Speaker 1: Are you leave in I you wanna way back home?
Speaker 2: Either way, we want to be there.
Speaker 1: Doesn't matter how much baggage you claim and give us
Speaker 1: time and a terminol and gay a.
Speaker 2: We want to send you off InStyle.
Speaker 1: We want to welcome you back home. Tell us all
Speaker 1: about it.
Speaker 2: We scared her? Was it fine?
Speaker 3: Now?
Speaker 2: Porn? Do you need to ride? Do you need to ride?
Speaker 2: Do you need to ride? Do you need to ride?
Speaker 4: Do you need to ride?
Speaker 2: Do you need to ride?
Speaker 3: Ride? Do you need.
Speaker 5: With Karen and Chris.
Speaker 4: Welcome to Do you need a ride?
Speaker 2: My name is Chris Fairbanks and my name is Karen Kilgareth.
Speaker 4: Usually I just say I'm Chris Fairbanks. I thought I
Speaker 4: threw the name the word name in there.
Speaker 2: I thought it was great improv Yeah, clearly you've been
Speaker 2: taking some zoom UCB classes, which I respect because grind, grind, grind,
Speaker 2: and you're.
Speaker 4: In good job building the scene by yes, ending my
Speaker 4: use of that and just kind of rolled with that
Speaker 4: punch because that did come out of left field and
Speaker 4: it was kind of a crazy thing for me to do.
Speaker 2: Listen, as a woman in twenty twenty, you just got
Speaker 2: to You've got to be able to adapt. I think
Speaker 2: we all know that, don't we.
Speaker 6: I think I'm learning that about women. They're crazy, right,
Speaker 6: yeah they beugh. Oh Jesus, ladies, don't get me started, Karen,
Speaker 6: I will get.
Speaker 2: You started for the first fourteen minutes of this podcast.
Speaker 4: How are you great? Yeah? Real good, good good.
Speaker 3: Yeah.
Speaker 4: I had a good day. I think I've completed my
Speaker 4: Christmas shopping.
Speaker 2: Oh congratulations, yeah, eighteenth today? Yeah. Yeah.
Speaker 4: Usually well, I'm usually wandering around the mall on Christmas
Speaker 4: Eve like the worst uncle ever. And this is as
Speaker 4: late as you can be when it has to be
Speaker 4: done online. So I'm pretty proud of myself.
Speaker 2: I'm proud of you too. I also feel like we
Speaker 2: all learned because of the election that we have to
Speaker 2: we have to know postal routes and timing. I swear
Speaker 2: to God. In like March, the third week of March,
Speaker 2: I got an order and I can't even remember ordering this,
Speaker 2: but they were some kind of strange nylones that I'd
Speaker 2: ordered on Amazon. And when they when I opened it,
Speaker 2: there was a piece of paper that was completely written there.
Speaker 2: It was characters I didn't recognize, and I immediately was like,
Speaker 2: I think I should just throw these away because that
Speaker 2: was back when we were like wiping down cereal boxes
Speaker 2: and stuff, where I was like, is this safe?
Speaker 4: Oh totally yeah, it's so horrifying. I was getting so
Speaker 4: used to the taste of soap because I'd let it
Speaker 4: build up on the edge of my can and i
Speaker 4: would just drink dish soap and I'm like, it's better
Speaker 4: than dying, better than dying on so much soap in
Speaker 4: my body.
Speaker 2: You know what that reminds me of as our guest today.
Speaker 4: Yeah, I like how we pretended he wasn't here. He
Speaker 4: does rude politely politely sitting there.
Speaker 2: We were like two rich people that were ignoring the
Speaker 2: waiter in the fucking most awful way possible.
Speaker 4: Yeah.
Speaker 3: Yeah, I was waiting in the back of the wall
Speaker 3: to get tagged into the scene. Yeah yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Speaker 4: Yes, you've done.
Speaker 2: Let's give him the official intro though.
Speaker 4: Yes, of course, Alan Strickland Williams is our guest today.
Speaker 3: Wow, officials, it's official.
Speaker 2: You're hearing it.
Speaker 3: Elecro College has voted it's real.
Speaker 2: And you can take us a court and it ain't
Speaker 2: gonna work.
Speaker 3: Yeah, and you got to say what I said right
Speaker 3: back on me.
Speaker 4: That's how you build a scene. Yeah, it's good to
Speaker 4: see you.
Speaker 3: It's going to see you two, both of y'all and
Speaker 3: Stephen too. Of course, I don't want to erase anyone.
Speaker 2: Please don't thank you, but yeah, it's good.
Speaker 3: It's good to be I feel like I scared Karen
Speaker 3: when you asked me. I was having like a day,
Speaker 3: you know, one of those, and and like I was
Speaker 3: just like, did you want to do this thing? And
Speaker 3: I was like, oh my god, to someone to do something.
Speaker 3: So thank you for shoving me.
Speaker 2: Yeah, absolutely, no, I was happy. I wasn't scared. I
Speaker 2: it's always nice when you feel like you're not oppressing
Speaker 2: someone because I hate and I know Christus too, we
Speaker 2: hate asking people to do our podcast because it's like
Speaker 2: you just don't want to bother people. You always assume
Speaker 2: people are just kind of like okay or whatever. So
Speaker 2: it was full. The enthusiasm made me go, oh, now
Speaker 2: I'm into it too.
Speaker 3: Yeah, great good.
Speaker 4: I hate asking people almost as much as I hate
Speaker 4: when they ask to be on it, and unfortunately that's
Speaker 4: the only two ways you can find guests. Yes, yeah, yeah,
Speaker 4: asking or I asked Yeah.
Speaker 3: I used to run a show with James Fritz. We
Speaker 3: love them, and I got to tell you, it really
Speaker 3: is all everything with the pandemic. It's are worth it
Speaker 3: not to have to book a show? Yeah, yeah, it's all.
Speaker 3: I think it's all okay because I didn't have to
Speaker 3: do that. God, that's it's just a nightmare.
Speaker 4: Yeah yeah. And there isn't shirt because not they're no
Speaker 4: one is doing anything. And I tell you, every day
Speaker 4: I realized it and my gray hair went away. I
Speaker 4: had these little U sopranos gray hairs on.
Speaker 2: Yeah, that went away. Walnuts.
Speaker 4: Yeah, it was either less stress or Madison read one
Speaker 4: of do You Need to Ride sponsors? Was that show
Speaker 4: at Bigfoot Lounge?
Speaker 3: Yes, yes, lovely lounge, Yes, lodge log.
Speaker 4: Smart of a lodge. Then what was.
Speaker 3: The comedy the comedy market down on sun Set? What
Speaker 3: do they call it? Yeah?
Speaker 4: Yeah, what's that? The chuckle mercantile.
Speaker 5: For so long that bar I went by there because
Speaker 5: because of some wallpaper I got that Karen's heard plenty about.
Speaker 4: But I have the mountain wallpaper like a foot like
Speaker 4: I like the here's some palm tree. Yeah, so it
Speaker 4: would dictate kind of what I would do in the room.
Speaker 4: And so my bedroom I basically decorated it like it
Speaker 4: was that Bigfoot Lodge and I went there and said,
Speaker 4: and I actually asked, because I'm like, oh, they'll have
Speaker 4: National Park signs or maybe some taxidermy they're not using.
Speaker 4: And they acted like I spit in their face when
Speaker 4: I asked if they had anything in the back they
Speaker 4: were They're like they it was like I went into
Speaker 4: a museum and asked if they had any paintings I
Speaker 4: could borrow. They were very upset with me.
Speaker 2: Sorry, I'm not totally not on their side about that though,
Speaker 2: because you were going down to a bar and saying,
Speaker 2: can I have some of your decorations?
Speaker 4: Yeah, I just I thought that they would maybe have
Speaker 4: stuff that they used to have on display and that
Speaker 4: was just cluttering up in an office or something, because
Speaker 4: I kind of knew the door guy for being there before,
Speaker 4: and I asked him and he's like, yeah, let's go
Speaker 4: ask and then.
Speaker 3: Yeah, yeah, most of my decorating is through door guys.
Speaker 3: I kind of a bars, just in various ways that
Speaker 3: it's like, what do you think about the end table?
Speaker 3: And I'll be like, yeah, I don't know, maybe something.
Speaker 2: As a door man, I think it would be better
Speaker 2: if you went with a more mid century.
Speaker 3: Look yeah, and he's like, honestly, I kind of just
Speaker 3: handled door stuff. I don't really got.
Speaker 2: What I would like to do is see your ID
Speaker 2: and that's it.
Speaker 4: Yeah, get advice to you with you with the decorating
Speaker 4: of my doorway. Since you're a door guy, you know doors.
Speaker 2: What stool should I put them by my front door
Speaker 2: when you.
Speaker 3: Should just work?
Speaker 2: I live in a bar. I think it's it's a
Speaker 2: starting to that would be.
Speaker 4: I'm a hazard to my health. I think if it's there,
Speaker 4: I will drink it. I found that this is the
Speaker 4: healthiest I've been because I haven't had without even trying.
Speaker 4: I haven't had a drink for two weeks, and I
Speaker 4: don't know that it would take some effort usually, especially
Speaker 4: if I lived in a bar, but I haven't been
Speaker 4: drinking as much. I thought i'd just showed that off
Speaker 4: to you guys.
Speaker 2: No, I think that's good. I stopped buying ice cream
Speaker 2: for the same reason where I was like, it's salt
Speaker 2: and straw is delivers and it's the best ice cream.
Speaker 2: It's also insanely expensive, and I wasn't even paying attention
Speaker 2: to that part. I was getting it delivered. It's so
Speaker 2: expensive and it's really perfectly made, and I was getting
Speaker 2: it delivered like every other night because I'd just be like, oh,
Speaker 2: I think I need I was acting like it was
Speaker 2: a staple, you know what I mean, like beans, brown rice, chicken. Yeah, yeah,
Speaker 2: three pints of like fourteen dollars ice cream where the
Speaker 2: more I ate it, the more I wanted to eat it.
Speaker 2: It is the drug. It's such a drug. And then
Speaker 2: I finally was just like fucking star, I had to
Speaker 2: say it out loud to myself, stop buying ice cream.
Speaker 2: This is not like you're going to die of ice
Speaker 2: cream in this quarantine. Yeah, And then I did. I
Speaker 2: proudly did. And if it's not around, I just don't.
Speaker 4: Right, Alan, how are you doing? Are you ignoring or engaging?
Speaker 4: What vices are you diving into? Name them all? Yeah,
Speaker 4: what are your problems admitting?
Speaker 3: Honestly, it's kind of the same as you could, Like, seriously,
Speaker 3: this has been like I think I went. I think
Speaker 3: I've run like months at a time without like drinking
Speaker 3: or doing anything, and I'm smoking weed constantly and I
Speaker 3: am now I never really had a sweet tooth, and
Speaker 3: I have now like been in Jerry's every day. Besides that,
Speaker 3: like I'm also I was ton to care about it earlier,
Speaker 3: like pretty much hike every day, like like like a
Speaker 3: real hike, Like I really like exercise every day. And
Speaker 3: I've been working through this whole thing from home, so
Speaker 3: you know, it was obviously just as rough as it
Speaker 3: was for anyone, but it is funny. I'm like, I'm
Speaker 3: saving more money than ever just because I'm not allowed
Speaker 3: to go spend it all at a bar and then
Speaker 3: like throw it up later. So it's like, Okay, I
Speaker 3: guess kind of like growing up or whatever. And I've
Speaker 3: just been trying to like, you know, like you design,
Speaker 3: you know, just trying to decorate, like my the rooms
Speaker 3: I am allowed to go and where I can say no.
Speaker 3: So I've kind of just been doing that. But you know,
Speaker 3: for the most part, for the most part, giving up
Speaker 3: on humanity completely in every possible way. But you know
Speaker 3: a way that's a good fun way.
Speaker 4: Yeah, yeah, in a healthy way.
Speaker 3: Yeah.
Speaker 4: You have full control of the walls that are around
Speaker 4: you and no choice but to be there.
Speaker 3: Yeah.
Speaker 2: Yeah.
Speaker 3: I'm like, I'm like I framed, Like I got one
Speaker 3: thing framed that was like a postcard from a trip
Speaker 3: or something, and clearly the lady was like, we need
Speaker 3: to cut you off. Like it was like, you're going
Speaker 3: too deep with everything your frames, like just put it
Speaker 3: on the walls. Like okay, great, because I've pretty much
Speaker 3: got everything I can that I own. Like it. If
Speaker 3: it can be on the wall, it's on the wall now.
Speaker 4: Yeah, just what's behind you looks very nice. I like
Speaker 4: the color scheme. I like the staggering of those hanged frames.
Speaker 2: Very nice. You know, it's hard. Chris Key went to
Speaker 2: the roost and said, do you have any back that
Speaker 2: I could and they said yes, They're like, we'd love
Speaker 2: to give it to you.
Speaker 4: I'm just going to the to the wrong bars for
Speaker 4: my interior design shopping.
Speaker 2: Thinking about the Bigfoot Lounge Lodge Longe to me, I
Speaker 2: feel like Lounge, big Foot Lozenge. Yeah. Every time I've
Speaker 2: gone there, either I'm doing a comedy show there, and
Speaker 2: the audience is the first third ring of people who
Speaker 2: are actively listening and then the outer two thirds who
Speaker 2: are violently opposed to the comedy show that's going on.
Speaker 3: Always try to cultivate there.
Speaker 2: Yet it's hilariously like I started missing it and I'm like,
Speaker 2: you've never once had a good time there, But you
Speaker 2: miss it. Like as we were all talking about it,
Speaker 2: I was like, oh, yeah, it would be fun to
Speaker 2: have like a bare head from the from the Bigfoot La.
Speaker 3: I think I'm like the something I randomly like someone
Speaker 3: has popped into my mind that like I hate, like
Speaker 3: I hate this person, and I'm like, God, I wish
Speaker 3: I could just hate that person in real life, just
Speaker 3: right to their face.
Speaker 4: That's so funny, I get. I think that I'm missing
Speaker 4: everything about like, oh, when I no matter where, I'm
Speaker 4: going to perform at every bar, I'm going to be
Speaker 4: so appreciative of stage time. But then last night I
Speaker 4: was doing a Zoom show and someone in the virtual
Speaker 4: audience their dog barked, and I immediately jumped down their
Speaker 4: throat like I'm right back to wear no tolerance for
Speaker 4: any ill doing of any audience.
Speaker 2: I'm like.
Speaker 4: Dogs, I've learned nothing the last nine months, I attack.
Speaker 2: I think the testiness I think is that I find
Speaker 2: spending a lot of time alone where there's there's almost
Speaker 2: like no one to make eye contact with and be
Speaker 2: like is a me or whatever? Like I'm doing that
Speaker 2: with dogs or the TV, so that when I actually
Speaker 2: when I'm everything I do is on zoom. Right, I've
Speaker 2: the entire day on Zoom today, and you start to
Speaker 2: get like it's that thing where I feel like no
Speaker 2: one can actually hear me talking, or like I have
Speaker 2: to be triple expressive to like get my point across,
Speaker 2: or I just if we're talking about something that isn't ideal,
Speaker 2: I feel myself getting insanely angry, where it's like this
Speaker 2: is not appropriate at all to what's actually happening. But
Speaker 2: it's like almost like inside my feelings are like it's
Speaker 2: our big chance, like something's actually going on, Like let's
Speaker 2: get out there. Really, I'm just like trying to just
Speaker 2: be quiet because I know I'm just everything is like
Speaker 2: a crazy funhouse mirror like and.
Speaker 4: That's why our episodes, the last few episodes have been
Speaker 4: so theatric. We're yeah we were we were just being
Speaker 4: ourselves in the car, but now it's showtime. Now it's
Speaker 4: in my car.
Speaker 3: Yeah. I definitely like leashed a weird sort of and
Speaker 3: with everything, but definitely incredibly like, oh, I need to
Speaker 3: be around people and like I need to sound so stupid,
Speaker 3: I need to like rift, I need to like hear
Speaker 3: someone else say something funny so I can be like
Speaker 3: that's funny, like you know that stuff, because I'm just
Speaker 3: like in my apartment, I'll look around in the mirror
Speaker 3: and I'll be like, hey, how I'm like, oh no,
Speaker 3: It's like I'll just fully talking to myself. I think
Speaker 3: they're making me like I'll like see something and I'll
Speaker 3: immediately start laughing and crying. But you know, that was
Speaker 3: like the sheer absertainity of every Like I went to
Speaker 3: Trigger Joe's last night to get you know, food and whatever,
Speaker 3: and I the plexiglass. You know, they were as plexiglass
Speaker 3: the register, but they put like they decorated with like
Speaker 3: frost to make it look like it's like cold winter.
Speaker 3: I saw and I just started like kind of laughing
Speaker 3: and cry out like it doesn't even make frost here
Speaker 3: like a real glass, And I just all the levels
Speaker 3: of like how like bake it all once? And I
Speaker 3: was like oh. And then I got in the car
Speaker 3: and turned on the radio and it was they were
Speaker 3: playing that there's a mashup of All I Want for
Speaker 3: Christmas Is You with Creep by radio Head, and it
Speaker 3: was just like I just started like dying. I was
Speaker 3: just like, oh my god, I'm just completely like I
Speaker 3: feel we're gonna be like like obedience training, Like.
Speaker 2: Oh my god, tweet I've been trying to write for
Speaker 2: three months is the trying to explain and maybe I
Speaker 2: even did it, but trying to that after this is over,
Speaker 2: I'm going to need to go back to charm school.
Speaker 2: Was my hilarious way of phrasing it, but it never
Speaker 2: looked right when I wrote it out. But truly needing
Speaker 2: to have practice, like before the big meetup at the
Speaker 2: fuck Edendale back patio or whatever that I need. I'm
Speaker 2: going to need to practice for at least three weeks
Speaker 2: of just basic being nice, saying hello, having a conversation,
Speaker 2: not having not crying in front of anybody, not having
Speaker 2: a weird reaction, you know what I mean, Like emotional control.
Speaker 2: Like it very much reminds me of that when you're
Speaker 2: thirteen and all of a sudden, like you're having these
Speaker 2: huge reactions or like things hurt your feelings really bad
Speaker 2: and you kind of can't explain it, and it's like hormonal.
Speaker 2: But now it's like our I think our brains are
Speaker 2: all lightly dentist, And I.
Speaker 4: Don't know how I'm going to be. I don't know
Speaker 4: if I'll be slightly agoraphobic and want to stay home,
Speaker 4: or if I'm want to because I'm used to it
Speaker 4: and I'm starting to like it. It would be really
Speaker 4: weird if everything opened up and I still just hung
Speaker 4: out in my apartment at the exact same amount. There
Speaker 4: could be something else out there. You see the look
Speaker 4: on our faces. We're like, it's going to lead to what.
Speaker 3: Yeah, sorry, my and I'm meant to tell you guys
Speaker 3: before we started my That's the one thing that's kind
Speaker 3: of funny. It's like, Okay, I'm working from home now,
Speaker 3: which is nice so that I've always liked. But then
Speaker 3: it's like, oh yeah, of course the internet's just bad,
Speaker 3: and now it's like overloaded because everyone else is working
Speaker 3: from home. So it's like, you know, but anyway, that's
Speaker 3: like not the worst part in the world. I just
Speaker 3: want to be heard, you know, in conversation and and
Speaker 3: you know validated so well.
Speaker 4: It is a problem that everyone is dealing with, and
Speaker 4: you have like good meetings and good recordings, and sometimes
Speaker 4: something is thrown off because there's a little delay, and
Speaker 4: it's a that's our real that's what our relationships are now.
Speaker 4: So it's very I kind of didn't have a good
Speaker 4: day at work. Somebody's Internet connection was sucking up the whole.
Speaker 2: Well. I think all of us and comedians in general,
Speaker 2: pride themselves on the rhythm of human conversation. It's like
Speaker 2: you listen to somebody, you're in it with them, then
Speaker 2: you're gonna go boom and they're gonna go bang, and
Speaker 2: that's like the joy and magic of it. And zoom
Speaker 2: just removes all of that, and everyone's kind of like
Speaker 2: a weird you know, like a tiger in the trees
Speaker 2: waiting and like it's all that. There's nothing worse than
Speaker 2: the bad fucking timing of a zoom conversation.
Speaker 4: Timing handicapped tiger in a tree.
Speaker 2: It's the saddest tiger with broken fucking front and back. Pop.
Speaker 4: He's got like burnt whiskers on one side and mange.
Speaker 2: He's got a diepatch.
Speaker 4: There's little bugs.
Speaker 2: In one ear.
Speaker 4: That's part tiger.
Speaker 2: On there.
Speaker 4: My father you are My dad was visiting and met
Speaker 4: you and Aaron Foley in the same night because we
Speaker 4: are manager at the time, was having like a holiday party,
Speaker 4: right and uh yeah, my dad hit it off with
Speaker 4: you to where he still asks about you. He's still
Speaker 4: asked about Aaron Foley, And it was years ago, seven, eight,
Speaker 4: nine years years ago, right, it.
Speaker 3: Seems like, yeah, I was gonna I was actually going
Speaker 3: to ask you. I was like, what's the news because
Speaker 3: it was Montana.
Speaker 4: Yeah, yeah, he's doing great. I was going to go
Speaker 4: visit him. But it of course didn't make sense. But
Speaker 4: I know without here saying it, uh recently that he
Speaker 4: says hello, I was.
Speaker 3: Going to say too. Yeah, I was so fuk because
Speaker 3: that was when we were like that company was really
Speaker 3: like not a management company. It was like Dennis Leary's
Speaker 3: production company or something like that.
Speaker 2: Really I didn't even I don't know, so yeah.
Speaker 3: I think that's what I think. I remember being like, oh,
Speaker 3: it's kind of like jump ship.
Speaker 4: Yeah, we were all a helly thinking the same thing.
Speaker 4: Let's get out of here.
Speaker 3: Yeah, because I mean, you know, no, it just like
Speaker 3: it was just like we were like like in the
Speaker 3: copy room and it was like.
Speaker 4: Yeah, well you you impressed my dad because he was
Speaker 4: like I like that guy. I like the he's because
Speaker 4: you know how to talk to.
Speaker 2: Other people to say, did you were you wearing like
Speaker 2: a wool blazer? Is that why Chriss's dad liked you?
Speaker 4: You had a tie.
Speaker 2: Yeah, you had a tie and like a nice blazer. Yeah,
Speaker 2: it will.
Speaker 4: Appearance goes a long way with my dad. If you
Speaker 4: are dressed like all parents. Yeah yeah. If you're dressed
Speaker 4: like you would work in his office, then you're okay.
Speaker 3: One of my friends actually told me that I met
Speaker 3: her mom with her and she was like, her mom
Speaker 3: was trying to get her to like, like date Nan.
Speaker 3: She was like, he dresses so nice, and she was like, yeah,
Speaker 3: but I think he's a little crazy.
Speaker 2: Oh yeah, that's what the mom said.
Speaker 3: So it's nice.
Speaker 2: The daughters like, do not fall for it, mom, No, no, no, yeah, mom, he's.
Speaker 5: Molly right now.
Speaker 2: It's just because he's wearing a blazer doesn't mean he's
Speaker 2: not crazy.
Speaker 4: Good enough. You can't have everything, sweetie. It's a nice blazer,
Speaker 4: you want it, sanity.
Speaker 2: The trip with my dad is if you shake his hand,
Speaker 2: if you when you're being introduced, if you stick your
Speaker 2: as my dad says, stick your mid out, that's all
Speaker 2: it fucking takes for him. You could be you could
Speaker 2: be wearing like a shackles and you just escaped from
Speaker 2: fucking prison and you killed ninety people. But if you
Speaker 2: stick your midout, first and go like, hey, nice to
Speaker 2: meet you. My dad is will be your friend forever.
Speaker 2: That is his favorite thing.
Speaker 4: Yeah, it's all it takes. But there's a lot of
Speaker 4: people that also have the emphasis in a handshe and
Speaker 4: they just have a different dad than me, and they
Speaker 4: are squeezers to where and we've had the same problem.
Speaker 4: Ellen and I have both had uh in our hands.
Speaker 4: So there's these squeezers out there, these that think the
Speaker 4: firm handshake has to be actually hurting you, like crushing
Speaker 4: your falangies together, and I can't. Yeah, it's just it's
Speaker 4: too much to be riding on a handshake.
Speaker 3: I mean, that's really think about that, Like what are
Speaker 3: we going to do with our hands when this is over,
Speaker 3: Like like businessmen are going to give each other fractures
Speaker 3: trying to go for that.
Speaker 2: First Yeah, a big magical handshake.
Speaker 3: I kind of don't mind the like no hug, no muss,
Speaker 3: no fuss saying. I mean you miss it, you know,
Speaker 3: of course. But I like the way I've kind of
Speaker 3: socialized is like going a walk or a hike with
Speaker 3: someone and then the end it's just like okay, bye.
Speaker 2: It's like you're always irish, goodbye. You have everything because
Speaker 2: there's no there's no hugging. Sometimes there's the people that
Speaker 2: like you're they're like, let's just do it anyway, and
Speaker 2: you're just like, no, yeah, let's not just do it anyway.
Speaker 4: I mean when I skate with my age appropriate group
Speaker 4: of friends in a parking lot, if you do something
Speaker 4: that looks good someone, there's always some lunatic that's going
Speaker 4: to offer a high five, when otherwise you're not even
Speaker 4: six feet away from last thing. And I find it's
Speaker 4: it's hard for me to turn down a high five.
Speaker 4: I can do it, but when someone offers it, I'm like,
Speaker 4: you know what it's worth the fraction of a risk? No,
Speaker 4: what am I doing? I'm not going to high five you.
Speaker 4: I don't care. It's hard though you like a high five?
Speaker 2: We all do, we all do.
Speaker 3: You got to just say we got to start a
Speaker 3: new Dare campaign of just say no, yeah, yeah.
Speaker 2: Just say I have COVID and then that that hand
Speaker 2: comes right down, yeah.
Speaker 4: Yeah I have COVID, and then just start break dancing.
Speaker 3: I already did a high five earlier. I'm good.
Speaker 4: Yeah, yeah, one risky contact per day. Sorry I maxed out.
Speaker 2: Sorry, I maxed out this morning at Starbucks.
Speaker 4: Yeah, that is the riskiest thing I do Starbucks drive
Speaker 4: through or honestly, ironically, the riskiest thing I recall doing
Speaker 4: is standing in a walk up line at a COVID test,
Speaker 4: Like I actually stood in line, and so you're surrounded
Speaker 4: by people that actually think they might be sick, and
Speaker 4: you're I'm like, this is the worst place I could be, right, I.
Speaker 3: Had to be. There's no there will be no tubem
Speaker 3: in activity. Okay, don't worry about me.
Speaker 2: Over here, hold a tube in.
Speaker 3: Number tube in I went to. I had to go
Speaker 3: to a hospital during all this mess, like twice. And
Speaker 3: it really felt like that too. I mean I I
Speaker 3: kind of personally most people, you know, not exactly thrilled
Speaker 3: good a hostile normally, but it definitely was. Uh, you
Speaker 3: feel like it's on you. You're like, I get on
Speaker 3: Howard Hughes, Right, I'm like, get me out of here.
Speaker 4: Like you clean so risky and it's such an irony
Speaker 4: that the reason you're there is for health related reasons
Speaker 4: and it's the most lagorous place for you to be
Speaker 4: for real.
Speaker 2: I tell you, guys, the story Danielle had this Danielle Kramer,
Speaker 2: who runs our network.
Speaker 4: She was in line.
Speaker 2: I love her.
Speaker 4: She's the greatest. She's the greatest.
Speaker 2: She was in line for a COVID test in the
Speaker 2: in the walk up line, and she said, this super
Speaker 2: ship faced guy.
Speaker 4: Walked up and goes, what do you eat?
Speaker 2: Guys, I'll do and they're like, we're getting tested. He's
Speaker 2: tested for what. I was like living the dream. He
Speaker 2: has no fucking clue what's going on. He doesn't know,
Speaker 2: he doesn't know about the pandemic.
Speaker 4: I would, I know, I would stop and demand a backstory.
Speaker 4: Did you just get off of spaceship or literally I'm
Speaker 4: from under a rock.
Speaker 2: Yes, you were. You just cryogenically unfrozen and you walked
Speaker 2: out because tested for what?
Speaker 4: Was he wearing clothes from the nineteen eighties, like he's
Speaker 4: wearing Yeah, he was caveman, Yeah, came see cavalry cheese.
Speaker 4: His hair was feathered, boush and loam wayfarers.
Speaker 3: I think it was probably it could have been like
Speaker 3: really really deep level marketing for the new villain Ted.
Speaker 4: Exactly. God, they're getting well.
Speaker 3: I don't know, I don't know what you guys are
Speaker 3: worried about, but I take the edge off to watch.
Speaker 2: You're a filling Ted Street teamer.
Speaker 4: You still, that's a great idea. It really is. I
Speaker 4: just met Napoleon at the water slide. No, no, no,
Speaker 4: that's an advertisement.
Speaker 2: No that's not real.
Speaker 3: Water park.
Speaker 2: Did you guys watch the new Bill in I know, No,
Speaker 2: I think I heard good things, but I thought someone Bill,
Speaker 2: but early into one, you're only into half the of
Speaker 2: the group.
Speaker 4: Yeah. Yeah, you just had one eye closed.
Speaker 2: Carried that film.
Speaker 5: Ted was.
Speaker 2: Just hanging out. Yeah.
Speaker 4: I when I was had my hip replaced, I thought
Speaker 4: I felt like I should stay the night at the
Speaker 4: hospital and yeah, my surgeon it's like, no, get out
Speaker 4: of here. This is where infection and disease lives. And
Speaker 4: I'm like, really okay, And I like walked out of
Speaker 4: there the day after surgery. Yeah, I was surprised, but
Speaker 4: it makes sense now. He was like his main concern
Speaker 4: was like not there not being an infection where the
Speaker 4: incision was.
Speaker 5: Yeah, I don't know.
Speaker 4: If we were done talking about that. It really didn't
Speaker 4: add to the Bill and ten stuff. And I was
Speaker 4: sitting on it and I had it. There was a
Speaker 4: lull and I'm like, dude, the hospital stuff I wrote
Speaker 4: the going you guys, I have not had any practice
Speaker 4: with my improv for real.
Speaker 2: No, how about this, Al, Have you ever taken a
Speaker 2: class at the UCB.
Speaker 3: I did when I first moved out here. No, was
Speaker 3: it here. I lived in New York for one summer.
Speaker 3: I took a sketch running class there. I was in
Speaker 3: a sketch class, the sketch group in college. And then
Speaker 3: when I move out here, I did a UCB class
Speaker 3: and I class and I was so so, so, so
Speaker 3: so so bad at it. Yeah, like one of the
Speaker 3: like really where like I like the person would safeway
Speaker 3: to me and then like I just repeat what they said,
Speaker 3: like look at the audience like this guy's crazy.
Speaker 4: Which is real. That's what I was doing, very bad.
Speaker 2: Yeah, grabbing for the joke, needing to be the one
Speaker 2: that says the jokes and is trying to be so real,
Speaker 2: Like come on, let's get to the funny.
Speaker 4: I need to get a left at the expense of
Speaker 4: this other person.
Speaker 2: Yeah.
Speaker 4: For some reason, the idea of doing UCB in New
Speaker 4: York appeals to me every just because I have had
Speaker 4: such good times. It seems like the audience there I
Speaker 4: liked more of my jokes than the UCB audience here
Speaker 4: that seemed to want to fight me after the show.
Speaker 4: It's just different. I don't know, I don't know.
Speaker 2: I think those rooms in New York were had this
Speaker 2: kind of a warmth and a real kind of like
Speaker 2: that comraderie feel, is what I thought. I always felt
Speaker 2: like I was in like a private club, you know
Speaker 2: what I mean, where they were all like it was
Speaker 2: all people that are like, we love comedy, we know comedy.
Speaker 2: We're not going to give you everything, but we'll definitely
Speaker 2: know what you're talking about, you know. Where I felt
Speaker 2: like I was kind of like it was definitely better
Speaker 2: than any kind of a club experience, but it was
Speaker 2: definitely people who knew their shit and weren't just going
Speaker 2: to like laugh at whatever. Like you really had to
Speaker 2: bring your a game and it was important. But then
Speaker 2: if you killed, it felt even better, you know than
Speaker 2: just just any other kind of room show.
Speaker 4: Yeah, or I just was excited to be in New
Speaker 4: York City and the ceiling was low the way I
Speaker 4: like it, Like literally a low ceiling makes me, h
Speaker 4: enjoy stand up more. Yes, And then I give the
Speaker 4: people of the city all the credit.
Speaker 3: Every time I do I do shows in New York,
Speaker 3: I just go, I go, uh hey, guys, I'm in
Speaker 3: town from Hollywood, California, and then they just love everything that.
Speaker 5: Comes out of my mouth.
Speaker 6: Back.
Speaker 3: Yeah, you did the subway here and they're like, what
Speaker 3: the fuck you're kidding?
Speaker 2: You mean what we every day?
Speaker 4: Next?
Speaker 5: Crazy?
Speaker 4: You did something Allan in Portland that horrified me. Uh
Speaker 4: were you What were you on? Was it acid or mushrooms?
Speaker 4: And you did a set yeah, and I couldn't tell
Speaker 4: because your timing was there and everything, but you were
Speaker 4: sort of erotically pulsating like it was sexual. You were
Speaker 4: like and rubbing your chest.
Speaker 2: But I didn't know.
Speaker 4: He was so like Mick Jaggery on stage. I'm on
Speaker 4: whatever you were on.
Speaker 3: Yeah, I was on my think acid some like little
Speaker 3: melted golden Grand Teddy Beard Yeah that were like in
Speaker 3: my pocket and some aluminum oil but became like a
Speaker 3: little a let's be cookie dough thing.
Speaker 2: I was.
Speaker 3: Yeah, that was like for that show that was the
Speaker 3: drinking show. I was like, I was like, oh, I've
Speaker 3: done this drinking show like so not so many times
Speaker 3: I've done a drinking show and I've been drunk and
Speaker 3: like had to get set. Yeah, I should give myself
Speaker 3: a challenge.
Speaker 4: Let's try something different or an obstacle rather and really.
Speaker 3: I was just like, oh, I just want to I
Speaker 3: just want to excuse a new acid like way before
Speaker 3: the after party, I think what was going on. But yeah,
Speaker 3: that was that was truly a that was like a
Speaker 3: dub move. I mean it was still fine and it
Speaker 3: was a fun show and everything, but there was at
Speaker 3: one point where was just like, oh, the audience like
Speaker 3: fucking like they would kill me if they could. And
Speaker 3: then like I have a good joke that like, oh
Speaker 3: they love me and they're stupid to love the ouse there, Okay,
Speaker 3: I'm going in the weird light, like leaving around and
Speaker 3: stuff like why am I making was harder?
Speaker 4: Yeah?
Speaker 2: Wait, el was did you and I go down to
Speaker 2: that pizza place some I was with somebody that was
Speaker 2: coming on to acid. It was right before we did
Speaker 2: Ron Lynch's that show where he draws things out of
Speaker 2: a hat.
Speaker 3: Yeah, yes, because I was definitely on outside, but I was, yeah,
Speaker 3: because I was on stage that whole time. I think
Speaker 3: because because it was it was a crap shoot and
Speaker 3: I would just come up and tell one joke. Yes,
Speaker 3: I was going. I was really starting to lose it
Speaker 3: and just like how drugs sometimes work. It was like,
Speaker 3: so I was like, I couldn't remember my own joke.
Speaker 3: So I was like I literally just had to go
Speaker 3: up and say like one joke at one time. I'm like,
Speaker 3: oh my god. And I remember like digging deep and
Speaker 3: finding one. But yeah, that was that was. That was
Speaker 3: that the big theater with like you could be up
Speaker 3: top and look down. Yeah, it was so fun.
Speaker 2: And and also here's the thing that I've when I
Speaker 2: watched you do that that night, because I love what
Speaker 2: I mean, I miss just watching people. I miss watching
Speaker 2: people who care about comedy do comedy because I haven't
Speaker 2: cared for so long. But I'm such a fan. And
Speaker 2: so when I watched you do that, because I knew
Speaker 2: that we were in the mix of we could have
Speaker 2: gotten drawn because that was when I was doing songs
Speaker 2: with drun In, and I was just like, I just
Speaker 2: was not into it. I was like, I don't want
Speaker 2: to get up there and make some stupid shit up
Speaker 2: or whatever. Every time Allan went up, he would go, hello,
Speaker 2: my name miss alan st Williams, and I have a
Speaker 2: joke for you. You did this, so the thing, the
Speaker 2: fact that you introduced yourself every time became a joke.
Speaker 2: So it was almost like you had you had a beginning, middle,
Speaker 2: and end every time. And I was just like, it's
Speaker 2: so genius. He barely has to do anything. He like whatever.
Speaker 2: It was like you structured it for yourself and made
Speaker 2: it work.
Speaker 3: Thank you for saying that. A lot of that's just Ron.
Speaker 6: Ron.
Speaker 3: You know, Ron knows what to do with you better
Speaker 3: than you do. So Ron was just like, I think
Speaker 3: that was maybe the second time I did that. I
Speaker 3: did it one time at another crap shoot here where
Speaker 3: he was like, would you want to just stay on
Speaker 3: stage the whole time? And I was like, if I
Speaker 3: can just have like a ton of beer and if
Speaker 3: I can read a book, I'll do it. And he
Speaker 3: was like he's like, okay, yeah, read a book is
Speaker 3: really funny. Yeah, okay. And so I think I was
Speaker 3: reading a book too, and I can't remember if I
Speaker 3: was in Portland or not, but like I think I
Speaker 3: would bring like Who's Afraid of Virginia Woolf to read
Speaker 3: and then just like and it was just like, oh, yeah,
Speaker 3: that's what I was just to do. Just trod me
Speaker 3: out to like say one thing like don't watch it
Speaker 3: for ten minutes in a row. Like you knows too much,
Speaker 3: too much. But yeah, that was I mean that specific.
Speaker 3: Bridgetown was so because I think that was the second
Speaker 3: time I got to go, so it was like I
Speaker 3: didn't feel so like being in green rooms. It's always weird.
Speaker 3: There's a lot of weird ego energy. Yep, that I
Speaker 3: didn't really know how to do it they yet, like
Speaker 3: the first time, but that was really fun. I'm glad
Speaker 3: to remember that right now.
Speaker 2: Yeah.
Speaker 3: Remember we used to go outside and do stuff and
Speaker 3: we would.
Speaker 2: Do it and then that special things would happen because
Speaker 2: we're all very talented and magically artful. Yeah, there's a
Speaker 2: lot of art around us back in the day, and.
Speaker 4: With noticing it, I recall that and noticing it in
Speaker 4: each other simultaneously.
Speaker 2: I know that I remember that those I remember jealousy
Speaker 2: becoming a fuel for my own talent.
Speaker 4: I miss the see I miss.
Speaker 2: I miss hating people and making me a better comment.
Speaker 4: Face to face. That's because it is he loves you.
Speaker 4: He loves hates It's all.
Speaker 2: It all takes place in that upstairs room.
Speaker 3: Hate is just love and you don't know what it
Speaker 3: is yet.
Speaker 5: You know what I mean?
Speaker 4: Yeah, exactly, Gloves from like the wisest man in prison.
Speaker 3: You know what I mean.
Speaker 4: Wow, that guy's great.
Speaker 2: I'm alan St William. That's been my joke. Yeah.
Speaker 4: The one time or maybe a handful of times, I've
Speaker 4: done acid because it is edible, it's like, oh, look
Speaker 4: at this normal rich cracker that you would eat, uh,
Speaker 4: and you can't see the drugs on it. But they work.
Speaker 4: They definitely work very well. And every time I've done it,
Speaker 4: I'm I felt like it would be fun to do
Speaker 4: comedy on it. But then you go to sleep and
Speaker 4: you can't sleep, and you see repetitive like spinning Mickey
Speaker 4: mouseheads just annoying your brain just is annoying you when
Speaker 4: you sleep, and then it's like, oh, this is a
Speaker 4: reason to not do drugs.
Speaker 3: Yeah, it's like what about this practical yeah yeah.
Speaker 4: Yeah yeah, you can't sleep.
Speaker 2: So it's all there's always those people that talk about
Speaker 2: those kinds of drugs, like callucisions, gen x or whatever
Speaker 2: in that way of like I want to know what's
Speaker 2: inside my mind. I have absolutely no interest to truly
Speaker 2: discover what's in my brain. I don't. I've done it twice.
Speaker 2: It was fine. I was very happy that I wasn't
Speaker 2: one of those kind of people that freaked out because
Speaker 2: I was sure I would be but I was like, well,
Speaker 2: let's just see. But then like after the second time,
Speaker 2: I was like, that's all, I don't want to do
Speaker 2: anything where after a while I just can't control it
Speaker 2: and I'm just kind of at the whim of whatever.
Speaker 2: Whenever this drug feels like getting out of my system,
Speaker 2: that's ship. It's I don't think I am not that
Speaker 2: there's like I think there's different types of people.
Speaker 4: That like, yeah, I'm scared. I'm scared of what's in
Speaker 4: my brain that I have a lot of people have
Speaker 4: suggested doing one of these ayahuasca ceremonies where it is
Speaker 4: pretty organized and there's a guide and you inevitably envision
Speaker 4: your own guide and it's therapeutic. But I'm scared of
Speaker 4: what if in my head is darkness and I unleash it. Yeah,
Speaker 4: I don't know. Yeah, I'm scared of myself. Everyone.
Speaker 3: I've been doing a lot of charity board ceremonies. Oh yeah, sure,
Speaker 3: it's just really good, plummy and she you know, there
Speaker 3: are many ways to communicate with the divine, let me
Speaker 3: just say that.
Speaker 2: And a lot of them involved gouda get in there.
Speaker 3: Yeah a lot, a nice smoky sort of yeah, a
Speaker 3: Pecorino romano.
Speaker 4: Maybe you usually something you do when you have guests,
Speaker 4: but you just are doing it for the guests.
Speaker 2: Was exploring himself to olives and top of nods.
Speaker 3: One thing that I have been doing because I you know,
Speaker 3: I'm not as hungover on a regular basis now and
Speaker 3: I need stuff to do is like I was like, okay,
Speaker 3: let's really learn how to Like I know how to cook,
Speaker 3: but like I didn't make it. I didn't make my
Speaker 3: own salad until like maybe two months ago, like like
Speaker 3: like like with like making the dressing and all that stuff,
Speaker 3: be doing that. I made a brusqueta today. I just
Speaker 3: like had a and like I got one of those
Speaker 3: like little I mean again, like this is just how
Speaker 3: deep we've been in this thing. I got the little
Speaker 3: brushes that you can like king the olive oil and
Speaker 3: put it on the bread like thing and then like
Speaker 3: the garlic and the tomatoes and everything, and it uh,
Speaker 3: it was like, oh, I just made a nice little
Speaker 3: like oh we're having a little mango on the Colago's
Speaker 3: so funny. That's just me.
Speaker 2: That's like the first thing I learned to make in quarantine,
Speaker 2: and it basically is, oh, there's four ingredients. Yes, this
Speaker 2: is really easy. And it's because I used to order
Speaker 2: it from Italian restaurant, Like if I would order in
Speaker 2: from Italian restaurants. I was like, I have to stop
Speaker 2: eating like fetichini Alfredo. I have to stop eating the
Speaker 2: most fattening thing. That's it's my favorite, and it's so
Speaker 2: it's just so delicious. It hits all your sensory you know,
Speaker 2: points whatever. But I realized that I can eat brushetta
Speaker 2: separately and not have like three thousand calories in the
Speaker 2: Alfredo area and just how the brushetta. And then I
Speaker 2: looked it up and it literally is like four ingredients.
Speaker 2: It's the easiest thing to make. That seems fancy.
Speaker 4: It's so funny that that's why I said, what what is?
Speaker 4: Because my before year, guys, it's Shada stories. My buddy
Speaker 4: Jim that lives down the street from me, Jim Hamilton.
Speaker 2: He was we know, Jim him.
Speaker 4: He was trying to brushetta for like forty eight hours,
Speaker 4: and I'm like, what is. Even then, I was like,
Speaker 4: that was the first instance I gotta get on this
Speaker 4: Bushetta trink get in.
Speaker 2: It's like in the it's in the psychological what's it's
Speaker 2: on the plane that we're on the astro plane is.
Speaker 4: Yes, yes, there it is.
Speaker 3: The world spirit was actually part of the heroes journey
Speaker 3: is learn? Yeah?
Speaker 4: Yeah, yeah, is Mozzarella part of it? Or am I
Speaker 4: thinking of something else?
Speaker 2: And can bey can? Okay?
Speaker 4: Oh boy? But it's on a piece of bread, right,
Speaker 4: and there's an oil and there's always tomatoes.
Speaker 3: Oh yeah, I'm not trying to get anything. We're not
Speaker 3: trying to pull a fast on here, regular bread tomatoes. Yeah,
Speaker 3: but no, you know, it's just funny, no more, you
Speaker 3: know more than you act like, yeah, you know, and
Speaker 3: you and you need to believe in yourself.
Speaker 4: You guys. Years ago I wrote a book about Broshetta,
Speaker 4: and I'm pretending I was not the author of that
Speaker 4: book pages long. It's the benefit of that. I'm like
Speaker 4: the Broshetta. I am a master's in Broucehetta. Oh no,
Speaker 4: I just it's a funny thing to make, like you said,
Speaker 4: for yourself, like a charcutery board. It's like it's for entertaining.
Speaker 4: So it's just funny. But so as I made a
Speaker 4: pizza the other day and ate the whole thing like
Speaker 4: a giant frisbee in my mouth. But so, how is
Speaker 4: that any different?
Speaker 2: It's no different.
Speaker 4: Yeah, I should set a table and then just have
Speaker 4: decoys like like home alone.
Speaker 2: Just yeah, put a skeleton put either end of the table.
Speaker 4: How do you like your pizza, Michael Jordan's except flat?
Speaker 4: I love it? So you are the best, Thank you, Michael.
Speaker 3: I didn't mean like a medieval Chaine this whole time
Speaker 3: on top of me, in side of other things on
Speaker 3: the table. Why buzzing around everything?
Speaker 2: Now rotten? Eat it anywhere?
Speaker 3: I just make my kingdom.
Speaker 4: Yeah, I never even get to most of the food.
Speaker 4: I just make myself giant feasts. Yeah, with a giant
Speaker 4: goose and gripes.
Speaker 2: You just keep putting them on the table and pushing
Speaker 2: it down. The old food goes off the end of
Speaker 2: the table and I knew it comes in.
Speaker 4: Yeah, I'm eating of it. I'm just pushing it off
Speaker 4: the edge of the table, push off the end. Oh.
Speaker 4: They just described a person going crazy, Yeah, and it's me.
Speaker 2: I actually I did the thing I thought was not possible,
Speaker 2: which is I'm I got sick of ordering out that's
Speaker 2: why I started me too. Oh It's like I got
Speaker 2: sick of like all of my clothes getting really too small.
Speaker 2: I was like, please turn this around in some way.
Speaker 2: So I was like, all right, just cut out the
Speaker 2: crazy shit. And then it was like, well then I
Speaker 2: could basically order from five places. And then I did
Speaker 2: that thirty times and was like, yeah, enough, already I
Speaker 2: can I can make taco meat and make my own tacos.
Speaker 2: I know I can't. I just won't do it. So
Speaker 2: like I broke myself in that way where I finally
Speaker 2: was like, just start making this shit your parents used
Speaker 2: to make every night. It'll feel better, you'll like it more.
Speaker 2: And it's true, it's hilarious.
Speaker 4: I reached that same point too. I was I was
Speaker 4: just ordering things that I enjoy when they're wet, because
Speaker 4: whatever they're going to drop off is going to have
Speaker 4: its own condensation.
Speaker 2: Yeah.
Speaker 4: Well, so I was getting like, you know, fun rominance
Speaker 4: everything wet, Hey want some wet pizza? And so I
Speaker 4: was doing the same thing cooking at home, and then
Speaker 4: my refrigerator suddenly broke and that fed up.
Speaker 2: Yeah, you pay your refrigerator bill.
Speaker 4: Wait, isn't that a joke?
Speaker 2: Is your refrigerator running that one I do.
Speaker 4: I will go and get it, your jackass. It's that
Speaker 4: the joke. That's the first time I've told it. All right,
Speaker 4: I wrote a book about that joke.
Speaker 2: No.
Speaker 4: I so now I can't have food. The freezer works,
Speaker 4: but I'm screwed. So anyway, I'm back to ordering in
Speaker 4: What should I get tonight?
Speaker 2: Burritos is wetter than usual because it came with a lid.
Speaker 2: When we go back to doing when you guys go
Speaker 2: back to doing stand up everything, like all the punchlines
Speaker 2: have to be extra shoulders.
Speaker 4: Oh yeah, you know, I'll do it.
Speaker 2: Alan can't see it, but I am extra gloss on everything. Yeah,
Speaker 2: I am. We are.
Speaker 4: I hope this this zoom theatrics where we're just upping
Speaker 4: our emotions. I really hope I take it to the stage. Yeah,
Speaker 4: you know in five months.
Speaker 3: Maybe I know I was even writing, Like I don't
Speaker 3: know about you guys. I've been like in a weird
Speaker 3: mix of you know, I've had some sort of writing projects.
Speaker 3: There's work stuff. But for the first time I started
Speaker 3: to be like, oh, I got in like a stand
Speaker 3: up joke writing modell, Like, oh, maybe maybe this would
Speaker 3: be funny on stage, and like I was writing some
Speaker 3: stuff out and I was just like, whatever, going to
Speaker 3: get to work.
Speaker 2: Funny.
Speaker 3: I'm like, okay, Like I don't know, it's just such
Speaker 3: a this is so like just evolving into madness.
Speaker 5: Yeah, I think.
Speaker 3: I literally it's because the sun is setting. Like every
Speaker 3: day with the sunset, it's like I'm just like, oh,
Speaker 3: here comes the like here it comes, Yeah, it comes
Speaker 3: to night madness.
Speaker 4: Yeah at yeah, yeah, you're right. I immediately trying an
Speaker 4: idea out on stage is like the second step of
Speaker 4: writing for me. So without that, it's like I might
Speaker 4: as well just save it for tweets.
Speaker 2: Without that, it's kind of just journaling. Yeah, Like nothing
Speaker 2: seems funny when you're just writing it on a piece
Speaker 2: of paper and keeping it to yourself.
Speaker 4: Right, Yeah, well thank god we have Twitter every day?
Speaker 2: Yeah every day, Yeah, every day. That's where all my
Speaker 2: friends live.
Speaker 4: Yeah, but now we need it. I always It's always
Speaker 4: been that way, but now I'm like depending on it.
Speaker 4: I really it's I don't I don't think it's unhealthy
Speaker 4: because they're real people, yes, yeah, some of them, some
Speaker 4: of them.
Speaker 2: Some of them are the Russian body, yes, yes, yes,
Speaker 2: why they care.
Speaker 4: They are very nice, but a lot of them keep
Speaker 4: asking for my credit card number give me too.
Speaker 3: They don't have that in Russia, so you're right, Yeah,
Speaker 3: you're right, I.
Speaker 4: Should just give it.
Speaker 3: It's just nice.
Speaker 6: Yeah.
Speaker 2: I'm honestly having the thing though, where when I go
Speaker 2: to write a quote unquote joke on Twitter, I just go,
Speaker 2: this seems really familiar and I think I've already tweeted
Speaker 2: it before, and it's every single time, So yeah, everything
Speaker 2: I tweet. There have been times in the past where
Speaker 2: I'm like, something will come into my head and I'm like, oh,
Speaker 2: this is it, You've done it, and then I tweet
Speaker 2: it and it all feels great that I haven't had
Speaker 2: that feeling for about eleven months. It always feels like
Speaker 2: this is this is uh, this is this is like leftovers,
Speaker 2: This is like rehashed ideas that you basically always say
Speaker 2: something like this, You're a fucking bore. That's what I
Speaker 2: should just start writings You're fucking bore and just accuse
Speaker 2: other people of what I'm accusing myself.
Speaker 4: Have you have you seen Karen's new self insult comedy.
Speaker 4: She calls herself names Zoom and I gotta watch you
Speaker 4: got it too, so many little hearts fly up on
Speaker 4: the corner of the screen when she insults herself.
Speaker 3: I deleted it. I deleted Twitter from my phone because
Speaker 3: a lot of stuff I do for work is on it.
Speaker 3: So I'm just like, I feel like I'm on Twitter
Speaker 3: constantly and I don't want to be on it. And
Speaker 3: then I so then I'm like, I really think about
Speaker 3: it if I want to tweet something, And it's so
Speaker 3: funny how many times the answer is actually know, I'm like,
Speaker 3: oh wow, so many of these things would just be
Speaker 3: fired off if I still had it on my phone.
Speaker 3: So I'm like, Okay, I guess that's a good thing.
Speaker 3: I have to like physically go to my laptop of like, yeah,
Speaker 3: maybe let's let's think about this twice, you know, Yeah, yeah.
Speaker 2: I think this through, think it through. There was also
Speaker 2: a couple in the I would say summer, around the summertimes,
Speaker 2: like six month mark maybe of quarantine. I would tweet
Speaker 2: thing and then read the responses and people would be like, oh, Karen,
Speaker 2: and then I would look again and it would have
Speaker 2: some kind of sexual overtone that I didn't notice the
Speaker 2: first time. So it's so not my style, but it
Speaker 2: also looked like it didn't. It looked like clearly not
Speaker 2: a mistake. And they're like just weird, strange wording things
Speaker 2: that I would do, where then I was like, yeah,
Speaker 2: I don't something's going on. I don't trust myself to
Speaker 2: do this anymore, like I've lost I've lost the muscle
Speaker 2: that that I used to have to do this, where
Speaker 2: I would I knew how to like kind of proofread
Speaker 2: myself and also like proofred that like the average whoever
Speaker 2: that's going to be like, yeah, that's what she said,
Speaker 2: and you like I always write around things like that. Yeah,
Speaker 2: I think like my as my brain is getting softer
Speaker 2: and softer, I'm just kind of like, what.
Speaker 7: About this, You're just that's what she said, seriously, that's
Speaker 7: what I said. If it does, it doesn't make sense, doesn't.
Speaker 4: Well that's what she said.
Speaker 2: That's what she said.
Speaker 4: That's tigs. Yeah, yeah, funny. Well yeah, I always have
Speaker 4: to preface things by half. My jokes are tigbits.
Speaker 2: She's some great ones.
Speaker 4: Yeah, I never it's it's your brain isn't getting soft.
Speaker 4: It's just in the same place. I never thought of
Speaker 4: jokes in my living room. It was always while I
Speaker 4: was swimming or driving, Like sometimes I get in my
Speaker 4: car and drive around just because it makes you, uh,
Speaker 4: it opens your mind up for ideas. I don't get
Speaker 4: that when I'm hanging photos on my wall.
Speaker 3: Yeah weird.
Speaker 4: Yeah we're alone, right, who's been talking to their plants?
Speaker 4: I literally I was doing that on on my zoom
Speaker 4: stage all my talking to plants material, and I had
Speaker 4: to stop.
Speaker 2: I had to stop.
Speaker 3: There was a spider that lived under the ac in
Speaker 3: like in in this room in this office, to the
Speaker 3: point where I was like, like it had just been
Speaker 3: around so long. I was just like, well, it's just
Speaker 3: kind of nice. Wow, it's just a little friend. And
Speaker 3: I'm like, there's a gnat. I'd like shoe the gnat
Speaker 3: into its web and then like the spider would eat it.
Speaker 3: But and and you know it was funny too, because
Speaker 3: I mean it must have died recently, is not there anymore?
Speaker 3: And I'm like, oh man, my little guy.
Speaker 2: Yeah.
Speaker 4: Well then I talked about this show last episode, so
Speaker 4: I won't go uh too far into it. But that
Speaker 4: alone show when there was this guy that was a
Speaker 4: total mountain man survivalist guy who normally wouldn't care about
Speaker 4: a squirrel, but once he was hungry enough. This squirrel
Speaker 4: that had been hanging out next to his uh you know,
Speaker 4: pile of sticks that was his house, he had to
Speaker 4: kill him and he was like crying. He's like, that
Speaker 4: was my only friend. He trusted me, and I'm meeting
Speaker 4: him and this big strong guy was like crying over
Speaker 4: his squirrel because they were going they're going through the
Speaker 4: same like they are very alone. So yeah, this is
Speaker 4: like we're like survivalists, you guys.
Speaker 2: Yeah yeah, postmates.
Speaker 3: Yeah yeah, call a task rabbit to make sure I
Speaker 3: don't get hypothermia.
Speaker 2: Those marathon blankets and sacrifice your body for mine ice
Speaker 2: cream on the way. That's so great.
Speaker 3: If you died and I live.
Speaker 4: No food this time, I just need you to come
Speaker 4: and check on me. How do you get my number?
Speaker 2: Well? Yeah, is that it? Headache?
Speaker 4: Who has a migraine? Who's ready to vomit?
Speaker 2: Who's talk too much?
Speaker 4: For one surprise audience, we've all done acid? There's a space.
Speaker 4: This was interesting. We were going, uh, just off your voice,
Speaker 4: and to be honest, there was a bit of a
Speaker 4: delay with your connect You're uh no, I'm only saying
Speaker 4: that so everyone knows. That's how good this episode was.
Speaker 4: Because we're dealing with that hurdle. You don't know what's happening.
Speaker 4: So I'm telling you at the end that that's how
Speaker 4: good Alan Strickland Williams is And now Karen and I
Speaker 4: are in better moods because you're someone that is a
Speaker 4: comforting person to be around. Yeah, and I'm not kidding.
Speaker 2: This, conversationalists, you're good vibe.
Speaker 4: Yeah, that this is going to be one of those
Speaker 4: things where we get off of zoom and we're gonna
Speaker 4: want to make some uh some food or something. Because
Speaker 4: it was like we were just at a party.
Speaker 2: I know. Yeah, I was really really.
Speaker 3: Really looking forward to this tonight. It was such a
Speaker 3: fun like you know, it actually does after this, it
Speaker 3: does feel like a Friday.
Speaker 2: Yeah.
Speaker 3: Yeahs a great way to the weekend, right with this
Speaker 3: friend hang.
Speaker 2: A true friend hang.
Speaker 3: Yeah.
Speaker 2: I mean I think that is one thing that is
Speaker 2: that is happening in quarantine and is in this terrible
Speaker 2: experience everyone's having definitely worse for many people than than
Speaker 2: for us. But in this we it is really nice
Speaker 2: to start appreciating the things we should be appreciating because
Speaker 2: I think it's very easy. It's been very easy to
Speaker 2: like for me personally. I think I agree to do
Speaker 2: the big Foot Lodge for you guys, uh, well like
Speaker 2: four times, and then just didn't show up every time.
Speaker 2: Like there's all these things that that we had at
Speaker 2: our beck and call that we just don't have anymore,
Speaker 2: that we are now left to sit and have been
Speaker 2: left to sit for a year to go, Oh yeah,
Speaker 2: didn't you actually really like that thing? Don't you wish
Speaker 2: you had participated in that? Like I would kill to
Speaker 2: go to like a trivia night or you know what
Speaker 2: I mean, just to do one fucking thing and sit
Speaker 2: across from my friends who are smart and funny, uh
Speaker 2: you know once more and yeah, fucking hate their guts,
Speaker 2: give a chance to hate you.
Speaker 4: I wait in person, just a few more months, it's
Speaker 4: I think it takes it.
Speaker 2: Don't forget they hate us waiting. We're gonna make it.
Speaker 4: That's all you have to plug.
Speaker 5: There is.
Speaker 2: I remember going to some party and it ended up
Speaker 2: being and this was one of the first like comedy
Speaker 2: part I went to after not being in the in
Speaker 2: the comedy scene at all for years and years, so
Speaker 2: I was really insecure about going. And of course I
Speaker 2: went there and saw Joe Wagner and Joe Wagner, he's
Speaker 2: a classic party hang person and anchor, and then Paul
Speaker 2: Danky and the three of us ended up standing next
Speaker 2: to the dumpster, but in the Edendale patio area, like
Speaker 2: we were around the corner, because I think we were
Speaker 2: originally like smoking over there, but then we just never
Speaker 2: left the dumpster because we were just like we kept
Speaker 2: staring around the corner and being like, nah, I don't
Speaker 2: go over there, No look at that. Oh, there's that person.
Speaker 2: And it was the most hilariously fun separate within the
Speaker 2: party hang, which it used to be my favorite.
Speaker 4: Way to do it. I've heard the same Joe Wagner.
Speaker 4: I was at a party and I won't get into it,
Speaker 4: but I was hanging from a second story window and
Speaker 4: I couldn't go out through the bathroom and there was
Speaker 4: a cactus right below me, and I had to get
Speaker 4: off the window sill. Again, the backstory is boring, but
Speaker 4: there was Joe Wagner suddenly, calmly there with a ladder
Speaker 4: and he extended it and I climbed down the ladder.
Speaker 4: I still got a star on my leg from the cactus.
Speaker 4: But he's just there. Yeah, good old there.
Speaker 3: I went one of my first comedy things I went
Speaker 3: to and I was like obsessed with Live of the
Speaker 3: Purple Onion. So I saw Joe at a like party
Speaker 3: that I didn't know anyone at, and I like went
Speaker 3: up to him and I was just like, you're Joe
Speaker 3: Wagner and he was like, what do you like?
Speaker 2: He didn't know.
Speaker 3: I was obviously yeah, and I was like, I really
Speaker 3: really love you and in Thetioian and he just started
Speaker 3: laughing and he was like, oh my god. And then uh,
Speaker 3: I was like, you know, like you know what's gone?
Speaker 3: He goes. I spent a lot of time my time
Speaker 3: at the perimeter of parties and I was like, okay,
Speaker 3: I like this guy. Yeah, that is always a good
Speaker 3: person to see, like and then sometimes you just like
Speaker 3: this is the thing that I really miss them. You
Speaker 3: don't get anymore just running into people like a really
Speaker 3: weird time, Like I sometimes I'd run into Joe at
Speaker 3: like one am, just on a street like around maybe
Speaker 3: where there was a show or something.
Speaker 2: He's awakened, Yeah, he's awakened night.
Speaker 3: Yeah.
Speaker 4: Yeah, Well we'll get back there, guys. Yeah yeah, just
Speaker 4: a few more moments, a full gear of this thing,
Speaker 4: and then we're going to come out of it better people.
Speaker 6: That's what we've all realized. And we're letting everyone better people,
Speaker 6: but also more awkward people. Yes, perhaps more hateful people.
Speaker 4: I love it. I love people.
Speaker 2: I get back in there and then the hate doesn't
Speaker 2: work anymore and we're just like, you know what, that's
Speaker 2: just a front. It's a mess.
Speaker 3: Yeah, be a little bit more, a little bit more grateful.
Speaker 4: Yeah, maybe just just a half a cup. Yeah yeah,
Speaker 4: Well what shows do you have coming? I'm just kidding,
Speaker 4: do you? Is there anything? What are you working on?
Speaker 4: Is there anything?
Speaker 3: I've got my podcast, my host to some others people
Speaker 3: the Male Gays Monday you can anywhere and.
Speaker 2: Very funny everywhere that you can hear podcast.
Speaker 3: And that's that's it.
Speaker 4: Okay, that's all I'm doing too, man.
Speaker 3: I really appreciate you guys, tell me, I really.
Speaker 4: Yeah, it was very good to see you. And just
Speaker 4: go online and check out Ellen's comedy.
Speaker 3: And uh I was on Access. Now maybe that's I
Speaker 3: know for all.
Speaker 2: Because you know, they just started The Stand, Stephen King's
Speaker 2: the Stand. They redid it, and so I re signed
Speaker 2: up for CBS all Access purely to watch the Stand.
Speaker 2: Apparently now they also have stand up comedy on there.
Speaker 4: That's good, that's great. Anything have Edward James almost is
Speaker 4: stand and deliver.
Speaker 2: Great algebra movies of our time and you watch it
Speaker 2: if you can.
Speaker 4: Do you miss the movie stand by Me or at
Speaker 4: least the sound Thanks for thanks for being on our podcast, Alan, Yeah,
Speaker 4: that was great.
Speaker 2: Nice to see you, Nice to talk to you.
Speaker 4: You've been listening to Do you need a ride?
Speaker 5: D y N?
Speaker 2: They are I leave? You want to way back? Either
Speaker 2: way we want to be there.
Speaker 1: Doesn't matter how much baggage you give us time and
Speaker 1: Turman engage.
Speaker 2: We want to send you off in style. Do you
Speaker 2: wanna welcome you back home? Tell us all about every
Speaker 2: scared he was it fine? Melbourne?
Speaker 4: Do you need to ride?
Speaker 2: Do you need to ride?
Speaker 4: Do you need to ride? Do you need to ride?
Speaker 4: Do you need to ride?
Speaker 2: Do you need to ride?
Speaker 3: Do you need to ride?
Speaker 2: Do you need
Speaker 5: With Karen and Chris