WEBVTT - The Possibility For Healing 0:00:00.400 --> 0:00:04.359 Hi. I'm Elia Connie, host of The Family Therapy Podcast, 0:00:04.519 --> 0:00:08.560 a Black Effect original series where each week, real families 0:00:08.920 --> 0:00:13.440 with real lives, have real conversations. In celebration of BIPOC 0:00:13.600 --> 0:00:17.360 Mental Health Awareness Month, we're inviting you to participate in 0:00:17.520 --> 0:00:22.240 your own live session. Join me live on Black Effects 0:00:22.400 --> 0:00:26.560 Instagram on Wednesday, July seventeenth. We're doing this event to 0:00:26.680 --> 0:00:31.040 highlight the importance of mental health within BIPOC communities and 0:00:31.120 --> 0:00:34.199 to provide a space where you can share your experiences 0:00:34.440 --> 0:00:39.600 and receive guidance. Attendees can expect a safe and supportive 0:00:39.680 --> 0:00:44.840 environment where we'll engage in open, honest conversations. Whether you're 0:00:44.880 --> 0:00:49.400 facing personal challenges or seeking to strengthen family bonds, this 0:00:49.560 --> 0:00:53.239 event is for you. Please note participation is on a 0:00:53.320 --> 0:00:57.600 first come, first serve basis, so be sure to arrive 0:00:57.720 --> 0:01:01.880 early and engage respectfully. If you're interested in joining a 0:01:01.920 --> 0:01:05.840 guided conversation with me, send a direct message or DM 0:01:06.040 --> 0:01:11.400 to The Black Effect and confirm your participation. I think 0:01:11.440 --> 0:01:18.280 what people should expect from therapy is healing and change. However, 0:01:18.560 --> 0:01:25.360 I think what people often go into therapy expecting is education. So, 0:01:25.720 --> 0:01:30.440 for example, if I have a behavior in my life, 0:01:30.760 --> 0:01:34.679 and let's just say addiction. We go to therapy because 0:01:34.720 --> 0:01:37.680 I'd like to find out why I engage in this 0:01:37.760 --> 0:01:43.240 addiction activity. But the truth is, knowing why something exists 0:01:43.840 --> 0:01:48.960 does not do anything to help create healing or change. 0:01:49.440 --> 0:01:54.280 A healing journey that leads towards change is very different 0:01:54.360 --> 0:01:58.400 than simply trying to figure out why something happens. So 0:01:58.800 --> 0:02:02.040 what should people expect when they go into therapy? Healing 0:02:02.240 --> 0:02:07.200 from difficult things that have happened in our lives, past traumas, relationships, ending, 0:02:07.560 --> 0:02:10.760 grief and loss issues or whatever, and the type of 0:02:10.800 --> 0:02:14.280 healing that will lead towards change, but not just any change, 0:02:14.639 --> 0:02:17.079 but the kinds of change that will help us to 0:02:17.160 --> 0:02:33.359 create our desired life. Welcome back to Family Therapy. I'm 0:02:33.360 --> 0:02:36.480 your host, Elliot Khani, and as usual, I'm going to 0:02:36.520 --> 0:02:38.960 start off by asking you a question that will help 0:02:39.000 --> 0:02:42.760 shift your focus from the difficulties of life to the 0:02:42.880 --> 0:02:46.200 pleasures of life, which is exactly the journey that I 0:02:46.280 --> 0:02:49.160 like to take my clients on, including the family featured 0:02:49.160 --> 0:02:52.160 in this podcast. So I'd like you to think about 0:02:52.160 --> 0:02:56.920 what's been better since you listened to the previous episode. So, 0:02:57.040 --> 0:03:00.560 what are some symptoms of depression? And how can we 0:03:00.680 --> 0:03:07.000 combat them. The most common symptom of depression is when 0:03:07.880 --> 0:03:12.799 things you previously have had an interest in no longer 0:03:12.919 --> 0:03:16.880 sound interesting and you no longer engage in them. I think, 0:03:17.200 --> 0:03:20.320 looking back on my childhood, the first sign that depression 0:03:20.400 --> 0:03:23.639 was showing up. I was about ten years old and 0:03:23.720 --> 0:03:29.400 I loved going to movies, absolutely loved it. And my father, 0:03:29.520 --> 0:03:31.480 who lived away from the home. I lived in the 0:03:31.480 --> 0:03:34.960 house with my mother and two brothers. My father, who 0:03:35.160 --> 0:03:37.720 also looking back, I realized was the root of my depression, 0:03:38.200 --> 0:03:40.360 was coming to get my brothers and I. Who's going 0:03:40.400 --> 0:03:43.040 to take us to a movie? And I don't remember 0:03:43.120 --> 0:03:45.240 the movie, but I remember it was a kind of 0:03:45.280 --> 0:03:46.880 movie I would have wanted to see. And like I said, 0:03:46.920 --> 0:03:49.400 I as a young kid, I loved watching movies, but 0:03:49.520 --> 0:03:53.120 I didn't want to go, and I told my brothers 0:03:53.160 --> 0:03:54.720 I don't feel like going. I told my father I 0:03:54.720 --> 0:03:57.800 don't feel like going. He left me there alone in 0:03:57.840 --> 0:04:00.280 the house, and I just laid on the can out 0:04:00.880 --> 0:04:05.120 doing nothing in my state of depression. That is probably 0:04:05.160 --> 0:04:08.120 the single most common symptom that shows up when you 0:04:08.160 --> 0:04:10.960 are struggling with depression, When there is an activity that 0:04:11.000 --> 0:04:13.680 you otherwise would have enjoyed, but now you don't want to. 0:04:13.880 --> 0:04:15.920 So how do we combat that? I want to be 0:04:16.080 --> 0:04:21.720 very very clear about this. Depression does not like activity, 0:04:21.839 --> 0:04:24.920 So how do we combat that. There are two things 0:04:25.000 --> 0:04:29.440 that are very effective towards combating the symptoms of depression. 0:04:30.040 --> 0:04:34.960 Number one, don't not go to the activities that you 0:04:34.960 --> 0:04:39.080 would have otherwise enjoyed because you don't feel like going, 0:04:39.800 --> 0:04:43.719 go because you know you need it. Looking back, I 0:04:43.800 --> 0:04:46.359 wish I had gone to that movie. I wish my 0:04:46.960 --> 0:04:51.280 siblings or parents had made me go. Because depression does 0:04:51.320 --> 0:04:54.640 not like activity. So even though you might be sitting 0:04:54.640 --> 0:04:56.920 at the house and a friend will call and say, hey, 0:04:56.920 --> 0:04:58.880 we're all going to meet it Applebee's. You want to 0:04:58.880 --> 0:05:00.960 come join us, and you might be thinking, I don't 0:05:01.000 --> 0:05:04.000 even feel like going, but you need to go because 0:05:04.120 --> 0:05:08.040 that actually begins to subside the symptoms of depression, because 0:05:08.080 --> 0:05:11.760 depression does not like activity. The other thing that we 0:05:11.760 --> 0:05:18.080 should do to combat depression is exercise. Exercise releases natural 0:05:18.240 --> 0:05:22.920 endorphins in your body, in particular cardiovascular exercise. There's a 0:05:22.960 --> 0:05:25.360 lot of research that says if you can do twenty 0:05:25.400 --> 0:05:29.680 minutes of cardiovascular exercise three times a week, it will 0:05:29.720 --> 0:05:36.480 significantly reduce your experience of anxiety and depression, because anxiety 0:05:36.520 --> 0:05:40.680 and depression don't like activity, they don't like movement, and 0:05:40.760 --> 0:05:44.960 your body really likes movement and really really likes activity. 0:05:45.200 --> 0:05:47.600 So when you get out and you run again, in 0:05:47.600 --> 0:05:51.640 particular cardiovascular exercise, and you start moving around, your body 0:05:51.680 --> 0:05:57.159 releases dopamine, nor epinephrin, serotonin, all of those real good 0:05:57.440 --> 0:06:00.600 chemicals in your body, all of those feel good chemicals 0:06:00.600 --> 0:06:02.800 in your body. Your body starts to release them and 0:06:02.839 --> 0:06:04.920 you start to feel good. And this is a really 0:06:04.920 --> 0:06:07.599 important thing because obviously, if you're depressed because of some 0:06:07.640 --> 0:06:10.080 sort of circumstance that's going on in your life, just 0:06:10.120 --> 0:06:12.240 because you went on a twenty minute run, it doesn't 0:06:12.279 --> 0:06:15.160 make that circumstance go away, but it makes you more 0:06:15.200 --> 0:06:17.480 resilient to deal with it because you're dealing with it 0:06:17.800 --> 0:06:21.440 without the symptoms of depression being present. So those two 0:06:21.520 --> 0:06:24.560 things I want everybody to hear. When you're feeling symptoms 0:06:24.560 --> 0:06:27.200 of depression, it's usually going to take away your desire 0:06:27.600 --> 0:06:30.400 to do things you would otherwise have enjoyed doing. Make 0:06:30.440 --> 0:06:33.039 sure you stay engaged in those things. Make sure you 0:06:33.040 --> 0:06:36.359 stay engaged with the people that you like and introduce 0:06:36.520 --> 0:06:41.080 exercise into your routine. I think very often we hold 0:06:41.200 --> 0:06:45.240 exercise only for like weight loss journeys, or only for 0:06:45.800 --> 0:06:48.360 my doctor said I've got a heart issue, so I've 0:06:48.360 --> 0:06:51.200 got to walk ten thousand steps a day or whatever. 0:06:51.560 --> 0:06:55.479 But exercise is actually one of the greatest weapons to 0:06:55.600 --> 0:06:58.680 address mental health issues. It's one of the best things 0:06:58.720 --> 0:07:00.160 you can do for your brain and for you your 0:07:00.160 --> 0:07:03.720 mental health. And you should introduce exercise into your lifestyle 0:07:04.240 --> 0:07:09.279 simply for the mental health benefits. Taking a responsibility for 0:07:09.320 --> 0:07:13.160 your mistakes shows maturity and a willingness to change. This 0:07:13.240 --> 0:07:16.679 accountability brings Freddy one step closer to the life he wants, 0:07:17.000 --> 0:07:20.480 but he lacks the discipline to stay persistent. This week's 0:07:20.520 --> 0:07:24.200 session highlights a conversation with Freddie after making his first 0:07:24.240 --> 0:07:28.200 attempts to contact his estranged son. Although his son was 0:07:28.240 --> 0:07:30.800 not interested in speaking with him, Freddie shares what he 0:07:30.960 --> 0:07:38.360 learned from his efforts. Freddie, what's been better since we 0:07:38.440 --> 0:07:39.040 last met? 0:07:40.600 --> 0:07:46.160 I think basically the same and made it change it though, And. 0:07:48.200 --> 0:07:52.960 All right, so the last time we talked, we talked 0:07:52.960 --> 0:07:59.720 about calling your your kids and specifically and particularly your son, 0:08:00.400 --> 0:08:04.080 and how important it was to do that regardless of 0:08:04.120 --> 0:08:07.280 the kind of response you might get from him. 0:08:07.880 --> 0:08:12.400 Actually, I did call him and he said that. He said, 0:08:12.480 --> 0:08:14.360 he said, who is this? 0:08:13.800 --> 0:08:16.640 Uh well no, wait, wait, wait wait, can I stop 0:08:16.640 --> 0:08:17.080 you real quick? 0:08:18.120 --> 0:08:18.360 Sure? 0:08:19.080 --> 0:08:23.400 Okay, this is really big. What day did you call him? Oh? 0:08:23.440 --> 0:08:29.120 I called him it right after the session. Yeah, because 0:08:29.360 --> 0:08:32.960 I was already hyped up. So I called him right 0:08:32.960 --> 0:08:33.600 after the session. 0:08:33.640 --> 0:08:37.280 Okay, when did you realize that you were hyped up 0:08:37.400 --> 0:08:40.440 enough to call him? So we had that conversation, and 0:08:40.480 --> 0:08:42.160 when did it hit you like, all right, I'm ready. 0:08:42.360 --> 0:08:44.040 I've been nervous to do this. I've been scared to 0:08:44.080 --> 0:08:46.560 do this, I've been after himptive to do this. But 0:08:47.000 --> 0:08:49.000 I'm hyped up enough to do this. When did you 0:08:49.040 --> 0:08:49.640 realize that? 0:08:50.400 --> 0:08:55.559 Well? I came to the conclusion that whatever his response 0:08:55.559 --> 0:08:58.719 would be, I should be mad enough to him, you 0:08:58.800 --> 0:09:02.400 know what I mean. And I think I built myself 0:09:02.520 --> 0:09:08.040 up to three or four different scenarios. You know, Tom 0:09:08.120 --> 0:09:10.839 was Tom was good, and uh three of them was bad. 0:09:10.920 --> 0:09:13.199 So I was I was kind of like, Okay, whatever 0:09:13.240 --> 0:09:15.760 whatever happens happens, I just have to make the best 0:09:15.760 --> 0:09:20.600 of it. Or or if he has a real negative response, 0:09:20.640 --> 0:09:22.480 you know, I said, I call you better when you uh, 0:09:22.800 --> 0:09:26.560 when when you're feeling better, you get a better chance. 0:09:27.360 --> 0:09:31.280 So actually we didn't even talk like he said he said, uh, 0:09:31.640 --> 0:09:32.800 he acts like he didn't know what number. 0:09:32.800 --> 0:09:32.959 It was? 0:09:33.000 --> 0:09:35.040 Said, he said, who is this? I said this pop? 0:09:35.080 --> 0:09:38.920 He's all right, I gotta go, and he said he 0:09:39.000 --> 0:09:43.040 hung up. So I was I was like, okay, that's 0:09:43.080 --> 0:09:48.840 that's a that's a good response. He wasn't uh disrespectful, 0:09:49.000 --> 0:09:52.400 he was you know, it wasn't you know they want 0:09:52.440 --> 0:09:53.959 to talk at that time or you know what I mean. 0:09:54.280 --> 0:09:58.040 He it is like just brush it up. I said, Okay, 0:09:58.440 --> 0:10:01.960 I said, okay, but I call you so I probably 0:10:02.000 --> 0:10:03.880 do that sometime this weekend. 0:10:04.559 --> 0:10:06.360 Okay, what was it like for you? Like when you 0:10:06.400 --> 0:10:09.480 were calling him and the phone was ringing? What was 0:10:09.520 --> 0:10:10.080 that like for you? 0:10:11.520 --> 0:10:15.079 Oh? And the anticipation was like, uh, I had a 0:10:15.080 --> 0:10:18.800 little sweat in my nose. That's that was about it. 0:10:19.679 --> 0:10:21.640 My forehead was a sweat. This is a little sweat 0:10:21.520 --> 0:10:22.000 of my nose. 0:10:22.320 --> 0:10:25.959 And I heard What was it like when you heard 0:10:26.000 --> 0:10:26.480 his voice? 0:10:28.160 --> 0:10:31.040 I got and I got a nice little chill, I 0:10:31.040 --> 0:10:33.760 got a warm feel and I was like, okay, okay, 0:10:33.880 --> 0:10:36.080 So then I see he goes like, he said, who's this? 0:10:36.240 --> 0:10:39.000 I said, this is Pop? Like like heah, you know, 0:10:39.080 --> 0:10:40.560 don't know my number? You know what I mean? Like 0:10:40.720 --> 0:10:43.360 they down in this Uh well, you know I called 0:10:43.400 --> 0:10:45.200 him a couple of times. Ray. I don't know if 0:10:45.200 --> 0:10:48.960 he logged it into his phone or not, but he said, 0:10:49.000 --> 0:10:51.400 I said this was Pop. He said He's like, Okay, 0:10:51.559 --> 0:10:55.040 I gotta go somewhere. I said, I talked to you 0:10:55.120 --> 0:10:56.480 later and he said bye. 0:10:56.920 --> 0:10:59.120 That was it, okay, So there was no he didn't 0:10:59.120 --> 0:11:00.719 cuss you out. He did and yell at you and 0:11:00.760 --> 0:11:04.360 didn't call you names. He simply said, who is this this? 0:11:04.520 --> 0:11:04.800 Pop? 0:11:05.400 --> 0:11:07.440 Okay, I gotta go. I'll talk to you later. That 0:11:07.440 --> 0:11:13.160 that's what happened exactly where okay? And what difference does 0:11:13.160 --> 0:11:16.920 it make to you to know it didn't go super badly? 0:11:18.800 --> 0:11:23.800 Uh? A tremendous Uh. It was like I said, I said, Well, 0:11:24.520 --> 0:11:27.040 I was relieved because he didn't, you know, like I said, hey, 0:11:27.760 --> 0:11:30.440 go off the off the chain. So that was a 0:11:30.440 --> 0:11:34.320 good thing. Uh. I was tad annoyed that he didn't 0:11:34.360 --> 0:11:37.440 want to talk. So that's understand that. You know, you know, 0:11:38.040 --> 0:11:40.760 the grabs the other conversation could have gotten you know, crazy, 0:11:40.840 --> 0:11:43.400 maybe he needed more time to so I figured maybe 0:11:43.520 --> 0:11:46.480 next time I call me, might you know, might sit 0:11:46.520 --> 0:11:47.800 down and have a conversation with you. 0:11:48.400 --> 0:11:52.880 M hm. And what difference does it make for you 0:11:52.960 --> 0:11:55.920 to know that, like I've gotten over that hump, I've 0:11:56.960 --> 0:11:57.840 I've gotten over there? 0:12:00.320 --> 0:12:03.199 It was? It was It was a tremendous relief, I 0:12:03.320 --> 0:12:07.960 tell you, because uh, you know, you always expect the 0:12:08.000 --> 0:12:10.640 worst and pray for the for the best, you know 0:12:10.679 --> 0:12:13.439 what I mean. Uh, it was it was a relief, 0:12:13.600 --> 0:12:18.280 you know what I mean that he you know crazy 0:12:18.360 --> 0:12:23.040 know you know, sorry personal, So I think that was 0:12:23.080 --> 0:12:24.960 you know, it was a tremendous least on me, you 0:12:24.960 --> 0:12:27.360 know what I mean. I was like, you know, it 0:12:27.800 --> 0:12:29.280 came up to tie, you know what I mean. So 0:12:29.360 --> 0:12:32.600 I was like, okay, you know it's it's a breakup point, 0:12:32.679 --> 0:12:33.880 I think, you know what I mean. 0:12:34.280 --> 0:12:45.520 Yeah, gotcha, gotcha? And you know him, what difference do 0:12:45.559 --> 0:12:49.960 you think it makes to him that you called him? 0:12:50.000 --> 0:12:55.239 What is it I say to him that you called him? 0:12:55.280 --> 0:12:59.000 Well, I believe that, you know, I I believe deep 0:12:59.040 --> 0:13:01.360 down the side, you know, he missed me, you know 0:13:01.400 --> 0:13:05.640 what I mean, because like, uh we was like road dogs, 0:13:05.679 --> 0:13:09.960 you know, what I mean, Uh, I think that you know, 0:13:10.040 --> 0:13:13.199 this will have you know, and I heard that he 0:13:14.280 --> 0:13:17.600 had a situation with his son and he wasn't communicating 0:13:17.600 --> 0:13:20.480 with his son on the steady basis. Now they communicate 0:13:21.000 --> 0:13:23.760 communicating it now, So I think that kind of like 0:13:25.280 --> 0:13:27.439 you know, broke the ice a little bit more too, 0:13:27.480 --> 0:13:29.400 you know what I'm saying, because like he was, he 0:13:29.480 --> 0:13:33.880 was extremely upset with his son, so like, uh I 0:13:33.880 --> 0:13:36.400 think it kind of like mailed him down a little bit, 0:13:37.160 --> 0:13:38.520 you know what I mean, Like if he you know, 0:13:39.040 --> 0:13:42.679 he forgave his son, so you know, he used to 0:13:42.720 --> 0:13:45.000 forgive me too, you know what I mean. You know, 0:13:45.120 --> 0:13:48.280 I don't think the gravity of well, you know, I 0:13:48.320 --> 0:13:53.360 can't really compare the gravity of both situations because they different, 0:13:54.080 --> 0:13:57.880 you know, but they still like in a forgiveness state, 0:13:57.920 --> 0:13:58.439 you know what I mean. 0:13:58.520 --> 0:14:05.000 So, Freddie, I am trying to think how to say this, 0:14:05.120 --> 0:14:12.439 Like my job is about progress and change and I'm 0:14:12.760 --> 0:14:18.120 so amazing, Like I don't know where this is going. 0:14:19.000 --> 0:14:21.400 I can't tell you what the end result will be, 0:14:22.320 --> 0:14:26.120 but I'm so happy and like proud of you and 0:14:26.240 --> 0:14:31.200 like it's such a good sign that you took this 0:14:31.320 --> 0:14:37.400 first step because I don't know where the destination is, 0:14:37.440 --> 0:14:38.920 but I know in order to get there, we got 0:14:38.920 --> 0:14:41.880 to take this first step. I know, I know it 0:14:41.920 --> 0:14:50.680 was hard. I know it made your nose sweat. But man, 0:14:50.800 --> 0:14:56.240 this is such an important first step. How do you 0:14:56.320 --> 0:14:58.520 know you can take the second step? What do you 0:14:59.600 --> 0:15:01.520 how how do you know you can you can do 0:15:01.560 --> 0:15:02.000 it again? 0:15:04.160 --> 0:15:06.640 Well, it seemed like you know, once you you you 0:15:07.840 --> 0:15:11.360 take that first leap, you know what I mean, the 0:15:12.720 --> 0:15:17.640 forward progress is already in motion. So you you you 0:15:17.800 --> 0:15:20.280 gotta keep going forward, you know what I mean? Uh, 0:15:20.920 --> 0:15:24.040 I believe that no matter what the outcome gonna be, 0:15:24.280 --> 0:15:27.480 I'm gonna keep trying and trying and trying. So uh, 0:15:27.760 --> 0:15:30.280 if if I it's not fairy about the first time, 0:15:30.320 --> 0:15:33.160 then it might be fairboter the third time. It's not 0:15:33.360 --> 0:15:35.840 the third time, that's gonna be the fourth time. You know, 0:15:36.040 --> 0:15:37.680 I'm gonna break them down, you know what I mean. 0:15:38.200 --> 0:15:40.920 Sooner or later, you know I'm gonna break them down. Man, 0:15:41.000 --> 0:15:46.520 you know, because like you know, the world survived by family, 0:15:46.560 --> 0:15:49.480 you know what I mean? You know, the existence of 0:15:49.880 --> 0:15:52.400 life is family, you know what I mean. And you 0:15:52.400 --> 0:15:55.200 don't got you know, you don't have Uh, you're not 0:15:55.280 --> 0:15:59.000 in front with your family. It's a broken vessel, you 0:15:59.040 --> 0:16:02.400 know what I mean, You're roping vessel. So, uh, why 0:16:02.480 --> 0:16:07.120 that statement I'm saying, like, you know, I'm never gonna 0:16:07.160 --> 0:16:10.000 give in. I'm never gonna give up. So no matter 0:16:10.560 --> 0:16:17.000 how it comes, even if he's respect disrespectful, cursing, aby 0:16:17.080 --> 0:16:20.200 or whatever, it's something, it's a conversation, you know what 0:16:20.200 --> 0:16:22.560 I mean. I said, Okay, we had a conversation. You know, 0:16:22.600 --> 0:16:24.920 we got to that point, you know what I mean. 0:16:25.040 --> 0:16:28.320 So the next point, he ain't gonna keep cursing and 0:16:28.400 --> 0:16:31.480 cursing and cursing sooner, Len say, well, dang, you know, 0:16:31.600 --> 0:16:35.200 Pop Pop keep pushing and keep pushing, so he's gonna 0:16:35.200 --> 0:16:36.720 give in, you know what I mean. You don't have 0:16:36.720 --> 0:16:38.360 to give in. You know. 0:16:39.200 --> 0:16:43.680 Do you think do you think he knows that he's 0:16:43.720 --> 0:16:47.880 got a father that has like decided like, I'm just 0:16:47.920 --> 0:16:50.080 not gonna give up. I'm gonna keep pushing. I'm not 0:16:50.120 --> 0:16:52.080 gonna give in. Does he know he's got a father 0:16:52.160 --> 0:16:54.200 that's willing to do that for him? Now, I'm not 0:16:54.360 --> 0:16:55.520 I'm not sure he knows that. 0:16:57.240 --> 0:17:01.840 Well. I think that the lack of uh between uh, 0:17:02.760 --> 0:17:05.520 the situation when we have it was it was months, 0:17:05.560 --> 0:17:08.760 you know what I mean. And I think I kind 0:17:08.760 --> 0:17:14.920 of messed up by not trying earlier, you know, by 0:17:15.000 --> 0:17:18.440 not letting, by letting so much time elapsed, you know 0:17:18.480 --> 0:17:21.199 what I mean. So, and I think he was like, 0:17:21.280 --> 0:17:23.800 well if he you know, if you don't care because 0:17:23.840 --> 0:17:25.800 he ain't tried, you know what I mean. So I 0:17:26.119 --> 0:17:30.840 think now that I tried, and I'm pushing an issue now, uh, 0:17:31.359 --> 0:17:34.280 let's get him a different Uh. I look on the picture, 0:17:34.320 --> 0:17:34.840 you know what I mean? 0:17:35.320 --> 0:17:39.560 Where did this piece of you come from? Where you 0:17:39.600 --> 0:17:41.240 were like, I'm not going to give up? Like when 0:17:41.280 --> 0:17:43.119 did that set in that I'm going to be the 0:17:44.160 --> 0:17:46.280 version of Freddy that's like I'm not giving up. I'm 0:17:46.280 --> 0:17:49.919 going to keep pushing. Where did that come from? 0:17:49.960 --> 0:17:53.920 Well? I think it comes from me dealing with all 0:17:53.960 --> 0:17:56.000 of my kids, you know what I mean. And I 0:17:56.040 --> 0:17:58.840 think that if a shepherd is heard in his sheep 0:17:59.080 --> 0:18:02.080 and one is one to get lost, he gonna leave 0:18:02.240 --> 0:18:04.240 all the other sheep to go look for the lost sheep, 0:18:04.680 --> 0:18:07.880 you know what I mean. In fact, you know that's 0:18:07.880 --> 0:18:11.399 how I feel, you know what I mean. Uh, I 0:18:11.480 --> 0:18:15.600 just feel like that's the important one because that one 0:18:15.720 --> 0:18:18.680 is lost, you know, what I mean, So I put 0:18:18.680 --> 0:18:21.520 more emphasis on on the lost sheep than I do 0:18:21.840 --> 0:18:23.200 with the whole herd. 0:18:24.960 --> 0:18:27.320 But when did that set in? Freddie? Like, when did you? 0:18:28.480 --> 0:18:30.359 When did that hit you that, like I'm ready to 0:18:30.359 --> 0:18:32.680 focus on this lost sheep, I gotta get I gotta 0:18:32.680 --> 0:18:34.600 get the whole herd together. When did that set in? 0:18:35.880 --> 0:18:37.760 I think because I was I was at Jake House 0:18:37.840 --> 0:18:42.160 last weekend, and and I was playing with my grandkids, 0:18:42.240 --> 0:18:45.520 and you know, and my grandson he looks so much, 0:18:46.400 --> 0:18:49.600 he's a split spin image of you know what I 0:18:49.600 --> 0:18:52.800 mean when the chicken was so because every time I 0:18:52.840 --> 0:18:54.960 was playing with me, the only thing my mind was saying, 0:18:55.320 --> 0:18:57.399 so much like this looks so much like this was little, 0:18:57.760 --> 0:18:59.639 you know. And then I think that kind of like 0:19:00.080 --> 0:19:05.399 a set a tone for me to relinquish any feelings 0:19:05.440 --> 0:19:08.600 that I might have far as like not put forth 0:19:08.840 --> 0:19:13.879 a stronger effort to renite renite being him together. You know, m. 0:19:15.400 --> 0:19:17.200 How do you think it's going to impractice his life 0:19:17.200 --> 0:19:21.240 when he realizes my dad's trying, and he's trying in 0:19:21.280 --> 0:19:24.080 a like I'm not going to give up. Way, I'm 0:19:24.080 --> 0:19:27.600 going to keep going until this until I break this down. Way? 0:19:27.640 --> 0:19:29.320 How do you think that's going to make a difference 0:19:29.320 --> 0:19:32.359 into his life to realize his father is given it 0:19:32.520 --> 0:19:33.960 that level of effort. 0:19:34.960 --> 0:19:37.720 Well, I believe that we're all as you know, as 0:19:37.880 --> 0:19:41.760 as human beings, got to you know, have always looked 0:19:42.000 --> 0:19:44.000 looked up to our father no matter what, you know 0:19:44.000 --> 0:19:47.960 what I mean, and like, it wasn't too many disappointments 0:19:48.000 --> 0:19:50.439 in my life, you know far as my father. But 0:19:50.680 --> 0:19:53.560 I had one really serious disappointment. My father gave me 0:19:53.600 --> 0:19:57.280 a nineteen sixty nine CATDLLEC when I was high school, 0:19:57.960 --> 0:20:00.159 and it was all pimped out against the wh It 0:20:00.400 --> 0:20:03.560 was the whole nine right. So it broke down like 0:20:03.640 --> 0:20:06.639 after this four or five months, so I stayed at 0:20:06.640 --> 0:20:09.440 the driveway. So I came home for school one day 0:20:09.480 --> 0:20:11.040 and it was gone. I said, the pop with a car. 0:20:11.160 --> 0:20:12.960 So I put it in a shop for you. I said, 0:20:13.000 --> 0:20:15.720 I cool, thanks, like thanks thanks, So you know when 0:20:15.800 --> 0:20:18.080 got it. A couple of months later, it broke down again. 0:20:18.520 --> 0:20:20.480 It stayed in the driveway about two or three weeks. 0:20:20.720 --> 0:20:23.399 So I came home again and it was gone. So 0:20:23.800 --> 0:20:26.320 my first assumption that he put in a shot for me, 0:20:26.720 --> 0:20:30.280 So I said, pop with a car? He said, he 0:20:30.320 --> 0:20:33.800 said son. There's one thing to have a car, and 0:20:33.800 --> 0:20:36.159 there's another thing to be able to afford one. And 0:20:36.200 --> 0:20:38.320 he had sold a car on me, and that kind 0:20:38.320 --> 0:20:42.080 of like deva you know at the time. But at 0:20:42.080 --> 0:20:43.840 the time, like you know, I wasn't working, you know, 0:20:44.359 --> 0:20:47.080 you know, anything like that. But I realized emphasis he 0:20:47.119 --> 0:20:48.600 was trying to, you know, put on me, you know 0:20:48.640 --> 0:20:52.240 what I mean. Uh, And then you know, he sold 0:20:52.280 --> 0:20:54.960 a car, and like I guess, I don't know, maybe 0:20:55.280 --> 0:20:58.600 three or four months later, he gave me another car. Hey, 0:20:59.560 --> 0:21:01.840 he gave me, uh, he gave me a nineteen seventy 0:21:01.880 --> 0:21:06.040 to brew uh, the Saber convertible with a four fifty 0:21:06.040 --> 0:21:09.920 five him me in it. Oh it was white on white. Uh. 0:21:10.160 --> 0:21:12.800 One thing about my pops, he would get a car 0:21:13.280 --> 0:21:16.240 and do it inside and out, you know what I mean. 0:21:16.920 --> 0:21:19.480 So everywhere I went with that car, somebody offered to 0:21:19.480 --> 0:21:22.400 buy it from, you know. So I guess that kind 0:21:22.400 --> 0:21:24.720 of like that's what I'm saying, Like to me, my 0:21:24.840 --> 0:21:27.320 father was my hero because like you know, it was 0:21:27.359 --> 0:21:29.080 the guy that I always looked up to, no matter what, 0:21:29.240 --> 0:21:32.159 you know what I mean. And and I was and 0:21:32.160 --> 0:21:34.199 I was like I was a bad kid man when 0:21:34.200 --> 0:21:35.879 I go look at back at my you know how 0:21:35.880 --> 0:21:38.119 I grew up. I was a bad kid, you know, 0:21:38.160 --> 0:21:41.080 as far as like I was always fighting in school. 0:21:41.480 --> 0:21:44.200 My parents always coming was coming to school to uh 0:21:44.920 --> 0:21:47.240 get me cause I was always fighting. It was this 0:21:47.320 --> 0:21:50.639 guy named mister he was a tune officer back to that. 0:21:50.760 --> 0:21:53.280 Back then they had tune officers. And he was like 0:21:54.200 --> 0:21:57.560 six four maybe three hundred pounds and black as I 0:21:57.600 --> 0:22:01.600 don't know what, and and he's my parents should take 0:22:01.680 --> 0:22:04.800 to mister bradfit right, And he suspeked me, you know 0:22:04.800 --> 0:22:06.480 what I mean. And the first time he had he 0:22:06.560 --> 0:22:09.920 had this big old paddle and he and he popped 0:22:09.960 --> 0:22:11.960 me with it. And I ain't cry. He popped me. 0:22:12.080 --> 0:22:14.560 Gain ain't crist so you ain't gonna cry. So he 0:22:14.640 --> 0:22:17.520 popped me, little heart. I started crying, right. 0:22:18.920 --> 0:22:19.840 Man, you know. 0:22:20.240 --> 0:22:24.080 And I think, like the things that you know, you 0:22:24.280 --> 0:22:27.879 experience in life, you know, you you you gravitate to 0:22:28.119 --> 0:22:32.359 him when you get older and you realize, wow, the 0:22:32.400 --> 0:22:34.840 purpose of it was for your own good, you know 0:22:34.880 --> 0:22:37.399 what I mean? And like because I was, I was, 0:22:37.480 --> 0:22:39.959 I was bad, man, you know, looking back, I was, 0:22:40.040 --> 0:22:43.640 I was. I was bad, you know, And no matter 0:22:43.680 --> 0:22:46.280 how bad I was my parents still love me, you 0:22:46.280 --> 0:22:49.600 know what I mean. And and I think once I 0:22:49.600 --> 0:22:55.320 got through that few years of rebellion as far as 0:22:55.400 --> 0:22:58.520 like being violent and all that kind of stuff, Uh, 0:22:58.560 --> 0:23:01.680 that's when I kind of like, I think, that's when 0:23:01.680 --> 0:23:03.560 I met their mother, you know what I mean. Uh, 0:23:04.480 --> 0:23:07.520