WEBVTT - Dear Banya: Squash the Crush 0:00:00.560 --> 0:00:04.240 Scrubbing In with Beca Tilly and Tanya rad and iHeartRadio, 0:00:04.400 --> 0:00:08.160 and two times People's Choice Award winning podcast. 0:00:12.039 --> 0:00:23.840 Hello Everybody, we are rubbing it so fast. 0:00:23.960 --> 0:00:24.880 I just don't love it. 0:00:25.000 --> 0:00:26.239 Like why. 0:00:27.360 --> 0:00:30.560 You loved it three days ago? You're fine with it. 0:00:30.600 --> 0:00:31.480 I was fine with it. 0:00:31.600 --> 0:00:34.760 Now I'm back to not loving it. But I can 0:00:35.159 --> 0:00:36.239 I can work shop it. 0:00:37.400 --> 0:00:39.200 Say start say it again? Like say how you would 0:00:39.200 --> 0:00:39.479 say it? 0:00:39.600 --> 0:00:41.279 Hello everybody? 0:00:41.320 --> 0:00:46.680 We are I gotta sing something why because it's nice? 0:00:48.200 --> 0:00:51.720 We are What if you're like we are scrubbing? Yeah, 0:00:51.720 --> 0:00:52.120 there we go. 0:00:52.159 --> 0:00:53.720 Okay, Okay, I like where we're heading. 0:00:53.840 --> 0:01:02.040 Okay, we are scrubbing in. Okay, it either, but I'll 0:01:02.080 --> 0:01:02.640 workshop it. 0:01:04.319 --> 0:01:07.800 We have a deer Bonnie episode which we just love. 0:01:08.840 --> 0:01:09.600 We do love. 0:01:09.480 --> 0:01:12.680 Getting emails from me also or d ms or you know. 0:01:13.080 --> 0:01:14.720 I see a lot of stuff in the Facebook group 0:01:14.720 --> 0:01:17.080 where I'm like, should we bring these to the dear BONI. 0:01:18.640 --> 0:01:21.160 Sometimes they're about anal sex so. 0:01:21.120 --> 0:01:21.760 Oh my gosh. 0:01:21.800 --> 0:01:22.000 Yeah. 0:01:22.080 --> 0:01:29.640 Sometimes podcast we do we want a technical term? 0:01:29.800 --> 0:01:31.200 Do you want to know what I'm doing? Which is 0:01:31.200 --> 0:01:38.520 like funny? 0:01:39.080 --> 0:01:41.280 So I did this thing with Joe Jonas this week 0:01:41.600 --> 0:01:43.760 and I have a polaroid picture with him. They gave 0:01:43.760 --> 0:01:46.679 me the polaroid and I put it up on my like. 0:01:46.760 --> 0:01:50.280 Car, no dash, like. 0:01:50.640 --> 0:01:52.680 Not dash, but it's like like where my little screen 0:01:52.760 --> 0:01:55.160 is like, yeah, my car. Yeah, I'm waiting to see 0:01:55.160 --> 0:01:56.440 If Robbie notices. 0:01:57.640 --> 0:02:00.960 It would be really strange and be doesn't notice that 0:02:01.040 --> 0:02:03.720 if he gets into your car and isn't like you can't. 0:02:03.480 --> 0:02:05.840 See navigation, Like it's right in front of everything you 0:02:05.880 --> 0:02:06.360 need to see. 0:02:06.560 --> 0:02:08.639 First of all, I don't need navigation. I got it all. 0:02:13.880 --> 0:02:15.440 But yeah, that's funny. 0:02:15.440 --> 0:02:16.880 I know that was pretty funny myself. 0:02:16.960 --> 0:02:19.400 I saw a really funny TikTok because his new video 0:02:19.480 --> 0:02:21.840 is about like it's a song about falling in love 0:02:21.919 --> 0:02:24.720 and by heart, heart by heart, and it's this video 0:02:24.760 --> 0:02:26.560 and he's like making out with this girl and stuff, 0:02:26.600 --> 0:02:29.000 and people are like, I'm married with kids, And I 0:02:29.040 --> 0:02:33.040 felt physically sick sing that Joe Jonas kissed another girl 0:02:33.080 --> 0:02:36.320 in this video, and all the comments were like, I'm 0:02:36.360 --> 0:02:38.720 so concerned at how it made me feel like I 0:02:38.840 --> 0:02:40.000 was actually being cheated. 0:02:41.400 --> 0:02:43.840 I don't my heart actually hurt for him in that video. 0:02:43.880 --> 0:02:47.320 At the end, I was like, oh, I didn't watch it. Oh, 0:02:48.160 --> 0:02:50.519 I just saw clips from the TikTok oh, my gosh. 0:02:51.560 --> 0:02:54.639 Immediately yeah, now. 0:02:54.520 --> 0:02:56.079 I watched five seconds of his video. 0:02:56.080 --> 0:02:59.840 I'm sure, yeah, great thing is where it gets you 0:02:59.840 --> 0:03:02.200 in the and you're like ooo, but I'm not like 0:03:02.240 --> 0:03:03.000 a die hard. 0:03:04.240 --> 0:03:04.760 Don't say it. 0:03:04.960 --> 0:03:06.600 I'm saying. I'm not like. I don't I'm not like 0:03:06.800 --> 0:03:08.480 I like their music, but I don't need to go 0:03:08.480 --> 0:03:10.799 watch a video like I used to. Sometimes I watch 0:03:10.800 --> 0:03:14.920 like old Britney Spears videos and stuff. But yeah, but 0:03:15.000 --> 0:03:17.360 I'll go watch it. I mean, you got he piqued 0:03:17.360 --> 0:03:17.959 my interests. 0:03:18.000 --> 0:03:18.560 Okay, good? 0:03:19.680 --> 0:03:22.040 Shall we with the dear bonya from anonymous. 0:03:22.080 --> 0:03:23.639 I moved to a new city two years ago to 0:03:23.639 --> 0:03:26.280 try something different while working remotely, not for a job, 0:03:26.360 --> 0:03:28.959 not for a relationship. I became close with my childhood 0:03:29.000 --> 0:03:31.760 friend's friend group, and at first it was fun, welcoming, 0:03:31.800 --> 0:03:35.720 but over time I realized this group is toxic, drama, gossip. 0:03:35.720 --> 0:03:38.480 People get upset over the smallest things. I heard through 0:03:38.480 --> 0:03:40.040 the grapevine that one of the friends is mad at 0:03:40.080 --> 0:03:42.880 me for not being supportive enough after her minor car accident. 0:03:43.280 --> 0:03:46.440 I reached out and offered her help several times. This 0:03:46.520 --> 0:03:47.840 kind of thing happens a lot with a lot of 0:03:47.840 --> 0:03:50.600 them projecting their emotions and creating tension that doesn't make sense. 0:03:50.600 --> 0:03:53.600 I've noticed as my own life is going well, healthy relationship, 0:03:53.680 --> 0:03:56.160 I got a promotion, some of them seem resentful or 0:03:56.240 --> 0:03:59.560 unhappy with where they're at. Even though I avoid drama, 0:03:59.600 --> 0:04:02.520 I still end getting pulled into it, and it's hurtful. 0:04:02.880 --> 0:04:04.640 It started to take a toll on my self esteem. 0:04:04.680 --> 0:04:06.640 I feel like I'm constantly being judged or told them 0:04:06.640 --> 0:04:08.920 not doing enough. It's a friend. I feel trapped because 0:04:08.920 --> 0:04:10.480 I still have a year left on a lease with 0:04:10.560 --> 0:04:12.839 two of these people. My girlfriend and I have talked 0:04:12.840 --> 0:04:15.000 about moving, but we're unsure where. We're not tied down 0:04:15.000 --> 0:04:17.359 by work, but we want to be near family. I 0:04:17.400 --> 0:04:19.080 know the city isn't right for me anymore, but I 0:04:19.080 --> 0:04:21.120 feel lost trying to figure out what is right for me. 0:04:21.160 --> 0:04:23.560 I'm twenty seven, I'm stuck. I'm confused. How do I 0:04:23.560 --> 0:04:28.200 figure out where to live or where to go? First 0:04:28.240 --> 0:04:30.760 of all, there's a lot of really nice freedom in 0:04:30.760 --> 0:04:33.720 that you could live. The working room only thing is 0:04:33.760 --> 0:04:36.080 interesting to me because you could live. I know, what 0:04:36.160 --> 0:04:37.640 an interesting concept. I know. 0:04:38.080 --> 0:04:39.520 I often think of that too. 0:04:41.000 --> 0:04:43.880 Because I'm stuck here. Even though some of the people 0:04:43.920 --> 0:04:47.280 who work for this company during the pandemic moved far away, 0:04:47.320 --> 0:04:49.560 which is an odd choice. I think when it's never 0:04:49.640 --> 0:04:52.480 it's the company hasn't said this is now a permanent situation. 0:04:52.720 --> 0:04:54.599 I think it's a weird move. But in your life. 0:04:54.440 --> 0:04:58.800 Situation time, if I may please, we were all under 0:04:58.800 --> 0:05:01.080 the impression we were going to be working remotely like forever. 0:05:01.279 --> 0:05:02.480 I was not under that impression. 0:05:02.520 --> 0:05:03.040 Oh I was. 0:05:04.640 --> 0:05:06.920 Yeah, you thought the pandemic was going to go forever 0:05:07.080 --> 0:05:10.080 or yeah, like I thought like whatever, like this was 0:05:10.120 --> 0:05:12.159 going on, like it was just going to keep going 0:05:12.320 --> 0:05:14.320 and we would just like figure out how to work 0:05:14.720 --> 0:05:15.719 not around a lot of people. 0:05:16.920 --> 0:05:17.799 Yeah it was dark. 0:05:17.839 --> 0:05:22.720 Dark, Yeah really Yeah. 0:05:21.320 --> 0:05:23.920 So that I went and then play sorry to commandeer 0:05:23.960 --> 0:05:25.880 this one, But also have a quote that I think 0:05:25.880 --> 0:05:28.440 you're going to enjoy for this situation, anonymous. Some people 0:05:28.480 --> 0:05:31.240 don't like you because your spirit irritates their demons. 0:05:33.560 --> 0:05:35.800 Isn't that a good quote again for the people in 0:05:35.839 --> 0:05:36.160 the bad. 0:05:36.279 --> 0:05:39.520 Some people don't like you because your spirit irritates their demons. 0:05:39.520 --> 0:05:41.960 It sounds like that's happening with a lot of these friends. 0:05:43.040 --> 0:05:47.160 Yeah. I think when people when their lives aren't in 0:05:47.200 --> 0:05:52.039 a content place or happy place. They literally cannot handle 0:05:52.080 --> 0:05:55.320 being around people who are content and thriving, and so 0:05:56.480 --> 0:05:59.760 it's like you either are subjecting yourself because these are 0:05:59.760 --> 0:06:03.400 your friends and I'm holding quotes up because you just 0:06:03.440 --> 0:06:06.039 feel like they're your only option and it feels harder 0:06:06.080 --> 0:06:08.359 to go out and meet new people. But it's also 0:06:08.600 --> 0:06:11.160 it's energy that's like totally bringing you down. Like if 0:06:11.200 --> 0:06:13.719 you surround yourself with people who are always negative and 0:06:13.720 --> 0:06:16.320 it's always drama and all they do is talk bad 0:06:16.360 --> 0:06:21.000 about people, it's going to affect you. And especially if 0:06:21.000 --> 0:06:23.480 you're in a good space. It's like why put yourself 0:06:24.000 --> 0:06:27.000 It's like, why take a shower and then put yourself 0:06:27.360 --> 0:06:30.760 in the dirt? In the dirt? Why shower and go 0:06:30.839 --> 0:06:33.920 sit in the dirt? No clue, there's no reason. 0:06:34.600 --> 0:06:37.320 Oh that reminds me. I know, Yeah we can get 0:06:37.320 --> 0:06:37.600 back there. 0:06:37.760 --> 0:06:40.560 Yeah we'll get back to that. But I think that 0:06:40.880 --> 0:06:43.200 you are in a position where it seems like you're 0:06:43.240 --> 0:06:47.200 thriving in your personal life, and it's so important to 0:06:47.360 --> 0:06:52.880 either have conversations about like, hey, I just be honest 0:06:52.920 --> 0:06:55.520 with them, Like if I was always being negative and 0:06:55.560 --> 0:06:58.040 I wasn't self aware enough to realize that I was 0:06:58.080 --> 0:07:00.479 always being negative. I would hope that someone would be like, 0:07:01.000 --> 0:07:03.400 are you okay? Like, I'd hope someone like Tanya would 0:07:03.480 --> 0:07:06.520 check me and be like, it's a hard conversation because 0:07:06.520 --> 0:07:07.880 you're like, I don't know what you're going through. But 0:07:07.920 --> 0:07:10.480 if they were if Tanya was like, Hey, I just 0:07:10.480 --> 0:07:13.680 feel like everything's been a little bit negative and downer. 0:07:13.920 --> 0:07:17.120 Are you doing okay? It might just bring awareness to 0:07:17.200 --> 0:07:19.520 how they're speaking and what they're talking about. 0:07:20.400 --> 0:07:24.480 Yeah, I agree, but I also think not everybody's like receptive. 0:07:24.000 --> 0:07:27.200 To that type of stuff, do you know what I mean? So, yeah, and. 0:07:27.160 --> 0:07:28.880 It's a risk, But at the same time, what do 0:07:28.880 --> 0:07:31.600 you The option is either you have the conversational where 0:07:31.640 --> 0:07:34.560 you can maintain a friendship with them, or you just 0:07:35.320 --> 0:07:38.400 subtly distant, distance yourself and meet new people that align 0:07:38.440 --> 0:07:38.760 with you. 0:07:38.760 --> 0:07:41.000 You can also distance yourself but not cut them off, 0:07:41.080 --> 0:07:41.680 do you know what I mean? 0:07:43.000 --> 0:07:44.800 But if I'm saying, if they're like, hey, why have 0:07:44.920 --> 0:07:46.320 you not been hanging out with this? Why have you 0:07:46.360 --> 0:07:48.920 been distant? I think it's like, Hey, I've noticed there's 0:07:48.920 --> 0:07:52.320 a lot of drama and negativity in this in this group, 0:07:52.560 --> 0:07:55.040 and I'm not in a place where I want to 0:07:55.040 --> 0:07:57.480 feed into that or invite that in So I've just 0:07:57.520 --> 0:08:01.080 I've noticed I've intentionally distanced myself and I love you guys. 0:08:01.080 --> 0:08:03.120 It's not like I don't want to have y'all as friends. 0:08:03.120 --> 0:08:07.520 It's just hanging out with you causes more angst angst, 0:08:07.720 --> 0:08:08.760 yeah than I want. 0:08:09.040 --> 0:08:10.840 Yeah, nobody wants angst. 0:08:11.120 --> 0:08:14.720 And also maybe you just find someone to sub sublet 0:08:14.760 --> 0:08:18.280 your place and find another place to live, a better 0:08:18.320 --> 0:08:21.200 roommate situation like Alaska. 0:08:21.400 --> 0:08:25.720 I don't know about Alaska. Maybe yeah, but she said 0:08:25.720 --> 0:08:27.720 she has a healthy relationship, so I don't know if 0:08:27.720 --> 0:08:31.880 that means she they're like bringing reship. But I'm saying, like, 0:08:32.000 --> 0:08:37.360 how fun to go maybe move somewhere fresh and stuff together. Yeah, 0:08:39.559 --> 0:08:42.480 but we truly wish you the best. I think that's 0:08:42.520 --> 0:08:44.680 really hard because you're at that age where it feels like, 0:08:44.760 --> 0:08:47.040 how do you meet friends as an adult? Like, that's 0:08:47.080 --> 0:08:49.800 the age where you really feel it, I think, and 0:08:49.960 --> 0:08:51.520 I mean, I think that's when I met you at 0:08:51.520 --> 0:08:52.160 twenty seven. 0:08:52.520 --> 0:08:52.960 It is. 0:08:53.120 --> 0:08:57.080 It's when life will bring you your best, most cherished friendships. 0:08:57.400 --> 0:08:57.959 I agree. 0:08:58.440 --> 0:09:00.200 Well, that really ties nicely into the. 0:09:00.160 --> 0:09:01.880 Next one is Jojo and Allie. 0:09:01.920 --> 0:09:03.240 I'm at twenty seven. 0:09:03.360 --> 0:09:05.200 Yeah, twenty six and twenty seven. 0:09:05.000 --> 0:09:07.680 You were given off some pheromones. At twenty six, twenty 0:09:07.679 --> 0:09:08.040 se I. 0:09:08.000 --> 0:09:10.040 Was giving I need friends. 0:09:10.760 --> 0:09:12.640 It ties in quite nicely with what we're talking about 0:09:12.679 --> 0:09:14.720 high scrubbing and team I love you all, but listeners 0:09:14.720 --> 0:09:16.640 at the beginning, I feel like y'all are my besties. 0:09:17.200 --> 0:09:19.160 I know every one of you is happily paired up now, 0:09:19.200 --> 0:09:21.280 but Becca and Tyny, when you were still single, how 0:09:21.280 --> 0:09:24.160 did you deal. I'm twenty nine and all of my 0:09:24.200 --> 0:09:26.200 friends are engaged or married in the last two years. 0:09:26.240 --> 0:09:29.040 I'm the token single friend, and I'm personally content with it. 0:09:29.520 --> 0:09:31.320 I only have two good friends left that are single, 0:09:31.320 --> 0:09:33.400 and I love them, but I can't do everything with them. 0:09:33.920 --> 0:09:36.400 Even my married engaged friends are good about including me, 0:09:36.480 --> 0:09:38.319 but more and more I'm feeling left out. I don't 0:09:38.360 --> 0:09:40.600 know what's going to happen, but it still stings. For example, 0:09:41.040 --> 0:09:43.000 talking about Fourth of July plants, I just found out 0:09:43.000 --> 0:09:45.600 a group of my besties, three couples who recently married. 0:09:45.600 --> 0:09:48.040 When engaged, they've already booked a cabin for the weekend. 0:09:48.080 --> 0:09:50.440 They never even mentioned it to me. Now I totally 0:09:50.440 --> 0:09:52.520 get it. I wouldn't even want a seventh wheel for 0:09:52.559 --> 0:09:54.680 the weekend, but I was still hurt when I found out. 0:09:55.120 --> 0:09:56.839 Now I'm feeling like, what do I do now? How 0:09:56.840 --> 0:09:59.439 do I find new single friends at twenty nine? Am 0:09:59.480 --> 0:10:01.079 I going to feel left out like this until I 0:10:01.080 --> 0:10:03.240 get a partner to bring to these events? Even when 0:10:03.240 --> 0:10:06.320 they do invite me to a casual, casual hang at 0:10:06.320 --> 0:10:08.840 a bar or something, it becomes a couple's retreat plus me, 0:10:08.880 --> 0:10:10.959 and that gets old. Will have any advice, You guys 0:10:10.960 --> 0:10:11.800 are the best. 0:10:13.200 --> 0:10:17.120 It's so funny because I even though I'm in a relationship, 0:10:17.160 --> 0:10:19.160 so it's different than what she's going through. But there's 0:10:19.160 --> 0:10:21.400 been a lot of big events where Haley's been on 0:10:21.440 --> 0:10:23.440 like a work trip or not been able to go 0:10:23.480 --> 0:10:27.280 to things. And I just love my friends and their 0:10:27.320 --> 0:10:30.319 partners so much. I never feel like, well, Tanya, Robbie 0:10:30.320 --> 0:10:32.040 and Tanya told me I'm not a third whell, I'm 0:10:32.080 --> 0:10:34.560 just a wheel, So they've never made me feel like 0:10:34.559 --> 0:10:37.640 it's the third wheel. But I feel like my friends 0:10:37.679 --> 0:10:40.560 all have partners that have never even if I don't 0:10:40.559 --> 0:10:42.520 have Hayley with me, they've never made me feel like 0:10:42.559 --> 0:10:45.959 I'm like ast draggler or like inconvenience to the group. 0:10:47.080 --> 0:10:49.800 And I also think I was twenty nine when I 0:10:49.840 --> 0:10:52.640 met Hailey, so I think that you're in a season 0:10:52.679 --> 0:10:56.000 where maybe it's right around the corner. And also I 0:10:56.040 --> 0:10:58.240 think it's totally normal and fine to want to meet 0:10:58.240 --> 0:10:59.800 people who are in the same life season as you 0:11:00.679 --> 0:11:02.760 meet people who are single and put yourself out there 0:11:02.800 --> 0:11:05.920 and go do things that you love to do, because 0:11:05.920 --> 0:11:10.520 that's how you meet people with like interest bumblebff scrubbing 0:11:10.520 --> 0:11:11.400 in Facebook group. 0:11:11.640 --> 0:11:14.000 Yeah, I really think there is nothing wrong with making 0:11:14.040 --> 0:11:15.920 new friends as adults that are in the same life 0:11:15.960 --> 0:11:17.920 phase as you, because like that, I remember I was 0:11:17.960 --> 0:11:21.520 like so sad, like right after college because all my 0:11:21.559 --> 0:11:23.880 friends just started getting married, Like all my college friends 0:11:23.960 --> 0:11:26.839 just like married babies, like that was that was the path. 0:11:26.880 --> 0:11:29.400 And I remember coming back on like a flight, specifically 0:11:29.440 --> 0:11:31.080 from a baby shower that I was at from one 0:11:31.120 --> 0:11:32.920 of my friends, and I was just like crying hysterically 0:11:32.920 --> 0:11:34.960 because I was like so sad to be single and 0:11:35.120 --> 0:11:35.600 just like. 0:11:36.480 --> 0:11:38.400 I wanted to be in a relationship because I did. 0:11:38.480 --> 0:11:41.840 I felt so left out and that was the only reason, 0:11:41.880 --> 0:11:42.440 do you know what I mean? 0:11:42.520 --> 0:11:44.600 Like everything else is going great, My career was going great. 0:11:44.640 --> 0:11:46.360 I was loving my life, but I just felt left 0:11:46.360 --> 0:11:50.080 out of like that life cycle. And I made a 0:11:50.080 --> 0:11:53.120 lot of great single friends in LA that were all 0:11:53.280 --> 0:11:56.240 like my season of life. And I don't know, It's 0:11:56.280 --> 0:11:59.360 like kind of it's funny because I'm entering into like 0:11:59.400 --> 0:12:01.640 a news wanting to enter into a new season of 0:12:01.679 --> 0:12:04.800 like having a baby and starting a family, and like 0:12:04.840 --> 0:12:06.880 none of my friends are in that phase of life 0:12:07.000 --> 0:12:09.120 right now, right so I feel like I'm gonna have 0:12:09.160 --> 0:12:12.800 to make yes soon some mom friends that like are 0:12:12.800 --> 0:12:15.640 in that baby toddler phase of life. 0:12:15.640 --> 0:12:16.160 Do you know what I mean. 0:12:16.440 --> 0:12:18.880 It's like it's always evolving, Like your life is always 0:12:18.920 --> 0:12:21.560 needing to like make new friends, not necessarily get rid 0:12:21.600 --> 0:12:22.880 of the old, no, just like. 0:12:23.080 --> 0:12:25.720 Have connections with people who are going through the same things. 0:12:25.760 --> 0:12:27.880 I told I was thinking about that for Ali, like 0:12:28.480 --> 0:12:31.920 she's really in our big friend group. She's the first 0:12:31.920 --> 0:12:34.360 one to get pregnant, and so I'm like it's going 0:12:34.440 --> 0:12:37.480 to be natural for her to make friends with people 0:12:37.480 --> 0:12:40.520 who are able to relate to what she's going through 0:12:40.559 --> 0:12:43.280 as a new mom. And same with you. And and 0:12:43.559 --> 0:12:45.559 I've said this before that I think all my friends 0:12:45.559 --> 0:12:47.600 are going to be in that season wanting to have babies, 0:12:47.600 --> 0:12:49.680 and I don't know that I want that, and so 0:12:49.800 --> 0:12:52.440 I'm going to have to seek out people who have 0:12:53.360 --> 0:12:56.719 the same interest that I have, yeah, to like have 0:12:56.800 --> 0:12:59.319 those connections. So I think that's just life and you. 0:12:59.480 --> 0:13:02.360 And a huge shift when I met Robbie and I 0:13:02.440 --> 0:13:05.240 had step kids involved in my life because I feel 0:13:05.240 --> 0:13:08.800 like I didn't know in the beginning, like are my 0:13:08.800 --> 0:13:10.800 friends going to want to hang out when when we 0:13:10.880 --> 0:13:12.360 have the step kids, like you know what I mean, 0:13:12.400 --> 0:13:14.319 Like do we do I have my friends come over 0:13:14.360 --> 0:13:15.559 and do we do barbecues together? 0:13:15.760 --> 0:13:17.440 Like I never I didn't really know that balance. 0:13:17.559 --> 0:13:19.960 And now it's just like one big happy family, right 0:13:20.000 --> 0:13:22.400 and everybody just comes and it is what it is. 0:13:23.040 --> 0:13:25.480 But that was an adjustment for me too, because I 0:13:25.520 --> 0:13:28.439 went from like being single to being like in a 0:13:28.520 --> 0:13:30.120 relationship with kids involved. 0:13:29.800 --> 0:13:30.240 You know what I mean. 0:13:30.280 --> 0:13:35.360 So that was like very yeah, big jar jarring. 0:13:35.440 --> 0:13:35.960 Yeah. 0:13:36.000 --> 0:13:38.240 And I also she said she's content, like she's not 0:13:38.280 --> 0:13:40.079 even necessarily like, oh my gosh, I need to be 0:13:40.120 --> 0:13:42.080 in a relationship. It's more so just like all of 0:13:42.120 --> 0:13:44.480 her best friends are in a relationship. And I think 0:13:44.520 --> 0:13:48.200 that it's You're in a really nice place of being 0:13:48.240 --> 0:13:50.160 content with your life. So I think you just find 0:13:50.200 --> 0:13:52.280 people who are also content with where they are in 0:13:52.320 --> 0:13:56.599 life and have similar interests. And I also think embrace 0:13:57.320 --> 0:13:59.920 being the like taking the one that's like taking care 0:13:59.920 --> 0:14:01.840 of Like when I go alone with all my friends, 0:14:01.840 --> 0:14:04.600 they all take care of me. They're always like, oh, 0:14:04.679 --> 0:14:07.880 ultra making sure I'm okay. I'm like you guys. We're 0:14:07.960 --> 0:14:15.800 good here, she's around, she's just working. Should we take 0:14:15.800 --> 0:14:16.160 a break. 0:14:16.320 --> 0:14:17.120 I think that'd be great. 0:14:17.120 --> 0:14:18.040 Okay, here's a teas. 0:14:18.120 --> 0:14:22.040 Here's the teas coming up next. Married bestie has a crush. 0:14:22.120 --> 0:14:42.760 WHOA wow, you left us on the edge of our 0:14:42.800 --> 0:14:44.160 seat with that teas mark. 0:14:45.280 --> 0:14:47.760 All right, anonymous, love you all, but listening for years. 0:14:47.840 --> 0:14:50.200 I have two besties going back to middle school. We're 0:14:50.240 --> 0:14:52.240 in our late twenties now. One of the three of 0:14:52.320 --> 0:14:55.200 us got married last year. Are married. Bestie drunkenly admitted 0:14:55.240 --> 0:14:58.160 on a girl's night that she has feelings for her coworker. 0:14:58.520 --> 0:15:00.200 She has a job where they spend many hours. It's 0:15:00.240 --> 0:15:01.440 just the two of them, so I can see how 0:15:01.440 --> 0:15:04.160 you could get very close. But this was shocking news. 0:15:05.040 --> 0:15:08.600 He's also not conventionally attractive. Sorry, so it's not just 0:15:08.680 --> 0:15:12.680 that she thinks he's hot. She specifically said feelings. Married 0:15:12.720 --> 0:15:15.480 bestie recently bought a house and moved farther away. She 0:15:15.520 --> 0:15:17.640 and her husband are trying for a baby this year. 0:15:18.000 --> 0:15:20.000 Do we think it's just called feet panic about the 0:15:20.040 --> 0:15:23.040 lifestyle changes? We haven't all hung out in person since 0:15:23.080 --> 0:15:25.120 she said this? What would you all do to me 0:15:25.160 --> 0:15:27.080 and my other bestie? Pretend we never heard this information? 0:15:27.240 --> 0:15:27.480 Yes? 0:15:27.560 --> 0:15:29.560 Do we chalk it up to drunk nonsense although she 0:15:29.600 --> 0:15:31.400 seemed to be aware of what she was saying. Or 0:15:31.440 --> 0:15:33.280 do we confront her about it? I would never tell 0:15:33.280 --> 0:15:34.680 her husband, But now I'm in a weird spot of 0:15:34.680 --> 0:15:36.080 not knowing what to say to her. I'm not even 0:15:36.120 --> 0:15:38.720 sure she remembers telling us, thank you. 0:15:38.720 --> 0:15:41.200 You pretend like you never heard it. You don't know 0:15:41.240 --> 0:15:44.440 what she's talking about. You can't What are you gonna do? 0:15:44.520 --> 0:15:45.800 Confront her? 0:15:46.480 --> 0:15:49.720 I would just be asking questions, how's the coworker situation? 0:15:51.200 --> 0:15:53.400 Like if you told me you had a crush on Mark? 0:15:54.640 --> 0:15:55.400 Understandable? 0:15:55.800 --> 0:15:56.280 I would go. 0:15:57.240 --> 0:16:00.360 I would be like, I can't, how's the crush on Mark? 0:16:00.440 --> 0:16:00.480 Like? 0:16:00.520 --> 0:16:02.760 I'd be like, what's going on with that? Because I'm 0:16:02.840 --> 0:16:05.720 nosy and want to know, like where your head like 0:16:06.040 --> 0:16:08.600 is like, I guess I would be checking in, just 0:16:08.640 --> 0:16:10.480 like I would like I want to just all this 0:16:10.480 --> 0:16:12.560 sudden ignore. You would never just ignore that if I 0:16:12.600 --> 0:16:15.680 told you something really deep about my feelings about anything, 0:16:15.680 --> 0:16:17.560 you would never just like act like you never heard. 0:16:17.600 --> 0:16:19.880 You'd follow up and ask questions about it. 0:16:20.000 --> 0:16:23.000 So I'd be like, Hey, Becka, how's your crush on Mark? 0:16:23.520 --> 0:16:27.240 You have the crush I'll be on Easton. My crush 0:16:27.240 --> 0:16:28.000 will be on Easton. 0:16:28.560 --> 0:16:30.560 So I'll be like, Becca, how's your crush on Easton? 0:16:30.680 --> 0:16:32.200 Have you talked talked to Haley about it? 0:16:32.400 --> 0:16:32.600 Yeah? 0:16:32.640 --> 0:16:34.800 I'd be like, I don't know. I don't know what 0:16:34.840 --> 0:16:37.520 to do. We're spending so much time together in the 0:16:37.600 --> 0:16:41.520 stew in the studio, but that is weird. I think 0:16:41.920 --> 0:16:45.400 the problem with that type of work relationship is when 0:16:45.440 --> 0:16:48.760 you're solo time with someone, it puts you in a 0:16:48.960 --> 0:16:54.080 compromist position no matter what. And I think that I 0:16:54.120 --> 0:16:57.080 don't think that the best friends should or the anonymous 0:16:57.120 --> 0:17:00.640 should say anything or obviously don't tell the husband or anyone. 0:17:00.960 --> 0:17:03.480 But I definitely think it's normal best friend behavior to 0:17:03.520 --> 0:17:06.880 be like, Hey, what's going on with your feelings for 0:17:06.960 --> 0:17:09.000 your crush at work? 0:17:09.160 --> 0:17:12.439 I've heard relationship experts say that this is perfectly normal, 0:17:12.720 --> 0:17:16.200 it happens. In fact, I just brought up the old 0:17:16.240 --> 0:17:18.879 Ai Surgeru. It's normal for a married person to have 0:17:18.880 --> 0:17:22.680 a crush on a coworker, attraction, infatuation, or natural human experiences. 0:17:22.720 --> 0:17:26.119 It's common to be drawn to others. It's just crucial 0:17:26.160 --> 0:17:28.680 to distinguish a casual crush and a situation that could 0:17:28.720 --> 0:17:30.320 jeopardize a marriage. 0:17:30.560 --> 0:17:31.960 They're usually like a very brief thing. 0:17:31.920 --> 0:17:35.560 Too sad. That would make me so sad if I 0:17:35.720 --> 0:17:36.440 like knew that. 0:17:36.560 --> 0:17:40.360 Well, it's also like you don't You can't control. You 0:17:40.400 --> 0:17:44.920 can't control attraction or feelings. You control on how you 0:17:44.960 --> 0:17:45.520 act on it. 0:17:45.600 --> 0:17:50.840 And but but but no, I feel like. 0:17:52.640 --> 0:17:55.919 You mean to tell me. You meet Robbie. You're working 0:17:55.920 --> 0:17:59.359 with Robbie and he you're both married, and you're working 0:17:59.480 --> 0:18:02.359 side by side alone, and you see those hands in action, 0:18:02.560 --> 0:18:03.680 typing on a keyboard. 0:18:04.400 --> 0:18:08.800 You're not married to Yes, Garth, you married Garth. Okay, 0:18:08.840 --> 0:18:12.320