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Speaker 1: Welcome. You are now listening to the Professional profession. Hey,

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Speaker 1: Professional home Girls is the kid of a name from

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Speaker 1: the PSD podcast, the only place where you would hear

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Speaker 1: interviews from black women an honestly on stories that will

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Speaker 1: enlighten and expand on taboo topics. Now, if you hear

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Speaker 1: someone that sounds familiar, mind the business that pays you child.

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Speaker 1: If you like the PhD podcast, please rate, review and

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Speaker 1: subscribe on Apple Podcasts. Please five star reviews only hold

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Speaker 1: me down, don't hold me up. Merchants now enveloped on

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Speaker 1: the site as well as my book list, so please

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Speaker 1: make sure you visit the link in the show notes below.

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Speaker 1: You can connect with the kid on Instagram at the

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Speaker 1: Professional home Girl and at the PSD podcast. If you

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Speaker 1: are on Twitter, please follow me at the PhD podcast Now.

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Speaker 1: If you are all caught up with episode, listen to

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Speaker 1: the bonus episodes by supporting the PSD podcast Patreon account.

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Speaker 1: To support, please visit www dot patreon dot com. Forward

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Speaker 1: slash the PSD podcast now. Please keep in mind that

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Speaker 1: all of my guests are nonnes So let's again this

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Speaker 1: week's episode. So I am super excited about this week's

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Speaker 1: episode because if y'all are not inspired by this conversation.

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Speaker 1: I don't know what to tell y'all. Our guest is

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Speaker 1: a trauma survivor and internationally recognized trauma informed care expert.

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Speaker 1: Along with being an author and an end An award

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Speaker 1: winning film producer, Our guest travels all over the world

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Speaker 1: providing twols and resources on combating trauma, addiction, incarceerration, homelessness, stuff,

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Speaker 1: since abuse, and mental health. She is out here doing

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Speaker 1: the Lord's work, y'all. So to my guests, how are

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Speaker 1: you doing? Hey? Thanks for having me on. Of course, y'all.

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Speaker 1: This is another guest that I've been working on for

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Speaker 1: over a year and she finally agreed, Yes, I email

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Speaker 1: you all this something like that. Okay, so no, so

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Speaker 1: let me tell you what happens. So hey, guys, uh

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Speaker 1: so I know. So what happens is when people contact me,

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Speaker 1: they usually do it through d M or UM messaging.

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Speaker 1: So I actually have to go look for them, you

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Speaker 1: know what I mean, because for some reason I have

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Speaker 1: to go to like the request that you know, I

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Speaker 1: have to go to request section, the different sections. And

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Speaker 1: so sometimes because people said I sent you, I d

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Speaker 1: M do and I'm like, I didn't get this because

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Speaker 1: I only get the ones that's actually right, so I

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Speaker 1: have to look for the ones that's not so so.

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Speaker 1: But I'm sorry. You don't have to apologize. I know

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Speaker 1: you're busy. I got people that told me they contact

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Speaker 1: me in two thousands eight said two thousand and eight,

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Speaker 1: four years out of person. I don't want no faceing.

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Speaker 1: You know they're lying. What you look for? Some money?

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Speaker 1: How many did I owe you something? Right? Like? I

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Speaker 1: know you want me, but don't lie down because I

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Speaker 1: wasn't even around two thousand and eight eight. I was

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Speaker 1: just four years oh and I was, I mean, I

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Speaker 1: was doing some things, but not like on this level

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Speaker 1: you to me. I needed to be told me you'll

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Speaker 1: have fun. I love talking to I consider you my

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Speaker 1: o G. So I would try my best to make

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Speaker 1: sure I refrain from using a certain language because I

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Speaker 1: want to be respectful unless you unlet you go there?

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Speaker 1: Oh no, are you fine? Please? Tripping about that? Okay?

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Speaker 1: Can you explain what trauma is and how it can

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Speaker 1: show up in one's life? Absolutely? So. Trauma is so

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Speaker 1: when we there's different levels, different types of trauma that

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Speaker 1: people talk about. Um, what I talk about most important

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Speaker 1: is the interpersonal experience of trauma. That is when you personally, UM,

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Speaker 1: your self experienced trauma rather like domestic violence, UM, sexual abuse,

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Speaker 1: shout abuse, you know, when you personally experiencing a trauma

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Speaker 1: physical abuse, verbally abuse and things like that. And then

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Speaker 1: there's the witnessing UH of trauma, which is all you know,

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Speaker 1: witnessing somebody else, like say like you watch your mother

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Speaker 1: being beaten by your father. The domestic violence and the

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Speaker 1: house or even community violence. Of my new film, UM.

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Speaker 1: I just premiered a new film called Walking through Bullets

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Speaker 1: and it's a gang related film, talk about how to

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Speaker 1: community How what happened to um the boys that had

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Speaker 1: been experienced community violence in the men they became And

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Speaker 1: so UM disaster, right, I mean, come on out COVID

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Speaker 1: was that the pandemic that we experienced this trauma? So

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Speaker 1: anything that causes you to be fearful, feeling helpless, you

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Speaker 1: know what I mean? And UM and and and when

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Speaker 1: things happened to you that it's unusual and that is

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Speaker 1: it caused harm to mentally, physically, psychologically, you know. And

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Speaker 1: I'm glad you asked me that, because a lot of

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Speaker 1: people don't ask me that, you know, and I think

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Speaker 1: it's important that we talk about what we mean by

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Speaker 1: trauma because growing up, when somebody talked about trauma, thought

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Speaker 1: it was once somebody got hit by a car came

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Speaker 1: back from war, right right, So, but no, we were

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Speaker 1: talking about the our calmon traumas. Now that's happening in

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Speaker 1: everyday life. And um, so I'm glad you. I talked

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Speaker 1: to experts all over the world and no one really

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Speaker 1: go in with that question, and they should because a

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Speaker 1: lot of times the listeners don't even understand what we

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Speaker 1: mean by trauma. And we talked about trauma form and

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Speaker 1: how to heal from trauma, what trauma because they are

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Speaker 1: so used to these things happening, they're almost like the norm,

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Speaker 1: right right. Um. One of the reasons why I really

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Speaker 1: like your story is because I went through a lot

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Speaker 1: of trauma when I was growing up, and it showed

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Speaker 1: up in my adulthood and I didn't have the language

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Speaker 1: for until my grandmother passed away and I started going

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Speaker 1: to therapy. And if I'm not mistaken, because I just

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Speaker 1: had my therapy session with her today, I think she

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Speaker 1: used a trauma specialist and she explained to me what

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Speaker 1: trauma was and I'm like, oh, that's what I've been

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Speaker 1: experiencing all these years. Absolutely, I'm so glad that you

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Speaker 1: have someone a trauma therapist, because we don't have a

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Speaker 1: lot of them. It's you know, and so we have

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Speaker 1: our traditional therapist that's come on now right east. They're

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Speaker 1: telling you a whole hour of something and then you

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Speaker 1: get you s wiping my car for a hundred and

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Speaker 1: fifty dollars, right, you know. So no, we're really talking

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Speaker 1: about because trauma. Anytime you talk to a trauma therapist one,

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Speaker 1: this is how you know they're really a trauma therapy.

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Speaker 1: They follow your lead, you're not following dance and letting

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Speaker 1: you lead it and let you know, they're masking your

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Speaker 1: emotions and letting you leading it where they're not, you know,

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Speaker 1: leading the questions. And they're kind of letting you talk

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Speaker 1: as you want to talk and about what you want

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Speaker 1: to talk to me and know what I mean. And

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Speaker 1: then they kind of helped shape it for you and

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Speaker 1: and and bring it bring a full circle for you.

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Speaker 1: Why do you think we don't have a lot of

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Speaker 1: trauma therapists much we're not training them a lot of people,

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Speaker 1: so so many people are trained the traditional way of

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Speaker 1: providing services. Mm hmm. So in two thousand and seven,

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Speaker 1: when Sanson started about thought about funding, when they started

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Speaker 1: understanding the impact of trauma and in our public health systems, right, um.

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Speaker 1: Two thousand and eight, they funded the National Center for

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Speaker 1: Trauma from Care. They brought me in as their team leader.

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Speaker 1: The National Center for Trauma and from Care did not

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Speaker 1: was not establishing to tell two thousand and eight. Wow,

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Speaker 1: I was their team leader. I led that team for

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Speaker 1: five years. My job was to take a tear around

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Speaker 1: the country to inform our public health systems about the

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Speaker 1: impact of trauma on the individual and why we need

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Speaker 1: to have different methods of how we treat them. Yeah.

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Speaker 1: So yeah, so that was just a two thousand and

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Speaker 1: eight that's why. Yeah, that was yesterday around a corner. Yeah.

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Speaker 1: Can trauma be mistaken for mentalness orders? I think that

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Speaker 1: our I think that the mental health providers I don't

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Speaker 1: know how to distinguish it because they don't understand the

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Speaker 1: impact of trauma. So let me give your example. For

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Speaker 1: many years they were diagnosing me your bipolar right, Yeah,

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Speaker 1: told my had borderline, this borderline that I didn't what

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Speaker 1: what I had was was exhibiting symptoms of my trauma.

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Speaker 1: I was, I was, you know, responding to my trauma

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Speaker 1: and uh in a way that helped me, which to

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Speaker 1: them was symptoms of a mental health illness because all

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Speaker 1: they do is read the book. They don't understand people

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Speaker 1: and so um people Oh yeah right, but yeah, so

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Speaker 1: I think that they you know, we're beginning to understand

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Speaker 1: that a lot of people that they thought was mentally

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Speaker 1: ill was really not mentally old. They just had trauma,

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Speaker 1: untreated trauma, right, So yeah, so, um, there is a difference.

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Speaker 1: And you know, however, trauma can cause mental health issues

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Speaker 1: of course, Depprussian and all of that. So that's why

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Speaker 1: we are doing We train people on providing trauma and

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Speaker 1: formed care so we can prevent people from that escalation

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Speaker 1: or or the downward spiral, you know, Worward. Do you

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Speaker 1: think eventually there will be more treatment for trauma. Oh yeah, absolutely,

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Speaker 1: you have to be because all the money that's pushed

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Speaker 1: down now from mental So SENSOR is the SNS Abuse

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Speaker 1: and Mental Health Services Administration that is the top government

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Speaker 1: agency that push money down into mental health and some

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Speaker 1: tobies UM facilities and d o J push money down

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Speaker 1: into correction. The o j is understanding the impact of trauma.

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Speaker 1: Senses all way ahead of the game. Aim. Now, so

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Speaker 1: it's time you obtain and maintain funding. Now you're gonna

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Speaker 1: have to be able to have provide some kind of

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Speaker 1: trauma treatment, have some kind of trauma services, right he

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Speaker 1: you know when you made a good point, because now

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Speaker 1: I'm starting to think about all the people that are

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Speaker 1: on medication that didn't even need it. They just needed treatment, right,

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Speaker 1: they just need to be able to. So the only

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Speaker 1: difference between me now in ebony, right, I like ever name,

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Speaker 1: you always got it. We always got to switch it

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Speaker 1: up some time, we're okay for us and so um.

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Speaker 1: So they were giving me thwizing at a van and

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Speaker 1: lithium at the same time. I remember crawling down the

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Speaker 1: in the and I was in the detention center. I

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Speaker 1: was so heavily medicated where I couldn't walk mm hm.

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Speaker 1: And so the only difference between me now and me

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Speaker 1: eighteen years ago my trauma still. I'm still triggered. I

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Speaker 1: still remember my trauma. I just have learned how to

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Speaker 1: um develop healthier tools to deal with it. So what's

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Speaker 1: happening is you got a whole bunch of people trauma unidentified. First,

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Speaker 1: it hasn't been identified, address or treaty. And so if

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Speaker 1: it hasn't been identified, then they don't understand their triggers.

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Speaker 1: If they don't understand their triggers, they don't understand that

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Speaker 1: they need to do something a health their way to

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Speaker 1: deal with it. My unhealthy way of dealing with my

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Speaker 1: trauma was crack, cocaine, alcohol, all the things that went

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Speaker 1: along with that. Right, soh my trauma hasn't gone away.

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Speaker 1: I haven't forgotten anything that happened to me. Haven't gotten

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Speaker 1: the rapes I've been beating, raped so many times I

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Speaker 1: can't even count. I stopped counting them. And so what

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Speaker 1: the difference is now is I have health their tools. Now.

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Speaker 1: I have to be able to be be able to

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Speaker 1: identify my trauma, first address it, and then the tree.

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Speaker 1: My part of treatment was obtaining some tools to help

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Speaker 1: me to deal with it. Just stays self regulated and

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Speaker 1: um and so that's what it is. People are not

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Speaker 1: understanding it. People are not I'm just addressing it, nor

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Speaker 1: are they treating it. And if they did, they were

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Speaker 1: not a lot of would not need a medication. Right

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Speaker 1: before we get to see a story, I just want

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Speaker 1: to let people know that, y'all. She looks good. That

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Speaker 1: skin is glowing. Shep all my own skin, Caroline, So

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Speaker 1: if if my skin didn't glow, something would be wrong.

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Speaker 1: Her teeth on point, like, she looks good, y'all. Like,

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Speaker 1: I just want to throw that out there. She just came,

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Speaker 1: you said that, I have no megaup. I just like

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Speaker 1: I just got the shower from the gam. She didn't

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Speaker 1: want to show me her face. I'm like, come on, now,

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Speaker 1: show me your days. Like she looks good, So you

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Speaker 1: do not look like what you've been through because I

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Speaker 1: read your book, um last night, and I was just like,

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Speaker 1: my guy, like you you've been through a lot, which

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Speaker 1: we would get too later, but it was a yeah, um,

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Speaker 1: do you think people are dey sensitized from trauma because

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Speaker 1: most of us have been through it and survived. Absolutely.

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Speaker 1: It's like now with like school shootings, right, yeah, school

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Speaker 1: shootings happening and we see it in a news Oh

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Speaker 1: my god, that's awf and then that's it, right, that's that,

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Speaker 1: you know, And there's so many school shoots at my

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Speaker 1: day where don't even make the national news anymore, right

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Speaker 1: because you know, so it's like that, yeah, like COVID. Now,

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Speaker 1: what's upon the time you heard somebody get COVID car

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Speaker 1: Now the somebody get COVID, you was like, I never

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Speaker 1: know when, right, right? No, people don't care. And I

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Speaker 1: was telling my my best friend is I'm like, yo,

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Speaker 1: we live in a very ep up society because nobody

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Speaker 1: cared about anything no more. It's like somebody got shot.

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Speaker 1: When people get shot every day, it's just like no,

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Speaker 1: it's you know, it's really it's we're living in some

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Speaker 1: very dark times, you know. Um. And the fact we

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Speaker 1: can just go on with our lives. Like we watched

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Speaker 1: New York City have trucks freezers outside to put all

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Speaker 1: the dead bodies, and that was dying from and it

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Speaker 1: was us. It was us and for us to watch

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Speaker 1: that and still at the end of the day not

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Speaker 1: trying to encourage each other to live healthier lives. So

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Speaker 1: I have a new TV show that I'm um um

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Speaker 1: producing called Our Journeys. Right, Okay, just contact me if

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Speaker 1: you want to be on it for us about our

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Speaker 1: our Journeys. It's about wellness after trauma, right, And I

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Speaker 1: just what I really want to bring. I really wanted

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Speaker 1: to bring how important it is to two that we

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Speaker 1: It's we all connected. Our body, our mind, e spirits,

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Speaker 1: it's all connected and one thing off the other. So

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Speaker 1: if we are taking care of off the best way

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Speaker 1: we can, and we you know, we're thinking the best

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Speaker 1: way we can and all that, all of that is

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Speaker 1: connected and it's gonna do well for us. It's you know, um,

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Speaker 1: I just I watched, oh my goodness, the shootings. Everything

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Speaker 1: was tapping with just I couldn't breathe. I was George Floyd,

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Speaker 1: you know, Arebor. I mean, it's like Mariana Taylor, right.

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Speaker 1: It was a lot covid. I'm not gonna lie. I

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Speaker 1: was definitely a therapy a lot because you know, I

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Speaker 1: live on myself. I don't really, I mean our stories

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Speaker 1: are somewhat similar, especially when it comes to our relationship

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Speaker 1: with our parents and our families, and so just being

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Speaker 1: on my own on it was it was. It was

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Speaker 1: very It was a lot. It was very intense, and

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Speaker 1: I was scared. Look was like at one point I

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Speaker 1: cried and I cried and I tried, and I'm like,

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Speaker 1: how do people that aren't mentally stable, right or I

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Speaker 1: have yet to find ways to to deal with their trauma?

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Speaker 1: How are they getting do these times if you already

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Speaker 1: had trauma in your life that you're dealing with, right,

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Speaker 1: and then you look at how in the households of

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Speaker 1: of of the kids that would being abused, how that

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Speaker 1: was skyrocking because kids weren't going to school now, they

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Speaker 1: couldn't get away from the abusive parents or the stepfather

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Speaker 1: that was six year abusing. I mean, it was like, yeah,

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Speaker 1: it was a lot. That was a lot. We have

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Speaker 1: a lot to be grateful for that we survived it, right.

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Speaker 1: I think even for me, what was very traumatized and

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Speaker 1: was just seeing black people being killed non stop. Ok,

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Speaker 1: that right there. I went there on Town two to

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Speaker 1: march m hmm. And when I got downtown in Annapolis, Maryland,

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Speaker 1: I went downtown Annapolis, Maryland. So Napolis, Maryland, as you

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Speaker 1: ever been to Annapolis and Napolis, Maryland is surround about

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Speaker 1: Chesapeake Bay. Downtown is beautiful. However, right there, right there

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Speaker 1: where they were marching, right there, it's where Kuta Kente

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Speaker 1: got off the ship. M hmm. You see right there

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Speaker 1: is Alex Haley m Memorial here. We were marching right there,

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Speaker 1: right there in the circle right and you know, and

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Speaker 1: you know the saddest part about it all the most

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Speaker 1: aggressive were not aggressive, most absurdive. Let's say that people

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Speaker 1: that was out there didn't look like us. Of course,

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Speaker 1: the one that was holding the sign, the ones that

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Speaker 1: was pissed off didn't look like us. I said, you know,

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Speaker 1: it's real when the white people are mad. They were hot.

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Speaker 1: They were no justice, no pease, no just no justice,

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Speaker 1: no peace. They were hot. I said, white people don't

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Speaker 1: even want to be white, no more child. They no,

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Speaker 1: they were hot. They were fact. This was the officer.

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Speaker 1: Oh the bow too. They were old, they were they

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Speaker 1: were tear down monuments. They were I said, nums, they

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Speaker 1: were tad down. I went to one march and I

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Speaker 1: had to listen back and wash them because they was

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Speaker 1: out of control. I know because what I'm saying, so

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Speaker 1: I've seen them in a side. I know they're pissed.

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Speaker 1: They were gone it up. Oh my god, they were

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Speaker 1: gonna tear it up. But that I cried. And you know,

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Speaker 1: at the time, I was going to a very Southern

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Speaker 1: Baptist church because the that I've lived in, We're that

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Speaker 1: I used to live in was all white. Yes, So

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Speaker 1: I went down to I used to go to the

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Speaker 1: Southern Baptis Churchward one of the one or two only

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Speaker 1: regular attending black families and not one person at church

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Speaker 1: after I expressed my distress, reached out to me. Mm hmm.

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Speaker 1: And it was tough, tough, it was. Yeah. Do you

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Speaker 1: think one day churches would no longer be relevant? I

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Speaker 1: think churches are if they are relevant now, they are

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Speaker 1: who they servant, right, I think it's who you serve

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Speaker 1: it if you still appreached it to. You got Mama

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Speaker 1: Betty in the front, she eighty years old. It's she

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Speaker 1: heard the message, had six pass of turn the same

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Speaker 1: thing over. Idiots. It's just a time to get from

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Speaker 1: behind the pulpit and get in the streets. Yeah. First

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Speaker 1: of all, Jesus ain't preached to the same people over

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Speaker 1: and over again, you know, and we supposed to the fact.

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Speaker 1: You know what gets me megachurches. Yeah, I don't get it.

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Speaker 1: I don't get why somebody want to pass it that

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Speaker 1: they can't get to when they need them. M h

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Speaker 1: You got his security and they security securities, got security

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Speaker 1: and it and then you got all the great the greats.

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Speaker 1: I guess in the front, I don't know. I guess

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Speaker 1: they are the ones that go above the temper cent.

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Speaker 1: I don't know. I don't know, you know, And so

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Speaker 1: it is I need a church when I leave my

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Speaker 1: pastor standing right there to talk to talk to everybody

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Speaker 1: to do. I never understood that that mega church why

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Speaker 1: people want to go to. And then when you're there,

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Speaker 1: the only thing you remember is the choir because they'd

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Speaker 1: be bad, they'd be banging if you don't remember what

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Speaker 1: the passage said, but that the crowd was hot. Right,

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Speaker 1: you're trying up the off Damn, you didn't look at

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Speaker 1: the past. What was the word that? I guess that's

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Speaker 1: why they sell the CD CD easily without because you

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Speaker 1: missed it. Because you're gonna miss it, right, And you know. Um,

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Speaker 1: I used to go to when I was in treatment.

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Speaker 1: I was going to Empowerment Temple in Baltimore. That's Jamar Bryant.

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Speaker 1: He's at the big church down and down right Atlanta.

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Speaker 1: He went down there, I guess Briant. Yeah, he did,

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Speaker 1: went down there. He had to go down then they

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Speaker 1: got more people there there. So he has a church.

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Speaker 1: He had a church was calling Power and Temple he

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Speaker 1: started in Baltimore. I used to go to the church

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Speaker 1: while I was in treatment because I was in treatment

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Speaker 1: in Baltimore City, and I used to go where I

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Speaker 1: used to. I used to get a three hundred dollar

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Speaker 1: welfare check when I when I was in treating for

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Speaker 1: me and my daughter because I was pregnant present when

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Speaker 1: I came out and I went to treat and I

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Speaker 1: went down there, and I remember I had my EBT

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Speaker 1: car and I ain't had no catch, but they had

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Speaker 1: a machine for me to slide the EBT. No, they did.

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Speaker 1: I live. I did my thirty dollars just you live. No.

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Speaker 1: And now when I go to the churches to speak,

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Speaker 1: you see him, they walking up and down or they

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Speaker 1: stand and it's just come and swipe your car and

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Speaker 1: see they're not accepted. You ain't got no cash, okay,

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Speaker 1: you forgot to check book, but they know you've got

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Speaker 1: that credit card. You got the card up in their perch. Yeah.

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Speaker 1: Well see, I haven't been in a church in a

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Speaker 1: minute because I watched my church online. So the machames

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Speaker 1: now yeah, yeah, yeah, go directly to the church account.

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Speaker 1: Yeah you know comment, I'm not gonna even say nothing.

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Speaker 1: I think it's I think COVID taught us that it's

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Speaker 1: time to start, you know, worshiping and spirit and truth

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Speaker 1: as the Bible said that we were eventually because Jesus said,

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Speaker 1: It's gonna come a time very soon where you will

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Speaker 1: will be worshiping and spirit and truth, not in the

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Speaker 1: building mm hmm, and not in not you know, not

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Speaker 1: that in the worship Paul and all of that. You know,

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Speaker 1: that's you know, I tell people all the time sometimes,

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Speaker 1: you know, when we see the evangel evangeable Christians activated act.

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Speaker 1: When Trump was in off as like it, I posted,

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Speaker 1: I am a following Jesus Christ. I don't even know

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Speaker 1: Christian no more. I just followed Jesus Christ because I

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Speaker 1: do not want to be associate with that mess. Yeah,

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Speaker 1: you know, and um, you know, and so I tell people.

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Speaker 1: I used to I deal a lot of posts on

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Speaker 1: that time, and I said, you know, people are gonna

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Speaker 1: come to realize this. And what I said was everybody

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Speaker 1: crying about they can't get to a building. I mean

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Speaker 1: they were mad. They that the government shut their church

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Speaker 1: down mad. I mean they were mad. And I'm like,

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Speaker 1: it's y'all if y'all can't deal with this, yeah, but

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Speaker 1: I hope y'all did before the end times coming. Yeah,

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Speaker 1: but you can't get in the church. You would see nothing,

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Speaker 1: what's gonna happen? And uh, it's just like they wouldn't

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Speaker 1: be a surviving the first generation church, you know. And um,

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Speaker 1: you just watched that and that's when I knew that

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Speaker 1: the church was crumbling, that the building was gonna crumble

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Speaker 1: because the people were depending too much on the building, um,

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Speaker 1: and not the relationship with God, you know, because there's

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Speaker 1: no so what you gotta stay home good? You know

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Speaker 1: you can still if that's im all you can network

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Speaker 1: all this like all this time? Are you kidding me? Right?

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Speaker 1: Zoom anybody on zoom for this and that for everything

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Speaker 1: else going on? Zoom talk to your job. I had

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Speaker 1: talked to my church mama, all I do talk to

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Speaker 1: Jesus during that time. I don't Jesus at that time. Right.

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Speaker 1: Has it become easier for you to share your story

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Speaker 1: or is it still a triggering? No? I mean it depends.

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Speaker 1: So because one of my children decided not to come

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Speaker 1: back to me yet, not to reunite with me. So

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Speaker 1: sometimes when people ask me after I'm finished presenting, people

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Speaker 1: asking about my children, and it's just like if I'm

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Speaker 1: very sensitive about my oldest daughter, I could get a

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Speaker 1: little teary, but for the most part, I don't you know.

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Speaker 1: So I do a deliverance tour, m um, which I'm am.

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Speaker 1: I back on tour next week. I do a deliver

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Speaker 1: So it's a faith based tour and uh, it's all

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Speaker 1: around faith and it's my story wrapped up in my

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Speaker 1: faith and all of that and deliverance talking about the

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Speaker 1: true power of God. And I get very um emotional

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Speaker 1: about that only because of God the spirit, you know,

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Speaker 1: the spirit. So what were the reactions you received from

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Speaker 1: some of the people that were in your book because

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Speaker 1: you was very honest about your experience with them. I

426
00:27:31,600 --> 00:27:35,760
Speaker 1: wish they would I would they would. I wish they

427
00:27:35,760 --> 00:27:38,520
Speaker 1: would have came at me. And being now, I can't

428
00:27:38,520 --> 00:27:41,600
Speaker 1: say that. One of my sisters was upset because you

429
00:27:41,680 --> 00:27:44,200
Speaker 1: know my mother what I said, But my mother was

430
00:27:44,280 --> 00:27:46,800
Speaker 1: like leave her alone. I know what that girl been through,

431
00:27:47,119 --> 00:27:51,200
Speaker 1: you know what I mean. Um, But like anybody else,

432
00:27:51,280 --> 00:27:55,919
Speaker 1: like my ex husband and all, I I wish they

433
00:27:55,960 --> 00:28:00,400
Speaker 1: would have came to me. Y'all got off easy. Yeah,

434
00:28:01,000 --> 00:28:02,480
Speaker 1: you weren't getting uncause you know we're doing in the

435
00:28:02,560 --> 00:28:05,520
Speaker 1: Hollywood movie Now. Didn't get off these in the movie? Yeah,

436
00:28:05,560 --> 00:28:07,440
Speaker 1: because I when I was reading a book I'm like,

437
00:28:07,480 --> 00:28:10,560
Speaker 1: I can only imagine the stories that you didn't tell, right,

438
00:28:10,880 --> 00:28:13,080
Speaker 1: because because they told me the book was longer than

439
00:28:13,160 --> 00:28:16,560
Speaker 1: that day. Was like my publishers like, we gotta stop

440
00:28:16,680 --> 00:28:21,399
Speaker 1: it at some point, But um, I didn't care. I

441
00:28:21,520 --> 00:28:25,200
Speaker 1: was telling my story because my story wasn't. I didn't

442
00:28:25,240 --> 00:28:28,640
Speaker 1: tell my story to get back at anybody. I told

443
00:28:28,720 --> 00:28:31,159
Speaker 1: my story because I wanted to talk. I want to

444
00:28:31,200 --> 00:28:35,240
Speaker 1: tell people how dark and it can get. And even

445
00:28:35,640 --> 00:28:38,040
Speaker 1: even then God can still put a light in it.

446
00:28:38,800 --> 00:28:40,600
Speaker 1: You know what I mean to My book was really

447
00:28:41,560 --> 00:28:43,480
Speaker 1: and I had but I had to expose the truth

448
00:28:44,760 --> 00:28:47,400
Speaker 1: in order to accomplish the glory of God. The way

449
00:28:47,680 --> 00:28:51,320
Speaker 1: it's accomplishing that book, I had to tell how dark

450
00:28:51,400 --> 00:28:55,200
Speaker 1: it was. And um, and and the darkness came from

451
00:28:55,320 --> 00:28:59,719
Speaker 1: the people, you know, And and I really didn't care, right,

452
00:29:00,240 --> 00:29:03,800
Speaker 1: you know now, I did care about my mother. Of course,

453
00:29:04,360 --> 00:29:07,640
Speaker 1: you know about your mother, your mother. I take care

454
00:29:07,640 --> 00:29:13,200
Speaker 1: of my mother for naturally, she's she's still bother. It's

455
00:29:13,240 --> 00:29:15,000
Speaker 1: the only reason why I asked is because when I

456
00:29:15,080 --> 00:29:17,080
Speaker 1: was reading your book, one thing that resonated with me

457
00:29:17,320 --> 00:29:20,040
Speaker 1: was when I was growing up, I was introduced to

458
00:29:20,200 --> 00:29:22,480
Speaker 1: my mom is calling her about her first name. So

459
00:29:22,600 --> 00:29:24,480
Speaker 1: when you was calling her about her first name, I'm like,

460
00:29:24,720 --> 00:29:26,400
Speaker 1: it made me think, like when did I started calling

461
00:29:26,400 --> 00:29:29,120
Speaker 1: her that? Because I never called her my mom? Right?

462
00:29:29,560 --> 00:29:32,520
Speaker 1: So what you didn't introduced to that? Always that we

463
00:29:32,640 --> 00:29:35,520
Speaker 1: called my grandmother milk for Mildred, you know what I mean?

464
00:29:35,720 --> 00:29:38,880
Speaker 1: So nobody, you know we called, we call that. You know,

465
00:29:39,240 --> 00:29:41,920
Speaker 1: all of our aunt's and uncle's body name. Nobody was

466
00:29:42,040 --> 00:29:45,840
Speaker 1: like had titles, right, you know, And it was wasn't

467
00:29:45,840 --> 00:29:47,840
Speaker 1: just me, It was my cousin's calling it. You know,

468
00:29:47,960 --> 00:29:51,560
Speaker 1: it was the whole the whole family. Oh wow, just me,

469
00:29:51,840 --> 00:29:54,320
Speaker 1: my siblings and my mother. But my cousin called their

470
00:29:54,400 --> 00:29:59,560
Speaker 1: mother died um. You know, nobody called, Nobody called nobody, titles, nobody,

471
00:29:59,560 --> 00:30:01,600
Speaker 1: there was no mom and that it was only our

472
00:30:01,760 --> 00:30:06,720
Speaker 1: generations that we we we changed that, right. Yeah. So

473
00:30:06,800 --> 00:30:10,160
Speaker 1: what was your relationship like with your mom growing up? Well,

474
00:30:10,280 --> 00:30:12,040
Speaker 1: I mean, you know, it was tough. I was the

475
00:30:12,120 --> 00:30:15,720
Speaker 1: oldest and she was abusive and neglectful. But you know

476
00:30:16,120 --> 00:30:20,000
Speaker 1: what I realized and when I became a trauma expert

477
00:30:20,120 --> 00:30:24,560
Speaker 1: and in my own treatment, especially writing that book Seeing

478
00:30:24,640 --> 00:30:27,880
Speaker 1: the Trauma Shakespeare just in the book, but the right

479
00:30:27,920 --> 00:30:30,640
Speaker 1: in my book my heart went out to her because

480
00:30:30,680 --> 00:30:33,520
Speaker 1: she was a Trump survivor that didn't have the luxury

481
00:30:33,640 --> 00:30:37,080
Speaker 1: getting treat me like I did. Mm hmm you know.

482
00:30:37,400 --> 00:30:44,400
Speaker 1: So yeah, I always loved my mother. I had never

483
00:30:44,520 --> 00:30:49,680
Speaker 1: stopped loving my mother. And um, I think for me

484
00:30:50,040 --> 00:30:54,000
Speaker 1: when I started healing was I had to realize my

485
00:30:54,120 --> 00:30:57,880
Speaker 1: mother's who she is and that my love for her

486
00:30:58,080 --> 00:31:02,600
Speaker 1: should not expect her love for me right, and that

487
00:31:02,720 --> 00:31:05,239
Speaker 1: I'm accountable for who I am and I love her

488
00:31:05,320 --> 00:31:08,160
Speaker 1: re gardness and that's why I take care of now.

489
00:31:08,920 --> 00:31:11,960
Speaker 1: So I had um covid. UM. I had came back

490
00:31:12,040 --> 00:31:15,520
Speaker 1: from Atlanta last week and Thursday, I woke up feeling

491
00:31:15,560 --> 00:31:18,280
Speaker 1: bad and I tested myself when I tested positive. So

492
00:31:18,480 --> 00:31:22,440
Speaker 1: she called me yesterday. She was like, UM, what's you're doing.

493
00:31:24,280 --> 00:31:26,440
Speaker 1: I said, I'm a being with covid and she said

494
00:31:26,480 --> 00:31:36,960
Speaker 1: with foo she said we who were called? Who are? Yeah?

495
00:31:40,080 --> 00:31:46,480
Speaker 1: Oh my god, I said, I'm not feeling well. So yeah,

496
00:31:47,840 --> 00:31:50,800
Speaker 1: do you feel like she is responsible for introducing trauma

497
00:31:50,840 --> 00:31:58,960
Speaker 1: into your life? Absolutely? But absolutely, but like she didn't know,

498
00:31:59,720 --> 00:32:03,360
Speaker 1: she didn't. I feel like she did what she knows.

499
00:32:03,800 --> 00:32:08,040
Speaker 1: She knew to do you know thetings and um, the

500
00:32:08,440 --> 00:32:10,520
Speaker 1: you know and she only can do what she could

501
00:32:10,560 --> 00:32:13,280
Speaker 1: do when you're an alcoholic. She was an alcoholic, you

502
00:32:13,360 --> 00:32:16,520
Speaker 1: know what I mean? So yeah, so oh yeah, I

503
00:32:16,880 --> 00:32:18,960
Speaker 1: don't think she knew what she was doing. I just

504
00:32:19,120 --> 00:32:21,240
Speaker 1: think she did what she knew to do, you know

505
00:32:21,320 --> 00:32:23,280
Speaker 1: what I mean? That makes sense, right, she did the

506
00:32:23,320 --> 00:32:25,880
Speaker 1: best she could have what she had, Yeah, what she

507
00:32:26,000 --> 00:32:30,320
Speaker 1: thought she you know what I mean? Um, I don't know.

508
00:32:30,640 --> 00:32:33,600
Speaker 1: Barbara has been through a lot, you know. Yeah, I

509
00:32:33,800 --> 00:32:36,840
Speaker 1: definitely got that from that when I was reading your book,

510
00:32:37,280 --> 00:32:39,640
Speaker 1: even though you didn't share a lot into her story.

511
00:32:39,760 --> 00:32:41,800
Speaker 1: But I can just only imagine things that she went

512
00:32:41,840 --> 00:32:44,760
Speaker 1: through just from like right, even the book, I talked

513
00:32:44,800 --> 00:32:49,400
Speaker 1: about how I watched her screaming when my little brother

514
00:32:49,560 --> 00:32:51,800
Speaker 1: was dead on a bit, you know what I mean.

515
00:32:52,680 --> 00:32:55,600
Speaker 1: Could you imagine having a child died and not having

516
00:32:56,120 --> 00:33:02,080
Speaker 1: support supporting self? So when she was pragged before my

517
00:33:02,160 --> 00:33:07,360
Speaker 1: supreak with me, my older sister died, she was no support, right,

518
00:33:08,080 --> 00:33:11,920
Speaker 1: and then my brother died that I talked about in

519
00:33:11,960 --> 00:33:15,040
Speaker 1: the boat. She had a total four kids to die.

520
00:33:15,960 --> 00:33:21,200
Speaker 1: What's no support? Yeah? I can't really understand how that

521
00:33:21,680 --> 00:33:27,040
Speaker 1: disconnect from her children is, you know, you know, and

522
00:33:27,200 --> 00:33:31,720
Speaker 1: I'm pretty sure during her time. Who was talking about therapy? Right? She? Right?

523
00:33:31,840 --> 00:33:36,440
Speaker 1: Exactly so, and she was an alcoholic active teainge you know,

524
00:33:37,120 --> 00:33:42,520
Speaker 1: mm hmm. Did she ever apologize to you or your siblings? M? No, No,

525
00:33:43,160 --> 00:33:47,560
Speaker 1: do you need it or do you want it? Wow? Yeah? Yeah,

526
00:33:48,080 --> 00:33:51,000
Speaker 1: I don't, you know, I don't. I don't know because

527
00:33:52,160 --> 00:33:56,120
Speaker 1: she was apologized, you know, right now, any apology of

528
00:33:56,120 --> 00:34:01,440
Speaker 1: barbar gives is she really would not understand that. I

529
00:34:01,520 --> 00:34:06,280
Speaker 1: don't think she would understand what she would even apologize before, right, Um,

530
00:34:07,200 --> 00:34:12,120
Speaker 1: but I don't need it, you know. And Uh, she's tough,

531
00:34:12,680 --> 00:34:15,080
Speaker 1: you know, like right now we are because now she's

532
00:34:15,120 --> 00:34:18,439
Speaker 1: getting sick and she's still her she's don't want to drink,

533
00:34:18,480 --> 00:34:20,080
Speaker 1: she still want to do her things. You still want

534
00:34:20,080 --> 00:34:23,480
Speaker 1: to do her drugs or whatever and so and and

535
00:34:23,600 --> 00:34:25,839
Speaker 1: she won't go to the doctor. So it's like it's

536
00:34:25,920 --> 00:34:30,520
Speaker 1: tough because she just recently had a stroke, right and

537
00:34:30,920 --> 00:34:37,040
Speaker 1: and we can't and she it's tough. So it's like

538
00:34:38,040 --> 00:34:41,319
Speaker 1: it's just disrupt everybody lives just to go over there,

539
00:34:41,840 --> 00:34:43,520
Speaker 1: try to take care of her or do whatever we

540
00:34:43,600 --> 00:34:45,680
Speaker 1: gotta do. We all gotta get to hospital, whatever and

541
00:34:45,800 --> 00:34:49,440
Speaker 1: all she gotta do. It's go allow, go let me

542
00:34:49,520 --> 00:34:51,800
Speaker 1: take her to your doctors to get blood pressure fields.

543
00:34:53,120 --> 00:34:56,600
Speaker 1: She won't. I won't go to the doctor. She's never

544
00:34:56,719 --> 00:35:03,759
Speaker 1: had a physical ever in her life. So we have

545
00:35:03,880 --> 00:35:07,480
Speaker 1: to deal with the consequences of that, you know. And

546
00:35:07,560 --> 00:35:12,000
Speaker 1: it's just everybody lives are just thrown, you know when

547
00:35:12,080 --> 00:35:18,360
Speaker 1: things like that happens. So it's tough right now, you know.

548
00:35:18,520 --> 00:35:20,480
Speaker 1: So it's still tough. It was tough growing up with

549
00:35:21,160 --> 00:35:23,400
Speaker 1: and now it's like, you know, but it is what

550
00:35:23,560 --> 00:35:27,319
Speaker 1: it is, right did you did your siblings ever? Thank

551
00:35:27,360 --> 00:35:31,640
Speaker 1: you for protecting them all my sisters and brothers, and

552
00:35:31,960 --> 00:35:34,000
Speaker 1: don't know then they didn't have to, you know. I

553
00:35:34,080 --> 00:35:39,719
Speaker 1: think that's always that that that unspoken we were there

554
00:35:39,760 --> 00:35:42,799
Speaker 1: for each other, you know what I mean, and um

555
00:35:43,400 --> 00:35:46,000
Speaker 1: and stuff like that, you know. And so right now

556
00:35:46,000 --> 00:35:47,800
Speaker 1: and I you know, I do a lot for my

557
00:35:47,920 --> 00:35:50,000
Speaker 1: siblings and stuff like that. You know that, you know,

558
00:35:50,080 --> 00:35:52,080
Speaker 1: we do a lot with each other for each other,

559
00:35:52,719 --> 00:35:55,080
Speaker 1: and you know, it's just this common knowledge of we

560
00:35:55,239 --> 00:35:57,719
Speaker 1: just we we we all like we all we had,

561
00:35:57,960 --> 00:36:01,200
Speaker 1: you know what I mean. And so yeah, I mean

562
00:36:01,200 --> 00:36:03,000
Speaker 1: the only reason why I asked because I just felt

563
00:36:03,000 --> 00:36:05,400
Speaker 1: like when I was reading your book, like being that

564
00:36:05,520 --> 00:36:08,560
Speaker 1: you are the the oldest. You felt like it was

565
00:36:08,640 --> 00:36:11,680
Speaker 1: your responsibility to make sure that they ate or make

566
00:36:11,719 --> 00:36:14,360
Speaker 1: sure nobody didn't take sexual was sexually taking advantage of

567
00:36:14,440 --> 00:36:16,879
Speaker 1: them solves. I know, I feel like you're the type

568
00:36:16,920 --> 00:36:20,840
Speaker 1: of person who need that type of like, um, you

569
00:36:20,920 --> 00:36:23,320
Speaker 1: don't need that type of what's what I'm looking for?

570
00:36:23,840 --> 00:36:30,920
Speaker 1: Volidation or right? And and for the most they didn't

571
00:36:30,920 --> 00:36:34,040
Speaker 1: even know they were being protected because that's well, they

572
00:36:34,080 --> 00:36:43,160
Speaker 1: were being protected, right. Um. I was watching your documentary

573
00:36:43,520 --> 00:36:45,160
Speaker 1: and I also saw your mom. I'm like, oh, your mom,

574
00:36:45,400 --> 00:36:49,239
Speaker 1: she's still look lit. So listen if I call her

575
00:36:49,320 --> 00:36:54,320
Speaker 1: right now, she probably lived. I don't know. That's a

576
00:36:54,400 --> 00:36:59,600
Speaker 1: brighten lit. I said, Okay, that's Bobara, They said the documentary.

577
00:37:00,120 --> 00:37:07,359
Speaker 1: Yeah I was watching, Yeah, yeah, probably yeah, So she's

578
00:37:07,360 --> 00:37:12,160
Speaker 1: still a loud here you still in the streets. So

579
00:37:12,239 --> 00:37:14,480
Speaker 1: I was watching your documentary and I saw a photo

580
00:37:14,520 --> 00:37:17,360
Speaker 1: of you and your ex husband, and it was pretty

581
00:37:17,440 --> 00:37:20,480
Speaker 1: evident that he was dating the child. Why do you

582
00:37:20,600 --> 00:37:23,040
Speaker 1: think people turn their eyes to older men dating under

583
00:37:23,080 --> 00:37:26,200
Speaker 1: aged girls, especially back in the day. You know, it's

584
00:37:26,280 --> 00:37:31,880
Speaker 1: really so it's really weird because so when he was

585
00:37:32,680 --> 00:37:37,520
Speaker 1: so he was involved in the church. Yeah, wire, you know,

586
00:37:37,719 --> 00:37:41,080
Speaker 1: so he was I had a good job. He worked

587
00:37:41,080 --> 00:37:44,719
Speaker 1: for for father, who was only own company. He lived

588
00:37:44,719 --> 00:37:47,000
Speaker 1: in a big old house, you know. So he was

589
00:37:47,080 --> 00:37:52,160
Speaker 1: like the most eldible bachelor at church, right, like a right, um,

590
00:37:53,680 --> 00:37:58,840
Speaker 1: and here he was after me. Um. And you know

591
00:37:58,920 --> 00:38:05,000
Speaker 1: it's funny because it was it just nobody. And I

592
00:38:05,160 --> 00:38:07,320
Speaker 1: know that people knew, like he would take me to

593
00:38:07,400 --> 00:38:09,200
Speaker 1: the clubs and all that I knew the people that

594
00:38:09,880 --> 00:38:13,160
Speaker 1: wasn't old enough to be in the club. But even

595
00:38:13,360 --> 00:38:18,600
Speaker 1: in the church, you know, but we started, I was

596
00:38:18,800 --> 00:38:24,200
Speaker 1: still in high school, right, and I placed myself in

597
00:38:24,320 --> 00:38:30,440
Speaker 1: the environment of older people because I wanted to drink, right, Um,

598
00:38:31,200 --> 00:38:34,920
Speaker 1: So I kind of you know, you if they want

599
00:38:35,000 --> 00:38:36,719
Speaker 1: to use the excuse, and said, well, we don't. We

600
00:38:36,800 --> 00:38:39,160
Speaker 1: didn't know she always was were older people, so we

601
00:38:39,239 --> 00:38:42,239
Speaker 1: thought she was you know, um, but like you said,

602
00:38:42,320 --> 00:38:46,240
Speaker 1: that picture was very evident, right you it was very evident.

603
00:38:46,760 --> 00:38:50,800
Speaker 1: Look more like his daughter, right right? And um that

604
00:38:50,960 --> 00:38:55,440
Speaker 1: was a grown man. Yeah yeah yeah, and so and

605
00:38:55,600 --> 00:38:58,600
Speaker 1: me holding our that was our son. And I'm old

606
00:38:59,080 --> 00:39:03,520
Speaker 1: and and so I just think that people just they

607
00:39:03,640 --> 00:39:08,839
Speaker 1: care more about him than they cared about me. Yeah,

608
00:39:09,360 --> 00:39:12,560
Speaker 1: there was like he was like, sho, it was Keith came.

609
00:39:12,920 --> 00:39:14,840
Speaker 1: You know, he had it going on, and you know,

610
00:39:14,920 --> 00:39:17,000
Speaker 1: and then he was an honorary number at the club.

611
00:39:19,520 --> 00:39:24,120
Speaker 1: You know, it's it's it's ridiculous like now though now

612
00:39:24,880 --> 00:39:28,320
Speaker 1: of course anything like that happens. You know. We we

613
00:39:28,560 --> 00:39:34,000
Speaker 1: got all these movements to protect back then, and your

614
00:39:34,080 --> 00:39:39,839
Speaker 1: mom also approved the marriage, like he said, the merchlessness, yeah, yeah,

615
00:39:39,840 --> 00:39:43,640
Speaker 1: they were. They became drinking buddy soon. Yeah. So when

616
00:39:43,680 --> 00:39:45,920
Speaker 1: did they take a turn for the worst within your relationship?

617
00:39:47,120 --> 00:39:50,239
Speaker 1: Well early on, really before we got married, because I

618
00:39:50,320 --> 00:39:53,000
Speaker 1: remember the first time we actually hit me, I was

619
00:39:53,080 --> 00:39:56,440
Speaker 1: pregnant with my son, and I remember he was on

620
00:39:56,480 --> 00:39:58,319
Speaker 1: the phone with a woman and I was asking, why

621
00:39:58,360 --> 00:40:01,120
Speaker 1: are you talking to her, you know, and he just

622
00:40:01,160 --> 00:40:03,920
Speaker 1: started punching me in my side while I was pregnant

623
00:40:03,960 --> 00:40:07,840
Speaker 1: while he was on the phone. And so I was

624
00:40:08,120 --> 00:40:13,160
Speaker 1: seventeen then and I was pregnant with my son um

625
00:40:14,080 --> 00:40:17,000
Speaker 1: and so it started before we got married. But again,

626
00:40:17,880 --> 00:40:21,080
Speaker 1: the mastic violence to me was just what it was,

627
00:40:21,840 --> 00:40:24,919
Speaker 1: you know, and hit you, but they loved you. That's

628
00:40:25,040 --> 00:40:27,920
Speaker 1: you know, that was my mind set because that's what

629
00:40:28,080 --> 00:40:30,440
Speaker 1: I seen. I seen my mother get beat by men

630
00:40:30,560 --> 00:40:34,040
Speaker 1: that lay in the bed with him, love, expressional love.

631
00:40:34,719 --> 00:40:39,320
Speaker 1: You know. So I've never left him man for beating

632
00:40:39,360 --> 00:40:42,480
Speaker 1: me back then, you know, and um, because I thought

633
00:40:42,520 --> 00:40:46,640
Speaker 1: it just go along with the relationship, you know, you know,

634
00:40:47,080 --> 00:40:52,560
Speaker 1: and I think that he left me. I don't think

635
00:40:52,600 --> 00:40:56,080
Speaker 1: I would have ever left him. And you know, back then,

636
00:40:56,640 --> 00:40:59,799
Speaker 1: it was him leaving me because again, no matter how

637
00:40:59,840 --> 00:41:02,000
Speaker 1: many times you stumped me and beat me over and

638
00:41:02,080 --> 00:41:05,719
Speaker 1: over again, it's just what it was. Right, when you've

639
00:41:05,719 --> 00:41:08,719
Speaker 1: been abused by men all your life, right, and now

640
00:41:08,760 --> 00:41:10,640
Speaker 1: you got this man that you thought would protect you

641
00:41:10,800 --> 00:41:13,160
Speaker 1: from from all the other bad man but he still

642
00:41:13,239 --> 00:41:16,200
Speaker 1: beat you, you come to think maybe it's something's wrong

643
00:41:16,280 --> 00:41:22,040
Speaker 1: with me, right, you know so, and that's the way

644
00:41:22,120 --> 00:41:26,160
Speaker 1: it was. You know, my I was my sexual abuse

645
00:41:26,239 --> 00:41:30,319
Speaker 1: start at age nine. Mm hmm. You know how grown man,

646
00:41:30,480 --> 00:41:32,600
Speaker 1: that whole body is so big it covered my own

647
00:41:32,719 --> 00:41:35,040
Speaker 1: child's body, would find any pleasure out of hurting me.

648
00:41:35,760 --> 00:41:40,320
Speaker 1: And these other sexual and sexual abuse, and then you

649
00:41:40,440 --> 00:41:42,920
Speaker 1: got all these physical abuse and then you know, your

650
00:41:43,000 --> 00:41:47,120
Speaker 1: father left when you were a baby, says shoot, you know,

651
00:41:47,280 --> 00:41:49,719
Speaker 1: and then you got this older man that beat you.

652
00:41:49,960 --> 00:41:53,520
Speaker 1: I'm like, okay, it's to me it can't be everybody, right,

653
00:41:53,640 --> 00:41:57,800
Speaker 1: that's what you're thinking, and so it becomes just a

654
00:41:57,920 --> 00:42:04,640
Speaker 1: part of who you are. Mm hmm. And I know

655
00:42:04,960 --> 00:42:08,479
Speaker 1: after he left, you began Dane, another man named Mike.

656
00:42:09,040 --> 00:42:11,000
Speaker 1: Did you think it was different because I thought he

657
00:42:11,120 --> 00:42:17,560
Speaker 1: was different at first? Different girls. I was like, damn,

658
00:42:18,760 --> 00:42:26,600
Speaker 1: like right, like serasty dude, you know. And so when

659
00:42:26,680 --> 00:42:33,000
Speaker 1: I met Mike, he was like wow. I was like, okay,

660
00:42:34,400 --> 00:42:37,759
Speaker 1: he was he had a good job, you know what

661
00:42:37,840 --> 00:42:40,360
Speaker 1: I mean. He was reserved and on me or whatever

662
00:42:40,440 --> 00:42:44,120
Speaker 1: he did every other weekend. And I'm like, you know,

663
00:42:44,840 --> 00:42:50,200
Speaker 1: and and it went well until I started really getting

664
00:42:50,200 --> 00:42:53,959
Speaker 1: out there on the drugs and if that was his word,

665
00:42:54,040 --> 00:42:58,399
Speaker 1: dealing with me up on the drugs, you know, yeah,

666
00:42:58,520 --> 00:43:04,680
Speaker 1: I know right, it was like right right, yeah. And

667
00:43:04,840 --> 00:43:07,520
Speaker 1: you became pregnant by Mike and he insisted that you

668
00:43:07,640 --> 00:43:10,200
Speaker 1: receive an abortion because you were still a married woman.

669
00:43:11,040 --> 00:43:17,480
Speaker 1: Did that experience change your views on abortion? Yeah? After

670
00:43:17,680 --> 00:43:23,960
Speaker 1: after yeah, so you know, and then it was the

671
00:43:24,080 --> 00:43:28,760
Speaker 1: Conde abortion. It was as you can read, they didn't

672
00:43:28,760 --> 00:43:32,920
Speaker 1: tell me I was twenty weeks pregnal. They didn't tell

673
00:43:32,960 --> 00:43:35,080
Speaker 1: me that I was gonna have to push my baby out.

674
00:43:35,160 --> 00:43:37,359
Speaker 1: They was gonna push me and labor. There was gonna

675
00:43:37,440 --> 00:43:40,040
Speaker 1: kill the baby and push me and and and and

676
00:43:40,320 --> 00:43:43,000
Speaker 1: and give me something to contract me to push the

677
00:43:43,080 --> 00:43:48,560
Speaker 1: baby out. It wasn't that three weeks feed us, you know,

678
00:43:48,680 --> 00:43:55,799
Speaker 1: it wasn't. It wasn't. It was a baby twenty twenty weeks.

679
00:43:55,880 --> 00:44:00,279
Speaker 1: Babies survived these days with you know, technology and ico

680
00:44:00,440 --> 00:44:05,400
Speaker 1: and all of that now. But it was the most

681
00:44:05,680 --> 00:44:08,640
Speaker 1: horrific spurt. And I thank god that it was that bad,

682
00:44:09,719 --> 00:44:13,640
Speaker 1: because they lined us up in these journeys, right, all

683
00:44:13,719 --> 00:44:17,160
Speaker 1: these black women. They gave us an ivy and they

684
00:44:17,239 --> 00:44:19,960
Speaker 1: put something in the ivy and then they put bamboo

685
00:44:20,000 --> 00:44:23,799
Speaker 1: sticks inserted in the um and i vagina to make

686
00:44:23,920 --> 00:44:28,200
Speaker 1: us contract, and they put us in labor. So when

687
00:44:28,239 --> 00:44:31,319
Speaker 1: more screak, I was like, and so I'm telling us

688
00:44:31,400 --> 00:44:33,640
Speaker 1: I'm hurting. I'm hurting, And she said, oh, it's time

689
00:44:33,680 --> 00:44:39,080
Speaker 1: for you push m you know, Oh my god, that

690
00:44:40,640 --> 00:44:45,520
Speaker 1: what's horrifict Yeah, that was that was a lot to read.

691
00:44:47,000 --> 00:44:49,319
Speaker 1: And I had an abortion and I was like, oh

692
00:44:49,400 --> 00:44:55,759
Speaker 1: my god, I couldn't imagine. Yeah, So that and the

693
00:44:55,960 --> 00:45:01,160
Speaker 1: time we read how the detention center gave me the

694
00:45:01,239 --> 00:45:10,160
Speaker 1: wrong medication and so it's like mm hm. And I

695
00:45:10,400 --> 00:45:16,400
Speaker 1: was five months then when that happened. That was like insane.

696
00:45:16,560 --> 00:45:25,200
Speaker 1: So that abortion, it was so horrific. One of the

697
00:45:25,320 --> 00:45:34,239
Speaker 1: girls baby was born alive. Oh they lift our when

698
00:45:34,280 --> 00:45:36,960
Speaker 1: they came to the situation and the tension center, Could

699
00:45:36,960 --> 00:45:39,640
Speaker 1: you have done something because they're pretty I don't know

700
00:45:39,760 --> 00:45:42,680
Speaker 1: the way I interpreted, they pretty much killed the baby. No,

701
00:45:43,960 --> 00:45:46,680
Speaker 1: what's so that? So what happened was so like I

702
00:45:46,800 --> 00:45:51,040
Speaker 1: get to the detention center and back then they used

703
00:45:51,080 --> 00:45:55,080
Speaker 1: to see me, right, So I get there and they

704
00:45:55,360 --> 00:45:57,360
Speaker 1: you know, and I said, hey, look I'm pregnant. I

705
00:45:57,480 --> 00:45:59,040
Speaker 1: know what I'm pregnant. You know what I mean. I

706
00:45:59,160 --> 00:46:02,399
Speaker 1: know when I'm pregnant. And they said, they said, whatever came.

707
00:46:02,520 --> 00:46:04,800
Speaker 1: So they had the two ladies that ever was and Sophie.

708
00:46:05,080 --> 00:46:09,200
Speaker 1: When the medical nurse came down, when a um intake

709
00:46:09,320 --> 00:46:11,239
Speaker 1: nurse came down, she took out your sample. All of

710
00:46:11,320 --> 00:46:13,359
Speaker 1: us don't know why, but she did. And I guess

711
00:46:13,400 --> 00:46:15,759
Speaker 1: they got to come mixed up and told me I

712
00:46:15,840 --> 00:46:19,640
Speaker 1: had the urinary track inflection, but I wasn't pregny. I sat, now,

713
00:46:19,680 --> 00:46:23,640
Speaker 1: I'm Pregny said, we know what we're doing. So if

714
00:46:23,719 --> 00:46:27,400
Speaker 1: you don't take medication, when they come around. If you

715
00:46:27,520 --> 00:46:28,799
Speaker 1: refuse it, they put you in on what they call

716
00:46:28,880 --> 00:46:31,799
Speaker 1: isolation taste stabilized. We called it the whole name one,

717
00:46:31,920 --> 00:46:35,359
Speaker 1: going the whole one. So I said, okay, maybe I'm

718
00:46:35,400 --> 00:46:38,440
Speaker 1: not Maybe I don't know. So I took the medication.

719
00:46:39,480 --> 00:46:41,759
Speaker 1: So all they had to do is really was to

720
00:46:41,840 --> 00:46:44,120
Speaker 1: retest me, give me a blood test. But they wouldn't

721
00:46:44,160 --> 00:46:47,200
Speaker 1: listen to me, and they medicated me as if I

722
00:46:47,280 --> 00:46:51,000
Speaker 1: had a urinary tracking faction. Right I went to use

723
00:46:51,080 --> 00:46:53,920
Speaker 1: the bathroom, my baby it came out. I'm like, you know,

724
00:46:54,960 --> 00:46:57,279
Speaker 1: and now they don't know what to do. Then they

725
00:46:57,360 --> 00:46:59,160
Speaker 1: shock them with you the guarney that allowed me to

726
00:46:59,239 --> 00:47:02,040
Speaker 1: lay them with my bay baby deceased baby stuck between

727
00:47:02,080 --> 00:47:04,480
Speaker 1: my legs. Why I try to figure out who gonna

728
00:47:04,480 --> 00:47:08,680
Speaker 1: take me to the emergency room. It's and and then

729
00:47:09,520 --> 00:47:14,879
Speaker 1: that right there was yeah, I can't I can't even

730
00:47:14,920 --> 00:47:17,680
Speaker 1: imagine that right there. And then I go to the

731
00:47:17,719 --> 00:47:20,520
Speaker 1: emergency room. They yanking pull they finally get the baby

732
00:47:21,160 --> 00:47:24,840
Speaker 1: all right, and then because they don't have the the

733
00:47:25,239 --> 00:47:27,400
Speaker 1: staff to stay at the hospital with me, they sent

734
00:47:27,520 --> 00:47:30,640
Speaker 1: me back to detenders. And the detentions that we don't

735
00:47:30,680 --> 00:47:32,600
Speaker 1: have staff to stay re first, she needs to come

736
00:47:32,640 --> 00:47:34,720
Speaker 1: back here, and they put me right back in myself.

737
00:47:35,520 --> 00:47:40,319
Speaker 1: The next day, I passed out from hemorrhagry m hmm.

738
00:47:40,760 --> 00:47:43,320
Speaker 1: A lot of the tissue was still left in my

739
00:47:43,440 --> 00:47:45,239
Speaker 1: body and I had to be rushed back to the

740
00:47:45,239 --> 00:47:49,200
Speaker 1: house to have emergency DNC operations. So all this is

741
00:47:49,280 --> 00:47:52,200
Speaker 1: going on, you know, and then I go into a

742
00:47:52,400 --> 00:47:58,080
Speaker 1: very deep depression. I mean, how did you not right? Right?

743
00:47:59,760 --> 00:48:02,840
Speaker 1: Do you feel like addiction is taken seriously within our community?

744
00:48:02,880 --> 00:48:05,200
Speaker 1: And the reason why I asked is because a lot

745
00:48:05,239 --> 00:48:07,319
Speaker 1: of people feel like drugs are a choice when it's

746
00:48:07,360 --> 00:48:11,880
Speaker 1: really a disease. I think that people. I think people

747
00:48:13,600 --> 00:48:18,840
Speaker 1: now with Unfortunately, it's really taking seriously down because of

748
00:48:19,960 --> 00:48:25,120
Speaker 1: um getting off. Yeah. Man, you know, I'm like black

749
00:48:25,200 --> 00:48:29,399
Speaker 1: people been oh did forever you know, from from her?

750
00:48:29,520 --> 00:48:31,960
Speaker 1: And you know what I mean, all of a sudden,

751
00:48:32,000 --> 00:48:34,319
Speaker 1: y'all got something to hit people now and bring them back.

752
00:48:34,800 --> 00:48:36,560
Speaker 1: I read my mind out with people in the cars

753
00:48:36,640 --> 00:48:40,360
Speaker 1: and you go when they don't right. They were shooting

754
00:48:40,400 --> 00:48:42,279
Speaker 1: up her when, you know, But now it's hitting the

755
00:48:42,400 --> 00:48:45,840
Speaker 1: upper middle class and now they all of a stuff.

756
00:48:46,200 --> 00:48:48,480
Speaker 1: I gotta see her face for real. But all of

757
00:48:48,520 --> 00:48:52,359
Speaker 1: a sudden, they go, whatever they you hit somebody, They're

758
00:48:52,400 --> 00:48:56,719
Speaker 1: telling everybody carrying it, now, just a cake, just the

759
00:48:56,760 --> 00:48:58,759
Speaker 1: case you seems about to bust. Stop here you go

760
00:48:59,000 --> 00:49:02,480
Speaker 1: take a whole bunch of mm hmmm. So I just

761
00:49:02,680 --> 00:49:06,800
Speaker 1: think that public health system is so messed up, and

762
00:49:07,040 --> 00:49:10,320
Speaker 1: it takes a certain group of people to start to

763
00:49:10,480 --> 00:49:14,399
Speaker 1: impact before become a crisis in that country that's said

764
00:49:14,800 --> 00:49:18,800
Speaker 1: crack cocaine should have been a crisis. Oh yeah, I

765
00:49:18,960 --> 00:49:22,880
Speaker 1: still got. I'm doing a television show called Restoration, and

766
00:49:22,920 --> 00:49:26,560
Speaker 1: it's about three three women that still has not recovered

767
00:49:26,560 --> 00:49:31,640
Speaker 1: from crack cocaine from the eighties. M h. I was

768
00:49:31,719 --> 00:49:34,640
Speaker 1: doing research because I was um um, I like the

769
00:49:35,880 --> 00:49:37,960
Speaker 1: rabbit hole and just do a lot of research. And

770
00:49:38,040 --> 00:49:39,680
Speaker 1: I feel like a lot of times people don't talk

771
00:49:39,680 --> 00:49:46,719
Speaker 1: about how crack cocaine affected women right exactly, and that

772
00:49:47,840 --> 00:49:50,440
Speaker 1: in itself was an epidemic, and they just they won't.

773
00:49:50,640 --> 00:49:54,000
Speaker 1: They never claimed that, they never it was never they

774
00:49:54,120 --> 00:49:58,080
Speaker 1: never taken it was never taken to that level of concern.

775
00:49:58,960 --> 00:50:05,920
Speaker 1: But now now right, because people been no DN forever,

776
00:50:06,080 --> 00:50:09,600
Speaker 1: So all of a sudden you got the urgency. Oh dad, Now,

777
00:50:09,800 --> 00:50:12,640
Speaker 1: all of a sudden, y'all was able to create this

778
00:50:12,880 --> 00:50:18,360
Speaker 1: drug and bring people back to life instantly. Man that

779
00:50:18,800 --> 00:50:23,960
Speaker 1: people people are dying and get hit. It's a touch

780
00:50:24,040 --> 00:50:28,120
Speaker 1: of cheese. Yeah, I'm telling you, could they come right back?

781
00:50:28,239 --> 00:50:32,160
Speaker 1: And I mean like right back, like yeah, you know.

782
00:50:32,840 --> 00:50:37,920
Speaker 1: I'm like, people have been dying from overdose for years,

783
00:50:38,440 --> 00:50:42,120
Speaker 1: babies been dying, all right, and now all of a sudden,

784
00:50:42,920 --> 00:50:46,440
Speaker 1: y'all were able to put resources in it make it

785
00:50:46,520 --> 00:50:51,440
Speaker 1: available to create a drug. Two, what just happened? People

786
00:50:51,560 --> 00:50:57,840
Speaker 1: can the heart can start a yet crazy crazy but

787
00:50:57,960 --> 00:51:01,600
Speaker 1: we still not care breast cats, that's what gets me right,

788
00:51:01,920 --> 00:51:05,360
Speaker 1: or we still haven't found a cure for m lupus

789
00:51:05,600 --> 00:51:12,200
Speaker 1: breast days at all time. But when the man Peters

790
00:51:12,280 --> 00:51:15,920
Speaker 1: got soft, the next day, there was a blue pill. Yeah,

791
00:51:18,280 --> 00:51:21,359
Speaker 1: the first day they had a blue pill. Listen, they're

792
00:51:21,400 --> 00:51:27,120
Speaker 1: gonna make sure that works all right. Now. This concludes

793
00:51:27,239 --> 00:51:31,080
Speaker 1: part one of this week's episode. Please stay tuned for

794
00:51:31,280 --> 00:51:36,359
Speaker 1: part two, dropping next Tuesday. Until next time, everyone Later