out you lied to me. 0:01:14.160 --> 0:01:18.440 That was just being silly, and he just starts bawling, crying. No, 0:01:18.840 --> 0:01:22.520 just immediately just starts bawling, crying, and my wife looks 0:01:22.520 --> 0:01:26.240 at me like he what in the fuck, And I'm like, 0:01:27.200 --> 0:01:30.120 I was just, I was just But then he's he's 0:01:30.160 --> 0:01:34.040 like he's scrying. He goes, I only did it twice, 0:01:35.200 --> 0:01:39.720 And so then my wife's like, oh shit, it, what 0:01:39.920 --> 0:01:44.160 in the world did I just stumble into And he says, 0:01:44.160 --> 0:01:47.279 he goes, I've only lied to you twice. One time 0:01:48.080 --> 0:01:53.120 was back uh in preschool, which is now a couple 0:01:53.160 --> 0:01:58.280 of years ago. Wow. He said that there was a 0:01:58.360 --> 0:02:04.720 flower pot that had like a little crystal rock in there, 0:02:04.960 --> 0:02:08.080 or crystal rocks in this little flower pot, and he 0:02:08.160 --> 0:02:12.920 took one of the crystal rocks. And I was like, okay, well, 0:02:13.880 --> 0:02:17.040 I'm glad you told me, and you can always tell 0:02:17.080 --> 0:02:20.639 me and we all make mistakes, but you probably shouldn't 0:02:20.639 --> 0:02:25.200 have taken it without permission, but that's okay. Oh, And 0:02:25.240 --> 0:02:26.960 I go, well, do you want to tell me the 0:02:27.040 --> 0:02:32.040 other time I killed a pigeon? No, so the other 0:02:32.240 --> 0:02:34.800 you're gonna but you won't believe this, Eddie. The other 0:02:34.960 --> 0:02:39.040 time that he lied again, I wasn't fishing for anything. 0:02:39.240 --> 0:02:42.000 He stumbled into it. This is ridiculous. I'm just trying 0:02:42.000 --> 0:02:44.600 to put him to bed. He's sobbing. He's sobbing through 0:02:44.600 --> 0:02:48.720 these confessions and I'm like, it's okay, but he goes. 0:02:48.760 --> 0:02:54.840 The other time was I was on a plane with 0:02:55.120 --> 0:02:58.799 Eddie and I'm like, oh, and he goes, we were 0:02:58.880 --> 0:03:03.760 playing a a card game or some game and he 0:03:03.840 --> 0:03:09.240 and I and he goes, I cheated. He said he cheated. 0:03:09.480 --> 0:03:09.959 Yeah. 0:03:10.120 --> 0:03:11.920 I didn't even catch it either. How bad are my 0:03:12.080 --> 0:03:14.920 card games? Where this kid's like getting one over me? 0:03:15.040 --> 0:03:17.520 He he So, I'm just letting you know, Eddie that 0:03:17.639 --> 0:03:20.919 you should have won. Oh well, that just feel good. 0:03:21.360 --> 0:03:25.600 My son cheated you. He beat me. He was sobbing, 0:03:26.080 --> 0:03:29.280 he was before bed because he played a game with 0:03:29.440 --> 0:03:31.919 Eddie and he said that he cheated during the game. 0:03:32.040 --> 0:03:34.160 Like and I'm like, and by the way, some of 0:03:34.200 --> 0:03:37.400 his card games are just made up card games anyway, 0:03:37.440 --> 0:03:43.720 the rules don't exist. They're not even real games. But anyway, listen, 0:03:43.800 --> 0:03:47.400 I'm just the kid is extremely easy to interrogate. I 0:03:47.400 --> 0:03:51.560 mean he just immediately folds like origami. I gotta work 0:03:51.600 --> 0:03:53.880 with him on that. But that was that was just 0:03:53.920 --> 0:03:57.640 the other night. Anyway, let me give you a before 0:03:57.680 --> 0:04:00.800 I get into it too. Uh, this this episode, I 0:04:00.840 --> 0:04:04.080 want to give you a little update on the fire 0:04:04.200 --> 0:04:09.240 situation here in so Cow, a thing no one says. 0:04:09.680 --> 0:04:11.880 I want to talk about a few of the upsides 0:04:12.800 --> 0:04:17.839 of the fire for me personally, and listen, I'm not 0:04:18.080 --> 0:04:22.520 trying to minimize the horrific scope of what happened, but 0:04:23.520 --> 0:04:27.120 just for my own sanity, I like to point out 0:04:27.240 --> 0:04:29.719 a few of the good things that have happened because 0:04:29.760 --> 0:04:34.760 of these fires. One, as you know from watching this show, 0:04:35.120 --> 0:04:39.200 I love to give away my stuff, and now with 0:04:39.440 --> 0:04:43.239 families that are in such need, I have been going 0:04:43.279 --> 0:04:47.799 to crazy town. Like you know, one of the signs 0:04:46.720 --> 0:04:52.559 of somebody that's suicidal is they give away all their possessions. Well, 0:04:53.240 --> 0:04:56.240 then get ready for me to kill myself because I 0:04:56.279 --> 0:05:01.480 am unloading large quantities of stuff. The gifts on the 0:05:01.560 --> 0:05:06.159 show going forward are going to I'm gonna take a 0:05:06.240 --> 0:05:08.400 hit for a while. There's gonna be some slim pickings 0:05:08.720 --> 0:05:15.279 because I'm given just everything away, closed shoes. You know. Hey, 0:05:15.440 --> 0:05:17.720 the other day, somebody's like, uh, oh, do you have 0:05:18.000 --> 0:05:20.000 I checked in with this family that had lost them. 0:05:20.160 --> 0:05:23.599 I'm like, do you guys need dish wear? Because the 0:05:23.680 --> 0:05:27.760 guest house where my in laws stay they don't cook. 0:05:28.400 --> 0:05:31.280 I watch what they eat. If they don't eat with us. 0:05:31.760 --> 0:05:36.280 They have microwave popcorn for dinner. Just weird old people 0:05:37.040 --> 0:05:41.240 rationings meal. Yeah, like they don't eat. I'm like, they don't. 0:05:41.480 --> 0:05:46.120 And there's full sets of plates and silver they they've got, 0:05:46.200 --> 0:05:49.520 you know, twenty of everything. So I left them four, 0:05:49.960 --> 0:05:53.159 four plates, four bulls for everything, and then I took 0:05:53.240 --> 0:05:57.120 the whatever was left ten or so, you know. I 0:05:57.200 --> 0:05:59.599 divvied it up into two piles of six, and that 0:05:59.720 --> 0:06:01.920 fair to give to a family need just a set 0:06:01.920 --> 0:06:05.440 of six. I gave sets of six to multiple people. 0:06:06.200 --> 0:06:10.600 I'm like, great, I can't stop giving away stuff anyway. 0:06:10.880 --> 0:06:13.720 If you need anything, and you were affected by the 0:06:13.760 --> 0:06:16.120 fire and you're thinking, there's no way he has this 0:06:16.680 --> 0:06:19.240 reach out to me. There was a bike. I was like, 0:06:19.279 --> 0:06:21.800 my son, I'm like, you're not riding your bike very much. 0:06:21.880 --> 0:06:25.279 It's gone. Gave it away. And then people are like, well, 0:06:25.320 --> 0:06:27.880 does he still use it? I'm like, not anymore. Your 0:06:27.960 --> 0:06:32.200 family uses it. You gotta use it. If you don't 0:06:32.279 --> 0:06:35.320 use it, you're gonna lose it. That's the new mantra 0:06:35.320 --> 0:06:37.600 in our house. And I tell my someone who's playing 0:06:37.600 --> 0:06:39.680 with toys I'm like, come on, buddy, if you give 0:06:39.720 --> 0:06:42.640 it away, you're helping somebody else. And he doesn't really 0:06:42.720 --> 0:06:45.680 care about that, and I don't blame him, but he's 0:06:45.760 --> 0:06:49.080 now like starting to play with everything because he's just terrified. 0:06:49.320 --> 0:06:51.440 Ye that he sees me going through the house with 0:06:51.480 --> 0:06:54.240 a box and he knows what that means, and it's like, 0:06:54.279 --> 0:06:56.159 we got to help somebody. He's like, oh shit, don't 0:06:56.160 --> 0:07:02.040 come to my room. Another bright side for me personally 0:07:02.640 --> 0:07:06.640 is that the restaurants in the area that are still 0:07:06.680 --> 0:07:10.440 open and weren't affected. You know, there's just nobody in there, 0:07:10.760 --> 0:07:13.000 which is bad for business, and they'll probably go under 0:07:13.040 --> 0:07:16.040 and I'll lose them and that's terrible. But in the meantime, 0:07:16.480 --> 0:07:22.080 I get to eat in complete privacy plenty. Oh my goodness. 0:07:22.120 --> 0:07:24.640 It's like, I'll take all the tables that you know. 0:07:24.680 --> 0:07:26.560 They're like, you know, I, do you want a booth 0:07:26.640 --> 0:07:28.160 or table? Do you want to sit inside her out? 0:07:28.160 --> 0:07:31.880 I'm like, I'm gonna do both. We'll start we'll do 0:07:31.960 --> 0:07:35.280 the first course outside and then as it gets colder, 0:07:35.320 --> 0:07:39.480 I'm gonna I'm gonna move into a booth. You guys 0:07:39.520 --> 0:07:44.120 just follow me around Before I get into talking football. 0:07:44.800 --> 0:07:52.760 I need to quickly rehash some Australian Open. WHOA Yeah. 0:07:52.960 --> 0:07:55.840 By the way, I find myself the most patriotic when 0:07:55.840 --> 0:07:58.720 I'm watching tennis. It's weird all of a sudden, I 0:07:58.760 --> 0:08:03.480 care so much about my country. Tennis and war those 0:08:03.520 --> 0:08:06.600 are the two times that I feel the most patriotic. 0:08:08.040 --> 0:08:11.880 Let me talk about Mattie Keys. I don't know how 0:08:11.880 --> 0:08:15.280 old she is, she's my late twenties. She's been in 0:08:15.320 --> 0:08:20.000 tennis since probably eighteen. She's had a long road and 0:08:20.040 --> 0:08:22.520 she won. She made it all the way to the 0:08:22.560 --> 0:08:26.160 finals and she won. She beat the number one player 0:08:26.200 --> 0:08:29.240 in the finals and the number two player in the semis. 0:08:29.680 --> 0:08:32.560 And you know, one of them's Russian, one of them's 0:08:32.760 --> 0:08:34.880 something else with a bunch of k's in their name, 0:08:35.440 --> 0:08:38.440 and I just I just roote against them so hard 0:08:38.960 --> 0:08:41.800 because they don't have the personality that I like. But 0:08:41.880 --> 0:08:45.720 Mattie Keys did our country proud and won. Now the 0:08:45.880 --> 0:08:49.959 bigger story during the Australian Open, and much like Aaron 0:08:50.040 --> 0:08:54.720 Rodgers is Djokovic. Djokovic loses the first set and a 0:08:54.760 --> 0:09:00.280 tiebreaker and then just quits, retires, and he hears a 0:09:00.320 --> 0:09:03.480 handful of booze from the stadium or a lot of booze. 0:09:03.480 --> 0:09:05.880 I don't know. I listened, dude, it didn't sound overwhelming. 0:09:06.160 --> 0:09:09.080 And and you know, everybody lose their mind because in 0:09:09.120 --> 0:09:12.600 the past, you know, he's cried wolf, right. We learned 0:09:12.640 --> 0:09:15.680 that story as a child for a reason. It's a thing, 0:09:16.040 --> 0:09:19.960 you know. Just because he's really hurt this time doesn't 0:09:20.000 --> 0:09:24.240 erase the fact that a couple dozen other times he's 0:09:24.280 --> 0:09:28.240 whined about an injury that probably didn't exist. And by 0:09:28.240 --> 0:09:30.800 the way, let me say something about booing, and people 0:09:30.800 --> 0:09:34.680 are like, oh, how classless of the Australians to boo. Okay, 0:09:34.720 --> 0:09:37.679 first of all, it wasn't all of them. You know. 0:09:38.400 --> 0:09:42.040 One time I did a show two thousand and one 0:09:42.920 --> 0:09:46.160 is my guests at the University of Florida their Gator Grau, 0:09:46.240 --> 0:09:52.160 their homecoming big show. It's fifty seven thousand people, the 0:09:52.280 --> 0:09:56.600 largest stand up show in the world. And I was opening, 0:09:57.440 --> 0:10:02.719 David Tell was featuring Jim Brewer was the headliner. Oh yeah, 0:10:02.800 --> 0:10:07.199 well whatever, listen, and anybody that knows stand up nos Ooh, 0:10:07.440 --> 0:10:10.480 you don't want to go up after David Tell. Guy's 0:10:10.520 --> 0:10:14.000 a monster, you know, he's he's better than all of us. 0:10:14.480 --> 0:10:17.400 And there's a you just it's just that's just the fact. 0:10:17.440 --> 0:10:20.200 Even if the audience doesn't know it, there'll be an 0:10:20.320 --> 0:10:23.120 energy on the next comic we're you're like, whoa you're 0:10:23.400 --> 0:10:27.760 Why are you not as great as that other guy? Well, anyway, 0:10:28.120 --> 0:10:31.320 during Jim Brewer's set, there was there was a group 0:10:31.440 --> 0:10:34.080 or so of people and let's say it was two 0:10:34.200 --> 0:10:38.520 hundred people that started booing and and Jim kind of 0:10:38.559 --> 0:10:41.600 acknowledged it but didn't really and then you know, did 0:10:41.720 --> 0:10:45.360 his okay, did an okay show. But here's my point. 0:10:45.760 --> 0:10:50.280 When there's fifty seven thousand people watching you and two 0:10:50.600 --> 0:10:55.280 hundred people bow you really loudly, you're gonna be like, oh, 0:10:55.280 --> 0:10:59.200 that's a horrible show. But the reality is that's just 0:10:59.240 --> 0:11:02.520 a tiny group of people, such a small percentage, right, 0:11:03.360 --> 0:11:06.120 The other people could have been loving you. Anyways, getting 0:11:06.160 --> 0:11:09.600 back to Djokovic being a little bitch, Okay, a handful 0:11:09.640 --> 0:11:12.800 of people booed. First of all, they didn't know how 0:11:12.840 --> 0:11:15.320 serious it was. They just saw you and the match 0:11:15.400 --> 0:11:19.000 after one set. They paid a fortune to see you 0:11:19.480 --> 0:11:23.520 in a major in the semi finals, and instead of 0:11:23.520 --> 0:11:25.920 getting to see five hours of tennis, they got to 0:11:25.960 --> 0:11:29.720 see forty five minutes who cares and it and it 0:11:29.760 --> 0:11:32.080 was let's say it with thirty people that did it, 0:11:32.120 --> 0:11:35.280 maybe it was probably less than that, and you just 0:11:35.800 --> 0:11:39.640 everybody freaks out. Can you believe the behavior of these 0:11:39.720 --> 0:11:45.040 people that the Australian fuck you, it's a it's a game. 0:11:46.360 --> 0:11:49.560 You're you're performing a game. And the guy out there 0:11:49.880 --> 0:11:54.640 that quit is a dick. So yeah, they booed, who cares, 0:11:54.880 --> 0:11:58.360 he's very booable. Yeah he's booable. Don't act like he 0:11:58.360 --> 0:12:01.760 hasn't been a dick his whole career. He has. And 0:12:01.800 --> 0:12:06.079 then he of course he uh tweets out his MRI 0:12:06.760 --> 0:12:10.840 and it's like, okay, this is for all you couch 0:12:11.000 --> 0:12:13.920 doctors out there to show that he has a tear 0:12:13.960 --> 0:12:17.520 in his muscle. I'm like, god, damn it, you just 0:12:17.920 --> 0:12:23.120 you just proven my points. You just tone deaf, don't 0:12:23.120 --> 0:12:26.600 get it. I'm sorry you're injured. Hope you heal up 0:12:27.160 --> 0:12:29.880 in time for Indian wells in two months, when I'll 0:12:29.880 --> 0:12:31.800 be there booing the ship out of you. 0:12:33.400 --> 0:12:36.080 If he comes out and everybody just starts booing to 0:12:36.120 --> 0:12:37.520 be funny, that'd be amazing. 0:12:37.600 --> 0:12:41.880 Yeah they won't. They'll clap heat a respectful that's and 0:12:41.920 --> 0:12:45.680 that's what's dumb about tennis. It's not it's not fun 0:12:46.200 --> 0:12:49.400 on that aspect. Well, I'll have to be quiet. And 0:12:49.400 --> 0:12:52.880 they hit the ball, You're not supposed to clap if 0:12:52.920 --> 0:12:55.960 one player hits it into the net. That's you're not 0:12:56.040 --> 0:13:00.200 supposed to applaud an unforced air. You're only supposed to to, 0:13:00.559 --> 0:13:03.719 you know, applaud if your player wins a point on 0:13:03.800 --> 0:13:07.839 their own and then god forbid, they they hit the 0:13:07.880 --> 0:13:11.320 net and it bounces over in their favor, then they 0:13:11.640 --> 0:13:14.920 have to apologize to the other player, and they have 0:13:14.960 --> 0:13:17.880 to make sure that they see the apology with a 0:13:17.960 --> 0:13:21.040 hand gesture, be like, I'm sorry I won that point 0:13:21.200 --> 0:13:23.839 that my ball hit the net. I wish it would 0:13:23.840 --> 0:13:26.320 have fallen on my side since I didn't hit it 0:13:26.360 --> 0:13:30.679 perfectly enough. I'm fucking stupid, you know what. The more 0:13:30.720 --> 0:13:32.760 I talk about tennis, the more I realize I hate it. 0:13:33.440 --> 0:13:36.840 Oh switching hat and them switching hats. Getting back, getting 0:13:36.880 --> 0:13:39.320 back to my true love. No, getting ready for the 0:13:39.320 --> 0:13:41.439 super Bowl? And now are we allowed to say super 0:13:41.440 --> 0:13:44.120 Bowl or does this podcast have to be stupid and 0:13:44.200 --> 0:13:47.040 call it the Big Game? The Big We don't want 0:13:47.040 --> 0:13:49.320 to get sued by the NFL because we're talking about 0:13:49.320 --> 0:14:00.480 the Super Bowl. I've never understood that. Enjoy Pasha, all right, 0:14:01.160 --> 0:14:04.200 super Bowl fifty nine. I think it's number fifty nine. 0:14:04.800 --> 0:14:07.560 Ed's right here, fifty nine. You know how to translate 0:14:07.640 --> 0:14:10.839 Roman numerals, not at all. Just call it twenty twenty 0:14:10.880 --> 0:14:15.040 five championship with the regular season that was in twenty 0:14:15.080 --> 0:14:18.080 twenty four. This country's too stupid to understand Roman numerals 0:14:18.080 --> 0:14:20.640 at this point, and we stopped learning how to write cursive. 0:14:21.880 --> 0:14:25.800 Stop pretending letters or numbers. That's what I say. You know, 0:14:25.840 --> 0:14:30.680 I'm gonna call it swifty Bowl two. Yeah. By the way, 0:14:30.880 --> 0:14:36.280 Taylor Swift, she proudly calls herself a childless cat lady, 0:14:36.480 --> 0:14:39.240 But you know, how often is she even seeing these cats? 0:14:39.640 --> 0:14:43.120 I feel like she's just always gone, She's just always traveling. Yeah, 0:14:43.160 --> 0:14:45.640 she's out a lot, she's never home. I don't care 0:14:45.640 --> 0:14:48.760 how much you love your cats. Nobody travels with their cats. 0:14:49.160 --> 0:14:55.440 That's disgusting. Anyway. My favorite part of any Chiefs game 0:14:56.360 --> 0:15:01.360 is always the camera pan to the Taylor Swift box, 0:15:02.240 --> 0:15:06.120 you know, watching her have to be cordial to Britney, Maga, 0:15:06.120 --> 0:15:12.200 Mahomes and whatever the name of. Butcker's handmaid is of 0:15:12.400 --> 0:15:23.640 Kicker anyway. So this year's Taylor's Chiefs verse Eddies Eagles 0:15:23.680 --> 0:15:29.040 in New Orleans. Oh yeah, Darleans. I worry about Narlans. 0:15:29.600 --> 0:15:32.680 You know they recently had snow. Can you imagine if 0:15:32.680 --> 0:15:37.760 the Levies break again because of an avalanche? Oh my goodness, 0:15:38.120 --> 0:15:41.240 that would be the worst disaster, Eddie. Now you're a 0:15:41.560 --> 0:15:43.600 die hard Eagles fan? True or false? 0:15:43.720 --> 0:15:44.120 True? 0:15:44.600 --> 0:15:45.960 When did you become an Eagles fan? 0:15:46.120 --> 0:15:48.800 I remember nineteen eighty They're in the Super Bowl, lost 0:15:48.920 --> 0:15:52.400 in Louisiana in the Superdome to the Raiders. 0:15:53.040 --> 0:15:56.000 Listen to that, listen to that childhood Oh yeah, but 0:15:56.160 --> 0:15:59.720 what you said in the eighties or nineteen eighties, nineteen 0:16:00.080 --> 0:16:02.560 think before the probably two years before that. So you've 0:16:02.600 --> 0:16:04.560 been a fan for a long time. Well, how are 0:16:04.560 --> 0:16:06.960 you feeling? Are you nervous about this game? Are you excited? 0:16:07.120 --> 0:16:07.640 Excited? 0:16:08.360 --> 0:16:11.400 Chiefs? Chiefs are going for the three pete you know, 0:16:11.480 --> 0:16:14.920 speaking of back to back champions I'd be remiss if 0:16:14.920 --> 0:16:17.760 I didn't bring up the Dolphins undefeated seventy two season, 0:16:18.200 --> 0:16:20.200 and by the way, they won the championship the following 0:16:20.280 --> 0:16:24.320 year in seventy three. And then I was conceived in 0:16:24.440 --> 0:16:30.160 seventy four. That's right, my parents were still riding high 0:16:30.240 --> 0:16:31.160 football family. 0:16:31.360 --> 0:16:32.920 Woo oh. 0:16:33.000 --> 0:16:45.320 We love the Dolphins and they love sex, unprotected unprotected sex. Oh, 0:16:45.560 --> 0:16:49.680 that was good stuff. Speaking of your Eagles, Dylan back there. 0:16:50.120 --> 0:16:52.400 You know the guy that fucks this show up constantly. 0:16:52.720 --> 0:16:57.520 He die hard Giants fan. Yeah, let's go, Dylan. Are 0:16:57.520 --> 0:16:58.480 you gonna watch the game? 0:16:58.840 --> 0:16:59.480 Absolutely? 0:16:59.680 --> 0:16:59.720 No? 0:17:00.040 --> 0:17:03.280 Oh my goodness. The Super Bowl should be blacked out 0:17:03.280 --> 0:17:06.040 in New York and the Giant should be forced to 0:17:06.119 --> 0:17:13.919 sell their team. Agreed, They've proven they don't understand football. Listen, 0:17:14.080 --> 0:17:18.840 we've made owners sell their teams because of being racist. 0:17:19.600 --> 0:17:22.919 You're gonna tell me that getting rid of Barkley to 0:17:23.040 --> 0:17:26.360 keep Daniel Jones till later in the year, just cut him. 0:17:26.480 --> 0:17:31.359 You're saying that's not worse, that's egregious. Yep, I mean 0:17:31.440 --> 0:17:33.840 has nothing to do with being racist. It's just just 0:17:34.000 --> 0:17:36.439 stupidity on a level that you're like, you know what, 0:17:36.440 --> 0:17:39.680 I'd rather my owner be racist than this fucking dumb 0:17:41.119 --> 0:17:43.600 You know what they should do. They should force the 0:17:43.760 --> 0:17:47.480 Giants and Jets to merge a merger. Yeah, you know, 0:17:47.520 --> 0:17:50.520 one team won three games and then the good team 0:17:50.600 --> 0:17:54.800 won five. Ah, not to mention they're both in Jersey. 0:17:56.520 --> 0:17:59.720 Oh wow, Yeah, this is complete nonsense. Market doesn't deserve 0:17:59.760 --> 0:18:03.560 two teams. New Jersey deserves a team, the New Jersey 0:18:04.000 --> 0:18:07.880 little people crop dusters. And as long as Aaron Rodgers 0:18:08.000 --> 0:18:10.919 is the quarterback, the team isn't allowed to have a 0:18:10.920 --> 0:18:14.639 medical staff, no medical tent on the sideline, just a 0:18:14.800 --> 0:18:24.560 yurt where they can do ayahuasca. He was concussed it's 0:18:24.720 --> 0:18:27.679 mandatory that he heads to the yurt. I mean, let 0:18:27.720 --> 0:18:30.159 me talk about some Super Bowl facts here. You know, 0:18:30.200 --> 0:18:33.359 the New England Patriots have the most losses in Super 0:18:33.400 --> 0:18:35.640 Bowl history. Did not know it? Imagine how many Super 0:18:35.640 --> 0:18:39.040 Bowl wins they would have Josh Allen or their quarterback, 0:18:39.440 --> 0:18:43.520 Oh yeah, and telling me that Bill Belichick, with his 0:18:43.600 --> 0:18:49.080 amazing defenses and cheating, wouldn't have been able to string 0:18:49.119 --> 0:18:52.240 together a few more Super Bowl wins had they not 0:18:52.400 --> 0:18:55.320 had the greatest of all time, but instead Josh Allen. 0:18:58.160 --> 0:19:01.120 By the way, congrats to Bill Belichick. I respect that move, 0:19:01.400 --> 0:19:03.760 getting back into coaching at the University of North Carolina 0:19:04.320 --> 0:19:06.880 so that he could be closer to his college sophomore girlfriend. 0:19:08.640 --> 0:19:11.040 I didn't see it. I couldn't get through the joke 0:19:11.080 --> 0:19:14.399 without laughing speaking of Belichick the games on Fox, which 0:19:14.520 --> 0:19:17.200 means we're all gonna have to labor through. Tom Brady 0:19:17.480 --> 0:19:20.879 panicking did not sound like a moron. The goat the 0:19:20.960 --> 0:19:23.640 greatest of all time until the end of the game 0:19:23.840 --> 0:19:26.480 when we could all be like, all right, Patrick Mahomes 0:19:26.560 --> 0:19:29.720 is now the greatest of all time. No one's ever repeated, 0:19:30.160 --> 0:19:36.520 I'm excited for the halftime you Eddie Kendrick, Kendrick was 0:19:36.520 --> 0:19:40.920 he got sizza with him, right man? These lyrics are 0:19:42.200 --> 0:19:47.280 you know, known for being explicit. I'm worried. I'm terrified, 0:19:47.560 --> 0:19:50.439 you know, enjoying it with my children that it's not 0:19:50.480 --> 0:19:51.640 going to be family friendly. 0:19:51.920 --> 0:19:53.960 Do you think he'll sing not like us. 0:19:53.880 --> 0:19:59.240 Because Drake slapped him with a lawsuit trying to prevent 0:19:59.359 --> 0:20:03.919 him from playing his biggest hit. No, that was that 0:20:03.960 --> 0:20:07.960 was a bitch move, Drake, bitch move. No, of course 0:20:07.960 --> 0:20:10.040 he's gonna play it now. If he filed that in Canada, 0:20:10.280 --> 0:20:14.320 we won't recognize that in America. So certified lover boy, 0:20:14.400 --> 0:20:18.480 certified pedophile? What what? What? What? What get him? Kendrick? 0:20:18.800 --> 0:20:22.520 Do what you do? I don't like it. Sorry, it's 0:20:22.600 --> 0:20:27.560 just off topic, but on topic. I hate when comics, Uh, 0:20:28.400 --> 0:20:32.360 create a scenario that doesn't exist just so they can 0:20:32.359 --> 0:20:35.200 tell their joke. But I'm about to do that. Okay, okay. 0:20:36.680 --> 0:20:41.639 Imagine for a second if Kanye West were doing the 0:20:41.640 --> 0:20:49.280 halftime show and then mid performance, Taylor Swift comes out there, 0:20:49.840 --> 0:20:53.320 nudges him off stage, takes his microphone. He's like, no, no, 0:20:53.760 --> 0:20:56.480 I'll take care of it. I'll take over from here. 0:20:57.119 --> 0:20:59.760 That would be I mean, that would be the ultimate 0:20:59.800 --> 0:21:02.800 pay back, Like, look at this. I held onto this 0:21:02.840 --> 0:21:07.439 for so long, but oh that'd been good. You excited 0:21:07.440 --> 0:21:11.399 about the commercials? What are you? My wife? Am I 0:21:11.480 --> 0:21:15.600 excited about the commercials? Yeah? The commercials? Oh yeah, no, 0:21:16.040 --> 0:21:18.639 I'm never excited about the commercials, but like, might do 0:21:18.760 --> 0:21:23.040 something cool. It's the only reason I try to watch 0:21:23.080 --> 0:21:29.520 the super Bowl live because it's infuriating to not fast 0:21:29.520 --> 0:21:32.600 forward to get back to the game if I'm like, 0:21:32.680 --> 0:21:34.960 if I'm back a half hour or something like that. 0:21:35.320 --> 0:21:39.000 So I watch. But it's such a waste of money, 0:21:39.119 --> 0:21:42.440 all this money, these commercials, just trying to figure out 0:21:42.720 --> 0:21:44.959 how to market to gen Z. We know how to 0:21:44.960 --> 0:21:48.520 market to gen Z. It's podcast. It's YouTube. You find 0:21:48.560 --> 0:21:51.080 the right YouTube channel that has a podcast on it 0:21:51.680 --> 0:21:57.520 hosted by a comedian in their late forties. Problem solved, 0:21:57.720 --> 0:22:00.919 and you save at least half the money you were 0:22:00.920 --> 0:22:03.560 gonna spend on a Super Bowl commercial. You give the 0:22:03.560 --> 0:22:07.000 money to me. Forget a thirty second spot. I'll ramble 0:22:07.040 --> 0:22:10.320 on for three and a half minutes. I'll even do 0:22:10.359 --> 0:22:13.000 the dumb disclaimer stuff at the end. Now I won't 0:22:13.040 --> 0:22:15.840 do like there's certain products I won't do. But for 0:22:15.880 --> 0:22:22.960 the most part, I'm a little pig, all right. I'm 0:22:23.000 --> 0:22:24.920 just saying, you get more bang for your buck over here. 0:22:25.320 --> 0:22:28.560 I love All States commercials, you know, especially the ones 0:22:28.560 --> 0:22:33.960 with Andy Reid. Andy Reid underrated actor, extremely funny, almost 0:22:34.000 --> 0:22:37.639 funny enough to forget that all state pold coverage in 0:22:37.640 --> 0:22:41.160 the state of California and fucked over everyone who lost 0:22:41.200 --> 0:22:44.320 everything in the fires. I'm sure they'll have the game 0:22:44.359 --> 0:22:48.920 on whichever fem a tent super Bowl party they attend. 0:22:49.160 --> 0:22:52.800 Probably gonna have a great spread too, probably a seven 0:22:52.880 --> 0:22:57.360 layer dip from Kirkland's signature while the kids are crying 0:22:57.440 --> 0:23:01.480 saying when do we get to go home? Mommy? Never? 0:23:02.520 --> 0:23:09.240 Never All State. Imagine if companies this year said, oh, 0:23:09.400 --> 0:23:14.320 instead of putting a commercial out, we've decided to just 0:23:14.440 --> 0:23:19.280 donate this money to families in need in Alta. Dina. Wow, 0:23:19.920 --> 0:23:23.920 I'd support that company just putting it out there. Now. 0:23:23.960 --> 0:23:25.760 I know people are gonna be betting on this game, 0:23:26.280 --> 0:23:29.760 Lord knows I will. I'm gonna be in Vegas performing 0:23:30.440 --> 0:23:34.280 at the Cosmopolitan. Guys, come out. I'm there the night 0:23:34.320 --> 0:23:38.159 before Saturday night. Come to the show. I usually spend 0:23:38.160 --> 0:23:41.919 most of my money on the props. I'm gonna be 0:23:41.920 --> 0:23:44.800 doing silly bets just to make it interesting the whole 0:23:44.840 --> 0:23:47.680 way through the game. You know, first to score, last 0:23:47.720 --> 0:23:50.679 to score, how long the first field goal is going 0:23:50.720 --> 0:23:53.080 to be? All of those? Those are my favorites. But 0:23:53.160 --> 0:23:55.960 we need to check in with some experts. And since 0:23:56.000 --> 0:23:59.200 I don't know any experts, we'll just check in on 0:23:59.480 --> 0:24:02.240 the people that are in my circle see what their 0:24:02.280 --> 0:24:04.639 thoughts are on the big game. Let's check in on 0:24:04.640 --> 0:24:10.280 Philadelphia comedic legend. No disrespect to Eddie, I don't really 0:24:10.280 --> 0:24:13.440 consider you a Philly guy. My dad's from there, right, 0:24:13.800 --> 0:24:17.680 But I'm gonna check in Philly legend comedian Todd Glass. 0:24:18.520 --> 0:24:25.560 If anyone knows sports, it's comedian Todd Glass. Hold on, 0:24:28.600 --> 0:24:30.159 my February is wide open. 0:24:30.280 --> 0:24:34.600 I have some dates available in April and June if 0:24:34.640 --> 0:24:38.360 you need me. And also my summer's pretty much free too. 0:24:39.000 --> 0:24:47.720 I wish so much that that was just your outgoing message, Todd. 0:24:47.960 --> 0:24:53.720 As a legend in the Philadelphia area, you have to 0:24:53.720 --> 0:24:55.840 be so excited about this Super Bowl. Do you know 0:24:56.000 --> 0:24:59.199 who's playing in the Super Bowl? First and foremost? Well, 0:24:59.240 --> 0:25:02.639 I know that are playing. Are you a fan of 0:25:02.680 --> 0:25:03.200 the Eagles? 0:25:03.640 --> 0:25:06.040 Well, I'm not not a fan, but I don't really 0:25:06.080 --> 0:25:06.880 follow sports. 0:25:07.000 --> 0:25:10.600 Uh huh, I understood. So give me a score. Oh 0:25:10.840 --> 0:25:14.040 Jesus Christ, can I have no fucking give me a score? 0:25:14.760 --> 0:25:17.280 Oh you're really gonna make me just get you even 0:25:17.320 --> 0:25:20.440 know what's You have to know what scores are to guess? 0:25:20.720 --> 0:25:22.040 I know, I know. 0:25:23.800 --> 0:25:26.320 Okay, I'm gonna say, is it points? 0:25:26.359 --> 0:25:29.520