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Speaker 1: According to the Smithsonian National Museum of National History, joining

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Speaker 1: a group or tribe and being accepted by others was

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Speaker 1: critical to survival. See, that's why we do it. We

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Speaker 1: do it because that's how we survive. But here's the thing.

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Speaker 1: We're not in survival mode right now. We want to

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Speaker 1: move into thriving. And if we want to shift from

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Speaker 1: surviving into thriving, we have to consider how people's opinions

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Speaker 1: become our life. Hey everyone, welcome back to On Purpose,

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Speaker 1: the number one health podcast in the world. Thanks to

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Speaker 1: each and every single one of you that come back

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Speaker 1: every week to listen, learn and grow. Now, whether you're

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Speaker 1: walking your dog, whether you're cooking, whether you're working, editing, cleaning,

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Speaker 1: whether you're working out, whether you're at the gym, wherever

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Speaker 1: you are, I just want to say I appreciate you,

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Speaker 1: I see you, and I'm so grateful that we get

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Speaker 1: to spend this time together. Because whenever I record these

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Speaker 1: I sit down and I visualize each and every one

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Speaker 1: of you in your spaces, doing what you do. I

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Speaker 1: visualize how you're making this investment in your time to listen,

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Speaker 1: to apply, to practice the principles that I'm sharing every

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Speaker 1: single week and I visualize that because I'm also visualizing

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Speaker 1: the impact they're going to have on you and the

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Speaker 1: sincerity with which you approach them every single week. And

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Speaker 1: I know that people love the interviews, but I also

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Speaker 1: know that so many of you turn up for these

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Speaker 1: solos week and week out, and I just can't thank

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Speaker 1: you enough for the investment you're making yourself and how

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Speaker 1: you're supporting on purpose as well. It's such a joy.

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Speaker 1: And I want to read out some of your incredible

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Speaker 1: reviews because your reviews support and help the podcast so much.

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Speaker 1: We're over sixteen thousand reviews now, and so here's a few.

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Speaker 1: Here's one from Mel crying right now because there's so

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Speaker 1: much I relate to here. We all go through trauma,

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Speaker 1: and I have really been bad at putting myself down

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Speaker 1: and accepting that I was that woman. I'm seeing the

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Speaker 1: woman I am today, against all the odds. I deserve

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Speaker 1: love and abundance, and so does everyone else. The beauty

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Speaker 1: held within me is so much more than anything else.

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Speaker 1: I see it when I look at people walking by,

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Speaker 1: the genuine love and empathy I have for others. I

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Speaker 1: have many layers, and every layer is important. Mel, that

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Speaker 1: was so beautiful and heartwarming. Thank you so much for

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Speaker 1: sharing it with us. Okay, I want to share a

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Speaker 1: few more as well. This one is from Amrie. She says, Wow,

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Speaker 1: thank you. I can honestly say that listening to the

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Speaker 1: episode about the three personality types in a relationship really

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Speaker 1: helped me open my eyes in my relationship. I'm ready

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Speaker 1: to grow and become the supportive partner instead of the fragile.

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Speaker 1: I love your podcasts so amazing. If you haven't heard

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Speaker 1: that one, that was one of my recent favorites as well.

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Speaker 1: And then the final one that I'm reading here is

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Speaker 1: from Maddie. I mean, there are so many, but this

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Speaker 1: one's from Maddie. Jay. Thank you for sharing your wisdom.

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Speaker 1: The podcasts repeatedly come out just when I need them,

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Speaker 1: and there are nuggets of wisdom from each episode that

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Speaker 1: I've genuinely started implementing into my life. I believe you

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Speaker 1: are spiritually involved and I have a true gift in

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Speaker 1: the way you share and connect with others. Thank you, Maddie. Maddie,

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Speaker 1: thank you so much for that message. And what makes

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Speaker 1: me most happy is that you said that you've started

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Speaker 1: to implement these ideas into your own life. That's why

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Speaker 1: I do this, so that makes me very very happy. Now,

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Speaker 1: Today's theme, and every theme that I pick for these

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Speaker 1: Friday Solo episodes are things that I've been thinking about,

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Speaker 1: or maybe a friend called me up and this was

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Speaker 1: the pep talk I gave them, Or maybe someone in

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Speaker 1: my life was going through something difficult and this is

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Speaker 1: what they were up against. I'm always leaning on real

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Speaker 1: life experience to help inform what I share with you,

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Speaker 1: because I feel that it's in the energy. I feel

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Speaker 1: that it's what people are struggling with. And so today,

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Speaker 1: when we talk about the ways to stop listening to

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Speaker 1: other people's opinions, this theme is so important to discuss

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Speaker 1: because I feel so many of us are constantly listening

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Speaker 1: to other people's opinions. So many of us are constantly

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Speaker 1: plagued by the words what will people think or what

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Speaker 1: will people say? Or how will everyone react? Or what's

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Speaker 1: everyone going to say about me? What's everyone going to

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Speaker 1: think about me? How many of you have ever had

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Speaker 1: one of these thoughts? At least one of these thoughts. Now,

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Speaker 1: I'm not with you all. My prediction is that one

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Speaker 1: hundred percent of the people that are listening to this

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Speaker 1: podcast right now raise their hand that they have thought

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Speaker 1: about what will people think, what will people say? How

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Speaker 1: will people react before they do something after they do

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Speaker 1: something right? We're always asking that question, and so a

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Speaker 1: big part of our life is centered around listening to

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Speaker 1: other people's opinions. Or maybe you're one of those people

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Speaker 1: who says, Oh, I've got a good idea, I need

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Speaker 1: to ask all my friends about it, or I really

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Speaker 1: want to start this. Let me talk to my family

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Speaker 1: and see what they say. Maybe you're someone who goes

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Speaker 1: out and seeks the opinion, not that you're just worried

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Speaker 1: about how they'll react, but you actually go out there

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Speaker 1: and put it out there. Now, I'm not telling you

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Speaker 1: to do that or don't do that in this episode.

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Speaker 1: What I'm sharing with you is that how we listen

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Speaker 1: to people's opinions is really important. And I know we

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Speaker 1: talk a lot about stop listening to other people's opinions,

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Speaker 1: but it's less about stopping listening to other people's opinions

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Speaker 1: and more about not feeling the pressure to live up

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Speaker 1: to them. So it's not really about listening. It's about

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Speaker 1: the pressure we take on to live up to people's

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Speaker 1: opinions and expectations and obligations that affect us. Listening is

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Speaker 1: not the issue. The challenge is that what we've done

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Speaker 1: as humans is we've created a very blurred line between

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Speaker 1: listening and living up to When we hear something, especially

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Speaker 1: if it's fear based, pressure based, stress based, we try

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Speaker 1: to live up to it. If someone gives you the

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Speaker 1: best advice in the world, but it feels like it

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Speaker 1: was given with no pressure or no fear, you almost

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Speaker 1: ignore it and you don't try and live up to it.

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Speaker 1: It's strange, isn't it. Someone could give you the worst

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Speaker 1: piece of advice or feedback ever, but because it was

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Speaker 1: given from a place of fear, anxiety, insecurity, you try

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Speaker 1: and live up to it. But if it was given

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Speaker 1: from a good place, you'd be like, oh, yeah, no,

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Speaker 1: it doesn't seem that serious. We react more seriously to criticism,

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Speaker 1: to negativity, which actually has its benefits, but at the

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Speaker 1: same time we could end up missing out on some

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Speaker 1: really good, deep, powerful advice. So let me give you

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Speaker 1: an example. One piece of advice you could get is, well,

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Speaker 1: you know, I know you want to start that company,

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Speaker 1: but you know you have no idea of how to

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Speaker 1: start it, Like you have no experience it's never going

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Speaker 1: to work. When you hear that, most people go back

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Speaker 1: into their cocoon. They stop dreaming. They think, oh, it's

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Speaker 1: never going to happen, like it's been shut down, or

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Speaker 1: we're waiting until that person changes their mind. Very few

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Speaker 1: people will go on to try and prove that person wrong,

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Speaker 1: and very few people will go on and just do

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Speaker 1: their thing anyway. Right now, someone who actually may say

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Speaker 1: to you, well, you know, it's really important that you

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Speaker 1: find a coach, right, It's really important you find a mentor.

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Speaker 1: And because that was just given as a good piece

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Speaker 1: of advice and feedback, we take it less seriously, affects

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Speaker 1: us less seriously. We potentially won't even find that mentor.

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Speaker 1: You see how it works. And so I really want

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Speaker 1: to bring up that distinction between listening to other people's

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Speaker 1: opinions is not the issue. I often ask people for

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Speaker 1: their opinions, but it's the pressure that we take on

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Speaker 1: to live up to them because of who we asked.

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Speaker 1: And so often when people ask for my opinions in

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Speaker 1: a non coaching setting, my reply will be, well, this

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Speaker 1: is just my opinion. You don't have to try and

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Speaker 1: live up to it. I'm not going to judge you

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Speaker 1: if you don't do it, because that's not my relationship

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Speaker 1: with that person. So I want to start this episode

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Speaker 1: by talking about when I first stop feeling the pressure

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Speaker 1: to live up to people's opinions. And the reason I

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Speaker 1: think that's important is that I find that when you

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Speaker 1: start practicing this skill earlier and truly as a skill,

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Speaker 1: it becomes easier and easier as it goes on. And

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Speaker 1: maybe when you think about that, if you ask yourself,

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Speaker 1: what was the age at which people's opinions started to

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Speaker 1: affect you less or when you started to notice that

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Speaker 1: it was something you had to actually disconnect from. And

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Speaker 1: I think that's the key here. It's not that you're

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Speaker 1: not listening. It's that we have to become conscious that

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Speaker 1: it's not having the hold on us that it did before.

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Speaker 1: And if I'm honest, it's actually for me at the

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Speaker 1: age of fourteen when I first started to practice this skill.

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Speaker 1: And I say practice, and I call it a skill

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Speaker 1: because it's something you have to build up. It's not

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Speaker 1: just oh well, I'm just going to switch off and

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Speaker 1: not listen to anyone, right. It doesn't work like that.

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Speaker 1: So I remember being fourteen years old and I was

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Speaker 1: sitting with my math teacher, and I remember sitting there

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Speaker 1: and struggling at a question. Right, I was struggling with

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Speaker 1: a question, a problem, So I remember that he said

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Speaker 1: to me. He said, the reason why you're struggling with

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Speaker 1: this question is you're thinking about what your parents are

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Speaker 1: going to say. The reason you're struggling with this problem

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Speaker 1: is that your mind is not present here. It's focused

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Speaker 1: on what you're are going to say. How many of

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Speaker 1: you can relate to that in some way or the other.

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Speaker 1: It may not have been about math or schoolwork, but

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Speaker 1: it's about something else. And I realized at that age

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Speaker 1: that I had to let go of that because that

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Speaker 1: thought blocked optimal thinking. So what I find fascinating about

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Speaker 1: this is that at fourteen, I decide I'm now going

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Speaker 1: to select subjects that matter to me. I'm now going

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Speaker 1: to focus on my passion. So I remember telling my

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Speaker 1: parents that I wanted to focus on art and design.

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Speaker 1: I loved art and design growing up, and my parents

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Speaker 1: wanted me to focus on science. They wanted me to

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Speaker 1: focus on math. Those are the subjects that are important

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Speaker 1: to them, and slowly the subjects that became important to me.

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Speaker 1: While art and design philosophy English. I also enjoyed economics,

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Speaker 1: and it's fascinating to me because today my life is

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Speaker 1: made up of those things, art and design, constantly being

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Speaker 1: creative with videos, Instagram content. And then I absolutely love philosophy.

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Speaker 1: Of course, I love economics. I love figuring out a

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Speaker 1: way to make this work scale and have an impact.

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Speaker 1: And I obviously love English and I love language and

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Speaker 1: I love the words. And so it was at fourteen

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Speaker 1: that I decided that I had to disconnect. Now, the

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Speaker 1: second thing was my teacher's expectations. I started to gravitate

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Speaker 1: more towards teachers that what people that could understand and

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Speaker 1: help me think, not what to think about how to think.

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Speaker 1: So I really got close to one of my art teachers,

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Speaker 1: and what I loved about him is that every time

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Speaker 1: I would draw a line, every time i'd put a color,

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Speaker 1: every time i'd put a picture or an image next

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Speaker 1: to anything, the number one question you would ask me

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Speaker 1: is why did you do that? And I didn't realize

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Speaker 1: what he was teaching me at the time, but his

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Speaker 1: simple suggestion and prompting to constantly ask me why why why?

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Speaker 1: It made me ask the question why, And I had

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Speaker 1: to constantly dig and search for deeper meaning, deeper connections,

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Speaker 1: deeper sincerity. And it completely transformed the way my mind

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Speaker 1: works simply by asking the question why. And here's the thing.

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Speaker 1: We've always been told that the smartest people know all

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Speaker 1: the answers. Well, the truth is true smarts, true intelligence

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Speaker 1: is asking the right questions. Knowing all the answers maybe

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Speaker 1: a game of memory, but knowing to ask the right

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Speaker 1: questions is a sign of sincerity. So next time you

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Speaker 1: don't feel smart, or next time you listen to everyone's

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Speaker 1: else's opinion, next time you feel you don't have the

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Speaker 1: answer or what will they say, ask more questions, be

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Speaker 1: more curious. And then the last line of defense, if

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Speaker 1: you want to call it that parents, teachers, was friends.

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Speaker 1: And again here's the thing. It's not that I don't

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Speaker 1: talk to my family, or talk to my teachers or

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Speaker 1: talk to my friends. You can notice how with my parents,

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Speaker 1: who are disconnecting around my particular aspect here of understanding

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Speaker 1: with my teachers as well, there were teachers that I

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Speaker 1: did connect with, and then finally my friends. So what

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Speaker 1: I want to share with you is where are you

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Speaker 1: at on this journey? Right now? Right Where are you

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Speaker 1: at on this journey right now, and what part of

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Speaker 1: this journey are you still working on. Where do you

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Speaker 1: see your weaknesses and where are you seeing your strengths

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Speaker 1: and where are you flourishing? Because I want to walk

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Speaker 1: you through some of the reasons why we do this,

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Speaker 1: and I also want to share with you how we

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Speaker 1: can stop making this. You know something that we're struggling

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Speaker 1: with and wasting time on. So the reason why this

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Speaker 1: all exists is that, according to the Smithsonian National Museum

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Speaker 1: of National History, joining a group or tribe and being

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Speaker 1: accepted by others was critical to survival. See, that's why

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Speaker 1: we do it. We do it because that's how we survived.

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Speaker 1: But here's the thing. We're not in survival mode right now.

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Speaker 1: We want to move into thriving. And if we want

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Speaker 1: to shift from surviving into thriving, we have to consider

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Speaker 1: how people's opinions become our life. Now. The first piece

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Speaker 1: of advice I want to share with you, even though

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Speaker 1: I feel I've been sharing advice this whole time, and

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Speaker 1: insight is that when you ask for someone's advice, what

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Speaker 1: you are going to receive from most people, unless they're trained,

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Speaker 1: is a projection of their own limitations and possibilities. That's

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Speaker 1: what you get when you ask for someone's opinion. It

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Speaker 1: actually has nothing to do with you. When you ask

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Speaker 1: for someone's opinion or insight nine at the time from

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Speaker 1: an untrained person, you're going to receive a projection of

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Speaker 1: that person's limitations and possibilities. So when you ask for

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Speaker 1: some advice, you have to recognize that it is impure

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Speaker 1: or it is distracted or affected by this bias that

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Speaker 1: we all have that we struggle to when we share advice.

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Speaker 1: If someone says, well, do you think I should move

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Speaker 1: to New York? When I lived in New York, I

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Speaker 1: would have said, yeah, of course, it's the best city

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Speaker 1: in the world. And then when I now live in

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Speaker 1: La and I moved away and say, oh, no, I

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Speaker 1: prefer La. Notice how neither of those points are true.

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Speaker 1: Neither of those pieces of insight or advice are about you.

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Speaker 1: They're constantly about my approach. Now, because of my training

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Speaker 1: as a coach, I've learned to disconnect myself from an answer.

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Speaker 1: So what our share is is upon my reflection. I've

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Speaker 1: noticed that there's something that I call a purpose place.

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Speaker 1: There's a place where your purpose comes to life, a

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Speaker 1: place where your purpose is more likely to be fulfilled.

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Speaker 1: And for me, that place was New York for two

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Speaker 1: years and now it's La. And what I found is

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Speaker 1: that New York was a fantastic city for news, for finance,

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Speaker 1: for artists as well, But LA is really the home

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Speaker 1: of content, and so LA is the home of media

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Speaker 1: for me when it comes to entertainment media, especially when

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Speaker 1: it comes to sharing a message across the world. And

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Speaker 1: so that outlook is more useful because it's not just

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Speaker 1: using my projection, it's sharing a reflection that is not

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Speaker 1: just based on my own opinion, but that requires you

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Speaker 1: to move yourself. When someone says, do you like him?

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Speaker 1: Do you think I should be dating him? If that

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Speaker 1: person reminds you of your ax, you will say no,

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Speaker 1: reminds me of my ex. Now you may be right

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Speaker 1: or wrong, and you may get that right or wrong,

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Speaker 1: but the truth is the answer you're giving is a

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Speaker 1: representation of your own experience. So when you ask someone

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Speaker 1: for their opinion, you have to recognize that's where it's

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Speaker 1: coming from. So I want you to consider four characteristics

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Speaker 1: that we look for in the people we allow into

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Speaker 1: our lives. So when I look to someone for advice,

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Speaker 1: I look for in these four areas. The first is competence.

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Speaker 1: I look to ask myself when I'm asking for a

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Speaker 1: piece of advice? Am I looking for someone with competence?

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Speaker 1: Is that what I'm looking for? Like? Do I need

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Speaker 1: an expertise of an example, if I was investing money,

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Speaker 1: I wouldn't ask someone who doesn't have competence. But often

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Speaker 1: we ask everyone about everything? Right? How many of us

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Speaker 1: ask everyone about everything? A lot of us. We'll ask

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Speaker 1: our parents about investing, will ask our friends about investing.

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Speaker 1: We'll ask our friends friends friends about investing. Will randomly

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Speaker 1: bump into someone, We'll ask them about this question I

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Speaker 1: ask myself. Is the question I'm asking a competence based question?

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Speaker 1: Because then I'm going to need to go to someone

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Speaker 1: who has that competence or skill. For example, if I'm

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Speaker 1: going to ask a social media question, I should ask

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Speaker 1: you to someone who knows something about social media. I'm

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Speaker 1: not going to ask you to someone who doesn't know

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Speaker 1: about it. But often in our panic, in our frustration

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Speaker 1: and our confusion, we approach anyone and everyone about it.

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Speaker 1: The next type of person or question I have in

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Speaker 1: my life is care. Sometimes you'll ask you for someone's

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Speaker 1: advice because you just need some care and love. When

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Speaker 1: I need some care and love, but go to my mom.

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Speaker 1: My Mom's going to give me more care and love

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Speaker 1: than anyone else, and she may not give me the

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Speaker 1: advice that I need to help me, Like, for example,

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Speaker 1: if I ask her for work advice, even though she's

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Speaker 1: an entrepreneur, to her advice to me will be like,

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Speaker 1: we'll take care of yourself. Just take care of your health.

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Speaker 1: I just want you to be healthy. Of Course, she's

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Speaker 1: my mom. She cares, and so I don't ask her

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Speaker 1: things where I know I'm going to push the boundaries

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Speaker 1: or push the limits. But I'll always ask her when

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Speaker 1: I need some care, and I need some care, I'll

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Speaker 1: definitely go to her. The third type of advice I

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Speaker 1: seek is consistent advice. This is more not even advice,

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Speaker 1: it's more like consistent people in your life who know

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Speaker 1: what's going on. I probably have a handful of people

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Speaker 1: in my life, maybe three, that know what's happening in

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Speaker 1: my life, know what I'm up to, know what my

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Speaker 1: activities are, and this is just consistent catchups. It's not

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Speaker 1: that I'm asking them for advice, it's not that they're

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Speaker 1: guiding me. It's just that we're in constant connection and

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Speaker 1: that some sort of reassurance, it's some sort of stability

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Speaker 1: that you need in your life. And then fourth and

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Speaker 1: final is character. Some people have a strong moral compass

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Speaker 1: and uncompromising values. We look to these people to help

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Speaker 1: us see clearly when we aren't sure what we want

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Speaker 1: or believe is right. So character is something I go to,

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Speaker 1: and my question is a moral ethical question. I have

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Speaker 1: people in my life, like my monk teaches, that I'll

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Speaker 1: turn to for questions in that area. So notice how

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Speaker 1: I'm curating the group of people around me around particular

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Speaker 1: needs and questions that I have, rather than the mistake,

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Speaker 1: which is what I want to share with you next,

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Speaker 1: the biggest mistake we make. So I hope that's helpful.

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Speaker 1: I hope that makes sense to you. Who do you

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Speaker 1: go to for care, who do you go for to

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Speaker 1: for competence, who do you go to for character? And

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Speaker 1: who do you go for consistency? Because the truth is

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Speaker 1: that no one person will be all those things right.

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Speaker 1: There is no one in the world who will be

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Speaker 1: all of those things. Someone may have competence, but they

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Speaker 1: won't have care. Someone will have care, but they won't

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Speaker 1: have character. Someone will have character, but they won't have

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Speaker 1: consistent see, and we can't expect people to We just

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Speaker 1: have to engage with them. We just have to engage

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Speaker 1: with them for when and how we can. Right. So

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Speaker 1: I want you to really consider that the mistake we make,

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Speaker 1: which is the fourth principle I want to speak to

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Speaker 1: you about, is that there's a journey. In the beginning,

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Speaker 1: we go to everyone for everything. Then you go to

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Speaker 1: everyone for something right, one thing that you take it

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Speaker 1: around to everyone. Then you go to some people for everything,

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Speaker 1: but then you go to some people for some things.

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Speaker 1: So I want you to start becoming really really hyper

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Speaker 1: focused on who you go to advice, how you go

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Speaker 1: to it for them, and not just being one of

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Speaker 1: these people that blurts their challenge out to each and

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Speaker 1: every person and then gets advice from a million people

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Speaker 1: makes it difficult on yourself. Now, the next principle I

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Speaker 1: wanted to discuss with you, which I think is a

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Speaker 1: really really powerful one, is that people's thoughts don't affect

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Speaker 1: your reality unless you let them. So someone's thought of

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Speaker 1: you being weak, insecure, anxious, useless, untalented, not smart, that

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Speaker 1: thought they have has no basis on your reality. But

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Speaker 1: when you internalize that thought, you then let it affect you.

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Speaker 1: There's a beautiful quote from Gandhi where he said that

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Speaker 1: I would never let someone with their dirty shoes walk

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Speaker 1: through my mind, right, And the idea here is that

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Speaker 1: if someone has dirty shoes outside your home, they can't

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Speaker 1: affect you. But if you open up the door to

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Speaker 1: your home and let them in, that will now affect you.

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Speaker 1: So it's the same thing with thoughts. If someone's having

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Speaker 1: a thought in their own house about you, it doesn't

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Speaker 1: affect you, and we say no, no, no, But they

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Speaker 1: know people. I know they're going to tell people. They're

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Speaker 1: going to tell people. And here's what I've realized. If

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Speaker 1: people just need someone's opinion to change their mind about you,

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Speaker 1: I promise you you didn't have a strong enough relationship

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Speaker 1: with them. Honestly, If it just took someone to say

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Speaker 1: one thing about you and that person's going to change

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Speaker 1: their mind, and you're worried they're going to change their

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Speaker 1: mind about you, I promise you they are not as

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Speaker 1: close to you as you think they are. It's just

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Speaker 1: the reality of it, and we have to get to

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Speaker 1: grips with the reality of it because we get lost

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Speaker 1: in thought, we go, Oh, but they think this, and

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Speaker 1: then they're going to say this to that person, and

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Speaker 1: then that person's going to think this. And so we're

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Speaker 1: so scared of everyone's thoughts. But in the process of

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Speaker 1: being scared of everyone's thoughts, what have we done. We've

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Speaker 1: created a negative thought pattern. We have taken their thoughts,

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Speaker 1: added them all up together, and created our own negative

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Speaker 1: thought pattern. And so when you end up creating your

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Speaker 1: own negative thought pattern, that creates a lot of complications

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Speaker 1: because now all of a sudden, you've now completely internalized.

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Speaker 1: You have completely internalized what's going on, and it's now

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Speaker 1: a part of your DNA, it's a part of your makeup,

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Speaker 1: and now you just think it's you. So I want

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Speaker 1: you to remember that that someone else's thoughts are not

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Speaker 1: your reality, and you don't want to let them into

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Speaker 1: your house. You want to get them out of your house.

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Speaker 1: You want them to leave your home. The next step

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Speaker 1: that I want to share with you is I want

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Speaker 1: you to start focusing on what you think and start

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Speaker 1: to trust your intuition with small things. So our whole life,

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Speaker 1: we've been programmed to say, how do you think I

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Speaker 1: look in this? What do you think I should do?

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Speaker 1: What do you think we should eat? We're constantly trying

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Speaker 1: to outsource our decision making. Now, granted, that's not the

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Speaker 1: biggest deal when it comes to fashion, and it can be,

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Speaker 1: or it's not the biggest deal when it comes to food,

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Speaker 1: or it can be with your health. Overall, we can

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Speaker 1: get away out sourcing some of these smaller decisions in

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Speaker 1: our life, but when it comes to the bigger things

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Speaker 1: in life, we can't. But to be able to make

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Speaker 1: the bigger decisions ourselves, we have to start with those

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Speaker 1: smaller things. So today, when you look in the mirror

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Speaker 1: in the morning when you're getting ready, I want you

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00:23:57,840 --> 00:24:01,159
Speaker 1: to refrain from taking mirror selfie and sending it to

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00:24:01,160 --> 00:24:02,880
Speaker 1: your friends and asking them how do they think you look?

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00:24:03,160 --> 00:24:05,280
Speaker 1: I want you to refrain from asking your boyfriend or

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00:24:05,280 --> 00:24:07,159
Speaker 1: your girlfriend, or your husband or your wife or your

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00:24:07,200 --> 00:24:10,840
Speaker 1: partner from having to answer that question. When you go

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00:24:10,880 --> 00:24:12,720
Speaker 1: out to our party this weekend, I want you to

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00:24:12,760 --> 00:24:15,440
Speaker 1: refrain from asking that question. I want you to ask

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00:24:15,480 --> 00:24:17,399
Speaker 1: that question to yourself looking in the mirror, how do

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00:24:17,440 --> 00:24:19,240
Speaker 1: I look in this? How do I feel in this?

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00:24:19,800 --> 00:24:22,520
Speaker 1: What does this say about me? Why am I wearing it?

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00:24:22,760 --> 00:24:24,840
Speaker 1: And I want you to ask yourself, and I want

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00:24:24,880 --> 00:24:27,639
Speaker 1: you to answer it as yourself, because chances are the

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00:24:27,680 --> 00:24:30,560
Speaker 1: first few answers that come to your mind will be, well,

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00:24:30,600 --> 00:24:32,680
Speaker 1: I think my friend would like this, and I think

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00:24:32,720 --> 00:24:34,720
Speaker 1: my mom would like this, and I think my boyfriend.

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Speaker 1: And that's what I want you to refrain from. Every

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00:24:36,640 --> 00:24:37,720
Speaker 1: time you get that thought. I want you to go

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00:24:37,800 --> 00:24:39,800
Speaker 1: back to what do I think? What do I think?

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00:24:40,040 --> 00:24:42,560
Speaker 1: What do I think? I wear plenty of clothes and

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Speaker 1: fashion that Raley doesn't quite agree with, and we both

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00:24:45,119 --> 00:24:48,359
Speaker 1: have created space for self expression. It's so important, it's

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Speaker 1: so needed. So I want you to stop working on

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00:24:50,600 --> 00:24:52,320
Speaker 1: small things. What are you going to eat tonight? I

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00:24:52,359 --> 00:24:54,359
Speaker 1: want you to decide what you're gonna eat tonight. I

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00:24:54,400 --> 00:24:56,160
Speaker 1: want you to decide where you're going to wear this weekend.

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Speaker 1: I know it sounds so basic, but I promise you

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00:24:58,560 --> 00:25:00,840
Speaker 1: we have outsourced these decisions and since we're young, to

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Speaker 1: our parents, our friends, our families, our partners. This is

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Speaker 1: one of the best exercises you can do. What do

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00:25:05,680 --> 00:25:07,200
Speaker 1: you think about it? What do you want to eat?

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00:25:07,480 --> 00:25:12,320
Speaker 1: Start trusting yourself with these smaller decisions. Just a few

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00:25:12,359 --> 00:25:14,800
Speaker 1: more things I want to mention to you is that

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00:25:14,880 --> 00:25:19,120
Speaker 1: no one else lives with the consequences of your choices.

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00:25:19,720 --> 00:25:23,040
Speaker 1: They don't have to live with the consequences of your choices,

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00:25:23,080 --> 00:25:25,920
Speaker 1: so when they give advice, remember their advice is free

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00:25:25,920 --> 00:25:29,120
Speaker 1: of considering the consequences. Sometimes I think about how much

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Speaker 1: our words hold value, and when we're untrained, we say

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00:25:32,200 --> 00:25:36,480
Speaker 1: really deep things without consideration. And so I want you

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00:25:36,520 --> 00:25:39,359
Speaker 1: to be really thoughtful about that, because you have to

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Speaker 1: live with the consequences, why you should be involved deeply

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Speaker 1: in the decision making. So I want to thank you

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Speaker 1: for listening today's episode. I hope it helps you. I

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00:25:48,800 --> 00:25:52,640
Speaker 1: hope it helps you navigate the challenging tides of listening

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00:25:52,680 --> 00:25:56,399
Speaker 1: to other people's opinions. And I'm so great you're listening

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00:25:56,400 --> 00:25:59,320
Speaker 1: to on purpose. I see you, I hear you. I'm

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Speaker 1: here for you. Susan led