Speaker 1: Hey everyone, It's Jay Sheddy and I'm thrilled to announce
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Speaker 1: Head to Jsheddy, dop me Forward, Slash Tour and get
Speaker 1: yours today when we can shift that story to instead
Speaker 1: of why is this happening to me? All the way
Speaker 1: through to well, what can I do about it? What
Speaker 1: skill is this asking me to develop? What is this
Speaker 1: reminding me that I've forgotten? What wisdom is inside of
Speaker 1: this that I need to learn? As soon as you
Speaker 1: shift to a solution proactive approach, you don't have the suffering.
Speaker 1: You will always have the pain, you don't have to
Speaker 1: suffer from it. The number one health and wellness podcast,
Speaker 1: Stay Sety Jay Setty, Say, set are you still thinking
Speaker 1: about something that happened last week at work and you're
Speaker 1: kind of embarrassed about it? Or maybe you're waiting for
Speaker 1: someone to text you and you're wondering why they haven't
Speaker 1: replied for twenty four hours. Or maybe you've been on
Speaker 1: a dating app recently and someone goes to you and
Speaker 1: you're totally overthinking it. Overthinking, spiraling, crashing out are things
Speaker 1: we do every single day. It almost feels like our
Speaker 1: minds are overflowing with the same negative thought patterns all
Speaker 1: the time. What do we do If you've experienced any
Speaker 1: of those things before, this episode is for you. I
Speaker 1: want to share with you spiritual truths that help us
Speaker 1: understand how to stop overthinking and actually learn to let go.
Speaker 1: The first is everything is impermanent. It's important that we
Speaker 1: learn to let go gracefully. The bugwd Guita has a
Speaker 1: beautiful verse two point fourteen that says, the non permanent
Speaker 1: appearance of happiness and distress and their disappearance in due
Speaker 1: course are like the appearance and disappearance of the winter
Speaker 1: and summer seasons. They arise from sense perception, and one
Speaker 1: must learn to tolerate them without being disturbed. I love
Speaker 1: this verse from the bugwd guitar, and it's something that
Speaker 1: I really want you to take in. When you wake
Speaker 1: up in the morning and it's raining, if you let
Speaker 1: that define your mood, if you overthink it, it will
Speaker 1: totally ruin your day. If you wake up and you
Speaker 1: only feel happy when it's sunny, it sets you up
Speaker 1: for failure on a day when it's dark and it's
Speaker 1: not sunny. How do we learn to tolerate this, as
Speaker 1: the bugger Ghita is saying, how do we get to
Speaker 1: a point where we don't overthink everything that happens around
Speaker 1: us and let it affect what's happening inside of us.
Speaker 1: I want to talk to you about the skill of
Speaker 1: recognizing impermanence. There's a beautiful story of the farmer and
Speaker 1: his son. It's a zen story that I love to share.
Speaker 1: While the son is wondering the land, he comes across
Speaker 1: a horse. He's able to ride this horse back, and
Speaker 1: they have a great sense of compatibility, and he brings
Speaker 1: the horse back home. All the villagers gather around and
Speaker 1: they say to the father, this is amazing, what great
Speaker 1: news your son has this horse? And the father replies,
Speaker 1: good thing, bad thing, who knows. The Next day, when
Speaker 1: the son is riding the horse, the horse has a
Speaker 1: slight trip and an accident and knocks the son off,
Speaker 1: and the sun breaks his leg. The villagers gather around
Speaker 1: and say, oh no, this is the worst thing that
Speaker 1: could have happened. This is so terrible. You should have
Speaker 1: never let the horse come back. The farmer says, good thing,
Speaker 1: bad thing, who knows a few months later, while the
Speaker 1: boy is still healing, every single man in this village
Speaker 1: is recruited to join the army apart from the sun
Speaker 1: because of his broken leg. The villagers gather and say,
Speaker 1: you're so lucky, you're so fortunate. This is the best
Speaker 1: thing that could have happened. The father replies, good thing,
Speaker 1: bad thing, who knows? And of course the story goes on.
Speaker 1: What this story teaches us is not that we want
Speaker 1: bad things to happen to us, or it's not that
Speaker 1: we want negative things to happen to anyone, but that
Speaker 1: we've realize that all of these things are impermanent. They're
Speaker 1: not going to last forever. They're ephemeral. A sunny day
Speaker 1: doesn't last forever, and a rainy day doesn't last forever.
Speaker 1: These things come and go like the seasons. This is
Speaker 1: what we have to learn. We learn to let go
Speaker 1: when we're prepared for this season. If you know it's
Speaker 1: going to rain, but you've got your rain boots and
Speaker 1: you've got your umbrella, it doesn't matter. You're prepared. If
Speaker 1: you know it's going to be really hot out and
Speaker 1: you've got your flip flops and your sunscreen, you're prepared.
Speaker 1: Letting go isn't about doing nothing. It's about focusing on
Speaker 1: what you can prepare. Letting go is not the act
Speaker 1: of not being worried or not worrying about the consequences,
Speaker 1: or not thinking about what's going to happen. Letting go
Speaker 1: is being proactive and preparing in the way that you can.
Speaker 1: Whatever season is going to come your way, do you
Speaker 1: have the appropriate clothing in your closet? Whatever season is
Speaker 1: going to come your way, is your mind prepared to
Speaker 1: deal with it? Let us remember that both good and
Speaker 1: bad experiences are both impermanent. Now, let's say that you
Speaker 1: feel the same thought spiral in your mind every single day.
Speaker 1: The same things trigger you, block you, and slow you down.
Speaker 1: What do you do about it? The first piece of
Speaker 1: wisdom is getting the thought out of your head and
Speaker 1: onto a page. It's really hard to filter thoughts while
Speaker 1: they're spiraling and circling around your mind. When you actually
Speaker 1: write down how you're feeling, you're extracting that emotion from
Speaker 1: within yourself and taking it into a place that you
Speaker 1: can get tactile with it. If a thought's outside of
Speaker 1: your head, you can now actually do something with it.
Speaker 1: One of the things that's recommended is either ripping it
Speaker 1: up and discarding of it, potentially even burning it to
Speaker 1: really let go of it, or allowing yourself to throw
Speaker 1: it into the trash. Now you may think these are
Speaker 1: woo woo ideas, but actually the Nagoya University study in
Speaker 1: twenty twenty four found that participants who wrote down their
Speaker 1: angry thoughts and then shredded or discarded the paper experienced
Speaker 1: a significant reduction in anger. In contrast, those who kept
Speaker 1: the paper saw only a minor decrease in anger levels.
Speaker 1: The act of physically disposing of the paper played a
Speaker 1: crucial role in alleviating negative emotions. Think about that for
Speaker 1: a second. The act of writing something down and discarding
Speaker 1: of that paper, ripping it up, throwing it in the
Speaker 1: trash burning it actually starts to free you from that
Speaker 1: emotional experience. It's mind blowing to even think about it.
Speaker 1: And did you notice what I said there in the study.
Speaker 1: If you hold on to it like a journal, or
Speaker 1: even keep it around, it actually doesn't have the same impact.
Speaker 1: Another example is the Ohio State University research from twenty twelve.
Speaker 1: A study published in Psychological Science demonstrated that individuals who
Speaker 1: wrote down their negative thoughts and then threw the paper
Speaker 1: away were more likely to mentally discard those thoughts. Conversely,
Speaker 1: those who kept the paper were more likely to dwell
Speaker 1: on the negative content. So it's not just about writing
Speaker 1: it down, it also is about releasing it. Studies show
Speaker 1: that burning photographs of an ex partner can serve as
Speaker 1: a powerful symbolic act to facilitate emotional release and closure
Speaker 1: after a breakup. This is from a study that I
Speaker 1: read in PMC. How many of you have held on
Speaker 1: to things that you're gave you? How many of you
Speaker 1: have kept in a shoe box, letters, mementos, gifts from
Speaker 1: an ex partner because there's a part of you that
Speaker 1: stills connected to them. Burn it, let it go, discard it.
Speaker 1: If you truly want to release someone from your life,
Speaker 1: release items, memories, and things like that physically actually let
Speaker 1: it go in order to mentally let it go. Another
Speaker 1: study from research Gate that analyzed personal grief rituals found
Speaker 1: that symbolic actions, including the disposal of objects through elements
Speaker 1: like fire, support emotional healing by providing a tangible method
Speaker 1: to express and release complex feelings. I remember when I
Speaker 1: interviewed Nessa Barrett on my podcast on Purpose, and she
Speaker 1: had this song called burn box, this idea of really
Speaker 1: being able to release something. Next time you find a
Speaker 1: thought appearing in your mind every single day, I want
Speaker 1: you to write it down on a piece of paper.
Speaker 1: I want you to rip it up. I want you
Speaker 1: to shred it. I want you to put it in
Speaker 1: the fire, burn it and let it go, and see
Speaker 1: how you feel lighter and liberated from that weight. Spiritual
Speaker 1: truth number two. We all have heard that your inner
Speaker 1: world shapes your outer reality, but there's an even more
Speaker 1: hidden truth here. Your outer reality shapes your inner world.
Speaker 1: If you feel like you're overthinking, clean that closet, tidy
Speaker 1: that cupboard, reorganize your desk. The practical act of cleaning, tidying,
Speaker 1: or reorganizing literally cleans and orders your mind. Waking up
Speaker 1: to zero clutter frees you from the stress you feel
Speaker 1: when you see unwashed dishes, or that messy desk, or
Speaker 1: that piece of art on your wall that is slightly
Speaker 1: off center. It's fascinating to me how many of us
Speaker 1: are hoping to have a peaceful mind in a chaotic
Speaker 1: living room, a peaceful mind in a messy kitchen, a
Speaker 1: peaceful mind in a disorganized bedroom. And it's actually the
Speaker 1: act of decluttering. It's not just walking into a clean
Speaker 1: space when you start cleaning, When you start organizing, it's
Speaker 1: almost like you're filing away files in your mind. Have
Speaker 1: you ever felt like you have too many tabs open
Speaker 1: on your laptop? Imagine how many tabs are open in
Speaker 1: your mind. When you start to clean up the tabs
Speaker 1: on your laptop, the tabs on your screen, all of
Speaker 1: a sudden, you start to mentally declutter. Now, let's look
Speaker 1: at the research on this clutter affects your mind. The
Speaker 1: first way is cognitive overload. Clutter competes for your attention,
Speaker 1: leading to cognitive overload. This constant visual distraction can impair
Speaker 1: your ability to focus and process information. A study using
Speaker 1: fMRI scans found that Individuals in organized environments were better
Speaker 1: able to concentrate and process information compared to those in
Speaker 1: cluttered spaces. Clear your space to clear your mind. Clean
Speaker 1: that closet, clean the table, wash the dishes, put away
Speaker 1: your clothes, and see how your mind starts to feel
Speaker 1: more creative, more productive, boost your energy. It may feel
Speaker 1: like a chore and a task, but it's something that
Speaker 1: will actually heal you. I couldn't be more excited to
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Speaker 1: your first order. That's drink Juni dot com and make
Speaker 1: sure you use the code on purpose. The second wave
Speaker 1: that clutter affects us is that it actually elevates our
Speaker 1: stress hormones. Research indicates that individuals, particularly women, who perceive
Speaker 1: their homes as cluttered, have higher levels of cortisol, the
Speaker 1: stress hormone. If you want to start reducing your daily stress,
Speaker 1: start by organizing your home. Start by putting things in
Speaker 1: their place. One of the things I like to think
Speaker 1: about is how my home can be like a home hotel.
Speaker 1: What I mean by that is I want my home
Speaker 1: to have the warmth of a home, the comfort of
Speaker 1: a home, but I wanted to have the organization of
Speaker 1: a hotel. Have you ever noticed when you go into
Speaker 1: a hotel, the hair dryer is in one of the drawers,
Speaker 1: The ironing board is in the same place, the steamer,
Speaker 1: whatever it may be, everything has a place. Start by
Speaker 1: figuring out what deserves a place in your home and
Speaker 1: what that place is. One of my favorite exercises from
Speaker 1: Marie Condo was this idea of items that spark joy.
Speaker 1: What's the first thing you see in the morning. Is
Speaker 1: it a messy desk or is it a picture of
Speaker 1: your family that makes you feel happy. What's the first
Speaker 1: thing in the morning is it the dishes that haven't
Speaker 1: been done from last night, or is it a piece
Speaker 1: of art that inspires you. What's the first thing you
Speaker 1: see when you get back from work? Is it a
Speaker 1: disorganized cupboard or is it a closet that has everything
Speaker 1: in the right place. When you change what you see
Speaker 1: first thing in the morning, first thing when you come
Speaker 1: back from work, and last thing before you go to bed,
Speaker 1: you transform your day. And the third reason why this
Speaker 1: is so important is a cluttered bedroom can negatively impact
Speaker 1: sleep quality. Studies have shown that people sleeping in cluttered
Speaker 1: rooms are more likely to experience sleep disturbances, including difficulty
Speaker 1: falling asleep and staying asleep. So, if you're one of
Speaker 1: those people that's just been struggling to fall asleep, to
Speaker 1: get a good night's sleep, to get into rem sleep,
Speaker 1: and you're wondering, why is it. I'm eating early, I'm
Speaker 1: trying to work out, i am tired. It could be
Speaker 1: the clutter in your bedroom. Let it go. And one
Speaker 1: thing that we often overlook is clutter is connected to
Speaker 1: emotional well being. Clutters associated with negative emotions such as confusion, tension,
Speaker 1: and irritability. And conversely, an organized home can promote feelings
Speaker 1: of calmness and a sense of well being. Here's what
Speaker 1: I want you to do. I don't want you to
Speaker 1: feel guilty if your home is messy. Mine is too.
Speaker 1: I don't need you to feel shame if your cupboards
Speaker 1: are not organized, need work too. Here are the practical steps.
Speaker 1: Number one, start small, Tackle one area at a time.
Speaker 1: You don't need to fix your whole home this week.
Speaker 1: Pick one area, one draw, one corner of a room
Speaker 1: to focus on this week. It literally could be one draw.
Speaker 1: It could be the kitchen car that you open up
Speaker 1: every day, could be a refrigerator that you open up
Speaker 1: every morning. Just start with one place. Second step is
Speaker 1: set a timer. Dedicate thirty minutes of your week to
Speaker 1: clean that space. You've got thirty minutes to do it.
Speaker 1: Make it a task, Make it an experiment, make it
Speaker 1: almost a challenge. Can I get this done in thirty minutes?
Speaker 1: Can I get this done in sixty minutes? Setting a
Speaker 1: timer gives you a sense of not only making it
Speaker 1: more manageable, but you can be competitive with it, can
Speaker 1: almost turn it into a game. And the third step
Speaker 1: is when you do that, create spaces for each of
Speaker 1: the idea, a place where the milk goes, a place
Speaker 1: where the bread goes, a place where everything else goes.
Speaker 1: Be really clear so that you can actually stick to it.
Speaker 1: Spiritual truth number three that will stop you from overthinking
Speaker 1: is one of my favorite Buddhist teachings is pain is inevitable,
Speaker 1: but suffering is optional. Pain is a reality. Suffering is
Speaker 1: the story we create around it. In Buddhism, there's a
Speaker 1: powerful story called the Two Arrows. Imagine you're struck by
Speaker 1: an arrow. This arrow represents pain and it's unavoidable. Throughout
Speaker 1: our days, throughout our weeks, We'll have so many arrows
Speaker 1: thrown at us. But if you react by lamenting, blaming,
Speaker 1: or agonizing over why you are struck, it's like shooting
Speaker 1: yourself with a second arrow. This second hour symbolizes your suffering.
Speaker 1: It's entirely optional, created by your reaction. This story shows
Speaker 1: us that we can't avoid pain in life. There's always
Speaker 1: going to be sorrow, stress, and pressure. But the story
Speaker 1: we create around it and how we react to it
Speaker 1: turns it into progress or suffering. A lot of our
Speaker 1: overthinking is all about why did this happen to me?
Speaker 1: Who did this to me? Why would they do that
Speaker 1: to me? And while those are important questions, and I'm
Speaker 1: not saying to shun them away or hide from them,
Speaker 1: but we've got to move forward from them because otherwise
Speaker 1: that arrow stays inside of us, and that second arrow
Speaker 1: penetrates even deeper when we can shift that story to
Speaker 1: instead of why is this happening to me? All the
Speaker 1: way through to well what can I do about it?
Speaker 1: What skill is this asking me to develop? What is
Speaker 1: this reminding me that I've forgotten? What wisdom is inside
Speaker 1: of this that I need to learn. As soon as
Speaker 1: you shift to a solution proactive approach, you don't have
Speaker 1: the suffering. You will always have the pain, you don't
Speaker 1: have to suffer from it. I want to share with
Speaker 1: you insights from a study on acceptance and emotional pain.
Speaker 1: Research published in the Clinical Psychology Review in twenty sixteen
Speaker 1: shows acceptance strategies significantly reduced emotional suffering. Participants who learned
Speaker 1: acceptance and mindfulness techniques reported in nearly fifty percent reduction
Speaker 1: in emotional distress and a stronger ability to cope effectively
Speaker 1: compared to those resisting or trying to avoid that pain.
Speaker 1: Just think about for a second. When you're trying to
Speaker 1: avoid pain, you actually accumulate more of it. When you
Speaker 1: learn to accept pain, you can actually release your from it.
Speaker 1: It's almost counterintuitive if you think about it. When you
Speaker 1: try to avoid pain, you actually think more about the pain.
Speaker 1: When you accept the pain, you actually have the ability
Speaker 1: to move forward and move on. I want to give
Speaker 1: you a two step method to help you do that.
Speaker 1: Step one is stop and interrupt the story. When you
Speaker 1: feel overwhelmed by negative emotions, visualize a bold mental red
Speaker 1: stop sign, and you can even say it out loud stop.
Speaker 1: What is the psychological benefit of this It activates the
Speaker 1: prefrontal cortex, interrupting automatic emotional reactions and giving you mental space.
Speaker 1: Usually we have no space between what we experience and
Speaker 1: how we react. When you visualize a stop sign, when
Speaker 1: you even say it out loud to your mind, stop,
Speaker 1: you actually create space for you to react. Step two
Speaker 1: is shift. Shift your mind immediately into a solution oriented
Speaker 1: state by asking powerful, reframing questions, For example, what's one
Speaker 1: helpful thing I can do right now? How can I
Speaker 1: see this as an opportunity or learning experience? And my
Speaker 1: personal favorite, if I wasn't feeling upset, how would I
Speaker 1: respond differently? I love that third one because when we're upset,
Speaker 1: we often always respond poorly to a situation. How many
Speaker 1: times have you said something you didn't want to say
Speaker 1: because you were upset and later regretted it. How many
Speaker 1: times have you done something you didn't want to do
Speaker 1: because you were upset, only to realize later that you
Speaker 1: wish you held back. You can create that space in
Speaker 1: the moment when you stop and shift. The next spiritual
Speaker 1: principle that can stop you from overthinking is another one
Speaker 1: from the Bugger Ghita, where it says the mind can
Speaker 1: be your best friend or your worst enemy. Have you
Speaker 1: ever felt that a lot of your time is spent
Speaker 1: fighting people in your head? In your mind, you're literally
Speaker 1: running play by play every conversation you might have with someone.
Speaker 1: You want to raise an argument, you want to solve
Speaker 1: a discussion, you want to confront someone, And often we
Speaker 1: do none of that in reality. We do it all
Speaker 1: in our mind. When you realize that having difficult conversations
Speaker 1: in reality actually solves the overthinking you do in your mind,
Speaker 1: you're free from it. If there's someone that has been
Speaker 1: annoying you, frustrating you, causing you concern, and you feel
Speaker 1: constantly triggered by them, it's great to write down your thoughts,
Speaker 1: organize them, and then have that conversation in real It
Speaker 1: will save you weeks of complaining, comparing, criticizing, venting, which
Speaker 1: we can do again and again and again about the
Speaker 1: same person. Let it go and move on. The final
Speaker 1: spiritual truth I wanted to share with you is don't
Speaker 1: delay what can be done today. How many of you
Speaker 1: put off replying to that message because you're scared of
Speaker 1: confrontation or a disagreement, But then forget to reply at all.
Speaker 1: How many of you keep saying next week will be
Speaker 1: the week that I start to take on that new habit.
Speaker 1: We're constantly postponing and delaying what can be done today.
Speaker 1: You can change your life by one decision, one choice,
Speaker 1: and one moment if you simply do today what doesn't
Speaker 1: need to be delayed. One of the biggest things I
Speaker 1: see is when we don't want to let someone down.
Speaker 1: Someone invites you to something and you put off the
Speaker 1: RSVP to the last minute. You know you didn't want
Speaker 1: to go, but you wait till the night before or
Speaker 1: the moment before. Now that person's upset. Right, the truth
Speaker 1: is true kindness lies in clarity of intention, not silence
Speaker 1: out of fear. When you're tempted not to respond for
Speaker 1: fear of disappointing someone, remember that compassion isn't about avoiding discomfort.
Speaker 1: It's about expressing your truth with grace. If you don't
Speaker 1: message someone back because you don't want to let them down,
Speaker 1: you just let them down by not messaging them back.
Speaker 1: Chances are you messaging them last minute is going to
Speaker 1: let them down even more than if you explained how
Speaker 1: you felt weeks before. When you receive the message, don't
Speaker 1: let the fear of letting someone down block you from
Speaker 1: communicating your truth. Communicate your reasons honestly, yeah gently. This
Speaker 1: works because your clarity transforms misunderstanding into deeper connection. It
Speaker 1: shifts the focus from rejection to mutual respect and authenticity.
Speaker 1: I hope that these spiritual truths make a difference in
Speaker 1: your life and help you stop overthinking. I hope that
Speaker 1: you will listen to this again, make notes, try out
Speaker 1: some of the exercises, and watch how your life changes.
Speaker 1: I'm Jay Sheddy. Thank you for listening on purpose, and
Speaker 1: remember I'm forever in your corner and I'm always rooting
Speaker 1: for you. If you love this episode, you'll really enjoy
Speaker 1: my episode with Selena Gomez on befriending your inner critic
Speaker 1: and how to speak to yourself with more compassion. My
Speaker 1: fears are only going to continue to show me what
Speaker 1: I'm capable of. The more that I face my fears,
Speaker 1: the more that I feel I'm gaining strength and gaining wisdom,
Speaker 1: and I just want to keep doing that.