1 00:00:05,320 --> 00:00:07,640 Speaker 1: Hey, this is Emily, and this is Bridge, and you're 2 00:00:07,720 --> 00:00:20,880 Speaker 1: listening to stuff Mom never told you. Today, we're tackling 3 00:00:20,920 --> 00:00:25,320 Speaker 1: a really important topic that is timely considering that October 4 00:00:25,520 --> 00:00:30,160 Speaker 1: is National Domestic Violence Awareness Month, and we want to 5 00:00:30,240 --> 00:00:34,280 Speaker 1: look at the issue of domestic violence from a lens 6 00:00:34,320 --> 00:00:37,159 Speaker 1: that doesn't often get talked about, and that is the 7 00:00:37,200 --> 00:00:42,800 Speaker 1: component of financial abuse and the critical importance of really 8 00:00:42,840 --> 00:00:47,199 Speaker 1: all of us having what has been deemed a fund Now. 9 00:00:47,200 --> 00:00:49,280 Speaker 1: I know we hear a lot about domestic violence in 10 00:00:49,320 --> 00:00:50,880 Speaker 1: the media, but I don't feel like we hear that 11 00:00:50,960 --> 00:00:54,680 Speaker 1: much about financial abuse. So what exactly is financial abuse exactly? 12 00:00:54,840 --> 00:00:59,560 Speaker 1: It's underrepresented, despite the fact that research indicates that financial 13 00:00:59,560 --> 00:01:05,000 Speaker 1: abuse is experienced a nine percent of abusive relationships, and 14 00:01:05,040 --> 00:01:08,480 Speaker 1: surveys of survivors reflect that concerns over their ability to 15 00:01:08,520 --> 00:01:12,200 Speaker 1: provide financially for themselves or their children is a huge 16 00:01:12,280 --> 00:01:16,399 Speaker 1: barrier to leaving an abusive relationship. So financial abuse is 17 00:01:16,440 --> 00:01:20,720 Speaker 1: really a common tactic used by abusers to gain power 18 00:01:20,840 --> 00:01:23,680 Speaker 1: and control in a relationship. This can come in many 19 00:01:23,720 --> 00:01:27,560 Speaker 1: different forms, whether they're subtle or overt, things like limiting 20 00:01:27,959 --> 00:01:32,679 Speaker 1: a partner's access to assets or concealing information and accessibility 21 00:01:32,720 --> 00:01:38,000 Speaker 1: regarding the family finances. Financial abuse almost always appears in 22 00:01:38,120 --> 00:01:41,480 Speaker 1: conjunction with other forms of emotional, physical, and sexual abuse, 23 00:01:41,800 --> 00:01:45,960 Speaker 1: manipulation and intimidation, And honestly, for me personally, when I 24 00:01:46,000 --> 00:01:49,400 Speaker 1: was in a really abusive relationship in my early twenties, 25 00:01:50,040 --> 00:01:53,840 Speaker 1: just the fact that I was pressured into repeatedly signing 26 00:01:53,960 --> 00:01:57,440 Speaker 1: leases for apartments that I could not afford was a 27 00:01:57,640 --> 00:02:00,840 Speaker 1: sort of subtle form of financial abuse that was part 28 00:02:00,840 --> 00:02:03,720 Speaker 1: of the control mechanism that was very prevalent. And when 29 00:02:03,720 --> 00:02:08,480 Speaker 1: I did finally leave that relationship, um, my former partner 30 00:02:08,520 --> 00:02:11,600 Speaker 1: made it impossible for me to sub let out my 31 00:02:11,880 --> 00:02:15,240 Speaker 1: half of our two bedroom apartment and basically left me 32 00:02:15,720 --> 00:02:20,280 Speaker 1: semi homeless for close to six months, um crashing on 33 00:02:20,400 --> 00:02:22,880 Speaker 1: couches and thanks to the very good will of some 34 00:02:23,440 --> 00:02:26,640 Speaker 1: people who helped me rescue myself during that time in 35 00:02:26,680 --> 00:02:30,040 Speaker 1: my life, and left me with six grand in credit 36 00:02:30,040 --> 00:02:33,320 Speaker 1: card debt. Dang. Well, I mean it really, it really 37 00:02:33,400 --> 00:02:35,760 Speaker 1: goes to show that it's about control. It's a way 38 00:02:35,800 --> 00:02:39,600 Speaker 1: of using finances and limiting your abilities and your freedoms 39 00:02:39,840 --> 00:02:42,919 Speaker 1: through money exactly. So let's talk a little bit more 40 00:02:42,919 --> 00:02:45,720 Speaker 1: about what financial abuse can look like. According to the 41 00:02:45,800 --> 00:02:49,160 Speaker 1: National Network to in Domestic violence. You or someone that 42 00:02:49,200 --> 00:02:51,760 Speaker 1: you know might be in a relationship that has some 43 00:02:51,840 --> 00:02:55,120 Speaker 1: aspects of financial abuse if it looks like this. They 44 00:02:55,160 --> 00:02:58,080 Speaker 1: control how all your family's money is spent and lashes 45 00:02:58,120 --> 00:03:01,400 Speaker 1: out with verbal and or physical aggression when questioned. They 46 00:03:01,440 --> 00:03:04,359 Speaker 1: deny you access to joint accounts or has accounts titled 47 00:03:04,360 --> 00:03:07,280 Speaker 1: in their name only. They sabotage your work and employment 48 00:03:07,320 --> 00:03:10,079 Speaker 1: opportunities by stalking or harassing you. This is stuff like 49 00:03:10,320 --> 00:03:12,119 Speaker 1: making it so that you can't hold down a job 50 00:03:12,200 --> 00:03:15,320 Speaker 1: or really even get a stable situation for yourself by 51 00:03:15,440 --> 00:03:19,280 Speaker 1: you know, just not letting you work and even shaming 52 00:03:19,280 --> 00:03:22,000 Speaker 1: you for daring to work, and have you know, questioning 53 00:03:22,160 --> 00:03:25,560 Speaker 1: your motives for any kind of financial independence. And this 54 00:03:25,680 --> 00:03:29,200 Speaker 1: was so perfectly illustrated in the show Big Little Lies, 55 00:03:29,800 --> 00:03:33,480 Speaker 1: which is one of the most riveting sort of depictions 56 00:03:33,520 --> 00:03:37,240 Speaker 1: of domestic violence and intimate partner abuse. Uh, and how 57 00:03:37,440 --> 00:03:41,560 Speaker 1: Nicole Kidman's character was shamed out of practicing law because 58 00:03:41,920 --> 00:03:44,000 Speaker 1: it was sort of questioned, why would you need money 59 00:03:44,000 --> 00:03:46,440 Speaker 1: of your own? And yeah, you can really see how 60 00:03:46,440 --> 00:03:49,080 Speaker 1: the hallmark of this kind of abuse is making it 61 00:03:49,160 --> 00:03:52,200 Speaker 1: so you can't just be a stable, independent person on 62 00:03:52,240 --> 00:03:54,400 Speaker 1: your own. You can't spend money the way that you want, 63 00:03:54,480 --> 00:03:56,520 Speaker 1: You can't earn money the way that you want. Someone 64 00:03:56,560 --> 00:03:59,280 Speaker 1: else is really in control of how money is being 65 00:03:59,520 --> 00:04:02,480 Speaker 1: brought in to your life and spent and just making 66 00:04:02,480 --> 00:04:05,080 Speaker 1: it harder for you to be financially free. Just constraining 67 00:04:05,120 --> 00:04:09,360 Speaker 1: your own financial situation is a form of control over 68 00:04:09,400 --> 00:04:12,120 Speaker 1: someone else, and it is a form of abuse. Another 69 00:04:12,240 --> 00:04:14,960 Speaker 1: hallmark of financial abuse that I found kind of scary 70 00:04:15,000 --> 00:04:17,760 Speaker 1: and really really telling is that your partner opens up 71 00:04:17,800 --> 00:04:21,200 Speaker 1: credit card accounts in your name without your permission or knowledge. 72 00:04:21,240 --> 00:04:23,919 Speaker 1: And I mean the idea of going to run a 73 00:04:23,920 --> 00:04:26,000 Speaker 1: credit check when you buy a car or get an 74 00:04:26,000 --> 00:04:28,120 Speaker 1: apartment and finding out that you have all of these 75 00:04:28,160 --> 00:04:30,680 Speaker 1: accounts in your name that you had no idea about 76 00:04:30,880 --> 00:04:33,919 Speaker 1: that is terrifying. It sounds like straight up fraud, you 77 00:04:33,960 --> 00:04:35,839 Speaker 1: know what I mean. It's just it's it's like a 78 00:04:35,880 --> 00:04:39,080 Speaker 1: step beyond abuse, and it can stick with you and 79 00:04:39,200 --> 00:04:43,279 Speaker 1: ruin your credit for your lifetime. Now, what was shocking 80 00:04:43,360 --> 00:04:45,599 Speaker 1: is a new study that came out in June from 81 00:04:45,640 --> 00:04:50,360 Speaker 1: scent Side, the online financial wellness community, found that millennials 82 00:04:50,440 --> 00:04:56,200 Speaker 1: in particular, and millennial women in particular report higher levels 83 00:04:56,360 --> 00:05:00,919 Speaker 1: of financial abuse in their relationships. Almost two thirds of 84 00:05:00,960 --> 00:05:04,960 Speaker 1: millennials surveyed reported that a romantic partner used money to 85 00:05:05,040 --> 00:05:09,680 Speaker 1: manipulate or gain power and control in their relationship, and 86 00:05:09,880 --> 00:05:15,839 Speaker 1: sixty of women surveyed reported experiencing behavior from their partners 87 00:05:15,839 --> 00:05:18,880 Speaker 1: that would constitute as financial abuse. And when you compare 88 00:05:18,960 --> 00:05:23,280 Speaker 1: that to facts from the Purple Purse Foundation, a nonprofit 89 00:05:23,320 --> 00:05:27,960 Speaker 1: advocacy group that provides resources for victims of domestic violence, 90 00:05:28,640 --> 00:05:31,440 Speaker 1: they say that only eight percent of the general population 91 00:05:31,600 --> 00:05:35,200 Speaker 1: reports being victims of financial abuse. Eight percent of the 92 00:05:35,200 --> 00:05:38,760 Speaker 1: general population, sixty percent of millennials, and almost seventy percent 93 00:05:38,800 --> 00:05:41,080 Speaker 1: of millennial women. I almost wonder if it's one of 94 00:05:41,120 --> 00:05:43,960 Speaker 1: those things where the symptoms are less visible, where you 95 00:05:44,000 --> 00:05:47,040 Speaker 1: don't know what someone else's finances look like, so you know, 96 00:05:47,240 --> 00:05:49,640 Speaker 1: it's easier to maybe tell when someone is being abused 97 00:05:49,640 --> 00:05:52,040 Speaker 1: in another kind of way. But your finances, we've suld 98 00:05:52,040 --> 00:05:53,600 Speaker 1: have been taught to not talk about them, and this 99 00:05:53,680 --> 00:05:56,679 Speaker 1: would be very hush hush, and if someone is experiencing 100 00:05:56,760 --> 00:05:59,640 Speaker 1: financial abuse, it might not always be so obvious. I'm 101 00:05:59,720 --> 00:06:01,800 Speaker 1: so glad you said that, Bridget, because the sense I 102 00:06:02,200 --> 00:06:06,920 Speaker 1: survey from this year, the numbers reporting financial abuse actually 103 00:06:07,000 --> 00:06:09,880 Speaker 1: doubled than the year prior because the year prior they 104 00:06:09,920 --> 00:06:13,760 Speaker 1: didn't ask them about symptoms of financial abuse, like has 105 00:06:13,800 --> 00:06:16,920 Speaker 1: your partner ever used money to coerce you into making 106 00:06:16,920 --> 00:06:19,440 Speaker 1: decisions you didn't want to make? Or has your partner 107 00:06:19,480 --> 00:06:21,400 Speaker 1: ever taken out a credit card in your name without 108 00:06:21,440 --> 00:06:25,800 Speaker 1: your permission or consent, Whereas the year prior they just asked, 109 00:06:26,279 --> 00:06:30,279 Speaker 1: is financial abuse prevalent or present rather in your relationship? 110 00:06:30,600 --> 00:06:34,280 Speaker 1: So when we break down the symptoms of financial abuse, 111 00:06:34,720 --> 00:06:37,599 Speaker 1: reporting goes up. So another component of this that makes 112 00:06:37,600 --> 00:06:40,520 Speaker 1: it even more complicated, it's this idea of financial infidelity, 113 00:06:40,560 --> 00:06:42,200 Speaker 1: which I have to admit I had never heard of. 114 00:06:42,600 --> 00:06:45,359 Speaker 1: Financial infidelity occurs when one partner in a couple with 115 00:06:45,400 --> 00:06:49,440 Speaker 1: combined finances lies to another about money, such as hiding 116 00:06:49,480 --> 00:06:52,800 Speaker 1: that in a secret account. Right. So, I think one 117 00:06:52,839 --> 00:06:57,159 Speaker 1: of the big challenges in relationships is, and this is 118 00:06:57,200 --> 00:06:59,320 Speaker 1: something I have not figured out with Brad the Boo, 119 00:07:00,000 --> 00:07:03,480 Speaker 1: when do you and to what extent do you combine finances? 120 00:07:03,600 --> 00:07:05,240 Speaker 1: Which I feel like we have to have a financial 121 00:07:05,680 --> 00:07:08,480 Speaker 1: expert on to help us untangle that one. But this 122 00:07:08,560 --> 00:07:10,680 Speaker 1: idea of coming into a relationship you kind of need 123 00:07:10,720 --> 00:07:14,679 Speaker 1: to know what resources and what debts people are bringing 124 00:07:14,720 --> 00:07:18,320 Speaker 1: to the table. And financial infidelity is this idea that 125 00:07:18,360 --> 00:07:22,800 Speaker 1: you're secretly spending or secretly saving and that you're not 126 00:07:23,000 --> 00:07:25,000 Speaker 1: fully transparent with one another. But I think it's more 127 00:07:25,000 --> 00:07:27,440 Speaker 1: about the spending. I don't know that I would necessarily 128 00:07:27,440 --> 00:07:29,520 Speaker 1: feel the need to tell of romantic partner that I'm 129 00:07:30,080 --> 00:07:33,760 Speaker 1: secretly supporting money. That's I mean. And I think just 130 00:07:33,840 --> 00:07:37,200 Speaker 1: even thinking about this, another way that it's so complicated 131 00:07:37,280 --> 00:07:39,760 Speaker 1: is that we are tough to not talk about our finances, 132 00:07:39,760 --> 00:07:42,520 Speaker 1: and so I could see someone not being upfront about 133 00:07:42,520 --> 00:07:44,680 Speaker 1: the debt they've accrued because they're ashamed of it. I'm 134 00:07:44,680 --> 00:07:47,960 Speaker 1: not sharing it with their partner exactly. In fact, sixty 135 00:07:48,080 --> 00:07:50,720 Speaker 1: percent of millennials said that a romantic partner had either 136 00:07:50,880 --> 00:07:54,000 Speaker 1: lied about money or hid money or debt from them. 137 00:07:54,280 --> 00:07:57,240 Speaker 1: And when we actually talk about a fund, we're talking 138 00:07:57,240 --> 00:08:00,240 Speaker 1: about secret money. We're talking about all women like to 139 00:08:00,400 --> 00:08:07,200 Speaker 1: avoid being financially dependent or finding yourself an abusive relationship. 140 00:08:07,280 --> 00:08:11,600 Speaker 1: The whole concept of a fund is saving your own 141 00:08:11,680 --> 00:08:15,360 Speaker 1: money to be your own savior if and when you 142 00:08:15,400 --> 00:08:18,560 Speaker 1: need it. So let's break down what a fund really is. 143 00:08:19,280 --> 00:08:24,240 Speaker 1: The term fund was coined by author Paul Lett Perhatch, 144 00:08:24,480 --> 00:08:30,120 Speaker 1: who wrote this incredibly real, scary story for the bill 145 00:08:30,200 --> 00:08:35,319 Speaker 1: Fold that describes two scenarios. In one scenario, you graduate college, 146 00:08:35,360 --> 00:08:38,480 Speaker 1: you finally get a job, you're in a relationship, and 147 00:08:38,520 --> 00:08:42,040 Speaker 1: you start spending money to keep up this appearance that 148 00:08:42,080 --> 00:08:44,120 Speaker 1: you want people to believe, which is, I'm a real 149 00:08:44,160 --> 00:08:47,000 Speaker 1: woman with a real job. I've got money, now, I've 150 00:08:47,000 --> 00:08:50,040 Speaker 1: got a car. Now, I'm you know, buying real furniture 151 00:08:50,080 --> 00:08:52,120 Speaker 1: for my keya now as real as that can be. 152 00:08:52,760 --> 00:08:55,160 Speaker 1: And despite the fact that you've got significant college loans 153 00:08:55,200 --> 00:08:58,040 Speaker 1: that you're paying off, you really want to spend because 154 00:08:58,040 --> 00:08:59,559 Speaker 1: it's the first time in your life you've got to 155 00:08:59,600 --> 00:09:03,240 Speaker 1: study income. And then she describes the situation that was 156 00:09:03,760 --> 00:09:06,920 Speaker 1: almost too real to read because it made me feel 157 00:09:07,000 --> 00:09:11,400 Speaker 1: extremely anxious, which includes, Oh, that internship didn't really turn 158 00:09:11,440 --> 00:09:13,559 Speaker 1: into the full time job you thought it was going to. Oh, 159 00:09:13,600 --> 00:09:15,880 Speaker 1: you can live with your boyfriend for a couple of 160 00:09:15,920 --> 00:09:18,120 Speaker 1: months and he'll cover the rent for you. So when 161 00:09:18,160 --> 00:09:20,880 Speaker 1: he says something nasty to you, you know that starts 162 00:09:20,920 --> 00:09:24,840 Speaker 1: to sound very controlling and wondering why you're hanging out 163 00:09:24,840 --> 00:09:27,760 Speaker 1: with this colleague of yours, or starting to you know, 164 00:09:27,840 --> 00:09:33,480 Speaker 1: sound like a paranoid, controlling, semi abusive partner. You wave 165 00:09:33,520 --> 00:09:36,360 Speaker 1: it off because you look past it, because you're literally thinking, 166 00:09:36,720 --> 00:09:39,040 Speaker 1: this is just a bad fight we're having. I can't 167 00:09:39,080 --> 00:09:43,000 Speaker 1: afford rent on a new place all my own, much 168 00:09:43,080 --> 00:09:45,400 Speaker 1: less a security deposit, and to get out. And then 169 00:09:45,400 --> 00:09:47,760 Speaker 1: it just spirals out of control to the point where 170 00:09:48,080 --> 00:09:51,120 Speaker 1: your boss makes a pass at you, but you can't 171 00:09:51,160 --> 00:09:55,640 Speaker 1: leave the job, or your relationship becomes truly abusive and 172 00:09:55,679 --> 00:09:57,920 Speaker 1: you can't afford to leave. Well, what I think it 173 00:09:58,000 --> 00:10:00,400 Speaker 1: demonstrates is the way that these things can often be 174 00:10:00,480 --> 00:10:05,040 Speaker 1: slippery slopes where first at the nasty comment and you're thinking, oh, well, 175 00:10:05,600 --> 00:10:07,480 Speaker 1: I gotta I'm gonna brush it off before you know 176 00:10:07,559 --> 00:10:09,880 Speaker 1: it at all kind of snowballs until you're really, really 177 00:10:09,880 --> 00:10:11,520 Speaker 1: in a situation where you don't have a lot of 178 00:10:11,520 --> 00:10:14,559 Speaker 1: control exactly, and it's so easy for it to happen. 179 00:10:14,640 --> 00:10:18,080 Speaker 1: It can happen to anybody. She describes a second scenario 180 00:10:18,120 --> 00:10:20,200 Speaker 1: in which you graduate from college, you're starting to make 181 00:10:20,240 --> 00:10:22,160 Speaker 1: real money for the first time in your life, and 182 00:10:22,240 --> 00:10:26,120 Speaker 1: instead you choose to continue living like a poor student. 183 00:10:26,640 --> 00:10:29,160 Speaker 1: You choose the refurbished table that you found on this 184 00:10:29,320 --> 00:10:32,840 Speaker 1: curb instead of the ikea coffee table, you choose to 185 00:10:32,920 --> 00:10:36,040 Speaker 1: keep the crappy car whose bumper is basically falling off. 186 00:10:36,320 --> 00:10:39,160 Speaker 1: And when your boyfriend says something rude to you, you 187 00:10:39,240 --> 00:10:41,360 Speaker 1: tell him you do that again, and I'm out of 188 00:10:41,400 --> 00:10:44,480 Speaker 1: here and he believes you. Or when it becomes abusive, 189 00:10:44,559 --> 00:10:46,360 Speaker 1: or when your boss makes a pass at you, you 190 00:10:46,480 --> 00:10:48,920 Speaker 1: flip them the bird, you walk out the door, and 191 00:10:49,000 --> 00:10:53,040 Speaker 1: you can afford to walk away from those situations. Well, again, 192 00:10:53,080 --> 00:10:57,120 Speaker 1: that just shows how financial independence and financial freedom really 193 00:10:57,240 --> 00:11:00,000 Speaker 1: can dictate how we choose to show up at our 194 00:11:00,000 --> 00:11:02,520 Speaker 1: amantic relationships. You would think of them as being separate, 195 00:11:02,559 --> 00:11:05,360 Speaker 1: that your finances and your romantic and your domestic are 196 00:11:05,360 --> 00:11:08,440 Speaker 1: all kind of separate buckets, but they're all intermingled, and 197 00:11:08,760 --> 00:11:12,079 Speaker 1: you know, how you're doing financially can really determine whether 198 00:11:12,120 --> 00:11:15,280 Speaker 1: you can walk out of that you know, abusive relationship, 199 00:11:15,360 --> 00:11:17,319 Speaker 1: or whether you can flip off that boss who just 200 00:11:17,360 --> 00:11:20,120 Speaker 1: want to pass at you. And it's a really scary 201 00:11:20,320 --> 00:11:25,200 Speaker 1: realization of the need for a fund in those very 202 00:11:25,280 --> 00:11:28,760 Speaker 1: dire situations that you can't really see coming, when held 203 00:11:28,880 --> 00:11:32,240 Speaker 1: up against the reality that most Americans have less than 204 00:11:32,280 --> 00:11:36,000 Speaker 1: one thousand dollars in savings and a majority of Americans 205 00:11:36,000 --> 00:11:40,040 Speaker 1: have reported not being able to cover a four unexpected 206 00:11:40,320 --> 00:11:42,760 Speaker 1: expense when it comes up. And again, I mean, how 207 00:11:42,760 --> 00:11:45,520 Speaker 1: many people out there are one, you know, slip and 208 00:11:45,559 --> 00:11:50,200 Speaker 1: fall away from complete financial ruin and terrifying exactly. And 209 00:11:50,240 --> 00:11:54,120 Speaker 1: when you couple that with domestic violence, it puts women 210 00:11:54,360 --> 00:11:59,880 Speaker 1: and especially women of color in a very scary situation 211 00:12:00,040 --> 00:12:02,920 Speaker 1: in and when you look at the numbers large in America, 212 00:12:03,080 --> 00:12:05,040 Speaker 1: you really start to see that we do have a 213 00:12:05,160 --> 00:12:07,920 Speaker 1: racial wealth gap. Basically, the racial wealth gap in this 214 00:12:08,000 --> 00:12:11,280 Speaker 1: country looks like Black and Latino families having a lot 215 00:12:11,360 --> 00:12:14,000 Speaker 1: less than their white counterparts. But if you look at 216 00:12:14,000 --> 00:12:17,680 Speaker 1: the numbers, right, I mean, these are gaps in wealth 217 00:12:17,720 --> 00:12:21,120 Speaker 1: and assets that have been perpetuated historically that have not 218 00:12:21,160 --> 00:12:25,679 Speaker 1: gone away despite the rising black elite in this country 219 00:12:25,960 --> 00:12:30,000 Speaker 1: and new black wealth in this country that pales in 220 00:12:30,040 --> 00:12:33,359 Speaker 1: comparison to the numbers across the board. A typical black household, 221 00:12:33,559 --> 00:12:37,680 Speaker 1: according to the US Census Bureau, has only six percent 222 00:12:37,880 --> 00:12:42,160 Speaker 1: of the wealth of the typical white household. Let that 223 00:12:42,320 --> 00:12:46,040 Speaker 1: sink in. The typical Latino household has just eight percent. 224 00:12:46,440 --> 00:12:49,880 Speaker 1: In absolute terms, the median white household had one hundred 225 00:12:49,920 --> 00:12:54,240 Speaker 1: eleven thousand, one hundred forty six and wealthholdings compared to 226 00:12:54,280 --> 00:12:58,000 Speaker 1: seven thousand, one thirteen for the median Black household and 227 00:12:58,240 --> 00:13:01,439 Speaker 1: eight thousand, three hundred forty eight the median Latino household. 228 00:13:01,640 --> 00:13:04,199 Speaker 1: And these figures all come from the US Census Bureau. 229 00:13:04,520 --> 00:13:07,320 Speaker 1: I mean, when you think about family wealth too, that 230 00:13:07,440 --> 00:13:10,160 Speaker 1: sometimes not money in the bank. These could be things 231 00:13:10,240 --> 00:13:14,200 Speaker 1: like property, homeownership, all of those things that are typical 232 00:13:14,400 --> 00:13:18,000 Speaker 1: historical access to a middle class, stable lifestyle, which if 233 00:13:18,040 --> 00:13:20,840 Speaker 1: you are in a dire situation and you need to 234 00:13:21,360 --> 00:13:24,040 Speaker 1: off from a bad job or a toxic relationship or 235 00:13:24,040 --> 00:13:29,400 Speaker 1: an abusive situation, having even non liquid assets that you 236 00:13:29,440 --> 00:13:32,800 Speaker 1: can rely on puts you at an advantage, makes your 237 00:13:33,400 --> 00:13:36,360 Speaker 1: livelihood more stable. And so when we talk about this 238 00:13:36,440 --> 00:13:38,920 Speaker 1: with an intersectional lens, we have to acknowledge the impact 239 00:13:38,920 --> 00:13:42,040 Speaker 1: that race has, not just gender, in really looking at 240 00:13:42,040 --> 00:13:44,520 Speaker 1: who's at risk when it comes to financial abuse. Yeah, 241 00:13:44,520 --> 00:13:47,040 Speaker 1: and I think it's it's tempting to look at these 242 00:13:47,080 --> 00:13:50,200 Speaker 1: numbers and say, like, oh, people of color just you know, 243 00:13:50,640 --> 00:13:53,680 Speaker 1: for whatever reason, they have less access to wealth. But actually, 244 00:13:53,679 --> 00:13:55,880 Speaker 1: if you look back at our our country's history of 245 00:13:56,280 --> 00:14:00,360 Speaker 1: bad and racist policy, it's really policy choice says that 246 00:14:00,400 --> 00:14:03,760 Speaker 1: have really had lasting impact on why people of color 247 00:14:03,880 --> 00:14:06,760 Speaker 1: have less generational wealth than their white counterparts today, and 248 00:14:07,000 --> 00:14:09,760 Speaker 1: things like the g I Bill allowing for white service 249 00:14:09,760 --> 00:14:12,640 Speaker 1: members to afford college and not black service members, things 250 00:14:12,679 --> 00:14:15,680 Speaker 1: like white people having access to home ownership programs that 251 00:14:15,720 --> 00:14:18,079 Speaker 1: people of colors did not have access to. You may 252 00:14:18,080 --> 00:14:20,200 Speaker 1: think these are small things, but they've had lasting and 253 00:14:20,240 --> 00:14:24,200 Speaker 1: reverberating consequences throughout history, including today. And I think when 254 00:14:24,200 --> 00:14:27,560 Speaker 1: you apply that to financial abuse, what you really see 255 00:14:27,680 --> 00:14:31,520 Speaker 1: is Latino women, black women having less control over their 256 00:14:31,520 --> 00:14:35,840 Speaker 1: finances and their white counterparts exactly. And in one bad relationship, 257 00:14:35,960 --> 00:14:39,080 Speaker 1: one slip up with a credit situation or one moment 258 00:14:39,080 --> 00:14:44,240 Speaker 1: of becoming victimized by an abuser can be the last 259 00:14:44,280 --> 00:14:47,440 Speaker 1: straw to break the camels back. Yeah, one bad boyfriend 260 00:14:47,640 --> 00:14:49,760 Speaker 1: taking out a credit card in your name without telling 261 00:14:49,760 --> 00:14:52,160 Speaker 1: you can really be financial routin. And I think when 262 00:14:52,160 --> 00:14:55,400 Speaker 1: you look at it from that systemic lens bridget we 263 00:14:55,920 --> 00:15:01,680 Speaker 1: can acknowledge that having a FUF fund and zealously hoarding 264 00:15:01,720 --> 00:15:06,400 Speaker 1: and saving money wherever and whenever you can in case 265 00:15:06,440 --> 00:15:10,000 Speaker 1: you do need to escape a bad situation is good advice, 266 00:15:10,560 --> 00:15:13,600 Speaker 1: but it's not equally accessible to all people, so we 267 00:15:13,640 --> 00:15:15,880 Speaker 1: have to acknowledge that it is imperfect even as a 268 00:15:15,960 --> 00:15:19,920 Speaker 1: solution to this problem. Anna Merlin of Jezebel really unpacks 269 00:15:19,960 --> 00:15:23,200 Speaker 1: this in a very compelling way. She talks about per 270 00:15:23,240 --> 00:15:25,920 Speaker 1: hatches advice in that original piece in the bill fold, 271 00:15:25,920 --> 00:15:31,760 Speaker 1: which I highly recommend everyone read as financial self defense. However, 272 00:15:32,040 --> 00:15:36,160 Speaker 1: she also acknowledges the privilege involved in being able to 273 00:15:36,240 --> 00:15:39,000 Speaker 1: make that kind of a move. She says, quote, her 274 00:15:39,040 --> 00:15:44,240 Speaker 1: scenario presumes you're gainfully employed, making enough to cover expenses 275 00:15:44,280 --> 00:15:47,080 Speaker 1: with even a slim margin left over, and those are 276 00:15:47,160 --> 00:15:50,200 Speaker 1: all pretty big ifs one and all, and out of 277 00:15:50,240 --> 00:15:53,600 Speaker 1: reach for the forty five million Americans living below the 278 00:15:53,680 --> 00:15:58,600 Speaker 1: poverty line and quietly drowning amid the failed experiment of 279 00:15:58,720 --> 00:16:03,040 Speaker 1: late stage capital is um. I think she nails it really, 280 00:16:03,160 --> 00:16:06,200 Speaker 1: highlighting that this isn't really something that everybody can do 281 00:16:06,280 --> 00:16:08,000 Speaker 1: when you look at the reality. So some people who 282 00:16:08,000 --> 00:16:10,720 Speaker 1: are in really tough situations, maybe they don't even have 283 00:16:10,760 --> 00:16:13,360 Speaker 1: the opportunity to put away a little bit each month. So, 284 00:16:13,400 --> 00:16:16,640 Speaker 1: in a piece for Salon, perhaps actually breaks down her 285 00:16:16,680 --> 00:16:20,000 Speaker 1: experience with building up off fund um. She talks about 286 00:16:20,000 --> 00:16:21,840 Speaker 1: when she was thirty three, she was living in Seattle. 287 00:16:22,120 --> 00:16:24,320 Speaker 1: She was going through a really financially tough time and 288 00:16:24,400 --> 00:16:26,120 Speaker 1: ended up having to move back in with her mother. 289 00:16:26,440 --> 00:16:29,600 Speaker 1: It was listening to Dave Ramsey's podcast and through some 290 00:16:29,640 --> 00:16:32,760 Speaker 1: creative uses of Excel spreadsheets that she really sort of 291 00:16:32,800 --> 00:16:36,480 Speaker 1: got her off fund on track. Another sort of interesting 292 00:16:36,520 --> 00:16:39,880 Speaker 1: aspect of how she developed this was accountability. She would 293 00:16:39,920 --> 00:16:42,400 Speaker 1: blog about this occasionally and told just a handful of 294 00:16:42,440 --> 00:16:45,240 Speaker 1: people that she was going on this financial journey to 295 00:16:45,280 --> 00:16:47,800 Speaker 1: save money. And I think it was just one reader, 296 00:16:47,840 --> 00:16:50,160 Speaker 1: like the mom of a friend who would read the 297 00:16:50,160 --> 00:16:53,080 Speaker 1: blog occasionally, but even that one reader was enough for 298 00:16:53,120 --> 00:16:56,040 Speaker 1: her to have that accountability in terms of the financial 299 00:16:56,080 --> 00:16:58,880 Speaker 1: choices that she was making. Yeah, And I think it 300 00:16:58,960 --> 00:17:03,040 Speaker 1: just highlights that even though having a off fund is imperative, 301 00:17:03,120 --> 00:17:06,000 Speaker 1: and I would encourage everyone listening to do everything they 302 00:17:06,040 --> 00:17:09,639 Speaker 1: can to put whatever money away that you can for 303 00:17:10,160 --> 00:17:14,160 Speaker 1: the potential emergency that might come up. Even moving home 304 00:17:14,200 --> 00:17:15,920 Speaker 1: with your mom at thirty three is not an option 305 00:17:15,960 --> 00:17:19,040 Speaker 1: for everyone. Yeah, not everybody has that support system that 306 00:17:19,080 --> 00:17:21,400 Speaker 1: everybody has a parent they can live with or a relative. 307 00:17:21,600 --> 00:17:23,879 Speaker 1: Not everybody has someone who's going to read their blog 308 00:17:23,960 --> 00:17:27,000 Speaker 1: every week to make sure they're keeping their financial goals well. 309 00:17:27,119 --> 00:17:29,080 Speaker 1: When we come back from this quick break, we're going 310 00:17:29,119 --> 00:17:31,760 Speaker 1: to talk to a woman who did just that, and 311 00:17:31,800 --> 00:17:35,000 Speaker 1: who found her way out of not only an abusive relationship, 312 00:17:35,320 --> 00:17:38,960 Speaker 1: but out of financial instability through her own method of 313 00:17:39,000 --> 00:17:41,760 Speaker 1: accountability and how she's made it possible for others to 314 00:17:41,800 --> 00:17:44,120 Speaker 1: do the same. We'll be right back after a quick 315 00:17:44,119 --> 00:17:55,199 Speaker 1: word from our sponsors, and we're back and now to 316 00:17:55,280 --> 00:17:58,440 Speaker 1: talk through some of the ways that women can protect 317 00:17:58,440 --> 00:18:01,800 Speaker 1: themselves from financially be us and also be the boss 318 00:18:01,800 --> 00:18:05,320 Speaker 1: of your own bank account. Really is our good friend 319 00:18:05,520 --> 00:18:10,640 Speaker 1: and financial educator, the creator behind my fab Finance, Tanya 320 00:18:10,880 --> 00:18:14,080 Speaker 1: Rapidly is here in studio with us. Welcome Tania, Hello, 321 00:18:14,280 --> 00:18:16,560 Speaker 1: thank you for having me. This is so exciting. I know, 322 00:18:16,600 --> 00:18:19,840 Speaker 1: we're so glad to have you here. We're crashing your pad. 323 00:18:19,920 --> 00:18:22,560 Speaker 1: Really we're in l A. So this is your These 324 00:18:22,560 --> 00:18:26,439 Speaker 1: are your digs, yeah snewish digs. Like just moved here 325 00:18:26,440 --> 00:18:28,400 Speaker 1: from New York. After being in New York for nine years. 326 00:18:28,560 --> 00:18:32,480 Speaker 1: I still feel like I am acclimating myself and kind 327 00:18:32,480 --> 00:18:34,919 Speaker 1: of reclaiming my piece after living in New York for 328 00:18:34,960 --> 00:18:36,639 Speaker 1: nine years. Are you an l A girl or a 329 00:18:36,640 --> 00:18:39,200 Speaker 1: New York girl at heart. I am a Southern girl 330 00:18:39,240 --> 00:18:43,359 Speaker 1: at heart from North Carolina. Had Charlotte. Oh my grandma 331 00:18:43,359 --> 00:18:47,120 Speaker 1: listen to Charlotte shout out to Mecklenburg County Esburg. Yeah, 332 00:18:47,240 --> 00:18:50,840 Speaker 1: so I'm from Charlotte. And it's funny how my first 333 00:18:50,880 --> 00:18:52,400 Speaker 1: couple of years in New York, I was like, I'm 334 00:18:52,400 --> 00:18:55,440 Speaker 1: a New Yorker, and then after I got over New York, 335 00:18:55,480 --> 00:18:57,560 Speaker 1: I was like, actually, I'm definitely not a New Yorker. 336 00:18:57,720 --> 00:19:00,920 Speaker 1: I'm a Southern and so I'm like a Southern New 337 00:19:01,000 --> 00:19:04,520 Speaker 1: York hybrid in l A. Well, I love it because 338 00:19:04,520 --> 00:19:07,600 Speaker 1: we've got listeners all over the world too. Are gonna 339 00:19:07,600 --> 00:19:10,359 Speaker 1: be excited to hear your story. Yes, and I'm a 340 00:19:10,359 --> 00:19:13,359 Speaker 1: citizen of the world. Yeah. So we tell me more 341 00:19:13,480 --> 00:19:16,560 Speaker 1: about those early years in New York for you, because 342 00:19:16,600 --> 00:19:21,959 Speaker 1: that's really when the inspiration from my fab finance came about. Um, 343 00:19:22,000 --> 00:19:25,440 Speaker 1: the early years in New York, I would say kind 344 00:19:25,480 --> 00:19:28,919 Speaker 1: of started from the early the years in Miami. So 345 00:19:28,960 --> 00:19:32,400 Speaker 1: I went to college in Miami, Florida, and thank god 346 00:19:32,440 --> 00:19:35,520 Speaker 1: I graduated because I had so much fun in Colm. 347 00:19:35,680 --> 00:19:37,439 Speaker 1: I was gonna say, who goes to class when you've 348 00:19:37,480 --> 00:19:39,760 Speaker 1: got Miami beach. You know, actually you went to class 349 00:19:39,760 --> 00:19:43,840 Speaker 1: on the beach, actually have classes because I studied public administration, 350 00:19:43,880 --> 00:19:46,400 Speaker 1: so I had classes at the Police Academy right there 351 00:19:46,720 --> 00:19:49,080 Speaker 1: on Miami Beach. And so, of course I made a 352 00:19:49,080 --> 00:19:52,080 Speaker 1: bunch of financial mistakes and relationship mistakes in Miami, because 353 00:19:52,119 --> 00:19:55,640 Speaker 1: you make mistakes in Miami, exactly. And but I lived 354 00:19:55,640 --> 00:19:58,320 Speaker 1: to tell the story. And so I ended up moving 355 00:19:58,320 --> 00:20:01,480 Speaker 1: to New York, and um, all the mistakes that I 356 00:20:01,480 --> 00:20:02,760 Speaker 1: had made while I was in college, I kind of 357 00:20:02,760 --> 00:20:05,159 Speaker 1: just swept him under the rug, like New City knew me, 358 00:20:05,600 --> 00:20:08,000 Speaker 1: renamed myself. I had a music blog, so with my 359 00:20:08,040 --> 00:20:11,480 Speaker 1: last name being Rapidly, everyone called me rap and so 360 00:20:12,040 --> 00:20:15,560 Speaker 1: I just had this new life and alter ego. And 361 00:20:16,040 --> 00:20:18,680 Speaker 1: during that time, I was ignoring my finances. I really 362 00:20:18,720 --> 00:20:22,080 Speaker 1: was that person who looked like she had it altogether. Um, 363 00:20:22,119 --> 00:20:24,280 Speaker 1: I had this ongoing thing with my friends who are 364 00:20:24,400 --> 00:20:26,160 Speaker 1: really smart and really brilliant. And I'm sure you ladies 365 00:20:26,200 --> 00:20:29,920 Speaker 1: can attest that when you're naturally intelligent or you're naturally brilliant, 366 00:20:30,160 --> 00:20:32,760 Speaker 1: that other people are impressed by your mediocrity. When you're 367 00:20:32,800 --> 00:20:35,760 Speaker 1: beating mediocre, other people are impressed. So I was kind 368 00:20:35,760 --> 00:20:38,280 Speaker 1: of just like playing mediocre in all areas of my 369 00:20:38,320 --> 00:20:40,159 Speaker 1: life and not really rising to the occasion when it 370 00:20:40,200 --> 00:20:42,919 Speaker 1: came to my finances and really pursuing my goals and 371 00:20:43,000 --> 00:20:46,880 Speaker 1: my dreams. Okay, what kinds of mistakes did you make 372 00:20:47,000 --> 00:20:49,600 Speaker 1: if you're willing to tell us, because I feel like 373 00:20:49,640 --> 00:20:51,960 Speaker 1: talking candidly about money mistakes you make is a good 374 00:20:52,000 --> 00:20:54,840 Speaker 1: first step. I took out a lot of debt um 375 00:20:54,880 --> 00:20:57,640 Speaker 1: my parents were really big on credit because my parents 376 00:20:57,680 --> 00:20:59,480 Speaker 1: are both in the military, and they were really big 377 00:20:59,520 --> 00:21:01,119 Speaker 1: on credit, and so I had great credit when I 378 00:21:01,119 --> 00:21:04,000 Speaker 1: moved to Miami. So that means I finance a new computer, 379 00:21:04,440 --> 00:21:07,320 Speaker 1: I finance a new car, I finance my wardrobe for 380 00:21:07,440 --> 00:21:10,640 Speaker 1: my first day of work. I financed my plane tickets home. 381 00:21:10,960 --> 00:21:13,840 Speaker 1: I finance my spring break. I financed my hair. Like 382 00:21:14,000 --> 00:21:18,560 Speaker 1: everything was being financing credit. I love that it's things 383 00:21:18,600 --> 00:21:21,840 Speaker 1: that you know as black women. It things like my 384 00:21:21,880 --> 00:21:23,359 Speaker 1: hair is a big deal, and I'll spend a lot 385 00:21:23,400 --> 00:21:25,120 Speaker 1: of money on my hair, right like my health it's 386 00:21:25,119 --> 00:21:28,000 Speaker 1: a big deal. Like it's this idea of wanting to 387 00:21:28,119 --> 00:21:30,680 Speaker 1: look like you have it all together and that being 388 00:21:30,800 --> 00:21:33,720 Speaker 1: very important sort of culturally exactly like a lot of 389 00:21:33,760 --> 00:21:36,359 Speaker 1: people culturally, they it's like, well, she doesn't look like 390 00:21:36,400 --> 00:21:39,680 Speaker 1: she's broke, it's like what she is, you know, and so, um, 391 00:21:39,720 --> 00:21:41,439 Speaker 1: those are some of the mistakes I made. And I 392 00:21:41,480 --> 00:21:44,000 Speaker 1: was actually doing really well with paying back my debts 393 00:21:44,080 --> 00:21:46,600 Speaker 1: until I got into an abusive relationship when I was 394 00:21:46,640 --> 00:21:49,360 Speaker 1: in college, and that was my last year in college. Um, 395 00:21:49,560 --> 00:21:53,800 Speaker 1: and it was an emotionally, physically financially abusive relationship, and 396 00:21:53,840 --> 00:21:57,360 Speaker 1: so at towards the middle and end of the relationship, 397 00:21:57,440 --> 00:21:59,600 Speaker 1: I found myself being the only person who was working, 398 00:22:00,080 --> 00:22:02,160 Speaker 1: and so as a result, I was the only person 399 00:22:02,200 --> 00:22:05,879 Speaker 1: paying the bills and my other financial obligations, and the 400 00:22:05,920 --> 00:22:08,800 Speaker 1: bills that I had accrued prior to that relationship ended 401 00:22:08,880 --> 00:22:11,040 Speaker 1: up going unmet because all the money that I had 402 00:22:11,119 --> 00:22:13,080 Speaker 1: was going towards supporting the both of us, I mean, 403 00:22:13,080 --> 00:22:15,880 Speaker 1: buying groceries, paying the rent for a two bedroom apartment, 404 00:22:16,119 --> 00:22:18,520 Speaker 1: I had my car payment, and I just fell behind. 405 00:22:18,560 --> 00:22:21,320 Speaker 1: I wasn't saving any money, um, and it just got 406 00:22:21,320 --> 00:22:23,200 Speaker 1: out of hand to where he knew I had good credit. 407 00:22:23,240 --> 00:22:25,600 Speaker 1: So then he took advantage of that and started doing 408 00:22:25,640 --> 00:22:30,040 Speaker 1: these scams on eBay with my account. Actually it took 409 00:22:30,119 --> 00:22:34,040 Speaker 1: me maybe I think seven years after or after that 410 00:22:34,080 --> 00:22:37,240 Speaker 1: relationship to pay off all the debt to PayPal so 411 00:22:37,280 --> 00:22:40,520 Speaker 1: that I could use PayPal for my fab finance. And 412 00:22:40,600 --> 00:22:42,600 Speaker 1: so there were just a host of mistakes and then 413 00:22:42,640 --> 00:22:46,479 Speaker 1: I ended up leaving that relationship. But for me, moving 414 00:22:46,520 --> 00:22:49,639 Speaker 1: on meant not dealing, and so I just swept everything 415 00:22:49,720 --> 00:22:52,119 Speaker 1: under the rug, moved to New York, and I didn't 416 00:22:52,160 --> 00:22:55,240 Speaker 1: really address that until two thousand and twelve, and that's 417 00:22:55,240 --> 00:22:57,400 Speaker 1: when I realized that, hey, Tangy, you want your own place. 418 00:22:57,440 --> 00:23:00,239 Speaker 1: Eventually your credit sucks. This is like you weren't used 419 00:23:00,280 --> 00:23:02,040 Speaker 1: to be like this. Um, you used to get your 420 00:23:02,040 --> 00:23:05,320 Speaker 1: financial life together, or you're going to retire and eat 421 00:23:05,400 --> 00:23:08,680 Speaker 1: cat food and work it the grocery store. Was there 422 00:23:08,680 --> 00:23:10,760 Speaker 1: a moment for you? Was it the apartment or was 423 00:23:10,800 --> 00:23:13,160 Speaker 1: there some crystallizing moment where you said, gee, I gotta 424 00:23:13,160 --> 00:23:15,600 Speaker 1: get this together and just stop keeping us under the 425 00:23:15,680 --> 00:23:18,000 Speaker 1: rug or you that made you act. There were a 426 00:23:18,000 --> 00:23:20,439 Speaker 1: couple of moments, but they were too in particular. The 427 00:23:20,480 --> 00:23:23,439 Speaker 1: first one was I had a roommate and, um, we 428 00:23:23,520 --> 00:23:27,200 Speaker 1: both have fiery personalities, and so we were getting in 429 00:23:27,240 --> 00:23:30,120 Speaker 1: an argument about the mail and I was upset because 430 00:23:30,160 --> 00:23:31,680 Speaker 1: I was waiting for a check and she lost the 431 00:23:31,720 --> 00:23:33,479 Speaker 1: mail key and I needed to check to see if 432 00:23:33,480 --> 00:23:36,960 Speaker 1: I had to check there because I was broke, and um, 433 00:23:37,000 --> 00:23:39,360 Speaker 1: it got heated to where it almost became a fist fight, 434 00:23:39,440 --> 00:23:41,880 Speaker 1: and so I wouldn't call my sister, my little sister 435 00:23:42,040 --> 00:23:43,600 Speaker 1: to kind of just talk it through. I think she's 436 00:23:43,640 --> 00:23:45,240 Speaker 1: gonna side with me, like who do she thinks she is? 437 00:23:45,400 --> 00:23:47,600 Speaker 1: Da da da da, And my sister was like, actually, 438 00:23:47,840 --> 00:23:50,600 Speaker 1: you're too grown to have roommates anyway. I was like, 439 00:23:51,520 --> 00:23:56,080 Speaker 1: they'll talk from baby sits right, Like the little siss 440 00:23:56,119 --> 00:23:57,760 Speaker 1: had her own place and I was like, well, you 441 00:23:57,800 --> 00:23:59,760 Speaker 1: don't live here, you live in d C. And she's 442 00:23:59,760 --> 00:24:03,560 Speaker 1: like it's expensive here too. Um, and that's when I 443 00:24:03,600 --> 00:24:06,600 Speaker 1: was just like, wait, I do why do I have roommates? 444 00:24:06,600 --> 00:24:08,919 Speaker 1: And it's like, because your credit is so bad that 445 00:24:08,960 --> 00:24:11,439 Speaker 1: you cannot afford to get your own place. And so 446 00:24:11,640 --> 00:24:13,439 Speaker 1: that was a moment for me. And then so I 447 00:24:13,440 --> 00:24:15,560 Speaker 1: started think about finance. I started thinking like, Tanya, you 448 00:24:15,640 --> 00:24:18,040 Speaker 1: only have to get it together. And then a few 449 00:24:18,119 --> 00:24:20,240 Speaker 1: weeks later I was working at the y w c 450 00:24:20,359 --> 00:24:23,080 Speaker 1: A in Brooklyn, and it provides low income housing for 451 00:24:23,119 --> 00:24:27,000 Speaker 1: women across the city along with programming for residents, and 452 00:24:27,280 --> 00:24:29,840 Speaker 1: one of my residents. I was leaving work and she 453 00:24:29,960 --> 00:24:32,959 Speaker 1: was begging for food and money at the subway station, 454 00:24:33,200 --> 00:24:34,920 Speaker 1: like outside of our job. And this is a woman 455 00:24:34,920 --> 00:24:38,359 Speaker 1: who was a doctor in her like before she fell. 456 00:24:38,480 --> 00:24:40,600 Speaker 1: She fell in hard times. And I think it doesn't 457 00:24:40,640 --> 00:24:43,160 Speaker 1: matter how smart you are, it doesn't matter what job 458 00:24:43,240 --> 00:24:45,560 Speaker 1: you have, if you don't prepare financially for your future, 459 00:24:45,800 --> 00:24:49,080 Speaker 1: this can be you, Tanya. So you need to stop 460 00:24:49,080 --> 00:24:51,280 Speaker 1: playing around and get it together, because you know, if 461 00:24:51,320 --> 00:24:53,080 Speaker 1: you're fortunate to make it to your old age, you're 462 00:24:53,119 --> 00:24:55,679 Speaker 1: going to need money. And your decisions now are going 463 00:24:55,680 --> 00:24:59,239 Speaker 1: to impact your level of comfort in your retirement. And 464 00:24:59,320 --> 00:25:00,760 Speaker 1: so that was I was just like, you know what, 465 00:25:00,880 --> 00:25:03,040 Speaker 1: I'm done playing around. Let me get started on this. 466 00:25:03,280 --> 00:25:07,239 Speaker 1: And my fab Finances started in January, So tell us 467 00:25:07,560 --> 00:25:10,119 Speaker 1: what is my fab finance, what does it exist for, 468 00:25:10,280 --> 00:25:13,080 Speaker 1: who does it serve? And and really what's the journey 469 00:25:13,080 --> 00:25:15,880 Speaker 1: been like for you? Yeah? I created my fab Finance 470 00:25:15,920 --> 00:25:18,600 Speaker 1: to help millennial women own their power and take control 471 00:25:18,600 --> 00:25:21,679 Speaker 1: of their finances. The mission of my fab Finances to 472 00:25:21,680 --> 00:25:24,080 Speaker 1: help millennials break the cycle of living paycheck to paycheck 473 00:25:24,160 --> 00:25:26,080 Speaker 1: so they can do more of what they love. And 474 00:25:26,160 --> 00:25:28,280 Speaker 1: I'm really big on the what they love portion, because 475 00:25:28,320 --> 00:25:31,760 Speaker 1: I know people who are financially secure, but they're still miserable, 476 00:25:31,840 --> 00:25:33,880 Speaker 1: Like they don't know what their passion is, they don't 477 00:25:33,920 --> 00:25:36,399 Speaker 1: know what their purposes. And so I really wanted to 478 00:25:36,440 --> 00:25:38,040 Speaker 1: home throw that in there because I think so many 479 00:25:38,040 --> 00:25:41,159 Speaker 1: people are like, become financially free, but for what what 480 00:25:41,240 --> 00:25:43,080 Speaker 1: does that mean? What does it allow me to do? 481 00:25:43,600 --> 00:25:46,840 Speaker 1: And so that's why I created my fab finance, and um, 482 00:25:46,880 --> 00:25:49,159 Speaker 1: I'm really big on accountability for my fab finance. So 483 00:25:49,200 --> 00:25:51,040 Speaker 1: while a lot of people create a lot of free 484 00:25:51,040 --> 00:25:53,560 Speaker 1: bees and everything, like, for me is I create freebes, 485 00:25:53,600 --> 00:25:55,720 Speaker 1: but I also need you to meet me halfway. So 486 00:25:55,800 --> 00:25:58,440 Speaker 1: I have monthly master classes, I have courses that I teach. 487 00:25:58,480 --> 00:26:00,679 Speaker 1: I do a lot of speaking and so forth, because 488 00:26:00,800 --> 00:26:02,439 Speaker 1: I I've done a lot of stuff for free, and 489 00:26:02,440 --> 00:26:04,440 Speaker 1: I realized that people don't value stuff as much when 490 00:26:04,480 --> 00:26:06,680 Speaker 1: it's given to them versus when they invested. Right that 491 00:26:06,800 --> 00:26:09,600 Speaker 1: you're running a business, Yeah, as a business owner, I 492 00:26:09,640 --> 00:26:12,000 Speaker 1: can respect that, Like you've got to prove yourself as 493 00:26:12,080 --> 00:26:14,240 Speaker 1: valuable to people, but you're also running a business that 494 00:26:14,359 --> 00:26:17,760 Speaker 1: is a value financially effective. Fifteen i'd been a full 495 00:26:17,760 --> 00:26:22,320 Speaker 1: time entrepreneur September actually, which I celebrated by going to 496 00:26:22,359 --> 00:26:25,960 Speaker 1: Beyonce concert. I love that. And you like to say 497 00:26:26,000 --> 00:26:28,920 Speaker 1: I've heard you like to say that you were your 498 00:26:28,960 --> 00:26:32,479 Speaker 1: first client? Is that right? I was. I learned by doing, 499 00:26:32,680 --> 00:26:36,520 Speaker 1: and so I have a bachelor's in public administration and 500 00:26:36,520 --> 00:26:41,480 Speaker 1: a master's Urban policy administration, totally non finance related. And 501 00:26:41,480 --> 00:26:43,560 Speaker 1: so when I was getting started, I started because I 502 00:26:43,600 --> 00:26:45,760 Speaker 1: was too broke, like teaching myself, because I was too 503 00:26:45,760 --> 00:26:47,639 Speaker 1: broke to pay somebody else, Like that was why I 504 00:26:47,640 --> 00:26:50,080 Speaker 1: couldn't afford everybody else's consultation. Feat I was like, time, 505 00:26:50,119 --> 00:26:52,520 Speaker 1: you gotta figure this out. You like researching, figure it out. 506 00:26:52,840 --> 00:26:54,359 Speaker 1: And I was like, this is not that hard, and 507 00:26:54,359 --> 00:26:56,080 Speaker 1: they're charging people for this. Let me just create a 508 00:26:56,080 --> 00:26:58,080 Speaker 1: platform to teach other people how to do it. And 509 00:26:58,119 --> 00:26:59,920 Speaker 1: that's what it started out as, this blog to just 510 00:27:00,359 --> 00:27:02,800 Speaker 1: share the methods that I was learning and what was working, 511 00:27:02,800 --> 00:27:05,400 Speaker 1: what wasn't working for me, what was sabotaging my budget, etcetera. 512 00:27:05,680 --> 00:27:07,280 Speaker 1: And then it started to grow because people like, we 513 00:27:07,320 --> 00:27:09,360 Speaker 1: need a little more. I don't know where to get started, 514 00:27:09,560 --> 00:27:11,920 Speaker 1: and so my Gemini mind was like, I don't know, 515 00:27:12,119 --> 00:27:15,879 Speaker 1: like start um. But then it did force me to 516 00:27:15,920 --> 00:27:19,399 Speaker 1: become more structured and how I delivered financial education, and 517 00:27:19,400 --> 00:27:20,919 Speaker 1: that's what I realized. I wanted to go back and 518 00:27:20,960 --> 00:27:23,880 Speaker 1: become a certified financial education instructor so that I could 519 00:27:23,960 --> 00:27:26,639 Speaker 1: help people who needed help along their journey because he 520 00:27:26,760 --> 00:27:28,800 Speaker 1: just saw my finances are a mess. What I do 521 00:27:28,880 --> 00:27:32,119 Speaker 1: from here and really helping people tease out, well, this 522 00:27:32,160 --> 00:27:33,800 Speaker 1: is where you should start based on where you want 523 00:27:33,840 --> 00:27:36,560 Speaker 1: to go. Is is a skill set that you develop 524 00:27:36,640 --> 00:27:38,600 Speaker 1: over a time of working with people and understanding how 525 00:27:38,640 --> 00:27:40,840 Speaker 1: to help them reach their goals. And so but I 526 00:27:40,880 --> 00:27:43,359 Speaker 1: was the first client. I was my my test baby 527 00:27:43,760 --> 00:27:46,159 Speaker 1: and it worked. And then my now husband became my 528 00:27:46,240 --> 00:27:50,800 Speaker 1: client and he's doing exceptionally well now um and uh. 529 00:27:50,840 --> 00:27:53,600 Speaker 1: And then my sister became my client. And then once 530 00:27:53,640 --> 00:27:55,000 Speaker 1: I tested it all out, and then I was like, 531 00:27:55,040 --> 00:27:56,960 Speaker 1: I think I know what I'm doing. Let me help 532 00:27:57,000 --> 00:27:59,359 Speaker 1: other people. Yeah. But I love so much about what 533 00:27:59,400 --> 00:28:01,919 Speaker 1: you just said. It's this idea that I think that 534 00:28:01,960 --> 00:28:03,800 Speaker 1: when we go into something like this, it can be 535 00:28:03,880 --> 00:28:06,920 Speaker 1: tempting to think it's magic, there's some magic solution, or 536 00:28:07,119 --> 00:28:08,919 Speaker 1: it's super super complicated and you need to be a 537 00:28:08,920 --> 00:28:11,040 Speaker 1: genius to figure this out. But I just love that 538 00:28:11,080 --> 00:28:14,199 Speaker 1: you're giving people this gift of saying no, it's not magic. 539 00:28:14,240 --> 00:28:17,240 Speaker 1: You don't have to be some you know genius, you 540 00:28:17,280 --> 00:28:19,920 Speaker 1: know to to to really get this under control and 541 00:28:20,000 --> 00:28:23,159 Speaker 1: navigate it. You really empower people to feel like this 542 00:28:23,280 --> 00:28:24,840 Speaker 1: is something they can get a handle on. And I 543 00:28:24,880 --> 00:28:27,680 Speaker 1: know for a lot of folks, myself included, maybe your 544 00:28:27,680 --> 00:28:30,439 Speaker 1: finances can be scary and something that produces a lot 545 00:28:30,480 --> 00:28:32,400 Speaker 1: of anxiety, something that you just want to hide from. 546 00:28:32,720 --> 00:28:35,920 Speaker 1: But giving people that that power to say no, you 547 00:28:35,960 --> 00:28:37,439 Speaker 1: can get a handle on this, we can we can 548 00:28:37,480 --> 00:28:39,400 Speaker 1: work together on this and get you through this and 549 00:28:40,000 --> 00:28:42,920 Speaker 1: really make you successful, I think that's so amazing. Yeah, 550 00:28:42,920 --> 00:28:45,720 Speaker 1: and I think that the financial industry can, to an 551 00:28:45,760 --> 00:28:48,280 Speaker 1: extent to people a disservice because I think as a 552 00:28:48,320 --> 00:28:50,440 Speaker 1: society we like to lead with people's accomplishments and our 553 00:28:50,440 --> 00:28:54,400 Speaker 1: academic accomplishments, and that um discourages people who feel like 554 00:28:54,440 --> 00:28:57,360 Speaker 1: they don't align with those level that level of success. 555 00:28:57,400 --> 00:28:58,920 Speaker 1: So they're like, oh, well, I didn't go to an 556 00:28:58,920 --> 00:29:02,120 Speaker 1: Ivy League institution and this isn't for me, or I 557 00:29:02,160 --> 00:29:04,720 Speaker 1: didn't you know, I didn't even go to college. This 558 00:29:04,760 --> 00:29:06,840 Speaker 1: isn't for me, Like my parents dropped out of college. 559 00:29:06,840 --> 00:29:09,280 Speaker 1: I'm like first generation, and they think that that has 560 00:29:09,320 --> 00:29:11,680 Speaker 1: to be their story without realizing that when it comes 561 00:29:11,680 --> 00:29:14,080 Speaker 1: to finance and so forth, it's all about your discipline 562 00:29:14,400 --> 00:29:16,960 Speaker 1: and anyone And I don't want to sound like that. 563 00:29:16,960 --> 00:29:18,800 Speaker 1: You know, if you just pull your your bootstraps up, 564 00:29:18,840 --> 00:29:21,200 Speaker 1: anyone can have a chance, because I do recommend recognize 565 00:29:21,200 --> 00:29:24,240 Speaker 1: that their systematic oppression UM and forces at play that 566 00:29:24,280 --> 00:29:27,360 Speaker 1: affects all of our lives. But also in the same sense, 567 00:29:28,240 --> 00:29:30,640 Speaker 1: there's so many resources available to people online when it 568 00:29:30,640 --> 00:29:33,959 Speaker 1: comes to financial education. UM, you don't have to be special, 569 00:29:34,000 --> 00:29:36,200 Speaker 1: you just have to be committed. And let's hear more 570 00:29:36,240 --> 00:29:47,240 Speaker 1: from Tania. After a quick break and we're back, Let's 571 00:29:47,240 --> 00:29:50,280 Speaker 1: get right back to Tania. What I love about your 572 00:29:50,400 --> 00:29:53,680 Speaker 1: impact in a space, though, is that there's not a 573 00:29:53,720 --> 00:29:58,320 Speaker 1: lot of financial educators out there who take the approach 574 00:29:58,360 --> 00:30:00,400 Speaker 1: and bring the values in the perspective that you brought 575 00:30:00,480 --> 00:30:02,920 Speaker 1: to my fab Finance, at least when you started it. 576 00:30:02,920 --> 00:30:05,160 Speaker 1: I feel like that space is diversifying in a lot 577 00:30:05,160 --> 00:30:07,640 Speaker 1: of ways. But one of my favorite things about what 578 00:30:07,720 --> 00:30:09,960 Speaker 1: you've said is, you know, you don't have to give 579 00:30:10,040 --> 00:30:12,320 Speaker 1: up the dream of living in a major metropolitan area 580 00:30:12,440 --> 00:30:16,360 Speaker 1: to go be financially responsible. We're talking to millennials as though, 581 00:30:16,480 --> 00:30:19,480 Speaker 1: like we're being selfish for trying to chase our ambition 582 00:30:19,560 --> 00:30:23,520 Speaker 1: and that makes us financially irresponsible. What's your approach on that, 583 00:30:23,560 --> 00:30:27,560 Speaker 1: and like, what what do you think your unique viewpoint 584 00:30:27,640 --> 00:30:32,720 Speaker 1: or perspectives or experiences have added to the financial education conversation. Absolutely, 585 00:30:32,760 --> 00:30:34,560 Speaker 1: I'm happy you touched on that because when I got 586 00:30:34,600 --> 00:30:37,160 Speaker 1: started and I was reading, everybody's story was like, Oh, 587 00:30:37,200 --> 00:30:40,720 Speaker 1: I live in Nebraska, or I live in Oklahoma, or 588 00:30:40,800 --> 00:30:43,960 Speaker 1: I live in Ohio, and it's like, that's just not 589 00:30:44,160 --> 00:30:46,160 Speaker 1: where I live. I live in New York City, which 590 00:30:46,160 --> 00:30:47,959 Speaker 1: is one of the most expensive places in the country. 591 00:30:48,000 --> 00:30:50,720 Speaker 1: And I don't feel like I should be penalized, um 592 00:30:50,920 --> 00:30:52,480 Speaker 1: for my desire to live in a place that I 593 00:30:52,480 --> 00:30:56,480 Speaker 1: feel like round me out culturally and professionally. And there 594 00:30:56,480 --> 00:30:58,600 Speaker 1: were a lot of financial educators who lived in larger 595 00:30:58,640 --> 00:31:01,000 Speaker 1: metropolitan areas that live where the cost of living was 596 00:31:01,280 --> 00:31:05,040 Speaker 1: unbearable or unaffordable, and I wanted to create a lane 597 00:31:05,080 --> 00:31:07,160 Speaker 1: for people who lived in those areas to understand, like, 598 00:31:07,200 --> 00:31:09,240 Speaker 1: I know, moving is at an option for you because 599 00:31:09,240 --> 00:31:12,200 Speaker 1: the best job options are likely here in these larger cities, 600 00:31:12,320 --> 00:31:15,200 Speaker 1: and so this is how you become financially free, given 601 00:31:15,200 --> 00:31:17,840 Speaker 1: that your rent is like seventy percent of your income, 602 00:31:18,240 --> 00:31:20,800 Speaker 1: and you know happy hour, going to happy hour like 603 00:31:20,880 --> 00:31:22,880 Speaker 1: drinks out like a drink is gonna average you twelve 604 00:31:22,880 --> 00:31:25,480 Speaker 1: dollars a drink. That's some people's reality. And I think 605 00:31:25,480 --> 00:31:27,880 Speaker 1: that it's important when it comes to financial education for 606 00:31:27,880 --> 00:31:31,160 Speaker 1: people to be able to um see themselves and the 607 00:31:31,160 --> 00:31:33,720 Speaker 1: different educators available. And that was my goal WASP, to 608 00:31:33,800 --> 00:31:37,560 Speaker 1: diversify the space. I have a big afro. I like clothes. 609 00:31:37,600 --> 00:31:41,400 Speaker 1: I'm not a frugal mommy. Like I I like shopping, 610 00:31:41,440 --> 00:31:43,360 Speaker 1: and I'm not ashamed to say that, you know, and 611 00:31:43,640 --> 00:31:46,719 Speaker 1: I'm not a minimalist. And I think that it's important 612 00:31:46,720 --> 00:31:48,920 Speaker 1: for people who don't identify with that lifestyle to have 613 00:31:48,960 --> 00:31:51,200 Speaker 1: someone who's like, I'm not that, but I'm still financially 614 00:31:51,200 --> 00:31:54,360 Speaker 1: responsible and you can be too. I just like cheering 615 00:31:54,400 --> 00:31:56,680 Speaker 1: what you're saying. I think that it's really about meeting 616 00:31:56,680 --> 00:31:58,840 Speaker 1: folks where they're at. If you told somebody like me 617 00:31:58,960 --> 00:32:01,160 Speaker 1: or somebody like you, if you don't live a very 618 00:32:01,200 --> 00:32:03,760 Speaker 1: frugal lifestyle in a place with a very low cost 619 00:32:03,760 --> 00:32:06,000 Speaker 1: of living, you don't you know, you're not serious about 620 00:32:06,000 --> 00:32:08,360 Speaker 1: your finances, You're not serious about getting your life together, 621 00:32:08,360 --> 00:32:11,440 Speaker 1: You're not serious about navigating your your financial situation. And 622 00:32:11,480 --> 00:32:15,000 Speaker 1: that's not true, and I feel like it's not fair. 623 00:32:15,080 --> 00:32:17,400 Speaker 1: It's not fair to ask people to sacrifice where they 624 00:32:17,480 --> 00:32:20,360 Speaker 1: might feel culturally the most comfortable, to move from that, 625 00:32:20,560 --> 00:32:22,440 Speaker 1: or move from family, or move from where they feel 626 00:32:22,480 --> 00:32:24,880 Speaker 1: like there's job opportunities. Right, Like I've worked in politics. 627 00:32:24,920 --> 00:32:26,640 Speaker 1: If you told me to move from d C, you're 628 00:32:26,680 --> 00:32:28,200 Speaker 1: basically telling me to go back to school and get 629 00:32:28,200 --> 00:32:30,040 Speaker 1: a new career. So that wouldn't make any sense for 630 00:32:30,120 --> 00:32:33,160 Speaker 1: my life. And having a financial advisor who meets me 631 00:32:33,200 --> 00:32:35,240 Speaker 1: where I'm at and understands where I'm coming from would 632 00:32:35,240 --> 00:32:38,440 Speaker 1: be so important because otherwise I just wouldn't even feel 633 00:32:38,440 --> 00:32:41,440 Speaker 1: comfortable talking about who I am and the actual choices 634 00:32:41,440 --> 00:32:44,880 Speaker 1: that I make financially. Yeah, absolutely, and yeah exactly like 635 00:32:45,200 --> 00:32:47,440 Speaker 1: someone who's from d C. There are other option is 636 00:32:47,480 --> 00:32:49,440 Speaker 1: to move to the capital of whatever state that is 637 00:32:49,480 --> 00:32:50,760 Speaker 1: and hope that you can get one of the coveted 638 00:32:50,800 --> 00:32:54,000 Speaker 1: government jobs, you know, And it's I think it's, like 639 00:32:54,040 --> 00:32:56,600 Speaker 1: you said, is unreasonable to ask someone, especially when they 640 00:32:56,640 --> 00:32:59,720 Speaker 1: have other aspirations. My husband works in film. When we 641 00:32:59,720 --> 00:33:01,880 Speaker 1: were can at leaving New York City, We're like, Okay, 642 00:33:01,920 --> 00:33:04,960 Speaker 1: we can move to you know, Atlanta. It's more affordable 643 00:33:05,080 --> 00:33:07,880 Speaker 1: than Los Angeles. But there still weren't as many opportunities 644 00:33:07,920 --> 00:33:09,880 Speaker 1: for him. So sometimes you have to go where the 645 00:33:09,880 --> 00:33:12,880 Speaker 1: opportunities are and then use your money responsibly when you 646 00:33:12,920 --> 00:33:14,840 Speaker 1: get to that place, instead of saying, I'm going to 647 00:33:14,920 --> 00:33:18,080 Speaker 1: build my life around this farm in Indiana, which if 648 00:33:18,120 --> 00:33:20,520 Speaker 1: someone wants to do that, that's totally fine, and it's 649 00:33:20,560 --> 00:33:23,440 Speaker 1: totally awesome. But I know, given my experience, I mean, 650 00:33:23,480 --> 00:33:26,080 Speaker 1: my parents were in the military, I just know it 651 00:33:26,120 --> 00:33:29,320 Speaker 1: makes sense to feed who you are as a person. 652 00:33:29,520 --> 00:33:31,920 Speaker 1: And I know I would be miserable in certain settings, 653 00:33:32,000 --> 00:33:35,520 Speaker 1: and I'm very happy, and Los Angeles around lots of 654 00:33:35,520 --> 00:33:38,640 Speaker 1: people from various backgrounds. And that's the thing about financial 655 00:33:38,680 --> 00:33:42,160 Speaker 1: responsibility is that you also want to practice self care. 656 00:33:42,560 --> 00:33:45,280 Speaker 1: And so you have money and your savings account, but 657 00:33:45,320 --> 00:33:47,400 Speaker 1: you're miserable and when you go outside or go to 658 00:33:47,400 --> 00:33:49,560 Speaker 1: the grocery store, you just feel like I just can't 659 00:33:49,560 --> 00:33:51,040 Speaker 1: wait to leave, or you want to go home and 660 00:33:51,120 --> 00:33:55,520 Speaker 1: order my food from Amazon. Which also too much discipline 661 00:33:55,720 --> 00:33:59,440 Speaker 1: can actually backfire. Research suggests that if you cut every 662 00:33:59,440 --> 00:34:01,880 Speaker 1: indulgence out of your life, you're likely to sort of 663 00:34:02,000 --> 00:34:06,720 Speaker 1: splurge irresponsibly and instead of feeding yourself some some gold 664 00:34:06,720 --> 00:34:08,960 Speaker 1: stars or some Browning points or whatever you need, like 665 00:34:09,239 --> 00:34:13,040 Speaker 1: having a financial educator who respects your wishes. Yeah, it's 666 00:34:13,080 --> 00:34:16,279 Speaker 1: important because even if you're someone who's struggling financially or 667 00:34:16,280 --> 00:34:18,040 Speaker 1: not where you need to be, I'm like this, this 668 00:34:18,080 --> 00:34:20,919 Speaker 1: is probably an unpopular opinion. I believe that you still 669 00:34:20,960 --> 00:34:22,680 Speaker 1: deserve a perk every now and then or a treat 670 00:34:22,719 --> 00:34:25,920 Speaker 1: everything that it's just not realistic to say you should 671 00:34:25,920 --> 00:34:29,000 Speaker 1: eat nothing but rice and drink nothing but tap water 672 00:34:29,080 --> 00:34:31,120 Speaker 1: until the day you die, because you've made that, like, 673 00:34:31,360 --> 00:34:34,000 Speaker 1: you have not made sound financial choices I think everybody needs. 674 00:34:34,040 --> 00:34:37,160 Speaker 1: That's not how life works. This sounds so sad rice 675 00:34:37,200 --> 00:34:40,440 Speaker 1: and tat water. And I feel so bad because that's 676 00:34:40,480 --> 00:34:43,160 Speaker 1: such a first world Like, I mean, but some people 677 00:34:43,200 --> 00:34:46,000 Speaker 1: wish they add rice, But you're and and I think 678 00:34:46,000 --> 00:34:49,000 Speaker 1: that it is important to say that sometimes short term 679 00:34:49,040 --> 00:34:52,360 Speaker 1: sacrifice they're necessary. And so I mean, even with me 680 00:34:52,400 --> 00:34:55,080 Speaker 1: and a husband, sometimes you know, I have to say, like, babe, 681 00:34:55,080 --> 00:34:57,880 Speaker 1: we don't have to eat out tonight, like we we 682 00:34:57,880 --> 00:35:01,440 Speaker 1: we might not have the complete meal. I thought about 683 00:35:01,480 --> 00:35:03,920 Speaker 1: creating tonight for dinner, but we have something that I 684 00:35:03,920 --> 00:35:06,040 Speaker 1: can throw together and make some matchless go home and 685 00:35:06,080 --> 00:35:08,720 Speaker 1: not eat out. And I think it's important to sometimes 686 00:35:08,800 --> 00:35:10,759 Speaker 1: check yourself, or depending on where your situation is, you 687 00:35:10,840 --> 00:35:12,880 Speaker 1: might have to make short term sacrifices. So you might 688 00:35:12,920 --> 00:35:15,560 Speaker 1: have to move back to your hometown for a couple 689 00:35:15,560 --> 00:35:17,600 Speaker 1: of months until you get back on your feet financially. 690 00:35:17,800 --> 00:35:20,080 Speaker 1: But with the goal of moving back somewhere else, won't 691 00:35:20,080 --> 00:35:22,840 Speaker 1: you get back on your feet financially? Oh? Can I 692 00:35:22,960 --> 00:35:25,880 Speaker 1: make a really strange sort of segue. Um. There's this 693 00:35:26,000 --> 00:35:28,200 Speaker 1: great show called Insecure, and I don't know if you've 694 00:35:28,200 --> 00:35:30,960 Speaker 1: seen the final the final season, but something that I 695 00:35:31,000 --> 00:35:33,800 Speaker 1: found so beautiful from that show is how and spoiler 696 00:35:33,800 --> 00:35:36,200 Speaker 1: alert have you even seen it? Lisa badly wants to 697 00:35:36,280 --> 00:35:38,600 Speaker 1: travel and she can't afford it, and so, you know, 698 00:35:38,600 --> 00:35:41,560 Speaker 1: her cars crappy, her job is not so good, and 699 00:35:41,640 --> 00:35:44,839 Speaker 1: at the end, her friend sets up this beautiful like 700 00:35:44,960 --> 00:35:48,080 Speaker 1: in her apartment foe trip as if she's, you know, 701 00:35:48,120 --> 00:35:51,239 Speaker 1: in Morocco or something like that. And I think understanding 702 00:35:51,280 --> 00:35:53,279 Speaker 1: that we all have indulgence is that we want, but 703 00:35:53,360 --> 00:35:55,480 Speaker 1: maybe there's another way that you can sort of experience it. 704 00:35:55,520 --> 00:35:57,480 Speaker 1: Maybe a like instead of going to Morocco, maybe you 705 00:35:57,480 --> 00:35:59,920 Speaker 1: could have a staycation with your girlfriend and you know, 706 00:36:00,280 --> 00:36:02,880 Speaker 1: bring Morocco to her or something like that, understanding that 707 00:36:03,120 --> 00:36:05,680 Speaker 1: you don't have to splurge to still feel like you're 708 00:36:05,680 --> 00:36:07,400 Speaker 1: getting a little bit of a reward. If you're on 709 00:36:07,440 --> 00:36:09,680 Speaker 1: a budget, you have options. And I think that's the thing. 710 00:36:09,719 --> 00:36:12,080 Speaker 1: We always default to the easiest thing, and sometimes it 711 00:36:12,200 --> 00:36:13,760 Speaker 1: is easier to just go on that trip and decree 712 00:36:13,840 --> 00:36:16,799 Speaker 1: recreate the experience. But um, I mean I know that 713 00:36:16,840 --> 00:36:19,080 Speaker 1: in in Queens, New York, they have this night Bizarre 714 00:36:19,080 --> 00:36:20,360 Speaker 1: that you can go to, or you can go to 715 00:36:20,400 --> 00:36:22,800 Speaker 1: Flushing and they have kind of this taste of Flushing. 716 00:36:22,880 --> 00:36:26,120 Speaker 1: We can have all these foods from different Asian countries, 717 00:36:26,320 --> 00:36:28,280 Speaker 1: and so there's different things that you can do within 718 00:36:28,520 --> 00:36:31,319 Speaker 1: your area that might give you the experience um that 719 00:36:31,400 --> 00:36:33,840 Speaker 1: you're craving, but might not cost as much. And I 720 00:36:33,880 --> 00:36:36,279 Speaker 1: do want to say that I do watch Insecure. I 721 00:36:36,280 --> 00:36:38,680 Speaker 1: actually live around the corner from the dunes in bingle Wood, 722 00:36:39,680 --> 00:36:42,120 Speaker 1: So you need to make a trip right now. Yeah. 723 00:36:42,239 --> 00:36:44,160 Speaker 1: It's so funny because when we first were picking out 724 00:36:44,160 --> 00:36:50,000 Speaker 1: our apartment, I was like I had to get a 725 00:36:50,000 --> 00:36:53,319 Speaker 1: picture and it's so it's become a landmark when people 726 00:36:53,320 --> 00:36:56,080 Speaker 1: got in our house, like you live by the dunes, pure, 727 00:36:57,239 --> 00:36:59,200 Speaker 1: we might need to follow you home after this rehearting. 728 00:37:00,760 --> 00:37:02,680 Speaker 1: I love it. So I want to bring this back 729 00:37:02,719 --> 00:37:08,120 Speaker 1: to advice for the woman who's listening today and identifying 730 00:37:08,160 --> 00:37:11,319 Speaker 1: with your story from that college relationship, or who might 731 00:37:11,440 --> 00:37:16,040 Speaker 1: identify as someone who's in a relationship that has a 732 00:37:16,040 --> 00:37:20,000 Speaker 1: bit of financial abuse or financial infidelity involved, or it's 733 00:37:20,120 --> 00:37:24,760 Speaker 1: just starting like you were not too long ago to 734 00:37:24,800 --> 00:37:27,560 Speaker 1: face the music when it comes to your reality with 735 00:37:27,640 --> 00:37:31,720 Speaker 1: money and it feels overwhelming, it feels isolating, it feel scary. 736 00:37:31,920 --> 00:37:33,799 Speaker 1: What is a woman like that to do? Like, what 737 00:37:33,960 --> 00:37:36,239 Speaker 1: is a person facing that situation to do? What do 738 00:37:36,280 --> 00:37:38,279 Speaker 1: you think is some of the first steps that she 739 00:37:38,320 --> 00:37:42,160 Speaker 1: can take. I think that um, they're separate, so you know, 740 00:37:42,200 --> 00:37:45,840 Speaker 1: abusive situation and picking up and leaving that is different 741 00:37:45,880 --> 00:37:49,160 Speaker 1: from my finances have been a mess because there's so 742 00:37:49,280 --> 00:37:53,080 Speaker 1: much emotional work that goes into detaching yourself from that 743 00:37:53,200 --> 00:37:57,400 Speaker 1: relationship that's abusive. Because um, financial abuse doesn't typically happen 744 00:37:57,520 --> 00:38:00,200 Speaker 1: in a canister, usually comes along with a most own 745 00:38:00,239 --> 00:38:04,440 Speaker 1: abuse or physical reviews are both of them, and so, um, 746 00:38:04,480 --> 00:38:07,480 Speaker 1: I can only speak to my situation. And it really 747 00:38:07,600 --> 00:38:10,799 Speaker 1: did come down to choosing me and choosing joy and 748 00:38:11,000 --> 00:38:14,399 Speaker 1: realizing that my happiness was attached to this person who 749 00:38:14,440 --> 00:38:18,399 Speaker 1: was unstable and I could wake up ready to take 750 00:38:18,400 --> 00:38:20,040 Speaker 1: on the world, but they were having a bad day. 751 00:38:20,080 --> 00:38:21,759 Speaker 1: I was going to have a bad day, and I 752 00:38:21,800 --> 00:38:23,960 Speaker 1: didn't want to continue to give someone that power and 753 00:38:24,040 --> 00:38:27,719 Speaker 1: ultimately possibly the power of eliminating my life that my 754 00:38:27,840 --> 00:38:31,040 Speaker 1: parents work so hard to help support and to help 755 00:38:31,080 --> 00:38:32,560 Speaker 1: get me to the point of where I was at. 756 00:38:33,360 --> 00:38:37,160 Speaker 1: And so UM, understanding that you can always choose yourself, 757 00:38:37,600 --> 00:38:40,880 Speaker 1: because I think when you're an abusive relationship, part of 758 00:38:40,920 --> 00:38:43,720 Speaker 1: it is manipulation and isolation, and so you feel alone 759 00:38:43,719 --> 00:38:46,359 Speaker 1: and you feel like I can't leave this because I've 760 00:38:46,360 --> 00:38:48,360 Speaker 1: turned my back on everything else and I have nothing 761 00:38:48,400 --> 00:38:51,160 Speaker 1: if I leave this person, and you will always have something, 762 00:38:51,440 --> 00:38:54,399 Speaker 1: You will always have the opportunity to rebuild. So that's 763 00:38:54,480 --> 00:38:56,440 Speaker 1: my tip to someone who might be like, you know, 764 00:38:56,480 --> 00:39:00,160 Speaker 1: this relationship isn't healthy and I want to leave it. Um, 765 00:39:00,200 --> 00:39:02,480 Speaker 1: there's happiness on the other side of abuse. I'm a 766 00:39:02,520 --> 00:39:05,319 Speaker 1: living testament to it. And then as far as if 767 00:39:05,400 --> 00:39:08,960 Speaker 1: your finances are wreck it is stillness. So um. One 768 00:39:09,040 --> 00:39:12,440 Speaker 1: of my favorite books by Russell Simmons is Success through Stillness, 769 00:39:12,480 --> 00:39:14,640 Speaker 1: because I think that before you make any big decision, 770 00:39:14,680 --> 00:39:17,840 Speaker 1: you have to get still. I think most people, especially 771 00:39:17,880 --> 00:39:20,080 Speaker 1: I know myself gem being a Gemini, like, I'm like, 772 00:39:20,120 --> 00:39:21,480 Speaker 1: I need to do something. I need to fix it. 773 00:39:21,560 --> 00:39:24,120 Speaker 1: Let's start now instead of sitting down and saying, Tanya, 774 00:39:24,160 --> 00:39:26,120 Speaker 1: where are you at? Where do you want to go? 775 00:39:27,080 --> 00:39:28,759 Speaker 1: What can you do right now to get where you 776 00:39:28,760 --> 00:39:31,520 Speaker 1: want to go? And I think that's my biggest suggestion 777 00:39:31,560 --> 00:39:33,440 Speaker 1: to anyone who's like I need to fix my finances, 778 00:39:33,560 --> 00:39:36,160 Speaker 1: sit down, ask yourself where am I at? Where do 779 00:39:36,200 --> 00:39:38,640 Speaker 1: I want to be? Okay? Where? How do What do 780 00:39:38,680 --> 00:39:40,320 Speaker 1: I have available to me to get to where I 781 00:39:40,320 --> 00:39:42,600 Speaker 1: want to be? Even if this you just have internet access, 782 00:39:42,800 --> 00:39:46,280 Speaker 1: start researching, Um, if you have a job, start putting 783 00:39:46,280 --> 00:39:48,440 Speaker 1: money aside and savings and start creating a plan for 784 00:39:48,480 --> 00:39:50,640 Speaker 1: paying off debt. So using where you are to get 785 00:39:50,680 --> 00:39:52,759 Speaker 1: where you want to understand that you always have something 786 00:39:52,760 --> 00:39:54,359 Speaker 1: available to you to get where you want to go. 787 00:39:54,920 --> 00:39:59,360 Speaker 1: And then going to my fab finance dot com exact 788 00:39:59,640 --> 00:40:03,120 Speaker 1: page and uh, we have a financial checklist that is 789 00:40:03,160 --> 00:40:06,279 Speaker 1: totally free, and it helps you identify where you might 790 00:40:06,360 --> 00:40:08,520 Speaker 1: need to work on or what areas you need to 791 00:40:08,560 --> 00:40:11,520 Speaker 1: work on. So it's different things that you should have 792 00:40:11,680 --> 00:40:13,840 Speaker 1: to have a solid financial foundation. If you don't have 793 00:40:13,880 --> 00:40:16,880 Speaker 1: those items, these are items that you should be working on. Awesome. 794 00:40:16,960 --> 00:40:19,960 Speaker 1: So where can folks find out more? I am uniformly 795 00:40:19,960 --> 00:40:23,040 Speaker 1: branded on all social media platforms as my fab finance, 796 00:40:23,200 --> 00:40:27,400 Speaker 1: so that's Facebook, Twitter, Instagram. I don't do Snapchat, UM, 797 00:40:27,400 --> 00:40:29,760 Speaker 1: but you can find me as my fab finance and 798 00:40:30,000 --> 00:40:32,840 Speaker 1: UM if you're interested in the woman behind my fab finance. 799 00:40:32,880 --> 00:40:36,840 Speaker 1: I have my own personal account Tanya t o n 800 00:40:37,040 --> 00:40:39,640 Speaker 1: y a dot rap le r A p l e 801 00:40:39,840 --> 00:40:42,520 Speaker 1: Y to find out what I'm up to because I'm 802 00:40:42,560 --> 00:40:44,800 Speaker 1: not just the founder of my fab finance. I'm a 803 00:40:44,880 --> 00:40:48,040 Speaker 1: hustle preneur and I have so many other interests. I'm 804 00:40:48,080 --> 00:40:50,160 Speaker 1: gluten free, like I just found out I have a 805 00:40:50,160 --> 00:40:53,640 Speaker 1: gluten allergy, so um, like just sharing the goodies that 806 00:40:53,600 --> 00:40:56,040 Speaker 1: I'm I'm from the South, so it's like figuring out 807 00:40:56,120 --> 00:40:58,800 Speaker 1: how to eat chicken and gluten free allergy like a 808 00:40:58,840 --> 00:41:02,200 Speaker 1: gluten allergy was and free grits. Do those exists? Polina? 809 00:41:03,640 --> 00:41:06,720 Speaker 1: I badly want to pick your brain about healthier gluten 810 00:41:06,719 --> 00:41:09,560 Speaker 1: free Southern food, like what is gluten free biscuits and 811 00:41:09,560 --> 00:41:14,240 Speaker 1: gravy looks I haven't done that yet, but back slowly, 812 00:41:14,280 --> 00:41:15,400 Speaker 1: Like I feel like when I found out I had 813 00:41:15,400 --> 00:41:17,800 Speaker 1: the gluten allergy, was like, oh my god, I'm losing 814 00:41:17,960 --> 00:41:21,680 Speaker 1: all of these options my identity, like pasta. It was 815 00:41:21,719 --> 00:41:24,279 Speaker 1: just like cakes. But save me from myself because now 816 00:41:24,320 --> 00:41:26,279 Speaker 1: I go places I'm like, nope, I can't eat that 817 00:41:26,320 --> 00:41:31,440 Speaker 1: cupcake and to eat yes so um so yeah. I 818 00:41:31,480 --> 00:41:35,080 Speaker 1: share all of those adventures, my travels, being entrepreneurial wife, 819 00:41:35,120 --> 00:41:37,800 Speaker 1: because that's a whole other things like making my husband 820 00:41:37,800 --> 00:41:40,200 Speaker 1: feel like he's appreciated despite that I have this other baby, 821 00:41:40,200 --> 00:41:42,440 Speaker 1: which is my brand thinking about growing our family. So 822 00:41:42,480 --> 00:41:45,600 Speaker 1: if you're interested in those things, Tanya dot rapidly, thank 823 00:41:45,600 --> 00:41:47,680 Speaker 1: you so much for joining us in studio. Tanya, thank 824 00:41:47,719 --> 00:41:49,560 Speaker 1: you guys for having me. I hope you found that 825 00:41:49,640 --> 00:41:53,719 Speaker 1: interview with Tanya as inspiring and motivational as I did. 826 00:41:54,040 --> 00:41:56,839 Speaker 1: But really, truly, for those who are listening right now 827 00:41:56,880 --> 00:42:01,320 Speaker 1: and are recognizing the signs and symptoms and red flags 828 00:42:01,360 --> 00:42:05,640 Speaker 1: of financial abuse or financial infidelity in your own relationship 829 00:42:05,760 --> 00:42:08,080 Speaker 1: or your own life, we want to make sure that, 830 00:42:08,280 --> 00:42:12,000 Speaker 1: especially during Domestic Violence Awareness Month, we make clear the 831 00:42:12,320 --> 00:42:16,160 Speaker 1: many different resources available to those who are facing this 832 00:42:16,280 --> 00:42:19,120 Speaker 1: kind of abuse. The first resource you have to check 833 00:42:19,160 --> 00:42:23,239 Speaker 1: out is the National Network to End Domestic Violence. If 834 00:42:23,280 --> 00:42:26,279 Speaker 1: you go to n n E DV dot org, you'll 835 00:42:26,320 --> 00:42:29,360 Speaker 1: find a whole tab full of resources and ways that 836 00:42:29,440 --> 00:42:31,879 Speaker 1: you can get help right away. And I think it's 837 00:42:31,880 --> 00:42:35,000 Speaker 1: important to just highlight the National Domestic Violence Hotline. They 838 00:42:35,000 --> 00:42:37,680 Speaker 1: can be reached at one eight hundred seven nine nine 839 00:42:37,880 --> 00:42:42,440 Speaker 1: seven two three three. That's seven nine nine seven two 840 00:42:42,800 --> 00:42:46,400 Speaker 1: three three. There are also free financial resources via the 841 00:42:46,440 --> 00:42:49,879 Speaker 1: Purple Purse Foundation, which is powered by All State. If 842 00:42:49,880 --> 00:42:52,479 Speaker 1: you go to Purple Purse dot com, you can find 843 00:42:52,520 --> 00:42:56,680 Speaker 1: free financial tools and curriculum there that can help anybody 844 00:42:56,880 --> 00:43:00,440 Speaker 1: take steps now to take control over your financial freedom 845 00:43:00,560 --> 00:43:03,600 Speaker 1: and your life. And I know that being in a 846 00:43:03,760 --> 00:43:10,160 Speaker 1: toxic relationship can feel, as Tanya said, isolating, terrifying, and 847 00:43:10,239 --> 00:43:14,160 Speaker 1: without recourse. And I just want to make clear to 848 00:43:14,239 --> 00:43:17,080 Speaker 1: anybody who finds himself in that situation right now that 849 00:43:17,280 --> 00:43:20,920 Speaker 1: there are people who want to help. There are people 850 00:43:20,960 --> 00:43:23,520 Speaker 1: out there who might not even know you, who would 851 00:43:23,600 --> 00:43:26,719 Speaker 1: gladly open their doors to you if they knew that 852 00:43:26,800 --> 00:43:30,520 Speaker 1: you needed support, and that's more true today than it 853 00:43:30,560 --> 00:43:34,080 Speaker 1: ever has been. This truly inspiring article from NPR that 854 00:43:34,120 --> 00:43:37,319 Speaker 1: will make sure to include in the notes here made 855 00:43:37,360 --> 00:43:41,120 Speaker 1: clear to me that, unbelievably, up until the nineteen seventies, 856 00:43:41,120 --> 00:43:45,320 Speaker 1: there were no shelters for abused women in the United States. Today, 857 00:43:45,400 --> 00:43:48,719 Speaker 1: there are more than two thousand shelters and service programs. 858 00:43:48,719 --> 00:43:50,800 Speaker 1: So even if you feel like you can't leave because 859 00:43:50,840 --> 00:43:53,160 Speaker 1: you do not know where you or you and your 860 00:43:53,239 --> 00:43:56,239 Speaker 1: children would go, you feel isolated and cut off and 861 00:43:56,280 --> 00:43:59,680 Speaker 1: without an open door, that is not true. There are 862 00:43:59,719 --> 00:44:04,080 Speaker 1: bed is available to you. You are worthy of saving 863 00:44:04,080 --> 00:44:07,920 Speaker 1: your own life and saving your own financial future, And 864 00:44:08,040 --> 00:44:10,000 Speaker 1: even if that means having to reach out for the 865 00:44:10,080 --> 00:44:13,400 Speaker 1: help and good graces from strangers, I can tell you 866 00:44:13,440 --> 00:44:16,440 Speaker 1: that's exactly what happened to me. And when you are 867 00:44:16,520 --> 00:44:21,520 Speaker 1: willing to put yourself first and say without shame, I 868 00:44:21,640 --> 00:44:24,959 Speaker 1: need help, there will be an answer to that call. 869 00:44:26,520 --> 00:44:29,360 Speaker 1: Don't be afraid to choose yourself. Just like Tanya said, 870 00:44:29,640 --> 00:44:33,879 Speaker 1: it's really about choosing joy and choosing yourself and not 871 00:44:33,960 --> 00:44:37,240 Speaker 1: being afraid to do that. And as usual, we're policy 872 00:44:37,320 --> 00:44:40,520 Speaker 1: geeks here, so I just have to acknowledge that there 873 00:44:40,600 --> 00:44:43,440 Speaker 1: needs to be more done on the federal and state 874 00:44:43,960 --> 00:44:48,520 Speaker 1: governmental agency level to make resources like this available, because 875 00:44:48,760 --> 00:44:52,040 Speaker 1: we shouldn't all have to rely on the privilege of 876 00:44:52,080 --> 00:44:56,440 Speaker 1: having a goth fund to escape what is a dire 877 00:44:56,600 --> 00:45:02,200 Speaker 1: and desperate and sometimes deadly situation, which is domestic abuse. Absolutely, 878 00:45:02,239 --> 00:45:05,120 Speaker 1: I think local and state and federal governments can and 879 00:45:05,160 --> 00:45:08,320 Speaker 1: should be doing a lot lot more so. Smithy listeners, 880 00:45:08,480 --> 00:45:11,880 Speaker 1: we want to hear from you. What resources did we 881 00:45:11,920 --> 00:45:14,240 Speaker 1: miss that we should be sharing with our community online? 882 00:45:14,719 --> 00:45:17,799 Speaker 1: Make those resources known. We hope that you'll continue this 883 00:45:17,880 --> 00:45:20,719 Speaker 1: conversation with us online. Tell us what you thought about 884 00:45:20,760 --> 00:45:25,239 Speaker 1: Tanya's great advice, check out her website my fab finance 885 00:45:25,360 --> 00:45:29,440 Speaker 1: dot com, and let's keep this conversation going. Yeah, please 886 00:45:29,480 --> 00:45:30,920 Speaker 1: get in touch with us. We would love to hear 887 00:45:31,000 --> 00:45:33,120 Speaker 1: from you. You can find us on Instagram at stuff 888 00:45:33,120 --> 00:45:35,960 Speaker 1: mom Ever Told You, on Twitter at mom Stuff Podcasts, 889 00:45:36,120 --> 00:45:38,640 Speaker 1: and as always via email at mom Stuff at how 890 00:45:38,680 --> 00:45:51,480 Speaker 1: stuff works dot com.