WEBVTT - “I WANT A SUBMISSIVE MAN” 0:00:00.080 --> 0:00:02.360 Hello, Hello, what's your name? 0:00:03.040 --> 0:00:04.920 I'm Olivia. Is this Lyle? 0:00:05.360 --> 0:00:07.000 This is Lyle? What's going on? Olivia? 0:00:07.040 --> 0:00:14.280 Has life? Life is done? Kind of ship right now, 0:00:14.440 --> 0:00:20.520 but you know, it's my day off and I've just 0:00:20.560 --> 0:00:26.280 been chilling, so I can't really complain too much tell you. 0:00:26.480 --> 0:00:30.000 Sorry, Oh I'm okay. Why has it been ship? 0:00:33.120 --> 0:00:39.640 Dating men is hard? And no man, no man that 0:00:39.840 --> 0:00:44.720 I've met is down for the sexual things that I 0:00:44.760 --> 0:00:46.200 want to do in the little block. 0:00:46.360 --> 0:00:50.479 But we can we can certainly talk about that. We 0:00:50.520 --> 0:00:52.840 can certainly talk about that. That's what you would rather 0:00:52.920 --> 0:00:57.480 talk about. It's up to you. 0:00:57.520 --> 0:00:58.120 No, I don't know. 0:00:58.240 --> 0:01:00.600 Sorry, I genuinely just feel so call off guard. 0:01:01.600 --> 0:01:02.360 I called you like. 0:01:04.360 --> 0:01:07.120 I don't even know how many times. 0:01:07.200 --> 0:01:09.600 Damn are you? Are you crying right now? Are you sick? 0:01:10.480 --> 0:01:10.640 No? 0:01:10.720 --> 0:01:12.000 I'm done. I'm done crying. 0:01:12.280 --> 0:01:12.640 I just. 0:01:14.600 --> 0:01:16.639 Were crying. Okay were you crying before you called? 0:01:17.840 --> 0:01:19.160 Yeah? 0:01:19.760 --> 0:01:23.800 Okay, yeah, okay, all right? So, so what's going on 0:01:23.880 --> 0:01:26.120 with these uh these men? 0:01:32.880 --> 0:01:42.240 I am into pegging and I just moved down to 0:01:42.319 --> 0:01:46.240 the valley from Utah and I have been having such 0:01:46.280 --> 0:01:50.800 a hard time like finding a guy who isn't just 0:01:51.400 --> 0:01:55.240 automatically like, oh, no, what the fuck, Like that's that's 0:01:55.320 --> 0:01:56.480 gay bla blah blah blah. 0:01:56.480 --> 0:01:57.280 I would never. 0:02:00.840 --> 0:02:03.160 And it's just been annoying and I don't understand why, 0:02:04.520 --> 0:02:09.960 like at least the men down down here just are 0:02:10.280 --> 0:02:11.960 open to that, or like I don't know where to 0:02:12.080 --> 0:02:15.960 find men that are. 0:02:15.320 --> 0:02:16.079 Open to that. 0:02:17.080 --> 0:02:20.000 Where have you been looking for these men? 0:02:21.919 --> 0:02:25.600 Well, I mean I've just been on the basic dating apps. 0:02:26.120 --> 0:02:31.160 Well, if you're you're going to get the basic men, well. 0:02:31.000 --> 0:02:35.000 I tried like set Life, and that's creepy and they're 0:02:35.080 --> 0:02:38.440 scary kind of and like I don't they're just like 0:02:38.520 --> 0:02:41.799 too too much, like oh you want to peg me, 0:02:41.880 --> 0:02:43.639 you could diss me too, And I'm like whoa, whoa, whoa, 0:02:43.680 --> 0:02:48.720 w wholla, hunt the brakes. I just want to be 0:02:48.840 --> 0:02:50.240 on top a little bit, you know. 0:02:52.880 --> 0:02:53.280 Mm hmm. 0:02:54.240 --> 0:02:59.079 So you've tried. So you've tried. So you've tried fet Life. 0:03:00.560 --> 0:03:10.160 What about that Field Field. I think it's like an 0:03:10.280 --> 0:03:12.920 F E L E L D. I've never been on it, 0:03:12.960 --> 0:03:14.840 but I have friends who've talked about it as like 0:03:14.880 --> 0:03:19.240 a like a kink kind of a dating app. 0:03:20.720 --> 0:03:25.960 Hmm, yeah, I'll try it. The only success I've had 0:03:26.120 --> 0:03:31.600 was on speaking with like the sugar daddies, but that's 0:03:31.680 --> 0:03:35.440 not really I'm looking for. I don't know. I guess 0:03:35.440 --> 0:03:40.680 like a I'm not a partner like a boyfriend or whatever, 0:03:40.800 --> 0:03:44.640 but kind of like a more reliable fuck with buddy 0:03:44.800 --> 0:03:51.160 that because like, I'm so tired of trying to meet 0:03:51.200 --> 0:03:56.040 new people every time. I just want to, you know, 0:03:58.040 --> 0:04:00.360 but then again it's so hard. Like I met guy 0:04:00.480 --> 0:04:03.200 and he was super cool and he literally talked about 0:04:03.200 --> 0:04:06.440 like being a stuff on Tinder, and I went to 0:04:06.480 --> 0:04:12.560 his place and he had all this like navy stuff 0:04:12.640 --> 0:04:14.560 and like he was in the Navy, and I made 0:04:14.680 --> 0:04:16.880 them the joke and I was like, oh, is that 0:04:16.920 --> 0:04:19.440 why you're down to be picked because you're in the navy? 0:04:19.920 --> 0:04:22.880 And he kicked me out. 0:04:22.400 --> 0:04:27.080 So that was on me trying to no, no, no, no, no, 0:04:27.120 --> 0:04:29.760 that that's that's so lame. What the fuck? 0:04:31.160 --> 0:04:33.080 I kind of hit a little too close to home, 0:04:33.120 --> 0:04:34.440 I guess why. 0:04:34.600 --> 0:04:39.920 First of all. First of all, I mean, I wait, 0:04:39.920 --> 0:04:44.200 hold on, were you were you making a joke insulting 0:04:44.200 --> 0:04:46.520 the navy or were you making like a dad joke 0:04:47.120 --> 0:04:48.920 of like, oh, you're in the navy, that's why you 0:04:49.040 --> 0:04:51.839 like to be a sub like a submarine. 0:04:52.320 --> 0:04:54.200 You know, I was insulting the Navy. 0:04:54.600 --> 0:04:56.440 Oh okay, I thought, you're making a dad joke. 0:04:58.560 --> 0:05:01.040 No, no, And I only say that because I was 0:05:01.600 --> 0:05:06.359 engaged to a man who has been in the Navy 0:05:06.440 --> 0:05:09.760 for the last twelve years, so I feel like I 0:05:09.880 --> 0:05:14.000 kind of can. But also that's a little out of 0:05:14.000 --> 0:05:21.200 pocket or whatever. He did not like it. He immediately 0:05:21.760 --> 0:05:22.960 he was tired, and I had to. 0:05:22.920 --> 0:05:30.400 Go, what was your relationship like with the other navy guy? 0:05:30.560 --> 0:05:32.240 Was he also a sub. 0:05:35.320 --> 0:05:39.200 Maybe a little bit like he was down to like 0:05:41.120 --> 0:05:43.719 do stuff in the shower and like he would like 0:05:43.800 --> 0:05:47.400 to get his ass fingered every once in a while, 0:05:48.160 --> 0:05:51.279 you know, like nothening him head and stuff. But that 0:05:51.400 --> 0:05:57.880 was really it. I loved him. I really was so 0:05:57.920 --> 0:06:02.120 serious about marrying him and starting a family, and we 0:06:02.160 --> 0:06:05.719 picked out a ring and all that. But he decided 0:06:05.760 --> 0:06:09.240 to sign another five year contract without talking to me 0:06:09.279 --> 0:06:13.039 about it. And we had already made plans about like 0:06:13.200 --> 0:06:17.960 babies and just like settling down and him starting school. 0:06:18.760 --> 0:06:20.320 So I was like, yeah, I'm not going to start 0:06:22.240 --> 0:06:25.760 a marriage when he's just already lying on huge like 0:06:25.839 --> 0:06:26.719 decisions like that. 0:06:31.600 --> 0:06:35.839 So when you're meeting the guys on like the regular 0:06:35.960 --> 0:06:40.719 dating apps, how how soon do you bring up the 0:06:40.760 --> 0:06:41.840 pegging conversation? 0:06:46.200 --> 0:06:49.280 I mean not right away, probably like a second or 0:06:49.320 --> 0:06:55.000 third hangout type of thing, for sure. It's it's hard, 0:06:55.040 --> 0:06:57.240 Like sometimes I haven't even brought it up and I 0:06:57.480 --> 0:06:59.880 just could feel that he's not going to be down. 0:07:02.160 --> 0:07:04.359 And it's not like that huge of a deal, but 0:07:05.520 --> 0:07:08.240 I mean it is something like I want to like 0:07:08.320 --> 0:07:13.960 take turns, like going like topping each other. I think 0:07:14.040 --> 0:07:18.840 that's hot and that's something that I'm looking for. It 0:07:18.960 --> 0:07:23.200 just feels so weird to be like just go up 0:07:23.240 --> 0:07:25.920 and ask that, Like I don't know how to even start, 0:07:26.120 --> 0:07:28.240 Like what do you think? How would you go about that? 0:07:29.840 --> 0:07:33.200 Well? Well, I don't know. I use it. I think 0:07:33.320 --> 0:07:38.960 like on the I from my perspective, like if you're 0:07:39.000 --> 0:07:42.119 a woman on a dating app, like if you start 0:07:42.160 --> 0:07:43.720 talking about like if you're a guy on a dating 0:07:43.720 --> 0:07:46.000 app and you start talking about sex immediately, that's of 0:07:46.080 --> 0:07:50.320 course like, uh, you know, an immediate red flag, right. 0:07:50.760 --> 0:07:52.280 But I think if you're a woman on a dating 0:07:52.320 --> 0:07:54.880 app and you like put in your bio or something, 0:07:54.920 --> 0:08:00.400 I am looking for a man to peg, like obviously 0:08:00.440 --> 0:08:03.720 it's gonna it's gonna all the people. It's you're you're right, 0:08:03.800 --> 0:08:06.080 it's going to attract all of the wrong type of people. 0:08:06.120 --> 0:08:08.640 I one hundred percent agree with you, but it but 0:08:08.800 --> 0:08:11.880 if you filter out all those people, you'll at least, 0:08:11.920 --> 0:08:14.000 like I think, with it, there'll be like a needle 0:08:14.040 --> 0:08:18.680 in a haystack pretty much right because of all the 0:08:19.080 --> 0:08:22.640 like weird people that that will attract at least one 0:08:22.640 --> 0:08:24.640 of them. You'll be like, all right, this person seems 0:08:24.640 --> 0:08:26.320 like a relatively normal human being. 0:08:28.360 --> 0:08:30.680 That's fair. Yeah, that's a tactic, I guess. But I 0:08:30.720 --> 0:08:34.040 also don't want my space and like my name out 0:08:34.080 --> 0:08:38.160 there with like what if a co worker or like 0:08:38.360 --> 0:08:41.360 someone saw like I don't want that everyone to know that. 0:08:41.400 --> 0:08:46.719 I want pigment and like I'm looking for like masculine 0:08:46.760 --> 0:08:50.199 men like I. The man who got me into it 0:08:50.240 --> 0:08:56.960 is like very he's like a bodybuilder, bisexual, Greek goddess, 0:08:57.080 --> 0:09:02.080 sculpted type man who just likes being a switch. And 0:09:02.840 --> 0:09:05.520 now I feel like I can't there's no way to 0:09:05.640 --> 0:09:09.800 find that again. I don't know how. 0:09:12.080 --> 0:09:15.000 You could attend bodybuilding competitions. 0:09:17.080 --> 0:09:22.240 Bodybuilding is yeah, you know that's not a bad idea, 0:09:22.600 --> 0:09:24.240 A good h. 0:09:28.960 --> 0:09:31.280 How did how did this well? How did you meet? 0:09:31.360 --> 0:09:33.520 How did you first meet this like bodybuilder guy. 0:09:36.000 --> 0:09:40.560 It was during COVID up in Salt Lake, just on Tinder. 0:09:40.920 --> 0:09:44.200 He just happened to be one of the first few 0:09:44.240 --> 0:09:46.520 people I matched with when I moved up there, and 0:09:46.600 --> 0:09:50.080 he FACETI me right away and came and picked me 0:09:50.200 --> 0:09:52.600 up and was super cool and I ended up moving 0:09:52.600 --> 0:09:55.720 in with him really quick, and like we had a 0:09:55.760 --> 0:09:58.920 little poly relationship for a bit and it was fun 0:09:58.960 --> 0:10:06.040 and yeah, just tender, but tender down here in the 0:10:06.120 --> 0:10:11.880 valley is like, these men are weird, Like I don't know, 0:10:12.559 --> 0:10:14.520 maybe I'm just not matching with the right people. 0:10:15.080 --> 0:10:19.880 What is it that you find so weird about them? 0:10:20.559 --> 0:10:25.760 Every they're just like homophobic, Like they think that a 0:10:25.880 --> 0:10:30.679 woman having sex with the women is gay, even if 0:10:30.720 --> 0:10:31.200 it is. 0:10:31.120 --> 0:10:33.520 Like, yeah, I was gonna say a woman having sex 0:10:33.559 --> 0:10:35.640 with a woman is definitely gay. 0:10:37.040 --> 0:10:43.840 So they think, I don't know, maybe being pegged by 0:10:43.840 --> 0:10:47.080 a woman is quote unquote gay to some people, but 0:10:47.160 --> 0:10:50.200 like it still is like you're not having sex with 0:10:50.240 --> 0:11:00.240 the man, you're still like it is still heterosexual. I 0:11:00.240 --> 0:11:04.680 don't understand. And I guess people the men up in 0:11:04.800 --> 0:11:13.000 Utah are a little more open, open minded mm hmmm, 0:11:13.559 --> 0:11:14.559 and people down here. 0:11:15.800 --> 0:11:17.280 Why as you move to the valley. 0:11:18.960 --> 0:11:24.280 Family, My family's just been going through a lot of shit. 0:11:26.080 --> 0:11:34.319 Mm hmm. How often are you like going on dates 0:11:34.360 --> 0:11:35.240 and stuff. 0:11:37.720 --> 0:11:41.520 Lately, maybe like two or three a month. And I've 0:11:41.559 --> 0:11:43.640 been talking to a lot of people, but like I 0:11:43.640 --> 0:11:48.000 feel like they just always fizzle out over the you know, 0:11:48.160 --> 0:11:50.920 dms on apps or texts. 0:11:53.440 --> 0:11:53.959 Mm hmmm. 0:11:54.320 --> 0:12:00.319 So I don't know, it's I feel like my I'm 0:12:00.320 --> 0:12:05.480 trying too hard to find like a certain type of 0:12:06.480 --> 0:12:12.679 like it's hard to match. Like, yeah, I don't even know. 0:12:12.720 --> 0:12:15.559 I don't even know what I'm trying to say. I'm sorry, Gek, 0:12:16.040 --> 0:12:20.520 I feel like I'm being really bad conversational with right now. 0:12:21.240 --> 0:12:23.680 No, I was going to say, well, you live in like, 0:12:24.200 --> 0:12:27.080 uh kind of a rural area, so you're not going 0:12:27.160 --> 0:12:29.480 to have a lot of you know. I mean, if 0:12:29.480 --> 0:12:31.080 you moved to to like if you were in like 0:12:31.160 --> 0:12:33.640 New York or LA or Chicago, you'd be able to 0:12:33.640 --> 0:12:37.160 find a guy that will let you peg him within seconds. 0:12:37.600 --> 0:12:39.960 But the Valley is not the best place to find that. 0:12:42.480 --> 0:12:44.880 No, I'm yeah, I'm realizing that I might just go 0:12:44.960 --> 0:12:47.280 back to dating women because like I'm over it. 0:12:48.320 --> 0:12:53.600 Mhm. I mean that's not such a horrible idea. Yeah, 0:12:54.559 --> 0:12:56.440 find a woman that I'll let you peg them. 0:12:57.360 --> 0:13:00.760 Oh yeah, I have like five in my right now. 0:13:01.080 --> 0:13:05.320 It's just more of the challenge of and and like 0:13:05.400 --> 0:13:12.280 the it's just so hot to like top a a man, 0:13:12.440 --> 0:13:14.000 like a masculine man. 0:13:15.360 --> 0:13:18.679 Well, look at it like this. It's uh, well look 0:13:18.679 --> 0:13:20.560 at look at look at it like this. It's uh, 0:13:20.600 --> 0:13:24.280 it's good to it's good to yearn I think I 0:13:24.280 --> 0:13:26.600 think it's good to have something that you're yearning for, 0:13:26.920 --> 0:13:28.839 because if you're yearning for nothing, you might as well 0:13:28.880 --> 0:13:33.520 be dead. So so so I almost think that you 0:13:33.760 --> 0:13:39.040 having this uh fantasy that one day you'll find a 0:13:39.120 --> 0:13:41.880 masculine man that will bend over and let you fuck 0:13:41.960 --> 0:13:44.800 him in the ass. It's almost it's almost a better 0:13:44.840 --> 0:13:47.240 thing for you to have than actually having it. You know, 0:13:47.320 --> 0:13:50.679 it keeps you going, keeps you hunting. So look at 0:13:50.679 --> 0:13:51.040 it like that. 0:13:54.400 --> 0:13:56.880 Yeah, I like that outlook, Thank you, Dick. 0:13:57.520 --> 0:13:58.360 What's your name again? 0:14:00.640 --> 0:14:01.120 Presley? 0:14:01.800 --> 0:14:04.120 Presley? Presley? Is there anything else you want to say? 0:14:04.120 --> 0:14:05.080 It's the people of the computer. 0:14:05.160 --> 0:14:11.120 Before we go, I love y'all, and stay freaky beautiful. 0:14:11.280 --> 0:14:12.520 Thank you, Presley. I have a good night. 0:14:13.960 --> 0:14:14.240 By you. 0:14:19.680 --> 0:14:24.680 Hello, Hi, how are you good? 0:14:25.080 --> 0:14:25.720 Is this Lyle? 0:14:26.240 --> 0:14:27.480 It is? Who is this? 0:14:27.920 --> 0:14:31.640 Oh? Hey man, I'm gonna go by David. 0:14:32.320 --> 0:14:35.080 David. What's going on, David? How's your evening going? 0:14:36.240 --> 0:14:39.800 My evening is going pretty good. I got called off 0:14:39.960 --> 0:14:43.680 of my part time job, so I have the evening 0:14:43.760 --> 0:14:46.440 to just show at home with my pet. You can 0:14:46.520 --> 0:14:52.000 hear her now. And I'm watching that new show with 0:14:52.160 --> 0:14:58.360 Tim Robinson, The Chair Company. Pretty good. How about you? 0:14:58.880 --> 0:14:59.720 How's your night going? 0:15:00.600 --> 0:15:03.800 It's gone all right. I am recording my podcast. I'm 0:15:03.840 --> 0:15:08.480 thinking about my life too much. Oh yeah, yeah, I'm 0:15:08.480 --> 0:15:10.120 thinking about my life too much. I think life is 0:15:10.160 --> 0:15:13.440 better when I'm like I don't think I'm happiest when 0:15:13.480 --> 0:15:17.800 i'm thinking. I don't think anyone is happiest when they're. 0:15:18.640 --> 0:15:19.360 Why do you think that? 0:15:20.480 --> 0:15:23.520 Well, because I think life is meant to be like 0:15:23.600 --> 0:15:26.080 lived and experienced and like you're you're supposed to be 0:15:26.120 --> 0:15:29.080 around people, and you're supposed to be doing things that 0:15:29.200 --> 0:15:32.640 get you out of your brain. And I think certain things, 0:15:32.680 --> 0:15:36.120 in certain situations and environments and whatnot, they put you 0:15:36.240 --> 0:15:45.040 back into your brain. And that's not good. That's why, 0:15:45.560 --> 0:15:47.480 I mean, that's why I get addicted to things. That's 0:15:47.480 --> 0:15:51.600 why like fucking sex and porn and all that STUFFE 0:15:51.640 --> 0:15:54.600 is so addictive. That's why alcohol is addictive. That's why 0:15:55.640 --> 0:16:03.080 totally risky behavior is addictive. You know, just just anything 0:16:03.080 --> 0:16:07.480 to anything to take you away from uh. I mean, 0:16:08.400 --> 0:16:11.800 you know there's like distractions. Yeah, there's some people who 0:16:11.840 --> 0:16:17.320 say things like, oh, well, it's all I'm a fan 0:16:17.440 --> 0:16:20.520 of good distractions, because there's some people who say shit like, well, 0:16:20.560 --> 0:16:24.240 if you have any distractions, you're taking yourself away from 0:16:24.240 --> 0:16:27.760 being able to think about your own life, which is bad. 0:16:27.840 --> 0:16:29.960 But I think all of I mean, isn't everything. Just 0:16:30.000 --> 0:16:35.440 like everything is either some means of survival or some 0:16:35.680 --> 0:16:39.320 means of taking you out of your own brain. And 0:16:39.360 --> 0:16:42.560 it's just that you you ideally are doing things to 0:16:42.600 --> 0:16:45.200 take you out of your own brain that are healthy 0:16:45.400 --> 0:16:50.360 and not bad in a real world. But you're always 0:16:50.400 --> 0:16:53.000 gonna do the easiest thing, and the easiest thing is 0:16:53.080 --> 0:16:54.720 usually as something fucking bad. 0:16:55.240 --> 0:16:58.840 So oh man, yeah, we are. We are pretty inclined 0:16:58.880 --> 0:17:02.360 to gravitude to where it's what makes things just a 0:17:02.400 --> 0:17:05.360 little bit easier in our day to day for sure. Yeah, 0:17:06.080 --> 0:17:08.800 I've I found like this year in particular, it has 0:17:08.840 --> 0:17:12.800 been pretty monumental for myself in terms of like kind 0:17:12.800 --> 0:17:16.000 of making like hard decisions. And I got to say, 0:17:16.119 --> 0:17:19.040 like where I'm at right now, Like I feel really 0:17:19.080 --> 0:17:24.840 good about myself and where I'm at, and like I 0:17:24.880 --> 0:17:28.320 feel like super inspired to just keep dealing with other changes. 0:17:28.560 --> 0:17:33.879 Like I quit drinking back in February for good. So 0:17:33.960 --> 0:17:38.600 that was huge, and it's had monumental effects on my 0:17:38.720 --> 0:17:42.280 life and the people around me, the people closest to me, 0:17:42.600 --> 0:17:47.080 you know, work, my health, you know, and being inspired 0:17:47.119 --> 0:17:52.240 by that like pushed me to like exercise more, eat healthier. 0:17:53.200 --> 0:17:58.040 And then like it almost felt like you know, like uh, 0:17:58.600 --> 0:18:00.000 you know when you push over like dominant. 0:18:00.840 --> 0:18:01.040 Yeah. 0:18:01.040 --> 0:18:05.040 And then like after that, I started looking at other 0:18:05.080 --> 0:18:08.280 things in my life, like, dude, it's so crazy, like 0:18:08.359 --> 0:18:13.760 quitting alcohol, Like I I also go to therapy, So 0:18:14.160 --> 0:18:18.880 I've been talking with her like weekly about like all 0:18:18.920 --> 0:18:23.639 this stuff like over this whole year, and like I 0:18:23.840 --> 0:18:29.960 found that like I was probably using alcohol to like 0:18:31.080 --> 0:18:36.080 cover up like these pretty obvious like ADHD symptoms, and 0:18:36.520 --> 0:18:39.080 I feel like I was using it to like kind 0:18:39.080 --> 0:18:43.040 of like quiet my mind. And I felt like I 0:18:43.080 --> 0:18:46.399 could only like socialize when I was drinking, and it 0:18:46.560 --> 0:18:50.119 just created this like problem, this problem for me that 0:18:50.160 --> 0:18:56.399 I was hard to like face, but like because I 0:18:56.440 --> 0:18:58.560 didn't think that was a huge deal, like because I 0:18:58.600 --> 0:19:02.000 was still functional, but like I wasn't doing the things 0:19:02.040 --> 0:19:05.920 that I wanted to do. And once I quit doing that, 0:19:06.119 --> 0:19:09.680 like I started realizing, oh, maybe maybe I have some 0:19:09.680 --> 0:19:12.200 some some things I need to address, like with my mind. 0:19:12.760 --> 0:19:16.320 So I set up a screening for ADHD through therapy 0:19:16.400 --> 0:19:18.600 that I got put on a waiting list, So it's 0:19:18.640 --> 0:19:20.280 going to be in like a month or so. But 0:19:20.840 --> 0:19:23.439 you know, it's things that I'm getting, the things that 0:19:23.480 --> 0:19:26.400 I wouldn't have done had I not like done this 0:19:27.160 --> 0:19:32.320 initial thing. And since then, like I quit vaping, which 0:19:32.320 --> 0:19:36.200 is big, and then you know, I took my first 0:19:36.320 --> 0:19:41.560 like tolerance break from THHC in years, like since I 0:19:41.640 --> 0:19:45.639 first started smoking, like sixteen years ago, dude. 0:19:45.080 --> 0:19:45.159 Like. 0:19:47.080 --> 0:19:50.080 You know, and just understanding like how how that makes 0:19:50.119 --> 0:19:55.040 me feel different? You know, And the other thing just recently, Man, 0:19:55.119 --> 0:19:57.240 I just had listened to your podcast the other day 0:19:57.840 --> 0:20:00.800 when you were talking to somebody. I think the topic 0:20:00.920 --> 0:20:03.920 was like about like you know, just getting sucked into 0:20:05.119 --> 0:20:10.439 like the algorithms and the media. And I quit. I 0:20:10.440 --> 0:20:12.840 didn't really use social media that much to begin with. 0:20:12.960 --> 0:20:15.600 Like I never got TikTok. I always thought that stuff. 0:20:15.680 --> 0:20:18.720 I always thought it was so cringe. And I never bothered 0:20:18.720 --> 0:20:22.159 with Twitter either. It always just seemed weird that you 0:20:22.240 --> 0:20:27.399 would just quit all your thoughts out like that. But 0:20:27.480 --> 0:20:29.399 I got into like Instagram and that was like my 0:20:29.520 --> 0:20:33.200 poison and read it too. And then I I got 0:20:33.240 --> 0:20:36.040 Instagram off of my phone, moved it to my iPad, 0:20:36.119 --> 0:20:38.879 my shitty iPad that like freezes all the time, so 0:20:38.960 --> 0:20:41.840 I only check it here and there, and then I 0:20:41.960 --> 0:20:44.639 before I like fully deleted read it. I would just 0:20:45.480 --> 0:20:48.520 periodically delete it from my phone and then I'd find 0:20:48.520 --> 0:20:51.880 myself on the toilet board and so I had downloaded 0:20:51.960 --> 0:20:54.320 again and I hadn't been on it for a while, 0:20:54.359 --> 0:20:56.719 and then I'd log into it and then this, oh 0:20:56.800 --> 0:21:00.320 my god, just all this stress just flooding back to me. 0:21:01.119 --> 0:21:01.199 And. 0:21:02.760 --> 0:21:05.520 Then I and then it would be like fifteen minutes 0:21:05.560 --> 0:21:08.200 of that, I turn it off and delete the app 0:21:08.520 --> 0:21:13.680 and get back to just like my world, but like remembering, 0:21:13.960 --> 0:21:18.560 just like how I was just so consumed with that, 0:21:18.720 --> 0:21:21.320 Like from the moment I waked, I woke up, check 0:21:21.359 --> 0:21:24.159 read it, check read it. Throughout the day all the 0:21:24.240 --> 0:21:27.359 way into the evening and it's just pumping out like 0:21:27.640 --> 0:21:33.160 so much stress and controversy, and it just wasn't good 0:21:33.200 --> 0:21:38.120 for me. But like, just like recently, I like posted 0:21:38.359 --> 0:21:41.000 like how fascist should die and then I got a 0:21:41.040 --> 0:21:43.760 three day ban so I was like fuck this and 0:21:43.840 --> 0:21:48.159 deleted it, and I feel really good since then. But 0:21:48.320 --> 0:21:51.280 like something I've been talking about with my therapist has 0:21:51.400 --> 0:21:54.200 just been like you know, and I talk with my 0:21:54.320 --> 0:21:58.320 buddy all the time about like how stressful like the 0:21:58.320 --> 0:22:00.440 way of the world feels like on a day to 0:22:00.520 --> 0:22:04.720 day basis, right, And it's like, you know, like you said, 0:22:04.760 --> 0:22:08.240 like it things have been happening all the time, and 0:22:08.320 --> 0:22:11.080 things always have been and things always will whether and 0:22:11.520 --> 0:22:14.919 just now we have these devices that make us aware 0:22:14.960 --> 0:22:17.359 of like everything at every corner of the globe at 0:22:17.359 --> 0:22:20.320 all hours of the day, and so it's just like 0:22:20.480 --> 0:22:23.000 I don't think we're built to handle that. And so 0:22:24.119 --> 0:22:26.840 I feel so much better just tuning out of it, 0:22:26.920 --> 0:22:31.399 because like no matter what, you know, like you know, 0:22:31.440 --> 0:22:33.960 I'm not going to change anything, Like I mean, I'm 0:22:34.000 --> 0:22:36.200 going to change. I'm going to change what I can, 0:22:36.720 --> 0:22:39.439 and what I can is in like my you know, 0:22:39.560 --> 0:22:43.679 my general orbit, and so like when I just focus 0:22:43.760 --> 0:22:47.000 on like my world, then like it's a lot more 0:22:47.040 --> 0:22:49.800 like manageable. And I feel like, you know, if people 0:22:50.320 --> 0:22:52.320 kind of tune out a bit here and there, you know, 0:22:53.160 --> 0:22:57.240 it's it's like a huge breath of fresh air. I 0:22:57.280 --> 0:22:59.920 don't know, like if you've tried like doing that like recently, 0:23:00.440 --> 0:23:03.359 like I don't, I only follow you like here and 0:23:03.359 --> 0:23:06.639 there on like the podcast, but like if you have 0:23:06.840 --> 0:23:10.720 like times where you just like completely disconnect and just 0:23:10.800 --> 0:23:13.560 like just do human things. 0:23:14.520 --> 0:23:17.880 It's funny that you say that because I've been I've 0:23:17.880 --> 0:23:21.800 been procrastinating on it a little bit, but I want 0:23:21.880 --> 0:23:27.119 to fully disconnect from technology. I think my problem is 0:23:27.160 --> 0:23:29.000 I don't right now, like I don't. I can't think 0:23:29.040 --> 0:23:34.720 of anything that I well, I guess I can't. Like there, 0:23:35.240 --> 0:23:38.800 I was going to say, like I couldn't think of 0:23:38.840 --> 0:23:41.240 anything more pressing that I can do with that time, 0:23:41.320 --> 0:23:45.040 but I totally can. I mean, yeah, so many things 0:23:45.080 --> 0:23:47.560 like subtly suck up my time. 0:23:47.840 --> 0:23:50.320 Well, I mean I mean, like you initially like mentioned 0:23:50.400 --> 0:23:52.399 like you know, not being able to like sit in 0:23:52.440 --> 0:23:56.359 your thoughts, and like I gotta say, you know, like 0:23:56.960 --> 0:23:59.560 one of the other things that like you know has 0:23:59.600 --> 0:24:02.600 been very, very like monumental. This year has been like 0:24:02.760 --> 0:24:07.440 a lot of times sitting in my thoughts, like I live, 0:24:07.920 --> 0:24:12.240 I live a pretty like kind of I'm pretty like 0:24:12.440 --> 0:24:15.920 by myself all the time. And that's like by design, 0:24:16.000 --> 0:24:20.359 Like I work a lot, and the friends that like 0:24:20.560 --> 0:24:22.879 I feel closest to they live in like another city, 0:24:22.920 --> 0:24:25.639 so I only set times to see them here and there. 0:24:25.680 --> 0:24:27.800 So it's really just like me and like my close 0:24:27.840 --> 0:24:31.439 family here and there, and like my cat. But like 0:24:32.520 --> 0:24:36.240 I've had like you know, I like, you know, coming 0:24:36.240 --> 0:24:40.320 off of quitting drinking. Yeah, like the views of myself 0:24:40.440 --> 0:24:43.760 were just so low, Like I just did not think 0:24:43.920 --> 0:24:47.680 really positively of myself because I just wasn't doing good 0:24:47.680 --> 0:24:51.800 things for myself for so long and through like therapy 0:24:52.480 --> 0:24:56.280 and just like moments just sitting at home by myself, 0:24:56.480 --> 0:24:59.720 just like literally just asking myself, like why don't you 0:24:59.840 --> 0:25:02.760 like yourself? Like why don't you know just start there 0:25:03.440 --> 0:25:06.080 and then just trying to like backtrack and figure this 0:25:06.080 --> 0:25:08.879 stuff out and then you know, eventually just get to like, 0:25:09.640 --> 0:25:13.520 you know, why don't you love yourself? And just recently 0:25:14.240 --> 0:25:16.800 I went on a trip with my best bud out 0:25:16.840 --> 0:25:20.680 to the bad Lands in South Dakota and just had 0:25:20.720 --> 0:25:24.000 a completely like life changing experience. You know. It was 0:25:24.000 --> 0:25:27.160 set like therapy out there with him, just like out 0:25:27.200 --> 0:25:32.200