Speaker 1: Hi. I'm Elia Connie, host of The Family Therapy Podcast,
Speaker 1: a Black Effect original series where each week, real families
Speaker 1: with real lives, have real conversations. In celebration of BIPOC
Speaker 1: Mental Health Awareness Month, we're inviting you to participate in
Speaker 1: your own live session. Join me live on Black Effects
Speaker 1: Instagram on Wednesday, July seventeenth. We're doing this event to
Speaker 1: highlight the importance of mental health within BIPOC communities and
Speaker 1: to provide a space where you can share your experiences
Speaker 1: and receive guidance. Attendees can expect a safe and supportive
Speaker 1: environment where we'll engage in open, honest conversations. Whether you're
Speaker 1: facing personal challenges or seeking to strengthen family bonds, this
Speaker 1: event is for you. Please note participation is on a
Speaker 1: first come, first serve basis, so be sure to arrive
Speaker 1: early and engage respectfully. If you're interested in joining a
Speaker 1: guided conversation with me, send a direct message or DM
Speaker 1: to The Black Effect and confirm your participation. I think
Speaker 1: what people should expect from therapy is healing and change. However,
Speaker 1: I think what people often go into therapy expecting is education. So,
Speaker 1: for example, if I have a behavior in my life,
Speaker 1: and let's just say addiction. We go to therapy because
Speaker 1: I'd like to find out why I engage in this
Speaker 1: addiction activity. But the truth is, knowing why something exists
Speaker 1: does not do anything to help create healing or change.
Speaker 1: A healing journey that leads towards change is very different
Speaker 1: than simply trying to figure out why something happens. So
Speaker 1: what should people expect when they go into therapy? Healing
Speaker 1: from difficult things that have happened in our lives, past traumas, relationships, ending,
Speaker 1: grief and loss issues or whatever, and the type of
Speaker 1: healing that will lead towards change, but not just any change,
Speaker 1: but the kinds of change that will help us to
Speaker 1: create our desired life. Welcome back to Family Therapy. I'm
Speaker 1: your host, Elliot Khani, and as usual, I'm going to
Speaker 1: start off by asking you a question that will help
Speaker 1: shift your focus from the difficulties of life to the
Speaker 1: pleasures of life, which is exactly the journey that I
Speaker 1: like to take my clients on, including the family featured
Speaker 1: in this podcast. So I'd like you to think about
Speaker 1: what's been better since you listened to the previous episode. So,
Speaker 1: what are some symptoms of depression? And how can we
Speaker 1: combat them. The most common symptom of depression is when
Speaker 1: things you previously have had an interest in no longer
Speaker 1: sound interesting and you no longer engage in them. I think,
Speaker 1: looking back on my childhood, the first sign that depression
Speaker 1: was showing up. I was about ten years old and
Speaker 1: I loved going to movies, absolutely loved it. And my father,
Speaker 1: who lived away from the home. I lived in the
Speaker 1: house with my mother and two brothers. My father, who
Speaker 1: also looking back, I realized was the root of my depression,
Speaker 1: was coming to get my brothers and I. Who's going
Speaker 1: to take us to a movie? And I don't remember
Speaker 1: the movie, but I remember it was a kind of
Speaker 1: movie I would have wanted to see. And like I said,
Speaker 1: I as a young kid, I loved watching movies, but
Speaker 1: I didn't want to go, and I told my brothers
Speaker 1: I don't feel like going. I told my father I
Speaker 1: don't feel like going. He left me there alone in
Speaker 1: the house, and I just laid on the can out
Speaker 1: doing nothing in my state of depression. That is probably
Speaker 1: the single most common symptom that shows up when you
Speaker 1: are struggling with depression, When there is an activity that
Speaker 1: you otherwise would have enjoyed, but now you don't want to.
Speaker 1: So how do we combat that? I want to be
Speaker 1: very very clear about this. Depression does not like activity,
Speaker 1: So how do we combat that. There are two things
Speaker 1: that are very effective towards combating the symptoms of depression.
Speaker 1: Number one, don't not go to the activities that you
Speaker 1: would have otherwise enjoyed because you don't feel like going,
Speaker 1: go because you know you need it. Looking back, I
Speaker 1: wish I had gone to that movie. I wish my
Speaker 1: siblings or parents had made me go. Because depression does
Speaker 1: not like activity. So even though you might be sitting
Speaker 1: at the house and a friend will call and say, hey,
Speaker 1: we're all going to meet it Applebee's. You want to
Speaker 1: come join us, and you might be thinking, I don't
Speaker 1: even feel like going, but you need to go because
Speaker 1: that actually begins to subside the symptoms of depression, because
Speaker 1: depression does not like activity. The other thing that we
Speaker 1: should do to combat depression is exercise. Exercise releases natural
Speaker 1: endorphins in your body, in particular cardiovascular exercise. There's a
Speaker 1: lot of research that says if you can do twenty
Speaker 1: minutes of cardiovascular exercise three times a week, it will
Speaker 1: significantly reduce your experience of anxiety and depression, because anxiety
Speaker 1: and depression don't like activity, they don't like movement, and
Speaker 1: your body really likes movement and really really likes activity.
Speaker 1: So when you get out and you run again, in
Speaker 1: particular cardiovascular exercise, and you start moving around, your body
Speaker 1: releases dopamine, nor epinephrin, serotonin, all of those real good
Speaker 1: chemicals in your body, all of those feel good chemicals
Speaker 1: in your body. Your body starts to release them and
Speaker 1: you start to feel good. And this is a really
Speaker 1: important thing because obviously, if you're depressed because of some
Speaker 1: sort of circumstance that's going on in your life, just
Speaker 1: because you went on a twenty minute run, it doesn't
Speaker 1: make that circumstance go away, but it makes you more
Speaker 1: resilient to deal with it because you're dealing with it
Speaker 1: without the symptoms of depression being present. So those two
Speaker 1: things I want everybody to hear. When you're feeling symptoms
Speaker 1: of depression, it's usually going to take away your desire
Speaker 1: to do things you would otherwise have enjoyed doing. Make
Speaker 1: sure you stay engaged in those things. Make sure you
Speaker 1: stay engaged with the people that you like and introduce
Speaker 1: exercise into your routine. I think very often we hold
Speaker 1: exercise only for like weight loss journeys, or only for
Speaker 1: my doctor said I've got a heart issue, so I've
Speaker 1: got to walk ten thousand steps a day or whatever.
Speaker 1: But exercise is actually one of the greatest weapons to
Speaker 1: address mental health issues. It's one of the best things
Speaker 1: you can do for your brain and for you your
Speaker 1: mental health. And you should introduce exercise into your lifestyle
Speaker 1: simply for the mental health benefits. Taking a responsibility for
Speaker 1: your mistakes shows maturity and a willingness to change. This
Speaker 1: accountability brings Freddy one step closer to the life he wants,
Speaker 1: but he lacks the discipline to stay persistent. This week's
Speaker 1: session highlights a conversation with Freddie after making his first
Speaker 1: attempts to contact his estranged son. Although his son was
Speaker 1: not interested in speaking with him, Freddie shares what he
Speaker 1: learned from his efforts. Freddie, what's been better since we
Speaker 1: last met?
Speaker 2: I think basically the same and made it change it though, And.
Speaker 1: All right, so the last time we talked, we talked
Speaker 1: about calling your your kids and specifically and particularly your son,
Speaker 1: and how important it was to do that regardless of
Speaker 1: the kind of response you might get from him.
Speaker 2: Actually, I did call him and he said that. He said,
Speaker 2: he said, who is this?
Speaker 1: Uh well no, wait, wait, wait wait, can I stop
Speaker 1: you real quick?
Speaker 2: Sure?
Speaker 1: Okay, this is really big. What day did you call him? Oh?
Speaker 2: I called him it right after the session. Yeah, because
Speaker 2: I was already hyped up. So I called him right
Speaker 2: after the session.
Speaker 1: Okay, when did you realize that you were hyped up
Speaker 1: enough to call him? So we had that conversation, and
Speaker 1: when did it hit you like, all right, I'm ready.
Speaker 1: I've been nervous to do this. I've been scared to
Speaker 1: do this, I've been after himptive to do this. But
Speaker 1: I'm hyped up enough to do this. When did you
Speaker 1: realize that?
Speaker 2: Well? I came to the conclusion that whatever his response
Speaker 2: would be, I should be mad enough to him, you
Speaker 2: know what I mean. And I think I built myself
Speaker 2: up to three or four different scenarios. You know, Tom
Speaker 2: was Tom was good, and uh three of them was bad.
Speaker 2: So I was I was kind of like, Okay, whatever
Speaker 2: whatever happens happens, I just have to make the best
Speaker 2: of it. Or or if he has a real negative response,
Speaker 2: you know, I said, I call you better when you uh,
Speaker 2: when when you're feeling better, you get a better chance.
Speaker 2: So actually we didn't even talk like he said he said, uh,
Speaker 2: he acts like he didn't know what number.
Speaker 1: It was?
Speaker 2: Said, he said, who is this? I said this pop?
Speaker 2: He's all right, I gotta go, and he said he
Speaker 2: hung up. So I was I was like, okay, that's
Speaker 2: that's a that's a good response. He wasn't uh disrespectful,
Speaker 2: he was you know, it wasn't you know they want
Speaker 2: to talk at that time or you know what I mean.
Speaker 2: He it is like just brush it up. I said, Okay,
Speaker 2: I said, okay, but I call you so I probably
Speaker 2: do that sometime this weekend.
Speaker 1: Okay, what was it like for you? Like when you
Speaker 1: were calling him and the phone was ringing? What was
Speaker 1: that like for you?
Speaker 2: Oh? And the anticipation was like, uh, I had a
Speaker 2: little sweat in my nose. That's that was about it.
Speaker 2: My forehead was a sweat. This is a little sweat
Speaker 2: of my nose.
Speaker 1: And I heard What was it like when you heard
Speaker 1: his voice?
Speaker 2: I got and I got a nice little chill, I
Speaker 2: got a warm feel and I was like, okay, okay,
Speaker 2: So then I see he goes like, he said, who's this?
Speaker 2: I said, this is Pop? Like like heah, you know,
Speaker 2: don't know my number? You know what I mean? Like
Speaker 2: they down in this Uh well, you know I called
Speaker 2: him a couple of times. Ray. I don't know if
Speaker 2: he logged it into his phone or not, but he said,
Speaker 2: I said this was Pop. He said He's like, Okay,
Speaker 2: I gotta go somewhere. I said, I talked to you
Speaker 2: later and he said bye.
Speaker 1: That was it, okay, So there was no he didn't
Speaker 1: cuss you out. He did and yell at you and
Speaker 1: didn't call you names. He simply said, who is this this?
Speaker 2: Pop?
Speaker 1: Okay, I gotta go. I'll talk to you later. That
Speaker 1: that's what happened exactly where okay? And what difference does
Speaker 1: it make to you to know it didn't go super badly?
Speaker 2: Uh? A tremendous Uh. It was like I said, I said, Well,
Speaker 2: I was relieved because he didn't, you know, like I said, hey,
Speaker 2: go off the off the chain. So that was a
Speaker 2: good thing. Uh. I was tad annoyed that he didn't
Speaker 2: want to talk. So that's understand that. You know, you know,
Speaker 2: the grabs the other conversation could have gotten you know, crazy,
Speaker 2: maybe he needed more time to so I figured maybe
Speaker 2: next time I call me, might you know, might sit
Speaker 2: down and have a conversation with you.
Speaker 1: M hm. And what difference does it make for you
Speaker 1: to know that, like I've gotten over that hump, I've
Speaker 1: I've gotten over there?
Speaker 2: It was? It was It was a tremendous relief, I
Speaker 2: tell you, because uh, you know, you always expect the
Speaker 2: worst and pray for the for the best, you know
Speaker 2: what I mean. Uh, it was it was a relief,
Speaker 2: you know what I mean that he you know crazy
Speaker 2: know you know, sorry personal, So I think that was
Speaker 2: you know, it was a tremendous least on me, you
Speaker 2: know what I mean. I was like, you know, it
Speaker 2: came up to tie, you know what I mean. So
Speaker 2: I was like, okay, you know it's it's a breakup point,
Speaker 2: I think, you know what I mean.
Speaker 1: Yeah, gotcha, gotcha? And you know him, what difference do
Speaker 1: you think it makes to him that you called him?
Speaker 1: What is it I say to him that you called him?
Speaker 2: Well, I believe that, you know, I I believe deep
Speaker 2: down the side, you know, he missed me, you know
Speaker 2: what I mean, because like, uh we was like road dogs,
Speaker 2: you know, what I mean, Uh, I think that you know,
Speaker 2: this will have you know, and I heard that he
Speaker 2: had a situation with his son and he wasn't communicating
Speaker 2: with his son on the steady basis. Now they communicate
Speaker 2: communicating it now, So I think that kind of like
Speaker 2: you know, broke the ice a little bit more too,
Speaker 2: you know what I'm saying, because like he was, he
Speaker 2: was extremely upset with his son, so like, uh I
Speaker 2: think it kind of like mailed him down a little bit,
Speaker 2: you know what I mean, Like if he you know,
Speaker 2: he forgave his son, so you know, he used to
Speaker 2: forgive me too, you know what I mean. You know,
Speaker 2: I don't think the gravity of well, you know, I
Speaker 2: can't really compare the gravity of both situations because they different,
Speaker 2: you know, but they still like in a forgiveness state,
Speaker 2: you know what I mean.
Speaker 1: So, Freddie, I am trying to think how to say this,
Speaker 1: Like my job is about progress and change and I'm
Speaker 1: so amazing, Like I don't know where this is going.
Speaker 1: I can't tell you what the end result will be,
Speaker 1: but I'm so happy and like proud of you and
Speaker 1: like it's such a good sign that you took this
Speaker 1: first step because I don't know where the destination is,
Speaker 1: but I know in order to get there, we got
Speaker 1: to take this first step. I know, I know it
Speaker 1: was hard. I know it made your nose sweat. But man,
Speaker 1: this is such an important first step. How do you
Speaker 1: know you can take the second step? What do you
Speaker 1: how how do you know you can you can do
Speaker 1: it again?
Speaker 2: Well, it seemed like you know, once you you you
Speaker 2: take that first leap, you know what I mean, the
Speaker 2: forward progress is already in motion. So you you you
Speaker 2: gotta keep going forward, you know what I mean? Uh,
Speaker 2: I believe that no matter what the outcome gonna be,
Speaker 2: I'm gonna keep trying and trying and trying. So uh,
Speaker 2: if if I it's not fairy about the first time,
Speaker 2: then it might be fairboter the third time. It's not
Speaker 2: the third time, that's gonna be the fourth time. You know,
Speaker 2: I'm gonna break them down, you know what I mean.
Speaker 2: Sooner or later, you know I'm gonna break them down. Man,
Speaker 2: you know, because like you know, the world survived by family,
Speaker 2: you know what I mean? You know, the existence of
Speaker 2: life is family, you know what I mean. And you
Speaker 2: don't got you know, you don't have Uh, you're not
Speaker 2: in front with your family. It's a broken vessel, you
Speaker 2: know what I mean, You're roping vessel. So, uh, why
Speaker 2: that statement I'm saying, like, you know, I'm never gonna
Speaker 2: give in. I'm never gonna give up. So no matter
Speaker 2: how it comes, even if he's respect disrespectful, cursing, aby
Speaker 2: or whatever, it's something, it's a conversation, you know what
Speaker 2: I mean. I said, Okay, we had a conversation. You know,
Speaker 2: we got to that point, you know what I mean.
Speaker 2: So the next point, he ain't gonna keep cursing and
Speaker 2: cursing and cursing sooner, Len say, well, dang, you know,
Speaker 2: Pop Pop keep pushing and keep pushing, so he's gonna
Speaker 2: give in, you know what I mean. You don't have
Speaker 2: to give in. You know.
Speaker 1: Do you think do you think he knows that he's
Speaker 1: got a father that has like decided like, I'm just
Speaker 1: not gonna give up. I'm gonna keep pushing. I'm not
Speaker 1: gonna give in. Does he know he's got a father
Speaker 1: that's willing to do that for him? Now, I'm not
Speaker 1: I'm not sure he knows that.
Speaker 2: Well. I think that the lack of uh between uh,
Speaker 2: the situation when we have it was it was months,
Speaker 2: you know what I mean. And I think I kind
Speaker 2: of messed up by not trying earlier, you know, by
Speaker 2: not letting, by letting so much time elapsed, you know
Speaker 2: what I mean. So, and I think he was like,
Speaker 2: well if he you know, if you don't care because
Speaker 2: he ain't tried, you know what I mean. So I
Speaker 2: think now that I tried, and I'm pushing an issue now, uh,
Speaker 2: let's get him a different Uh. I look on the picture,
Speaker 2: you know what I mean?
Speaker 1: Where did this piece of you come from? Where you
Speaker 1: were like, I'm not going to give up? Like when
Speaker 1: did that set in that I'm going to be the
Speaker 1: version of Freddy that's like I'm not giving up. I'm
Speaker 1: going to keep pushing. Where did that come from?
Speaker 2: Well? I think it comes from me dealing with all
Speaker 2: of my kids, you know what I mean. And I
Speaker 2: think that if a shepherd is heard in his sheep
Speaker 2: and one is one to get lost, he gonna leave
Speaker 2: all the other sheep to go look for the lost sheep,
Speaker 2: you know what I mean. In fact, you know that's
Speaker 2: how I feel, you know what I mean. Uh, I
Speaker 2: just feel like that's the important one because that one
Speaker 2: is lost, you know, what I mean, So I put
Speaker 2: more emphasis on on the lost sheep than I do
Speaker 2: with the whole herd.
Speaker 1: But when did that set in? Freddie? Like, when did you?
Speaker 1: When did that hit you that, like I'm ready to
Speaker 1: focus on this lost sheep, I gotta get I gotta
Speaker 1: get the whole herd together. When did that set in?
Speaker 2: I think because I was I was at Jake House
Speaker 2: last weekend, and and I was playing with my grandkids,
Speaker 2: and you know, and my grandson he looks so much,
Speaker 2: he's a split spin image of you know what I
Speaker 2: mean when the chicken was so because every time I
Speaker 2: was playing with me, the only thing my mind was saying,
Speaker 2: so much like this looks so much like this was little,
Speaker 2: you know. And then I think that kind of like
Speaker 2: a set a tone for me to relinquish any feelings
Speaker 2: that I might have far as like not put forth
Speaker 2: a stronger effort to renite renite being him together. You know, m.
Speaker 1: How do you think it's going to impractice his life
Speaker 1: when he realizes my dad's trying, and he's trying in
Speaker 1: a like I'm not going to give up. Way, I'm
Speaker 1: going to keep going until this until I break this down. Way?
Speaker 1: How do you think that's going to make a difference
Speaker 1: into his life to realize his father is given it
Speaker 1: that level of effort.
Speaker 2: Well, I believe that we're all as you know, as
Speaker 2: as human beings, got to you know, have always looked
Speaker 2: looked up to our father no matter what, you know
Speaker 2: what I mean, and like, it wasn't too many disappointments
Speaker 2: in my life, you know far as my father. But
Speaker 2: I had one really serious disappointment. My father gave me
Speaker 2: a nineteen sixty nine CATDLLEC when I was high school,
Speaker 2: and it was all pimped out against the wh It
Speaker 2: was the whole nine right. So it broke down like
Speaker 2: after this four or five months, so I stayed at
Speaker 2: the driveway. So I came home for school one day
Speaker 2: and it was gone. I said, the pop with a car.
Speaker 2: So I put it in a shop for you. I said,
Speaker 2: I cool, thanks, like thanks thanks, So you know when
Speaker 2: got it. A couple of months later, it broke down again.
Speaker 2: It stayed in the driveway about two or three weeks.
Speaker 2: So I came home again and it was gone. So
Speaker 2: my first assumption that he put in a shot for me,
Speaker 2: So I said, pop with a car? He said, he
Speaker 2: said son. There's one thing to have a car, and
Speaker 2: there's another thing to be able to afford one. And
Speaker 2: he had sold a car on me, and that kind
Speaker 2: of like deva you know at the time. But at
Speaker 2: the time, like you know, I wasn't working, you know,
Speaker 2: you know, anything like that. But I realized emphasis he
Speaker 2: was trying to, you know, put on me, you know
Speaker 2: what I mean. Uh, And then you know, he sold
Speaker 2: a car, and like I guess, I don't know, maybe
Speaker 2: three or four months later, he gave me another car. Hey,
Speaker 2: he gave me, uh, he gave me a nineteen seventy
Speaker 2: to brew uh, the Saber convertible with a four fifty
Speaker 2: five him me in it. Oh it was white on white. Uh.
Speaker 2: One thing about my pops, he would get a car
Speaker 2: and do it inside and out, you know what I mean.
Speaker 2: So everywhere I went with that car, somebody offered to
Speaker 2: buy it from, you know. So I guess that kind
Speaker 2: of like that's what I'm saying, Like to me, my
Speaker 2: father was my hero because like you know, it was
Speaker 2: the guy that I always looked up to, no matter what,
Speaker 2: you know what I mean. And and I was and
Speaker 2: I was like I was a bad kid man when
Speaker 2: I go look at back at my you know how
Speaker 2: I grew up. I was a bad kid, you know,
Speaker 2: as far as like I was always fighting in school.
Speaker 2: My parents always coming was coming to school to uh
Speaker 2: get me cause I was always fighting. It was this
Speaker 2: guy named mister he was a tune officer back to that.
Speaker 2: Back then they had tune officers. And he was like
Speaker 2: six four maybe three hundred pounds and black as I
Speaker 2: don't know what, and and he's my parents should take
Speaker 2: to mister bradfit right, And he suspeked me, you know
Speaker 2: what I mean. And the first time he had he
Speaker 2: had this big old paddle and he and he popped
Speaker 2: me with it. And I ain't cry. He popped me.
Speaker 2: Gain ain't crist so you ain't gonna cry. So he
Speaker 2: popped me, little heart. I started crying, right.
Speaker 1: Man, you know.
Speaker 2: And I think, like the things that you know, you
Speaker 2: experience in life, you know, you you you gravitate to
Speaker 2: him when you get older and you realize, wow, the
Speaker 2: purpose of it was for your own good, you know
Speaker 2: what I mean? And like because I was, I was,
Speaker 2: I was bad, man, you know, looking back, I was,
Speaker 2: I was. I was bad, you know, And no matter
Speaker 2: how bad I was my parents still love me, you
Speaker 2: know what I mean. And and I think once I
Speaker 2: got through that few years of rebellion as far as
Speaker 2: like being violent and all that kind of stuff, Uh,
Speaker 2: that's when I kind of like, I think, that's when
Speaker 2: I met their mother, you know what I mean. Uh,
Speaker 2: And she kind of like mellowed me down a little bit,
Speaker 2: you know what I mean, because like we're starting the family,
Speaker 2: you know, and with you know, got our first apartment.
Speaker 2: So that melowed me down a little bit. And I started,
Speaker 2: you know, I started like i'ma be like I'm gonna
Speaker 2: raise my kids like my father raised us, you know
Speaker 2: what I mean, and try to you know, repeat I
Speaker 2: have a brutiful childhood, Like I had a beautiful childhood.
Speaker 2: So so you immolate your father, you know, all your life.
Speaker 2: So I think, uh, that's what Tisen does, you know
Speaker 2: what I mean? Because like sometimes I could be stubborn
Speaker 2: this hell too, you know what I mean, And sometimes
Speaker 2: he could be stubborn, and you know, and uh, now
Speaker 2: it's responsive to things, you know. So I just think,
Speaker 2: you know, I just got to keep uh chipping away
Speaker 2: at him, you know what I mean. As long as
Speaker 2: I keep chipping away at him sooner or later, I'm
Speaker 2: gonna chip that piece off that's gonna open up his
Speaker 2: heart for him, of course, you know I'm coming station.
Speaker 1: But how do you think that's going to make a
Speaker 1: difference in his life when he realizes I got the
Speaker 1: kind of dad. Because when you talk about your dad
Speaker 1: and you refer to it as a beautiful childhood, and
Speaker 1: you talked about you being a bad kid, but your
Speaker 1: dad loved you anyway, Your dad was there anyway. What
Speaker 1: difference do you think is gonna make to deliciage life
Speaker 1: when he realizes that you love him that way that
Speaker 1: you're that you have like the kind of I'm gonna
Speaker 1: keep chipping away at it kind of love for him.
Speaker 1: What difference do you think is gonna make for decision
Speaker 1: when he when he realizes that, I think is.
Speaker 2: Gonna make a substantial difference because the fact that we
Speaker 2: we had each other back, you know what I mean,
Speaker 2: We was deaf each other on all you know, all situations,
Speaker 2: you know what I mean, and uh, the good, the bad,
Speaker 2: and the ugly, you know what I'm saying. You know,
Speaker 2: he would call me, He would call me like five
Speaker 2: o'clock in the morning, Pop, I need and I don't think. Uh,
Speaker 2: I could be wrong. He might you know, found the friend.
Speaker 2: Uh you know now that you know he could depend
Speaker 2: on no matter what. What's the situation is? If he's
Speaker 2: stuck on the highway two o'clock in the morning, you
Speaker 2: know what I mean, it's my friend. You know. If
Speaker 2: I call my friend, come get me. Oh, come fix
Speaker 2: me up, you know, come help me out. You know,
Speaker 2: I don't know if he found somebody like that, you know,
Speaker 2: I hope he has. You know that that would be
Speaker 2: a good thing. Uh, But I don't think that nobody
Speaker 2: would lay any life on the line for him, like
Speaker 2: the way I would.
Speaker 1: How would you like this conversation to make a difference
Speaker 1: in your life? Like, is there anything we could talk
Speaker 1: about today that would help you bring your herd back
Speaker 1: together again? To use your words? Which I like that.
Speaker 1: I like that a lot.
Speaker 2: Well. I think by me analyzing the situation, which you're
Speaker 2: going through all the ins and out everything that I
Speaker 2: could focus on on the buzz eye. You know what
Speaker 2: I'm saying, because like you know, I had my own
Speaker 2: thoughts about things, and you you you you're telling me
Speaker 2: something I'm like, then that little light bulb will go off.
Speaker 2: You know, I'm like, wow, okay, cool, you know that's
Speaker 2: that's that's that's that's the tellisea. You know, that's brilliant,
Speaker 2: you know. And then and I have factor that into
Speaker 2: what I'm what I'm gonna present and in the for
Speaker 2: right riting place. So I believe that this bi us,
Speaker 2: you know, having a conversation about situations, and we're figuring
Speaker 2: out what what you know, uh, what what plan we
Speaker 2: could make too? Uh to attack to attack the problem? Uh.
Speaker 2: That's making substantial impact on me.
Speaker 1: Okay, so what's the next step in the plan.
Speaker 2: Well, my next plan, My next step is to call
Speaker 2: him up, you know what I mean. You know, you know,
Speaker 2: I think I've been using different avenues you know, uh
Speaker 2: far as you know, uh to see his his his
Speaker 2: attitude or his his uh his his how he's been
Speaker 2: thinking about me because I've been relating to a few people,
Speaker 2: you know what I'm saying that he's around, you know
Speaker 2: what I mean? And uh they've been giving me a
Speaker 2: little uh bits and pieces of things, you know what
Speaker 2: I mean. So uh, I want to say he's his
Speaker 2: life is. It's like like I think his life is
Speaker 2: it's going place as far as all all the things
Speaker 2: that he's trying to accomplish, but there's still a missing link,
Speaker 2: you know what I mean. And and I think that
Speaker 2: missing link is between between me and him, our relationship.
Speaker 2: And I do believe that when when all the links
Speaker 2: are strongly can elected, the change is a whole lot stronger,
Speaker 2: you know what I mean.
Speaker 1: I completely agree with you, man, completely agree with you.
Speaker 1: So how are you gonna know when you're hyped up
Speaker 1: enough to call him a second time?
Speaker 2: I was gonna was I was gonna do that today.
Speaker 2: I was gonna do that today. I was gonna I
Speaker 2: should have done it yesterday. But when I got up
Speaker 2: work yesterday, it seemed like, uh, every problem that could
Speaker 2: go wrong went wrong yesterday at work, So I was like,
Speaker 2: I didn't really have a still moment. I was on
Speaker 2: the move constantly, so I was so when I got home,
Speaker 2: I was like totally, you know, washed out. So I
Speaker 2: was like, like, I ony took a shower and took
Speaker 2: a nap, so I was done. And today wasn't as
Speaker 2: bad as it was yesterday. But it was a little
Speaker 2: rough today too. But I think only because of that
Speaker 2: because we had a few, uh a few Like that's crazy,
Speaker 2: because like the lady uh called called the officers. She
Speaker 2: smelled gas, and she been calling for like almost a
Speaker 2: week or so. So she said, uh, every time she
Speaker 2: opened the door, she can smell the gas. You know,
Speaker 2: she opened her front door, she can smell it. So
Speaker 2: by the time uh maiden has come there, the smell
Speaker 2: of been the you know, you know, eparticipated I went
Speaker 2: away or whatever, you know what I mean. So I
Speaker 2: told her, lady, I said, listen, I said, when you
Speaker 2: first come home, called me, so that way, when I'll
Speaker 2: be right there when you open the door. And she
Speaker 2: opened that door. I was like, whoa, I smelled it
Speaker 2: because I went there a couple of times. I was like,
Speaker 2: I don't really smell not, you know what I mean.
Speaker 2: And like they got the meter, the gas meter, and
Speaker 2: I went around the stove, you know what I mean.
Speaker 2: And it ain't beat crazy or nothing like that. So
Speaker 2: so when I told her, when you first come home,
Speaker 2: don't do anything before you open the door, call me
Speaker 2: and I come right there. So like when she did
Speaker 2: that yesterday, boom, I smelted up with the met her
Speaker 2: and it was beeping like crazy. Right, So I went
Speaker 2: by the I went by the stove and it wasn't
Speaker 2: beeping as much. So I go back back by the door,
Speaker 2: and the beet a little beat, a couple more beeps,
Speaker 2: so I'm like, what's going on? So I went next
Speaker 2: door and it wasn't beeping. So I'm like something, something
Speaker 2: is crazy. So I said, right, we gotta figure this out.
Speaker 2: So I called, you know, the gas company. So that
Speaker 2: the leak was under the ground, So it was under
Speaker 2: the ground by the gas meter. The pipe that was
Speaker 2: rusted out. So they had to cut the shut the
Speaker 2: whole complexed out. The whole complex, like I think it
Speaker 2: was ten, ten or twelve apartments, had to shut all
Speaker 2: those apartments down, dig up the ground, and fix the pipe.
Speaker 1: You did that.
Speaker 2: So, no, the gas company did that. I ain't. I
Speaker 2: ain't doing all that. No, I just called him. When
Speaker 2: they came, they got the little meata detectives, but they
Speaker 2: got the one you dig the hole in the ground
Speaker 2: and then you stick it in the ground. So I
Speaker 2: don't got that one. So so I shut I shut
Speaker 2: the apartments off though, I shut all the line the
Speaker 2: gas off to all apartments, to twelve apartments, and they
Speaker 2: came and went to little back hole and dug ground up. Yeah,
Speaker 2: they read tagged that the red tagged us. But they
Speaker 2: got it fixed.
Speaker 1: Though, gotcha. So that was a busy day yesterday.
Speaker 2: Yeah, so now I gotta go back in all the
Speaker 2: twelve units. We light all the power lights from the
Speaker 2: stove to the heater to the hot water, you know
Speaker 2: what I mean. So I was like, oh man, it's crazy.
Speaker 1: And so do you have time to call your son today?
Speaker 2: Yeah, I'm gonna call him, deck out to call him day. So, like,
Speaker 2: you know, I'm looking forward to just hand him say hello,
Speaker 2: you know what I mean. Whatever what happens after that then,
Speaker 2: you know, is I you know what I mean? As
Speaker 2: I hear his voice, you know what I mean?
Speaker 1: You know, you're starting to say some things that to
Speaker 1: me are like real big signs, like how different is
Speaker 1: it for you to be like you know what, I'm
Speaker 1: just looking forward to him saying hello. How different is
Speaker 1: that for you to have that position?
Speaker 2: Well, like I really miss him, man, I miss I
Speaker 2: missed the hell out of him, you know what I mean?
Speaker 2: Like I said, like I didn't really I got friends,
Speaker 2: Like I don't really got no no real best friends.
Speaker 2: My real best friend he died, So I really develop
Speaker 2: any real friendship where I can call somebody my best friend,
Speaker 2: and I called my son. He was my best friend,
Speaker 2: you know what I mean, because like we could, you know,
Speaker 2: we talked about everything. We almost did, you know, virtually
Speaker 2: everything together, you know what I mean. So, uh, I'm
Speaker 2: telling them all times, you're not just my son, You're
Speaker 2: my best friend, you know what I mean. And and
Speaker 2: I think like as far as like most fathers and
Speaker 2: sons relationships, I think we had we had a really
Speaker 2: a real good relationship. You know, it might not have
Speaker 2: been the idea one as far as like father and son.
Speaker 2: Uh you know, like like my me and my father,
Speaker 2: we ain't never go hang out in no bars, you
Speaker 2: know what I mean. We ain't never go to the
Speaker 2: night club. We ain't up going to strip clubs, you
Speaker 2: know what I mean. Because my father was more religious
Speaker 2: kind of a person, you know what I mean. He
Speaker 2: ain't really does in that kind of thing itself, you
Speaker 2: know what I mean. But we did go to like
Speaker 2: amusement parks, you know what I mean, Uh, picnics and
Speaker 2: stuff like that, to fears and carnivals and all kinds
Speaker 2: of things like that of that nature. It was you know. No, No,
Speaker 2: the generation times is changing, so you know, things that
Speaker 2: develop more fast and more great. And I believe that
Speaker 2: our relationship was it was it was a good relationship,
Speaker 2: but it wasn't ideal, you know, father and son relationship
Speaker 2: far as like. And I know a few farthers probably
Speaker 2: hang out with they son and go to you know,
Speaker 2: clubs and you know, you know, hang out like that.
Speaker 2: Uh but uh, but but you know, we just we
Speaker 2: just done so many things you know, together, like you know,
Speaker 2: you know you would say, damn, they don't they only
Speaker 2: act like father like to to you know, like two
Speaker 2: brothers or something like that. You know what I mean?
Speaker 1: When was the I shouldn't even say like that? Since
Speaker 1: since you guys have had this rupture, have you ever
Speaker 1: had the opportunity to tell him how much you miss
Speaker 1: him and tell him that he was your best friend?
Speaker 2: Nah? Nah, I never, I never had that opportunity. Yuah.
Speaker 1: What would it do for you to be able to
Speaker 1: say that to him?
Speaker 2: I do a lot for me, you know what I mean? Uh,
Speaker 2: just just the point that that that out to him,
Speaker 2: you know, to convey that to him, you know, to
Speaker 2: show him, Uh, you know the gravity of our relationship
Speaker 2: that that that's been lacking, you know, what I mean
Speaker 2: mean a great deal to me and probably mean a
Speaker 2: great deal of him. I'm quite sure he already aware
Speaker 2: of it, h M, because you know, the last time
Speaker 2: you know, we talked, he said he don't really got
Speaker 2: nobody that he could trust to do do you know,
Speaker 2: do things for him like that? You know what I mean,
Speaker 2: you go in this safe or go in this is
Speaker 2: stash or whatever. You know, now nine times a team,
Speaker 2: you really can't trust nobody to do things like that,
Speaker 2: you know what I mean? If you got five thousand
Speaker 2: dollar was in there, you know, you might have three
Speaker 2: thousand dollars and you come back, you know what I mean?
Speaker 2: You really some people you just can't trust to do
Speaker 2: things like that, you know what I mean?
Speaker 1: Yes, yes, you might have zero dollars, not just three times. Yeah,
Speaker 1: and what if he responds badly on the second call?
Speaker 1: How are you gonna handle that?
Speaker 2: That's okay, that's okay, because like if it be does
Speaker 2: you know what I mean? You know, that's I believe
Speaker 2: that's minimizing what he's feeling, you know what I mean,
Speaker 2: minimized like his release. If that's the release he have,
Speaker 2: right then you know it's gonna minimize you know what
Speaker 2: I'm saying. He had to get it off his chest.
Speaker 2: You got to get it out the way, and once,
Speaker 2: you know, sometimes you just got good things out the way,
Speaker 2: you know what I mean, So you could so you
Speaker 2: could start the process of healing, you know what I mean.
Speaker 2: That's how I'm gonna look at it. You know what
Speaker 2: I mean.
Speaker 1: How how unusual do you think he will experience it?
Speaker 1: If he you know, he's got to get some stuff
Speaker 1: off his chest and he says some harsh, mean things,
Speaker 1: and he yells and curses, and at the end of that,
Speaker 1: you say, all right, man, I'll call you next week.
Speaker 1: How unusual would that be to him?
Speaker 2: That'd be like that. I took whatever he said, and
Speaker 2: I took it in. You know, I'm filtering it out,
Speaker 2: you know what I mean. And you know, I know
Speaker 2: some of the things he probably say to me is
Speaker 2: probably true, you know what I mean. And sometimes they
Speaker 2: say the truth hurts, you know what I mean. And
Speaker 2: probably through the things he might you know, people relinquished
Speaker 2: on me. Can I I gotta accept it. I gotta
Speaker 2: accept the fact that you know, I ain't the perfect,
Speaker 2: perfect person in the world, and you know I may
Speaker 2: I made mistakes and sometimes I gotta be accountable for
Speaker 2: all my mistakes that I made.
Speaker 1: Mm hmm. And for him to hear you say that,
Speaker 1: how different would that be for him?
Speaker 2: Well, a lot of people that can't accept their own
Speaker 2: they own uh own only their own mishaps, you know
Speaker 2: what I'm saying. They don't because like some people like
Speaker 2: they don't never like say well, I'm sorry, you know
Speaker 2: I did this. You know, can you forgive me? Some
Speaker 2: people just can't accept that they did wrong? You know
Speaker 2: what I mean?
Speaker 1: Yeah, I think that's absolutely true. But what what would
Speaker 1: it do to him to hear you say that? Because
Speaker 1: you know a lot of times when we attack people
Speaker 1: and we even getting things off our chest, even if
Speaker 1: we're just trying doing so, the other person gets defensive,
Speaker 1: they don't want to talk about it, they get distant.
Speaker 1: How different would it be for him to hear you say,
Speaker 1: you know what, what you just said is true. I
Speaker 1: accept responsibility for it. I just want to move forward
Speaker 1: and I want my best friend back. How different would
Speaker 1: that be for here for him to hear you say that?
Speaker 2: And that might be the idea thing he's been waiting
Speaker 2: just to hear you know what I mean? Yea be
Speaker 2: the only thing. You know, some people like uh, never
Speaker 2: is apologetic, you know what I mean. Some people don't
Speaker 2: admit to their own own fault, you know what I mean.
Speaker 2: And you know, like, uh, I'm I'm I'm acceptible to
Speaker 2: my thoughts. I got to my boss the other day.
Speaker 2: I said, I'm the type of person like this is,
Speaker 2: if you show me a more efficient, more simpler way
Speaker 2: to fix something, I could change and fix it that way.
Speaker 2: And he just looked at me like, oh okay, because
Speaker 2: like most people are stuck in the way, stuck in
Speaker 2: their own pattern. What I'm saying true, Uh, they want
Speaker 2: to fix it this way and that's it. But if
Speaker 2: somebody can show me a more efficient and more fast
Speaker 2: away to do something in the way I'm doing it,
Speaker 2: I'm accessible to change, you know what I mean. And
Speaker 2: I think, uh, that might be the only thing that uh,
Speaker 2: he needs to hear, you know what I mean. And
Speaker 2: if that's all that, you know, that's what. If that's
Speaker 2: what it takes, and I got I got suck it
Speaker 2: up and eat it all. You know what I mean.
Speaker 2: That you know what I mean?
Speaker 1: And if it is the one thing he needed to hear,
Speaker 1: how do you imagine he'd respond like, I don't know,
Speaker 1: I don't know if that's the one thing he needed here,
Speaker 1: But let's say it is. How do you imagine he'd
Speaker 1: respond to you when he hears it.
Speaker 2: I guess it'll be the uh, the k look that
Speaker 2: you know that sales the sales the relationship, you know
Speaker 2: what I mean. Because sometimes sometimes people complicate things when
Speaker 2: they don't really need to be that complicated, right, you
Speaker 2: know what I mean. People blow things out of proportion
Speaker 2: when you could just simplify the solution and and just
Speaker 2: solve the problem, you know what I mean. Sometimes people
Speaker 2: just just blow just blow things out of proportion all
Speaker 2: the time, you know what I mean, Like, Wow, it
Speaker 2: ain't all that serious, you know what I mean. And
Speaker 2: sometimes uh, we could make situations more devastating in what
Speaker 2: they really are, you know what I mean, by our
Speaker 2: own by our own of own feelings, you know what
Speaker 2: I mean, Like you know, you know, my god, you
Speaker 2: know what I mean, Like it ain't that severe, you
Speaker 2: know what I mean. And sometimes some problems be like
Speaker 2: you might say, it ain't that serious, but it might
Speaker 2: be devastating to them, you know what I mean. And
Speaker 2: so you gotta find out that middle ground, you know,
Speaker 2: and and and and and meet meet and meet there,
Speaker 2: you know, and ask.
Speaker 1: Like, let's say we take a few steps further down road,
Speaker 1: how do you hope you and your son participate in relationship?
Speaker 1: Do you want to talk once a week? You want
Speaker 1: to hang out again? Like what would be the ideal
Speaker 1: way for this to go for you?
Speaker 2: Yeah? Yeah, I want. I wanted to. I want to,
Speaker 2: you know, hang out with him again. You know, I
Speaker 2: want to go to places with him. I wanted from
Speaker 2: the start coming down here, you know what I mean,
Speaker 2: come to my house, you know, uh on you know,
Speaker 2: pick up his his son and uh and and and
Speaker 2: come down here, you know. And uh, I was thinking about,
Speaker 2: you know, for my birthday, I wanted to have like,
Speaker 2: you know, a big family you know OUTI you know,
Speaker 2: uh and and hopefully for the ones that you know,
Speaker 2: financially uh stable to uh to make the trip, you know,
Speaker 2: I could you know, I could you know, pitching you know,
Speaker 2: and uh you know, you know, give him a few dollars,
Speaker 2: you know what I mean. So uh, I'm really trying
Speaker 2: to you know, just my you know, I'm looking for
Speaker 2: the big sixty five, you know what I mean. And
Speaker 2: I I got sixty five more left.
Speaker 1: You know, I don't know sixty five more left.
Speaker 2: So that way I believe that. Uh I really I
Speaker 2: thought my fifty was gonna be was gonna believe it
Speaker 2: or not? I turned twenty five. I don't think I
Speaker 2: was gonna be twenty five, right, So uhh when that
Speaker 2: when I turned twenty five, I ain't I swould to god,
Speaker 2: I didn't think I was gonna live be twenty five
Speaker 2: years old, right, you know what I mean? So when
Speaker 2: I turned fifty, I thought that was a uh you know,
Speaker 2: monumental accomplishment, you know, in my life, you know what
Speaker 2: I mean. So now that I'm to that age where
Speaker 2: you know I'm about to retire, you know what I mean? Uh,
Speaker 2: I was gonna uh my, my my wife, she wanted
Speaker 2: to have have that up north into some type of
Speaker 2: uh you know, you know establishment, you know, like a
Speaker 2: big restaurant. I can't afford that, you know what I mean?
Speaker 2: So I figure if I have it here. Because we
Speaker 2: had a couple of picnics, a couple of a sleep
Speaker 2: Old Wizard was like like twenty people stayed in my house,
Speaker 2: you know what I mean. They brought their sleeping bags,
Speaker 2: they brought they whatever they had, you know what I mean,
Speaker 2: their mattresses or whatever whatever, and everybody was spread out anywhere,
Speaker 2: you know what I mean. So, uh, you know, I
Speaker 2: don't you know, I don't you know, I don't mind that,
Speaker 2: you know what I mean. So if you know, you know,
Speaker 2: that's what it takes, and you know, I'm you know,
Speaker 2: looking forward to it. And then the ones that don't
Speaker 2: want to stay in there, you know, you know, finances
Speaker 2: because they at hotel, go to Atlantic City or they
Speaker 2: whatever they want to do, you know what I mean.
Speaker 2: But uh, that's that's that's my plans.
Speaker 1: M I love that. I mean, I cannot stress enough
Speaker 1: how big of a step it is and how how
Speaker 1: much it says about you, Freddie, that you've made this
Speaker 1: phone call, and I just want to ask you to
Speaker 1: make another one.
Speaker 2: Plan I'm gonna do assume as I hang out with you,
Speaker 2: I'm not even gonna eat dinner. I think I might
Speaker 2: eat dinner for.
Speaker 1: Okay, I can live with that. Get some food and
Speaker 1: then call this is and then I just want you
Speaker 1: to pay attention to the impact just the attempts are
Speaker 1: making on your life and his life. And my favorite
Speaker 1: thing you said was I'm actually just excited and looking
Speaker 1: forward to him saying hello. Everything after that is just,
Speaker 1: you know whatever. But I'm just looking forward to him
Speaker 1: saying hello. And your job now is to show him
Speaker 1: he's got the kind of father that's going to keep
Speaker 1: chipping away at this until we succeed. If I could
Speaker 1: give a message to Freddie's son, I would tell him
Speaker 1: a story I've said publicly before, I think, even on
Speaker 1: this platform, that I do not have contact with my father.
Speaker 1: And the reason I don't have contact with my father
Speaker 1: is he was a very very abusive guy. And when
Speaker 1: I was about twenty, I was I was just tired
Speaker 1: of violence happening in my home. I needed a safe
Speaker 1: space in my life, and my father came into my life,
Speaker 1: came to visit where I was living at the time
Speaker 1: in Texas, and a physical altercation ensued between me, him
Speaker 1: and my really between my older brother and him, and
Speaker 1: I got involved trying to break it up, and something
Speaker 1: snapped in me like that was the last physical alter
Speaker 1: case I could take, and I told my father later
Speaker 1: on that night, I said, you can't be in my
Speaker 1: life anymore unless you follow a few simple rules. No
Speaker 1: yelling at me, no hitting me, no cursing at me,
Speaker 1: and no calling me names. If you could do those things,
Speaker 1: we can move forward from here. I can forgive everything
Speaker 1: that's happened in the past. We can get through all
Speaker 1: of that. I just need a life going forward that
Speaker 1: doesn't have those four things because it was killing me.
Speaker 1: It was injuring myself esteem and my ability to grow
Speaker 1: and be a man. My father's exact response was fuck you,
Speaker 1: and he hung up the phone. And that was the
Speaker 1: moment where I realized, I'm gonna have to implement these boundaries.
Speaker 1: I'm gonna have to force him to honor the boundaries
Speaker 1: that I have because I wanted to live a healthy life.
Speaker 1: Now I'm very proud of the fact that exactly what
Speaker 1: I needed to have happened happened. I got to live
Speaker 1: a life without those four things.
Speaker 2: Involved.
Speaker 1: I grew matured, got stronger, I got degrees, I got
Speaker 1: a family, I got a life, a life I'm proud of.
Speaker 1: But there has not been a single day in that
Speaker 1: time where I didn't wish my father would reach out
Speaker 1: to me owning his mistakes. If I had a father
Speaker 1: doing what Freddie is doing, there is no way I
Speaker 1: wouldn't take that phone call. You see, there's a difference
Speaker 1: between not talking to someone because they're violating your boundaries
Speaker 1: and not talking to someone because you're holding onto resentments
Speaker 1: from past things. The greatest thing that you could do
Speaker 1: for somebody is to give them the ability to earnestly
Speaker 1: apologize for their mistakes. And in this situation, Freddie is
Speaker 1: acknowledging his mistakes and seeking an opportunity to make them right.
Speaker 1: I do not believe there is enough language in the
Speaker 1: English Dictionary in order for me to articulate how much
Speaker 1: I would want that phone call from my father. My father,
Speaker 1: to this day, that incident that I just remarked about
Speaker 1: took place over twenty five years ago, and to this day,
Speaker 1: he has never acknowledged the abuse he subjected myself, my
Speaker 1: two brothers, and my mother to and he has certainly
Speaker 1: never reached out in an attempt to earnestly apologize or
Speaker 1: apologize at all. In this scenario, Freddie, while imperfect, Freddie
Speaker 1: wild flawed. Freddie is overtly and openly acknowledging his mistakes
Speaker 1: and with a level of genuineness, looking for opportunities to
Speaker 1: resolve them. If you continue to stonewall those attempts, It's
Speaker 1: no longer about implementing a boundary. It's about punishment for
Speaker 1: past mistakes. It's about resentment for past mistakes, it's about
Speaker 1: anger for past mistakes. And all those things are understandable.
Speaker 1: But you've got to understand that all of those things
Speaker 1: only further harm you. I said a minute ago that
Speaker 1: the greatest gift that you could give someone is to
Speaker 1: give them the opportunity to earnestly apologize for a mistake.
Speaker 1: But that's only half the truth, because it's also the
Speaker 1: greatest gift that you can give yourself. Because once you
Speaker 1: give that person that opportunity, then you let go of anger, resentment,
Speaker 1: you let go of hate and anger. Those things are
Speaker 1: poisons when they live in the human heart than the
Speaker 1: human soul. And if your father is reaching out to
Speaker 1: you again, while imperfect and wild flawed, attempting to make
Speaker 1: a wrong right, then you are allowing poison to continue
Speaker 1: to poison you. I would strongly ask you to just
Speaker 1: listen to the conversation, and then you can be the
Speaker 1: determining factor of whether or not you think it is
Speaker 1: truly an apology. Then you can be the person who
Speaker 1: determines whether or not you feel safe engaging in that
Speaker 1: relationship going forward. But like I said, I would give
Speaker 1: anything to have my father reach out in the way
Speaker 1: that Freddie has reached out through this process. It would
Speaker 1: mean the world to me, and it would it would
Speaker 1: heal things broken in me that I don't know will
Speaker 1: ever be healed otherwise. I think this is an opportunity
Speaker 1: for you to have things healed in you that may
Speaker 1: otherwise never heal. So my message to you is to
Speaker 1: give the gift of healing to yourself by giving the
Speaker 1: gift of healing to your father. It's important to ask
Speaker 1: yourself different questions on your healing journey. For the next
Speaker 1: few weeks, I will ask you a question at the
Speaker 1: end of each episode to hopefully inspire your inner superhero.
Speaker 1: And this week I want you to ask yourself, what's
Speaker 1: the most impactful thing you can do to bring a
Speaker 1: relationship in your life closer to you and what difference
Speaker 1: would doing that make to you and that other person.
Speaker 1: Maybe there's a close friend you had while growing up,
Speaker 1: Maybe there's a loved win in your life that you've
Speaker 1: drifted apart. What could you do to bring that relationship
Speaker 1: closer and what difference would it make to you? And
Speaker 1: that other person to be closer. This is not just
Speaker 1: a podcast that I want you to consume and be
Speaker 1: entertained by. I actually want you to be inspired. I
Speaker 1: want you to be impacted by this, and in fact,
Speaker 1: we can't help but be impacted by the content we consume.
Speaker 1: So what I would like for you to do is
Speaker 1: come on this healing journey with us. Come on this
Speaker 1: journey of change rediscovery with us. And the way to
Speaker 1: do that is to just pay attention to the things
Speaker 1: going on in your life as a consequence of listening
Speaker 1: to this podcast. Pay attention to things in your life
Speaker 1: shifting in a more desirable way. Pay attention to your
Speaker 1: desirable outcome becoming your reality. Pay attention to evidence of
Speaker 1: your success, your resilience, and your strength. And let us
Speaker 1: know in the comments what you're noticing in your life
Speaker 1: as a result of listening to this podcast and as
Speaker 1: a result of paying attention to these things. I would
Speaker 1: love to.
Speaker 3: Hear from you about your healing journey, your family, and
Speaker 3: your feedback. Leave a review, send a DM, connect with
Speaker 3: me on socials at Elliott Speaks, and you can also
Speaker 3: send me a text message to nine seven two four
Speaker 3: two six two six four zero. Family Therapy is a
Speaker 3: production of iHeartRadio and The Black Effect podcast Network. Special
Speaker 3: thanks to our assistant Glendale Seppe. It's produced by Jack
Speaker 3: Queish Thomas and the executive producer Dolly S.
Speaker 1: Spisher. For more podcasts from The Black Effect, visit the
Speaker 1: iHeartRadio app or wherever you listen to your favorite shows.
Speaker 1: The content presented on the Family Therapy podcast serves solely
Speaker 1: for educational and informational purposes. It should not be considered
Speaker 1: a replacement for personalized medical or mental health guidance and
Speaker 1: does not constitute a provider aatient relationship. It is advisable
Speaker 1: to consult with your healthcare provider or health team for
Speaker 1: any specific concerns or questions you may have.