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Speaker 1: Hey, y'all, it's and guess what, we wrote a whole

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Speaker 1: ass book. That's right, y'all. Our book, We Over Me,

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Speaker 1: The Counterintuitive Approach to Getting Everything you Want from your Relationship,

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Speaker 1: discusses family, parenting, devours favorite topic, sex and intimacy, finances

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Speaker 1: and commitment with the honesty and raw truth y'all have

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Speaker 1: always gotten from us. We over Me, The Counterintuitive Approach

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Speaker 1: to Getting Everything you Want from your Relationship, is available

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Speaker 1: for preorder today. That's right, run don't walk to www

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Speaker 1: dot p r h dot com slash we over Me

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Speaker 1: to pre order your book today. I honestly think women

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Speaker 1: have changed since the fifties, but more importantly, men have

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Speaker 1: changed as well. M. And for me, I think it

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Speaker 1: is giving. The level of respect that a woman has

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Speaker 1: for a man when it comes to earning is really

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Speaker 1: just dependent on the respect she has for him in general. M.

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Speaker 1: Dead as dead ass baby. Hey, I'm Cadine and we're

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Speaker 1: the Ellises. You may know us from posting funny videos

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Speaker 1: with our boys and reading each other publicly as a

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Speaker 1: form of therapy. Wait, I'll make you need therapy most days. Wow.

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Speaker 1: And one more important thing to mention, we're married. We

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Speaker 1: are We created this podcast to open dialogue about some

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Speaker 1: of life's most taboo topics, things most folks don't want

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Speaker 1: to talk about through the lens of a millennial married couple.

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Speaker 1: Dead ass is the term that we say every day.

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Speaker 1: So when we say dead ass, we're actually saying facts,

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Speaker 1: the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth.

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Speaker 1: Were about to take pillows off to a whole new level.

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Speaker 1: Dead at starts right now. I'm gonna take you guys

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Speaker 1: back to two thousand and nine. I believe you're really

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Speaker 1: good with years because I don't be remembering years. Yes,

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Speaker 1: I remember the years. I remember everything, remember everything. Um,

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Speaker 1: two thousand nine, we just decided that we were going

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Speaker 1: to move forward with getting married, and I had officially

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Speaker 1: retired from the NFL. I was done. So this was

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Speaker 1: the end of two thousand nine. This was at the

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Speaker 1: end of the season when um, oh, it's a matter

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Speaker 1: of fact, it wasn't two thousand nine. It was two

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Speaker 1: thousand and ten because two thousand nine I spent the

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Speaker 1: off season with the Cleveland Browns. Two thousand ten is

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Speaker 1: when I put in my paperwork to officially retire, and

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Speaker 1: that's when I got my servants paid. That's how the years,

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Speaker 1: and we moved back. We moved back to two thousand nine,

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Speaker 1: but two thousand ten was the first year, and that

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Speaker 1: was the year going into our wedding. So this is

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Speaker 1: two thousand and ten. This is a down February two

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Speaker 1: thous and ten, um I had officially retired from the

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Speaker 1: NFL and Codeine. I believe I told parts of this

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Speaker 1: story before. Coneine was back home and she had woke

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Speaker 1: up one morning and she was crying, and I was like, yo, like,

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Speaker 1: what's what's the matter. And she was like, I don't

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Speaker 1: know what's going on with my life, Like I'm just here,

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Speaker 1: I'm just existing, like I'm just in the bed, I

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Speaker 1: have my master's degree. I don't know what's happening next.

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Speaker 1: And I was like, well, we're getting married, and she

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Speaker 1: was like, well, I know that, but I just don't

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Speaker 1: know what's happening with me next. And I literally said

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Speaker 1: to her, how about you get up off your ass

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Speaker 1: and do something about it, And we're gonna do a

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Speaker 1: whole another podcast about that about that, yes, the tough love,

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Speaker 1: but also how well we're gonna do a whole another

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Speaker 1: podcast on that communication stuff. But I said, why don't

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Speaker 1: you get up off your ass and do something about it.

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Speaker 1: And she said, what you mean. I said, you're sitting

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Speaker 1: here crying in the bed when you have twenty four

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Speaker 1: hours today to find a way to get going towards

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Speaker 1: your dream. I said, what do you want to do?

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Speaker 1: And you said to me, you said, I don't know

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Speaker 1: what to do. I don't know how to get into TV.

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Speaker 1: I know I can do makeup because I was doing

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Speaker 1: makeup at MAC when we were in Michigan. So I said,

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Speaker 1: why don't you go to a Max store in Brooklyn

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Speaker 1: and just tell them you want to be an artist?

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Speaker 1: And she said okay. So we got up that day,

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Speaker 1: the both of us got up that day before any kids.

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Speaker 1: This is before our wedding, and we drove to King's Plaza. No,

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Speaker 1: we didn't drive to Kingslas. No. Remember, I took my

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Speaker 1: engagement ring off, put it in the drewry box, and

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Speaker 1: I got into forty four. I walked up to no Strength.

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Speaker 1: You drove me to my interview, And yes, I did

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Speaker 1: drive it to the interview monitue, Yes, said I drove

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Speaker 1: it to the inter of your money. Yes, she took

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Speaker 1: off for an engagement ring. She went and down to

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Speaker 1: be four of Us and went to kings Plaza. Went

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Speaker 1: to kings Plaza, walked in there, tell him she wanted

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Speaker 1: to be an artist, and then she applied to be

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Speaker 1: a part time makeup artist. At the time, I was

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Speaker 1: starting Elite Prototype Athletics and I didn't have any income

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Speaker 1: coming in other than working at Polly Prep as an

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Speaker 1: assistant football coach. And I was making don't laugh, two

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Speaker 1: thousand dollars for the season, living in New York with

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Speaker 1: two investment properties, three car notes, paying for a wedding,

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Speaker 1: our rent for the apartment, and all I had made

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Speaker 1: was two thousand dollars for the entire football season. And

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Speaker 1: I was trying to figure out how I was going

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Speaker 1: to get through the next couple of years of my life.

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Speaker 1: And I knew that Elite Prototype Athletics was the beginning.

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Speaker 1: I and D E P E N D E and

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Speaker 1: D Do you know what that means? It is but

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Speaker 1: every time that song comes on, I always go at

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Speaker 1: that part it so it totally works. If no DJ

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Speaker 1: out there has mixed the two songs, credit us with that,

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Speaker 1: because that really because that was a good one. That

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Speaker 1: was a good one. But we're talking about independent. What

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Speaker 1: does that mean? What does masculinity look like in a

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Speaker 1: woman per se in a man? Is she masculine or

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Speaker 1: is he insecure? That's what we're kind of unraveling today

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Speaker 1: in this episode. So when when men tell a woman

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Speaker 1: that she's too masculine, what exactly does he really mean?

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Speaker 1: And it'll be interesting to hear your perspective on that,

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Speaker 1: and I'll tell you what that means for me too. Well,

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Speaker 1: of course you won't have to pay some bills for us,

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Speaker 1: because neither one of us are independent. Right now, let's

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Speaker 1: me make some money. That's the whole fact. We're gonna

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Speaker 1: pay some bills back to yall with why I told

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Speaker 1: that story, why that song was sung? New Year, New topics?

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Speaker 1: All right, baby, So taking us back to story time, UM,

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Speaker 1: you can impact for us a little bit why you

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Speaker 1: share that story and what it has to do with

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Speaker 1: today's topic. So the reason why I share, the reason

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Speaker 1: why I shared that topic was because there was a

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Speaker 1: moment in my life where I technically was not the breadwinner. Now,

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Speaker 1: the reason why I say technically because I still paid

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Speaker 1: all of the bills. I had a reserve. Um, I

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Speaker 1: was still paying for our wedding. UM. I was still

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Speaker 1: making sure that everything was covered for our investment properties.

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Speaker 1: I had bought one of my anto car. I was

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Speaker 1: paying that cardinal, I was paying Codeine's cardinal. I was

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Speaker 1: paying my car note, and I was helping a lot

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Speaker 1: of people. And I had money in reserve from playing ball.

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Speaker 1: But I was broke. I wasn't poor. And the reason

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Speaker 1: why I say I was broke is because we were

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Speaker 1: living quote unquote paycheck to paycheck. And I picked up

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Speaker 1: some odd jobs here working at a substitute teacher, doing

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Speaker 1: certain things, but I wasn't bringing in consistent amount of money.

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Speaker 1: Codeine went back to work and she started as a

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Speaker 1: part time makeup artist, and she was making consistent amount

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Speaker 1: of money. But the most important thing was she ended

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Speaker 1: up getting health insurance. And I didn't have health insurance.

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Speaker 1: But they don't tell you about the nfl IS. Once

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Speaker 1: you don't make the mandatory minimum games of three years

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Speaker 1: and three games, you do not get health insurance when

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Speaker 1: you are cut from a team. And I got cut

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Speaker 1: from a team, so I didn't have health insurance, which

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Speaker 1: means Codeine didn't have health weren't you shy like one

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Speaker 1: game or something like crazy like that? I was shot

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Speaker 1: three games and I played three years, and I didn't

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Speaker 1: play the remaining three games to get my fourth year

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Speaker 1: so I could be vested veteran. When you're invested veteran,

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Speaker 1: you get the health insurance. And I didn't get the

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Speaker 1: vested veterans, so I don't get the health insurance or

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Speaker 1: the pension. Technicality, yes, and it's part of the business.

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Speaker 1: It is what it is. It's fucked up, but that's

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Speaker 1: the way the business works. But um, the reason why

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Speaker 1: I told the story was because technically I wasn't the breadwinner.

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Speaker 1: Codeine was making money every two weeks and our health

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Speaker 1: insurance was in her name. We were getting married that

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Speaker 1: with that July, so we figured, shoot, the minute she

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Speaker 1: gets married and I'm her husband and she has health insurance,

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Speaker 1: we both have health insurance. So at that moment, Codeine's

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Speaker 1: working was the most important part of our resources coming in.

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Speaker 1: Even though I was paying all the bills. She was

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Speaker 1: tech thinkly the breadwinner. She was making most of the

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Speaker 1: revenue coming in, and for me as a man, it

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Speaker 1: was like, all right, I'm not gonna ask her to

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Speaker 1: pay rent or split it half. I want her to

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Speaker 1: keep that in her reserve so that if I need it,

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Speaker 1: I could say hey, babe, And there were times I

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Speaker 1: was just like, babe, how much money do you have

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Speaker 1: in your account? Because I would be doing, you know,

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Speaker 1: doing my math. This is why can I said, you

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Speaker 1: always remember that the dates. I'm good with numbers, I

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Speaker 1: remember the math. And I was just like, all right,

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Speaker 1: as long as I continue to make these many days

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Speaker 1: with substitute tunique teaching. Shout out to my aunt Monique. Mom.

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Speaker 1: Monique got me a substitute teacher job in Nashwreth Regional

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Speaker 1: High School program getting it was like five six in

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Speaker 1: the morn to teach Jim for summer school. My brother

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Speaker 1: Brian got me a job at Eagle Academy while I

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Speaker 1: was also a substitute teacher there as well in a

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Speaker 1: part time dean so I had. I was keeping a

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Speaker 1: bunch of different jobs, but it wasn't what a man

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Speaker 1: would consider to be making money, even though I was

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Speaker 1: able to pay all the bills and we were living

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Speaker 1: paycheck to paycheck um for all the new listeners. The

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Speaker 1: reason why it was because the economic crash upen in

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Speaker 1: two thousand and eight and I got cut initially from

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Speaker 1: the Lions in two thousand and eight, and they spent

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Speaker 1: the entire season not playing. Then we moved back to Brooklyn.

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Speaker 1: I got signed by the Cleveland Browns, but you don't

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Speaker 1: make any money during the off season, and they end

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Speaker 1: up getting cut before the season started. So the majority

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Speaker 1: of our money had gone into investments, which were the

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Speaker 1: two properties we bought, and the stock market. The stock

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Speaker 1: market had crashed in two thousand and eight and we

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Speaker 1: had lost roughly thirty five percent of everything that we

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Speaker 1: had saved. That was a hot mess. And I think

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Speaker 1: it's important that you say that and you explain that

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Speaker 1: because I think when people, for example, new listeners, people

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Speaker 1: who know our story kind of have an idea, but

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Speaker 1: for newer listeners or people who are just joining us,

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Speaker 1: they don't understand, like, oh, shoot, he played in the NFL,

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Speaker 1: he should have had money, because the expectation is that

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Speaker 1: regardless of how long you've played, or where you've played,

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Speaker 1: what position you've played, what team you've played for, whether

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Speaker 1: you're undrafted or free agent or drafted, that NFL players

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Speaker 1: have made a substantial amount of money where they show, Okay, yeah,

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Speaker 1: but that's not the case. It's not Sam. He gonna

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Speaker 1: uncle Sam too. And and this is important for people

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Speaker 1: to know about uncle Sam as a rookie in two

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Speaker 1: thousand and six, the base was two hundred seventy five k.

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Speaker 1: People think you're going in the film and you automatically

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Speaker 1: make ten million dollars. So I make two hundred seventy

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Speaker 1: five thousand. You make that two hundred seventy five thousand

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Speaker 1: in four months, which is a large amount of money.

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Speaker 1: It's a large amount of checks. But you also get

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Speaker 1: taxed at fifty percent, so that to seventy five immediately

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Speaker 1: goes down to about a hundred and thirty seven thousand,

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Speaker 1: hundred thirty seven thousand dollars. And of that money, I

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Speaker 1: gotta pay my agent, plus I gotta live, So I

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Speaker 1: have a hundred thirty seven thousand dollars. I gotta pay

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Speaker 1: my agent. I have to pay. You know, I've already

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Speaker 1: paid taxes, I bought property. So you don't walk away

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Speaker 1: with millions the minute you play in the NFL. Yeah.

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Speaker 1: So the reason why I wanted to tell that story

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Speaker 1: was because there were moments during that time where I

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Speaker 1: felt like I wasn't the man, you know, I felt

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Speaker 1: like I wasn't holding up my end of the bargain

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Speaker 1: because my wife had to go to work. You know

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Speaker 1: um one thing I always wanted to pride myself on,

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Speaker 1: even as a young man growing up, because I grew

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Speaker 1: up with both my parents and both my parents having

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Speaker 1: to work and me having to take on a lot

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Speaker 1: of the parental role with my brother and sister because

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Speaker 1: my parents were at work. I always said to myself,

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Speaker 1: I don't want my wife to have to work. I

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Speaker 1: don't want to have my children picking up my other

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Speaker 1: children from work, I mean from school and then walking

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Speaker 1: home because I'm at work and my wife's at work.

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Speaker 1: So when I made it to the NFL, it was like, Wow,

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Speaker 1: I have an opportunity to keep my keep. My wife

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Speaker 1: kept although she wants to keep making money. And I

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Speaker 1: wrote a post that said, the greatest thing about having

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Speaker 1: a wife, UM that works hard is when she's kept

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Speaker 1: but she keeps making money. I wanted it to be

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Speaker 1: a choice, and I felt like in that moment, I

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Speaker 1: took your choice away and you had to go work,

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Speaker 1: so I felt like less of a man. But the

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Speaker 1: reason why I wanted to tell a story was not

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Speaker 1: only that part. It was because even though you went

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Speaker 1: to work, you never made me feel like I was

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Speaker 1: less of a man. So what it did was it

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Speaker 1: helped me through that process. You understand what I'm saying.

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Speaker 1: There's so many times we hear of of women beating

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Speaker 1: down men with their words. For example, I play Zach,

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Speaker 1: a character or on the show Sisters, and my first

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Speaker 1: girlfriend was was named Karen. Zach dealt with recidivism. He

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Speaker 1: was in and out of prison, and he couldn't keep

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Speaker 1: a job. And every time he tried to give Karen

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Speaker 1: whatever little mint of money he had, she always made

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Speaker 1: it sure to let him know that this is not enough,

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Speaker 1: and she made him feel like less of a man.

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Speaker 1: I can say right now that I married a black

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Speaker 1: woman who never made me feel like less of a man,

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Speaker 1: and I feel like that part of that was what

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Speaker 1: made me get through that would helped me get through

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Speaker 1: that point in my life, but also makes me want

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Speaker 1: to ask you, why why were you so confident in

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Speaker 1: me during those times? I mean, I've made it to

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Speaker 1: the NFL, I had lost money in the stock market.

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Speaker 1: We had to move from our our dream you know,

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Speaker 1: twenties home when we and the was four bedrooms, five bathrooms,

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Speaker 1: living room, dining room, back to my grandmother's apartment and

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Speaker 1: Crown Heights. Your car got broken into the first night

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Speaker 1: that we stayed there. That was just me not having

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Speaker 1: no kind of awareness, Like I just wasn't reading I

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Speaker 1: wasn't reading the room in that moment. I was reading

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Speaker 1: the streets in that moment, because it's like, girl, like

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Speaker 1: I grew up in the private houses where we pulled

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Speaker 1: it our driveway and it's just like, well, shoot, you know,

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Speaker 1: I'm used to leaving stuff in my car and my driveway. However, baby,

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Speaker 1: it was not the case over and grinds back in

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Speaker 1: two thousands, um. But so to answer your question or

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Speaker 1: to even just to chime in on something that you

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Speaker 1: said that you felt like in that moment you felt

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Speaker 1: so almost emasculated because you felt like, man, I have

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Speaker 1: like my wife has to go to work. I think

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Speaker 1: the overarching topic for me here is the fact that

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Speaker 1: I felt like I always had the choice or the

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Speaker 1: option to be a provider in this relationship. Right, You've

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Speaker 1: always said to me, Kennine, I want to make sure

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Speaker 1: that you say, for example, when we have our children,

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Speaker 1: you may or may not be able to go back

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Speaker 1: to work for health reasons, right, or you may not

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Speaker 1: want to go back to work because together we've decided

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Speaker 1: that we wanted to make sure that there was a

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Speaker 1: parent present with our children for the most part of

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Speaker 1: their lives, right that someone was doing the pickups and

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Speaker 1: the drop off from school, and you know, just being

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Speaker 1: there and being present. So I never at any point

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Speaker 1: felt like, Man, I'm doing this because Devol is just

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Speaker 1: forcing me to do this. Per se, I felt like

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Speaker 1: we have a partnership. I've always respected you as a partner,

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Speaker 1: and you've never you've never gone back on your word.

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Speaker 1: When I look at everything that you've done over the

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Speaker 1: course of your life, from when I came in and

306
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Speaker 1: was introduced to you, like at eighteen years old, seeing

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Speaker 1: you pretty much walk onto Hofstra earn your scholarship, then

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Speaker 1: it's like, shoot, you weren't drafted into the NFL, but

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Speaker 1: then you were a free agent who made your way

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Speaker 1: onto a teacher. Anything that was thrown your way that

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Speaker 1: may have caused some sort of setback in our life

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Speaker 1: was never anything under your control. It was usually something

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Speaker 1: out of your control. So for the NFL, for example,

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Speaker 1: the reason why you ended up retiring was because you

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Speaker 1: felt like these people around me, these higher ups you know,

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Speaker 1: in the office, look at me as a piece to

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Speaker 1: their chess game. And if I don't fit within their

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Speaker 1: their play at that time, then I'm disposable. So anything

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Speaker 1: that ever happened that was a setback for us was

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Speaker 1: never because of a lack of effort from you, lack

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Speaker 1: of ability, lack of potential. It was just the circumstance

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Speaker 1: that you might have been dealt with and you're dealing

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Speaker 1: with in that moment. So I felt comfortable enough to

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Speaker 1: pick up and say, you know what, I know, Deval's

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Speaker 1: got my back either way. This is a partnership. We're

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Speaker 1: doing this together. I've never been dependent solely on you

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Speaker 1: to be the breadwinner or to take care of me.

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Speaker 1: It was always if you were If I take care

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Speaker 1: of you, you can take care of us. So I

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Speaker 1: have a serious question, were there any was there any

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Speaker 1: moment where you felt like, remember we spent three years

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Speaker 1: in the NFL where you didn't you you could have

333
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Speaker 1: slept all day and you'd have been Finn Yeah, spoiled

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00:17:00,520 --> 00:17:03,280
Speaker 1: you with gifts and whole bunch of things. When that

335
00:17:03,320 --> 00:17:06,120
Speaker 1: had ended abruptly, was there any any doubt in your

336
00:17:06,119 --> 00:17:10,399
Speaker 1: mind like, Okay, the ride is over, you know, like

337
00:17:10,440 --> 00:17:13,159
Speaker 1: now it's time to for reality. We're never going to

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00:17:13,240 --> 00:17:14,760
Speaker 1: get back to you but actually hit me like a

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Speaker 1: ton of bricks. I'll be completely honest. I was just like,

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Speaker 1: wait a second, we're a second, so this is what

341
00:17:19,000 --> 00:17:23,400
Speaker 1: we gotta do do now? Um, And when I look

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Speaker 1: back on it now, I really think about in that

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Speaker 1: moment when you decided to retire, it was twofold. For me.

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Speaker 1: One part was like, oh, ship, this is over. And

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Speaker 1: it was difficult, particularly because now we were existing in

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Speaker 1: these spaces of friends, for example, who were still in

347
00:17:37,160 --> 00:17:40,439
Speaker 1: the league, and you know, it was sometimes hard to

348
00:17:40,480 --> 00:17:43,160
Speaker 1: watch that damn like they're able to do this easily,

349
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Speaker 1: that easily, and here we are like really just living

350
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Speaker 1: paycheck to pay check, struggling to make ends, still trying

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Speaker 1: to help people in our family, because while you were

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Speaker 1: in the NFL it was easy to help. But then

353
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Speaker 1: once that disappeared, the people disappeared, the support disappeared, and

354
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Speaker 1: then it was you and I in that apartment, you

355
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Speaker 1: know at that point, planning a wedding and then pregnant.

356
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Speaker 1: Those are the tough times when you have that loneliness

357
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Speaker 1: where nobody else is around to celebrate you in support,

358
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Speaker 1: but we have each other. So in those moments, I

359
00:18:08,880 --> 00:18:11,960
Speaker 1: was like, damn, you know, not only was it an

360
00:18:12,000 --> 00:18:13,919
Speaker 1: awakening that now we're going to have to really like

361
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Speaker 1: start to rebuild, especially after losing all that money in

362
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Speaker 1: the stock market and stuff, but I also feel like

363
00:18:19,000 --> 00:18:21,440
Speaker 1: you never had a chance to really play your full potential.

364
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Speaker 1: So that was another reason why I was like, damn,

365
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Speaker 1: you're really going to retire and just quit. So a

366
00:18:25,560 --> 00:18:27,160
Speaker 1: part of me felt like, damn, are you just really

367
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Speaker 1: quitting at this point? Because I didn't seem like you.

368
00:18:29,800 --> 00:18:31,600
Speaker 1: You were always someone who had a point to prove.

369
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Speaker 1: So I felt like one of the things that work

370
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Speaker 1: out in the NFL and and Canada was on the

371
00:18:35,680 --> 00:18:37,480
Speaker 1: table and you could have potentially played ball in Canada.

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Speaker 1: I was prepared to be a whole Canadian baby. I

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Speaker 1: was about to say one year maternity leave. How did

374
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Speaker 1: you say? Are you gonna go to work? As Canada

375
00:18:51,160 --> 00:18:54,280
Speaker 1: they do. I do remember a moment when I told

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Speaker 1: you I was retiring from football and he was like

377
00:18:56,200 --> 00:18:59,359
Speaker 1: white right. It just was ridiculous to me. You're like

378
00:18:59,800 --> 00:19:03,400
Speaker 1: like really, And I remember to look on your face

379
00:19:03,560 --> 00:19:05,959
Speaker 1: was just like like you said you thought I was quitting,

380
00:19:06,880 --> 00:19:12,399
Speaker 1: And those moments I did. I didn't feel emasculated. I

381
00:19:12,480 --> 00:19:17,720
Speaker 1: felt disappointed in you. But also disappointed in myself. I

382
00:19:17,800 --> 00:19:21,040
Speaker 1: felt disappointed in myself because I also had asked myself,

383
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Speaker 1: am I quitting because they won't let me play when

384
00:19:24,160 --> 00:19:26,720
Speaker 1: I want to play? Or do I really want to

385
00:19:26,760 --> 00:19:28,919
Speaker 1: do something else? And that's that's the confusion, you know,

386
00:19:29,280 --> 00:19:31,680
Speaker 1: when when a lot of people don't realize when you

387
00:19:31,800 --> 00:19:35,080
Speaker 1: when you decided to go into entrepreneurship, a lot of

388
00:19:35,119 --> 00:19:39,000
Speaker 1: times it's am I quitting this job because the job

389
00:19:39,080 --> 00:19:40,960
Speaker 1: won't let me do what I want to do? Or

390
00:19:41,000 --> 00:19:43,359
Speaker 1: do I really want to be my own boss? And

391
00:19:43,400 --> 00:19:45,600
Speaker 1: you go through that mindset. It's like, am I acquitting

392
00:19:45,600 --> 00:19:47,960
Speaker 1: if I quit my job and try do entrepreneurship? Or

393
00:19:48,000 --> 00:19:51,399
Speaker 1: am I brave for taking the leap of faith and

394
00:19:51,440 --> 00:19:54,000
Speaker 1: banking on myself? That's what I felt in the moment.

395
00:19:54,280 --> 00:19:57,240
Speaker 1: And I was disappointed in you because up until that

396
00:19:57,320 --> 00:20:00,679
Speaker 1: point we had always been super supportive of each other, right,

397
00:20:00,960 --> 00:20:03,720
Speaker 1: and then when you questioned me, I was like, does

398
00:20:03,720 --> 00:20:10,000
Speaker 1: she not believe in me? Yeah? But you never emasculated me,

399
00:20:10,200 --> 00:20:12,720
Speaker 1: you know, like you never made me feel like, well,

400
00:20:12,760 --> 00:20:15,399
Speaker 1: now that I gotta go to work, I'm going to

401
00:20:15,560 --> 00:20:17,800
Speaker 1: be the man. I'm going to take the rein Because

402
00:20:17,920 --> 00:20:20,320
Speaker 1: remember when you were going to work. I was. We

403
00:20:20,359 --> 00:20:24,000
Speaker 1: had gotten married, and Codeine had worked for Mac for

404
00:20:24,200 --> 00:20:26,439
Speaker 1: I think two and a half years, and I was

405
00:20:26,520 --> 00:20:28,680
Speaker 1: building the business for about two and a half years.

406
00:20:28,680 --> 00:20:30,400
Speaker 1: But you know what you did that was also very

407
00:20:30,440 --> 00:20:32,800
Speaker 1: integral in that time, which made me feel like I

408
00:20:32,880 --> 00:20:36,280
Speaker 1: could never emasculate this man. When I came home from work,

409
00:20:36,440 --> 00:20:39,040
Speaker 1: if I needed a foot rub, if I needed a BackRub,

410
00:20:39,119 --> 00:20:41,679
Speaker 1: if I needed a bathrand like you made it a

411
00:20:41,720 --> 00:20:44,359
Speaker 1: point to make sure that when I came home that

412
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Speaker 1: I was in a space of comfort. And I think

413
00:20:46,480 --> 00:20:50,159
Speaker 1: any person, man or woman should feel that, you know,

414
00:20:50,240 --> 00:20:52,679
Speaker 1: if you at home, like you know, one person at

415
00:20:52,680 --> 00:20:54,080
Speaker 1: home and the other is not. It made me just

416
00:20:54,119 --> 00:20:56,160
Speaker 1: feel like wow, Like my man may not be out

417
00:20:56,200 --> 00:20:59,320
Speaker 1: there in the workforce in this moment, but he's building something.

418
00:20:59,400 --> 00:21:01,560
Speaker 1: He's taking care of our son, and when I come home,

419
00:21:01,640 --> 00:21:04,480
Speaker 1: I feel like I'm in my space of peace where

420
00:21:04,520 --> 00:21:06,959
Speaker 1: he's taking care of me. And that in itself, as

421
00:21:07,000 --> 00:21:09,040
Speaker 1: a woman, is enough to make me feel like, wow,

422
00:21:09,400 --> 00:21:11,399
Speaker 1: you know, he really really cares, even though in this

423
00:21:11,480 --> 00:21:13,720
Speaker 1: moment the odds may be stacked against him because he's

424
00:21:13,720 --> 00:21:17,040
Speaker 1: approaching something new, But I could see that there was

425
00:21:17,040 --> 00:21:20,360
Speaker 1: a passion in your eye for elite prototype and you're

426
00:21:20,400 --> 00:21:22,200
Speaker 1: gonna build that. Do you know how hard that is

427
00:21:22,600 --> 00:21:26,080
Speaker 1: for women to have a man say listen, I'm an entrepreneur.

428
00:21:26,560 --> 00:21:29,040
Speaker 1: I'm leaving this job. I want to build something else.

429
00:21:29,800 --> 00:21:32,119
Speaker 1: You go out and work, and I got you. I

430
00:21:32,240 --> 00:21:35,879
Speaker 1: hear horror stories, absolutely, and we know people personally who

431
00:21:36,800 --> 00:21:39,960
Speaker 1: husbands have been building careers for a long time and

432
00:21:40,040 --> 00:21:44,800
Speaker 1: it never got nowhere. You know, the babe. To be honest,

433
00:21:44,840 --> 00:21:49,760
Speaker 1: I am my grandfather and my father, I am the

434
00:21:50,080 --> 00:21:53,720
Speaker 1: third iteration of them, Charles and Troy. Yes, Charles, Charles

435
00:21:53,800 --> 00:21:57,639
Speaker 1: and Troy, and my brother is the fourth in very

436
00:21:57,680 --> 00:22:01,399
Speaker 1: true hard working man's. It was worked hard. And I

437
00:22:01,480 --> 00:22:05,000
Speaker 1: remember being a stay at home dad and watching Stephen A.

438
00:22:05,119 --> 00:22:07,080
Speaker 1: Smith at times and me and Jackson sitting there and

439
00:22:07,080 --> 00:22:09,000
Speaker 1: I would put Jackson in his car seat because that's

440
00:22:09,000 --> 00:22:10,760
Speaker 1: what we like to do and un rock him. But

441
00:22:10,960 --> 00:22:15,640
Speaker 1: I'd seriously be at home, not just watching TV. I'd

442
00:22:15,720 --> 00:22:20,159
Speaker 1: be thinking and designing ways for us to not be

443
00:22:20,280 --> 00:22:24,080
Speaker 1: in that situation. And to be honest, that's what kept

444
00:22:24,160 --> 00:22:28,960
Speaker 1: me from feeling depressed was having a vision and a purpose,

445
00:22:29,400 --> 00:22:32,560
Speaker 1: you know, because sometimes you get depressed because I have

446
00:22:32,640 --> 00:22:35,280
Speaker 1: also gone through depression, and I wouldn't say a clinically

447
00:22:35,400 --> 00:22:37,959
Speaker 1: depressed person, but I'm going through those moments of depression.

448
00:22:38,000 --> 00:22:42,080
Speaker 1: I just don't know what's next. That's a human thing.

449
00:22:42,200 --> 00:22:44,320
Speaker 1: I don't know how to get there, get through next,

450
00:22:44,359 --> 00:22:47,040
Speaker 1: but get to what the next chapter is. But I

451
00:22:47,160 --> 00:22:49,280
Speaker 1: never felt like I was less of a man. And

452
00:22:49,359 --> 00:22:51,840
Speaker 1: I never felt like I was with a woman who

453
00:22:52,000 --> 00:22:54,320
Speaker 1: was more masculine because at the time she was working

454
00:22:54,359 --> 00:22:56,440
Speaker 1: and she was and I wasn't. So did you not

455
00:22:56,560 --> 00:22:58,879
Speaker 1: feel less of a man because I didn't make you

456
00:22:58,960 --> 00:23:01,320
Speaker 1: feel that way? Or is it because you just always knew,

457
00:23:01,359 --> 00:23:03,920
Speaker 1: like I have a plan, it's gonna work because I'm

458
00:23:03,920 --> 00:23:05,520
Speaker 1: gonna work for it, so there's no reason for me

459
00:23:05,560 --> 00:23:09,520
Speaker 1: to all honesty, I felt like less of a man

460
00:23:09,640 --> 00:23:11,440
Speaker 1: at times when I was at home and I knew

461
00:23:11,480 --> 00:23:14,399
Speaker 1: you were at work and I was watching the baby,

462
00:23:14,560 --> 00:23:16,440
Speaker 1: and you know the fact that you had to get

463
00:23:16,520 --> 00:23:18,320
Speaker 1: up and go to like go out to work, and

464
00:23:18,359 --> 00:23:20,400
Speaker 1: I was watching Jackson. I felt like less of a man.

465
00:23:20,760 --> 00:23:23,440
Speaker 1: What helped me get through that was you not making

466
00:23:23,480 --> 00:23:25,359
Speaker 1: me feel like less of a man, even though I

467
00:23:25,440 --> 00:23:27,000
Speaker 1: came home and rubbed your feet and did all those

468
00:23:27,080 --> 00:23:29,680
Speaker 1: things you still came home and when didn't needed to

469
00:23:29,720 --> 00:23:31,640
Speaker 1: be made, you made dinner. You know what I'm saying.

470
00:23:31,640 --> 00:23:33,560
Speaker 1: When I actually can I get the sandwich, you still

471
00:23:33,640 --> 00:23:35,119
Speaker 1: you know what I'm saying. You still made like you

472
00:23:35,600 --> 00:23:40,399
Speaker 1: never said all days, so you make your sandwiches. It

473
00:23:40,520 --> 00:23:42,960
Speaker 1: was never in my face. It was it was never

474
00:23:43,040 --> 00:23:45,760
Speaker 1: thrown in my face. And you and I have never

475
00:23:46,800 --> 00:23:48,639
Speaker 1: I can't say never because it was appointment where we

476
00:23:48,720 --> 00:23:53,920
Speaker 1: did both subscribe to gender roles like traditional, but in

477
00:23:54,000 --> 00:23:56,080
Speaker 1: those moments where we needed each other, we always knew

478
00:23:56,119 --> 00:23:58,720
Speaker 1: what the other one needed, so we didn't subscribe to

479
00:23:58,760 --> 00:24:00,879
Speaker 1: those gender roles to a point where it was so toxic.

480
00:24:01,119 --> 00:24:03,240
Speaker 1: You know, we we were of service to each other,

481
00:24:03,320 --> 00:24:06,359
Speaker 1: we weren't of service to our genders. And that's that's

482
00:24:06,359 --> 00:24:11,120
Speaker 1: a good one. Um. I think in those moments, being

483
00:24:11,200 --> 00:24:14,119
Speaker 1: of service to you and not being of service to

484
00:24:14,240 --> 00:24:17,680
Speaker 1: my gender is what made me not feel emasculated because

485
00:24:17,720 --> 00:24:20,280
Speaker 1: I wasn't concerned about my manhood. I was concerned about

486
00:24:20,320 --> 00:24:22,240
Speaker 1: my wife. But think about how much you and I

487
00:24:22,440 --> 00:24:26,080
Speaker 1: are examples or products rather of the examples that we've seen.

488
00:24:26,200 --> 00:24:29,119
Speaker 1: For example, with me, right, I remember spending a lot

489
00:24:29,160 --> 00:24:32,119
Speaker 1: of time with my grandmother my mom's mom right um

490
00:24:32,359 --> 00:24:34,240
Speaker 1: coming home from school taken to be sick. She lived

491
00:24:34,320 --> 00:24:35,880
Speaker 1: right off a conplient at the time, so I would

492
00:24:35,880 --> 00:24:38,080
Speaker 1: get off make stops there, and she used to work

493
00:24:38,200 --> 00:24:42,520
Speaker 1: nights at a hospital. And even though she would work nights,

494
00:24:43,000 --> 00:24:44,960
Speaker 1: sometimes when I would pop in midday and she's taking

495
00:24:45,000 --> 00:24:47,840
Speaker 1: her nap, there's food on the stove. My grandfather would

496
00:24:47,840 --> 00:24:50,000
Speaker 1: be at work during the day, she would make sure

497
00:24:50,040 --> 00:24:52,320
Speaker 1: that dinner was made for him. She would set aside

498
00:24:52,359 --> 00:24:54,760
Speaker 1: his pirates dish to make sure he had his food,

499
00:24:55,280 --> 00:24:57,119
Speaker 1: and everybody else can eat after that. But she just

500
00:24:57,240 --> 00:24:59,720
Speaker 1: made sure regardless of what it was she was out

501
00:24:59,760 --> 00:25:02,040
Speaker 1: there working. He was out there working. Anyone who works

502
00:25:02,040 --> 00:25:04,120
Speaker 1: the night shift knows that that is a treacherous shift

503
00:25:04,160 --> 00:25:07,879
Speaker 1: to work. But she made sure that he was taken

504
00:25:07,920 --> 00:25:11,080
Speaker 1: care of right. And it wasn't a circumstance where he

505
00:25:11,160 --> 00:25:12,879
Speaker 1: didn't have a job in the moment where she didn't.

506
00:25:13,080 --> 00:25:14,840
Speaker 1: But I'm just saying that to say the example that

507
00:25:14,920 --> 00:25:17,560
Speaker 1: I had seen was always that regardless of you're working

508
00:25:17,680 --> 00:25:19,520
Speaker 1: or not, as a woman, you still want to make

509
00:25:19,560 --> 00:25:21,800
Speaker 1: sure that your man is taken care of. I'm glad

510
00:25:21,840 --> 00:25:26,560
Speaker 1: you said that, because there's historical context that people don't

511
00:25:26,640 --> 00:25:29,720
Speaker 1: talk about within the Black community that I think needs

512
00:25:29,760 --> 00:25:33,200
Speaker 1: to be addressed. You know, how we talk about how

513
00:25:33,359 --> 00:25:35,800
Speaker 1: the workforce has changed, and we're gonna get to some

514
00:25:35,880 --> 00:25:38,399
Speaker 1: stats in a minute, how the workforce has changed, and

515
00:25:38,440 --> 00:25:41,359
Speaker 1: the more women work, the more the dynamic and the

516
00:25:41,400 --> 00:25:44,879
Speaker 1: power dynamic between men and women have changed in this country.

517
00:25:46,000 --> 00:25:49,520
Speaker 1: Here's the truth. There has never been a point in

518
00:25:49,960 --> 00:25:54,879
Speaker 1: American history where the majority of black men were working

519
00:25:55,640 --> 00:25:59,280
Speaker 1: and Black women were staying at home moms. Black women

520
00:25:59,560 --> 00:26:03,520
Speaker 1: always stad to work, and this went back to right

521
00:26:03,760 --> 00:26:09,240
Speaker 1: after Reconstruction, when black colds happened, when the vagrancy happened,

522
00:26:09,320 --> 00:26:12,840
Speaker 1: and Black communities were starting to thrive. Black women were

523
00:26:12,920 --> 00:26:15,680
Speaker 1: always thrown into the workforce because that's how we built

524
00:26:15,720 --> 00:26:21,280
Speaker 1: our communities, right. They were always socio economically too. Incomes

525
00:26:21,600 --> 00:26:24,160
Speaker 1: and the black community were needed in order to make

526
00:26:24,200 --> 00:26:27,240
Speaker 1: the black household run. But that never changed. And this

527
00:26:27,320 --> 00:26:30,200
Speaker 1: is what my grandfather told me. That never changed, the

528
00:26:30,760 --> 00:26:35,680
Speaker 1: power dynamic or chivalry. My my grandfather said, I worked

529
00:26:35,720 --> 00:26:39,320
Speaker 1: and your grandmother worked. I never actually grandmother about her money.

530
00:26:39,800 --> 00:26:43,040
Speaker 1: I got my check, my I gave my check to

531
00:26:43,160 --> 00:26:45,840
Speaker 1: your grandmother. She gave me what I could use for

532
00:26:46,080 --> 00:26:48,920
Speaker 1: myself and she used the rest for the house. So

533
00:26:49,040 --> 00:26:52,160
Speaker 1: even though my grandfather was the breadwinner, he never said

534
00:26:52,200 --> 00:26:53,600
Speaker 1: I make the money, I do what I want, and

535
00:26:53,640 --> 00:26:55,760
Speaker 1: I gave you the rest. He gave it to my grandmother,

536
00:26:55,880 --> 00:26:58,960
Speaker 1: and my grandmother allocated all the funds and then gave

537
00:26:59,040 --> 00:27:00,720
Speaker 1: my grandfather this is what over. You can do what

538
00:27:00,800 --> 00:27:03,680
Speaker 1: you want to do with it. And my grandmother always

539
00:27:03,840 --> 00:27:07,480
Speaker 1: cooked for my grandfather even though she worked, So it

540
00:27:07,600 --> 00:27:09,280
Speaker 1: was never a thing where it was like, oh, the

541
00:27:09,359 --> 00:27:12,040
Speaker 1: woman cooks and clean because she doesn't work, and the

542
00:27:12,119 --> 00:27:14,280
Speaker 1: man is chivalrous and he's in charge because he makes

543
00:27:14,320 --> 00:27:17,840
Speaker 1: all the money. In the black household, both people always

544
00:27:17,920 --> 00:27:20,760
Speaker 1: worked and both people were always of service to each other.

545
00:27:21,160 --> 00:27:24,080
Speaker 1: So this idea that the power dynamic in the black

546
00:27:24,119 --> 00:27:27,680
Speaker 1: community has changed because women started working, it's false. That

547
00:27:27,840 --> 00:27:29,960
Speaker 1: was never the case. It might be the case for

548
00:27:30,480 --> 00:27:33,240
Speaker 1: prominent white communities or or white people who have come

549
00:27:33,280 --> 00:27:35,719
Speaker 1: through generational wealth, but in the if you look at

550
00:27:35,720 --> 00:27:40,840
Speaker 1: the show, that help was always but they were married

551
00:27:41,280 --> 00:27:44,520
Speaker 1: and their husband's work, And I feel like that historical

552
00:27:44,640 --> 00:27:48,399
Speaker 1: context has been uh dismissed and also missed in this

553
00:27:48,680 --> 00:27:52,320
Speaker 1: conversation we're having because we're often talking about our black

554
00:27:52,359 --> 00:27:55,800
Speaker 1: women becoming more masculine because they're making more money, as

555
00:27:55,840 --> 00:27:58,119
Speaker 1: if black women didn't always have to make money to

556
00:27:58,200 --> 00:27:59,720
Speaker 1: make the household. You know what it is for me,

557
00:27:59,840 --> 00:28:03,640
Speaker 1: it comes in elimination of team right, because that's ultimately

558
00:28:03,760 --> 00:28:06,760
Speaker 1: what For example, your grandparents were my grandparents. There was

559
00:28:06,800 --> 00:28:11,760
Speaker 1: a team effort, a team spirit, and even though things

560
00:28:11,800 --> 00:28:14,399
Speaker 1: are not the same as they were when our grandparents

561
00:28:14,480 --> 00:28:17,760
Speaker 1: were growing up and raising children, that team element, if

562
00:28:17,800 --> 00:28:20,320
Speaker 1: it's missing, if it's not like a you know, you

563
00:28:20,480 --> 00:28:24,119
Speaker 1: have it now. I never had to worry about finances

564
00:28:24,200 --> 00:28:25,840
Speaker 1: because it was a thing where if you didn't have

565
00:28:25,920 --> 00:28:28,480
Speaker 1: it at that moment, I did, and vice versa. So

566
00:28:28,560 --> 00:28:30,639
Speaker 1: when you eliminate that dynamic, and then you start to

567
00:28:30,720 --> 00:28:33,080
Speaker 1: pit each other against each other and it's just like man,

568
00:28:33,200 --> 00:28:34,720
Speaker 1: like you ain't doing this, you ain't doing that. Or

569
00:28:34,760 --> 00:28:36,960
Speaker 1: there's the independent woman movement where it's just like I

570
00:28:37,000 --> 00:28:39,120
Speaker 1: don't need no man for nothing. Then you have the

571
00:28:39,200 --> 00:28:40,800
Speaker 1: other women that are just like man, I'm about to

572
00:28:40,840 --> 00:28:42,960
Speaker 1: have three or four or five kids, um and and

573
00:28:43,120 --> 00:28:45,880
Speaker 1: and take homeboy for a child support or like you know,

574
00:28:45,960 --> 00:28:49,800
Speaker 1: there's so many different narratives now that are being and

575
00:28:49,920 --> 00:28:52,000
Speaker 1: I'm just like, first of all, who the hell raised y'all?

576
00:28:52,680 --> 00:28:54,920
Speaker 1: The second of all, we're wondering why there's so much,

577
00:28:55,160 --> 00:28:57,960
Speaker 1: so much strife within the black families and the black

578
00:28:58,000 --> 00:29:01,680
Speaker 1: communities now, and it's because I think the team elements

579
00:29:02,120 --> 00:29:04,280
Speaker 1: and that mutual respect for each other and what they

580
00:29:04,360 --> 00:29:06,120
Speaker 1: bring to the table. It's a lot of harping on

581
00:29:06,200 --> 00:29:09,560
Speaker 1: weaknesses and not strengths in this moment. It becomes a

582
00:29:10,080 --> 00:29:13,200
Speaker 1: for me at least now, it's a who's better equipped

583
00:29:13,200 --> 00:29:15,400
Speaker 1: in this moment to deal with something. So it may

584
00:29:15,480 --> 00:29:18,320
Speaker 1: require that hey, KKM, mate didn't tonight, But you know what, Devot,

585
00:29:18,520 --> 00:29:19,920
Speaker 1: he's gonna get on the grill and he's gonna make

586
00:29:19,920 --> 00:29:22,960
Speaker 1: sure everybody you know or shoot. You know, we're down

587
00:29:23,000 --> 00:29:24,840
Speaker 1: to the last pair of draws around the household here.

588
00:29:24,880 --> 00:29:26,560
Speaker 1: Devlot might have to throw a load in with Jackson,

589
00:29:27,120 --> 00:29:29,680
Speaker 1: you know, because that has to be done. Ship the

590
00:29:29,760 --> 00:29:32,080
Speaker 1: car is about to be on, Ekadin, go get some

591
00:29:32,200 --> 00:29:34,960
Speaker 1: gas in the car. You know. It becomes and that's

592
00:29:35,000 --> 00:29:37,160
Speaker 1: when it goes back to team. It goes back to

593
00:29:37,200 --> 00:29:39,000
Speaker 1: team and how we better going to thrive and reach

594
00:29:39,080 --> 00:29:42,240
Speaker 1: these goals together? All right, let's jump into some facts

595
00:29:42,320 --> 00:29:44,840
Speaker 1: and staffs that Trivil has compiled for us, which are

596
00:29:44,920 --> 00:29:46,600
Speaker 1: kind of really interesting. When we looked at them, we

597
00:29:46,720 --> 00:29:51,640
Speaker 1: were like, let's unpack some of this now. Masculinity is

598
00:29:51,720 --> 00:29:55,720
Speaker 1: seen to be the trait that emphasized, which emphasizes ambition,

599
00:29:55,920 --> 00:30:00,080
Speaker 1: acquisition of wealth, and differentiation of gender roles. Femininity is

600
00:30:00,240 --> 00:30:04,360
Speaker 1: considered to be caring and nurturing behaviors, creativity, sexuality, and

601
00:30:04,440 --> 00:30:08,400
Speaker 1: more fluid gender roles. In short, masculinity is more of

602
00:30:08,480 --> 00:30:12,760
Speaker 1: a fixed, rigid perspective while femininity is more flexible. I

603
00:30:12,800 --> 00:30:14,480
Speaker 1: would have to say that that's still the same. And

604
00:30:14,560 --> 00:30:18,960
Speaker 1: this is what trips me out about today's kids. Right.

605
00:30:20,280 --> 00:30:23,240
Speaker 1: Women will say that they want men to be men

606
00:30:23,840 --> 00:30:26,520
Speaker 1: rigid when it's convenient for them. If we're going out

607
00:30:26,560 --> 00:30:29,200
Speaker 1: on the date, pay for my then pull out my chick.

608
00:30:29,560 --> 00:30:31,280
Speaker 1: Be a gentleman. If someone comes in here to fight me,

609
00:30:31,280 --> 00:30:34,440
Speaker 1: you gotta fight them, right. But then at the same time,

610
00:30:34,480 --> 00:30:37,640
Speaker 1: it's just like they want to be able to be fluid,

611
00:30:38,320 --> 00:30:40,760
Speaker 1: right as far as a woman should be able to

612
00:30:40,800 --> 00:30:42,800
Speaker 1: earn when they want to earn, take care of yourselves

613
00:30:42,800 --> 00:30:46,000
Speaker 1: when they want to refuse, to refuse chivalry if they

614
00:30:46,040 --> 00:30:48,760
Speaker 1: don't want chivalry. But it's always on a man to

615
00:30:48,920 --> 00:30:51,600
Speaker 1: be rigid because men have to be men and and

616
00:30:51,680 --> 00:30:53,840
Speaker 1: to me, I think that's where the problem starts. Right,

617
00:30:53,880 --> 00:30:55,840
Speaker 1: if fluidity is going to happen, if it should be

618
00:30:55,880 --> 00:30:58,480
Speaker 1: fluidity through both genders, right, you have to allow a

619
00:30:58,560 --> 00:31:00,560
Speaker 1: man to be able to show his and inside, be

620
00:31:00,680 --> 00:31:03,720
Speaker 1: more vulnerable, be able to speak his feelings and say

621
00:31:03,760 --> 00:31:06,160
Speaker 1: what he wants. But that's not accepted for men. And

622
00:31:06,240 --> 00:31:08,760
Speaker 1: I think that we don't discuss that enough. We're always

623
00:31:08,800 --> 00:31:11,720
Speaker 1: getting on men about being toxic, but don't realize that

624
00:31:11,800 --> 00:31:15,240
Speaker 1: we still have a rigid idea of what masculinity looks like.

625
00:31:15,800 --> 00:31:18,040
Speaker 1: So I think that we need to address that first

626
00:31:18,720 --> 00:31:20,560
Speaker 1: before we move on and say, how are we going

627
00:31:20,640 --> 00:31:22,840
Speaker 1: to address each other? You know, why is it so rigid?

628
00:31:22,960 --> 00:31:25,920
Speaker 1: Why does masculinity have to be so rigid while femininely

629
00:31:25,960 --> 00:31:28,360
Speaker 1: gets to bounce from? And I mean it's a difficult

630
00:31:28,400 --> 00:31:31,080
Speaker 1: space to be into, particularly thinking if you're dating, right,

631
00:31:31,120 --> 00:31:33,160
Speaker 1: you're meeting someone for the first time. You don't necessarily

632
00:31:33,400 --> 00:31:36,080
Speaker 1: come to the table knowing what people's perspective is on

633
00:31:36,760 --> 00:31:40,080
Speaker 1: what these roles look like, right, quote unquote roles. For example,

634
00:31:40,280 --> 00:31:41,960
Speaker 1: this wasn't even somebody that you were dating, but you

635
00:31:42,000 --> 00:31:43,880
Speaker 1: were out. Remember you told the story one time about

636
00:31:44,240 --> 00:31:47,200
Speaker 1: opening the door for someone, and she was so offended

637
00:31:47,200 --> 00:31:48,800
Speaker 1: by the fact that you opened the door for She

638
00:31:48,920 --> 00:31:51,000
Speaker 1: literally said to me, I don't have time for your

639
00:31:51,040 --> 00:31:53,560
Speaker 1: microaggressions right now. Now. The funny thing is I was

640
00:31:53,640 --> 00:31:55,840
Speaker 1: opening the door for everyone because I was the first

641
00:31:55,880 --> 00:31:57,800
Speaker 1: to the to the door, so I was going to

642
00:31:57,920 --> 00:31:59,840
Speaker 1: open the door and hold it for everyone to go.

643
00:32:00,560 --> 00:32:02,880
Speaker 1: She was right behind me, so when I opened the door,

644
00:32:03,600 --> 00:32:05,640
Speaker 1: I guess she got offended because she felt like I

645
00:32:05,920 --> 00:32:08,680
Speaker 1: was saying that I'm opening the door because I'm a

646
00:32:08,760 --> 00:32:10,880
Speaker 1: man and you need the door held open for you.

647
00:32:11,000 --> 00:32:13,920
Speaker 1: This is what she explained to me after, and I said, well,

648
00:32:13,960 --> 00:32:16,120
Speaker 1: I'm just holding the door for everyone who's behind me

649
00:32:16,160 --> 00:32:18,840
Speaker 1: because I'm being polite exactly what I'm saying. But but

650
00:32:19,000 --> 00:32:21,760
Speaker 1: these these are the things that when you you try

651
00:32:21,920 --> 00:32:25,400
Speaker 1: to be of service to your gender as opposed to

652
00:32:25,480 --> 00:32:27,440
Speaker 1: being of service to the person you're with. The getting

653
00:32:27,440 --> 00:32:30,480
Speaker 1: away absolutely absolutely. I just took the boys to the

654
00:32:30,520 --> 00:32:32,520
Speaker 1: movies the other day. All three of us went to

655
00:32:32,560 --> 00:32:34,880
Speaker 1: the movies while you were gone, and I got to

656
00:32:34,960 --> 00:32:37,200
Speaker 1: the movie theater door and I just stood there and

657
00:32:38,040 --> 00:32:39,680
Speaker 1: they all looked at me for a second because we

658
00:32:39,720 --> 00:32:41,280
Speaker 1: hadn't been out a date in a minute, because you know,

659
00:32:41,360 --> 00:32:44,840
Speaker 1: last year was crazy. But I looked around Jackson, yeah exactly,

660
00:32:44,960 --> 00:32:46,720
Speaker 1: and then he was like oh, and he grabbed the door,

661
00:32:46,800 --> 00:32:48,880
Speaker 1: and then Cayro grabbed the second because it was two doors.

662
00:32:49,280 --> 00:32:51,320
Speaker 1: But that's something that we're going to continue to teach

663
00:32:51,320 --> 00:32:53,400
Speaker 1: our sons. I don't think it's something that you know

664
00:32:53,560 --> 00:32:55,959
Speaker 1: it's dead at this point now, because we're still going

665
00:32:56,000 --> 00:32:57,760
Speaker 1: to be continued. We're raising four men, like we want

666
00:32:57,800 --> 00:33:00,800
Speaker 1: to make sure that they know what she is. Absolutely,

667
00:33:00,840 --> 00:33:05,320
Speaker 1: and I think it's a choice, like like, unless your

668
00:33:05,400 --> 00:33:11,320
Speaker 1: masculinity harm someone, then your masculinity is not toxic. If

669
00:33:11,400 --> 00:33:13,240
Speaker 1: my masculinity to means means I'm going to be a

670
00:33:13,280 --> 00:33:15,800
Speaker 1: gentleman and I'm going to be chivalrous to whichever woman.

671
00:33:16,240 --> 00:33:18,840
Speaker 1: If it's my wife, my mom, my sister, my friend,

672
00:33:18,960 --> 00:33:22,600
Speaker 1: my my friend's friend, that's the masculinity I choose, as

673
00:33:22,640 --> 00:33:25,240
Speaker 1: long as it's not harming someone. What I'm tired of

674
00:33:25,840 --> 00:33:30,560
Speaker 1: is masculinity being attacked for being toxic when you're really

675
00:33:30,680 --> 00:33:33,920
Speaker 1: just trying to be a man, and then when you're

676
00:33:33,960 --> 00:33:36,200
Speaker 1: not a man. For example, when a man goes on

677
00:33:36,280 --> 00:33:40,640
Speaker 1: a date and looks and says are we split? And

678
00:33:40,680 --> 00:33:42,320
Speaker 1: then the woman says, oh, I thought you was going

679
00:33:42,360 --> 00:33:44,840
Speaker 1: to be a man. It's like, wait a minute, when

680
00:33:45,000 --> 00:33:47,520
Speaker 1: is my masculinity not toxic? Is it only when you

681
00:33:47,640 --> 00:33:49,960
Speaker 1: don't want it? Or like you know, that's what I'm

682
00:33:50,120 --> 00:33:52,320
Speaker 1: getting tired of, Like I'm I'm I'm over that. Listen.

683
00:33:52,440 --> 00:33:55,040
Speaker 1: I for one, I'm very comfortable. And I don't know

684
00:33:55,080 --> 00:33:57,560
Speaker 1: if it's something that you've empowered me to do or be,

685
00:33:57,800 --> 00:33:59,400
Speaker 1: or if it's something that I've always had in me.

686
00:33:59,800 --> 00:34:02,480
Speaker 1: But I am very comfortable and secure and falling into

687
00:34:02,520 --> 00:34:05,200
Speaker 1: my femininity and letting you be the man because I

688
00:34:05,240 --> 00:34:07,520
Speaker 1: don't want to be the man. I don't want to

689
00:34:07,640 --> 00:34:09,480
Speaker 1: be the man. I don't want to be rigid. I

690
00:34:09,680 --> 00:34:12,360
Speaker 1: want to like I have ebbs and flows, you know

691
00:34:12,360 --> 00:34:14,520
Speaker 1: what I'm saying, as a human and not and and

692
00:34:14,719 --> 00:34:17,080
Speaker 1: as a woman, And I want to choose sometimes when

693
00:34:17,920 --> 00:34:20,879
Speaker 1: and if I want to employ you know that more

694
00:34:21,360 --> 00:34:24,160
Speaker 1: more to quote masculine side or feminine side? Right? Where

695
00:34:24,239 --> 00:34:27,600
Speaker 1: is it required in what circumstance and what arena? That's

696
00:34:27,600 --> 00:34:29,640
Speaker 1: a that's a good question. So it becomes a thing

697
00:34:29,680 --> 00:34:32,600
Speaker 1: where do I need to be more assertive in a

698
00:34:32,680 --> 00:34:35,719
Speaker 1: workspace environment, for example. But then when I come home,

699
00:34:35,800 --> 00:34:37,520
Speaker 1: I know, like, okay, I could just fall into this

700
00:34:37,600 --> 00:34:40,520
Speaker 1: femininity because my man is here to be that for me.

701
00:34:41,200 --> 00:34:44,239
Speaker 1: I enjoy that, like that's something that I crave. And

702
00:34:44,320 --> 00:34:47,080
Speaker 1: when you're not around because you say, baby working or something,

703
00:34:47,160 --> 00:34:48,600
Speaker 1: and I have to take on the role of, like

704
00:34:48,960 --> 00:34:52,080
Speaker 1: you know, being the leader in the household, sometimes that's overwhelmed.

705
00:34:52,080 --> 00:34:53,319
Speaker 1: I'm like, ship I don't want to do is come

706
00:34:53,360 --> 00:34:56,520
Speaker 1: home so I can just go back to being me.

707
00:34:56,719 --> 00:34:59,080
Speaker 1: I'm glad you said that out loud because I was

708
00:34:59,160 --> 00:35:01,040
Speaker 1: having a debate with who are my male friends who

709
00:35:01,080 --> 00:35:04,120
Speaker 1: are dating and they're not they're not married, and it

710
00:35:04,280 --> 00:35:06,160
Speaker 1: was just like, yeah, I'm tired of the whole boss

711
00:35:06,239 --> 00:35:08,839
Speaker 1: bitch movement. And I was just like, what you mean,

712
00:35:09,280 --> 00:35:10,960
Speaker 1: And it was like the whole boss bitch movement, Like

713
00:35:11,040 --> 00:35:13,000
Speaker 1: all these these bitches talking I'm a boss and my

714
00:35:13,040 --> 00:35:14,640
Speaker 1: boss and my boss like they don't listen. And I

715
00:35:14,760 --> 00:35:18,920
Speaker 1: was just like, well, part of that is because you

716
00:35:19,040 --> 00:35:23,880
Speaker 1: probably don't make her feel comfortable being vulnerable in your presence.

717
00:35:24,360 --> 00:35:26,680
Speaker 1: She's still trying to be a boss in your presence

718
00:35:27,200 --> 00:35:29,359
Speaker 1: because and I tell them all the time, I said,

719
00:35:29,560 --> 00:35:32,600
Speaker 1: my wife has employees. I don't want to say employees,

720
00:35:32,640 --> 00:35:34,960
Speaker 1: but she has people that she works with. UM, we

721
00:35:35,080 --> 00:35:36,840
Speaker 1: call them teammates because we all in this, in this

722
00:35:37,000 --> 00:35:39,520
Speaker 1: group that we have here, we don't employ anybody. We

723
00:35:39,600 --> 00:35:43,440
Speaker 1: all partners. But she's a boss when it comes to that.

724
00:35:43,640 --> 00:35:45,799
Speaker 1: When she needs things to get done, she gets it done.

725
00:35:45,880 --> 00:35:48,640
Speaker 1: When she wants things done in the time. If it

726
00:35:48,719 --> 00:35:51,239
Speaker 1: requires her to be rigid and to get a little

727
00:35:51,280 --> 00:35:55,239
Speaker 1: bit loud or to assert her authority, she doesn't mind

728
00:35:55,320 --> 00:35:58,080
Speaker 1: doing that. But she feels comfortable knowing that she doesn't

729
00:35:58,120 --> 00:36:00,400
Speaker 1: have to do that at home. So it's like I

730
00:36:00,480 --> 00:36:03,000
Speaker 1: had to explain to them, like, don't don't get upset

731
00:36:03,040 --> 00:36:06,279
Speaker 1: when you watch a woman display her quote unquote masculinity

732
00:36:06,400 --> 00:36:08,120
Speaker 1: in the workplace and feel like I can never deal

733
00:36:08,200 --> 00:36:10,520
Speaker 1: with that. If you make her feel comfortable at home,

734
00:36:10,600 --> 00:36:12,600
Speaker 1: she doesn't have to do that at home. Is a fact,

735
00:36:12,640 --> 00:36:15,239
Speaker 1: and I think that's the point that a lot of

736
00:36:15,560 --> 00:36:18,239
Speaker 1: men in this situation are missing. And I don't want to.

737
00:36:18,239 --> 00:36:20,759
Speaker 1: I don't want to because these points, these facts are

738
00:36:20,880 --> 00:36:24,200
Speaker 1: very important, but real quick pigback on that. It's like, sir,

739
00:36:25,320 --> 00:36:28,840
Speaker 1: what are you doing within your life or your professional

740
00:36:29,360 --> 00:36:32,719
Speaker 1: you know, career stamp. What are you doing and bringing

741
00:36:32,760 --> 00:36:36,080
Speaker 1: to the table that someone should value you as a

742
00:36:36,120 --> 00:36:37,880
Speaker 1: man and see you as a man. Are you like,

743
00:36:37,960 --> 00:36:40,719
Speaker 1: are you working? You know, do you have a work

744
00:36:41,920 --> 00:36:45,200
Speaker 1: because you were talking about but they both worked, they

745
00:36:45,280 --> 00:36:48,080
Speaker 1: both make over six figures, both doing all right, but

746
00:36:48,239 --> 00:36:51,320
Speaker 1: in their mind they've never they've never been married. So

747
00:36:51,440 --> 00:36:53,879
Speaker 1: in their minds, if they see a woman who makes

748
00:36:53,920 --> 00:36:58,120
Speaker 1: six figures or has a job of a high authority figure,

749
00:36:58,120 --> 00:36:59,719
Speaker 1: they're like, I could never deal with that because she

750
00:37:00,080 --> 00:37:03,600
Speaker 1: bring that home. And I was trying to explain to them, like,

751
00:37:04,080 --> 00:37:07,680
Speaker 1: just because a woman is like that at the workplace

752
00:37:07,760 --> 00:37:09,440
Speaker 1: doesn't mean that they're going to be like that at

753
00:37:09,480 --> 00:37:12,680
Speaker 1: home if you create an environment for them to feel

754
00:37:12,719 --> 00:37:15,600
Speaker 1: comfortable being from absolutely, and women have to be open

755
00:37:15,680 --> 00:37:17,839
Speaker 1: and receptive to saying, you know what, I can leave

756
00:37:17,960 --> 00:37:22,000
Speaker 1: that boss has at the door because when I get home,

757
00:37:22,200 --> 00:37:26,080
Speaker 1: I'm not bossing around my man because I don't need to,

758
00:37:26,239 --> 00:37:29,080
Speaker 1: nor do I want to. I'm okay with falling back

759
00:37:29,160 --> 00:37:32,120
Speaker 1: at home because that's the space that he's created for me.

760
00:37:32,360 --> 00:37:39,279
Speaker 1: And this this maybe misogynistic, but I honestly feel like

761
00:37:40,200 --> 00:37:43,960
Speaker 1: even the bosses of boss women at some point, I

762
00:37:43,960 --> 00:37:46,360
Speaker 1: want to just be taken care of, care of. And

763
00:37:46,400 --> 00:37:48,319
Speaker 1: that don't mean that they want all the bills paid.

764
00:37:48,400 --> 00:37:50,279
Speaker 1: That don't mean that they want all the But at

765
00:37:50,360 --> 00:37:52,279
Speaker 1: some point, it's like, give you the boss all the time,

766
00:37:52,320 --> 00:37:55,399
Speaker 1: because I'm the boss all the time. I'm the boss,

767
00:37:55,520 --> 00:37:57,359
Speaker 1: I run, I run all of our companies, I handle

768
00:37:57,400 --> 00:37:59,440
Speaker 1: all of our finances. Each should I come home, I'm

769
00:37:59,520 --> 00:38:02,360
Speaker 1: the boss. Even me as a man. Sometimes it's just

770
00:38:02,520 --> 00:38:05,520
Speaker 1: like I want to put my brain down and I

771
00:38:05,640 --> 00:38:07,920
Speaker 1: just want to be taken care of. I want my

772
00:38:08,000 --> 00:38:10,080
Speaker 1: wife to say, hey baby, you need this, Hey baby.

773
00:38:10,320 --> 00:38:12,799
Speaker 1: So I could imagine a woman, especially if she's had kids,

774
00:38:13,360 --> 00:38:15,040
Speaker 1: if she's got a lot going on, you know what

775
00:38:15,080 --> 00:38:17,440
Speaker 1: I'm saying, And sometimes you just want to lay back

776
00:38:17,440 --> 00:38:19,920
Speaker 1: and be like, my husband got it, you know what

777
00:38:20,000 --> 00:38:22,640
Speaker 1: I'm saying, And that maybe massages. I don't know what

778
00:38:22,719 --> 00:38:24,320
Speaker 1: this day and age, because seems like people get offended

779
00:38:24,360 --> 00:38:28,799
Speaker 1: by everything. But I honestly feel like most women, at

780
00:38:28,920 --> 00:38:32,600
Speaker 1: some point in the day it's ready for their husband

781
00:38:32,640 --> 00:38:35,680
Speaker 1: or the significant other to say take it, to take

782
00:38:35,760 --> 00:38:39,239
Speaker 1: the wheel. I feel comfortable with you take it. I

783
00:38:39,320 --> 00:38:40,719
Speaker 1: don't just tell me what you want me to do,

784
00:38:40,800 --> 00:38:43,239
Speaker 1: so I can relax my head from that, even if

785
00:38:43,239 --> 00:38:47,439
Speaker 1: they're the CEO of the largest fivendre fortunate fund company. Nope,

786
00:38:47,640 --> 00:38:50,439
Speaker 1: I got you, for sure. But let's let's get into

787
00:38:50,760 --> 00:38:53,120
Speaker 1: some of these staffs. We got some more here. So

788
00:38:53,239 --> 00:38:57,000
Speaker 1: in the nineties sixties, close to percent of men ages

789
00:38:57,560 --> 00:39:00,680
Speaker 1: to forty four we're working or looking for work. Since then,

790
00:39:00,719 --> 00:39:03,640
Speaker 1: there's been a steady decline. In October the number was

791
00:39:03,800 --> 00:39:09,800
Speaker 1: at eighty eight point five. Ye for sure. In nineteen

792
00:39:09,880 --> 00:39:13,520
Speaker 1: seventy nine, only nine, I'm sorry, only of women earned

793
00:39:13,640 --> 00:39:18,120
Speaker 1: more than the average man. Now of women earn more

794
00:39:18,680 --> 00:39:23,280
Speaker 1: than the average Many of us households have a female

795
00:39:23,320 --> 00:39:31,120
Speaker 1: breadwinner quadruple the number if the sixties. That's it's just

796
00:39:31,320 --> 00:39:33,960
Speaker 1: like whoa. But then also to that that that m

797
00:39:34,280 --> 00:39:37,959
Speaker 1: speaks to more opportunities, right, because initially you talked about

798
00:39:37,960 --> 00:39:40,600
Speaker 1: the help right, those were mostly domestic roles that when

799
00:39:40,600 --> 00:39:42,879
Speaker 1: we're taken on, there were nanny's, they were you know, cooked,

800
00:39:42,880 --> 00:39:45,320
Speaker 1: they were help um. But then there it was a

801
00:39:45,360 --> 00:39:48,520
Speaker 1: shift of women now entering the workforce in the corporate level,

802
00:39:48,640 --> 00:39:51,200
Speaker 1: so that naturally was going to spark an increase for sure,

803
00:39:51,760 --> 00:39:55,320
Speaker 1: according to a survey. Bumble, this is important commissioned with

804
00:39:55,560 --> 00:39:59,520
Speaker 1: you Gov. Se of adults surveyed agreed that when it

805
00:39:59,640 --> 00:40:04,600
Speaker 1: comes romantic relationships and dating, different behaviors are expected based

806
00:40:04,640 --> 00:40:08,760
Speaker 1: on your gender identity and are even accepted in dating.

807
00:40:09,080 --> 00:40:12,800
Speaker 1: So this is important right now, they said a surveying bumble,

808
00:40:13,400 --> 00:40:15,360
Speaker 1: I don't know who's on bumble. We don't know what

809
00:40:15,560 --> 00:40:20,080
Speaker 1: part of the population is app okay, and it's also

810
00:40:20,080 --> 00:40:23,120
Speaker 1: like a shampoo or something. What's crazy, I think bumbling

811
00:40:23,160 --> 00:40:26,399
Speaker 1: bumble is. What's crazy to me is that on these

812
00:40:26,480 --> 00:40:30,800
Speaker 1: dating apps, se of those people, which is the vast

813
00:40:30,960 --> 00:40:36,040
Speaker 1: majority of people, believe that each person should fall in

814
00:40:36,239 --> 00:40:41,120
Speaker 1: line with a gender specific identity, right, which means men

815
00:40:41,200 --> 00:40:44,240
Speaker 1: are required to do certain things and women are required

816
00:40:44,280 --> 00:40:48,239
Speaker 1: to do certain things which are traditional gender norms. Right.

817
00:40:48,880 --> 00:40:51,000
Speaker 1: So this is when we get into the conversation of

818
00:40:51,760 --> 00:40:55,200
Speaker 1: our men changing or are women changing, because we've talked

819
00:40:55,200 --> 00:40:59,120
Speaker 1: a lot about women changing over time, but we have

820
00:40:59,320 --> 00:41:03,640
Speaker 1: to also knowledge that men are changing as well. For example,

821
00:41:03,800 --> 00:41:06,680
Speaker 1: there are a lot more men right, probably not in

822
00:41:06,719 --> 00:41:10,600
Speaker 1: this who are saying, yo, shorty, if you invite me

823
00:41:10,719 --> 00:41:15,560
Speaker 1: out to go somewhere, you're gonna pay because you claim

824
00:41:15,640 --> 00:41:18,720
Speaker 1: to be AMA, you claim to be an independent woman.

825
00:41:18,840 --> 00:41:21,160
Speaker 1: You invited me out, How are you going to invite

826
00:41:21,200 --> 00:41:23,680
Speaker 1: me to a dinner of your choice and expect me

827
00:41:23,760 --> 00:41:28,080
Speaker 1: to pay? A lot more men are falling in line

828
00:41:28,120 --> 00:41:31,200
Speaker 1: with that belief, mainly because they're in the workforce and

829
00:41:31,239 --> 00:41:33,680
Speaker 1: then being like, wait a minute, she made more money

830
00:41:33,719 --> 00:41:36,080
Speaker 1: than me too, Why I gotta go to But I

831
00:41:36,160 --> 00:41:40,919
Speaker 1: gotta pay to go to Shade Shade. Josephine's with this state?

832
00:41:42,840 --> 00:41:51,520
Speaker 1: Who show? Come on y'all Josephine five four. But I

833
00:41:51,880 --> 00:41:55,319
Speaker 1: honestly feel like as the world has changed, women are

834
00:41:55,440 --> 00:42:01,040
Speaker 1: the only ones changing. Men have become a lot more

835
00:42:01,920 --> 00:42:05,919
Speaker 1: I don't want to say accepted. They have accepted more

836
00:42:06,440 --> 00:42:10,560
Speaker 1: qualities that were once expected of a woman. You know

837
00:42:10,640 --> 00:42:13,040
Speaker 1: what do you mean? Like household stuff or domestic stuff?

838
00:42:13,280 --> 00:42:16,640
Speaker 1: Just what I'm talking to my boys who are still

839
00:42:16,719 --> 00:42:19,440
Speaker 1: in the workforce, talking to my younger generation Generation Z,

840
00:42:20,320 --> 00:42:23,239
Speaker 1: the younger millennials, and a lot more of these dudes

841
00:42:23,280 --> 00:42:26,920
Speaker 1: is saying, Yo, they work too. They make mad bread

842
00:42:27,080 --> 00:42:30,120
Speaker 1: like they're making money. You invite me out, you're gonna pay.

843
00:42:30,800 --> 00:42:32,279
Speaker 1: You know what I'm saying. If you want me to

844
00:42:32,320 --> 00:42:34,480
Speaker 1: go somewhere, you can pay for maba. If we're gonna

845
00:42:34,880 --> 00:42:37,640
Speaker 1: move in together, you can pay half. In the past,

846
00:42:37,719 --> 00:42:39,759
Speaker 1: it was if we move in together, I got you.

847
00:42:40,520 --> 00:42:41,880
Speaker 1: You know what I'm saying, And a lot of them

848
00:42:41,920 --> 00:42:45,719
Speaker 1: are saying the reason why they're behaving that way is

849
00:42:45,800 --> 00:42:48,600
Speaker 1: because a lot of them get scolded for trying to

850
00:42:48,840 --> 00:42:52,960
Speaker 1: be chivalrous, a lot like I was scolded. And I

851
00:42:53,000 --> 00:42:55,160
Speaker 1: think it may be a younger generational thing. It might

852
00:42:55,239 --> 00:42:56,840
Speaker 1: be because I'm thinking about the women who I know

853
00:42:57,080 --> 00:43:00,440
Speaker 1: who are within maybe my age range take a couple years,

854
00:43:00,800 --> 00:43:05,600
Speaker 1: who would probably be highly offended if they were to say, hey,

855
00:43:05,800 --> 00:43:09,319
Speaker 1: let's go somewhere, let's do something, and then the guy

856
00:43:09,520 --> 00:43:15,680
Speaker 1: expect for them to pay generation you know. So it's like,

857
00:43:15,760 --> 00:43:18,960
Speaker 1: how are we now speaking to the younger generations, Like

858
00:43:19,239 --> 00:43:21,000
Speaker 1: like thinking about our boys, Like I'm trying to think

859
00:43:21,000 --> 00:43:24,400
Speaker 1: about what and how we're going to help them navigate

860
00:43:24,800 --> 00:43:26,920
Speaker 1: what it's going to look like to be on the

861
00:43:27,040 --> 00:43:29,800
Speaker 1: dating scene. Like I don't know what the next generation.

862
00:43:29,920 --> 00:43:31,600
Speaker 1: I mean, based on what we can see so far,

863
00:43:32,040 --> 00:43:35,320
Speaker 1: it's scary out there. I'm not even sure what to

864
00:43:35,560 --> 00:43:38,600
Speaker 1: say to them when it comes to dating well the

865
00:43:38,680 --> 00:43:42,480
Speaker 1: world when the world has changed, and I think it's

866
00:43:42,520 --> 00:43:45,240
Speaker 1: a little bit of insecurity on men, I do because

867
00:43:45,320 --> 00:43:48,160
Speaker 1: the world is changing. When you start to lose grip

868
00:43:48,280 --> 00:43:51,319
Speaker 1: of that power, right in that power where you can

869
00:43:51,400 --> 00:43:53,560
Speaker 1: make a woman do something, or you can expect a

870
00:43:53,600 --> 00:43:56,399
Speaker 1: woman to do something to be just because she's a woman, right,

871
00:43:56,800 --> 00:44:00,680
Speaker 1: it breeds in insecurity because that that typical thing that

872
00:44:00,840 --> 00:44:03,520
Speaker 1: you you do and it would get a certain response

873
00:44:03,719 --> 00:44:06,279
Speaker 1: is no longer there. You know, you flash a little

874
00:44:06,280 --> 00:44:09,640
Speaker 1: money to a chick and they become enamored, no longer

875
00:44:09,680 --> 00:44:12,920
Speaker 1: works anymore because chicks is getting money, you know what

876
00:44:12,960 --> 00:44:15,319
Speaker 1: I'm saying that that is definitely a fact. But there's

877
00:44:15,360 --> 00:44:18,799
Speaker 1: also two sides. If you meet a man who's getting money,

878
00:44:19,640 --> 00:44:22,120
Speaker 1: he may be interested in you, not because you're getting money.

879
00:44:22,760 --> 00:44:24,959
Speaker 1: So as a woman, if you're leading with I'm getting money,

880
00:44:25,040 --> 00:44:27,880
Speaker 1: I got degrees, I don't need no nigga, that's a

881
00:44:27,960 --> 00:44:31,160
Speaker 1: turn off. So yes, it is a little bit of

882
00:44:31,239 --> 00:44:34,759
Speaker 1: insecurity from men. But it is also a very masculine

883
00:44:34,840 --> 00:44:36,680
Speaker 1: thing for a woman to do, to lead with how

884
00:44:36,760 --> 00:44:38,839
Speaker 1: much money she makes and how many degrees she has,

885
00:44:39,080 --> 00:44:41,120
Speaker 1: because what if that man was not interested in in

886
00:44:41,200 --> 00:44:43,960
Speaker 1: that at all. That's very true, you know, and if

887
00:44:44,000 --> 00:44:45,799
Speaker 1: you think about the world back in the day, that's

888
00:44:45,880 --> 00:44:49,880
Speaker 1: what men's go to was, I can provide this for you.

889
00:44:50,160 --> 00:44:53,040
Speaker 1: But you see also too, I think the detriment in

890
00:44:53,200 --> 00:44:57,520
Speaker 1: always equating masculinity, femininity the money is that if you put,

891
00:44:57,680 --> 00:45:00,239
Speaker 1: for example, two people together in a relationship that are

892
00:45:00,320 --> 00:45:05,120
Speaker 1: both you know, a breadwinner pedigree, right, go getters. You know,

893
00:45:05,200 --> 00:45:08,359
Speaker 1: they're working hard, they're always working. They're the boss boss

894
00:45:08,440 --> 00:45:11,080
Speaker 1: man and boss woman, you know, But then what does

895
00:45:11,160 --> 00:45:13,719
Speaker 1: that look like in their relationship? Does it become a

896
00:45:13,920 --> 00:45:16,799
Speaker 1: competitive environment where it's like, okay, who's making more money?

897
00:45:17,320 --> 00:45:19,839
Speaker 1: When someone wants to be able to just sit back

898
00:45:19,880 --> 00:45:22,560
Speaker 1: and say, man, like I just need a breather, you know,

899
00:45:23,000 --> 00:45:24,880
Speaker 1: does the other person just take up or is it

900
00:45:24,960 --> 00:45:27,960
Speaker 1: going to be a constant debate because it's like, man, now,

901
00:45:28,040 --> 00:45:29,680
Speaker 1: if I want someone to just be there, to just

902
00:45:29,840 --> 00:45:31,440
Speaker 1: be my man or be my woman, but they're so

903
00:45:31,560 --> 00:45:34,960
Speaker 1: wrapped up in work, then it doesn't you know, they're

904
00:45:34,960 --> 00:45:36,440
Speaker 1: not gonna jel in that moment. Or if you have

905
00:45:36,480 --> 00:45:38,960
Speaker 1: two people who lack ambition and don't really have the

906
00:45:38,960 --> 00:45:42,719
Speaker 1: breadwinter mentality, then it's just like how does that even work? Too? Well,

907
00:45:42,800 --> 00:45:44,879
Speaker 1: here's the truth. No, one, you don't have to pick

908
00:45:44,960 --> 00:45:48,600
Speaker 1: one style, and that's what I think people need to realize, right, Like,

909
00:45:49,000 --> 00:45:51,480
Speaker 1: this isn't in everything, This isn't even just what men

910
00:45:51,560 --> 00:45:53,920
Speaker 1: and women. This is men dating men, women dating women.

911
00:45:54,200 --> 00:45:57,080
Speaker 1: Your idea of what gender roles look like and what

912
00:45:57,280 --> 00:45:59,759
Speaker 1: people look like in the workforce in relations, and that

913
00:46:00,000 --> 00:46:06,200
Speaker 1: own isn't real, right Like, there's no one's real play.

914
00:46:06,280 --> 00:46:08,759
Speaker 1: It's not. It's just not like you have to find

915
00:46:08,800 --> 00:46:11,080
Speaker 1: what works for you individually, and they have a person

916
00:46:11,160 --> 00:46:14,600
Speaker 1: you will. For example, you know how many men probably

917
00:46:14,640 --> 00:46:18,040
Speaker 1: could never deal with you in your mouth, you know,

918
00:46:18,160 --> 00:46:22,399
Speaker 1: and it's well, I mean this benefits to my mouth.

919
00:46:23,640 --> 00:46:26,200
Speaker 1: They could definitely would love to deal with your mouth.

920
00:46:26,560 --> 00:46:28,440
Speaker 1: They would definitely love to deal with your mother. But

921
00:46:28,880 --> 00:46:31,200
Speaker 1: you nasty. But no, what I'm saying is is that

922
00:46:32,680 --> 00:46:36,480
Speaker 1: there are certain men who are just like I don't

923
00:46:36,480 --> 00:46:38,080
Speaker 1: want a woman that talks back. I want a woman

924
00:46:38,120 --> 00:46:39,960
Speaker 1: that just says yes and do what I say, and

925
00:46:40,040 --> 00:46:42,200
Speaker 1: that's it. They don't want a woman that has a brain.

926
00:46:42,320 --> 00:46:44,920
Speaker 1: They want to like, there's certain men who that's in

927
00:46:45,040 --> 00:46:47,320
Speaker 1: their mind, that's what they want. They want someone that

928
00:46:47,440 --> 00:46:50,319
Speaker 1: they can control the same way there are certain women

929
00:46:50,400 --> 00:46:52,520
Speaker 1: who don't want to have to think and just want

930
00:46:52,560 --> 00:46:55,319
Speaker 1: to be controlled right, of those two people can work

931
00:46:55,360 --> 00:46:58,640
Speaker 1: well together. Right. There are also some men who are like,

932
00:46:59,120 --> 00:47:02,040
Speaker 1: I really enjoy of just being a dad and caring

933
00:47:02,120 --> 00:47:06,040
Speaker 1: for people and nurturing people. And my sole purpose in

934
00:47:06,160 --> 00:47:09,040
Speaker 1: life is not to conquer the world. My sole purpose

935
00:47:09,080 --> 00:47:11,200
Speaker 1: in life is to nurture the children that I bring

936
00:47:11,280 --> 00:47:14,319
Speaker 1: into the world. Right. And then you meet a woman

937
00:47:14,360 --> 00:47:17,360
Speaker 1: who was like, I want to conquer the world, but

938
00:47:17,440 --> 00:47:19,680
Speaker 1: I don't mind having kids. So she has the kids,

939
00:47:19,800 --> 00:47:21,640
Speaker 1: and she gives him the kids, and he nurtures and

940
00:47:21,719 --> 00:47:23,759
Speaker 1: take care of the home. Right. Other people will look

941
00:47:23,800 --> 00:47:25,719
Speaker 1: at them and be like, oh, he's so emasculated, that

942
00:47:25,880 --> 00:47:28,320
Speaker 1: nigga living in his purpose, and so was she. You

943
00:47:28,440 --> 00:47:30,680
Speaker 1: know what, You literally made me think of a couple

944
00:47:31,400 --> 00:47:36,719
Speaker 1: tab and Chance tab and shout out to Chance. The

945
00:47:36,880 --> 00:47:39,520
Speaker 1: chance look emasculated to you at at all? People have

946
00:47:39,719 --> 00:47:42,320
Speaker 1: so much to say when she says she retired her husband,

947
00:47:42,640 --> 00:47:45,839
Speaker 1: and yes you did, sit and congratulations to both of y'all.

948
00:47:47,160 --> 00:47:49,640
Speaker 1: It works for y'all. I don't even think about that. Literally,

949
00:47:49,680 --> 00:47:51,279
Speaker 1: when you said that, and you talked about a man working,

950
00:47:51,440 --> 00:47:53,040
Speaker 1: like wanting to be a stay at home dad and work,

951
00:47:53,200 --> 00:47:55,640
Speaker 1: and not that Chance does. But he wants to focus

952
00:47:55,680 --> 00:47:57,839
Speaker 1: on his family. He's probably taking care of tab, he's

953
00:47:58,160 --> 00:48:01,279
Speaker 1: um with their son's basketball team. He's doing the things

954
00:48:01,360 --> 00:48:03,840
Speaker 1: that makes him feel like, man, I have purpose. But

955
00:48:03,960 --> 00:48:06,239
Speaker 1: also too, they've been together for a very long time,

956
00:48:06,640 --> 00:48:08,520
Speaker 1: and when Tad was trying to you know, make it

957
00:48:08,600 --> 00:48:10,839
Speaker 1: work and trying to make into acted working as super driver,

958
00:48:11,239 --> 00:48:13,000
Speaker 1: he was doing a job that he didn't want to

959
00:48:13,040 --> 00:48:15,879
Speaker 1: do because he knew he had to write. So shout

960
00:48:15,920 --> 00:48:17,959
Speaker 1: out to them for staying the course and for people

961
00:48:17,960 --> 00:48:20,120
Speaker 1: who were in the comments making noise about her retiring

962
00:48:20,160 --> 00:48:23,840
Speaker 1: her husband. Eight business, that's their business. They focused now

963
00:48:24,080 --> 00:48:28,000
Speaker 1: very good, very good, very good, but also too well, Hey,

964
00:48:28,040 --> 00:48:30,239
Speaker 1: that's people minding your business for you. And then and

965
00:48:30,400 --> 00:48:34,439
Speaker 1: be that works for them and then three ABC three

966
00:48:34,680 --> 00:48:39,600
Speaker 1: whatever I forget I and D E P. I have

967
00:48:39,719 --> 00:48:41,480
Speaker 1: to practice that a couple of times. I'm like in

968
00:48:41,520 --> 00:48:43,440
Speaker 1: the car would glow really it sound good until you

969
00:48:43,520 --> 00:48:45,360
Speaker 1: have to say about yourself and carry a U session.

970
00:48:45,640 --> 00:48:47,560
Speaker 1: But I'm just so happy that they were able to

971
00:48:47,880 --> 00:48:50,359
Speaker 1: Now she can say, you know what, Hubby, You've done,

972
00:48:50,640 --> 00:48:52,640
Speaker 1: what you've been doing for so many years. I'm in

973
00:48:52,680 --> 00:48:54,880
Speaker 1: a position where you can now do the things that

974
00:48:55,040 --> 00:48:58,399
Speaker 1: you've wanted to do because I got it for now

975
00:48:58,520 --> 00:49:00,200
Speaker 1: and so many, so many, so much of what they

976
00:49:00,280 --> 00:49:05,600
Speaker 1: do is still joint. So you know, shout out to question. Actually,

977
00:49:05,840 --> 00:49:08,000
Speaker 1: Trouble has a question Trouble. But I'm gonna ask you,

978
00:49:08,719 --> 00:49:10,719
Speaker 1: do you believe that a woman because we're coming off

979
00:49:10,760 --> 00:49:14,440
Speaker 1: of speaking about taving chance and how there relationship and

980
00:49:14,480 --> 00:49:17,080
Speaker 1: it's not even just about finances, Like you can tell

981
00:49:17,120 --> 00:49:19,560
Speaker 1: that they love each other, yes, like you like, you

982
00:49:19,640 --> 00:49:23,319
Speaker 1: can tell you know when people like, but you can

983
00:49:23,360 --> 00:49:26,480
Speaker 1: also tell at what points in life who had to

984
00:49:26,560 --> 00:49:30,200
Speaker 1: take leads? Do you honestly believe that a woman's strength

985
00:49:30,320 --> 00:49:34,719
Speaker 1: diminishes a man's ability to lead? A woman's strength diminishes

986
00:49:34,719 --> 00:49:37,400
Speaker 1: a man's ability. For example, when I said there are

987
00:49:37,400 --> 00:49:39,279
Speaker 1: certain men who wouldn't be able to deal with your mouth.

988
00:49:39,320 --> 00:49:41,239
Speaker 1: The fact that you've got your master's degree, the fact

989
00:49:41,280 --> 00:49:43,040
Speaker 1: that you have ambition, the fact that you have your

990
00:49:43,080 --> 00:49:45,719
Speaker 1: own ideas and thoughts about the way you want to

991
00:49:45,800 --> 00:49:48,920
Speaker 1: do things. Do you think that that diminishes a man's ability.

992
00:49:48,920 --> 00:49:50,879
Speaker 1: I really, I really think it's a case by case

993
00:49:50,960 --> 00:49:52,880
Speaker 1: basis because, like I said, when it comes to you

994
00:49:53,000 --> 00:49:54,800
Speaker 1: and I, which is really all I can speak on,

995
00:49:55,800 --> 00:49:58,200
Speaker 1: I've never in any moment felt like the val was

996
00:49:58,280 --> 00:50:00,160
Speaker 1: just here sitting on his ass waiting for me to

997
00:50:00,239 --> 00:50:02,880
Speaker 1: do everything, and that he was trying to take advantage

998
00:50:02,880 --> 00:50:05,640
Speaker 1: of me or this situation because he did not want to.

999
00:50:06,400 --> 00:50:09,319
Speaker 1: There was always a drive, there was always ambition, There

1000
00:50:09,400 --> 00:50:12,040
Speaker 1: was always that work, There was always that grit that

1001
00:50:12,160 --> 00:50:15,680
Speaker 1: you had to want to do more so me being

1002
00:50:15,719 --> 00:50:18,960
Speaker 1: strong finished, you said I had the ambition. Do you

1003
00:50:19,040 --> 00:50:21,960
Speaker 1: think ambition is a masculine trait or it's just it's

1004
00:50:22,040 --> 00:50:24,479
Speaker 1: just a trait that can be accepted by anyone Because

1005
00:50:24,520 --> 00:50:26,480
Speaker 1: you said you believed in me because as a man,

1006
00:50:27,000 --> 00:50:29,840
Speaker 1: I was ambitious. That spoke to my manhood. Do you

1007
00:50:30,080 --> 00:50:31,520
Speaker 1: do you feel that or do you just feel like

1008
00:50:31,920 --> 00:50:34,560
Speaker 1: ambition can just be gender fluid. I'm not thinking just

1009
00:50:34,680 --> 00:50:37,120
Speaker 1: ambition could be gender fluid, but particularly in a man

1010
00:50:37,280 --> 00:50:39,439
Speaker 1: woman relationship, right because we think it also about saying

1011
00:50:39,440 --> 00:50:41,800
Speaker 1: sex couples, right, So who maybe taking the lead in

1012
00:50:41,880 --> 00:50:44,400
Speaker 1: that moment. I think it's just an attractive thing for

1013
00:50:44,560 --> 00:50:46,799
Speaker 1: a person or a human being to have some sort

1014
00:50:46,840 --> 00:50:50,040
Speaker 1: of drive, some sort of ambition, some sort of purpose

1015
00:50:50,120 --> 00:50:52,480
Speaker 1: when it comes to life, because when you then apply

1016
00:50:52,680 --> 00:50:56,640
Speaker 1: that to something, it becomes potentially a moneymaker. Right, So

1017
00:50:56,760 --> 00:50:58,600
Speaker 1: in that moment, you can be like, all right, baby,

1018
00:50:58,640 --> 00:51:00,200
Speaker 1: if this is something that you really want to do,

1019
00:51:01,160 --> 00:51:03,640
Speaker 1: I may be strong as a woman, but I'm okay

1020
00:51:03,719 --> 00:51:06,759
Speaker 1: with you taking the lead in this moment. I'm okay

1021
00:51:06,840 --> 00:51:09,080
Speaker 1: with that. So no, I don't think a woman's strength

1022
00:51:09,120 --> 00:51:12,120
Speaker 1: should diminish a man's ability to lead. But I also

1023
00:51:12,160 --> 00:51:15,160
Speaker 1: feel like a woman should empower or a partner should

1024
00:51:15,160 --> 00:51:17,880
Speaker 1: empower the other to say, you know what, I know

1025
00:51:18,040 --> 00:51:19,719
Speaker 1: that you've got this, and I'm gonna help support you

1026
00:51:20,040 --> 00:51:21,600
Speaker 1: when you get there. I'm gonna keep it going. I

1027
00:51:21,640 --> 00:51:24,880
Speaker 1: want to hear your perspective. Do you think men have

1028
00:51:25,040 --> 00:51:29,000
Speaker 1: a responsibility to change their perspective as the world tilts

1029
00:51:29,120 --> 00:51:34,440
Speaker 1: more towards flexible gender norms, So specifically, specifically men, men

1030
00:51:34,560 --> 00:51:37,480
Speaker 1: have the responsibility to change as opposed to women changing

1031
00:51:37,560 --> 00:51:41,080
Speaker 1: their ideas about Do you think men have more responsibility? Um?

1032
00:51:41,320 --> 00:51:43,600
Speaker 1: I do think so. I feel like as time progresses,

1033
00:51:43,640 --> 00:51:47,800
Speaker 1: as things change, as the requirements change within a household dynamic.

1034
00:51:48,120 --> 00:51:50,080
Speaker 1: Now you may just have a couple who's married. You

1035
00:51:50,120 --> 00:51:52,440
Speaker 1: may have a couple who have children, who have multiple children,

1036
00:51:52,480 --> 00:51:55,960
Speaker 1: who have other you know, um strains in their their

1037
00:51:56,360 --> 00:51:59,000
Speaker 1: day to day life. I think it definitely requires a

1038
00:51:59,080 --> 00:52:01,440
Speaker 1: man to say, you know what I may have to

1039
00:52:02,080 --> 00:52:04,200
Speaker 1: This is not something traditionally that I may have had

1040
00:52:04,280 --> 00:52:06,480
Speaker 1: to do or I thought i'd have to do, but

1041
00:52:06,960 --> 00:52:09,080
Speaker 1: it's required of me in this moment, in this time,

1042
00:52:09,120 --> 00:52:12,000
Speaker 1: for the betterment of everyone, or the betterment of my

1043
00:52:12,120 --> 00:52:14,440
Speaker 1: spouse or my partner. So I'm going to go ahead

1044
00:52:14,600 --> 00:52:20,320
Speaker 1: and make this change. I think flexibility is necessary. And like,

1045
00:52:20,480 --> 00:52:23,200
Speaker 1: for example, we exist in the patriarchy, right, men have

1046
00:52:23,320 --> 00:52:27,000
Speaker 1: had the control for thousands of years, So of course

1047
00:52:27,600 --> 00:52:29,400
Speaker 1: men are going to have to change their perspective as

1048
00:52:29,480 --> 00:52:33,800
Speaker 1: gender norms change. Absolutely, here's my issue with that. I

1049
00:52:33,880 --> 00:52:38,240
Speaker 1: don't mind changing, but what bothers me is only changing

1050
00:52:38,280 --> 00:52:41,239
Speaker 1: when it's convenient for you. When does When does that

1051
00:52:41,320 --> 00:52:44,520
Speaker 1: become problematic? When when a man is trying to change,

1052
00:52:44,920 --> 00:52:46,640
Speaker 1: So you say I want to be treated as an equal,

1053
00:52:46,680 --> 00:52:48,160
Speaker 1: so he's trying to treat you as equal. But then,

1054
00:52:48,280 --> 00:52:50,399
Speaker 1: but but not that part like, no, you're still gonna

1055
00:52:50,440 --> 00:52:52,319
Speaker 1: pay for everything. You're still gonna pay for the more

1056
00:52:52,640 --> 00:52:54,600
Speaker 1: picking and choosing that you don't like. Yes, So so

1057
00:52:55,200 --> 00:52:59,120
Speaker 1: here's another question. How are women navigating the fact that

1058
00:52:59,200 --> 00:53:01,920
Speaker 1: they want men to change while still saying a man

1059
00:53:02,080 --> 00:53:05,279
Speaker 1: needs to be a man. How can women navigate that

1060
00:53:05,360 --> 00:53:10,440
Speaker 1: as well? Because we're constantly talking about how well, I mean,

1061
00:53:10,480 --> 00:53:12,080
Speaker 1: we all put in the fault on women a lot

1062
00:53:12,160 --> 00:53:13,919
Speaker 1: when we say, you know, the reason why relationships ain't

1063
00:53:13,920 --> 00:53:15,839
Speaker 1: work because women is being too massive, Like we say

1064
00:53:15,880 --> 00:53:18,120
Speaker 1: that all the time. Now we're saying men have the

1065
00:53:18,200 --> 00:53:22,040
Speaker 1: responsibility to change. So I'm agreeing with you because we

1066
00:53:22,120 --> 00:53:25,080
Speaker 1: exist in the patriarchy. In order for ideas to change,

1067
00:53:25,120 --> 00:53:28,000
Speaker 1: in social norms to change, men are going to have

1068
00:53:28,200 --> 00:53:30,279
Speaker 1: to be the ones to say, you know what, guys,

1069
00:53:30,400 --> 00:53:32,319
Speaker 1: this is fucked up the way we throught all these years.

1070
00:53:32,800 --> 00:53:35,640
Speaker 1: Let's change. But how are we going to navigate as

1071
00:53:35,680 --> 00:53:38,719
Speaker 1: a team of men women to say, hey, ladies, we

1072
00:53:38,840 --> 00:53:41,000
Speaker 1: do want the women to change, but we can't just

1073
00:53:41,640 --> 00:53:44,560
Speaker 1: be flaky when we want the patriarchy to exist in

1074
00:53:44,600 --> 00:53:46,800
Speaker 1: our faith, men are going to be receptive to changing,

1075
00:53:46,920 --> 00:53:49,000
Speaker 1: then women to also, like you said, can't be wishy

1076
00:53:49,040 --> 00:53:53,560
Speaker 1: washy about the change. That's fair. It's fair because you

1077
00:53:53,600 --> 00:53:56,080
Speaker 1: cannot pick and choose in that moment. However, too, then

1078
00:53:56,160 --> 00:53:58,600
Speaker 1: it's also being very generalized, right, so it depends on

1079
00:53:58,640 --> 00:54:05,560
Speaker 1: the person generals that yeah, yeah, it can't be women

1080
00:54:05,680 --> 00:54:07,520
Speaker 1: all men at this point. Wh people who listen to

1081
00:54:07,640 --> 00:54:11,399
Speaker 1: podcast understand that we never speak in generalizations. But when

1082
00:54:11,440 --> 00:54:13,920
Speaker 1: you say men and women, we are talking about men

1083
00:54:14,080 --> 00:54:16,880
Speaker 1: and women absolutely, and we're speaking from our our experience

1084
00:54:16,960 --> 00:54:18,480
Speaker 1: or what we've seen or what we've been privy too.

1085
00:54:18,560 --> 00:54:21,560
Speaker 1: But no, you can't pick and choose when it's going

1086
00:54:21,640 --> 00:54:24,160
Speaker 1: to be to your benefit or your detriment per se. Right,

1087
00:54:24,239 --> 00:54:26,239
Speaker 1: But you know what alleviates that most of the time

1088
00:54:26,360 --> 00:54:29,239
Speaker 1: is having conversation with the person that you're in the

1089
00:54:29,320 --> 00:54:33,320
Speaker 1: relationship with and not necessarily listening to the social media

1090
00:54:34,000 --> 00:54:36,879
Speaker 1: loud minority about what can or cannot be accepted within

1091
00:54:37,000 --> 00:54:40,320
Speaker 1: a relationship number one mistake. And if you're new to

1092
00:54:40,400 --> 00:54:43,320
Speaker 1: the podcast, also know that too. You cannot like we like.

1093
00:54:43,440 --> 00:54:46,680
Speaker 1: We're on social media and this is how y'all contact

1094
00:54:46,760 --> 00:54:48,640
Speaker 1: us and see us and has access to us. However,

1095
00:54:49,360 --> 00:54:51,560
Speaker 1: it don't really be a real place. The real places

1096
00:54:51,880 --> 00:54:54,200
Speaker 1: is here in this space between he and I, so

1097
00:54:54,320 --> 00:54:56,600
Speaker 1: between you and your partner, whatever that looks like for y'all,

1098
00:54:56,640 --> 00:54:59,040
Speaker 1: I gotta make sense. The dating space is a whole

1099
00:54:59,040 --> 00:55:03,080
Speaker 1: another beast chap. Like I said, I'm happy I'm not

1100
00:55:03,160 --> 00:55:07,600
Speaker 1: in that space because baby, I think we should take

1101
00:55:07,600 --> 00:55:09,200
Speaker 1: a break now because we still have listening letters. But

1102
00:55:09,239 --> 00:55:11,480
Speaker 1: I do appreciate hearing your perspective because I feel like

1103
00:55:11,960 --> 00:55:15,560
Speaker 1: a lot of the onus has been put on women

1104
00:55:15,840 --> 00:55:18,959
Speaker 1: for they say, the dismantling of the family unit, because

1105
00:55:19,040 --> 00:55:23,279
Speaker 1: women have been crying for freedom, for acceptance, for inclusivity.

1106
00:55:23,320 --> 00:55:25,880
Speaker 1: So all the things that you're crying for is the

1107
00:55:25,920 --> 00:55:28,239
Speaker 1: reason why family is changing. And I do believe that

1108
00:55:28,480 --> 00:55:32,200
Speaker 1: men have to hold a responsibility to help in that change,

1109
00:55:32,280 --> 00:55:34,319
Speaker 1: the same way we constantly as white people to help

1110
00:55:34,360 --> 00:55:37,480
Speaker 1: in the change of racism. We have to help change

1111
00:55:37,680 --> 00:55:41,600
Speaker 1: the sexism and the way the patriarchy has oppressed women

1112
00:55:41,800 --> 00:55:44,560
Speaker 1: for for a time. But we also have to say

1113
00:55:45,719 --> 00:55:48,480
Speaker 1: women have a responsibility to not be flaky when it

1114
00:55:48,520 --> 00:55:51,640
Speaker 1: comes to what changes you want. You understand what I'm saying,

1115
00:55:52,000 --> 00:55:55,359
Speaker 1: especially in the dating space, because a lot of young

1116
00:55:55,480 --> 00:55:58,200
Speaker 1: men and young women I speak to, I get confused

1117
00:55:58,280 --> 00:56:00,000
Speaker 1: listening to them because they don't know what they want.

1118
00:56:00,400 --> 00:56:03,359
Speaker 1: It depends on the day, right and and we'll get

1119
00:56:03,360 --> 00:56:05,160
Speaker 1: to this to the moment of truth. Though. The main

1120
00:56:05,239 --> 00:56:07,239
Speaker 1: point is when you figure out what's good for you,

1121
00:56:07,800 --> 00:56:09,560
Speaker 1: all other ship you to learn in your life don't

1122
00:56:09,560 --> 00:56:12,200
Speaker 1: even matter. I'll learn that ship for real. Keep what

1123
00:56:12,320 --> 00:56:13,840
Speaker 1: you want to keep. So look, we're gonna take a

1124
00:56:13,920 --> 00:56:15,920
Speaker 1: quick break. We're gonna get into these listening letters, and

1125
00:56:15,960 --> 00:56:29,080
Speaker 1: we'll come back after some mats. Sounds good, So, guys,

1126
00:56:29,120 --> 00:56:33,520
Speaker 1: we're back for the first listener letters of Let's dive in.

1127
00:56:34,320 --> 00:56:36,080
Speaker 1: I'm no one going to say this is Case's favorite

1128
00:56:36,080 --> 00:56:38,640
Speaker 1: topic one of the wine. Can see your favorite. I

1129
00:56:38,719 --> 00:56:40,960
Speaker 1: knew that was gonna happen, and because it's mine, and

1130
00:56:41,080 --> 00:56:44,160
Speaker 1: because I'm believing in the advancement of men and women

1131
00:56:44,600 --> 00:56:48,840
Speaker 1: to go first, Well, go ahead, then, gentlemen. First, I

1132
00:56:49,000 --> 00:56:54,440
Speaker 1: like that. I support you for me. Hey, you, guys,

1133
00:56:54,719 --> 00:56:56,919
Speaker 1: I watched your Breakfast Club interview where you talked about

1134
00:56:56,920 --> 00:57:00,919
Speaker 1: your decision devout to have a vasectomy. Damn, I didn't

1135
00:57:00,920 --> 00:57:03,400
Speaker 1: talk about then on the Breakfast Club? Did I know?

1136
00:57:03,680 --> 00:57:05,600
Speaker 1: I didn't. Did we did we mention that it was

1137
00:57:05,640 --> 00:57:08,960
Speaker 1: a possibility. We didn't mention it was a possible. What happened? Yes,

1138
00:57:09,000 --> 00:57:11,160
Speaker 1: it did. Four years ago, my husband told me that

1139
00:57:11,280 --> 00:57:13,800
Speaker 1: he would get one because like cadeem, my body reacts

1140
00:57:13,840 --> 00:57:17,400
Speaker 1: horribly to birth control. The morning of my schedule C section,

1141
00:57:17,640 --> 00:57:19,760
Speaker 1: he decided to change his mind. As a result, I

1142
00:57:19,800 --> 00:57:22,680
Speaker 1: went forward with getting my filopian two is removed. Wow.

1143
00:57:23,280 --> 00:57:25,240
Speaker 1: Since having that surgery, my body has been through so

1144
00:57:25,360 --> 00:57:27,680
Speaker 1: many negative impacts. I find myself hating my husband for

1145
00:57:27,800 --> 00:57:30,919
Speaker 1: not caring or considering enough about me to keep his word.

1146
00:57:31,040 --> 00:57:34,360
Speaker 1: The surgery has pushed me into pre menopause at thirty seven,

1147
00:57:34,400 --> 00:57:36,960
Speaker 1: which affects my libido and body just as much as

1148
00:57:37,040 --> 00:57:39,200
Speaker 1: the birth control. When I don't want to have sex,

1149
00:57:39,240 --> 00:57:42,840
Speaker 1: he becomes frustrated. I have expressed my feelings in about that,

1150
00:57:43,520 --> 00:57:46,600
Speaker 1: about what, why, how, et cetera, But I feel he

1151
00:57:46,680 --> 00:57:49,280
Speaker 1: has chosen not to accept accountability. That's what it sounds

1152
00:57:49,320 --> 00:57:51,560
Speaker 1: like to me. His response is always, you didn't have

1153
00:57:51,720 --> 00:57:54,840
Speaker 1: to Well, okay, we're gonna get to that in a minute.

1154
00:57:55,360 --> 00:57:58,880
Speaker 1: Where my response is, so what happens when I become

1155
00:57:58,920 --> 00:58:01,920
Speaker 1: pregnant again? My body can't handle another high risk pregnancy,

1156
00:58:01,960 --> 00:58:03,800
Speaker 1: which is what Cannina and I went through. So what

1157
00:58:03,960 --> 00:58:06,960
Speaker 1: he responds? He could We could have crossed that bridge

1158
00:58:07,000 --> 00:58:10,600
Speaker 1: when we reached it. I feel very disregarded, and I

1159
00:58:10,720 --> 00:58:14,439
Speaker 1: know I still hold the grudge. If he would even

1160
00:58:14,560 --> 00:58:17,120
Speaker 1: offer since there apology for letting me down, it would

1161
00:58:17,160 --> 00:58:20,000
Speaker 1: help me heal. But he still doesn't see his wrong

1162
00:58:20,120 --> 00:58:24,360
Speaker 1: married twelve years together fifteen. This is the only question

1163
00:58:24,440 --> 00:58:28,400
Speaker 1: I have. Did she decide to have her velopians two

1164
00:58:28,600 --> 00:58:32,600
Speaker 1: tied without him knowing, like going to get her schedule

1165
00:58:32,600 --> 00:58:34,280
Speaker 1: to C section and say, hey, God, while you're in

1166
00:58:34,320 --> 00:58:36,360
Speaker 1: there to take this out. If she did go and

1167
00:58:36,480 --> 00:58:39,280
Speaker 1: do that without discussing it with him, that's not really

1168
00:58:39,400 --> 00:58:41,760
Speaker 1: on him. But if she said while I'm in there,

1169
00:58:41,800 --> 00:58:43,120
Speaker 1: I'm gonna go do it, and he said, go ahead

1170
00:58:43,160 --> 00:58:44,720
Speaker 1: and do it because I'm not getting the first actor me,

1171
00:58:44,800 --> 00:58:47,680
Speaker 1: that's fucked up. I seriously think that's funked up. And

1172
00:58:47,720 --> 00:58:50,600
Speaker 1: I'm gonna tell you why that's fucked up, right. I

1173
00:58:50,720 --> 00:58:53,160
Speaker 1: watched Day for the past twenty years. First start with

1174
00:58:53,240 --> 00:58:56,640
Speaker 1: birth control, um several different kinds, several different kinds. And

1175
00:58:56,680 --> 00:58:59,560
Speaker 1: we're gonna discuss on another episode. Why could had to

1176
00:58:59,600 --> 00:59:01,400
Speaker 1: get on birth control is actually in the book on

1177
00:59:01,480 --> 00:59:04,640
Speaker 1: Way Over Me. But I watched the deal with birth

1178
00:59:04,680 --> 00:59:08,760
Speaker 1: control for twenty years. I watched her go through four

1179
00:59:08,880 --> 00:59:14,960
Speaker 1: pregnancies full term. I watched the deal with uh lacerated servis,

1180
00:59:15,520 --> 00:59:17,360
Speaker 1: almost had to get a blood transfusion, had to get

1181
00:59:17,400 --> 00:59:23,440
Speaker 1: emergency surgery to home births one fast, rapid quick run

1182
00:59:23,520 --> 00:59:28,240
Speaker 1: to the hospital birth and finally postpartum preclampsh. I watched

1183
00:59:28,280 --> 00:59:30,120
Speaker 1: these things. I also watched her have issues with the

1184
00:59:30,200 --> 00:59:34,840
Speaker 1: copper in the latest birth control that we tried. And

1185
00:59:34,920 --> 00:59:36,640
Speaker 1: here is a fun fact that a lot of people

1186
00:59:36,680 --> 00:59:38,800
Speaker 1: don't know. Kadina and I were actually going to try

1187
00:59:38,880 --> 00:59:41,160
Speaker 1: for a fifth child. We were going to try for

1188
00:59:41,280 --> 00:59:44,600
Speaker 1: a fifth and hopefully the girl. But the doctor said

1189
00:59:44,640 --> 00:59:46,600
Speaker 1: that would be an extremely high risk because of the

1190
00:59:46,640 --> 00:59:49,400
Speaker 1: postpartum preclaim sh and more than likely she would have

1191
00:59:49,640 --> 00:59:52,200
Speaker 1: full preclam ship while pregnant, which will put her in

1192
00:59:52,360 --> 00:59:55,680
Speaker 1: extremely high risk. And we decided together that that was

1193
00:59:55,760 --> 00:59:58,960
Speaker 1: not going to happen. After the Copper had started giving

1194
00:59:59,000 --> 01:00:01,360
Speaker 1: her issues because of birth control, I said, enough is enough.

1195
01:00:02,080 --> 01:00:04,720
Speaker 1: I'm getting a vasect. To me, I feel like it's

1196
01:00:04,800 --> 01:00:09,080
Speaker 1: extremely selfish for a man, and it's just my personal beliefs.

1197
01:00:09,720 --> 01:00:12,280
Speaker 1: Extremely selfish for a man to ask a woman to

1198
01:00:12,360 --> 01:00:16,960
Speaker 1: be on birth control for fifteen twenty years, have children

1199
01:00:17,320 --> 01:00:20,560
Speaker 1: go through near death experiences, and then when it's time

1200
01:00:20,640 --> 01:00:24,200
Speaker 1: for you to get a ten minute procedure, say now

1201
01:00:24,240 --> 01:00:28,040
Speaker 1: I'm not doing it. That to me just seems wild selfish.

1202
01:00:29,000 --> 01:00:31,440
Speaker 1: You could say to me that I'm hating I'm not

1203
01:00:31,560 --> 01:00:33,600
Speaker 1: holding up for the men. I just think that's wild

1204
01:00:33,680 --> 01:00:36,680
Speaker 1: fucking corny, bro, because they are women out here who

1205
01:00:36,680 --> 01:00:39,000
Speaker 1: have lost their lives. There are men out here who

1206
01:00:39,040 --> 01:00:41,400
Speaker 1: have lost their wives, and they all say, if I

1207
01:00:41,480 --> 01:00:43,600
Speaker 1: could have done that again so my wife could be here,

1208
01:00:43,640 --> 01:00:45,720
Speaker 1: I would have done it. That's what I was thinking

1209
01:00:45,760 --> 01:00:48,160
Speaker 1: about when I got the vasect to me, and I

1210
01:00:48,240 --> 01:00:51,080
Speaker 1: think it's wild corny. I'm not trying to judge your husband,

1211
01:00:51,120 --> 01:00:53,280
Speaker 1: but I think he's wild corny for that. And I

1212
01:00:53,400 --> 01:00:56,280
Speaker 1: think that y'all too need to have an open, honest discussion.

1213
01:00:56,640 --> 01:00:59,200
Speaker 1: Don't hold the grudge, tell him exactly how you feel

1214
01:00:59,520 --> 01:01:01,840
Speaker 1: and how much an apology would mean to you, and

1215
01:01:01,920 --> 01:01:03,640
Speaker 1: that's the only way you're going to move forward, because

1216
01:01:03,640 --> 01:01:06,160
Speaker 1: I do honestly feel like y'all can move forward from this. Yeah,

1217
01:01:06,160 --> 01:01:07,840
Speaker 1: And it's funny, I learned something new here. I didn't

1218
01:01:07,880 --> 01:01:11,120
Speaker 1: even realize that having the fallopian tubes removed. I know,

1219
01:01:11,280 --> 01:01:12,880
Speaker 1: like if you have a full on his direct to me,

1220
01:01:12,960 --> 01:01:15,000
Speaker 1: like you get rid of like the actual uterus, that

1221
01:01:15,120 --> 01:01:17,160
Speaker 1: it can push you into premnopause and things like that.

1222
01:01:17,240 --> 01:01:19,160
Speaker 1: But I didn't even know that just removing the Philippian

1223
01:01:19,200 --> 01:01:23,720
Speaker 1: tubes alone would cause now some more hormonal changes or

1224
01:01:24,040 --> 01:01:27,240
Speaker 1: hormonal imbalances. So I really do hope that you guys

1225
01:01:27,320 --> 01:01:29,520
Speaker 1: can have a really open, honest conversation and that he

1226
01:01:29,680 --> 01:01:32,360
Speaker 1: can um just open up to the idea of where

1227
01:01:32,440 --> 01:01:34,560
Speaker 1: he may have dropped the ball in this and and

1228
01:01:34,680 --> 01:01:36,560
Speaker 1: have some sort of account of there's no may, there's

1229
01:01:36,560 --> 01:01:40,440
Speaker 1: no may he dropped. Because here's the three You're right.

1230
01:01:40,960 --> 01:01:45,680
Speaker 1: How you say I'm gonna get a sectomy. Nah, I'm

1231
01:01:45,720 --> 01:01:48,040
Speaker 1: not getting a sect me. She takes out her fallopian

1232
01:01:48,080 --> 01:01:50,640
Speaker 1: tubes right because you don't want to get a sectomy. Now,

1233
01:01:50,720 --> 01:01:53,280
Speaker 1: her libido was off, she's not in the mood, and

1234
01:01:53,360 --> 01:01:57,560
Speaker 1: now you're with her because of something you could have controlled. Gentlemen,

1235
01:01:57,600 --> 01:01:59,680
Speaker 1: I'm telling you right now, I had of a sect

1236
01:01:59,720 --> 01:02:07,080
Speaker 1: in me. We've been having sex non stop and codeine

1237
01:02:07,320 --> 01:02:10,440
Speaker 1: hasn't been on the crazy birth control, so her libido

1238
01:02:10,520 --> 01:02:13,880
Speaker 1: has been up, and it's been and you know when

1239
01:02:13,920 --> 01:02:16,760
Speaker 1: I tell you, nothing has changed, my nut ain't watery.

1240
01:02:18,640 --> 01:02:21,960
Speaker 1: That was the biggest concern. The consistency want to be

1241
01:02:22,040 --> 01:02:23,840
Speaker 1: the same exactly because I want you to be grossed

1242
01:02:23,880 --> 01:02:26,560
Speaker 1: out with a change of consistency. But the consistency is

1243
01:02:26,640 --> 01:02:32,680
Speaker 1: the same. Concy on a thousand percent. And here's here's

1244
01:02:32,720 --> 01:02:37,480
Speaker 1: the best part. Codeine has been and so much of

1245
01:02:37,600 --> 01:02:41,160
Speaker 1: service to me because I've done this for her. She says,

1246
01:02:41,200 --> 01:02:43,360
Speaker 1: you did this for me. I say, I did this

1247
01:02:43,480 --> 01:02:45,360
Speaker 1: for us. I had to step my game up. She

1248
01:02:45,560 --> 01:02:49,080
Speaker 1: has been in the gym every single day and it's

1249
01:02:49,120 --> 01:02:51,960
Speaker 1: probably in the best shape she's been in since we

1250
01:02:52,080 --> 01:02:55,200
Speaker 1: got married. It's amazing. What just your body in its

1251
01:02:55,360 --> 01:03:00,400
Speaker 1: natural state, with no additives, no hormonal alteration, no control,

1252
01:03:00,600 --> 01:03:02,840
Speaker 1: like my body in its natural state with none of

1253
01:03:02,960 --> 01:03:07,280
Speaker 1: those impositions, is really making me feel like I have

1254
01:03:07,360 --> 01:03:10,920
Speaker 1: a new lease on life. It just freedom. It just

1255
01:03:11,040 --> 01:03:14,440
Speaker 1: dawned on me that my body has your your body

1256
01:03:14,600 --> 01:03:17,600
Speaker 1: has gotten back to where it was before we got married,

1257
01:03:18,040 --> 01:03:22,000
Speaker 1: but you've gotten almost as small as you were when

1258
01:03:22,040 --> 01:03:26,000
Speaker 1: we first met. That couldn't part be because of the hormones. Absolutely,

1259
01:03:26,360 --> 01:03:28,920
Speaker 1: It never dawned at me until absolutely, Like just a

1260
01:03:28,960 --> 01:03:30,920
Speaker 1: couple of weeks, I'm like, yo, you're losing weight NonStop.

1261
01:03:31,040 --> 01:03:32,360
Speaker 1: But I'm like, this is the first time in your

1262
01:03:32,440 --> 01:03:36,120
Speaker 1: life since two thousand and three where you haven't been

1263
01:03:36,160 --> 01:03:39,880
Speaker 1: pregnant or on birth control or postpartum or prenatal or

1264
01:03:39,960 --> 01:03:42,600
Speaker 1: any of the things, which is amazing because our doctor,

1265
01:03:42,680 --> 01:03:44,480
Speaker 1: my doctor did tell my. My midwife told me that

1266
01:03:44,640 --> 01:03:47,760
Speaker 1: listen for your hormones. To just go back to baseline

1267
01:03:47,880 --> 01:03:50,680
Speaker 1: after having a baby takes nine to twelve months. So

1268
01:03:50,840 --> 01:03:53,240
Speaker 1: even trying to get back after a child and putting

1269
01:03:53,280 --> 01:03:55,840
Speaker 1: that pressure on the snap back within that first year

1270
01:03:56,200 --> 01:03:58,840
Speaker 1: is almost impossible because depending on the woman, it's gonna

1271
01:03:58,880 --> 01:04:00,480
Speaker 1: take some time. It takes time, but then it also

1272
01:04:00,560 --> 01:04:02,880
Speaker 1: takes work because then you can't just rely on that

1273
01:04:03,040 --> 01:04:05,920
Speaker 1: being the excuse. However, for me, I felt like, now

1274
01:04:06,000 --> 01:04:07,760
Speaker 1: that I've read my body of the i U D,

1275
01:04:08,720 --> 01:04:12,040
Speaker 1: I am now taking the medications are no longer a thing.

1276
01:04:12,400 --> 01:04:14,640
Speaker 1: Blood pressure is not an issue for me anymore because

1277
01:04:14,680 --> 01:04:16,600
Speaker 1: I'm very conscious about what I'm putting in my body.

1278
01:04:16,600 --> 01:04:18,800
Speaker 1: I'm taking my supplements, y'all see if you follow me

1279
01:04:18,840 --> 01:04:21,200
Speaker 1: on Instagram my stories, there's certain things that I swear by,

1280
01:04:21,320 --> 01:04:24,400
Speaker 1: my my probiotic, probiotic, you know, all of my different

1281
01:04:24,480 --> 01:04:26,160
Speaker 1: drinks and things that I do, my fast thing. I

1282
01:04:26,240 --> 01:04:28,160
Speaker 1: do certain things now because I feel like I had

1283
01:04:28,200 --> 01:04:31,080
Speaker 1: this new control over my body because this is Cadine

1284
01:04:31,480 --> 01:04:33,800
Speaker 1: and what her natural state, this is what she's supposed

1285
01:04:33,840 --> 01:04:37,480
Speaker 1: to be without a baby without being pregnant. Anything I

1286
01:04:37,560 --> 01:04:40,120
Speaker 1: get my cycle, it comes and goes, and I can

1287
01:04:40,160 --> 01:04:42,360
Speaker 1: be a better service to develop because my body is

1288
01:04:42,560 --> 01:04:50,720
Speaker 1: naturally My body is just naturally become what it's supposed

1289
01:04:50,760 --> 01:04:54,040
Speaker 1: to be for him. And it's been great. You know.

1290
01:04:54,160 --> 01:04:57,240
Speaker 1: It literally just dawned on me sitting here. Why all

1291
01:04:57,320 --> 01:05:00,840
Speaker 1: this stuff has changed? Why even your moved to work out,

1292
01:05:01,360 --> 01:05:03,600
Speaker 1: getting convened to work out consistently has always been a

1293
01:05:03,600 --> 01:05:06,080
Speaker 1: struggle to struggle for me. Now I'll be away and

1294
01:05:06,160 --> 01:05:08,960
Speaker 1: she'll send me videos, just finish my workout, She'll take

1295
01:05:09,040 --> 01:05:13,120
Speaker 1: off ways she puts on and just showing me her

1296
01:05:13,200 --> 01:05:15,240
Speaker 1: And I'm just like, yo, this is the woman that

1297
01:05:15,320 --> 01:05:18,520
Speaker 1: I first met when we were nineteen. But I'm realizing

1298
01:05:18,600 --> 01:05:22,680
Speaker 1: now nineteen you weren't on birth control like mood energy.

1299
01:05:23,000 --> 01:05:26,160
Speaker 1: Oh it's crazy, guys. Yeah, if you've already had children,

1300
01:05:26,200 --> 01:05:28,400
Speaker 1: you don't having children. Getting of executive was probably the

1301
01:05:28,480 --> 01:05:31,600
Speaker 1: best thing for me. Also, it didn't alter you either.

1302
01:05:32,240 --> 01:05:36,640
Speaker 1: It didn't Ultimately, you don't have you as you know,

1303
01:05:37,040 --> 01:05:39,680
Speaker 1: I want to get it on. Yeah, you've always been.

1304
01:05:40,120 --> 01:05:43,200
Speaker 1: It didn't change, Albeto. My concern was my libido and

1305
01:05:43,280 --> 01:05:46,120
Speaker 1: my two stopsterone and that hasn't happened because of everything

1306
01:05:46,200 --> 01:05:49,520
Speaker 1: she's been. I'm getting back to the best shape together.

1307
01:05:49,880 --> 01:05:51,960
Speaker 1: Our sex life has been better, and it's just it's

1308
01:05:52,000 --> 01:05:54,040
Speaker 1: it's also just because we've been focused on each other

1309
01:05:55,120 --> 01:05:59,200
Speaker 1: and not the fear of getting pregnant. Real talk to

1310
01:05:59,320 --> 01:06:02,400
Speaker 1: Field to give me stress changes your changes your love life.

1311
01:06:02,440 --> 01:06:04,200
Speaker 1: It does, it does, all right. I hope you ill

1312
01:06:04,200 --> 01:06:06,160
Speaker 1: can figure it out this but yeah, he needs to

1313
01:06:06,520 --> 01:06:11,120
Speaker 1: come up off that apology for real, alright. Uh. Second one, So,

1314
01:06:11,280 --> 01:06:14,080
Speaker 1: throughout my relationship with my wife, even when we were

1315
01:06:14,120 --> 01:06:16,760
Speaker 1: boyfriend and girlfriend, I've always had a problem with how

1316
01:06:16,880 --> 01:06:19,920
Speaker 1: she handles men that want to shoot their shot with her.

1317
01:06:20,120 --> 01:06:22,200
Speaker 1: I understand that I cannot control what a man says

1318
01:06:22,240 --> 01:06:26,240
Speaker 1: to my wife. She's gorgeous, five pounds with a fat ass,

1319
01:06:26,360 --> 01:06:29,480
Speaker 1: two exclamation points, all right. My problem is that when

1320
01:06:29,560 --> 01:06:32,040
Speaker 1: men make passes at her, she doesn't say, hey, I'm married,

1321
01:06:32,080 --> 01:06:35,080
Speaker 1: stop talking to me like that. I've expressed that I

1322
01:06:35,120 --> 01:06:37,400
Speaker 1: feel disrespected when a man says sexual things to my

1323
01:06:37,520 --> 01:06:40,760
Speaker 1: wife and she doesn't correct it. She says she ignores it.

1324
01:06:41,600 --> 01:06:44,240
Speaker 1: Am I wrong that I want her to just stop?

1325
01:06:44,320 --> 01:06:46,600
Speaker 1: I told her that if they send you hard eyes,

1326
01:06:46,720 --> 01:06:49,560
Speaker 1: that's cool. Can't stop that. But when they say things

1327
01:06:49,600 --> 01:06:52,760
Speaker 1: that are inappropriate, then she should step in and say, hey, stop,

1328
01:06:52,840 --> 01:06:55,520
Speaker 1: I'm married, et cetera. If you If they continue to

1329
01:06:55,600 --> 01:06:58,200
Speaker 1: do it, then I advised her to block them. She says,

1330
01:06:58,240 --> 01:07:02,400
Speaker 1: I'm controlling her. I just want to know my wrong. Well,

1331
01:07:02,480 --> 01:07:04,280
Speaker 1: this seems like it's happening through either like a d

1332
01:07:04,440 --> 01:07:06,720
Speaker 1: M comments. This is like a social media thing here,

1333
01:07:06,760 --> 01:07:09,120
Speaker 1: because I know, for example, with me, if a man

1334
01:07:09,200 --> 01:07:11,000
Speaker 1: tries to make a pass in me or shoot their shot,

1335
01:07:11,400 --> 01:07:13,200
Speaker 1: it's one of those things where I know, for example,

1336
01:07:13,240 --> 01:07:14,920
Speaker 1: if the vow was in that moment there with me,

1337
01:07:15,000 --> 01:07:17,200
Speaker 1: or if he was overseeing it, DEVO would probably be like, well,

1338
01:07:17,240 --> 01:07:18,920
Speaker 1: I would expect this man to want to shoot his

1339
01:07:18,960 --> 01:07:21,160
Speaker 1: shot because he may not know in that moment that

1340
01:07:21,280 --> 01:07:23,240
Speaker 1: she's married. I may or may not have my ring

1341
01:07:23,280 --> 01:07:25,200
Speaker 1: on because I just came from the gym, or I

1342
01:07:25,280 --> 01:07:27,840
Speaker 1: might be by myself somewhere. So it's like, you know

1343
01:07:28,080 --> 01:07:30,320
Speaker 1: enough to know that if you were a man that

1344
01:07:30,560 --> 01:07:32,640
Speaker 1: wasn't married to me, you might want to shoot your shot.

1345
01:07:32,960 --> 01:07:35,360
Speaker 1: And that's not me being at all vain or feeling

1346
01:07:35,400 --> 01:07:40,520
Speaker 1: like but I'll just saying and I expect the same

1347
01:07:40,600 --> 01:07:43,040
Speaker 1: with you like if if you're the public, you don't

1348
01:07:43,080 --> 01:07:46,440
Speaker 1: kind of fatast, I get it. I don't shoot you

1349
01:07:46,440 --> 01:07:48,920
Speaker 1: shot at me. I don't got a fall. But if

1350
01:07:48,960 --> 01:07:50,640
Speaker 1: a woman came up to you and approach and was

1351
01:07:50,720 --> 01:07:52,360
Speaker 1: just like hey, Like even if someone who doesn't even

1352
01:07:52,400 --> 01:07:53,920
Speaker 1: know you, as like Zac on Sistance, it could just

1353
01:07:53,960 --> 01:07:55,920
Speaker 1: be a woman that just comes across and says, man,

1354
01:07:55,960 --> 01:07:57,919
Speaker 1: that's a good looking man, let me shoot my shot.

1355
01:07:57,960 --> 01:07:59,800
Speaker 1: I can't be mad at her. I do feel like

1356
01:08:00,040 --> 01:08:02,600
Speaker 1: do control the situation. Though, So for me, when a

1357
01:08:02,680 --> 01:08:05,440
Speaker 1: man approaches me and shoots his shot, I'll usually make

1358
01:08:05,480 --> 01:08:08,800
Speaker 1: a funny comment like I forgot what it was. I remember.

1359
01:08:08,880 --> 01:08:11,680
Speaker 1: I know them your favorite, your go to, your go to.

1360
01:08:11,920 --> 01:08:13,440
Speaker 1: Whenever a man said, you know, can we spend some

1361
01:08:13,520 --> 01:08:15,320
Speaker 1: time together, you always say sure, I'll just go get

1362
01:08:15,360 --> 01:08:19,679
Speaker 1: my husband and my four sons. And usually they'll they'll

1363
01:08:19,760 --> 01:08:21,479
Speaker 1: be like what you have first of all, to be

1364
01:08:21,560 --> 01:08:24,200
Speaker 1: like you got four kids and four boys? Damn, that's dope.

1365
01:08:24,240 --> 01:08:25,720
Speaker 1: He's a lucky guy. And I'm like, yeah, you know,

1366
01:08:25,800 --> 01:08:27,560
Speaker 1: I'm the lucky one, you know, And it will be

1367
01:08:27,680 --> 01:08:29,759
Speaker 1: that kind of casual conversation. I don't think it requires

1368
01:08:29,840 --> 01:08:32,320
Speaker 1: me to be mean or to be nasty, because I've

1369
01:08:32,320 --> 01:08:35,799
Speaker 1: also heard of instances where women get an adverse reaction

1370
01:08:35,840 --> 01:08:38,360
Speaker 1: from a man and they are borderline disrespectful if you

1371
01:08:38,520 --> 01:08:42,080
Speaker 1: try to, you know, reject them. Growing up in New York,

1372
01:08:42,080 --> 01:08:44,320
Speaker 1: I've seen it plenty of times. If it were me

1373
01:08:44,520 --> 01:08:46,560
Speaker 1: and I'm not around, if it's an imperson thing, I

1374
01:08:46,600 --> 01:08:50,320
Speaker 1: would tell my wife to ignore them or kindly accept

1375
01:08:50,479 --> 01:08:54,320
Speaker 1: the compliment and keep it moving, because even ignoring a

1376
01:08:54,439 --> 01:08:57,280
Speaker 1: certain type of man can lead them to be enraged

1377
01:08:57,439 --> 01:09:00,200
Speaker 1: and try to shoo physical harm or do something. Would

1378
01:09:00,240 --> 01:09:02,320
Speaker 1: never want my wife to engage in that type of

1379
01:09:02,400 --> 01:09:04,760
Speaker 1: back and forth with a man, So for me, I

1380
01:09:04,880 --> 01:09:07,320
Speaker 1: always tell first of all, I don't get insecure about

1381
01:09:07,320 --> 01:09:12,120
Speaker 1: that if if you truly have a hold on your wife,

1382
01:09:12,640 --> 01:09:14,559
Speaker 1: that she is your wife, and y'all love each other

1383
01:09:14,720 --> 01:09:17,240
Speaker 1: infinitely and of a service to each other. There's nothing

1384
01:09:17,320 --> 01:09:19,960
Speaker 1: a man can say that's gonna get your wife to

1385
01:09:20,080 --> 01:09:22,600
Speaker 1: not be your wife. So let him say whatever he

1386
01:09:22,640 --> 01:09:25,080
Speaker 1: want to say, like someone can say whatever you want

1387
01:09:25,120 --> 01:09:28,200
Speaker 1: to say. If you touch my wife's you're dying. But

1388
01:09:28,240 --> 01:09:30,120
Speaker 1: I think his issue here is more so her not

1389
01:09:30,320 --> 01:09:33,640
Speaker 1: than saying, well, not get into the reason why I

1390
01:09:33,680 --> 01:09:35,719
Speaker 1: don't want you to go you know, hey, I'm married,

1391
01:09:35,920 --> 01:09:38,240
Speaker 1: because you don't know what's going to trigger because men

1392
01:09:38,280 --> 01:09:41,760
Speaker 1: out here nuts people. And there was a woman in

1393
01:09:42,040 --> 01:09:44,720
Speaker 1: the airport the other day who walked out on her

1394
01:09:44,760 --> 01:09:46,640
Speaker 1: bill and they addressed her, said, hey, you didn't pay

1395
01:09:46,680 --> 01:09:48,280
Speaker 1: a bill, and she got the fire holes and started

1396
01:09:48,280 --> 01:09:51,639
Speaker 1: shooting the fire holes. And everybody remember, because you don't

1397
01:09:51,640 --> 01:09:54,080
Speaker 1: know what's gonna set somebody off. Right, we just got

1398
01:09:54,080 --> 01:09:57,000
Speaker 1: out of a pandemic. Mental health is real. I'd rather

1399
01:09:57,120 --> 01:10:00,080
Speaker 1: you be kind to everyone you come across and and

1400
01:10:00,920 --> 01:10:03,200
Speaker 1: leave them, leave them with a little bit more happiness

1401
01:10:03,280 --> 01:10:06,120
Speaker 1: than they had just being in your presence. It's also sorry,

1402
01:10:06,880 --> 01:10:08,760
Speaker 1: but but having to say, you know, I'm married like

1403
01:10:08,880 --> 01:10:11,760
Speaker 1: that to me is like shows a little bit of insecurity. Yeah,

1404
01:10:12,040 --> 01:10:14,000
Speaker 1: so you don't got to do that. But also too,

1405
01:10:14,320 --> 01:10:16,680
Speaker 1: if if, for example, the man replies with the hard

1406
01:10:16,720 --> 01:10:19,280
Speaker 1: eyes or whatever and then makes another comment or makes

1407
01:10:19,280 --> 01:10:23,280
Speaker 1: another you know, um advanced at her with something like

1408
01:10:23,360 --> 01:10:25,479
Speaker 1: social media, you can just leave him on scene, Like

1409
01:10:25,600 --> 01:10:28,439
Speaker 1: what I'm saying doesn't require back and forth. She may

1410
01:10:28,600 --> 01:10:30,640
Speaker 1: just like to feel like, well, sh it, okay, you know,

1411
01:10:30,720 --> 01:10:32,560
Speaker 1: I still got it. You know, she might like the

1412
01:10:32,640 --> 01:10:34,959
Speaker 1: attention in the sense. He didn't say that. She responds

1413
01:10:35,040 --> 01:10:40,439
Speaker 1: with anything she says. He says, she doesn't shut it down, right, Yeah,

1414
01:10:40,560 --> 01:10:43,080
Speaker 1: that to me is like non bro. If she's not

1415
01:10:43,240 --> 01:10:45,080
Speaker 1: responding and she's not saying like, thank you so much,

1416
01:10:45,080 --> 01:10:47,519
Speaker 1: I believe if she's not having an ongoing back and

1417
01:10:47,640 --> 01:10:49,240
Speaker 1: forth with these people, then it's like, all right, bro,

1418
01:10:49,439 --> 01:10:53,040
Speaker 1: like insecure much like it a little bit. She's ignoring it.

1419
01:10:53,320 --> 01:10:56,439
Speaker 1: They said, hard eyes. She didn't say nothing. They said

1420
01:10:56,479 --> 01:10:58,080
Speaker 1: something I would like to do so, and so she

1421
01:10:58,160 --> 01:11:01,240
Speaker 1: didn't say nothing. Let them think that it's the computer

1422
01:11:01,360 --> 01:11:04,240
Speaker 1: that person can be in Istanbold, you're worried about the

1423
01:11:04,320 --> 01:11:07,760
Speaker 1: dude leaving comments on your your girl's page on East

1424
01:11:07,800 --> 01:11:09,600
Speaker 1: and eastand bo, no, get out of here, go be

1425
01:11:09,680 --> 01:11:12,040
Speaker 1: a creeman, go jack off to somebody else. But I'm

1426
01:11:12,080 --> 01:11:13,880
Speaker 1: not going to ask my wife to engage those people.

1427
01:11:14,000 --> 01:11:15,719
Speaker 1: That's a fact. That's too much energy to worst people

1428
01:11:15,720 --> 01:11:17,519
Speaker 1: that don't matter. You to see what our dams look like,

1429
01:11:18,280 --> 01:11:20,240
Speaker 1: they're kind of crazy. It should be kind of crazy

1430
01:11:21,640 --> 01:11:23,200
Speaker 1: every now and again when I looked through, I'll be like,

1431
01:11:23,320 --> 01:11:28,240
Speaker 1: whoa you know? And people know we're married, so yeah,

1432
01:11:28,520 --> 01:11:30,840
Speaker 1: it should be crazy and they don't care and something

1433
01:11:31,000 --> 01:11:34,960
Speaker 1: will just be trying. And I get it. Some married

1434
01:11:35,000 --> 01:11:37,519
Speaker 1: couples are into that, So that's a fact. You don't

1435
01:11:37,560 --> 01:11:40,160
Speaker 1: know which married couple is not. Sometimes you shoot your

1436
01:11:40,200 --> 01:11:43,280
Speaker 1: shot what I'm saying, and if you might ignore lucky, yeah,

1437
01:11:43,360 --> 01:11:45,439
Speaker 1: you back up. And if they responding, hey, what's up?

1438
01:11:45,720 --> 01:11:47,519
Speaker 1: You find something you can't be mad at. That was

1439
01:11:47,560 --> 01:11:49,800
Speaker 1: not an invitation for y'all to email Triple Triple. Make

1440
01:11:49,800 --> 01:11:55,520
Speaker 1: sure you look through these emails and pictures please of Genitalia.

1441
01:11:55,960 --> 01:11:58,519
Speaker 1: We are not in that that type of environment. I

1442
01:11:58,600 --> 01:12:00,640
Speaker 1: do not want to share my wife more power if

1443
01:12:00,680 --> 01:12:05,200
Speaker 1: y'all want to. My wife does not want to share. Literally,

1444
01:12:05,680 --> 01:12:08,240
Speaker 1: I watched too many dateline secrets on cover episodes. Listen,

1445
01:12:08,320 --> 01:12:12,000
Speaker 1: I'll tell you all the ins and outs. All right, y'all,

1446
01:12:12,000 --> 01:12:13,200
Speaker 1: If you want to be featured as one of our

1447
01:12:13,240 --> 01:12:15,559
Speaker 1: listening letters, be sure to email us at dead as

1448
01:12:15,560 --> 01:12:17,880
Speaker 1: said advice at gmail dot com. We want to hear

1449
01:12:17,880 --> 01:12:19,880
Speaker 1: from y'all. It's a new year. Thanks for coming back,

1450
01:12:20,360 --> 01:12:22,160
Speaker 1: and keep the questions coming in and keep the stories

1451
01:12:22,200 --> 01:12:24,240
Speaker 1: coming in. Yes, email us at D E A D

1452
01:12:24,800 --> 01:12:28,439
Speaker 1: A D V I C E at gmail dot com.

1453
01:12:28,479 --> 01:12:32,120
Speaker 1: All right, now, time for a moment of truth, as

1454
01:12:32,880 --> 01:12:34,880
Speaker 1: did you not say as D E A D A

1455
01:12:35,280 --> 01:12:37,920
Speaker 1: S S A D V I C E at gmail

1456
01:12:37,960 --> 01:12:44,679
Speaker 1: dot what did you spell dead advice? Listen, no, no, no, baby,

1457
01:12:44,920 --> 01:12:48,120
Speaker 1: the advice is never more alive. Okay, I'm out of hibernation, y'all.

1458
01:12:48,120 --> 01:12:49,560
Speaker 1: I told y'all I was out of commission for a

1459
01:12:49,600 --> 01:12:53,240
Speaker 1: little bit, a bit was tired. But we're back, all right, y'all.

1460
01:12:53,400 --> 01:12:58,080
Speaker 1: Moment at truth time, we're talking about is he too masculine,

1461
01:12:58,560 --> 01:13:01,480
Speaker 1: she too sorry, she too masks healing? Or is he insecure?

1462
01:13:02,000 --> 01:13:03,599
Speaker 1: Maybe what you want to leave them with for that moment.

1463
01:13:03,760 --> 01:13:07,080
Speaker 1: It's very very simple, right, Because we exist in a

1464
01:13:07,160 --> 01:13:10,400
Speaker 1: patriarchy and have existed in a patriarchy, I do agree

1465
01:13:10,479 --> 01:13:13,640
Speaker 1: and feel that men have to carry the ball on

1466
01:13:13,720 --> 01:13:16,439
Speaker 1: this one. Pause and say, you know what the world

1467
01:13:16,560 --> 01:13:19,800
Speaker 1: is changing and everything that is designed to be quote

1468
01:13:19,840 --> 01:13:25,640
Speaker 1: unquote masculine. For example, we talked about wealth building, generating revenue, ambition.

1469
01:13:26,200 --> 01:13:28,680
Speaker 1: It's extremely rigid, and the fact that a woman may

1470
01:13:28,760 --> 01:13:31,720
Speaker 1: have those same type of ambitions doesn't make her more masculine,

1471
01:13:31,920 --> 01:13:34,040
Speaker 1: which doesn't mean you're less of a man. We have

1472
01:13:34,120 --> 01:13:36,000
Speaker 1: to open our minds to realize that there are women

1473
01:13:36,040 --> 01:13:38,120
Speaker 1: out here who can earn just as much or maybe

1474
01:13:38,200 --> 01:13:40,800
Speaker 1: more than you, but still exist in her femininity in

1475
01:13:40,920 --> 01:13:44,200
Speaker 1: your presence if you leave your insecure mindset at home

1476
01:13:44,600 --> 01:13:48,840
Speaker 1: and continuously be masculine in her presence. That was off

1477
01:13:48,880 --> 01:13:54,880
Speaker 1: the top right now. Take all the moments of truth,

1478
01:13:55,720 --> 01:14:00,400
Speaker 1: several moments of truth, um, but I will say as

1479
01:14:00,479 --> 01:14:03,360
Speaker 1: my moment of truth, I think they're ultimately needs to

1480
01:14:03,479 --> 01:14:06,200
Speaker 1: be regardless of if it's a man, if it's a woman,

1481
01:14:06,439 --> 01:14:09,760
Speaker 1: if it's the same sex relationship, whatever it is, the

1482
01:14:09,880 --> 01:14:14,080
Speaker 1: mutual respect that a couple has for each other should

1483
01:14:14,120 --> 01:14:16,400
Speaker 1: really be the overarching topic when it comes to just

1484
01:14:16,920 --> 01:14:19,360
Speaker 1: that idea of who's going to take the lead in

1485
01:14:19,479 --> 01:14:22,240
Speaker 1: the relationship, whether it's the masculine role of the feminine role.

1486
01:14:22,520 --> 01:14:25,960
Speaker 1: I think it's important that you never let your husband

1487
01:14:26,240 --> 01:14:29,120
Speaker 1: or your your partner feel beat down in a moment

1488
01:14:29,240 --> 01:14:32,360
Speaker 1: where life might be lifing and they're having a moment

1489
01:14:32,520 --> 01:14:35,960
Speaker 1: of just depression or just or just a low like

1490
01:14:36,080 --> 01:14:38,040
Speaker 1: the ebbs and flows of life. Should require you to

1491
01:14:38,120 --> 01:14:40,000
Speaker 1: give that person some grace to say, you know what,

1492
01:14:40,560 --> 01:14:42,720
Speaker 1: in this moment, I am in a space to be

1493
01:14:42,760 --> 01:14:45,439
Speaker 1: able to take care of this because it's for the

1494
01:14:45,520 --> 01:14:48,439
Speaker 1: betterment of the greater good of the relationship. So whoever

1495
01:14:48,520 --> 01:14:51,040
Speaker 1: needs to be quote unquote man or woman in the relationship,

1496
01:14:51,160 --> 01:14:56,240
Speaker 1: or masculine or feminine that relationship, be receptive to leaning

1497
01:14:56,320 --> 01:14:58,760
Speaker 1: into what is needed of you. So you're then now

1498
01:14:58,920 --> 01:15:01,640
Speaker 1: using one of your strength rather than focusing on the

1499
01:15:01,720 --> 01:15:05,400
Speaker 1: other's weakness. Yeah. Absolutely, I I agree with you. As

1500
01:15:06,040 --> 01:15:09,599
Speaker 1: I want to add this, there's nothing more masculine than

1501
01:15:09,680 --> 01:15:12,479
Speaker 1: watching your wife go out and earn seven figures and

1502
01:15:12,600 --> 01:15:15,640
Speaker 1: come home and say yes, Daddy, Yes daddy. It's like

1503
01:15:15,760 --> 01:15:17,599
Speaker 1: that z I like them on with this ze. I'm

1504
01:15:17,600 --> 01:15:21,439
Speaker 1: gonna take that from zre Z for Zack Baby, I

1505
01:15:21,479 --> 01:15:24,240
Speaker 1: got zached. We're coming up on our second anniversary here,

1506
01:15:24,520 --> 01:15:28,840
Speaker 1: um at this house, and um definitely got the Zack

1507
01:15:28,880 --> 01:15:33,000
Speaker 1: attack baby. We got called to prove it all right,

1508
01:15:33,080 --> 01:15:35,040
Speaker 1: y'all be sure to follow us on social media if

1509
01:15:35,080 --> 01:15:38,080
Speaker 1: you are not already dead as the podcast, you can

1510
01:15:38,160 --> 01:15:40,679
Speaker 1: find me Cadine I am, and we're also on Patreons.

1511
01:15:40,720 --> 01:15:42,400
Speaker 1: We don't forget to sign up there, that's right, and

1512
01:15:42,439 --> 01:15:45,000
Speaker 1: I am devoted. If you're listening on Apple Podcasts, be

1513
01:15:45,120 --> 01:15:49,679
Speaker 1: sure to rate, review and subscribe. Also on our Patreon page,

1514
01:15:49,720 --> 01:15:53,400
Speaker 1: you can get full dead as episodes. That is a fact. Baby,

1515
01:15:53,479 --> 01:15:55,200
Speaker 1: I know y'all been asking for it. Y'all want to

1516
01:15:55,200 --> 01:15:57,280
Speaker 1: see video, y'all want to see expressions that we're gonna

1517
01:15:57,320 --> 01:15:59,400
Speaker 1: give it to y'all. That's a fact. To go ahead

1518
01:15:59,400 --> 01:16:01,599
Speaker 1: and sign up, now out, and we'll see'll soon. Dead

1519
01:16:01,640 --> 01:16:05,360
Speaker 1: as Dead Ass is a production of I Heart Media

1520
01:16:05,439 --> 01:16:08,839
Speaker 1: podcast Network and is produced by the Noorapinia and Triple

1521
01:16:09,160 --> 01:16:11,680
Speaker 1: Follow the podcast on social media at dead as the

1522
01:16:11,720 --> 01:16:13,240
Speaker 1: Podcasts and never miss a Thing