1 00:00:00,440 --> 00:00:09,680 Speaker 1: Discipline. You hear me, Discipline, not desire, determines your destination. 2 00:00:11,119 --> 00:00:15,320 Speaker 1: Discipline is something I struggle with from time to time. 3 00:00:16,600 --> 00:00:23,320 Speaker 1: Are sinking me dead as? Hey? I'm Cadine and we're 4 00:00:23,400 --> 00:00:26,960 Speaker 1: the Ellises. You may know us from posting funny videos 5 00:00:27,000 --> 00:00:30,400 Speaker 1: with our boys and reading each other publicly as a 6 00:00:30,440 --> 00:00:35,239 Speaker 1: form of therapy. Wait, I'll make you need therapy most days. Wow. 7 00:00:35,720 --> 00:00:38,599 Speaker 1: And one more important thing to mention, we're married. We are. 8 00:00:39,120 --> 00:00:41,960 Speaker 1: We created this podcast to open dialogue about some of 9 00:00:42,040 --> 00:00:45,680 Speaker 1: life's most taboo topics, things most folks don't want to 10 00:00:45,720 --> 00:00:47,920 Speaker 1: talk about through the lens of a millennium married couple. 11 00:00:48,040 --> 00:00:50,160 Speaker 1: Dead ass is the term that we say every day. 12 00:00:50,320 --> 00:00:54,680 Speaker 1: So when we say dead ass, we're actually saying facts, 13 00:00:54,960 --> 00:00:57,440 Speaker 1: the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth. 14 00:00:57,680 --> 00:01:00,000 Speaker 1: Were about to take phillow Talk to a whole new level. 15 00:01:02,360 --> 00:01:08,240 Speaker 1: Dead at starts right now. This story time is gonna 16 00:01:08,240 --> 00:01:13,360 Speaker 1: take me back to summer nine ninety nine two. I'll 17 00:01:13,360 --> 00:01:16,480 Speaker 1: never forget it because I was eight years old. That 18 00:01:16,760 --> 00:01:19,200 Speaker 1: sounds like trauma. It was. It was. It was a 19 00:01:19,200 --> 00:01:22,720 Speaker 1: little bit of trauma, but it created the person you'll 20 00:01:22,720 --> 00:01:26,399 Speaker 1: see today. All right, my my parents, we've told the story, 21 00:01:26,400 --> 00:01:28,320 Speaker 1: you uhould send us to Morristown, Tennessee to be with 22 00:01:28,440 --> 00:01:31,679 Speaker 1: our grandparents for the entire summer because they didn't want 23 00:01:31,760 --> 00:01:34,520 Speaker 1: us to be running around Brooklyn. But they both were 24 00:01:34,560 --> 00:01:38,000 Speaker 1: at work, so me, my brother Brian. This is before 25 00:01:38,040 --> 00:01:40,920 Speaker 1: my sister Tori was born, and my cousin Devon used 26 00:01:40,920 --> 00:01:43,720 Speaker 1: to go down to Tennessee. And I'll never forget. De 27 00:01:43,880 --> 00:01:48,240 Speaker 1: Vaughn was nine about to turn ten. I was eight 28 00:01:48,480 --> 00:01:52,280 Speaker 1: and my brother was turning six, and we had to 29 00:01:52,320 --> 00:01:56,680 Speaker 1: get up every morning at eight o'clock and be outside. 30 00:01:57,880 --> 00:02:02,560 Speaker 1: It was now Morristown, Tennessee, summertime. It's hot, like mad hot. 31 00:02:02,880 --> 00:02:05,560 Speaker 1: There are no trees outside in the front, no nothing. 32 00:02:05,600 --> 00:02:08,440 Speaker 1: We just outside in the heat. Right. My grandfather comes 33 00:02:08,440 --> 00:02:12,040 Speaker 1: outside on the weekend and say, hey, listen, listen starting 34 00:02:12,320 --> 00:02:14,919 Speaker 1: this Monday, Yeah, it's gonna be sitting out, are playing 35 00:02:14,919 --> 00:02:16,160 Speaker 1: ball all day and to do what you're gonna do? 36 00:02:16,240 --> 00:02:19,000 Speaker 1: You got some yard work to do. We're like, what 37 00:02:20,320 --> 00:02:24,120 Speaker 1: yard work? I'm eight, I'm eight, he's he's gonna be 38 00:02:24,200 --> 00:02:27,400 Speaker 1: ten and he's six. What y'all work? He taught us 39 00:02:27,800 --> 00:02:31,240 Speaker 1: how to turn on the tractor. We had to ride 40 00:02:31,240 --> 00:02:33,359 Speaker 1: the tractor and cut the grass. They had an acre 41 00:02:33,440 --> 00:02:35,639 Speaker 1: and a half of land, y'all, and they had a 42 00:02:35,760 --> 00:02:39,600 Speaker 1: hand trimmer right the hand trimmor that the grown menu son. 43 00:02:40,520 --> 00:02:45,520 Speaker 1: We was outside and hand trimming the lawn, bro cutting 44 00:02:45,560 --> 00:02:48,000 Speaker 1: the cut in the hedges, doing all of this stuff 45 00:02:48,040 --> 00:02:50,240 Speaker 1: when my grandmother sat on the porch in the back 46 00:02:51,360 --> 00:02:55,440 Speaker 1: sipping lemonade. This is what she had the three of 47 00:02:55,560 --> 00:02:58,440 Speaker 1: us doing, right, And I remember, like tears in my 48 00:02:58,480 --> 00:03:01,040 Speaker 1: eyes saying that this is not fear, something like this 49 00:03:01,120 --> 00:03:03,440 Speaker 1: is not fair. And stay used to wake us up 50 00:03:03,480 --> 00:03:05,840 Speaker 1: every morning. But every Monday we had to do it, 51 00:03:05,840 --> 00:03:07,640 Speaker 1: and every Thursday we had to do it. So twice 52 00:03:07,639 --> 00:03:11,799 Speaker 1: a week we had to do yard work. And when 53 00:03:11,880 --> 00:03:16,440 Speaker 1: I think about my life today, it all goes back 54 00:03:16,480 --> 00:03:20,280 Speaker 1: to the fact that my grandparents instilled enough the type 55 00:03:20,320 --> 00:03:23,080 Speaker 1: of discipline that we needed to have in order to 56 00:03:23,160 --> 00:03:25,800 Speaker 1: do the things that we wanted to do, so we 57 00:03:25,840 --> 00:03:29,600 Speaker 1: couldn't do anything else until that got done. Now, you 58 00:03:29,639 --> 00:03:32,160 Speaker 1: can make a choice that you're not doing it, but 59 00:03:32,240 --> 00:03:34,880 Speaker 1: if you're not doing it, you are not doing anything 60 00:03:34,920 --> 00:03:38,720 Speaker 1: else that day that you want to do. And I 61 00:03:38,760 --> 00:03:41,640 Speaker 1: think about my life now and I said, you know what, 62 00:03:41,760 --> 00:03:46,720 Speaker 1: I hated every minute of that discipline, but I love 63 00:03:47,440 --> 00:03:54,160 Speaker 1: the person that created oul h yep, I'm at the money, 64 00:03:54,640 --> 00:03:59,880 Speaker 1: money and the cars, cars and the clothes those I's 65 00:04:00,040 --> 00:04:03,560 Speaker 1: the post say. I just want to be. I just 66 00:04:03,640 --> 00:04:09,600 Speaker 1: want to be success. I just want to be. I 67 00:04:09,680 --> 00:04:13,680 Speaker 1: just want to be. I love that. But are you 68 00:04:13,720 --> 00:04:17,160 Speaker 1: willing to work for that ship? That's the question. Everybody 69 00:04:17,200 --> 00:04:19,480 Speaker 1: wants to be successful, but who's actually willing to work 70 00:04:19,520 --> 00:04:21,920 Speaker 1: for it? That's what we want to know. We want 71 00:04:21,920 --> 00:04:24,120 Speaker 1: to know. Don't don't wait, slow down race track now. 72 00:04:24,400 --> 00:04:26,400 Speaker 1: If we have to pay some bills, we're gonna do 73 00:04:26,440 --> 00:04:32,880 Speaker 1: that and we'll be right back. All right, now, we're back. 74 00:04:33,600 --> 00:04:35,279 Speaker 1: You know what? That story makes so much sense because 75 00:04:35,279 --> 00:04:39,120 Speaker 1: when I look at you, your brother, and your cousin now, 76 00:04:39,839 --> 00:04:43,440 Speaker 1: y'all all work like no strangers to work, you know, 77 00:04:43,600 --> 00:04:46,240 Speaker 1: doing different things, you know, in your own ways. Yes, 78 00:04:46,720 --> 00:04:50,400 Speaker 1: but y'all all have held down jobs and work consistently 79 00:04:50,440 --> 00:04:54,240 Speaker 1: on time. For for four years of playing football in college, 80 00:04:54,279 --> 00:04:56,120 Speaker 1: four years in the NFL, I never missed a weight 81 00:04:56,200 --> 00:04:59,320 Speaker 1: room session, a film session, a team meeting. I never 82 00:04:59,400 --> 00:05:04,080 Speaker 1: missed or was late ever. Ever. I can attest to that. 83 00:05:04,200 --> 00:05:07,680 Speaker 1: I remember that was that was of paramount priority to you. 84 00:05:07,720 --> 00:05:10,200 Speaker 1: I don't care what you did the night before, how 85 00:05:10,279 --> 00:05:13,839 Speaker 1: much sleep you got or didn't get, you were definitely 86 00:05:14,200 --> 00:05:16,400 Speaker 1: what was the model, the model that your coach gave you. 87 00:05:16,440 --> 00:05:18,400 Speaker 1: To be on time is to be to be earliest. 88 00:05:18,400 --> 00:05:19,919 Speaker 1: To be on time, To be on time is to 89 00:05:19,960 --> 00:05:22,240 Speaker 1: be late, and to be late is to be forgotten. 90 00:05:22,440 --> 00:05:24,320 Speaker 1: And don't nobody want to be forgotten? And that's a 91 00:05:24,440 --> 00:05:27,039 Speaker 1: that's a military term. And I talked all the time 92 00:05:27,040 --> 00:05:31,000 Speaker 1: about my grandfather being in the military, the Navy, for 93 00:05:31,160 --> 00:05:36,120 Speaker 1: in the Korean War. So I watched my grandfather when 94 00:05:36,120 --> 00:05:37,839 Speaker 1: we used to go to Tennessee, get up at five 95 00:05:37,880 --> 00:05:41,919 Speaker 1: am every single morning, regardless of whether he was working 96 00:05:41,920 --> 00:05:43,440 Speaker 1: that day or not. And he was up at five 97 00:05:43,480 --> 00:05:45,240 Speaker 1: to go to work Monday through Friday. But he woke 98 00:05:45,320 --> 00:05:48,200 Speaker 1: up at five on Saturdays and worked more five on Sundays, 99 00:05:48,440 --> 00:05:50,599 Speaker 1: and he got his yard working stuff done early during 100 00:05:50,600 --> 00:05:56,200 Speaker 1: the weekends. And when I think about discipline, right and 101 00:05:56,200 --> 00:06:00,880 Speaker 1: in the sound bite, discipline, not desire, determines your destination. 102 00:06:01,520 --> 00:06:05,599 Speaker 1: This is the truth. You can want something so bad 103 00:06:06,080 --> 00:06:08,400 Speaker 1: that you just want it. You want it, you want it, 104 00:06:08,800 --> 00:06:11,279 Speaker 1: and you can work hard for it. But if you 105 00:06:11,279 --> 00:06:15,120 Speaker 1: don't have the discipline necessary to do the things that 106 00:06:15,200 --> 00:06:18,200 Speaker 1: you don't want to do. To get it, you'll never 107 00:06:18,279 --> 00:06:22,080 Speaker 1: get it. And let's let's break this down. Discipline is 108 00:06:22,200 --> 00:06:26,039 Speaker 1: required for things you don't want to do. Yes, so, 109 00:06:26,200 --> 00:06:29,080 Speaker 1: and and there's two parts that I want to specify. 110 00:06:29,680 --> 00:06:33,080 Speaker 1: It's choosing to do the things you don't want to do, 111 00:06:33,320 --> 00:06:35,360 Speaker 1: and it's also the part that says doing the things 112 00:06:35,360 --> 00:06:37,440 Speaker 1: you don't want to do. And i'll give you an example. Right, 113 00:06:37,839 --> 00:06:41,800 Speaker 1: people think about sports, right, and how discipline you have 114 00:06:41,880 --> 00:06:44,440 Speaker 1: to be to be elite in a sport. Right, So 115 00:06:44,560 --> 00:06:46,800 Speaker 1: I'm gonna take sports out of it, and I'm going 116 00:06:46,839 --> 00:06:50,880 Speaker 1: to talk about instruments because it's easier with sports. Or 117 00:06:50,960 --> 00:06:53,520 Speaker 1: you play a sport, you practice, practice, whatever. When I 118 00:06:53,560 --> 00:06:57,880 Speaker 1: wanted to play the saxophone, um, my father took me 119 00:06:57,920 --> 00:07:01,479 Speaker 1: to a man's name was Kurt for set for set, 120 00:07:01,600 --> 00:07:04,719 Speaker 1: and he did the he used to be played the saxophone, 121 00:07:04,760 --> 00:07:07,520 Speaker 1: I believe, and he also played the piano. And if 122 00:07:07,520 --> 00:07:09,400 Speaker 1: I may be wrong, if it wasn't Kurt, but I 123 00:07:09,400 --> 00:07:12,800 Speaker 1: remember I wanted to play the saxophone. And he talked 124 00:07:12,800 --> 00:07:16,920 Speaker 1: to me about running m HM, and I hate running 125 00:07:16,960 --> 00:07:21,080 Speaker 1: long distance, and I was just like, I'm want to 126 00:07:21,120 --> 00:07:22,880 Speaker 1: play the saxophone. Like, why are you talking to me 127 00:07:22,880 --> 00:07:25,320 Speaker 1: about running? And he was just like, because if you 128 00:07:25,400 --> 00:07:28,320 Speaker 1: love playing the saxophone, you'll play the saxophone all the time. 129 00:07:29,240 --> 00:07:33,600 Speaker 1: That takes no discipline, But the saxophone requires you to 130 00:07:33,600 --> 00:07:36,600 Speaker 1: take care of your mouth and your lungs. What better 131 00:07:36,600 --> 00:07:39,560 Speaker 1: way to take care of your lungs than to practice running. 132 00:07:40,480 --> 00:07:43,480 Speaker 1: If you're playing a song right that is over seven 133 00:07:43,480 --> 00:07:46,960 Speaker 1: minutes and you have to constantly breathe in stamina, that 134 00:07:47,000 --> 00:07:51,120 Speaker 1: requires you to be fit, and the running aspect will 135 00:07:51,240 --> 00:07:54,080 Speaker 1: show me and show you if you're willing to be 136 00:07:54,160 --> 00:07:59,120 Speaker 1: disciplined enough to play the saxophone. So the running really 137 00:07:59,160 --> 00:08:01,760 Speaker 1: had nothing to do with the saxophone, but it was 138 00:08:01,800 --> 00:08:05,280 Speaker 1: the discipline needed to be able to do the things 139 00:08:05,280 --> 00:08:08,400 Speaker 1: to become a great saxophone player. Because this was when 140 00:08:08,440 --> 00:08:11,160 Speaker 1: I wanted to play the saxophone. I was ten, ten 141 00:08:11,840 --> 00:08:16,680 Speaker 1: to the ten year old. I'm sure you're not concept yeah, 142 00:08:16,680 --> 00:08:18,880 Speaker 1: because it's like anything else, I want to play the saxophone. 143 00:08:18,880 --> 00:08:21,160 Speaker 1: I'm gonna enjoy playing the saxophone, which means I'm just 144 00:08:21,160 --> 00:08:23,120 Speaker 1: gonna play all the time, all the time, all the flione. 145 00:08:23,120 --> 00:08:25,760 Speaker 1: It doesn't take discipline to do the things that you 146 00:08:25,800 --> 00:08:28,000 Speaker 1: love if you love playing basketball, ill go outside and 147 00:08:28,000 --> 00:08:31,000 Speaker 1: play basketball. It takes no discipline. What takes discipline is 148 00:08:31,000 --> 00:08:33,559 Speaker 1: practicing the stuff you don't like to do. For example, 149 00:08:33,600 --> 00:08:35,600 Speaker 1: in order to play basketball, you have to be in shape, 150 00:08:36,000 --> 00:08:38,920 Speaker 1: which means you gotta run, you gotta lift. I hate 151 00:08:39,000 --> 00:08:42,680 Speaker 1: running and I hated lifting, But in order to instill discipline, 152 00:08:42,679 --> 00:08:44,520 Speaker 1: I had to do it consistently, and I had to 153 00:08:44,640 --> 00:08:47,320 Speaker 1: choose to do it. That's the other part, right. The 154 00:08:47,360 --> 00:08:49,800 Speaker 1: first part is doing something you don't like to do 155 00:08:49,960 --> 00:08:51,760 Speaker 1: in order to be great at the stuff that you 156 00:08:51,880 --> 00:08:54,160 Speaker 1: like to do. The second part is choosing it. And 157 00:08:54,200 --> 00:08:56,160 Speaker 1: the reason why I say choosing it is because there's 158 00:08:56,200 --> 00:08:59,080 Speaker 1: a difference in doing something that you have to do 159 00:08:59,679 --> 00:09:01,679 Speaker 1: and then choosing to do something that you don't have 160 00:09:01,760 --> 00:09:05,720 Speaker 1: to do. That choice is what creates the discipline, because 161 00:09:05,760 --> 00:09:07,880 Speaker 1: if you're forced to do something that you don't like 162 00:09:07,920 --> 00:09:09,640 Speaker 1: to do over and over and over again, of course 163 00:09:09,640 --> 00:09:11,960 Speaker 1: you're gonna do it while you're forced. But the minute 164 00:09:13,240 --> 00:09:16,240 Speaker 1: you don't have to do it because you're not being forced, 165 00:09:16,760 --> 00:09:19,160 Speaker 1: you won't have the discipline to continue to do it. 166 00:09:19,600 --> 00:09:23,160 Speaker 1: That's why the discipline comes from choosing to do it right, 167 00:09:23,800 --> 00:09:26,400 Speaker 1: not being obligated and working through this. Discipline is almost 168 00:09:26,440 --> 00:09:30,320 Speaker 1: like developing muscle memory to that it kicks in whenever 169 00:09:30,400 --> 00:09:33,640 Speaker 1: you necessarily don't want it to kick in. Discipline helps 170 00:09:33,679 --> 00:09:38,880 Speaker 1: build your mental fortitude and your will power, right, because 171 00:09:38,880 --> 00:09:41,040 Speaker 1: if you want to be great at anything in life, 172 00:09:41,280 --> 00:09:43,440 Speaker 1: there's going to be adversity. And if you don't have 173 00:09:43,559 --> 00:09:46,360 Speaker 1: will power and you don't have mental fortitude to get 174 00:09:46,360 --> 00:09:50,280 Speaker 1: through those moments, you're gonna walk away and quit. That's 175 00:09:50,280 --> 00:09:56,120 Speaker 1: why discipline, more than anything else, determine your destination. Like 176 00:09:56,200 --> 00:09:58,760 Speaker 1: you you can, you can, and it's not just desire 177 00:09:59,400 --> 00:10:03,640 Speaker 1: is anything. Discipline is required more than anything else because 178 00:10:03,640 --> 00:10:06,360 Speaker 1: if you don't have that when the when the going 179 00:10:06,440 --> 00:10:09,679 Speaker 1: gets tough, you're gonna be going. It's funny. I think 180 00:10:09,679 --> 00:10:13,839 Speaker 1: about the lessons that parents started instilling kids right, and 181 00:10:14,000 --> 00:10:18,400 Speaker 1: think about when I was younger and there was the desire, 182 00:10:18,600 --> 00:10:21,640 Speaker 1: for example, first off, for me to say, oh, I've 183 00:10:21,640 --> 00:10:23,559 Speaker 1: seen somebody playing the piano. I saw a girl in 184 00:10:23,640 --> 00:10:25,480 Speaker 1: my age. She was actually had a pageant, she was 185 00:10:25,520 --> 00:10:28,920 Speaker 1: younger than me, and she got on this piano during 186 00:10:28,920 --> 00:10:32,680 Speaker 1: the talent competition and homegirl let it rip, and she 187 00:10:32,840 --> 00:10:38,160 Speaker 1: was at least seven, played like the most classically trained 188 00:10:38,160 --> 00:10:41,480 Speaker 1: pianists I've ever heard in my life. I was so impressed. 189 00:10:41,480 --> 00:10:44,200 Speaker 1: I was like, that's Tobe do something like that. And 190 00:10:44,200 --> 00:10:47,480 Speaker 1: at the time, I was taking piano lessons already, and 191 00:10:47,520 --> 00:10:52,240 Speaker 1: my mom and dad were very big well, my mom's 192 00:10:52,400 --> 00:10:55,160 Speaker 1: specifically was very big on exposing us to different things 193 00:10:55,160 --> 00:10:57,720 Speaker 1: to say, okay, what was gonna stick. So with the 194 00:10:57,760 --> 00:11:00,160 Speaker 1: piano in the beginning, it was cool because it's just like, 195 00:11:00,200 --> 00:11:03,040 Speaker 1: all right, you know, I got to exercise, you know, 196 00:11:03,120 --> 00:11:05,120 Speaker 1: my way of you know, learning the notes and the 197 00:11:05,200 --> 00:11:07,720 Speaker 1: keys and stuff. But in my mind I just wanted 198 00:11:07,760 --> 00:11:10,760 Speaker 1: to play like Homegirl. But my my, my music teacher, 199 00:11:10,800 --> 00:11:12,840 Speaker 1: was like, yeah, but you have to do this basic 200 00:11:12,880 --> 00:11:15,640 Speaker 1: stuff here. And it was literally him putting on that 201 00:11:15,679 --> 00:11:20,840 Speaker 1: metronome and I'm like bump bump um hitting the key, 202 00:11:20,880 --> 00:11:22,720 Speaker 1: and I was just like, but this is not what 203 00:11:22,760 --> 00:11:24,079 Speaker 1: I want to do. I want to play this song 204 00:11:24,200 --> 00:11:26,920 Speaker 1: she played. And I could never get my mind around 205 00:11:26,920 --> 00:11:30,800 Speaker 1: as a child, particularly the process it required for me 206 00:11:30,880 --> 00:11:33,840 Speaker 1: to then develop into the classical pianists in my mind 207 00:11:33,880 --> 00:11:38,440 Speaker 1: that I wanted to be. And my mom never allowed me, 208 00:11:38,520 --> 00:11:42,360 Speaker 1: even in my frustration, to stop. And I think that's 209 00:11:42,360 --> 00:11:44,000 Speaker 1: what a lot of people want to do. They quit. 210 00:11:44,040 --> 00:11:46,000 Speaker 1: They seem like, Okay, this is not happening fast enough 211 00:11:46,040 --> 00:11:49,040 Speaker 1: for me. This is um not the process that I 212 00:11:49,080 --> 00:11:51,000 Speaker 1: thought it was going to be, so you're just easy 213 00:11:51,040 --> 00:11:54,400 Speaker 1: to drop it where I couldn't understand at the time. 214 00:11:54,400 --> 00:11:56,640 Speaker 1: She wanted me to see the entire process through and 215 00:11:56,640 --> 00:11:59,240 Speaker 1: wouldn't allow me to quit until finally I think she 216 00:11:59,320 --> 00:12:01,400 Speaker 1: was like, girl, you at me wasting all this goddamn 217 00:12:02,200 --> 00:12:05,800 Speaker 1: these um these less these piano lessons, and you know, 218 00:12:05,840 --> 00:12:08,280 Speaker 1: I just got discouraged and never continued. And that was 219 00:12:08,320 --> 00:12:10,080 Speaker 1: one of the things growing up Now as a woman, 220 00:12:10,120 --> 00:12:12,520 Speaker 1: I'm like, man, I really wish I was disciplined more 221 00:12:13,120 --> 00:12:15,920 Speaker 1: to work on the process and see it through, because 222 00:12:15,960 --> 00:12:19,520 Speaker 1: as a child you can't see it so vivid. Do 223 00:12:19,559 --> 00:12:22,520 Speaker 1: you feel like her allowing you to quit it's part 224 00:12:22,559 --> 00:12:26,800 Speaker 1: of the reason why now you have issues completing tasks 225 00:12:26,880 --> 00:12:30,199 Speaker 1: if you don't really want to do something. Yeah, yeah, um. 226 00:12:30,320 --> 00:12:32,520 Speaker 1: And and it's not even as much as her allowing 227 00:12:32,520 --> 00:12:34,040 Speaker 1: me to quit, but she just kind of, I guess, 228 00:12:34,040 --> 00:12:35,480 Speaker 1: got fed up in the end. It was like, Okay, 229 00:12:35,480 --> 00:12:37,400 Speaker 1: if you really are not interested in this, I'm not 230 00:12:37,400 --> 00:12:40,480 Speaker 1: gonna continue to invest money in it. Um. But Yeah, 231 00:12:40,559 --> 00:12:42,880 Speaker 1: I think that definitely affects me in my day to 232 00:12:42,920 --> 00:12:45,760 Speaker 1: day life now because it's easy for me sometimes to 233 00:12:45,880 --> 00:12:47,800 Speaker 1: just say I'm not doing it because I don't want 234 00:12:47,800 --> 00:12:50,959 Speaker 1: to do it. So I struggle with discipline a lot. UM. 235 00:12:51,000 --> 00:12:54,360 Speaker 1: Procrastination is also a thing that I think is a 236 00:12:55,400 --> 00:13:00,080 Speaker 1: lack of discipline is going to then promote procrastination, and 237 00:13:00,080 --> 00:13:02,560 Speaker 1: that's something that I've struggled with um a lot over 238 00:13:02,600 --> 00:13:05,920 Speaker 1: the years. So UM, I am looking for ways to 239 00:13:05,960 --> 00:13:10,280 Speaker 1: exercise those things or tactics or approaches with our kids now, 240 00:13:10,360 --> 00:13:13,040 Speaker 1: because sometimes with your kids, you can then foresee them 241 00:13:13,120 --> 00:13:15,680 Speaker 1: having some of the same habits that you've had, and 242 00:13:15,720 --> 00:13:17,880 Speaker 1: you're just like, God, damn Devil will get on me 243 00:13:17,960 --> 00:13:20,240 Speaker 1: sometimes for saying, you know, you're telling Jackson the same 244 00:13:20,280 --> 00:13:23,000 Speaker 1: thing that you should be telling yourself because you do 245 00:13:23,160 --> 00:13:25,000 Speaker 1: X y Z. And I'm just like, I know, and 246 00:13:25,040 --> 00:13:27,199 Speaker 1: I see how this has made me, and I've struggled 247 00:13:27,200 --> 00:13:28,920 Speaker 1: in my life, and I don't want him to have 248 00:13:29,200 --> 00:13:31,400 Speaker 1: the same struggles that I've had, So I try to 249 00:13:31,440 --> 00:13:34,559 Speaker 1: then find ways, or we're finding ways as parents to 250 00:13:34,679 --> 00:13:37,840 Speaker 1: try to promote and instill discipline in our children, because 251 00:13:38,559 --> 00:13:42,000 Speaker 1: you just see the effects of not having that I 252 00:13:42,080 --> 00:13:44,600 Speaker 1: just now that I think about it, I go back 253 00:13:44,600 --> 00:13:47,200 Speaker 1: to even my aunt and uncles on that side, all 254 00:13:47,280 --> 00:13:49,720 Speaker 1: of my aunts and uncles on that side, including my father, 255 00:13:50,480 --> 00:13:53,120 Speaker 1: had to learn how to play classical music. And it 256 00:13:53,240 --> 00:13:57,160 Speaker 1: was a form of discipline. Older than my uncle, Uncle Charles, 257 00:13:57,240 --> 00:13:59,800 Speaker 1: my aunt Debbie, my aunt Monique, and my father all 258 00:14:00,000 --> 00:14:02,040 Speaker 1: a class of music growing up. And they did that 259 00:14:02,080 --> 00:14:05,240 Speaker 1: on purpose. Like I said, my grandfather was a navy man. 260 00:14:05,679 --> 00:14:08,959 Speaker 1: My grandmother was very big on discipline, So them learning 261 00:14:08,960 --> 00:14:11,679 Speaker 1: how to play the piano was something that they just 262 00:14:11,760 --> 00:14:14,000 Speaker 1: had to do because they had no other option. But 263 00:14:14,040 --> 00:14:16,560 Speaker 1: it was to instill discipline. And I bring that up 264 00:14:16,640 --> 00:14:22,560 Speaker 1: because there are ways to practice instilling discipline, and I 265 00:14:22,560 --> 00:14:24,640 Speaker 1: want to talk a little bit about it. Number one, 266 00:14:24,680 --> 00:14:27,600 Speaker 1: the only way you can practice instilling discipline is by 267 00:14:27,640 --> 00:14:31,280 Speaker 1: having an accountability partner, right, you need and this is 268 00:14:31,280 --> 00:14:34,880 Speaker 1: for adults, right. There are so many adults who asked 269 00:14:34,880 --> 00:14:36,920 Speaker 1: me questions about how to build this, how to build that? 270 00:14:37,000 --> 00:14:41,080 Speaker 1: How how do I create this? You cannot create anything 271 00:14:42,040 --> 00:14:48,120 Speaker 1: consistent with value without discipline. You can get lucky, right, 272 00:14:48,360 --> 00:14:51,480 Speaker 1: you can have a video go viral, right, But if 273 00:14:51,560 --> 00:14:54,360 Speaker 1: you are not discipline enough to continue to create videos. 274 00:14:54,960 --> 00:14:59,560 Speaker 1: You won't be able to create a catalog of videos 275 00:15:00,160 --> 00:15:03,640 Speaker 1: to then monetize it, to then create something substantial for 276 00:15:03,720 --> 00:15:05,400 Speaker 1: people to continue to come to you and make money 277 00:15:05,480 --> 00:15:07,720 Speaker 1: from it. So people think that you can create something 278 00:15:07,760 --> 00:15:09,880 Speaker 1: by going viral. That won't happen. You can get people's 279 00:15:09,880 --> 00:15:12,920 Speaker 1: attention by going viral, but you can't create nothing meaningful, 280 00:15:13,040 --> 00:15:17,240 Speaker 1: meaningful from it without videos. For example, I was consistent 281 00:15:17,280 --> 00:15:21,080 Speaker 1: with creating videos three videos a day, madness, I tell you, 282 00:15:21,120 --> 00:15:24,920 Speaker 1: for three years. That's over a thousand videos a year. 283 00:15:25,800 --> 00:15:28,080 Speaker 1: And I did that for three years, every single day 284 00:15:28,120 --> 00:15:32,000 Speaker 1: without missing a day before people started to pay attention 285 00:15:32,040 --> 00:15:33,840 Speaker 1: to us the way they've been paying attention to us now. 286 00:15:34,640 --> 00:15:37,800 Speaker 1: And that's a discipline. Right when they came time to 287 00:15:37,800 --> 00:15:41,040 Speaker 1: to play football, I always talked about not meeting any 288 00:15:41,160 --> 00:15:45,200 Speaker 1: missing any meetings, not missing any workouts. Also I added 289 00:15:45,280 --> 00:15:51,160 Speaker 1: extra workouts on top of the other Workoutskaudin and I like, 290 00:15:51,680 --> 00:15:53,880 Speaker 1: do you ever under understand how much of a savage 291 00:15:53,920 --> 00:15:57,120 Speaker 1: you are in the best possible way. Well, I'm I'm 292 00:15:57,200 --> 00:16:00,560 Speaker 1: learning now through my kids and I've learn through you 293 00:16:01,160 --> 00:16:03,520 Speaker 1: how different my mindset is. I think you should have 294 00:16:03,600 --> 00:16:06,320 Speaker 1: learned through even just adults as well people who you encounter. 295 00:16:07,200 --> 00:16:08,680 Speaker 1: You know how you talk about being in your own 296 00:16:08,680 --> 00:16:11,400 Speaker 1: mind sometimes and being so narrow minded that you just 297 00:16:11,440 --> 00:16:14,920 Speaker 1: feel like your reality is everyone's reality, and everyone else 298 00:16:14,920 --> 00:16:17,720 Speaker 1: should see the world the way you. I was guilty 299 00:16:17,760 --> 00:16:20,360 Speaker 1: of thinking that and thinking that anyone else who didn't 300 00:16:20,360 --> 00:16:22,520 Speaker 1: think like me or didn't maneuver like me was weird 301 00:16:23,200 --> 00:16:26,560 Speaker 1: or solved. It frustrates your life. It does frustrate me 302 00:16:26,600 --> 00:16:29,840 Speaker 1: a lot. And it frustrates me even when people ask 303 00:16:29,920 --> 00:16:33,440 Speaker 1: me about how to start something and I tell them 304 00:16:33,480 --> 00:16:34,960 Speaker 1: how to start it, and they look at me like 305 00:16:35,200 --> 00:16:39,400 Speaker 1: that's it, and I'm like, yeah, right, Like you have 306 00:16:39,480 --> 00:16:41,520 Speaker 1: to be consistent. You want me to give you a 307 00:16:41,600 --> 00:16:43,840 Speaker 1: quick tip to where you're done in for five minutes. No, 308 00:16:44,360 --> 00:16:48,080 Speaker 1: it takes years. There's there's a um saying that it 309 00:16:48,160 --> 00:16:53,400 Speaker 1: takes thousands of muscle movements to become muscle memory. Thousands. Right, 310 00:16:53,640 --> 00:16:55,840 Speaker 1: it's the same thing for discipline. Right, So let's talk 311 00:16:55,880 --> 00:16:58,480 Speaker 1: about what you need. Number one and accountability partner. Why 312 00:16:58,760 --> 00:17:02,120 Speaker 1: because an accountability partner will remind you when you're not 313 00:17:02,200 --> 00:17:05,240 Speaker 1: doing the things that you chose to do. And you 314 00:17:05,280 --> 00:17:11,080 Speaker 1: know what, people hate accountability. That's why less than one 315 00:17:11,119 --> 00:17:14,159 Speaker 1: percent of people make it to the NFL and b A. 316 00:17:14,240 --> 00:17:16,879 Speaker 1: Less than one percent of people actually make it to 317 00:17:17,000 --> 00:17:19,760 Speaker 1: be a working actor. Less than one percent of the 318 00:17:19,800 --> 00:17:22,280 Speaker 1: people actually make it to being a CEO of a 319 00:17:22,320 --> 00:17:25,520 Speaker 1: fortune five hundred company. Less than one percent of people 320 00:17:26,000 --> 00:17:29,040 Speaker 1: actually get the opportunity to own their own business because 321 00:17:29,040 --> 00:17:33,320 Speaker 1: they lacked the discipline to see it through consistency, consistently 322 00:17:33,359 --> 00:17:36,520 Speaker 1: over time. So when you see these people who are 323 00:17:36,600 --> 00:17:40,120 Speaker 1: quote unquote exceptional, typically it's not because they're just talented 324 00:17:40,200 --> 00:17:42,520 Speaker 1: or gifted. It's because they have the discipline to keep 325 00:17:42,560 --> 00:17:44,800 Speaker 1: doing things that they didn't want to do when no 326 00:17:44,840 --> 00:17:47,560 Speaker 1: one else wanted to do them, and they chose to 327 00:17:47,600 --> 00:17:51,280 Speaker 1: do it, not forced. Here's proof and that when parents 328 00:17:51,359 --> 00:17:54,760 Speaker 1: force kids to do things and the parent and the 329 00:17:54,840 --> 00:17:57,240 Speaker 1: kid is not choosing to do it, there's always a 330 00:17:57,280 --> 00:17:59,720 Speaker 1: point where the parent can no longer force that child. 331 00:18:00,080 --> 00:18:02,000 Speaker 1: And when they can't force that child, you know what, 332 00:18:02,000 --> 00:18:06,080 Speaker 1: the child does fall off. So do you think in turn, 333 00:18:06,520 --> 00:18:09,560 Speaker 1: discipline is something learned or in eight Because I feel 334 00:18:09,560 --> 00:18:13,119 Speaker 1: like I've experienced just even seeing children, our children are 335 00:18:13,160 --> 00:18:15,639 Speaker 1: just people in general that some people seem to have 336 00:18:15,720 --> 00:18:18,040 Speaker 1: been born with that. You know, when you say somebody, 337 00:18:18,080 --> 00:18:20,040 Speaker 1: somebody just has it, like they just have that great 338 00:18:20,080 --> 00:18:24,159 Speaker 1: they have that desire, they have that that internal motivation. 339 00:18:25,119 --> 00:18:28,240 Speaker 1: Then there's others who might have learned discipline because, for example, 340 00:18:28,280 --> 00:18:30,760 Speaker 1: you're in the military or you're you know, you're in 341 00:18:30,800 --> 00:18:33,440 Speaker 1: some sort of structural environment where discipline is something that's 342 00:18:33,600 --> 00:18:40,359 Speaker 1: preached on and instilled. Discipline is way more nurture than nature. 343 00:18:40,800 --> 00:18:43,320 Speaker 1: But as Triple point out, we brought it up to say, 344 00:18:43,400 --> 00:18:46,560 Speaker 1: we're talking about this last night, there's discipline, there's motivation, 345 00:18:46,960 --> 00:18:51,320 Speaker 1: and there's grit. Right, let's break down the three so 346 00:18:51,359 --> 00:18:55,480 Speaker 1: that we can say which one is, because which one three? 347 00:18:55,520 --> 00:18:57,600 Speaker 1: I would think that they sort of kind of overlapp 348 00:18:57,840 --> 00:19:00,240 Speaker 1: I'm motivated, I'm motivated, I get things done, I have grid, 349 00:19:00,280 --> 00:19:03,000 Speaker 1: I have great But that's not discipline. We got definitions, 350 00:19:03,000 --> 00:19:05,120 Speaker 1: we got definition, so let's talk about it all right. 351 00:19:05,359 --> 00:19:09,320 Speaker 1: Discipline is defined as to train oneself to do something 352 00:19:09,720 --> 00:19:13,600 Speaker 1: in a controlled and habitual way, to train or develop 353 00:19:13,680 --> 00:19:19,080 Speaker 1: by instruction and exercise, especially in self control. Right. That's discipline, right, 354 00:19:19,200 --> 00:19:22,040 Speaker 1: And discipline is also the thing that they're leaving out 355 00:19:22,080 --> 00:19:25,480 Speaker 1: of here is choosing right, because if you force someone 356 00:19:25,520 --> 00:19:29,280 Speaker 1: to do that, that's not discipline, right, they're forced to that. 357 00:19:29,680 --> 00:19:34,000 Speaker 1: Discipline is choosing to train oneself to do something. That's 358 00:19:34,040 --> 00:19:36,520 Speaker 1: the most important thing is that you chose to do it. 359 00:19:36,840 --> 00:19:39,160 Speaker 1: No one else is making you do it, because when 360 00:19:39,200 --> 00:19:41,280 Speaker 1: someone else makes you do it and then they stop 361 00:19:41,359 --> 00:19:43,120 Speaker 1: making you do it, if you didn't choose it, you're 362 00:19:43,119 --> 00:19:45,480 Speaker 1: not going to continue to do it. Right, So that's 363 00:19:45,480 --> 00:19:48,520 Speaker 1: what discipline is. Motivation only exists as a noun, so 364 00:19:48,600 --> 00:19:53,000 Speaker 1: discipline is a verb as an action something you do. 365 00:19:53,320 --> 00:19:56,159 Speaker 1: Motivation only exists as a noun, but discipline as a 366 00:19:56,240 --> 00:19:59,480 Speaker 1: verb form. So in other words, discipline is something you 367 00:19:59,560 --> 00:20:03,240 Speaker 1: do choosed to do, while motivation is something that can 368 00:20:03,320 --> 00:20:07,480 Speaker 1: come and go, which you cannot choose to do or control. Furthermore, 369 00:20:07,560 --> 00:20:12,800 Speaker 1: if you're never motivated to be more disciplined. So perfect example, right, 370 00:20:14,359 --> 00:20:19,359 Speaker 1: you may watch take our kids. They watched the last dance, right, 371 00:20:19,760 --> 00:20:24,159 Speaker 1: they were motivated to play basketball in that moment. Remember 372 00:20:24,200 --> 00:20:27,200 Speaker 1: what they said here, motivation. Motivation is fleeting. It can 373 00:20:27,240 --> 00:20:30,000 Speaker 1: come and go. You can wake up one morning feeling 374 00:20:30,040 --> 00:20:33,480 Speaker 1: motivated to do something, but then the next morning, after 375 00:20:33,520 --> 00:20:34,720 Speaker 1: doing it once or twice, to be like, man, I 376 00:20:34,760 --> 00:20:36,560 Speaker 1: don't want to do this no more. You see what 377 00:20:36,600 --> 00:20:41,280 Speaker 1: I'm saying, that's that's motivation. So if you say you 378 00:20:41,320 --> 00:20:44,280 Speaker 1: know you have to be motivated in order to get 379 00:20:44,320 --> 00:20:48,400 Speaker 1: something done, no, that's you can't rely on your own 380 00:20:48,480 --> 00:20:52,960 Speaker 1: motivation because motivation could be found where discipline is internal 381 00:20:53,040 --> 00:20:55,480 Speaker 1: motivation you can find in different place, and discipline you 382 00:20:55,480 --> 00:20:59,119 Speaker 1: can work on motivation. You you can't work on being motivated. 383 00:20:59,240 --> 00:21:03,520 Speaker 1: You either are or you not. But displine discipline carries 384 00:21:03,560 --> 00:21:07,480 Speaker 1: you through those days when you're not motivated. To see 385 00:21:07,480 --> 00:21:12,400 Speaker 1: what I'm saying, absolutely, and then grit, passion and perseverance 386 00:21:12,520 --> 00:21:16,280 Speaker 1: for very long term goals, having stamina, sticking with your 387 00:21:16,320 --> 00:21:18,960 Speaker 1: future day and day out, not just for the week, 388 00:21:19,240 --> 00:21:21,720 Speaker 1: not just for the month, but for years, and actually 389 00:21:21,720 --> 00:21:25,119 Speaker 1: working really hard to make that future reality. Grit is 390 00:21:25,480 --> 00:21:30,000 Speaker 1: living life like it's a marathon, not a sprint. Socially duckworth. 391 00:21:30,359 --> 00:21:33,960 Speaker 1: So grit is the mental fortitude that you have to 392 00:21:34,000 --> 00:21:37,240 Speaker 1: have to say, you know what, it takes ten years 393 00:21:37,280 --> 00:21:42,080 Speaker 1: to become an overnight celebrity. M right, Um, I'm going 394 00:21:42,160 --> 00:21:48,000 Speaker 1: to use discipline to keep myself motivated. To show that 395 00:21:48,080 --> 00:21:51,159 Speaker 1: I had grit over ten years, I'm gonna say it 396 00:21:51,160 --> 00:21:54,520 Speaker 1: again show So I'm going to use discipline right to 397 00:21:54,600 --> 00:21:59,400 Speaker 1: keep myself motivated to show that I had grit. For example, 398 00:22:00,119 --> 00:22:02,800 Speaker 1: I had to have grit to be able to do 399 00:22:02,840 --> 00:22:05,720 Speaker 1: those videos for three years without making a dime. I 400 00:22:05,760 --> 00:22:07,800 Speaker 1: had to have grit right. I had to have the 401 00:22:07,800 --> 00:22:10,520 Speaker 1: mental fortitude to see it and have the long term 402 00:22:10,600 --> 00:22:13,000 Speaker 1: goal there. Like I had the grid, I saw it, 403 00:22:13,200 --> 00:22:16,280 Speaker 1: but I had the discipline right to do the three 404 00:22:16,400 --> 00:22:20,840 Speaker 1: videos a day even when I wasn't motivated. You see 405 00:22:20,880 --> 00:22:23,240 Speaker 1: what I'm saying. The discipline was the act of the 406 00:22:23,280 --> 00:22:26,120 Speaker 1: action of practicing the thing that I need to do 407 00:22:26,200 --> 00:22:28,000 Speaker 1: even when I don't want to do it. And here's 408 00:22:28,000 --> 00:22:32,520 Speaker 1: a news flash to everybody, de vow Ellis does not 409 00:22:32,880 --> 00:22:39,040 Speaker 1: like making videos. De vou Ellis never liked making those 410 00:22:39,119 --> 00:22:42,280 Speaker 1: videos every single day. It was part of the plan, 411 00:22:42,480 --> 00:22:45,240 Speaker 1: It was part of the process. It was part of 412 00:22:45,240 --> 00:22:47,680 Speaker 1: the discipline. I used to I used to sit down 413 00:22:47,920 --> 00:22:52,639 Speaker 1: and say, why would someone choose me to be on 414 00:22:52,680 --> 00:22:56,120 Speaker 1: their TV screen? Why would someone choose me to be 415 00:22:56,200 --> 00:22:59,639 Speaker 1: in their movie? Why why would they choose me? What 416 00:22:59,680 --> 00:23:04,720 Speaker 1: if I done to deserve an opportunity? And that used 417 00:23:04,760 --> 00:23:07,240 Speaker 1: to be what gave me the grit to say, you 418 00:23:07,240 --> 00:23:09,280 Speaker 1: know what, I'm gonna have to take time. That's what 419 00:23:09,400 --> 00:23:12,719 Speaker 1: continues in this day, continues for me to make time, 420 00:23:13,200 --> 00:23:14,679 Speaker 1: to take time to say, you know what, I need 421 00:23:14,720 --> 00:23:17,920 Speaker 1: to create my own content to prove to the powers 422 00:23:17,960 --> 00:23:21,359 Speaker 1: that be that I deserve an opportunity. And since I 423 00:23:21,400 --> 00:23:23,120 Speaker 1: had the grit to say, you know what's gonna take 424 00:23:23,119 --> 00:23:25,520 Speaker 1: ten years to become an overnight celebrity and we're only 425 00:23:25,560 --> 00:23:30,360 Speaker 1: on year five, hold this, Kyro five one year five, right, 426 00:23:31,080 --> 00:23:33,600 Speaker 1: I'm nowhere near where I want to be. Now. It's 427 00:23:33,600 --> 00:23:36,760 Speaker 1: the discipline aspect, right. The discipline is when I used 428 00:23:36,760 --> 00:23:39,240 Speaker 1: to say to you, I gotta do three posts a 429 00:23:39,320 --> 00:23:41,359 Speaker 1: day at the post to day. I'm gonna do what 430 00:23:41,400 --> 00:23:43,199 Speaker 1: I'm gonna do what I'm gonna do it regardless. I 431 00:23:43,280 --> 00:23:46,520 Speaker 1: used to not guys. I used to be used tod Y. 432 00:23:46,920 --> 00:23:48,959 Speaker 1: I used to sit and she's not the only one 433 00:23:49,000 --> 00:23:51,760 Speaker 1: that wasn't motivated because there was something. I used to 434 00:23:51,800 --> 00:23:53,400 Speaker 1: wake up and be like, okay, man, I don't really 435 00:23:53,400 --> 00:23:54,960 Speaker 1: feel like doing it. And I used to be like, 436 00:23:55,040 --> 00:23:58,240 Speaker 1: we know what I committed to it. If I am, 437 00:23:58,520 --> 00:24:01,840 Speaker 1: if I am deserving of this opportunity, I'm going to 438 00:24:01,920 --> 00:24:03,639 Speaker 1: have to be willing to do the things that I 439 00:24:03,680 --> 00:24:05,479 Speaker 1: don't want to do when I don't want to do 440 00:24:05,560 --> 00:24:07,840 Speaker 1: them in order to live the life that I want. 441 00:24:08,440 --> 00:24:13,359 Speaker 1: So let's get these three videos done. That discipline helped 442 00:24:13,400 --> 00:24:16,280 Speaker 1: me push through when I wasn't motivated, and it's showing 443 00:24:16,320 --> 00:24:18,520 Speaker 1: its time now over the past five years that I 444 00:24:18,520 --> 00:24:22,719 Speaker 1: had great enough to do it because consistency falls in 445 00:24:22,760 --> 00:24:25,720 Speaker 1: line with I believe. Well, we know that it's inconsistent 446 00:24:25,760 --> 00:24:29,280 Speaker 1: when it comes to motivation, but consistency with discipline, um, 447 00:24:29,320 --> 00:24:32,800 Speaker 1: and consistency with grit we're does work ethic fall into this? 448 00:24:33,320 --> 00:24:38,000 Speaker 1: So so because I'm thinking about it, Yeah, work ethic 449 00:24:38,119 --> 00:24:42,520 Speaker 1: is the principle that hard work is intrinsically Um, I 450 00:24:42,560 --> 00:24:46,040 Speaker 1: guess virtuous are worthy of a reward. Right, that's you know, 451 00:24:46,080 --> 00:24:48,639 Speaker 1: there's going to be rewards here. So it's like this unyielding, 452 00:24:48,720 --> 00:24:53,879 Speaker 1: unrelentless or this relent not that this unyielding relentlessness that 453 00:24:53,960 --> 00:24:57,200 Speaker 1: you have with work ethic that I think goes hand 454 00:24:57,240 --> 00:25:01,560 Speaker 1: in hand with discipline. Yes, yes, so to me, work 455 00:25:01,640 --> 00:25:06,720 Speaker 1: ethic is a byproduct of instilling discipline in the person. Right, 456 00:25:07,240 --> 00:25:10,360 Speaker 1: So once you learn to build discipline, and we're gonna 457 00:25:10,400 --> 00:25:12,440 Speaker 1: talk a little bit about how that, well, it says 458 00:25:12,520 --> 00:25:15,280 Speaker 1: right here, what does it take to build discipline? Number one, 459 00:25:15,320 --> 00:25:19,200 Speaker 1: growth mindset. The ability to learn is not fixed. It 460 00:25:19,320 --> 00:25:24,399 Speaker 1: can change with your effort. Failure is not a permanent condition, right, 461 00:25:24,520 --> 00:25:27,520 Speaker 1: So just think about the growth mindset. Right, What do 462 00:25:27,600 --> 00:25:30,480 Speaker 1: I say to Jackson a time? There are no els 463 00:25:31,160 --> 00:25:35,920 Speaker 1: in life, there's no losses lessons. You you lost that 464 00:25:35,960 --> 00:25:39,560 Speaker 1: one only so that you can learn what to do 465 00:25:39,600 --> 00:25:45,000 Speaker 1: better next time. If you think about science, right, Um, 466 00:25:45,040 --> 00:25:48,800 Speaker 1: in science, you try, you fail, you try, you fail, 467 00:25:48,960 --> 00:25:54,080 Speaker 1: you try until you're successful. All of those failed trials 468 00:25:54,080 --> 00:25:57,280 Speaker 1: are not discarded. They just take all the information from 469 00:25:57,280 --> 00:26:01,880 Speaker 1: those failed tries to say, Hi, this is what's gonna work. 470 00:26:02,040 --> 00:26:04,560 Speaker 1: But it took all of those failed tries first in 471 00:26:04,640 --> 00:26:07,400 Speaker 1: order for you to get there. Right, you miss a 472 00:26:07,400 --> 00:26:09,920 Speaker 1: ton of shots playing basketball so that you can learn 473 00:26:09,920 --> 00:26:12,639 Speaker 1: the proper form to make it when you need to 474 00:26:12,680 --> 00:26:15,560 Speaker 1: make it. Right, Michael Jordan's said, I succeed because I 475 00:26:15,640 --> 00:26:17,840 Speaker 1: failed so many times, and I failed so many times 476 00:26:17,880 --> 00:26:20,399 Speaker 1: so that I could be successful. You have to have 477 00:26:20,440 --> 00:26:23,320 Speaker 1: a growth mindset. So the first thing with instilling discipline 478 00:26:23,560 --> 00:26:27,840 Speaker 1: is to understand the growth mindset. Understanding that you're gonna fail, right, 479 00:26:28,000 --> 00:26:31,440 Speaker 1: Because the thing that stops people from being disciplined is failure. 480 00:26:31,920 --> 00:26:35,080 Speaker 1: Oh I tried it, it didn't work. Funk this that's 481 00:26:35,080 --> 00:26:37,920 Speaker 1: not a growth mindset, right, that's oh, it didn't work 482 00:26:37,920 --> 00:26:39,679 Speaker 1: the first time, so this is never gonna work, so 483 00:26:39,760 --> 00:26:42,360 Speaker 1: let me walk away from it. No, a growth mindset 484 00:26:42,400 --> 00:26:44,600 Speaker 1: means I failed, which means I have to make an 485 00:26:44,600 --> 00:26:47,200 Speaker 1: adjustment and try again. See it's it's funny you say 486 00:26:47,240 --> 00:26:48,960 Speaker 1: that because when I think about you, for example, when 487 00:26:49,000 --> 00:26:50,959 Speaker 1: the things that we've done over the years, and you know, 488 00:26:51,040 --> 00:26:55,320 Speaker 1: you and I independently are together, you never shied away 489 00:26:55,320 --> 00:26:57,600 Speaker 1: from failure, and you've never given up, Like there's never 490 00:26:57,640 --> 00:27:00,080 Speaker 1: been a moment where you felt like, Okay, well you 491 00:27:00,240 --> 00:27:02,159 Speaker 1: I'm trying to do this. That didn't work, so I 492 00:27:02,200 --> 00:27:06,439 Speaker 1: forget it. We're gonna scrap the idea. Like that requires 493 00:27:06,520 --> 00:27:08,800 Speaker 1: a different mechanism, I feel like in your brain to 494 00:27:08,800 --> 00:27:11,679 Speaker 1: be able to say, maybe that's the delusional quality that 495 00:27:11,720 --> 00:27:14,080 Speaker 1: you say. Successful people have to say, all right, well 496 00:27:14,119 --> 00:27:17,200 Speaker 1: that didn't work, so I'm gonna then pivot and try 497 00:27:17,280 --> 00:27:21,720 Speaker 1: something else, rather than be discouraged. Well okay, that's that's fair. 498 00:27:22,160 --> 00:27:24,119 Speaker 1: That's fair. But I think that it's never seen a 499 00:27:24,119 --> 00:27:25,520 Speaker 1: lot of people work like that. You know what I 500 00:27:25,520 --> 00:27:28,880 Speaker 1: feel I feel you. I also feel like it also 501 00:27:28,920 --> 00:27:31,359 Speaker 1: has a lot to do with God. Right, God gives 502 00:27:31,400 --> 00:27:34,399 Speaker 1: people visions. Right. One thing I will never do is 503 00:27:34,440 --> 00:27:36,480 Speaker 1: take credit for everything. And I have because there was 504 00:27:36,520 --> 00:27:39,360 Speaker 1: someone who instilled something in me. Right. If you can 505 00:27:39,400 --> 00:27:43,960 Speaker 1: see something, that means that it's happened, right, Like, think 506 00:27:43,960 --> 00:27:48,680 Speaker 1: about it. When you just take a child and they're born, 507 00:27:48,800 --> 00:27:50,480 Speaker 1: and you put them in a white, padded room, They're 508 00:27:50,480 --> 00:27:53,399 Speaker 1: not going to just start speaking English. They're not going 509 00:27:53,440 --> 00:27:56,000 Speaker 1: to just start walking. I'm not gonna They have to 510 00:27:56,080 --> 00:27:59,200 Speaker 1: see it in order to say, hey, this can happen. Right, 511 00:27:59,440 --> 00:28:01,920 Speaker 1: So if you think about it like that, when you've 512 00:28:01,920 --> 00:28:04,119 Speaker 1: seen something, or you have a vision or your imagination 513 00:28:04,160 --> 00:28:06,040 Speaker 1: goes somewhere, it's like, wait a minute, this has to 514 00:28:06,080 --> 00:28:09,040 Speaker 1: be possible because I can see it. So and the 515 00:28:09,080 --> 00:28:11,159 Speaker 1: fact that you can see it, and the fact that 516 00:28:11,200 --> 00:28:13,440 Speaker 1: it's possible means that you have to find a way 517 00:28:13,480 --> 00:28:16,600 Speaker 1: to get to it. You can't just say it's oh, 518 00:28:16,680 --> 00:28:21,919 Speaker 1: it's this esoteric, divine thing that's never gonna happen. Is impossible, 519 00:28:22,240 --> 00:28:25,000 Speaker 1: so just leave it alone. No, it is possible. That's 520 00:28:25,000 --> 00:28:28,440 Speaker 1: why you see it. Right. The Right Brothers said that 521 00:28:28,520 --> 00:28:32,159 Speaker 1: if you fold a piece of metal right folded, and 522 00:28:32,200 --> 00:28:34,600 Speaker 1: you put seats in it, and you put people in it, 523 00:28:34,760 --> 00:28:36,680 Speaker 1: and you put wings on the side, you will fly. 524 00:28:37,280 --> 00:28:42,960 Speaker 1: And everybody else said they're fucking crazy, they're crazy, But no, 525 00:28:43,640 --> 00:28:48,239 Speaker 1: someone gave them a vision God to say this is possible. Right. 526 00:28:48,320 --> 00:28:52,600 Speaker 1: The first person that said yo, yo, yo, world ain't 527 00:28:52,600 --> 00:28:57,320 Speaker 1: flat y'all, everybody was like, oh, this person here, stupid, right. 528 00:28:57,360 --> 00:28:59,160 Speaker 1: It was so bad during those times. I think it 529 00:28:59,200 --> 00:29:02,640 Speaker 1: was during the crucial aids that um, they called those 530 00:29:02,680 --> 00:29:06,080 Speaker 1: people heretics, meaning it was God's word that this is 531 00:29:06,120 --> 00:29:08,200 Speaker 1: what people were saying. It was God's words that the 532 00:29:08,200 --> 00:29:10,840 Speaker 1: world was flat, and anyone who said that the world 533 00:29:10,960 --> 00:29:13,880 Speaker 1: was round was considered considered a heretic. A heretic was 534 00:29:13,960 --> 00:29:15,920 Speaker 1: means you don't believe in the church, which means you 535 00:29:15,960 --> 00:29:18,880 Speaker 1: was excommunicated and cast out of whatever village you lived 536 00:29:18,880 --> 00:29:20,920 Speaker 1: in because you went against the church. It was that 537 00:29:21,000 --> 00:29:23,960 Speaker 1: deep that people really felt that God told them the 538 00:29:23,960 --> 00:29:26,640 Speaker 1: world was flat until the person said, no, bro, the 539 00:29:26,680 --> 00:29:30,000 Speaker 1: world around. I've seen it, and now we have proof 540 00:29:30,840 --> 00:29:33,240 Speaker 1: that the world is round. Because that person kept trying 541 00:29:33,880 --> 00:29:36,720 Speaker 1: to prove that the world was round, until finally they 542 00:29:36,760 --> 00:29:39,640 Speaker 1: proved the world was round. My point is, when you 543 00:29:39,680 --> 00:29:42,320 Speaker 1: have a vision in your mind, you can no longer 544 00:29:42,360 --> 00:29:45,480 Speaker 1: discredit your own vision as something you made up and 545 00:29:45,480 --> 00:29:47,800 Speaker 1: it will never happen if it's if it's something that 546 00:29:47,880 --> 00:29:50,920 Speaker 1: you can see for yourself. Somebody gave you that vision 547 00:29:50,920 --> 00:29:54,080 Speaker 1: for a reason, and we have a responsibility to go 548 00:29:54,200 --> 00:29:57,840 Speaker 1: get it whatever you do with that. And the thing is, 549 00:30:00,000 --> 00:30:01,680 Speaker 1: if you believe in God like I believe in God, 550 00:30:01,720 --> 00:30:04,800 Speaker 1: God is going to test you because when God gives 551 00:30:04,840 --> 00:30:07,320 Speaker 1: you a vision, right, he gives you a vision with 552 00:30:07,400 --> 00:30:11,320 Speaker 1: the responsibility, meaning I'm going to give you this thing 553 00:30:11,320 --> 00:30:13,400 Speaker 1: that may help you live in abundance, but you have 554 00:30:13,440 --> 00:30:15,880 Speaker 1: a responsibility once you get an abundance to do what 555 00:30:16,280 --> 00:30:20,240 Speaker 1: pay it forward? Right. I can only trust those who 556 00:30:20,240 --> 00:30:22,959 Speaker 1: are willing to go through the fire to get the 557 00:30:23,000 --> 00:30:26,080 Speaker 1: gift that I'm showing them that they have because those 558 00:30:26,080 --> 00:30:28,320 Speaker 1: people who go through the fire, I know they have 559 00:30:28,440 --> 00:30:31,880 Speaker 1: integrity and they will be disciplined enough to do right 560 00:30:32,840 --> 00:30:35,600 Speaker 1: by the gift and with the abundance that I give them. 561 00:30:36,520 --> 00:30:41,640 Speaker 1: You really thought you were preaching today, That's when when 562 00:30:41,640 --> 00:30:44,120 Speaker 1: we're talking about discipline. I'm gonna be honest, baby, this 563 00:30:44,200 --> 00:30:47,959 Speaker 1: is what I feel I have been successful in my 564 00:30:48,000 --> 00:30:51,760 Speaker 1: life because I have a responsibility to honor the gift 565 00:30:51,880 --> 00:30:54,640 Speaker 1: God gave me, and I have to be disciplined with 566 00:30:54,680 --> 00:30:57,800 Speaker 1: the gift to do right by it, even when I'm 567 00:30:57,840 --> 00:30:59,640 Speaker 1: living in abundance and God is not going to just 568 00:30:59,680 --> 00:31:03,320 Speaker 1: give that to anybody. You know what I'm saying, annoying, 569 00:31:03,440 --> 00:31:08,040 Speaker 1: set I noticed I speak very passionate about this, and 570 00:31:08,360 --> 00:31:11,720 Speaker 1: I know I sound crazy at times, but this is 571 00:31:11,760 --> 00:31:14,600 Speaker 1: just how strong I feel about it because everything in 572 00:31:14,640 --> 00:31:18,800 Speaker 1: my life has gone that way. People asked me all 573 00:31:18,840 --> 00:31:20,280 Speaker 1: the time, like, how did you know? How did you know? 574 00:31:20,480 --> 00:31:23,960 Speaker 1: Right when I was in high school as a sophomore, 575 00:31:24,320 --> 00:31:26,960 Speaker 1: I was playing basketball. I was a gifted basketball player. 576 00:31:28,200 --> 00:31:31,040 Speaker 1: Football coaches to me, bro you five seven? How many 577 00:31:31,040 --> 00:31:33,120 Speaker 1: five seven basketball players? You know? Right at the time 578 00:31:33,160 --> 00:31:35,240 Speaker 1: it was Muggsy Bows and spud Web. They were both 579 00:31:35,600 --> 00:31:40,040 Speaker 1: five seven and five five respectfully. So I said, not many, right, 580 00:31:40,080 --> 00:31:41,160 Speaker 1: and he said, but I can show you a lot 581 00:31:41,200 --> 00:31:44,920 Speaker 1: of five seven football players. So I was like, I 582 00:31:44,960 --> 00:31:47,000 Speaker 1: want to go to school for free. I don't want 583 00:31:47,000 --> 00:31:51,360 Speaker 1: to play football, but if my gift for putting the 584 00:31:51,400 --> 00:31:53,960 Speaker 1: discipline and necessary to be a good football players that 585 00:31:53,960 --> 00:31:56,480 Speaker 1: I can get a free education. Let me be disciplined 586 00:31:56,600 --> 00:31:59,800 Speaker 1: enough to do whatever I have to do to get 587 00:31:59,800 --> 00:32:01,800 Speaker 1: that football scholarship so that I can go to school 588 00:32:01,840 --> 00:32:05,160 Speaker 1: for free. And when I changed from basketball to football, 589 00:32:05,200 --> 00:32:07,400 Speaker 1: people said I was crazy. I was five seven hundred 590 00:32:07,440 --> 00:32:10,000 Speaker 1: and thirty pounds and I was a sophomore going to 591 00:32:10,040 --> 00:32:12,160 Speaker 1: be a junior. But I had a vision in my 592 00:32:12,200 --> 00:32:15,959 Speaker 1: mind that God was going to provide me what I 593 00:32:16,040 --> 00:32:18,480 Speaker 1: needed to be successful in that moment if I was 594 00:32:18,560 --> 00:32:21,160 Speaker 1: disciplined enough to do the things that I needed to do. 595 00:32:21,360 --> 00:32:25,479 Speaker 1: I didn't drink, I didn't smoke. I focused solely on 596 00:32:25,600 --> 00:32:28,400 Speaker 1: being the best version of myself with football so I 597 00:32:28,440 --> 00:32:31,160 Speaker 1: get my free education. And what happened. I armed the scholarship. 598 00:32:32,000 --> 00:32:35,360 Speaker 1: God gave me a vision about the NFL and about 599 00:32:35,440 --> 00:32:39,480 Speaker 1: being a huge movie star, but he said, in order 600 00:32:39,520 --> 00:32:41,040 Speaker 1: to do that, you're gonna have to go through this fire, 601 00:32:41,440 --> 00:32:43,720 Speaker 1: which means I had to do four years of college football. 602 00:32:44,120 --> 00:32:48,320 Speaker 1: Had to be disciplined, right. I focused on doing that, 603 00:32:48,720 --> 00:32:52,080 Speaker 1: and what happened made it to the NFL, got cut 604 00:32:52,120 --> 00:32:54,320 Speaker 1: by the NFL. God said, you want to focus on TV, 605 00:32:54,480 --> 00:32:56,800 Speaker 1: is gonna take you ten years to get there, but 606 00:32:56,840 --> 00:32:59,040 Speaker 1: you're gonna have to be disciplined. Enough to provide for 607 00:32:59,080 --> 00:33:02,120 Speaker 1: your family, create this business so that you can ultimately 608 00:33:02,160 --> 00:33:03,680 Speaker 1: get to where you want to. So I said, you 609 00:33:03,720 --> 00:33:07,320 Speaker 1: know what, God, you have not failed me yet. All 610 00:33:07,360 --> 00:33:11,240 Speaker 1: I have to do is be disciplined. And discipline is 611 00:33:11,280 --> 00:33:16,320 Speaker 1: never never failed me. Discipline and obedience and never failing never. 612 00:33:16,520 --> 00:33:19,160 Speaker 1: And that doesn't mean that you have to be perfect, 613 00:33:19,960 --> 00:33:22,920 Speaker 1: because discipline also means that, say you fall off the 614 00:33:22,920 --> 00:33:25,800 Speaker 1: wagon and you don't do something, you have to work 615 00:33:25,800 --> 00:33:28,400 Speaker 1: twice as hard to get back on because you're gonna 616 00:33:28,440 --> 00:33:31,480 Speaker 1: fall off the wagon, right You're gonna fall off the wagon. 617 00:33:31,560 --> 00:33:34,320 Speaker 1: So just know you're not perfect. And part of falling 618 00:33:34,360 --> 00:33:36,280 Speaker 1: off the wagon is part of the process. Because your 619 00:33:36,360 --> 00:33:39,040 Speaker 1: dreams aren't gonna come in ascension all the time. They're 620 00:33:39,040 --> 00:33:42,000 Speaker 1: gonna come valleys. There's gonna be times where where you're 621 00:33:42,000 --> 00:33:44,080 Speaker 1: gonna be like, nothing is going the way that I 622 00:33:44,160 --> 00:33:46,600 Speaker 1: wanted to go. But you have to be disciplined enough 623 00:33:46,640 --> 00:33:50,000 Speaker 1: to get back on it. Love that I feel like ship, 624 00:33:50,120 --> 00:33:52,960 Speaker 1: let's go to break. You know, we have a couple 625 00:33:53,040 --> 00:33:56,320 Speaker 1: more um what it takes to build discipline points um. 626 00:33:56,360 --> 00:33:59,880 Speaker 1: That was growth mindset that spiraled us into that beautiful 627 00:34:00,000 --> 00:34:03,920 Speaker 1: are there? No, don't don't apologize, this is, this is, 628 00:34:03,920 --> 00:34:06,440 Speaker 1: this is you're you're rocking it out today. UM. Know 629 00:34:06,560 --> 00:34:08,880 Speaker 1: your strengths and weaknesses. Identify what you're good at and 630 00:34:08,920 --> 00:34:11,480 Speaker 1: what you struggle with. That's just across the board, I think, 631 00:34:11,480 --> 00:34:13,719 Speaker 1: with so many areas of anything we're trying to do 632 00:34:13,760 --> 00:34:16,719 Speaker 1: in life. UM, right to the occasion. Don't wait, do 633 00:34:16,800 --> 00:34:19,440 Speaker 1: it now. Don't do like me and be waiting y'all. 634 00:34:19,480 --> 00:34:21,480 Speaker 1: Do it now, and one second when it says no, 635 00:34:21,640 --> 00:34:23,600 Speaker 1: your strength and weaknesses. The reason why they point that 636 00:34:23,640 --> 00:34:26,120 Speaker 1: out is because you have to be disciplined at doing 637 00:34:26,480 --> 00:34:29,600 Speaker 1: what at, knowing your weaknesses and doing things to increase 638 00:34:29,640 --> 00:34:33,239 Speaker 1: your weaknesses and making them strengths. Most people like to 639 00:34:33,239 --> 00:34:36,080 Speaker 1: focus on the strengths because they come easier, but you 640 00:34:36,200 --> 00:34:38,759 Speaker 1: have to point out your weaknesses and work on being 641 00:34:38,800 --> 00:34:46,480 Speaker 1: disciplined at better and better at those things. No doubt, yes, 642 00:34:46,560 --> 00:34:50,439 Speaker 1: exactly being do it. Don't put it off for later, 643 00:34:50,719 --> 00:34:52,719 Speaker 1: do it, Get up and do it. Start small, Start 644 00:34:52,719 --> 00:34:54,319 Speaker 1: with things. One thing that you can do each day 645 00:34:54,360 --> 00:34:58,880 Speaker 1: to reach your goal. Set timing your schedule to do it. UM, 646 00:34:59,080 --> 00:35:01,200 Speaker 1: do it every day, and too it will becomes second nature. 647 00:35:01,760 --> 00:35:06,480 Speaker 1: Muscle memory must memory in discipline, so developing those habits, 648 00:35:07,600 --> 00:35:10,960 Speaker 1: remove temptations. The saying goes out of sight, out of mind, 649 00:35:11,080 --> 00:35:13,840 Speaker 1: So it might seem silly, but this phrase offers powerful advice. 650 00:35:14,440 --> 00:35:17,239 Speaker 1: By simply removing the biggest temptations from your environment, you 651 00:35:17,320 --> 00:35:21,040 Speaker 1: will greatly improve your self discipline. I will have to say, um, 652 00:35:21,080 --> 00:35:23,600 Speaker 1: when you remove yourself from the environments that caused you 653 00:35:23,680 --> 00:35:26,880 Speaker 1: to not be focused on your goal, you're doing yourself 654 00:35:26,960 --> 00:35:30,000 Speaker 1: a huge service, because it's hard for any person to 655 00:35:30,160 --> 00:35:34,720 Speaker 1: constantly be disciplined enough to say no, no, no to yourself. 656 00:35:34,920 --> 00:35:40,240 Speaker 1: It's literally canemed, you know, removing herself, removing cheese puffs 657 00:35:40,280 --> 00:35:41,960 Speaker 1: and what else do I like to munch on? It's 658 00:35:41,960 --> 00:35:46,920 Speaker 1: not just skittles, gummy bears at the night. At the end. 659 00:35:47,040 --> 00:35:48,759 Speaker 1: The problem is I try to have stuff for the 660 00:35:48,840 --> 00:35:51,880 Speaker 1: children when the podcast crew comes to town, try to 661 00:35:51,960 --> 00:35:54,480 Speaker 1: keep the pantry stocked. And then your girl, because Dave, 662 00:35:55,200 --> 00:35:57,680 Speaker 1: you know, and when Dave, you remember the story about 663 00:35:57,800 --> 00:36:00,520 Speaker 1: three bears. What was a little a chick name who 664 00:36:00,520 --> 00:36:03,719 Speaker 1: when they ate all the day? Her name was Dave. 665 00:36:04,440 --> 00:36:06,960 Speaker 1: Name was Dave. Dave came in and ate all the 666 00:36:07,000 --> 00:36:12,440 Speaker 1: food out. The inserts graphic of Dave with goldilocks wig 667 00:36:12,880 --> 00:36:16,799 Speaker 1: on him, and Dave has a friend name Matt, and 668 00:36:16,840 --> 00:36:18,520 Speaker 1: the two of them coming here just clean out the 669 00:36:18,520 --> 00:36:22,080 Speaker 1: pantry all the time. Words, well, at least it's them 670 00:36:22,120 --> 00:36:25,840 Speaker 1: and it's not me, because listening, baby girl, the discipline 671 00:36:25,920 --> 00:36:30,879 Speaker 1: that requires on the side. So I mean to shut 672 00:36:30,880 --> 00:36:33,000 Speaker 1: you out, man, but y'all, y'all will get to know. 673 00:36:33,360 --> 00:36:35,600 Speaker 1: You can have all of our temptations. When it comes 674 00:36:35,600 --> 00:36:39,399 Speaker 1: to the snacks, you can fight over them with the kids. UM, 675 00:36:39,560 --> 00:36:42,440 Speaker 1: believe in your will power. Don't set yourself out. Speak 676 00:36:42,480 --> 00:36:47,520 Speaker 1: positively to yourself. Don't do like me either in self sabotage. Um. 677 00:36:47,600 --> 00:36:50,319 Speaker 1: You have to be able to focus and get things done. 678 00:36:50,400 --> 00:36:54,560 Speaker 1: Your thoughts become your actions, folks. Words of affirmation every day. 679 00:36:54,760 --> 00:36:57,600 Speaker 1: I created this with Jackson Caro Wing Kaz in Dakota, 680 00:36:57,960 --> 00:37:00,640 Speaker 1: and it started with the hundreds of kids before that. 681 00:37:00,640 --> 00:37:03,760 Speaker 1: I'm mentored, I'm big, I'm strong, I'm fast, I'm elite. 682 00:37:04,200 --> 00:37:06,279 Speaker 1: The name of our company was called Prototype. I am 683 00:37:06,280 --> 00:37:10,239 Speaker 1: a prototype. So when you constantly say these things, you 684 00:37:10,320 --> 00:37:14,080 Speaker 1: believe them. They all became elite athletes because before they 685 00:37:14,080 --> 00:37:15,920 Speaker 1: start a workout, when they start to feel down and 686 00:37:16,080 --> 00:37:18,560 Speaker 1: say to yourself, I'm big, I'm strong, and fast, elite. 687 00:37:18,600 --> 00:37:20,960 Speaker 1: I'm a prototype. When you guys watch me work out 688 00:37:21,000 --> 00:37:23,399 Speaker 1: and sometimes Codeine you hear Codine said, come on, ls, 689 00:37:23,440 --> 00:37:26,680 Speaker 1: let's go. That's my word of affirmation. I'm saying, let's go, 690 00:37:26,760 --> 00:37:29,319 Speaker 1: ll let's go. I adapted that now too, And even 691 00:37:29,440 --> 00:37:32,120 Speaker 1: I'm hard work beats talent when talent doesn't work hard. Yes, 692 00:37:32,360 --> 00:37:36,840 Speaker 1: that's another one too. Uh. Find a mentor, so a 693 00:37:36,880 --> 00:37:40,400 Speaker 1: mentor or. We mentioned account before, So sometimes the best 694 00:37:40,440 --> 00:37:41,879 Speaker 1: way to stick to the plan is to have someone 695 00:37:41,960 --> 00:37:44,759 Speaker 1: to be accountable to. Yes, finding someone you trust to 696 00:37:44,800 --> 00:37:46,680 Speaker 1: check on your progress and to be honest with you 697 00:37:46,719 --> 00:37:48,880 Speaker 1: about it when you ain't doing what you're supposed to do. 698 00:37:49,040 --> 00:37:52,640 Speaker 1: Accountability partners sitting right over here, and you are in 699 00:37:53,160 --> 00:37:55,080 Speaker 1: ways a mentor because you know a lot about a lot, 700 00:37:55,239 --> 00:37:57,480 Speaker 1: so you know I'll be looking up to you too. 701 00:37:57,719 --> 00:38:02,279 Speaker 1: You do. He's so sweet, And forgive yourself and keep 702 00:38:02,280 --> 00:38:06,200 Speaker 1: moving forward. Discipline is a choice again that you get 703 00:38:06,239 --> 00:38:09,600 Speaker 1: to make over and over again, no matter where you are. 704 00:38:09,880 --> 00:38:15,280 Speaker 1: Every day is a new chance to choose discipline. I'm 705 00:38:15,360 --> 00:38:18,160 Speaker 1: so glad that this is the last one because it's 706 00:38:18,200 --> 00:38:23,000 Speaker 1: a choice. Right. There's nothing greater about life than the 707 00:38:23,000 --> 00:38:27,000 Speaker 1: ability to choose and if you fall off the wagon 708 00:38:27,200 --> 00:38:29,360 Speaker 1: or you have a blip or a misstep, you know 709 00:38:29,400 --> 00:38:32,719 Speaker 1: what you can do, Choose to be better the next time. 710 00:38:33,040 --> 00:38:35,640 Speaker 1: This is something I'm trying my hardest to instilling my 711 00:38:35,680 --> 00:38:38,239 Speaker 1: oldest son, Jackson, Our oldest son, Jackson, because he's the 712 00:38:38,280 --> 00:38:41,080 Speaker 1: first of the boys, so all his brothers are watching him. 713 00:38:41,120 --> 00:38:44,400 Speaker 1: It's like, yo, Okay, you had a bad day. You know, Okay, 714 00:38:44,400 --> 00:38:45,719 Speaker 1: things didn't go right, but you know what you can 715 00:38:45,760 --> 00:38:49,160 Speaker 1: do today. Choose to be better. Choose like you have 716 00:38:49,280 --> 00:38:53,520 Speaker 1: to decide, like you you have to decide. It's like marriage. 717 00:38:53,600 --> 00:38:56,560 Speaker 1: That's a big discipline, right, I'm choosing every day. That's 718 00:38:56,560 --> 00:38:58,960 Speaker 1: probably my best discipline in the one I'm most disciplined with, 719 00:38:59,040 --> 00:39:00,759 Speaker 1: and the one I want to be the most disciplined with. 720 00:39:01,280 --> 00:39:04,319 Speaker 1: Its choosing you every day. That surpires discipline. Marriage is 721 00:39:04,320 --> 00:39:07,360 Speaker 1: a discipline, just like we make this comparison time. Marriage 722 00:39:07,480 --> 00:39:10,960 Speaker 1: is like veganism, Like there's so many different ways and 723 00:39:11,040 --> 00:39:13,759 Speaker 1: walks of life. I chose this one. Let me work 724 00:39:13,800 --> 00:39:16,680 Speaker 1: my heartest to be disciplined in this one, you know. 725 00:39:16,800 --> 00:39:21,440 Speaker 1: And I think that's another reason why our marriage has 726 00:39:21,440 --> 00:39:25,000 Speaker 1: been able to work, is because I'm extremely disciplined and 727 00:39:25,040 --> 00:39:27,359 Speaker 1: you are extremely disciplined in the things that you want 728 00:39:27,400 --> 00:39:30,160 Speaker 1: to do, and since we both want to be married, 729 00:39:30,800 --> 00:39:35,400 Speaker 1: we exercise those disciplines daily. Daily helps become better people. 730 00:39:35,719 --> 00:39:38,880 Speaker 1: Love that. Love that, And what's been coming in daily 731 00:39:39,560 --> 00:39:43,960 Speaker 1: the listener letters, emails be coming in like every day, 732 00:39:44,000 --> 00:39:45,680 Speaker 1: and we love it, and we love it so much 733 00:39:45,680 --> 00:39:47,600 Speaker 1: that we're gonna take a break and come back and 734 00:39:47,719 --> 00:40:00,400 Speaker 1: jump into those list the letters with y'all around. All right, 735 00:40:00,440 --> 00:40:03,400 Speaker 1: we're back, let's dive right in. I'm a twenty eight 736 00:40:03,480 --> 00:40:07,480 Speaker 1: year old male from the Midwest currently going through marital stress. 737 00:40:07,560 --> 00:40:09,160 Speaker 1: My wife and I are on the brink of divorce 738 00:40:09,200 --> 00:40:11,440 Speaker 1: because I refused to pay her mom for helping her 739 00:40:11,520 --> 00:40:14,480 Speaker 1: with our children. While my wife is present and at 740 00:40:14,520 --> 00:40:17,879 Speaker 1: home with our children. We both work. I make more 741 00:40:17,880 --> 00:40:20,480 Speaker 1: money than my wife and take on more responsibility in 742 00:40:20,520 --> 00:40:23,439 Speaker 1: our home financially, where I pay rent, bought my wife 743 00:40:23,440 --> 00:40:26,840 Speaker 1: a car, pay for groceries and children's expenses, while my 744 00:40:26,920 --> 00:40:29,520 Speaker 1: wife takes care of the utilities and her car. Note. 745 00:40:30,080 --> 00:40:32,840 Speaker 1: My wife's mother, who was married and recently started working, 746 00:40:32,880 --> 00:40:36,160 Speaker 1: made a decision to help us out with our children 747 00:40:36,239 --> 00:40:38,879 Speaker 1: and didn't take a promotion to do so and work 748 00:40:38,920 --> 00:40:42,319 Speaker 1: part time in exchange for her services. She asked to 749 00:40:42,320 --> 00:40:45,680 Speaker 1: be paid one thousand dollars a month to watch our children. 750 00:40:46,080 --> 00:40:48,520 Speaker 1: I explained to my wife that this isn't a favor 751 00:40:48,719 --> 00:40:51,520 Speaker 1: or help, and that our future is being put on 752 00:40:51,600 --> 00:40:55,799 Speaker 1: whold to take care of her mother. Essentially. My wife disagrees. 753 00:40:56,760 --> 00:40:59,360 Speaker 1: I have been short on payments because I had a 754 00:40:59,440 --> 00:41:03,319 Speaker 1: severe in injury that required surgery and was off for 755 00:41:03,400 --> 00:41:06,640 Speaker 1: three months, not receiving my full salary, during which we moved, 756 00:41:06,640 --> 00:41:09,280 Speaker 1: and I paid rent towards our current and former homes 757 00:41:09,400 --> 00:41:13,040 Speaker 1: as well as paid movers. I've recently gotten back to work, 758 00:41:13,040 --> 00:41:15,400 Speaker 1: and my wife, having our second child, acts that her 759 00:41:15,440 --> 00:41:17,880 Speaker 1: mother be given something in exchange for coming by and 760 00:41:17,960 --> 00:41:21,440 Speaker 1: helping her. When she presented me with the number that 761 00:41:21,560 --> 00:41:25,080 Speaker 1: they agreed to, I told her I was unable to 762 00:41:25,120 --> 00:41:27,400 Speaker 1: pay this, and I and was told that she wanted 763 00:41:27,400 --> 00:41:31,920 Speaker 1: a divorce because her mother wasn't compensated. I love my 764 00:41:32,000 --> 00:41:34,120 Speaker 1: wife and I don't want our marriage to end over 765 00:41:34,200 --> 00:41:40,080 Speaker 1: something miniscule, but I feel like I'm being taken advantage of. 766 00:41:40,160 --> 00:41:44,400 Speaker 1: Any advice would be greatly appreciated, Get a divorce and 767 00:41:44,400 --> 00:41:48,280 Speaker 1: get a new wife. What like, Like, what the fuck? 768 00:41:48,520 --> 00:41:52,200 Speaker 1: What are you kidding me so she can marry her mom. Yeah, 769 00:41:52,239 --> 00:41:55,680 Speaker 1: married your mom married mom. This might be the most 770 00:41:56,120 --> 00:41:59,800 Speaker 1: I ever heard of my life. I'm sorry, I'm sorry, 771 00:42:00,600 --> 00:42:02,719 Speaker 1: but did not for nothing know this. This comes back 772 00:42:02,719 --> 00:42:05,879 Speaker 1: to this entitlement that a lot of people are talking years. 773 00:42:06,160 --> 00:42:13,320 Speaker 1: So they y, you gotta gotta pay while paying the 774 00:42:13,400 --> 00:42:16,480 Speaker 1: mortgage and the rent and bore her car because she 775 00:42:16,520 --> 00:42:19,839 Speaker 1: pays utilities. And the agreement was for her to not 776 00:42:20,000 --> 00:42:25,279 Speaker 1: take this promotion so she could quote unquote help. What 777 00:42:25,280 --> 00:42:29,480 Speaker 1: happened you exactly what happened? This is, this is exactly 778 00:42:29,520 --> 00:42:33,799 Speaker 1: what happens. The mom and the daughter got together. Oftentimes, 779 00:42:33,800 --> 00:42:36,359 Speaker 1: like moms and daughters. Do you've known this. We've seen 780 00:42:36,360 --> 00:42:38,840 Speaker 1: this on both sides of our family. Moms and the 781 00:42:38,920 --> 00:42:40,759 Speaker 1: daughter got together and create a plan. This is what 782 00:42:40,760 --> 00:42:43,040 Speaker 1: we're gonna do. We're gonna tell him that this is 783 00:42:43,080 --> 00:42:45,600 Speaker 1: what we're doing. Right. I need help at home, and 784 00:42:45,680 --> 00:42:47,200 Speaker 1: you don't want to work full time. You want to 785 00:42:47,239 --> 00:42:49,640 Speaker 1: work part time. So if he pays you, it will 786 00:42:49,640 --> 00:42:52,680 Speaker 1: help supplement your income and you can help me. Meanwhile, 787 00:42:52,719 --> 00:42:55,000 Speaker 1: they made all of these decisions without even asking or 788 00:42:55,040 --> 00:42:59,320 Speaker 1: thinking about him. Where to do that at In the Midwest, 789 00:43:01,280 --> 00:43:03,400 Speaker 1: they do that in divorce court, which is where you 790 00:43:03,400 --> 00:43:06,000 Speaker 1: need to go, bro, because them chicks is not trying 791 00:43:06,000 --> 00:43:08,800 Speaker 1: to be of service to you, not at all. Wow, 792 00:43:08,840 --> 00:43:11,040 Speaker 1: It's just it's just a blake in disregard. I feel like, 793 00:43:11,080 --> 00:43:14,080 Speaker 1: I know that's it hurt my my soul. Bro, this 794 00:43:14,120 --> 00:43:17,160 Speaker 1: man breaking his bag and then she's gonna ask for 795 00:43:17,200 --> 00:43:19,160 Speaker 1: a divorce because he won't pay her mom. Right, It 796 00:43:19,160 --> 00:43:21,200 Speaker 1: almost i almost feel like she's trying to stiff farm. 797 00:43:21,200 --> 00:43:23,360 Speaker 1: I'm like, yeah, you pay this money or else that 798 00:43:25,520 --> 00:43:28,319 Speaker 1: her husband. It sounds like she's trying to walk right 799 00:43:28,360 --> 00:43:32,560 Speaker 1: over him. No, Son, you're a leg injury. You're only 800 00:43:32,600 --> 00:43:34,600 Speaker 1: getting paid a certain amount of your salary. Like we 801 00:43:34,640 --> 00:43:37,200 Speaker 1: talked about this all the time. We talk about this 802 00:43:37,239 --> 00:43:40,560 Speaker 1: all the time. It's hard to create context because we 803 00:43:40,600 --> 00:43:42,920 Speaker 1: don't have all the information. So I'm not going to 804 00:43:43,040 --> 00:43:47,600 Speaker 1: judge them when I'm judging like a motherfucker. That's wrong. Son. 805 00:43:47,880 --> 00:43:49,839 Speaker 1: If Jackson was married and told me this would happen, 806 00:43:49,880 --> 00:43:51,520 Speaker 1: I'd be like, all right, well let her get a divorce, 807 00:43:52,000 --> 00:43:54,399 Speaker 1: because it's gonna happen. When they get a divorce, they 808 00:43:54,440 --> 00:43:57,359 Speaker 1: both worked. She will not get spouse for support. Her 809 00:43:57,360 --> 00:43:59,160 Speaker 1: mom's gonna have to figure out what they're gonna do. 810 00:43:59,200 --> 00:44:01,000 Speaker 1: Because whatever money I was gonna pay you, now I'm 811 00:44:01,040 --> 00:44:04,840 Speaker 1: gonna hire help for childcare. Because the fact that you 812 00:44:04,880 --> 00:44:06,640 Speaker 1: came to me with ultimatum, pay my mom when we 813 00:44:06,680 --> 00:44:09,279 Speaker 1: get a divorce is all wrong. That's not that. That's 814 00:44:09,280 --> 00:44:12,080 Speaker 1: not a partnership. That's not a partnership at all. That 815 00:44:12,120 --> 00:44:15,479 Speaker 1: person she's going to not take the promotion to help 816 00:44:15,480 --> 00:44:17,040 Speaker 1: with the kids. That's not helping with the kids. You 817 00:44:17,040 --> 00:44:23,560 Speaker 1: wanted to hire higher help, not help. Listen, and I 818 00:44:23,600 --> 00:44:26,960 Speaker 1: say this because my mother in law helps us. She 819 00:44:27,040 --> 00:44:30,479 Speaker 1: don't ask for a dime. She don't ask for a dime, 820 00:44:30,560 --> 00:44:32,239 Speaker 1: and we don't ask her to pay a don She 821 00:44:32,280 --> 00:44:35,239 Speaker 1: lives with us. She's been living with us for what 822 00:44:35,400 --> 00:44:37,960 Speaker 1: three years now, just about almost. And you know what 823 00:44:37,960 --> 00:44:40,120 Speaker 1: happens when you have family and y'all really love each other, 824 00:44:40,520 --> 00:44:43,920 Speaker 1: y'all work ship out. No one's come with no ultimatums. 825 00:44:43,960 --> 00:44:45,640 Speaker 1: We haven't. We didn't go to mom and be like, hey, 826 00:44:45,640 --> 00:44:47,600 Speaker 1: we require you to work these many hours. Do this. 827 00:44:47,680 --> 00:44:49,080 Speaker 1: She didn't come to us and say, listen, I'm gonna 828 00:44:49,080 --> 00:44:51,239 Speaker 1: help you'all, y'all gotta pay me. That's wrong. You know, 829 00:44:51,440 --> 00:44:54,000 Speaker 1: that's not a village, that's an employee and if it 830 00:44:54,080 --> 00:44:56,480 Speaker 1: since if you're have an employee and hire someone, if 831 00:44:56,560 --> 00:44:58,720 Speaker 1: that's going to be the case, that's gonna be the case. 832 00:44:58,880 --> 00:45:01,520 Speaker 1: That's gotta be tight. Bro. Yeah, I feel bad, and 833 00:45:01,600 --> 00:45:03,160 Speaker 1: you know what, I feel bad for two it's great. 834 00:45:03,160 --> 00:45:04,680 Speaker 1: I feel bad for the kids because they probably love 835 00:45:04,719 --> 00:45:08,440 Speaker 1: their grandparents a wow. And I will say this too, 836 00:45:08,520 --> 00:45:10,400 Speaker 1: I do kind of feel bad for the wife. I 837 00:45:10,400 --> 00:45:13,600 Speaker 1: feel like her mom is manipulating her, you know, like 838 00:45:13,840 --> 00:45:16,080 Speaker 1: I feel like this is not something when you see 839 00:45:16,120 --> 00:45:18,560 Speaker 1: things like this. This is not something the daughter says, hey, mamma, 840 00:45:18,640 --> 00:45:20,680 Speaker 1: get this, and no, I feel like this is something 841 00:45:20,719 --> 00:45:22,480 Speaker 1: the mom is probably yo, you should do this. I 842 00:45:22,520 --> 00:45:25,040 Speaker 1: don't know why. It's something in me is just saying that. 843 00:45:25,200 --> 00:45:27,520 Speaker 1: It's just feeling like that or the mom should be. 844 00:45:27,600 --> 00:45:29,800 Speaker 1: If it's not that way, the mom should be. I 845 00:45:29,840 --> 00:45:31,759 Speaker 1: guess you should know enough to be like, hey, girl, 846 00:45:31,760 --> 00:45:33,640 Speaker 1: like I'm not trying to come between you and your husband, 847 00:45:33,640 --> 00:45:38,520 Speaker 1: like you know, y'all figure this out an any hell, 848 00:45:38,600 --> 00:45:41,600 Speaker 1: thank's got me trigger. The guys are are heavy in 849 00:45:41,920 --> 00:45:44,560 Speaker 1: the listening letters today because we have our next Lets 850 00:45:44,600 --> 00:45:48,000 Speaker 1: to let her another male go ahead, Hello Divina Cadeen. 851 00:45:48,040 --> 00:45:50,359 Speaker 1: I'm a twenty two year old male. Your baby, what's up? 852 00:45:50,360 --> 00:45:52,879 Speaker 1: Bro Um? I love the podcast. Thank you so much. 853 00:45:52,920 --> 00:45:55,320 Speaker 1: You guys are so insightful and inspiring to my life. 854 00:45:55,520 --> 00:45:57,600 Speaker 1: My girlfriend and not have been in a relationship for 855 00:45:57,680 --> 00:46:00,479 Speaker 1: one year and five months now. In congratulations. We first 856 00:46:00,480 --> 00:46:03,799 Speaker 1: got together in January. That was right before the pandemic. 857 00:46:03,840 --> 00:46:06,120 Speaker 1: That's what it says. From the first time we hung out, 858 00:46:06,200 --> 00:46:09,200 Speaker 1: it was a mutual vibe that was undeniable. So fast 859 00:46:09,200 --> 00:46:11,479 Speaker 1: forward a couple of months later, we ended up moving 860 00:46:11,520 --> 00:46:14,120 Speaker 1: in together, and that's where problems start. Typically, that's where 861 00:46:14,120 --> 00:46:16,960 Speaker 1: they start. I've been working for the US Postal Service 862 00:46:17,000 --> 00:46:18,840 Speaker 1: as a mayor carrier for two years now, and my 863 00:46:18,880 --> 00:46:21,839 Speaker 1: girlfriend is a licensed cosmetologist at twenty one years old. 864 00:46:22,200 --> 00:46:24,560 Speaker 1: Needless to say, we are both very into our careers. 865 00:46:24,600 --> 00:46:26,359 Speaker 1: But as a man, I was always taught that women 866 00:46:26,360 --> 00:46:29,360 Speaker 1: are supposed to do certain things cleaning, cooking, et cetera. 867 00:46:29,719 --> 00:46:32,360 Speaker 1: But through listening to the podcast, I've been taking initiative 868 00:46:32,640 --> 00:46:35,719 Speaker 1: and started going against my teachings, which means coming home 869 00:46:35,760 --> 00:46:38,360 Speaker 1: after my twelve hour shift of walking and delivering packages, 870 00:46:38,400 --> 00:46:42,640 Speaker 1: I come home with my biggest smile, shower, cook, clean, kitchen, 871 00:46:42,680 --> 00:46:45,800 Speaker 1: et cetera. After about a month now, I have stopped 872 00:46:45,840 --> 00:46:48,600 Speaker 1: doing those things and she won't do them either, even 873 00:46:48,600 --> 00:46:51,040 Speaker 1: if the little free time she does have, she chooses 874 00:46:51,080 --> 00:46:53,879 Speaker 1: to ignore those things. Then when I go to ask 875 00:46:53,880 --> 00:46:56,160 Speaker 1: her about it, she gets defensive and starts an argument. 876 00:46:56,200 --> 00:46:59,359 Speaker 1: My question is what is the appropriate approach to this 877 00:46:59,400 --> 00:47:02,680 Speaker 1: type of sysie wation without it costing our relationship. I 878 00:47:02,719 --> 00:47:04,960 Speaker 1: really do love her, but I want to find ways 879 00:47:05,000 --> 00:47:10,359 Speaker 1: to communicate my needs without belittling her and hers. First 880 00:47:10,400 --> 00:47:12,719 Speaker 1: thing I will say, sir, is that you guys have 881 00:47:12,760 --> 00:47:15,319 Speaker 1: only been together for a year. In five months, this 882 00:47:15,360 --> 00:47:19,239 Speaker 1: process you're going through now is absolutely normal, and you 883 00:47:19,360 --> 00:47:22,120 Speaker 1: just moved in together. So you're saying, right now, what's 884 00:47:22,120 --> 00:47:24,799 Speaker 1: the appropriate approach? The appropriate approach is to continue to 885 00:47:24,840 --> 00:47:29,319 Speaker 1: have conversations, but also realizing that when someone shows you 886 00:47:29,360 --> 00:47:32,880 Speaker 1: who they are, believe them. You're never going to be 887 00:47:32,960 --> 00:47:38,239 Speaker 1: able to conform someone into becoming a team player. Right. 888 00:47:38,600 --> 00:47:41,600 Speaker 1: You said, based on your prior teachings, you expected that 889 00:47:41,719 --> 00:47:44,120 Speaker 1: she should be cooking, cleaning, et cetera. That was a 890 00:47:44,200 --> 00:47:46,759 Speaker 1: very male, chauvinistic view of the world. But you're also 891 00:47:46,800 --> 00:47:49,680 Speaker 1: admitting that you had to change and you did change. 892 00:47:49,960 --> 00:47:52,080 Speaker 1: At some point, she's gonna have to meet you at 893 00:47:52,120 --> 00:47:54,719 Speaker 1: the same point in life and say, hey, if he's 894 00:47:54,719 --> 00:47:57,000 Speaker 1: gonna put in work, I need to put in work 895 00:47:57,040 --> 00:48:00,440 Speaker 1: as well. And she's going to have to choose to 896 00:48:00,560 --> 00:48:03,799 Speaker 1: do that. You can't talk her into doing it. So 897 00:48:03,840 --> 00:48:06,040 Speaker 1: once you express the things you want and the things 898 00:48:06,080 --> 00:48:08,960 Speaker 1: you need, it is then up to her to decide 899 00:48:09,840 --> 00:48:13,120 Speaker 1: to choose to be that for you. And if she doesn't, 900 00:48:13,640 --> 00:48:17,320 Speaker 1: it is your fault if you stay there and demand 901 00:48:17,360 --> 00:48:19,319 Speaker 1: her to do it, because now you're asking her to 902 00:48:19,320 --> 00:48:21,239 Speaker 1: do something she doesn't want to do, and either one 903 00:48:21,280 --> 00:48:23,480 Speaker 1: of you are going to be happy. There was that, 904 00:48:24,000 --> 00:48:26,239 Speaker 1: and I was gonna say too, It's like maybe a 905 00:48:26,239 --> 00:48:28,400 Speaker 1: good way to approach the situation because he said he 906 00:48:28,400 --> 00:48:29,960 Speaker 1: doesn't want to belittle her. He wants to be able 907 00:48:29,960 --> 00:48:33,120 Speaker 1: to communicate it. Say they, Okay, I know we're both 908 00:48:33,160 --> 00:48:35,640 Speaker 1: working crazy hours. Right I come home at this time, 909 00:48:35,680 --> 00:48:37,080 Speaker 1: you come home at that time. What days do you 910 00:48:37,120 --> 00:48:39,040 Speaker 1: want to do dinner? Because if the days you do dinner, 911 00:48:39,640 --> 00:48:42,560 Speaker 1: I'll clean up, or vice versa. You know, maybe that 912 00:48:42,640 --> 00:48:45,280 Speaker 1: might be a way to develop some sort of strategy 913 00:48:45,320 --> 00:48:47,600 Speaker 1: because living together for the first time, you just don't 914 00:48:47,600 --> 00:48:50,520 Speaker 1: know how people function that that in itself is a shock. 915 00:48:51,000 --> 00:48:55,879 Speaker 1: So learning the routines, um devising plans, trying to find 916 00:48:55,920 --> 00:48:58,440 Speaker 1: the fun in doing it together may entice her to 917 00:48:58,480 --> 00:49:01,280 Speaker 1: do that, because I would hope that she's a twenty 918 00:49:01,280 --> 00:49:04,560 Speaker 1: one year old who can at least keep a home. 919 00:49:05,239 --> 00:49:10,239 Speaker 1: You hope, you hope what I would. I wouldn't bank 920 00:49:10,280 --> 00:49:12,200 Speaker 1: on it, but we would hope that she would be 921 00:49:12,239 --> 00:49:15,400 Speaker 1: able to help to contribute to that for the comfort 922 00:49:15,400 --> 00:49:17,560 Speaker 1: of both of you. This is this is my thing, right, 923 00:49:17,840 --> 00:49:21,879 Speaker 1: and I'm just gonna speak to the men at this point. Right, 924 00:49:22,200 --> 00:49:25,600 Speaker 1: it is not your responsibility to constantly jump through hoops 925 00:49:25,600 --> 00:49:28,200 Speaker 1: to find a way to communicate your knees and wants 926 00:49:28,239 --> 00:49:30,600 Speaker 1: to the women that you're dating. Right, It's both of 927 00:49:30,640 --> 00:49:33,560 Speaker 1: your responsibility. So if you come into this saying what 928 00:49:33,600 --> 00:49:36,080 Speaker 1: can I do, and if you're the only one constantly 929 00:49:36,080 --> 00:49:39,320 Speaker 1: doing work, you're gonna find yourself play kating to that woman, 930 00:49:39,920 --> 00:49:42,360 Speaker 1: and then you're gonna find yourself exhausted because if you 931 00:49:42,360 --> 00:49:44,640 Speaker 1: continue to play kate, she's gonna know that she can 932 00:49:44,680 --> 00:49:47,480 Speaker 1: get things her way if she if she just keep 933 00:49:47,560 --> 00:49:49,319 Speaker 1: telling you do it this way. Try. Kennin and I 934 00:49:49,360 --> 00:49:51,239 Speaker 1: went through this. We went through this in a lot 935 00:49:51,239 --> 00:49:53,879 Speaker 1: of aspects of our life where con I would say 936 00:49:53,880 --> 00:49:55,120 Speaker 1: we can what do you want me to do? And 937 00:49:55,160 --> 00:49:56,839 Speaker 1: she would be like, we'll try this, and I would 938 00:49:56,840 --> 00:49:58,799 Speaker 1: try that and it's still didn't get no change. She said, 939 00:49:58,840 --> 00:50:00,839 Speaker 1: we'll try it this, and it's still don't get no change. 940 00:50:00,960 --> 00:50:03,400 Speaker 1: But finally got changed with me saying Babe, this is 941 00:50:03,440 --> 00:50:05,680 Speaker 1: what I really need or want. You can need to 942 00:50:05,719 --> 00:50:08,719 Speaker 1: do it or you can't, but don't try to manipulate 943 00:50:09,080 --> 00:50:11,719 Speaker 1: me to doing it the way you want it so 944 00:50:11,760 --> 00:50:13,319 Speaker 1: that you can still do what you want to do. 945 00:50:13,360 --> 00:50:17,040 Speaker 1: You see what I'm saying. You're not do what I said, 946 00:50:17,080 --> 00:50:19,279 Speaker 1: but instead cutting to the chase and say this is 947 00:50:19,280 --> 00:50:21,160 Speaker 1: what I need, This is what we should do. Yes, 948 00:50:21,360 --> 00:50:23,080 Speaker 1: Because we live in a world where there are a 949 00:50:23,080 --> 00:50:27,120 Speaker 1: lot of social conditioning that doesn't help either party. For example, 950 00:50:27,840 --> 00:50:30,080 Speaker 1: his mindset of thinking that women are supposed to cook 951 00:50:30,120 --> 00:50:32,880 Speaker 1: and clean into our stuff is just sucking wrong. Like 952 00:50:32,920 --> 00:50:35,120 Speaker 1: we've talked about this for years, like there are no 953 00:50:35,200 --> 00:50:38,640 Speaker 1: there are no more gender roles in like both men 954 00:50:38,719 --> 00:50:41,680 Speaker 1: and women work. Whoever is best app to get whatever 955 00:50:41,760 --> 00:50:43,600 Speaker 1: done in that moment should get it done, Like we've 956 00:50:43,600 --> 00:50:46,360 Speaker 1: already talked about that right, But also we have to 957 00:50:46,360 --> 00:50:49,200 Speaker 1: stop this conditioning that a man is supposed to bend 958 00:50:49,360 --> 00:50:51,839 Speaker 1: his will for the things he wanted need to make 959 00:50:51,880 --> 00:50:54,239 Speaker 1: his wife happy. The whole happy wife, happy life thing 960 00:50:54,360 --> 00:50:57,520 Speaker 1: is not real. It's supposed to be a partnership. She 961 00:50:57,600 --> 00:51:00,400 Speaker 1: should be happy, he should be happy. He can't always 962 00:51:00,440 --> 00:51:03,479 Speaker 1: tiptoe about how he wanted things to make her feel better. 963 00:51:03,920 --> 00:51:05,560 Speaker 1: That's all that's gonna do is continue to push the 964 00:51:05,600 --> 00:51:08,600 Speaker 1: social conditioning that is happy wife, happy life as completely 965 00:51:08,680 --> 00:51:10,640 Speaker 1: get that. I guess I was considering their age, and 966 00:51:10,640 --> 00:51:12,439 Speaker 1: they're young, and they're new and things are still fresh, 967 00:51:12,520 --> 00:51:16,240 Speaker 1: and they're looking for ways to approach conversation, and if 968 00:51:16,360 --> 00:51:19,320 Speaker 1: one tends to get more defensive than the other, sometimes 969 00:51:19,520 --> 00:51:21,600 Speaker 1: I'm just thinking that that might be a lighter way 970 00:51:21,640 --> 00:51:25,600 Speaker 1: to approach the topic to then dive deeper. No, I 971 00:51:25,440 --> 00:51:27,480 Speaker 1: I agree with you. But but my thing is is 972 00:51:27,520 --> 00:51:32,720 Speaker 1: that we've often talked about how for for men and women, 973 00:51:32,840 --> 00:51:35,680 Speaker 1: especially in this day and age, men and women who 974 00:51:35,760 --> 00:51:41,400 Speaker 1: don't come from traditional households haven't seen couples successfully communicate. 975 00:51:42,080 --> 00:51:45,319 Speaker 1: And a lot of times from men, we're told, you know, 976 00:51:45,880 --> 00:51:49,960 Speaker 1: don't say that, or don't say it that way, and 977 00:51:49,960 --> 00:51:53,000 Speaker 1: then it's kind of like, well, realistically, what you're saying 978 00:51:53,040 --> 00:51:54,759 Speaker 1: to me is that what I feel and what I 979 00:51:54,800 --> 00:51:57,200 Speaker 1: need doesn't matter. But let me find a way to 980 00:51:57,320 --> 00:52:00,200 Speaker 1: make you feel better about the things you're not giving me. 981 00:52:00,880 --> 00:52:03,440 Speaker 1: You understand what I'm saying. I get that the approach 982 00:52:03,520 --> 00:52:07,480 Speaker 1: sometimes is needs to be massage depending on the situation, 983 00:52:07,880 --> 00:52:10,200 Speaker 1: and that's fair. But we are also proponents of being 984 00:52:10,360 --> 00:52:13,560 Speaker 1: brutally honest. And that's my point. It's my point is 985 00:52:13,560 --> 00:52:17,080 Speaker 1: is that is the approach only supposed to be taking 986 00:52:17,080 --> 00:52:18,840 Speaker 1: when it's a husband talking to a wife or a 987 00:52:18,840 --> 00:52:20,480 Speaker 1: man talking to her. No, no no, no, I don't know, 988 00:52:21,600 --> 00:52:23,640 Speaker 1: and you know, and and I'm just saying, because he's 989 00:52:23,640 --> 00:52:26,200 Speaker 1: a young man speaking about a woman, I think the 990 00:52:26,239 --> 00:52:28,920 Speaker 1: approach is important, but it's also more important that you 991 00:52:28,960 --> 00:52:33,200 Speaker 1: get your point across. Don't lose your point so focused 992 00:52:33,239 --> 00:52:36,879 Speaker 1: on the approach that you're really placating her, and then 993 00:52:36,920 --> 00:52:39,480 Speaker 1: you can't get upset at her if you never got 994 00:52:39,480 --> 00:52:41,759 Speaker 1: your point across because you were so focused on not 995 00:52:41,880 --> 00:52:44,399 Speaker 1: hurting her feelings. That tends to happen with a lot 996 00:52:44,440 --> 00:52:46,279 Speaker 1: of young men. And this is you know, I got 997 00:52:46,280 --> 00:52:48,360 Speaker 1: my young men's group that I talked to with no, absolutely, 998 00:52:48,360 --> 00:52:50,600 Speaker 1: don't you speaking for that perspective being a young man. 999 00:52:50,640 --> 00:52:52,160 Speaker 1: But I'm thinking in the reverse, if we were a 1000 00:52:52,160 --> 00:52:53,880 Speaker 1: young woman speaking to a young man, like how you 1001 00:52:53,920 --> 00:52:56,040 Speaker 1: say approaching it, because it's like we're trying to tiptoe 1002 00:52:56,040 --> 00:52:58,120 Speaker 1: around this happy wife, happy life. But if it's a man, 1003 00:52:58,920 --> 00:53:00,600 Speaker 1: um if it's a woman to speaking to a man, 1004 00:53:00,680 --> 00:53:03,040 Speaker 1: sometimes we tiptoe because it's like, okay, male ego, like 1005 00:53:03,120 --> 00:53:05,040 Speaker 1: we don't want to bruise that, so we're trying to 1006 00:53:05,040 --> 00:53:09,320 Speaker 1: find a way to approach the conversation without it. I 1007 00:53:09,400 --> 00:53:10,680 Speaker 1: do hear what you're saying. But if you listen to 1008 00:53:10,680 --> 00:53:14,160 Speaker 1: how I speak to the female the women who write 1009 00:53:14,160 --> 00:53:16,399 Speaker 1: in for listening to letters, I tell them the same 1010 00:53:16,520 --> 00:53:18,319 Speaker 1: same thing. I tell them, you got to talk to 1011 00:53:18,360 --> 00:53:20,319 Speaker 1: and be honest, tell them what you need. I'm not 1012 00:53:20,680 --> 00:53:23,799 Speaker 1: gonna tell him to be careful with your approach and 1013 00:53:23,840 --> 00:53:26,400 Speaker 1: then tell women, no, tell them what you need, because 1014 00:53:26,440 --> 00:53:29,400 Speaker 1: then that goes to the whole happy wife, happy life things. 1015 00:53:29,800 --> 00:53:33,160 Speaker 1: For me, it's especially early on be who you want 1016 00:53:33,200 --> 00:53:35,400 Speaker 1: to be for the rest of your life when you 1017 00:53:35,440 --> 00:53:38,080 Speaker 1: meet someone, because if you plan on tiptoe one for 1018 00:53:38,120 --> 00:53:40,000 Speaker 1: the rest of your life, then that's fine. You're prepared 1019 00:53:40,040 --> 00:53:42,920 Speaker 1: to tiptoe, but if you plan on being direct, think 1020 00:53:42,960 --> 00:53:44,640 Speaker 1: about how many people say to me. I can't believe 1021 00:53:44,640 --> 00:53:47,319 Speaker 1: how Devot talks to Cade and how many men I 1022 00:53:47,320 --> 00:53:49,719 Speaker 1: can't believe how she talks to Devout. I know you 1023 00:53:49,760 --> 00:53:51,920 Speaker 1: can't believe it because you see two people who have 1024 00:53:51,960 --> 00:53:55,000 Speaker 1: found a way to communicate open, honestly and in real time. 1025 00:53:55,320 --> 00:53:58,080 Speaker 1: And it helps us because I never have to sift 1026 00:53:58,120 --> 00:54:00,560 Speaker 1: through the fog to find out what could be the same. 1027 00:54:01,239 --> 00:54:03,600 Speaker 1: You came to me the other day. We were in 1028 00:54:03,600 --> 00:54:06,919 Speaker 1: the theater. I was on the phone with Donorra having 1029 00:54:06,920 --> 00:54:10,320 Speaker 1: a business conversation. Kadin came in trying to fix something 1030 00:54:10,360 --> 00:54:14,000 Speaker 1: for the laptop, and she just started talking to the 1031 00:54:14,000 --> 00:54:15,800 Speaker 1: person in the laptop while I was on the phone. 1032 00:54:16,120 --> 00:54:18,560 Speaker 1: So in jest, I was talking to Donorra and I 1033 00:54:18,600 --> 00:54:20,439 Speaker 1: was just like, yo, you know, Codeine is doing something, 1034 00:54:20,440 --> 00:54:22,160 Speaker 1: so whatever she's doing is more important and I'm doing 1035 00:54:22,200 --> 00:54:24,960 Speaker 1: so let me go, let me leave. And right afterwards 1036 00:54:25,000 --> 00:54:26,960 Speaker 1: Codeine was standing there with just like, I don't appreciate 1037 00:54:27,040 --> 00:54:30,200 Speaker 1: you saying that to Donorra, making it seem as if 1038 00:54:30,200 --> 00:54:33,000 Speaker 1: I don't care about your thoughts. We didn't have a 1039 00:54:33,000 --> 00:54:35,279 Speaker 1: case a conversation about how you approached me, it was 1040 00:54:35,320 --> 00:54:37,960 Speaker 1: more like, well, why do you feel that way? You 1041 00:54:38,000 --> 00:54:40,800 Speaker 1: see what I'm saying, because to me it wasn't hey baby, 1042 00:54:40,840 --> 00:54:43,759 Speaker 1: Just just so you know, I didn't like how you 1043 00:54:43,800 --> 00:54:45,359 Speaker 1: know you came to me. You said, um, I don't 1044 00:54:45,360 --> 00:54:50,479 Speaker 1: appreciate you saying that I didn't care. Now, somebody else 1045 00:54:50,520 --> 00:54:53,239 Speaker 1: probably would be like, wow, look how she checked it out. 1046 00:54:53,600 --> 00:54:57,799 Speaker 1: Think about checking say how you feel, honestly, openly and 1047 00:54:57,840 --> 00:55:00,279 Speaker 1: in real time, so we can fix the problem. That's it. 1048 00:55:00,440 --> 00:55:02,920 Speaker 1: And if y'all want to have longevity and relationships, it 1049 00:55:03,000 --> 00:55:06,280 Speaker 1: got to be like that both ways. Men and women. Women, 1050 00:55:06,280 --> 00:55:08,839 Speaker 1: you got a problem with your man, tell them, don't 1051 00:55:08,880 --> 00:55:11,239 Speaker 1: worry about his ego, because if you're constantly worried about 1052 00:55:11,239 --> 00:55:12,600 Speaker 1: his ego, you're not going to get the things that 1053 00:55:12,680 --> 00:55:16,439 Speaker 1: you need. Man, tell her, if you're constantly worried about 1054 00:55:16,440 --> 00:55:18,279 Speaker 1: her being defensive in her attitude, you're not going to 1055 00:55:18,360 --> 00:55:20,120 Speaker 1: get what you need because you're going to constantly be 1056 00:55:20,160 --> 00:55:22,920 Speaker 1: play kating. So I'm going to be whatever good for 1057 00:55:22,920 --> 00:55:24,680 Speaker 1: the goose is good for the gain, whether it's a 1058 00:55:24,719 --> 00:55:28,680 Speaker 1: male or female writing in So love that, love it 1059 00:55:28,960 --> 00:55:31,560 Speaker 1: all right, y'all keep writing in and if you want 1060 00:55:31,560 --> 00:55:34,160 Speaker 1: to best featured as a listener letter, you can email 1061 00:55:34,280 --> 00:55:37,920 Speaker 1: us at data as Advice at gmail dot com. That's right, 1062 00:55:37,960 --> 00:55:40,160 Speaker 1: that's d E A D A S S A d 1063 00:55:40,280 --> 00:55:44,839 Speaker 1: V I C E at gmail dot com. All right, 1064 00:55:45,160 --> 00:55:49,840 Speaker 1: when it comes to discipline, you want to wrap the 1065 00:55:49,840 --> 00:55:51,880 Speaker 1: show up at the moment of truth time. This is 1066 00:55:51,920 --> 00:55:54,640 Speaker 1: my moment of truth, I said earlier. Discipline, not desire, 1067 00:55:54,719 --> 00:55:58,239 Speaker 1: determines your destination. But there are ways for you to 1068 00:55:58,400 --> 00:56:04,400 Speaker 1: work on being more disciplined person. Period, Get an accountability partner, 1069 00:56:04,760 --> 00:56:07,160 Speaker 1: Practice doing things that you don't want to do, and 1070 00:56:07,160 --> 00:56:09,839 Speaker 1: practice doing them over a long period of time so 1071 00:56:09,880 --> 00:56:11,920 Speaker 1: that when the moment arise in your life, when you're 1072 00:56:11,920 --> 00:56:15,080 Speaker 1: trying to take that next level and adversity hits, you 1073 00:56:15,160 --> 00:56:17,680 Speaker 1: have the discipline in place to continue to move forward 1074 00:56:17,880 --> 00:56:19,840 Speaker 1: so that you can get what you want and what 1075 00:56:19,960 --> 00:56:23,160 Speaker 1: you need out of life instead of accepting whatever comes 1076 00:56:23,440 --> 00:56:25,239 Speaker 1: because that's the easiest thing for you to do when 1077 00:56:25,239 --> 00:56:27,920 Speaker 1: that life happened to you, folks, um And then for me, 1078 00:56:27,960 --> 00:56:31,080 Speaker 1: I think, my, my, my, My moment of truth is um. 1079 00:56:31,160 --> 00:56:34,719 Speaker 1: No one knows you more than you, and sometimes I 1080 00:56:34,719 --> 00:56:36,080 Speaker 1: feel like we need to get out of our own 1081 00:56:36,080 --> 00:56:40,960 Speaker 1: way because you pretend is if you have the discipline, 1082 00:56:41,600 --> 00:56:44,480 Speaker 1: and you pretend as if, oh the motivation, the motivation 1083 00:56:44,600 --> 00:56:47,160 Speaker 1: is here. It's not there. That's not motivating that you 1084 00:56:47,200 --> 00:56:51,479 Speaker 1: know yourself best, stop all the bullshit. You know what's 1085 00:56:51,480 --> 00:56:53,879 Speaker 1: going to be required to get you what you need 1086 00:56:53,920 --> 00:56:56,920 Speaker 1: to get to, what's going to be required for that discipline. 1087 00:56:57,239 --> 00:57:00,600 Speaker 1: The sooner you realize that, and the sooner you're implement 1088 00:57:00,640 --> 00:57:02,960 Speaker 1: things and put things into place to allow you to 1089 00:57:03,040 --> 00:57:06,239 Speaker 1: be disciplined, the faster you'll achieve the things that you want. 1090 00:57:06,680 --> 00:57:09,640 Speaker 1: I need to listen to my own moment because just 1091 00:57:09,719 --> 00:57:12,040 Speaker 1: the ship that just be happening and the stuff that 1092 00:57:12,080 --> 00:57:14,440 Speaker 1: I'd be saying to y'all, and then it clicks when 1093 00:57:14,440 --> 00:57:16,600 Speaker 1: I'm sitting here, and then I just have to implement 1094 00:57:16,640 --> 00:57:18,360 Speaker 1: it in life. Okay, so we know we're in the 1095 00:57:18,360 --> 00:57:20,920 Speaker 1: same boat sintimes. Okay, we're in the same boat. And 1096 00:57:20,960 --> 00:57:22,520 Speaker 1: when one thing you've learned about that it's never too 1097 00:57:22,560 --> 00:57:24,760 Speaker 1: late to get started, never too late to get started. 1098 00:57:24,800 --> 00:57:27,640 Speaker 1: Do it now? Do it now? All right? I love that. 1099 00:57:28,040 --> 00:57:30,120 Speaker 1: All Right, y'all, be sure to follow us on social 1100 00:57:30,160 --> 00:57:33,760 Speaker 1: media if you're not already dead. As the podcast, I'm Cadine, 1101 00:57:33,760 --> 00:57:35,640 Speaker 1: I am and I am devout, And if you're listening 1102 00:57:35,640 --> 00:57:40,120 Speaker 1: on Apple podcasts, be sure to rate you and subscribe. 1103 00:57:40,280 --> 00:57:42,760 Speaker 1: Scribe and it's not too late to tell a friend, y'all, 1104 00:57:42,960 --> 00:57:45,440 Speaker 1: you know, tell your friends, and tell your mama. Whoever, 1105 00:57:45,800 --> 00:57:50,000 Speaker 1: we love to listen. Dead as dead Ass is a 1106 00:57:50,040 --> 00:57:52,960 Speaker 1: production of I Heart Media podcast Network and is produced 1107 00:57:52,960 --> 00:57:56,600 Speaker 1: by the Norapinia and Triple Follow the podcast on social 1108 00:57:56,600 --> 00:57:59,040 Speaker 1: media at dead as to podcasts and never miss a 1109 00:57:59,080 --> 00:58:08,920 Speaker 1: Thing is wi I