Speaker 1: I want to tell you something, Jared. This is like
Speaker 1: the secret, the secret that no one wants to hear
Speaker 1: when they're in it. But if she wants time to
Speaker 1: work on herself, then that means she doesn't love you.
Speaker 1: What's up, everybody, Welcome back to the podcast. Thank you
Speaker 1: for watching, thank you for listening, whatever platform you're coming from.
Speaker 1: I'm grateful to have this podcast, to be able to
Speaker 1: talk through your questions. That's what we do here. I
Speaker 1: answer your questions. You email Grangersmith podcast at gmail dot com.
Speaker 1: I'll go through them and we'll archive them and we'll
Speaker 1: get to it. So it could be about any subject.
Speaker 1: It could be about life or career, or relationship or
Speaker 1: faith or even music. It's funny that this is actually
Speaker 1: under the music category, but we talk about music unless
Speaker 1: you ask me. And if you found me through TikTok
Speaker 1: or Instagram, thank you for being here. If you're a
Speaker 1: longtime listener, I appreciate you. I haven't had a guest
Speaker 1: in a while. Currently filming a movie, a motion picture
Speaker 1: in West Texas, and so I come back home and
Speaker 1: I have usually two days per week home and I
Speaker 1: pick one of those days to jump on here and
Speaker 1: do the podcast. I don't really know when I'm gonna
Speaker 1: do it, so I haven't had a guest in a while.
Speaker 1: So oh Also, if you came from my radio show
Speaker 1: after midnight, thank you for listening to that and showing
Speaker 1: up back here. But let's get this thing started. I'm
Speaker 1: going to pull up the first question and it comes
Speaker 1: from Jared in Abilene, Texas, speaking of West Texas. Abilene, Texas.
Speaker 1: It says, Hey, Granger, I'm new to the podcast. Absolutely
Speaker 1: love what you have to say each and every week.
Speaker 1: Thank you for that. Here's what I have. So, my
Speaker 1: girlfriend broke up with me this week. And we've been
Speaker 1: dating for two months, so not real long, but I've
Speaker 1: known her over a year. And the reason she broke
Speaker 1: up with me is because she needs to get some
Speaker 1: work done on herself and find out what she really
Speaker 1: wants in life. Which I respect that because I want
Speaker 1: the best for her. But she wants some time to
Speaker 1: work on herself and see what she wants. And this
Speaker 1: is where I get confused, because I really want to
Speaker 1: work this out between us because I love this girl.
Speaker 1: Do I wait for her? Do I let her go
Speaker 1: and remain friends down the road. I don't know how
Speaker 1: to process this because we had a conversation on what
Speaker 1: we both want out of a relationship and that went great,
Speaker 1: and then she broke up with me four days later.
Speaker 1: I'm twenty one years old in college. So just to
Speaker 1: remind her to everyone that's listening, I don't have any notes,
Speaker 1: I don't have any preparation. I don't even read these emails.
Speaker 1: So everything is going to be on the fly, as
Speaker 1: if we're sitting around a campfire and just having this conversation,
Speaker 1: and Jared, you're at first. You sit down at the
Speaker 1: campfire and you say, hey, man, I want to talk
Speaker 1: about this girl. It needs to be said that I'm
Speaker 1: not always right. I'm just going to give you the
Speaker 1: campfire talk of what I think, what I think of
Speaker 1: the situation from the limited information that I know that
Speaker 1: you gave me. Jared, twenty one years old, young, haven't
Speaker 1: dated very long. Two months that's like nothing, and I
Speaker 1: mean it's long enough to get a serious crush on her,
Speaker 1: to get the infatuation going on her. You are heartbroken.
Speaker 1: I want to tell you something, Jared. This is like
Speaker 1: the secret, the secret that no one wants to hear
Speaker 1: when they're in it. But if she wants time to
Speaker 1: work on herself. Then that means she doesn't love you,
Speaker 1: at least not right now, and at least not at
Speaker 1: a level that should continue this relationship. That's not a
Speaker 1: good sign, Jared. And this is what I would tell
Speaker 1: you around the campfire, that bro she's using that that's
Speaker 1: just like one of the four main excuses. Hey I
Speaker 1: want to work on myself. Hey I want to I
Speaker 1: will spend some time with God. Hey I'm starting this
Speaker 1: new career. Or I need more time with my girlfriends.
Speaker 1: All these are just excuses to say you're not the
Speaker 1: one for me right now. And I know that's tough
Speaker 1: to hear, but the fact is, if you were, if
Speaker 1: she loved you like crazy, if she's thought that she
Speaker 1: wants to marry you, she would overcome whatever it is
Speaker 1: she's working on herself with, or whatever job she has,
Speaker 1: or whatever girlfriend she wants to spend more time with.
Speaker 1: She would make it work with you. So this is
Speaker 1: this is a different conversation if it's you guys have
Speaker 1: been together for seven years, or you're married, or you're
Speaker 1: forty five years old. But this is a classic twenty
Speaker 1: one year old quick relationship. The best thing you could
Speaker 1: do Jared is give her the space. The best thing
Speaker 1: you could do is get away from your phone, get
Speaker 1: away from the the need, the craving to text her
Speaker 1: or to go scope her out on Instagram or Facebook
Speaker 1: and see what she's doing. In fact, it's probably smart
Speaker 1: at this point to hide her from your feed on
Speaker 1: all social media. It's like something that I didn't really
Speaker 1: have to deal with it with this when I was
Speaker 1: dating because when I was twenty one, there was no
Speaker 1: social media. So it's a thing now where you need
Speaker 1: to be like, I'm not going to tell you to
Speaker 1: block her because that might just cause more problems, but
Speaker 1: you need to do something of the sort like hide her.
Speaker 1: You could hide her on all your platforms because it's
Speaker 1: just going to perpetuate this feeling that you have. It's
Speaker 1: going to keep it alive a little bit longer, and ultimately,
Speaker 1: time is your friend. Did you say when this happened? Okay,
Speaker 1: I'm not really sure when it happened. I'm assuming very recently.
Speaker 1: Time is your friend. You're going to need that time
Speaker 1: and as days go by, you know, some days might
Speaker 1: might you might miss her more, but but ultimately you're
Speaker 1: gonna heal this heartbrokenness is gonna heal and then you're
Speaker 1: gonna find somebody else. And the best thing about finding
Speaker 1: somebody else, And in your mind you're like, I don't
Speaker 1: want anybody else, Like she's the one I don't want
Speaker 1: to try. And that's okay, it's okay to think that.
Speaker 1: It's natural to think that. But when you do you
Speaker 1: do find somebody else, it's like all this stuff is
Speaker 1: going to start making sense to you and you're gonna go, Wow,
Speaker 1: I'm better my I'm better myself because of the past
Speaker 1: relationships that didn't work. I have more understanding of myself
Speaker 1: now to put into the new relationship that I'm currently in.
Speaker 1: And every time that happens, it's like this cycle and
Speaker 1: and the next one you'll you know, you might break
Speaker 1: up with her, but you get a little closer to
Speaker 1: who you are and and who you need and who
Speaker 1: you want and all this what I'm talking about is
Speaker 1: your future spouse. That's the goal here. On top of
Speaker 1: all that, there is this element where you have to
Speaker 1: be content alone. And there's nothing in your email that
Speaker 1: leads me to think that that's a problem with you,
Speaker 1: but I have to throw it out that there's this
Speaker 1: concept that you have to be content single, content on
Speaker 1: your own, by yourself, without anybody. You don't need anybody
Speaker 1: to complete you or fill a gap that's missing in you.
Speaker 1: You find contentment, learn contentment alone with yourself, and then
Speaker 1: when someone else comes and just adds to that, you
Speaker 1: don't need anyone else you want and it makes your
Speaker 1: life that much sweeter. So I hope, I hope this helps,
Speaker 1: and I know it doesn't make it easier, but I
Speaker 1: hope it helps to clarify that you're in this right
Speaker 1: now and it's going to pass and you're gonna feel better.
Speaker 1: But don't stalk her on Instagram? All right? The next
Speaker 1: one I pulled up says getting over someone. Should I
Speaker 1: read it? Should we repeat this? Okay? What's up Grandeur?
Speaker 1: My name's Wesley. I'm sixteen from Alabama. Seriously, he says,
Speaker 1: I'd like to leave my name anonymous, but he just
Speaker 1: put it in the first senute, so I'm sorry about that.
Speaker 1: I'm a fan of the podcast. I've been listening for
Speaker 1: about a week now, and I've been dealing with something
Speaker 1: for about a year and I wanted your advice on it.
Speaker 1: I really like this girl who's currently one of my
Speaker 1: best friends, and she only sees me as a friend.
Speaker 1: I'm trying to get over her, but every time we
Speaker 1: hang out with her, all those feelings come back. I
Speaker 1: sat with her down. I sat with her, sat her down,
Speaker 1: talked to her about my feelings like you said in
Speaker 1: the other podcast, episode one fourteen. But she just wishes
Speaker 1: that she could say the same, but she only sees
Speaker 1: me as a friend. I spend lots of time praying
Speaker 1: about this. I appreciate this podcast and everything you stand for.
Speaker 1: Have a great day. Well, thank you, brother, thanks for listening,
Speaker 1: and shout out to Alabama. I wish I wish I
Speaker 1: could just shower you with good news here, buddy. But
Speaker 1: this is this is similar to the last question, but
Speaker 1: a little bit different in terms of it doesn't sound
Speaker 1: like there ever was a relationship, and it doesn't sound
Speaker 1: like there is going to be. That's okay, you're sixteen,
Speaker 1: that that's okay. It's it's it's okay to have this
Speaker 1: feeling for somebody that doesn't that doesn't have it the
Speaker 1: same feeling back. That's what I mean by okay is
Speaker 1: it's normal. It's it's a natural thing, and you're going
Speaker 1: to go through this many more times, and there's you're
Speaker 1: gonna be on the flip side of it. There's gonna
Speaker 1: be girls that like you and you don't feel the
Speaker 1: same way, and that's okay, that's normal. The great news
Speaker 1: of your email, the best part of your emails is
Speaker 1: you're sixteen and you're getting closer to understanding who you
Speaker 1: are and what you like in your future long time
Speaker 1: hopefully from now, spouse. So, brother, there's nothing you can
Speaker 1: do right now. There's nothing you could do. I would
Speaker 1: recommend if it hurts to be around her, I would
Speaker 1: recommend you just tell her straight up. Hey, you remember
Speaker 1: what we talked about a few weeks ago. Remember what
Speaker 1: I told you. I was vulnerable. I told you because
Speaker 1: of that, I need for myself to back away a
Speaker 1: little bit from you and spend some time with other people.
Speaker 1: I'm sorry if if that hurts you, and she's going
Speaker 1: to take this fine. Trust me, she's going to be
Speaker 1: fine with it. But you should probably not keep her
Speaker 1: in your close friends group because it's tearing you up. Man.
Speaker 1: A lot of lot of relationship questions today. Here's this
Speaker 1: one says dating Advice, subject line dating advice, Hey Gringer,
Speaker 1: my name is Andrea from Kingsland, Texas. Shout out to Texas.
Speaker 1: We're back in Texas again. Here. So, I've been listening
Speaker 1: to your podcast for a couple months and I've become hooked.
Speaker 1: I love everything you and your family stand for. Listening
Speaker 1: to you and Amber has opened my eyes to God
Speaker 1: and family. My question, though, is this, I'm trying to
Speaker 1: get back into the dating field again. It's been very tough.
Speaker 1: I'm lost as far as seeing red flags before I
Speaker 1: start planning a date with these guys. I've been hurt
Speaker 1: so much, and I'm really trying to not bring my
Speaker 1: past relationships into the current ones. I have low self esteem,
Speaker 1: I'm extremely shy, and I don't know how to talk
Speaker 1: to guys anyways. I have two kiddos, one of six
Speaker 1: and the other is eleven months. I work seventy hours
Speaker 1: a week as a truck driver. I'm having a real
Speaker 1: hard time with all this. I have no idea where
Speaker 1: to even attempt to possibly give a man a chance,
Speaker 1: or to even be okay with talking to a man.
Speaker 1: Last question is how does a woman build up enough
Speaker 1: confidence to approach a man. I'm so lost. I can't
Speaker 1: even tell if a man's flirting with me or just
Speaker 1: being super nice. Sorry this was long. Thank you for
Speaker 1: everything you do. Sincerely, Andrea. Andrea, thank you, thank you
Speaker 1: for emailing heavy stuff here. The heaviest part of your
Speaker 1: email is that you are working seventy hours a week
Speaker 1: and you have two kiddos, young kiddos six and eleven months,
Speaker 1: and so I can understand that more of the reason
Speaker 1: you have this urgency to find a man, because part
Speaker 1: of it, you know, I read this part of it.
Speaker 1: I just say, you don't need to be looking for
Speaker 1: a man right now, Andrea. You need to You need
Speaker 1: to find yourself. You need to find contentment alone and single,
Speaker 1: just like I said in the last question. But I
Speaker 1: understand that there's this urgent see because you have babies
Speaker 1: at home, and I wish you didn't. I wish you
Speaker 1: didn't and well, I'm sorry, I'm so glad you have
Speaker 1: these two, but I wish you weren't in the situation
Speaker 1: of being single with them, is what I meant to say.
Speaker 1: They were a blessing, and I understand that, but I
Speaker 1: wish that you. I wish that you'd weren't in this
Speaker 1: searching place with them, because they're gonna feel that pain
Speaker 1: with you, and so I would encourage you instead of
Speaker 1: where's the next guy? Are they flirting? It should have
Speaker 1: go on a date. Just pump the brakes. Pump the brakes,
Speaker 1: gather yourself, breathe, drive your truck, listen to podcast, read
Speaker 1: the Bible, find God, and let this whole situation just
Speaker 1: settle a little bit. It's like it's like you have
Speaker 1: a glass of water with glitter in the bottom and
Speaker 1: you've just shaken it up and the glitter's going everywhere.
Speaker 1: But if you just put the glass down, everything settles
Speaker 1: to the bottom until you want to stir it again. Right,
Speaker 1: So just leave it alone for a second. Pump the brakes.
Speaker 1: And I know that's hard because you want somebody to
Speaker 1: take care of you and to complete your family. And
Speaker 1: that's why, that's why, that's why God created man and
Speaker 1: woman to be together and to be married and to
Speaker 1: start a family, because it just it's it's a complete
Speaker 1: circle that way. And if it gets out of order,
Speaker 1: which it does, and sometimes it's just not our fault.
Speaker 1: I'm just not your fault. But but Andrea, it's just
Speaker 1: that's why you're in this difficult situation. I would ask
Speaker 1: you to just let it settle to the bottom. For
Speaker 1: a minute and and focus on driving and don't. This
Speaker 1: isn't a big math problem. This is not like a
Speaker 1: Batman riddle to try to figure out the next man.
Speaker 1: You're not taking cues and learning. Just live your life,
Speaker 1: read your Bible, grow your faith, get on that path
Speaker 1: as being a great mother and a great employee. And
Speaker 1: watch as someone comes around and parallels you with that path,
Speaker 1: someone that's right for you, that comes alongside you, with
Speaker 1: you moving the same direction, not some truck passing you
Speaker 1: in the night, flying by. And if you don't, if
Speaker 1: you don't flash your brights at them, they're gonna miss you.
Speaker 1: You know. That's that's what the game that you're playing
Speaker 1: right now is like, Oh God, I'm gonna miss them
Speaker 1: if I don't do something or notice them or catch
Speaker 1: on to the cues or the clues or the riddle.
Speaker 1: You know, it's like it's like none of that. You want.
Speaker 1: You want a truck to just pull up right next
Speaker 1: side you and go. You going that way, I'm going
Speaker 1: that way too. Let's go together and it will happen. Okay,
Speaker 1: thank you for your email, Andrea. Next one says, subject
Speaker 1: line marriage, faith and mental health. Hey Granger, I'm twenty
Speaker 1: seven years old. I've been married to my wife for
Speaker 1: six years. We have three children, ages five, three, and two. Recently,
Speaker 1: my wife had an affair at our home, among sending
Speaker 1: photographs to him and another I'm at a place in
Speaker 1: my life where I carry great sadness. I struggle to
Speaker 1: see the path that I should be on in my life,
Speaker 1: and it has been flipped upside down. I pray for
Speaker 1: healing for both my wife and I that our marriage
Speaker 1: may be saved. This is the darkest my life has
Speaker 1: ever been, and I know that something must change so
Speaker 1: that I can be able to be the father of
Speaker 1: my children that they need, and possibly a better husband.
Speaker 1: I pray when I can, which isn't enough. But we
Speaker 1: do not attend church anymore. As my wife disclosed she
Speaker 1: believes in a higher power, just not the Christian faith.
Speaker 1: I'm unsure what to do or where to turn. Another
Speaker 1: tough one. Logan twenty seven years old, six years married,
Speaker 1: three kids and going through a tough time. Logan, I'm
Speaker 1: so sorry. I'm so sorry that you have to you
Speaker 1: have to be in this storm right now and you
Speaker 1: have to turn to this podcast and another people around you.
Speaker 1: I would go, I would go tomorrow. If you hear this,
Speaker 1: I would go tomorrow to that church, the one that
Speaker 1: you want to go to. I could tell you want to,
Speaker 1: but you don't. I would go tomorrow, and I would
Speaker 1: I would go to their, to the offices and just go, hey,
Speaker 1: my name is Logan, and I need some help. I
Speaker 1: need some help, and they're gonna know what to do
Speaker 1: if it's the right church, and it probably is. My
Speaker 1: name is Logan. I need some help. I'm struggling. I
Speaker 1: feel alone. I'm a father, I'm in a dark spot
Speaker 1: in my marriage. My wife is not a Christian anymore.
Speaker 1: She believes in a higher power which is created problems.
Speaker 1: And I need some counseling. I need some I need
Speaker 1: some counsel some wise counsel around me, and I need direction.
Speaker 1: I would do that, Logan would. I would go there
Speaker 1: and until and you you stay there until you find
Speaker 1: somebody that can sit with you and and go come
Speaker 1: on in. Yeah. Absolutely, Can you meet on tuesdays? How
Speaker 1: about how about your lunch break on Tuesdays? Can you
Speaker 1: come in here? Yes I can, and commit to that
Speaker 1: and commit to figuring this out with this with this
Speaker 1: person at the church. You also mentioned that you pray,
Speaker 1: but not enough. And so I would ask you around
Speaker 1: the campfire here, I would say, why is that we
Speaker 1: have this tendency in our life to think that prayer
Speaker 1: is the last resort. You've heard people say nothing left
Speaker 1: to do now but pray. Well, this is funny because
Speaker 1: the Bible says that's the first thing we do. I'm
Speaker 1: talking logan, I'm talking on your knees at night. I'm
Speaker 1: talking against your bedside. Hard God, I feel alone, Be
Speaker 1: present to me, Show yourself to me. I'm in this storm.
Speaker 1: When is the sun coming up? Right? I can't take
Speaker 1: the rain anymore. But I know you could bring the sun, God,
Speaker 1: show it to me, Show me the light in this
Speaker 1: This is too dark for me to handle. And that's
Speaker 1: the truth. And do that every day, repeat every day,
Speaker 1: every day, and go to that church every day. There's
Speaker 1: deeper problems here. There's deeper issues going on here than
Speaker 1: what you just mentioned in your email. And you know that,
Speaker 1: wise counsel, it's time let's take a break and bear
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Speaker 1: the Movement. Okay, welcome back to rainy Texas. It is
Speaker 1: pouring down rain outside. I'm finishing this podcast and then
Speaker 1: I'm heading back out to the movie set pretty much
Speaker 1: right when I upload it. So my life, my life
Speaker 1: right now, is one thing after another, and that's a
Speaker 1: good thing. That's a good thing. Very I feel very blessed,
Speaker 1: and I love doing this podcast. It would be so
Speaker 1: easy just to take a break and be like, you
Speaker 1: know what, I got a lot of stuff going on
Speaker 1: right now. I got the radio show, got the movie set,
Speaker 1: got the family. I'm gonna I'm gonna hold off on
Speaker 1: the podcast for a month, like pause it for a month.
Speaker 1: And then I'm like, oh, I can't. I can't. There's
Speaker 1: too many questions, and I just I feel like it matters,
Speaker 1: you know, And in life, listen, I used to think
Speaker 1: to myself that we should. You know, I came to
Speaker 1: this conclusion several years ago that you know what, I'm
Speaker 1: gonna do things that make me happy. That's what I'm
Speaker 1: gonna do. I'm gonna do things that make me happy,
Speaker 1: and I'm gonna pursue those things. I'm gonna chase happiness
Speaker 1: that'll make me happy. Right And so whenever I look
Speaker 1: at a list of things to do, I look at it,
Speaker 1: I look down the list, and I go out, of
Speaker 1: these things, what makes me happy? Do those? If you
Speaker 1: guys have been listening to me for a while, No,
Speaker 1: you know me better than that. You know that I'm
Speaker 1: not like that anymore. Now. It's not it's not chasing happiness.
Speaker 1: And I had to learn the hard way that we
Speaker 1: do things that matter. That's what we do in life.
Speaker 1: We go after things that matter. If we only chase
Speaker 1: things that make us happy, it would be what a
Speaker 1: what a terrible unfulfilling life that would be just because
Speaker 1: you're happy. What does that matter? Doesn't matter. But when
Speaker 1: we do things to others that matter, that we contribute,
Speaker 1: we're adding something to this world. When we just want happiness,
Speaker 1: we're taking it, we're soaking in from others or the environment.
Speaker 1: But when we do things that matter, we're putting it
Speaker 1: back out from us, and that is so much more fulfilling.
Speaker 1: That's when we go to our deathbeds and we look
Speaker 1: back on our life, what are we gonna say. You're
Speaker 1: gonna say, Man, I had a great life. I did
Speaker 1: everything that made me happy. Are you going to go,
Speaker 1: I had a great life because I did things that
Speaker 1: mattered to others. That's legacy. That's it. And so I'm
Speaker 1: not there yet, but that's where my head is, and
Speaker 1: that's why I'm gonna keep doing this podcast because I
Speaker 1: believe that it matters. And don't get me wrong, I
Speaker 1: get a lot of that. I get a lot out
Speaker 1: of this for myself too. I get a lot from
Speaker 1: your questions and so it matters to me too. Next
Speaker 1: next on the list here, subject line says suicide Bible
Speaker 1: hope slash forgiveness. That's a big one, Haddie Granger. I'd
Speaker 1: from a small town in Franklin, Texas, Third Texas email
Speaker 1: in a row awesome shout out to Franklin. It says
Speaker 1: parentheses three A Division two state champs this year. Congrats man, congrats.
Speaker 1: My dad passed away in twenty twenty dwo to suicide.
Speaker 1: If you have lost someone to suicide before, I'm genuinely sorry.
Speaker 1: Little backstory. Grew up Southern Baptist, nothing against them at all.
Speaker 1: I was told by my mom, when you commit suicide,
Speaker 1: you go to Hell. Never understood suicide growing up, seemed
Speaker 1: something very selfish. Fast forward to twenty twenty, my dad
Speaker 1: committed suicide, and all of these thoughts came back to
Speaker 1: my mind. Did he go to Heaven? I know when
Speaker 1: he was younger he accepted Jesus Christ as his savior
Speaker 1: and always believed, but he did not live a Christian
Speaker 1: life anyways. I would love to hear what you have
Speaker 1: to say about this as honestly as you can. When
Speaker 1: I ask parentheses, not often I feel like people don't
Speaker 1: want to be honest with the broken woman in front
Speaker 1: of them. Thanks, I'm twenty nine years old, married with
Speaker 1: a child. Just so you can get to know me. Okay,
Speaker 1: you're young, twenty nine. This comes from Jessica. Jessica, I'm
Speaker 1: so sorry, but you lost your dad and I want
Speaker 1: to dive into this, and yes, I want to be
Speaker 1: honest with you. I'm honest with the other questions about relationships.
Speaker 1: I might as well be honest about this. And I've
Speaker 1: said this before. My honesty doesn't mean that's my truth
Speaker 1: or your truth. It just means that's my honest answer
Speaker 1: to your question. Right. I talked about this or something
Speaker 1: similar several episodes ago about suicide, like you, Jessica, I
Speaker 1: didn't know a lot about suicide and I didn't have
Speaker 1: any close suicide around me until I got older. And
Speaker 1: I did a documentary in twenty eighteen called They Were
Speaker 1: There and it's called a Hero's Documentary, and me and
Speaker 1: my videographer Paul and lots of others went out to
Speaker 1: far West Texas and we shot this documentary based around
Speaker 1: the lives of five soldiers that died. One of them
Speaker 1: was by suicide. Through all these soldiers I talked to
Speaker 1: their families extensively. We had many, many conversations with their
Speaker 1: families and really highlighted the lives of the people that
Speaker 1: they were so they could be always remembered. And you
Speaker 1: could look this up. It's on YouTube. Actually it's called
Speaker 1: Granger Smith They were there, a hero's documentary. You could
Speaker 1: find it on YouTube. And I love that documentary. I
Speaker 1: worked so hard on it. Paul and I worked for
Speaker 1: a year to put that together. And we walked one
Speaker 1: hundred miles in the desert for five days, and each day,
Speaker 1: twenty miles was all about one of these five soldiers.
Speaker 1: Talked about them, talked about their lives. We read letters
Speaker 1: from their wives or husbands or family members or mothers
Speaker 1: or brothers, sisters. We went through some of their their
Speaker 1: belongings out there in the desert, went through their some
Speaker 1: of their clothes and their jewelry and boots, different things
Speaker 1: that they have, just to to fully understand them. One
Speaker 1: of them was a suicide death. I came to understand
Speaker 1: then more of what suicide is that I didn't know.
Speaker 1: And you know a lot of people will say instead
Speaker 1: of saying committed suicide, they'll say death by suicide. Because
Speaker 1: suicide is a form of mental illness, of course, like
Speaker 1: it's a it's an injury you get to your brain
Speaker 1: that's so severe through some kind of PTSD that you
Speaker 1: can't you can't survive anymore with it. That's how severe
Speaker 1: it is. And the trauma to the brain, through either
Speaker 1: one event or through a compounding series of events, get
Speaker 1: your brain to a point where you cannot live in
Speaker 1: it anymore. And so that's why they say death by suicide,
Speaker 1: because it's not You aren't in a right mind to
Speaker 1: commit anything at that point, so you don't do it
Speaker 1: to yourself. One human is not capable of taking his
Speaker 1: or her own life in the right mind. Okay, so
Speaker 1: death by suicide means you were killed by the situation
Speaker 1: at hand. It doesn't make a family member like you
Speaker 1: feel any better about this situation. I'm not going to
Speaker 1: tell you that, So that then, Jessica, you could walk
Speaker 1: away and go, oh, feel better about it now. No,
Speaker 1: it's murder in a very different way. It's not someone
Speaker 1: else's hand. It's not necessarily like an act accident. It's
Speaker 1: murder from your own hand. All that being said, and
Speaker 1: I talked about this a few episodes ago, from the
Speaker 1: Christian perspective. From the Christian perspective, murder, right, murder is
Speaker 1: a sin, and that's what death by suicide is. It's murder.
Speaker 1: It just happens to be yourself. The Gospel of Jesus,
Speaker 1: when he came, God in flesh, came to this earth,
Speaker 1: he came to forgive sinners. Murder is a sin. He
Speaker 1: came to forgive sinners. So the answer, the quick answer
Speaker 1: to your question is is he in Heaven or Hell?
Speaker 1: No one can tell you that he's in hell. No
Speaker 1: one can tell you that. It's not a Southern Baptist thing,
Speaker 1: it's not a certain church cult thing. It is not
Speaker 1: biblical that anyone could tell anyone else that they're going
Speaker 1: to hell because they don't know that person's heart and
Speaker 1: they don't know what happened at the last seconds of
Speaker 1: their life. We can't say that about the worst mass
Speaker 1: murder in the world. We can't say that about them
Speaker 1: because we don't know what happened to them at the
Speaker 1: very end, even if they didn't have the fruits that
Speaker 1: you would expect of a Christian to have their whole life,
Speaker 1: we don't know, so we can't say it. And the
Speaker 1: example we have is right there in the Bible. You
Speaker 1: know that the thief on the cross right next to Jesus,
Speaker 1: he was a thief. He was Whatever he did, this thief,
Speaker 1: whatever he did was bad enough for capital punishment, right.
Speaker 1: He was getting killed on a cross, this thief. So
Speaker 1: whatever his life was, it was not good. But he's
Speaker 1: hung there on the cross next to Jesus, and he said,
Speaker 1: will you remember me when you go into your kingdom.
Speaker 1: This is minutes before he died. And Jesus said, today
Speaker 1: you will be with me in paradise. That is incredible
Speaker 1: to all sinners of the world, including me, because we
Speaker 1: all are. That's incredible news. It's incredible. It throws out
Speaker 1: every false notion of religion that we could possibly have,
Speaker 1: that you have to live a life worthy of it,
Speaker 1: live a life worthy of heaven, or live a life
Speaker 1: worthy of hell. Either way, but it's all about the
Speaker 1: living of it. And it's Jesus just threw it out.
Speaker 1: When Jesus went to hang out, he went to he
Speaker 1: went to the sinners, He went to the prostitutes and
Speaker 1: the thieves, and he hung out with them. And he said,
Speaker 1: it's not the well that need a physician, it's the
Speaker 1: sick that need a doctor. Right, So we don't know
Speaker 1: what happened to your dad. We can't look at his
Speaker 1: life and go by judging by the life that he lived.
Speaker 1: I'm pretty sure he's in hell. You can't say that,
Speaker 1: No one can because we don't know his heart, because
Speaker 1: he could have been just like that thief. For at
Speaker 1: the last second he said, well you remember me when
Speaker 1: you go into your kingdom. What if he did? Jesus
Speaker 1: came to forgive sinners. Murder is a sin, Suicide is
Speaker 1: a murder, meaning suicide can be forgiven. And we don't know.
Speaker 1: We don't know what was in his heart. But now
Speaker 1: it turns the whole message. Now turns to you. It
Speaker 1: turns to you knowing that message. Why do we need
Speaker 1: to know that message? Like? Why we need to know
Speaker 1: that the power of God is so incredible, so great
Speaker 1: that it forgives even the worst sinners of the worst sin.
Speaker 1: That's incredible. Right. We don't have a God that sits
Speaker 1: up there like Santah Clause with the list and checks
Speaker 1: us off every time we do something good and goes, ooh,
Speaker 1: put one another one in the good column. So far,
Speaker 1: he's got one thousand and seventy eight hundred in the
Speaker 1: good column and one thousand and twenty three in the
Speaker 1: bad call. Okay, he's doing pretty good. Keep it going, buddy,
Speaker 1: you might get to heaven. No, that's not that's another religion.
Speaker 1: It's not Christianity, that's my opinion. But it's biblically based truth. Okay, Jessica,
Speaker 1: So you could sleep at night and go. No one
Speaker 1: can tell me that about my dad, no one. I'm
Speaker 1: so sorry for your loss. Next question says injuries, faith
Speaker 1: and tough decisions says Hey Granger. I've been going through
Speaker 1: a really rough time lately, making a lot of big decisions.
Speaker 1: To start off, I tore my ACL in November after
Speaker 1: making it into the varsity basketball team as a freshman.
Speaker 1: This is throwing a wrench in some of my biggest
Speaker 1: goals and plans and has brought a lot of trouble
Speaker 1: into my life. Not only am I out for the season,
Speaker 1: but I'm out for the next eleven months and I'm
Speaker 1: going into surgery soon. Now. I am also involved in FFA,
Speaker 1: I show livestock at the fair, I play softball, hike
Speaker 1: and hunt. I'm unable to do all of these things
Speaker 1: that brought me joy. During my recovery, I'm being pressured
Speaker 1: into making decisions about how I will spend my time
Speaker 1: after surgery and maintain my goal of being a three
Speaker 1: point three sport athlete through high school. At this point,
Speaker 1: I'm not sure if that's even a realistic goal. From
Speaker 1: that standpoint, I feel kind of lost. On the other hand,
Speaker 1: I think it's opened up totally different opportunities in my life.
Speaker 1: I have recently gotten even closer with my best friend,
Speaker 1: and she's helped me lead me into joining FCA, which
Speaker 1: has brought me back to the Lord. I was wondering
Speaker 1: if you had any suggestions on how to continue to
Speaker 1: strengthen my relationship with the Lord, how to learn how
Speaker 1: to trust myself. To add to this, my dad thinks
Speaker 1: I should try trap shooting. It's also a sport I
Speaker 1: could do during recovery. Do you have any opinions on
Speaker 1: any of this? Thank you so much for your time, Madison. Madison,
Speaker 1: it's a good question, and tearing your acls is tough.
Speaker 1: It's a tough thing. You're out of so many things
Speaker 1: that you love in your life. But acls through surgery
Speaker 1: will heal right. I've known many of them in my life.
Speaker 1: I've never done it myself, but I've had many friends
Speaker 1: that have torn their ACL, including my brother Parker. He
Speaker 1: tore his when he was like twelve years old, really
Speaker 1: young to tear ACL. And I will say this will pass,
Speaker 1: it just will it will. But you're going to be
Speaker 1: out for a little bit, So what do you do
Speaker 1: in the meantime. Well, I remember going through this when
Speaker 1: I broke a couple of ribs and punctured a lung
Speaker 1: falling off the stage and you could actually look at
Speaker 1: that on YouTube. I hate that it's on YouTube which
Speaker 1: you get to actually see Granger Smith breaks his ribs.
Speaker 1: Somebody filmed it. It was terrible, and it was during
Speaker 1: toy season. I was rocking and rolling. Man, we were
Speaker 1: going and everything was great and boom, two ribs are broken.
Speaker 1: I'm out for and the lung was punctured, so out
Speaker 1: for minimum six weeks. I'm out. And I had the
Speaker 1: same feeling that you have. I had this feeling of oh, man,
Speaker 1: everything I love in my life it's put on hold.
Speaker 1: What am I going to do? How am I going
Speaker 1: to make money? How am I going to pay the band?
Speaker 1: How am I to keep the bills paid? Maybe people,
Speaker 1: maybe my fans are going to forget about me because
Speaker 1: I'm not touring anymore. And I had to just first
Speaker 1: of all, quiet all those thoughts. And then I started
Speaker 1: going through this stuff in my head, like, well, what
Speaker 1: what is the best road to recovery? That's the first
Speaker 1: thing I thought of, what's the best road to recovery?
Speaker 1: Like what would an NFL quarterback do? So I've looked
Speaker 1: up stuff like ice baths and eating more vegetables in
Speaker 1: my life, like putting more greens in my life, because
Speaker 1: I would sit there and watch Netflix and watch these
Speaker 1: documentaries on how good vegetables are for you and we
Speaker 1: don't eat enough of them, and so I would watch
Speaker 1: that and and so I started I learned things then
Speaker 1: Madison during that time that I still do today today. Today,
Speaker 1: I still I still put greens in a smoothie with
Speaker 1: protein every morning every day. That's from breaking those ribs.
Speaker 1: There is there is so many things I learned, so
Speaker 1: many people I found on Netflix and and I found
Speaker 1: I found speakers and life coaches and so many of
Speaker 1: these new elements that were introduced into my life. When
Speaker 1: I had finally I had time to slow down and
Speaker 1: focus on that focus on myself no doubt. If you
Speaker 1: put your mind that way, there will be things that
Speaker 1: come up in your life during your healing of your
Speaker 1: ACL that you'll carry with you a long time, and
Speaker 1: you'll look back at the storm. What seems like is
Speaker 1: you know the end of your life. You're a three
Speaker 1: sport athlete. It's all over. Well. Sometimes God has a
Speaker 1: way of going, hold up, hold up. I want you
Speaker 1: to think about me for a second. And it's hard.
Speaker 1: It's hard to know that God, you let this ACL
Speaker 1: thing happen. But look what happened. You just told me
Speaker 1: you joined FCA. You're getting closer to the Lord. You're
Speaker 1: gonna get more time to watch sermons online. You're gonna
Speaker 1: get more time to read your Bible. When you get
Speaker 1: your knee propped up, you're not gonna be running around
Speaker 1: like crazy going to practices and games and filling your
Speaker 1: schedule up with that kind of stuff. You've gotta be
Speaker 1: better for this. We're better from any storm. But when
Speaker 1: you're in it, it's hard. It's hard. You're in the turmoil,
Speaker 1: you're in the clouds, you're in the rain. But then
Speaker 1: the sun comes back out again and you go, wow,
Speaker 1: I actually made it. Now it's a pretty big storm.
Speaker 1: It says at the end, you're fifteen. You're fifteen years
Speaker 1: old and you went through ACL surgery and recovery. That's
Speaker 1: a pretty big storm. Our storms are always relative to
Speaker 1: where we are, who we are in our lives at
Speaker 1: the time, and being fifteen and tearing your ACL is big.
Speaker 1: It's a big deal. Everyone listening goes Man's that's tough
Speaker 1: for a fifteen year old to sit out for that long.
Speaker 1: And then you start wondering like maybe you know, I've
Speaker 1: googled things and I'm wondering like, maybe it won't heal right,
Speaker 1: Maybe I'll walk with the limp forever. Just reject that,
Speaker 1: reject those thoughts. You're gonna be good, You're gonna be okay,
Speaker 1: and you're gonna be better for this. Let's bring up
Speaker 1: another one here, man, we got relationship questions all over
Speaker 1: the place. Okay, let's let's go so many relationships. That's okay,
Speaker 1: it's okay. Let's do this. One subject line is breakups
Speaker 1: and how to move forward. Hey Granger, love your podcast.
Speaker 1: Recently found it due to TikTok, but I've been a
Speaker 1: listener of your music for many years. I have a
Speaker 1: couple questions for you, hoping to get some advice. I'm
Speaker 1: twenty four years old from Southeast Michigan. I went through
Speaker 1: a breakup with my ex back in February of twenty twenty.
Speaker 1: We were together about three years. Since then, we're on
Speaker 1: and off for a little while, but haven't really had
Speaker 1: any kind of communication for or contact. For the last
Speaker 1: six months, I've been struggling to let her go. I've
Speaker 1: been to therapy, spoken with the Lord again and again,
Speaker 1: and asked him to guide me through this hardship in
Speaker 1: my life, but I can never feel like I'm making progress.
Speaker 1: I can't shake the feeling that she's the person for me.
Speaker 1: I've tried to allow us to have some space from
Speaker 1: each other, to grow as people and hopefully come back
Speaker 1: to one another one day, But every day I'm consumed
Speaker 1: about thought, with thoughts of doubt, fear, and anxiety. I'm
Speaker 1: pretty sure she's sleeping with someone new. I'm sorry, I
Speaker 1: read that wrong. I'm sorry, buddy, I'm pretty sure she's
Speaker 1: seeing someone new. I don't know why I put an
Speaker 1: L in front of seeing she's seeing someone new now,
Speaker 1: and that just kills me on the inside. But I
Speaker 1: hope that it's good for her. I've been trying to
Speaker 1: be positive about everything that's happened. I'm thankful in some
Speaker 1: ways this happened because this breakup has brought me back
Speaker 1: to the Lord, and I'm working every day to strengthen
Speaker 1: that and to be more positive. Any advice you could give,
Speaker 1: I would appreciate it. God bless Stephen. Okay, Stephen, you're
Speaker 1: twenty four years old. Shout out to Michigan. Love Michigan.
Speaker 1: You guys, you guys had a rocky relationship. You broke
Speaker 1: up February twenty twenty. You were on and on, I mean,
Speaker 1: excuse me, on and off. That's normal. On and off
Speaker 1: after relationship is normal because you're like, well, we broke
Speaker 1: up for a reason, but maybe those reasons aren't that
Speaker 1: big a deal. So you try it again. Then you're like, yeah,
Speaker 1: they were a big deal, So you get back with her,
Speaker 1: and then you get back off again. So that's normal.
Speaker 1: But the kicker here is you haven't had any communication
Speaker 1: for the last six months. You've been struggling to let
Speaker 1: her go. You've been to therapy, you pray about it.
Speaker 1: You think she's seeing somebody new. You're consumed every day
Speaker 1: by thoughts of doubt, fear, and anxiety and the key
Speaker 1: to this whole thing, Stephen, as you're not content with
Speaker 1: who you are right now by yourself alone, single, it's
Speaker 1: a scary thought for you to be without her, as
Speaker 1: if she is completing you when you never needed to
Speaker 1: be completed to begin with. You already are complete, Steven.
Speaker 1: You are already who you are. You've got every component.
Speaker 1: You got ten fingers and ten toes, and two ears
Speaker 1: and a nose. You already are complete. And believe it
Speaker 1: or not, that heart beating inside your chest doesn't need
Speaker 1: another heart next to it to pump the same amount
Speaker 1: of blood that as humans, we start doubting that, we
Speaker 1: start thinking that, no, there's this other person will make
Speaker 1: my heart beat better than it beats now, and it's
Speaker 1: just not true. The right person will add to you
Speaker 1: and add to your life and highlight all of your
Speaker 1: attributes better, but never complete. And so right now, this
Speaker 1: emptiness you're feeling is, this is heartbrokenness. But I just
Speaker 1: need some time and you have to get away from
Speaker 1: this nagging thought. You're gonna have to make a decision, Stephen,
Speaker 1: that you will not be consumed by these thoughts anymore.
Speaker 1: Have you told yourself that I know what the truth is.
Speaker 1: The truth is you kind of like being consumed by
Speaker 1: those thoughts because as long as you're being consumed by
Speaker 1: those thoughts, you're still close to her because she's a
Speaker 1: part of those thoughts and she's a part of your past.
Speaker 1: And so the nights and you get sad and you
Speaker 1: start thinking about her, and you start flipping through pictures
Speaker 1: that you guys had together, and you creep her out
Speaker 1: on Instagram. The nights when you're doing that, you're close
Speaker 1: with her again. And so even though it hurts, you
Speaker 1: got a piece of her again, just for that moment,
Speaker 1: and it's satisfying a need, it's scratching an itch for you.
Speaker 1: But you know it's leading nowhere because it's false. It's
Speaker 1: a lie. She's not here anymore, Stephen. She's gone. She's
Speaker 1: with somebody new. So you come to the realization that
Speaker 1: she's gone, and you tell yourself, I will not be
Speaker 1: consumed by these thoughts anymore. I will not pull out
Speaker 1: my phone and start looking up old pictures of us anymore.
Speaker 1: I will not hear that voicemail that she sent me anymore.
Speaker 1: I will delete that text thread that we had six
Speaker 1: months ago. I will delete it. I will not tell
Speaker 1: yourself this, Stephen. I will not be consumed by this anymore.
Speaker 1: It's a lie, and you're falling into the trap of it.
Speaker 1: And as long as you fall back into it, as
Speaker 1: long as you want to put on the facade that
Speaker 1: it's that you hate it and it hurts you, but
Speaker 1: the truth is you need to think about her. As
Speaker 1: long as you keep lying to yourself about that, it's
Speaker 1: gonna just keep going and going and going and going.
Speaker 1: You want to be healed? Do you want to be healed,
Speaker 1: then tell yourself. I will not be consumed by these
Speaker 1: thoughts of fear, anxiety and doubt anymore. I am fine.
Speaker 1: I'm a human. We have made it through so many
Speaker 1: things in history. I come from a legacy of the
Speaker 1: human race, and we have survived wars and plagues and
Speaker 1: storms and floods and fires, and somehow we make it
Speaker 1: because we're resilient to creatures. That's how God created us.
Speaker 1: And I'm one of them. I'm one of this human race,
Speaker 1: and I'm resilient, and I will not be consumed by
Speaker 1: this girl. And as soon as you do that and
Speaker 1: make up your mind, boom, watch the doors that open
Speaker 1: for you. Watch the opportunity you're giving yourself now for
Speaker 1: someone new. It might be five months, might be five years,
Speaker 1: might be fifteen years. I don't know. But you're opening
Speaker 1: the door wider and wider with all this time that
Speaker 1: goes by. With every day that goes by, you're opening
Speaker 1: that cracked door of another relationship, another opportunity for your
Speaker 1: future spouse. At twenty four years old, you're opening that
Speaker 1: crack a little bit more, a little bit more, a
Speaker 1: little bit more. And the longer time goes by, good
Speaker 1: for you. Man. The more time that goes by, good.
Speaker 1: The wider that door gets, the bigger the opportunity, the
Speaker 1: more space you're giving it, and the more opportunity that
Speaker 1: people can come to you through it. Open the door, dude,
Speaker 1: don't live by that lie. Preach to yourself. I will
Speaker 1: not be consumed by this any longer. And you delete
Speaker 1: that stuff on your phone, You pull that stuff out
Speaker 1: of your brain. Distract it if you have to. The
Speaker 1: brain is a funny organ, right, Distract it. Go somewhere,
Speaker 1: Go do something. Go ride a roller coaster, bro, you
Speaker 1: can't be on the roller coaster on a big, old
Speaker 1: wooden roller coaster, screaming down and thinking about heartbreak. You can't,
Speaker 1: it's not possible. That's a distraction. That's a good distraction.
Speaker 1: Go skydiving, bro. You're gonna make it. You're gonna make it,
Speaker 1: and you're not alone. As you've heard from these other emails,
Speaker 1: You're not alone and still a good question. It's a
Speaker 1: normal question. Thank you guys so much. We'll see you
Speaker 1: next episode. Thanks for joining me on the Granger Smith Podcast.
Speaker 1: I appreciate all of you. Guys. You could help me
Speaker 1: out by rating this podcast on iTunes. If you're on YouTube,
Speaker 1: subscribe to this channel. Hit that little like button and
Speaker 1: the notification spell so that you never miss anytime I
Speaker 1: upload a video. If you have a question for me
Speaker 1: that you would like me to answer, email Grangersmith Podcast
Speaker 1: at gmail dot com yig