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Speaker 1: Yes, yes, I am Dramas and this is the Street

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Speaker 1: Stoic Podcast, bringing your daily dose of timeless stoic philosophy

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Speaker 1: remix for the hip hop generation. We are combining ancient

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Speaker 1: philosophy with lyrics and quotes from some of the greatest

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Speaker 1: to ever grace a microphone. Now, with that in mind,

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Speaker 1: let's get things started with your daily shot of inspiration. Today.

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Speaker 1: We are going to be centering the conversation around the

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Speaker 1: stoic idea of focusing on what you can control, and

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Speaker 1: I think specifically as it pertains to our relationships with others,

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Speaker 1: be it personal, be a career wise. And the lyric

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Speaker 1: that I pulled up for this conversation around relationships and

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Speaker 1: what we do or don't control within them, it's from

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Speaker 1: Aaron May and it's a song called I'm Good, Love Enjoy,

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Speaker 1: and in it he says, ain't got no time for you,

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Speaker 1: Oh no, oh no, get about my face. I ain't

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Speaker 1: gotta die for you, oh no, oh no, bitch, I'm

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Speaker 1: getting paid. She say, I'll ride for you. No no, no,

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Speaker 1: stay in your lane. She said, I'll die for you.

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Speaker 1: Oh no, oh no, baby, I'm okay. And that's the

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Speaker 1: hook right there, and then another part of it that

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Speaker 1: I pulled that I really loved. As it pertains to

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Speaker 1: the conversation today, he says, you can't get in my head.

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Speaker 1: Oh no, you can't get in my bed. No, no, no,

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Speaker 1: you heard what I said. Oh I know know you

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Speaker 1: heard what I said. Man, there's some toxic masculinity happening

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Speaker 1: right there. I mean, we got to be honest about this, right,

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Speaker 1: But then again, hip hop has that bravado, So I

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Speaker 1: think y'all know what you were getting into when we

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Speaker 1: talk about reading some hip hop lyrics and quotes. It's

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Speaker 1: not always going to be PC, right, But there's a

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Speaker 1: beautiful message I think within all that I just talked about.

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Speaker 1: And first and foremost, it's literally somebody talking about how,

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Speaker 1: regardless of the temptation and the promises that someone is

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Speaker 1: making to them, they are putting up that barrier, that

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Speaker 1: boundary and saying no, I don't want you to be

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Speaker 1: a part of my life. And we could probably dig

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Speaker 1: a little bit deeper and say this person is talking

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Speaker 1: about not wanting a specific person in their life because

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Speaker 1: they know that they're not good for them, regardless of

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Speaker 1: the promises that they're making. Understanding that this person is

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Speaker 1: not a positive influence in my life, and I need

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Speaker 1: to create some separation between us. And I think this

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Speaker 1: kind of speaks to the fact that people oftentimes will

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Speaker 1: show us who they are through their actions or lack

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Speaker 1: thereof actions, and we end up making the mistake of

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Speaker 1: giving them chance after chance. Right, we allow them to

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Speaker 1: drag us down, and then we have the nerve to

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Speaker 1: get mad at them for doing exactly what they've shown

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Speaker 1: us they will always be doing. And this leads perfectly

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Speaker 1: to a quote from one of the stoics, Eptet, and

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Speaker 1: he says, another person will not do you harm unless

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Speaker 1: you wish it. You will be harmed at just that

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Speaker 1: time at which you take yourself to be harmed. And

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Speaker 1: it's this idea that people can only harm you as

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Speaker 1: much as you allow them to. And of course we

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Speaker 1: all can fall victim to being caught off guard, being

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Speaker 1: taken advantage of maybe trying to give somebody the benefit

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Speaker 1: of the doubt, only to be proven wrong. But beyond that,

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Speaker 1: if these people keep causing you hurt or these situations,

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Speaker 1: you only have yourself to blame. Right, we are the

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Speaker 1: ones wishing it upon ourselves by not focusing on the

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Speaker 1: part of it that we have control over. And I

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Speaker 1: relate to this on an incredibly deep level from both

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Speaker 1: a business and a personal standpoint, right, Like, I oftentimes

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Speaker 1: will fall in love with people's potential rather than actually

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Speaker 1: who they are. And this happens a business where I

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Speaker 1: recognize somebody's talent or skilled I recognize maybe the struggles

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Speaker 1: that they've gone through, and see their pretend, and I

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Speaker 1: keep giving them chance after chance, even if they're letting

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Speaker 1: me down. Right. I've had multiple business partners throughout the

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Speaker 1: course of my life and my career prior to where

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Speaker 1: I am now, and even though this person wasn't matching

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Speaker 1: my energy and my dedication, I kept giving them chance

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Speaker 1: after chance because I knew they were a good person.

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Speaker 1: I knew they had good intentions. I knew that they

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Speaker 1: were talented, they were skilled at what they did. But

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Speaker 1: eventually I had to realize, this person does not have

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Speaker 1: their shit together and I can't continue to give them

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Speaker 1: chance after chance and allow them to drag me down

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Speaker 1: with them, right. And I can remember this very early on.

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Speaker 1: This is when I was first really getting into djaying,

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Speaker 1: you know, and I had a business partner that became

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Speaker 1: a very close friend of mine and was just not

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Speaker 1: somebody that I felt like I could rely on day

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Speaker 1: in and day out to match my energy, to match

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Speaker 1: my work ethic. They didn't want it as bad as me.

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Speaker 1: And in romantic relationships, right, this is such a common thing.

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Speaker 1: I can think back to somebody that I had been

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Speaker 1: on and off again relationship with for the course of

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Speaker 1: like two years, you know, and there was always this

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Speaker 1: tugg and pulled. There was always oh, it's about to happen.

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Speaker 1: It's not about to happen, right. This person never really

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Speaker 1: wanted to commit, but them would be wanting to receive

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Speaker 1: boyfriend energy from me. And eventually it came to the

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Speaker 1: point where I had to just say, enough is enough, Right,

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Speaker 1: I gotta put this distance between us because it's only

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Speaker 1: bringing me stress, it's only bringing me confusion, it's only

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Speaker 1: causing me to sort of pause my life to a

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Speaker 1: degree waiting for this person to come around and be

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Speaker 1: on the same page as me. But again, for a while,

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Speaker 1: I harbored a lot of resentment, a lot of anger,

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Speaker 1: a lot of blame towards them, and I had to

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Speaker 1: come to the realization that the only person in this

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Speaker 1: situation that gets the real blame or should get the

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Speaker 1: real blame is myself, because I'm in control of whether

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Speaker 1: or not I allow this person to keep doing this

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Speaker 1: to me, to keep bringing up these feelings. I'm the

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Speaker 1: one who's in charge of saying enough is enough. I

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Speaker 1: need to cut you out of my life. Now we

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Speaker 1: have heard the words of Aaron May. Today we have

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Speaker 1: heard from one of the stoics, Epictetus. I've given you

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Speaker 1: my own insight into this idea of focusing on what

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Speaker 1: you can control as it pertains to the personal and

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Speaker 1: business relationships that you have in your life. Now, let's

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Speaker 1: talk about how you can make it your mantra for today.

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Speaker 1: But first's take a quick break and then we'll be

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Speaker 1: right back. All right, So we have heard the words

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Speaker 1: of Aaron May. We have heard the words of the

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Speaker 1: Stoics Epictetis, specifically myself, all around this idea of focusing

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Speaker 1: on what you can control. Now let's talk about how

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Speaker 1: you can make it your mantra for today. Now, if

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Speaker 1: you've been listening to this podcast, be it first season

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Speaker 1: or even now in the second season, I think at

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Speaker 1: this point you're kind of familiar with the fact that

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Speaker 1: I'm big on taking inventory on your personal life. Right

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Speaker 1: Having a lot of self reflection and self awareness to

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Speaker 1: see where you are and where you sort of are

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Speaker 1: lacking that you can pick up the slack for yourself, right.

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Speaker 1: And I think this is one of those cases where

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Speaker 1: we have to have that moment of self reflection and

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Speaker 1: self awareness and we have to ask ourselves what pain

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Speaker 1: are we inviting in? What hurt are we setting ourselves

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Speaker 1: up for? Who are we having in our lives, or

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Speaker 1: what situation are we making ourselves? A part of that

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Speaker 1: continuously is bringing us stress or pain, right, And we're

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Speaker 1: focusing on what we can control. I can't control when

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Speaker 1: that person is going to mature or realize the opportunity

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Speaker 1: that I'm bestowing upon them career wise, right. I can't

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Speaker 1: control when that potential love interest decides that they want

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Speaker 1: to get serious and see where this goes. I can't

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Speaker 1: control any of that at the end of the day, Right,

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Speaker 1: That's all something to do with the other person and

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Speaker 1: where they are in their life and what they are

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Speaker 1: willing to face or not willing to face. But what

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Speaker 1: I can control is the level that they are or

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Speaker 1: aren't in my life. I can say no to their advances,

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Speaker 1: I can say no to working with them I can

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Speaker 1: put that distance between myself and said person or situation.

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Speaker 1: That's the part that I'm in control of. And by

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Speaker 1: doing that, by setting that boundary, by putting that distance

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Speaker 1: between us, or putting that distance between a particular situation,

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Speaker 1: and then saving myself from the hurt or stress that

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Speaker 1: comes along with said person or said situation. Now, a

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Speaker 1: recap all that we talked about today around the stoic

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Speaker 1: idea of focusing on what you can control. We heard

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Speaker 1: from Aaron May and him really just proclaiming, right, this

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Speaker 1: person is throwing themselves at him essentially, and he's saying, no,

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Speaker 1: you can't be a part of my life. Right, you

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Speaker 1: can't get in my head, you can't stay in my bed.

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Speaker 1: I said no, And he's essentially declaring that he wants

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Speaker 1: nothing to do with this person, who we can all

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Speaker 1: guess is is some sort of toxic relationship that he's had. Right,

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Speaker 1: But that's the part that he can control, or epictetis right.

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Speaker 1: Another person will not do harm unless you wish it. Right,

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Speaker 1: you have to take that ownership. No one can harm

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Speaker 1: you unless you allow yourself to be harmed by that person.

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Speaker 1: And again, it's not black and white. There are gonna

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Speaker 1: be situations that catch us off guard. But generally speaking,

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Speaker 1: if a situation continues to stress us, continues to hurt us,

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Speaker 1: continues to cause us some sort of pain, we only

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Speaker 1: have ourselves to blame. And then, in my own case,

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Speaker 1: the idea of not falling in love with people's potential,

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Speaker 1: fall in love with who they show you that they are,

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Speaker 1: and not making a decision of if they're going to

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Speaker 1: be a part of your life or your business based

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Speaker 1: upon the potential that you see in them, but instead

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Speaker 1: by who they are in that moment. In that moment,

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Speaker 1: are they already somebody that you can count on? Are

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Speaker 1: they available? Are they disciplined in that moment? And that's

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Speaker 1: not to say that you can not give people chances

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Speaker 1: and that people can't grow in all the above, right,

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Speaker 1: but it also means how much are you willing to

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Speaker 1: invest in that person? Right? You can love somebody from afar,

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Speaker 1: you can give people opportunities from afar, right, keep them

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Speaker 1: at arm's length rather than just wholeheartedly diving into said relationship,

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Speaker 1: be it career wise or romantically. That's the part that

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Speaker 1: you are in control of at the end of the day.

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Speaker 1: And with that said, thank you, so much for checking

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Speaker 1: out the Street Stoic podcast. Do your best to apply

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Speaker 1: these concepts that we discussed into your everyday life and

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Speaker 1: I will catch you next. The Street Stoke podcast is

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Speaker 1: a production of Iheart's Micola podcast Network