1 00:00:02,560 --> 00:00:06,080 Speaker 1: I am a yamlah, your host, your guide, a teacher 2 00:00:06,120 --> 00:00:09,240 Speaker 1: for salm in a soft place to fall for others. 3 00:00:09,640 --> 00:00:14,240 Speaker 1: And I was a miserable failure in my relationships until 4 00:00:14,640 --> 00:00:17,919 Speaker 1: I love myself enough to be able to share my 5 00:00:18,000 --> 00:00:21,320 Speaker 1: love with other people. Welcome to the Our Spot, a 6 00:00:21,440 --> 00:00:25,840 Speaker 1: production of shondaland Audio in partnership with I Heart Radio. 7 00:00:39,400 --> 00:00:44,720 Speaker 1: Everyone has their own BS, their own belief system, and 8 00:00:44,920 --> 00:00:50,000 Speaker 1: everyone believes things about the world based on that BS, 9 00:00:50,320 --> 00:00:54,320 Speaker 1: that belief system. It's a survival mechanism or a way 10 00:00:54,360 --> 00:01:00,240 Speaker 1: of understanding the world around us and our experiences. If 11 00:01:00,320 --> 00:01:02,600 Speaker 1: you were bitten by a dog at a young age, 12 00:01:03,040 --> 00:01:06,399 Speaker 1: you might believe that all dogs will bite you, that 13 00:01:06,520 --> 00:01:10,120 Speaker 1: dogs are scary and dangerous. If you've ever had a 14 00:01:10,160 --> 00:01:14,959 Speaker 1: car accident, maybe you are afraid to drive. Anything and 15 00:01:15,080 --> 00:01:20,080 Speaker 1: everything we experience can push the triggers of our belief 16 00:01:20,200 --> 00:01:24,479 Speaker 1: systems in one way or another, and that also applies 17 00:01:24,959 --> 00:01:29,880 Speaker 1: to relationships. People who have dealt with abandonment will attract 18 00:01:29,959 --> 00:01:32,919 Speaker 1: those who abandon them, people who have dealt with rejection 19 00:01:33,240 --> 00:01:37,679 Speaker 1: will attract those who reject them. And others who believe 20 00:01:37,800 --> 00:01:42,240 Speaker 1: they don't deserve love, can't have love, won't ever get 21 00:01:42,360 --> 00:01:46,960 Speaker 1: love will attract people who cannot give them the love 22 00:01:47,360 --> 00:01:51,080 Speaker 1: that they want or need. It's a catch twenty two. 23 00:01:51,560 --> 00:01:55,240 Speaker 1: So how do you fix that? How do you heal 24 00:01:55,520 --> 00:01:59,280 Speaker 1: those issues? Well, we're gonna learn about that today. Let's 25 00:01:59,280 --> 00:02:07,200 Speaker 1: say hello to our first caller. Good afternoon, beloved, welcome 26 00:02:07,240 --> 00:02:11,919 Speaker 1: to the art spot. How can I support you today? First, 27 00:02:11,960 --> 00:02:14,280 Speaker 1: I want to say I love you. I've been listening 28 00:02:14,320 --> 00:02:16,560 Speaker 1: to you for years. I wish you could be like 29 00:02:16,639 --> 00:02:20,720 Speaker 1: my personal therapist. I really wish. No, I'm not a therapist, 30 00:02:20,720 --> 00:02:26,240 Speaker 1: so we would be in a lot of trouble. I know, though, 31 00:02:26,680 --> 00:02:30,320 Speaker 1: what your insight is just amazing. I love it. What 32 00:02:30,440 --> 00:02:34,639 Speaker 1: kind of insight can I support you with? Today? So basically, 33 00:02:35,600 --> 00:02:39,720 Speaker 1: I truly desire to have a committed relationship. I want 34 00:02:39,760 --> 00:02:42,519 Speaker 1: to be married. I would like to have another child. 35 00:02:42,919 --> 00:02:45,680 Speaker 1: But it's like all of the men that I come across, 36 00:02:45,960 --> 00:02:48,480 Speaker 1: it's like they all just want, you know, to deal 37 00:02:48,520 --> 00:02:51,600 Speaker 1: with multiple women. They don't want to commit, or they 38 00:02:51,639 --> 00:02:53,320 Speaker 1: act like they do at the beginning just to give 39 00:02:53,320 --> 00:02:56,359 Speaker 1: it they want, and then they disappear. So I'm kind 40 00:02:56,400 --> 00:02:59,639 Speaker 1: of just like losing hope for anything serious. I don't 41 00:02:59,639 --> 00:03:10,760 Speaker 1: know what do me either? Oh my god, me either, honey, 42 00:03:10,840 --> 00:03:12,800 Speaker 1: And you're a lot younger than I am. So the 43 00:03:12,840 --> 00:03:15,440 Speaker 1: people my age ain't got no teething on all kind 44 00:03:15,480 --> 00:03:18,200 Speaker 1: of medication and pieces and parts ain't working. So we 45 00:03:18,320 --> 00:03:20,600 Speaker 1: just out here together. What else gonna do? What else 46 00:03:20,680 --> 00:03:25,320 Speaker 1: gonna do? Wow, I'm gonna go right to the core. 47 00:03:25,680 --> 00:03:29,040 Speaker 1: Why do you want to be in relationship? Oh, that's 48 00:03:29,080 --> 00:03:32,640 Speaker 1: a great question. I feel like I would be happy 49 00:03:32,800 --> 00:03:36,240 Speaker 1: if I, like had a family to care for. That 50 00:03:36,280 --> 00:03:39,240 Speaker 1: would just make me happy. So you want to be 51 00:03:39,280 --> 00:03:43,800 Speaker 1: in relationship for what it will bring to you? Well, 52 00:03:43,880 --> 00:03:46,440 Speaker 1: I also want to, you know, contribute to my partner 53 00:03:46,800 --> 00:03:50,160 Speaker 1: a very loving, nurturing, caring person. So I do plan 54 00:03:50,280 --> 00:03:52,960 Speaker 1: to give as well. And I'll just take what have 55 00:03:53,040 --> 00:03:55,200 Speaker 1: you given in the past and what have you received? 56 00:03:55,640 --> 00:04:03,200 Speaker 1: I feel like everything I've given loyalty, UM, trustworthy. If 57 00:04:03,200 --> 00:04:05,840 Speaker 1: a person needs help with something, I would try. So 58 00:04:06,760 --> 00:04:11,880 Speaker 1: I've been a motivator all types of things. UM. I 59 00:04:11,880 --> 00:04:15,160 Speaker 1: feel like in return, I feel like in return, I 60 00:04:15,320 --> 00:04:19,120 Speaker 1: just like at the end of each situation, I feel depleted. 61 00:04:19,160 --> 00:04:21,600 Speaker 1: I don't feel like I was given anything. I feel 62 00:04:21,600 --> 00:04:24,080 Speaker 1: like I was probably begging most of the time. Or 63 00:04:24,720 --> 00:04:27,320 Speaker 1: person make it seem like what I'm asking for is 64 00:04:27,360 --> 00:04:30,520 Speaker 1: too much? Mm hmm. So why did you give so 65 00:04:30,640 --> 00:04:36,520 Speaker 1: much and hopes that I would get Yeah, so your 66 00:04:36,560 --> 00:04:42,560 Speaker 1: relationships are transactional. You're dealing with transactional relationships. You give 67 00:04:42,640 --> 00:04:45,160 Speaker 1: me this, I'll give you that. If I give you this, 68 00:04:45,279 --> 00:04:51,760 Speaker 1: you should give me that. Transactional relationships never work and 69 00:04:51,800 --> 00:04:59,159 Speaker 1: the giver always receives less. Always, And at the core, 70 00:04:59,520 --> 00:05:04,320 Speaker 1: at the core of a transactional relationship, there is a cootie. 71 00:05:04,680 --> 00:05:07,960 Speaker 1: You know what a cootie is. A cootie is like 72 00:05:08,000 --> 00:05:10,880 Speaker 1: a little bug, a little thing that eats away at something. 73 00:05:11,200 --> 00:05:16,680 Speaker 1: Cooties and nasty. You know what is at the the 74 00:05:16,760 --> 00:05:20,120 Speaker 1: cootie at the core of a transactional relationship. Want me 75 00:05:20,200 --> 00:05:24,640 Speaker 1: to tell you what it is? The belief that you 76 00:05:24,720 --> 00:05:30,120 Speaker 1: can't have what you want. M there's a belief there. 77 00:05:30,880 --> 00:05:33,240 Speaker 1: Uh huh. You can't have what you want. Now, you 78 00:05:33,360 --> 00:05:37,159 Speaker 1: keep trying to disprove it, but you will never live 79 00:05:37,320 --> 00:05:41,919 Speaker 1: beyond your belief. And if you believe that you can't 80 00:05:42,040 --> 00:05:45,279 Speaker 1: have what you want, you will never have it. You'll 81 00:05:45,400 --> 00:05:50,240 Speaker 1: keep getting evidence to prove that your belief is right. 82 00:05:50,680 --> 00:05:54,200 Speaker 1: It leads to this kind of cat and mouse game. 83 00:05:54,760 --> 00:05:57,320 Speaker 1: I can't have what I want. Oh, but that looks 84 00:05:57,360 --> 00:06:00,200 Speaker 1: like what I want, so let me get that. But 85 00:06:00,240 --> 00:06:03,080 Speaker 1: the belief is operating, I can't have what I want, 86 00:06:03,320 --> 00:06:07,240 Speaker 1: So you'll continue to attract things and people that aren't 87 00:06:07,240 --> 00:06:09,920 Speaker 1: what you want because you know what we want more 88 00:06:09,960 --> 00:06:12,479 Speaker 1: than anything else, We want to be right. And so 89 00:06:12,600 --> 00:06:14,960 Speaker 1: you have a belief that is I can't have what 90 00:06:15,080 --> 00:06:17,200 Speaker 1: I want. I want to be right about that, so 91 00:06:17,240 --> 00:06:20,159 Speaker 1: I'll keep attracting evidence to make me right about the belief. 92 00:06:20,200 --> 00:06:22,560 Speaker 1: You got to heal up the belief. So what do 93 00:06:22,600 --> 00:06:25,920 Speaker 1: I need to do to reverse their thought process? So 94 00:06:26,240 --> 00:06:33,440 Speaker 1: you know, there's a very powerful way to dismantle belief systems, 95 00:06:34,120 --> 00:06:38,800 Speaker 1: and that's really to dump the consciousness of where the 96 00:06:38,839 --> 00:06:43,760 Speaker 1: belief originated. So this probably originated in your childhood. And 97 00:06:43,839 --> 00:06:46,279 Speaker 1: the way you can get in touch with that is 98 00:06:46,360 --> 00:06:50,080 Speaker 1: by writing with your non dominant hand. So are you 99 00:06:50,160 --> 00:06:54,120 Speaker 1: right handed or left handed? Okay, So that means with 100 00:06:54,320 --> 00:06:58,240 Speaker 1: your left hand you would have to write. What I 101 00:06:58,360 --> 00:07:03,360 Speaker 1: believe about relationship hips is what I believe about having 102 00:07:04,240 --> 00:07:07,839 Speaker 1: a relationship in my life. What I believe about being 103 00:07:07,920 --> 00:07:11,000 Speaker 1: loved by someone is all of that stuff. But you 104 00:07:11,080 --> 00:07:15,280 Speaker 1: write it with your left hand, not with your right hand, 105 00:07:15,680 --> 00:07:19,360 Speaker 1: because the left hand, the non dominant hand, will dump 106 00:07:19,400 --> 00:07:22,840 Speaker 1: your subconscious mind and bring up all of those feelings 107 00:07:22,880 --> 00:07:26,440 Speaker 1: and it's hard to do. It's hard, you know, to 108 00:07:26,600 --> 00:07:28,920 Speaker 1: right with your left hand. It's gonna be all over 109 00:07:28,960 --> 00:07:32,800 Speaker 1: the paper and it's gonna look real crazy, but you're 110 00:07:32,840 --> 00:07:37,520 Speaker 1: gonna tap into what the cootie up under there, because 111 00:07:37,520 --> 00:07:42,680 Speaker 1: there's some sadness and there's some anger, and there's some disappointment, yeah, 112 00:07:42,680 --> 00:07:45,520 Speaker 1: and loneliness. Yeah, probably all the way back to when 113 00:07:45,520 --> 00:07:48,160 Speaker 1: you were little. And that's what you've got to uproot. 114 00:07:49,120 --> 00:07:52,880 Speaker 1: And with your right hand, you know, you can do 115 00:07:53,080 --> 00:07:57,200 Speaker 1: some powerful attraction through I am you know, I am 116 00:07:57,240 --> 00:08:01,440 Speaker 1: attracting the right partner. I am attracting a generous partner. 117 00:08:01,520 --> 00:08:06,000 Speaker 1: I am attracting a committed partner. I am attracting a 118 00:08:06,000 --> 00:08:08,760 Speaker 1: loving partner. And you can do that with your right hand, 119 00:08:09,600 --> 00:08:11,560 Speaker 1: because it's not the man. There are plenty of men 120 00:08:11,600 --> 00:08:15,480 Speaker 1: out there, plenty of available men. And I know how 121 00:08:15,520 --> 00:08:17,320 Speaker 1: I know because I talked to them all the time. 122 00:08:17,920 --> 00:08:23,040 Speaker 1: Why can't I find a good woman? Really? Yeah? What 123 00:08:23,080 --> 00:08:29,720 Speaker 1: do you believe about good women? You know? Where are they? Philadelphia? Oh? Yeah, 124 00:08:29,800 --> 00:08:32,160 Speaker 1: I used to live in Philly. West Philly forty nine 125 00:08:32,240 --> 00:08:36,360 Speaker 1: and Pine they there, well, North Philly. That's why you 126 00:08:36,400 --> 00:08:38,600 Speaker 1: can't find nobody go down to West Philly. No, I'm 127 00:08:38,640 --> 00:08:44,920 Speaker 1: just scared. I'm just teasing you. But that's really what 128 00:08:45,040 --> 00:08:49,720 Speaker 1: it's about. It's about your relationships have become transactional. You've 129 00:08:49,760 --> 00:08:52,800 Speaker 1: been giving more than you're getting because you don't believe 130 00:08:52,840 --> 00:08:55,160 Speaker 1: you can have what you want. You don't believe you 131 00:08:55,200 --> 00:08:57,120 Speaker 1: can have what you want. So it has to be 132 00:08:57,160 --> 00:09:00,880 Speaker 1: about you moving into that belief of I can have 133 00:09:01,040 --> 00:09:03,400 Speaker 1: what I want. So since you ain't in a relationship, 134 00:09:03,440 --> 00:09:09,400 Speaker 1: you got time do the work. Okay, Okay, my darling, 135 00:09:09,480 --> 00:09:13,480 Speaker 1: thank you for calling, Thank you for speaking with me today. Okay, 136 00:09:13,480 --> 00:09:20,880 Speaker 1: bye bye. We all have a belief system. The issue 137 00:09:21,040 --> 00:09:25,679 Speaker 1: is how do we clean up our belief systems so 138 00:09:25,760 --> 00:09:31,080 Speaker 1: that relationships are not such hard work. In my caller's case, 139 00:09:31,640 --> 00:09:36,000 Speaker 1: she needs to identify the times that she didn't get 140 00:09:36,040 --> 00:09:40,240 Speaker 1: what she wanted. Then over time she started to believe 141 00:09:40,400 --> 00:09:44,280 Speaker 1: this pattern and live this pattern, and she believes this 142 00:09:44,360 --> 00:09:46,360 Speaker 1: is just how things are going to be for her, 143 00:09:46,559 --> 00:09:51,680 Speaker 1: and then she'll attract people who cannot will not do, 144 00:09:51,720 --> 00:09:55,400 Speaker 1: not give her what she wants and keep the psychle 145 00:09:55,520 --> 00:10:00,680 Speaker 1: going my lord. That's why you mu us do the 146 00:10:00,840 --> 00:10:07,559 Speaker 1: work to identify your patterns and then dismantle them by 147 00:10:07,640 --> 00:10:11,480 Speaker 1: creating a new pattern. After the break, will come back 148 00:10:11,480 --> 00:10:15,440 Speaker 1: with my second caller, who has a similar issue, but 149 00:10:15,559 --> 00:10:27,400 Speaker 1: for a very different reason. Welcome back to the our 150 00:10:27,480 --> 00:10:33,839 Speaker 1: spot today. We're talking about dismantling your false belief systems. Now, 151 00:10:34,200 --> 00:10:38,080 Speaker 1: this whole notion of unworthiness and not being able to 152 00:10:38,160 --> 00:10:40,400 Speaker 1: have what it is we say we want shows up 153 00:10:40,440 --> 00:10:42,520 Speaker 1: in a variety way. Some of them are very clever, 154 00:10:42,720 --> 00:10:45,520 Speaker 1: because you know, we are brilliant when it comes to 155 00:10:45,679 --> 00:10:49,720 Speaker 1: covering up our core issues. Okay, We'll never go around 156 00:10:49,760 --> 00:10:52,640 Speaker 1: saying I'm unworthy and I can't have what we want, 157 00:10:52,679 --> 00:10:55,600 Speaker 1: But what we will do is create all kinds of story, 158 00:10:55,800 --> 00:10:59,359 Speaker 1: all kinds of drama, and all kinds of bad behavior 159 00:11:00,040 --> 00:11:03,680 Speaker 1: that the ego then uses to reinforce the belief that 160 00:11:03,760 --> 00:11:06,920 Speaker 1: I'm unworthy of having what I want. One of the 161 00:11:06,960 --> 00:11:11,280 Speaker 1: ways we do that is serial dating. My next guest 162 00:11:11,600 --> 00:11:20,240 Speaker 1: is a classic example. Good afternoon, beloved, Welcome to the 163 00:11:20,600 --> 00:11:23,920 Speaker 1: art spot. And what is the challenge issue dilemma that 164 00:11:24,040 --> 00:11:26,800 Speaker 1: you're bringing to the table for us to nibble on today. 165 00:11:27,440 --> 00:11:31,040 Speaker 1: I'll good afternoon, Queen Iana, thank you so much for 166 00:11:31,080 --> 00:11:34,640 Speaker 1: having me. How are you? I am blessed and so 167 00:11:34,800 --> 00:11:37,280 Speaker 1: blessed and here your boyfe I want to see you 168 00:11:37,320 --> 00:11:39,199 Speaker 1: when you came the spots and I don't want to ramble, 169 00:11:39,280 --> 00:11:41,080 Speaker 1: but I just love you so much and I've been 170 00:11:41,120 --> 00:11:43,000 Speaker 1: following you for years and I'm so honored to be 171 00:11:43,040 --> 00:11:46,640 Speaker 1: able to bring my issue, relationship issue to you. Okay, 172 00:11:46,720 --> 00:11:51,600 Speaker 1: you got a relationship issue, do you? The issue I 173 00:11:51,679 --> 00:11:57,200 Speaker 1: have is I have trouble building lasting relationships because of 174 00:11:57,920 --> 00:12:01,600 Speaker 1: trust issues in the past and the relationship where I 175 00:12:01,600 --> 00:12:03,720 Speaker 1: I felt like I gave a hundred percent and was 176 00:12:03,800 --> 00:12:07,080 Speaker 1: heard and treat it on and lied to and it 177 00:12:07,200 --> 00:12:09,760 Speaker 1: just has kind of given me I kind of like 178 00:12:09,840 --> 00:12:13,440 Speaker 1: a serial data. I love dating, but as soon as 179 00:12:13,520 --> 00:12:17,439 Speaker 1: I see anything that looks like it's not right, I run. 180 00:12:17,920 --> 00:12:22,360 Speaker 1: And I'm trying to get to a point where I recognize, 181 00:12:23,000 --> 00:12:25,800 Speaker 1: you know, normal things that you should expect and just 182 00:12:26,640 --> 00:12:29,080 Speaker 1: I don't know, it's just that's where I'm struggling at 183 00:12:28,960 --> 00:12:32,679 Speaker 1: the trust and relinquishing the control out of fear of 184 00:12:32,720 --> 00:12:38,079 Speaker 1: being hurt. Oh yeah, did you see the movie The Matrix? 185 00:12:38,760 --> 00:12:42,080 Speaker 1: I did? Okay, did you like him? I did? Do 186 00:12:42,160 --> 00:12:48,080 Speaker 1: you remember that whenever Neo went out to do something 187 00:12:48,120 --> 00:12:50,319 Speaker 1: in the world, to fight Jones or to go visit 188 00:12:50,360 --> 00:12:55,720 Speaker 1: the Oracle or anything, that he was strapped into the chair. Yes, okay, 189 00:12:55,760 --> 00:12:58,800 Speaker 1: So that meant that everything that we were seeing, everything 190 00:12:58,840 --> 00:13:01,240 Speaker 1: that he went through, what was going on in his 191 00:13:01,360 --> 00:13:07,120 Speaker 1: mind because he was strapped into the chair. I'm strapped 192 00:13:07,120 --> 00:13:10,600 Speaker 1: into the chair. Yeah, you strapped into the chair, baby, 193 00:13:10,640 --> 00:13:15,760 Speaker 1: making up all kinds of stuff. And do you remember 194 00:13:15,800 --> 00:13:19,760 Speaker 1: that Morpheus said to Neo, do you want the red 195 00:13:19,880 --> 00:13:24,199 Speaker 1: pill or the blue pill? The blue pill will keep 196 00:13:24,240 --> 00:13:27,120 Speaker 1: you exactly where you are doing, exactly what you're doing. 197 00:13:27,160 --> 00:13:29,760 Speaker 1: That's the blue pill, And the red pill is gonna 198 00:13:29,800 --> 00:13:33,000 Speaker 1: cataport you out of the matrix into a whole another 199 00:13:33,000 --> 00:13:35,360 Speaker 1: way of being. All right, do you want the blue 200 00:13:35,360 --> 00:13:42,120 Speaker 1: pill or the red pill? You sure? Okay, Red says, 201 00:13:42,640 --> 00:13:46,120 Speaker 1: give me the real truth, the hardcore rock, gut, cold 202 00:13:46,200 --> 00:13:49,200 Speaker 1: water in my face, slapped me up inside the head truth. 203 00:13:49,480 --> 00:13:56,600 Speaker 1: That's the red pill. You want that one, okay. Someplace 204 00:13:58,240 --> 00:14:04,000 Speaker 1: deep in your being is the belief that you can't 205 00:14:04,000 --> 00:14:13,640 Speaker 1: have what you want, that you brilliantly, brilliantly set yourself 206 00:14:13,760 --> 00:14:17,800 Speaker 1: up to be in situations that will give you evidence 207 00:14:18,720 --> 00:14:23,160 Speaker 1: that you can't have what you want. It's just that simple. 208 00:14:24,840 --> 00:14:29,480 Speaker 1: And you cannot live beyond your beliefs. So what you 209 00:14:29,520 --> 00:14:37,000 Speaker 1: will do is tirelessly, relentlessly and unconsciously put yourselves in 210 00:14:37,120 --> 00:14:41,560 Speaker 1: situations or with people are under circumstances where you can't 211 00:14:41,600 --> 00:14:45,000 Speaker 1: have what you want. In the minute, there's an iota 212 00:14:45,160 --> 00:14:48,960 Speaker 1: of what looks like, smells like, tastes like you can't 213 00:14:48,960 --> 00:14:55,760 Speaker 1: have it. You blame them. They are gonna give me 214 00:14:55,800 --> 00:14:57,680 Speaker 1: what I want. They're gonna hurt me, they're gonna leave me. 215 00:14:58,360 --> 00:15:01,200 Speaker 1: So let me go all all the way back. Let 216 00:15:01,200 --> 00:15:05,040 Speaker 1: me go back to the route and the cars. Okay, okay, 217 00:15:05,600 --> 00:15:12,920 Speaker 1: who left you, Mommy, daddy, Grandma? Who left you daddy? Yeah, okay, 218 00:15:13,080 --> 00:15:18,240 Speaker 1: that's number one. And what was the script or the 219 00:15:18,400 --> 00:15:23,000 Speaker 1: conversation I'm talking young, I'm talking three four or five 220 00:15:23,160 --> 00:15:27,600 Speaker 1: secs with the caregivers about you having what you want. 221 00:15:27,640 --> 00:15:29,720 Speaker 1: It could have been we can't afford it, that's too much, 222 00:15:29,760 --> 00:15:33,600 Speaker 1: you can't have it. What was that conversation? What was 223 00:15:33,680 --> 00:15:38,800 Speaker 1: that script that was implanted in your consciousness? Um, then 224 00:15:38,840 --> 00:15:41,440 Speaker 1: I'm gonna say it's a little bit of both. So 225 00:15:42,480 --> 00:15:45,320 Speaker 1: at the time, my biological father was deceased as I 226 00:15:45,480 --> 00:15:48,560 Speaker 1: was three. So I was raised by my mom in 227 00:15:48,920 --> 00:15:52,400 Speaker 1: a single parent home, and I had a brother, and 228 00:15:52,840 --> 00:15:58,040 Speaker 1: I always felt like the bad kid. Even though I 229 00:15:58,080 --> 00:16:02,440 Speaker 1: didn't do necessarily the bad things, regular mischievous things. I 230 00:16:02,520 --> 00:16:05,760 Speaker 1: kind of always had the title of the bad kid, 231 00:16:05,960 --> 00:16:10,400 Speaker 1: you know, period period right there, Yeah, right there, I 232 00:16:10,440 --> 00:16:13,680 Speaker 1: was the bad kid. Now do bad kids get punished? 233 00:16:14,040 --> 00:16:17,600 Speaker 1: Do bad kids get in your experience, what happened to 234 00:16:17,720 --> 00:16:21,760 Speaker 1: bad kids? I was always expected to mess up, and 235 00:16:21,840 --> 00:16:26,080 Speaker 1: so I did most of the time. M because you 236 00:16:26,440 --> 00:16:29,760 Speaker 1: you will live up to the expectations. I did. But 237 00:16:30,000 --> 00:16:32,840 Speaker 1: years later, you know, my real dad, who is alive. 238 00:16:33,640 --> 00:16:37,320 Speaker 1: That's his character. He's slick, he's street, he's cunning, he's bad. 239 00:16:37,440 --> 00:16:40,080 Speaker 1: And so that was kind of at the time. I 240 00:16:40,120 --> 00:16:42,640 Speaker 1: didn't realize that I was wearing that because when my 241 00:16:42,720 --> 00:16:45,360 Speaker 1: mom saw me, she saw my dad and she said, 242 00:16:46,000 --> 00:16:50,480 Speaker 1: without saying it, she was thinking it, she's like him now. 243 00:16:50,960 --> 00:16:53,280 Speaker 1: And so I lived up to that, you know, I 244 00:16:53,320 --> 00:16:57,120 Speaker 1: lived up to it. Years later, when I was forty seven, 245 00:16:57,160 --> 00:17:00,960 Speaker 1: I realized my dad was alive and that it just 246 00:17:01,200 --> 00:17:04,720 Speaker 1: was a untruth, the secret that kind of was kept. 247 00:17:04,760 --> 00:17:08,639 Speaker 1: So anyway, yeah, I always felt like that that I 248 00:17:08,680 --> 00:17:12,119 Speaker 1: couldn't do anything right or I'm gonna make a mistake. 249 00:17:12,280 --> 00:17:14,560 Speaker 1: I'm walking kind of on a tight rope in my 250 00:17:14,680 --> 00:17:18,280 Speaker 1: happiness is short time because I'm gonna mess something up. 251 00:17:19,640 --> 00:17:22,840 Speaker 1: So knowing all of that, why in the world are 252 00:17:22,880 --> 00:17:29,320 Speaker 1: you calling me? You just laid it right out. It's 253 00:17:29,400 --> 00:17:35,040 Speaker 1: something about a yama. So let me give you a prescription, 254 00:17:35,240 --> 00:17:39,120 Speaker 1: because it's not that you don't trust people. It's that 255 00:17:39,160 --> 00:17:43,919 Speaker 1: you don't trust yourself because you are bad. Yeah, you 256 00:17:43,960 --> 00:17:48,440 Speaker 1: don't trust yourself because people have secrets and you don't 257 00:17:48,440 --> 00:17:51,840 Speaker 1: know what they are. You don't trust yourself because people 258 00:17:51,960 --> 00:17:57,280 Speaker 1: are dishonest and you can't figure that out. Yeah, okay, yes, 259 00:17:59,400 --> 00:18:00,960 Speaker 1: and well you don't have no time in the waste 260 00:18:01,000 --> 00:18:03,080 Speaker 1: My producer said, you fifty two. So we got to 261 00:18:03,119 --> 00:18:11,960 Speaker 1: get this resolved. Okay, we've been doing this a long 262 00:18:12,200 --> 00:18:16,600 Speaker 1: long time. After this break, we're going to talk about 263 00:18:17,000 --> 00:18:20,920 Speaker 1: how to heal that inner child and break the pattern 264 00:18:21,280 --> 00:18:35,359 Speaker 1: of the people that you are attracting. Welcome back to 265 00:18:35,400 --> 00:18:40,600 Speaker 1: the our spot where we're talking about dismantling relationship belief 266 00:18:40,680 --> 00:18:45,040 Speaker 1: systems and healing your inner child, who will run your 267 00:18:45,119 --> 00:18:48,560 Speaker 1: life if you let it. Let's get back to the conversation. 268 00:18:49,840 --> 00:18:53,640 Speaker 1: So I heard you say something about three. At three 269 00:18:53,720 --> 00:18:56,480 Speaker 1: years old, you were told that your daddy was deceased. 270 00:18:56,960 --> 00:18:59,840 Speaker 1: Is that accurate? Do you have a picture of yourself 271 00:18:59,840 --> 00:19:03,520 Speaker 1: at three or around that age? I want you to 272 00:19:03,560 --> 00:19:05,119 Speaker 1: get that picture. I want you to put it in 273 00:19:05,160 --> 00:19:07,199 Speaker 1: a put it in a nice frame. Go to the 274 00:19:07,240 --> 00:19:09,159 Speaker 1: Dollar Tree. You can get a nice frame from the 275 00:19:09,200 --> 00:19:13,360 Speaker 1: Dollar Tree, or if you feel extravagant, go to Michaels. 276 00:19:13,440 --> 00:19:18,240 Speaker 1: They have more sale. Put that picture in a nice, 277 00:19:18,320 --> 00:19:23,160 Speaker 1: beautiful frame. Because I want you to teach that little 278 00:19:23,200 --> 00:19:28,119 Speaker 1: girl that she can trust you. She's still in there, okay, 279 00:19:28,240 --> 00:19:30,880 Speaker 1: and she's got all the information from the five year 280 00:19:30,880 --> 00:19:33,040 Speaker 1: old and nine year old, the thirteen year old. Because 281 00:19:33,040 --> 00:19:35,840 Speaker 1: I can imagine eleven the thirteen was a rough time 282 00:19:35,920 --> 00:19:39,840 Speaker 1: for you, because that's when all your badness was showing. Yeah, 283 00:19:40,200 --> 00:19:43,840 Speaker 1: I know, because you're growing into your own you want 284 00:19:43,840 --> 00:19:47,400 Speaker 1: to become independent, and you're thinking about those are rough 285 00:19:47,720 --> 00:19:50,840 Speaker 1: ages for girls. Your body's changing, everything's changing. And when 286 00:19:50,840 --> 00:19:53,720 Speaker 1: did you become sexually active? How old were you? Oh? 287 00:19:53,760 --> 00:19:59,320 Speaker 1: My god, mom, okay, okay, oh you messed up again, 288 00:19:59,400 --> 00:20:03,879 Speaker 1: didn't you did? Yeah? Yeah, yeah, bless your heart, baby, 289 00:20:03,960 --> 00:20:07,680 Speaker 1: you've been through a lot. Get that fifteen year old 290 00:20:07,720 --> 00:20:10,719 Speaker 1: if you've got a picture of her thirteen fifteen, so 291 00:20:10,760 --> 00:20:13,040 Speaker 1: you can get the picture of the little one and 292 00:20:13,080 --> 00:20:17,280 Speaker 1: the picture of twelve thirteen fourteen somewhere in there. Put 293 00:20:17,359 --> 00:20:21,040 Speaker 1: those pictures in a very prominent place where you can 294 00:20:21,040 --> 00:20:23,920 Speaker 1: see them. But here is the work that I want 295 00:20:23,960 --> 00:20:28,160 Speaker 1: you to do. This is a very deep and sacred work, okay, 296 00:20:28,400 --> 00:20:32,640 Speaker 1: and it was developed by a psychologist in Hawaii who 297 00:20:32,680 --> 00:20:37,000 Speaker 1: worked with the criminally insane. Now you're not criminally insane, 298 00:20:37,320 --> 00:20:42,560 Speaker 1: but the process works, okay. What's criminal is the belief 299 00:20:43,000 --> 00:20:45,920 Speaker 1: that you can't have what you want. That is your 300 00:20:46,080 --> 00:20:51,920 Speaker 1: punishment for being bad. You can't trust yourself because you're 301 00:20:51,960 --> 00:20:54,680 Speaker 1: dishonest and you're slick in your cunning, and you're gonna 302 00:20:54,680 --> 00:20:57,960 Speaker 1: mess it up sooner or later. So the trust issue 303 00:20:58,040 --> 00:21:02,520 Speaker 1: is with yourself. So, beloved, there's something that I think 304 00:21:02,520 --> 00:21:06,240 Speaker 1: would be very helpful for you. It's called the whole 305 00:21:06,280 --> 00:21:11,200 Speaker 1: opon Pono process. That's h o O p o n 306 00:21:11,280 --> 00:21:17,359 Speaker 1: o p o n o whole opon no process. So 307 00:21:19,200 --> 00:21:21,040 Speaker 1: I want to speak to you, a little three year 308 00:21:21,080 --> 00:21:24,919 Speaker 1: old that are large deep in your subconscious mind. I 309 00:21:24,960 --> 00:21:28,959 Speaker 1: want to speak to them, right now see feel imagine 310 00:21:29,040 --> 00:21:31,440 Speaker 1: that that three year old, that four year old, five 311 00:21:31,520 --> 00:21:34,520 Speaker 1: year old you are right there present with you. Take 312 00:21:34,560 --> 00:21:38,840 Speaker 1: a breath and just remember what you look like, what 313 00:21:38,960 --> 00:21:41,639 Speaker 1: your hair looks like, what your body looks like, what 314 00:21:41,760 --> 00:21:46,320 Speaker 1: your legs look like. Can you see that or feel 315 00:21:46,359 --> 00:21:51,240 Speaker 1: that or imagine it? Yeah? Yeah, So I want to 316 00:21:51,280 --> 00:21:58,720 Speaker 1: say to you, little Rochelle, I love you. I love you, 317 00:22:00,160 --> 00:22:04,000 Speaker 1: and I'm speaking for the big you. I'm speaking for 318 00:22:04,040 --> 00:22:08,360 Speaker 1: the fifty two year old Rochelle who knows all that 319 00:22:08,400 --> 00:22:12,600 Speaker 1: you've been through. I love you, and I am so 320 00:22:12,600 --> 00:22:19,439 Speaker 1: so sorry that you've been taught that you're bad. Please 321 00:22:19,520 --> 00:22:25,520 Speaker 1: forgive who ever taught you that, Little rochell She is 322 00:22:25,640 --> 00:22:31,399 Speaker 1: so so so sorry that you've been taught that you 323 00:22:31,480 --> 00:22:34,359 Speaker 1: can't trust yourself, you can't trust your thoughts, you can't 324 00:22:34,359 --> 00:22:37,560 Speaker 1: trust your feelings. But most of all, she is so 325 00:22:37,560 --> 00:22:41,679 Speaker 1: so sorry that you've been taught that you can't have 326 00:22:42,000 --> 00:22:48,600 Speaker 1: what you want. Please forgive whoever taught you that. Thank 327 00:22:48,640 --> 00:22:55,960 Speaker 1: you for being committed to your healing. Thank you, little Rochelle. 328 00:22:57,680 --> 00:23:00,159 Speaker 1: I'm speaking for the big Rochelle who knows you and 329 00:23:00,280 --> 00:23:03,240 Speaker 1: loves you, and she wants you to know that she 330 00:23:03,400 --> 00:23:08,040 Speaker 1: is so so sorry that the big people that you trusted, 331 00:23:08,080 --> 00:23:12,840 Speaker 1: the big people that you depended on, were dishonest and 332 00:23:12,960 --> 00:23:17,680 Speaker 1: made you believe that you two were dishonest. She wants 333 00:23:17,720 --> 00:23:20,919 Speaker 1: you to forgive them right now so that you and 334 00:23:20,960 --> 00:23:24,639 Speaker 1: her can heal, and she says, thank you for being 335 00:23:24,680 --> 00:23:35,439 Speaker 1: committed to your healing. Take a breath, Tell me what 336 00:23:35,480 --> 00:23:43,920 Speaker 1: you're feeling right now? Pretty deep? Yeah, pretty yeah. Your 337 00:23:44,000 --> 00:23:47,520 Speaker 1: work is to work with those two pictures of yourself, 338 00:23:47,880 --> 00:23:51,840 Speaker 1: the little girl and a teenager and the teen mom, 339 00:23:51,880 --> 00:23:55,159 Speaker 1: and to every day for a couple of days, just 340 00:23:55,320 --> 00:23:59,200 Speaker 1: sit with them, and here's the statements. I love you, 341 00:24:00,119 --> 00:24:05,919 Speaker 1: I am so sorry that, and then you talk about 342 00:24:05,960 --> 00:24:08,840 Speaker 1: whatever it is. You talk about what you believe in, 343 00:24:08,920 --> 00:24:15,680 Speaker 1: what you thought, what you were told. Please forgive them, 344 00:24:16,240 --> 00:24:20,560 Speaker 1: for they know not what they do. Thank you. Those 345 00:24:20,600 --> 00:24:22,720 Speaker 1: are the only four statements that you have to make. 346 00:24:23,240 --> 00:24:25,480 Speaker 1: And you'll know whether you're talking to the little one, 347 00:24:25,520 --> 00:24:28,119 Speaker 1: whether you're talking to the big one, because you have 348 00:24:28,240 --> 00:24:31,639 Speaker 1: to teach those parts of yourself that they can trust 349 00:24:31,680 --> 00:24:35,720 Speaker 1: you and that you can trust yourself. And as you 350 00:24:35,880 --> 00:24:38,720 Speaker 1: free them up from the past, you'll free yourself up 351 00:24:38,720 --> 00:24:42,680 Speaker 1: from the past, because all you're doing is living an 352 00:24:42,920 --> 00:24:47,240 Speaker 1: ingrained pattern, that's all. You can even go online and 353 00:24:47,359 --> 00:24:50,720 Speaker 1: look up the whole opponent PONO process and it will 354 00:24:50,800 --> 00:24:55,080 Speaker 1: give you four statements. Work with them, let's say, over 355 00:24:55,119 --> 00:24:58,000 Speaker 1: the course of the next month, and things will start 356 00:24:58,040 --> 00:25:01,680 Speaker 1: coming up. You'll start remembering things. It's not you at 357 00:25:01,720 --> 00:25:05,080 Speaker 1: fifty two, it's those little people, so that you can 358 00:25:05,080 --> 00:25:08,400 Speaker 1: clear the side of your body and your system. Does 359 00:25:08,440 --> 00:25:13,080 Speaker 1: that sound doable, my love, It definitely sounds doable. Oh 360 00:25:13,080 --> 00:25:18,520 Speaker 1: my god, yes it does. Yeah. So your assignment is 361 00:25:18,600 --> 00:25:21,040 Speaker 1: to go to the Dollar Tree or Michael's. I'm not 362 00:25:21,160 --> 00:25:26,679 Speaker 1: advertising for either of those two businesses. Get those picture 363 00:25:26,720 --> 00:25:30,240 Speaker 1: frames and put those two little ones in a prominent place, 364 00:25:30,560 --> 00:25:33,040 Speaker 1: and every day for the next month or longer if 365 00:25:33,080 --> 00:25:35,840 Speaker 1: you need to, I like to work with forty two days, 366 00:25:35,880 --> 00:25:38,040 Speaker 1: because they say it takes forty days to break a 367 00:25:38,080 --> 00:25:41,760 Speaker 1: habit and two days to instill a new one. The 368 00:25:41,800 --> 00:25:45,040 Speaker 1: first forty days you're breaking the habit of thinking you're badge, 369 00:25:45,040 --> 00:25:47,399 Speaker 1: you're wrong, you're slick, you're cunning, you're gonna mess up, 370 00:25:47,600 --> 00:25:50,000 Speaker 1: you can't do it right. And then the next two 371 00:25:50,080 --> 00:25:53,680 Speaker 1: days you're gonna be establishing the new habit of seeing 372 00:25:53,760 --> 00:25:58,840 Speaker 1: yourself and those little people within you in a new way. Yeah, 373 00:25:58,920 --> 00:26:01,280 Speaker 1: and for the time being, don't date nobody because you 374 00:26:01,359 --> 00:26:06,560 Speaker 1: a mess. Right now, I am, I am, I agree, 375 00:26:08,720 --> 00:26:11,879 Speaker 1: Do not date nothing. Get you some popcorn and watch TV. 376 00:26:13,680 --> 00:26:16,480 Speaker 1: Give yourself a chance to heal. And when you hang 377 00:26:16,520 --> 00:26:18,119 Speaker 1: up this phone, you know what I want you to do. 378 00:26:18,240 --> 00:26:23,760 Speaker 1: Go somewhere in the corner and weep, just weep for 379 00:26:23,840 --> 00:26:26,879 Speaker 1: those broken little girls that you've been carrying around in 380 00:26:26,920 --> 00:26:34,400 Speaker 1: and out of dates. Oh my god. Okay, yeah, Oh, 381 00:26:34,440 --> 00:26:36,879 Speaker 1: you got forty two days, so give me a calling 382 00:26:36,960 --> 00:26:40,720 Speaker 1: about sixty days and let me know how you're doing. Okay, 383 00:26:40,960 --> 00:26:43,440 Speaker 1: I will thank you for calling the loove it. Now, 384 00:26:43,480 --> 00:26:48,679 Speaker 1: go in the corner and weep. That's your assignment. Okay, 385 00:26:48,720 --> 00:26:55,840 Speaker 1: bye bye, thank you so much, Bye bye bye. It's 386 00:26:55,920 --> 00:27:00,359 Speaker 1: just the fact of life that the experiences we have 387 00:27:00,680 --> 00:27:04,879 Speaker 1: as children, the experiences we have with the big people, 388 00:27:04,960 --> 00:27:10,080 Speaker 1: the caregivers, are siblings, other children in the neighborhood, these 389 00:27:10,119 --> 00:27:15,920 Speaker 1: experiences teach us how to navigate relationships. We learn from 390 00:27:15,960 --> 00:27:21,040 Speaker 1: the people in our lives. We emulate and recreate those 391 00:27:21,119 --> 00:27:27,080 Speaker 1: dynamics and their relationships in our relationships. We can even 392 00:27:27,240 --> 00:27:32,199 Speaker 1: learn about relationships from the people who are not in 393 00:27:32,400 --> 00:27:40,199 Speaker 1: our lives, and if we develop patterns and beliefs about abandonment, rejection, 394 00:27:40,680 --> 00:27:44,080 Speaker 1: or insecurity, we're going to live them out until we 395 00:27:44,160 --> 00:27:48,959 Speaker 1: change it. There are ways to dissolve these belief systems 396 00:27:49,160 --> 00:27:53,119 Speaker 1: and behave your patterns, and it's important to do the 397 00:27:53,240 --> 00:27:57,119 Speaker 1: work as soon as you can to identify your issue, 398 00:27:57,160 --> 00:28:01,199 Speaker 1: because you'll never have a healthy relationship or attract the 399 00:28:01,240 --> 00:28:04,080 Speaker 1: people you want in your life if you believe you 400 00:28:04,160 --> 00:28:06,959 Speaker 1: can't do it, if you believe you're not worthy of it, 401 00:28:07,160 --> 00:28:10,640 Speaker 1: if you believe it will never happen for you or 402 00:28:11,240 --> 00:28:16,240 Speaker 1: this is a good one. Very often in our relationship, 403 00:28:16,840 --> 00:28:21,360 Speaker 1: instead of running toward what we want, we run away 404 00:28:21,400 --> 00:28:25,719 Speaker 1: from what we don't want and in the process recreate 405 00:28:25,760 --> 00:28:30,960 Speaker 1: the pattern. Now, these belief systems as it relates to relationship, 406 00:28:31,160 --> 00:28:35,040 Speaker 1: these are hard patterns to break, but you can do it. 407 00:28:35,760 --> 00:28:39,000 Speaker 1: You can move forward, you can heal, you can change, 408 00:28:39,240 --> 00:28:44,560 Speaker 1: and it doesn't matter what age you are. Now. I 409 00:28:44,600 --> 00:28:46,920 Speaker 1: hope this has been helpful to someone, and if you 410 00:28:47,000 --> 00:28:51,520 Speaker 1: have a question about this or any other relationship issue, 411 00:28:51,800 --> 00:28:55,080 Speaker 1: you can call me live at seven seven five three 412 00:28:55,160 --> 00:28:58,360 Speaker 1: zero seven seven seven six eight. Now be sure to 413 00:28:58,400 --> 00:29:01,320 Speaker 1: follow me on social media for all of the calling 414 00:29:01,480 --> 00:29:05,960 Speaker 1: times and until then, stay in peace and not pieces. 415 00:29:11,560 --> 00:29:15,000 Speaker 1: The R Spot is a production of Shondaland Audio in 416 00:29:15,080 --> 00:29:20,040 Speaker 1: partnership with I Heart Radio. For more podcasts from Shondaland Audio, 417 00:29:20,480 --> 00:29:24,360 Speaker 1: visit the I Heart Radio app, Apple podcast, or wherever 418 00:29:24,440 --> 00:29:26,520 Speaker 1: you listen to your favorite shows.