Speaker 1: Real talk. If you want to be great at anything
Speaker 1: in life, you cannot carry everybody with you, dead ass.
Speaker 1: And as you continue to ascend, it's okay that motherluckers
Speaker 1: can't come with you. Don't feel bad about that. Hey,
Speaker 1: I'm Cadine and we're the Ellises. You may know us
Speaker 1: from posting funny videos with our boys and reading each
Speaker 1: other publicly as a form of therapy. Wait, I'll make
Speaker 1: you need therapy most days. Wow. And one more important
Speaker 1: thing to mention, we're married. We are. We created this
Speaker 1: podcast to open dialogue about some of life's most taboo topics,
Speaker 1: things most folks don't want to talk about. Do the
Speaker 1: lens of a millennium married couple. Dead ass is the
Speaker 1: term that we say every day. So when we say
Speaker 1: dead ass, we're actually saying facts, the truth, the whole truth,
Speaker 1: and nothing but the truth. Were about to take pillow
Speaker 1: talk to a whole new level. Dead ad starts right now.
Speaker 1: This is a two part story. Time Okay, takes me
Speaker 1: back to two thousand and nine. Just got cut, Recession happens,
Speaker 1: moves back to brooklyn Um. I have a plethora of bills,
Speaker 1: bills that are not just mine, bills that are mine, yours,
Speaker 1: family members, friends, and I get cut from the NFL,
Speaker 1: and a large contingent of these people who I've been
Speaker 1: helping since I had made it to the NFL are
Speaker 1: nowhere to be found ghosts. And it's not because they
Speaker 1: didn't care. They didn't know how to help me in
Speaker 1: that moment. And for a lot of people, you don't
Speaker 1: know how to help someone, you disappear. Fast forward to today.
Speaker 1: This is part of the story. Time. I'm in a
Speaker 1: better situation than I was in the NFL, and I'm
Speaker 1: not carrying everybody's bills. That's great. And here's a crazy part.
Speaker 1: You could help somebody a thousand times the first time
Speaker 1: you say no, it's as if you never said yes. Karaoke.
Speaker 1: It's dedicated to the people who who were there when
Speaker 1: I had nothing and when I was trying to grow.
Speaker 1: I never could have made it without you. I would
Speaker 1: have lost it all never never, never, never never never
Speaker 1: never puld have made it that never puld have made
Speaker 1: But we're tired you whatever happened to that. I love that.
Speaker 1: People need to bring that back. And I was like,
Speaker 1: what a year old? Now every first morning, that's that's
Speaker 1: at least three years old. I think the first person
Speaker 1: I ever heard do it was all, what's the DJ
Speaker 1: that we rock with it? D nice? No, not D
Speaker 1: nice lights can do from Brooklyn. You know who I'm
Speaker 1: talking about, Hodie big Reef. Big Reef. I think he
Speaker 1: was the first person. I'm pretty sure was the first person.
Speaker 1: He was the first person to make that read. He
Speaker 1: did that shout out to big read. You're doing well,
Speaker 1: big ups, big up. So we're gonna take a quick
Speaker 1: break to pay some bills and we'll come back and
Speaker 1: we'll elaborate on storytime. Sounds good, and we're back. I remember,
Speaker 1: Vivid lee h when we were in the apartment, like
Speaker 1: you said, back from the NFL stint, recouping from the wedding,
Speaker 1: all that pregnant had Jackson. Just some of the days
Speaker 1: when I could see in your eyes and see on
Speaker 1: your face such such conflict. And the conflict that I
Speaker 1: saw was you bearing the brunt of all of these
Speaker 1: financial responsibilities that you had that we're easier to carry,
Speaker 1: of course when you were in the NFL, but now
Speaker 1: we were back to square one with nothing um, so
Speaker 1: you were trying to bear that then also the sadness
Speaker 1: that you had in your eyes because you weren't in
Speaker 1: a position to help the people that you wanted to
Speaker 1: help so desperately. Um, the anger behind losing all of
Speaker 1: the money that you lost in all of the resources
Speaker 1: trying to do the right things along the way, and
Speaker 1: then the disappointment when you had no one to lean
Speaker 1: on to help you out of it. And I think
Speaker 1: that's what made it easier for me in that moment,
Speaker 1: as your wife now, to say, I need to do
Speaker 1: whatever it is possible to make sure that we can
Speaker 1: stay afloat, because I did not want you to feel
Speaker 1: like less than because you weren't able to sustain the
Speaker 1: bills or take care of the family the way you
Speaker 1: wanted to. And it was one of those things that
Speaker 1: I felt like didn't necessarily have to be spoken at
Speaker 1: the time, But I was angry and not at you.
Speaker 1: I was angry for you because where were the people
Speaker 1: that were at the games and wanted tickets and all
Speaker 1: that when you were now at your worst and in
Speaker 1: their defense, you may not have divulged that to a
Speaker 1: lot of people either, just for for shape, for for
Speaker 1: feeling may be ashamed of the situation and stuff. Um,
Speaker 1: So they may not have seen that or felt that
Speaker 1: because you kind of kept it cool the entire time.
Speaker 1: But I kind of felt like where was the thought
Speaker 1: Because you're always so thoughtful about people and anticipating people's
Speaker 1: needs that I felt like no one was necessarily considering
Speaker 1: how you might have felt in that moment, being released,
Speaker 1: retiring now to start from scratch, just having had, you know,
Speaker 1: a wedding and a baby and all that stuff on
Speaker 1: the way. I think nobody foresaw that you might have
Speaker 1: needed that assistance, And for me, being you know, Mama
Speaker 1: Beayer and being wife who wants to protect you, wanted
Speaker 1: to kind of put this guard up moving forward and
Speaker 1: was like, listen, ship, maybe down now, but when things
Speaker 1: can ascend in the future, I'm gonna be very careful
Speaker 1: about who's around, and I'm going to be very mindful
Speaker 1: of who's coming back and people who surface from the
Speaker 1: woodworks and stuff like that. All of a sudden, when
Speaker 1: things are on the up and up again, and then
Speaker 1: you're that's that that person is always a person that's
Speaker 1: called the bitch. When the wife decides that people are
Speaker 1: not going to take advantage of my husband anymore, that
Speaker 1: when people start to feel like who she thinks she is,
Speaker 1: that's you know, and it's typically a family. And here's
Speaker 1: here's the truth Survivor's remorse, because the title of this
Speaker 1: episode of Survivor's Remorse, I just want to explain what
Speaker 1: survivor's remorse is, right, I've noticed in a lot of families, right,
Speaker 1: and survivor's remorse has nothing to do with athletics or
Speaker 1: entertainment or or anything. It's it's typically the one who
Speaker 1: is able to ascend from the trajectory that the family
Speaker 1: was on and do more. Right. So, for example, I
Speaker 1: have college kids who are experiencing survivor's remorse and they
Speaker 1: haven't even made any money yet, right, And people don't
Speaker 1: realize if people think survivor's remorse is all about money
Speaker 1: or you gotta pay everything, you know. I have kids
Speaker 1: that I've mentored who were the first in their family,
Speaker 1: first generation to attend college, first generation to even graduate
Speaker 1: high school. And the minute that they get there, I
Speaker 1: watched them feel ashamed that they're no longer in the
Speaker 1: same situation as the rest of their peers and their family,
Speaker 1: and almost like a sickness. Right. So it's like you
Speaker 1: you were able to get a scholarship and go off
Speaker 1: to college, but Now, when you're in college, you're rushing
Speaker 1: back home because you want to be amongst everybody, because
Speaker 1: you feel this sense of guilt like why am I
Speaker 1: the only one that was able to make it? Even
Speaker 1: though you haven't made it yet. People start to feel
Speaker 1: survivor's remorse when they've ascend past what their family's trajectory
Speaker 1: originally was. And I watched everybody around you just maintain
Speaker 1: that same place, and then you do a little bit more.
Speaker 1: Those people typically have that guilt that like why am
Speaker 1: I the only one here? Usual in that celebratory moment too,
Speaker 1: it's just like, oh, people will see you go into
Speaker 1: and from school or whatever you like, okay, great, and
Speaker 1: then they see you with your cap and gown. You're graduating,
Speaker 1: and this is whopla around whoever graduated? And then it's
Speaker 1: kind of like, oh, so this person is actually going
Speaker 1: to leave this playground for lack of a better word,
Speaker 1: of this area that we're in and now ascend to
Speaker 1: something else. Well, where does that come from? Where does
Speaker 1: that come from? That? You know, where I think survivors
Speaker 1: were morse comes from where people make you feel guilty
Speaker 1: for doing well right. Don't forget the little people you know,
Speaker 1: they say, what's up Hollywood, like that's all of those
Speaker 1: things or shade people people think compliment that it's not shade,
Speaker 1: but it's back handed and people say that to people
Speaker 1: who are just like trying to you just we kid
Speaker 1: went to college, kid goes to college? Or what's up Hollywood?
Speaker 1: Or you think you better than us? Now I'm trying
Speaker 1: to better myself. It has nothing to do with you.
Speaker 1: But yes, I'm trying to better myself, and you're making
Speaker 1: it about you because you might have had the opportunity
Speaker 1: to do the same, but if you didn't, and whose
Speaker 1: fault is that? And that's where survivors remorse comes from.
Speaker 1: It's the guilt that people put on you because a
Speaker 1: lot of the times these people had may have had
Speaker 1: the same opportunities or may not may not the same opportunities,
Speaker 1: but they see someone doing more, and they most of
Speaker 1: the time don't know how to be happy for you
Speaker 1: if they're not happy for themselves, so they kind of
Speaker 1: throw that shade or that backhanded compliment, you know, like
Speaker 1: like I want to be like you will not grow up.
Speaker 1: Stuff like that makes people feel away. Even though you
Speaker 1: think it may be a compliment, it's really not you know,
Speaker 1: and having survivor's remorse. There were times when I was
Speaker 1: even in college where I felt like damn, like like damn,
Speaker 1: a lot of my friends could didn't get into school.
Speaker 1: You know why me. You know what I'm saying this,
Speaker 1: as soon as I get something, I'm gonna be I'm
Speaker 1: gonna share with everybody. Because what you want to do
Speaker 1: now is you're feeling so guilty. You want everyone to
Speaker 1: feel how you feel. So any little bit of thing
Speaker 1: you get, you share with everybody so we can all
Speaker 1: be on the same even playing field. But what servirus
Speaker 1: remorse does to the people around you, it is makes
Speaker 1: them feel entitled to what you have because you started
Speaker 1: to share everything you have with them, so you can
Speaker 1: all feel on the same playing field. That the bad
Speaker 1: habits I guess that you start now become expected. So
Speaker 1: it's like, as you continue to ascend at every level,
Speaker 1: then you're still bringing all these people along. And then
Speaker 1: you can't be mad at people who then you know,
Speaker 1: piss away opportunity, ease or tend to just not even
Speaker 1: try on their own, because why what do they have
Speaker 1: to And that's the point of this podcast. At this
Speaker 1: point of this podcast is not to put blame on
Speaker 1: all the people around you is for you to recognize
Speaker 1: that you created these things around you. That's why I
Speaker 1: can't get mad at the people around me or the
Speaker 1: people around us, because we created that. With survivor's remorse.
Speaker 1: Now the things that how I got survivor's remorse. Who
Speaker 1: started young where you know, I remember it being extremely,
Speaker 1: extremely young, right when we used to go We used
Speaker 1: to go to Tennessee in the summertimes, and some of
Speaker 1: my friends used to be like, Oh, you're going down south,
Speaker 1: or you don't want to stay here in Brooklyn. You're
Speaker 1: too good to stay here in Brooklyn. It's like mean,
Speaker 1: while you were doing manual labor down right down in Tennessee,
Speaker 1: Like don't nobody want to be here in this right
Speaker 1: And the thing is they would feel like since you
Speaker 1: left them, whatever you was doing was better than what
Speaker 1: you were doing here, so you felt like you were
Speaker 1: better and then that becomes the narrative of your life.
Speaker 1: You know I'm saying that that for me, that became
Speaker 1: the narrative of my life. My parents constantly put me
Speaker 1: in situations to better myself, not be better than anyone else,
Speaker 1: to better myself. So if if I wanted to do something.
Speaker 1: They found even in Tennessee, they knew I loved art.
Speaker 1: They found the Road Center. The Road Center was a
Speaker 1: place for artistic people like I used to draw and
Speaker 1: paint and be creative. And even then when I didn't
Speaker 1: go to the boys Club, certain days they were like, oh,
Speaker 1: you're going to the Road Center. A You're too good
Speaker 1: to just go to the boys club. So then, you
Speaker 1: know how I start to feel. I don't want to
Speaker 1: go to the role cinema. I'm gonna stay. You know
Speaker 1: what I'm saying. I remember starting that young. You know,
Speaker 1: when we used to go to Tennessee. It was the
Speaker 1: same thing. One year I beg to not go to
Speaker 1: Tennessee and then my parents kept us in Brooklyn and
Speaker 1: we went to the Glenwood Houses Projects Community Center summer
Speaker 1: program and I had a great time there. But I
Speaker 1: remember choosing to not go with my grandparents because I
Speaker 1: wanted everyone else around me to feel better about me
Speaker 1: staying there. Think about how sick that is. You work
Speaker 1: your hardest to be better, right. Jay Z had a
Speaker 1: great quote. They were just like, um, people get mad
Speaker 1: at you and they say that you you change, Like
Speaker 1: I worked this hard to remain the same, you know,
Speaker 1: like it's the truth, this whole shout out hope. But
Speaker 1: when you work this hard to be better for yourself, no,
Speaker 1: I don't want to remain in the same you know what.
Speaker 1: I think the conflict there is too for some people.
Speaker 1: They feel like you're trying to be better than them,
Speaker 1: whereas not you're trying to be better than them, You're
Speaker 1: just trying to be a better version of yourself and
Speaker 1: then being a better version of yourself if that then
Speaker 1: in turns allows you to ascend in whatever area you're
Speaker 1: working on. That has everything to do with you and
Speaker 1: nothing to do with the party that's blaming you for
Speaker 1: trying to be better than them. There was never a
Speaker 1: competition to begin with, and I think that's the problem
Speaker 1: to a people. A lot of people feel like, because
Speaker 1: you may come from the same area, the same walk
Speaker 1: of life, or the same community or the same neighborhood,
Speaker 1: the same school, that everybody has to be on the
Speaker 1: same path, and that's just not the case, Like my
Speaker 1: cat is gonna be different than yours. I experienced that
Speaker 1: when I was growing up. Um I used to do pageants.
Speaker 1: Everyone else that I competed in pageants and it was like, Oh,
Speaker 1: couldn't think she better than better than everybody else because
Speaker 1: she does pageants. The pageant was an opportunity a because
Speaker 1: I saw I was able to make some scholarship money
Speaker 1: and your girl was trying to make money earliest ten. Okay,
Speaker 1: I was like a scholarship money, they even cash awards.
Speaker 1: I like this, I'm gonna build my bank account. So
Speaker 1: that was part of it. Another reason was that I
Speaker 1: always enjoyed being in front of an audience. That's something
Speaker 1: that I kind of just knew early on. So I
Speaker 1: was like, Okay, after reading you know, the guidelines for
Speaker 1: the pageant and stuff like that, my mom was like, Oh,
Speaker 1: interview skills, that'll that will help you in life. You
Speaker 1: do interviews and you learn how to speak in front
Speaker 1: of strangers and do one on one interviews with people.
Speaker 1: That's something that's a life skill you can learn. So
Speaker 1: these are things that I was doing to better my
Speaker 1: circumstance and better myself because I knew eventually one day
Speaker 1: I was going to be in some sort of entertainment.
Speaker 1: I was dancing. I love to be on stage. Um
Speaker 1: they had talent competitions. I was playing the piano and
Speaker 1: dancing so my mom was like, this is a platform
Speaker 1: for people to just see you. You never know what
Speaker 1: casting director is going to be there, in acting coach, whatever.
Speaker 1: So for me, it was all about the opportunity to
Speaker 1: advance and advance myself. Whereas some of my classmates at
Speaker 1: the time was like, Oh, she thinks she better because
Speaker 1: she got a crown and banner and she's on stage
Speaker 1: and pretty dresses and stuff, and then that kind of
Speaker 1: made me feel a way sometimes. Yeah, I kind of
Speaker 1: was just like, uh so if I had, you know,
Speaker 1: an opportunity, because my school was also very proud of
Speaker 1: me at the time, so they're like, Canine bring your
Speaker 1: crown and bandit. We have some people visiting from wherever.
Speaker 1: They're trying to give the school some scholarship money. We
Speaker 1: want them to see that we have kids who were
Speaker 1: doing things here. And then it's like I had to
Speaker 1: feel bad about presenting myself like that in front of
Speaker 1: my peers because they made me think that I was
Speaker 1: better than them, and it had nothing to do with that.
Speaker 1: It was encouragement from the adults around me a but
Speaker 1: I couldn't fully live in that moment and be who
Speaker 1: I wanted to be. For fear of ridicule. That survivor's remorse.
Speaker 1: You can't be who you want to be in your
Speaker 1: greatest moments because you feel ridicule from your peers. That
Speaker 1: is survivor's remorse. Yeah, and you know what people do
Speaker 1: to to kind of eliminate surviroru's remorse. People like me,
Speaker 1: for example, other people I don't stop achieving, but when
Speaker 1: I do achieve, I tried to give everything to everyone
Speaker 1: around me so that everyone can feel the same. And
Speaker 1: when I realized that I didn't take care of myself,
Speaker 1: I didn't take care of the things that that mattered
Speaker 1: to me, you know what I'm saying, And now I
Speaker 1: took care of everybody so that we can all be perfect. Example,
Speaker 1: you're in the NFL. You twenty two years old, right,
Speaker 1: I'm taking all my boys at the club. I know
Speaker 1: they can't afford bottle service. I'll pay for everybody's bottle service.
Speaker 1: So now you spent a couple of grand in the
Speaker 1: club so that everyone else can feel like they're in
Speaker 1: the NFL. Because you're in the NFL, but you're the
Speaker 1: only one that put the work in to get there,
Speaker 1: you know what I'm saying. And then when that runs out,
Speaker 1: or if you hit a blip in the road, those
Speaker 1: same people feel like they don't owe you anything because
Speaker 1: they didn't even as they ask. And you can't blame
Speaker 1: that they didn't ask for this. You wanted to make
Speaker 1: yourself feel better because you felt ridiculed, and now when
Speaker 1: you don't have any more to give, now you're mad.
Speaker 1: So really, it's not even their fault for accepting. It.
Speaker 1: Can't be mad at then for accepting. You're the one
Speaker 1: that's doing all the offering, and that's and that's the point,
Speaker 1: like you, you can't blame the people around you. Right,
Speaker 1: It is a culture, right, it is a culture. And
Speaker 1: I don't know if it's because I'm not I'm not white,
Speaker 1: I'm not Asian, not India. I don't know if it's
Speaker 1: a black culture thing. But I don't know if survivor's
Speaker 1: remorse exists in every other culture, mainly because especially in America,
Speaker 1: there's only been one group that was held captive and
Speaker 1: enslaved for four years, and I was Black people. You know,
Speaker 1: I do know for a fact that Asian Asian Americans
Speaker 1: have gone through a lot after reconstruction, but it wasn't
Speaker 1: the same as enslavement So I don't know if in
Speaker 1: the Asian culture it's the same type of of um
Speaker 1: ridicule that happens when people try to ascend, but I
Speaker 1: do know in the Black culture that that's what happens,
Speaker 1: and that culture creates this survivor's remorse where you're like,
Speaker 1: if I'm the one that make it, I gotta bring everybody.
Speaker 1: And it has nothing to do with entertainment. I've seen
Speaker 1: people who Bear early made it out of college. You
Speaker 1: finally got like a corporate job. And people think corporate
Speaker 1: jobs pay instantly once you get entry level, right, No,
Speaker 1: you know, like when you when you graduate from college.
Speaker 1: Like Blow, for example, when he first started I think
Speaker 1: he started at New Burger Berman. I think at that time,
Speaker 1: this was two thousand and six, was making fort k.
Speaker 1: But in his family's mind, he made it so Blow
Speaker 1: try to help everybody, and that was a detriment to
Speaker 1: him in his future, because when you try to help everybody,
Speaker 1: you can't help yourself. And this if there's a message
Speaker 1: that you can get from this, ladies and gentlemen, is
Speaker 1: this is the message. Do not let the current culture
Speaker 1: of the culture that you exist in as you ascend,
Speaker 1: let you make decisions that's not going to help you
Speaker 1: continue to ascend and get to your goals. That guilt
Speaker 1: you feel, that survivor's remorse you feel is created within
Speaker 1: you because the things that happened around you, but you
Speaker 1: can't use the people around you as escape go when
Speaker 1: you do that and then fail, That's why it's you
Speaker 1: have to be you have to know it's it's okay
Speaker 1: to not take everyone. That's why this second time around,
Speaker 1: we help who we can help, only when we can help.
Speaker 1: I'm not spreading myself thin to help everybody. And now
Speaker 1: we have four children too, we were thinking about like
Speaker 1: the legacy that we're trying to build for our children
Speaker 1: and making sure that they have their little nestig for
Speaker 1: what they want to do whenever they're grown and they
Speaker 1: can access that. So it's also too Sometimes I feel like,
Speaker 1: in addition to the survivors are mor than trying to
Speaker 1: shell out to help people. You play things small, you know,
Speaker 1: or you just kind of feel like even if it's
Speaker 1: not having to give somebody something, you feel like you
Speaker 1: have accomplish something and you can't even share that and
Speaker 1: share in that joy with certain people because you feel
Speaker 1: like they're going to then be able to celebrate all
Speaker 1: the time. Triple talks about it all the time. Cadine
Speaker 1: graduated mad lucum laude with a master's degree and broadcast journalism.
Speaker 1: Part of the reason why this podcast is so freaking
Speaker 1: dope is because you are exquisite at what you do.
Speaker 1: You have a great voice. You took voice and Dickson classes.
Speaker 1: You help me with my voice. You you're perfect with
Speaker 1: transitions and adds. That's what you do, right. But even
Speaker 1: when Truple says, oh that's right, Dean does it, the
Speaker 1: first thing you do is going it's not that big deal.
Speaker 1: Like you you literally put your head down and you
Speaker 1: lose eye contact, and you know, is this not that
Speaker 1: big deal? Because for years, well since you've been born, anytime,
Speaker 1: you've been proud of your compliments with accomplishments. And then
Speaker 1: and I know for a fact that they do this
Speaker 1: to black Americans in this control of the time, is
Speaker 1: you better be humble? A big part of it. Think
Speaker 1: about this, when when was the last time you watched
Speaker 1: a white quarterback, a white athlete, male or female, white champion,
Speaker 1: white actor, and white singer go up to take make
Speaker 1: an acceptance speech, and then you hear Twitter say that
Speaker 1: person needs to be humble, but then think about it
Speaker 1: when it's a black athlete. Think about Serena Williams. How
Speaker 1: when she screamed at the referee for calling her a
Speaker 1: cheat and taking a point away, people were saying she
Speaker 1: needs to learn how to be humble. But when McEnroe
Speaker 1: screams that refs every match, nobody says anything because that's expected.
Speaker 1: But it's expected for us. But it's expected for us
Speaker 1: to be hum humble and timid. And the Bible says
Speaker 1: to be humble. The Bible says to be humble unto God.
Speaker 1: It never says to be humble unto man. I don't
Speaker 1: have to be humble unto anybody else that looked just
Speaker 1: like me. You have to be humble unto God. And
Speaker 1: if you humble onto God, then he will continue to
Speaker 1: bless you. Because now you have a fiduciary responsibility as
Speaker 1: someone who's living in abundance to help other people, which
Speaker 1: is something that we don't ever take lightly so just
Speaker 1: because it's a thing where we're careful and we're strategic
Speaker 1: about when we help and how we help people. Nowadays,
Speaker 1: we definitely help and we'll continue and will continue to help,
Speaker 1: and it's nothing that has to be publicly you know,
Speaker 1: it's spoken about or publicly advertised either, um, what we do.
Speaker 1: And it's crazy because that's the oxymoron. And it's kind
Speaker 1: of like the double edged story. If you don't talk
Speaker 1: about helping people, people don't think you help. But if
Speaker 1: you're helping, you help, you talk about helping, then you're
Speaker 1: showing off for helping, um, so that you could just
Speaker 1: never win. But I think the great part about what
Speaker 1: we're doing collectively together is that as we both assent
Speaker 1: as a couple and as individuals, like you said, God
Speaker 1: is abundantly blessing us and telling us in the position
Speaker 1: to help people who really need the help. Um. And
Speaker 1: it's great to be able to do that and not
Speaker 1: feel the guilt doing it, as if you know, we're
Speaker 1: trying to bring someone up to our level, but just
Speaker 1: saying in your moment, I see you, you may need
Speaker 1: assistance with this, or someone needs assistance with that, and
Speaker 1: we're able to do it. And we're a cheerful giver
Speaker 1: because God love that as well. And the difference is
Speaker 1: now when we help people, it's more of a thing
Speaker 1: where it's like I'm not helping you to make myself
Speaker 1: feel better because I feel guilty about me. And that's
Speaker 1: the difference. There's a difference because that you also can't
Speaker 1: blame people for that. If you choosed to help people
Speaker 1: because you feel guilty about how you've gotten these means,
Speaker 1: or you feel guilty because people throughout your life have
Speaker 1: made you feel guilty about overachieving, and you choose to
Speaker 1: help people to help with that guilt, you're helping for
Speaker 1: the wrong reasons, and ultimately you're gonna end up with
Speaker 1: your feelings hurt because that type of help runs out
Speaker 1: like you can't always help people like that, but when
Speaker 1: you can help and be a cheerful giver because you
Speaker 1: can see someone is in a moment of need and
Speaker 1: the money you give them is not money you need
Speaker 1: or gonna need back. Now that's here, don't even you know,
Speaker 1: don't say nothing to me about it, don't say nothing
Speaker 1: to nobody else. Here you go. You know what I'm saying,
Speaker 1: regardless of whether you receive it or not, doesn't make
Speaker 1: matter to me, because I'm just doing this. I think
Speaker 1: you need help, and I think people need to recognize that,
Speaker 1: especially younger people who are starting their college process, who
Speaker 1: are thinking about where they're gonna because I've even watched
Speaker 1: I've watched young kids choose to go to schools closer
Speaker 1: to home because they don't want the people around them
Speaker 1: to feel like they're leaving them. And it's like, you're
Speaker 1: gonna live met your opportunities and your prospects because you
Speaker 1: want you don't want other people to feel bad about
Speaker 1: you bettering yourself. That is it's insane, and it's a
Speaker 1: sickness and and and to be honest, it's it's stopping
Speaker 1: a lot of greatness within our community. Sure, you know,
Speaker 1: like leaving the hood because you're just worried about leaving
Speaker 1: the hood. Imagine how much you could do for her
Speaker 1: when you came back, if you were able to grow
Speaker 1: and flourish. That's a good point. And the funny thing
Speaker 1: is we see it all the time, perpetuated in entertainment. Right,
Speaker 1: the person who has a scholarship, or the person go
Speaker 1: out and sing, or the person go out and dance,
Speaker 1: or the person will be a CEO of a company. Right,
Speaker 1: you watch them on TV. And what's what's always the
Speaker 1: conflict with that character? I can't leave everybody behind. I
Speaker 1: gotta find a way to stay here and play basketball professionally.
Speaker 1: You can't. That's not possible. You know what I'm saying.
Speaker 1: I want to take this big time job in New
Speaker 1: York as a financial president, but I can't. I gotta
Speaker 1: stay home, And no you don't. You don't got to
Speaker 1: go go out there and get as much resource it's possible,
Speaker 1: come back and the spread those those resources when you can,
Speaker 1: but not because you feel guilty. And that's that's ultimately
Speaker 1: what we want people to think about. And also and
Speaker 1: it's the motivation behind yes, the motivation behind it, but
Speaker 1: also for people. Be careful with your words if you
Speaker 1: see someone is starting to do well or trying to ascend,
Speaker 1: saying backhanded stuff like, oh, what's good, Hollywood, I want
Speaker 1: to be like you will not grow up? Oh it
Speaker 1: must be nice, you're a lucky person. Stuff like that
Speaker 1: is backhanded compliments and that you don't know how that
Speaker 1: weighs on that person if you're constantly hearing it. So
Speaker 1: you know, I think that this is important that we
Speaker 1: as a people continue to look at how we interact
Speaker 1: with those who are trying to ascend. Absolutely absolutely, I
Speaker 1: love that. All right, yo, So let's let's take some
Speaker 1: pay some some bills, get into these listener letters. Do that.
Speaker 1: As my laptop over here died. Let me get some juice, y'all.
Speaker 1: Plug me up please, so I can come and get
Speaker 1: in your business real quick. We're gonna take a quick break.
Speaker 1: We'll be right back, all right. So we're back with
Speaker 1: listener letters. All right. My laptop still dead, y'all. So
Speaker 1: if I was gonna start off, hopefully i'll catch up
Speaker 1: long alright. Number one. First of all, let me start
Speaker 1: by saying I genuinely love your podcast and love you both.
Speaker 1: Big ups from Barbados, thinking barbad I can't wait to
Speaker 1: get there. Let me real quick. Stay. My goal in
Speaker 1: life is to touch every island in the crew being
Speaker 1: at some point. My goal in life is to touch
Speaker 1: you in every island at some point. I love that
Speaker 1: moment of truth, y'all. Came early, and so I just
Speaker 1: turned twenty two when I was listening to your podcast
Speaker 1: last week, the one about manifestation, and of course, prayer
Speaker 1: without work equals nothing. So straight to the point, I'm
Speaker 1: tired of my job. I've been working here for two
Speaker 1: years and hearing Barbados, it's hard to find good, solid jobs.
Speaker 1: So if you find some good place. Uh, find some
Speaker 1: place good. Your best option is to stay. But lately
Speaker 1: I've become so frustrated that my workplace, and I decided
Speaker 1: for my birthday, I'm going to make a change. So
Speaker 1: I prayed, and I've been trying to speak positive affirmation
Speaker 1: to myself, and I've been putting myself out there, sending
Speaker 1: my resume any and everywhere. When I pray, I asked
Speaker 1: God to help me find the right job, not just
Speaker 1: any job, because I would hate to leave one stress
Speaker 1: from the environment to going to the next. Even in typing,
Speaker 1: I gotta go all around. Even in typing, I gotta
Speaker 1: go all around the world before I get to the point. See.
Speaker 1: I had my first call and interview this week, and honestly,
Speaker 1: the interview was amazing. I stepped out of their feelings
Speaker 1: so confident. But now I'm at work, and for some reason,
Speaker 1: I feel so guilty because this job has been good
Speaker 1: to me, and I met a lot of amazing people here,
Speaker 1: and my boss is a really nice guy. I met
Speaker 1: my best friend for life here at work, even though
Speaker 1: she quit a couple of months ago, And honestly, I
Speaker 1: just feel like it's going to be so hard to leave,
Speaker 1: especially if I get the job at the other place.
Speaker 1: My questions are, how do I embrace new opportunities, how
Speaker 1: do I resign from this job the right way? And finally,
Speaker 1: what affirmations can I tell myself to help me overcome
Speaker 1: the guilt I'm feeling for wanting better for myself? Wow?
Speaker 1: Could your girl be feeling guilty? Bad? Bad? I couldn't
Speaker 1: help the dialect there. I love that I read you
Speaker 1: read math fast, get half the story, you ain't the
Speaker 1: story I can't hear. So pretty much pretty much what
Speaker 1: she was saying was she had a job, she don't
Speaker 1: like her job, doesn't like it, wants to do something else,
Speaker 1: but she feels guilty leaving because everything she's learned from
Speaker 1: that job. Another type of survivors feeling like you've outgrown
Speaker 1: the place you're in, but guilty because you want to
Speaker 1: move on. I mean, the bottom line is is that
Speaker 1: we have been taught, like we have been conditioned to
Speaker 1: be accepting of any condition, like that's just what. Let's
Speaker 1: just accept it, like this is this is good enough,
Speaker 1: you know. And And here's one thing, I'm so grateful
Speaker 1: for this opportunity that I can't I have to just
Speaker 1: withstand that you know where I saw that with mostly
Speaker 1: growing up my mom. Yeah, like in this work environment
Speaker 1: that was just so so stressful, and she was so
Speaker 1: unhappy and just having to deal with people that just
Speaker 1: weren't nice. And well, let's just never wanted to leave.
Speaker 1: You never wanted to walk away. Let's talk about corporate structure. Right,
Speaker 1: this is how corporate structure works. Your boss owns a company. Right,
Speaker 1: you make your boss, let's say a million dollars. You
Speaker 1: may make fifty dollars. Your boss's job is to make
Speaker 1: you feel so good earning that fifty dollars that you
Speaker 1: never leave because you help him or her make a
Speaker 1: million dollars. So you know, what your boss does may
Speaker 1: be nice to you. You know, um, give you an
Speaker 1: extra five dollar bonus, little employed employee appreciation breakfast, You
Speaker 1: go on vacation every year. These are all ploys and
Speaker 1: corporate structure to keep you a part of the corporate program.
Speaker 1: Your job is to continue to make that company money.
Speaker 1: So of course they're gonna make you feel good and
Speaker 1: then also make you feel guilty when you're ready to go.
Speaker 1: That's why most people when they're transferring jobs, they just
Speaker 1: get an offer. Know that the job is secure, put
Speaker 1: in their two weeks notice and then bounced. Because if
Speaker 1: you tell your boss that you're thinking about leaving, they're
Speaker 1: gonna make you feel good by doing everything other than
Speaker 1: giving you a worse or giving you more responsibility so
Speaker 1: you can grow in that position. Because if they give
Speaker 1: you more responsibility so you can grow in that position,
Speaker 1: it's going to cause them more money. What's cut into
Speaker 1: their bottom line. So you have once you understand corporate
Speaker 1: structure and you know how this works, you won't feel
Speaker 1: guilty because you know it's just business. Maybe it's never personal.
Speaker 1: The same way, if they can get cheaper, younger talent,
Speaker 1: you are disresposable. I think I saw somewhere. I don't
Speaker 1: know if it was a mean or if it was
Speaker 1: an actually real thing, but it's like someone had passed
Speaker 1: away on the job or whatever, and that person's job
Speaker 1: was posted by the end of business day the same
Speaker 1: day they found out the person passed away disposable. But
Speaker 1: I'm just saying that should also put in perspective for
Speaker 1: you that you're just a body. You were just a
Speaker 1: number to some of these institutions. So when you're thinking
Speaker 1: about blood but in tears, you're thinking about your happiness,
Speaker 1: your sanity. I'm like, sense, look at what you prayed for.
Speaker 1: You prayed for better opportunities that are coming. Embrace the opportunity. Yo, listen.
Speaker 1: It's it's funny, but bosses can give you survivor's remorse
Speaker 1: as well. Oh yeah, I think of it in that circumstance.
Speaker 1: But all the bosses I know who are really good
Speaker 1: at empowering people and that are really good at empowering
Speaker 1: people often narcissistic and also very smart at manipulating people. Right,
Speaker 1: So what they'll do is they'll empower you within the
Speaker 1: company to help them make more money, but also reminds you, like,
Speaker 1: remember when you started and you couldn't do anything, Think
Speaker 1: about how much you learned here. So now it's like, damn,
Speaker 1: let me make this person feel indebted to this place,
Speaker 1: because if they learned, if I remind them of how
Speaker 1: much growth and how much we took a chance on
Speaker 1: you because we wasn't sure, but look how much we
Speaker 1: taught you. It's saying things like that creates a survivor's remorse.
Speaker 1: When it's like I've outgrown this job, but can I
Speaker 1: leave because I've done so much here? It's like, yes,
Speaker 1: you can leave your job, was to yes, and you
Speaker 1: can't feel guilty because you've outgrown a situation like that's
Speaker 1: just what You've made some friends at work. You can
Speaker 1: be friends outside of work now And she said the
Speaker 1: best friend quick, Yeah, the best friends called. Yes, your
Speaker 1: best friend left your sis. Come on now. If that
Speaker 1: wasn't a message, then I don't know what the message is.
Speaker 1: But I think people need to understand that survivor's remorse
Speaker 1: is a tool, often using corporate structure to keep you
Speaker 1: an employee. And if you want to move on, you're
Speaker 1: gonna have to learn to let that guilt go and
Speaker 1: then do what you do for yourself affect their bottom line.
Speaker 1: You know, I'm gonnatop. Now you want my laptop? Now
Speaker 1: you want my laptop? You know? Please let me tell you.
Speaker 1: But come on, was that reaching over the chair? Bro?
Speaker 1: Let me tell you. You're not getting my get up,
Speaker 1: you're let me touch you, but reach over and grab it.
Speaker 1: There you go, let me helping out there? There you go.
Speaker 1: All right, we're good. Good. Make sure my laptop dies
Speaker 1: more often, y'all play don't play with feels on the podcast?
Speaker 1: All right, So here's the second one. Hey, First off,
Speaker 1: I want to say, I love you guys, and always
Speaker 1: appreciate how transparent you are with each other and your listeners.
Speaker 1: You'll pollcome love you back. I've been with my boyfriend
Speaker 1: for four years. We both graduated college last year, and
Speaker 1: now we're both working full time jobs and back at
Speaker 1: home living with our parents to save money. We've been
Speaker 1: talking about the future of our relationships, specifically moving in
Speaker 1: together and eventually getting married. However, it seems like it's
Speaker 1: been hard to get on the same page. I really
Speaker 1: I realized that I often feel that when I try
Speaker 1: to talk to him about giving more to the relationship
Speaker 1: and committing to future plans together, he reacts like I'm
Speaker 1: threatening his sense of self and his independence. It's very frustrating.
Speaker 1: Although I don't doubt that he cares about me, it
Speaker 1: feels like he's not on committed to the launch devity
Speaker 1: of our relationship. This resulted in ME building up a
Speaker 1: wall and not trusting his commitment, causing a lot of
Speaker 1: arguments and distance. Am I wrong for questioning his intentions?
Speaker 1: How can I know if we can rebuild trust or
Speaker 1: if he's just the type of person that values independence
Speaker 1: over partnership. Is this just a post grad phase that
Speaker 1: all couples go through. Thanks for any insight. Interesting good question.
Speaker 1: She built up here. Um so boyfriend for four years
Speaker 1: they were in college together, graduated, full time jobs, living
Speaker 1: at home with their family. Building. So it could be
Speaker 1: a couple of things. It could be that he is
Speaker 1: in that building phase where he kind of feels like, Okay,
Speaker 1: if I'm going to seriously think about committing to this
Speaker 1: woman in real life, because I think college gives us
Speaker 1: this like perfect little like world of it not being
Speaker 1: practical because we are living without real bills. You know,
Speaker 1: we're just kind of like we talked about our college
Speaker 1: EXPERI it's an utopia. It's a utopia. That's the word
Speaker 1: I'm looking for. It's just a utopia of like the
Speaker 1: perfect environment. So it could be that now he's realizing that, Okay,
Speaker 1: college is over, this is real world. Now I'm trying
Speaker 1: to build and I want to focus on that devils
Speaker 1: need to think some based on his faith? No, no, no,
Speaker 1: Or is it that you think that he's just getting
Speaker 1: a taste of now the real world and maybe afraid
Speaker 1: of the commitment phase. To be honest, I don't I
Speaker 1: don't know what it is. I just feel like, and
Speaker 1: we're gonna do a whole podcast about this. There's a
Speaker 1: different responsibility when it comes to a man trying to
Speaker 1: plan for the future than a woman. A huge responsibility. Like,
Speaker 1: for example, right in this day and age, if I'm
Speaker 1: gonna propose, I have to save money for a ring.
Speaker 1: I have to save money to propose the right way
Speaker 1: these days, which is I got to get a videographer,
Speaker 1: a photographer, take her to a restaurant, invite all her people,
Speaker 1: and do a whole big thing or else She's not
Speaker 1: going to feel like it's good enough. Right, Women prepare
Speaker 1: for marriage by doing what waiting. That's why there they
Speaker 1: seem so impatient because I'm just waiting to figure out waiting,
Speaker 1: tying to figure it out. Well, nigga's got to make
Speaker 1: money to do all that stuff. For example, we know
Speaker 1: someone who was looking to get married. Right, first thing
Speaker 1: is ring. Right, said person said they're looking for a
Speaker 1: certain amount of carrots. Certain amount of carrots cost tens
Speaker 1: of thousands of dollars, right, tens of thousands of dollars. Right.
Speaker 1: For a lot of people, those tens of thousands of
Speaker 1: dollars maybe half or more than their salary for a year, right,
Speaker 1: Plus this person wants everything when it comes to the proposal, right,
Speaker 1: which costs more than tens of thousands of dollars. So
Speaker 1: the women sit back and do what while the man
Speaker 1: is planning all of this? You understand what I'm saying,
Speaker 1: Like realistic. I gotta ask you a question. When you
Speaker 1: were planning on getting married, right, what were you thinking of?
Speaker 1: How were you preparing to be a wife, and how
Speaker 1: were you preparing for the proposal. I've been told y'all,
Speaker 1: I was preparing. I was getting my bikini whack, I
Speaker 1: was getting my nails done. Um No, seriously, there wasn't
Speaker 1: a lot of preparation that went into me preparing to
Speaker 1: be a wife, per se, like they were in conversations
Speaker 1: that were had or any of that. So it really
Speaker 1: is kind of like a sitting back and waiting game
Speaker 1: that happens with this whole like proposal thing. So yeah,
Speaker 1: his mind might kind of be a little flustered. Now
Speaker 1: he's like, now we're out of this utopia, now we're
Speaker 1: in the real world. Um, and this is getting really really,
Speaker 1: really fast because this is what happens. I got to
Speaker 1: spend all this money to do all of this, But
Speaker 1: then we also have to get married, and we have
Speaker 1: to plan a wedding, and we have to live. I've
Speaker 1: said this before. Right as a man, I felt a
Speaker 1: responsibility that if I'm going to ask you to be
Speaker 1: my wife, I have to be prepared to handle all
Speaker 1: of the responsibilities that come with having a wife. You
Speaker 1: didn't think like that. You never thought like, okay, let
Speaker 1: me put this amount of money aside, let me It
Speaker 1: was just I can't wait to get engage and they
Speaker 1: get married, and you didn't even think about how much
Speaker 1: a wedding will cost. I thought about all of this.
Speaker 1: I thought about where we were going to live. I
Speaker 1: thought about when you if once you get pregnant, if
Speaker 1: you can't work, how am I going to handle all
Speaker 1: of the responsive financial responsibilities. So I think for women
Speaker 1: sometimes when you're sitting back and waiting for him to
Speaker 1: just ask, there's a lot that he has to go
Speaker 1: through before he even gets to that point. And even
Speaker 1: if he's at that point, he still has to wait
Speaker 1: until financially he's at a point to execute those plans.
Speaker 1: Because y'all just graduated, so I guarantee you do. They
Speaker 1: even have secure jobs yet. I don't know if she
Speaker 1: but they're both staying at home to save money. So
Speaker 1: my thing is, they just both graduated. So if they're
Speaker 1: both just graduating um undergrad grad school, I think it was.
Speaker 1: I think it was undergrad. So let's say they both
Speaker 1: under they both graduate undergrad. Right, Most people this day,
Speaker 1: and ain't you graduate undergrad make between forty five and
Speaker 1: sixty dollars a year on the high end, on the
Speaker 1: high end, So let's just think about that. He's making
Speaker 1: forty five to sixty dollars a year. He has to
Speaker 1: get taxed on that, right, So he gets taxed on
Speaker 1: and say it's the sixty, let's give him a sixty.
Speaker 1: He's gonna have to pay at least thirty three that
Speaker 1: money to the government. So now he's making forty dollars
Speaker 1: a year, right, and this is first year upon graduation.
Speaker 1: Most of these women want the diamonds that they see
Speaker 1: on Instagram, right, they want what to three carrots? Right?
Speaker 1: I know for a fact, because I just upgraded your
Speaker 1: reign that with each carrot is at least ten thousand
Speaker 1: dollars on the low wind. So you want three carrots
Speaker 1: thirty thousand dollars, right, plus the band, right, plus the
Speaker 1: engagement party, plus the engagement itself is another what ten
Speaker 1: maybe fifteen thousand dollars, So a year salary forty dollars,
Speaker 1: he's going to spend more than that proposing to you.
Speaker 1: He has to save that money first and still live,
Speaker 1: which means he still has to live in today's today's day.
Speaker 1: So if he's making four thousand dollars a year, forty
Speaker 1: thousand dollars a year, that's at least what i'd say
Speaker 1: about thirty five hundred dollars a month like a human calculator,
Speaker 1: because for years I've been for years, I've been doing
Speaker 1: this in my head. You figure if he's saving I mean,
Speaker 1: if he's making thirty five dollars a month after taxes,
Speaker 1: he's still gotta eat, still gotta live, probably has a car,
Speaker 1: probably dropped some money to his parents for staying there
Speaker 1: for free. If his parents say no, forget it, he'll
Speaker 1: probably be able to save out that thirty five hundred
Speaker 1: if he if he lives frugally, probably able to say
Speaker 1: fifteen hundred. So now fifteen hundred times twelve is what
Speaker 1: eighteen thousand, which means he's going to have to for
Speaker 1: two to three years, depending on their level of most
Speaker 1: women is like waiting too three years for but that's
Speaker 1: really what So it seems like yeah there, and when
Speaker 1: we hear women talk about it doesn't seem like he's serious.
Speaker 1: He also he may be serious and trying to throw
Speaker 1: you off so that he can surprise you. Because remember
Speaker 1: we had friends who her girls were saying, if he
Speaker 1: don't propose you by by Thanksgiving or by by New Year's,
Speaker 1: then you need to just move on because he's not ready.
Speaker 1: The whole time, his plan was to propose to her
Speaker 1: and surprise her in February, and then she came through
Speaker 1: New Year's. He was taking her to we told the story.
Speaker 1: He was taking her to events up on New Years
Speaker 1: and the whole time she was getting dressed up and
Speaker 1: all her girls like, and every time it wasn't it.
Speaker 1: He got disappointed and ultimately gave him an ultimatum in January,
Speaker 1: like if you're not serious about this, then meanwhile, this
Speaker 1: dude had a whole ring and the whole thing set
Speaker 1: up the February it's like, damn, like a whole your
Speaker 1: friends sitting I should just waited and just be patient
Speaker 1: baby at it? Well, I mean too, I guess she
Speaker 1: can also look at it as not having the conversation
Speaker 1: as a form of pressure, but as a form of
Speaker 1: expectations or what she's looking for as things progress, right,
Speaker 1: because we had this this that went viral when we
Speaker 1: talked about expectation versus pressure. So I think that if
Speaker 1: she's just having the conversation with him, not framing it
Speaker 1: where he feels pressured, but just saying, hey, I'm just wondering, like,
Speaker 1: what's the time frame? Because every couple talks about time
Speaker 1: frame though no, don't like we have like a five
Speaker 1: year plan. We have a ten year plan for the future.
Speaker 1: If maybe she just wants some clarity on where his
Speaker 1: head is with things. But the but the game plan
Speaker 1: often puts pressure because the woman is saying I wanted
Speaker 1: in this time. He's the one that's responsible to provide
Speaker 1: it in that time. Regardless of how you coded, it's
Speaker 1: still pressure to provide the things you want. I'm required
Speaker 1: to provide the things you want in your time. So
Speaker 1: maybe it's not a pressure a conversation about her time,
Speaker 1: it's that what do you think or what what what
Speaker 1: are you coming? I think that's what she's trying to say.
Speaker 1: She's coming from a place of what are you. You
Speaker 1: just said, is it wrong for her to say what
Speaker 1: she wants and needs and her time? And I said, no,
Speaker 1: it's not wrong. You are entitled to say what you
Speaker 1: want and need, but you can't say, I just told
Speaker 1: you what I want and need. Don't feel no pressure.
Speaker 1: That's why people oftentimes when they said, you know, like
Speaker 1: for example, we had um for Valentine's Day, we have
Speaker 1: friends who smitty Smitty was just like, yo, um, if
Speaker 1: y'all can figure out something on Valentine's they let me know.
Speaker 1: But if you can't, it's no pressure. You gotta say
Speaker 1: no pressure, because once you tell somebody what you're looking
Speaker 1: for and in a certain time frame, now what's pressure
Speaker 1: on them to provide that. The thing is women don't
Speaker 1: like to hear that they put pressure on men when
Speaker 1: they tell them a time frame. But you're entitled to
Speaker 1: tell me your time frame, right, But I think if
Speaker 1: you if I have to provide, if you care to,
Speaker 1: you may be like, you know, you can have all
Speaker 1: time frames you want. But what we're not doing is
Speaker 1: that so that's also possible. Well, good luck to assists,
Speaker 1: you know, continue to have the conversations, are serious about
Speaker 1: each other. That's one thing that I always encourage, even
Speaker 1: though you may not see eye to eye on the process,
Speaker 1: at least having the conversations. Um, hopefully we'll get some
Speaker 1: clarity someday. That's ultimately, that's the only answer. Can openly
Speaker 1: having the conversation and don't be upset or don't expect
Speaker 1: other people to understand how your conversation is going to go.
Speaker 1: Because Kadeen and I had the conversation out loud, and
Speaker 1: everybody else was upset, but she and I wasn't and
Speaker 1: it worked out perfectly for us. So make sure you
Speaker 1: talk the conversation and don't care how everyone else takes it.
Speaker 1: Continue to have the conversation and love on each other absolutely.
Speaker 1: All right, y'all keep setting in these listener letters because
Speaker 1: we love to have them. We're actually gonna have a
Speaker 1: list of letter episode coming up, maybe one or two
Speaker 1: this season, because you know, sometimes you have some really
Speaker 1: good questions and stories for us, So email us at
Speaker 1: dead as Advice at gmail dot com. That's right, that's
Speaker 1: D E A D A S S A D V
Speaker 1: I C E at gmail dot com. Alright, moment of
Speaker 1: truth time, we're talking survivor's remorse. Going back to the
Speaker 1: top of the show. Everything we spoke about ascension bringing
Speaker 1: everybody with you who can come, who can't, and feeling
Speaker 1: bad about that, um my thing, my moment of truth,
Speaker 1: I should say, is just be careful with your words
Speaker 1: and your approach when it comes to people around you
Speaker 1: who are trying to make their hopes and dreams come true.
Speaker 1: There's just there's just nothing, um that can be more
Speaker 1: disappointing or more hurtful than the backhanded compliments. And if
Speaker 1: you're going to support someone, support them wholeheartedly. Support them
Speaker 1: because you want to genuinely support them and their their
Speaker 1: their path, not because of what you may potentially gain
Speaker 1: from it. And just know that if you want to
Speaker 1: ascend with somebody, you have to put the working as
Speaker 1: well too. And it can be two completely different dreams,
Speaker 1: two completely different goals, a really different path you speaking
Speaker 1: right now. But there's nothing sweeter than when a group
Speaker 1: of friends or a group of acquaintances or a group
Speaker 1: of family members are all ascending in their own fields
Speaker 1: and they can do it collectively and celebrate together, like,
Speaker 1: how beautiful is that you took my goddamn moment of truth?
Speaker 1: All right? So we've done it all right? If you
Speaker 1: want to be the Only thing I'm gonna add is,
Speaker 1: if you are the person that's ascending, don't let your
Speaker 1: pocketbook be your way of getting rid of guilt, because
Speaker 1: that runs out. You cannot pay people to be happy
Speaker 1: for you, and you cannot pay your way out of
Speaker 1: dealing with the trauma for feeling guilty for being successful.
Speaker 1: You can't so between Cadee's moment of truth for the
Speaker 1: people around for the person who is ascending. Noted words matter,
Speaker 1: and know that you have to work on healing yourself
Speaker 1: first before you can be available to anybody else. Dead asked,
Speaker 1: the dead asked the all right, be sure to find
Speaker 1: us on social media, y'all at Dead Asked the podcast,
Speaker 1: and you can find me Instagram and all the good
Speaker 1: stuff at Cadeen. I am and I am devouting. If
Speaker 1: you're listening on Apple podcasts, be sure to rate, review
Speaker 1: and subscribe. We'll see you next time. Dead Ass is
Speaker 1: a production of I Heart Media podcast Network and is
Speaker 1: produced by the Noorapinia and Triple Follow the podcast on
Speaker 1: social media at dead as to podcast and never miss
Speaker 1: a Thing