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Speaker 1: Hello, and welcome to this episode of Keep It Positive. Sweetie.

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Speaker 1: I'm Christine Hazlet and today I'm having girl talk with

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Speaker 1: my girls last Sister's Last Manager, Danauda aka the noord

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Speaker 1: Alina Opinion Denor. First of all, thank you so much.

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Speaker 1: What a lot of people don't know is that this

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Speaker 1: would not have happened without you, well us without but

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Speaker 1: it was your like you really pushed it though. You

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Speaker 1: was like, you need to do this. You know, it

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Speaker 1: was a thought when we first met and started working together,

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Speaker 1: and I was like, oh, because I feel like podcasts

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Speaker 1: were kind of oversaturated. Didn't know if my voice would

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Speaker 1: be heard, if it even mattered. And at the top

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Speaker 1: of this year, you were like, no, you need to

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Speaker 1: do this and you have a lot to talk about

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Speaker 1: and I was like, okay, and we're filming season two now.

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Speaker 2: It's been a how do you and how do you feel?

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Speaker 2: I feel good as someone who thought like I don't

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Speaker 2: have a voice, but this doesn't matter, and you get

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Speaker 2: flooded yeah with messages and d ms and emails about

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Speaker 2: how impactful this podcast has been.

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Speaker 1: It feels amazing, And then it's also a testament that

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Speaker 1: we made the right choice to go forward with this

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Speaker 1: because I was nervous. I remember the first episode I did,

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Speaker 1: it was a Doctor Darius and I was so nervous, y'all.

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Speaker 1: Oh my gosh, so nervous. And I found my footing

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Speaker 1: and got more comfortable with it. And because of you guys,

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Speaker 1: it's just grown and the support has been amazing, my team, you,

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Speaker 1: Chanelle Kyle, it's just been incredible. And I'm super excited

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Speaker 1: to have you on the couch. This is this is

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Speaker 1: important because we have We have some really good deep talks, y'all.

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Speaker 1: We do, and I want people to see another side

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Speaker 1: of you. Yes, so nervous, y'all, don't be nervous. Don't

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Speaker 1: be nervous because.

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Speaker 2: I don't you know, I'm used to, as you know,

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Speaker 2: being behind the scenes. And I mean you met me

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Speaker 2: back when I was like, even when you're doing social media,

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Speaker 2: I don't want to be in it.

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Speaker 1: Yes, like not, I want to be on camera, y'all.

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Speaker 1: She's like, no, stop, get the game round of my face.

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Speaker 2: And you know, it's really interesting because you spoke a

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Speaker 2: word over me on my birthday that I've seen sort

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Speaker 2: of manifests. This manifests itself throughout the year. So for

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Speaker 2: my birthday, you called me and it was crazy because

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Speaker 2: it like, I do you remember when I was like, Chris,

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Speaker 2: what was that? And you were like, I don't know

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Speaker 2: what that was? It was not me that came out

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Speaker 2: of nowhere, but in wishing me a happy birthday and

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Speaker 2: all of these things, she's like, you know, didn't I

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Speaker 2: just I just see you on stages and on platforms,

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Speaker 2: like speaking to people, and you you were just going

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Speaker 2: and going and I'm like listening and then you finish

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Speaker 2: and I go, Crystal, what was that? And You're like,

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Speaker 2: I don't know what that was? And I was like, God,

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Speaker 2: Holy Spirit telling you to tell me what I needed

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Speaker 2: to hear. And I've seen that manifest itself this year

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Speaker 2: as far as you know. I said yes to another

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Speaker 2: podcast that I also was super nervous about, and I

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Speaker 2: did that podcast, Interior, which came out recently. And then

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Speaker 2: I've just been finding more and more courage to share

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Speaker 2: what God imparts on me on social media. And yeah,

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Speaker 2: so we're literally having this conversation in the list is

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Speaker 2: a very uncomfortable season for me, very very very uncomfortable season.

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Speaker 2: Like I'm still actually shaking right now. I don't even

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Speaker 2: know which the Ravens Smith face truly truly, like I

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Speaker 2: just I am shaking right now.

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Speaker 1: Listen. I feel like what we've learned in our walk,

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Speaker 1: in our faith walk, it's in moments like that where

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Speaker 1: you have to have the faith to just go for it,

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Speaker 1: you know, And I do. I see, I don't know what,

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Speaker 1: Like I watch you on your social media. I see

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Speaker 1: how you run all of our lives because you have

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Speaker 1: so many clients and you literally I'm like, Donora, you

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Speaker 1: could do this for yourself too, you know. And I've

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Speaker 1: always I said in that conversation, to make space for yourself.

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Speaker 1: You know what I'm saying, Fine, time for Donora, because

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Speaker 1: you sow and so and so and water everybody else's

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Speaker 1: guarden that you have to make time to water your own.

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Speaker 1: But I think it's in seasons where you're scared to

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Speaker 1: take that next step or you're shaking on the couch

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Speaker 1: that God is really saying just trust me.

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Speaker 2: Yes, I have.

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Speaker 1: That thing too, Like I have to speak in public.

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Speaker 1: I literally like I get so nervous. I'm like, Lord,

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Speaker 1: just give me the words, speak through me, because I

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Speaker 1: don't know what to say, Like to speak through me,

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Speaker 1: Speak through me, God and literally as soon as I

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Speaker 1: hit the stage and when we start talking, it's like

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Speaker 1: it's gone. But like literally before I'm like, okay, what

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Speaker 1: if I start stutering? What if I don't find the words?

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Speaker 1: Because sometimes I'm looking for the word. I know the word,

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Speaker 1: I'm like, what's the word? Like, please don't let me

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Speaker 1: get up here and not be able to speak, you know,

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Speaker 1: and like just speak clearly and articulate myself. And it

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Speaker 1: gets very nerve wracking. So a lot of people think, like,

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Speaker 1: because I do this all the time, that I don't

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Speaker 1: have those nerves. I'm saying that, just say that this

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Speaker 1: is normal. What you're feeling is normal. And it's always

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Speaker 1: when God put you in a little uncomfortable season that

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Speaker 1: you're about to propel, you know, and absolutely buckle up.

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Speaker 2: Listen that I've seen that my entire life, like my

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Speaker 2: entire life is a display of what happens when you

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Speaker 2: allow yourself to sit in the discomfort. You know, you

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Speaker 2: think about when I quit my job, I had a

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Speaker 2: six figure salary, I had a good position at that time.

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Speaker 2: I had a dream and a vision of becoming a

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Speaker 2: CMO for a beauty brand. And you know, I have

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Speaker 2: always been very ambitious, incredibly driven, and I was just

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Speaker 2: on that path and on that track. And God, just

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Speaker 2: like you remember when you were younger and you always

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Speaker 2: knew that you were gonna be a business woman an entrepreneur,

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Speaker 2: I'm gonna need you to lean in on that. And

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Speaker 2: then little by little starts revealing exactly what he wants

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Speaker 2: me to do and how he wants me to do it,

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Speaker 2: and then I start obeying. But I start obeying and

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Speaker 2: what feels safe for me, which is, Okay, I'll do

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Speaker 2: this on the side while I still keep my safety,

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Speaker 2: which is my full time job with my Saturday and

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Speaker 2: my benefits and my bi weekly check.

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Speaker 1: Yes, And.

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Speaker 2: He continued like fast forward to me doing it safe,

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Speaker 2: and then he continues to tug out my cart, like

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Speaker 2: I need to do this. I need to do this,

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Speaker 2: I need to do this, but I'm uncomfortable and I'm

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Speaker 2: feeling like, what do you mean? How do I just quit?

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Speaker 2: I've worked my way up to get to this moment.

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Speaker 2: And what I recognize started happening in my life was

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Speaker 2: that God was literally warning me like, if you do

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Speaker 2: not do this, I'm going to cost havoc in your life.

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Speaker 2: And you're not gonna like it because now you're making

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Speaker 2: me force.

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Speaker 1: You to obey, and he will shake things up.

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Speaker 2: Listen, let me tell you there was nothing. There were

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Speaker 2: two experiences that I had, the first one being I'll

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Speaker 2: never forget. I was negotiating a deal for two of

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Speaker 2: my other clients and the deal came through from an

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Speaker 2: agency that we had at Shade Moisture. So I was

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Speaker 2: head of Influencal Marketing Brand Partnerships at Shame Moysture. Our

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Speaker 2: agency that we had hired as a social media agency,

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Speaker 2: reached out to me separately as these folks manager about

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Speaker 2: this deal, and I'm like nervous as something negotiating this

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Speaker 2: because I'm like, don't sign as donor. This is when

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Speaker 2: like I would only sign as D. Don't sign as donor,

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Speaker 2: don't this delete your number? And that panic and I

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Speaker 2: was like, okay, God, I hear you. And then the

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Speaker 2: second time was I was negotiating another deal and that

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Speaker 2: person at that time, Shay had already been acquired by

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Speaker 2: UNIL and so that deal was being came in from

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Speaker 2: someone that was at PNG. So as I read competitors

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Speaker 2: and I don't know what research that person did, and

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Speaker 2: then an email goes, oh so did you leave Shaye Moisture.

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Speaker 2: And I was like, and I was like, Okay, God,

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Speaker 2: I hear you. I hear you. Because the biggest, my

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Speaker 2: biggest thing was that I didn't want Richlu, who was

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Speaker 2: the founder of Shame Moisture and who recruited me, created

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Speaker 2: this opportunity for me, believed in me. I didn't want

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Speaker 2: him to find out. I wanted to honor him and

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Speaker 2: what he saw in me, and I didn't want him

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Speaker 2: to find out like because somebody exposed me. And I

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Speaker 2: was like, God, you know, I hear that you're clearly

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Speaker 2: calling me to do this, but I'm scared. So I'm

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Speaker 2: going to commit to a fast, and at whatever point

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Speaker 2: during that fast, you give me peace about this decision.

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Speaker 2: I promised that I will obey. And my fast was

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Speaker 2: I got off social and I was drinking water until

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Speaker 2: like six or seven pm to have dinner.

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Speaker 1: Wow.

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Speaker 2: Day three, I woke up and I thought it because

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Speaker 2: up until that moment, every time that I would think

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Speaker 2: about quitting, I had a nod in my stomach and

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Speaker 2: I was scared. Day three, I woke up and the

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Speaker 2: idea of going of quitting did not terrify me anymore.

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Speaker 2: And I said I heard your God, and I called

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Speaker 2: Richidl right away, and Ritual's exact words were, Gnori, you're

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Speaker 2: gonna fucking crush it. Yes, it was like I hired

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Speaker 2: you and recruited you and poached you because you are entrepreneurial,

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Speaker 2: because you work so hard, because you're a jack of

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Speaker 2: many trades, because of all of this. I knew you

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Speaker 2: would eventually leave me. I just didn't want it to

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Speaker 2: be so, but I knew you would eventually leave me.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, and that's what happens.

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Speaker 2: And that's exactly what happened.

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Speaker 1: Wow. I love that. I love that, I too had

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Speaker 1: it take a leap of faith. My work on Capitol Hill,

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Speaker 1: similar story where I just realized that I was not

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Speaker 1: living my dream.

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Speaker 2: I feel like I had.

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Speaker 1: It's something about when when you know that guy has

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Speaker 1: something else for you, when you he starts tugging at

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Speaker 1: your heart and it's like you're restless, It's like why

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Speaker 1: can't I like shake this thing? And it's like you know,

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Speaker 1: d down in your heart that you have something more

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Speaker 1: to offer the world in a bigger capacity. And and

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Speaker 1: sometimes in those moments, it's taking that leap of faith,

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Speaker 1: being scared, jumping blindly, not knowing we can gonna land

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Speaker 1: on your feet or on your face. Listen, you have

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Speaker 1: no idea where do you think that stems from? Just

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Speaker 1: the the doubt or the because I know rich he

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Speaker 1: saw something in you. Did you always? Did you ever

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Speaker 1: see that in yourself? Or were you alwayskind of like

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Speaker 1: what does he see? Ity me?

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Speaker 2: So I've always recognized Donal, you are insanely ambitious and

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Speaker 2: you are very driven. I've always recognized that about myself,

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Speaker 2: like I earned most likely to succeed in high school,

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Speaker 2: like in high school the same thing. Yeah, I've always

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Speaker 2: been very ambitious, and so that I recognized. The irony

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Speaker 2: is that growing up I never thought of myself as

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Speaker 2: a person with any skills or any talent, because we

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Speaker 2: have a different idea of what skills and talent looks

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Speaker 2: like everyone can you sing?

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Speaker 1: Can you dance?

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Speaker 2: Do you play an instrument? Are you you know? My

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Speaker 2: brother was like all American and every single before he

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Speaker 2: ever played, and that was not my story, and so

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Speaker 2: I didn't necessarily I always recognize the ambition and the

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Speaker 2: driving me, but never the talent and the gift. And

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Speaker 2: so it was in high school, actually my English teacher

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Speaker 2: shout out to miss Macaboy, who I wonder what she

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Speaker 2: is in the world. But my English teacher I became

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Speaker 2: the head of the prom committee and she was like,

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Speaker 2: at that time, I wanted to do journalism and she

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Speaker 2: was like, don't know, what did you say you want

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Speaker 2: to do? I was like journalism. She was like, I

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Speaker 2: feel like you should look into a career in PR marketing,

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Speaker 2: like you just have there's just something that you have.

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Speaker 2: I had never even heard of the word marketing. I

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Speaker 2: had no idea what it was. And so she had

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Speaker 2: connected me to one of her college friends that worked

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Speaker 2: at MAC and she told me a little bit about

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Speaker 2: what she did, and then I became intrigued with that

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Speaker 2: and I was like, okay, yeah, I want to do that.

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Speaker 2: And then that was my initial major. And then they

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Speaker 2: told me how to take statistics and I was like, well,

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Speaker 2: the way my math is, said ma'am, so what's the alternative?

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Speaker 2: And so then then I was like, oh, you know what,

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Speaker 2: I'll do PR and journalism And so that was what

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Speaker 2: all of my career was.

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Speaker 1: You know.

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Speaker 2: I had a stint in music. I managed do y'all

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Speaker 2: remember Lea Sunshine. I don't know how old y'all are,

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Speaker 2: but Lea Sunshine from that little flip record. So fifty

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Speaker 2: signed her to G Unit Wow, and I one of

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Speaker 2: the A and rs from Unit who I knew because

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Speaker 2: I had a brief stin in music I worked at BMI.

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Speaker 2: He was like, do you know what, I feel like

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Speaker 2: you'd be a really great manager. So he was the

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Speaker 2: one that planted the manager seed firstever. He's like, I

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Speaker 2: feel like you'd be a really great manager. And we

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Speaker 2: just signed Lea Sunshine and she needs a manager like

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Speaker 2: you guys should meet And we met and I did

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Speaker 2: that for a while and then I went, you know,

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Speaker 2: back into pr that's a long winded way for me

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Speaker 2: to answer your question. We want to be there. It's no,

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Speaker 2: she's a long winded mommy. But I no, I did.

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Speaker 2: I recognize my own ambition and my own drive. But

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Speaker 2: I never recognized my own my own actual talented, skilly

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Speaker 2: and And I think that that also has a lot

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Speaker 2: to do. I think your environment set has a lot

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Speaker 2: to do with determining whether you recognize that. You know,

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Speaker 2: I didn't necessarily grow up in an environment where you know,

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Speaker 2: I have parents that affirmed me in that way and

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Speaker 2: to no fault of theirs, rather than them, just you know,

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Speaker 2: out of sheer ignorance of not understanding that that's something

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Speaker 2: that you should do for a child, that you should

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Speaker 2: tell your children. You're so smart, you're so talented, you're

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Speaker 2: so dierous to that. So yeah, that's real.

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Speaker 1: Yeah wow, So when you took that leap of faith.

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Speaker 1: I love telling people. I love people to understand that

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Speaker 1: things don't happen overnight. What was your first gig? Ass

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Speaker 1: like when you really like, Okay, this is like I'm

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Speaker 1: doing what I want to do.

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Speaker 2: I would say the first gig was, ooh, that's a

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Speaker 2: really good question, because I would say I have several,

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Speaker 2: Like I did always love everything that I did out

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Speaker 2: of college. I worked at be and My and I

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Speaker 2: was there for a couple of months and then one

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Speaker 2: of the the the guy that was a president at

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Speaker 2: a pure agency that I interned for, then ended up

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Speaker 2: hiring me. Like he called me to recruit me. I say,

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Speaker 2: getting recruited.

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Speaker 1: But then speak see your work, your characters, because if

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Speaker 1: they didn't see something in you, they wouldn't call you.

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Speaker 2: But that's very true. What work that you said yesterday.

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Speaker 1: That I have? You have to have work, and they

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Speaker 1: like Beyonce, you do the record show. You remind me

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Speaker 1: so much. If you watch me on documentaries, you see

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Speaker 1: that she is relentless with her work, and so are you.

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Speaker 2: I just didn't want you to forget that.

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Speaker 1: I said that, yes, but I have.

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Speaker 2: I've always done work that I loved. I have been

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Speaker 2: very fortunate with that. I again, right out of college,

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Speaker 2: I was in the music business, did that for a while.

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Speaker 2: Was recruited by this guy who was the president of

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Speaker 2: an agency that I entered for. He launched his own agency.

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Speaker 2: He recruited me. I worked there and then actually at

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Speaker 2: that point then I was there for a couple of months,

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Speaker 2: and then I had my first stint at trying to

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Speaker 2: be an entrepreneur. And I was only twenty twent and

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Speaker 2: it was like going back, I'm like, I don't know

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Speaker 2: what were you thinking. But again, it was an experience

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Speaker 2: that really helped me even understand what it takes to

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Speaker 2: be an entrepreneur. And so I did that for maybe

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Speaker 2: a year and a half and two years or two years,

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Speaker 2: and I was like, Okay, you're broke. You're still living

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Speaker 2: in your mama's basement, and for the first time met

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Speaker 2: my mom actually had to start helping I have paid

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Speaker 2: my own cell phone though, since I was fourteen, so

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Speaker 2: the first time, remember my mom had to start start

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Speaker 2: helping me with my bills because you know, I was

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Speaker 2: out there like grinding and it was hard. And she

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Speaker 2: and I ended up going back and I went back

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Speaker 2: to an agency, and actually that was a job that

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Speaker 2: I didn't really like much because I was in medical

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Speaker 2: PR and I was like, this is so boring, but

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Speaker 2: I was desperate and I needed a job. But then

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Speaker 2: I ended up at the agency where Shaye Moisture became

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Speaker 2: my client, and that absolutely changed my life and definitely

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Speaker 2: my time at Shaye Moisture was my most like my

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Speaker 2: best memories, my favorite time, the season of my life

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Speaker 2: that I was stretched the most, you know, having access

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Speaker 2: and being in the proximity of someone like a rich

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Speaker 2: Loal Dennis is incredible. I mean he owns Essence now

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Speaker 2: and he's in Western Sludy Vegan and in Honey Pot

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Speaker 2: and in all these other companies. And just being in

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Speaker 2: proximity to that and being someone that that to this

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Speaker 2: day like he calls for you know, projects or whatever

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Speaker 2: that is. That was life changing. And I would say

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Speaker 2: that was definitely my favorite experience as an employee.

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Speaker 1: I love that. Yeah, so let's get into something that

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Speaker 1: you've had a big impact on my life, and I'll

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Speaker 1: go back to how we originally met. We originally met

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Speaker 1: through de Valenkadeen Ellis and you managed them as well,

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Speaker 1: and I was just getting started trying to find some

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Speaker 1: just trying to find my footing in this industry. And

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Speaker 1: at the time when I contacted you, you didn't have

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Speaker 1: the bandwidth to really help me. And then you called

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Speaker 1: me He's like, hey, I've built my team. We can

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Speaker 1: take you out if you're so interested. And I was

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Speaker 1: like yes, So when you sign on to a management

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Speaker 1: team I did. I'm thinking like, Okay, this is a

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Speaker 1: person that helps me get deals, she manages my career,

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Speaker 1: my contracts, all those things, not knowing that you would

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Speaker 1: be someone who also came into my life to help

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Speaker 1: me to even bond over God. You know, we bond

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Speaker 1: through God, through our faith, through healing, and you knew

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Speaker 1: I was going through some things because as we talk now,

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Speaker 1: it's not just like a business, it's like we're actually

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Speaker 1: friends and family. And you were like, Chrys, so you

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Speaker 1: need to go to therapy and I was like I do,

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Speaker 1: and it's my thing I had been going. I had

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Speaker 1: tried somebody, but I wasn't being honest with a person,

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Speaker 1: so it wasn't working for me. And I had to

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Speaker 1: be real myself. You're not telling this person everything so

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Speaker 1: they can really help you. So you like, I got

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Speaker 1: somebody and you introduced me to doctor Delayna Zimmerman. And

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Speaker 1: when I say, completely changed my life.

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Speaker 2: A disciple of God, she is?

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Speaker 1: She is. What was it that made you realize the

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Speaker 1: nor you need counseling? And like, what helped you get

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Speaker 1: those ups? Because a lot of times, I know, even

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Speaker 1: our viewers, they're saying, just from watching it, they're going

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Speaker 1: through a healing process. Now we've opened them up to

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Speaker 1: the idea of therapy. Even though I feel like we're

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Speaker 1: now in a space culturally where mental health awareness is

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Speaker 1: so big people are actually taking it more serious than

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Speaker 1: they did in the past. But just even this podcast

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Speaker 1: alone is inspiring women and men a lights to go

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Speaker 1: get help. Yes, what was it that made the North like,

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Speaker 1: okay this, I need to go talk to somebody?

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Speaker 2: Child? I can't do this on my own child?

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Speaker 1: Who child?

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Speaker 2: I was aware for a while that I needed therapy

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Speaker 2: because I had to. I had already recognized that I

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Speaker 2: had daddy issues, which I had addressed twenty eighteen. God

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Speaker 2: spoke a word over my life that changed my life.

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Speaker 2: And the first thing that God called me to do

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Speaker 2: was heal a relationship with my father. And so I

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Speaker 2: think I want to touch on that real quick because

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Speaker 2: it's related but not related to your question. But I

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Speaker 2: want to touch on that because many from our community

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Speaker 2: experience I hate the word daddy issues, but for lack

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Speaker 2: of a better term, daddy issues. And my father, though

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Speaker 2: I you know, he's present, he's you know, still lives

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Speaker 2: at home with my mom and all of that stuff,

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Speaker 2: my father was and still is to this day, an

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Speaker 2: emotionally absent father mm and also was not a physically

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Speaker 2: present father because he was gambling until two, three, four

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Speaker 2: o'clock in the morning MM when he should have been

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Speaker 2: at home with his kids. And so I, oh, I

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Speaker 2: had reached an age maybe around like fifteen, where that

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Speaker 2: really I think in me and my own development as

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Speaker 2: a as a young adult and all of that where

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Speaker 2: I recognized his absence and it started to hurt me MM.

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Speaker 2: And so I became very judgmental over my father. I

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Speaker 2: started like rejecting him. I didn't MM necessarily care to

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Speaker 2: have a relationship with him. And but there's always consequences

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Speaker 2: to things like that, like you picked the wrong men

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Speaker 2: because you end up wanting to find or or or

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Speaker 2: you end up turning the men that you dated to

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Speaker 2: your father or wanting them to fill the role of

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Speaker 2: your father, and that's not what they're there for. But

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Speaker 2: you don't recognize that cause you don't have the self

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Speaker 2: awareness to even know that. And after after in twenty eighteen,

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Speaker 2: when God called me to heal my relationship with my father,

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Speaker 2: he literally said to me, I needed you, Oh Lord,

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Speaker 2: we're not gonna cry. He said, I need you to

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Speaker 2: see your father through my eyes. That is still my child.

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Speaker 1: Wow.

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Speaker 2: That was the word that the Lord gave me. Took

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Speaker 2: as long enough it is. I got my canvas, I

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Speaker 2: got my canvas napkin though, But that was the word

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Speaker 2: that God gave me that set me free and allowed

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Speaker 2: need to create space for the relationship to heal. Because

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Speaker 2: I think that what's very easy for us to do

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Speaker 2: as Christians that are in our world and that do

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Speaker 2: go to church and that do read the devotionals and

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Speaker 2: I can recite scripture, is that we become self righteous

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Speaker 2: and we think, oh, well we know God, so oh

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Speaker 2: he's gonna have as they were God, so are you hello?

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Speaker 2: So are you what she said? And so when God

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Speaker 2: said that to me, when God basically said, y'all are

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Speaker 2: the same before my eyes, So I'm gonna need you

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Speaker 2: to see him through my eyes. Yes, set me free.

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Speaker 2: And so that in twenty eighteen, that sort of that

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Speaker 2: was the beginning of my healing journey. What led me

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Speaker 2: to say, baby, you need therapy, though, like and therapy

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Speaker 2: is a gift from God, because a lot of people

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Speaker 2: think you just pray about it and read scripture. No,

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Speaker 2: therapy is a gift from God. Yes, and it's meant

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Speaker 2: to be a resource to help you. It's not meant

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Speaker 2: to be the source, but it's meant to be a resource.

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Speaker 2: It's not meant to be a source, it is a resource.

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Speaker 2: And so the thing that led me to finally say

433
00:23:11,640 --> 00:23:14,679
Speaker 2: I need to go to therapy was that I was

434
00:23:15,560 --> 00:23:21,520
Speaker 2: in a relationship non relationship. I was in a situationship

435
00:23:21,560 --> 00:23:24,760
Speaker 2: with someone. I was in a situationship with someone. And

436
00:23:24,800 --> 00:23:26,479
Speaker 2: it's funny because I had said to him one day,

437
00:23:26,520 --> 00:23:28,240
Speaker 2: I was like, you remind me so much of my dad,

438
00:23:28,760 --> 00:23:31,600
Speaker 2: and he was offended by that because he's like, he

439
00:23:32,240 --> 00:23:34,320
Speaker 2: knew my story with my dad, and he has two

440
00:23:34,400 --> 00:23:36,399
Speaker 2: children and he's very present in their lives and all

441
00:23:36,440 --> 00:23:40,439
Speaker 2: of that. But I couldn't. I didn't understand why. And

442
00:23:40,480 --> 00:23:44,280
Speaker 2: it was because he it's also or was because he

443
00:23:44,359 --> 00:23:46,680
Speaker 2: has the right to have changed. He was so emotionally

444
00:23:46,760 --> 00:23:51,880
Speaker 2: unavailable as well, and I was like, that is why

445
00:23:51,880 --> 00:23:54,320
Speaker 2: he reminds me so much of my father, because he's emotional.

446
00:23:54,640 --> 00:23:58,200
Speaker 2: I found myself doing what I did with my father

447
00:23:58,240 --> 00:24:00,640
Speaker 2: as a child. Look, I'm a good child, I got

448
00:24:00,640 --> 00:24:04,159
Speaker 2: good grades, I come, I'm home on time, when I

449
00:24:04,200 --> 00:24:07,720
Speaker 2: have curfew love me, choose me over your friends. In

450
00:24:07,760 --> 00:24:13,040
Speaker 2: the streets, I found myself what everyone wants listen, doing

451
00:24:13,080 --> 00:24:17,400
Speaker 2: the same thing with him, wanting to be chosen by him.

452
00:24:17,680 --> 00:24:21,560
Speaker 2: Wow it and it never happened. And I used to

453
00:24:21,640 --> 00:24:26,400
Speaker 2: take that as a reflection of me and who I

454
00:24:26,560 --> 00:24:29,760
Speaker 2: was as a woman, not understanding that had nothing to

455
00:24:29,800 --> 00:24:32,000
Speaker 2: do with me, nothing to do with nothing. I now

456
00:24:32,160 --> 00:24:35,400
Speaker 2: know that, but then I didn't. And so that was

457
00:24:35,560 --> 00:24:38,920
Speaker 2: it was when I recognized I had gotten out of

458
00:24:38,280 --> 00:24:43,159
Speaker 2: the situationship and I said, Donora, you need therapy because

459
00:24:43,200 --> 00:24:48,240
Speaker 2: your picker is still all the way off because you

460
00:24:48,320 --> 00:24:49,400
Speaker 2: continue to pick.

461
00:24:49,240 --> 00:24:51,000
Speaker 1: The wrong men. I did that too. I went through

462
00:24:51,040 --> 00:24:53,480
Speaker 1: a phase of that, just picking the wrong and not

463
00:24:53,760 --> 00:24:56,560
Speaker 1: just it's a never ending cycle. Wonder why I'm ending

464
00:24:56,600 --> 00:24:59,440
Speaker 1: with the same results. I'm like, you gotta stop going

465
00:24:59,480 --> 00:25:00,800
Speaker 1: for these type of men.

466
00:25:02,840 --> 00:25:06,200
Speaker 2: It's a trauma attraction, it is. It's trauma trauma bond.

467
00:25:06,400 --> 00:25:09,000
Speaker 2: It's trauma. It's trauma bonding. And you don't even recognize

468
00:25:09,520 --> 00:25:13,120
Speaker 2: that that's what it is until you're on the other

469
00:25:13,160 --> 00:25:16,199
Speaker 2: side of that, you know. And the funny thing is

470
00:25:16,240 --> 00:25:18,600
Speaker 2: that because I always talk about the one man that

471
00:25:18,640 --> 00:25:20,439
Speaker 2: I've that I've ever been in love with in my life,

472
00:25:20,480 --> 00:25:22,199
Speaker 2: because I've only been in love the ones, And the

473
00:25:22,240 --> 00:25:25,240
Speaker 2: funny thing is that that man was actually the complete

474
00:25:25,280 --> 00:25:26,160
Speaker 2: opposite of my father.

475
00:25:28,320 --> 00:25:28,520
Speaker 1: Right.

476
00:25:28,600 --> 00:25:32,200
Speaker 2: He was present, he was emotionally available. In fact, he

477
00:25:32,400 --> 00:25:36,320
Speaker 2: was who, you know, would say, no dinnerord, it's not

478
00:25:36,320 --> 00:25:37,680
Speaker 2: okay for you to shut down, so we're just gonna

479
00:25:37,680 --> 00:25:40,840
Speaker 2: both sit here until we talk about it, you know,

480
00:25:40,960 --> 00:25:44,080
Speaker 2: Like he like he was that, but I was so

481
00:25:44,480 --> 00:25:50,800
Speaker 2: immature and did not have the awareness to even recognize

482
00:25:51,119 --> 00:25:54,360
Speaker 2: what I had in front of me. And so and regardless,

483
00:25:54,640 --> 00:25:56,920
Speaker 2: he wasn't meant to be with me. He's married with

484
00:25:57,160 --> 00:25:59,640
Speaker 2: three children. Now like he's with who he was supposed

485
00:25:59,680 --> 00:26:01,639
Speaker 2: to be. He's with who he was supposed to be.

486
00:26:01,720 --> 00:26:03,680
Speaker 2: Clearly he actually left me for her.

487
00:26:06,080 --> 00:26:10,479
Speaker 1: We're here, I need his address. We're gonna pull up

488
00:26:10,520 --> 00:26:11,320
Speaker 1: on you.

489
00:26:11,320 --> 00:26:15,360
Speaker 2: You know he lost anyway, No no, no, no no,

490
00:26:15,400 --> 00:26:20,080
Speaker 2: but listen, it's so funny because all jokes aside. He made,

491
00:26:20,200 --> 00:26:23,359
Speaker 2: he made the right decision. No no, no, no, no, he made.

492
00:26:23,400 --> 00:26:26,440
Speaker 2: He's with who he was supposed to do. We had

493
00:26:26,840 --> 00:26:29,320
Speaker 2: to be in each other's lives because he needed to

494
00:26:30,040 --> 00:26:33,719
Speaker 2: experience me to be able to recognize her, and I

495
00:26:33,920 --> 00:26:36,040
Speaker 2: needed to experience that to grow.

496
00:26:36,760 --> 00:26:38,119
Speaker 1: That's good, you know what I'm saying.

497
00:26:38,400 --> 00:26:41,040
Speaker 2: All working for yoga, It all worked for a good

498
00:26:41,359 --> 00:26:43,960
Speaker 2: you know what I'm saying, Like, it's so so he's

499
00:26:44,000 --> 00:26:45,560
Speaker 2: with who he was supposed to be with.

500
00:26:45,920 --> 00:26:46,800
Speaker 1: You know, I don't.

501
00:26:46,840 --> 00:26:49,920
Speaker 2: I don't look at that experience and hate him. In fact,

502
00:26:50,000 --> 00:26:52,960
Speaker 2: I have when I've seen because you know, as girls,

503
00:26:53,000 --> 00:26:55,680
Speaker 2: we do the check ins randomly, you know, and and

504
00:26:55,720 --> 00:26:57,879
Speaker 2: when I and when I've done my check ins, I

505
00:26:57,920 --> 00:26:59,679
Speaker 2: actually smiled looking at his family.

506
00:27:00,200 --> 00:27:00,440
Speaker 1: Good.

507
00:27:00,680 --> 00:27:03,040
Speaker 2: Yeah, And I'm like, he's who are supposed to be.

508
00:27:03,040 --> 00:27:13,240
Speaker 3: That's beautiful maturity, healing. We love it. I love it

509
00:27:13,440 --> 00:27:14,120
Speaker 3: so through that.

510
00:27:14,400 --> 00:27:16,520
Speaker 1: Let's talk about dating, Okay, because you and I are

511
00:27:16,560 --> 00:27:22,879
Speaker 1: both driven, powerful women. We've talked about dating women, women

512
00:27:22,920 --> 00:27:25,280
Speaker 1: of our caliber, the type of man we attract, the

513
00:27:25,280 --> 00:27:27,879
Speaker 1: type of man, men that we need in our lives

514
00:27:27,960 --> 00:27:31,399
Speaker 1: and that we want. How have you been able to

515
00:27:31,440 --> 00:27:32,560
Speaker 1: balance your career?

516
00:27:32,600 --> 00:27:33,760
Speaker 2: Because it's you haven't.

517
00:27:34,640 --> 00:27:44,240
Speaker 1: That's real, that's real question. You haven't, Okay, Is that

518
00:27:44,359 --> 00:27:46,240
Speaker 1: something that you are ready for, that you're open to?

519
00:27:47,040 --> 00:27:55,359
Speaker 2: Yes? Yes, I am desiring and ready to share my

520
00:27:55,359 --> 00:27:58,119
Speaker 2: life with someone and to start a family. I have,

521
00:27:58,640 --> 00:28:01,480
Speaker 2: especially now that I'm born and raised in New York

522
00:28:01,520 --> 00:28:05,879
Speaker 2: vx end Up and I now live in California, And

523
00:28:05,880 --> 00:28:08,560
Speaker 2: I've been in California for three years, and I've had

524
00:28:08,600 --> 00:28:11,399
Speaker 2: to navigate life on my own as a woman that

525
00:28:12,000 --> 00:28:15,600
Speaker 2: has been family oriented her entire life. Who the idea

526
00:28:15,640 --> 00:28:17,400
Speaker 2: of a weekend is we go to my mom's house

527
00:28:17,400 --> 00:28:19,480
Speaker 2: and we have parties and all twenty three of my

528
00:28:19,520 --> 00:28:22,360
Speaker 2: cousins are there with my forty five aunts and uncles, right,

529
00:28:22,440 --> 00:28:24,560
Speaker 2: And so that's the life that I grew up in.

530
00:28:24,960 --> 00:28:28,000
Speaker 2: To then make such a drastic change to California, where

531
00:28:28,680 --> 00:28:30,919
Speaker 2: I had, you know, people that I know in a

532
00:28:30,920 --> 00:28:35,400
Speaker 2: community of friends, but not family, you know. And now

533
00:28:35,440 --> 00:28:39,880
Speaker 2: I'm like, I want my own family. And I've done

534
00:28:39,880 --> 00:28:42,280
Speaker 2: the work, you know. Again, my healing journey started in

535
00:28:42,280 --> 00:28:46,200
Speaker 2: twenty eighteen, and I've been in therapy for the past

536
00:28:46,200 --> 00:28:48,560
Speaker 2: three plus years. So I've done the work and I

537
00:28:48,640 --> 00:28:55,640
Speaker 2: want it. But dating is hard, and dating as a ambitious,

538
00:28:55,720 --> 00:28:59,440
Speaker 2: successful woman is even harder, you know, because I think

539
00:28:59,480 --> 00:29:05,080
Speaker 2: that unfortunately a lot of men I think have rested

540
00:29:05,240 --> 00:29:10,040
Speaker 2: in well. I provide and so I bring money, and

541
00:29:10,080 --> 00:29:11,960
Speaker 2: I bring stability, and I bring this and I bring that.

542
00:29:12,400 --> 00:29:14,520
Speaker 2: But how do you show up for a woman that

543
00:29:14,520 --> 00:29:19,120
Speaker 2: already provides that for herself. It requires for you to

544
00:29:19,160 --> 00:29:23,520
Speaker 2: step into parts of yourself, yes, that you perhaps have

545
00:29:23,640 --> 00:29:28,400
Speaker 2: not exercised before or that you had no awareness of. Like, wait,

546
00:29:29,120 --> 00:29:30,960
Speaker 2: she can take care of for own though, So what

547
00:29:31,040 --> 00:29:32,880
Speaker 2: she needs for me to do is provide her an

548
00:29:32,960 --> 00:29:34,280
Speaker 2: emotionally safe space.

549
00:29:34,480 --> 00:29:36,600
Speaker 1: Yes, yes, And they're not used to this, and they're

550
00:29:36,600 --> 00:29:38,880
Speaker 1: not used to that. They're literally used to buying love

551
00:29:38,920 --> 00:29:41,200
Speaker 1: and just paying. Okay, you're taking care of this, exactly,

552
00:29:41,280 --> 00:29:43,920
Speaker 1: I'm gonna go get this next deal done, exactly. They're

553
00:29:43,920 --> 00:29:46,640
Speaker 1: so used to that, and some women are okay with it, yes,

554
00:29:46,760 --> 00:29:48,680
Speaker 1: you know, but there are women like you and I

555
00:29:48,760 --> 00:29:49,880
Speaker 1: who need more than we.

556
00:29:49,840 --> 00:29:53,720
Speaker 2: Need more than that. I don't need you, I don't listen.

557
00:29:53,760 --> 00:29:57,560
Speaker 2: We all want an eight ten, nine ten whatever figure

558
00:29:57,640 --> 00:29:59,240
Speaker 2: this and a man that looks like this and that

559
00:29:59,320 --> 00:30:03,080
Speaker 2: has this. We all I want that. But what I

560
00:30:03,160 --> 00:30:05,720
Speaker 2: need more than I can get those things for myself.

561
00:30:06,000 --> 00:30:09,240
Speaker 2: I can do that thing for myself. What I need

562
00:30:09,280 --> 00:30:11,400
Speaker 2: to be able to do is I need to be

563
00:30:11,400 --> 00:30:15,440
Speaker 2: able to rest somewhere. I need I need someone that's

564
00:30:15,480 --> 00:30:17,520
Speaker 2: going to be able to create an environment for me

565
00:30:17,600 --> 00:30:20,440
Speaker 2: to flourish. I need somewhere that where I can be

566
00:30:20,600 --> 00:30:25,040
Speaker 2: just soft and where I can exercise all of my

567
00:30:25,080 --> 00:30:29,480
Speaker 2: femininity with Yes, as a businesswoman, I am in my

568
00:30:29,720 --> 00:30:33,760
Speaker 2: masculine twenty four to seven because I'm often the only

569
00:30:33,800 --> 00:30:36,840
Speaker 2: woman in the room. I'm often the only person of

570
00:30:36,880 --> 00:30:41,600
Speaker 2: color in the room, right, And so you kind of

571
00:30:41,760 --> 00:30:43,960
Speaker 2: walk into and step into environments where you're kind of

572
00:30:43,960 --> 00:30:47,520
Speaker 2: like automatically like on the defense, almost absolutely right. I

573
00:30:47,640 --> 00:30:51,520
Speaker 2: need to just walk in and be able to rest

574
00:30:51,840 --> 00:30:55,840
Speaker 2: and to be able to chill. And you know something

575
00:30:55,880 --> 00:30:58,200
Speaker 2: that I recent a revelation that I recently had is

576
00:30:58,240 --> 00:31:02,880
Speaker 2: that I really want to be with someone who can

577
00:31:03,040 --> 00:31:06,360
Speaker 2: create a safe space for my inner child. I didn't

578
00:31:06,360 --> 00:31:10,520
Speaker 2: even know that until recently. Wow, that's good because it's

579
00:31:10,560 --> 00:31:13,720
Speaker 2: so funny because I told you this yesterday. But Katrice,

580
00:31:13,760 --> 00:31:16,120
Speaker 2: who's you know, you know, she's my client, but she's

581
00:31:16,120 --> 00:31:20,200
Speaker 2: also one of my very close friends. I'm like, very

582
00:31:20,200 --> 00:31:23,800
Speaker 2: close with all of my client's children and her son, Ashton.

583
00:31:23,840 --> 00:31:27,320
Speaker 2: He calls me Demora securest thing ever and he's and

584
00:31:27,360 --> 00:31:29,800
Speaker 2: we're on the phone one day and he's like, Demurra,

585
00:31:29,880 --> 00:31:33,600
Speaker 2: who's your favorite character? A Smurf character? And Katri is

586
00:31:33,720 --> 00:31:38,400
Speaker 2: being funny. She's like, actually, she didn't watch the Smurfs

587
00:31:38,400 --> 00:31:42,040
Speaker 2: growing up. She watched Judge Judy thought it was hilarious,

588
00:31:42,120 --> 00:31:45,160
Speaker 2: but it was also true. I've been working since I

589
00:31:45,200 --> 00:31:47,920
Speaker 2: was thirteen years old. Yeah, I didn't. I didn't have

590
00:31:47,960 --> 00:31:50,520
Speaker 2: a high school experience of cutting school to go to

591
00:31:50,560 --> 00:31:54,800
Speaker 2: hockey parties or or going to games. I wasn't on

592
00:31:54,840 --> 00:31:57,920
Speaker 2: a sports team. I wasn't on like I've been working

593
00:31:57,960 --> 00:32:00,400
Speaker 2: since I was thirteen. Oh, I know, and all I

594
00:32:00,600 --> 00:32:03,800
Speaker 2: recognize this work. And it was the same thing for

595
00:32:03,840 --> 00:32:06,080
Speaker 2: me in college. I was in school full time. I

596
00:32:06,120 --> 00:32:09,360
Speaker 2: was interning full time. At a point I pledged we

597
00:32:09,400 --> 00:32:11,440
Speaker 2: won't even talk about that. And then I was also

598
00:32:11,480 --> 00:32:13,520
Speaker 2: working full time. I was a retail manager for Bebe

599
00:32:16,760 --> 00:32:18,400
Speaker 2: Hard and b Remember when we used to pull up

600
00:32:18,400 --> 00:32:19,000
Speaker 2: in the club.

601
00:32:18,760 --> 00:32:21,360
Speaker 1: With that ma'am. Every Friday, I would give me a

602
00:32:21,360 --> 00:32:24,840
Speaker 1: new little dress, a little bit dress. What was a

603
00:32:24,880 --> 00:32:28,800
Speaker 1: shoe store Aldom now the other one where can get

604
00:32:28,920 --> 00:32:31,280
Speaker 1: like buy one and get one half off Steve Madden. No,

605
00:32:31,400 --> 00:32:32,200
Speaker 1: it was another one.

606
00:32:33,400 --> 00:32:37,880
Speaker 2: Baggers. Oh my god, Baker Baggers used to have some.

607
00:32:42,000 --> 00:32:45,160
Speaker 1: I was an our girl, but I liked I love

608
00:32:45,320 --> 00:32:46,719
Speaker 1: some bb I love Steve Man too.

609
00:32:47,040 --> 00:32:52,440
Speaker 2: Yes, was the one maybe those strappies I still but

610
00:32:52,440 --> 00:32:55,440
Speaker 2: but yeah, I mean my entire life has been work

611
00:32:56,400 --> 00:32:59,800
Speaker 2: and so and so. I I recently recognized like and

612
00:32:59,840 --> 00:33:01,920
Speaker 2: I I've had friends like you know. Devou, for instance,

613
00:33:01,920 --> 00:33:04,800
Speaker 2: has told me a thousand times over the years, like,

614
00:33:04,920 --> 00:33:07,080
Speaker 2: you know, you're too rigid, You're too rigid, You're too rigid,

615
00:33:07,120 --> 00:33:10,640
Speaker 2: You're too rigid, right and so and so I want

616
00:33:10,680 --> 00:33:13,280
Speaker 2: to be with someone who can create a safe space

617
00:33:13,360 --> 00:33:19,200
Speaker 2: for me to experience some of that that stuff that

618
00:33:19,240 --> 00:33:21,040
Speaker 2: I didn't experience as a child.

619
00:33:22,000 --> 00:33:26,200
Speaker 1: Absolutely, do you find it hard like transitioning from work

620
00:33:26,240 --> 00:33:29,280
Speaker 1: and having to be that masculine person and the boss

621
00:33:29,320 --> 00:33:32,520
Speaker 1: that you are and take no shit from anybody to like,

622
00:33:32,560 --> 00:33:35,640
Speaker 1: if you are dating someone then becoming soft. Is it

623
00:33:35,680 --> 00:33:37,160
Speaker 1: like a light switch or are you able to.

624
00:33:37,200 --> 00:33:38,600
Speaker 2: I'm easily able to transition.

625
00:33:38,720 --> 00:33:40,920
Speaker 1: Oh good, some people I know that they can't, like

626
00:33:40,960 --> 00:33:42,400
Speaker 1: really yeah, no.

627
00:33:42,480 --> 00:33:45,320
Speaker 2: I am easily able to transition. I think one thing

628
00:33:45,440 --> 00:33:49,040
Speaker 2: that if you were to ask the men that I've dated,

629
00:33:49,520 --> 00:33:51,200
Speaker 2: what's one thing that you loved about the North, I

630
00:33:51,200 --> 00:33:52,840
Speaker 2: feel like every single one of them would say the

631
00:33:52,840 --> 00:33:55,560
Speaker 2: way that she took care of me. I'm very, very

632
00:33:55,680 --> 00:33:59,080
Speaker 2: very nurturing, and so I love to serve and to

633
00:33:59,120 --> 00:34:03,760
Speaker 2: take care of people where that has been an issue

634
00:34:03,800 --> 00:34:07,080
Speaker 2: in previous relationships. And I'm just gonna be real. I

635
00:34:07,120 --> 00:34:13,880
Speaker 2: was a realist man in the house. So like my

636
00:34:14,080 --> 00:34:17,200
Speaker 2: thing is, if you're gonna be a man, be a man.

637
00:34:17,680 --> 00:34:28,680
Speaker 1: My guy, please said, she said, I'm the only lady.

638
00:34:28,920 --> 00:34:31,000
Speaker 1: You got to steal the realist nigga in the room.

639
00:34:31,040 --> 00:34:33,839
Speaker 2: Truly I was. I was.

640
00:34:34,000 --> 00:34:36,560
Speaker 1: I was the realist like.

641
00:34:36,960 --> 00:34:39,360
Speaker 2: My brother makes. My brother made a joke before he

642
00:34:39,480 --> 00:34:43,440
Speaker 2: was like he was like, there's three men here, and

643
00:34:43,480 --> 00:34:49,080
Speaker 2: my sister is the realist, one like, I'm gonna need

644
00:34:49,080 --> 00:34:51,960
Speaker 2: you to be a man like and one thing, Oh,

645
00:34:52,040 --> 00:35:01,200
Speaker 2: I feel my trigger is going on. Don't I'm triggering?

646
00:35:03,880 --> 00:35:05,200
Speaker 1: Smile at her car Why do we.

647
00:35:07,960 --> 00:35:14,080
Speaker 2: Smile a me car head? You can get it. I listen.

648
00:35:14,800 --> 00:35:18,160
Speaker 2: Please do not let me. Please do not be the

649
00:35:18,200 --> 00:35:21,280
Speaker 2: man talking about I'm the man and batting your chest

650
00:35:21,640 --> 00:35:23,200
Speaker 2: and wanting to split bills with a woman.

651
00:35:23,840 --> 00:35:30,040
Speaker 1: Okay, into that. This is that's all folks.

652
00:35:35,719 --> 00:35:39,680
Speaker 2: Like I would Once upon a time I did it

653
00:35:39,760 --> 00:35:48,359
Speaker 2: a man who was like chest out brideful, like, yeah,

654
00:35:48,840 --> 00:35:51,120
Speaker 2: you know, I'm this and I work here and I

655
00:35:51,120 --> 00:35:53,600
Speaker 2: got this title and I this and I DI and

656
00:35:53,640 --> 00:35:56,000
Speaker 2: I'm like, but we splitting bills and I still got

657
00:35:56,000 --> 00:35:58,640
Speaker 2: to remind you of ven your half, Like what are

658
00:35:58,680 --> 00:36:04,040
Speaker 2: we talking about? And so it would hurk me. It

659
00:36:04,080 --> 00:36:06,360
Speaker 2: would hurt me when we would be sitting like I

660
00:36:06,360 --> 00:36:09,040
Speaker 2: would hang out with him and his boys and he's

661
00:36:09,080 --> 00:36:09,879
Speaker 2: like talking all that.

662
00:36:09,840 --> 00:36:12,960
Speaker 1: Man ship, knowing he ain't doing shit, and I'm like,

663
00:36:14,600 --> 00:36:15,200
Speaker 1: but you still.

664
00:36:15,280 --> 00:36:18,200
Speaker 2: Send me your half of the rent. And we just

665
00:36:18,239 --> 00:36:22,040
Speaker 2: had a fight over who's gonna get this uber? So

666
00:36:22,080 --> 00:36:23,320
Speaker 2: what are we talking about?

667
00:36:25,280 --> 00:36:28,799
Speaker 1: Oh my goodness, like they do it what are we

668
00:36:28,840 --> 00:36:30,440
Speaker 1: talking about that?

669
00:36:30,520 --> 00:36:32,480
Speaker 2: Either you know what I'm saying, and so and so

670
00:36:32,719 --> 00:36:38,440
Speaker 2: that's where my masculine has been an issue in relationships

671
00:36:39,000 --> 00:36:40,120
Speaker 2: where I'm just.

672
00:36:40,160 --> 00:36:41,080
Speaker 1: Like, brou.

673
00:36:42,680 --> 00:36:44,120
Speaker 2: If you're gonna be a man, I'm gonna need you

674
00:36:44,160 --> 00:36:47,200
Speaker 2: to be a man though you know what I'm saying,

675
00:36:47,280 --> 00:36:51,759
Speaker 2: Like I'm like down to simple things. But but like

676
00:36:52,440 --> 00:36:55,800
Speaker 2: that might mean and I will admit I'm the woman

677
00:36:55,840 --> 00:36:58,239
Speaker 2: that subscribes to gender roles. So this may or may

678
00:36:58,280 --> 00:37:01,200
Speaker 2: not relate to some of you, but like, why am

679
00:37:01,200 --> 00:37:04,000
Speaker 2: I taking out the trash? And so if you create,

680
00:37:04,080 --> 00:37:07,600
Speaker 2: if you are creating an environment where my masculine has

681
00:37:07,640 --> 00:37:09,600
Speaker 2: to be present, then don't be mad at me when

682
00:37:09,760 --> 00:37:11,560
Speaker 2: I have to be the man in the house.

683
00:37:11,640 --> 00:37:16,440
Speaker 1: Hello, that's real, that's real. That's real. I think as

684
00:37:16,480 --> 00:37:18,920
Speaker 1: a single woman or I'm not seeing anywhere, but like

685
00:37:19,000 --> 00:37:24,680
Speaker 1: in that phase, but.

686
00:37:24,600 --> 00:37:26,759
Speaker 2: It was maybe there's a distinction.

687
00:37:29,520 --> 00:37:31,120
Speaker 1: No, you know what I'm saying, Like I'm still like

688
00:37:31,120 --> 00:37:34,160
Speaker 1: even saying we're not married, so yeah, I still have

689
00:37:34,239 --> 00:37:35,480
Speaker 1: to do a lot of things that says to take

690
00:37:35,480 --> 00:37:38,319
Speaker 1: the trash out, Well he's not here. But it's like

691
00:37:38,640 --> 00:37:40,960
Speaker 1: when I didn't have anybody, It's like, dang, like, I

692
00:37:41,120 --> 00:37:42,960
Speaker 1: want to do this. I don't want to do everything

693
00:37:43,040 --> 00:37:45,480
Speaker 1: like I do want my man be like, don't I'll

694
00:37:45,520 --> 00:37:47,600
Speaker 1: take care of that. You know, there's not, like you said,

695
00:37:47,600 --> 00:37:49,960
Speaker 1: we almostubscribe to gender roles. But there's just some things

696
00:37:50,000 --> 00:37:53,480
Speaker 1: that a woman shouldn't have to do, you know. And

697
00:37:53,600 --> 00:37:56,880
Speaker 1: I grew up in a household where my father built

698
00:37:56,880 --> 00:37:59,360
Speaker 1: every home that we lived in. So I'm a handy woman.

699
00:38:00,400 --> 00:38:02,319
Speaker 1: I have a toolbox. I know how to put some

700
00:38:02,360 --> 00:38:07,439
Speaker 1: stuff together, like I can assemble anything. But I don't

701
00:38:07,440 --> 00:38:09,200
Speaker 1: want to have to do that all. Yeah, you know,

702
00:38:09,320 --> 00:38:11,840
Speaker 1: like have to get a leader and change the lights

703
00:38:11,840 --> 00:38:15,640
Speaker 1: and take the trash out, takes the garbage disposal every day.

704
00:38:15,680 --> 00:38:17,719
Speaker 1: It's something else, and it's and it all falls on

705
00:38:17,760 --> 00:38:18,800
Speaker 1: you everything.

706
00:38:18,840 --> 00:38:22,200
Speaker 2: I just had that experience because I recently moved. And

707
00:38:22,960 --> 00:38:29,319
Speaker 2: and when I'm when I'm going, I'm like, I don't

708
00:38:29,360 --> 00:38:32,480
Speaker 2: want to do this by myself. It's the unpacking. It's

709
00:38:32,480 --> 00:38:34,680
Speaker 2: the unpacking, it's the I have to put everything up,

710
00:38:34,719 --> 00:38:37,120
Speaker 2: it's I have to make decisions. I was like, I

711
00:38:37,160 --> 00:38:40,399
Speaker 2: do not want to do this by myself. It's a lot,

712
00:38:40,640 --> 00:38:42,839
Speaker 2: you know, And and let and let the record show

713
00:38:42,880 --> 00:38:45,880
Speaker 2: that I'm not doing it I'm doing it by myself,

714
00:38:45,960 --> 00:38:49,560
Speaker 2: by choice. From the standpoint of if I was desperate

715
00:38:49,760 --> 00:38:51,839
Speaker 2: to be in a situation, I would be in a.

716
00:38:51,760 --> 00:38:53,840
Speaker 1: Situation easily could be in a situation, you know what

717
00:38:53,880 --> 00:38:54,239
Speaker 1: I'm saying.

718
00:38:54,920 --> 00:38:57,960
Speaker 2: But I'm not desperate because what I want is the

719
00:38:58,080 --> 00:38:59,560
Speaker 2: right thing, not a thing.

720
00:39:00,000 --> 00:39:01,279
Speaker 1: It's a good place to be in, you know.

721
00:39:01,719 --> 00:39:06,840
Speaker 2: And so I am willing to wait for him, yes,

722
00:39:07,480 --> 00:39:13,080
Speaker 2: versus finding fake substitutes of who he is, I'm not.

723
00:39:13,200 --> 00:39:15,920
Speaker 2: I'm not willing. So again, if I if I wanted,

724
00:39:16,320 --> 00:39:20,200
Speaker 2: if I just wanted to have someone around, I could.

725
00:39:20,520 --> 00:39:23,360
Speaker 2: I went through a phase like that of just choosing whoever.

726
00:39:23,719 --> 00:39:27,040
Speaker 1: Yes, it was great man, Like on paper, everything was

727
00:39:27,440 --> 00:39:36,120
Speaker 1: like perfect, rich, fine portfolio, just really smart, vegan like

728
00:39:36,200 --> 00:39:39,920
Speaker 1: just just worked out like not vegan everything girl, just everything.

729
00:39:40,520 --> 00:39:43,799
Speaker 1: But he had a little situation, and I was in

730
00:39:43,800 --> 00:39:45,800
Speaker 1: a stace in my life where I was like, Okay,

731
00:39:45,840 --> 00:39:49,080
Speaker 1: that's fine, like whatever. Honestly, probably thinking now to think

732
00:39:49,080 --> 00:39:51,640
Speaker 1: about it, I was thinking, he don't end up leaving her,

733
00:39:51,680 --> 00:39:52,200
Speaker 1: like once he.

734
00:39:52,200 --> 00:39:53,600
Speaker 2: You know what I'm saying, Yeah, once I guess to

735
00:39:53,719 --> 00:39:54,960
Speaker 2: know me, I realized he was not.

736
00:39:55,000 --> 00:39:57,359
Speaker 1: Leaving this girl. I was like, Okay, what is really

737
00:39:57,440 --> 00:40:01,239
Speaker 1: going on, you know, And I found myself in a

738
00:40:01,280 --> 00:40:04,400
Speaker 1: space where I just got comfortable, you know, because I

739
00:40:04,520 --> 00:40:07,280
Speaker 1: was the type of person and still I love my space,

740
00:40:07,800 --> 00:40:10,640
Speaker 1: you know, and I have to have someone that can

741
00:40:10,760 --> 00:40:14,000
Speaker 1: respect that. And even if you're right here and I'm here,

742
00:40:14,360 --> 00:40:16,360
Speaker 1: I still feel like I have my space. But we

743
00:40:16,360 --> 00:40:19,279
Speaker 1: can still be in the same household and not and

744
00:40:19,320 --> 00:40:21,680
Speaker 1: I not feel claustrophobic or like, oh my gosh, I

745
00:40:21,760 --> 00:40:23,680
Speaker 1: just need a minute, you know. So with him, it

746
00:40:23,680 --> 00:40:25,719
Speaker 1: was a great balance. It was a good balance where

747
00:40:25,719 --> 00:40:28,239
Speaker 1: it's like, Okay, he lived on the South Side, you know,

748
00:40:28,520 --> 00:40:30,880
Speaker 1: far away, and I could see when I wanted to

749
00:40:30,880 --> 00:40:32,120
Speaker 1: see him, when I didn't want to see him, and

750
00:40:32,200 --> 00:40:33,239
Speaker 1: have to see him. So I was like, this is

751
00:40:33,239 --> 00:40:35,839
Speaker 1: actually kind of cool for where I was my life

752
00:40:35,880 --> 00:40:38,080
Speaker 1: that moment. And I remember the last day I went

753
00:40:38,120 --> 00:40:41,040
Speaker 1: to his house. It's something about with God. When I'm

754
00:40:41,120 --> 00:40:42,799
Speaker 1: driving God, I always liked to come and sit on

755
00:40:42,840 --> 00:40:46,400
Speaker 1: that passenger side and I'm like, what you want? What

756
00:40:46,520 --> 00:40:48,520
Speaker 1: you got to tell me? And it was literally like,

757
00:40:48,560 --> 00:40:53,920
Speaker 1: you know, you ain't going back after this, and I said, wow, okay,

758
00:40:54,480 --> 00:40:56,520
Speaker 1: And it was literally the whole time was there. I

759
00:40:56,600 --> 00:40:59,840
Speaker 1: was just like it was like a like almost like

760
00:41:00,040 --> 00:41:02,279
Speaker 1: left your b I literally left my body. I was like,

761
00:41:02,600 --> 00:41:03,080
Speaker 1: I'm good.

762
00:41:03,320 --> 00:41:06,319
Speaker 2: I love those experiences. Oh my god, I love when

763
00:41:06,320 --> 00:41:09,920
Speaker 2: that happens. The crazy thing is that it always happens

764
00:41:10,200 --> 00:41:15,120
Speaker 2: after us being so disobedient, because I know, because God

765
00:41:15,320 --> 00:41:18,440
Speaker 2: was telling you it say that, the saying it, the

766
00:41:18,480 --> 00:41:21,680
Speaker 2: sain't it the same that it ain't it, it ain't it,

767
00:41:21,719 --> 00:41:22,680
Speaker 2: but you weren't listening.

768
00:41:22,840 --> 00:41:25,000
Speaker 1: No, And I was in it for like two years

769
00:41:25,120 --> 00:41:27,000
Speaker 1: and then like we stopped talking for a while, and

770
00:41:27,040 --> 00:41:29,720
Speaker 1: then COVID happened.

771
00:41:30,280 --> 00:41:33,440
Speaker 2: When they say that was playground, look at that blessing,

772
00:41:33,600 --> 00:41:38,680
Speaker 2: and that was that was my relationship with old old boy, because.

773
00:41:38,440 --> 00:41:39,359
Speaker 1: That's when he came back.

774
00:41:41,719 --> 00:41:43,960
Speaker 2: Oh he came back COVID. Oh I thought you were

775
00:41:44,000 --> 00:41:46,160
Speaker 2: saying that, like COVID helped it finish.

776
00:41:46,239 --> 00:41:49,040
Speaker 1: No, I had finished it the year before and then

777
00:41:49,040 --> 00:41:52,960
Speaker 1: we had like maybe seven or eight months apart, and

778
00:41:53,080 --> 00:41:57,439
Speaker 1: COVID happened. COVID happened, and just sitting in the house

779
00:41:57,480 --> 00:41:59,240
Speaker 1: and you know how people start going through their phone.

780
00:42:00,200 --> 00:42:02,759
Speaker 2: What you're doing is checking just check it, just check

781
00:42:02,800 --> 00:42:09,000
Speaker 2: it in. So how'd you get out?

782
00:42:09,280 --> 00:42:11,360
Speaker 1: I got out with the last song. It was just

783
00:42:11,360 --> 00:42:12,920
Speaker 1: like God was like, this ain't it for you? I

784
00:42:12,920 --> 00:42:14,919
Speaker 1: had better for you, and I need you to listen

785
00:42:14,920 --> 00:42:17,759
Speaker 1: to me, because you're settling right now because everything is

786
00:42:17,840 --> 00:42:20,400
Speaker 1: just easy and well.

787
00:42:20,800 --> 00:42:28,400
Speaker 2: In my experience, what I recognized was that I was

788
00:42:28,480 --> 00:42:33,360
Speaker 2: settling because what I had was a self worth issue

789
00:42:33,960 --> 00:42:36,319
Speaker 2: and that then that's also been something that I've had

790
00:42:36,360 --> 00:42:41,480
Speaker 2: to battle with my entire life again. Up up until

791
00:42:41,719 --> 00:42:44,600
Speaker 2: twenty eighteen, when God really started propelling all of my

792
00:42:44,680 --> 00:42:48,680
Speaker 2: healing forward, I had issues of self worth where I

793
00:42:48,719 --> 00:42:52,839
Speaker 2: would also find myself dating men that are like what

794
00:42:52,880 --> 00:42:57,279
Speaker 2: are you doing? Like why are you here? Why are

795
00:42:57,320 --> 00:43:00,000
Speaker 2: you tolerating this treatment? Why are you tolerating this behavior?

796
00:43:00,080 --> 00:43:05,400
Speaker 2: Your but but when you don't see yourself good enough

797
00:43:06,200 --> 00:43:12,759
Speaker 2: to get what you almost dream of for you, it's

798
00:43:12,760 --> 00:43:16,480
Speaker 2: like you're not good enough to get that, like until

799
00:43:16,480 --> 00:43:19,399
Speaker 2: you end up settling m hm. And so, at least

800
00:43:19,400 --> 00:43:22,160
Speaker 2: for me and my experience, I walked out of that

801
00:43:22,280 --> 00:43:25,480
Speaker 2: last relationship that I had recognizing like, Yo, don't you

802
00:43:25,480 --> 00:43:26,480
Speaker 2: have a self worth issue?

803
00:43:26,760 --> 00:43:29,680
Speaker 1: Wow? I think, yeah, yeah for sure?

804
00:43:30,280 --> 00:43:34,400
Speaker 2: Because who like yeah like that? That That's what That's

805
00:43:34,440 --> 00:43:36,439
Speaker 2: what it comes down to, and that's what leads us

806
00:43:37,000 --> 00:43:40,640
Speaker 2: to making the wrong choices and being in situations that

807
00:43:40,960 --> 00:43:41,840
Speaker 2: we shouldn't be in.

808
00:43:44,280 --> 00:43:48,759
Speaker 1: So, yeah, that's real. Wow, that's good. So we talked

809
00:43:48,800 --> 00:43:50,799
Speaker 1: about our dating, We talked about our walk, we talked

810
00:43:50,800 --> 00:43:56,480
Speaker 1: about our at least she said, I can't really can't.

811
00:43:56,920 --> 00:43:57,360
Speaker 2: I can't.

812
00:43:57,440 --> 00:43:58,000
Speaker 1: I'm sorry.

813
00:43:58,200 --> 00:44:00,200
Speaker 2: Yeah, I really know.

814
00:44:00,239 --> 00:44:02,640
Speaker 1: But it's I mean, even dating, it's still you know,

815
00:44:03,200 --> 00:44:06,680
Speaker 1: ups and downs getting to know someone. I was just

816
00:44:06,680 --> 00:44:08,560
Speaker 1: telling them the other day, like, we gotta make this

817
00:44:08,600 --> 00:44:11,400
Speaker 1: work because I don't want to get to know nobody else. Listen.

818
00:44:11,920 --> 00:44:15,759
Speaker 1: It's like too much listen, letting someone else in. Yeah,

819
00:44:17,239 --> 00:44:18,560
Speaker 1: so what's your what do you like to eat? What's

820
00:44:18,600 --> 00:44:22,480
Speaker 1: your favorite color? It is so exhausting. It's exciting in

821
00:44:22,480 --> 00:44:24,879
Speaker 1: the beginning when you really like the person, but thinking

822
00:44:24,920 --> 00:44:26,759
Speaker 1: about doing that all over again with somebody else, it's

823
00:44:26,800 --> 00:44:28,040
Speaker 1: like I'm at the age where I don't want to

824
00:44:28,160 --> 00:44:28,600
Speaker 1: keep doing it.

825
00:44:28,680 --> 00:44:32,080
Speaker 2: Yeah, and then the worst part is, see, I would

826
00:44:32,160 --> 00:44:37,440
Speaker 2: care less about going through it again if it wasn't

827
00:44:37,520 --> 00:44:42,480
Speaker 2: that in between period of like when you were with

828
00:44:42,520 --> 00:44:45,200
Speaker 2: somebody until like, so when am I going to be

829
00:44:45,239 --> 00:44:47,480
Speaker 2: with somebody that season?

830
00:44:47,640 --> 00:44:49,400
Speaker 1: Oh that's hard. That's a hard season.

831
00:44:49,440 --> 00:44:53,160
Speaker 2: That's a hard season. Let's talk about that that season

832
00:44:53,239 --> 00:44:57,000
Speaker 2: is hard. I have been single. The last relationship that

833
00:44:57,080 --> 00:45:01,759
Speaker 2: I had was five years ago, twenty eighteen. M was

834
00:45:01,800 --> 00:45:04,880
Speaker 2: when I was set free by the Lord. Yes, Lord,

835
00:45:05,160 --> 00:45:11,359
Speaker 2: and and then since then I dated one guy on

836
00:45:11,400 --> 00:45:14,960
Speaker 2: and off for like a year and some change very

837
00:45:15,000 --> 00:45:18,080
Speaker 2: on and off, like very off. We were probably off

838
00:45:18,160 --> 00:45:20,799
Speaker 2: longer than we were on. Yes, and then and then

839
00:45:20,880 --> 00:45:23,800
Speaker 2: I dated one other person for two and a half months. Okay,

840
00:45:24,800 --> 00:45:26,000
Speaker 2: five years.

841
00:45:25,640 --> 00:45:26,359
Speaker 1: In five years?

842
00:45:26,440 --> 00:45:29,959
Speaker 2: Yeah, so I like, I have been in a five

843
00:45:30,080 --> 00:45:31,000
Speaker 2: year waiting season.

844
00:45:31,080 --> 00:45:34,759
Speaker 1: I'm like, Lord, where's it? I was like that too

845
00:45:35,239 --> 00:45:39,799
Speaker 1: from after twenty seventeen, and a part of that my

846
00:45:39,960 --> 00:45:43,040
Speaker 1: job just did not give me the time or the space.

847
00:45:43,080 --> 00:45:46,279
Speaker 1: And I said, I probably. I feel like sometimes with

848
00:45:46,560 --> 00:45:49,520
Speaker 1: careers we sacrificed a lot as women. Oh yeah, men,

849
00:45:49,600 --> 00:45:51,560
Speaker 1: I feel like they can kind of it works in

850
00:45:51,600 --> 00:45:54,280
Speaker 1: their favor when their career driven men. But for women,

851
00:45:54,640 --> 00:45:58,719
Speaker 1: when we're career driven and successful, it's hard for us

852
00:45:58,719 --> 00:46:00,840
Speaker 1: to find that balance, especially if I feel like like

853
00:46:01,040 --> 00:46:03,200
Speaker 1: we're I was in a service space industry where I'm

854
00:46:03,320 --> 00:46:06,399
Speaker 1: styling and I'm literally at this person's beckon call twenty

855
00:46:06,400 --> 00:46:08,520
Speaker 1: four to seven. They can wake up like, hey, we're

856
00:46:08,520 --> 00:46:10,360
Speaker 1: going here tomorrow, I've got to be ready, you know,

857
00:46:10,440 --> 00:46:12,280
Speaker 1: and it's like I can't roll and like, hey babe,

858
00:46:12,800 --> 00:46:14,799
Speaker 1: so yeah, I know we had a weekend plan, but

859
00:46:15,120 --> 00:46:17,120
Speaker 1: I gotta go and there with those things would happen

860
00:46:17,600 --> 00:46:19,759
Speaker 1: and I was like and he was at the time,

861
00:46:19,800 --> 00:46:21,960
Speaker 1: he was like super supported. The guy was dating. But

862
00:46:22,040 --> 00:46:24,239
Speaker 1: I realized like acting, I was like, I don't. It

863
00:46:24,360 --> 00:46:26,839
Speaker 1: just didn't feel fair, right, you know. So I went

864
00:46:26,880 --> 00:46:29,919
Speaker 1: through years where I just didn't. I would meet people

865
00:46:30,000 --> 00:46:32,160
Speaker 1: and it just was like you can't really go anywhere

866
00:46:32,160 --> 00:46:34,440
Speaker 1: because I don't know what's going to happen. I may

867
00:46:34,480 --> 00:46:37,120
Speaker 1: have it, yeah, I'm all for a while, then tomorrow

868
00:46:37,200 --> 00:46:38,879
Speaker 1: the whole thing changes and it's like where I thought

869
00:46:38,920 --> 00:46:39,480
Speaker 1: we had time.

870
00:46:39,719 --> 00:46:44,480
Speaker 2: Do you look at those years with regret from the

871
00:46:44,520 --> 00:46:50,680
Speaker 2: standpoint that you're like, damn, I should have chosen myself

872
00:46:50,719 --> 00:46:51,600
Speaker 2: and my love life.

873
00:46:51,880 --> 00:46:59,600
Speaker 1: But I struggle with it, yes, even even with kids

874
00:47:00,400 --> 00:47:03,520
Speaker 1: like that the latter part of your thirties, you know,

875
00:47:03,760 --> 00:47:08,440
Speaker 1: I spent that the last five six years literally like

876
00:47:09,320 --> 00:47:14,120
Speaker 1: committing myself to another person's life, you know, And the

877
00:47:14,160 --> 00:47:17,200
Speaker 1: only thing that I regret, that's the only thing where

878
00:47:17,200 --> 00:47:19,680
Speaker 1: I have I struggle, like dang, like I probably could

879
00:47:19,719 --> 00:47:21,760
Speaker 1: have married, or I may have missed out on something.

880
00:47:22,200 --> 00:47:25,200
Speaker 1: But then I also go back to whatever's for you

881
00:47:25,239 --> 00:47:30,200
Speaker 1: wanna miss you and everything that I've gained, the knowledge,

882
00:47:30,320 --> 00:47:34,839
Speaker 1: the life that I've earned, and everything that I've learned

883
00:47:34,840 --> 00:47:38,920
Speaker 1: in these moments, the places I've seen, they make up

884
00:47:38,960 --> 00:47:40,440
Speaker 1: for all that. And I know if God hasn't in

885
00:47:40,440 --> 00:47:42,600
Speaker 1: the cars for me to have children or to get married,

886
00:47:42,800 --> 00:47:47,120
Speaker 1: it's gonna happen, and it'll be more amazing than what

887
00:47:47,239 --> 00:47:49,440
Speaker 1: I thought it would have been those past few years

888
00:47:49,440 --> 00:47:51,120
Speaker 1: of what I thought maybe I was missing, you know,

889
00:47:51,840 --> 00:47:53,799
Speaker 1: but I do. I've I've thought about like dang, like

890
00:47:54,560 --> 00:47:58,160
Speaker 1: I've really sacrificed a lot, and sometimes I even think

891
00:47:58,200 --> 00:48:00,279
Speaker 1: about there's There was a time where I was like, well,

892
00:48:00,280 --> 00:48:02,799
Speaker 1: maybe an hour joker like I'm just gonna be over

893
00:48:02,880 --> 00:48:05,000
Speaker 1: found me as deadman and never give me. Just focus

894
00:48:05,080 --> 00:48:07,719
Speaker 1: on my career and just have somebody that's supportive. And

895
00:48:07,760 --> 00:48:09,759
Speaker 1: then I also was like, well maybe that's not in

896
00:48:09,760 --> 00:48:12,919
Speaker 1: the cards for me either. I got okay with being

897
00:48:12,960 --> 00:48:15,200
Speaker 1: alone and being like maybe this is just my life.

898
00:48:15,360 --> 00:48:17,960
Speaker 1: Maybe that's the sacrifice of having it all, because they

899
00:48:17,960 --> 00:48:20,359
Speaker 1: always say that you can't have it all, you know,

900
00:48:20,760 --> 00:48:22,759
Speaker 1: so I'm like, what is that. Maybe I'm sacrificing love

901
00:48:22,840 --> 00:48:25,120
Speaker 1: to live the life I want to live.

902
00:48:25,239 --> 00:48:28,759
Speaker 2: I mean, moment of truth. Like I struggle with that

903
00:48:28,840 --> 00:48:34,960
Speaker 2: a lot, and it scares me. I'm scared in advance

904
00:48:36,360 --> 00:48:41,000
Speaker 2: of experiencing that because even most recently, I hadn't been

905
00:48:41,000 --> 00:48:43,839
Speaker 2: on a vacation in four years. Yes, the last time

906
00:48:43,880 --> 00:48:47,040
Speaker 2: that I took a vacation was July twenty nineteen. Wow,

907
00:48:47,200 --> 00:48:49,719
Speaker 2: And okay, yeah, the pandemic happened in twenty twenty, so

908
00:48:49,800 --> 00:48:51,479
Speaker 2: let's erase that. But then I had all of twenty

909
00:48:51,520 --> 00:48:54,080
Speaker 2: twenty one and all of twenty twenty two to go

910
00:48:54,200 --> 00:48:57,279
Speaker 2: and I did it. And I literally just took a

911
00:48:57,360 --> 00:49:00,279
Speaker 2: vacation for the first time. And I hadn't taking a

912
00:49:00,320 --> 00:49:02,239
Speaker 2: vacation because I kept be like, I can't be away

913
00:49:02,280 --> 00:49:03,520
Speaker 2: from my desk. I can't be away from my desk.

914
00:49:03,520 --> 00:49:04,440
Speaker 2: I can't be away from my desk.

915
00:49:04,520 --> 00:49:05,440
Speaker 1: Well, oh, well, I.

916
00:49:05,400 --> 00:49:07,080
Speaker 2: Can't take a vacation because I gotta go to Alanda

917
00:49:07,120 --> 00:49:08,279
Speaker 2: to be with this client, or I gotta go to

918
00:49:08,400 --> 00:49:09,600
Speaker 2: la to be with this client, or I gotta go

919
00:49:09,640 --> 00:49:11,560
Speaker 2: to New York to be with this client. Like it

920
00:49:11,680 --> 00:49:15,600
Speaker 2: was always the work and whatever was happening in my

921
00:49:15,640 --> 00:49:20,560
Speaker 2: client's life. It was always that it would exactly do it.

922
00:49:20,560 --> 00:49:24,560
Speaker 2: It's not like, yeah, oh no, I never But then

923
00:49:24,760 --> 00:49:27,319
Speaker 2: it's also very hard and this is the first time

924
00:49:27,400 --> 00:49:29,959
Speaker 2: that I'm saying this out loud, but like, it's also

925
00:49:30,120 --> 00:49:33,560
Speaker 2: very hard to be the person that consciously makes that decision,

926
00:49:34,080 --> 00:49:37,239
Speaker 2: but then seeing everybody else live their lives because I

927
00:49:37,280 --> 00:49:41,160
Speaker 2: didn't stop you from being on me choosing to sacrifice

928
00:49:41,239 --> 00:49:43,400
Speaker 2: my vacation because you didn't ask me, hey, do or

929
00:49:43,440 --> 00:49:45,239
Speaker 2: don't go on vacation because I want you on your desk.

930
00:49:45,520 --> 00:49:47,600
Speaker 2: That's a decision that I'm MA made, you know, see

931
00:49:47,600 --> 00:49:50,040
Speaker 2: what I'm saying. But then it put But then when

932
00:49:50,080 --> 00:49:53,600
Speaker 2: I when I have employees that have no issue requests

933
00:49:53,600 --> 00:49:56,520
Speaker 2: in their paid time off, or see my.

934
00:49:56,480 --> 00:50:00,359
Speaker 1: Clients live in their best lives, I'm like, DeNora, that's

935
00:50:00,400 --> 00:50:01,840
Speaker 1: a part of that phone call when I was like,

936
00:50:02,160 --> 00:50:04,560
Speaker 1: take time for yourself. Yeah, that's the part of because

937
00:50:04,560 --> 00:50:07,640
Speaker 1: I know you gotta recharge. You're doing too much for everybody, for.

938
00:50:07,640 --> 00:50:10,680
Speaker 2: Everybody, and I don't do And still that's something that

939
00:50:10,719 --> 00:50:14,000
Speaker 2: like my therap delaying to our therapist is trying to,

940
00:50:15,960 --> 00:50:18,919
Speaker 2: you know, get me through the fact that.

941
00:50:19,480 --> 00:50:22,879
Speaker 1: Like because you do so much for everyone else. What

942
00:50:22,960 --> 00:50:24,840
Speaker 1: do you do to take care of Donora? Do you

943
00:50:24,880 --> 00:50:28,400
Speaker 1: have to do like spat days? Exercise? Like what is

944
00:50:28,440 --> 00:50:31,319
Speaker 1: it that you find time? This is Donora's time. Yeah.

945
00:50:31,400 --> 00:50:35,120
Speaker 2: So I love to work out and I do that.

946
00:50:35,200 --> 00:50:39,960
Speaker 2: I do that usually at night I do go to

947
00:50:40,480 --> 00:50:44,200
Speaker 2: There's this spot in West Hollywood called Pause where I

948
00:50:44,239 --> 00:50:49,279
Speaker 2: can go and get like float therapy and sauna and

949
00:50:49,560 --> 00:50:50,520
Speaker 2: cold plunges and all that.

950
00:50:50,560 --> 00:50:55,000
Speaker 1: So I like to do that. What is your mind reset?

951
00:50:55,560 --> 00:50:57,200
Speaker 1: Because you have a million things going on, when do

952
00:50:57,239 --> 00:50:59,960
Speaker 1: you take time to be like phone on? Do not disturb?

953
00:51:01,400 --> 00:51:03,040
Speaker 1: Like I need this time?

954
00:51:03,880 --> 00:51:07,080
Speaker 2: I don't, Are you serious? The one thing that I

955
00:51:07,080 --> 00:51:12,120
Speaker 2: do have boundaries around is that I my phone goals

956
00:51:12,120 --> 00:51:13,520
Speaker 2: are both of my phones go on? Do what I

957
00:51:13,560 --> 00:51:14,960
Speaker 2: just serve at nine pm?

958
00:51:14,960 --> 00:51:15,240
Speaker 1: Okay?

959
00:51:15,239 --> 00:51:18,200
Speaker 2: Good, But I'm still on my phone, like I'm still

960
00:51:18,280 --> 00:51:22,880
Speaker 2: like checking email, sending emails like I'm still active.

961
00:51:23,040 --> 00:51:23,319
Speaker 1: You know.

962
00:51:24,960 --> 00:51:28,080
Speaker 2: I've been better about donor does this need a response

963
00:51:28,239 --> 00:51:31,080
Speaker 2: now or can you respond to it in the morning? Yes,

964
00:51:31,160 --> 00:51:33,200
Speaker 2: And so I've that I've gotten better at Like if

965
00:51:33,239 --> 00:51:35,840
Speaker 2: I can respond to that tomorrow, then there's no reason

966
00:51:35,880 --> 00:51:39,000
Speaker 2: for me to like do it now? But that is

967
00:51:39,040 --> 00:51:42,040
Speaker 2: something that I'm still working on on, like figuring out,

968
00:51:42,120 --> 00:51:43,560
Speaker 2: like Donor, you need to.

969
00:51:45,000 --> 00:51:46,840
Speaker 1: You need to see.

970
00:51:46,520 --> 00:51:50,680
Speaker 2: Your identity outside of work. You know, you need to

971
00:51:50,840 --> 00:51:57,560
Speaker 2: see yourself outside of this you do. Right, So I've

972
00:51:57,719 --> 00:52:00,399
Speaker 2: taken like an interest in wanting to learn ten so

973
00:52:00,760 --> 00:52:05,239
Speaker 2: I'm hoping to like start tennis lessons. So that's sad

974
00:52:05,360 --> 00:52:08,000
Speaker 2: I'd like to do. But yeah, I mean that that

975
00:52:08,000 --> 00:52:11,840
Speaker 2: that's still that's still a space where I need to.

976
00:52:14,320 --> 00:52:19,399
Speaker 2: I need to to create more space for myself. What

977
00:52:19,440 --> 00:52:24,640
Speaker 2: I will tell you though, is I really like myself.

978
00:52:26,000 --> 00:52:29,239
Speaker 2: Because everybody talks about old self lesson self love is important,

979
00:52:29,400 --> 00:52:34,400
Speaker 2: but I like myself. Like I had this moment Today's

980
00:52:34,440 --> 00:52:40,200
Speaker 2: on uh no, so Saturday, where I you know, again,

981
00:52:40,320 --> 00:52:42,920
Speaker 2: so I recently moved, and so I'm still doing things right,

982
00:52:43,000 --> 00:52:44,600
Speaker 2: like I still have to pick up this and take

983
00:52:44,640 --> 00:52:47,280
Speaker 2: this down and return the Wi Fi from the old house,

984
00:52:47,440 --> 00:52:48,280
Speaker 2: like I'm still.

985
00:52:48,040 --> 00:52:48,760
Speaker 1: Doing all this.

986
00:52:50,200 --> 00:52:52,759
Speaker 2: And and I'm like doing all of this, running all

987
00:52:52,760 --> 00:52:55,520
Speaker 2: these errands and I'm like in the car literally laughing

988
00:52:55,560 --> 00:52:58,080
Speaker 2: with myself. I'm turning on music, I'm acting out the

989
00:52:58,160 --> 00:52:59,800
Speaker 2: music like and I and I had this moment I

990
00:52:59,880 --> 00:53:04,360
Speaker 2: was like I really enjoy my own company, like I

991
00:53:04,440 --> 00:53:09,160
Speaker 2: really enjoy myself, you know, And I'm doing all those

992
00:53:09,200 --> 00:53:12,480
Speaker 2: things and I'm getting back at home and I had

993
00:53:12,520 --> 00:53:15,000
Speaker 2: to work for for actually like an hour, so finishing

994
00:53:15,080 --> 00:53:17,680
Speaker 2: up like all the stuff for for this, for the

995
00:53:17,719 --> 00:53:20,440
Speaker 2: taping for this, and then I went back to my errands.

996
00:53:20,480 --> 00:53:22,200
Speaker 2: I did my pedicure, like I did all my things,

997
00:53:22,200 --> 00:53:25,560
Speaker 2: and I'm like, wow, it's so important. And I almost

998
00:53:25,600 --> 00:53:27,640
Speaker 2: got on the ground to talk about this. But it's

999
00:53:27,680 --> 00:53:32,840
Speaker 2: so important to just like yourself, to enjoy your own company.

1000
00:53:32,920 --> 00:53:36,239
Speaker 2: It is to know yourself enough to like even know

1001
00:53:36,400 --> 00:53:41,960
Speaker 2: like what music I'm craving or or should I actually

1002
00:53:42,040 --> 00:53:47,239
Speaker 2: sit in silence today and not listen to anything like that.

1003
00:53:47,560 --> 00:53:51,640
Speaker 2: I love that I have through my healing, got into

1004
00:53:51,680 --> 00:53:54,280
Speaker 2: a place where I like myself.

1005
00:53:54,840 --> 00:53:57,040
Speaker 1: I love it. I like you too, thank you a lot.

1006
00:53:57,160 --> 00:53:57,480
Speaker 2: I like it.

1007
00:53:57,520 --> 00:53:59,160
Speaker 1: And then you hear like you know, sometimes you have

1008
00:53:59,239 --> 00:54:03,160
Speaker 1: guests and they'll be like, oh, it's like they gonna leave.

1009
00:54:04,200 --> 00:54:05,920
Speaker 1: I can share my space with you.

1010
00:54:06,640 --> 00:54:10,120
Speaker 2: That's because we're both very similar, Like I'm gonna go

1011
00:54:10,120 --> 00:54:13,320
Speaker 2: to my space and isolate and you're gonna go to yours.

1012
00:54:14,440 --> 00:54:17,440
Speaker 1: Similar we are. I love that. I love it. I

1013
00:54:17,480 --> 00:54:21,680
Speaker 1: love it so in clothes. I'm gonna challenge you to

1014
00:54:21,760 --> 00:54:24,600
Speaker 1: make time for yourself. I'm gonna do check ins like, hey, Donor,

1015
00:54:24,719 --> 00:54:27,000
Speaker 1: what have you done for yourself lately? And I want

1016
00:54:27,040 --> 00:54:30,440
Speaker 1: you to prioritize that because you prioritize everyone else in

1017
00:54:30,440 --> 00:54:33,040
Speaker 1: your life. And I know that's a part of the gig,

1018
00:54:33,080 --> 00:54:36,879
Speaker 1: that's your job. But you can't pour for an empty cup. Yeah,

1019
00:54:37,000 --> 00:54:38,759
Speaker 1: you know. And I really want you to find time

1020
00:54:38,840 --> 00:54:41,200
Speaker 1: to really take care of yourself because you can get

1021
00:54:41,200 --> 00:54:43,560
Speaker 1: burned out really fast in this industry. You're growing, it's

1022
00:54:43,600 --> 00:54:47,120
Speaker 1: not slowing down anytime soon. And also makes space for

1023
00:54:47,120 --> 00:54:49,719
Speaker 1: yourself so that you can have room to create your

1024
00:54:49,760 --> 00:54:56,080
Speaker 1: own okay, because I need you to platform to be

1025
00:54:56,160 --> 00:55:02,040
Speaker 1: ready to step out. Okay, yes, because that's a part

1026
00:55:02,040 --> 00:55:05,759
Speaker 1: of it, that's that's alone time to really curate what

1027
00:55:05,800 --> 00:55:07,560
Speaker 1: it is that you want to do. You to find

1028
00:55:07,600 --> 00:55:09,480
Speaker 1: that time, because if you're constantly like got make sure

1029
00:55:09,520 --> 00:55:15,399
Speaker 1: Chris right right right, all everybody else is like when

1030
00:55:15,600 --> 00:55:18,120
Speaker 1: is like okay, I need to see make sure Donor

1031
00:55:18,239 --> 00:55:19,759
Speaker 1: is right? You know. So I want to challenge you

1032
00:55:19,800 --> 00:55:21,400
Speaker 1: to do that. Thank you, You're welcome.

1033
00:55:21,400 --> 00:55:21,759
Speaker 2: I love you.

1034
00:55:23,400 --> 00:55:27,520
Speaker 1: I love you so much. Yes, is there anything else

1035
00:55:27,560 --> 00:55:31,640
Speaker 1: you want to touch on? Good? Okay, she's also a producer,

1036
00:55:31,680 --> 00:55:36,239
Speaker 1: so it's like she's okay, let's also touch on So

1037
00:55:36,360 --> 00:55:39,320
Speaker 1: thank you seriously, that was good. Yes, a lot of

1038
00:55:39,400 --> 00:55:45,560
Speaker 1: nuggets on this one. All right, Donores. So now it

1039
00:55:45,640 --> 00:55:48,080
Speaker 1: is time for my favorite part of the show, which

1040
00:55:48,120 --> 00:55:50,440
Speaker 1: is positive outcomes. And we have a letter from a

1041
00:55:50,480 --> 00:55:54,319
Speaker 1: young lady named Meg. It says, good evening, Crystal. My

1042
00:55:54,440 --> 00:56:01,280
Speaker 1: name is Meg, sending love all the way from Kenya, Baby, Kenya. Yeah, Africa,

1043
00:56:01,400 --> 00:56:02,279
Speaker 1: can you stand up?

1044
00:56:02,320 --> 00:56:02,720
Speaker 2: Africa?

1045
00:56:02,800 --> 00:56:06,520
Speaker 1: Stand up? Listen, Big Love. Got to forget how we

1046
00:56:06,560 --> 00:56:10,319
Speaker 1: gonna get to y'all because the insights are insightful. You

1047
00:56:10,400 --> 00:56:14,800
Speaker 1: guys are up in there everywhere. We love it, She says,

1048
00:56:14,960 --> 00:56:17,200
Speaker 1: I honestly love you, and I'm your number one fan.

1049
00:56:17,280 --> 00:56:20,319
Speaker 1: I struggle with self confidence, and with this I kind

1050
00:56:20,320 --> 00:56:23,360
Speaker 1: of feel like I'm giving too much because of my insecurities.

1051
00:56:23,560 --> 00:56:25,719
Speaker 1: For instance, if a guy shows me a little bit

1052
00:56:25,760 --> 00:56:28,440
Speaker 1: of attention, I tend to give in much because of

1053
00:56:28,600 --> 00:56:31,080
Speaker 1: all I want is validation and to know that I

1054
00:56:31,120 --> 00:56:33,920
Speaker 1: am loved. I'm so insecure that when I sleep over

1055
00:56:34,000 --> 00:56:36,680
Speaker 1: the man's house, I wake up before him to apply

1056
00:56:36,760 --> 00:56:40,600
Speaker 1: my makeup. In fear of him seeing my face naked. Wow,

1057
00:56:42,040 --> 00:56:44,359
Speaker 1: it's really stressing me out. I pray that one day

1058
00:56:44,400 --> 00:56:46,400
Speaker 1: that I can look in the mirror and be grateful

1059
00:56:46,440 --> 00:56:49,080
Speaker 1: for what I see. How do you handle your fears

1060
00:56:49,120 --> 00:56:53,560
Speaker 1: and how can I begin to heal my insecurities? Wow? First, Meg,

1061
00:56:53,600 --> 00:56:57,799
Speaker 1: thank you so much for writing in this is This

1062
00:56:57,840 --> 00:57:00,600
Speaker 1: is a big one because I know as women, when

1063
00:57:00,600 --> 00:57:04,360
Speaker 1: we're not feeling our best selves, we do seek validation

1064
00:57:04,520 --> 00:57:07,920
Speaker 1: from men and even our friends. We seek validation everywhere

1065
00:57:07,920 --> 00:57:11,160
Speaker 1: we can get it. So just know that you're this

1066
00:57:11,200 --> 00:57:13,680
Speaker 1: is not an isolated incident. A lot of women deal

1067
00:57:13,719 --> 00:57:17,760
Speaker 1: with this, I've I've dealt with this as well. But

1068
00:57:17,800 --> 00:57:21,120
Speaker 1: you have to understand that you are worth more, that

1069
00:57:21,160 --> 00:57:23,440
Speaker 1: you don't need the validation of anyone, and it starts

1070
00:57:23,440 --> 00:57:26,840
Speaker 1: with yourself. So I would definitely start start off by saying,

1071
00:57:26,960 --> 00:57:31,240
Speaker 1: just do some self work, self inventory, reflection on the

1072
00:57:31,280 --> 00:57:34,120
Speaker 1: things that you love about yourself, Say okay, I love this,

1073
00:57:34,200 --> 00:57:36,560
Speaker 1: I love that, and start pointing out things and even

1074
00:57:36,920 --> 00:57:40,400
Speaker 1: I have insecurities and I've learned to l And I

1075
00:57:40,400 --> 00:57:42,640
Speaker 1: would also look to my man to be like, baby,

1076
00:57:42,680 --> 00:57:45,360
Speaker 1: it's fine, you look great for me, Be like Okay,

1077
00:57:45,360 --> 00:57:47,400
Speaker 1: it's okay, you know, because you wanna make sure you

1078
00:57:47,440 --> 00:57:50,280
Speaker 1: look good for your person or just even society. It

1079
00:57:50,320 --> 00:57:52,360
Speaker 1: can be a lot of stress from everything that you're

1080
00:57:52,360 --> 00:57:55,160
Speaker 1: seeing on social media that looks so perfect, where you

1081
00:57:55,160 --> 00:57:57,920
Speaker 1: feel like you're not perfect. But I would say scratch

1082
00:57:57,960 --> 00:58:01,480
Speaker 1: all that and really just start talking to yourself saying

1083
00:58:01,520 --> 00:58:03,479
Speaker 1: I love this about me, Like I hate my feet.

1084
00:58:03,520 --> 00:58:05,400
Speaker 1: I just told the Nord today I hate my feet,

1085
00:58:05,440 --> 00:58:06,600
Speaker 1: and she goes, I didn't know that about you. I

1086
00:58:06,600 --> 00:58:09,560
Speaker 1: was like, yeah, I hate him, but I walk around barefoot.

1087
00:58:09,600 --> 00:58:11,280
Speaker 1: You know, I'm not afraid to show my feet anymore.

1088
00:58:11,360 --> 00:58:13,760
Speaker 1: Usually I would have on socks because I had bunians,

1089
00:58:13,840 --> 00:58:18,280
Speaker 1: So that's my insecurity. I hate my feet, but I'm

1090
00:58:18,360 --> 00:58:20,520
Speaker 1: learning to just love everything about me and be like,

1091
00:58:20,520 --> 00:58:24,400
Speaker 1: you know what, it's not bad. I've seen worse, okay,

1092
00:58:24,480 --> 00:58:27,000
Speaker 1: you know, And I would just tell myself, I love

1093
00:58:27,040 --> 00:58:29,160
Speaker 1: this about me, whatever those things are, even your face.

1094
00:58:29,520 --> 00:58:31,440
Speaker 1: I will say I was in a situation I was

1095
00:58:31,480 --> 00:58:33,840
Speaker 1: telling you about where the guy I needed to get

1096
00:58:33,840 --> 00:58:35,480
Speaker 1: out of it. The one thing he didn't like was

1097
00:58:35,480 --> 00:58:39,720
Speaker 1: a lot of makeup. So was I love makeup? I

1098
00:58:39,720 --> 00:58:42,640
Speaker 1: still do love makeup. But he allowed me to see

1099
00:58:42,680 --> 00:58:45,800
Speaker 1: myself everything I was trying to hide. That was one

1100
00:58:45,840 --> 00:58:47,600
Speaker 1: of the good things that came out of the relationship.

1101
00:58:47,840 --> 00:58:50,600
Speaker 1: So I would say, take it all off and look

1102
00:58:50,600 --> 00:58:53,760
Speaker 1: at yourself and learn to love what you see, because

1103
00:58:53,800 --> 00:58:55,479
Speaker 1: I too was like that. I felt like I needed

1104
00:58:55,480 --> 00:58:58,280
Speaker 1: the makeup to feel pretty. And now it's too a

1105
00:58:58,320 --> 00:58:59,760
Speaker 1: space where I can wipe it all off and go

1106
00:58:59,800 --> 00:59:01,400
Speaker 1: out the house and not feel like I had been

1107
00:59:01,400 --> 00:59:04,760
Speaker 1: made up and I feel beautiful just like this. So

1108
00:59:04,760 --> 00:59:06,960
Speaker 1: I want you to take the time to really tell

1109
00:59:07,040 --> 00:59:09,400
Speaker 1: yourself and really pour into your own cup, you know,

1110
00:59:09,440 --> 00:59:11,480
Speaker 1: and not look at it from a man or from

1111
00:59:11,520 --> 00:59:14,880
Speaker 1: your friends or mom and dad. Start sewing into yourself

1112
00:59:14,880 --> 00:59:16,200
Speaker 1: and you'll see a difference for sure.

1113
00:59:17,000 --> 00:59:18,360
Speaker 2: Good Yeah, so good thing.

1114
00:59:18,680 --> 00:59:19,600
Speaker 1: What do you got? What do you think?

1115
00:59:20,040 --> 00:59:23,000
Speaker 2: I would add to that that confidence is a revelation

1116
00:59:23,320 --> 00:59:30,680
Speaker 2: MM and the the transition for me and I'm and

1117
00:59:30,720 --> 00:59:33,720
Speaker 2: I've I I've shared this on my social before. I

1118
00:59:33,800 --> 00:59:37,440
Speaker 2: that I used to suffer from severe insecurity M like

1119
00:59:37,480 --> 00:59:39,600
Speaker 2: I would l I used to literally look at myself

1120
00:59:39,600 --> 00:59:43,960
Speaker 2: in the mirror and not be in any way attracted

1121
00:59:44,000 --> 00:59:48,240
Speaker 2: to myself or or I like I couldn't And again,

1122
00:59:48,520 --> 00:59:51,920
Speaker 2: I I would look at myself and couldn't find anything beautiful.

1123
00:59:52,040 --> 00:59:55,120
Speaker 2: And then I also thought that I didn't to the

1124
00:59:55,120 --> 00:59:56,880
Speaker 2: point that we were talking about earlier. I didn't have

1125
00:59:56,920 --> 00:59:58,800
Speaker 2: any skills or any talent or anything that made me

1126
00:59:58,880 --> 01:00:02,280
Speaker 2: stand out. But confidence is a revelation. And what I

1127
01:00:02,320 --> 01:00:05,280
Speaker 2: mean by that is that it, at least for me,

1128
01:00:05,360 --> 01:00:07,560
Speaker 2: My journey was that I had to start with one thing.

1129
01:00:08,360 --> 01:00:11,600
Speaker 2: And so that was actually an exercise that I learned,

1130
01:00:11,600 --> 01:00:14,160
Speaker 2: which is just take it on a post it and

1131
01:00:14,160 --> 01:00:16,840
Speaker 2: write it down. And so I wrote the first thing

1132
01:00:16,840 --> 01:00:18,200
Speaker 2: on I forget. I wrote the first thing that came

1133
01:00:18,240 --> 01:00:20,600
Speaker 2: to mind, which is I love my integrity, and I

1134
01:00:20,640 --> 01:00:22,960
Speaker 2: put that on a mirror. And then it took me

1135
01:00:23,000 --> 01:00:25,160
Speaker 2: a while. It took me weeks to find something else.

1136
01:00:25,200 --> 01:00:27,280
Speaker 2: But then when I found one thing, I found the other.

1137
01:00:27,600 --> 01:00:29,280
Speaker 2: And then when I found the other, I found another,

1138
01:00:29,600 --> 01:00:33,920
Speaker 2: and little by little then I started becoming a confident woman.

1139
01:00:34,600 --> 01:00:36,880
Speaker 2: And so that's what I would say, at least from

1140
01:00:36,880 --> 01:00:40,640
Speaker 2: a practical standpoint of something that you can do is

1141
01:00:40,680 --> 01:00:43,960
Speaker 2: start with that. And it is okay if the post

1142
01:00:43,960 --> 01:00:45,840
Speaker 2: it only has one thing, put that thing on the

1143
01:00:45,840 --> 01:00:49,680
Speaker 2: mirror and allow God and be intentional about praying for

1144
01:00:49,720 --> 01:00:53,800
Speaker 2: God to reveal yourself to you so that you can

1145
01:00:53,840 --> 01:00:59,320
Speaker 2: see you through God's lens. Right, And as you get

1146
01:00:59,360 --> 01:01:01,560
Speaker 2: each revelation and write it, put it on the mirror,

1147
01:01:01,600 --> 01:01:03,160
Speaker 2: right it. Put on the mirror because you'll see it

1148
01:01:03,560 --> 01:01:06,360
Speaker 2: and read it to yourself. And then at some point

1149
01:01:06,480 --> 01:01:10,320
Speaker 2: you know you believe it because you started to see it.

1150
01:01:10,960 --> 01:01:13,880
Speaker 2: And so that for me at least, was the exercise.

1151
01:01:13,920 --> 01:01:16,120
Speaker 2: I ate it in my transition of going from an

1152
01:01:16,120 --> 01:01:17,960
Speaker 2: insecure woman to a very confident one.

1153
01:01:18,080 --> 01:01:24,720
Speaker 1: I love it. Yeah, I love it. That's good. All right,

1154
01:01:24,720 --> 01:01:26,920
Speaker 1: So we're gonna do what I'm going through and what

1155
01:01:27,000 --> 01:01:28,480
Speaker 1: I'm growing through.

1156
01:01:29,680 --> 01:01:31,640
Speaker 2: You know what I'm going through too, because we were

1157
01:01:31,640 --> 01:01:33,240
Speaker 2: all crying about it yesterday.

1158
01:01:34,800 --> 01:01:38,720
Speaker 1: You want to go first? No, you go? Okay, So

1159
01:01:38,920 --> 01:01:45,360
Speaker 1: right now I am going through a phase of I

1160
01:01:45,400 --> 01:01:49,800
Speaker 1: don't want to say reinventing, but tapping into new passions,

1161
01:01:51,000 --> 01:01:54,440
Speaker 1: going into a place of the unknown. We're on strike

1162
01:01:54,560 --> 01:01:57,640
Speaker 1: right now, and it's a scary place to be in,

1163
01:01:57,840 --> 01:02:01,040
Speaker 1: you know. So I think this is quite like COVID

1164
01:02:01,040 --> 01:02:03,240
Speaker 1: and quarantine. It put me in a place where it's like, Okay,

1165
01:02:03,800 --> 01:02:05,760
Speaker 1: what can I do to come out better in this situation?

1166
01:02:05,840 --> 01:02:10,520
Speaker 1: When this is all over and I think just figuring

1167
01:02:10,560 --> 01:02:15,200
Speaker 1: those things out and keeping my faith strong and not

1168
01:02:15,600 --> 01:02:18,600
Speaker 1: getting anxious. Because I caught myself the other day I

1169
01:02:18,640 --> 01:02:21,160
Speaker 1: was like, oh gosh, get a little anxious here, get

1170
01:02:21,200 --> 01:02:23,880
Speaker 1: little anxieties had coming on, and I was like, Crystal,

1171
01:02:25,000 --> 01:02:27,040
Speaker 1: I like I have everything I need. I like nothing

1172
01:02:27,240 --> 01:02:29,640
Speaker 1: what the nor always tells us. And when I said that,

1173
01:02:29,680 --> 01:02:31,919
Speaker 1: I said that a few times. I was like, You're good,

1174
01:02:32,400 --> 01:02:34,880
Speaker 1: it's fine. Everything has worked out. It's always going to

1175
01:02:34,920 --> 01:02:39,400
Speaker 1: work out. And so I'm going through that and growing

1176
01:02:39,440 --> 01:02:47,080
Speaker 1: through just being just being still, you know, and learning

1177
01:02:47,120 --> 01:02:49,360
Speaker 1: that things are going to happen, do to work, but

1178
01:02:49,640 --> 01:02:52,840
Speaker 1: also sit and just allow God to speak and have

1179
01:02:52,880 --> 01:02:55,960
Speaker 1: that clarity. So that's right right now.

1180
01:02:56,320 --> 01:03:02,320
Speaker 2: I am both going through and growing through a season

1181
01:03:02,440 --> 01:03:07,120
Speaker 2: where God is calling me into bigger and higher and greater,

1182
01:03:09,200 --> 01:03:15,360
Speaker 2: and navigating both what does that look like because I

1183
01:03:15,440 --> 01:03:19,720
Speaker 2: truly don't know the actual like this is what it

1184
01:03:19,760 --> 01:03:21,480
Speaker 2: looks like and this is what I need you.

1185
01:03:21,440 --> 01:03:28,280
Speaker 1: To do, and.

1186
01:03:28,200 --> 01:03:31,959
Speaker 2: Both seeing like understanding what that is and then the

1187
01:03:32,000 --> 01:03:36,240
Speaker 2: fear of how big it is. The One thing that

1188
01:03:36,320 --> 01:03:39,520
Speaker 2: I do have clarity on is that it does have

1189
01:03:39,600 --> 01:03:42,520
Speaker 2: to do with ministry. I'm very very very clear on

1190
01:03:42,560 --> 01:03:48,960
Speaker 2: that I have felt God's tug on my heart to

1191
01:03:49,360 --> 01:03:56,240
Speaker 2: no longer sort of gatekeep my experience with him and

1192
01:03:56,280 --> 01:03:58,760
Speaker 2: how he reveals himself to me and what he shares

1193
01:03:58,840 --> 01:04:03,720
Speaker 2: with me, which I've always done because I've been uncomfortable

1194
01:04:03,720 --> 01:04:07,600
Speaker 2: being in front of a camera or or posting, you know,

1195
01:04:07,680 --> 01:04:11,080
Speaker 2: myself on social media, Like if you followed me before

1196
01:04:11,120 --> 01:04:14,520
Speaker 2: twenty twenty three, I wouldn't even do stories like showing

1197
01:04:14,560 --> 01:04:17,400
Speaker 2: my face you know what I'm saying, and so and

1198
01:04:17,480 --> 01:04:23,360
Speaker 2: so just understanding like I'm clear that it's ministry. I

1199
01:04:23,400 --> 01:04:26,880
Speaker 2: don't know what that ministry looks like. And I'm still

1200
01:04:27,040 --> 01:04:33,480
Speaker 2: battling the why why does anybody care what you have

1201
01:04:33,560 --> 01:04:33,880
Speaker 2: to say?

1202
01:04:34,200 --> 01:04:34,520
Speaker 1: They do?

1203
01:04:35,000 --> 01:04:36,840
Speaker 2: Why? Why?

1204
01:04:37,000 --> 01:04:37,800
Speaker 1: Who? Who?

1205
01:04:37,840 --> 01:04:41,240
Speaker 2: Who do you think you are? I'm still battling that

1206
01:04:41,760 --> 01:04:45,560
Speaker 2: in all of it, in the uncovering of like well, well,

1207
01:04:45,560 --> 01:04:48,200
Speaker 2: what's the what what does it actually look like? Because

1208
01:04:48,240 --> 01:04:50,560
Speaker 2: I refuse to believe that God wants me like taping

1209
01:04:50,600 --> 01:04:52,840
Speaker 2: myself on. So I'm like, bro, you know, I don't

1210
01:04:53,000 --> 01:04:56,320
Speaker 2: like this, so I refuse to believe that that's what

1211
01:04:56,360 --> 01:04:59,640
Speaker 2: it is for me. I just know that it's in ministry.

1212
01:04:59,680 --> 01:05:02,160
Speaker 2: I don't know what it looks like. Wow, And So

1213
01:05:02,440 --> 01:05:04,160
Speaker 2: that is both what I'm going through and what I'm

1214
01:05:04,160 --> 01:05:09,720
Speaker 2: growing through. And God has sent people to affirm that

1215
01:05:09,720 --> 01:05:11,600
Speaker 2: that's what it is and that God is calling me

1216
01:05:11,680 --> 01:05:16,480
Speaker 2: outside of my box. Shout out to Pastor Stephanie Akho

1217
01:05:16,600 --> 01:05:20,080
Speaker 2: gave me a word that to this day. I played

1218
01:05:20,080 --> 01:05:23,320
Speaker 2: it for Crystal yesterday and I like bald and I

1219
01:05:23,360 --> 01:05:26,720
Speaker 2: got this word what a month ago and I'm still

1220
01:05:26,760 --> 01:05:30,280
Speaker 2: bawling over it. I still listen to it every single day.

1221
01:05:30,440 --> 01:05:35,320
Speaker 2: So I am going through and growing through that season

1222
01:05:35,520 --> 01:05:39,280
Speaker 2: of trying to just navigate the waters that he's calling

1223
01:05:39,320 --> 01:05:39,600
Speaker 2: me on.

1224
01:05:39,840 --> 01:05:45,520
Speaker 1: Yeah that's good. Yeah, that's good. I like that. So

1225
01:05:45,880 --> 01:05:50,080
Speaker 1: we do the keep it blank sweetie. For this episode,

1226
01:05:50,200 --> 01:05:55,360
Speaker 1: I'm going to say, keep it faithful, sweetie, because I'm

1227
01:05:55,360 --> 01:05:57,720
Speaker 1: in a very phase driven season of my life where

1228
01:05:57,720 --> 01:06:01,120
Speaker 1: it's a little it's being tested. Keep it faithful, sweetie.

1229
01:06:02,480 --> 01:06:08,240
Speaker 2: I'm going to say keep it obedience. You know, I

1230
01:06:09,040 --> 01:06:12,680
Speaker 2: will say that my life over the past five years

1231
01:06:13,480 --> 01:06:20,680
Speaker 2: is a testimony to the result of being obedient. That's

1232
01:06:20,720 --> 01:06:22,440
Speaker 2: not to say that I'm perfect, because I'm not. And

1233
01:06:22,480 --> 01:06:24,680
Speaker 2: that's also not to say that I have not been disobedient,

1234
01:06:24,880 --> 01:06:29,560
Speaker 2: because I have. But but in the things that I

1235
01:06:29,600 --> 01:06:35,480
Speaker 2: have been obedient in I have seen God's grace and

1236
01:06:35,600 --> 01:06:40,800
Speaker 2: mercy and favor all over it, and so I will say,

1237
01:06:40,920 --> 01:06:42,120
Speaker 2: keep it obedient, sweet.

1238
01:06:42,200 --> 01:06:45,240
Speaker 1: I love it. I love it.

1239
01:06:48,640 --> 01:06:52,360
Speaker 2: Oh my gosh, I no longer have like I was

1240
01:06:52,560 --> 01:06:54,840
Speaker 2: shaking for like the first fifteen minutes.

1241
01:06:55,560 --> 01:06:59,080
Speaker 1: Listen, I never know. You're amazing.

1242
01:06:59,240 --> 01:07:02,560
Speaker 2: Thank you, thank you for sharing your platform. And I

1243
01:07:02,600 --> 01:07:08,600
Speaker 2: also want to say, it's been beautiful to watch your evolution.

1244
01:07:10,560 --> 01:07:13,120
Speaker 1: I'm gonna start crying, don't you do it.

1245
01:07:14,480 --> 01:07:20,080
Speaker 2: I met Crystal as a very very very guarded woman.

1246
01:07:21,720 --> 01:07:27,240
Speaker 2: Oh god, yeah, very guarded, very guarded.

1247
01:07:28,160 --> 01:07:28,360
Speaker 1: Yeah.

1248
01:07:28,640 --> 01:07:34,040
Speaker 2: And watching you fully step into the fullness of who you.

1249
01:07:33,920 --> 01:07:42,919
Speaker 4: Are early morning, I know it took me forever to y'all,

1250
01:07:42,920 --> 01:07:45,880
Speaker 4: I don't know how to do my makeup so good.

1251
01:07:47,600 --> 01:07:54,080
Speaker 2: But watching you step into the fullness of who you

1252
01:07:54,160 --> 01:07:58,960
Speaker 2: are as a woman and seeing the actual transition of

1253
01:07:59,000 --> 01:08:01,720
Speaker 2: you being a woman who was so close off I remember,

1254
01:08:02,960 --> 01:08:05,640
Speaker 2: I remember I would even say like damn, you know,

1255
01:08:07,080 --> 01:08:14,400
Speaker 2: like almost struggling in our relationship because I felt like damn,

1256
01:08:14,440 --> 01:08:16,120
Speaker 2: I'm so close to everybody else, but I feel like

1257
01:08:16,160 --> 01:08:18,599
Speaker 2: I can't break through Crystal, Like I can't break through

1258
01:08:18,600 --> 01:08:23,639
Speaker 2: Crystal and again, if my business, if I did ran

1259
01:08:23,760 --> 01:08:29,479
Speaker 2: my business differently, that wouldn't matter. But I don't run

1260
01:08:30,240 --> 01:08:34,839
Speaker 2: this business the way that Hollywood runs. I don't manage

1261
01:08:34,880 --> 01:08:37,480
Speaker 2: the way that people manage.

1262
01:08:37,640 --> 01:08:37,920
Speaker 1: And so.

1263
01:08:39,439 --> 01:08:44,200
Speaker 2: For me, having a degree of closeness with you and

1264
01:08:44,439 --> 01:08:47,640
Speaker 2: intimacy with you and everybody else is very important to me.

1265
01:08:48,360 --> 01:08:50,680
Speaker 2: And I remember just feeling like Dad, I can't break through.

1266
01:08:50,720 --> 01:08:54,439
Speaker 2: I can't break through. And there was something about this year.

1267
01:08:56,479 --> 01:08:59,960
Speaker 2: I don't know what encounter you had. I mean, we've talked,

1268
01:09:00,280 --> 01:09:03,960
Speaker 2: but there was a switch. It was there was a

1269
01:09:04,160 --> 01:09:09,080
Speaker 2: switch for you that it was literally almost as if

1270
01:09:09,120 --> 01:09:10,639
Speaker 2: you woke up and you just had it. I no

1271
01:09:10,680 --> 01:09:15,799
Speaker 2: longer want to live like this, and I'll never forget.

1272
01:09:16,160 --> 01:09:21,120
Speaker 2: When we recorded season one, you made a comment you said,

1273
01:09:21,800 --> 01:09:27,680
Speaker 2: it just feels so good to feel like myself. Yes, yes, because.

1274
01:09:29,120 --> 01:09:31,960
Speaker 1: I was, Oh my gosh, it's so hard to like

1275
01:09:32,760 --> 01:09:35,120
Speaker 1: when you're in the light all the time. You want

1276
01:09:35,120 --> 01:09:37,559
Speaker 1: to have something for yourself, you know, And it was

1277
01:09:37,600 --> 01:09:39,240
Speaker 1: hard trying to figure out, Okay, what can I let

1278
01:09:39,280 --> 01:09:41,800
Speaker 1: people in on and so they can feel a part

1279
01:09:41,840 --> 01:09:45,040
Speaker 1: of this life with me in this journey, and then

1280
01:09:45,120 --> 01:09:48,320
Speaker 1: what can I keep to myself? You know? And I

1281
01:09:48,439 --> 01:09:52,280
Speaker 1: was unpressure that, Okay, Fatiam is for the world, crystals

1282
01:09:52,280 --> 01:09:54,760
Speaker 1: for me and like my close people, you know, And

1283
01:09:54,840 --> 01:09:57,040
Speaker 1: I did not know how to be like, no, you

1284
01:09:57,080 --> 01:09:59,760
Speaker 1: can be yourself. People allow people to fall in love

1285
01:09:59,800 --> 01:10:02,280
Speaker 1: with And even Deval had told me one day he said,

1286
01:10:02,280 --> 01:10:03,960
Speaker 1: when I look at your social media, I don't know.

1287
01:10:03,880 --> 01:10:06,799
Speaker 2: Who you are. Yeah, And I was like, well.

1288
01:10:06,680 --> 01:10:08,680
Speaker 1: You know who I am, right, Why does it matter

1289
01:10:08,720 --> 01:10:11,040
Speaker 1: if you don't know me? Like He's like, it does matter.

1290
01:10:11,520 --> 01:10:13,680
Speaker 1: He was like people need to have to have some

1291
01:10:13,680 --> 01:10:15,640
Speaker 1: type of relations You'd be like, I can relate to

1292
01:10:15,680 --> 01:10:19,680
Speaker 1: this girl? What is it? And I think through me,

1293
01:10:19,720 --> 01:10:22,559
Speaker 1: I'm very guarded with people, you know, especially like how

1294
01:10:22,600 --> 01:10:25,160
Speaker 1: we are now, Like it takes a minute to like

1295
01:10:25,280 --> 01:10:27,559
Speaker 1: really and I think too. I didn't know, like, okay,

1296
01:10:27,560 --> 01:10:30,360
Speaker 1: it's just business like that she just have a relationship

1297
01:10:30,400 --> 01:10:33,720
Speaker 1: with her other clients because they've been together, or can

1298
01:10:33,720 --> 01:10:36,519
Speaker 1: we have that too, you know? And as we spent

1299
01:10:36,600 --> 01:10:39,040
Speaker 1: more time together, I was like, I really I feel

1300
01:10:39,080 --> 01:10:41,880
Speaker 1: safe with you, you know. And that's another like knowing

1301
01:10:41,920 --> 01:10:44,519
Speaker 1: that you can trust someone, that you can talk to

1302
01:10:44,560 --> 01:10:46,439
Speaker 1: them about things other than business, like I talked to

1303
01:10:46,439 --> 01:10:50,360
Speaker 1: about everything we do. Yeah, So it was one of

1304
01:10:50,360 --> 01:10:52,640
Speaker 1: those things where I just I definitely I feel so

1305
01:10:52,760 --> 01:10:56,559
Speaker 1: much free, freer than I did before because I can

1306
01:10:56,760 --> 01:10:59,280
Speaker 1: be myself and people don't judge me for.

1307
01:10:59,240 --> 01:11:03,280
Speaker 2: It, you know, and who cares if they do, and

1308
01:11:03,320 --> 01:11:05,800
Speaker 2: who cares if they did. So I just wanted to

1309
01:11:05,880 --> 01:11:08,479
Speaker 2: leave you with that. I hadn't said that to you

1310
01:11:08,560 --> 01:11:10,960
Speaker 2: intentionally because I wanted to share that with you here.

1311
01:11:11,000 --> 01:11:15,360
Speaker 2: I wanted to just honor you in that journey because

1312
01:11:15,400 --> 01:11:16,599
Speaker 2: that's not an easy journey.

1313
01:11:16,720 --> 01:11:18,360
Speaker 1: It is not, it is, but.

1314
01:11:21,240 --> 01:11:27,320
Speaker 2: Experiencing all of you has just inspired, like it personally

1315
01:11:27,360 --> 01:11:32,200
Speaker 2: inspires me on so many levels, even as in the

1316
01:11:32,240 --> 01:11:35,040
Speaker 2: season that I'm currently going through where if you remember

1317
01:11:35,080 --> 01:11:36,600
Speaker 2: you said to me like I didn't even know that

1318
01:11:36,640 --> 01:11:40,840
Speaker 2: I had a voice. Yes, I am navigating, you know

1319
01:11:40,840 --> 01:11:41,320
Speaker 2: what I'm saying.

1320
01:11:42,000 --> 01:11:46,040
Speaker 3: So thank you, absolutely no, thank thank you we did

1321
01:11:46,120 --> 01:11:46,599
Speaker 3: for each other.

1322
01:11:47,240 --> 01:11:48,800
Speaker 1: I love you too.

1323
01:11:49,120 --> 01:11:50,519
Speaker 2: This is good, This is good.

1324
01:11:50,920 --> 01:11:53,120
Speaker 1: Thank you guys so much. I hope you were blessed

1325
01:11:53,160 --> 01:11:55,479
Speaker 1: by this episode. We touched on so many different topics

1326
01:11:55,479 --> 01:11:59,080
Speaker 1: we did, and we have a lot in common story

1327
01:11:59,120 --> 01:12:01,960
Speaker 1: I'm like, dang, I'm very similar. Yes, that's why why

1328
01:12:01,960 --> 01:12:04,479
Speaker 1: we connected to But thank you guys so much. For

1329
01:12:04,520 --> 01:12:06,960
Speaker 1: tuning in. If you guys want to be a part

1330
01:12:07,080 --> 01:12:10,120
Speaker 1: of our Positive Outcomes Listener letter, please write in to

1331
01:12:10,200 --> 01:12:13,080
Speaker 1: Keep It Positive Sweetie at gmail dot com. I'm looking

1332
01:12:13,840 --> 01:12:15,920
Speaker 1: at this. I'm not even looking at this. You look

1333
01:12:15,960 --> 01:12:18,599
Speaker 1: at I don't know what. Yeah, I don't know why

1334
01:12:18,600 --> 01:12:19,479
Speaker 1: I'm looking there instead of here.

1335
01:12:19,560 --> 01:12:22,080
Speaker 2: Maybe because she's fine and she saw that she was like,

1336
01:12:22,640 --> 01:12:23,479
Speaker 2: let me talk myself.

1337
01:12:26,600 --> 01:12:29,479
Speaker 1: It's probably let me talk to me about me, about me,

1338
01:12:29,680 --> 01:12:39,599
Speaker 1: about me. That's some point spaces over the north. Thank

1339
01:12:39,640 --> 01:12:41,120
Speaker 1: you so much. I appreciate it.

1340
01:12:41,680 --> 01:12:41,960
Speaker 4: I have my.

1341
01:12:45,439 --> 01:12:49,280
Speaker 1: This is amazing. I appreciate you for coming on. This

1342
01:12:49,479 --> 01:12:51,400
Speaker 1: is amazing. I wasn't blessed by this, and we have

1343
01:12:51,560 --> 01:12:53,840
Speaker 1: so much in common that I didn't. I'm like, wow,

1344
01:12:53,920 --> 01:12:55,880
Speaker 1: we have a lot of similarities and parallels when it

1345
01:12:55,960 --> 01:13:00,200
Speaker 1: comes to our trajectory. Yes, absolutely so that Thank you

1346
01:13:00,280 --> 01:13:02,080
Speaker 1: guys so much. Thank you for tuning in to this

1347
01:13:02,200 --> 01:13:04,880
Speaker 1: episode of Keep It Positive. Sweetie. Remember, if you want

1348
01:13:04,920 --> 01:13:07,760
Speaker 1: to be featured on our Positive Outcome Listener letter, write

1349
01:13:07,800 --> 01:13:10,360
Speaker 1: in to Keep It Positive Sweetie at gmail dot com.

1350
01:13:10,439 --> 01:13:13,800
Speaker 2: And that's Sweetie with an I E, not a y baby.

1351
01:13:13,880 --> 01:13:20,720
Speaker 1: That's right because because why because it's not tweetybird, I

1352
01:13:20,880 --> 01:13:24,559
Speaker 1: E I A. Make sure you follow kIPS on all

1353
01:13:24,640 --> 01:13:27,559
Speaker 1: platforms and then you can also follow me on all

1354
01:13:27,600 --> 01:13:30,920
Speaker 1: platforms at love Chris orinee and that's l u V Donora.

1355
01:13:30,960 --> 01:13:32,240
Speaker 1: Tell them where the people can find you.

1356
01:13:34,200 --> 01:13:35,200
Speaker 2: I am Donora.

1357
01:13:35,720 --> 01:13:38,320
Speaker 1: I A M D I N O R A H.

1358
01:13:38,600 --> 01:13:39,679
Speaker 1: Because you are Donora.

1359
01:13:39,800 --> 01:13:40,519
Speaker 2: I am Donora.

1360
01:13:40,800 --> 01:13:43,280
Speaker 1: She is all right, guys. That's all for today. We

1361
01:13:43,400 --> 01:13:45,760
Speaker 1: love you, guys, and we will see you soon by

1362
01:13:45,960 --> 01:13:49,240
Speaker 1: you know what to do with the meantime. Keep it positive, sweetie,

1363
01:14:00,320 --> 01:14:00,639
Speaker 1: Beca