Speaker 1: All right, guys, who's dealing with the girl a Mada?
Speaker 1: And you're listening to Exactly Ada production of I Heart Radio.
Speaker 1: You guys have been been heard me on Exactly a Mada.
Speaker 1: You hear me every Thursday. By the way, thank you
Speaker 1: for all the love and support. I love when you
Speaker 1: guys give us a five star rating. Gang Gang Gang period.
Speaker 1: I love when you subscribe and you share with all
Speaker 1: your friends. Um, we keep getting more listeners. I am
Speaker 1: so proud of the show. I am proud of my team.
Speaker 1: I am proud of you guys for supporting me, for
Speaker 1: supporting this concept of being uncensored, unfiltered, just the real deal,
Speaker 1: no taboos. We talk about everything over here. We talk
Speaker 1: about immigration, and then right after that we could talk
Speaker 1: about only fans, and then right after that we could
Speaker 1: talk about racism, and we could talk about any single mothers.
Speaker 1: We talk about everything over here, and that's why I
Speaker 1: love this show. For that being said, today we're talking
Speaker 1: about a very personal topic. They have a hell because
Speaker 1: I'm a little bit too excited chili link, So I
Speaker 1: let me bring it down, all right, won't won't? Okay,
Speaker 1: So today's topic, it's a very personal topic to me,
Speaker 1: and I know that a lot of women and a
Speaker 1: lot of men, and a lot of kids, and a
Speaker 1: lot of mothers and some dads, we'll be able to relate. Um,
Speaker 1: because it's been something that has affected my life, you know,
Speaker 1: ever since I was a little girl. Um, long story short,
Speaker 1: But before I get into it, I have to bring
Speaker 1: in my producer. You already know that he's lit. He
Speaker 1: helps me get this show together and he always has
Speaker 1: the best advice, the best stories. So I want to
Speaker 1: bring in Alex to jump in with me on today's conversation. Alee,
Speaker 1: what's up? I'm here with you Today is gonna be
Speaker 1: a some bring moment, right Like we're gonna be talking
Speaker 1: about something deep, but we were still gonna have the
Speaker 1: amount of fund that we we have with almost every topic. Somehow,
Speaker 1: I think I think you'll you'll twist it around to
Speaker 1: be something positive in a way. I pray because right
Speaker 1: now I'm feeling real raggedy with what I'm about to say. Well,
Speaker 1: today's topic is it's about growing up without your dad,
Speaker 1: without growing up you know, growing up without your father,
Speaker 1: without a father figure in your life, and how that
Speaker 1: you know, eventually affects many of us it affects you know, kids, um,
Speaker 1: it affects the family, It affects your mental health, It
Speaker 1: affects the way that you date people. It affects the
Speaker 1: way that you view the opposite sex, It affects the
Speaker 1: way that you see sex. It affects the way that
Speaker 1: you um are you know, in society. It affects many
Speaker 1: things in life when you don't have both parents, you know,
Speaker 1: especially when you don't have the father figure, because that's
Speaker 1: one of the things that unfortunately is the most common.
Speaker 1: We always, for the most part, see single mothers. And
Speaker 1: I'm not saying my single fathers. Shoutouts. Shout out to
Speaker 1: all the single fathers, and they said, you know what, jo,
Speaker 1: I am gonna be responsible for this kid, and this
Speaker 1: is mine. This came out of my sack, and this
Speaker 1: is my responsibility. Shoutouts to you. You know, some people
Speaker 1: do it because they're good parents. Some men do it because,
Speaker 1: you know, unfortunately, maybe the mother passed away, or the
Speaker 1: mother maybe going through a situation that she's you know,
Speaker 1: mentally unstable to take care of the child or whatever.
Speaker 1: But I appreciate all those single fathers out there, all
Speaker 1: those real fathers spoke. I'm being let's not trash them.
Speaker 1: I mama. We always talk very highly of those great mothers,
Speaker 1: but let's also show some love to those great fathers
Speaker 1: that are out there, that are responsible, that do the
Speaker 1: homework with their kids, that take them to the hospital,
Speaker 1: that are you know, a real father figure. Shout outs
Speaker 1: to you, but to all y'all raggedy ass trash as
Speaker 1: non caring asked father's, Today's show is for you. Um. Yeah,
Speaker 1: So alex me that in your case, I have had
Speaker 1: the opportunity, um, not necessarily bonding with you personally. You know,
Speaker 1: I've seen you with your with your daughters, with your kids,
Speaker 1: the way that you are. You know, you're an amazing
Speaker 1: father for what I've been able to see. Did you
Speaker 1: grow up with your father? You know, that's a good
Speaker 1: question because I too, that's something that we share amount
Speaker 1: of I don't. I don't really have a relationship with
Speaker 1: my real dad. UM, same thing. He was born and
Speaker 1: he kind of just like took off. And you know,
Speaker 1: one of the things that I want to bring up
Speaker 1: to you is the fact that you know, UM, sometimes
Speaker 1: you have some type of bond in the beginning and
Speaker 1: then they disappear. In other cases, they're not even part
Speaker 1: of the pictures. That even is that worse when you
Speaker 1: have a bott and then they disappear or is it
Speaker 1: better when they're never in the picture? Man? You know,
Speaker 1: I think that even just a this relationship could mean
Speaker 1: something for for you as a as a child, right,
Speaker 1: because you could. It'll still hurt to try to like
Speaker 1: why did he leave? Right? Because abandonment issues right right?
Speaker 1: So yeah, so that's one of the things that I
Speaker 1: think about, Like, I didn't grow up with my dad. Now,
Speaker 1: my mom still made me like visit him in Puerto
Speaker 1: Rico when I was there, kind of like get to
Speaker 1: know him. And uh, even til today, I've probably hung
Speaker 1: out with him and I can count it less than
Speaker 1: than three times in my life. And it's crazy, right.
Speaker 1: So I hung out with him when I was down
Speaker 1: there for vacation as a kid. That was it. I
Speaker 1: have pictures with him, maybe one or two pictures, which
Speaker 1: is something I want to bring up to you. Do
Speaker 1: you have any type of relationship with your dad? Do
Speaker 1: you have any memories, any pictures anything from your that
Speaker 1: your mom could even bring up. I don't have any
Speaker 1: clear memories of my father and I when I was small.
Speaker 1: I do have pictures of him, So I know that
Speaker 1: he was there at some point. I believe he left
Speaker 1: when I was like two, Um, but after that he
Speaker 1: came back once I became famous. Um. Yeah, well we're
Speaker 1: gonna get to that. We're gonna get to that. We're
Speaker 1: gonna build up to that, because that's something that happens
Speaker 1: to a lot of people in your position that have, um,
Speaker 1: a celebrity, you know. But so what you mean to
Speaker 1: tell me, He's like, you do have some type of
Speaker 1: resemblance of who he was, right perhaps how did your
Speaker 1: mom and dad meet? Like how does that whole story
Speaker 1: come together? And and and the second part to that
Speaker 1: question is was he there during her pregnancy? So my
Speaker 1: mom's story, you know, of life, it is very tragic.
Speaker 1: I won't get into too many details, but what I
Speaker 1: will say is that I I wasn't conceived in love, right, Um.
Speaker 1: And this is something very personal that I haven't made
Speaker 1: public like that. But I feel that now that I'm
Speaker 1: going to be a mother, now that I am in
Speaker 1: a place of maturity, I can be open and and
Speaker 1: you know, my life is an open book. Um, but
Speaker 1: I wasn't conceived in a in a space of love,
Speaker 1: you know. It was very it was in an abusive space.
Speaker 1: My mom wanted to My mom actually had even paid
Speaker 1: already for the abortion and everything at the clinic. It
Speaker 1: was thanks to some the stingles. How do you see
Speaker 1: that in English hope to hope of witness. People came
Speaker 1: knocked on the door, you know how they do on
Speaker 1: Sundays or whatever, and and you know, they were preaching
Speaker 1: to her, and long story short, they ended up convincing
Speaker 1: her that you know, she had to have me, and
Speaker 1: they prevented her from going to get the abortion. And
Speaker 1: here I am, so you know, I know that it
Speaker 1: was very hard for her. Um. They met, you know
Speaker 1: in the Dominican actually they met in the Dominican Republic.
Speaker 1: Ended up moving to Panama, lived in Panama for ten years.
Speaker 1: And um, that was in the process when my mom
Speaker 1: you know, ended up crossing the Mexican border to get
Speaker 1: to the United States. Is you know, just finding the
Speaker 1: American dream. That's why I say that sometimes we could
Speaker 1: be soldiergimental about someone but not really know what they've
Speaker 1: been through. Where the stories, you know, with the story maybe, um,
Speaker 1: and that's why she's so protective of me, and she's
Speaker 1: like very like you know, and I get it. Not
Speaker 1: to mention I'm the only child. Also, not to sidebar,
Speaker 1: but anyone couldn't listen to the story of your mom
Speaker 1: crossing everything that she went through in that in our
Speaker 1: past episodes that we did with your mom. So make
Speaker 1: sure you guys go check out the archive. Culture true
Speaker 1: for sure, but I'm just giving this back story so
Speaker 1: that you understand that for her, her experience with my
Speaker 1: father wasn't the most positive, right, it wasn't the most positive.
Speaker 1: And however, she didn't necessarily talk bad about him to
Speaker 1: me till till later on, you know, when I grew
Speaker 1: up a little bit more. It was more of like,
Speaker 1: you see, has he called you, has he looked for you?
Speaker 1: Has he did it? She kind of put it on
Speaker 1: me to see with my own eyes the way that
Speaker 1: he was acting, because she always felt like, just because
Speaker 1: we're not together or because he was trashed to me,
Speaker 1: doesn't mean he needs to be trashed to you, doesn't
Speaker 1: mean that it's an excuse for him not to try
Speaker 1: to reach out for you or look for you. Not
Speaker 1: to mention that. Unfortunately, but unfortunately I look just like him,
Speaker 1: so you know, and I'm not gonna lie it's been
Speaker 1: very traumatizing. I feel like I need therapy. I am
Speaker 1: a grown as woman, and at this point in my life,
Speaker 1: because my father wasn't in my life, I feel that
Speaker 1: I need therapy. I need it. I need it because
Speaker 1: I have abandonment issues. Oh my god, I can't believe
Speaker 1: that I'm saying this a lout because I'm supposed to
Speaker 1: be a bad bite. But always a truth, you know,
Speaker 1: the baddest of them all know how to do what
Speaker 1: you're doing right now, by the way, you know it's
Speaker 1: the truth. I don't want to I don't want to
Speaker 1: sit here lie and they can preach something to not
Speaker 1: my truth. I have abandonment issues because my father wasn't there.
Speaker 1: I always felt like, why didn't he want me? Like
Speaker 1: what was wrong with me? Because he had two other daughters,
Speaker 1: and you know, that's the love of his life, his
Speaker 1: two older daughters, but me, he never I felt like
Speaker 1: he never wanted me, he never looked for me. However,
Speaker 1: when he left my mother, he went to Puerto Rico
Speaker 1: and ray and got a you know, a new wife
Speaker 1: or whatever, and he raised three kids that weren't his
Speaker 1: for her and took them and put them through college.
Speaker 1: And he never cared for me, so I always felt like,
Speaker 1: am I not good enough? Why doesn't he want me?
Speaker 1: Did I do something wrong? It was my fault I
Speaker 1: have I hadn't have a lot of those things. Still,
Speaker 1: sometimes in my mind, I always want to be accepted
Speaker 1: and that acceptance, trying to look for that acceptance, acceptance
Speaker 1: for my from my father. Later on through the years,
Speaker 1: I understood how it affected my personal relationship with men
Speaker 1: because I will always I always kind of look for
Speaker 1: the men that don't want me, and I feel like
Speaker 1: I have to prove myself to them so they accept me.
Speaker 1: And that made me understand these are childhood traumas that
Speaker 1: you're carrying, And as as an adult, I'm like, you
Speaker 1: don't want me? Why you have to like me? You
Speaker 1: have to like want me, want me? And it's like,
Speaker 1: what the hell is wrong with you? I have a
Speaker 1: whole room full of men that I like, you know,
Speaker 1: Baliando said for me, and I'm like, no, I want
Speaker 1: the one that doesn't want me. And those are all traumas.
Speaker 1: Um we we and I say we for women that
Speaker 1: may you know, connect with my story or may understand
Speaker 1: where I'm coming from. We end up in abusive relationships,
Speaker 1: and abusive doesn't always have to be physical. Abusive can
Speaker 1: be you know, mental, you know the disrespect, the the
Speaker 1: mental men manip all those things. Um And that's why
Speaker 1: I'm such a big advocate of like who cares if
Speaker 1: you are grown, who cares you need therapy And it's
Speaker 1: okay to go look for a professional person that can
Speaker 1: help true you're those spots in your mind and solve
Speaker 1: the problem. Let's not keep covering the issues with more issues,
Speaker 1: because now when you have kids and you have family,
Speaker 1: you're gonna pass that shipped onto your kids. You're gonna
Speaker 1: pass on those traumas, those bad habits onto your kids.
Speaker 1: They say that when you're pregnant, if you're going through
Speaker 1: it with you know, with your spouse or significant or
Speaker 1: or whatever, for some reason, they end up looking just
Speaker 1: like them. So to me, it's like, I really want
Speaker 1: to just think happy thoughts and just love you so
Speaker 1: you look like me. But you know, it is what
Speaker 1: it is. Shout out, shout out to all those great stepfathers,
Speaker 1: and yes, stepfathers, I'm still gonna call you a father
Speaker 1: because it is not easy to come and step in
Speaker 1: to a situation where another man has decided not to
Speaker 1: really play his role and be responsible for something that
Speaker 1: he did, someone that he created. Um, it takes a
Speaker 1: lot of It takes a lot of balls, It takes
Speaker 1: a lot of guts, It takes a lot of courage,
Speaker 1: It takes a lot of strength. It takes a lot
Speaker 1: of everything in you to raise a child that didn't
Speaker 1: necessarily come out of your body. Foh, loved them like
Speaker 1: if they were to be yours. I know so many
Speaker 1: great stepfathers that UM, their kids end up saying like,
Speaker 1: you're not my stepfather, You're a father, Like you're everything
Speaker 1: that I know. Like in my eyes, I can see
Speaker 1: my father, my real father, and I'm like, who the
Speaker 1: hell are you? Or like, hey, what's up? Cool? Whatever?
Speaker 1: This is my dad. You know. I think there's also
Speaker 1: a difference between being a dad and being a father. Um.
Speaker 1: And and also you know, and those and those firm
Speaker 1: donors sometimes that'm being in life. We need those firm donors.
Speaker 1: Thank you and thank you for coming. Because I believe
Speaker 1: it or not, there's a lot of women mean that
Speaker 1: after they have their children, after they are pregnant, their
Speaker 1: whole life transforms. It may look negative at a certain
Speaker 1: point in life. But are you mature, You become stronger,
Speaker 1: you become more disciplined, you become more goal oriented. You
Speaker 1: know that now someone depends off you. You know what
Speaker 1: you're doing. So sometimes Mohanda, even if you're sad, depressed
Speaker 1: and you're like, oh, screw him, he's trash, I get it,
Speaker 1: but knows what he's doing. And sometimes you just needed
Speaker 1: that sperm donor right there, because that's what we gotta
Speaker 1: call him. He's just a sperm donor, and that's it,
Speaker 1: you know. I don't know. I don't know, because the
Speaker 1: sentimental sentimental, a woman will always be connected to their
Speaker 1: child because they came out of your body, like there
Speaker 1: they went. Uncle. Not every not every woman is meant
Speaker 1: to be a mother. I know some women that are
Speaker 1: trash fash moms, Like just because you have a vagina
Speaker 1: doesn't mean ga it was you know, they were meant
Speaker 1: to have kids because you're trash. I'll give you. I'll
Speaker 1: definitely say that. And there's some women, Okay, you can
Speaker 1: tell she was born to be nurturing, she was born
Speaker 1: to be a mother. This is her thing, that's it.
Speaker 1: But I don't understand how some men could just be like,
Speaker 1: look at this small, little, tiny little human being. They
Speaker 1: came out of your balls and her vagina and be like,
Speaker 1: this baby looks like me. It's gonna talk, it's gonna
Speaker 1: breathe and everything, and I'm just gonna leave it, like what,
Speaker 1: don me take care? Let me know, you know, I'll
Speaker 1: see you later in life. And then you go to
Speaker 1: some another woman and then do it again and then
Speaker 1: goes and then do it again and then doll, what
Speaker 1: do you think this is? Pull out? Game is weak?
Speaker 1: Y'all need to get it together. If you don't want
Speaker 1: to be a father, if you don't want that responsibility,
Speaker 1: wrap that dick up, wrap that ship up, bongas con done,
Speaker 1: night gone. Don get a garbage back, stretch it out
Speaker 1: like back in the days to wrap it up. No
Speaker 1: I don't, don't get something else should jerk it off? Nine?
Speaker 1: Oh yeah. If you're not ready to be a father,
Speaker 1: then be more conscious when you're having sexual activities and
Speaker 1: not just that. Don't do it just because your horny.
Speaker 1: You know, also thinking, and that's another thing when when
Speaker 1: you're older you start maturing and understanding. But you can
Speaker 1: just mash every girl that it's fine that you see
Speaker 1: because what about it she ends up pregnant. Let's just
Speaker 1: say that scenario, the condom broke, something happened. Now you're
Speaker 1: stuck with this person for the rest of your life.
Speaker 1: I know that you were hot in the moment. I
Speaker 1: know that you're you don't know how that one little
Speaker 1: because you might not be that great of a fun
Speaker 1: Let's just say you were there smashing for the next
Speaker 1: two or three or four minutes, and that little nut
Speaker 1: can change the whole your whole path. It changes her life,
Speaker 1: It changes your family's life, your goals, your responsibility, your job,
Speaker 1: with the things that you're planning on doing, that child's life,
Speaker 1: the traumas you'll create, the it's a whole line. It's
Speaker 1: a domino effect, and it's and it's and it's Another
Speaker 1: thing is um it should be the responsibility of both
Speaker 1: parties to understand that something could happen and both have
Speaker 1: to take precautions, right, Like you can't just go into
Speaker 1: it right And a lot of people you know, like
Speaker 1: like I know that sometimes and a lot of the
Speaker 1: time it is the guy like, hey, I'm okay, my
Speaker 1: poll out game is excellent. Right at the same time,
Speaker 1: at the same time, like, dude, you gotta like, you know,
Speaker 1: understand that your partner UM has to understand that they
Speaker 1: two should take some type of of UH caution in
Speaker 1: what's happening. But you make some really great points. And
Speaker 1: let me tell you something, guys. One of my favorite
Speaker 1: things here is when you get Amata going and Amata
Speaker 1: turns into ranting Amata and she starts with that, let
Speaker 1: me tell you what the snap? You know something's about
Speaker 1: to go down about what I'm saying? What about like
Speaker 1: pails for men? You know how they have birth control
Speaker 1: for women? They do from what I hear, they have
Speaker 1: some type of like they're working on it still. I
Speaker 1: mean we're in almost two and you're thinking that they
Speaker 1: would have this UM planned out for us guys, But no,
Speaker 1: like I think the safest method for a guy and
Speaker 1: UM again, we're kind of like educating everyone here who
Speaker 1: wants to not be a dad right away or whatever
Speaker 1: the case, maybe already has kids of a sectomy UH
Speaker 1: is the supposedly the safest well and it's reversible, right,
Speaker 1: so a guy can go get the procedure which is
Speaker 1: like an hour and you're done. You never have to
Speaker 1: go under anesthesia. They just numb you, snip, you close
Speaker 1: you back up with glue and you're and you're out
Speaker 1: of there. Yeah, So that's how easy it is for
Speaker 1: a guy. And then you can go back and undo it.
Speaker 1: But girls, your parents have the rights also, you know,
Speaker 1: with your quote unquote consent. But you know how that works.
Speaker 1: They take you to on a clinic t you know,
Speaker 1: the tea or whatever a whatever birth control system and
Speaker 1: then they, you know, make sure that you're not going
Speaker 1: to be pregnant. Why don't they do that with men
Speaker 1: if it's something that is the norm, right, because it's
Speaker 1: not normal. But if it was the norm and it's
Speaker 1: something that you can do and you would be willing
Speaker 1: to do, then why not. But I think the number
Speaker 1: one thing that you can do for both male and female,
Speaker 1: whether you're gay, straight, or whatever, is teach um safe
Speaker 1: sexual practices, right uh, you know, basically wrapping it up
Speaker 1: like you said. And we we go through this in school,
Speaker 1: like we know, like we we learned this, not really
Speaker 1: because I never learned how to put a condom on. Really,
Speaker 1: that's crazy. In my school, they taught us like they
Speaker 1: were very specific. In seventh grade, I remember this like, hey,
Speaker 1: these are condoms. This is how you properly put on.
Speaker 1: They showed us about the condoms, but mean was about it.
Speaker 1: You learned it from the pornals. You see the thing
Speaker 1: and you're like, okay, so I have think the thing
Speaker 1: and put it. But I don't know if it's side.
Speaker 1: Any signs matter. We don't just stick the thing. I
Speaker 1: also think it's important if you're gonna wrap it up.
Speaker 1: Here's another suggestions of mine. When you put on your
Speaker 1: colmdom still pull out, still pull out, listen to me,
Speaker 1: welcome to him, that his church. If you're gonna go
Speaker 1: over there or stick it to me, ah, and you're
Speaker 1: ready for it, You're you're gonna bust it, pull it out,
Speaker 1: even if you have a condom, because who think I
Speaker 1: see a little tiny split opens, She's opened like a tunnel.
Speaker 1: You're gonna find out in a month, so let's be careful. Okay. Awesome. Um.
Speaker 1: It also affects women's body. And this is another conversation
Speaker 1: we've spoken about, you know, pro choice, you know, pro life.
Speaker 1: We've spoken about this, and I feel this is like
Speaker 1: an endless ever acting going on topic fatto, everlasting topic fatto.
Speaker 1: It's another thing. She doesn't have the same choices. Perhaps
Speaker 1: then maybe men do so a lot of times it's like, oh,
Speaker 1: well you got pregnant, yeah, and now she stuck. You know,
Speaker 1: it sounds terrible, But if she didn't want to after
Speaker 1: a certain amount of weeks, yeah, I didn't even know
Speaker 1: that I was pregnant. I was like two months and
Speaker 1: some change, and I still you could barely still tell
Speaker 1: my stomach. So for a lot of women, and a
Speaker 1: lot of young women, they don't even find out so
Speaker 1: later on and now it has become their responsibility because
Speaker 1: you don't want to be responsible for it. Now she
Speaker 1: has to change her whole life. And and not only
Speaker 1: because what's coming after, but the changes your body does,
Speaker 1: and not only the part of being pregnant giving birth.
Speaker 1: Do you know the risk that women go through giving birth?
Speaker 1: A lot of them die? And and I feel like
Speaker 1: guys think that this is a joke because it doesn't
Speaker 1: happen to your ass, It doesn't happen to your balls,
Speaker 1: nothing happens to you. You're fine, grande. So I feel
Speaker 1: like we have to be more responsible overall as adults,
Speaker 1: as set true beings, as sexual partners. Once we get
Speaker 1: into the space of we're having sex, understanding of the
Speaker 1: possibilities of this woman getting pregnant is a reality, and
Speaker 1: understanding that getting pregnant doesn't always mean here's five dollars,
Speaker 1: go get an abortion. You can end up having this
Speaker 1: person as your the parent of your child. See, just
Speaker 1: because she looks pretty doesn't mean that this is the
Speaker 1: type of person you want. So with a mom of
Speaker 1: your kids, she could have the best thought. However, this
Speaker 1: is what I'm saying, What are your morals, your parents,
Speaker 1: your principle, the familia. Are you a crackhead? What do
Speaker 1: you do? Do you mess around in the streets? What
Speaker 1: are you? Why aren't we having these conversations? Why is
Speaker 1: everything just so sexualized like this is not a real possibility.
Speaker 1: So then we continue to create this domino effect where
Speaker 1: we continue to have children that are not in a full, happy,
Speaker 1: you know home, unless you're fortunately enough to find an
Speaker 1: amazing stepfather to step in, which is not always the case.
Speaker 1: You end up with a woman with three or four kids,
Speaker 1: five kids, so that having to work a thousand jobs,
Speaker 1: having to get assistance from the government, having to ask
Speaker 1: your parents, your girl, assist everybody to assist. Why is
Speaker 1: this happening? We all know how to prevent it, So
Speaker 1: it escalates amout of it escalates and and you know,
Speaker 1: and again this this could all lead to the to
Speaker 1: what when we first started, right, the the mental health
Speaker 1: of someone who didn't grew up with her with her dad,
Speaker 1: whether they're female or male. Right, all of this, all
Speaker 1: of this kind of just always comes back in full circle,
Speaker 1: right and to kind of like button things down here
Speaker 1: because we've we've kind of like given everyone, um a
Speaker 1: little bit from every corner of the space, right from
Speaker 1: being a single moms or you know, not growing up
Speaker 1: without a dad and and everything in between. I want
Speaker 1: to ask you about it's kind of button everything up,
Speaker 1: is what do you hope for your kids? And would
Speaker 1: you you open to accepting a stepdad to take that role? Right? Like,
Speaker 1: if you were to meet someone after you have your
Speaker 1: kids that falls in love with you and and loves
Speaker 1: your kids and you can see they're genuine right there,
Speaker 1: not there to play around, Are you open to that?
Speaker 1: Are you open to changing the kids lives and you
Speaker 1: know and give them what you and not in any
Speaker 1: bad way what you kind of missed out on, you know,
Speaker 1: like I don't want you to know. I'm not gonna lie.
Speaker 1: There is a part of me as a woman as
Speaker 1: this is my first pregnancy, my first kids, my first everything.
Speaker 1: It's like when I had my gender reveal. I cried
Speaker 1: so much when I found out when my babies were
Speaker 1: and to know that I was standing there by myself
Speaker 1: and I didn't do my babies by myself. It was
Speaker 1: very hurtful. UM, And I know that I was talking
Speaker 1: about it when UM. Yet I'm like, you know, I
Speaker 1: know I'm going to go through that same experience, in
Speaker 1: that same pain and that same hurt when I see
Speaker 1: myself in that bed giving birth to not one, but
Speaker 1: two children by myself and not have that significant other
Speaker 1: or that support or that vision of what I had,
Speaker 1: Like I'm going to finally have my family. My mom
Speaker 1: wasn't able to give me a family. I am going
Speaker 1: to be able to fix this. And then I sometimes
Speaker 1: I feel like a failure because I feel like I
Speaker 1: waited so long and I just repeated the same cycle.
Speaker 1: I'm not gonna give my child that family that I wanted,
Speaker 1: and it hurts me because I feel guilty. I feel
Speaker 1: like it's my fault. I fucked up. I didn't do
Speaker 1: it right. I what did I do wrong? And I
Speaker 1: questioned myself many times this is the hardest thing I've
Speaker 1: ever had to do. I'm trying to figure out what
Speaker 1: is the best decision because I'm trying to think as
Speaker 1: mature as possible without thinking about my own personal pain
Speaker 1: and how I feel, because my own person pain would
Speaker 1: be like it's done. But then I'm like, that's yourself,
Speaker 1: that's your self defense, that's your mechanism to how to
Speaker 1: cope with things amout You're using You're using that specifically
Speaker 1: to to not feel the way you were feeling with
Speaker 1: your mom. And that's why I'm like, this is so
Speaker 1: hard and I feel like I need therapy, I need help,
Speaker 1: and I am at least I am being vocal about it,
Speaker 1: and I'm like saying that a lot of people don't
Speaker 1: say anything and they end up doing very bad decisions.
Speaker 1: So I don't know how I'm going to handle it.
Speaker 1: I don't know how I'm going to manage it. I
Speaker 1: wish that I could fix it. That's my biggest thing, Like,
Speaker 1: I don't know how to I wish that I could
Speaker 1: fix this. However, you can't be with someone to get
Speaker 1: for the kids. That's even worse. That's worse for the
Speaker 1: kids as worse. Whatever you have to do was best
Speaker 1: for the children and remove yourself as an adult from
Speaker 1: your personal feelings. Right, So, if God were to bless
Speaker 1: me Um with me being able to fix this situation
Speaker 1: I'm in. If I can't fix it, I would be
Speaker 1: more than happy, and I would be more with open
Speaker 1: arms to receive a great, responsible, nurturing and caring men
Speaker 1: that would be willing to love me as I am
Speaker 1: and also accept my daughters because now they are part
Speaker 1: of me. So if I, if I, you know, find
Speaker 1: that person I'm in being, I would love that most definitely.
Speaker 1: So that that that's great. That's Um. You you're I think,
Speaker 1: I think you're on the way there. You're you're open
Speaker 1: to it. So your your way of fixing things are
Speaker 1: going to be what you feel more comfortable with, not
Speaker 1: what everyone else would want you to have or even
Speaker 1: unfortunately what your vision was. You can kind of stew
Speaker 1: it and still have modified you can still have that end.
Speaker 1: I believe that. Listen, you're you're a great person. You're
Speaker 1: gonna find that do you know what I'm saying? That's
Speaker 1: gonna make you happy, Who's gonna take care of you
Speaker 1: and your daughters and you know, perhaps start a family
Speaker 1: of his own with you on top of your twins. Yeah,
Speaker 1: you know, there's not a room over here. I come
Speaker 1: from a family where they have sixteen kids one woman.
Speaker 1: One though, I can still make it happen better they
Speaker 1: so yea for real. My grandmother has sixteen, my uncle
Speaker 1: has twelve. Yeah, normally one of the dominicans all the time.
Speaker 1: So yeah, I'm very fertile. And on top of that,
Speaker 1: you already know me. I I come from having triplets.
Speaker 1: I just lost one, but I got two left, so
Speaker 1: you never know with me, you might get two one better.
Speaker 1: What that thing said, Um, you know, I really wanted
Speaker 1: to do this episode to connect with whatever whoever you
Speaker 1: know is going through it right now. If you are
Speaker 1: someone that can relate to my story, someone that can
Speaker 1: relate to having somewhat traumas because your your father wasn't
Speaker 1: around in your life, If you are that stepfather that are,
Speaker 1: you know, you're stepping into the picture. YO. Shout out
Speaker 1: to you man like you deserve the highest blessings and
Speaker 1: the most You know, people really need to appreciate an
Speaker 1: uplift you more for what you're doing, because a lot
Speaker 1: of men wouldn't do that, especially these days. If you're
Speaker 1: a single mother out there, Mama, You're not by yourself.
Speaker 1: It happens to the best of us. It doesn't matter
Speaker 1: how much money you have, doesn't matter how big your asses,
Speaker 1: doesn't matter how pretty you are or how intellectual you are.
Speaker 1: It happens to the best of us. You're not by yourself,
Speaker 1: and you got this. You can make it happen. Going
Speaker 1: fail safe, go. You need to have a lot of faith,
Speaker 1: a lot of prayer, and you you can make this happen.
Speaker 1: For the families of those that are supporting those single mothers, YO,
Speaker 1: shout out to you too. If you're that grandmother, if
Speaker 1: you're that that sister, if you are that cousin, if
Speaker 1: you are that uncle, if you are whoever in that
Speaker 1: family they are supporting a single mother, shout out to YouTube.
Speaker 1: You deserve to be praised too, because this is a
Speaker 1: team effort. This is a team work and we're grateful
Speaker 1: for you too. So you're not by yourself. Don't lose hope.
Speaker 1: And by the way, definitely let me know, um if
Speaker 1: you've had any of these things, if you are, if
Speaker 1: you're going through it, if you went through it, how
Speaker 1: you gonna handle it? Go check us out. On all
Speaker 1: our social media platforms, on Twitter and on Instagram at
Speaker 1: exactly a matter. Also go check us out on the
Speaker 1: YouTube channel at a Madra la Negra a l N
Speaker 1: or just right in the search bar exactly a Mata
Speaker 1: or mad Negra. You will find us in a heartbeat. Um,
Speaker 1: this has been an amazing show. I am so grateful
Speaker 1: Alex for having you in today. You always make me
Speaker 1: feel comfortable, always give the best advice, and thank you
Speaker 1: so much for joining us today. That's what I want
Speaker 1: to be here for you well know you already know.
Speaker 1: Remember to rate us and share this podcast with everyone
Speaker 1: that you know, and of course raid us. Give us
Speaker 1: us five stars and share with everybody that you know,
Speaker 1: Subrima Tubrimo, your cousin, anybody that you know that it's
Speaker 1: going through or there really needs to hear this episode.
Speaker 1: Share it coffee blinks at it by app. This has
Speaker 1: been a production of I Heart Radios Michael Kuda podcast network,
Speaker 1: and for more podcasts from my Heart, visit the iHeart
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Speaker 1: Negra and you're listening to exactly