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Speaker 1: This is the pread show.

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Speaker 2: Dame is taking over Las Vegas this January for his

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Speaker 2: seven night President Adoby Live at Park MGM. And we've

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Speaker 2: got a trip for two to the January twenty fifth

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Speaker 2: show to night Hotel State at Park MGM January twenty

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Speaker 2: fourth through the twenty sixth and round trip airfare. Text

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Speaker 2: dusk to three seven three three seven now for a

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Speaker 2: chance to win. A confirmation text will be sent standard

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Speaker 2: message of data rates may apply.

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Speaker 1: All thanks to Live Nation, stay or go.

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Speaker 2: By the way, Daddy Bob Chairman did text me back.

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Speaker 2: He did invent MTV and spring break. And as for

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Speaker 2: liability a little looser times back then, No pun intended

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Speaker 2: because I asked him. I was like, how did you

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Speaker 2: like sleep at night when you were doing this stuff?

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Speaker 2: Because I you know now you couldn't only that you

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Speaker 2: could do it, you had a near one. I have

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Speaker 2: just signed waivers and yeah, you'd have fifty lawyers out there.

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Speaker 2: And is social distancing and masks and rap people in

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Speaker 2: late next time his allergies right, Oh god, I mean,

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Speaker 2: what kind of candy do we have always for the

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Speaker 2: kids that don't eat candy?

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Speaker 1: What are we doing here? You know, are the right right,

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Speaker 1: how much is babysitting? What do we do? I got

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Speaker 1: to pay for prep time? That's crazy?

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Speaker 3: Why is?

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Speaker 1: That's another thing?

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Speaker 4: Is?

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Speaker 2: And you know what, I think you should flip the

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Speaker 2: script on these babysitter types, like if you know and look,

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Speaker 2: I like this, I understand that it's not five bucks

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Speaker 2: an hour anymore, ten or fifteen or you know whatever,

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Speaker 2: and it's a big responsibility and you will and if

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Speaker 2: you get somebody good. I also have heard it can

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Speaker 2: be very competitive, where like people will find a good

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Speaker 2: babysitter and they don't want to tell their friends about

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Speaker 2: her because they want to make sure that she's available. Yeah,

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Speaker 2: that's real on like Saturday nights for them, And so

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Speaker 2: a lot of them will pay even more to make

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Speaker 2: sure that they're the preferred house, right Exactly, you can

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Speaker 2: flip the script and be like, hey, if I'm paying

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Speaker 2: a premium rate, like so let's say thirty bucks, people

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Speaker 2: seem to agree on the text that in our little

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Speaker 2: focus group here, that that thirty bucks is a premium

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Speaker 2: rate for a babysitter. If I'm paying that, what language

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Speaker 2: do you speak?

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Speaker 5: What?

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Speaker 6: Like?

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Speaker 1: What? What what are you bringing to the table here?

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Speaker 2: You know?

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Speaker 1: Like what what are we? Are you an artist? Are

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Speaker 1: you do you?

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Speaker 2: I mean, come on, like, okay, you're prepping for what

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Speaker 2: to teach my kid how to speak you know Mandarin? Okay, great,

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Speaker 2: let's do it. Like that's amazing, I'm all for it.

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Speaker 2: That's thirty bucks an hour, that's real.

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Speaker 1: It's expensive. You guys, stay safe out there.

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Speaker 2: Honestly, if I ever had a kid, and I don't

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Speaker 2: think it's happening, but if I ever had a kid,

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Speaker 2: we were saying this off the air, like I would

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Speaker 2: absolutely if I had babysitters or help or whatever, if

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Speaker 2: I if I could afford that, then I would. Those

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Speaker 2: people would bring something to the table that I well,

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Speaker 2: in addition to like knowing how to deal with children

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Speaker 2: they like and keeping them safe and things like that

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Speaker 2: that I don't know how to feed them and things

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Speaker 2: I don't know how to do, they would have to

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Speaker 2: I mean a language like like different sort of perspective,

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Speaker 2: and I would almost be do you speak to little

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Speaker 2: Freddie and whatever whatever your native tongue is, Like, that's

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Speaker 2: the that you guys can interact like that, because yes,

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Speaker 2: because I want my kid to be waste more than

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Speaker 2: I am here and I don't I think speaking more

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Speaker 2: than one language is almost has become like the way

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Speaker 2: it needs it should be the way it is in

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Speaker 2: the world.

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Speaker 1: So say ergo.

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Speaker 2: This is a note that we got and this woman

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Speaker 2: does not want to be on the air, but she

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Speaker 2: wanted us to read this entire email. So I want

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Speaker 2: to know what you guys think. We're debating some relationship

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Speaker 2: dramming here. I feel like this is pretty relatable eight five, five, five,

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Speaker 2: nine one one oh three five. Unfortunately, I think people

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Speaker 2: can relate to this, but it says Dear Fred's show.

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Speaker 2: I'm struggling to decide if I should stay with my

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Speaker 2: husband of three years together for nine and would love

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Speaker 2: some insight. We started having problems about two years ago,

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Speaker 2: and I feel like we just can't seem to stay

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Speaker 2: in a happy place. I did start going to therapy

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Speaker 2: shortly after the problem started, and eventually he did too.

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Speaker 2: We even started doing couples sessions in addition to our

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Speaker 2: individual sessions. They seem to help for a bit, at

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Speaker 2: least in the sense that we'd fix the problem, but

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Speaker 2: then after a few weeks we'd be having the same

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Speaker 2: arguments all over again. We just had a baby in

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Speaker 2: March and he was two months early, so that led

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Speaker 2: to a five week nick U stay for him and

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Speaker 2: a Ronald McDonald house stay for us. To say that

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Speaker 2: that tested our relationship would be an understatement. I guess

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Speaker 2: part of me really hoped that he would finally step

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Speaker 2: up to be the man I wanted and needed once

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Speaker 2: he became a father. Don't get me wrong, he is

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Speaker 2: not a bad person. But I feel like I'm putting

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Speaker 2: all my energy into saving our relationship, but despite me asking,

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Speaker 2: he's not doing the same. I never wanted a broken

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Speaker 2: family for my baby, but I know that I also

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Speaker 2: don't want him to grow up in a home full

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Speaker 2: of anger and arguments. I've contemplated staying until my baby

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Speaker 2: is a year old, but even that has started to

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Speaker 2: feel like an impossible challenge. I'm starting to wonder if

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Speaker 2: we're even compatible anymore. But I don't know what the

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Speaker 2: right answer is. I would love all of your input.

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Speaker 2: Thanks for your time. First of I don't know none

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Speaker 2: of us fortunately have any experience in all of that.

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Speaker 2: You've got a relationship that with struggles, You've got a

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Speaker 2: kid now, a kid that was sick. I mean, I

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Speaker 2: know that that is incredibly stressful for relationships. And so

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Speaker 2: you add that challenge to all of this, and it's like,

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Speaker 2: you know, what person am I getting?

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Speaker 6: Right? Like?

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Speaker 2: Am I We're so stressed out? You know, we're trying

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Speaker 2: to take care of our baby, and so I mean,

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Speaker 2: you separate that from all of this. But they were

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Speaker 2: having problems before that. Again, I don't know that it's

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Speaker 2: fair to judge people when they're under pressure, but they're

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Speaker 2: both under pressure, and and she doesn't feel supported. And

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Speaker 2: I don't know how he feels because we haven't heard

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Speaker 2: his side of it. But eight five, five, five, nine

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Speaker 2: one oh three five I'm curious what would you guys

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Speaker 2: do in this situation? I mean, this woman, you know,

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Speaker 2: she doesn't feel like she's connecting with their partner anymore,

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Speaker 2: and you know they have gone to therapy and they

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Speaker 2: at least she's tried. It seems. I don't know what

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Speaker 2: comes to mind. You're the married one, what would you do?

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Speaker 1: I am a married woman.

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Speaker 7: Honestly, you said the situation is a little bit different,

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Speaker 7: and you know there's they were they have.

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Speaker 1: A child, right, and then there was some health stuff

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Speaker 1: going on.

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Speaker 7: But I do feel like the first I say, almost

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Speaker 7: two years of being postpartum as a woman is already

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Speaker 7: just extremely difficult, and I think it's difficult for both parties, right,

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Speaker 7: Like you're not going to connect as much. You're not

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Speaker 7: going to feel the same as you did, like you know,

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Speaker 7: when you first met or even when you first like

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Speaker 7: got married or whatever. It might be just because there's

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Speaker 7: so much going on the first year for sure, but

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Speaker 7: I almost extended to two years of post baby life.

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Speaker 1: Life is different.

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Speaker 7: They're going through a lot of stuff right now too,

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Speaker 7: and they did with their own child. So I feel

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Speaker 7: like if both parties want to, like, exactly like in

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Speaker 7: therapy discussed this, do you want to be in this relationship?

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Speaker 7: Do you want to work through this? Because if you don't,

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Speaker 7: then one person's already out the door whatever. Then I

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Speaker 7: would say this isn't gonna work. But I feel like

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Speaker 7: it's so hard when you are freshly postpartum to really

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Speaker 7: like make that choice, right which is to feel like, oh,

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Speaker 7: do I want to be in this relationship or not?

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Speaker 7: Because they say it's the hardest. The challenges relationships and

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Speaker 7: marriages a lot.

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Speaker 8: And they were having problems beforehand, and I think she's

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Speaker 8: just looking for some effort. It's interesting.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, I don't know.

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Speaker 8: That's hard if you're already having existing issues. We know,

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Speaker 8: kids don't fix anything, They make them more difficulty.

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Speaker 1: That's what I mean.

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Speaker 2: Like the problem was there, and then they introduce a kid,

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Speaker 2: and then you introduce some of the biological things that

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Speaker 2: occur anyway, and then on top of that, you introduce

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Speaker 2: the stress of the kid being early and those challenges.

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Speaker 8: Yeah, I would say, like you said, have a conversation

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Speaker 8: where it's just a blacker white question, do you want

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Speaker 8: to save this?

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Speaker 2: You know?

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Speaker 8: And both parties answer, And then if there is no

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Speaker 8: emotional or physical abuse, I say, then try to maybe

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Speaker 8: work through it a little bit more, because it would

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Speaker 8: be a very difficult time to go through a separation

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Speaker 8: as well, and it is hard on both parties. But

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Speaker 8: she said that getting to the end of the year

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Speaker 8: even sounds difficult for her right now, which makes me wonder,

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Speaker 8: you know, what else is going on?

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Speaker 1: Yeah, Hey Jen, Hello, good morning, Hi Jen, good morning.

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Speaker 2: So you you heard this scenario and stayergo and you're

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Speaker 2: saying stay.

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Speaker 6: Why I say stay? So my husband and I are

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Speaker 6: actually going through almost the sac same thing. Like it's crazy,

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Speaker 6: insaying how many couples are going through this right now?

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Speaker 6: So what's helping us is actually reading that book The

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Speaker 6: Five Languages. It's a popular one and it teaches people

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Speaker 6: what your partner's language might be, and it could be

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Speaker 6: like two different languages, like he's seaking one and she's

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Speaker 6: speaking another, and they're just not on the same page.

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Speaker 6: So getting an insight like that and actually writing something

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Speaker 6: down like Okay, well this would make me feel loved

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Speaker 6: or this would make me feel hurd or open, and

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Speaker 6: then they both do the same thing and it's like,

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Speaker 6: oh okay, something might click and they understand each other better.

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Speaker 6: And the whole thing with the baby and the Nike

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Speaker 6: you we actually had that too, and it's really hard,

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Speaker 6: and having a new baby is puts so much stress

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Speaker 6: on a relationship. But you have to like try and

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Speaker 6: look at all your options to see what helps you

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Speaker 6: guys reconnect and understand each other because communication is so

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Speaker 6: important and if they're like speaking totally different languages towards

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Speaker 6: each other, it's never gonna help.

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Speaker 2: The language thing is temporarily better to your point, and

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Speaker 2: the love language thing is really impactful because you're right,

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Speaker 2: I mean, I could be communicating, you know in a way,

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Speaker 2: or I could be sharing my affection with you in

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Speaker 2: a way that isn't as useful as as a different way.

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Speaker 2: You know, maybe I'm a gift giver or maybe I'm

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Speaker 2: a time spent person in your words of affirmation person

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Speaker 2: and so here I think I'm putting in the effort,

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Speaker 2: but it's not landing with you. It's not resonating with

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Speaker 2: you the way I wanted to because I'm not connecting

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Speaker 2: with you in a way that would be more productive.

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Speaker 6: Yes, it's so real. How that is like that My

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Speaker 6: husband and I were completely different too, so like we're

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Speaker 6: trying so hard. I have to like were ready to

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Speaker 6: post it notes now like I felt this such and

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Speaker 6: such way, and then it will come back to it later.

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Speaker 6: Because he's a talker and he's the more the physical

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Speaker 6: touch with I think most guys are, and I'm the

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Speaker 6: quality time type of person. So it's they might just

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Speaker 6: have very different things. So I think she should stay

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Speaker 6: for now and really look at all the options. So

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Speaker 6: I'm curious to know it's the therapist that they've been

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Speaker 6: going to even suggest to that or you know, brought

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Speaker 6: something like that to their attention.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, thank you, Jen, I appreciate it, and I hope

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Speaker 2: everything gets better. No, thanks, good, Yeah, I glad you

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Speaker 2: called it. And there are a few people on the

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Speaker 2: text saying and you do hear this sometimes like if

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Speaker 2: things are going so poor, then why have a child? Well,

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Speaker 2: I mean there are lots of variables there, like did

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Speaker 2: they mean to have the child and then yeah, this, sir,

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Speaker 2: I've heard of scenarios where things are going terribly and

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Speaker 2: it's like, well, let's let's make a kid and then

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Speaker 2: that'll bring us closer together. Now that's not necessarily great logic.

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Speaker 4: I wouldn't.

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Speaker 2: I wouldn't say let's add a really really stressful element

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Speaker 2: to something that's already not working.

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Speaker 1: But I don't know.

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Speaker 2: I mean, I think there are people that just relationships

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Speaker 2: are hard. And I'm saying this mostly based on what

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Speaker 2: I know what I'm not firsthand, but relationship. I think

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Speaker 2: we would all agree relationships are hard, and so I

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Speaker 2: think maybe some people just assume that it's going to

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Speaker 2: be challenging and then they still go about their goals

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Speaker 2: of creating a family. And maybe maybe for her, the

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Speaker 2: idea of divorcing him really wasn't on the forefront until recently,

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Speaker 2: you know, so it's like, well, I'm not going to

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Speaker 2: leave him. We're gonna work through this. It's a hard time,

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Speaker 2: we're going to get past it. But then as issues compound,

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Speaker 2: it gets worse. So I don't know that it's as

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Speaker 2: simple as why go and have a kid when things

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Speaker 2: aren't going well.

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Speaker 1: I don't know that that. I don't know.

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Speaker 2: We don't know enough to say if that was the

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Speaker 2: logic or not. Hey Emily, Hey, hi Emily, you hear

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Speaker 2: this day?

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Speaker 6: Orgo?

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Speaker 1: What do you think?

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Speaker 3: I think that she needs to take all the energy

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Speaker 3: she's spending worrying about her marriage and everything else and

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Speaker 3: just focus on the child. They didn't. It doesn't sound

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Speaker 3: like they were in a solid place before the child.

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Speaker 3: It's not going to get better. And like, honestly, she

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Speaker 3: didn't list any reason for being with him, you know,

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Speaker 3: and I yours can It could be she needs health

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Speaker 3: insurance or x y Z, but it's like, you know,

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Speaker 3: why is one to enhance your life, not someone that's

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Speaker 3: going to make it more stressful.

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Speaker 2: Well, in fairness, if she's going to do that, Emily,

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Speaker 2: if she's not, if she's just going to sort of

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Speaker 2: abandon any effort towards the relationship, then she should leave

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Speaker 2: it right because that's not going to help anything. If

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Speaker 2: she just says, all right, I'm going to pretending this

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Speaker 2: guy's not even there and focus on my kid, well,

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Speaker 2: then then leave right.

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Speaker 3: No, yeah, I said leave like she should focus on

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Speaker 3: health relationship and just focus on the child.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, yeah, because yeah, Okay, I get what you're saying.

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Speaker 2: Thank you, Emily, you have a good day. Yeah, fine,

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Speaker 2: glad you called? Hey Ki, Hi Katie, Hi, are you hi?

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Speaker 1: Good morning? So sadly you've been in this situation, but

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Speaker 1: you're saying stay.

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Speaker 9: Yes, absolutely, would tell me mom. We So we have

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Speaker 9: my husband and I have been together or we've been

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Speaker 9: married for ten years together, almost fourteen, four kids, lots

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Speaker 9: of stress. We almost lost our two months or our

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Speaker 9: baby when she was two months old TRFB. So we

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Speaker 9: were at the university for a few weeks. We just

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Speaker 9: dealt with a two months stay at Riley with my

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Speaker 9: nine year old for crones.

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Speaker 7: Okay, So we've had.

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Speaker 9: A lot of a lot of stressful situations with our kids.

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Speaker 9: Health wise. Money's tight. We both work full time, but

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Speaker 9: supporting four kids is difficult. But you're going to have

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Speaker 9: a lot of these stressful situations in your marriage and

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Speaker 9: you kind of just have to look at each other

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Speaker 9: and say is it worth it? And you just have

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Speaker 9: to stop and say, you know, I love you, you love me.

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Speaker 9: At the end of the day, that's all we need.

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Speaker 9: We're going to just work through it.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, yeah, I mean it takes a lot of strength.

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Speaker 2: You know. There are people saying in the text. One says,

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Speaker 2: does he do have his half of the parenting? If

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Speaker 2: he doesn't now, he never will. Do you think that's true?

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Speaker 2: I mean, is it if the effort is there? I mean,

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Speaker 2: is that what we're looking for. We're looking for the effort.

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Speaker 2: Even you we disconnect, You're.

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Speaker 9: You're going to put into it what you want to

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Speaker 9: put into it. So if he's not wanting to put

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Speaker 9: that effort towards it, then maybe stop and you know,

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Speaker 9: look at what you are dealing with. But I mean,

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Speaker 9: it's a fifty to fifty thing, especially when you have

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Speaker 9: kids and when you're both working. Everyone has to work now,

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Speaker 9: and if he's not putting toward his effort and he hasn't,

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Speaker 9: then you kind of need to, you know, look at

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Speaker 9: that and say, maybe this isn't worth it.

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Speaker 1: She did say his effort is lacking.

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Speaker 8: That's what she told me. And she's asked multiple times

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Speaker 8: she feels like she's putting in more effort for the relationship.

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Speaker 9: Then yes, well then I mean you can have that

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Speaker 9: conversation with him, and if he doesn't seem to get it,

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Speaker 9: then that would definitely be something that I would kind

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Speaker 9: of look into a little bit further.

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Speaker 1: Well, Katie, thank you for listening, for sharing, and good luck.

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Speaker 6: Thank you you too.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, I have a good day.

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Speaker 2: And again, you know, if he were unwilling to get

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Speaker 2: any sort of outside help, be it you know, therapy

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Speaker 2: or faith based or whatever it is, then you could say, well,

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Speaker 2: he maybe he's depressed or he has some sort of

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Speaker 2: something going on with him that if that's rectified, then

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Speaker 2: that might improve the situation, because sometimes you know, you

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Speaker 2: can get in your own head to where everything seems

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Speaker 2: daunting and then you're not really maybe feeling like you're

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Speaker 2: being productive or valuable to anyone. But it sounds like

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Speaker 2: he's done some of that. So he has made an effort.

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Speaker 2: I don't know how much, but it's not as though

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Speaker 2: he's living this way and then saying why, well, I'm

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Speaker 2: not going to do anything about it, which we do

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Speaker 2: here sometimes in this thing, Hey, Laurie, you went through

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Speaker 2: something similar, and you say go. We've had stay and

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Speaker 2: we've had go from people who know this. Unfortunately, why

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Speaker 2: why go?

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Speaker 4: Because he's not going to change, and how do we

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Speaker 4: know we can hope?

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Speaker 3: Well, I went through it.

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Speaker 4: I hoped that when the Whitehurst, that when the.

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Speaker 5: Baby came, he would step up, you know, be there.

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Speaker 5: And he was sometimes sometimes he was great, and then

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Speaker 5: he would go back to doing what.

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Speaker 4: He wanted to do and not be in there. And

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Speaker 4: it was fighting. And I tried to five years to

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Speaker 4: make it work. But the same thing. He'll get you know,

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Speaker 4: he's going to step up, He's going to step up.

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Speaker 4: He was a great guy. He's still a great guy.

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Speaker 4: We're still friends. We co parented together, but the unhappiness

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Speaker 4: never went away. We tried, you know, working it out,

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Speaker 4: and we tried working it out, and he would get

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Speaker 4: better for a little bit, and then he would just

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Speaker 4: fly right back into his ways of doing what he

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Speaker 4: wanted to do. And he was a great husband and

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Speaker 4: a great father when he wanted to be.

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Speaker 1: So no consistence, but no consistency.

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Speaker 2: Well, Laurie, I'm sorry, but I appreciate their perspective. Have

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Speaker 2: a good day too. I'm not sure we've helped much

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Speaker 2: because you get a lot of people who've been through

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Speaker 2: this calling in and it's about fifty to fifty go, stay, go.

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Speaker 2: I'm looking at all these right now, a lot of

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Speaker 2: go and then a lot of stay. You've committed almost

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Speaker 2: nine years to this, so or ten years to this,

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Speaker 2: so you got to stick with it, you got to

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Speaker 2: write it out, and you got a lot of this.

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Speaker 1: Love is not all you need. Yeah, Yeah,