WEBVTT - The Next Step in Your Creative Path 0:00:00.140 --> 0:00:05.479 Hi, and welcome to your Write Your Story podcast. Good job, Curly. 0:00:06.380 --> 0:00:10.260 Pick up the pieces of your life Put them back 0:00:10.300 --> 0:00:13.380 together with the words you write All the beauty and 0:00:13.460 --> 0:00:17.250 peace and the magic that you'll start to find When 0:00:17.270 --> 0:00:21.430 you write your story You've got the words inside, don't 0:00:21.470 --> 0:00:24.130 you think it's time To let them out and write 0:00:24.150 --> 0:00:29.770 them down Uncover what it's all about And write your. 0:00:36.000 --> 0:00:38.409 Hi, friend, and welcome back to the Write Your Story podcast. 0:00:38.520 --> 0:00:40.830 I'm Allie Fallon. I'm your host. And on today's episode, 0:00:40.870 --> 0:00:43.330 I want to talk about the next step to take 0:00:43.430 --> 0:00:48.350 in your creative journey to really activate your creativity, that 0:00:48.590 --> 0:00:50.650 life force energy that is in all of us that 0:00:50.729 --> 0:00:54.730 lies dormant sometimes, or not even dormant, but that can 0:00:54.790 --> 0:00:57.780 sometimes get kind of dulled down or repressed and suppressed 0:00:57.800 --> 0:00:59.540 for all kinds of different reasons, which I'll talk about 0:00:59.580 --> 0:01:03.180 on the episode today. And there's one simple thing that 0:01:03.400 --> 0:01:06.510 every single one of us can do every day, all day, 0:01:06.650 --> 0:01:11.949 many times a day, that is absolutely guaranteed to activate 0:01:11.990 --> 0:01:14.320 your creative energy, to bring the fullness of you online. 0:01:15.050 --> 0:01:18.030 Sometimes the experience can be kind of uncomfortable. So I'll 0:01:18.069 --> 0:01:20.569 talk about that, what to do when it becomes really uncomfortable. 0:01:21.010 --> 0:01:24.970 But I'll tell you, like, this is fail-proof, like 100% foolproof. 0:01:25.190 --> 0:01:28.350 This will activate you. It will cue up your creativity. 0:01:28.690 --> 0:01:30.900 And if nothing else, it'll give you something really interesting 0:01:30.920 --> 0:01:34.160 to talk about. This is also fascinating to me because 0:01:34.200 --> 0:01:36.820 this really fits in with storytelling principles, which I teach 0:01:36.860 --> 0:01:40.020 a lot. The next step is this. Just take what 0:01:40.060 --> 0:01:46.130 my friend Ruthie calls aligned messy action. I love her 0:01:46.209 --> 0:01:49.330 wording for this. This is something that I have known 0:01:49.390 --> 0:01:51.690 to be true and feel deep in my bones. And 0:01:51.730 --> 0:01:53.970 when she and I first started talking about it, as 0:01:53.990 --> 0:01:56.800 we were discussing what we were going to teach in 0:01:57.020 --> 0:01:59.380 this new program that we created together called The River Within, 0:01:59.940 --> 0:02:02.040 we were creating the outline for what we were going 0:02:02.060 --> 0:02:04.680 to teach. And one of the weeks we talked about 0:02:04.810 --> 0:02:07.590 teaching this concept of aligned messy action. And she's the 0:02:07.690 --> 0:02:10.570 one who gave it that language for me, which I love. 0:02:11.130 --> 0:02:13.690 for so many reasons, one of which is because this 0:02:13.750 --> 0:02:17.360 really fits with what I teach about storytelling principles and 0:02:17.380 --> 0:02:21.079 storytelling techniques. When you're telling a story, the only way 0:02:21.139 --> 0:02:24.519 to move the plot forward in the story is to 0:02:24.600 --> 0:02:27.550 have the hero of the story, the protagonist, the main character, 0:02:27.990 --> 0:02:31.470 take action. The only way the plot of the story 0:02:31.510 --> 0:02:33.450 moves forward is when the hero takes action. The plot 0:02:33.470 --> 0:02:35.910 doesn't move forward when the hero thinks about something or 0:02:36.419 --> 0:02:39.260 The plot doesn't move forward when the hero considers something. 0:02:39.680 --> 0:02:43.040 The plot doesn't move forward when the hero figures something out. 0:02:43.139 --> 0:02:45.540 The plot only moves forward in a story when the 0:02:45.620 --> 0:02:48.990 hero takes action. And this sometimes is, I think, where 0:02:49.030 --> 0:02:51.369 we go wrong as it relates to our creativity, where 0:02:51.389 --> 0:02:54.050 we go wrong as it relates to the problems and 0:02:54.090 --> 0:02:55.870 issues that we're trying to solve in our life, is 0:02:55.930 --> 0:03:00.270 we feel like problem solving, fixing issues in our life, 0:03:00.530 --> 0:03:04.299 getting healed, whatever, is a mental thing. process, that it's 0:03:04.320 --> 0:03:07.840 something we've got to learn a new skill. We've got 0:03:07.860 --> 0:03:10.460 to learn a new concept. We've got to really understand. 0:03:10.480 --> 0:03:12.060 We've got to take it in. We've got to figure 0:03:12.100 --> 0:03:15.790 it out in our brains. And this is just simply 0:03:15.889 --> 0:03:18.710 not how healing works. It's not how solutions work. It's 0:03:18.730 --> 0:03:22.230 not how stories work. And the only way that a 0:03:22.270 --> 0:03:24.770 story moves forward, the only way that your life will 0:03:24.810 --> 0:03:27.490 move forward is through the hero, the protagonist, the main 0:03:27.530 --> 0:03:31.410 character taking action. So when Ruthie used this term of 0:03:31.510 --> 0:03:35.310 aligned messy action, I really loved this. It really resonated 0:03:35.330 --> 0:03:37.230 with me because I thought, You know, a lot of 0:03:37.270 --> 0:03:39.010 what's getting in our way, a lot of what's keeping 0:03:39.050 --> 0:03:43.310 people stuck is a fear of taking action without having 0:03:43.410 --> 0:03:46.630 first figured something out, which when you think about this, 0:03:46.730 --> 0:03:48.970 when you really peel back the layers on this idea 0:03:49.090 --> 0:03:52.290 is counterintuitive because how do we figure things out? We 0:03:52.310 --> 0:03:54.950 figure things out by first taking action. You take action, 0:03:55.010 --> 0:03:56.990 you fail at something, it doesn't work. And so then 0:03:57.030 --> 0:03:59.690 you rethink it and then you try again. And this 0:03:59.730 --> 0:04:02.070 is how anybody learns anything. It's how a toddler learns 0:04:02.090 --> 0:04:04.070 how to walk. It's how a toddler learns how to talk. 0:04:04.120 --> 0:04:06.800 It's how Kids learn how to draw their letters. It's 0:04:06.820 --> 0:04:09.730 how they learn how to attach sounds to letters. Everything 0:04:09.770 --> 0:04:12.650 you've ever learned in your life, you've learned from acting, 0:04:13.450 --> 0:04:17.150 messing up, and then trying again. That is the only 0:04:17.190 --> 0:04:19.230 way to learn anything. And I tell my kids this 0:04:19.250 --> 0:04:20.850 all the time. I'm like, you're going to fail a 0:04:20.890 --> 0:04:23.310 hundred times at things that you try. It's so important 0:04:23.360 --> 0:04:24.960 that when you fail, you get up and try again. 0:04:25.820 --> 0:04:27.700 And my son has started taking jujitsu lessons. And I 0:04:27.800 --> 0:04:32.240 love that the jujitsu instructor teaches this to the kids explicitly. 0:04:32.279 --> 0:04:34.830 He talks about how when you fall down on the mat, 0:04:34.850 --> 0:04:36.350 what's the most important thing you can do? And the 0:04:36.370 --> 0:04:39.430 kids go, get up and try again. And I'm just like, yes, 0:04:39.490 --> 0:04:41.650 I'm so glad that my son is learning this at 0:04:41.730 --> 0:04:44.050 four years old, because for some of us, it takes 0:04:44.089 --> 0:04:47.090 our whole lives to learn that failure is part of life. 0:04:47.330 --> 0:04:48.710 And that what we have to do once we fail 0:04:48.750 --> 0:04:50.280 is just get up and try again. That the only 0:04:50.320 --> 0:04:52.320 way for us to learn is to fail at something 0:04:52.339 --> 0:04:56.660 a hundred times. And this is something that I'm having 0:04:56.700 --> 0:04:59.560 to remind myself in my life and something that Ruthie 0:04:59.580 --> 0:05:01.060 and I were really moved by as we were talking 0:05:01.080 --> 0:05:04.500 about what to teach inside of this particular container. that 0:05:04.520 --> 0:05:07.050 we're creating. And so I wanted to spend some time 0:05:07.080 --> 0:05:09.990 talking about it today, this aligned messy action. I think 0:05:10.330 --> 0:05:12.510 one of the things that keeps us stuck, that keeps 0:05:12.589 --> 0:05:15.650 us from living our most creative lives, from being in 0:05:15.690 --> 0:05:18.670 connection with our joy, from trying things that we've always 0:05:18.710 --> 0:05:20.630 wanted to try that have been on our bucket list forever. 0:05:21.170 --> 0:05:24.380 One of the things that keeps us in kind of like, uh, 0:05:24.800 --> 0:05:27.260 like in the mode of our programming or in the 0:05:27.279 --> 0:05:30.840 mode of our conditioning disconnected from our true self is 0:05:31.020 --> 0:05:34.930 the fear of taking aligned messy action. the fear of 0:05:35.010 --> 0:05:37.500 taking an action that isn't going to go the way 0:05:37.540 --> 0:05:39.880 that we hope it will go. And so what a 0:05:39.920 --> 0:05:41.720 lot of people do, and I find women do this 0:05:41.779 --> 0:05:46.810 more than anyone, is perfect, perfect, perfect, perfect. We want 0:05:46.830 --> 0:05:49.350 to make sure we've got it exactly right before we 0:05:49.430 --> 0:05:52.030 even give it a try. And what Ruthie and I 0:05:52.050 --> 0:05:55.150 were talking about is that really in order to heal, 0:05:55.170 --> 0:05:58.820 in order to get over these roadblocks that are in 0:05:58.860 --> 0:06:03.200 front of us in order to access our most powerful selves. 0:06:03.580 --> 0:06:06.280 We have to be willing to step into the action 0:06:06.320 --> 0:06:09.790 before we feel we're ready. I've mentioned this book before, 0:06:09.810 --> 0:06:12.270 but there's this amazing book called The Confidence Code by 0:06:12.310 --> 0:06:14.630 Katty Kay and Claire Shipman. And I'll put the book 0:06:14.690 --> 0:06:16.990 in the show notes, but it's an amazing book that 0:06:17.110 --> 0:06:22.450 details how women experience confidence differently than men and how 0:06:22.589 --> 0:06:25.730 our culture creates that reality for us. Like men are 0:06:26.110 --> 0:06:30.210 will see a job description where they only qualify for 60% 0:06:30.210 --> 0:06:31.950 of the requirements and they'll be like, I'll give it 0:06:31.970 --> 0:06:34.450 a shot. And women will see the same job description. 0:06:34.490 --> 0:06:38.450 They'll qualify for 90% or 95%, I'm sorry, of the 0:06:38.510 --> 0:06:41.390 requirements and they'll count themselves out of applying because they 0:06:41.410 --> 0:06:44.170 think that they don't know that one skill that's on 0:06:44.190 --> 0:06:49.409 the list that doesn't fit with their resume. So men 0:06:49.550 --> 0:06:52.960 experience This sensation of like, oh, sure, yeah, I'll give 0:06:52.990 --> 0:06:54.790 it a try. And women a lot of times are like, no, 0:06:54.830 --> 0:06:56.570 I have to learn that before I can even apply 0:06:56.610 --> 0:06:59.390 for the job. This is just a way that women 0:06:59.430 --> 0:07:00.890 move through the world. And I think it prevents a 0:07:00.930 --> 0:07:03.710 lot of us from experiencing our deepest power because we're 0:07:03.790 --> 0:07:06.310 unwilling to really try something before we feel like we 0:07:06.370 --> 0:07:08.980 have all of the answers, before we feel like we 0:07:09.060 --> 0:07:13.660 really cognitively understand it. And the paradigm shift that so 0:07:13.680 --> 0:07:16.840 many of us need to make in order to, yeah, 0:07:16.900 --> 0:07:19.080 in order to access, like in order to stay in 0:07:19.140 --> 0:07:22.060 alignment with with our truest selves, we have to be 0:07:22.070 --> 0:07:24.000 willing to take messy action, which is why I love 0:07:24.020 --> 0:07:28.540 the language of aligned messy action. Because imagine this, like 0:07:29.200 --> 0:07:32.270 my kids, for example, they do this art program called 0:07:32.350 --> 0:07:36.210 art with Lauren. That's so amazing. It's this woman who 0:07:36.530 --> 0:07:39.450 teaches like a little art lesson on YouTube and, she 0:07:39.490 --> 0:07:42.250 teaches like a lesson about the artist and then teaches 0:07:42.290 --> 0:07:44.630 them how to do a certain type of watercolor painting, 0:07:44.670 --> 0:07:47.530 whatever they're working on that day. And she'll play music 0:07:47.730 --> 0:07:50.430 and she'll, you know, like, yeah, share facts and quotes 0:07:50.470 --> 0:07:53.830 about the artists and stuff and walk them through this 0:07:54.040 --> 0:07:56.860 experience of learning how to do a watercolor. My kids 0:07:56.880 --> 0:07:58.880 will sit there and they'll ask me sometimes to sit 0:07:58.920 --> 0:08:01.420 and paint with them. I'm a terrible artist. Like I don't, 0:08:01.860 --> 0:08:04.740 at least that medium does not, it's not my gift. 0:08:04.760 --> 0:08:08.650 It's not my strong suit. But in order to sit 0:08:08.690 --> 0:08:11.810 with them and paint, I have to be willing to 0:08:11.930 --> 0:08:13.500 take messy action. I have to be willing to just 0:08:13.570 --> 0:08:15.480 give it a try. Just get some paint on the paper. 0:08:16.070 --> 0:08:18.000 That's the whole goal this first time around is just 0:08:18.040 --> 0:08:19.580 get some paint on the paper. And I tell them 0:08:19.620 --> 0:08:22.520 that all the time too. And kids don't have the 0:08:22.580 --> 0:08:25.760 same blockages that we do around taking messy action. They 0:08:25.840 --> 0:08:29.560 don't hesitate to take messy action. The older they get, 0:08:29.620 --> 0:08:32.740 the more that hesitation comes into play once they've really 0:08:32.800 --> 0:08:35.579 failed at something a time or two. they really start 0:08:35.620 --> 0:08:39.479 to feel the anticipatory pain of what could happen if 0:08:39.520 --> 0:08:42.000 they embarrass themselves or what could happen if they fall, 0:08:42.500 --> 0:08:45.550 the pain they might feel. But when kids are really little, 0:08:45.570 --> 0:08:50.230 they just don't have that like self-consciousness at all. And 0:08:50.270 --> 0:08:53.810 so they're very, very willing to take messy action. And 0:08:53.850 --> 0:08:55.949 I think that we could stand to benefit from a 0:08:56.110 --> 0:08:59.099 willingness to take messy action as well. It's like, I 0:08:59.140 --> 0:09:01.830 could sit here all day and and come up with 0:09:01.870 --> 0:09:03.730 a strategy, come up with a plan. I could come 0:09:03.770 --> 0:09:07.309 up with a framework. I could learn a new concept. 0:09:07.350 --> 0:09:11.910 I could memorize the dates, memorize facts, understand the data. 0:09:12.770 --> 0:09:15.349 And those could be helpful things, but none of them 0:09:15.410 --> 0:09:18.430 are helpful or useful unless I do something with it. 0:09:19.470 --> 0:09:22.150 And so I want you to take a minute and 0:09:22.190 --> 0:09:25.829 consider in what area of your life you're feeling stuck. 0:09:26.630 --> 0:09:30.780 And then ask yourself, what is one thing way that 0:09:30.880 --> 0:09:33.520 I could take aligned messy action. So let me break 0:09:33.559 --> 0:09:46.160 this down a little bit. <HAL> <HAL> <HAL> <HAL> <HAL> <HAL> <HAL> <HAL> <HAL> <HAL> <HAL> <HAL> <HAL> <HAL> <HAL> <HAL> <HAL> <HAL> <HAL> <HAL> <HAL> <HAL> <HAL> <HAL> <HAL> <HAL> <HAL> <HAL> <HAL> <HAL> 0:09:46.540 --> 0:09:50.030 So not just like a random thing that doesn't, you know, 0:09:50.210 --> 0:09:52.609 interest you or sound fun at all. Something that's truly 0:09:52.650 --> 0:09:54.650 aligned with who you want to be and how you 0:09:54.670 --> 0:09:57.240 want to be in the world. I'm picturing myself before 0:09:57.280 --> 0:09:59.300 I started ever taking improv classes. I was like, this 0:09:59.900 --> 0:10:03.059 terrifies me. I'm going to be terrible at this. And also, 0:10:03.720 --> 0:10:06.240 this is a growth edge that I can feel that 0:10:06.280 --> 0:10:09.210 I know I want to lean into. So I'm going 0:10:09.230 --> 0:10:10.880 to take a line to messy action. So I signed up. 0:10:11.470 --> 0:10:14.449 Level one improv class, Third Coast Comedy Club. If you're 0:10:14.470 --> 0:10:27.740 in Nashville, highly, highly recommend. take classes with Third Coast. 0:10:27.840 --> 0:10:30.820 It's so awesome. But that was a growth edge for me. 0:10:30.880 --> 0:10:33.500 It was something that, again, I knew that I was 0:10:33.540 --> 0:10:35.900 going to be terrible at it and I was not wrong. 0:10:36.559 --> 0:10:39.439 I was in a group of, in that first level, 0:10:39.520 --> 0:10:42.040 I think, I don't know, 15 or 20 people. And 0:10:42.240 --> 0:10:45.120 of the 15 or 20 people, I was probably, you know, 0:10:45.160 --> 0:10:47.820 I'm not being self-deprecating. I was like in the lower 40% 0:10:47.820 --> 0:10:51.210 of skills of people who are in that group. And 0:10:51.230 --> 0:10:53.540 then What ended up happening is I ended up staying 0:10:53.880 --> 0:10:57.010 on for levels two, three, four, five, and six. And 0:10:57.070 --> 0:10:59.690 the higher up I got, the lower down the totem 0:10:59.730 --> 0:11:02.490 pole I became. In other words, like all the really 0:11:02.530 --> 0:11:04.869 skilled people kept going on and I was just determined 0:11:04.970 --> 0:11:08.630 to keep going because I just really wanted to throw 0:11:08.700 --> 0:11:12.640 myself out there and get over this fear of what 0:11:12.660 --> 0:11:14.660 would happen if I opened my mouth and started speaking 0:11:15.380 --> 0:11:18.840 without a plan. And you know what? I was not 0:11:18.880 --> 0:11:21.760 the best improver on that stage. We performed on stage 0:11:21.800 --> 0:11:26.059 several times and I was probably the worst, like bottom 0:11:26.340 --> 0:11:29.940 tier for sure of improvers on that stage. But one 0:11:29.980 --> 0:11:32.280 thing that grew out of that was my ability and 0:11:32.330 --> 0:11:36.330 my willingness to record this podcast without needing to do 0:11:36.350 --> 0:11:38.410 a bunch of research ahead of time, show up with notes, 0:11:38.470 --> 0:11:40.929 have a big outline. One of the things that I 0:11:40.950 --> 0:11:44.090 knew I wanted to do was to have the capacity 0:11:44.150 --> 0:11:46.380 and the ability to to come into the moment, to 0:11:46.460 --> 0:11:48.220 stay present, to listen to what was trying to come 0:11:48.240 --> 0:11:50.140 through me and just open my mouth and speak, just 0:11:50.340 --> 0:11:53.300 open my mouth and let what's trying to come through, 0:11:53.380 --> 0:11:55.780 come through. And I would never ever be doing this 0:11:55.820 --> 0:11:58.660 podcast if it weren't for my experience with improv. So 0:11:59.059 --> 0:12:01.380 the aligned messy action that we take, sometimes we don't 0:12:01.400 --> 0:12:03.260 know where it's going to take us, but we take 0:12:03.340 --> 0:12:06.740 it simply because it's aligned and it's messy. It's like, 0:12:06.780 --> 0:12:09.020 this is aligned with a passion I have. It's on 0:12:09.059 --> 0:12:11.260 the growth edge of how I want to, you know, 0:12:11.820 --> 0:12:13.360 how I want to move through the world, how I 0:12:13.380 --> 0:12:15.910 want to grow, how I want to become better. And also, 0:12:16.710 --> 0:12:18.530 I don't really know what I'm doing. So I'm just 0:12:18.550 --> 0:12:20.270 going to jump in, and we're going to see how 0:12:20.290 --> 0:12:22.400 this goes. I'll tell you, I was working with an 0:12:22.510 --> 0:12:25.199 author who I really admire and respect. This is a 0:12:25.240 --> 0:12:27.360 handful of years ago, and I can't share his name 0:12:27.380 --> 0:12:32.000 because I've signed an NDA. But very, very successful author who, again, 0:12:32.059 --> 0:12:34.480 I admire and respect. There are so many different things 0:12:34.540 --> 0:12:36.240 about him and ways that he moves through the world 0:12:36.260 --> 0:12:37.580 that I'm like, oh, gosh, I wish I could be 0:12:37.640 --> 0:12:40.179 more confident like that. I wish I could really you know, 0:12:40.340 --> 0:12:42.660 like lean into my skills the way that he has. 0:12:42.940 --> 0:12:46.480 And he's, he's created something really spectacular. I was helping 0:12:46.520 --> 0:12:49.120 him work on this book about confidence of all things. 0:12:49.820 --> 0:12:52.660 And I was asking him how he gained the confidence 0:12:52.679 --> 0:12:54.400 that he has. And he was sharing this story with 0:12:54.450 --> 0:12:57.589 me about how he just started giving himself these personal 0:12:57.630 --> 0:13:00.630 challenges where something would really scare him. Like for him, 0:13:00.670 --> 0:13:03.390 it was like, you know, he was younger and it 0:13:03.410 --> 0:13:05.350 would really scare him to go talk, go up and 0:13:05.370 --> 0:13:07.450 talk to a beautiful woman. And so he would give 0:13:07.490 --> 0:13:09.530 himself this challenge where he had to go up and 0:13:09.550 --> 0:13:11.240 speak to this beautiful woman and just find a way 0:13:11.280 --> 0:13:13.760 to start a conversation with her. And he would throw 0:13:13.820 --> 0:13:17.140 himself into the deep end on purpose with an activity 0:13:17.420 --> 0:13:20.480 or a topic that made him feel uncomfortable as a 0:13:20.520 --> 0:13:23.170 way to exercise that muscle of being willing to be 0:13:23.190 --> 0:13:25.290 with the discomfort and taking a line to messy action. 0:13:26.030 --> 0:13:30.630 So he gave me this assignment because he was asking me, okay, well, 0:13:30.750 --> 0:13:32.530 what gets in your way as it relates to confidence? 0:13:32.570 --> 0:13:35.209 And I was like, well, I feel like I... can 0:13:35.610 --> 0:13:38.450 talk to pretty much any stranger I I don't feel 0:13:38.550 --> 0:13:41.189 like I lack confidence in that respect and I'm like 0:13:41.210 --> 0:13:43.250 I've been on stages and I do pretty okay on 0:13:43.309 --> 0:13:46.220 stages and I feel pretty confident as an author I 0:13:46.240 --> 0:13:47.740 was like what one of the things that really gets 0:13:47.780 --> 0:13:49.840 in my way is I would never in a million 0:13:49.880 --> 0:13:51.660 years and this is at the time I was living 0:13:51.679 --> 0:13:54.840 in LA and in LA you do a lot of 0:13:54.880 --> 0:13:57.980 like networky things where you just are kind of thrown 0:13:58.000 --> 0:13:59.280 into a room with a bunch of people that you 0:13:59.300 --> 0:14:01.180 don't know and you have to just kind of work 0:14:01.220 --> 0:14:02.880 the room and move around the room and find people 0:14:02.920 --> 0:14:04.840 to talk to and I was like That is my 0:14:04.880 --> 0:14:08.400 least favorite environment. I'm terrified in that environment. I feel 0:14:08.420 --> 0:14:11.480 like I don't know how to wrap up one conversation 0:14:11.540 --> 0:14:12.780 and move on to the next. I don't know how 0:14:12.800 --> 0:14:15.709 to start a conversation with a new person without seeming awkward. 0:14:16.290 --> 0:14:19.810 So he gave me this assignment to basically walk into 0:14:19.830 --> 0:14:22.390 a coffee shop, wherever I was, walk up to a 0:14:22.470 --> 0:14:24.990 group of people. It had to be a group of people, 0:14:25.590 --> 0:14:29.060 of three or more people, and to ask a question 0:14:29.100 --> 0:14:32.020 or just kick off a conversation with total strangers. And 0:14:32.120 --> 0:14:35.170 so I started doing this regularly when I was living 0:14:35.210 --> 0:14:37.310 in LA, this is before the pandemic. So probably like 0:14:37.630 --> 0:14:39.770 mid 2019, I started doing this as I was working 0:14:39.790 --> 0:14:43.230 with him. We, I would walk into a room and 0:14:43.370 --> 0:14:45.470 I would just be like, it was like the scariest 0:14:45.510 --> 0:14:48.250 thing that you could possibly ask of me to walk 0:14:48.310 --> 0:14:50.490 up to a group of total strangers in a coffee shop, 0:14:51.110 --> 0:14:53.980 unsuspecting strangers who were already having a conversation and just 0:14:54.000 --> 0:14:56.800 be like, Hey, how are you guys doing today? The 0:14:56.860 --> 0:14:58.640 whole thing felt so awkward to me, but I just 0:14:58.660 --> 0:15:00.740 started to do it as a way to exercise the 0:15:00.780 --> 0:15:02.640 muscle of taking a line to messy action. It was like, 0:15:03.120 --> 0:15:06.120 If I can break through this fear of what might 0:15:06.180 --> 0:15:09.020 happen if I step into this group of strangers, what 0:15:09.080 --> 0:15:11.260 could I be capable of? What could be possible for 0:15:11.280 --> 0:15:14.090 me if I wasn't so afraid of what these people 0:15:14.110 --> 0:15:16.090 are going to think of me when I walk up 0:15:16.130 --> 0:15:18.950 to them and start asking questions? And so I had 0:15:18.970 --> 0:15:22.310 that experience with him. Fast forward many years later, you know, 0:15:23.390 --> 0:15:25.670 my husband and I, I've shared this story at length 0:15:25.710 --> 0:15:27.010 on the podcast, so I don't need to get into 0:15:27.030 --> 0:15:29.030 the whole thing, but my husband and I made a 0:15:29.390 --> 0:15:32.570 business investment that went south and we ended up losing 0:15:32.610 --> 0:15:36.320 a bunch of money. It was not, this was absolutely 0:15:36.380 --> 0:15:38.640 aligned to messy action. I did not know how messy 0:15:38.660 --> 0:15:40.300 it was going to be when I took action. I 0:15:41.060 --> 0:15:44.540 did not know that we would lose our life savings. 0:15:44.600 --> 0:15:46.380 I did not know we would go into like mountains 0:15:46.420 --> 0:15:49.760 and mountains of debt. It was like, you know, like 0:15:49.780 --> 0:15:50.859 I said, I don't need to get into all the 0:15:50.880 --> 0:15:52.700 details of it, but it was like a slow fade 0:15:52.920 --> 0:15:56.090 where I you're making these small little decisions that over 0:15:56.130 --> 0:15:59.080 time you're just like, oh no, we've gotten ourself into 0:15:59.100 --> 0:16:00.500 this big mess. How are we going to get out? 0:16:01.340 --> 0:16:03.420 So it was like the messiest action I've ever taken 0:16:03.460 --> 0:16:07.920 in my life and also extremely aligned. And I, as 0:16:07.940 --> 0:16:11.030 you've heard, if you've listened for many months or years, 0:16:11.770 --> 0:16:14.470 I have really struggled with the tension between that aligned 0:16:14.530 --> 0:16:18.190 messy action because we felt so pulled and so called 0:16:18.350 --> 0:16:19.930 to create this thing that we were trying to create. 0:16:19.950 --> 0:16:23.100 This wasn't just like ooh, I have a brilliant business idea. 0:16:23.140 --> 0:16:26.020 Let's give it a try. It was like someone came 0:16:26.060 --> 0:16:28.920 to us with an idea. We sat with it. We 0:16:29.000 --> 0:16:33.860 felt like intense curiosity over it. It felt really exciting. 0:16:34.600 --> 0:16:36.540 Matt and I were both aligned. We were aligned with 0:16:36.580 --> 0:16:39.550 this partner. We brought on other partners along the way. 0:16:39.590 --> 0:16:42.970 We were aligned with them. It felt at every turn, 0:16:43.110 --> 0:16:47.110 it was like there were synchronicities. There were these signs 0:16:47.170 --> 0:16:50.580 that felt like they were came from heaven to say like, 0:16:50.620 --> 0:16:54.479 keep going, keep, you know, keep following this path, following 0:16:54.520 --> 0:17:01.070 your journey. And so many different times where we would 0:17:01.090 --> 0:17:03.050 be almost about to quit and then something would happen 0:17:03.110 --> 0:17:04.550 and it would be like, oh no, we're meant to 0:17:04.570 --> 0:17:08.230 continue with this. So it felt more aligned than almost 0:17:08.350 --> 0:17:10.730 anything has ever felt in my whole life. And to 0:17:10.770 --> 0:17:13.649 the point where I was convinced that a miracle was 0:17:13.690 --> 0:17:15.470 going to happen and this thing was going to work. 0:17:16.720 --> 0:17:19.330 And that's not what happened. it turned into one of 0:17:19.369 --> 0:17:23.230 the most messy experiences of my life, where there was 0:17:23.260 --> 0:17:25.960 a lot of loss, a lot of disappointment, a lot 0:17:26.000 --> 0:17:29.180 of grief, a lot of despair over this. It made 0:17:29.220 --> 0:17:33.500 me call into question so many things. And yet, and yet, 0:17:34.940 --> 0:17:38.139 it's also, I'm starting to see for the first time, 0:17:38.240 --> 0:17:39.930 I'm excited to get to share that I'm starting to 0:17:39.970 --> 0:17:44.689 see for the first time how this experience has changed 0:17:44.730 --> 0:17:47.439 who I am as a person, how this experience has, 0:17:47.850 --> 0:17:54.389 has been part of life's intention of calling us forward. 0:17:54.510 --> 0:17:58.070 Our life is constantly speaking to us. It's constantly trying 0:17:58.090 --> 0:18:01.260 to call us forward, to call us up. Your creativity 0:18:01.320 --> 0:18:04.320 is constantly speaking to you. It's that ache that you 0:18:04.359 --> 0:18:07.160 feel inside, that tug that you feel to go write 0:18:07.200 --> 0:18:10.720 a book or to pick up a guitar or to 0:18:10.740 --> 0:18:15.140 go talk to that person or to try to start 0:18:15.160 --> 0:18:17.280 a business or to start a side hustle or to 0:18:18.109 --> 0:18:21.070 get on sub stack or to whatever it is for you. 0:18:21.130 --> 0:18:24.129 Like that little tug that you feel is your creativity 0:18:24.170 --> 0:18:26.210 trying to wake you up to the fullness of yourself. 0:18:26.330 --> 0:18:28.040 And in order to meet the fullness of yourself, you 0:18:28.060 --> 0:18:31.540 will also meet all of your shadow, all of your darkness, 0:18:31.859 --> 0:18:35.240 all of the scary parts of you, all of the loss, 0:18:35.300 --> 0:18:38.000 the despair, the shame that like it all is going 0:18:38.040 --> 0:18:40.240 to come up, which is why I said at the 0:18:40.260 --> 0:18:42.220 beginning of the episode that taking a line to messy 0:18:42.340 --> 0:18:45.780 action will probably bring up for you some uncomfortable feelings 0:18:45.800 --> 0:18:48.649 that as it has for me, even just walking up 0:18:48.690 --> 0:18:51.250 to a stranger in a coffee shop and saying like 0:18:51.290 --> 0:18:53.850 a group of strangers and being like, Hey, how's your 0:18:53.890 --> 0:18:56.070 day going? How are you guys doing? You know, and 0:18:56.090 --> 0:19:00.630 they're staring at you like, uh, good, I think fine. 0:19:01.310 --> 0:19:05.889 You know, like that experience, whatever. And maybe to you, 0:19:06.010 --> 0:19:08.189 that doesn't sound like anything. Maybe to you, you're like, 0:19:08.250 --> 0:19:09.930 Oh yeah, that would be no, no problem at all. 0:19:10.510 --> 0:19:13.570 In that case, it's not your aligned messy action. In 0:19:13.630 --> 0:19:16.490 my case, it brings up for me feelings of embarrassment, 0:19:16.590 --> 0:19:19.570 feelings of shame that then I have this opportunity to 0:19:19.770 --> 0:19:22.600 sit with and to face and to think about and 0:19:22.630 --> 0:19:25.280 to overcome and to step over and to come into 0:19:25.320 --> 0:19:28.580 the fullness of myself where that's no longer controlling me. 0:19:28.600 --> 0:19:30.580 It doesn't mean I have to walk up to a 0:19:30.580 --> 0:19:32.120 stranger in a coffee shop every day of my life, 0:19:32.180 --> 0:19:34.699 but now I know I'm capable of that. And let 0:19:34.720 --> 0:19:38.000 me tell you with this business investment that my husband 0:19:38.020 --> 0:19:41.139 and I made, One of the amazing things that has 0:19:41.160 --> 0:19:43.369 been born out of this experience is I realized, oh 0:19:43.380 --> 0:19:45.230 my gosh, these things that I was so scared of 0:19:45.290 --> 0:19:49.550 my whole life, being in debt, filing for bankruptcy, running 0:19:49.630 --> 0:19:52.560 out of money. Uh, let me try. I think if 0:19:52.600 --> 0:19:54.660 there's another way to basically say the same thing, but yeah, 0:19:54.680 --> 0:19:56.939 like those things are things I have been terrified of 0:19:57.000 --> 0:20:01.390 my whole life. They have controlled my very existence and 0:20:01.410 --> 0:20:04.210 I have faced all three of them down in the 0:20:04.230 --> 0:20:08.750 last couple of years and they're unpleasant and but not 0:20:08.990 --> 0:20:12.750 nearly as scary as I thought they were. And that's 0:20:12.869 --> 0:20:15.570