Speaker 1: I am a yamla, your host, your guide, a teacher
Speaker 1: for salm, and a soft place to fall for others.
Speaker 1: And I was a miserable failure in my relationships until
Speaker 1: I love myself enough to be able to share my
Speaker 1: love with other people. Welcome to the R Spot, a
Speaker 1: production of shondaland Audio in partnership with iHeartRadio. Welcome, Welcome, Welcome,
Speaker 1: Welcome to the R Spot. I am your host, your facilitator,
Speaker 1: your support team. I am here today in service to
Speaker 1: us all creating, developing, sustaining, growing, expanding better relationships. All
Speaker 1: kinds of relationships, loving relationships, family ships, love ships, intimate shifts,
Speaker 1: any kind of ship that we can be on or
Speaker 1: be in to make our lives and our connection with
Speaker 1: each other better. You know, I always say that relationships
Speaker 1: are the classrooms of life. It's where we go to
Speaker 1: learn more about ourselves. And unfortunately, we always make it
Speaker 1: about the other person, what they're doing, what they're not doing,
Speaker 1: how they're doing it, and what they're doing to us.
Speaker 1: And the only relationship you ever have is the one
Speaker 1: you have in with yourself. That's pretty horrible, but when
Speaker 1: you think about it and what we endeavor to do
Speaker 1: with each relationship or what we want to endeavor to
Speaker 1: do is to grow more, to heal, more, to be more,
Speaker 1: to give more, so that our relationship with ourselves, and
Speaker 1: of course our relationship with our source, God, creator, whatever
Speaker 1: you call it, becomes more intimate, more productive, more joy
Speaker 1: filled and peace filled. So how are you doing out
Speaker 1: there in your relationships? And what are you seeing in
Speaker 1: your relationships that's teaching you about yourself? And when you
Speaker 1: see it do you put your head under the pillar
Speaker 1: and scream? Do you run screaming from the room? You know?
Speaker 1: I always say that if you ever want to find
Speaker 1: out how spiritual you are, get into a relationship, because
Speaker 1: when you buy yourself you spiritual all as hell, okay,
Speaker 1: But then when you get into a relationship, all your
Speaker 1: stuff gets triggered and you get to see who you are.
Speaker 1: So today I have a guess that's going to help
Speaker 1: us understand that dynamic of seeing who we are, learning
Speaker 1: who we are, but most of all, learning how to
Speaker 1: handle it. How do you handle it when you see
Speaker 1: yourself on your partner or your children, Oh my god,
Speaker 1: on the kids. The kids will sure to tell you
Speaker 1: who you are with your parents, with your family, and
Speaker 1: how do you handle breakdowns and relationships? How do you
Speaker 1: handle them with yourself? For yourself and then with the
Speaker 1: other person. So my guest today I call it Kitty Rose.
Speaker 1: Miss Kitty Rose is with us today. She is a
Speaker 1: relationship coach and also is it a clinical psychologist? Do
Speaker 1: you do clinical psychology therapists? Therapists? Clinical therapist? I love
Speaker 1: that because give me some therapy please. I need it.
Speaker 1: I need it, particularly when it comes to relationships, because
Speaker 1: that's the most dynamic and difficult area of our lives.
Speaker 1: So if you've ever hung out with Ace metaphor, you've
Speaker 1: probably heard Kitty Seeing Kitty. She has her own platform
Speaker 1: and her own clients, and we are honored to have
Speaker 1: her here today on the R spot. How you doing,
Speaker 1: miss Kitty?
Speaker 2: I'm doing wonderful. How are you?
Speaker 1: I'm excited. I'm excited to have another conversation with somebody
Speaker 1: else about relationships.
Speaker 3: Of course, yeah, yeahship no, because everything is a relationship, food, money,
Speaker 3: the earth, you know.
Speaker 1: Right now, I think we're having a relationship with energy
Speaker 1: in the world, with the energy that's coming at us
Speaker 1: as we shift and change the leadership. It's just so
Speaker 1: exciting for me. Now you combine psychological principles and practical experience,
Speaker 1: because you know it's good you have all these psychological constructs.
Speaker 1: But when your husband, your wife, your kids, your mama
Speaker 1: getting on your nerve, that stuff that doesn't seem well
Speaker 1: from your experience and with the people you work with.
Speaker 1: What is the biggest And I know there are several,
Speaker 1: but what is the let me say the biggest and
Speaker 1: the most common challenge people have in relationships.
Speaker 3: As a general statement, I'm going to say conflict. Yeah, okay,
Speaker 3: the breaking down more. I'm going to say what I
Speaker 3: say a lot with couples is people don't practice a
Speaker 3: lot of theory of mind. So a lot of people
Speaker 3: don't understand that the person opposite of you will have
Speaker 3: different beliefs, different intentions, different upbringings, different backgrounds and things
Speaker 3: like that. And so when you're facing conflict, a lot
Speaker 3: of times you want you to be the other person.
Speaker 3: So you want to see you in your partner, in
Speaker 3: your spouse, and it doesn't work like that. And a
Speaker 3: lot of people haven't practiced. We hear a lot of
Speaker 3: people say they're empathetic, but you haven't practiced perspective taking,
Speaker 3: being able to see things outside of yourself. Being able
Speaker 3: to understand that people have different perspectives of you, and
Speaker 3: when they do, it doesn't mean that you're wrong. And
Speaker 3: so when we have conflict, when we see couples who
Speaker 3: have conflict, ego shows up. Ego is always going to
Speaker 3: protect us. Pride shows up, and so our ego tells
Speaker 3: us we have to protect ourselves against the very person
Speaker 3: who is probably here to give us safety and security
Speaker 3: and to love us and to understand us. But in
Speaker 3: that space, that moment where you're supposed to be vulnerable,
Speaker 3: a lot of people fight that and instead they try
Speaker 3: to be right. They don't use effect of problem solving skills.
Speaker 3: It's more so I want to be right what's right
Speaker 3: versus what's wrong, what's moral versus what's in moral, and
Speaker 3: that's what the problem is.
Speaker 2: So yah, that's a lightweb of putting it.
Speaker 1: But where we don't learn relationship skills, we learn a
Speaker 1: square eco B plus B square eco C square. I
Speaker 1: don't nobody nowhere, and I've got degrees up the wazoo,
Speaker 1: and nobody I've never heard anywhere how to deal with
Speaker 1: conflict and a relationship. Where do you learn that? That?
Speaker 2: And you know what that is a problem.
Speaker 3: But The thing is is that because it can't be
Speaker 3: an excuse anymore, because we have so many free resources
Speaker 3: online now right there's resources on TikTok, on Instagram, on YouTube.
Speaker 3: But the problem is is that in our formative years
Speaker 3: we have been conditioned and train how to be for
Speaker 3: everyone else, how to exist for everyone else, how to
Speaker 3: do for everyone else. We don't form a solid relationship
Speaker 3: with ourselves. And because we have learned certain behaviors from
Speaker 3: our parents, from our caregivers, from our earliest attachments, some
Speaker 3: of those behaviors we carry on and we think that
Speaker 3: they're normal. We normalize these unhealthy behaviors. We think that
Speaker 3: that's the way the world is, and we don't see
Speaker 3: outside of what we learned inside of our homes or
Speaker 3: any social constructs that we have. But like you said earlier,
Speaker 3: everything is a relationship. Everything that you have taken on,
Speaker 3: every behavior, every response that you have learned, every way
Speaker 3: of dealing with your anxiety, anything is relationship that you
Speaker 3: have with yourself, with those things, with those characteristics, with
Speaker 3: those qualities. And if you haven't learned from yourself, from
Speaker 3: seeing the relationships that you've had with other people, from
Speaker 3: listening to the complaints from listening to people talk about
Speaker 3: the things that they didn't like. If you didn't listen
Speaker 3: alone the way, you never equipped it yourself. And it's
Speaker 3: not hard to do. So you just have to be
Speaker 3: willing to receive that criticism from other people and take
Speaker 3: things from a curious mind, and be willing to understand
Speaker 3: things outside of yourself.
Speaker 1: Okay, this is loaded, miss kiddy.
Speaker 2: I'm always in their person I know.
Speaker 1: So let us break this down into bite sized pieces. Okay,
Speaker 1: solid relationship with self, Yes, that's where it all starts.
Speaker 1: Of course, solid relationship with self. How do you know
Speaker 1: if you don't have a solid relationship with yourself? You
Speaker 1: alone in your head without adult supervision, you're telling yourself
Speaker 1: that everything about you is marvelous and wonderful. You meet
Speaker 1: this person you love and they start pointing out things
Speaker 1: to you. You use the word criticism. I want to
Speaker 1: talk about the distinction between criticism, observation, and experience. So
Speaker 1: let's go back to solid relationship with self. How do
Speaker 1: you know if you do not have a solid, good, healthy,
Speaker 1: functional relationship with yourself? How do you know?
Speaker 2: Oh, now this is going to be layered.
Speaker 1: Wait a minute, let me get a piece of paper.
Speaker 1: So I can write it down so that I can
Speaker 1: pick out the nuggets, because we got to get the nuggets. Okay, good, yeah,
Speaker 1: go ahead, I got my paper.
Speaker 3: I think the first indicator is you not being able
Speaker 3: to be alone, to be in that place of solitude
Speaker 3: with yourself. Sometimes when people find themselves in a place
Speaker 3: of solitude, they start having a negative self talk. They
Speaker 3: start speaking bad things about themselves. The negative thoughts start
Speaker 3: to become louder than the positives. That's one indicator that
Speaker 3: you don't have a healthy relationship with yourself. Another thing
Speaker 3: is being impulsive and being irrational. I think that when
Speaker 3: a person is mood dependent and they behave based on
Speaker 3: their mood, they behave based on their emotions. If they're
Speaker 3: impulsive with their reactions and things like that, that shows
Speaker 3: that you don't have a healthy relationship with yourself because
Speaker 3: you're not practicing control. You're also not practicing operating in
Speaker 3: your wise mind, being able to function, realizing that you
Speaker 3: have emotional processes, but also realizing that you have to
Speaker 3: be logical as well. I think another indicator that a
Speaker 3: person may not have a healthy relationship with themselves is
Speaker 3: the problem solving skills. I think That's another one being
Speaker 3: able to look for solutions. As I said previously, look
Speaker 3: for solutions that are effective when you have a need
Speaker 3: to be right when you're dealing with other people. That
Speaker 3: really shows an internal conflict that you have with yourself.
Speaker 2: Once again back to perspective.
Speaker 3: I also think that when a person cannot accept or
Speaker 3: receive the positives positive things about themselves, people giving them compliments,
Speaker 3: anything like that, when they discount and disqualify those positives,
Speaker 3: it says a lot about the relationship that you have
Speaker 3: with yourself because you probably have a lot of negative
Speaker 3: or self limiting beliefs that you're operating in as well.
Speaker 3: I think those are like the biggest indicators. And then
Speaker 3: of course personal criticism and self doubt the indicators as well.
Speaker 3: Constantly criticizing and beating yourself down or devaluing yourself, minimizing yourself.
Speaker 3: Those show that you don't have a healthy relationship with yourself.
Speaker 1: Oh well, alrighty, then a healthy relationship with self, Yes,
Speaker 1: that's start. That starts that layser foundation for how you're
Speaker 1: going to be in relationship with other Now, this is interesting.
Speaker 1: I'll tell you my theory. But if somebody doesn't have
Speaker 1: a relationship, healthy relationship with their self. Who in the
Speaker 1: blazon of Jesus are they going to a trap? We're
Speaker 1: going to talk about that when we come back. Right
Speaker 1: after this break, Welcome back to the R Spot. My
Speaker 1: guest today is Kitty Rose, a relationship coach, clinical therapist,
Speaker 1: and we and we are looking at the intricacies that
Speaker 1: cause breakdowns and relationships, how to develop a good relationship.
Speaker 1: And before the break, I asked Ms Kitty, how do
Speaker 1: you know if you don't have a healthy relationship with yourself,
Speaker 1: If you can't be alone, if you constantly engaged in
Speaker 1: negative self talk, if you have impulsive, irrational, reactionary responses.
Speaker 1: This term Miss Kitty introduced the wise mind. We're going
Speaker 1: to talk about that in a minute. If you don't
Speaker 1: have good problem solving skills, if you always have a
Speaker 1: need to be right, if you cannot accept the positives
Speaker 1: about yourself, and if you're involved in deep levels of
Speaker 1: self doubt and self criticism, chances are you don't have
Speaker 1: a relationship, a good relationship with yourself. But you went
Speaker 1: to the bar and you met Booboo, and now Booboo
Speaker 1: has a key and you all are living together. Tell me,
Speaker 1: Miss kitty, who you will attract if you don't have
Speaker 1: a good relationship with yourself. That's I want to know that.
Speaker 2: Hmm I okay.
Speaker 3: I believe in ego mates, and I believe that we
Speaker 3: attract our ego mates.
Speaker 1: Wait a minute, Wait a minute, what's the ego mate?
Speaker 1: Hold on, you're going to drop some more stuff on here.
Speaker 1: Why is mine ego mate? Okay, what's the ego mate?
Speaker 3: So your ego mate is pretty much the opposite of
Speaker 3: your soulmate. It's not going to be or it's not
Speaker 3: going to be a harmonious dynamic. Your ego is going
Speaker 3: to go for what it knows. And if you have
Speaker 3: an unhealthy relationship with yourself, that's probably rooted in an
Speaker 3: unhealthy past, that you have a negative past, and so
Speaker 3: your ego is going to attach to the person who
Speaker 3: has similar trauma, who has negative experiences, who operates from
Speaker 3: those negative experiences that they have endured in their formative years,
Speaker 3: and that's who you're probably going to attract. That's also
Speaker 3: who you're going to entertain as well, someone who's probably
Speaker 3: just as broken as you. And I really don't like
Speaker 3: to use a term broken, because we can say toxic
Speaker 3: as well. Okay, and healthy behaviors and stuff like that.
Speaker 1: And so that person and is going to demonstrate to
Speaker 1: you everything that you do to yourself, and they're going
Speaker 1: to do it to their self, and nine times out
Speaker 1: of ten they're going to do it to you, and
Speaker 1: then that's going to make them the problem. Why don't
Speaker 1: we see that? Why don't we understand that and know
Speaker 1: that that your partner is your.
Speaker 3: Mirror, because you know, a lot of people they don't
Speaker 3: come into it with that understanding because they live in
Speaker 3: fantasy worlds. A lot of people haven't practiced radical acceptance.
Speaker 3: They have in practice actually living and accepting reality for
Speaker 3: what it is. Reality also means seeing things outside of you,
Speaker 3: owning up to who somebody is, understanding that people are
Speaker 3: different from you, and people when we meet other people,
Speaker 3: we see great characteristics or we end up putting on
Speaker 3: characteristics to other people, placing characteristics onto other people that
Speaker 3: we desire, and that just clouds our judgment because a
Speaker 3: lot of people are ruled by their emotions. When you
Speaker 3: connect with somebody, you've been lonely for so long and
Speaker 3: just now you feel that company, you feel that possible companionship,
Speaker 3: you disregard everything else. You disregard everything else, and you
Speaker 3: create a fantastical idea what that's want to be, what
Speaker 3: your life is going to be, and you get stuck
Speaker 3: in that fantasy bond.
Speaker 1: You know my experiences, and you can tell me how
Speaker 1: you've experienced this. When the broke, the wounds, when the
Speaker 1: toxicity in me connects with the toxicity in you. It
Speaker 1: takes me about ninety days to see it, depending upon
Speaker 1: how much time we spend together, it takes me about
Speaker 1: ninety days. That first ninety days we's kissing, hugging, licking, sucking, picking, doing,
Speaker 1: eating off each other's plate, your farts, don't think none
Speaker 1: of that. And then ninety days later I'm like, remember
Speaker 1: that song? How did you get here?
Speaker 2: Yeah?
Speaker 1: Yes, And then you start to see it and like
Speaker 1: wait a minute, hold up, why what is this? And
Speaker 1: the response is then to make it about the other person,
Speaker 1: right right, That to me is when the learned behaviors
Speaker 1: start emerging. How you deal with conflict, how you keep
Speaker 1: yourself safe, how you've created boundaries?
Speaker 2: Right?
Speaker 1: Do you find that in working with people that that happens?
Speaker 3: Yes, we talk a lot about emotion and emotional processes,
Speaker 3: but we don't talk a lot about euphoria and how
Speaker 3: it affects people. The newness of a relationship presents a
Speaker 3: lot of euphoria. You feel that you feel this idea
Speaker 3: of love that's not real, and you feel the bliss
Speaker 3: the quote unquote happiness because it's not always real. Sometimes
Speaker 3: these are faciety that come up, and in that newness,
Speaker 3: a lot of times this person presents something that you
Speaker 3: either have never had before or something that you have desired. Yeah,
Speaker 3: and in those moments, like you said in the first
Speaker 3: ninety days, which a lot of people actually see it
Speaker 3: before that they just purposely and intentionally overlook these things,
Speaker 3: or they ignore it or pretend like these problems don't
Speaker 3: exist because once again, it doesn't fit the idea that
Speaker 3: they have of that person or the idea that they
Speaker 3: have of their life. So in that newness, a lot
Speaker 3: of times you don't see those bad behaviors from yourself
Speaker 3: and you pretend like the other person doesn't necessarily have
Speaker 3: these bad behaviors, or you tell yourself that if you
Speaker 3: love them enough, if you're with them long enough, if
Speaker 3: you get to know them, if you take care of
Speaker 3: them enough, these things are just gonna fade out. They're
Speaker 3: just gonna go away, and it doesn't happen like that now. However,
Speaker 3: as you said, after the ninety days, which most people
Speaker 3: see it before once again, but.
Speaker 1: Call it, they call it something else.
Speaker 3: Once they see these things start to show up, they
Speaker 3: see the negative behaviors, and other people they see the
Speaker 3: unhealthy behavior patterns, and other people they see it in themselves.
Speaker 3: It doesn't fit the narrative. They just try to go on.
Speaker 3: When you don't, once again, back to radical acceptance. When
Speaker 3: you don't accept reality for what it is, you cause
Speaker 3: your own pain and suffering. That's what you do when
Speaker 3: you create fantastical ideas. You can't point the finger at
Speaker 3: somebody else because you cause that suffering for yourself. In
Speaker 3: moments where you knew you should have walked away, you
Speaker 3: should have set a boundary, you should have stepped back,
Speaker 3: you didn't. Speaking of boundaries, a lot of people struggle
Speaker 3: with that in itself, because bounties are rooted in how
Speaker 3: much you respect yourself. If you respect yourself enough the
Speaker 3: moment that you saw that this person was not healthy
Speaker 3: for you, you would have walked away. Yeah, you can't set
Speaker 3: a boundary if you haven't done that.
Speaker 1: You know, here is my I guess you call it
Speaker 1: a pet peeve. Or when I talk to people about boundaries, Yes,
Speaker 1: but I find so many, so very often we're having
Speaker 1: a relationship with the person that they are not having
Speaker 1: with us. You're all Dayton doing the wild thing, you know.
Speaker 1: And particularly for women, they find themselves pregnant or they
Speaker 1: planned the wedding and then when they talk to the man,
Speaker 1: he's like, you know, that's not what I wanted. And
Speaker 1: I say, well, what were the agreements that you made?
Speaker 1: Did you have the agreement that this was a monogamous
Speaker 1: relationship that you all were planning a future together. What
Speaker 1: was the agreement? And so many people make have relationships
Speaker 1: with no boundaries and no agreements and no deal breakers.
Speaker 1: What's a deal breaker? What in the blazing of Jesus?
Speaker 1: But anyway, when you start seeing yourself, yeah, but a
Speaker 1: lot of people don't even know it's their self. That's
Speaker 1: the thing. We don't know that what a partner is
Speaker 1: showing us or what the person because sometimes it's your mother,
Speaker 1: it's your system. We don't know that that's either an
Speaker 1: aspect of us or that the way they're behaving it's
Speaker 1: calling for something in us that we need to grow
Speaker 1: or heal. Right, so your sister never pays her money back?
Speaker 1: What are you growing or healing? Or your mother is
Speaker 1: very critical of you? What are you growing or healing?
Speaker 1: How do you do that? What happens if you don't
Speaker 1: know it's you? How do you develop the problem solving
Speaker 1: skills or techniques in a relationship because you don't know
Speaker 1: it's you that you're looking at.
Speaker 3: I don't believe you can if you're always pointing a
Speaker 3: finger at somebody else and you're not taking accountability. Okay,
Speaker 3: and you there's no way. If you feel as though
Speaker 3: you are a perfect individual, then you're being unrealistic to
Speaker 3: begin with.
Speaker 1: Okay.
Speaker 2: I think that.
Speaker 3: If people come into more situations with a curious mind, yeah,
Speaker 3: and practicing more willingness, that means that you're willing to
Speaker 3: accept things that are outside of you. A lot of
Speaker 3: people you can't collaborate with them. A lot of people
Speaker 3: don't know how to compromise. There are a lot of
Speaker 3: people who, in regards to conflict, they're more competitive in
Speaker 3: their style of conflict. So it's more about what fits them,
Speaker 3: my way or the highway, what's their narrative. If you
Speaker 3: can't see outside of yourself, everyone else is always going
Speaker 3: to be the blame.
Speaker 1: They are, Okay, So let's let's go through some common
Speaker 1: relationship dilemmasat cheating. What is it about me that is
Speaker 1: attracting the serial Cheatah, I'm good to him. I do everything,
Speaker 1: I cook, I watched the you know, I fol the socks,
Speaker 1: I walk the dog. We have great conversations. And this
Speaker 1: mother lover cheats and lies about it. What is it
Speaker 1: in me that's attracting the cheat? Though?
Speaker 2: It sounds like you're a people pleaser and you're sacrificial
Speaker 2: and thank you.
Speaker 1: Thank you for that assessment. Break that down because this
Speaker 1: is huge.
Speaker 3: So I think that when people are over accommodating and
Speaker 3: people are people pleasers, they sacrifice so much of themselves,
Speaker 3: so they put themselves in the inferior position, and they
Speaker 3: put other people in superior positions. And if a person
Speaker 3: who is whose goal is to manipulate you, or a
Speaker 3: person who has like any personality disorders where they don't
Speaker 3: understand empathy it's just about themselves, they're going to exploit
Speaker 3: that that's a weakness that they can utilize. You will
Speaker 3: sacrifice your own happiness for the sake of me, and
Speaker 3: that's things that are obvious.
Speaker 2: You can always tell who's a.
Speaker 3: People pleaser in the way that they speak, in the
Speaker 3: way that they be, in the way that they react,
Speaker 3: in a way that they behave you see it. People
Speaker 3: always pay attention to nonverbal behaviors. If they're there's a
Speaker 3: serial cheater who just wants to put somebody else in
Speaker 3: his basket, you want somebody who can still cater to
Speaker 3: him or her or whoever and do whatever it is
Speaker 3: that they want to do. They're going to look for
Speaker 3: the person who's going to always give in. It can
Speaker 3: be general conversation. You can meet somebody at a bar
Speaker 3: and you can say, you know, I want to buy this.
Speaker 3: You know I'm gonna get you something to drink.
Speaker 2: Oh, no, I have it. Don't worry about it.
Speaker 3: Or if you're with friends and they see that you're
Speaker 3: covering everybody, Oh don't worry about it.
Speaker 2: I got it.
Speaker 3: They see that you're overly accommodating, you're going to pick
Speaker 3: up you're a people pleaser. It's ales and you'll be
Speaker 3: the person that they target.
Speaker 1: The other thing that I find about cheating or I
Speaker 1: don't even think of it as cheating, I think of
Speaker 1: it as a lack of integrity, Yes, a lack of trust.
Speaker 1: And if you don't believe you can have what you want,
Speaker 1: you're going to attract somebody who's going to prove you
Speaker 1: right exactly. You want to loving healthy monoga mis relationship,
Speaker 1: but you really don't believe you can have it, if
Speaker 1: you're gonna attract the person that's gonna show you you
Speaker 1: can't have that, Does that make sense?
Speaker 2: Yeah, the person that reinforces those beliefs.
Speaker 1: Okay, mm hmm. Cheating is huge. Cheating is huge. Let's
Speaker 1: talk about domestic violence.
Speaker 2: Oh okay, what's.
Speaker 1: Going on in me that I'm gonna attract somebody that's
Speaker 1: gonna punch me in my face, push me, choke me whatever.
Speaker 3: I honestly think when it comes to domestic violence, I
Speaker 3: think that victims of domestic violence cannot place too much
Speaker 3: blame on themselves. The one thing we can acknowledge, however,
Speaker 3: that if you are a person who is going through
Speaker 3: domestic violence and you have had a history or pass
Speaker 3: of abuse, some people just go back to what's familiar.
Speaker 3: Some people have just pult of natures to where they
Speaker 3: just constantly repeat their past. It's not always on purpose.
Speaker 3: Some people do it because they're trying to rewrite past.
Speaker 3: Sometimes it's not intentional, and sometimes people go back to
Speaker 3: these situations to change the past, thinking that they can
Speaker 3: fix this, you know, they can prove that, you know,
Speaker 3: they didn't have to be hit on or anything like that.
Speaker 3: I think that a lot of people get stuck in familiarity,
Speaker 3: and I'm not saying that that's everybody, because some people
Speaker 3: really do fall victim to relationships with the abusers and
Speaker 3: they didn't realize it because a lot of people come
Speaker 3: in with all of these great things in the beginning,
Speaker 3: these great characteristics. A lot of people are performative in
Speaker 3: the beginning. They come in, they shower you with gifts
Speaker 3: and praise and compliments, and you don't see the bad
Speaker 3: in them, And the moment that you do see the.
Speaker 2: Bad, they already grabbed you.
Speaker 3: They already have you in this deep hold, and you're
Speaker 3: so emotionally invested that it's hard for you to break.
Speaker 3: And once again, people struggle is believing that they can
Speaker 3: love characteristics out of someone. You can't love someone to change.
Speaker 3: That is something that they have to do.
Speaker 1: You cannot love certain characteristics out of someone. You can't
Speaker 1: love them enough to love them out of their toxicity. Wow,
Speaker 1: that's a lot. I want you all to think about that.
Speaker 1: We're gonna come back with mss Kitty and Moore right
Speaker 1: after this break. Welcome back to the art spot. Kitty
Speaker 1: Rose and I are discussing some common relationship challenges. We've
Speaker 1: already looked at healing, having a good relationship with yourself,
Speaker 1: and if you don't, you're gonna attract somebody a who
Speaker 1: doesn't have a good relationship with themselves and who is
Speaker 1: gonna mirror back to you what you do, and if
Speaker 1: you make it about them, the healing is out the window.
Speaker 1: Now we're talking about things that are common in relationships
Speaker 1: and how it is we attract them. We talked about cheating.
Speaker 1: Let me go back to cheating for a minute, Miss Kitty.
Speaker 1: I have a question. If a person cheats and you
Speaker 1: find out they cheat once, is it a guarantee that
Speaker 1: they'll do it again? No? Okay.
Speaker 3: Now, simply because with couples I specialize in infidelity recovery,
Speaker 3: I can tell you that some people will go back
Speaker 3: to cheating if you did not get to what the
Speaker 3: root of the problem was. Yeah, the root of the problem,
Speaker 3: regardless of unmet needs or unmet expectations. The root of
Speaker 3: the problem is the offender, the person who engaged in
Speaker 3: the infidelity. Yeah, but there are a lot of people
Speaker 3: who actually are integral and they do realize that they've
Speaker 3: made a mistake and they fix it. There are some
Speaker 3: people who really do understand the impact that they have
Speaker 3: had on their partner and they change.
Speaker 2: And there are a lot of.
Speaker 3: People who actually do look at themselves and do realize
Speaker 3: that I really do have a problem that I have
Speaker 3: to address.
Speaker 2: So no, it's not guarantee that they'll cheat again.
Speaker 1: Miskidning. Can I ask you a question, how how's that
Speaker 1: a mistake?
Speaker 3: Well, let me be light on this, Okay, there are
Speaker 3: certain if we look at the root of it.
Speaker 2: Sometimes people are under the influence.
Speaker 3: Sometimes they get too drunk and they really do engage
Speaker 3: in something they're not supposed to. A lot of times
Speaker 3: they can't even recall. The ones who did not make
Speaker 3: the mistake where it was a conscious decision. Are the
Speaker 3: ones who are just simply looking for the thrill again
Speaker 3: to see if they have it, trying to relive experiences
Speaker 3: that they had before, or are taking out the challenge
Speaker 3: their anger from their partner or the marriage or relationship
Speaker 3: and putting it into a different situation. The selfish people,
Speaker 3: those are the ones who didn't make a mistake. When
Speaker 3: we be light on that term mistake, Oh god.
Speaker 1: Okay, yeah, because I'm trying to figure out you know,
Speaker 1: it's not like the beeeness of just walking down the
Speaker 1: street fell in a hole. You know, you gotta set
Speaker 1: that thing up. So I made a mistake. You know,
Speaker 1: I'm looking at you out of one eye, and you know,
Speaker 1: the serial cheater. And again I believe that you know,
Speaker 1: whether it's same sex relationships, had little sexual relationships. If
Speaker 1: you are the partner holding the belief this is too
Speaker 1: good to be true, I can't have what I want
Speaker 1: if you have a history a betrayal, abandonment. I think
Speaker 1: that you're going to attract somebody that gives you the
Speaker 1: opportunity to create a clear boundary and to say no.
Speaker 1: In terms of domestic violence, I lived in it. So
Speaker 1: when I married it, you know, it took me a
Speaker 1: minute to get it. But when I got it, I
Speaker 1: got it. You know, I lived in a household where
Speaker 1: there was domestic violence. I also lived in a household
Speaker 1: where punishment or discipline of me, my brother, my sister,
Speaker 1: as children was viol So whenever the partner was disturbed
Speaker 1: or upset or whatever, the violence that came was familiar
Speaker 1: to me, and I think that's true for a lot
Speaker 1: of people. Let's talk about walk away under what circumstances?
Speaker 1: Is it like I'm out and I ain't coming back
Speaker 1: ever on the fifth of never, and will I be
Speaker 1: back here? Yeah, I'm out, I'm done. No. How do
Speaker 1: you know that it's time to walk away?
Speaker 3: When there's a direct violation of your boundaries, When you
Speaker 3: realize that there is a lack of compatibility with the
Speaker 3: majority of the values that you have, if you know
Speaker 3: your own values, When there is a deep form of
Speaker 3: emotional abuse, meaning maybe a person is constantly talking to
Speaker 3: you in a condescending manner, This is ongoing patronizing, calling
Speaker 3: you names, things like that, threats, I think that's when
Speaker 3: it's time for you to realize you have to walk away.
Speaker 3: I'm not saying these are things that you can't work through.
Speaker 3: I'm saying that it takes a lot of self abandonment
Speaker 3: and a lot of sacrifice to stay in those situations.
Speaker 3: When you realize that you have had to sacrifice your
Speaker 3: own happiness to maintain any sense of harmony in that
Speaker 3: relationship or marriage, and you realize that no matter what
Speaker 3: you do, you cannot get it back. It's time for
Speaker 3: you to walk away. I do believe that. As you
Speaker 3: said before, serial cheating is a no no. Yeah, maybe
Speaker 3: one time you can recover. Multiple times you need to
Speaker 3: walk away. There's foundational problems that you have within your
Speaker 3: relationship or your marriage, and those are typic things you
Speaker 3: cannot resolve.
Speaker 2: And then the other thing.
Speaker 3: I feel like it's time to walk away when there
Speaker 3: is when there's a lot of influence outside of your
Speaker 3: relational or marital dynamic. I think that's when it's time
Speaker 3: for you to walk away as well. When the influence
Speaker 3: is taken over you all's decision making as a couple,
Speaker 3: it's taking over the security, the stability, it's time for
Speaker 3: you to walk away.
Speaker 1: What do you mean outside influence like the mother in law,
Speaker 1: the best friend, those.
Speaker 3: Kinds like codependent friendships and codependent in laws. For sure,
Speaker 3: those are the ones who typically impede and cause problems.
Speaker 1: Okay, all right, I hope you all are getting us.
Speaker 1: I got like sheets of paper here I'm writing down
Speaker 1: you know, I want to talk about this one because
Speaker 1: this one is I don't know if this is a
Speaker 1: walk away, if this is a fix it? What is
Speaker 1: this one? But you've been in a relationship for a
Speaker 1: while and then you go to bed Sunday night and
Speaker 1: you wake up Monday, and there's like this disconnect when
Speaker 1: you all are just together doing what you do, but
Speaker 1: there's no intimacy, there's no communication, there's no I don't know.
Speaker 1: It's like I call it the emotional disconnect. I think
Speaker 1: if a couple is fighting, if they you know, have
Speaker 1: those points of rub and they can fight and fight fairly,
Speaker 1: if they still have you know, just passionate, wild connection
Speaker 1: to one another even if they're fighting, I think that's okay.
Speaker 1: It's when that indifference settles in, when you just become
Speaker 1: indifferent and you're just existing, Well, how do you deal
Speaker 1: with that? What happens is it usually happens, you know, ten, fifteen,
Speaker 1: twenty years, and people are reluctant to disrupt their life.
Speaker 1: So how do you manage an emotional disconnect?
Speaker 3: I think the dynamic that you're speaking of is the
Speaker 3: withdrawal withdrawal dynamic, with both partners being withdrawn. When both
Speaker 3: partners are withdrawn, that's the dynamic that's really hard to
Speaker 3: come back from. Yeah, there is so much emotional space
Speaker 3: that it's and it doesn't have to be emotional tension.
Speaker 3: Like some people have accepted the fact that we're just
Speaker 3: here for either the children because we live together. We're
Speaker 3: trying to get through the lease. We've been together for
Speaker 3: so long, we just don't want to start over. But
Speaker 3: then there's going to be that, like you said, that
Speaker 3: lack of emotional intimacy, conversations are going to be different.
Speaker 2: The friendship, it's probably going to be gone as well.
Speaker 3: Desire, things like that, appreciation, all of those are gone
Speaker 3: at that point when you are that far withdrawn, because
Speaker 3: somebody has to become the pursuing again. But you don't
Speaker 3: want it to feel one sided, and a lot of
Speaker 3: people won't give up that to start over. I think
Speaker 3: that once both partners are withdrawn, I think it's really
Speaker 3: time for you all to decide what's going to be
Speaker 3: best for your relationship and meaning. I think it's time
Speaker 3: if you are to just walk away now. If there
Speaker 3: is a pursue withdrawn dynamic where one person is still fighting,
Speaker 3: maybe so, but then we have to figure out why
Speaker 3: that other partner is so withdrawn.
Speaker 1: What happened.
Speaker 2: Is this a personal issue?
Speaker 3: Is it something that happened within your relationship for your marriage,
Speaker 3: and is it something that you feel you can put
Speaker 3: in the efforts and do the work to actually bring
Speaker 3: back because it still takes intentionality, and usually when both
Speaker 3: people are withdrawing, they're not trying to be intentional to
Speaker 3: fixing the problems because it's probably problems that have just
Speaker 3: been swept under the rug for a long time that
Speaker 3: haven't been addressed.
Speaker 1: Yeah, I let's talk for a moment about emotional intimacy,
Speaker 1: because I think people can have emotional intimacy when they
Speaker 1: don't have physical intimacy.
Speaker 2: Yes, is that po?
Speaker 1: Okay, let's talk about what is emotional intimacy, because the
Speaker 1: other flip side of that is you can have the
Speaker 1: physical intimacy without the emotional intimacy. That's still that's that's bad.
Speaker 2: It is it is so emotionalcy is like that.
Speaker 3: Out of all forms of intimacy physical, sexual, intellectual, spiritual, financial,
Speaker 3: social intimacy, emotional intimacy is the core of that. So
Speaker 3: your ability to be able to connect with a person
Speaker 3: outside of you on an emotional level, that means us
Speaker 3: being able to have safe conversations, being able to have
Speaker 3: vulnerable moments, having conversations about how we feel, working through
Speaker 3: conflict while honoring our emotions, having empathy, being understanding, validating
Speaker 3: one another, given reassurance. All of that is important. How
Speaker 3: we regulating each other when we go through problems, how
Speaker 3: we being coregulators. Those foundational things are important. If you
Speaker 3: do not have emotional intimacy, it's going to threaten that
Speaker 3: physical intimacy as well, because if I cannot connect with
Speaker 3: you on a human level going through these emotional processes,
Speaker 3: then everything's going to feel like an obligation.
Speaker 2: At that point.
Speaker 3: It's going to feel like I'm obligated to do so
Speaker 3: so right now.
Speaker 2: Don't get me wrong.
Speaker 3: Physical intimacy, as far as like being able to cuddle
Speaker 3: in things like that, you can do that, but someone's
Speaker 3: going to bear some type of resentment of not being
Speaker 3: able to deepening that connection or that relationship. And I
Speaker 3: think that as far as like outside of physical sexual intimacy,
Speaker 3: I think that's usually is going to be one sided
Speaker 3: if there's a lack of emotional intimacy, because somebody's going
Speaker 3: to feel like it's just a chore the other person
Speaker 3: enjoys it.
Speaker 1: Right, mss Kendy. I have an interesting exercise. Let's build
Speaker 1: a relationship. Let's you and I build a relationship on paper. Okay,
Speaker 1: oh okay? What what would we need in this relationship?
Speaker 1: Let's let's what would what would be the first ingredient
Speaker 1: in us building a healthy relationship? What would that be?
Speaker 2: That's incompatibility? Comp values?
Speaker 1: Okay, compatibly wit a minute, I'm writing it down because
Speaker 1: I might need this list one day. Compatibility What does
Speaker 1: that mean? I like you? You like me? What? What does
Speaker 1: that mean? Oh?
Speaker 3: It's so much zeper than that. Let's connect on our values.
Speaker 3: We need to know what we value. You know, do
Speaker 3: you value stability, security, financial stability, provision, family, spirituality, religion.
Speaker 3: Let's talk deep and let's understand the root of our values.
Speaker 3: So that means we need to understand family dynamics as well.
Speaker 3: What type of family did you come from? Did you
Speaker 3: come from a family where everyone was considered was Did
Speaker 3: you have an authoritative family or an authoritarian who was
Speaker 3: more about punishment rather than discipline. Let's talk those things
Speaker 3: before we actually create this relationship first, and then let's
Speaker 3: talk standards expectations as well. We can't come in with
Speaker 3: this full list of standards. We need to break it
Speaker 3: all the way down. What are my non negotiables. We're
Speaker 3: not talking about how you what you wear and how
Speaker 3: you dress and stuff, but let look at the very
Speaker 3: things that are going to threaten my own personal stability
Speaker 3: in my own life. Let's talk those things first. That's
Speaker 3: the first key. Compatibility, Because a lot of people see
Speaker 3: chemistry and forget compatibility.
Speaker 2: Sexual chemistry means nothing.
Speaker 1: Okay, Okay, so we got compatible. We're building a relationship, y'all,
Speaker 1: get your pencils. We're building a relationship. So compatibility that
Speaker 1: means our values compatible. Do we have a family history
Speaker 1: that creates certain propensities or how do we value family?
Speaker 1: What are our standards? You mean personal standards, individual life standards?
Speaker 3: What kind of standards we're gonna say, personal and romantic standards? Okay, Oh,
Speaker 3: because we have to honor ourselves too, So we have
Speaker 3: to make sure that whatever it is that we're asking
Speaker 3: for is honoring what it is that we truly need
Speaker 3: in our life, not just our desires. It's measuring out
Speaker 3: desires and needs. So sometimes people come through with this
Speaker 3: laundry list of standards, right, and it's because they're coming
Speaker 3: from a desperate place. So if you ever think about it,
Speaker 3: if you go into a grocery store and you're starving,
Speaker 3: you're going to select based off of the starvation that
Speaker 3: you have, So you're gonna pick for everything.
Speaker 2: You're writing down everything I want this.
Speaker 3: Five hundred things, versus if you go and you are
Speaker 3: truly fulfilled with yourself, which is what a lot of
Speaker 3: people don't do, and that's why they have these long
Speaker 3: lists of standards that people can't meet. If you are
Speaker 3: a person who is not coming from a desperate place,
Speaker 3: you have done so many great things for yourself, you're fulfilled.
Speaker 3: You just really need romantic attributes and things like that. Now,
Speaker 3: then you're not. If you think about a person who
Speaker 3: is fully fed, they going to store, They're going to
Speaker 3: go in for what they need, not just the things
Speaker 3: that they want, what they need, their list is shorter.
Speaker 3: It's the same way in romantic relationships. Fulfill yourself first,
Speaker 3: so the things that you are asking of somebody are
Speaker 3: literally just a compliment. Sometimes people create standards to try
Speaker 3: to change people. If you're asking for someone who's well traveled,
Speaker 3: what if this person doesn't value adventure like you do,
Speaker 3: then what right and then what so you throw them
Speaker 3: off that If that's just something that you absolutely cannot
Speaker 3: compromise with, that's understanding. But some people's standards are not realistic.
Speaker 3: They're asking for people to change, and that's why they
Speaker 3: can't stick whenever they connect with somebody. The list doesn't
Speaker 3: have to be long. Create the things that you truly need. First,
Speaker 3: go through and see if you have any repetitives. Only
Speaker 3: the things that you know are going to compliment you first,
Speaker 3: and then add on those things that you would just
Speaker 3: won't if it's not coming from a desperate place. When
Speaker 3: we get desperate for love and companionship and things like that,
Speaker 3: sometimes we get unrealistic with ourselves. And I think that's
Speaker 3: what a lot of people struggle with.
Speaker 1: You know, at my age, my list is short, alive
Speaker 1: with your own teeth, and you know, I think people
Speaker 1: can want what they want and need what they need, but.
Speaker 3: It's okay to desire it. Not being realistic with yourself
Speaker 3: is a problem.
Speaker 1: But there's so many women who don't think that that
Speaker 1: is unrealistic.
Speaker 3: And that's unfortunate. Once again, radical acceptance. They don't accept
Speaker 3: reality for what it is. This is a reality, this
Speaker 3: is your life.
Speaker 1: Now on the flip side, our brother, easy money, he says.
Speaker 1: If I'm paying the bills and paying the rent and
Speaker 1: taking care of you and you don't have to work,
Speaker 1: just shut up and spread your legs. That's all I
Speaker 1: need you to do. Don't ask me nothing.
Speaker 2: Well, yeah, don that sounds so dehumanizing.
Speaker 1: Oh but do you know how many women will do
Speaker 1: that to get the rent paid and have fancy shoes?
Speaker 1: Do you know how?
Speaker 3: May I know how many are willing to make that sacrifice?
Speaker 3: You know what, if it floats your boat, then go
Speaker 3: for it.
Speaker 2: I guess.
Speaker 1: But what's the standard in that?
Speaker 2: I think those are.
Speaker 3: I think those are immature and unrealistic standards, to be honest,
Speaker 3: because that's exactly those standards right there that create perpetual
Speaker 3: problems with couples. Those are the problems that are simply
Speaker 3: based in value and differences of personality and things like that.
Speaker 3: If we come in and we're asking for I hate
Speaker 3: to say it, we're asking for things that are not
Speaker 3: going to hold any weight in a relationship. Eventually, it's
Speaker 3: going to create problems and somebody's going to start resenting somebody. Okay, No,
Speaker 3: I think that when we whenever we talk about standards.
Speaker 3: It needs to be prioritized. What are the things that
Speaker 3: are going to create longevity and peace and a healthy relationship.
Speaker 3: Simply shutting up and spread of your legs is objectifying
Speaker 3: and dehumanizing. No, someone's going to be upset. Tell somebody
Speaker 3: that they have to be well traveled. That's okay if
Speaker 3: you desire that, But you also can do those things
Speaker 3: with the person.
Speaker 1: Okay, let's continue building our relationship compatibility of value, standards, expectations,
Speaker 1: What are your non negotiables, what are your personal and
Speaker 1: romantic standards? What's your family history? How does family measure
Speaker 1: into this? What else do we need to build our relationship?
Speaker 3: Boundaries? And also what's your relationship with yourself?
Speaker 1: Okay, yourself? Well the odd to people that are building
Speaker 1: this relationship, they pretty good with they.
Speaker 2: Sell they're pretty okay.
Speaker 1: Okay, bound boundaries what about well, you know, boundaries, I
Speaker 1: say agreements. Do we agree to be monogamous? Do we
Speaker 1: agree not to withhold secrets? Do we agree? You know?
Speaker 1: And that could be a boundary.
Speaker 3: So then that takes us back to our values and
Speaker 3: our moral compass. Definitely that because you need to make
Speaker 3: sure that neither one of you all has a faulty
Speaker 3: moral compass. So let's talk about the importance of these things.
Speaker 3: If do you believe that cheating is wrong. If a
Speaker 3: person says, well, if you're a person who believes that
Speaker 3: cheating is immral, and that other person's like, well, it
Speaker 3: all depends. Okay, there's going to be some conflicts and
Speaker 3: morals right there. So I think those things need to
Speaker 3: be talked about as well. The importance of things lying, honesty,
Speaker 3: fidelity versus infidelity.
Speaker 1: Absolutely, I call those deal breakers.
Speaker 2: Absolutely.
Speaker 1: I say you go in with your three deal breakers.
Speaker 1: Cheating is a deal breaker for me. Calling me out
Speaker 1: my name is a deal breaker lutely and messing with
Speaker 1: my money. Don't put your hands in my person or
Speaker 1: your signature on my check or yeah you know, and
Speaker 1: I'm giving, We can share, we can support. I just
Speaker 1: don't do that, okay, miss Kitty. Well, we got our
Speaker 1: things here with We built our relationship on compatibility, values,
Speaker 1: family history, standards, expectations. You know, I want to talk
Speaker 1: about communication, but we'd be here for another two hours.
Speaker 1: That means I'm just gonna have to have you come back.
Speaker 1: Effective communication in a relationship, Oh my god. But I
Speaker 1: want to do some rapid fire questions with you. Yeah,
Speaker 1: all right? Why would a woman settle for being the
Speaker 1: other woman?
Speaker 2: Love? Self? Work?
Speaker 1: What do you look for to determine whether your partner
Speaker 1: has withdrawn or not withdrawn, you know, when they're not
Speaker 1: present in the relationship. What do you look for?
Speaker 3: Lack of conversation, lack of emotional presence, negative talk towards
Speaker 3: each other, negative conversations, constant criticisms, constant complaints of not
Speaker 3: receiving enough valadays, enough reassurance yep, and them starting to
Speaker 3: engage in hobbies and more interests outside of you that
Speaker 3: don't include you.
Speaker 1: How do you know that your partner is controlling?
Speaker 3: They try to change you, They try to change you
Speaker 3: to conform to what they desire of you. They try
Speaker 3: to they over they end up, you know, constantly monitoring,
Speaker 3: like your engagements with your friends, with your family, what
Speaker 3: you wear, you know, education, academics, things like that. Those
Speaker 3: show signs of controlling behaviors.
Speaker 1: Okay, how do you handle if your partner wants you
Speaker 1: to do some freaky dicky stuff in the bedroom and
Speaker 1: you don't want to do it? What do you do?
Speaker 2: You can be passive, You just have to be assertive.
Speaker 3: And just tell them what it is that you don't
Speaker 3: like and what it is that you don't desire. Not
Speaker 3: saying that you can't compromise, but if it's something that
Speaker 3: you're absolutely uncomfortable with and you know that you're not
Speaker 3: willing to compromise on that or whatever the internal conflict is,
Speaker 3: you just have to speak on it and be well,
Speaker 3: just be be prepared for the objection because you're going
Speaker 3: to receive it.
Speaker 1: Whose responsibility is it to check the X? If the
Speaker 1: AX is showing up in a crazy way? Who's responsibility
Speaker 1: is it to check the X? Is it the ex partner?
Speaker 1: Or is it the partners you know what I mean.
Speaker 3: The person who had the relationship with them. It's their responsibility.
Speaker 1: Okay, a meddling mother in law, how do you manage that?
Speaker 3: You talk to the child, that mother's child, You speak
Speaker 3: to whoever your partner is, and you tell them exactly
Speaker 3: what problems you're having, and you both need to sit
Speaker 3: down and talk about boundaries that you need to create
Speaker 3: with that mother in law. If it doesn't, if that
Speaker 3: person feels uncomfortable, you're going to have to be the
Speaker 3: person to have a conversation. And if for any reason,
Speaker 3: she still doesn't respect it, because a lot of codependent
Speaker 3: mother in laws will not respect the boundaries that you
Speaker 3: create because it doesn't it doesn't benefit them. Then in
Speaker 3: that moment, you have to go ahead and be firm
Speaker 3: on consequences and if you both are not in agreeance,
Speaker 3: then you have to start reassessing that relationships.
Speaker 1: That is a good one. I think that's wonderful. You
Speaker 1: have given me some good stuff to work on, mis Kenny.
Speaker 1: Where can people find you? Where can they hear from you?
Speaker 1: If you're on tour with Where do they go to
Speaker 1: find out about what you're doing?
Speaker 3: If they want to see me on tour either, I
Speaker 3: have a moment to excel tour that is for all
Speaker 3: women and we're working on self esteem, self security and
Speaker 3: things like that. You can go to my website www.
Speaker 3: Dot kittiose dot com slash tour. If you want to
Speaker 3: see me on Tonight's conversation, of course, you can go
Speaker 3: to as metaphor dot shop, and then you can always
Speaker 3: find me on social media at Kitty j Rows on
Speaker 3: all of my social media platforms.
Speaker 1: It has been a joy. I thank you so much.
Speaker 1: I got my list right here. I'm gonna put it
Speaker 1: up on all and when people call me, I'm gonna say,
Speaker 1: did you do this? Did you do that?
Speaker 2: Well? Thank you so much for having me today.
Speaker 1: Thank you for the work you're doing in the world,
Speaker 1: because the more work you do, less work I have
Speaker 1: to do. And I appreciate that. Thank you, Miss Kinny,
Speaker 1: Thank you so much. I hope that you heard something
Speaker 1: here today that will help you and your relationships. Go
Speaker 1: back and listen to this again. I have four sheets
Speaker 1: of paper, so I'm sure you should at least come
Speaker 1: up with two here on the R Spot because we
Speaker 1: want to support you and making your relationships healthier, joyful, peaceful,
Speaker 1: and self supportive. That's it for me today. I will
Speaker 1: see you next time. In the meantime, stay in peace
Speaker 1: and not in pieces. Bye. The R Spot is a
Speaker 1: production of Shondaland Audio in partnership with iHeartRadio. For more
Speaker 1: podcasts from Shondaland Audio, visit the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts,
Speaker 1: or wherever you listen to your favorite show.