1
00:00:11,240 --> 00:00:14,080
Speaker 1: Well, obviously we have to address the elephant room, and

2
00:00:14,120 --> 00:00:17,000
Speaker 1: that's that you're back in your normal surroundings.

3
00:00:17,120 --> 00:00:20,760
Speaker 2: Oh my god, it has been a journey, and even

4
00:00:21,079 --> 00:00:22,520
Speaker 2: Zoom could figure it out.

5
00:00:22,800 --> 00:00:26,600
Speaker 1: First of all, tell any listeners this is like not

6
00:00:26,720 --> 00:00:29,160
Speaker 1: a real issue, but Chip has made it into a thing.

7
00:00:29,520 --> 00:00:32,479
Speaker 1: Last like three months. I feel like you've been I mean,

8
00:00:32,520 --> 00:00:33,400
Speaker 1: it feels like it's.

9
00:00:33,280 --> 00:00:36,400
Speaker 2: Been that long. Yeah, I was. I had a virtual

10
00:00:36,440 --> 00:00:41,680
Speaker 2: background that was stuck on my Zoom and I figured

11
00:00:41,680 --> 00:00:44,920
Speaker 2: out a workaround, but it was still weird, Like you know,

12
00:00:44,960 --> 00:00:46,479
Speaker 2: I was playing around with it one day and I

13
00:00:46,560 --> 00:00:48,960
Speaker 2: was going through all the virtual backgrounds and there was

14
00:00:49,000 --> 00:00:50,400
Speaker 2: one that kind of looked like I've worked in the

15
00:00:50,440 --> 00:00:52,239
Speaker 2: building that Severance has shot in, and I thought that

16
00:00:52,320 --> 00:00:55,240
Speaker 2: was funny. And also my coworker it kind of looks

17
00:00:55,240 --> 00:00:58,200
Speaker 2: almost exactly like the room from the view from his

18
00:00:58,320 --> 00:01:01,680
Speaker 2: office in our Los Angeles and so I just thought

19
00:01:01,680 --> 00:01:03,639
Speaker 2: it was funny. And then it wouldn't go away, and

20
00:01:03,680 --> 00:01:06,959
Speaker 2: I literally followed every instruction I could find. I chatted

21
00:01:07,000 --> 00:01:10,440
Speaker 2: with Zoom, I deleted it, I deleted my account, I

22
00:01:10,480 --> 00:01:13,080
Speaker 2: started a new account, I deleted it from my computer,

23
00:01:13,520 --> 00:01:16,440
Speaker 2: I restarted my computer. Nothing worked, so Finally I just

24
00:01:16,480 --> 00:01:18,200
Speaker 2: said fuck it, and I took a picture of my

25
00:01:18,360 --> 00:01:21,280
Speaker 2: house so it looked like my real thing. But it

26
00:01:21,319 --> 00:01:23,120
Speaker 2: was weird because my like, I'd lift a cup to

27
00:01:23,200 --> 00:01:27,280
Speaker 2: drink some water and my hand would disappear because it

28
00:01:27,319 --> 00:01:31,080
Speaker 2: was like weird virtual shit going on. Well, I asked

29
00:01:31,120 --> 00:01:34,880
Speaker 2: Chat GPT today. Finally I went to Chat I know,

30
00:01:35,240 --> 00:01:39,600
Speaker 2: and Chat gave me some ideas. They didn't work. Yeah,

31
00:01:39,640 --> 00:01:42,839
Speaker 2: and my buddy John, who was crashing here at the moment,

32
00:01:43,400 --> 00:01:48,000
Speaker 2: he uses a different AI search engine thing whatever you

33
00:01:48,040 --> 00:01:53,480
Speaker 2: call it, called Gemini. It's Google's and Googles said to

34
00:01:53,640 --> 00:01:57,440
Speaker 2: click and for anyone who's listening that is has had

35
00:01:57,480 --> 00:02:01,000
Speaker 2: this awful situation bestowed upon them as well. If you're

36
00:02:01,040 --> 00:02:03,600
Speaker 2: on a Mac, if you click on the top of

37
00:02:03,600 --> 00:02:06,680
Speaker 2: your screen, there's like a green camera, like a camera

38
00:02:06,760 --> 00:02:09,320
Speaker 2: thing that's green. When you're on Zoom and it's recording,

39
00:02:09,919 --> 00:02:15,240
Speaker 2: you go down and you turn off backgrounds. Somehow the

40
00:02:15,320 --> 00:02:20,560
Speaker 2: Mac was overriding the controls of the Zoom so it

41
00:02:20,560 --> 00:02:23,280
Speaker 2: didn't matter what I was deleting in the Zoom app.

42
00:02:23,600 --> 00:02:24,919
Speaker 1: Yeah, still it was.

43
00:02:25,320 --> 00:02:29,160
Speaker 2: The Mac had remembered it. So wow, there we go. Look,

44
00:02:29,280 --> 00:02:31,320
Speaker 2: I can turn it back on and I can turn

45
00:02:31,320 --> 00:02:31,600
Speaker 2: it home.

46
00:02:31,720 --> 00:02:35,399
Speaker 1: And now it's getting real confident. It's getting real confident,

47
00:02:35,480 --> 00:02:37,480
Speaker 1: just bouncing around between backgrounds.

48
00:02:38,880 --> 00:02:40,200
Speaker 2: My reactions are turned on.

49
00:02:42,240 --> 00:02:42,799
Speaker 1: Parts out.

50
00:02:43,120 --> 00:02:44,760
Speaker 2: Oh my god, look you can thumbs up.

51
00:02:45,480 --> 00:02:47,160
Speaker 1: I like the have you ever done this?

52
00:02:47,200 --> 00:02:47,239
Speaker 2: On?

53
00:02:48,000 --> 00:02:50,720
Speaker 1: And it like it does the mine must be turned off,

54
00:02:50,760 --> 00:02:54,600
Speaker 1: but it does like rock Star usually does lasers. This

55
00:02:54,680 --> 00:02:57,400
Speaker 1: is this is so when you're in a long distance relationship.

56
00:02:57,440 --> 00:02:58,440
Speaker 1: These are the kind of things.

57
00:02:58,280 --> 00:03:00,880
Speaker 2: You figure out right right happen.

58
00:03:02,600 --> 00:03:06,400
Speaker 1: Yes, the thumbs up one is always the weirdest. Anyway,

59
00:03:06,440 --> 00:03:07,639
Speaker 1: we're literally on the sea.

60
00:03:07,800 --> 00:03:10,239
Speaker 2: You're gonna have to watch this on YouTube if you're

61
00:03:10,280 --> 00:03:13,240
Speaker 2: listening the other thing Chips said, Yeah, the other thing

62
00:03:13,320 --> 00:03:14,679
Speaker 2: Chip said when we get on the call.

63
00:03:14,760 --> 00:03:16,720
Speaker 1: So I got my period today, just for everyone out

64
00:03:16,760 --> 00:03:18,320
Speaker 1: in the world, just so everyone.

65
00:03:18,000 --> 00:03:20,360
Speaker 2: Knows when my honesty is the best policy.

66
00:03:21,000 --> 00:03:23,280
Speaker 1: No, actually I got it last night. I feel terrible,

67
00:03:23,440 --> 00:03:25,160
Speaker 1: Like I knew this one was going to be a doozy,

68
00:03:25,240 --> 00:03:28,080
Speaker 1: just because the PMS was a doozy and the first

69
00:03:28,120 --> 00:03:30,160
Speaker 1: day is just always terrible. So anyway, I texted Chip

70
00:03:30,200 --> 00:03:31,839
Speaker 1: earlier and I was like, can we do thirty minutes later?

71
00:03:31,880 --> 00:03:33,680
Speaker 1: Like I'm trying to get these cramps under control. When

72
00:03:33,720 --> 00:03:35,840
Speaker 1: we get on, I don't look good like I'm in

73
00:03:35,880 --> 00:03:36,760
Speaker 1: the sweatsuit.

74
00:03:37,080 --> 00:03:39,640
Speaker 2: And she said it first, she said, I look like shit.

75
00:03:39,760 --> 00:03:41,400
Speaker 1: I go, oh my god, it look terrible. He goes,

76
00:03:41,480 --> 00:03:43,520
Speaker 1: you literally are the same color as your white wall.

77
00:03:43,560 --> 00:03:47,160
Speaker 2: But I'm not wrong.

78
00:03:47,320 --> 00:03:51,600
Speaker 1: I'm very monochromatic right now. Yeah, ationally, but even my skin.

79
00:03:52,840 --> 00:03:55,240
Speaker 2: Your skin mat is, it's got a little bit of

80
00:03:55,320 --> 00:03:56,600
Speaker 2: color barely.

81
00:03:56,760 --> 00:03:58,720
Speaker 1: You know what the sick part is is I have

82
00:03:58,800 --> 00:04:01,200
Speaker 1: on a ten's and it's sunscreen.

83
00:04:01,760 --> 00:04:04,400
Speaker 2: Autent. God, I mean, Ray, I thought you said a

84
00:04:04,480 --> 00:04:06,400
Speaker 2: ten inch and I was like, where.

85
00:04:06,160 --> 00:04:11,840
Speaker 1: Is this coon? No a tinted you freak a tinted sunscreen. Anyway,

86
00:04:11,920 --> 00:04:15,040
Speaker 1: this just basically sums up where I am this month

87
00:04:15,080 --> 00:04:17,200
Speaker 1: I feel. And I said this a little bit to

88
00:04:17,440 --> 00:04:20,200
Speaker 1: you guys. Last week we were supposed to record. We

89
00:04:20,200 --> 00:04:22,360
Speaker 1: were kind of jumping through hoops trying to figure out

90
00:04:22,400 --> 00:04:24,559
Speaker 1: a time, like for whatever reason, last week was really

91
00:04:24,880 --> 00:04:28,120
Speaker 1: kind of crazy, and then Chip last minute needed to

92
00:04:28,160 --> 00:04:30,040
Speaker 1: go home for a family emergency. And I'll let you

93
00:04:30,080 --> 00:04:32,720
Speaker 1: touch on that in a minute. But I just said

94
00:04:32,760 --> 00:04:35,800
Speaker 1: to the listeners, like, you know, it's interesting. Most of

95
00:04:35,839 --> 00:04:38,479
Speaker 1: the time, I'm really excited to wrap up the year

96
00:04:38,680 --> 00:04:40,560
Speaker 1: and to like talk about all this stuff. I have

97
00:04:40,680 --> 00:04:45,000
Speaker 1: been a zombie, like I have just truly felt like

98
00:04:45,480 --> 00:04:47,479
Speaker 1: got hit by a bus, kind of feeling like this

99
00:04:47,600 --> 00:04:49,200
Speaker 1: laird has just taken it out of me. And the

100
00:04:49,240 --> 00:04:51,440
Speaker 1: more I talk to other people, I think that is

101
00:04:51,480 --> 00:04:54,880
Speaker 1: kind of a common theme with everybody, as we're just like, Okay,

102
00:04:54,920 --> 00:04:57,880
Speaker 1: it's December, I'm done with work, which obviously, like we're

103
00:04:57,920 --> 00:05:01,039
Speaker 1: technically not, so that doesn't really work. But I just

104
00:05:01,120 --> 00:05:03,840
Speaker 1: really like want to be more authentic about that kind

105
00:05:03,839 --> 00:05:06,600
Speaker 1: of stuff I think moving forward, and we talk about

106
00:05:06,600 --> 00:05:08,600
Speaker 1: it a lot on the podcast, like it's really important

107
00:05:08,600 --> 00:05:11,880
Speaker 1: to be conscious of burnout. And I am such a

108
00:05:11,880 --> 00:05:15,279
Speaker 1: person in the past who would just push and drive

109
00:05:15,480 --> 00:05:19,280
Speaker 1: and like always just show up for the work regardless.

110
00:05:19,480 --> 00:05:21,400
Speaker 1: And I'm really trying to be more conscious of like

111
00:05:21,480 --> 00:05:24,560
Speaker 1: finding a better balance of taking into consideration my body,

112
00:05:25,080 --> 00:05:28,560
Speaker 1: my relationship, you know, not just being totally one sided

113
00:05:28,600 --> 00:05:31,080
Speaker 1: with work, and like that was how a lot of

114
00:05:31,160 --> 00:05:33,480
Speaker 1: us were raised. I think I see all these memes

115
00:05:33,520 --> 00:05:36,920
Speaker 1: recently about millennial culture, like work culture, and this must

116
00:05:36,920 --> 00:05:38,640
Speaker 1: be like a theme a lot of people are talking about.

117
00:05:38,640 --> 00:05:41,960
Speaker 1: But like we didn't have sick days or like mental

118
00:05:42,000 --> 00:05:45,039
Speaker 1: health days, and to our own detriment, I think we

119
00:05:45,200 --> 00:05:48,880
Speaker 1: overworked in our generation and we were very much in

120
00:05:48,920 --> 00:05:50,560
Speaker 1: this like if you want to go to the astrology,

121
00:05:50,560 --> 00:05:52,600
Speaker 1: the Pluto and Capricorn, like that was what we were

122
00:05:52,600 --> 00:05:55,240
Speaker 1: building stuff on and we're moving into a new era,

123
00:05:55,320 --> 00:05:57,119
Speaker 1: and I think twenty twenty five was like a big

124
00:05:57,200 --> 00:06:01,039
Speaker 1: time of that, of shifting the way we think about things.

125
00:06:01,080 --> 00:06:04,800
Speaker 1: All of the astrology was very much like deconstruction to

126
00:06:04,920 --> 00:06:07,640
Speaker 1: then get to the place where we can rebuild. And

127
00:06:07,680 --> 00:06:09,920
Speaker 1: I think we're just tired, like we've been saying that

128
00:06:09,920 --> 00:06:12,240
Speaker 1: the last couple of years, but it has truly been

129
00:06:13,200 --> 00:06:16,120
Speaker 1: this shedding of all the old ways we used to

130
00:06:16,200 --> 00:06:19,000
Speaker 1: do things, and we haven't gotten quite to the new

131
00:06:19,000 --> 00:06:20,919
Speaker 1: ones yet. So I think it's like this weird in

132
00:06:20,960 --> 00:06:24,600
Speaker 1: between time. But I'm not I'm committing to not forcing

133
00:06:24,760 --> 00:06:28,240
Speaker 1: and allowing the space for all of these changes to

134
00:06:28,320 --> 00:06:31,200
Speaker 1: take place and to stay curious because I have no

135
00:06:31,360 --> 00:06:35,360
Speaker 1: clue what the direction of the universe is taking, like me, you,

136
00:06:35,760 --> 00:06:38,280
Speaker 1: anybody right now. So it's kind of just like being

137
00:06:38,320 --> 00:06:40,800
Speaker 1: along for the ride. And last week was the perfect

138
00:06:40,839 --> 00:06:43,040
Speaker 1: example of that. And I said, you said you were

139
00:06:43,040 --> 00:06:45,240
Speaker 1: like scrambling, like should I get my mic and blah

140
00:06:45,279 --> 00:06:47,200
Speaker 1: blah blah, And I was like, no, go be with

141
00:06:47,279 --> 00:06:49,880
Speaker 1: your family, like this is important. Do you want to

142
00:06:49,880 --> 00:06:51,479
Speaker 1: tell the listeners a little bit about what's going on?

143
00:06:52,080 --> 00:06:55,320
Speaker 2: Yeah? So, I mean, my mom, poor thing. She's eighty.

144
00:06:56,040 --> 00:06:58,719
Speaker 2: She has COPD, which I don't even know what that

145
00:06:58,720 --> 00:07:01,039
Speaker 2: stands for, but it means her longs are fucked because

146
00:07:01,040 --> 00:07:03,040
Speaker 2: she smoked for several years. So if you're listening and

147
00:07:03,040 --> 00:07:05,560
Speaker 2: you smoke, I would recommend that you stop because it

148
00:07:05,600 --> 00:07:07,919
Speaker 2: will bite you in the ass at the end. And

149
00:07:08,400 --> 00:07:11,440
Speaker 2: so she's she's been on oxygen for several years now

150
00:07:11,440 --> 00:07:13,880
Speaker 2: at this point, and it really hasn't slowed her down.

151
00:07:13,960 --> 00:07:16,200
Speaker 2: Like she's been a pretty active woman her whole life,

152
00:07:16,200 --> 00:07:18,720
Speaker 2: and she just drags that oxygen check around and does

153
00:07:18,760 --> 00:07:22,640
Speaker 2: her thing. Last July, she tripped over my puppy broke

154
00:07:22,680 --> 00:07:26,840
Speaker 2: her neck and has been in a neck brace since

155
00:07:26,920 --> 00:07:29,400
Speaker 2: because at her age, her bones aren't healing as quickly

156
00:07:29,440 --> 00:07:32,680
Speaker 2: as you know they would if you were younger. She also,

157
00:07:32,840 --> 00:07:37,280
Speaker 2: because it is annoying, she's become really sedentary and she

158
00:07:37,320 --> 00:07:40,720
Speaker 2: doesn't do a whole lot, so she's not like using

159
00:07:40,760 --> 00:07:43,119
Speaker 2: her body in the way that it would be regenerating,

160
00:07:43,320 --> 00:07:46,920
Speaker 2: and also then she's not eating healthily, you know, she's

161
00:07:47,000 --> 00:07:50,400
Speaker 2: just eating the bare minimum just to kind of stay alive. Well,

162
00:07:50,720 --> 00:07:53,600
Speaker 2: a few weeks ago, she went for a routine checkup. Like,

163
00:07:53,880 --> 00:07:55,560
Speaker 2: by the way, when you're in your eighties, you have

164
00:07:55,640 --> 00:07:57,960
Speaker 2: six doctors appointments a week. I don't know why, but my.

165
00:07:57,920 --> 00:08:00,200
Speaker 1: Parents are time job, always at the doctor.

166
00:08:00,680 --> 00:08:02,840
Speaker 2: And I don't know how they even remember them all.

167
00:08:03,280 --> 00:08:05,920
Speaker 2: But her blood looked weird, so they ran some test

168
00:08:06,000 --> 00:08:08,680
Speaker 2: and they found out she was anemic. So she had

169
00:08:08,680 --> 00:08:11,000
Speaker 2: to go into the hospital to have a blood transfusion,

170
00:08:11,040 --> 00:08:13,640
Speaker 2: which was like, it didn't scare any of us. It's like, oh,

171
00:08:13,720 --> 00:08:16,440
Speaker 2: this will it's an instant fixed. Great. Right, Well, while

172
00:08:16,520 --> 00:08:19,920
Speaker 2: she was in the hospital, she caught pneumonia. And she

173
00:08:20,000 --> 00:08:22,400
Speaker 2: was only there for in the hospital. In the hospital,

174
00:08:22,440 --> 00:08:25,920
Speaker 2: that's what her doctor is saying. She thinks happened because

175
00:08:25,960 --> 00:08:28,800
Speaker 2: the timing, if they look at her X rays from

176
00:08:28,800 --> 00:08:31,880
Speaker 2: her lung from that day to the day that she

177
00:08:31,960 --> 00:08:36,160
Speaker 2: got admitted two weeks later for pneumonia, it was night.

178
00:08:36,280 --> 00:08:38,839
Speaker 2: There was no sign of pneumonia in the line, okay,

179
00:08:39,040 --> 00:08:42,319
Speaker 2: and it was a pretty gnarly pneumonia in just her

180
00:08:42,400 --> 00:08:45,760
Speaker 2: left lung. So she went to the hospital. We were

181
00:08:45,800 --> 00:08:49,080
Speaker 2: all relieved because you're like, because she'd have this terrible cough,

182
00:08:49,160 --> 00:08:51,920
Speaker 2: she was really tired, she didn't feel like eating, like

183
00:08:52,320 --> 00:08:54,240
Speaker 2: all of the things, Like she literally would be sitting

184
00:08:54,280 --> 00:08:56,920
Speaker 2: at the table and fall asleep, you know, playing Solitaire

185
00:08:57,000 --> 00:09:00,480
Speaker 2: or whatever on her computer, watching her stories, and so oh,

186
00:09:00,640 --> 00:09:05,000
Speaker 2: she hasn't decorated for Christmas. She hasn't present, it's so

187
00:09:05,200 --> 00:09:08,199
Speaker 2: not like her. She hasn't made any Christmas cookies. It's

188
00:09:08,240 --> 00:09:10,120
Speaker 2: just like she is not herself. So she goes to

189
00:09:10,160 --> 00:09:13,000
Speaker 2: the hospital and we're all relieved or like, great, this

190
00:09:13,040 --> 00:09:15,600
Speaker 2: will you know? Now we know so it can be treated,

191
00:09:15,640 --> 00:09:18,640
Speaker 2: blah blah blah and she'll be fine. Well, the second

192
00:09:18,679 --> 00:09:20,800
Speaker 2: day she was there, you know, I was on the

193
00:09:20,800 --> 00:09:22,720
Speaker 2: phone with her and I literally could not understand a

194
00:09:22,720 --> 00:09:25,400
Speaker 2: word she was saying. This was last Wednesday. Could not

195
00:09:25,600 --> 00:09:31,760
Speaker 2: understand a word, like mumbling, slurring, made no sense. And

196
00:09:32,080 --> 00:09:34,280
Speaker 2: that's when I was like, I think my mom's gonna

197
00:09:34,280 --> 00:09:37,439
Speaker 2: die this week. Like it was just like full on panic,

198
00:09:37,520 --> 00:09:39,240
Speaker 2: and I had all of these things and I'm like,

199
00:09:39,600 --> 00:09:41,400
Speaker 2: what do I do? What do I do? I called

200
00:09:41,440 --> 00:09:43,520
Speaker 2: my friend Mary, who I work with, and she was like,

201
00:09:44,320 --> 00:09:47,079
Speaker 2: get on a fucking plane, go be with your family,

202
00:09:47,160 --> 00:09:49,400
Speaker 2: like nothing could be more important right now. And I

203
00:09:49,440 --> 00:09:52,480
Speaker 2: was like, but but, but, like all the butts, like

204
00:09:52,640 --> 00:09:54,559
Speaker 2: I have this, I have this, and she's like, all

205
00:09:54,559 --> 00:09:56,640
Speaker 2: that can wait, Go be with your family. So I

206
00:09:56,640 --> 00:09:57,960
Speaker 2: got on a plane the same.

207
00:09:57,840 --> 00:10:00,400
Speaker 1: Thing that happened with me, and you, yeah, kind of

208
00:10:00,440 --> 00:10:01,240
Speaker 1: fight it.

209
00:10:01,240 --> 00:10:04,199
Speaker 2: And some of the stuff is like I in hindsight,

210
00:10:04,360 --> 00:10:06,160
Speaker 2: I knew that it was like I did not want

211
00:10:06,200 --> 00:10:09,000
Speaker 2: to face the reality of the fact that my mom

212
00:10:09,120 --> 00:10:11,640
Speaker 2: might die. But then once I was there, I was like,

213
00:10:11,679 --> 00:10:14,200
Speaker 2: this is exactly where I need to be. No one

214
00:10:14,240 --> 00:10:16,160
Speaker 2: had told her that I was coming, and they didn't meet.

215
00:10:16,200 --> 00:10:17,960
Speaker 2: It wasn't meant to be a surprise they thought they

216
00:10:18,040 --> 00:10:21,400
Speaker 2: had and she was like, wait, chips here. So I

217
00:10:21,480 --> 00:10:24,640
Speaker 2: got to the hospital and she was like obviously weak

218
00:10:24,760 --> 00:10:27,240
Speaker 2: and the things, but like she seemed like herself and

219
00:10:27,679 --> 00:10:30,480
Speaker 2: she would doze off, and but that they were happy

220
00:10:30,480 --> 00:10:32,680
Speaker 2: with what the antibiotics were doing, and that was breaking

221
00:10:32,760 --> 00:10:37,320
Speaker 2: up the pneumonia and blah blah blah. Thursday night, she

222
00:10:37,440 --> 00:10:40,960
Speaker 2: got agitated in the middle of the night and was asperating,

223
00:10:41,000 --> 00:10:42,640
Speaker 2: which is like when you throw up and then you

224
00:10:42,679 --> 00:10:44,720
Speaker 2: breathe it into your lung, which is a way that

225
00:10:44,760 --> 00:10:46,880
Speaker 2: you can also get pneumonia. You can call it an

226
00:10:46,920 --> 00:10:49,040
Speaker 2: infection in your lung. And that's at least that's what

227
00:10:49,080 --> 00:10:51,200
Speaker 2: the doctor told me. And so they gave her an

228
00:10:51,200 --> 00:10:53,760
Speaker 2: adavand to like calm her down. And when I went

229
00:10:53,920 --> 00:10:57,839
Speaker 2: when we got to the hospital on Friday, she first

230
00:10:57,880 --> 00:11:00,679
Speaker 2: of all, they'd moved her to ICU, which scared us.

231
00:11:01,880 --> 00:11:07,160
Speaker 2: And second she was a zombie like like literally it

232
00:11:07,200 --> 00:11:08,920
Speaker 2: was the version of her that I'd spoken to on

233
00:11:08,920 --> 00:11:11,960
Speaker 2: Wednesday where she couldn't like make a sentence, like she

234
00:11:12,000 --> 00:11:14,640
Speaker 2: couldn't hold All she cares about eating right now is

235
00:11:14,640 --> 00:11:17,040
Speaker 2: ice cream, chocolate ice cream, all on chocolate ice cream.

236
00:11:17,120 --> 00:11:20,400
Speaker 2: She couldn't hold a spoon, she couldn't like wipe her face.

237
00:11:21,200 --> 00:11:24,520
Speaker 2: It was just awful. And it was my first experience

238
00:11:24,559 --> 00:11:26,440
Speaker 2: where I was like, oh my god, I have to

239
00:11:26,520 --> 00:11:28,760
Speaker 2: care for her in a way that I've never had.

240
00:11:28,960 --> 00:11:30,520
Speaker 2: Like I was using you know when you go to

241
00:11:30,559 --> 00:11:32,840
Speaker 2: the dentists and they like stick that suction straw in

242
00:11:32,880 --> 00:11:35,600
Speaker 2: your mouth, like I was using that for her, Like

243
00:11:35,640 --> 00:11:38,360
Speaker 2: she would cough up like phlem and I would have

244
00:11:38,400 --> 00:11:40,960
Speaker 2: to like be like, mom, open your mouth, don't bite,

245
00:11:41,000 --> 00:11:45,479
Speaker 2: like almost like she was. I mean, she was totally incapacitated,

246
00:11:45,920 --> 00:11:48,840
Speaker 2: and it lasted all day. We were like, what did

247
00:11:48,840 --> 00:11:51,920
Speaker 2: you guys do to her? And then went in on

248
00:11:52,000 --> 00:11:56,000
Speaker 2: Saturday and she was like sitting in her chair watching football,

249
00:11:56,200 --> 00:11:58,080
Speaker 2: having the time of her life, like right back to

250
00:11:58,120 --> 00:12:02,800
Speaker 2: normal and doing a whole better. So she's improving. This

251
00:12:02,840 --> 00:12:05,440
Speaker 2: is the good news. But now they I flew home

252
00:12:05,520 --> 00:12:09,359
Speaker 2: to Nashville on Monday. We're recording this today is Wednesday,

253
00:12:10,600 --> 00:12:12,640
Speaker 2: so I've been I've been back in Nashville for two days.

254
00:12:12,679 --> 00:12:15,640
Speaker 2: So I got on a plane Monday morning, and an

255
00:12:15,640 --> 00:12:17,400
Speaker 2: hour after I got on the plane, they discharged her

256
00:12:17,440 --> 00:12:20,520
Speaker 2: from the hospital during a snowstorm. What And my dad

257
00:12:20,559 --> 00:12:22,560
Speaker 2: was like, I'm eighty one years old. How am I

258
00:12:22,559 --> 00:12:24,040
Speaker 2: going to get this woman in the house? Like what

259
00:12:24,080 --> 00:12:26,800
Speaker 2: are you all doing? But they discharged her, So now

260
00:12:26,840 --> 00:12:29,240
Speaker 2: she's in the house and they're just two old people

261
00:12:29,280 --> 00:12:31,880
Speaker 2: that like don't have the strength to do everything that

262
00:12:31,920 --> 00:12:35,480
Speaker 2: they need to do. So luckily, I work in an

263
00:12:35,520 --> 00:12:37,720
Speaker 2: industry where I can work from anywhere, and I don't

264
00:12:37,720 --> 00:12:40,000
Speaker 2: have any events that I need to be present for

265
00:12:40,000 --> 00:12:41,839
Speaker 2: for the rest of the year, so I'm going to

266
00:12:41,880 --> 00:12:46,600
Speaker 2: go home and I'm gonna be nurse Ratchet. Yet now

267
00:12:47,040 --> 00:12:51,800
Speaker 2: we're like Florence Nightingale, I'm gonna be a nice so yeah,

268
00:12:51,960 --> 00:12:57,040
Speaker 2: I you know, it's it's weird, it's scary, it's enlightening,

269
00:12:57,160 --> 00:12:59,439
Speaker 2: it's all of these things, because it's just a new

270
00:12:59,520 --> 00:13:02,640
Speaker 2: chapter life. And I do believe that she can get better.

271
00:13:02,920 --> 00:13:05,000
Speaker 2: She has to want to, you know, because right now

272
00:13:05,040 --> 00:13:07,760
Speaker 2: it's like it's physical thing, Like she has to get

273
00:13:07,840 --> 00:13:09,880
Speaker 2: up and move her legs like you have to because

274
00:13:09,880 --> 00:13:12,720
Speaker 2: at this age your muscles just atrophy a lot faster.

275
00:13:12,880 --> 00:13:15,920
Speaker 2: I know when I'm like, don't work out for a week,

276
00:13:16,040 --> 00:13:17,760
Speaker 2: Like I go back to the gym and I'm like,

277
00:13:17,800 --> 00:13:19,400
Speaker 2: what happened? Like I can't.

278
00:13:19,120 --> 00:13:22,000
Speaker 1: Even and you have no energy?

279
00:13:22,240 --> 00:13:25,800
Speaker 2: And it works, yeah, And you know, coupled with the

280
00:13:25,840 --> 00:13:28,240
Speaker 2: fact that she's still sleeping with this damn collar on

281
00:13:28,280 --> 00:13:30,160
Speaker 2: her neck, and it's just like, I mean, it's twenty

282
00:13:30,160 --> 00:13:33,480
Speaker 2: four hours a day. It's just a lot, so you know,

283
00:13:33,880 --> 00:13:36,839
Speaker 2: And and the one of the greatest parts of it

284
00:13:36,960 --> 00:13:38,320
Speaker 2: was I got to spend a lot of time with

285
00:13:38,440 --> 00:13:40,840
Speaker 2: just me and my dad. And it's the first time

286
00:13:41,000 --> 00:13:44,440
Speaker 2: really in since probably childhood, that like it's just been

287
00:13:44,480 --> 00:13:46,680
Speaker 2: the two of us, and he was like really vulnerable

288
00:13:46,720 --> 00:13:49,679
Speaker 2: with me and like it was just a good bonding moment.

289
00:13:49,720 --> 00:13:53,760
Speaker 2: So it's like, in hindsight, I'm getting some good with

290
00:13:53,800 --> 00:13:57,640
Speaker 2: the bad and it's just a really like it's been

291
00:13:57,679 --> 00:14:00,880
Speaker 2: a really eye opening thing. And it's also and I

292
00:14:00,880 --> 00:14:02,800
Speaker 2: think this will play into the conversation that we're gonna

293
00:14:02,800 --> 00:14:05,000
Speaker 2: have today because this episode is not all about my

294
00:14:05,040 --> 00:14:10,520
Speaker 2: mother's illness. It makes you realize that like life is

295
00:14:11,000 --> 00:14:14,880
Speaker 2: this constant there's a new episode every day that like

296
00:14:15,480 --> 00:14:18,880
Speaker 2: it's like you're constantly learning, you're constantly being challenged, but

297
00:14:18,960 --> 00:14:22,480
Speaker 2: you constantly are able to overcome even the scariest things

298
00:14:22,480 --> 00:14:25,640
Speaker 2: that are thrown at you. And look, I'm not a fool,

299
00:14:25,680 --> 00:14:27,640
Speaker 2: Like I know that one day my mother and my

300
00:14:27,720 --> 00:14:30,560
Speaker 2: father will be gone, like it is the truth of life.

301
00:14:31,080 --> 00:14:34,520
Speaker 2: But what I learned is that while they are here,

302
00:14:34,920 --> 00:14:38,960
Speaker 2: I can be there for them now. And it's uh,

303
00:14:39,400 --> 00:14:42,400
Speaker 2: They've been really great to me, Like they let me

304
00:14:42,720 --> 00:14:45,480
Speaker 2: like chase my dreams and never complained when I missed

305
00:14:45,520 --> 00:14:47,880
Speaker 2: a wedding or a holiday or anything. And I'm like

306
00:14:48,520 --> 00:14:51,160
Speaker 2: I can't miss them now, like I have to be

307
00:14:51,240 --> 00:14:54,000
Speaker 2: there for them. So it's been like this really beautiful.

308
00:14:54,000 --> 00:14:55,600
Speaker 2: I mean, I know, I'm like tearing up now, but

309
00:14:56,320 --> 00:14:58,880
Speaker 2: it's been this like really beautiful thing to be able

310
00:14:58,880 --> 00:15:01,080
Speaker 2: to help them, and I'm just grateful that I can.

311
00:15:01,720 --> 00:15:04,400
Speaker 1: I mean, those reflections are really beautiful, I feel. I

312
00:15:04,440 --> 00:15:07,800
Speaker 1: think it's I've watched my parents go through this in

313
00:15:07,840 --> 00:15:11,160
Speaker 1: the last decade, and it's really interesting to me. As

314
00:15:11,160 --> 00:15:15,840
Speaker 1: we age, you almost regress back into like your childlike nature,

315
00:15:15,920 --> 00:15:19,360
Speaker 1: and it is reversed where it's like you chip end

316
00:15:19,440 --> 00:15:21,800
Speaker 1: up taking care of your parents and caretaking in the

317
00:15:21,800 --> 00:15:24,320
Speaker 1: way that they have for you for so long. But

318
00:15:24,400 --> 00:15:27,320
Speaker 1: it's kind of that mentality for me of like to

319
00:15:27,440 --> 00:15:30,360
Speaker 1: give back what you were so freely given, you know,

320
00:15:30,520 --> 00:15:33,360
Speaker 1: like we've been given at our lives, our whole lives

321
00:15:33,360 --> 00:15:36,160
Speaker 1: for our parents, and so in some weird way, it

322
00:15:36,240 --> 00:15:39,720
Speaker 1: is like an act of service back to them, just

323
00:15:39,840 --> 00:15:42,400
Speaker 1: of gratitude to be like, thank you for all that

324
00:15:42,440 --> 00:15:44,680
Speaker 1: you did for me. And it's amazing that you're even

325
00:15:44,720 --> 00:15:47,520
Speaker 1: able to deepen your relationship with your dad. It's like

326
00:15:47,560 --> 00:15:51,960
Speaker 1: a whole new level of vulnerability and realness that y'all

327
00:15:51,960 --> 00:15:53,880
Speaker 1: can get to with each other probably.

328
00:16:02,160 --> 00:16:04,240
Speaker 2: Well. And it's funny too, because it's like, you know,

329
00:16:04,320 --> 00:16:06,160
Speaker 2: I think it's I don't think I'm alone in this.

330
00:16:06,320 --> 00:16:09,680
Speaker 2: Like obviously I felt loved and cared for and all

331
00:16:09,680 --> 00:16:11,920
Speaker 2: of the things that like you hope to feel from

332
00:16:11,960 --> 00:16:15,880
Speaker 2: a parent, but you don't really. I mean, I feel

333
00:16:15,880 --> 00:16:18,480
Speaker 2: like I've taken for granted how much they have given,

334
00:16:18,640 --> 00:16:22,680
Speaker 2: like not just monetarily or whatever, but just their time

335
00:16:22,800 --> 00:16:27,880
Speaker 2: and they're caring and you know, like my mother, God,

336
00:16:27,920 --> 00:16:30,080
Speaker 2: it's like being a mom of two kids and a

337
00:16:30,120 --> 00:16:33,640
Speaker 2: full time working mom. It's like having ten jobs, Like, yeah,

338
00:16:33,720 --> 00:16:36,440
Speaker 2: I don't know how anyone does it. Like I have

339
00:16:36,480 --> 00:16:39,880
Speaker 2: two dogs and myself and I'm like worn out every day, right,

340
00:16:40,200 --> 00:16:43,640
Speaker 2: and I barely cook. You know. She was cooking and

341
00:16:43,720 --> 00:16:47,520
Speaker 2: driving and at games and at rehearsals and at everything, like.

342
00:16:47,880 --> 00:16:52,000
Speaker 1: I'm making it look effortless probably yeah, and never complained once.

343
00:16:52,600 --> 00:16:55,120
Speaker 2: So it's weird when I'm like there to help and

344
00:16:55,160 --> 00:16:58,200
Speaker 2: she's like, no, I don't want your don't like because

345
00:16:58,280 --> 00:17:02,000
Speaker 2: she wants to be that provide and it's it's the

346
00:17:02,080 --> 00:17:04,160
Speaker 2: least that I can do is show up and help

347
00:17:04,240 --> 00:17:07,520
Speaker 2: them do the smallest things. And honestly, like I don't

348
00:17:07,520 --> 00:17:09,480
Speaker 2: want to do it all for them, I just want

349
00:17:09,480 --> 00:17:11,320
Speaker 2: them to be able to do what they want to

350
00:17:11,359 --> 00:17:13,720
Speaker 2: be able to do. Like right now, their house is

351
00:17:13,760 --> 00:17:17,160
Speaker 2: a fucking mess because neither of them can bend over

352
00:17:17,400 --> 00:17:19,600
Speaker 2: very well to get things out of the cabinet, so

353
00:17:19,640 --> 00:17:21,720
Speaker 2: they're just like things that would normally be in the cabinet,

354
00:17:21,760 --> 00:17:24,280
Speaker 2: like tupwears and pans and things, they're just leaving out

355
00:17:24,280 --> 00:17:26,080
Speaker 2: on the counter so they have access to them. And

356
00:17:26,119 --> 00:17:29,440
Speaker 2: I'm like, not today, Satan, like I'm putting it away.

357
00:17:29,520 --> 00:17:31,800
Speaker 2: If you need some toughwear, scream my name, I'll come

358
00:17:31,840 --> 00:17:35,280
Speaker 2: get you some, because like this is untenable, Like yeah,

359
00:17:35,400 --> 00:17:38,960
Speaker 2: you know, like your environment reflects how you're.

360
00:17:38,760 --> 00:17:40,160
Speaker 1: Doing to for sure.

361
00:17:40,359 --> 00:17:43,480
Speaker 2: Yeah, So I don't want that because I know that

362
00:17:43,480 --> 00:17:45,800
Speaker 2: stresses my mom out, like seeing that mess. I mean,

363
00:17:45,840 --> 00:17:48,280
Speaker 2: she's always been a little bit of a hoarder, but

364
00:17:48,359 --> 00:17:51,280
Speaker 2: it's never been like this, you know, And it doesn't

365
00:17:51,320 --> 00:17:53,600
Speaker 2: need to be, at least while I'm there, it doesn't

366
00:17:53,640 --> 00:17:56,080
Speaker 2: need to be. And I think too, they don't need

367
00:17:56,119 --> 00:17:58,399
Speaker 2: twenty seven things of topwear sitting out because they're not

368
00:17:58,440 --> 00:18:03,800
Speaker 2: eating that much food, right, you know, So while while

369
00:18:03,800 --> 00:18:05,800
Speaker 2: I'm there for the next few weeks, like I can

370
00:18:05,840 --> 00:18:08,560
Speaker 2: sort of gauge, Okay, maybe you need three things of.

371
00:18:08,480 --> 00:18:11,320
Speaker 1: Tupperware out you can figure out what their actual needs

372
00:18:11,359 --> 00:18:13,280
Speaker 1: are and help them get a better setup or even

373
00:18:13,320 --> 00:18:17,040
Speaker 1: get some help in there, get some not there or whatever. Totally,

374
00:18:17,400 --> 00:18:18,960
Speaker 1: I think it is a really cool thing that you

375
00:18:19,000 --> 00:18:21,680
Speaker 1: get to go right now though because of your work

376
00:18:21,720 --> 00:18:25,080
Speaker 1: dynamic and work from there be with them, I mean,

377
00:18:25,680 --> 00:18:28,679
Speaker 1: good timing with the holidays and stuff you go anyway, So.

378
00:18:28,880 --> 00:18:32,320
Speaker 2: Totally, Yeah, I can help red Christmas shopping. There's so

379
00:18:32,320 --> 00:18:33,439
Speaker 2: many things that I can help get it.

380
00:18:34,080 --> 00:18:37,080
Speaker 1: Yeah. Yeah, so well that's a lovely thing for you

381
00:18:37,119 --> 00:18:37,440
Speaker 1: to do.

382
00:18:37,880 --> 00:18:38,280
Speaker 2: We work.

383
00:18:38,359 --> 00:18:40,440
Speaker 1: I mean, we're talking about end of the year reflection

384
00:18:40,600 --> 00:18:43,560
Speaker 1: today and this does lead into that because I think

385
00:18:43,600 --> 00:18:46,040
Speaker 1: this has been a big process for you all year.

386
00:18:46,119 --> 00:18:48,920
Speaker 1: You've had the neck injury, and so much of that

387
00:18:49,119 --> 00:18:53,879
Speaker 1: was like you were there for that witness. Yeah, like that,

388
00:18:53,920 --> 00:18:54,240
Speaker 1: I mean.

389
00:18:54,160 --> 00:18:56,480
Speaker 2: I carry guilt, you know, even though I know in

390
00:18:56,520 --> 00:18:59,040
Speaker 2: my core it is not my fault, it is no

391
00:18:59,080 --> 00:19:02,600
Speaker 2: one's fault. But if I were not there and my

392
00:19:02,640 --> 00:19:05,000
Speaker 2: puppy were not there, my mother would not have broken

393
00:19:05,040 --> 00:19:07,280
Speaker 2: her neck. So it's hard to forget.

394
00:19:06,880 --> 00:19:07,720
Speaker 1: That, of course.

395
00:19:07,840 --> 00:19:09,760
Speaker 2: But yeah, I mean I do think I do think

396
00:19:09,800 --> 00:19:11,800
Speaker 2: it's like it is really when you said that this

397
00:19:11,920 --> 00:19:13,840
Speaker 2: is what we wanted, you wanted to talk about today.

398
00:19:13,840 --> 00:19:16,840
Speaker 2: I'm like, this little shit. It's like, I've never been

399
00:19:16,880 --> 00:19:18,320
Speaker 2: more reflective at the end of the year.

400
00:19:19,280 --> 00:19:22,640
Speaker 1: Yeah, and I think, like, I think you've gotten way

401
00:19:22,680 --> 00:19:26,159
Speaker 1: more reflective even since we started doing this podcast just

402
00:19:26,160 --> 00:19:28,280
Speaker 1: in general. But I've noticed it a lot with you

403
00:19:28,359 --> 00:19:31,840
Speaker 1: this year. I think the parents aging piece, because we're

404
00:19:32,160 --> 00:19:36,159
Speaker 1: entering that era of life or whatever has been really

405
00:19:36,560 --> 00:19:39,720
Speaker 1: it's it does really make you reflect on a lot

406
00:19:40,080 --> 00:19:42,879
Speaker 1: of different topics, and so you're seeing it in this

407
00:19:42,960 --> 00:19:45,760
Speaker 1: way of like you're facing these challenges with them, but

408
00:19:45,800 --> 00:19:48,960
Speaker 1: it's also such a moment of growth in a way too,

409
00:19:49,080 --> 00:19:52,639
Speaker 1: like you're seeing both the both and like the challenges.

410
00:19:52,680 --> 00:19:54,920
Speaker 1: But then, like you said, you're closer to your dad

411
00:19:54,960 --> 00:19:56,959
Speaker 1: than maybe you ever have been or you've been, you know,

412
00:19:57,000 --> 00:19:58,480
Speaker 1: able to spend time with them in a way that

413
00:19:58,520 --> 00:20:01,560
Speaker 1: you never you haven't in year. And yeah, there's always

414
00:20:01,640 --> 00:20:04,160
Speaker 1: like a beauty that you can find even in tragedy.

415
00:20:04,200 --> 00:20:07,159
Speaker 1: I do find too. So that's a really interesting end

416
00:20:07,160 --> 00:20:07,960
Speaker 1: of the year reflection.

417
00:20:08,080 --> 00:20:10,439
Speaker 2: I feel, yeah, I'm grateful for it. I mean, I

418
00:20:10,480 --> 00:20:14,520
Speaker 2: wish it was a different circumstance, but obviously, yeah, so,

419
00:20:14,680 --> 00:20:16,200
Speaker 2: but I can't that's out of my control.

420
00:20:16,520 --> 00:20:19,720
Speaker 1: Yeah, I mean in a bigger picture thing, like what's

421
00:20:19,760 --> 00:20:23,480
Speaker 1: your twenty twenty five overall? Have you experienced what I

422
00:20:23,520 --> 00:20:25,920
Speaker 1: was describing at the beginning, like were you drained this year?

423
00:20:26,080 --> 00:20:29,320
Speaker 1: Was this a year of shedding for you? Yeah?

424
00:20:29,359 --> 00:20:31,760
Speaker 2: I mean I feel like, I mean, I've had some

425
00:20:31,800 --> 00:20:36,080
Speaker 2: professional and personal sort of breakthroughs this year. I don't

426
00:20:36,119 --> 00:20:39,440
Speaker 2: know that I came into it. I mean my word

427
00:20:39,480 --> 00:20:42,680
Speaker 2: of the year was no. So I do think that

428
00:20:42,840 --> 00:20:45,600
Speaker 2: I came into the year wanting it to be different

429
00:20:46,240 --> 00:20:50,399
Speaker 2: and I wanted, I guess without realizing it, the no

430
00:20:50,680 --> 00:20:54,840
Speaker 2: then O part of my no was like intended to

431
00:20:54,920 --> 00:20:57,440
Speaker 2: shed some things, or to block some things or put

432
00:20:57,520 --> 00:21:01,560
Speaker 2: up boundaries or whatever you know needed to be And

433
00:21:02,560 --> 00:21:06,800
Speaker 2: the know part of my word no was to I mean,

434
00:21:07,160 --> 00:21:09,919
Speaker 2: I do think it like has lent me the ability

435
00:21:10,080 --> 00:21:14,720
Speaker 2: to like reflect more and get to know myself better.

436
00:21:15,280 --> 00:21:17,959
Speaker 2: Maybe it's to get to know my dad better and

437
00:21:18,520 --> 00:21:22,679
Speaker 2: just you know, learn and pay attention. And so I

438
00:21:22,720 --> 00:21:24,879
Speaker 2: do think if I had to, like think about what

439
00:21:25,000 --> 00:21:27,720
Speaker 2: I shed, I don't know that I could pinpoint any

440
00:21:27,760 --> 00:21:31,760
Speaker 2: specific things, but I do like I can say that

441
00:21:31,880 --> 00:21:34,879
Speaker 2: without a shadow of a doubt like I have grown

442
00:21:34,960 --> 00:21:38,440
Speaker 2: this year, you know, And I guess whenever you grow,

443
00:21:38,640 --> 00:21:40,480
Speaker 2: like you have to shed things, like you have to

444
00:21:40,520 --> 00:21:42,480
Speaker 2: move the all to make room for the new. And

445
00:21:42,680 --> 00:21:44,480
Speaker 2: I don't know that I would have reflected this hard

446
00:21:44,520 --> 00:21:47,160
Speaker 2: if it weren't you know, if I weren't staring tragedy

447
00:21:47,200 --> 00:21:50,200
Speaker 2: in the face either. You know, you know, it's really

448
00:21:50,240 --> 00:21:52,760
Speaker 2: made me look back on the year and and appreciate

449
00:21:52,800 --> 00:21:55,240
Speaker 2: all the you know, cool things that have happened, and

450
00:21:55,800 --> 00:21:59,520
Speaker 2: but also like really it puts things into perspective too.

451
00:22:00,119 --> 00:22:02,199
Speaker 1: Yeah. Well I think that's the thing, right. It just

452
00:22:02,240 --> 00:22:04,800
Speaker 1: those kind of hardships just to slow us down. And

453
00:22:04,880 --> 00:22:08,040
Speaker 1: so there's like this time and the space that we

454
00:22:08,080 --> 00:22:11,359
Speaker 1: don't usually take to reflect because you're kind of forced

455
00:22:11,400 --> 00:22:14,520
Speaker 1: into it. Yeah, that's always a really interesting piece. You

456
00:22:14,560 --> 00:22:17,600
Speaker 1: also turned fifty this year. That's a big deal. It's

457
00:22:17,640 --> 00:22:18,440
Speaker 1: a big year.

458
00:22:19,000 --> 00:22:23,080
Speaker 2: It's a big year. Yeah, thankfully, I don't feel it most.

459
00:22:23,160 --> 00:22:23,280
Speaker 3: You know.

460
00:22:23,359 --> 00:22:27,600
Speaker 2: What's funny is I realize next year is twenty twenty six,

461
00:22:27,800 --> 00:22:32,000
Speaker 2: and twenty six is my lucky number, is it now? Yeah?

462
00:22:32,040 --> 00:22:34,919
Speaker 2: I have a tattooed on my arm. Interesting and it

463
00:22:34,960 --> 00:22:37,240
Speaker 2: hadn't occurred to me that that was even approaching until

464
00:22:37,240 --> 00:22:39,639
Speaker 2: I said earlier like I cannot believe it's almost twenty

465
00:22:39,680 --> 00:22:41,680
Speaker 2: twenty six, and I was like, wait a minute.

466
00:22:41,920 --> 00:22:45,520
Speaker 1: Yeah, it's a one year in numerology, which means like

467
00:22:45,560 --> 00:22:48,879
Speaker 1: starting fresh. It's like new beginnings. It's that whole energy

468
00:22:49,560 --> 00:22:51,800
Speaker 1: and you can do like your personal year two. We

469
00:22:51,880 --> 00:22:54,399
Speaker 1: have a couple podcasts with a numerology expert if you

470
00:22:54,440 --> 00:22:56,560
Speaker 1: guys are interested in that that she talks through like

471
00:22:57,160 --> 00:23:00,159
Speaker 1: how do you find your master number? Like what is

472
00:23:00,200 --> 00:23:02,320
Speaker 1: your whole life like your life path number? I'm sorry,

473
00:23:02,520 --> 00:23:06,280
Speaker 1: not master number. Your life path number is kind of

474
00:23:06,359 --> 00:23:09,320
Speaker 1: what your soul's whole purpose is here, and so like

475
00:23:09,600 --> 00:23:11,959
Speaker 1: if you get your figure out what your number is,

476
00:23:12,560 --> 00:23:15,080
Speaker 1: you can kind of have a theme for what your

477
00:23:15,080 --> 00:23:17,879
Speaker 1: soul intended to do. Like it makes it very clear.

478
00:23:17,920 --> 00:23:20,560
Speaker 1: I'm a the reason I said master number, I'm an eleven,

479
00:23:20,680 --> 00:23:23,800
Speaker 1: which it's a weird system. You'll have to listen to

480
00:23:23,840 --> 00:23:27,600
Speaker 1: the podcast, but that means like I wanted to face

481
00:23:27,760 --> 00:23:32,399
Speaker 1: a lot of interesting deep dives and challenges to then reflect.

482
00:23:32,440 --> 00:23:34,760
Speaker 1: I mean, and it literally sums up my life. Yeah

483
00:23:35,680 --> 00:23:37,920
Speaker 1: that I done did it and I'm still doing it

484
00:23:38,000 --> 00:23:40,480
Speaker 1: and I always will be and it's like, Okay, tell

485
00:23:40,520 --> 00:23:42,640
Speaker 1: me you're an eleven without telling me you're an eleven.

486
00:23:43,160 --> 00:23:46,240
Speaker 1: But yeah, so I think as a human like as

487
00:23:46,359 --> 00:23:48,680
Speaker 1: on a personal level, we have each a personal number,

488
00:23:48,680 --> 00:23:50,879
Speaker 1: but then we also have a universal number. And the

489
00:23:51,000 --> 00:23:53,840
Speaker 1: universal number last year was nine. It was the year

490
00:23:53,880 --> 00:23:55,840
Speaker 1: of the Snake. This is why I asked you about shedding,

491
00:23:55,880 --> 00:23:58,000
Speaker 1: because it's all about like what are we gonna leave

492
00:23:58,080 --> 00:24:02,000
Speaker 1: in the past, Like nine is the it's the last number,

493
00:24:02,000 --> 00:24:04,280
Speaker 1: and then you start over with a new cycle. And

494
00:24:04,320 --> 00:24:08,200
Speaker 1: so like my personal number and the universal number always

495
00:24:08,200 --> 00:24:10,719
Speaker 1: line up. So that's you know, as an eleven, I

496
00:24:10,920 --> 00:24:14,560
Speaker 1: really want to just like grind lessons in so right,

497
00:24:14,800 --> 00:24:16,280
Speaker 1: that's what I'm doing, But I would be curious what

498
00:24:16,320 --> 00:24:18,640
Speaker 1: your personal number is and what lessons you're going through

499
00:24:18,720 --> 00:24:21,680
Speaker 1: right now. But yeah, I think overall we all have

500
00:24:21,800 --> 00:24:25,919
Speaker 1: that sense of kind of like, okay, jigs up. A

501
00:24:25,920 --> 00:24:29,160
Speaker 1: lot of the stuff in our world is not working anymore. Yeah,

502
00:24:29,160 --> 00:24:33,680
Speaker 1: we're seeing all of these people, these systems just exposed,

503
00:24:34,160 --> 00:24:36,600
Speaker 1: and so like we're pissed about it, and that's been

504
00:24:36,720 --> 00:24:39,200
Speaker 1: so much of the energy of this year. I think

505
00:24:39,280 --> 00:24:41,080
Speaker 1: what I'm sensing, and I don't know if you feel

506
00:24:41,080 --> 00:24:44,760
Speaker 1: this too, but like is that maybe we're moving into okay,

507
00:24:44,760 --> 00:24:47,160
Speaker 1: and how do we change it instead of just being

508
00:24:47,240 --> 00:24:50,639
Speaker 1: pissed about it? Like which is totally the one energy

509
00:24:51,040 --> 00:24:54,720
Speaker 1: and that's that's what I feel in my personal life too.

510
00:24:54,760 --> 00:24:56,800
Speaker 1: I think the reason I feel so tired this month

511
00:24:56,880 --> 00:24:59,439
Speaker 1: is it has been a massive year of growth on

512
00:24:59,520 --> 00:25:02,120
Speaker 1: a lot of levels, and there's been a lot of shedding,

513
00:25:02,200 --> 00:25:06,240
Speaker 1: and most of mine has been in patterns of thinking

514
00:25:06,400 --> 00:25:10,240
Speaker 1: and like narratives either about myself, about my self worth,

515
00:25:10,560 --> 00:25:13,000
Speaker 1: about the way I've worked in the past, like all

516
00:25:13,000 --> 00:25:14,359
Speaker 1: of the things we were talking about the beginning of

517
00:25:14,359 --> 00:25:18,160
Speaker 1: the podcast. It's me bumping up against those same themes

518
00:25:18,200 --> 00:25:20,440
Speaker 1: and why they're not going to work in my life anymore,

519
00:25:20,560 --> 00:25:25,480
Speaker 1: or even in relationships, like are these completely reciprocal situations

520
00:25:25,520 --> 00:25:29,359
Speaker 1: for me? Or am I overgiving? Is this like making

521
00:25:29,440 --> 00:25:32,000
Speaker 1: sense in my life? And that goes even for work,

522
00:25:32,119 --> 00:25:35,239
Speaker 1: like am I doing jobs and being compensated properly? Like

523
00:25:35,600 --> 00:25:38,720
Speaker 1: I just have not fully in my adult I've probably

524
00:25:38,760 --> 00:25:40,719
Speaker 1: thought about that as much as others, and so this

525
00:25:40,760 --> 00:25:42,959
Speaker 1: has been a big year of that for me and

526
00:25:43,119 --> 00:25:46,200
Speaker 1: just shedding some old narratives of being scared to ask

527
00:25:46,280 --> 00:25:49,520
Speaker 1: for more you know, and just being like taking up space,

528
00:25:49,680 --> 00:25:52,920
Speaker 1: starting to or whatever. Yeah, it's been The shedding part

529
00:25:53,000 --> 00:25:55,840
Speaker 1: is always just a little exhausting for a deep feeler

530
00:25:56,000 --> 00:26:00,000
Speaker 1: like me. You know, you get to December and you're like, oh,

531
00:26:00,119 --> 00:26:02,400
Speaker 1: I can't even see straight, and I do just want to,

532
00:26:02,560 --> 00:26:04,760
Speaker 1: you know, sit back and reflect. And that's what we

533
00:26:04,760 --> 00:26:06,960
Speaker 1: were saying at the beginning of the podcast, Like it's

534
00:26:07,000 --> 00:26:09,639
Speaker 1: interesting because we talk about, Okay, well, we have these

535
00:26:09,680 --> 00:26:12,119
Speaker 1: holiday seasons and everyone takes off work, but then somehow

536
00:26:12,119 --> 00:26:14,359
Speaker 1: you make your holiday season so busy or you have

537
00:26:14,400 --> 00:26:18,640
Speaker 1: all these parties, all these celebrations. I find myself often

538
00:26:18,840 --> 00:26:22,000
Speaker 1: very tired at the end of December, Like then we're

539
00:26:22,080 --> 00:26:23,959
Speaker 1: just supposed to start into the new year, you know,

540
00:26:24,000 --> 00:26:25,960
Speaker 1: and I really want to be more intentional this year

541
00:26:26,000 --> 00:26:29,960
Speaker 1: of like closing things down a little bit earlier. And

542
00:26:31,119 --> 00:26:33,600
Speaker 1: as much as that feels uncomfortable to me and like

543
00:26:34,000 --> 00:26:37,359
Speaker 1: a little bit scary, sometimes I feel that it's really

544
00:26:37,400 --> 00:26:40,800
Speaker 1: important to take the time to daydream and create. And

545
00:26:40,840 --> 00:26:42,960
Speaker 1: we had a you know, Andrea Lee Rogers, I don't

546
00:26:42,960 --> 00:26:44,720
Speaker 1: know if she was on the podcast a couple months ago,

547
00:26:45,080 --> 00:26:46,480
Speaker 1: and I don't know if you remember this chip, but

548
00:26:46,520 --> 00:26:48,840
Speaker 1: she said to me, we have to allow ourselves the

549
00:26:48,840 --> 00:26:52,520
Speaker 1: space to be bored. And I was like, yes, that

550
00:26:52,680 --> 00:26:54,800
Speaker 1: is what I never do, and I really want to

551
00:26:54,840 --> 00:26:57,240
Speaker 1: try to do that over the next couple weeks and

552
00:26:57,320 --> 00:27:00,919
Speaker 1: before January, because I think I'm ready for fresh starts.

553
00:27:00,960 --> 00:27:03,600
Speaker 1: I'm ready for new structures. I'm ready to bring in

554
00:27:03,680 --> 00:27:06,000
Speaker 1: new narratives into my life. But if I don't take

555
00:27:06,040 --> 00:27:09,840
Speaker 1: the time to like create those or day dream those up,

556
00:27:10,000 --> 00:27:11,960
Speaker 1: or put a plan into place or figure out what

557
00:27:12,000 --> 00:27:14,320
Speaker 1: a new structure is, I'm just going to keep on

558
00:27:14,400 --> 00:27:17,360
Speaker 1: going in the same things, you know, totally. Yeah, it's

559
00:27:17,440 --> 00:27:20,960
Speaker 1: really about taking the space to release versus just staying

560
00:27:21,119 --> 00:27:23,840
Speaker 1: on the hamster wheel and like not thinking of the

561
00:27:23,880 --> 00:27:25,240
Speaker 1: new ways. That makes sense.

562
00:27:25,560 --> 00:27:29,800
Speaker 2: Yeah, I I because I'm starting my drive home today.

563
00:27:29,840 --> 00:27:32,760
Speaker 2: I've I packed last night this morning and I packed

564
00:27:32,800 --> 00:27:35,359
Speaker 2: four I'm you know, I'll be gone for like three weeks.

565
00:27:35,720 --> 00:27:36,560
Speaker 1: Oh it's a long time.

566
00:27:36,600 --> 00:27:39,879
Speaker 2: I packed four books because I want to, like Dissa,

567
00:27:40,520 --> 00:27:42,960
Speaker 2: you know, I obviously it's like work is not done,

568
00:27:42,960 --> 00:27:44,480
Speaker 2: so I'll have to work during the day, but I'm

569
00:27:44,480 --> 00:27:46,560
Speaker 2: not going home planning on like going out and seeing

570
00:27:46,600 --> 00:27:49,560
Speaker 2: high school friends and doing all that. No New Year's

571
00:27:49,600 --> 00:27:53,720
Speaker 2: plans nothing. So that's what I want too, is like

572
00:27:53,800 --> 00:27:56,320
Speaker 2: I want when the work day is done, I want

573
00:27:56,359 --> 00:27:58,159
Speaker 2: to close my computer and I want to be bored.

574
00:27:58,680 --> 00:28:01,800
Speaker 2: And I think too, it's like sometimes in order to

575
00:28:01,840 --> 00:28:05,520
Speaker 2: break bad habits, you have to do nothing because if

576
00:28:05,560 --> 00:28:08,399
Speaker 2: you're in motion doing the things that you feel like

577
00:28:08,440 --> 00:28:11,680
Speaker 2: you need to do, that bad habits can sneak in and.

578
00:28:11,960 --> 00:28:13,680
Speaker 1: Well because they're your survival skills.

579
00:28:13,800 --> 00:28:18,159
Speaker 2: Yeah yeah, so it's like you might even forget about

580
00:28:18,240 --> 00:28:21,439
Speaker 2: those whatever they are if you just give yourself a

581
00:28:21,440 --> 00:28:22,240
Speaker 2: week to do nothing.

582
00:28:23,040 --> 00:28:26,000
Speaker 1: Yeah. Well, and actually, like I realize so many of

583
00:28:26,040 --> 00:28:29,960
Speaker 1: my bad habits are from exhaustion. Like so it's like

584
00:28:30,359 --> 00:28:33,439
Speaker 1: I'll over drink coffee or start eating bad or not

585
00:28:33,600 --> 00:28:36,040
Speaker 1: working out or whatever, and it's because I'm not giving

586
00:28:36,040 --> 00:28:38,560
Speaker 1: myself time. And so, like you said, like I want

587
00:28:38,560 --> 00:28:40,760
Speaker 1: to sleep and not set an alarm, like let my

588
00:28:40,800 --> 00:28:43,320
Speaker 1: body be the alarm. I want to like go on

589
00:28:43,400 --> 00:28:45,640
Speaker 1: long walks and not be on a time crunch of

590
00:28:45,640 --> 00:28:47,680
Speaker 1: like okay, you got twenty minutes or something, you know,

591
00:28:47,840 --> 00:28:52,320
Speaker 1: like right, just kind of wondering, and they're so to me.

592
00:28:52,520 --> 00:28:56,240
Speaker 1: I'm like, I also, if you know anything about your astrology,

593
00:28:56,240 --> 00:28:58,200
Speaker 1: if you have pisces anywhere, which chip and out both

594
00:28:58,280 --> 00:29:01,520
Speaker 1: do we need that time because that's how we process

595
00:29:01,600 --> 00:29:05,040
Speaker 1: all of the emotions and turn them into ideas because

596
00:29:05,080 --> 00:29:07,080
Speaker 1: we dream up things. But if we don't allow the

597
00:29:07,200 --> 00:29:10,120
Speaker 1: dreaming up time, we just have all the emotions and

598
00:29:10,160 --> 00:29:12,760
Speaker 1: we're flooded. And like, that's where I've been for sure.

599
00:29:12,840 --> 00:29:15,760
Speaker 1: It's just the astrology of the last month has taken

600
00:29:15,920 --> 00:29:19,400
Speaker 1: me out and I'm just like feeling too much. And

601
00:29:19,400 --> 00:29:21,840
Speaker 1: it's fine, it's part of my process, but I really

602
00:29:21,880 --> 00:29:24,360
Speaker 1: want to like honor the process more than I have

603
00:29:24,440 --> 00:29:27,240
Speaker 1: in the past. And it's hard. It is not like

604
00:29:27,480 --> 00:29:31,360
Speaker 1: it is not comfortable for me, but it's even sometimes

605
00:29:31,400 --> 00:29:34,240
Speaker 1: saying no, like I can't do as many social events lately.

606
00:29:34,320 --> 00:29:37,120
Speaker 1: I'm just I don't have it and so but letting

607
00:29:37,160 --> 00:29:40,320
Speaker 1: people down really kills me, Like I don't like it.

608
00:29:41,080 --> 00:29:43,160
Speaker 1: But I'm really like, you're smart to just leave town

609
00:29:43,200 --> 00:29:43,920
Speaker 1: because it's like, uh.

610
00:29:43,880 --> 00:29:46,360
Speaker 2: Yeah, I do it. Now, can't do it. I am

611
00:29:46,400 --> 00:29:48,440
Speaker 2: coming back for our holiday party on Monday.

612
00:29:48,480 --> 00:29:50,800
Speaker 1: But there you are. Yeah, that's a lot of back

613
00:29:50,800 --> 00:29:51,600
Speaker 1: and forth.

614
00:29:51,640 --> 00:29:54,240
Speaker 2: I know, but it's a there's a direct flight that

615
00:29:54,440 --> 00:29:56,200
Speaker 2: actually works really nicely. So but.

616
00:30:05,240 --> 00:30:08,120
Speaker 1: Is there any other big takeaway you had from twenty

617
00:30:08,160 --> 00:30:11,040
Speaker 1: twenty five that you I mean, we're gonna always come

618
00:30:11,080 --> 00:30:12,800
Speaker 1: back in January we do our words of the year,

619
00:30:12,840 --> 00:30:14,440
Speaker 1: and so we'll talk about what we made our words

620
00:30:14,480 --> 00:30:16,920
Speaker 1: this year and really kind of reflect on those in January.

621
00:30:16,960 --> 00:30:20,880
Speaker 1: But was there any just like overall takeaway that you

622
00:30:20,880 --> 00:30:23,280
Speaker 1: would say summed up your twenty twenty five reflection.

623
00:30:24,040 --> 00:30:27,040
Speaker 2: Well, I mean, it's funny because when you were talking

624
00:30:27,080 --> 00:30:30,520
Speaker 2: about this year, like how this year just sort of

625
00:30:30,560 --> 00:30:34,360
Speaker 2: felt different, And yeah, I do find what's weird is

626
00:30:34,440 --> 00:30:37,400
Speaker 2: and I really look forward to today where we never

627
00:30:37,440 --> 00:30:40,320
Speaker 2: mentioned the word the pandemic again. But I do feel

628
00:30:40,400 --> 00:30:43,600
Speaker 2: like this year we finally got out of the pandemic,

629
00:30:43,800 --> 00:30:46,400
Speaker 2: Like it's no longer, it's no, it doesn't feel like

630
00:30:46,440 --> 00:30:51,240
Speaker 2: it's an excuse for anything anymore. And I feel like,

631
00:30:52,120 --> 00:30:56,920
Speaker 2: even though it feels like the world is ending in

632
00:30:56,960 --> 00:31:00,200
Speaker 2: many ways, I do feel like the world also has

633
00:31:00,240 --> 00:31:04,080
Speaker 2: found footing again, which isn't necessarily just a personal observation.

634
00:31:04,760 --> 00:31:08,960
Speaker 2: And because we have our footing, I feel like people

635
00:31:09,080 --> 00:31:13,440
Speaker 2: are going to and you know, we collectively are going

636
00:31:13,520 --> 00:31:17,200
Speaker 2: to We're going to come back next year and sort

637
00:31:17,240 --> 00:31:20,680
Speaker 2: of be stronger for it, And like have the energy

638
00:31:20,720 --> 00:31:23,160
Speaker 2: to like fix whatever's broken.

639
00:31:23,400 --> 00:31:26,560
Speaker 1: Well, you just summed up with numerology, like so basically

640
00:31:27,360 --> 00:31:30,640
Speaker 1: the old world is dying like that what you're feeling

641
00:31:30,960 --> 00:31:35,040
Speaker 1: is real, that's happening, and it's just like okay, but

642
00:31:35,120 --> 00:31:38,600
Speaker 1: we have to like grieve it, feel it, let it go,

643
00:31:38,840 --> 00:31:41,760
Speaker 1: release it, and trust that the new that we don't

644
00:31:41,840 --> 00:31:44,400
Speaker 1: know yet is going to be better or whatever. But

645
00:31:44,440 --> 00:31:47,080
Speaker 1: we're not like what you just said your feeling was

646
00:31:47,160 --> 00:31:49,600
Speaker 1: to me summed it all up, because we haven't fully

647
00:31:49,600 --> 00:31:51,560
Speaker 1: gotten there. But I do agree with you, like we're

648
00:31:51,600 --> 00:31:54,120
Speaker 1: getting the energy to be like, Okay, wait a second,

649
00:31:54,720 --> 00:31:57,640
Speaker 1: this isn't working. What is our new system going to be?

650
00:31:57,760 --> 00:32:00,120
Speaker 1: And like let's lean in and start moving that way

651
00:32:00,200 --> 00:32:02,520
Speaker 1: versus just like bitching about it and fighting each other.

652
00:32:02,840 --> 00:32:05,560
Speaker 2: Yeah, And I think the pandemic like really did give

653
00:32:05,640 --> 00:32:08,920
Speaker 2: us a valid excuse for a lot of the problems

654
00:32:08,920 --> 00:32:11,400
Speaker 2: that we were dealing with. And you know that was

655
00:32:11,520 --> 00:32:13,160
Speaker 2: nearly three years of our lives.

656
00:32:13,760 --> 00:32:14,400
Speaker 1: Oh totally.

657
00:32:14,520 --> 00:32:16,880
Speaker 2: Yeah, so it took a minute for us to find

658
00:32:16,880 --> 00:32:19,960
Speaker 2: our footing again. But I feel like we have And

659
00:32:20,000 --> 00:32:21,720
Speaker 2: that doesn't mean that like we are in a great

660
00:32:21,760 --> 00:32:26,440
Speaker 2: place societally, but I do think that like those excuses

661
00:32:26,640 --> 00:32:30,080
Speaker 2: have been shed and now it's like we have to

662
00:32:30,360 --> 00:32:32,920
Speaker 2: cut you know, come together as human beings and figure

663
00:32:32,960 --> 00:32:35,840
Speaker 2: this out so that you know there can be joy

664
00:32:36,040 --> 00:32:41,160
Speaker 2: and peace and sustainability for just human existence because it

665
00:32:41,640 --> 00:32:43,800
Speaker 2: and you know, it feels like we have been tested

666
00:32:43,840 --> 00:32:47,840
Speaker 2: the last five years, oh for sure. And you know personally,

667
00:32:48,160 --> 00:32:50,800
Speaker 2: the way that that sort of affects me personally is

668
00:32:50,880 --> 00:32:55,520
Speaker 2: like I feel more in my power than I ever have,

669
00:32:56,280 --> 00:32:59,080
Speaker 2: you know, like I feel comfortable in my skin, I

670
00:32:59,120 --> 00:33:04,000
Speaker 2: feel like comfortab in my my work situation. Now I

671
00:33:04,080 --> 00:33:07,280
Speaker 2: just I just feel like in my power. So I'm

672
00:33:07,320 --> 00:33:10,080
Speaker 2: hoping that that's a sign that you know, I can

673
00:33:10,200 --> 00:33:12,800
Speaker 2: with some rest, I can come back as truly the

674
00:33:12,840 --> 00:33:16,520
Speaker 2: best version of myself next year and prove that twenty

675
00:33:16,560 --> 00:33:17,880
Speaker 2: six is my lucky number.

676
00:33:18,400 --> 00:33:20,320
Speaker 1: Why is twenty six your lucky number?

677
00:33:20,840 --> 00:33:22,880
Speaker 2: It goes back to a college thing, but it's just

678
00:33:22,920 --> 00:33:23,680
Speaker 2: always been.

679
00:33:23,920 --> 00:33:25,400
Speaker 1: He's like, so, well, think about it.

680
00:33:26,080 --> 00:33:28,240
Speaker 2: Yeah.

681
00:33:28,240 --> 00:33:31,640
Speaker 1: It's interesting because as you were sitting there reflecting on

682
00:33:32,440 --> 00:33:35,719
Speaker 1: the specifics, I was thinking, Oh God, what am I

683
00:33:35,840 --> 00:33:38,040
Speaker 1: going to be? And then I thought, oh wait, this

684
00:33:38,240 --> 00:33:41,200
Speaker 1: is why I want these next couple of weeks of quiet,

685
00:33:41,400 --> 00:33:43,640
Speaker 1: is because I haven't done the reflecting yet, Like I

686
00:33:43,680 --> 00:33:46,640
Speaker 1: have some ideas, but one of the big lessons for

687
00:33:46,760 --> 00:33:49,480
Speaker 1: me this year and I'm trying to think of how

688
00:33:49,480 --> 00:33:52,000
Speaker 1: to say this, like it's because it's funny to me now,

689
00:33:52,040 --> 00:33:55,040
Speaker 1: but like, okay, so my boyfriend is an internal processor

690
00:33:55,080 --> 00:33:57,440
Speaker 1: and I'm an external processor in case you guys haven't

691
00:33:57,440 --> 00:34:01,200
Speaker 1: figured that out because I have this podcast. But anyway,

692
00:34:01,800 --> 00:34:05,520
Speaker 1: I process by saying it all out loud, like all

693
00:34:05,640 --> 00:34:07,840
Speaker 1: the things happening in my brain and my body and

694
00:34:07,840 --> 00:34:10,799
Speaker 1: my feelings and all the things, and then I get

695
00:34:10,840 --> 00:34:14,000
Speaker 1: to the solution, you know. And my boyfriend goes on

696
00:34:14,360 --> 00:34:18,080
Speaker 1: walks and like processes to himself or he's driving, you know,

697
00:34:18,120 --> 00:34:22,560
Speaker 1: he's just quietly processing within And because of those differences,

698
00:34:22,920 --> 00:34:25,400
Speaker 1: like I don't think I realized that I was an extern.

699
00:34:25,480 --> 00:34:28,120
Speaker 1: I didn't realize any of that. I just thought I

700
00:34:28,160 --> 00:34:29,839
Speaker 1: am who I don't know, Like it didn't even pund

701
00:34:29,960 --> 00:34:32,279
Speaker 1: on me until this relationship. And then I was like, oh,

702
00:34:32,520 --> 00:34:36,360
Speaker 1: other people process in different ways, but I'm never going

703
00:34:36,440 --> 00:34:37,840
Speaker 1: to be him and he's never going to be me.

704
00:34:38,239 --> 00:34:41,719
Speaker 1: But in learning to work with each other on that,

705
00:34:41,800 --> 00:34:45,160
Speaker 1: I've actually learned a lot about how to help myself

706
00:34:45,280 --> 00:34:49,000
Speaker 1: process better, and like one of those things is that

707
00:34:49,120 --> 00:34:52,319
Speaker 1: I don't have to always like the feelings that I

708
00:34:52,320 --> 00:34:54,319
Speaker 1: have are always kind of fleeting, you know, like I'm

709
00:34:54,480 --> 00:34:57,400
Speaker 1: very emotional, and so they change and they ebb and

710
00:34:57,400 --> 00:35:00,200
Speaker 1: they flow, and sometimes I think I try to figure

711
00:35:00,200 --> 00:35:02,680
Speaker 1: it out before I'm out of that or give it

712
00:35:02,719 --> 00:35:05,120
Speaker 1: a name or anything like that. And right now, what

713
00:35:05,200 --> 00:35:07,120
Speaker 1: I have this sense to do is kind of just

714
00:35:07,200 --> 00:35:09,439
Speaker 1: let it process through and in more of a way

715
00:35:09,440 --> 00:35:11,279
Speaker 1: that he does. Like it's been interesting for me to

716
00:35:11,360 --> 00:35:13,800
Speaker 1: kind of go, what would happen if I just reflect

717
00:35:13,840 --> 00:35:18,239
Speaker 1: on this until I actually do feel clarity or till I, like,

718
00:35:18,560 --> 00:35:20,600
Speaker 1: you know, on a journal about it, talk it out

719
00:35:20,880 --> 00:35:22,840
Speaker 1: with my therapist or whoever if I need to. But

720
00:35:22,960 --> 00:35:26,839
Speaker 1: like I'm just learning a lot about I don't have

721
00:35:26,920 --> 00:35:29,239
Speaker 1: to have like today while we're doing this podcast, I

722
00:35:29,239 --> 00:35:32,160
Speaker 1: don't have to have the big answer to the reflection.

723
00:35:32,360 --> 00:35:34,800
Speaker 1: I know some of the things that I've learned or

724
00:35:34,840 --> 00:35:37,359
Speaker 1: bumped up against this year, and one of them is

725
00:35:38,400 --> 00:35:42,880
Speaker 1: not having to like fully lean into every emotion, like

726
00:35:43,000 --> 00:35:45,120
Speaker 1: letting it kind of flow through me and pass and

727
00:35:45,200 --> 00:35:46,920
Speaker 1: learning how to work with that a little bit more

728
00:35:46,960 --> 00:35:49,640
Speaker 1: and honor my needs during that time, and right now,

729
00:35:49,640 --> 00:35:53,080
Speaker 1: what I need is just to rest and to reflect internally,

730
00:35:53,719 --> 00:35:55,799
Speaker 1: and then you know, by January, I'm gonna come back

731
00:35:55,800 --> 00:35:57,319
Speaker 1: and I have a lot of things to say, y'all.

732
00:35:58,239 --> 00:36:00,080
Speaker 2: Well, I mean, it's it's what a great lesson to

733
00:36:00,160 --> 00:36:03,799
Speaker 2: learn that you don't have to give oxygen to everything exactly. Yeah,

734
00:36:04,320 --> 00:36:06,359
Speaker 2: because naturally such a.

735
00:36:06,320 --> 00:36:08,560
Speaker 1: Big realer I am, yeah, you know.

736
00:36:08,719 --> 00:36:13,040
Speaker 2: And it's the more you like speak those negative feelings

737
00:36:13,040 --> 00:36:14,800
Speaker 2: into existence, the more real.

738
00:36:14,680 --> 00:36:16,480
Speaker 1: They are, too, exactly.

739
00:36:16,280 --> 00:36:18,080
Speaker 2: And a feeling is just a feeling they do, they

740
00:36:18,080 --> 00:36:21,359
Speaker 2: are fleeting. But it's also cool that your boyfriend can

741
00:36:21,440 --> 00:36:27,200
Speaker 2: learn to communicate his feelings by practicing, you know, with you,

742
00:36:28,320 --> 00:36:31,440
Speaker 2: because it is important to like, at a certain point,

743
00:36:31,520 --> 00:36:34,840
Speaker 2: sometimes feelings are much more than a feeling, and it

744
00:36:34,920 --> 00:36:38,480
Speaker 2: needs to be exercised, like you need to get it out.

745
00:36:38,560 --> 00:36:42,080
Speaker 1: Sometimes we need feedback, right, Like, you know, our brains

746
00:36:42,080 --> 00:36:44,160
Speaker 1: can all get really crazy if you're just living in

747
00:36:44,200 --> 00:36:47,239
Speaker 1: there all the time processing feelings, like you have all

748
00:36:47,280 --> 00:36:50,520
Speaker 1: these subconscious things happening too, so it is important to

749
00:36:50,560 --> 00:36:53,759
Speaker 1: get feedback and have something reflected back to you, like

750
00:36:53,960 --> 00:36:56,839
Speaker 1: is this reality? You know? Like, but like you said

751
00:36:56,840 --> 00:36:59,879
Speaker 1: it perfectly, I think we're both learning a lot from

752
00:37:00,000 --> 00:37:03,720
Speaker 1: each other and finding oh there can be more balance

753
00:37:03,800 --> 00:37:06,640
Speaker 1: to this or like I'm just learning how to do

754
00:37:06,719 --> 00:37:10,120
Speaker 1: it in a way that's not overwhelming to either of us.

755
00:37:10,160 --> 00:37:13,080
Speaker 1: And him too, like we're both it's just it's very interesting.

756
00:37:13,120 --> 00:37:16,520
Speaker 1: So anyway, all that is to say that for today,

757
00:37:16,880 --> 00:37:23,040
Speaker 1: with my cramps in my monochromatic outfits matching the wall,

758
00:37:23,160 --> 00:37:25,480
Speaker 1: I just yeah, I just have this sense to say

759
00:37:25,840 --> 00:37:27,680
Speaker 1: I have learned a lot this year. And it's been

760
00:37:27,680 --> 00:37:30,440
Speaker 1: a very taxing year. It's been a beautiful year on

761
00:37:30,480 --> 00:37:33,000
Speaker 1: some front. It's been a slow year and then it's

762
00:37:33,040 --> 00:37:36,440
Speaker 1: been a really fast year. So it's just been all

763
00:37:36,480 --> 00:37:38,560
Speaker 1: over the place. And I want to take some time

764
00:37:38,600 --> 00:37:42,160
Speaker 1: to myself to kind of really get quiet and go

765
00:37:42,840 --> 00:37:45,960
Speaker 1: what were the big takeaways and what do I want

766
00:37:46,000 --> 00:37:47,600
Speaker 1: to bring into the next year, and how do I

767
00:37:47,600 --> 00:37:50,920
Speaker 1: want to restructure things? And I'm ready for some newness

768
00:37:50,920 --> 00:37:55,200
Speaker 1: for sure, ready for some new energy absolutely.

769
00:37:54,920 --> 00:37:58,800
Speaker 2: After some rest, after some rest.

770
00:37:58,160 --> 00:38:01,400
Speaker 1: After some rest and some quiet, yeah, and just enjoying

771
00:38:01,520 --> 00:38:04,080
Speaker 1: life like I do. Do you feel this too, Like

772
00:38:04,320 --> 00:38:05,600
Speaker 1: do you feel like a lot of people just want

773
00:38:05,640 --> 00:38:07,439
Speaker 1: to be off their phones a lot more?

774
00:38:07,560 --> 00:38:07,799
Speaker 2: Yes?

775
00:38:08,360 --> 00:38:10,320
Speaker 1: And I feel like we want to be more present

776
00:38:10,360 --> 00:38:12,160
Speaker 1: with people, like even what you were talking about with

777
00:38:12,200 --> 00:38:15,279
Speaker 1: your parents, like talking to your dad in ways that

778
00:38:15,320 --> 00:38:17,439
Speaker 1: you never have instead of just sitting there with him

779
00:38:17,640 --> 00:38:21,320
Speaker 1: while you sit on your phone or watch TV or whatever. Like, Yeah,

780
00:38:21,480 --> 00:38:24,080
Speaker 1: just actually being present. I think there's a big craving

781
00:38:24,080 --> 00:38:26,480
Speaker 1: for that with a lot of people. So that's my goal.

782
00:38:26,640 --> 00:38:27,480
Speaker 1: In the next question, you.

783
00:38:27,480 --> 00:38:32,160
Speaker 2: Know what's funny is because you know, the vintage version

784
00:38:32,239 --> 00:38:34,880
Speaker 2: of being on your phone was watching too much television,

785
00:38:36,080 --> 00:38:39,480
Speaker 2: and now watching television like my buddy John who's crashing

786
00:38:39,520 --> 00:38:42,320
Speaker 2: in my house, like, well, we're like obsessed with shows

787
00:38:42,320 --> 00:38:45,880
Speaker 2: together now, so we'll watch television together and it actually

788
00:38:46,000 --> 00:38:49,120
Speaker 2: like we're not on our phones, we're watching TV, we're playing,

789
00:38:49,200 --> 00:38:53,000
Speaker 2: we're paying attention to the same thing. So it's because it's.

790
00:38:52,920 --> 00:38:56,080
Speaker 4: Weird because watching television as an activity I know that

791
00:38:56,120 --> 00:38:59,520
Speaker 4: we can talk about and theorize and god for it

792
00:38:59,560 --> 00:39:02,759
Speaker 4: actually is a connected There's like a connectivity to it,

793
00:39:04,000 --> 00:39:04,920
Speaker 4: which is just funny.

794
00:39:04,960 --> 00:39:06,320
Speaker 2: It feels like from.

795
00:39:07,960 --> 00:39:11,759
Speaker 1: Yes, but we're so much more disconnected that that activity

796
00:39:11,800 --> 00:39:16,839
Speaker 1: that used to seem disconnecting is actually connecting. Yeah, it's interesting. Yeah,

797
00:39:16,880 --> 00:39:18,480
Speaker 1: I love That's one of my favorite things to do

798
00:39:18,520 --> 00:39:21,000
Speaker 1: with my boyfriend is like having a show. Did you

799
00:39:21,000 --> 00:39:24,040
Speaker 1: watch The Beast of Me yet? No, it's good, it's

800
00:39:24,040 --> 00:39:24,480
Speaker 1: a good one.

801
00:39:24,520 --> 00:39:27,720
Speaker 2: I'm watching. I'm currently watching The Mosquito Coast.

802
00:39:28,360 --> 00:39:29,640
Speaker 1: It's what the fuck?

803
00:39:29,800 --> 00:39:34,520
Speaker 2: What I know? It's it's it's Justin threau be still

804
00:39:34,520 --> 00:39:37,560
Speaker 2: my beating heart. Oh god. And there's two seasons of it.

805
00:39:37,560 --> 00:39:38,399
Speaker 2: It's on Apple TV.

806
00:39:39,200 --> 00:39:41,840
Speaker 1: What is it about? What's the premise it's about.

807
00:39:42,280 --> 00:39:44,880
Speaker 2: It's about a family that's on the run from the

808
00:39:44,960 --> 00:39:48,920
Speaker 2: US government and Cosquito Coast, Mosquito Coast. And the crazy

809
00:39:48,960 --> 00:39:51,239
Speaker 2: thing is was it's based on there's a movie from

810
00:39:51,239 --> 00:39:53,759
Speaker 2: the I think the eighties or early NINETIESKA with the

811
00:39:53,800 --> 00:39:56,720
Speaker 2: same title, which I imagine is probably a similar story.

812
00:39:57,120 --> 00:39:59,120
Speaker 2: But and they're based on a book that was written

813
00:39:59,160 --> 00:40:00,400
Speaker 2: by Justin's uncle.

814
00:40:00,880 --> 00:40:01,680
Speaker 1: Oh interesting.

815
00:40:01,880 --> 00:40:05,080
Speaker 2: Yeah, but it's it's really good. Like and I'm still

816
00:40:05,120 --> 00:40:08,640
Speaker 2: not even sure why they're running. Oh you know, there's

817
00:40:08,719 --> 00:40:11,120
Speaker 2: little pieces, Yeah, there's small pieces.

818
00:40:11,239 --> 00:40:12,040
Speaker 1: I kind of like that.

819
00:40:12,440 --> 00:40:14,719
Speaker 2: Yeah, it's really cool. Like I'm like seven episodes in,

820
00:40:14,800 --> 00:40:15,920
Speaker 2: I'm like, why are they running?

821
00:40:15,920 --> 00:40:16,759
Speaker 1: And how you don't even know?

822
00:40:17,160 --> 00:40:17,319
Speaker 2: Yeah?

823
00:40:17,360 --> 00:40:19,560
Speaker 1: Okay, so all right, well I need any one because

824
00:40:19,560 --> 00:40:21,239
Speaker 1: I finished the b Sime. The BC of Me is

825
00:40:21,239 --> 00:40:24,080
Speaker 1: Cleared Ames, and like, I love Clear Dames.

826
00:40:24,520 --> 00:40:26,800
Speaker 2: We've forgotten about her, well.

827
00:40:26,600 --> 00:40:29,080
Speaker 1: She hasn't really done much since Homeland, and but her

828
00:40:29,200 --> 00:40:31,360
Speaker 1: character we were talking about this, like her character is

829
00:40:31,360 --> 00:40:33,360
Speaker 1: always a little bit similar in that they're like a

830
00:40:33,400 --> 00:40:38,279
Speaker 1: little bit emotionally disturbed, very anxious. They're going through something intense,

831
00:40:39,000 --> 00:40:43,200
Speaker 1: and that is this show. But like you can't help

832
00:40:43,239 --> 00:40:45,560
Speaker 1: but just get so sucked in because you're like, what

833
00:40:45,680 --> 00:40:49,439
Speaker 1: is she doing in her lower lip quiver constantly? You're

834
00:40:49,480 --> 00:40:51,640
Speaker 1: just like, what is she so upset about this time?

835
00:40:51,760 --> 00:40:51,960
Speaker 2: Right?

836
00:40:52,040 --> 00:40:53,920
Speaker 1: Like, I don't know. It's it's got a lot of

837
00:40:53,920 --> 00:40:58,239
Speaker 1: twists and turns too, So what's it on? What is

838
00:40:58,280 --> 00:41:02,360
Speaker 1: it on Netflix? I think, yeah, it's on Netflix. Okay,

839
00:41:03,480 --> 00:41:05,560
Speaker 1: I mean what about There's so much shit going on

840
00:41:05,640 --> 00:41:08,480
Speaker 1: right now. It's like all this Netflix trying to buy whatever.

841
00:41:08,600 --> 00:41:11,239
Speaker 1: I'm just like, guys, it's December. Can we not just

842
00:41:11,239 --> 00:41:13,800
Speaker 1: stop for the year. We're done. We've had enough.

843
00:41:13,960 --> 00:41:14,879
Speaker 2: And aren't you enough?

844
00:41:15,120 --> 00:41:18,839
Speaker 1: Like I feel sketchy, ye all I'm gonna say about it,

845
00:41:18,920 --> 00:41:21,919
Speaker 1: but we shall see. Whatever is done in the dark

846
00:41:22,000 --> 00:41:24,880
Speaker 1: comes to light these days, so true, you better be

847
00:41:24,960 --> 00:41:27,839
Speaker 1: careful oh, p Diddy there reckoning was interesting too.

848
00:41:28,200 --> 00:41:29,359
Speaker 2: Oh yeah, I need to watch it.

849
00:41:29,680 --> 00:41:31,360
Speaker 1: I was like kind of anti because I'm like, you

850
00:41:31,360 --> 00:41:34,280
Speaker 1: know what I'm over just he's already he's in jail,

851
00:41:34,440 --> 00:41:36,520
Speaker 1: Like I don't need to just like harp on his

852
00:41:37,320 --> 00:41:40,400
Speaker 1: suffer or whatever like what he did. Like I just

853
00:41:40,400 --> 00:41:42,240
Speaker 1: am like, I don't even want to give that energy.

854
00:41:42,760 --> 00:41:45,759
Speaker 1: But it's interesting because they had all this footage that

855
00:41:45,880 --> 00:41:49,800
Speaker 1: he had had a videographer following him in twenty twenty four,

856
00:41:50,200 --> 00:41:54,879
Speaker 1: so it's like it feels like he participated in this documentary.

857
00:41:55,640 --> 00:41:57,560
Speaker 2: How did he get access to that footage?

858
00:41:57,920 --> 00:42:01,759
Speaker 1: Fifty cent is on a mission to like expose him,

859
00:42:02,320 --> 00:42:04,399
Speaker 1: and I mean, yeah, all this stuff it's very dark,

860
00:42:04,480 --> 00:42:09,240
Speaker 1: it's very messed up, but it also gives backstory into

861
00:42:09,520 --> 00:42:12,760
Speaker 1: his childhood. You know, things start to make sense. You're like, Okay,

862
00:42:13,160 --> 00:42:15,840
Speaker 1: not that it excuses it at all, but right, right, anyway,

863
00:42:15,880 --> 00:42:17,880
Speaker 1: it'll be really interesting to see what happens to him

864
00:42:17,880 --> 00:42:21,000
Speaker 1: if he stays or gets more sentence time or you know,

865
00:42:21,239 --> 00:42:23,600
Speaker 1: more jail time or whatever, because now he's in for

866
00:42:23,640 --> 00:42:26,960
Speaker 1: four years, I think. But yeah, he's got like so

867
00:42:27,080 --> 00:42:30,480
Speaker 1: many pending cases, like seventy or something it's wild.

868
00:42:31,800 --> 00:42:34,920
Speaker 3: Lock him up, Well he is locked up, I know,

869
00:42:35,080 --> 00:42:40,080
Speaker 3: but forever, like oh yeah, a person with that that's

870
00:42:40,120 --> 00:42:43,520
Speaker 3: that dark, was ever privileged enough to like make that

871
00:42:43,640 --> 00:42:45,240
Speaker 3: much money and have that much powers.

872
00:42:45,320 --> 00:42:47,040
Speaker 2: Like, uh, I.

873
00:42:47,040 --> 00:42:48,799
Speaker 1: Just wish we knew a way to know, like what

874
00:42:48,920 --> 00:42:51,960
Speaker 1: is the exact truth? I don't trust anything anymore, so

875
00:42:52,360 --> 00:42:55,920
Speaker 1: it's hard to say. Anyway, if you guys need some

876
00:42:55,960 --> 00:42:58,280
Speaker 1: good shows, there you go. For the next couple of weeks.

877
00:42:58,360 --> 00:43:00,800
Speaker 1: We will have episodes up. Some of my favorite episodes

878
00:43:00,800 --> 00:43:03,000
Speaker 1: will be coming up the next couple of weeks, and

879
00:43:03,160 --> 00:43:06,000
Speaker 1: then Chip and I will be back in January. Yes,

880
00:43:06,440 --> 00:43:08,680
Speaker 1: we will have new guests, we'll have new topics, we'll

881
00:43:08,719 --> 00:43:11,480
Speaker 1: have new reflections, new words of the year. It'll be

882
00:43:11,520 --> 00:43:13,319
Speaker 1: a one year. I mean, we just got a lot

883
00:43:13,360 --> 00:43:17,560
Speaker 1: of new new beginnings. So yeah, anyway, I guess do

884
00:43:17,600 --> 00:43:19,399
Speaker 1: you have any parting words? Chip?

885
00:43:19,520 --> 00:43:24,520
Speaker 2: This happy holidays? Yeah no, this isn't goodbye. This is

886
00:43:24,600 --> 00:43:25,320
Speaker 2: good holiday.

887
00:43:26,280 --> 00:43:31,279
Speaker 1: Okay, this is this isn't good bye. This is happy holidays.

888
00:43:30,640 --> 00:43:34,080
Speaker 2: That's a good holiday. I was trying to be clever

889
00:43:34,120 --> 00:43:38,000
Speaker 2: and it was so lame. This is this is not goodbye,

890
00:43:38,080 --> 00:43:42,120
Speaker 2: this is good night. For three weeks, we're gonna rest.

891
00:43:42,200 --> 00:43:43,880
Speaker 1: I mean, basically, I am going to be sleeping for

892
00:43:43,920 --> 00:43:46,359
Speaker 1: three weeks. I feel like we're back to when we

893
00:43:46,360 --> 00:43:48,560
Speaker 1: were trying to figure out the ending of the podcast,

894
00:43:48,800 --> 00:43:51,239
Speaker 1: which I wondered sometimes, I'm like, do new listeners are

895
00:43:51,239 --> 00:43:53,480
Speaker 1: they like? What in the world are they saying at

896
00:43:53,480 --> 00:43:55,480
Speaker 1: the end of the podcast and why?

897
00:43:56,000 --> 00:43:58,920
Speaker 2: I realized that my bio on Instagram is still at.

898
00:43:58,800 --> 00:44:05,600
Speaker 1: Casual, which is so vintage podcast of us. Maybe we'll

899
00:44:05,640 --> 00:44:08,080
Speaker 1: have a new, new ending for next year too. That

900
00:44:08,120 --> 00:44:10,759
Speaker 1: makes more sense because we haven't been acting casual for

901
00:44:10,800 --> 00:44:11,320
Speaker 1: a while.

902
00:44:11,440 --> 00:44:13,400
Speaker 2: Now we can we can shed the ending.

903
00:44:14,239 --> 00:44:17,120
Speaker 1: Okay, well, you know, you guys, it took us like

904
00:44:17,239 --> 00:44:19,600
Speaker 1: a year to get this ending because we could not

905
00:44:20,280 --> 00:44:22,319
Speaker 1: figure it out. So we're going to also reflect on

906
00:44:22,400 --> 00:44:26,160
Speaker 1: this for the next three weeks and maybe we'll have

907
00:44:26,200 --> 00:44:27,360
Speaker 1: a new one. Maybe we won't.

908
00:44:27,560 --> 00:44:29,640
Speaker 2: You know, we're going to do what we need to do.

909
00:44:29,880 --> 00:44:33,680
Speaker 1: We are what we will to do to do. Okay, okay, anyway,

910
00:44:33,800 --> 00:44:35,279
Speaker 1: we got to go, all.

911
00:44:35,239 --> 00:44:36,600
Speaker 2: Right, get on the road.

912
00:44:37,760 --> 00:44:40,080
Speaker 1: We will obviously be on social media if you ever

913
00:44:40,120 --> 00:44:42,680
Speaker 1: want to reach out. I'm at Velvet's Edge, chip.

914
00:44:42,600 --> 00:44:45,560
Speaker 2: Is, I'm I'm at chip Doors. It's c h I

915
00:44:45,680 --> 00:44:48,040
Speaker 2: P D O R S C H.

916
00:44:48,120 --> 00:44:50,279
Speaker 1: And as you guys go into the weekend and into

917
00:44:50,280 --> 00:44:52,439
Speaker 1: the holidays and you're living on the edge, I hope

918
00:44:52,440 --> 00:44:53,319
Speaker 1: you always remember too

919
00:44:54,200 --> 00:45:02,440
Speaker 2: A casual bye