Speaker 1: Are you leaving on?
Speaker 2: You wanta way back home?
Speaker 3: Either way, we want to be there.
Speaker 4: Doesn't matter how much baggage you claim and give us
Speaker 4: time and a turmanol and gay.
Speaker 3: We want to send you off inside. We wanna welcome
Speaker 3: you back home.
Speaker 1: Tell us all about it. We scared or was it fine?
Speaker 2: Now?
Speaker 1: Porn?
Speaker 2: Do you need to ride?
Speaker 1: Do you need to ride? Do you need to ride?
Speaker 3: Do your need ride.
Speaker 2: With Karen and Chris? Welcome to Do you need to ride?
Speaker 2: This is Chris Fairbank.
Speaker 1: And this is Karen Kilgarreff with us.
Speaker 2: Today as our guest. Already in the car. I picked
Speaker 2: him up before I picked up Karen. Sometimes we mix
Speaker 2: it up. Matting bread. That's Matt.
Speaker 1: Look at him, I mean, listen to him listeners voice.
Speaker 2: You can tell just from that smooth jazz voice that
Speaker 2: he's taller than me, very tall. You can tell just
Speaker 2: by your voice, taller than most.
Speaker 5: We're just talking about how Karen went to Yale. Yeah,
Speaker 5: tell us about your sorority and Yale.
Speaker 1: God, guys, I was an alpha fee all the way
Speaker 1: and I just fed some goats all through college for
Speaker 1: a living. That's how I put myself through college. Some
Speaker 1: girls strip. I was more into a kind of animal
Speaker 1: husbandry situation.
Speaker 2: The fraternity I went to. We roasted our own coffee beans.
Speaker 2: We were called Kappa Cappuccino.
Speaker 5: Fuck you, dare you pull out that year? Three open?
Speaker 5: This is a fucking podcast. Will you give me a ride? Please? Daddy?
Speaker 6: Working title?
Speaker 2: We're still working on the title. That was a that's
Speaker 2: a joke from like fifth grade.
Speaker 1: You what fraternity did you attend?
Speaker 2: Yes? You seem like a Fiji boy.
Speaker 5: I was a Fiji boy Fiji water.
Speaker 2: Remember their call letters Fiji.
Speaker 5: And I pledged every year. Never got in, but uh,
Speaker 5: you know, lived in the backyard, in the tent and
Speaker 5: real nice time.
Speaker 1: You were just in it for the beatings, kind of Princeton.
Speaker 5: Yeah. I loved getting beaten up. That's the only way
Speaker 5: I can come.
Speaker 1: Well, that's perfect. Then fraternity life is perfect for you.
Speaker 5: Now, what is this podcast?
Speaker 2: No?
Speaker 5: Explain this to me? And I asked Chris earlier, and
Speaker 5: I want to ask you, Karen, do you regret starting
Speaker 5: a podcast where you have to do legitimate work.
Speaker 6: I'll answer for Karen on this, yes, and I'll answer
Speaker 6: for Chris.
Speaker 2: Yes.
Speaker 5: Idea for a podcast. But I'm just like, you've basically
Speaker 5: given yourself chores to do every time you do this.
Speaker 1: And scheduling, there's a there's an almost borderline mathematical scheduling
Speaker 1: situation that I, as a flighty barely together adults, can't
Speaker 1: handle Chris. Chris handles a lot, but I know it's
Speaker 1: unnatural for him.
Speaker 5: That really surprises me that Chris is the one handling the.
Speaker 6: Scheduling, and a lot of people might be offended by that.
Speaker 2: But you are so right, you are.
Speaker 1: It's hard.
Speaker 2: It's hard for me to get my anguish over things.
Speaker 2: And I was really nervous about showing up early. So
Speaker 2: instead I sat there in silence and left at a
Speaker 2: point where I knew I'd be late and I had
Speaker 2: to make so instead of picking up Mad at home,
Speaker 2: which is the mission statement of my poet, I had
Speaker 2: him meet us.
Speaker 5: I drove to a place that I didn't need to
Speaker 5: go to get picked up and taken to a place
Speaker 5: that I could have driven to myself.
Speaker 1: You know why, because we want the guests to work
Speaker 1: as hard as we are. That is an absolute necessary.
Speaker 2: For Empathy is part of our podcast. You need to
Speaker 2: feel it for us.
Speaker 1: You've got to feel.
Speaker 5: I mean, I definitely feel sorry for you guys, absolutely
Speaker 5: I do.
Speaker 2: That's sympathy definition wise, just to be clear and sympathy,
Speaker 2: we don't want you to feel sorry for us.
Speaker 5: I'm sorry for how your lis have gone to get
Speaker 5: us to.
Speaker 2: This point to feel our pain, but not ourself.
Speaker 6: So we providedppreciate you.
Speaker 1: I was you know, what's funny?
Speaker 2: Can I get a ride home after this?
Speaker 1: What's funny is I was surprised. Chris said, oh, matt
Speaker 1: Ingerbutson and I are on the same show tonight. Maybe
Speaker 1: I'll ask him to do it. And I was like surprised, Yeah,
Speaker 1: that you qualified. But then he I said yes, please
Speaker 1: do And so quickly after that he came back is like,
Speaker 1: matt can do it. And then I was like, oh
Speaker 1: he yeah, he doesn't know what he's agreed right now.
Speaker 1: Clearly because he was such a quick yeah, he probably
Speaker 1: thought like, there'll be a studio, I'll show up, i'll leave,
Speaker 1: I'll get a bottle of water.
Speaker 5: I was like, these are two people, I like, why
Speaker 5: would they betray me? Why would they mislead me and
Speaker 5: trick me into doing something?
Speaker 1: And this is what we're going to get into on
Speaker 1: this podcast. So why why.
Speaker 2: Why do we constantly we want to hurt everybody. I'm
Speaker 2: sorry I should have stopped.
Speaker 1: Because of this guy.
Speaker 5: I mean, that's the other thing about this is this
Speaker 5: is dangerous.
Speaker 2: We have not killed anyone yet, right, not yet, recall
Speaker 2: not yet not we haven't right right, people have died
Speaker 2: after we've dropped them off in their home.
Speaker 1: That's why we have nothing to do with that.
Speaker 6: Your home security is not our problem.
Speaker 5: What a tragedy. If you guys were to take this
Speaker 5: car and kill us all two up and coming podcasters
Speaker 5: and one fully estep.
Speaker 1: I'd imagine if we and we have said this before,
Speaker 1: if someone if we do crash this car and kill
Speaker 1: you know, at least a couple of us, imagine how
Speaker 1: that will shoot up the iTunes comedy podcast chart.
Speaker 5: You will get some ratings.
Speaker 1: We will beat Harmontown.
Speaker 5: I'm positive he's the one to beat.
Speaker 1: He's the one the one to watch.
Speaker 2: That Kevin Smith, I'm sure that's fun.
Speaker 1: Is that a good one?
Speaker 2: Every time you go to the improv, there's a bunch
Speaker 2: of people in cargo shirts and hockey jersey. Those are
Speaker 2: there dressed like Kevin Smith.
Speaker 5: Those advertisements that they played before shows that the Improv
Speaker 5: are just really sucked the energy out.
Speaker 2: Of the room.
Speaker 1: Yeah, it's a almost like a threat.
Speaker 5: But I love improv and it's a great job over there.
Speaker 2: The nice. This episode is dedicated to Jamie Flann. Hey, Jamie,
Speaker 2: thanks for booking us.
Speaker 1: Hi five Jamie. Oh, we're doing a Should I just
Speaker 1: drop this bomb now or save it at the end?
Speaker 1: We're doing We're doing a show with April Richardson at
Speaker 1: the Improv this coming Wednesday, April thirteenth. You are on it?
Speaker 2: Oh god, I got to check my schedule.
Speaker 1: You agree to it, You're you're on the flyer and everything.
Speaker 2: Okay, Well I'll be there and we.
Speaker 1: Have special surprise guests if you want to be the
Speaker 1: surprise guest.
Speaker 5: Matt done.
Speaker 1: You keep saying yes fast.
Speaker 5: I know you won't learn the lesson in Santa Monic.
Speaker 5: You can drive me to the.
Speaker 1: Improv and then when you get there, you're going to
Speaker 1: have dental work with no anesthesia. That's what you agree to.
Speaker 1: That's the show.
Speaker 2: Matt runs a very fun show himself, which wasn't it?
Speaker 6: It wasn't good. Heroin rated the number one show in l.
Speaker 5: A Best New Show in l A True l A
Speaker 5: weekly congratulations.
Speaker 1: It is a great show.
Speaker 2: It's really fun. It has it has you don't know
Speaker 2: it's going to be a show. It's in a bookstore,
Speaker 2: it's behind a bookstore, it's outdoor on paper. That wouldn't
Speaker 2: make me say paper outdoor.
Speaker 5: But then, similar to this podcast, all bad ideas.
Speaker 1: Yes, and then somehow, somehow all the negatives make a positive.
Speaker 6: That's right, Yeah, the things everything comes together.
Speaker 1: I find that the audience members at Matt's show and
Speaker 1: Dave's show, right is Dave.
Speaker 5: Ross's co producer.
Speaker 1: There's something You're fine, You're fine, keep going straight, Okay.
Speaker 2: Okay, oh that guy knew And yeah, that's the most
Speaker 2: confusing intersection.
Speaker 1: Yes, it's very terrible because you turn and then there's
Speaker 1: a red light, but you're supposed to go anyway.
Speaker 6: Promise I'm not going to kill us.
Speaker 1: I was just going to say that every time I've
Speaker 1: done good heroin, the audience members and you can see
Speaker 1: every single one of them because it's a fully lit Pattio.
Speaker 1: It's very lit, but they have their beaming smiles on
Speaker 1: their face every time you do that.
Speaker 2: Do you actually is that why it's called that you
Speaker 2: give them?
Speaker 5: We give them heroin and it's good, it's good.
Speaker 2: Okay.
Speaker 6: Well, what I've.
Speaker 5: Started doing when I host is literally yelling at them
Speaker 5: to have a good time up top, and I'll be like, listen,
Speaker 5: you jaded la fox like it's Saturday, goddamn night, have
Speaker 5: a good time and laugh out loud. Yes, and honestly,
Speaker 5: it has made a huge difference.
Speaker 1: Really, yes, it works.
Speaker 6: I know you to be a nice person.
Speaker 2: But one tournament was raining and the show was indoors
Speaker 2: and there was a couple came in to have coffee
Speaker 2: and you just you're like, oh, well, look at these
Speaker 2: two leather jacket assholes look at the big like a couple,
Speaker 2: and they were just kind of like, I guess he's kidding.
Speaker 5: That was maybe we should go When the show's inside,
Speaker 5: it's worse. And I'll get defensive when it's not going
Speaker 5: well and lash out at people.
Speaker 2: Oh god, that the best.
Speaker 1: That's how I do all comedy, no matter for rain
Speaker 1: or shine.
Speaker 2: I My face was red. I was actually it was
Speaker 2: making me really uncomfortable. But I was laughing so hard
Speaker 2: because I knew you were a kidding, but I wasn't
Speaker 2: sure they knew, And then the audience wasn't sure.
Speaker 1: There it was just really full the best.
Speaker 2: So the last time I did his show, I got
Speaker 2: an email that day from someone that I did some
Speaker 2: wine show and there was nice people west side money people.
Speaker 2: And I got a lot of emails like where are
Speaker 2: you performing next, I'll bring a group of laughers, Like
Speaker 2: I'm like, oh my god, I'm dealing with real civilians.
Speaker 2: And then but then this woman said I I promise
Speaker 2: I'm not stalking you, and then something about leaving my
Speaker 2: body by a dumpster. But I was like, oh, she's
Speaker 2: making a dumb joke. And I told her about good Heroin.
Speaker 1: Sorry, real quick check this shit out. Yes, there's a
Speaker 1: man standing on his bike bike. He's standing on a
Speaker 1: VMX bike riding it standing.
Speaker 2: And I, uh, you know, when I was a kid,
Speaker 2: I used to be able to do that. But I
Speaker 2: don't want to take away from what he's doing. I
Speaker 2: never did it in traffic.
Speaker 5: But what he did is nothing, and what I did was.
Speaker 2: It was I had a little more style. I didn't
Speaker 2: wave my arms around like I was swatting at peace.
Speaker 1: He seemed a little methy Yeah. I mean, although you
Speaker 1: might have just been excited.
Speaker 2: Really you said methody, A little methody with his ways.
Speaker 2: He wants some laired Hamilton.
Speaker 1: Videos before anyway, sorry I interrupted, No, it's quite all right.
Speaker 2: A man was surfing on a on a on a
Speaker 2: BMX bike.
Speaker 1: That was crazy and.
Speaker 5: None of you will ever be able to see it.
Speaker 1: Or believe it.
Speaker 2: Yeah, really before so before the show, I had to
Speaker 2: go to the bathroom and the crowded back there. It's
Speaker 2: packed and it's uncomfortable when you walk through the audience
Speaker 2: to use the restroom and then they watch you go
Speaker 2: in the bathroom. I like my audience is to not
Speaker 2: know poop or peep.
Speaker 1: Good.
Speaker 2: Yeah, I want them to think I ate the exact
Speaker 2: amount of food that I just use it.
Speaker 5: All, because that's what happens if you eat the correct
Speaker 5: amount of yet.
Speaker 2: Juice. I'm off gluten, and I think it's healthy, and
Speaker 2: then I faint. That's why your skin is that color,
Speaker 2: the color of the blood coming out of my eyes.
Speaker 2: So I peed. There's two dumpsters, there's a gap human
Speaker 2: sized gap between them in front of me, several other dumpsters,
Speaker 2: so I was guarded from anyone seeing me peeing. And
Speaker 2: then this woman, young girl who's kind of attractive, was like,
Speaker 2: she goes, I can see you oh, you look real
Speaker 2: hip with your forced mustache and your hipster jacket, like
Speaker 2: just started roasting me. And I look and I'm like,
Speaker 2: I'm peeing my wieners out. And I looked at her
Speaker 2: and I was like kind of laughed because I thought, well,
Speaker 2: clearly I must know this person, but I did not
Speaker 2: recognize her face. And then she said I'm not a narc,
Speaker 2: and I'm like, well, that's a subject change. And then
Speaker 2: she went and there is audience behind the place, and
Speaker 2: she yelled at them, I'm not an arc, and everyone's
Speaker 2: like weird, and she said that guy's a cop, and
Speaker 2: I'm like, is that a mustache joke?
Speaker 1: And this sounds like some intense improv and she.
Speaker 2: Was bringing Yeah. She went in and told Dave Ross
Speaker 2: that I had exposed myself to her, and then he oh,
Speaker 2: I said that girl's mentally ill. I said that out loud,
Speaker 2: just guessing. And then finally I was scared. I thought
Speaker 2: it was the girl that emailed. I thought that maybe
Speaker 2: she was gonna pull out a little feminine pistol and
Speaker 2: shoot me. Scrapped her garter belt and I left for
Speaker 2: a while because I was I'm kind of weird, and
Speaker 2: and then Dave said, oh, we had to kick her out.
Speaker 2: Don't worry, the coast is clear. And then the owner
Speaker 2: of the place said, oh, she steals. She just got
Speaker 2: out of some kind of lock up, either jail or
Speaker 2: an asylum of sorts. She like steals from that neighborhood,
Speaker 2: like and they so she showed. He said, here, look
Speaker 2: at her Facebook. She's real nuts. And the first thing
Speaker 2: on the Facebook was a picture of me right after
Speaker 2: I had Pete, and it just said this man. And
Speaker 2: then I wasn't looked at the other posts, and it's
Speaker 2: just her inner bedroom yelling like get out of here, Peter,
Speaker 2: get out, I know you're behind the door. Multiple videos
Speaker 2: and only her commenting on them one hundred times, Oh no,
Speaker 2: and calling everyone a nark, calling everyone gay.
Speaker 5: Some of you may have thought that this was going
Speaker 5: to be a fun.
Speaker 1: Story, just a real one.
Speaker 2: All I know is that I feel bad for calling
Speaker 2: her mentally ill, because she really is.
Speaker 6: And we're coming up on stories right now.
Speaker 1: What is your excuse for this happening to Chris?
Speaker 2: Yeah, why did you step me up like that?
Speaker 5: Well, you know, when I knew Chris is on the show,
Speaker 5: and then I knew he was going to drink too
Speaker 5: much water before I knew he was going to drink
Speaker 5: the in anappropriate amount of water.
Speaker 2: More came.
Speaker 1: I was like an absorption point because.
Speaker 2: I do actually still pee. Yeah, can I try and
Speaker 2: measure it?
Speaker 5: I felt really bad, actually, and I didn't know what
Speaker 5: to do about it. And there was a moment where
Speaker 5: I was like, Chris, did you expose yourself to someone?
Speaker 6: No, that's what Dave Dave and Emily.
Speaker 2: Heller they both thought I'd really done it. And then
Speaker 2: I got defensive and I'm like, I'm upset that you
Speaker 2: guys think that I would expose myself to someone that
Speaker 2: she didn't see me. No, one didn't know.
Speaker 1: Well.
Speaker 5: Also, it's just a little harsh reality that if you
Speaker 5: pee in public you might get arrested.
Speaker 2: Yeah, it is a harsh reality.
Speaker 1: Or you might be the opposite of arrested, accused of
Speaker 1: being a nart.
Speaker 2: And that might be the is that No, there's a
Speaker 2: flyer at Dave Rods. Took a picture of it with
Speaker 2: her face and it says this woman steals notified police
Speaker 2: if she is in your store. Oh wow, And he
Speaker 2: took a picture of that, and I'm like, see, I knew,
Speaker 2: I knew it she's she's a kleptomaniac.
Speaker 1: That man's picking up garbage with a pincher.
Speaker 5: Did you see that?
Speaker 1: That's isn't like this at all.
Speaker 2: It's his version of a metal detector.
Speaker 1: If I was at the beach, maybe this is worth
Speaker 1: some money.
Speaker 5: Chris and I were talking about how this girl who
Speaker 5: was crazy, We initially didn't think she was crazy because
Speaker 5: she was pretty. She's pretty, which is a weird little stereotyping.
Speaker 2: Yeah, sure, that's a bad that's I don't know what
Speaker 2: that is.
Speaker 5: Well, human beings are just stupid, and if and if
Speaker 5: someone is pretty, you just trust them and think that.
Speaker 2: I assume that if someone's attractive, and she was, let's reiterate,
Speaker 2: I mean, she wasn't.
Speaker 5: Chris was so sexually attracted or that he exposed.
Speaker 1: Himself out of excitement like a dog.
Speaker 2: My tail started. But she was pretty, but had just
Speaker 2: like her hair was disheveled and there's like a leaf
Speaker 2: in it. But she.
Speaker 1: She was just back from Coachella.
Speaker 2: I think we all just assume if someone man, woman
Speaker 2: is good looking, they've had a life to where they
Speaker 2: don't they didn't need to resort to being crazy. Yeah,
Speaker 2: it's a choice. Or something that's right, so us thinking, oh,
Speaker 2: she's pretty, she's not crazy. It's sexist. It is. It is.
Speaker 2: It is insensitive to mental illness.
Speaker 1: But everybody does it because women do the same thing
Speaker 1: with good looking men, where you kind of like you
Speaker 1: trust them and you you give them the best. I
Speaker 1: found it also, and I don't know if you've found this, Matt.
Speaker 1: Tall men get the benefit of the doubt a lot.
Speaker 2: It is a huge advantage being Yeah, whatsd like being tall?
Speaker 2: I mean, you've brackd about it on stage if people
Speaker 2: aren't seeing that you're also.
Speaker 5: And it's funny I joke about it being the best.
Speaker 5: But truly it's like just an implicit advantage of my
Speaker 5: life that I had no control over. And it helps
Speaker 5: me in every way, just very subtle ways that nobody
Speaker 5: is aware of.
Speaker 2: Really intimidating people at the DMV or something that people
Speaker 2: don't say, Hey, you cut in line things like that.
Speaker 5: Just accept me for who I am, which is a
Speaker 5: tall superior being to there is something to that. I mean,
Speaker 5: or like, you know, Chris, how tall are you?
Speaker 2: I'm I was five nine at one point on going
Speaker 2: on five eight. I'm already shrinking, drinking I think I'm
Speaker 2: less than five though it is. I mean, you're not
Speaker 2: at the point where it's like actually tough though No, No,
Speaker 2: I'm not Eddie Della Seppi. He's a friend of ours.
Speaker 2: I digitally, digitally, I can just tell when I walk
Speaker 2: in a room how tall someone is. It's just in
Speaker 2: the corner of my vision.
Speaker 5: Robot.
Speaker 2: I find I'm like terminator.
Speaker 1: But just for I find as a person who is
Speaker 1: often hired for jobs where I'm supposed to be in
Speaker 1: charge of people, no matter who I'm working with. If
Speaker 1: if there's a certain kind of person that cannot listen
Speaker 1: to me, but absolutely will listen to the tallest man
Speaker 1: in the room. And that's how I got that theory going,
Speaker 1: is because noticing that where it will literally be an intern,
Speaker 1: an unpaid person who is still in college. And and
Speaker 1: there have been famous comedians that would be heartbreaking for
Speaker 1: me to tell you who they are, who turn and go, so, Josh,
Speaker 1: what are we doing? And I'm like, hey, motherfucker's eyes
Speaker 1: over here.
Speaker 2: But I don't, Oh wow, I just let them do it.
Speaker 5: Well, it just speaks to how stupid human beings where
Speaker 5: it's just like the big ones know better. We do
Speaker 5: that with animals too. It's like, why do we value
Speaker 5: like elephants over like a mouse. It's because how big
Speaker 5: they are?
Speaker 1: Well, yeah, because you could kill a mouse with your foot. Yeah,
Speaker 1: not so with elephants.
Speaker 5: Can't kill a tall man.
Speaker 1: No, you cannot, not even with a gun, right, Matt.
Speaker 5: Feel free to try it.
Speaker 1: I can pay your night.
Speaker 6: See if I can kill you with my dragon.
Speaker 1: I like this neighborhood.
Speaker 2: It is nice.
Speaker 6: That's why I went up.
Speaker 1: It's really and April and I went, and I know
Speaker 1: the uhmie wem. We wrote at this cafe, which at
Speaker 1: first I was like, I hate it here. I hate
Speaker 1: everyone in his place because there was a lot of
Speaker 1: like women dressed like Liz Taylor in the seventies, yes,
Speaker 1: and men who clearly ride motorcycles curely for the look. Yes,
Speaker 1: But it actually was a great place to work and
Speaker 1: we got a ton of stuff done at the fix
Speaker 1: here I wanted.
Speaker 6: I didn't live over here.
Speaker 2: I lived at the beach, and it's some inconvenient what.
Speaker 1: Are you doing over there? Over here?
Speaker 2: It's therapeutic. I like I wade in the.
Speaker 5: Water, you go for walks on the beach.
Speaker 2: I didn't go for long ones do you.
Speaker 5: I went for a long walk today where I live
Speaker 5: over in Los Fiel is right around the corner from
Speaker 5: the vista, and there's this huge staircase next to me,
Speaker 5: and I walked up it. I had actually a really
Speaker 5: fucking cliche. I listened to fleet Foxes while.
Speaker 1: Walking, oh, clapping and harmonized.
Speaker 5: I was harmonizing. I was having just the sweetest little day.
Speaker 2: About fox that's wearing scarves.
Speaker 1: Yeah, did you find the answer? Are in the forest?
Speaker 5: Yeah? Of course I didn't. I'm a tall man. Everything
Speaker 5: works out for me.
Speaker 1: You can see the farthest on the serengetti.
Speaker 2: Both my grandfathers were well above six feet tall.
Speaker 6: All my cousins are above six feet tall.
Speaker 2: Maybe Pilot and my dad and I both we're just
Speaker 2: little pugs from the litter with tiny feet and tiny weans.
Speaker 1: I mean, come on, is that why you gotta whip
Speaker 1: it out all the time.
Speaker 2: I just want people to see it.
Speaker 1: Look, look, I was ripped off.
Speaker 5: It's a perfectly average sized penis. And I want people
Speaker 5: to know that.
Speaker 2: You've never heard of a grower. Yeah, I'll never know
Speaker 2: why I'm not tall.
Speaker 5: Like Chris, tell us about your relationship with your father.
Speaker 5: By the way, I'm the host of this podcast. Give
Speaker 5: me a ride to my daddy.
Speaker 1: That's what happens tallest. The tallest man gets to take
Speaker 1: over the podcast.
Speaker 2: We are We are very close for it's very similar.
Speaker 2: We can tell him anything.
Speaker 6: He's very supportive, he's very funny, and.
Speaker 2: I think that I've always had his support and I
Speaker 2: think it's made me lazy, and I kind of wish
Speaker 2: he was abusive, because then that motivates people to become
Speaker 2: very famous. But my dad's always believed in me. So
Speaker 2: I slept until noon today.
Speaker 5: See that I had that nice, nice combination of a
Speaker 5: father who was just withholding enough to make me want yeah,
Speaker 5: but a mother who told me I could do anything
Speaker 5: I ever wanted to write, or if I could achieve anything.
Speaker 2: It's got to be a perfect balance. In just a
Speaker 2: little bit too much of something, I can just backfire.
Speaker 2: And you got yourself a kid who's up on a
Speaker 2: tower with a rifle.
Speaker 5: Karen, what about you.
Speaker 1: I had a father who was over six feet tall,
Speaker 1: six foot four, I think, assault of the earth, Assault
Speaker 1: of the earth, a fireman, a man who took care
Speaker 1: of business, a man who didn't let people sass especially
Speaker 1: young men. I watched him one time. There was we
Speaker 1: went to a state basketball championship and there was a boy,
Speaker 1: a teenage boy, who was yelling, like screaming at his
Speaker 1: girlfriend and pointing in her face. And my dad went
Speaker 1: over and said, get the fuck out of here. I
Speaker 1: don't think he said. He said get out of here,
Speaker 1: and the kid walked away. And then later on inside
Speaker 1: the basketball game, my dad and our next door neighbor
Speaker 1: were walking by and the kid was in the crowd,
Speaker 1: like the second row up, and he was like, hey,
Speaker 1: fuck you, baldy or something like that, and my dad
Speaker 1: reached back without looking and picked him up by the
Speaker 1: collar and yanked him outside and then kicked him in
Speaker 1: the ass. And he just kicked him in the ass,
Speaker 1: and then he like started crying and left.
Speaker 2: He started crying.
Speaker 1: He's like a high school kid. This was before you
Speaker 1: could sue anybody all the time for any reason. So
Speaker 1: I saw him do a lot of things like that.
Speaker 5: I wire because here's what here, I think this is
Speaker 5: actually a disadvantage of being tall. His or just made
Speaker 5: maybe me specifically, is I am a coward and I
Speaker 5: will not stand up for myself.
Speaker 2: Now.
Speaker 5: The thing is, I'm so tall that I never do
Speaker 5: have to stand up for myself.
Speaker 6: Right, people picked fights with me because I'm little.
Speaker 5: Sure, that's right, But I've never been in a fight.
Speaker 5: I've been punched the grade. Oh, I cut in line
Speaker 5: in pe class, do what we were doing? Layups and
Speaker 5: a bully, just some poor kid who dropped out high school.
Speaker 2: Yeah, that's exactly.
Speaker 5: Yeah, actually that is so spot one. And he said,
Speaker 5: if you don't get to the back of the line,
Speaker 5: I'm going to punch you in the face. And I said, no,
Speaker 5: you won't, and then he punched me in the face.
Speaker 5: Five times.
Speaker 2: I've had the same thing happened where I'm like, you're
Speaker 2: not going to do anything, and then my nose was broken.
Speaker 2: I miss, I misjudged you.
Speaker 5: You.
Speaker 1: I don't envy that about boys? Is do you truly
Speaker 1: have to deal with physical confrontation in a way. Oh, girls,
Speaker 1: we're just mental. We'll just fuck you up for years
Speaker 1: and years, kind of in the soul level.
Speaker 2: My dad isn't afraid of a fight either. And one
Speaker 2: time we were at a drive in and I was
Speaker 2: sick and I was flemy, and I spit out. We
Speaker 2: were parked watching a movie and I spit out the
Speaker 2: window and my dad had set up some lawn chairs,
Speaker 2: and I guess I inadvertently my lugi landed on one
Speaker 2: of these. Then my dad. My dad went to pick
Speaker 2: up the chairs at the end of the movie and
Speaker 2: put his hand and ended up in the store. And
Speaker 2: he just went to the truck next to us, which
Speaker 2: was these two young kids. He's like, did you spit
Speaker 2: on my chick? He got in this kid's face, and
Speaker 2: I was like, Dad, Dad, Dad, that may have been me.
Speaker 2: I think that was me. So I embarrassed my father.
Speaker 2: It was horrifying. Oh wow, it was my I spit.
Speaker 2: I spat you did it? I believe we were watching
Speaker 2: the X Files movie.
Speaker 1: But I have to say it's so to me, it's
Speaker 1: a very attractive thing when someone will just fucking throw down.
Speaker 1: I think it's very I mean, I wouldn't do it,
Speaker 1: but yeah, it's a hard thing to do.
Speaker 2: Now. It's every woman loves a good scuffle.
Speaker 1: Right, we really do.
Speaker 2: And if you're pretty, you ain't crazy. And it's nineteen
Speaker 2: fifty five. Every dame needs a strong, hairy man, nice
Speaker 2: clean mustache and a white T shirt and kind of
Speaker 2: a fleshy body, but a good body for nineteen fifty five.
Speaker 1: I know, like, maybe it does a couple push ups,
Speaker 1: but nothing crazy.
Speaker 2: You know, a leading man's body.
Speaker 1: Yes, leading over to the deli.
Speaker 2: Leading a large group of people to.
Speaker 1: The Has anyone in this carver been to the Thirsty Crow?
Speaker 1: I hate it.
Speaker 5: It's not a good bar. It would be a great
Speaker 5: bar if there were only three people.
Speaker 1: There, Yes, exactly like you would if you went in
Speaker 1: and there was no one in there, you'd be like,
Speaker 1: I found a wonderful fantasy land. Yes, but it's still
Speaker 1: it's just chock full of people cause laying I live
Speaker 1: in Silver Lake.
Speaker 2: No.
Speaker 5: The last time I went there, I went in, I
Speaker 5: ordered a drink, I did not get the drink for
Speaker 5: twenty five minutes, and then I just walked out. Yeah,
Speaker 5: and that was bad of me to do.
Speaker 2: But I do not like why.
Speaker 5: Well, because I ordered the drink, I don't know. Was
Speaker 5: it bad?
Speaker 1: No, they just drank it.
Speaker 5: Thanks.
Speaker 1: I mean, seriously, you're off the hook one hundred percent
Speaker 1: on that. Come on, how about customer service waiting on me?
Speaker 2: Karen? You're not much of a boozer. What do you
Speaker 2: at at all? What were you doing a thirsty.
Speaker 1: Crowd not drinking and being mad about it. A.
Speaker 6: You wouldn't like any bar if I didn't drink.
Speaker 1: But also I, all of.
Speaker 2: A sudden, it's crowded and you're surrounded by drunk people.
Speaker 1: The worst that. And also I've passed the point age
Speaker 1: wise where anything like that is charming to me. Like
Speaker 1: I did all that. I think if I was in
Speaker 1: my early thirties, that would all be very exciting and
Speaker 1: I'd be like, I wish the guy with the suspenders
Speaker 1: was talking to me. But I don't give a shit anymore.
Speaker 1: So it all looks even ten times stupider than it
Speaker 1: actually is.
Speaker 5: It's like, why are you all dressed up like this?
Speaker 1: Yeah, it looks like Super Spirit Week in high school
Speaker 1: to me.
Speaker 2: It's yeah, so it is the Thirsty Crow, one of
Speaker 2: those places where everyone's the bartenders look like Stalin Oh yes,
Speaker 2: like their hair parted over.
Speaker 1: It's borderline nazis.
Speaker 5: Inside that.
Speaker 6: And hey, I know I kind of have that look
Speaker 6: about like absolutely.
Speaker 2: Yes I am. Because you're taught at your black at
Speaker 2: the Dickens.
Speaker 5: Now, Chris mad Man, here, we'll step out. How often
Speaker 5: your hair Karen. Karen open the door and screens. She
Speaker 5: rolls out the side of the car.
Speaker 2: Kevin Unlock, Kevin Chris Forgot.
Speaker 5: How often do you get your hair?
Speaker 2: Fine, my boy, that's a good question. I've I've got.
Speaker 2: I was someone that used to just shave my head
Speaker 2: and then grow it out and in the middle stage
Speaker 2: before the afro, and I would just wear hats and
Speaker 2: not let oxygen touch my scalp and have bad Dan drifts.
Speaker 2: So I would either have a shaved head or a fro,
Speaker 2: and then I'd just start over. But I'd started getting
Speaker 2: haircuts and putting pamad in and everything.
Speaker 5: You're talking about putting product in your product in.
Speaker 2: My hair three three to four to five years ago,
Speaker 2: and I don't wear as many hats anymore, and I
Speaker 2: think I like it. But because of my coarse pubic
Speaker 2: like hair, I do have to get haircuts every month.
Speaker 5: Once a month. That's that seems about right. First, if
Speaker 5: you're trying to keep a style, you gotta go about month.
Speaker 2: Yep, yep. And I and I go short on the sides,
Speaker 2: now very high and tight, very prey vanilla ice.
Speaker 1: It's a good look.
Speaker 2: Thanks, thanks, thank you.
Speaker 1: Once met. Have you ever had long hair?
Speaker 5: I did when I was in ninth grade. I grew
Speaker 5: my hair to my shoulders, think up scene. It was
Speaker 5: a bad look for me.
Speaker 2: Was it?
Speaker 5: But I loved it. It was like my rebellious stage.
Speaker 5: And it was against school dress code, and so I
Speaker 5: was constantly like being harassed by the vice principals to
Speaker 5: cut it and getting detention.
Speaker 2: Yes you went to a private school.
Speaker 5: No, I went to a public school, but in southeast Texas,
Speaker 5: and so there was like strict dress code.
Speaker 2: And I'm going to Tyler, Texas to do stand up
Speaker 2: from near there.
Speaker 6: No, that's northeast. Never mind, it's by Dallas.
Speaker 1: You know, Texas is kind of big.
Speaker 2: Texas is one of the biggest, if not the third
Speaker 2: or fourth.
Speaker 5: There are many bigger states than Texas, but it's up there.
Speaker 2: How many in Alaska? Texas is third, Montana is fourth.
Speaker 2: You know, it's less than a million people, five coming
Speaker 2: in strong. We have noveda.
Speaker 5: This has been How big are the states?
Speaker 1: This podcast?
Speaker 5: Kevin Killar Kilgarfer.
Speaker 1: There are two Kevin Kilgarriffs. Everybody just yeah, is there
Speaker 1: another Karen Kilgarriff. Yes, my cousin John Mary Karen Tilgarriff,
Speaker 1: which was a was very mad for a couple of years.
Speaker 2: Coincident.
Speaker 1: Now I realized we'll all be dead soon and nothing matters.
Speaker 5: I got a weird one of those two where my
Speaker 5: mom married Mark Ingebretsen and her sister married Roger Ingebretsen
Speaker 5: spelled differently, different family. You're kidding, no, And in a
Speaker 5: town of five hundred people, there's just more. Inga Bretson's
Speaker 5: up in Iowa, Minnesota.
Speaker 2: It's a name that when I first met you, I'd
Speaker 2: avoid saying it because I thought i'd suck it up.
Speaker 5: Your last and I noticed that. I noticed that you
Speaker 5: did that very angry.
Speaker 2: It sounds like two names that you wear matching together
Speaker 2: because of a relationship in People magazine.
Speaker 5: I should have changed it.
Speaker 1: Like Ingrid and Brett.
Speaker 2: We saw Inger Bretson. That's I can't I can't remember
Speaker 2: what I sat up there.
Speaker 1: You don't have to.
Speaker 6: I like to walk through that park just because I
Speaker 6: like new experiences.
Speaker 5: I love that you call it a park.
Speaker 1: That group of homeless people that are that are laying
Speaker 1: on bricks, ye dog each other.
Speaker 2: And they're very vocal and it's an aggressive little park.
Speaker 5: Do you go to Barnes Doll Park? This one we're
Speaker 5: passing to the.
Speaker 1: Oh yeah, that one's nice.
Speaker 2: That's that seems like a good place to hide.
Speaker 1: That's where you hide your crime.
Speaker 2: Wow, that looks horrifying.
Speaker 1: No, no, no, up above it, there's like a there's
Speaker 1: a plateau and grass.
Speaker 2: Oh it's rain and CDs.
Speaker 1: That's grill.
Speaker 5: Chris Ferbank still plays music off of.
Speaker 1: CDs so many that they're falling out of his visor.
Speaker 2: I know that CDs are obsolete, and I hand mine
Speaker 2: out and say they're.
Speaker 1: Drink coasters out the window.
Speaker 2: No, that shows concert do Comedy for a Living?
Speaker 1: Oh you do? How's it going?
Speaker 2: I just picked it up. It's great. It's so easy.
Speaker 2: It's so easy.
Speaker 1: It took a close easy.
Speaker 2: What you do is write down some ideas. Yeah, and
Speaker 2: then you grab the mic stand and put it to
Speaker 2: your side and people laugh. And at the end your
Speaker 2: sell CDs and you fly places. Usually the flight is covered.
Speaker 1: Yeah.
Speaker 2: Usually you get your check right away. It's real fun.
Speaker 2: It's a great living.
Speaker 6: It's a great living.
Speaker 2: And it's consistent. That's what I like about it. The consistency.
Speaker 1: Yeah, it's you know, it's like once you peaky, stay there.
Speaker 2: Oh yeah. So what I like about Comedy for a
Speaker 2: Living is it's the staying power.
Speaker 1: Yeah, is it real?
Speaker 2: If you're doing okay and you do Conan one minute,
Speaker 2: and then as you leave Conan you get in a
Speaker 2: car wreck and you lay in bed four months, don't worry.
Speaker 2: Your career will still be there, will.
Speaker 1: Wait for you.
Speaker 2: Yeah. Yeah, a rough year. I mean you can't. You
Speaker 2: can't tell Brian Wilson, I'm not. You can't just lay
Speaker 2: in bed.
Speaker 5: You need to have me on your podcast more often
Speaker 5: so we can catch up.
Speaker 2: Well, I would have, but I knew you had animosity
Speaker 2: towards the whole theme of it.
Speaker 1: You know what, though, if you guys start a podcast
Speaker 1: called catch Ups, you could do this once a.
Speaker 2: Week and talk about condomy and leave me out of
Speaker 2: it would be the best.
Speaker 5: No, Kevin's allowed.
Speaker 2: Man the man sons Kevin. But yeah, yeah, it was
Speaker 2: the very first time Karen and I recorded. I was
Speaker 2: so nervous to be a passenger in a car because,
Speaker 2: especially because her car is the same make and model
Speaker 2: of the car I was in a reckon because we
Speaker 2: just got rear ended someone. It's just one of those
Speaker 2: things where I've had such a great night in my
Speaker 2: whole life, when things are really good or something great happens,
Speaker 2: I've trained myself to just be like, Okay, something terrible
Speaker 2: has to happen now, it's the balance of life. Yes,
Speaker 2: and yeah, that was a great example of that.
Speaker 6: I was like riding on a cloud and then all
Speaker 6: of a sudden boom.
Speaker 5: Well it's because you're under six feet tall.
Speaker 2: It is the guy would have seen.
Speaker 1: Have you ever been reminded that nothing because his head.
Speaker 2: His head goes out of a holy car car.
Speaker 5: It's the wor It sucks.
Speaker 1: It's but you know it's worse rear ending someone. Oh yeah,
Speaker 1: I've done that three times.
Speaker 6: You know it's your fault.
Speaker 2: Yeah? Yeah.
Speaker 5: Have you ever been rear ended lightly? And let the
Speaker 5: person off the hook?
Speaker 1: I have been t boned lightly, okay, and let the
Speaker 1: person off the hook. Because I had been in so
Speaker 1: many car sins that were my fault, I knew what
Speaker 1: a gift it would be. The guy backed out of
Speaker 1: his driveway really fast, and I was driving maybe a
Speaker 1: tiny bit too fast. This was in my hometown, and
Speaker 1: he but he just bounced off the side of my
Speaker 1: car and we were both kind of in shock. But
Speaker 1: he was it was totally his fault. And I was like, look,
Speaker 1: this is an old car. That's a tiny dent and
Speaker 1: I don't care, and he was like, are you kidding me?
Speaker 1: And I was like, have a great day, Like I
Speaker 1: did a kind of a pay it forward.
Speaker 6: Yeah, yeah, yeah, that's great.
Speaker 1: Yeah.
Speaker 2: I've done that for something every time, and it's only
Speaker 2: been a couple of times. One time I rear ended
Speaker 2: someone at a light, I was looking down at my
Speaker 2: printed out map quest map, so bum ninety seven, yeah,
Speaker 2: I would say to technology and I and another time, uh,
Speaker 2: someone tapped me and then of course this big one
Speaker 2: where we got all bruised. But every time it was
Speaker 2: an uninsured person. And so that's the first thing they say.
Speaker 2: It's like, can we just handle this?
Speaker 5: Now?
Speaker 2: I'm uninsured and for some reason that I don't, I
Speaker 2: don't want to go no, fuck you man.
Speaker 1: Yeah, because there it's such a bad position. Have you
Speaker 1: is it happened to.
Speaker 5: You somebody wh hit me who's uninsured?
Speaker 1: I know any of those.
Speaker 5: I've been hit. I've been hit a number of times,
Speaker 5: and I've let somebody off the hook once. I actually
Speaker 5: the first time I got hit in La I got
Speaker 5: rear ended, but it was very light, but I followed
Speaker 5: through with getting the money and then I use the
Speaker 5: money to buy a video camera to film some of
Speaker 5: my comedy sketches.
Speaker 1: Oh you just yes, So no regrets is what you're
Speaker 1: and you can do that.
Speaker 2: That's not illegal, it's just it's supposed to be. It's
Speaker 2: between you and your God.
Speaker 5: But then I've made up for it by letting a
Speaker 5: couple people who have lightly rendered me off the hook.
Speaker 2: Yeah.
Speaker 5: Nice, So I'm still going to heaven.
Speaker 2: There's many Amen had a car wash, these guys.
Speaker 6: This is the fourth time I forgot.
Speaker 2: They were drying off my car and some lady in
Speaker 2: a Prius just but it was like she was running
Speaker 2: away from the loss. She just backed into my car
Speaker 2: and then was going to leave, and the car wash
Speaker 2: guys were like, hey, you just hit a car and
Speaker 2: she got out.
Speaker 6: She's like, no, I didn't, and I saw it happened.
Speaker 1: Was in a BMW, No, she was.
Speaker 2: In a Prius. Starting to hate even more than the
Speaker 2: Prius drivers. I appreciate what they're trying to do, but
Speaker 2: there's a sense of obligation that makes them drive like
Speaker 2: BMW people, and they're silently the silence, the silent news.
Speaker 2: I wonder if the environmental benefits benefits have exceeded the
Speaker 2: fact that the Prius says, are silently just running over
Speaker 2: pedestrians every single day. Yeah, but the ozone.
Speaker 1: Exactly, we are overpopulated severely.
Speaker 5: That's the that's actually the way the priests are helping
Speaker 5: the apartments by killing.
Speaker 1: That's why they made them. The fact that they made
Speaker 1: a car dead quiet is clearly that's their hidden agenda.
Speaker 5: That's funny.
Speaker 1: We gotta spread that around.
Speaker 2: I'm gonna I'm gonna like a rumor.
Speaker 1: Like rumor Willis spread it around.
Speaker 2: But this one one was so being defiant about clearly.
Speaker 2: She's like, no, I didn't. It's like we all just
Speaker 2: saw you. And finally she said, fine, come to my
Speaker 2: house and my husband will write a check. Because I
Speaker 2: and I went, I got a quote for the bumper,
Speaker 2: and and I took the lowest one and I said, here,
Speaker 2: I'll probably get it painted, so you don't have to.
Speaker 2: I just made up a number. But here's what it
Speaker 2: costs for me to replace my bumper. She wrote me
Speaker 2: a check and yeah, I paid rent with it.
Speaker 5: Yeah, did you guys have what's that dream car.
Speaker 2: That I would see? My I'm my cars. I'm like
Speaker 2: a fifteen year old with posters on his wall. When
Speaker 2: it comes to cars, I sort of like that that
Speaker 2: BMW sports car that has blue all over it and
Speaker 2: it looks like an exotic.
Speaker 5: You sound like a fifteen year old.
Speaker 2: I know, I like and I want there to be
Speaker 2: Kathy Ireland in a bikini laying on the hood. No,
Speaker 2: I think I'm a big fan of Honda Cords. I
Speaker 2: think I'll get another Honda Cord. Yeah, in my reality
Speaker 2: and my dreams.
Speaker 1: I have to say. There's that new BMW that looks
Speaker 1: like a little toy.
Speaker 5: Yeah, I think I actually don't know what you're talking about.
Speaker 2: Yeah, it looks like a car that you rub on
Speaker 2: the carpet to make it go, like you.
Speaker 1: Pull it back three times and then it would go
Speaker 1: real hoss, put a penny in the bump. I don't
Speaker 1: know why I like it. I think it's the BMW
Speaker 1: version of a PRIs it is, isn't it.
Speaker 2: Yeah, I don't.
Speaker 1: It's so dumb looking and normally I would hate something
Speaker 1: like that, But.
Speaker 2: That car looks like a used butt plug. It's so sorry,
Speaker 2: I don't know that makes sense.
Speaker 1: Before You're blue and white.
Speaker 6: Yeah, and I've never interrupted someone with you.
Speaker 1: I'm sorry, No, it was worth it. But actually, you
Speaker 1: know what I would if it was a dream car situation,
Speaker 1: I would love to get my mother's Volvo that we
Speaker 1: had growing up. That's probably like an eighty an eighty
Speaker 1: five perfect rectangle Voval. It was really square. Hers was
Speaker 1: goldish silverish with a with a tan interior.
Speaker 2: I want to change.
Speaker 1: It's the best. There's a lot of people driving it in.
Speaker 2: Like an early eighties deep wagon air with wood paneling. Yes,
Speaker 2: that's chrome.
Speaker 1: Is that what your parents?
Speaker 2: What's that?
Speaker 1: Sorry? Did your parents have it?
Speaker 2: No?
Speaker 6: No, they're just pretty.
Speaker 2: I love them, Matt.
Speaker 5: I want a car that my dad used to, which
Speaker 5: is a Bronco. Although those are so unsafe, but there's
Speaker 5: something whenever I see a Bronco I'm like, I want
Speaker 5: that thing.
Speaker 2: Like O J style Yeah, yeah, during Like, God, I
Speaker 2: want that Bronco. What do you do again?
Speaker 1: What color did your dad have?
Speaker 5: Red and white?
Speaker 2: Yeah?
Speaker 5: Style?
Speaker 2: Yes?
Speaker 6: Like is this an old one that like a seventies one?
Speaker 5: Yeah? Well yeah, it was like a It's like imagine
Speaker 5: a Bronco.
Speaker 1: Okay, okay, now stop thinking.
Speaker 2: Can I move on to something else?
Speaker 5: Stop thinking.
Speaker 2: That would be the best ad Bronco colon.
Speaker 1: Stop Stop thinking.
Speaker 2: That's yeah. I also part of me. And this is
Speaker 2: kind of silly, but I really like the AMC Eagle,
Speaker 2: which is a wagon that is four wheel drive. And
Speaker 2: this is coming from my snowboarding days, but I really
Speaker 2: always wanted to drive a vintage like GMC Eagle with
Speaker 2: big tires up because it's not a big douchey four
Speaker 2: by four car, and it's also wood paneled, just like what.
Speaker 5: I also kind of want, like a truck. Now, I weirdly,
Speaker 5: I grew up in Texas, and I I've spent so
Speaker 5: much time rejecting Texas and now I'm coming back around
Speaker 5: and I'm like, I want to what fucking whip like
Speaker 5: wear cowboy hats and drive around in a stupid truck.
Speaker 1: I have.
Speaker 6: No I just comedy. I started comedy in Austin.
Speaker 1: Yeah, but Texas, I have the same thing. Though rejecting
Speaker 1: I tried to I'm from a small town that was
Speaker 1: very farm based, and so when I moved to like
Speaker 1: San Francisco, I tried to pretend I was like from
Speaker 1: New York all my life and recently, like anytime I
Speaker 1: see like that, sometimes somebody will just be driving like
Speaker 1: a seventies Ford, like an all white, you know, vintage Ford,
Speaker 1: and my mouth will like water. Like it's that thing
Speaker 1: of like ooh, or somebody you know, anybody that's got
Speaker 1: like a snap button cowboy shirt, Like that's totally like
Speaker 1: seventies pet Luma. It makes me crazy.
Speaker 2: Yeah, I like that too. I like that love too.
Speaker 1: Yeah, it's very like, it's very homey. Like I realized
Speaker 1: from a distance, I don't want.
Speaker 5: To know to sign a maturity right to like because
Speaker 5: you spend your whole life being like, fuck, fucked my
Speaker 5: mom and dad and where I grew up and I
Speaker 5: hate it, yes, And then like when you're finally like,
Speaker 5: now there was some good things about that, that's like good.
Speaker 1: Right, Yes, I think it's very good.
Speaker 2: Yeah, I chilled my whole life. I was born in California,
Speaker 2: and then we moved in my whole life. My parents
Speaker 2: kind of apologized that we didn't live by the beach,
Speaker 2: but we were in a part of Montana that's so beautiful.
Speaker 2: It's just a what was once a glacial lake, just
Speaker 2: a city surrounded by mountains. Wow, and there's bears and
Speaker 2: deer everywhere. It's beautiful. I go back now and I'm like,
Speaker 2: how could I ever have taken this for granted? And
Speaker 2: now I live at the beach, and I'm like, well,
Speaker 2: look at this snoozefest. It's just one flat water thing.
Speaker 1: Great stupid? Yeah, why failed the salt?
Speaker 2: I really pulled out.
Speaker 5: Would you ever move back to Montana?
Speaker 2: I sure would, Yeah, if if it made sense for
Speaker 2: me to do what I'm doing for a living there, if.
Speaker 1: They opened a comedy school, you could go and be professor.
Speaker 2: See that's even that just sounds so depressing, But I
Speaker 2: guess yeah, ask me again in ten years I might
Speaker 2: want to be a professor of comedy at the time
Speaker 2: as a comedy university. Oh so well, I my kid.
Speaker 2: Probably Yeah, let's just hope.
Speaker 5: What let me ask you this, what age do you
Speaker 5: guys want to live to? When do you want to die?
Speaker 6: I'm so scared of dying lately.
Speaker 2: That yeah, it's a yeah. It's just brushes with death
Speaker 2: and having it surround me on a daily basis, the
Speaker 2: hauntings at my current apartment. I want, I think I
Speaker 2: want to live to be an old guy, to see
Speaker 2: if I can resist being like a grumpy, typical old man.
Speaker 2: Way that will happen, Because.
Speaker 1: I already am, You're already damn it, Well you're half
Speaker 1: a grup old man. But then you're half like the
Speaker 1: funnest old man of all.
Speaker 2: Okay, hear that, man?
Speaker 5: You could you have to work, Chris. Okay, I've watched.
Speaker 1: I've watched, and you're a bossy old man.
Speaker 2: I've watched my dad as he gets older be more
Speaker 2: calm and cool and laid back. I think that's the direction,
Speaker 2: all know. I like to think that, or I'll just
Speaker 2: be waving a stick and yelling at everybody, just incontinent
Speaker 2: tube coming out of.
Speaker 1: My like a Don Martin cartoon of an old man.
Speaker 2: Everything. I have to mention catheters every episode.
Speaker 5: That's right.
Speaker 2: Yeah, I'm sorry, we're medically obligated.
Speaker 1: Do you need to ride his.
Speaker 2: Sponsored by brought to you by Catheters, any brand, usable
Speaker 2: or new?
Speaker 1: Throw him up there, toss him in.
Speaker 2: The hole and forget about the weekend.
Speaker 5: Oh no, you want to die And I feel like
Speaker 5: I'm posting this podcast.
Speaker 1: No, I love it, love that you are so tired.
Speaker 1: I'm so tired.
Speaker 2: We haven't asked one question of you.
Speaker 6: I think.
Speaker 1: I think, well, I don't want to get too dark,
Speaker 1: but my mom did die of Alzheimer's, so I don't
Speaker 1: want to go to the at all.
Speaker 2: My mom's currently dying of Alzheimer's. Karen and I, that's
Speaker 2: what we that's our genuine worry.
Speaker 1: Sure, and our original podcast.
Speaker 5: That is my worry too, is I don't think I
Speaker 5: have Alzheimer's in my family, but just being stupid, just
Speaker 5: getting to a point where it's like my brain doesn't work.
Speaker 2: Yes, it's very frightening because we all sense that, Like
Speaker 2: I'll forget something you called me Kevin John Cryer's name
Speaker 2: when I after I watch a movie or something and
Speaker 2: I think this is my brain's shrinking. There's glowing orange spots.
Speaker 2: If we did that scan Yep.
Speaker 6: Yeah, I worry about it all the time.
Speaker 2: But now that it's become such a real thing, I'm like,
Speaker 2: I'm gonna go back to worrying about things that are
Speaker 2: kind of unreasonable or unrealistic. You're like hang gliding accidents.
Speaker 1: And bury this one deep deep down.
Speaker 6: Yeah, because it's real and it's scary.
Speaker 2: And yeah, Karen and I were gonna have a we
Speaker 2: were gonna have a mom podcast where people come on
Speaker 2: top my moms. Then we thought that might be sad,
Speaker 2: and then we were gonna have a specific Alzheimer's one
Speaker 2: where we just talk about Alzheimer's, which would be even darker.
Speaker 1: And I wanted to call that one before I forget.
Speaker 5: You got to do at least a couples.
Speaker 1: We might we might well do a sub we do
Speaker 1: talk about it. But I think I think separate from that,
Speaker 1: I think I would say, like early eighties, if all,
Speaker 1: if all health things went well, yes, or you know,
Speaker 1: a nice die in your sleep in your early eighties,
Speaker 1: sons primo.
Speaker 2: I but no, I look at my dad is coming
Speaker 2: on seventy five. For god, I should know old. My
Speaker 2: dad's mid seventies, and I don't think I want him
Speaker 2: to be gone in five years.
Speaker 6: I think he'll be pretty great at eighty five.
Speaker 2: That's the only horse.
Speaker 5: Well, that's the reality. You get to that point and
Speaker 5: you're like, no, I'm not ready yet.
Speaker 1: And also these days, like my sister is very up
Speaker 1: on all of the latest in Alzheimer's drugs and she's
Speaker 1: like they are on the verge of curing it. So
Speaker 1: like if that that's the kind of thing where every
Speaker 1: decade things are get so much more advanced and it's
Speaker 1: going faster and faster. By the time we are in
Speaker 1: our eighties, life might be way better for paper.
Speaker 5: Though, is we won't see that until the end of
Speaker 5: our life. So when they when they create eternal life,
Speaker 5: will be old.
Speaker 1: Yeah, but that's good. I don't want to live forever
Speaker 1: Jesus Christ.
Speaker 2: Yeah, I don't want to relive anything. I don't want
Speaker 2: to go back to I don't want to go back
Speaker 2: to the fifth grade and say.
Speaker 5: Oh, Chris has made some mistakes in his he doesn't
Speaker 5: need to.
Speaker 2: But i'll Grandpa Chris wants is to just take a
Speaker 2: little swig of baby piss or whatever they're going to
Speaker 2: have selling it just pops themselves.
Speaker 6: Yeah, I think, yeah, it has something to do with
Speaker 6: baby here, right.
Speaker 5: I think I just like to be like murdered when
Speaker 5: I'm eighty murdered.
Speaker 2: How specifically, just wild driving a Corvette and then someone.
Speaker 1: Because I would love to murder somebody and I feel
Speaker 1: like we could work this out.
Speaker 5: I would love that, honestly, when I'm eighty two.
Speaker 1: Okay, kill me, great, kill you with a gun while
Speaker 1: you're driving.
Speaker 5: Yeah, don't let me know what's coming either, right, Okay.
Speaker 2: Just damn a handful of pills nonchalantly in my mouth.
Speaker 1: What if I fix your break fallows? Just fold it
Speaker 1: into some cheddar cheese and you'll be fine. I love it.
Speaker 2: That's how I want to get murdered.
Speaker 1: You're watching Jeopardy and drinking some white wine with some
Speaker 1: crackers and cheese, thinking everything's.
Speaker 5: Fine, and another older woman.
Speaker 1: An insanely old woman, me, really play the podcast back.
Speaker 1: You promised I could have this one last thing.
Speaker 2: I can't believe it's still on soundcl Company.
Speaker 1: It'll last forever, you know.
Speaker 2: Now it's SoundCloud dot universe because the Internet has spanned
Speaker 2: to our other inhabbiting planets.
Speaker 5: It is you of Alzheimer's. You need to contain your pills.
Speaker 2: You the young man that used to work at the bakery.
Speaker 2: Sorry that hits to him one time. My grandma who
Speaker 2: had who had also been.
Speaker 1: Touching its close, but just for you.
Speaker 2: Yeah, it's enough for me to tell this story. My
Speaker 2: grandma was like I picked her up because it was
Speaker 2: Thanksgiving and she and she goes, are you the boy
Speaker 2: that used to work at the bakery? And I was like,
Speaker 2: I was like, oh ship, that was like I remember,
Speaker 2: that was my first potholes. That was my first touch
Speaker 2: with people that have been touched.
Speaker 1: Mine was when my mom came downstairs in a fleece
Speaker 1: jacket with no pants on, and she pulled a carton
Speaker 1: of mill out of the friderider and who drank all
Speaker 1: the milk? And my sister and I started laughing out
Speaker 1: of a tension because it was crazy. She would also
Speaker 1: often wear sunglasses on top of her head and on
Speaker 1: her face indoors. She was fun for others.
Speaker 2: My mom did a really fun thing where she got
Speaker 2: on a city bus holding a hammer, not wearing a shirt.
Speaker 2: Now you're in the middle of hanging some pictures and
Speaker 2: then you realize you're out of nails.
Speaker 1: You get on the bus, all shirts aside. You go
Speaker 1: get those nails.
Speaker 6: That's a fun call to get.
Speaker 1: My sister got See, this is why we didn't do
Speaker 1: that podcast.
Speaker 2: We're having so.
Speaker 5: Much fun at the same time, the hardest I've laughed.
Speaker 1: Oh, I do like these bobals too, as as a
Speaker 1: car me too.
Speaker 7: It's safety, it's safe, it's sporty and uh. Clearly the
Speaker 7: driver though, wears sketchers and has a computer and is
Speaker 7: not voting the way we're voting.
Speaker 2: True, are very republic.
Speaker 5: We just passed Bridger Weininger's house by the way.
Speaker 2: There's oh this guy he was going to pass me
Speaker 2: on the left.
Speaker 1: I went to the movies with Bridger.
Speaker 6: I realized I didn't want turn left over there.
Speaker 1: Yeah, good Bridger and Scotty Landis Bridger's boyfriend, Jimmy Scotty Landis,
Speaker 1: and I went to did you why don't you come
Speaker 1: with us to go see ten Cloverfield Lane?
Speaker 5: You guys, if it's not helping me professionally.
Speaker 1: Out, I hear you, I hear you.
Speaker 5: Oh, I had already seen it. That's why I didn't go.
Speaker 1: Did you like it?
Speaker 5: I did like it? John Goodman a little mid Night
Speaker 5: Shyamalani towards the end, but it's like a fun little.
Speaker 1: We were all sweating when it was over. We were
Speaker 1: laughing and sweating at how stressful it was. It was
Speaker 1: pretty great.
Speaker 2: I last night I watched a documentary about this might
Speaker 2: be boring one, but I was affected so emotionally that
Speaker 2: I can't stop thinking about it. But it's about the
Speaker 2: snowboard snowboarder kid that I've interviewed before, and he was
Speaker 2: beating Sean White.
Speaker 6: No one ever beats Sean White.
Speaker 2: And he's just a sweet kid with a sweet family
Speaker 2: and a down syndrome brother who's the sweetest most functioning
Speaker 2: down syndrome person I've ever seen in a documentary. And
Speaker 2: his parents are the best, and he fucking wrecked trying
Speaker 2: to learn some trick to beat Sean White and landed
Speaker 2: right on his face. And you know, he was in
Speaker 2: a coma for weeks. He and then he came out
Speaker 2: and luckily started being able to talk in it.
Speaker 6: But you're watching this whole thing.
Speaker 2: He was on top. He was gonna beat Sean White.
Speaker 2: He was beating him in all these contests. Sean White
Speaker 2: was getting pissy about it because they were friends. And
Speaker 2: then all of a sudden he had to relearn to walk,
Speaker 2: and this documentary shows all of it. It is. It is, yes,
Speaker 2: it is.
Speaker 6: It is a bad brain injury. And he's being unreasonable.
Speaker 2: He's like, I want to go back to snowboarding, and
Speaker 2: they're like, no, you can't. You'll die if you hit
Speaker 2: your head again. And then finally he came around and
Speaker 2: and you know, speaks at schools about helmets and stuff.
Speaker 6: I don't know. I just it ends happy and content
Speaker 6: because I was.
Speaker 1: Not on this podcast.
Speaker 2: Well, only last best case scenario, he would have won
Speaker 2: the Olympics, gotten money, and snowboard in another four years
Speaker 2: and then you're done, once you're past your mid twenties.
Speaker 6: There's no retirement plan.
Speaker 5: It's I watched it already, you know yesterday called finders Keepers. No,
Speaker 5: it's about a guy who got into an accident plane
Speaker 5: wreck had they had to sever his or they did
Speaker 5: what is it called not sever evacuate What is the
Speaker 5: word it looking for?
Speaker 1: They cut up amputat Oh wow, you evacuate, all right,
Speaker 1: everybody out, everybody one leg, right leg?
Speaker 5: Get out of here.
Speaker 2: A bouncer comes in.
Speaker 1: You don't have to go home, but you can't stay here.
Speaker 5: They amputated his right leg. He wanted to keep it,
Speaker 5: and like he kept it and then he put it
Speaker 5: into a storage unit inside of a grill.
Speaker 6: Wait, wait, in a giant bag or something.
Speaker 5: In a grill, in a bag in a grill. And
Speaker 5: then and then he and then he stopped paying for
Speaker 5: the storage unit. So then one of those people who
Speaker 5: bit on storage units came and bought the storage unit.
Speaker 2: On a reality show or no that just no, no, no,
Speaker 2: that just happened.
Speaker 5: Yeah, and he bought it and then he refused to
Speaker 5: give the leg back. And it's like it's the funniest
Speaker 5: it's it's a great documentary, fun it all happened. Oh yeah,
Speaker 5: and it is fantastic and I cried during it too.
Speaker 2: It's emotional, ship Lord, I like it. That reminds me
Speaker 2: of an idea Tighead will uh that she gets to
Speaker 2: talk about just a short film or maybe a mockumentary
Speaker 2: of a bunch of interviews talking about a.
Speaker 6: Person that's been through a lot, and then that person.
Speaker 2: It's like, you know, before I got my fake leg,
Speaker 2: I thought I'd never run again. I thought I was
Speaker 2: done doing marathon. So I've started running with my fake
Speaker 2: leg and then just show footage of someone running and
Speaker 2: they're just holding like a mannequin leg as they're dogging,
Speaker 2: and that's the that's the payoffs. I guess they would
Speaker 2: probably get a light chuckle, like in this Car.
Speaker 1: Yeah, it shouldn't be a full length film, that's for sure.
Speaker 2: Imagine the build up being oh yeah, yeah, taking about
Speaker 2: twenty minutes, then out of relief you had just laughed
Speaker 2: so hard.
Speaker 1: We should definitely talk before we go. Yes, because Matt
Speaker 1: has a TV show coming, maybe maybe coming. Made a
Speaker 1: pilot on Comedy Central, let me.
Speaker 2: Hear about it. I don't know about this.
Speaker 5: I made a pilot for Comedy Central, and we just
Speaker 5: finished editing it and now we're now I'm having anxiety
Speaker 5: attacks daily waiting to hear. Yeah, if they're gonna make
Speaker 5: it into a TV.
Speaker 1: Show, do you want to talk about the name or details?
Speaker 1: Or do you not want to.
Speaker 5: Talk about the name? Is one thing we just learned
Speaker 5: because it apparently so. It is or was n'tamed corporate
Speaker 5: And it's like a dark corporate satire that takes place
Speaker 5: in a corporation.
Speaker 1: It's hilarious.
Speaker 5: Thank you?
Speaker 2: And can I see it?
Speaker 6: How do people see it?
Speaker 1: Or I read the script?
Speaker 5: Oh?
Speaker 2: You read the script?
Speaker 5: I can show you.
Speaker 2: Where can people read the script?
Speaker 1: I'll email you.
Speaker 2: I love to I'd love to secretly get a copy
Speaker 2: without anyone knowing.
Speaker 5: And yeah, we feel good about it, and hopefully they
Speaker 5: let us make nine more of them.
Speaker 1: When do you find out?
Speaker 5: I think I think by the end of the month
Speaker 5: is what we've been told. So that's not terrible because
Speaker 5: I think some people you can wait like months and
Speaker 5: months too.
Speaker 2: Yeah, that's right, So happy to hear that. I'm not
Speaker 2: surprised though you're you're I would consider you a filmmaker person.
Speaker 6: He I acted in a music video that.
Speaker 5: That's right, you did?
Speaker 2: Did you direct that?
Speaker 5: I did not, but you kind of facilitated it.
Speaker 2: A lot of it's a lot of cook you did
Speaker 2: a lot, thank you. But it was fun.
Speaker 1: He was all the cooks, it was all.
Speaker 6: He was every cook in that kitchen.
Speaker 1: And still spoiled it. That's weird.
Speaker 6: No, it's so fun.
Speaker 2: I've always wanted to act in like it or being
Speaker 2: an indie rock music video.
Speaker 1: What band fun?
Speaker 5: A guy named Michael Komer is. The band is called
Speaker 5: Lace Curtains. He used to be in a band called Harlem.
Speaker 5: It's actually really great music. It's kind of rock.
Speaker 2: I loved it. I loved it.
Speaker 5: You would love it, Kevin.
Speaker 2: And then it's right up your alley cap and then
Speaker 2: and then what was the last film you were just
Speaker 2: acting in it? That I like? The yard sale?
Speaker 5: Yard sales? Yeah, I made a number of little things.
Speaker 2: Yeah, they're just like I wish I owned a camera
Speaker 2: and was motivated.
Speaker 1: Well, if you get rear ended someday, that's right, get
Speaker 1: your ass up back out there and risk it.
Speaker 2: Buy a fake leg if I need one, Karen, what
Speaker 2: do you got going on? I guess this is the
Speaker 2: time we usually wrap it up about the.
Speaker 1: Is it plug time? Well, I've got a show coming
Speaker 1: up at the Improv Lab on April thirteenth at ten pm,
Speaker 1: and Chris Fairbanks is a headliner. Matt Ingebretson is our
Speaker 1: surprise dropping guest. Tickets are eight dollars. We would love
Speaker 1: to see everybody there that's able to go. Because it's
Speaker 1: our first time doing it. It's called business Class and
Speaker 1: that's all.
Speaker 6: It might be a reoccurring show.
Speaker 1: I think it's going to be a monthly show terrific.
Speaker 1: So we just get all the people we think are
Speaker 1: funny and put it on.
Speaker 2: I love the Improv Lab. If I room again, it
Speaker 2: would be sad. Take it personally.
Speaker 1: I hope that doesn't happen. It's great And.
Speaker 2: Yeah, Matt, what do you got what you're waiting on?
Speaker 5: Am I waiting on a pilot? You can see come
Speaker 5: see me weekly. A good heroin at Stories Books and Cafe.
Speaker 6: Great fun, great show. Some crazy hanging out there.
Speaker 5: Will you will get accused of sexually assaulting.
Speaker 2: Someone who doesn't love that, especially if your decks out.
Speaker 1: That's called the Anita Hill Guarantee pubic hair coat.
Speaker 6: Never really did follow that.
Speaker 1: Story, Oh, but you can watch it when Carrie Washington
Speaker 1: stars as Anita Hill upcoming special.
Speaker 2: Washington Nights the other day coming up, and I'm yeah,
Speaker 2: where's April and I are starting up Almost Genius again
Speaker 2: tomorrow morning.
Speaker 1: That's right, your TV show?
Speaker 2: Yeah, that be fun.
Speaker 1: Over on True TV channel three forty seven.
Speaker 2: Yeah, channel deep deep deep cable.
Speaker 1: Yeah.
Speaker 6: No, I think I've seen True TV in hotel rooms.
Speaker 5: True TV is doing it.
Speaker 1: Yeah.
Speaker 5: True TD moves.
Speaker 1: They're everywhere.
Speaker 6: They're moving and shaking. Yeah, And you've been moving and shaking.
Speaker 5: It's always hard moving and shaking down the highway with
Speaker 5: Chris and Kevin.
Speaker 6: You've been listening to Hey buddy.
Speaker 5: And I'm fat Bartleberts.
Speaker 2: In here with Kevin would shot the sheriff and Chris
Speaker 2: her Thanks. You've been listening to Do you need a ride?
Speaker 1: D y n A? Are are you leaving?
Speaker 2: I you wanna way back home?
Speaker 1: Either way we.
Speaker 3: Want to be there.
Speaker 4: Doesn't matter how much baggage you claim and give us
Speaker 4: time and a turning on and gay.
Speaker 3: We want to send you off inside. We want to
Speaker 3: welcome you back home.
Speaker 1: Tell us all about every scared?
Speaker 2: Was it fine?
Speaker 1: Malborn? Do you need to ride? Do you need to ride?
Speaker 1: Do you need to ride? Do you need to ride?
Speaker 3: Do you need to ride?
Speaker 1: Do you need to ride?
Speaker 2: To ride?
Speaker 1: Do you need.
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