WEBVTT - The Inner Dialogue of a Conflicted Hoe

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<v Speaker 1>Welcome back to Good Mom's Bad Choices. I'm Erica and

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<v Speaker 1>I'm Mila. Happy hump Day, Happy hump Day. How are

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<v Speaker 1>you great? I don't believe you because I'm lying.

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<v Speaker 2>Oh my god, oh my god. This is the first

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<v Speaker 2>week ever. And people were like, how are you? And

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<v Speaker 2>I'm like terrible. Actually, I'm actually doing fucking terrible.

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<v Speaker 1>I was in a bar the other night and this

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<v Speaker 1>girl walked in and she sat next to me, and

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<v Speaker 1>she had like a cookie gift bag and she's like,

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<v Speaker 1>do you want that? I'm a bar. She was like,

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<v Speaker 1>you know, Christmas time, so she's like, do you have kids?

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<v Speaker 1>I was like, actually I do. She's like, do you

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<v Speaker 1>want this cookie?

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<v Speaker 2>I'm like thanks, this is so nice of you because

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<v Speaker 2>I'm having a really shitty day.

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<v Speaker 1>Oh my god.

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<v Speaker 3>I cried at the bar for like two hours.

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<v Speaker 1>Oh you know, but you know, I.

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<v Speaker 2>Never cried at the bar. I never tell people I'm

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<v Speaker 2>having a shitty day.

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<v Speaker 1>So you know, it's fine. And maybe that's what you

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<v Speaker 1>need to start doing in twenty twenty, admitting when I'm

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<v Speaker 1>having a shitty stop internalizing your shittiness well, because then

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<v Speaker 1>it displays in other ways. I mean, I'm not saying

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<v Speaker 1>I witnessed it, but I'm just saying it's inevitable. Wolf Moon,

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<v Speaker 1>apoet Apothecary, Apothecary, Brandon. Brandon told me that, yeah, I

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<v Speaker 1>hold a lot in and I hold a lot of

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<v Speaker 1>them with certain people. You stop whispering, please, Okay. So

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<v Speaker 1>I'm just listening to Brandon and I'm speaking my mind.

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<v Speaker 1>And when I'm having a shitty day, I'm telling folks

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<v Speaker 1>I'm not doing great, even if they're strangers at the bar. Good.

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<v Speaker 1>Do you have a hard time telling people when you're

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<v Speaker 1>having a shitty do? No? What you do you think

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<v Speaker 1>I do? No? I mean, I know I'm pretty I

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<v Speaker 1>think I'm pretty vocal about my feelings constantly, which is

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<v Speaker 1>why I'm annoying. I wouldn't say I wasn't vocal about

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<v Speaker 1>my feelings. Well, I wouldn't. I didn't think I didn't really.

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<v Speaker 2>I guess I didn't analyze it, really, I guess not

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<v Speaker 2>all my feelings.

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<v Speaker 3>Yeah, you guys, we're drinking tea.

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<v Speaker 1>And yeah, my spoon keeps hitting the thing and it's

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<v Speaker 1>gonna be annoying. And I'm also like, ah sturbing. Yeah,

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<v Speaker 1>we're literally double fisting tea and wine because also I

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<v Speaker 1>need to drink. Also, I feel like I shouldn't smoke

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<v Speaker 1>because last night I felt like I was wheezing and

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<v Speaker 1>like so much so that I was like, do I

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<v Speaker 1>need to go put on IRI's nebulizer? Do you have

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<v Speaker 1>the puppy dog nebulized? Is that thing helping for her?

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<v Speaker 1>I think so? Well, I haven't been using it lately?

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<v Speaker 1>Do you need want to borrow it? Yeah, but I

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<v Speaker 1>need to put some shit in it though, I just

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<v Speaker 1>I have this stuff.

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<v Speaker 2>I feel scared because Luna has also been like coughing

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<v Speaker 2>for in the mornings for.

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<v Speaker 1>Like a while. Yeah. Yeah, no, so it was iration

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<v Speaker 1>coughing for a while. It's getting better though, so the nebulizer.

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<v Speaker 1>And then she got she had antibiotics, which the doctor

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<v Speaker 1>like didn't want to give me for like months and

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<v Speaker 1>finally they're like, fine, why wouldn't they give it to you?

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<v Speaker 1>Because they were like, it's just a common cold. She's

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<v Speaker 1>for a month at school, but it up. I'm like,

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<v Speaker 1>all right, last my one, I was like, she needs

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<v Speaker 1>fucking antibiotics. I'm gonna give her these antiotics I got

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<v Speaker 1>in Mexico. Okay, Well, like I found some money in

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<v Speaker 1>my pockets, looks see look at the seventeen dollars. I

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<v Speaker 1>needed every fucking penny. Sweet, you are blessed. I am blessed.

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<v Speaker 1>You are. You know every time I'm feeling away, God's like,

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<v Speaker 1>here you go, bitch, shut the fuck up. So grateful.

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<v Speaker 1>I do believe in God. I do believe in the

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<v Speaker 1>power of prayer. And in twenty twenty, I'm going, I'm

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<v Speaker 1>gonna go. I've like actually been researching places to go

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<v Speaker 1>to explore my spirituality weekly. Some of them could be

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<v Speaker 1>called churches. I hate saying that institutions institutions, but they

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<v Speaker 1>seemed they seem like a little more like progressive. And

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<v Speaker 1>I was thinking about a gope and then like someone

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<v Speaker 1>explained a gobe love to me and it threw me off.

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<v Speaker 1>I know, could you explained it to me? And it

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<v Speaker 1>threw me off? It like really like killed, like was

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<v Speaker 1>like really a red flag for my like intersectional feminism.

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<v Speaker 1>I was like, what the fuck are you talking about? That?

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<v Speaker 1>We just love these niggas no matter what we did.

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<v Speaker 1>I say that or is that what that particular person is.

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<v Speaker 1>I don't know. Okay, I didn't research it, but my

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<v Speaker 1>friend who was explaining to me what a gode love

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<v Speaker 1>was because she was dating this guy who has this

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<v Speaker 1>been dating this girl for a long long time, and

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<v Speaker 1>she just won't go away, Like he doesn't like she's

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<v Speaker 1>dating her, but he's also dating my friend. My friend

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<v Speaker 1>is like, I'm not gonna sit here and wait for

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<v Speaker 1>you to make a decision, and he's like, well, I

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<v Speaker 1>guess the girl is like, I'll wait because she believes

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<v Speaker 1>in a godbe love and a godbe love. Wait. Quote

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<v Speaker 1>me if I'm wrong, because I don't know who's listening.

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<v Speaker 1>That goes to a gobe or whatever. But what I

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<v Speaker 1>was told is basically that like it's for the bigger purpose.

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<v Speaker 1>Like if you're in love with someone a godbe love

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<v Speaker 1>is like, it's for the bigger purpose. You ride or

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<v Speaker 1>die with them no matter what, because you see the

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<v Speaker 1>bigger picture and your heart is filled with a godbe love.

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<v Speaker 1>I don't know, okay, what I'm looking at it? Well,

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<v Speaker 1>there you go. What is the godbe love?

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<v Speaker 2>Okay? Is A is a Greco Christian term referring to love,

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<v Speaker 2>the highest form of love, charity, and the love.

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<v Speaker 1>Of God for man and man for God. Wait, that's

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<v Speaker 1>not charity. I don't like that word already.

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<v Speaker 2>It's the same thing, okay, an unditional love, which means

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<v Speaker 2>that you love someone without expecting anything in return.

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<v Speaker 1>Yeah, I mean okay, there's like okay, yes, okay, I

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<v Speaker 1>have a lot to say. Okay, yes, but like also no,

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<v Speaker 1>you know, okay, we're okay, I'm okay.

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<v Speaker 2>I'm happy that this. I'm happy I looked this up. Expectation.

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<v Speaker 2>I know we talked about this all the time, all

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<v Speaker 2>the time, but this is a question I have, and

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<v Speaker 2>this is just a friendship in relationship expectation.

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<v Speaker 1>Now, I know we're not supposed to have any expectation

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<v Speaker 1>of anything, right, that's not healthy. However, also not realistic.

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<v Speaker 1>Do not have any like I mean, not not realistic,

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<v Speaker 1>but the world we live in, that's you have to

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<v Speaker 1>untrain that. So I just I'm confused.

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<v Speaker 2>I need a deeper I need a better understanding with

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<v Speaker 2>better standards of expectation.

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<v Speaker 1>Because it's true, like.

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<v Speaker 2>We could love this tree without expecting anything of it.

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<v Speaker 2>We know it's gonna however it grows, it's leaning to

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<v Speaker 2>the light, it's going through what it's going through, it's present,

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<v Speaker 2>and we love it as is.

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<v Speaker 1>Okay, it doesn't have to do anything.

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<v Speaker 2>For us now, Erica, if I'm your best friend, and

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<v Speaker 2>I love you, I'm conditionally agape.

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<v Speaker 3>How realistic is it? Like, of course I want to.

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<v Speaker 2>Just love you as you are, but like aren't there

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<v Speaker 2>friend terms? And at some point, like like front expectations,

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<v Speaker 2>I've well I've got all friends with just being crazy.

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<v Speaker 1>But like maybe it's like even like if they're crazy,

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<v Speaker 1>you just love them from Afar, but you still love them.

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<v Speaker 1>Maybe there doesn't mean you have them in your life,

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<v Speaker 1>but you still love them. Well, yeah that's true. I

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<v Speaker 1>love people even if it's from Afar. But I'm just wondering,

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<v Speaker 1>I'm just I'm just wondering if that's what agape love

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<v Speaker 1>is like from Afar. It can't be that, like you

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<v Speaker 1>just endure fucking abuse forever because you're in a gope love.

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<v Speaker 2>And not even abuse if in a relationship and whatever

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<v Speaker 2>kind of relationship it is. What you're giving is not

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<v Speaker 2>being returned. But I know you can't expect you from

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<v Speaker 2>you can't expect you from other people. So at what point, like,

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<v Speaker 2>at what point do you draw the line and expect

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<v Speaker 2>something and maybe not just like you or look just

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<v Speaker 2>like you would present your friendship or your relationshipness, But

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<v Speaker 2>at what point is it like Okay, you're not doing

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<v Speaker 2>for me what I would do for you, So I'm

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<v Speaker 2>removing myself to love you from afar a copit.

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<v Speaker 1>I don't know. I have to ask a god, the minister,

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<v Speaker 1>I mean to I'll get back to you on that one.

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<v Speaker 1>Maybe I'll find out in my church journey, my my

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<v Speaker 1>church tour.

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<v Speaker 2>I mean, this is a big lesson. I think this

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<v Speaker 2>is a huge lesson that like it's probably a lifelong

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<v Speaker 2>one that you have to kind of figure out.

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<v Speaker 1>But how do you figure it out with that like

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<v Speaker 1>punching someone? I don't know. I mean I feel like, uh,

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<v Speaker 1>have you had.

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<v Speaker 2>A friendship that you feel like your friendship style is

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<v Speaker 2>one way and that friendship style is a different way.

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<v Speaker 1>Like their friendship style is different than mine. Yeah, of

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<v Speaker 1>course I think we all have that. Yeah, there's no

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<v Speaker 1>friendship style standard, Like are you how do you love

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<v Speaker 1>friendship style? Be your a? I mean I have friends

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<v Speaker 1>that are like the way they show their love for

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<v Speaker 1>me is gifts, like like little things to show them

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<v Speaker 1>like that that. I have friends that the way they

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<v Speaker 1>show their love it's like it's like the love language loge.

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<v Speaker 1>So I guess love languages tran quality time or you know,

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<v Speaker 1>And then I think your love languages, yeah, I can

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<v Speaker 1>translate to friendships, and sometimes that's why your friendships don't work,

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<v Speaker 1>because your love languages are different. M you know, just

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<v Speaker 1>like in relationshipeah. I mean it's still a relationship.

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<v Speaker 2>But do you feel like maybe in relationships because it's

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<v Speaker 2>more intimate, but do you feel like, uh, like, I

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<v Speaker 2>never read that book. So if your love language is

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<v Speaker 2>not the same as my love language, does that mean

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<v Speaker 2>we are friendship's not gonna work? Or does that mean

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<v Speaker 2>I need to not expect your love language to be

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<v Speaker 2>the same as mine. But then we're just speaking fucking

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<v Speaker 2>Spanish and Chinese and that's not gonna work.

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<v Speaker 1>I think also, so like, I mean, I don't know.

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<v Speaker 1>I mean, I think sometimes we have a little bit

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<v Speaker 1>of a few different love languages. Maybe that's why, like

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<v Speaker 1>friendships work out. But I also think that expectations sometimes

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<v Speaker 1>are held a little higher when it comes to love

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<v Speaker 1>versus regular platonic friendship. Sometimes, I mean, there are times

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<v Speaker 1>where I expect my friends to show up for me,

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<v Speaker 1>you know, and more so like when a nig especially

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<v Speaker 1>when a nigga's betraying me, Like, you better show up, right,

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<v Speaker 1>you know, pick a side. This hasn't happened to me before,

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<v Speaker 1>so I don't know.

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<v Speaker 2>It's interesting because I feel like I have different love

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<v Speaker 2>languages than some of my friends, and I feel like

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<v Speaker 2>as I get.

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<v Speaker 1>Older it is not an issue, but it just makes

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<v Speaker 1>there be less understanding. Well, I think also, like you're

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<v Speaker 1>you grow out of people, just like you grew out

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<v Speaker 1>of relationships, like with men, you go out of friendships

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<v Speaker 1>that are platonic as well, you know, like you have

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<v Speaker 1>breakups with friends too, they're not like mutually exclusive. And

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<v Speaker 1>I think sometimes we feel like unless a friend has

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<v Speaker 1>done something terrible to us, and like there's no there's

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<v Speaker 1>no reason to end the friends.

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<v Speaker 2>Friends for ten years, been friends for fifteen years, we're

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<v Speaker 2>gonna be friends forever.

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<v Speaker 1>But sometimes yeah, yeah, I mean, and I have friends

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<v Speaker 1>too that like I haven't talked to and like, like,

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<v Speaker 1>for example, my girlfriend Natalita, like she just moved back

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<v Speaker 1>here and she was one of my closest friends in

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<v Speaker 1>high school. Even after high school, and you know, we

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<v Speaker 1>haven't really kept up with each other too much. We

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<v Speaker 1>check in every now and then, but like we're not

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<v Speaker 1>in each other's lives on a daily at all, on

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<v Speaker 1>a monthly I haven't seen her probably in two years.

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<v Speaker 1>Do you feel like he's grow out of her? No?

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<v Speaker 1>But I feel like that's a real flat that's a

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<v Speaker 1>friendship that like those are the time friendships, or like

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<v Speaker 1>I can come back to you and it's like and

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<v Speaker 1>it's all good and there's no like animosity because you

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<v Speaker 1>haven't been here for me.

0:12:09.360 --> 0:12:11.119
<v Speaker 2>Well, I guess, I guess that's a part of the expectation,

0:12:11.559 --> 0:12:13.720
<v Speaker 2>Like if do I expect you to check in with

0:12:13.760 --> 0:12:15.880
<v Speaker 2>me every week or call me every week, or if.

0:12:15.760 --> 0:12:17.480
<v Speaker 1>I see you like you know what I mean.

0:12:17.559 --> 0:12:20.040
<v Speaker 2>So I guess that's a part of not having expectation

0:12:20.160 --> 0:12:20.920
<v Speaker 2>and then it works.

0:12:22.640 --> 0:12:28.600
<v Speaker 1>Yeah, I don't know. It's it's interesting what people's expectations are.

0:12:28.640 --> 0:12:32.880
<v Speaker 1>I mean, because like my former friend who had very

0:12:33.040 --> 0:12:36.000
<v Speaker 1>had a lot of expectations for me. Like her expectations

0:12:36.000 --> 0:12:39.320
<v Speaker 1>were like, you know, she needed me to go visit

0:12:39.360 --> 0:12:41.600
<v Speaker 1>her all the time, you know, and like she didn't

0:12:41.640 --> 0:12:44.720
<v Speaker 1>understand why I couldn't because she visited me all the time.

0:12:44.760 --> 0:12:47.320
<v Speaker 1>Well not all the time, but in her mind she

0:12:47.320 --> 0:12:51.080
<v Speaker 1>she visited me all the time and put forth more

0:12:51.160 --> 0:12:55.120
<v Speaker 1>effort into our relationship than I did. I beg to differ,

0:12:57.400 --> 0:13:00.679
<v Speaker 1>but that's her love. Her love language is I don't know,

0:13:00.800 --> 0:13:02.920
<v Speaker 1>I mean my love. I would say my lovely just

0:13:03.000 --> 0:13:05.559
<v Speaker 1>quality time too, but I don't know. I feel like

0:13:05.600 --> 0:13:09.320
<v Speaker 1>our languages got mixed up. And she's just kind of

0:13:09.320 --> 0:13:13.200
<v Speaker 1>a bitch anyway. So yeah, then there's that. Yeah, she's

0:13:13.240 --> 0:13:16.080
<v Speaker 1>just kind of like sometimes she's just people just kind

0:13:16.080 --> 0:13:17.240
<v Speaker 1>of a bitch. Do you think he said she was

0:13:17.280 --> 0:13:19.360
<v Speaker 1>kind of a bitch as a friend? No, I never

0:13:19.520 --> 0:13:22.199
<v Speaker 1>this our friendship ending or the way our friendship played

0:13:22.200 --> 0:13:25.280
<v Speaker 1>out was super shocking to me. I was like, WHOA,

0:13:26.920 --> 0:13:29.760
<v Speaker 1>I always knew that, Like she was really possessive of me.

0:13:30.440 --> 0:13:33.720
<v Speaker 1>I think that's strange too, and like really hold on

0:13:33.760 --> 0:13:36.240
<v Speaker 1>to these like you're my like these terms, like these

0:13:36.520 --> 0:13:40.079
<v Speaker 1>labels you're my best friend, like like we're twelve, like

0:13:40.280 --> 0:13:42.160
<v Speaker 1>you're my best friend and you're my best friend, and

0:13:42.200 --> 0:13:44.559
<v Speaker 1>you're my best friend next week and last week you're

0:13:44.600 --> 0:13:46.160
<v Speaker 1>my best friend, but now you're like my kind of

0:13:46.160 --> 0:13:48.120
<v Speaker 1>that's like that type of shit. That's how I felt like,

0:13:48.600 --> 0:13:51.280
<v Speaker 1>because whenever we'd argue, she would really like that was

0:13:51.320 --> 0:13:52.920
<v Speaker 1>one of her things that she would always bring up,

0:13:52.960 --> 0:13:56.600
<v Speaker 1>like this this best friend title, like you I don't

0:13:56.640 --> 0:13:58.439
<v Speaker 1>know if I can you can be my best friend anymore.

0:13:58.800 --> 0:14:00.880
<v Speaker 1>Like honestly, we're getting him out, like I don't know,

0:14:00.960 --> 0:14:02.880
<v Speaker 1>like it's gonna take some time for me to like

0:14:02.960 --> 0:14:05.640
<v Speaker 1>get you back there, because I literally was like on

0:14:05.679 --> 0:14:10.440
<v Speaker 1>the other line, like is this real? Like okay, but

0:14:10.520 --> 0:14:11.760
<v Speaker 1>I was like nature, I was like, I don't want

0:14:11.800 --> 0:14:13.400
<v Speaker 1>to make this is how This is how it works

0:14:13.400 --> 0:14:15.400
<v Speaker 1>for her in her brain, so you know, more power

0:14:15.480 --> 0:14:17.680
<v Speaker 1>to her, but this is just not how I work.

0:14:17.760 --> 0:14:20.040
<v Speaker 2>But you know what, now that you're saying this out

0:14:20.080 --> 0:14:22.200
<v Speaker 2>loud and you know me and that ex best friend

0:14:22.240 --> 0:14:25.720
<v Speaker 2>are the same, the same sign I maybe do have

0:14:25.800 --> 0:14:26.880
<v Speaker 2>attachments to.

0:14:28.560 --> 0:14:32.320
<v Speaker 1>Like if you've been my best friend, this song and

0:14:32.720 --> 0:14:33.520
<v Speaker 1>this is what's happening.

0:14:33.520 --> 0:14:36.080
<v Speaker 2>This is what I expect from you, and maybe not

0:14:37.040 --> 0:14:39.960
<v Speaker 2>from someone else i've known last they've been less close to.

0:14:40.560 --> 0:14:43.760
<v Speaker 2>But I feel like in myself, my own problem now

0:14:43.800 --> 0:14:45.840
<v Speaker 2>that we're having this conversation is I do have deep

0:14:45.880 --> 0:14:50.080
<v Speaker 2>attachments to things and people. It's fucking crazy. I will

0:14:50.160 --> 0:14:51.640
<v Speaker 2>like reach out to people I haven't talked to you

0:14:51.640 --> 0:14:53.160
<v Speaker 2>in years just to be like, how are you, how's

0:14:53.160 --> 0:14:54.440
<v Speaker 2>that baby, how's that grandma?

0:14:55.040 --> 0:14:55.920
<v Speaker 1>But also.

0:14:57.960 --> 0:15:01.520
<v Speaker 2>If I've known you so long and there's things going

0:15:01.520 --> 0:15:04.560
<v Speaker 2>on in my world or whatever, and we're I think

0:15:04.560 --> 0:15:07.680
<v Speaker 2>we're that close, and then I notice, I don't know,

0:15:07.760 --> 0:15:09.280
<v Speaker 2>I don't I don't know if it's an attachment to

0:15:09.400 --> 0:15:12.600
<v Speaker 2>just the title or like the time spent and the

0:15:12.640 --> 0:15:15.120
<v Speaker 2>time that's been put in, but it is.

0:15:15.440 --> 0:15:18.360
<v Speaker 1>I think I do have an issue just releasing shit.

0:15:18.560 --> 0:15:20.440
<v Speaker 1>I mean, I get it. I mean, especially if you've

0:15:20.440 --> 0:15:24.200
<v Speaker 1>gone through shit with people like they've experienced they've experienced

0:15:24.440 --> 0:15:27.200
<v Speaker 1>things with you, You've experienced things with them that are

0:15:27.200 --> 0:15:32.120
<v Speaker 1>either really traumatic personal private unique to your friendship that

0:15:32.280 --> 0:15:35.360
<v Speaker 1>you didn't share with anyone else. Like, I get that,

0:15:35.480 --> 0:15:37.840
<v Speaker 1>you know, I have that. I have that with with

0:15:37.920 --> 0:15:40.640
<v Speaker 1>I have that with you, I have that with a

0:15:40.680 --> 0:15:44.400
<v Speaker 1>few of my really really close friends. You know. I

0:15:44.440 --> 0:15:47.520
<v Speaker 1>have a deep attachments as well to people. I think

0:15:47.560 --> 0:15:51.280
<v Speaker 1>we all kind of do well, not everyone, but I

0:15:51.280 --> 0:15:54.960
<v Speaker 1>don't know. It's there's different levels. I guess it's a

0:15:55.000 --> 0:15:57.960
<v Speaker 1>spectrum and.

0:15:56.800 --> 0:16:00.120
<v Speaker 2>And I just think I think I'm super sensitive and

0:16:00.520 --> 0:16:06.360
<v Speaker 2>when I have given the title or I like, have

0:16:06.440 --> 0:16:09.440
<v Speaker 2>attached myself to someone in a certain way, and then

0:16:09.440 --> 0:16:12.360
<v Speaker 2>I peep that, I feel like it's not I don't know,

0:16:12.440 --> 0:16:16.960
<v Speaker 2>like to my level of standard it is disappointing to me.

0:16:17.080 --> 0:16:21.080
<v Speaker 2>It's very disappointing, like dream about how I'm gonna curse

0:16:21.120 --> 0:16:21.440
<v Speaker 2>you out.

0:16:21.880 --> 0:16:22.520
<v Speaker 1>Disappointing.

0:16:22.600 --> 0:16:25.080
<v Speaker 2>But I realize that's my own shit that I have

0:16:25.120 --> 0:16:26.800
<v Speaker 2>to like, that has nothing to do with anybody else

0:16:26.840 --> 0:16:30.640
<v Speaker 2>but me. My disappointment in other people is just just that,

0:16:30.840 --> 0:16:33.480
<v Speaker 2>my own that has nothing to do with anybody else.

0:16:33.480 --> 0:16:37.640
<v Speaker 1>That's something I need to better delegate well that and

0:16:37.640 --> 0:16:39.920
<v Speaker 1>you also have to express it to them so they

0:16:39.960 --> 0:16:41.800
<v Speaker 1>know so they can fix it. At least give someone

0:16:41.800 --> 0:16:44.040
<v Speaker 1>the opportunity to fix it, because they might not even

0:16:44.120 --> 0:16:46.240
<v Speaker 1>know what they're doing because their love language is different.

0:16:46.520 --> 0:16:49.120
<v Speaker 2>But I feel I feel like I in many cases

0:16:50.240 --> 0:16:52.800
<v Speaker 2>I have oh yeah, I mean I'm not saying you specifically,

0:16:53.520 --> 0:16:55.880
<v Speaker 2>yeah yeah, let people know yeah, I mean yeah. And

0:16:55.920 --> 0:17:00.800
<v Speaker 2>I think sometimes in platonic friendships it's more for some reason,

0:17:00.840 --> 0:17:03.360
<v Speaker 2>it's more difficult to express your feelings than it is

0:17:03.400 --> 0:17:04.800
<v Speaker 2>in a romantically ship and you're like.

0:17:04.760 --> 0:17:08.080
<v Speaker 1>Fuck you, nigga, you didn't come home last night or whatever,

0:17:08.160 --> 0:17:10.440
<v Speaker 1>you know what I'm saying, Whereas in friendships, so let's

0:17:10.480 --> 0:17:12.760
<v Speaker 1>just be nicous, let's be surfaced. And I also don't

0:17:12.760 --> 0:17:14.640
<v Speaker 1>believe in that, sir, I mean I think it's more

0:17:14.680 --> 0:17:19.159
<v Speaker 1>so like I don't know, it's like what okay, I

0:17:19.160 --> 0:17:21.080
<v Speaker 1>think it's more like it's easier to sweeping under the rug.

0:17:21.080 --> 0:17:26.240
<v Speaker 1>For some reason, it's not as volatile as it would

0:17:26.280 --> 0:17:28.840
<v Speaker 1>be with the person you lay lay your head with,

0:17:29.240 --> 0:17:31.320
<v Speaker 1>lay down your head with, you know, or giving your

0:17:31.359 --> 0:17:35.440
<v Speaker 1>body to do. I think it should be that way.

0:17:35.480 --> 0:17:36.880
<v Speaker 1>I mean, I don't know. I mean I think it's

0:17:37.240 --> 0:17:38.320
<v Speaker 1>normal that it would.

0:17:38.080 --> 0:17:41.840
<v Speaker 2>Be and I'm not And listen, guys, I'm not the

0:17:41.840 --> 0:17:45.399
<v Speaker 2>one like you haven't called me in four weeks, so

0:17:45.760 --> 0:17:47.639
<v Speaker 2>you're now just friends.

0:17:49.400 --> 0:17:54.359
<v Speaker 1>You're now just wait. Did you see that meme someone

0:17:54.400 --> 0:17:57.560
<v Speaker 1>sent us that was said, like, every time, like whatever

0:17:57.560 --> 0:18:00.159
<v Speaker 1>you're dating is a guy. I had a friend. Every

0:18:00.200 --> 0:18:01.679
<v Speaker 1>time they suck up, just take a letter out of

0:18:01.680 --> 0:18:05.440
<v Speaker 1>their name until they're gone. Hangman, bitch. I was like, damn,

0:18:05.600 --> 0:18:07.240
<v Speaker 1>it was like all my friends and all my men

0:18:07.320 --> 0:18:09.120
<v Speaker 1>need to have long ass names or they or they

0:18:09.119 --> 0:18:13.000
<v Speaker 1>need to be just like PJ. You get two chances, PJ,

0:18:14.119 --> 0:18:17.280
<v Speaker 1>that's it, hangman, bitch. Kind Of I kind of like

0:18:17.359 --> 0:18:19.720
<v Speaker 1>that because I kind of feel like that's a good concept.

0:18:19.840 --> 0:18:26.520
<v Speaker 2>I think m m oh, my god, baby Daddy had

0:18:26.560 --> 0:18:31.760
<v Speaker 2>eight I know, yeah, and my baby.

0:18:32.160 --> 0:18:34.040
<v Speaker 1>Yeah, it was like it was his middle name, his

0:18:34.080 --> 0:18:39.800
<v Speaker 1>first name, last name, nickname, period after the junior. My goodness,

0:18:41.240 --> 0:18:47.520
<v Speaker 1>oh my god, oh our wine t I finished my

0:18:47.560 --> 0:18:49.399
<v Speaker 1>tea and now I've moved on to one. I'm just

0:18:50.000 --> 0:18:54.159
<v Speaker 1>tell the ring between the two. I'm not sure how

0:18:54.160 --> 0:18:58.600
<v Speaker 1>we got here. But oh, did you guys?

0:18:58.600 --> 0:19:03.560
<v Speaker 2>Have you guys heard are bonus episode for All Moms

0:19:03.600 --> 0:19:05.040
<v Speaker 2>with Chazade and Susan.

0:19:05.240 --> 0:19:09.719
<v Speaker 1>Yeah, it's Fam Fam Fam. Yeah, we dropped a bonus

0:19:09.800 --> 0:19:11.920
<v Speaker 1>episode last week. If you guys haven't checked it out,

0:19:12.000 --> 0:19:12.440
<v Speaker 1>check it out.

0:19:12.960 --> 0:19:16.840
<v Speaker 2>Basically, our girls over at FAM have started a podcast,

0:19:17.119 --> 0:19:20.359
<v Speaker 2>and you know, it's it's a different perspective than ours.

0:19:20.480 --> 0:19:24.800
<v Speaker 2>They're married, they're not yet, but they're real, they're raw

0:19:25.080 --> 0:19:26.280
<v Speaker 2>and uh look.

0:19:26.200 --> 0:19:28.240
<v Speaker 1>I'm still auditioning to be a wife, bitch. Okay, yeah,

0:19:28.240 --> 0:19:30.359
<v Speaker 1>that's all. We're getting all married friends this year. Yeah, like,

0:19:30.560 --> 0:19:32.560
<v Speaker 1>I need to surround myself with married people if I

0:19:32.560 --> 0:19:34.480
<v Speaker 1>ever planned to be married or feel like I feel

0:19:34.520 --> 0:19:36.840
<v Speaker 1>like you know, it's part of the manifestation. Surround yourself

0:19:36.840 --> 0:19:40.240
<v Speaker 1>with married people. You too will be married eventually, right,

0:19:40.400 --> 0:19:44.520
<v Speaker 1>Susan and Charizade, right right, we're taking notes wait, like

0:19:44.600 --> 0:19:47.880
<v Speaker 1>this one of them said something really compelling to that obviously,

0:19:47.920 --> 0:19:50.320
<v Speaker 1>like we do sometimes, but I think it's been a minute,

0:19:50.440 --> 0:19:53.000
<v Speaker 1>Like I think it was Susan. It was like, if

0:19:53.040 --> 0:19:56.840
<v Speaker 1>I can offer advice to any new mom is to

0:19:56.960 --> 0:20:01.680
<v Speaker 1>get the fuck off social media, because it's true that shit,

0:20:03.520 --> 0:20:05.320
<v Speaker 1>we'll drive you crazy. I think I'm due for a

0:20:05.359 --> 0:20:09.639
<v Speaker 1>social media break. Me too. You can't know or you

0:20:09.840 --> 0:20:12.720
<v Speaker 1>we keep one or the other. I need to do it. Well,

0:20:12.880 --> 0:20:14.879
<v Speaker 1>we need to work out our schedule. I know, I

0:20:14.920 --> 0:20:15.399
<v Speaker 1>know we do.

0:20:15.560 --> 0:20:17.639
<v Speaker 2>I mean, shit, it's not even I mean, I totally

0:20:17.680 --> 0:20:21.040
<v Speaker 2>agree it's particularly especially for new moms, but shit, we

0:20:21.080 --> 0:20:22.560
<v Speaker 2>all needed, like to take a break from it.

0:20:22.600 --> 0:20:23.159
<v Speaker 1>Sometimes.

0:20:24.359 --> 0:20:27.919
<v Speaker 2>I appreciate her saying that, because shit, I forget that

0:20:27.960 --> 0:20:30.000
<v Speaker 2>I need a break. And then I'm on it NonStop

0:20:30.080 --> 0:20:31.800
<v Speaker 2>and then I'm like, what the fuck have you been doing.

0:20:31.680 --> 0:20:34.680
<v Speaker 1>For two hours? I know, I know. So go check

0:20:34.680 --> 0:20:38.960
<v Speaker 1>out girls out. Check them out. They're on Apple Podcasts, iTunes, Spotify,

0:20:39.640 --> 0:20:46.680
<v Speaker 1>you can search them fam for all moms and yeah,

0:20:46.680 --> 0:20:50.400
<v Speaker 1>how do we That was? Hey, what are we talking about?

0:20:51.080 --> 0:20:51.320
<v Speaker 2>Oh?

0:20:51.359 --> 0:20:56.440
<v Speaker 1>Oh yeah, your nails? You don't see them? Ooh day

0:20:56.800 --> 0:21:00.280
<v Speaker 1>she did a good job. It's Rose quartz, no shit, Okay,

0:21:00.520 --> 0:21:02.520
<v Speaker 1>making sure I got it. I told you she's good.

0:21:02.960 --> 0:21:03.680
<v Speaker 1>That's really cute.

0:21:04.880 --> 0:21:07.960
<v Speaker 2>She doesn't really take new clients, but for you, I

0:21:07.960 --> 0:21:08.840
<v Speaker 2>got my girl.

0:21:09.080 --> 0:21:10.480
<v Speaker 3>Oh yeah, well if she comes to you. It's what

0:21:10.480 --> 0:21:10.920
<v Speaker 3>I'm saying.

0:21:15.560 --> 0:21:16.040
<v Speaker 1>I know.

0:21:16.160 --> 0:21:21.000
<v Speaker 2>I feel like we are like remember remember on, Remember

0:21:21.040 --> 0:21:23.440
<v Speaker 2>on what the fuck am I trying to say in

0:21:23.520 --> 0:21:26.920
<v Speaker 2>living color to the lady who always gossips in the house?

0:21:26.920 --> 0:21:32.520
<v Speaker 1>But you didn't hear that. So the other day I

0:21:32.560 --> 0:21:37.880
<v Speaker 1>text Jamila and I was like, bitch in twenty twenty

0:21:38.200 --> 0:21:42.360
<v Speaker 1>and even in twenty nineteen, why are bitches courting niggas?

0:21:42.760 --> 0:21:45.119
<v Speaker 1>And I was like, what are you talking about? We

0:21:45.200 --> 0:21:50.400
<v Speaker 1>haven't experienced this. I feel like I have been courting men.

0:21:51.600 --> 0:21:54.399
<v Speaker 1>I feel like a man and I am you know whatever,

0:21:54.600 --> 0:21:57.480
<v Speaker 1>you're whoever's listening, like, oh there you guys. You guys

0:21:57.520 --> 0:22:00.959
<v Speaker 1>are falling into the narrative of double standards and gender

0:22:01.000 --> 0:22:03.960
<v Speaker 1>blah blah blah. No, there's one thing I will say.

0:22:04.560 --> 0:22:07.080
<v Speaker 1>I don't want to have to court a man. That's

0:22:07.119 --> 0:22:10.159
<v Speaker 1>where I draw the line with male and female. And like, oh,

0:22:10.280 --> 0:22:13.800
<v Speaker 1>I expected do you court me, you pay? But apparently

0:22:14.240 --> 0:22:17.280
<v Speaker 1>apparently I'm so thirsty. I'm just willing to do it. No,

0:22:17.480 --> 0:22:19.119
<v Speaker 1>I think, I know.

0:22:19.240 --> 0:22:21.000
<v Speaker 2>My concept is that women be knowing what they want

0:22:21.080 --> 0:22:22.600
<v Speaker 2>and when they want something, they want it, and that's

0:22:22.600 --> 0:22:24.919
<v Speaker 2>fucking it. And that's also how I am if I

0:22:25.040 --> 0:22:26.880
<v Speaker 2>like you, oh, are we gonna hang out?

0:22:26.920 --> 0:22:29.400
<v Speaker 1>Hello? Hi? Because like there's this guy and I've been

0:22:29.440 --> 0:22:31.480
<v Speaker 1>like he was. He was the one who was like

0:22:31.520 --> 0:22:33.040
<v Speaker 1>kind of reaching out to me a lot, and I

0:22:33.119 --> 0:22:35.760
<v Speaker 1>was kind of like stand offish because he's I call

0:22:35.840 --> 0:22:38.200
<v Speaker 1>him Forbidden Bay. This is a New Bay guy's Forbidden Bay.

0:22:39.000 --> 0:22:41.160
<v Speaker 1>And I was like Forbidden Bay, like I don't know,

0:22:42.040 --> 0:22:43.919
<v Speaker 1>like I probably shouldn't hang out with him because it's

0:22:44.000 --> 0:22:45.680
<v Speaker 1>kind of forbidden. Like he used to fuck around with

0:22:45.720 --> 0:22:49.080
<v Speaker 1>one of my friends and like, eh, not a good look.

0:22:49.119 --> 0:22:50.560
<v Speaker 1>I don't want to be that type of girl. I

0:22:50.600 --> 0:22:53.040
<v Speaker 1>know their shit wasn't serious and she's moved on and

0:22:53.080 --> 0:22:55.800
<v Speaker 1>she probably wouldn't care, but like there probably needs to

0:22:55.800 --> 0:22:59.960
<v Speaker 1>be a conversation blah blah blah. So I was kind

0:22:59.960 --> 0:23:02.159
<v Speaker 1>of hesitant, and then like I was like we started

0:23:02.160 --> 0:23:03.600
<v Speaker 1>talking more and I was like, I kind of like

0:23:03.640 --> 0:23:05.359
<v Speaker 1>he's kind of cool. I kind of want to know

0:23:05.400 --> 0:23:09.600
<v Speaker 1>what's going on over there. And then I don't know

0:23:09.600 --> 0:23:15.040
<v Speaker 1>when the roles got reversed, but forbidden, Bay is now

0:23:15.680 --> 0:23:18.439
<v Speaker 1>being courted by me and like you took him on

0:23:18.520 --> 0:23:21.280
<v Speaker 1>to dinner. No, but I just feel like I'm like,

0:23:21.320 --> 0:23:23.239
<v Speaker 1>he'll he'll make plans with me, won't hit me up,

0:23:23.240 --> 0:23:25.439
<v Speaker 1>and then I'll hit him. Oh, he made plans with me,

0:23:26.160 --> 0:23:28.840
<v Speaker 1>hit me up like four hours, like two three hours

0:23:28.840 --> 0:23:31.199
<v Speaker 1>after the plans were supposed to happen, and was like

0:23:31.240 --> 0:23:32.840
<v Speaker 1>my bad, da da da, And I was like, yeah,

0:23:32.920 --> 0:23:34.840
<v Speaker 1>you're late, and he was like, what about what are

0:23:34.840 --> 0:23:37.040
<v Speaker 1>you doing this weekend? I said, I'm busy, and then

0:23:37.119 --> 0:23:39.280
<v Speaker 1>like he texted me this week that weekend and I

0:23:39.320 --> 0:23:41.280
<v Speaker 1>was like coming out and he came and hung out

0:23:41.600 --> 0:23:46.719
<v Speaker 1>at our thing. Oh, at our Vision party and I

0:23:46.840 --> 0:23:52.639
<v Speaker 1>was not in a good place party she was. I

0:23:52.760 --> 0:23:59.359
<v Speaker 1>was super anxious, stressed out, and possibly on drugs that

0:23:59.440 --> 0:24:03.320
<v Speaker 1>were not assisting in any of those problems. Yeah, pretty intense.

0:24:03.480 --> 0:24:06.720
<v Speaker 1>She's like, we're not doing any more events. Ever. I

0:24:06.760 --> 0:24:14.200
<v Speaker 1>was like, okay, you're right anyway. So then I want

0:24:14.240 --> 0:24:16.160
<v Speaker 1>to hang out with him again. I try to make plans.

0:24:16.760 --> 0:24:18.800
<v Speaker 1>He was like unavailable, told me it was gonna hit.

0:24:18.840 --> 0:24:20.000
<v Speaker 1>Then he said he was gonna hit me up to

0:24:20.040 --> 0:24:23.480
<v Speaker 1>make the plan on Sunday, said he didn't hit me

0:24:23.520 --> 0:24:26.560
<v Speaker 1>up on Saturday, didn't hit me up Saturday. Sunday rolls around.

0:24:26.680 --> 0:24:29.240
<v Speaker 1>I told him I'm free after four, After four happens,

0:24:29.320 --> 0:24:31.720
<v Speaker 1>still haven't heard from him. So I text him like

0:24:31.760 --> 0:24:35.199
<v Speaker 1>what's up? And he's like what up? I'm like, are

0:24:35.240 --> 0:24:37.160
<v Speaker 1>we still hanging out? And he's like, yeah, I'm down.

0:24:37.440 --> 0:24:40.040
<v Speaker 1>I'm down, nigga, the fuck what you mean? You're down?

0:24:41.040 --> 0:24:43.960
<v Speaker 1>What you need to be like obsessed with? So then

0:24:44.000 --> 0:24:45.399
<v Speaker 1>I was like, he was like, well, what do you

0:24:45.440 --> 0:24:47.000
<v Speaker 1>want to do? And I was like, I don't know.

0:24:47.520 --> 0:24:48.840
<v Speaker 1>What do you mean? What do I want to do?

0:24:48.960 --> 0:24:51.680
<v Speaker 1>Figure it out? Do you want to lay up? Do

0:24:51.680 --> 0:24:53.440
<v Speaker 1>you want to like watch TV? Do you want to chill?

0:24:53.480 --> 0:24:54.720
<v Speaker 1>Do you want to go in a movie? You want

0:24:54.720 --> 0:24:57.280
<v Speaker 1>to eat? I'm like, do you want to smoke? I said, chill?

0:24:57.359 --> 0:25:03.120
<v Speaker 1>Smoke sounds good? So anyway, I went over there and she.

0:25:03.160 --> 0:25:06.400
<v Speaker 2>Called me crying, not crying, like I don't know, I'm

0:25:06.400 --> 0:25:08.000
<v Speaker 2>just I feel like I'm courting these niggas, but I'm

0:25:08.040 --> 0:25:09.520
<v Speaker 2>still going and it's raining.

0:25:09.560 --> 0:25:12.639
<v Speaker 1>Oh god, it's raining so hard. Why are you going

0:25:12.680 --> 0:25:15.360
<v Speaker 1>over here? This is crazy? What kind of bitch goes

0:25:15.400 --> 0:25:19.440
<v Speaker 1>to see a guy in the rain, literally like so

0:25:20.160 --> 0:25:24.120
<v Speaker 1>mad at myself, but still going. It was literally pouring.

0:25:24.680 --> 0:25:27.240
<v Speaker 1>I was on the freeway and scared for my life,

0:25:27.240 --> 0:25:29.639
<v Speaker 1>but I was like, I gotta see what's going on

0:25:29.680 --> 0:25:30.040
<v Speaker 1>over here.

0:25:30.040 --> 0:25:31.800
<v Speaker 3>I gotta see forbidden because it's forbidden.

0:25:31.960 --> 0:25:34.320
<v Speaker 1>Keep in mind, I told you forbidden days are always

0:25:34.359 --> 0:25:38.199
<v Speaker 1>going to be more appealing because it's forbidden. It's like

0:25:38.440 --> 0:25:40.440
<v Speaker 1>Adam and even the fruit and shit. He also talks

0:25:40.440 --> 0:25:43.200
<v Speaker 1>about himself a lot. Wait, maybe a bad sign? Wait,

0:25:43.320 --> 0:25:45.679
<v Speaker 1>like that he's so bombed. No, just like he just

0:25:45.720 --> 0:25:49.440
<v Speaker 1>talks a lot about himself, Like like I was just yeah, yeah,

0:25:49.480 --> 0:25:54.119
<v Speaker 1>what's his sign? Uh? They literally into my crystal bomb.

0:25:54.320 --> 0:26:01.119
<v Speaker 1>He is a sad hm adventurous. I don't really know

0:26:01.200 --> 0:26:05.239
<v Speaker 1>much else, but yeah, I don't know. I'm just like

0:26:05.320 --> 0:26:07.560
<v Speaker 1>I just feel like Also, like even on Hinge, it's

0:26:07.640 --> 0:26:10.119
<v Speaker 1>like talking to these guys, I'm like, are we going

0:26:10.200 --> 0:26:13.159
<v Speaker 1>to meet up? Or yeah, I'm like what are we doing?

0:26:13.320 --> 0:26:14.520
<v Speaker 1>I ate up? A guy was like do you want

0:26:14.520 --> 0:26:16.560
<v Speaker 1>to meet for coffee? Never like he was talking to

0:26:16.560 --> 0:26:18.320
<v Speaker 1>me all the time, like the whole time, And then

0:26:18.320 --> 0:26:21.800
<v Speaker 1>I made the initiation of like, hey, let's hang out

0:26:22.440 --> 0:26:24.880
<v Speaker 1>haven't heard crickets. I'm talking to this guy who said

0:26:24.880 --> 0:26:27.640
<v Speaker 1>he was into like what is it? Yeah?

0:26:27.840 --> 0:26:30.119
<v Speaker 2>And you know that sounds fun. So I was like

0:26:30.200 --> 0:26:31.760
<v Speaker 2>he's like, I'm like, so, what are you into? And

0:26:31.800 --> 0:26:35.679
<v Speaker 2>you know, and he's like choking and spitting and just

0:26:35.800 --> 0:26:39.280
<v Speaker 2>I'm into everything except like shit in blood. I was like, yeah,

0:26:39.359 --> 0:26:43.200
<v Speaker 2>me too, Yeah, that's where I drove around. And then

0:26:43.280 --> 0:26:45.399
<v Speaker 2>he's like, well, are you gonna do something for me?

0:26:45.560 --> 0:26:47.080
<v Speaker 2>Like and I was like yeah. I was like, well,

0:26:47.080 --> 0:26:48.840
<v Speaker 2>I don't know, we'll see. He's like, yeah, we'll see.

0:26:49.080 --> 0:26:51.719
<v Speaker 1>Never heard from him again. Like what, niggah?

0:26:51.920 --> 0:26:54.520
<v Speaker 2>What what is all this fucking word for play? For

0:26:54.600 --> 0:26:57.680
<v Speaker 2>no goddamn reason do you want to meet up right now?

0:26:58.080 --> 0:26:59.880
<v Speaker 2>It's sushie, That's exactly what it is.

0:27:00.119 --> 0:27:04.639
<v Speaker 1>Just internet flirting. It's just internet attention real quick. You

0:27:04.800 --> 0:27:06.679
<v Speaker 1>just like want to like start a combo because it's

0:27:06.720 --> 0:27:09.800
<v Speaker 1>interesting and then he goes back to his wife. Is

0:27:09.840 --> 0:27:11.960
<v Speaker 1>that it probably because you know I don't trust these

0:27:12.040 --> 0:27:12.760
<v Speaker 1>niggas anymore.

0:27:13.520 --> 0:27:20.280
<v Speaker 2>I don't trust myself because I make bad decisions over people.

0:27:23.760 --> 0:27:30.600
<v Speaker 1>Damn. I just want to know, like, is it like

0:27:30.640 --> 0:27:32.320
<v Speaker 1>I had a friend, like one of my best friends,

0:27:32.320 --> 0:27:35.320
<v Speaker 1>actually my like my high school sweetheart. He's not married,

0:27:35.800 --> 0:27:38.920
<v Speaker 1>about to have a baby, and his wife proposed to him. Oh,

0:27:39.000 --> 0:27:41.240
<v Speaker 1>oh my god, I just saw that online.

0:27:41.560 --> 0:27:43.960
<v Speaker 2>That was actually popped in my head when we talked

0:27:43.960 --> 0:27:47.080
<v Speaker 2>about courting niggas, like on one knee.

0:27:47.440 --> 0:27:49.479
<v Speaker 1>I don't know how it happened. No, I think they

0:27:49.520 --> 0:27:51.920
<v Speaker 1>were on the couch and she just like pulled a

0:27:52.000 --> 0:27:54.320
<v Speaker 1>ring out and was like, marry me or something. Would

0:27:54.320 --> 0:27:58.600
<v Speaker 1>you do that? You don't pink? No, No, I wouldn't either.

0:27:59.359 --> 0:28:05.480
<v Speaker 4>Fuck no, there's no fucking way. There's no fucking that's

0:28:05.480 --> 0:28:09.360
<v Speaker 4>where the double standard should live for me personally, there's

0:28:09.359 --> 0:28:14.320
<v Speaker 4>no fucking way. And but the way I'm going driving

0:28:14.400 --> 0:28:16.880
<v Speaker 4>in the rain, who knows. Who fucking knows?

0:28:16.960 --> 0:28:20.320
<v Speaker 1>So what happened when he got over there? We talked

0:28:20.320 --> 0:28:22.439
<v Speaker 1>a lot about He talked a lot. I felt like

0:28:22.440 --> 0:28:24.959
<v Speaker 1>I didn't share one story that bothers me when I'm

0:28:24.960 --> 0:28:27.480
<v Speaker 1>on a date. I also didn't really feel like talking. Yeah,

0:28:27.560 --> 0:28:29.119
<v Speaker 1>so I'm just like all right, and I was he

0:28:29.520 --> 0:28:31.040
<v Speaker 1>kind of makes me a little nervous, so like I

0:28:31.080 --> 0:28:35.159
<v Speaker 1>didn't really I was like, Okay, I don't want no niggas.

0:28:35.160 --> 0:28:36.679
<v Speaker 1>That makes me nervous. I don't have time for that.

0:28:37.480 --> 0:28:40.680
<v Speaker 2>I'm like, I don't I'm too confident to be nervous.

0:28:40.720 --> 0:28:42.280
<v Speaker 2>I don't have time if you make me nervous if

0:28:43.160 --> 0:28:45.560
<v Speaker 2>not gonna work, I kind of not nervous.

0:28:45.600 --> 0:28:47.480
<v Speaker 1>Like okay, well I like to make a nigga nervous.

0:28:47.720 --> 0:28:52.520
<v Speaker 1>I like that. No, you know what I'm yeah, but

0:28:52.600 --> 0:28:54.760
<v Speaker 1>you know, like I've done that and it doesn't end well,

0:28:55.400 --> 0:28:57.200
<v Speaker 1>Like I have to kind of obsessed with you because

0:28:57.200 --> 0:28:59.880
<v Speaker 1>it's at some point the roles switch. Wait, I know

0:29:00.080 --> 0:29:03.880
<v Speaker 1>you can't smoke, but is there a weed here somewhere? Yeah,

0:29:03.880 --> 0:29:05.960
<v Speaker 1>we can't simp of it. We can't summit up in it.

0:29:07.840 --> 0:29:09.720
<v Speaker 1>You want some for this? No, I don't want that

0:29:09.760 --> 0:29:13.000
<v Speaker 1>goddamn canoe caneen. We could still supposed to was I

0:29:13.040 --> 0:29:18.080
<v Speaker 1>supposed to refrigerate it? We have this canoeen that King

0:29:18.160 --> 0:29:24.680
<v Speaker 1>Noir gave us and I've had it since forever, since

0:29:24.760 --> 0:29:27.040
<v Speaker 1>last year. You think it's okay. Should take a little sip,

0:29:27.040 --> 0:29:31.719
<v Speaker 1>he said, Let me smell it. Oh still potent. Oh god,

0:29:32.040 --> 0:29:33.480
<v Speaker 1>I'm ready to take a sip too. I'm not going

0:29:33.480 --> 0:29:36.840
<v Speaker 1>through my back hurts. You're having a lot of anxiety

0:29:36.960 --> 0:29:50.880
<v Speaker 1>this week. Oh my god, Oh my god. Why anyway, Yeah,

0:29:50.920 --> 0:29:53.880
<v Speaker 1>we we we hung out, we talked, blah blah blah,

0:29:53.920 --> 0:29:57.520
<v Speaker 1>and then like oh then he yeah, then we smoked.

0:29:58.520 --> 0:30:01.240
<v Speaker 1>We smoked like this new weed that it's like patent pending.

0:30:01.720 --> 0:30:05.600
<v Speaker 1>It's called like caviar, calve gold or some shit, which

0:30:05.600 --> 0:30:09.880
<v Speaker 1>I was like, how is weed patent pending? So whatever,

0:30:09.960 --> 0:30:13.479
<v Speaker 1>I smoked it because you know whatever, because I accept

0:30:13.480 --> 0:30:16.640
<v Speaker 1>all drugs. And then we just were sitting and talking.

0:30:16.680 --> 0:30:18.280
<v Speaker 1>And then at some point, like I don't know, I

0:30:18.320 --> 0:30:20.600
<v Speaker 1>got really awkward and I was like gonna leave. I

0:30:20.680 --> 0:30:22.240
<v Speaker 1>was like I think I'm gonna go because you're not

0:30:22.280 --> 0:30:25.120
<v Speaker 1>too high. Yeah, I was like, way you said I'm

0:30:25.120 --> 0:30:26.760
<v Speaker 1>gonna go. I was like, I'm gonna go. It's like

0:30:26.760 --> 0:30:29.120
<v Speaker 1>I think I should go. I'm getting tired. The rain

0:30:29.200 --> 0:30:32.360
<v Speaker 1>is pouring. What point, how long had you been there?

0:30:33.280 --> 0:30:36.360
<v Speaker 1>Like two hours? MILLI an hour and a half, two

0:30:36.400 --> 0:30:39.479
<v Speaker 1>hours maybe not even maybe not even two hours. And

0:30:39.520 --> 0:30:41.040
<v Speaker 1>I was like, I'm so high. I I need to

0:30:41.080 --> 0:30:42.520
<v Speaker 1>get out of here. Like and I kind of felt

0:30:42.560 --> 0:30:45.320
<v Speaker 1>like he does he want me to leave because like

0:30:45.400 --> 0:30:47.920
<v Speaker 1>I couldn't tell, like he was yawning, I've done that.

0:30:48.000 --> 0:30:50.240
<v Speaker 2>I have gotten so high that I'm like, what does

0:30:50.280 --> 0:30:53.400
<v Speaker 2>he like me, is that this other bridge that's here?

0:30:53.480 --> 0:30:54.800
<v Speaker 1>Does he want me here? Does he get me to

0:30:54.840 --> 0:30:57.000
<v Speaker 1>get out? And then I'm like, must leave, right, That's

0:30:57.000 --> 0:30:58.520
<v Speaker 1>how I felt. I felt like, and you know, this

0:30:58.560 --> 0:31:01.000
<v Speaker 1>happened one other time when what's happened a few times,

0:31:01.000 --> 0:31:02.640
<v Speaker 1>but there was one specific time when I was hanging

0:31:02.640 --> 0:31:05.880
<v Speaker 1>out with Reese and she gave me an edible edible

0:31:06.000 --> 0:31:08.360
<v Speaker 1>and like, I immediately got super paranoid and I was like,

0:31:08.600 --> 0:31:10.800
<v Speaker 1>she wants me to leave. I gotta go. She's ready

0:31:10.800 --> 0:31:12.560
<v Speaker 1>for me to go. I'm imposing, Oh my god, I

0:31:12.600 --> 0:31:14.480
<v Speaker 1>gotta go. And then I couldn't drive, so it was

0:31:14.720 --> 0:31:18.240
<v Speaker 1>nice bashed how to come pick me up? Blah blah blah.

0:31:18.280 --> 0:31:20.720
<v Speaker 1>But anyway, so yeah, I felt like I should leave.

0:31:20.760 --> 0:31:21.960
<v Speaker 1>And then he was like are you what are you?

0:31:22.160 --> 0:31:23.840
<v Speaker 1>Where are you going going? And I was like, I

0:31:23.880 --> 0:31:26.320
<v Speaker 1>don't know, I'm tired. He's like, I'm like I'm hungry.

0:31:26.360 --> 0:31:28.400
<v Speaker 1>He's like, are you hungry? Let's order some food. I

0:31:28.440 --> 0:31:32.480
<v Speaker 1>was like, okay, he wants me to say psycho, but

0:31:32.600 --> 0:31:37.600
<v Speaker 1>good answer. That's why sometimes weed for real, like yeah, yeah,

0:31:37.600 --> 0:31:39.880
<v Speaker 1>weed on the first day could be not a good look.

0:31:39.920 --> 0:31:41.440
<v Speaker 1>And I was in his space too, like I was

0:31:41.480 --> 0:31:46.240
<v Speaker 1>in his environment. I just felt uneven, you know what

0:31:46.320 --> 0:31:48.000
<v Speaker 1>I mean. I need not be under the influence the

0:31:48.040 --> 0:31:50.800
<v Speaker 1>next time we see him at all. You're getting all

0:31:50.880 --> 0:31:54.520
<v Speaker 1>types of mixed messages. So we ordered the food, we

0:31:54.760 --> 0:31:58.680
<v Speaker 1>ate the food, and then we went to what we

0:31:58.720 --> 0:32:01.360
<v Speaker 1>went and started watching this doc this documentary. I don't

0:32:01.360 --> 0:32:02.720
<v Speaker 1>know if you guys have seen it. It's called Don't

0:32:02.720 --> 0:32:03.440
<v Speaker 1>Fuck with Cats.

0:32:03.480 --> 0:32:07.720
<v Speaker 2>You gotta watch this crazy shit, so crazy, so crazy?

0:32:07.760 --> 0:32:09.960
<v Speaker 2>Can I give me nightmares and murderous thoughts?

0:32:10.360 --> 0:32:15.160
<v Speaker 1>Oh my god? Lucas such a strange She looked like

0:32:15.160 --> 0:32:18.640
<v Speaker 1>a murderer, like a beautiful, a beautiful murderer, but not

0:32:18.720 --> 0:32:22.440
<v Speaker 1>like like a beautiful gay twink twink tink what are

0:32:22.440 --> 0:32:27.000
<v Speaker 1>they called a tink twink? Narcissist gay murder? So why

0:32:27.040 --> 0:32:30.680
<v Speaker 1>this would be, like, you know, first date, so material?

0:32:31.200 --> 0:32:33.400
<v Speaker 1>I don't know, Probably because he knew we weren't gonna

0:32:33.400 --> 0:32:37.000
<v Speaker 1>watch it. So we're sitting on the couch and then

0:32:37.480 --> 0:32:39.600
<v Speaker 1>I'm sitting there because I'm like, oh, God, like and

0:32:39.760 --> 0:32:42.400
<v Speaker 1>this is forbidden bay, like I shouldn't be doing this anyway,

0:32:43.800 --> 0:32:45.520
<v Speaker 1>should I? And that's another reason why I thought maybe

0:32:45.520 --> 0:32:46.680
<v Speaker 1>I should leave. I was like, I don't know if

0:32:46.680 --> 0:32:47.720
<v Speaker 1>I should be here. This is weird.

0:32:47.720 --> 0:32:51.680
<v Speaker 2>I started getting paranoid about your trifle and this call

0:32:51.760 --> 0:32:52.360
<v Speaker 2>him trifling.

0:32:52.520 --> 0:32:55.920
<v Speaker 1>I'm already here, ready to go. Fuck. I was like,

0:32:56.040 --> 0:32:58.400
<v Speaker 1>and I took a shower before I went. I was like,

0:32:58.400 --> 0:33:01.560
<v Speaker 1>should I shave my pussy or should I not? Because

0:33:01.640 --> 0:33:04.880
<v Speaker 1>literally that could be the determining factor what or not

0:33:05.200 --> 0:33:08.080
<v Speaker 1>you know or not because that if you know, like

0:33:08.320 --> 0:33:11.280
<v Speaker 1>sometimes bitches do not shave the pussy because they need

0:33:11.320 --> 0:33:15.640
<v Speaker 1>to stop themselves. That's never. That's never stopped me. Never,

0:33:15.840 --> 0:33:18.040
<v Speaker 1>not one time. I don't think it's really stopped me,

0:33:18.160 --> 0:33:19.880
<v Speaker 1>but sometime or like, don't take a shower?

0:33:20.040 --> 0:33:22.440
<v Speaker 2>That stopped me not taking a shower maybe, but then

0:33:22.440 --> 0:33:23.640
<v Speaker 2>I'll be like, do you have a shower?

0:33:25.160 --> 0:33:25.880
<v Speaker 3>Is there hot water?

0:33:26.680 --> 0:33:30.920
<v Speaker 1>Right? Paper towels, And I'm like, why don't you just

0:33:30.960 --> 0:33:34.240
<v Speaker 1>take a real shower? This retired off you right now in.

0:33:34.160 --> 0:33:36.960
<v Speaker 3>The fucking bathroom, wedding paper, towels and toilet paper.

0:33:36.760 --> 0:33:39.960
<v Speaker 1>Trying to be quiet, turn the cheek on very quietly

0:33:40.040 --> 0:33:44.360
<v Speaker 1>so you can't hear the water run. I'm also trying

0:33:44.360 --> 0:33:45.920
<v Speaker 1>to like, go do it quickly.

0:33:45.760 --> 0:33:49.680
<v Speaker 2>Right because you know then he knows then your pussy

0:33:49.720 --> 0:33:52.120
<v Speaker 2>say smells straight like hands the dial.

0:33:55.440 --> 0:33:57.840
<v Speaker 1>Oh my god, I mean this.

0:33:57.600 --> 0:34:01.920
<v Speaker 2>This conversation confirms my theory that women are honestly more

0:34:01.960 --> 0:34:05.520
<v Speaker 2>mannish than men. And a lot of times our I, damn,

0:34:05.520 --> 0:34:07.000
<v Speaker 2>what the fuck is about to go down? The guy

0:34:07.080 --> 0:34:10.799
<v Speaker 2>is not even thinking about it. We're like, hmm, that

0:34:10.960 --> 0:34:12.120
<v Speaker 2>dick might be big.

0:34:12.880 --> 0:34:18.200
<v Speaker 1>Well let me tell you. Yeah. So we started watching

0:34:18.239 --> 0:34:23.040
<v Speaker 1>the documentary and at some point, like I was, I

0:34:23.040 --> 0:34:24.840
<v Speaker 1>was sitting on the edge of the couch and he

0:34:25.000 --> 0:34:28.040
<v Speaker 1>was like, he like moved a far away from me.

0:34:28.160 --> 0:34:29.799
<v Speaker 1>And I was like, okay, like maybe he doesn't want

0:34:29.800 --> 0:34:34.359
<v Speaker 1>me to leave. And I just sat there, like you know,

0:34:34.560 --> 0:34:37.960
<v Speaker 1>and he was like, are you a cuddler? And I

0:34:38.000 --> 0:34:40.680
<v Speaker 1>was like yeah. And so I went over there and

0:34:40.760 --> 0:34:42.040
<v Speaker 1>laid on him, and I was like, okay, I guess

0:34:42.040 --> 0:34:45.160
<v Speaker 1>this is I didn't make the first move. This is him,

0:34:45.200 --> 0:34:48.799
<v Speaker 1>not my phone, do anything. I'm just here. I went

0:34:48.840 --> 0:34:51.000
<v Speaker 1>over there and I laid on him, and I could

0:34:51.040 --> 0:34:52.800
<v Speaker 1>feel his dick in my back and it was I

0:34:52.800 --> 0:34:55.280
<v Speaker 1>could feel it. And wait, but you were laying on him?

0:34:55.440 --> 0:35:00.319
<v Speaker 1>Was it hard? No? Oh damn? And we I watched

0:35:00.360 --> 0:35:02.440
<v Speaker 1>the Doctor marry for like a good thirty minutes and

0:35:02.480 --> 0:35:05.319
<v Speaker 1>then at some point like he started kind of like

0:35:05.800 --> 0:35:09.439
<v Speaker 1>grabbing around my neck and then like kind of like

0:35:09.600 --> 0:35:12.319
<v Speaker 1>choking me a little bit, and you know, I don't

0:35:12.400 --> 0:35:15.799
<v Speaker 1>know me. I love a good choking me. I was

0:35:15.800 --> 0:35:18.120
<v Speaker 1>like choking the jou. I was like, is this happening?

0:35:18.160 --> 0:35:21.600
<v Speaker 1>What's he doing? Forbidden? Like before even kiss he was

0:35:21.640 --> 0:35:24.520
<v Speaker 1>joking because I was like on like he was laying

0:35:24.560 --> 0:35:29.719
<v Speaker 1>back and I was laying on top of him, and

0:35:29.760 --> 0:35:32.719
<v Speaker 1>then we like then you know, you start kissing making out.

0:35:32.760 --> 0:35:34.399
<v Speaker 1>We made out for like I don't know an hour,

0:35:34.680 --> 0:35:36.520
<v Speaker 1>which is crazy. I haven't done that in a long time.

0:35:36.960 --> 0:35:40.279
<v Speaker 1>And then you know it suck in the titties rubbing thing,

0:35:40.600 --> 0:35:45.560
<v Speaker 1>and then what were your thoughts? Like, please share your thoughts? Wait?

0:35:45.560 --> 0:35:47.640
<v Speaker 1>What are my thoughts? Like? Should I do more? Like

0:35:47.719 --> 0:35:49.879
<v Speaker 1>is this dumb that I'm just making out? Oh yeah?

0:35:51.040 --> 0:35:52.960
<v Speaker 1>Oh yeah? Then we're just making out? And then I

0:35:53.000 --> 0:35:55.759
<v Speaker 1>started like guilting myself, like I started being like am

0:35:55.760 --> 0:35:57.880
<v Speaker 1>I mature for just one? Like? Should I just make

0:35:57.920 --> 0:35:58.960
<v Speaker 1>out with it? I don't only want to make out,

0:35:59.040 --> 0:36:01.560
<v Speaker 1>Let's just make out? And I was like is that stupid?

0:36:01.640 --> 0:36:03.319
<v Speaker 1>Like what a record? What the fuck I want to do?

0:36:03.320 --> 0:36:06.640
<v Speaker 1>I'm a grown ass? Woman, I can fucking slip his

0:36:06.680 --> 0:36:08.359
<v Speaker 1>hand on my pants if I want to. You only

0:36:08.360 --> 0:36:12.320
<v Speaker 1>live once. And I was like, but also chill because

0:36:13.000 --> 0:36:14.840
<v Speaker 1>you know have like you know, you want to have

0:36:14.880 --> 0:36:16.600
<v Speaker 1>a second date, Like, don't do too much? What if

0:36:16.640 --> 0:36:18.400
<v Speaker 1>he doesn't call you back? Do you think niggas have

0:36:18.480 --> 0:36:20.960
<v Speaker 1>this conversation ever? Like like will she call me if

0:36:21.000 --> 0:36:23.640
<v Speaker 1>we do too much? No? I'm like is it too much?

0:36:23.680 --> 0:36:25.200
<v Speaker 1>And then I was like, well, also like I know

0:36:25.239 --> 0:36:26.960
<v Speaker 1>what the fuck I want. I'm like, I'm growing, I

0:36:26.960 --> 0:36:29.200
<v Speaker 1>got a kid. The fuck I don't give a fuck.

0:36:29.680 --> 0:36:31.640
<v Speaker 1>And then it was like literally going back and forth

0:36:31.640 --> 0:36:33.640
<v Speaker 1>in my head like should I touch his stick? Should

0:36:33.640 --> 0:36:34.959
<v Speaker 1>I not touch stick? Should I touch his stick? Should

0:36:34.960 --> 0:36:36.480
<v Speaker 1>not touch it? Okay, I'm touching his stick. Okay, we're

0:36:36.480 --> 0:36:38.399
<v Speaker 1>over the wharf the sweatpants. We're safe, We're safe for safe.

0:36:38.440 --> 0:36:40.200
<v Speaker 1>We're just gonna stay here. This is it, okay. And

0:36:40.200 --> 0:36:42.279
<v Speaker 1>then at some point I like pulled away and I

0:36:42.280 --> 0:36:44.120
<v Speaker 1>was like, okay, let's just like watch the movie. And

0:36:44.160 --> 0:36:45.880
<v Speaker 1>I was like okay. I was like, I need a break.

0:36:45.960 --> 0:36:49.360
<v Speaker 1>You said that I need a break, and like we

0:36:49.440 --> 0:36:51.000
<v Speaker 1>just watched the movie. And then I was like I

0:36:51.000 --> 0:36:54.040
<v Speaker 1>don't want to break. How long did you watch the movie?

0:36:54.160 --> 0:36:56.640
<v Speaker 1>Like two minutes? And then like I got back on top.

0:36:56.719 --> 0:37:00.040
<v Speaker 1>Then I was like, just went for it, just traveled it.

0:37:01.560 --> 0:37:05.000
<v Speaker 1>And we definitely have a lot of chemistry. Uh, probably

0:37:05.000 --> 0:37:09.279
<v Speaker 1>because it's written. And then at some point, like I

0:37:09.320 --> 0:37:13.640
<v Speaker 1>took my shirt off and like we were just I

0:37:13.640 --> 0:37:15.600
<v Speaker 1>don't know, like I was lifting up his shirt. I

0:37:15.640 --> 0:37:19.120
<v Speaker 1>was kissing his stomach, and then like then I pulled

0:37:19.120 --> 0:37:21.160
<v Speaker 1>his dick out, and then I was like, okay, like

0:37:22.680 --> 0:37:25.160
<v Speaker 1>fuck it, I'm gonna suck it. And then I did

0:37:25.239 --> 0:37:25.879
<v Speaker 1>you pull it out?

0:37:26.360 --> 0:37:27.920
<v Speaker 3>I know there's this weird thing like how long we're

0:37:27.920 --> 0:37:29.080
<v Speaker 3>gonna make out for what's gonna come?

0:37:29.640 --> 0:37:31.160
<v Speaker 1>We had been making out. We had been going at

0:37:31.200 --> 0:37:33.160
<v Speaker 1>it for like an hour and a half. At this point,

0:37:33.520 --> 0:37:36.960
<v Speaker 1>we were in like episode two of fuck Don't Fuck

0:37:37.000 --> 0:37:40.600
<v Speaker 1>with Cats okay first, but not fucking each other. Don't

0:37:40.800 --> 0:37:43.120
<v Speaker 1>episode of Don't Fuck with Cats but not fucking We

0:37:43.120 --> 0:37:45.440
<v Speaker 1>were episode two and you know, each episode's an hour.

0:37:45.480 --> 0:37:48.200
<v Speaker 1>I'm gonna say those episodes are long, so I'm like

0:37:48.320 --> 0:37:50.840
<v Speaker 1>so then I'm like I do it, and like, wow,

0:37:52.800 --> 0:37:56.839
<v Speaker 1>bomb beautiful. Penis really nice, really really wanted to sit

0:37:56.920 --> 0:37:57.160
<v Speaker 1>on it.

0:37:57.200 --> 0:37:59.160
<v Speaker 2>But I was like Okay, you're better than me, so

0:37:59.160 --> 0:38:01.040
<v Speaker 2>I'd be like, this is SIT's over come on.

0:38:01.320 --> 0:38:05.000
<v Speaker 1>No, that was like the only amount of strength I had.

0:38:05.040 --> 0:38:09.000
<v Speaker 1>I could control that. But then after I was done,

0:38:09.400 --> 0:38:11.640
<v Speaker 1>I felt bad I did not I was like, why

0:38:11.680 --> 0:38:14.160
<v Speaker 1>did I do that? Because you want to know? But

0:38:14.280 --> 0:38:17.880
<v Speaker 1>I did? But also like I just felt like I

0:38:18.000 --> 0:38:20.360
<v Speaker 1>just made it too easy, especially for a nigga I'm courting,

0:38:21.120 --> 0:38:23.960
<v Speaker 1>Especially for a nigga who has made no fucking effort

0:38:24.160 --> 0:38:27.919
<v Speaker 1>at all. You know, we've all done it. I feel

0:38:27.960 --> 0:38:29.799
<v Speaker 1>like I'm supposed to be past this by now. We

0:38:29.840 --> 0:38:32.839
<v Speaker 1>talk about this shit all the time. Why am Why

0:38:32.840 --> 0:38:35.279
<v Speaker 1>did I do that? When I drove home, I was

0:38:35.320 --> 0:38:39.879
<v Speaker 1>like talking to myself, you dumb bitch. Not only did

0:38:39.920 --> 0:38:44.799
<v Speaker 1>you do that, it's still raining, bitch, You're driving home

0:38:44.880 --> 0:38:48.400
<v Speaker 1>at three am in the fucking rain, got a nigga's house,

0:38:48.640 --> 0:38:52.839
<v Speaker 1>who didn't make plans, who's forbidden, who made no effort

0:38:52.840 --> 0:38:57.120
<v Speaker 1>eat you That part too, that part two, That part

0:38:57.120 --> 0:39:01.319
<v Speaker 1>two made me feel like, why didn't you return a favor? Yeah?

0:39:01.360 --> 0:39:05.239
<v Speaker 1>Well yeah, but also like I.

0:39:05.200 --> 0:39:07.080
<v Speaker 3>Know it wasn't that you're posting. It's a rapper sitting

0:39:07.120 --> 0:39:07.319
<v Speaker 3>on it.

0:39:07.440 --> 0:39:10.160
<v Speaker 1>Yeah that's yeah. But also that too, Yeah, but I

0:39:10.320 --> 0:39:13.160
<v Speaker 1>just just like it's he gonna call me? Like do

0:39:13.239 --> 0:39:14.160
<v Speaker 1>I want him to call me?

0:39:14.719 --> 0:39:16.760
<v Speaker 2>There's something there's some weird thing about if a woman

0:39:17.000 --> 0:39:18.560
<v Speaker 2>just gives the guy head and it's.

0:39:21.719 --> 0:39:23.920
<v Speaker 1>More hope. I felt like I felt like a hoe.

0:39:24.160 --> 0:39:24.840
<v Speaker 1>I felt hoey.

0:39:25.080 --> 0:39:27.880
<v Speaker 2>I feel like I sucked dick and just suck dick recently.

0:39:27.880 --> 0:39:28.839
<v Speaker 2>But I can't think it was dick.

0:39:28.880 --> 0:39:30.879
<v Speaker 1>It was I felt holley. And then there was also

0:39:30.920 --> 0:39:34.040
<v Speaker 1>a point in time while I can't talk, where I

0:39:34.080 --> 0:39:35.640
<v Speaker 1>was trying to make eye contact with him and I

0:39:35.680 --> 0:39:37.960
<v Speaker 1>wasn't sure if he was like making it with me.

0:39:38.080 --> 0:39:42.040
<v Speaker 1>And then I feel was like, what's going on? You

0:39:42.080 --> 0:39:44.600
<v Speaker 1>have your fucking eye contact and lets me know you're

0:39:44.600 --> 0:39:46.239
<v Speaker 1>in it? Or and like I'm not being a hoe,

0:39:46.480 --> 0:39:50.680
<v Speaker 1>like we're being hosed together. We're contact with me, Make

0:39:50.680 --> 0:39:52.520
<v Speaker 1>I contact me? Do you love me? Not love me?

0:39:52.719 --> 0:39:56.359
<v Speaker 1>But you know? But anyway, my god, that Candleen, I'm high.

0:39:56.520 --> 0:39:59.080
<v Speaker 1>I haven't mean all day back doesn't hurt anymore. It's great.

0:39:59.160 --> 0:40:01.760
<v Speaker 1>I'm feeling a little loopy. How much did you drink?

0:40:01.920 --> 0:40:04.520
<v Speaker 1>Just a sip? But I haven't eaten all day and

0:40:04.560 --> 0:40:11.080
<v Speaker 1>it's six o'clock. Ate one piece of toes. Anyway, I

0:40:11.160 --> 0:40:13.600
<v Speaker 1>text him and I said, got home, made it home,

0:40:14.200 --> 0:40:17.000
<v Speaker 1>good night, and he wrote, glad you made it home.

0:40:17.280 --> 0:40:20.080
<v Speaker 1>Call me tomorrow, and that irritated the fuck out of me.

0:40:20.200 --> 0:40:25.479
<v Speaker 1>Why call me tomorrow? You call me nigga? I mean, okay.

0:40:25.520 --> 0:40:27.399
<v Speaker 1>The call me tomorrow also made me feel okay, good

0:40:27.440 --> 0:40:29.080
<v Speaker 1>that okay he wants me to call him, but then

0:40:29.080 --> 0:40:31.400
<v Speaker 1>it also made me feel like, so I have to

0:40:31.440 --> 0:40:34.239
<v Speaker 1>call you okay, you're crazy okay, And then I did

0:40:34.560 --> 0:40:38.280
<v Speaker 1>even crazier. Oh no, what did you do? I didn't

0:40:38.320 --> 0:40:43.080
<v Speaker 1>hear about this? Please? So I wanted to call him tomorrow.

0:40:43.600 --> 0:40:46.439
<v Speaker 1>So it's tomorrow, right, and I want to call him right.

0:40:47.360 --> 0:40:50.200
<v Speaker 1>I'm not ready, but I don't know what I'm gonna say.

0:40:50.760 --> 0:40:52.840
<v Speaker 1>I don't have anything to talk about with him, so

0:40:52.880 --> 0:40:55.680
<v Speaker 1>I made up something to talk about. What the fuck

0:40:55.880 --> 0:41:07.560
<v Speaker 1>did you make up? Crazy? Oh my god? Sorry? I

0:41:07.560 --> 0:41:09.960
<v Speaker 1>called him and I was like hey, He was like,

0:41:10.640 --> 0:41:14.920
<v Speaker 1>what's up? And I was like so, I was like,

0:41:15.120 --> 0:41:17.920
<v Speaker 1>so that food you ordered me last night? Oh my god?

0:41:18.440 --> 0:41:20.719
<v Speaker 1>Just lying I said would you order me last night?

0:41:20.760 --> 0:41:23.360
<v Speaker 1>Made me sick. This was a lie totally. I was

0:41:23.360 --> 0:41:25.719
<v Speaker 1>like I threw up and he was like, I told

0:41:25.760 --> 0:41:27.560
<v Speaker 1>you that food wasn't good, and I was like, wait,

0:41:27.600 --> 0:41:29.200
<v Speaker 1>why did why why did he order your food he

0:41:29.239 --> 0:41:31.239
<v Speaker 1>told you wasn't good. Well, he ordered it because he

0:41:31.280 --> 0:41:32.440
<v Speaker 1>thought it was good. And then we got it and

0:41:32.480 --> 0:41:33.799
<v Speaker 1>he didn't think it was good. He didn't even need

0:41:33.840 --> 0:41:38.120
<v Speaker 1>his food. But I was stoned starving tie of course,

0:41:38.160 --> 0:41:40.160
<v Speaker 1>because welcome to Elan and it was fine. It didn't

0:41:40.160 --> 0:41:43.319
<v Speaker 1>make me sick. I I just needed an excuse to

0:41:43.360 --> 0:41:45.560
<v Speaker 1>call it. I just wanted to blame him for something,

0:41:45.960 --> 0:41:48.760
<v Speaker 1>because that's what we do everybody. I think you're crazy,

0:41:48.760 --> 0:41:51.000
<v Speaker 1>I don't care because you know what, because someone who's

0:41:51.000 --> 0:41:52.640
<v Speaker 1>listening has done some dumb shit like this just to

0:41:52.680 --> 0:41:56.560
<v Speaker 1>have a reason to call someone. Guaranteed, I'm just admitting it.

0:41:56.880 --> 0:42:00.120
<v Speaker 2>You know what's funny about this conversation is like if

0:42:00.120 --> 0:42:01.680
<v Speaker 2>you have if you like a guy or you're like

0:42:01.760 --> 0:42:04.680
<v Speaker 2>into him, these are all the feelings you had. But literally,

0:42:04.760 --> 0:42:06.400
<v Speaker 2>as I was driving over here, I thought about this

0:42:06.440 --> 0:42:08.600
<v Speaker 2>guy whose house I went over. He was like totally

0:42:08.920 --> 0:42:10.680
<v Speaker 2>reaching out to me a lot of times, and I

0:42:10.719 --> 0:42:11.960
<v Speaker 2>was just like laowing him off. I went over his

0:42:12.040 --> 0:42:14.200
<v Speaker 2>house like three times, but this one time I had

0:42:14.200 --> 0:42:17.319
<v Speaker 2>taken Mollie, like in the daytime for no reason, and

0:42:17.360 --> 0:42:19.160
<v Speaker 2>it was just rolling over into the evening, and so

0:42:19.200 --> 0:42:19.759
<v Speaker 2>I called him.

0:42:19.800 --> 0:42:21.160
<v Speaker 1>I ever told this story.

0:42:21.480 --> 0:42:23.360
<v Speaker 2>And cause I was like, he's kind of short, but

0:42:23.440 --> 0:42:28.440
<v Speaker 2>he's a big So I went over there, had sex,

0:42:28.640 --> 0:42:31.439
<v Speaker 2>it was great, gave me head, left in the middle

0:42:31.440 --> 0:42:34.200
<v Speaker 2>of the night, never reached out to him again.

0:42:35.680 --> 0:42:37.759
<v Speaker 1>And today I was like, wonder how like, oh, no,

0:42:37.920 --> 0:42:41.000
<v Speaker 1>it's terrible. What are the guy's doing? Which I wish

0:42:41.040 --> 0:42:43.000
<v Speaker 1>himul merry Christmas? No, I should just leave it. But

0:42:43.040 --> 0:42:44.759
<v Speaker 1>I'm like, I didn't even think twice about it. I

0:42:44.800 --> 0:42:47.520
<v Speaker 1>just was like, thanks by. But like when you like

0:42:47.520 --> 0:42:49.480
<v Speaker 1>an a little bit, You're like, how can I call him?

0:42:49.520 --> 0:42:49.960
<v Speaker 3>Should I say?

0:42:50.000 --> 0:42:50.200
<v Speaker 1>Hello?

0:42:50.400 --> 0:42:50.600
<v Speaker 2>Yeah?

0:42:51.719 --> 0:42:54.959
<v Speaker 1>You got me, made me sick, I'm make me feel better,

0:42:55.239 --> 0:42:55.959
<v Speaker 1>Come at me. Hello.

0:42:57.719 --> 0:43:00.400
<v Speaker 2>So it's like, it's crazy, how like our women, like

0:43:00.560 --> 0:43:04.239
<v Speaker 2>our whole shaming women is like it.

0:43:04.160 --> 0:43:05.280
<v Speaker 1>All depends on.

0:43:06.680 --> 0:43:08.440
<v Speaker 2>How much we like the guy and how much we

0:43:08.440 --> 0:43:09.560
<v Speaker 2>feel like he's into us.

0:43:10.040 --> 0:43:11.439
<v Speaker 1>I don't even know if he's into me. I mean,

0:43:11.960 --> 0:43:14.040
<v Speaker 1>I'm so confused by him. I think it's just there's

0:43:14.040 --> 0:43:17.160
<v Speaker 1>an allure around about him, around him, it's the forbiddenness.

0:43:17.200 --> 0:43:20.520
<v Speaker 1>It's like I went to his home, it's beautiful. You know,

0:43:20.760 --> 0:43:23.880
<v Speaker 1>he is a dad and like he cares a lot

0:43:23.920 --> 0:43:26.319
<v Speaker 1>about his kids, and that's obviously a turn on for me.

0:43:28.080 --> 0:43:33.640
<v Speaker 1>You know, he's adventurous. Uh, he's kind of suck He's sexy.

0:43:33.719 --> 0:43:36.640
<v Speaker 1>He's also good looking. His body's bombed. He was cute.

0:43:36.640 --> 0:43:39.520
<v Speaker 1>He has a big penis, Like you know, I have

0:43:39.640 --> 0:43:47.799
<v Speaker 1>never seen that penis. That's gonna suck you up. So anyway,

0:43:48.000 --> 0:43:52.280
<v Speaker 1>I don't know, the point is I needs to do better.

0:43:52.640 --> 0:43:54.480
<v Speaker 1>I'm not gonna reach out any Oh. I also text

0:43:54.560 --> 0:43:56.959
<v Speaker 1>him today too because I'm crazy and said what because

0:43:56.960 --> 0:43:58.919
<v Speaker 1>I told him I was building this thing for Iri,

0:43:59.200 --> 0:44:01.400
<v Speaker 1>and like I sent him a picture of it, like

0:44:01.400 --> 0:44:03.479
<v Speaker 1>I did it. Look what I did? Well, I didn't

0:44:03.520 --> 0:44:07.160
<v Speaker 1>do it, but MISSION accomplished what he said. He hasn't responded.

0:44:07.200 --> 0:44:09.160
<v Speaker 1>I think he's well. I know that he's busy. He's

0:44:09.160 --> 0:44:16.600
<v Speaker 1>out of town right now with family. So I am

0:44:16.680 --> 0:44:19.000
<v Speaker 1>I think, Oh God, I don't want to say it.

0:44:19.239 --> 0:44:21.120
<v Speaker 1>I think I've just been spiraling too. I also saw

0:44:21.120 --> 0:44:26.920
<v Speaker 1>a happy bay recently. No did you when like three

0:44:27.000 --> 0:44:29.200
<v Speaker 1>days ago? And did you make up?

0:44:29.360 --> 0:44:29.480
<v Speaker 2>No?

0:44:30.160 --> 0:44:34.600
<v Speaker 1>No, we're over that, right, mm. I don't know. I

0:44:34.680 --> 0:44:36.960
<v Speaker 1>kind of like love him a little bit still, but

0:44:37.040 --> 0:44:38.600
<v Speaker 1>like I don't want to like do that.

0:44:39.480 --> 0:44:40.040
<v Speaker 4>No, I don't.

0:44:40.280 --> 0:44:44.719
<v Speaker 1>I'm not saw okay, you know what you are so beautiful,

0:44:45.400 --> 0:44:50.520
<v Speaker 1>you are amazing. I too. I just I don't know.

0:44:51.760 --> 0:44:53.239
<v Speaker 1>I don't I don't want to. I'm not gonna like

0:44:53.239 --> 0:44:54.960
<v Speaker 1>I haven't called him since I'm not pursuing it. I

0:44:55.000 --> 0:44:57.239
<v Speaker 1>haven't even really been thinking about him. It's just when

0:44:57.239 --> 0:44:59.600
<v Speaker 1>I'm in his presence, I get like rap, I like

0:44:59.680 --> 0:45:01.520
<v Speaker 1>it's he does you know, he does a lot of

0:45:01.760 --> 0:45:04.719
<v Speaker 1>deep deep deep sir, and you love a deep stair

0:45:04.840 --> 0:45:06.600
<v Speaker 1>but also makes me but I don't his just like

0:45:06.640 --> 0:45:09.759
<v Speaker 1>it's really intense and I get nervous. He's another one

0:45:09.760 --> 0:45:13.680
<v Speaker 1>that makes me nervous. And also I'm closed off too

0:45:13.760 --> 0:45:15.680
<v Speaker 1>because I'm like, oh, we've done this, Like, don't try

0:45:15.719 --> 0:45:18.040
<v Speaker 1>to like get me, don't try to deep stare me now, nigga.

0:45:19.400 --> 0:45:22.240
<v Speaker 1>But I don't know. I've just been like revisiting old things.

0:45:22.280 --> 0:45:24.480
<v Speaker 1>I don't know, not revisiting. That's the only old thing

0:45:24.520 --> 0:45:29.640
<v Speaker 1>I've I've been I've visited. But I just need support.

0:45:29.760 --> 0:45:33.000
<v Speaker 1>I need I need, I need to do better. I

0:45:33.040 --> 0:45:36.319
<v Speaker 1>need to not message for bidd and Bay anymore and

0:45:36.480 --> 0:45:38.879
<v Speaker 1>make him make an effort, and if he doesn't, then

0:45:39.040 --> 0:45:40.960
<v Speaker 1>there's no more Forbidden Bay. And really there shouldn't be

0:45:41.000 --> 0:45:43.840
<v Speaker 1>any forbidden Bay, to be honest, because there's more bays

0:45:43.880 --> 0:45:46.120
<v Speaker 1>out here. I think there are so many bays and

0:45:46.320 --> 0:45:51.440
<v Speaker 1>our bay will come and be amazing. I need to

0:45:51.520 --> 0:45:52.360
<v Speaker 1>I think I need a break.

0:45:52.400 --> 0:45:54.920
<v Speaker 2>I I know I need a break because I make

0:45:56.200 --> 0:45:59.479
<v Speaker 2>I make the decisions with my vagina a lot.

0:46:00.360 --> 0:46:03.399
<v Speaker 1>I just not like a guy, and I just.

0:46:03.560 --> 0:46:05.759
<v Speaker 2>I just I need to do better for myself, for

0:46:05.880 --> 0:46:09.719
<v Speaker 2>my energy, for my healing, for my trauma, whatever that is.

0:46:09.760 --> 0:46:11.359
<v Speaker 1>Whenever I feel figure the shit out.

0:46:12.000 --> 0:46:14.640
<v Speaker 4>So I'm just are you doing a detox again?

0:46:15.280 --> 0:46:18.400
<v Speaker 1>I'm doing Dick talks? You are? I have to? Okay?

0:46:18.560 --> 0:46:19.840
<v Speaker 1>Starting one today? No?

0:46:20.360 --> 0:46:22.920
<v Speaker 3>Well yes, well wait I don't know when this comes out.

0:46:22.960 --> 0:46:24.440
<v Speaker 1>What twenty twenty?

0:46:24.480 --> 0:46:28.359
<v Speaker 3>Okay, Yeah, I'm gonna try and go a year.

0:46:29.239 --> 0:46:31.480
<v Speaker 1>Really, I think you could do it because you were

0:46:31.520 --> 0:46:33.799
<v Speaker 1>really in it. I know you went like six months.

0:46:33.880 --> 0:46:35.640
<v Speaker 3>Yeah, I know I can do it. I just don't

0:46:35.680 --> 0:46:36.799
<v Speaker 3>want to have but.

0:46:36.840 --> 0:46:39.200
<v Speaker 1>Once you start like you were feeling it, you were

0:46:39.200 --> 0:46:39.560
<v Speaker 1>like not.

0:46:40.160 --> 0:46:45.280
<v Speaker 2>But for me, like escapism for me is like people sex, drinking.

0:46:47.200 --> 0:46:49.360
<v Speaker 1>What problems though, Dick.

0:46:50.360 --> 0:46:53.040
<v Speaker 2>Like that's my way of like getting high, like going away,

0:46:53.280 --> 0:46:54.560
<v Speaker 2>I mean, like not like weed.

0:46:54.680 --> 0:46:58.480
<v Speaker 1>But you know what I mean, that's my escapism. So

0:46:58.600 --> 0:47:00.439
<v Speaker 1>I just need to do better. I need to want

0:47:00.480 --> 0:47:08.040
<v Speaker 1>more for myself. So that's my goal. Yeah, that's it.

0:47:08.560 --> 0:47:10.160
<v Speaker 1>And that is mean I can't date it. Just I'm

0:47:10.160 --> 0:47:14.040
<v Speaker 1>not fucking well, don't give don't give head because I

0:47:14.080 --> 0:47:18.319
<v Speaker 1>don't feel like how afterwards? For sure, I'm never giving

0:47:18.320 --> 0:47:22.279
<v Speaker 1>ahead again, like just just like that was the first

0:47:22.280 --> 0:47:23.800
<v Speaker 1>time I've ever given not the first time. That was

0:47:23.840 --> 0:47:25.839
<v Speaker 1>the first time in a very long time that I've

0:47:25.880 --> 0:47:28.879
<v Speaker 1>given head. And that was it. Sometimes I feel good

0:47:28.880 --> 0:47:30.719
<v Speaker 1>about myself. Sometimes I'm like, thank god, I can go

0:47:30.760 --> 0:47:33.880
<v Speaker 1>all the way. Well, I mean I I that was

0:47:33.880 --> 0:47:35.560
<v Speaker 1>a given because I knew I wasn't going to do that,

0:47:35.800 --> 0:47:38.040
<v Speaker 1>you know. But like the fact that that's all that,

0:47:38.280 --> 0:47:41.000
<v Speaker 1>I don't know, it just it wasn't returned. It does

0:47:41.080 --> 0:47:44.640
<v Speaker 1>it makes me feel like I did everything for you.

0:47:45.000 --> 0:47:46.040
<v Speaker 1>I drove in the rain.

0:47:46.160 --> 0:47:48.640
<v Speaker 2>It's very high school, you know, it's roots back to

0:47:48.719 --> 0:47:49.160
<v Speaker 2>high school.

0:47:49.160 --> 0:47:50.479
<v Speaker 1>You know what I thought about you too. I thought

0:47:50.480 --> 0:47:52.399
<v Speaker 1>I kind of thought about you too. Oh my god,

0:47:52.400 --> 0:47:53.879
<v Speaker 1>I really did think about you when I was giving

0:47:53.920 --> 0:47:59.040
<v Speaker 1>himpet because you told you told me this, You told

0:47:59.040 --> 0:48:01.200
<v Speaker 1>me and you shared on the podcas Hass that there

0:48:01.280 --> 0:48:03.080
<v Speaker 1>was a time where you would give head, turned around

0:48:03.120 --> 0:48:04.879
<v Speaker 1>like you wouldn't look at the guy, like you would

0:48:04.880 --> 0:48:07.480
<v Speaker 1>turn the other way. And at first I started that

0:48:07.520 --> 0:48:09.560
<v Speaker 1>way and I wasn't even conscious that I was doing it,

0:48:09.640 --> 0:48:11.840
<v Speaker 1>and I was like, wait, no, we need to turn

0:48:12.040 --> 0:48:16.279
<v Speaker 1>around here, like we need to turn around here because

0:48:16.280 --> 0:48:19.439
<v Speaker 1>I need to make sure like we're in this together, right,

0:48:19.600 --> 0:48:25.680
<v Speaker 1>This isn't like a one man's situation. Lord Jesus, save me,

0:48:26.200 --> 0:48:26.759
<v Speaker 1>Save me.

0:48:27.960 --> 0:48:29.759
<v Speaker 2>You know, we all need to be saved. But at

0:48:29.840 --> 0:48:32.120
<v Speaker 2>least we know we need some saving. We need some

0:48:32.800 --> 0:48:35.600
<v Speaker 2>you know, there's some fine tuning that needs to happen.

0:48:35.600 --> 0:48:35.759
<v Speaker 1>You know.

0:48:35.800 --> 0:48:38.239
<v Speaker 2>I also wonder how many years on the podcast we're

0:48:38.280 --> 0:48:42.080
<v Speaker 2>gonna be talking. It's like here too, We're like we're

0:48:42.080 --> 0:48:45.160
<v Speaker 2>gonna be better, gonna be healing, dick toxing. I'm not

0:48:45.200 --> 0:48:47.160
<v Speaker 2>gonna be given any head. I'm not gonna go to

0:48:47.200 --> 0:48:49.759
<v Speaker 2>any random's house and get some dick at night. It's

0:48:49.880 --> 0:48:51.800
<v Speaker 2>gonna happen five years.

0:48:52.040 --> 0:49:00.160
<v Speaker 1>Look, Buddha didn't become Buddha in two years. Okay, it's

0:49:00.160 --> 0:49:02.759
<v Speaker 1>a new year. New you. There's like some girl who's

0:49:02.760 --> 0:49:11.280
<v Speaker 1>sent to horries. Okay, it's time for horse stories. Whose stories?

0:49:14.920 --> 0:49:20.200
<v Speaker 1>Do we need to update our horse or horse sounds? Okay? Okay.

0:49:20.280 --> 0:49:22.279
<v Speaker 1>It's spring twenty ten and I'm in eleventh grade and

0:49:22.280 --> 0:49:25.120
<v Speaker 1>in Panama City Beach, Florida. Me and Mike. Oh, it's Florida.

0:49:25.120 --> 0:49:27.120
<v Speaker 1>That's why me and my girlfriends had been in Panama

0:49:27.160 --> 0:49:28.880
<v Speaker 1>for about two days. At this point, we got dressed

0:49:28.880 --> 0:49:31.480
<v Speaker 1>and headed to the beach like we did daily after breakfast.

0:49:31.800 --> 0:49:34.560
<v Speaker 1>We get there and of course it's packed. It's packed

0:49:34.560 --> 0:49:38.800
<v Speaker 1>of people like sardines, packed with people like sardines. Bitches

0:49:39.440 --> 0:49:42.160
<v Speaker 1>are butt naked and these niggas have all their guns out,

0:49:43.200 --> 0:49:46.880
<v Speaker 1>so exciting. The drinks start rolling in and the blunts

0:49:46.880 --> 0:49:49.279
<v Speaker 1>start lighting. I'm drinking and mixing everything under the sun.

0:49:49.360 --> 0:49:51.640
<v Speaker 1>We didn't care. Fast forward a few hours and we

0:49:51.640 --> 0:49:53.359
<v Speaker 1>meet a group of guys. It was five of us

0:49:53.360 --> 0:49:56.080
<v Speaker 1>and six of them. One of them takes interest in

0:49:56.080 --> 0:49:58.400
<v Speaker 1>me and we walk off from the crowd to some

0:49:58.520 --> 0:50:01.800
<v Speaker 1>chairs in the distance up and then he comes out

0:50:01.920 --> 0:50:04.200
<v Speaker 1>of left field and tells me he wants to taste me.

0:50:04.880 --> 0:50:07.160
<v Speaker 1>And this. At this point, we are both faded and

0:50:07.200 --> 0:50:09.799
<v Speaker 1>he's fine as fuck, so I say, bet I'm down.

0:50:10.520 --> 0:50:12.080
<v Speaker 1>We walk a little further down the beach and he

0:50:12.120 --> 0:50:15.160
<v Speaker 1>eats me out in broad daylight on the beach. Reckless

0:50:15.200 --> 0:50:17.759
<v Speaker 1>as fuck, but this isn't the kicker. We go and

0:50:17.800 --> 0:50:19.960
<v Speaker 1>meet back up with our friends. All boot up. We

0:50:20.080 --> 0:50:23.319
<v Speaker 1>ended up eating dinner around six pm with them and

0:50:23.360 --> 0:50:25.719
<v Speaker 1>me and my dude exchange numbers. He texted me later

0:50:25.760 --> 0:50:28.520
<v Speaker 1>on the later on that night, around like nine or

0:50:28.560 --> 0:50:30.680
<v Speaker 1>ten pm and asked me what we were getting into

0:50:30.719 --> 0:50:33.239
<v Speaker 1>that night. I told him we were going to a

0:50:33.280 --> 0:50:35.600
<v Speaker 1>foam party and he said they may come through, but

0:50:35.600 --> 0:50:38.120
<v Speaker 1>didn't end up seeing them. Once the night of partying

0:50:38.160 --> 0:50:40.239
<v Speaker 1>was over, of course, around two am, I got the

0:50:40.400 --> 0:50:42.799
<v Speaker 1>what you do in text? I knew he wanted to fuck,

0:50:43.080 --> 0:50:45.400
<v Speaker 1>and so did I, so I replied something kinky and

0:50:45.440 --> 0:50:48.800
<v Speaker 1>he told me to come over. I know I shouldn't

0:50:48.800 --> 0:50:50.759
<v Speaker 1>have gone by myself, but bucket I did. Took a

0:50:50.800 --> 0:50:54.719
<v Speaker 1>taxi to his condo for hours from hours, about a

0:50:54.760 --> 0:50:57.520
<v Speaker 1>seven minute ride, and met up with the dude. Him

0:50:57.560 --> 0:50:59.640
<v Speaker 1>and all six of his friends shared the condo. There

0:50:59.680 --> 0:51:01.880
<v Speaker 1>were two girls already there with two of the guys

0:51:01.880 --> 0:51:04.040
<v Speaker 1>that I didn't know, but I sat down and was social.

0:51:04.400 --> 0:51:06.200
<v Speaker 1>After we smoked and chilled for a bit, he invites

0:51:06.239 --> 0:51:07.680
<v Speaker 1>me into his room and I knew it was about

0:51:07.719 --> 0:51:10.200
<v Speaker 1>to go down. He wasted no time. Once he's closed

0:51:10.239 --> 0:51:12.400
<v Speaker 1>the door, he started kissing my neck and climbing on me,

0:51:12.440 --> 0:51:15.200
<v Speaker 1>and I was so down. Fast forward about forty minutes

0:51:15.400 --> 0:51:18.799
<v Speaker 1>were and we're all full on fucking, and we are

0:51:18.840 --> 0:51:22.640
<v Speaker 1>full on fucking. It's great. Next next thing I know,

0:51:22.719 --> 0:51:25.040
<v Speaker 1>I hear the door open and I jump to cover myself,

0:51:25.080 --> 0:51:27.520
<v Speaker 1>but he doesn't. I was like, uh, who the fuck

0:51:27.600 --> 0:51:30.000
<v Speaker 1>is that one of the niggas walked in and closed

0:51:30.040 --> 0:51:34.400
<v Speaker 1>the door. Bitch, oh bit, he was fine as fine.

0:51:36.600 --> 0:51:39.200
<v Speaker 1>I was looking like, what the fuck were about to do?

0:51:39.640 --> 0:51:43.719
<v Speaker 1>Oh my god? Pause, we need some names. The main dude,

0:51:43.840 --> 0:51:46.200
<v Speaker 1>let's call him Tie. The nigga that I walked in,

0:51:46.400 --> 0:51:50.000
<v Speaker 1>let's call him Kyle. So after Kyle closes the door,

0:51:50.120 --> 0:51:54.440
<v Speaker 1>I'm looking crazy as hell butt naked, and so is Tay. Okay.

0:51:54.800 --> 0:51:57.080
<v Speaker 1>Tay looks at me and asks if I'm comfortable if

0:51:57.160 --> 0:52:01.400
<v Speaker 1>Kyle watched us. I was like, oh, sure, this is

0:52:01.480 --> 0:52:05.520
<v Speaker 1>kinky and I don't know. Oh my god, y'all. Two

0:52:05.560 --> 0:52:10.680
<v Speaker 1>more niggas, one at a time, closing the door behind

0:52:10.719 --> 0:52:13.640
<v Speaker 1>them about five minutes ago. Oh my god, girl in

0:52:13.680 --> 0:52:16.440
<v Speaker 1>eleventh grade, I was scared, and every time Kyle was

0:52:17.160 --> 0:52:20.840
<v Speaker 1>contact with me, like asking if I was comfortable, Kyle's

0:52:20.840 --> 0:52:24.160
<v Speaker 1>the guy closed the door. The initial guy, No, Kyle.

0:52:24.280 --> 0:52:27.080
<v Speaker 1>The other guy was asking her if she was comfortable,

0:52:27.239 --> 0:52:29.480
<v Speaker 1>which I appreciate and kind of turned me on more

0:52:29.520 --> 0:52:35.319
<v Speaker 1>that he cared that I felt safe. I'm like, oh

0:52:35.360 --> 0:52:37.759
<v Speaker 1>my god, he cares about me. Let's make sure I

0:52:37.800 --> 0:52:42.400
<v Speaker 1>don't feel rapey. Okay. After a while of fucking with

0:52:42.480 --> 0:52:46.080
<v Speaker 1>the three other guys watching what I knew was about

0:52:46.120 --> 0:52:49.959
<v Speaker 1>to happen happened. One of them walked up and took

0:52:49.960 --> 0:52:52.040
<v Speaker 1>his dick out and then asked me to lock it.

0:52:52.320 --> 0:52:56.360
<v Speaker 1>I said, absolutely, girl, I was in it at this point,

0:52:56.520 --> 0:52:58.879
<v Speaker 1>so hot and ready. He started eating me out while

0:52:58.920 --> 0:53:01.920
<v Speaker 1>Tay beat his meat and made out with me. At

0:53:01.920 --> 0:53:04.000
<v Speaker 1>this point, the other two guys had their dicks out,

0:53:04.120 --> 0:53:08.000
<v Speaker 1>beating it in opposite sides of the room. Within twenty minutes,

0:53:08.120 --> 0:53:10.360
<v Speaker 1>we all were naked and they were running a train

0:53:10.480 --> 0:53:15.120
<v Speaker 1>on me. Yup, the whole ass train, and I loved it.

0:53:15.520 --> 0:53:18.040
<v Speaker 1>They were all dark and sexy and had big dicks.

0:53:19.160 --> 0:53:23.239
<v Speaker 1>I was in I love this band. I was in

0:53:23.320 --> 0:53:25.960
<v Speaker 1>a dream one would be in me and the other

0:53:26.000 --> 0:53:29.040
<v Speaker 1>one would be beating their meats and meats. I gave

0:53:29.080 --> 0:53:31.719
<v Speaker 1>Tay head once. Well, one of the guys was behind me,

0:53:31.800 --> 0:53:36.000
<v Speaker 1>and that was different. This was my first multiples encounter. Well, girl,

0:53:36.040 --> 0:53:41.080
<v Speaker 1>you jumped in. Let's just go, let's just go cam base.

0:53:41.160 --> 0:53:46.560
<v Speaker 1>It had a few threesomes after this, but this was new. Afterwards, afterwards,

0:53:46.600 --> 0:53:49.960
<v Speaker 1>I was worn out. Everyone left the room but me

0:53:50.440 --> 0:53:52.719
<v Speaker 1>and Tay. But me and Tay, and we knocked out.

0:53:52.800 --> 0:53:54.719
<v Speaker 1>I woke up in a few hours later and went

0:53:54.760 --> 0:53:57.560
<v Speaker 1>back to my condo. Told my friends I fucked Ay

0:53:57.680 --> 0:54:01.319
<v Speaker 1>and that's it. Aren't you happy? We're your friends now.

0:54:02.280 --> 0:54:05.240
<v Speaker 1>After that trip, Kyle started dating one of my friend's

0:54:05.320 --> 0:54:07.759
<v Speaker 1>friends who was on that trip with me, and I

0:54:07.840 --> 0:54:09.879
<v Speaker 1>never to this day told her he was a part

0:54:09.920 --> 0:54:12.480
<v Speaker 1>of the training with me. Oh my god. They are

0:54:12.560 --> 0:54:15.200
<v Speaker 1>married with two kids, and I was at the wedding

0:54:15.680 --> 0:54:21.440
<v Speaker 1>laughing my ass off. Yolo, whoa, that was really good.

0:54:21.920 --> 0:54:25.600
<v Speaker 2>I mean, that's actually a bomb hoary. Finally someone comes

0:54:25.600 --> 0:54:28.879
<v Speaker 2>with the fucking shits. Oh, and you know what I'm

0:54:28.960 --> 0:54:29.600
<v Speaker 2>all about.

0:54:29.600 --> 0:54:31.680
<v Speaker 1>It like, if you feel comfortable, if you don't feel

0:54:31.680 --> 0:54:34.680
<v Speaker 1>like it's rape. Live your mother fucking life.

0:54:34.719 --> 0:54:36.799
<v Speaker 2>If it's safe, if it's not rape, if you trust,

0:54:36.800 --> 0:54:39.040
<v Speaker 2>if you feel like there's trust in the room and respect, Like,

0:54:39.640 --> 0:54:43.960
<v Speaker 2>I feel like it sucks that women like women have

0:54:44.040 --> 0:54:46.560
<v Speaker 2>been have been labeled if you have sex with multiple

0:54:46.560 --> 0:54:49.360
<v Speaker 2>guys at the same time, you're you're automatically like a

0:54:49.440 --> 0:54:53.360
<v Speaker 2>slug but nigga Like, but nigga's be requesting threesomes and

0:54:53.480 --> 0:54:56.400
<v Speaker 2>all types of shit on a regular basis, and there

0:54:56.440 --> 0:54:57.880
<v Speaker 2>are no one thinks twice about it.

0:54:59.080 --> 0:55:01.719
<v Speaker 1>So I I feel like we should. I mean, I'm

0:55:02.320 --> 0:55:05.680
<v Speaker 1>she fucking loved it. She felt empowered, she was in it,

0:55:05.760 --> 0:55:10.200
<v Speaker 1>she felt comfortable, she was comfortable, like and you know what,

0:55:10.239 --> 0:55:11.920
<v Speaker 1>I kind of love about the stories that she didn't

0:55:11.920 --> 0:55:14.000
<v Speaker 1>tell me about it. I love that she told no

0:55:14.040 --> 0:55:17.600
<v Speaker 1>one except now Toll. The twist is that she went

0:55:17.640 --> 0:55:20.280
<v Speaker 1>to the wedding, Oh my god.

0:55:21.239 --> 0:55:25.120
<v Speaker 2>And I think women are sometimes afraid to admit that

0:55:25.120 --> 0:55:27.640
<v Speaker 2>that's their fantasy. And for a long time for me,

0:55:27.840 --> 0:55:30.520
<v Speaker 2>I wouldn't even let the fantasy come into my head,

0:55:30.600 --> 0:55:32.799
<v Speaker 2>Like it was automatically shut off.

0:55:32.840 --> 0:55:35.880
<v Speaker 1>As as Raypie, any type of like any type of

0:55:35.960 --> 0:55:37.279
<v Speaker 1>multiple men. I was like, oh, that's rape.

0:55:37.760 --> 0:55:41.040
<v Speaker 2>But until I saw savages, as you all know, and

0:55:41.120 --> 0:55:44.160
<v Speaker 2>until like I really had to like remove the stigmas

0:55:44.200 --> 0:55:46.319
<v Speaker 2>around what that meant because but.

0:55:49.080 --> 0:55:50.520
<v Speaker 1>I feel like I lived through you a little bit.

0:55:50.600 --> 0:55:53.719
<v Speaker 1>I mean I was a little jealous. I know, like

0:55:54.239 --> 0:55:56.399
<v Speaker 1>you're all chocolate, this sounds like my type of dude,

0:55:56.440 --> 0:55:58.839
<v Speaker 1>and then all haspic dicks I mean ideal and you're

0:55:58.880 --> 0:56:03.759
<v Speaker 1>the main event. That's actually it's pretty king bitch. Yeah.

0:56:03.800 --> 0:56:05.760
<v Speaker 1>And then he let any you guys fell asleep together

0:56:05.880 --> 0:56:09.040
<v Speaker 1>and you decided when you wanted to leave, right bye

0:56:09.080 --> 0:56:12.839
<v Speaker 1>bye bye. Well that put me in a better mood,

0:56:13.000 --> 0:56:13.319
<v Speaker 1>it did.

0:56:13.440 --> 0:56:17.239
<v Speaker 3>Actually, thanks, you're right, I'm actually kind of happy now.

0:56:19.800 --> 0:56:25.520
<v Speaker 1>It's not wonderful how liberating, like like sharing honesty and freedom,

0:56:25.640 --> 0:56:28.880
<v Speaker 1>sexual freedom can be. And then that's so great, I mean,

0:56:28.920 --> 0:56:31.440
<v Speaker 1>not that you absolutely have to indulge about, just to

0:56:31.480 --> 0:56:33.719
<v Speaker 1>know like people are out here doing it, enjoying it.

0:56:33.840 --> 0:56:35.880
<v Speaker 1>You may want to be out here enjoying it and

0:56:35.920 --> 0:56:39.000
<v Speaker 1>doing it under good terms too, and knowing that like

0:56:39.040 --> 0:56:41.280
<v Speaker 1>you're not, like you said, like you're not alone, and that.

0:56:43.360 --> 0:56:45.800
<v Speaker 2>People be fucking, people be fucking and people have all

0:56:45.840 --> 0:56:46.839
<v Speaker 2>types of kings, all.

0:56:46.760 --> 0:56:48.960
<v Speaker 1>Types of sex. We literally just found a guy in

0:56:49.000 --> 0:56:53.400
<v Speaker 1>a diaper from Horrible Decisions. Yeah, horrible Wheezy posted or

0:56:53.400 --> 0:56:55.799
<v Speaker 1>that they both put they interviewed him right, yeah, and

0:56:56.080 --> 0:57:00.360
<v Speaker 1>he his kink is that he likes to be treated

0:57:00.360 --> 0:57:03.640
<v Speaker 1>like a baby and diaper. And then and then I

0:57:03.680 --> 0:57:06.319
<v Speaker 1>saw someone comment and I clicked on her and she

0:57:06.480 --> 0:57:08.239
<v Speaker 1>likes to be treated like a baby too. She has

0:57:08.239 --> 0:57:11.600
<v Speaker 1>a pacifier though. He was even posted he's like, sometimes

0:57:11.640 --> 0:57:13.920
<v Speaker 1>I work. He posted a photo and he was like,

0:57:14.080 --> 0:57:16.240
<v Speaker 1>sometimes I wear my diaper depending on how hard the

0:57:16.280 --> 0:57:17.360
<v Speaker 1>workout is, but not.

0:57:17.320 --> 0:57:20.640
<v Speaker 2>Today it was too hard or something I read into. Yeah,

0:57:20.800 --> 0:57:22.360
<v Speaker 2>I saw it. I did, I saw it.

0:57:22.360 --> 0:57:24.400
<v Speaker 1>I don't. I don't, I can't. That's not for me.

0:57:24.560 --> 0:57:28.720
<v Speaker 1>I'm sorry that did you. I respect for your Absolutely,

0:57:28.760 --> 0:57:30.680
<v Speaker 1>he's peeing in there. That's part of the whole fantasy.

0:57:31.760 --> 0:57:32.760
<v Speaker 1>It's the whole he's.

0:57:32.600 --> 0:57:35.880
<v Speaker 2>A baby, Like I don't want to really change her.

0:57:35.840 --> 0:57:37.280
<v Speaker 1>No, they want And that's like the guy with the

0:57:37.320 --> 0:57:38.760
<v Speaker 1>hinge date I went on and he told me that

0:57:38.880 --> 0:57:40.400
<v Speaker 1>he dated a girl that wanted to be treated like

0:57:40.480 --> 0:57:42.680
<v Speaker 1>a baby too, or a baby girl, a baby doll

0:57:42.800 --> 0:57:45.240
<v Speaker 1>or some shit, and like she would want him to

0:57:45.320 --> 0:57:47.360
<v Speaker 1>tuck him her in at night, and then she like

0:57:47.440 --> 0:57:49.800
<v Speaker 1>kicked the covers off like like a little kid and

0:57:49.880 --> 0:57:52.920
<v Speaker 1>be like ooh sorry, and then he'd have to come

0:57:52.960 --> 0:57:54.840
<v Speaker 1>back and fix them again, and then she'd do it again,

0:57:54.880 --> 0:57:57.840
<v Speaker 1>and then he got really pissed and I'm not doing this.

0:57:58.320 --> 0:58:00.200
<v Speaker 1>And then there was one time where she like came over,

0:58:00.680 --> 0:58:02.520
<v Speaker 1>not probably not one time, probably all the time, but

0:58:03.200 --> 0:58:05.760
<v Speaker 1>she laid on him and he wanted she wanted him

0:58:05.800 --> 0:58:09.400
<v Speaker 1>to like brush her hair, and she kept talking.

0:58:09.160 --> 0:58:10.120
<v Speaker 4>To him like a little bean.

0:58:10.400 --> 0:58:17.120
<v Speaker 1>Stop baby, I mean I do like I like, how

0:58:17.160 --> 0:58:20.920
<v Speaker 1>do you call it? Like play? Like role play. But

0:58:20.960 --> 0:58:22.960
<v Speaker 1>I don't want to be a baby. No, I want

0:58:23.000 --> 0:58:25.040
<v Speaker 1>to be like a realtor or like a lawyer.

0:58:25.320 --> 0:58:28.200
<v Speaker 2>I'll do like high school age, like babysitter, Like I'm

0:58:28.280 --> 0:58:30.560
<v Speaker 2>babysitting your kids like seventeen.

0:58:30.920 --> 0:58:32.760
<v Speaker 1>I don't even have that fantasy. I don't want to

0:58:32.760 --> 0:58:37.120
<v Speaker 1>be like too. Mine are all like occupational. I'm a lawyer,

0:58:37.200 --> 0:58:40.120
<v Speaker 1>I'm a doctor, I'm like a therapist, I am a realtor.

0:58:40.360 --> 0:58:45.040
<v Speaker 1>I work at a coffee shop. Why are all of

0:58:45.120 --> 0:58:50.360
<v Speaker 1>mine like have to do right? Oh my god? Well,

0:58:50.400 --> 0:58:53.200
<v Speaker 1>you know what this all means for everyone. There's just

0:58:53.240 --> 0:58:55.280
<v Speaker 1>so much more of life to explore your kinks.

0:58:55.320 --> 0:58:57.120
<v Speaker 2>You don't really know what you're into until you try it,

0:58:57.240 --> 0:58:59.120
<v Speaker 2>or until you think about it and give it some thought,

0:58:59.200 --> 0:59:01.520
<v Speaker 2>or until you come upon someone you're attracted to who

0:59:01.560 --> 0:59:02.160
<v Speaker 2>does it and.

0:59:02.040 --> 0:59:05.560
<v Speaker 1>Then you're like, hum, yeah, it's really it's bad a

0:59:05.560 --> 0:59:06.160
<v Speaker 1>lot of times.

0:59:06.280 --> 0:59:10.160
<v Speaker 2>And also from the men listening, I don't know if

0:59:10.160 --> 0:59:13.280
<v Speaker 2>this is how that anonymous Susie whatever you call her.

0:59:14.200 --> 0:59:16.200
<v Speaker 1>I don't know if that was like the perfect.

0:59:15.800 --> 0:59:19.240
<v Speaker 2>Way to go about it, five way or whatever that was,

0:59:19.640 --> 0:59:20.400
<v Speaker 2>But I feel like.

0:59:20.480 --> 0:59:22.880
<v Speaker 1>What's the perfect way though, Well, I don't know.

0:59:22.920 --> 0:59:24.680
<v Speaker 2>Maybe should we have discussed this before we all got

0:59:24.720 --> 0:59:26.120
<v Speaker 2>in the room or before she was naked?

0:59:26.200 --> 0:59:28.000
<v Speaker 1>Oh you mean like that wasn't Yeah.

0:59:27.800 --> 0:59:29.600
<v Speaker 2>But at least there was no forcefulness. At least there

0:59:29.600 --> 0:59:32.160
<v Speaker 2>was permission being asked. I think this is so important

0:59:32.160 --> 0:59:33.760
<v Speaker 2>for men, Like that could be a fantasy, but you

0:59:33.840 --> 0:59:36.240
<v Speaker 2>have to really be delicate with the like, you know,

0:59:36.400 --> 0:59:39.120
<v Speaker 2>consent again is a big deal, and not making someone

0:59:39.120 --> 0:59:39.840
<v Speaker 2>you can ruin.

0:59:39.640 --> 0:59:42.960
<v Speaker 1>I like, talking about it before would not have been

0:59:42.960 --> 0:59:46.200
<v Speaker 1>it wouldn't have gone by well, it wouldn't have happened maybe,

0:59:46.240 --> 0:59:49.160
<v Speaker 1>and also it also would have just been to everyone.

0:59:49.200 --> 0:59:51.280
<v Speaker 1>She would have been to in her head, I have

0:59:51.360 --> 0:59:53.800
<v Speaker 1>to make a decision right now. Like she was already hot,

0:59:53.840 --> 0:59:56.080
<v Speaker 1>she was already like ready, she would have been fucking

0:59:56.360 --> 0:59:58.600
<v Speaker 1>you know, like well, I feel like and she felt

0:59:58.600 --> 1:00:00.800
<v Speaker 1>like a connection with him, like they probably he was

1:00:00.840 --> 1:00:04.880
<v Speaker 1>probably really into her, and like she felt safe. Safe. Essentially,

1:00:04.880 --> 1:00:07.320
<v Speaker 1>that's what it comes down is important. I feel like

1:00:07.360 --> 1:00:09.520
<v Speaker 1>it's really that's that's what it comes down to. A

1:00:09.560 --> 1:00:11.280
<v Speaker 1>lot of times, for the most part, at least for me,

1:00:13.200 --> 1:00:15.120
<v Speaker 1>we're not I don't know why I selected Dick. I

1:00:15.120 --> 1:00:18.920
<v Speaker 1>did I feel safe? I'm not sure, or you've just

1:00:18.920 --> 1:00:21.880
<v Speaker 1>felt forny. I just felt like it was forbidden. I

1:00:21.880 --> 1:00:25.880
<v Speaker 1>don't know. Okay, I really have to pee. I have

1:00:25.920 --> 1:00:29.440
<v Speaker 1>to go between tea and mine. Well in the handle, guys,

1:00:30.080 --> 1:00:31.680
<v Speaker 1>Thank you, guys, thanking them.

1:00:31.720 --> 1:00:33.760
<v Speaker 3>Thanks guys, Thank you for listening.

1:00:34.400 --> 1:00:37.360
<v Speaker 1>Make sure to subscribe to our newsletter at Good Momsbad

1:00:37.440 --> 1:00:40.680
<v Speaker 1>Choices dot com. Follow us on Instagram Good Moms Underscore,

1:00:40.840 --> 1:00:45.120
<v Speaker 1>Bad Choices. Make sure to check our website for upcoming events.

1:00:45.480 --> 1:00:48.240
<v Speaker 1>And even though we're not doing anymore well, we are

1:00:48.240 --> 1:00:50.160
<v Speaker 1>doing a tour. We are doing a show in La

1:00:50.680 --> 1:00:55.120
<v Speaker 1>March twenty eighth. To be exact, we're super excited. It's

1:00:55.160 --> 1:00:59.040
<v Speaker 1>going to be at the Blackbird Collective in Culver City.

1:00:59.120 --> 1:01:01.640
<v Speaker 1>In Culver City, It's gonna be lit. It's gonna be

1:01:01.680 --> 1:01:04.360
<v Speaker 1>fucking lit. You guys. Listen next. So we haven't had

1:01:04.360 --> 1:01:06.720
<v Speaker 1>a show in La in a year. We are so

1:01:06.760 --> 1:01:10.040
<v Speaker 1>excited to meet all you fucking guys and get a

1:01:10.040 --> 1:01:12.920
<v Speaker 1>little ratchet, get a little ratchet, maybe cry a little bit,

1:01:13.840 --> 1:01:19.160
<v Speaker 1>hold each other clothes, get drunk for the years, and

1:01:19.240 --> 1:01:21.200
<v Speaker 1>turn the fuck up. I'm really excited. It's our to

1:01:21.280 --> 1:01:22.160
<v Speaker 1>your anniversary.

1:01:22.480 --> 1:01:26.600
<v Speaker 2>Yes, so mark your calendars March twenty eighth and go.

1:01:26.480 --> 1:01:31.280
<v Speaker 1>To our link in our bio to buy tickets. Yeah,

1:01:31.520 --> 1:01:46.560
<v Speaker 1>see you there, Bye bye, I go