WEBVTT - This Isn't a Petting Zoo! 

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<v Speaker 1>Ma'am. This is not a petting zoo.

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<v Speaker 2>It's one more thing. Boy, old boy. I think I

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<v Speaker 2>know where this story is going. Katie's going to tell

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<v Speaker 2>a pregnancy story. But before she gets to that, Katie's pregnant.

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<v Speaker 1>If you didn't know that, that'd be weird if I

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<v Speaker 1>was telling a pregnancy story and not pregnant before we

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<v Speaker 1>get to that.

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<v Speaker 2>One of the worst things I've ever said in my life,

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<v Speaker 2>and that is a long ust.

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<v Speaker 3>Oh good lord, Yeah, that's that's a bar to clear.

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<v Speaker 2>I was in a play in college and this non traad.

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<v Speaker 2>That would be someone who's not like, you know, a

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<v Speaker 2>teenager in college. They're older. They came back to college woman,

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<v Speaker 2>she's probably in her mid thirties. She was going to

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<v Speaker 2>play a pregnant woman in this play. And the night

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<v Speaker 2>of the show, I don't know why. This is a

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<v Speaker 2>very low rent deal. We had not done any we'd

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<v Speaker 2>not been in our costumes till show night, apparently, but anyway,

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<v Speaker 2>the night of it, are doing the show and she

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<v Speaker 2>was playing a pregnant woman. I said, wow, you really

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<v Speaker 2>look pregnant, and she said, I haven't put the pillow

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<v Speaker 2>in yet. Oh wow, Oh so bad, so bad.

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<v Speaker 3>Yeah, that's go ahead.

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<v Speaker 2>My response was to I think I just shrunk away.

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<v Speaker 2>There's no coming back from that. You just need to

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<v Speaker 2>basically say, and I have embarrassed myself and angered you forever.

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<v Speaker 2>I will leave now. I mean, if you'll excuse.

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<v Speaker 3>Me, I'm going to slink.

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<v Speaker 2>Away, because that is basically what I did. I think

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<v Speaker 2>I was the MC of the thing or something.

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<v Speaker 3>Yeah. Yeah, people, I've seen that a couple of times

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<v Speaker 3>in my life where people just don't know of that prohibition, right.

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<v Speaker 2>I know it was sketch comedy, and I was the

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<v Speaker 2>MC of the thing, that's what. Oh, but she was

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<v Speaker 2>going to be a pregnant You really look pregnant. Yeah,

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<v Speaker 2>I haven't put the pillow in yet, you.

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<v Speaker 3>Lord lord? And I was speaking of pettings. Is my

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<v Speaker 3>poor dog? I noticed this the other day. He's a

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<v Speaker 3>very affectionate dog. He's half a black lab and half

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<v Speaker 3>border Collie. But we have had construction workers and electricians

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<v Speaker 3>and painters and wallpaper guys and you name it in

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<v Speaker 3>our house now for months. Our doors are open all

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<v Speaker 3>the time. People walk in. It's stranger. I'll say, hey,

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<v Speaker 3>how you doing. He'll go good, I'm the what's it's

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<v Speaker 3>And I'll say, oh, great, God right over there. We

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<v Speaker 3>just it's it's crazy. But Baxter gets so many pets now,

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<v Speaker 3>he gets so much attention. Now when the project is

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<v Speaker 3>finally over, I mean, my family's coming in for Thanksgiving.

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<v Speaker 3>But then when when that's all over, I'm gonna have

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<v Speaker 3>to show him the way to the liquor cabinet or

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<v Speaker 3>or give him extra walks or something, because he's going

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<v Speaker 3>to be so down. He's been the bell of the ball.

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<v Speaker 2>My dog, who's a pug and half blind because they

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<v Speaker 2>are bred to have smashed up faces and their eyes

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<v Speaker 2>don't work. There their bread their eyes. It's ridiculously. They

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<v Speaker 2>can't breathe either. The whole thing is ridiculous. But he

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<v Speaker 2>can't see very well, so he barks and growls every

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<v Speaker 2>time I come in the house. So I always have

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<v Speaker 2>to say, it's me. I live there, I pay the rent,

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<v Speaker 2>I'm my name's on the deed. Stop barking at me.

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<v Speaker 3>Let me show you the favor work. Anyways, speaking of

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<v Speaker 3>petting zeos, Katie, what what what are you talking about?

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<v Speaker 1>Oh? Just you know, I'm very grateful to be pregnant,

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<v Speaker 1>but some of the stuff that happens along with it

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<v Speaker 1>is just hilarious, and people the lack of filter or

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<v Speaker 1>judgment calls on what to do and what not to

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<v Speaker 1>do has blown my mind. Uh.

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<v Speaker 2>I was out and about the other.

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<v Speaker 3>Welcome to the sisterhood of are you f and kidding

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<v Speaker 3>me with this?

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<v Speaker 2>Right? Yeah? That pretty much.

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<v Speaker 1>So I'm out the other day and there's this one

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<v Speaker 1>particular woman who she already bothers me in ways I

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<v Speaker 1>don't need to it into, but she comes up to

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<v Speaker 1>me and goes, so, is your belly popping yet? And

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<v Speaker 1>she rubs me like I'm a bootle? Uh?

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<v Speaker 2>First of all, whoa that?

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<v Speaker 1>I mean? Because I've never never in my life have

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<v Speaker 1>had I have I ever had somebody just come up

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<v Speaker 1>and decide to rub my belly h.

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<v Speaker 2>Virtually.

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<v Speaker 1>Yeah, I'm I'm barely showing I have, you know, and

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<v Speaker 1>I wear hoodies all the time, so it's like, I'm

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<v Speaker 1>not you can't really tell I'm pregnant.

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<v Speaker 3>Well that's why we got to rub on your belly, kittie,

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<v Speaker 3>just to be sure.

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<v Speaker 1>Yeah. Yeah, she goes, you know, she rubs my belly,

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<v Speaker 1>and I'm kind of like in that what what the fuck? Moment?

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<v Speaker 1>And I hadn't said anything, you know, and she goes, oh,

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<v Speaker 1>not yet, so what have you been eating? And I'm

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<v Speaker 1>like like, and I told her, you know, everything sour

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<v Speaker 1>and you know whatever, and she goes, oh, it's definitely

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<v Speaker 1>a girl.

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<v Speaker 2>Oh yeah. I'm like, no, that's fine. I mean I know,

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<v Speaker 2>but you can't people.

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<v Speaker 1>Well, so then she graduates from the belly rub and

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<v Speaker 1>I'm already not a touchy person.

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<v Speaker 2>I don't.

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<v Speaker 1>I'm not the like as a girl growing up, I

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<v Speaker 1>wasn't like the link arms with my girlfriend's kind of thing.

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<v Speaker 2>I just don't do that.

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<v Speaker 1>The next thing she goes for she starts grabbing my hair.

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<v Speaker 1>She's like, so has your hair gotten any thicker? And

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<v Speaker 1>I looked at her, Oh yeah, we'll call her Barb.

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<v Speaker 1>I might Barb. I'm not. I'm not an animal at

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<v Speaker 1>a petting zoo.

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<v Speaker 2>Okay. I totally flashed on her.

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<v Speaker 3>I was like, oh yeah, your finger.

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<v Speaker 2>She earned that completely.

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<v Speaker 1>What I mean, it was like from the belly up

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<v Speaker 1>to my head, I'm.

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<v Speaker 2>Just like, the oil oil check is next, That's what

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<v Speaker 2>I was thinking.

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<v Speaker 1>It was just very it was very strange. And I

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<v Speaker 1>told my mom about it and she's like, yeah, you know,

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<v Speaker 1>some people are gonna and I'm like, no, they're not

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<v Speaker 1>because I'm I'm now know that that's coming. And if

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<v Speaker 1>I even see a remote reach. I mean, we like

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<v Speaker 1>wax on wax off.

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<v Speaker 3>You know, Uh, what is the mindset? How do you

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<v Speaker 3>arrive at the mindset that it's okay for me to

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<v Speaker 3>touch this person I've never touched before?

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<v Speaker 2>She have kids? Yeah, right, she's been pregnant.

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<v Speaker 3>So we're friendly.

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<v Speaker 1>I mean, like I I don't. She drives me nuts,

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<v Speaker 1>but like when I see her, I'll give her, you know,

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<v Speaker 1>the single arm hug. Hey, how you doing that type

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<v Speaker 1>of stuff? But just immediately go in for that.

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<v Speaker 3>With one arm, you know, I can, I can forgive

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<v Speaker 3>her more than other people. It's still an amazing lack

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<v Speaker 3>of insight. But she and then I only know this

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<v Speaker 3>having you know, lived through three pregnancies and my wife

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<v Speaker 3>and blah blah blah, and and talk to her and

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<v Speaker 3>other people. But she believes you are now part of

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<v Speaker 3>the same club of having performed the miracle of creating life.

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<v Speaker 3>And that is so incredibly transcendent that you now understand

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<v Speaker 3>something that other people, particularly men or non birthing people.

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<v Speaker 3>I'm sorry to use the incorrect, the old timey term men.

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<v Speaker 3>That's sarcasm, clearly, but there's something that other people can

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<v Speaker 3>never understand. So she thinks you're really bound by that.

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<v Speaker 3>But and yet either she was one of those person

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<v Speaker 3>people who is completely one of those women who is

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<v Speaker 3>completely unoffended when near strangers groped her to see how

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<v Speaker 3>she was coming along. Yeah, and it never occurred to

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<v Speaker 3>her that another pregnant lady might find that incredibly annoying.

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<v Speaker 3>I don't yeah, no kidding, let's see, I'll dilate, let's check,

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<v Speaker 3>let's fimisht.

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<v Speaker 2>It was quite bold. I don't know.

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<v Speaker 1>And the only other the only other thing that I've

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<v Speaker 1>I've gotten quite a bit is that I look tired.

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<v Speaker 2>Oh, which I am tired.

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<v Speaker 3>Thank you, a comment nobody wants to hear in any circumstances.

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<v Speaker 3>And but nobody said, hey, is the boob fairy come

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<v Speaker 3>to visit yet, Hong Kong. I mean, because that's nobody.

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<v Speaker 2>I mention that somebody.

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<v Speaker 1>I have a feeling somebody's just gonna come tit check

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<v Speaker 1>me one of these days.

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<v Speaker 2>Those things are huge, now, yes, thank you, Oh my god.

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<v Speaker 1>Well, this this woman, because I have a friend who's

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<v Speaker 1>she's she's six months pregnant, so she's ahead of me,

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<v Speaker 1>and she works at the establishment where we were all

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<v Speaker 1>hanging out, so they interacted as well, and she actually

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<v Speaker 1>said that to her.

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<v Speaker 2>She went, wow, your boobs have gotten huge, And my.

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<v Speaker 1>Friend looked at her and went, yeah, I'm pregnant. It's

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<v Speaker 1>just there's no filter on this, no filter, but yeah

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<v Speaker 1>the whole Oh you look tired. And my reaction is, oh,

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<v Speaker 1>my gosh, thank you oh much.

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<v Speaker 2>You know what will happen, this is true.

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<v Speaker 3>Somebody's gonna come up to your stomach and they're gonna

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<v Speaker 3>start talking to it, like doing like little.

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<v Speaker 1>You know, goo goo got gods.

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<v Speaker 2>You know, they're gonna catch a need of the chin

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<v Speaker 2>if I can.

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<v Speaker 1>I don't know if that'll be possible once that starts happening.

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<v Speaker 3>But Michael, the term is abdomen, not stomach. If the

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<v Speaker 3>baby was in the stomach, it would be digested. It

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<v Speaker 3>would be if you'd like to go with the uterus

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<v Speaker 3>to be more specific, that would be acceptable too.

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<v Speaker 2>It's been noted anyway.

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<v Speaker 1>I just I almost exploded from irritation when all of

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<v Speaker 1>that was going on.

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<v Speaker 3>Oh, Judy would occasionally hear references to the baby in

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<v Speaker 3>your stomach, and we would have a laugh about but

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<v Speaker 3>good times. No, I didn't eat the thing.

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<v Speaker 2>It's an entirely different process.

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<v Speaker 3>It starts, is the other way up?

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<v Speaker 1>Yes?

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<v Speaker 2>Anyway, enough said, Well I guess that's it.