Speaker 1: Portions of This Is Americans Live. The improvised documentary podcast,
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Speaker 1: and the all powerful, all knowing Random Sentence Generator, which
Speaker 1: inspires the stories you're about to hear. Yes, whenever you
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Speaker 1: random sentence provided by our revered, omnipotent random sentence Generator.
Speaker 1: For more of This Is Americans Live, listen to more
Speaker 1: episodes of This Is Americans Live. I guess and now
Speaker 1: your first random sentence. He looked behind the door and
Speaker 1: didn't like what he saw. Get a mirror on the
Speaker 1: other side of the door, and then he did every
Speaker 1: morning you get up, get his coffee, and he would
Speaker 1: look at himself. Oh my god, I can't believe I
Speaker 1: look like absolute ship again. You'll look great, You'll look great.
Speaker 1: Stop it being an image consultant in like what he saw.
Speaker 1: Look at me. I couldn't even be in like a
Speaker 1: sears ad or something. You can death gonna lea be
Speaker 1: in a sears ad for what? Backpacks? Where you just
Speaker 1: see my back wearing the backpack because it's not my face,
Speaker 1: he dad, do you my mom? Gives me in school
Speaker 1: today said you don't don't don't do it? Wait, what's
Speaker 1: going What do you mean? What school? Because he makes
Speaker 1: fun of me because you're so handsome. It makes fun
Speaker 1: of you because I'm so handsome. Yes, all the kids
Speaker 1: are jealous of how handsome. It stopped. What are they
Speaker 1: saying to you? Do I tell him, mom, don't look
Speaker 1: at her. It's hard to look at you. Look at
Speaker 1: your father because I'm so hand What is this? What
Speaker 1: are they They said that you have mom, you two.
Speaker 1: You're just not their cup of tea. I, on the
Speaker 1: other hand, think that you look great. So hold on,
Speaker 1: hold on. What do they say? They're saying I'm ugly.
Speaker 1: They're saying I'm cute. They're saying I'm too cute, that
Speaker 1: I'm not their cup of tea. What he started to see?
Speaker 1: What you started? He has a big meeting today and
Speaker 1: you're putting him in a bad headspace before his meeting
Speaker 1: with Jake Paul later. And I have to go in
Speaker 1: believing in myself. You've seen how beautiful this guy is. Yeah,
Speaker 1: really hard time dealing with what his son was telling him.
Speaker 1: I was only being honest. If it's school calling him
Speaker 1: a walking Picasso. His meeting with Logan Paul didn't go
Speaker 1: so well. Okay, I'm sorry, I'm like to the meeting.
Speaker 1: I'm just I've had a really long morning, not because
Speaker 1: someone said I looked ugly or anything like, because that's
Speaker 1: not the case, right, I'm sorry, I'm just having a
Speaker 1: hard times my brother. Yeah, I'm I'm I'm Luke Paul.
Speaker 1: You know like Logan, You're I know your Logan. Yeah,
Speaker 1: I'm Logan Paul. You or Jake Paul right right, whatever, dude,
Speaker 1: So guys, thank you local Logan. We're just having a
Speaker 1: hard time understanding you because you your face is wrapped
Speaker 1: in bandages and you're wearing that yet hat and you're right,
Speaker 1: I I wanted to make sure I had my best
Speaker 1: face when I met you guys, and unfortunately the things
Speaker 1: are shake your bag. I'm sure I'm taking him off. Yeah,
Speaker 1: I just got the facelift about three weeks ago, so
Speaker 1: hopefully everything is settled. But let me just take some
Speaker 1: of the stuff off and you just tell me how
Speaker 1: good this looks. Uh, it might be a little bit. Well,
Speaker 1: put it back the way you had it, real quick.
Speaker 1: I want to see that way too, real quick. Put
Speaker 1: the bandages back on my face, put it back on
Speaker 1: where you had it. I just want to see how
Speaker 1: that looks. I'm putting that's a little you know what.
Speaker 1: I think I like this one better. But yeah, yeah
Speaker 1: this is dude, keep that what get better with the stuff?
Speaker 1: Are you saying that? Wait? Hold on, well why are
Speaker 1: we doing this? Is because I'm ugly? Just come out, dude.
Speaker 1: Chicks love band just makes you look pretty fucking you know,
Speaker 1: kind of invisible man thing right, That's what my wife
Speaker 1: was saying. Sure, hey, bro, you mind if we have
Speaker 1: a quick sidebar, real quick. What you want to talk
Speaker 1: about having him call joking joking Paul? Yeah, that's that.
Speaker 1: That'll be the second thing we talked about. What's this face? Man?
Speaker 1: Not great? Not great, it's not it's not the best.
Speaker 1: If he's going to be the new face of our
Speaker 1: company and model our new Paul brand backpacks, he's gonna
Speaker 1: have what meeting were you on, dude? What he's supposed
Speaker 1: to be your model for our products? Dude? Yeah? You
Speaker 1: do what? Wait? What's going on your dude? I what? Yeah?
Speaker 1: Having to fight well Martin the image consultant, He decided
Speaker 1: to go consult with his last excision doctor. For lack
Speaker 1: of a better word, you fucking burned me these facelifts. Um. I,
Speaker 1: first of all, I take no responsibility for what I
Speaker 1: see before me. How is that way? Hold on? How
Speaker 1: do you not take responsibility? You're the you. You did
Speaker 1: the surgery to my face. I don't even Paul, Are
Speaker 1: you know it's mean Martin? Wait pause for just a second.
Speaker 1: What was the name that you said? You said you
Speaker 1: came up with a name for him, and then they
Speaker 1: think it's Martin. Something I would I suggest that maybe
Speaker 1: you said opening you fucking here listening? Okay, it's Martin,
Speaker 1: just sucking picking her about? Martin? Is are you? Yes?
Speaker 1: It's me? Record recognize you? I mean I'm nurse Susie.
Speaker 1: How Hi, Hi, Hi, it's me Martin Susie. Or you
Speaker 1: mean to take the panages? They're off? Did you need
Speaker 1: me to put the bandages? You know what this is?
Speaker 1: This is? Do you want thicker? Yeah? This is kind
Speaker 1: of routine procedure after after one of our clients comes
Speaker 1: back and then shows us the doctor. They look you
Speaker 1: just cover up his face. But I don't want to
Speaker 1: worry you all because I know your medical professionals. But
Speaker 1: my my face. I feel like it's turning gangreness or something.
Speaker 1: It smells weird. I look like Dorian when he puts
Speaker 1: the mask on in the mask. Never in all my
Speaker 1: years is that the mask one or two one? Obviously
Speaker 1: who talks about the other one? If I think Kennedy, Yeah,
Speaker 1: they're the good one. I love the one with the dog. Yeah,
Speaker 1: gets the dog gets it in the first one. Yeah,
Speaker 1: really for a moment. In second one, it's really great.
Speaker 1: But I just gotta say I was not a huge
Speaker 1: fan of them going to the well again with with
Speaker 1: the dog putting on the mask in the second Yeah,
Speaker 1: you know what I liked about the first one was
Speaker 1: the mechanics where he goes through the things like you're
Speaker 1: not gonna give me a nasty bill for my car,
Speaker 1: and then he's like, whoo, I like that anyway back
Speaker 1: to business. Here are so ugly now it's an inductor.
Speaker 1: Shafer had recommended it brandy surgery that could possibly correct
Speaker 1: the mistakes scalpel alarm fault, so I don't have to
Speaker 1: look at this car ship all right? Are you talking? You? So?
Speaker 1: We can you can you please put some more I'm
Speaker 1: gonna give him some more past that as the nurse
Speaker 1: gating with that Jews, we had the opportunity to see
Speaker 1: what he was dreaming about. You was in his GiMA.
Speaker 1: And thank you so much to all of the editors
Speaker 1: here at US Weekly. Bro, you're so handsome. I know,
Speaker 1: but I know, I know, and you know what I'm
Speaker 1: gonna say again, thank you so much for recognizing my
Speaker 1: natural beauty. No surgery has done at all. This is
Speaker 1: my God given face and it's just such an honor.
Speaker 1: So thank you so much for saying, and honestly saying,
Speaker 1: I'm the least ugly guy in town. I'd like to
Speaker 1: make a toast handsomest mad little there. Are you awake?
Speaker 1: You can come out, you can come out a wake?
Speaker 1: Are you all wake? Are you wipe out? Okay, here's all,
Speaker 1: here's a white out. You're the prettiest point in town, right, doctor?
Speaker 1: You might want to get a second a printing on that.
Speaker 1: This is this is American's Life. I'm your host Storry
Speaker 1: with producer Andy Especially. Guest contributor for this episode is
Speaker 1: Myles Grey. We will be using a Trust These Ends
Speaker 1: generator to bring you a story in three improvised acts.
Speaker 1: This week's theme confidence You have It you know, I
Speaker 1: have it, So you influence some of us. Never end
Speaker 1: at achieving it, stay with us. Act one all right,
Speaker 1: doesn't have to be intentional, is what he was always
Speaker 1: telling himself on a daily basis. At sometimes could just
Speaker 1: be accidental. Look at the sky, look at the ground.
Speaker 1: It's art everywhere. It's art, art everywhere, it's art. I
Speaker 1: think you're done with your you don't mind, I'm would
Speaker 1: like to ask the next student. I have several renditions
Speaker 1: of the look at the sky. It's all I know, Chris.
Speaker 1: I know you do, and you always have different renditions
Speaker 1: of all the bits that you come to come to
Speaker 1: class with. But I'll just sit down here in this
Speaker 1: chair and wait, Okay, you're got along what I was saying. Naw, okay, Kevin,
Speaker 1: do you have anything you want to present to the
Speaker 1: class as far as yeah, yeah, scene yeah. Again, I
Speaker 1: think just going along with sort of like the whole
Speaker 1: vibe I think that you've put out as a teacher. Um. So,
Speaker 1: and again I'm like super grateful for like kind of
Speaker 1: like expanding our minds, like in terms of what art is.
Speaker 1: So it's very nice to have students appreciate what I do. Yeah. No,
Speaker 1: totally and I totally do so, like hopefully remember that
Speaker 1: when you're sort of casting your next production. But yeah,
Speaker 1: of course, yeah, so this is what I'm gonna do.
Speaker 1: Is just sort of like it's sort of like a
Speaker 1: spoken word thing. So like anything can be art, right,
Speaker 1: So why not this? Why not tonight? Why don't we
Speaker 1: party like it's our art form and we are Rembrandt
Speaker 1: just smanging claws left and right. I just have one
Speaker 1: thing to say about your presentation. It was just it
Speaker 1: was just talking. It was just okay, what wasn't There
Speaker 1: was nothing too that, it was just talking. I came
Speaker 1: up with thirty six bars of a song about the
Speaker 1: goddamn sky. It was clear he Chris was super salty
Speaker 1: that the situation. He needs to build this confidence. That
Speaker 1: all right? Uh so I'm back. I've really been working
Speaker 1: on working on my presentation another song. Thank you for
Speaker 1: that comedy. But I thought that was very funny. That's
Speaker 1: not let me write that down it is. That's a
Speaker 1: very common expression. Chris, shut up. Please, Chris has some respect,
Speaker 1: have some respect. Please. I want to apologize on behalf
Speaker 1: of Chris for like totally fucking the vibe up in
Speaker 1: here because I know how much like how dedicated you
Speaker 1: are to like just acting ever since you were on
Speaker 1: Even Stevens back in two thousand two two episodes. Yeah,
Speaker 1: I certainly won't forget it, and it seems like some
Speaker 1: people do forget it. And I'm and I really want
Speaker 1: to apologize about. All he's doing is reading back your
Speaker 1: IMDb credits. He's not making any solid points. Look, I
Speaker 1: know that I have more experience than mostly people in
Speaker 1: this class, and that's fine. I'm trying to impart my
Speaker 1: wisdom and everything that I've learned. I don't need this.
Speaker 1: I'm going to talk to the headmaster, Christopher, did you
Speaker 1: have something that you wanted to raise with me? Yes,
Speaker 1: So I have a complaint about the caliber of instructors
Speaker 1: that we have here at this fine institution. Yes. I
Speaker 1: poured my heart and soul into my audition. And then
Speaker 1: this other kid comes along. He just talks the headmaster
Speaker 1: of the Mecademia Academia. He said, look at its audition date.
Speaker 1: You gotta rewind it. You gotta rewind it to get
Speaker 1: the real meat and potatoes. Look at the sky. Fuck La.
Speaker 1: I'm sorry, Chris, this is this is actually really it's
Speaker 1: not great and I would say that the biggest things
Speaker 1: it's lacking confidence. What I demand to speak to the
Speaker 1: whoever is ahead of the headmaster of this university. And
Speaker 1: this is the problem. I think you're always looking for
Speaker 1: an excuse that's outside of yourself, rather than looking inward
Speaker 1: and solving the problem like that. Um, I agree, there's
Speaker 1: not only just one headmaster. Why well, because that's how
Speaker 1: it was on. It's just just shared custody over the mastery.
Speaker 1: Thank you. In fact, I was going to finish that
Speaker 1: sentence sentience thank you in me. What he did he
Speaker 1: tried to go to a head master. Master you tried
Speaker 1: to paith that and say, hey, reject that payment to
Speaker 1: that acting school in maddic. I'm sorry, sir, we don't
Speaker 1: actually cancel paper. I don't know how you got this number.
Speaker 1: You're saying, you're disputing that you you're actually learning something
Speaker 1: in the class. That's why you want to camp. No.
Speaker 1: I I regret, Okay, I regret and rolling in the class. Okay,
Speaker 1: you know what, why don't you do? You want to
Speaker 1: hear my song that they thought was just so uncomfortable.
Speaker 1: I don't know if is it absolutely vital to me?
Speaker 1: It just sounds like you bought something and you weren't satisfied.
Speaker 1: That sounds like a dispute for someone else, not Paithal.
Speaker 1: They sent me here are you? Are you telling me
Speaker 1: that you're going to pass the back to somebody else? Well,
Speaker 1: let's I guess I'll hear the song first and then
Speaker 1: I can you. I won't feel as bad telling you know.
Speaker 1: It's kind of scaredest thing it now, because well why
Speaker 1: is that? I mean, I'm sure it's beautiful, and it
Speaker 1: doesn't the song live in your art. I have just
Speaker 1: had so many people turned me down that I've I've
Speaker 1: lost Mike. Let me tell you howbidence it has been shattered,
Speaker 1: Chris is it? Let me tell you something. I was
Speaker 1: in a class in Los Angeles trying to be an
Speaker 1: actor too, and I let a teacher crush my spirit
Speaker 1: and I ended up going to greener pastures. And that's
Speaker 1: working in customer service at papal. How was this so
Speaker 1: much to say? That doesn't really sound like greener pastors?
Speaker 1: In a way, it is because how I see what
Speaker 1: I do is art as well. Um, it's the art
Speaker 1: of making sure people are satisfied. And I had to
Speaker 1: just sort of re contextualize things to give myself confidences.
Speaker 1: Mysterious agent Paper was doing such a great job explaining
Speaker 1: the whole situation painting a picture of his memory, that
Speaker 1: this was transported into that memory and we were able
Speaker 1: to relive it. Mr Marshall. So I'm I'm just hoping
Speaker 1: that my I guess my submission today will be good
Speaker 1: enough for you. Please, by all means, let me hear it.
Speaker 1: Everything can be art no matter how hard you try.
Speaker 1: Thank you, thank you. I just want to say this.
Speaker 1: There are some people whore made for acting, uh huh,
Speaker 1: some people who were made for radio, and then some
Speaker 1: people are made for customer service. Fuck you. I would say,
Speaker 1: maybe check out PayPal? Okay, well, do you know when
Speaker 1: they're having auditions? All right, welcome to you PayPal auditions.
Speaker 1: I would like we're going to just go ahead and
Speaker 1: go in alphabetical order. Later. First we got Aaron Aaronson.
Speaker 1: Let's hear your PayPal audition? Wow? Me? Hi? Can I
Speaker 1: this call is being recorded or for customer service? Can
Speaker 1: I do that again? Please? Yeah? Sure you can do
Speaker 1: it again. You can practice it in your car. If
Speaker 1: you leave here, you're out of here, all right. Next uh,
Speaker 1: Kristen Christineson isn't here, Robert, and the next one we
Speaker 1: got here. I just want to say, I'm very I'm
Speaker 1: very nervous, so please you know what, Hey, everybody's always
Speaker 1: nervous when they come in here and audition to be
Speaker 1: a PayPal customer service representative. Okay, you're not the first
Speaker 1: one to feel the heat. Do I have to sit
Speaker 1: on this pleather couch? And I'm please you? And hello,
Speaker 1: thank you for calling PayPal? How how how many you? Yes?
Speaker 1: I attempted to murder my spouse with this gin sue
Speaker 1: knife and it did not cut through the flesh. I
Speaker 1: would like a refund on my purchase for this knife. Absolutely,
Speaker 1: we'll get on that right away. Now. Was that Was
Speaker 1: it advertised as being able to cut through the flesh
Speaker 1: of your spouse? Or Can I stop you right there? Yes,
Speaker 1: I gotta say, I'm pretty impressed with the fact that
Speaker 1: you did not immediately gasp in terror upon hearing that
Speaker 1: he committed his crime and didn't threaten to call the police.
Speaker 1: Because we don't turn out our customers here at PayPal
Speaker 1: job coming up at too the first a word from
Speaker 1: our esteemed sponsors Stay with Us Act to the interview
Speaker 1: Miles Gray, thank you so much for coming to a show.
Speaker 1: How long have you been a listener? Uh, I've since
Speaker 1: June when it came out. We've been around. We went
Speaker 1: much longer than that. Oh, I'm sorry, I didn't. I'm
Speaker 1: I just I got to get nervous and I don't
Speaker 1: like them to disappoint people. So I just sort of
Speaker 1: said a date, what do you when? Do you think
Speaker 1: he was when you first started? We probably started when
Speaker 1: you're a little boy. Uh? Yeah, yeah, I would say whatever.
Speaker 1: The longest time is someone can listen, right, it's great.
Speaker 1: So so when you were a child, you'd gather around
Speaker 1: the radio and listen to this show. It's what you're
Speaker 1: trying to tell me. I'm pretty sure I learned how
Speaker 1: to speak English because of this show because in me Yeah,
Speaker 1: and a really weird accent growing up, because I modeled
Speaker 1: my voice after you. You know, we actually have in
Speaker 1: the archives that very first episode from way back then.
Speaker 1: When you listen, I would absolutely love to hear it. Yeah,
Speaker 1: we have it. Pushing the button now, Okay, happy birthday, Miles.
Speaker 1: Thank you so much for having me. Um, do you
Speaker 1: want to open your presence now? Miles, i'd love to
Speaker 1: and just to engage in the feeling of paper crumbling
Speaker 1: enter my fingers as a way to celebrate consumer culture.
Speaker 1: You're English is sounding really good? Have you been listening
Speaker 1: to a lot of this is Americans Live, because that's
Speaker 1: the only place where I've heard such good English, because
Speaker 1: You're English used to be terrible, but it was very bad.
Speaker 1: I am aware of anything, and thank you for for
Speaker 1: adopting me, and of course was our pleasure giving me
Speaker 1: a complex about how I was speaking English. Its hardy
Speaker 1: to go back to deeper archives by doing myles was
Speaker 1: listening to the show? Was the English sounded like back then?
Speaker 1: They press play high miles. We're your new parents? Whoa
Speaker 1: shout out to you my parents school, Thank you for
Speaker 1: having me here? Cool? That's tough. Stop, um, this is
Speaker 1: actually a pretty cool voice where I'm from originally. So
Speaker 1: I don't want to have I don't want to feel
Speaker 1: like I'm being rejected purely on sonic reasons. I would
Speaker 1: do something good. Hey, everybody, one, two, three, fuck that's
Speaker 1: my catch phrase. I learned in English on my way here.
Speaker 1: It seems like my learned English from all kinds of
Speaker 1: radio show hosts. Who is the one that you're learning
Speaker 1: English from prior to me, that was this Dutch DJ
Speaker 1: from Rotterdam. What was his name? Just I think Abjornd. Yeah,
Speaker 1: we have his old air checks, his old air checks.
Speaker 1: That's okay with you? Yeah, sure, go ahead, thank you? Hey,
Speaker 1: you won one two Dutch radio rotter Damn. It's is
Speaker 1: your man. Youre on the on the radio. Who's gonna
Speaker 1: be playing some of the sickest e d M jams?
Speaker 1: After this we have stuff from afro Jack and armand
Speaker 1: van Buren coming your way. But the first let's check
Speaker 1: in with giggle fart bull. Here we go one, two, three.
Speaker 1: Who's the English did you learn? After you learn from
Speaker 1: him and then from me? Is now you don't talk
Speaker 1: like me? Yeah? I it's it's sort of a hybrid
Speaker 1: of Fresh Prince of bel Air and the Sopranos, sort
Speaker 1: of the next two things that really shaped how I spoke.
Speaker 1: You know they actually, um, I don't know if you
Speaker 1: guys know this, but they know tell me, but there
Speaker 1: was a pilot for a Fresh Prince Sopranos hybrid show.
Speaker 1: Did you know that? Did you ever see it? Let's
Speaker 1: hear that you should thank Gobba. Go over here, you
Speaker 1: talking about Uncle Phil. I'm not younger Phil, I'm your
Speaker 1: uncle Jue. What the fun, Uncle June? Why doesn't my
Speaker 1: dad want me? I like the premise of it. That
Speaker 1: started the networks. Next, wait, don't do TV show. Let's
Speaker 1: watch like looks at me? Your fucking fresh pressure better
Speaker 1: over here? We got the trigger guy over here, This
Speaker 1: fucking coach. We tugged a couple of couple of shows.
Speaker 1: He's gotta just got our garbage roach. What you gotta
Speaker 1: shake about that, Uncle Phil? Why can't we just get
Speaker 1: our own money legally? But we gotta rob garbage? Shrug?
Speaker 1: He's got the point. Don't you didn't even know that?
Speaker 1: That was a very popular TV show when for many seasons,
Speaker 1: I decided I wanted to play a segment from the
Speaker 1: very final episode of The Fresh Prince of Montclaire of Montclair.
Speaker 1: I'm passing plain now, Oh man, I'm gonna miss this place.
Speaker 1: You do mine, Uncle June? Can I get a second
Speaker 1: by myself? I'm getting sentiment? Okay. There was a clip
Speaker 1: from the fain episode, and I said, what if there's
Speaker 1: anything else? And then I put up the reunion. It's
Speaker 1: this clip is really good. What can I say? You
Speaker 1: I missed you, guys. I tell you, guys, but all
Speaker 1: lot of times she tell you, guys. Should I missed
Speaker 1: you too? Man. You know, I'm real sorry that I
Speaker 1: replaced you, you know, half way through the first season.
Speaker 1: You know I didn't. I shouldn't have done that, replace
Speaker 1: you with a lighter scanned uncle. June and I have
Speaker 1: a lot of regrets. But I hope we can. I
Speaker 1: hope we can. You know, just just build some bridges
Speaker 1: if they get back to where we used to be.
Speaker 1: You know what, forget about it. Tell me about you
Speaker 1: up bringing. You said you're well, we had a little
Speaker 1: bit of a conversation prior to recording, and you tell
Speaker 1: me that you're from Los Angeles. Yeah, can you tell
Speaker 1: me a little bit more about that. Yeah, I grew
Speaker 1: up in the San Fernando Valley, which is like the
Speaker 1: New Jersey of l A the way people talk about it. So, yeah,
Speaker 1: I just grew up in l A my whole life,
Speaker 1: and I've never left with the squad here. I didn't
Speaker 1: have many I didn't I didn't branch out too much,
Speaker 1: but you know, I had jobs that would take me
Speaker 1: further afield. But for the most part, yeah, I just
Speaker 1: uh I grew up like every kid does out here,
Speaker 1: just on the you know, on the hot streets. And
Speaker 1: you have a great podcast, you have two of them.
Speaker 1: You have the Daily at Guys. Sure. Yeah, and then
Speaker 1: you also have and tell us to do about that.
Speaker 1: I mean, if it's it's it's what it sounds like.
Speaker 1: It's ninety day fiance and Weed Weed Cultured. I'm high
Speaker 1: talking about it with Sophia Alexandra, another fairly funny comedian,
Speaker 1: and yeah, we just talked from our perspective, as you know,
Speaker 1: immigrant kids who like trash reality shows, specific type of
Speaker 1: strain when it comes to the type of we that. Yeah,
Speaker 1: I smoke Indicas mostly Sativa's. Are they they give me
Speaker 1: Jodie Foster panic room? Yeah, sometimes what happened is to Tevas. Yeah,
Speaker 1: that's the Tvas. I don't know what it is. I
Speaker 1: don't know. They just get they get you two hyped up.
Speaker 1: Sometimes back in the day, Steva's were just fine and
Speaker 1: Statia's get really oh yeah, life, you know, I think
Speaker 1: maybe it's life more to think about. It's probably right, Yeah,
Speaker 1: most I would be thinking about, like, oh, are they
Speaker 1: going to catch me stealing another scale from the science lab.
Speaker 1: Growing up I was like, you know, a little want
Speaker 1: to be drug dealer type kid growing up. So I
Speaker 1: you know, always was had O G. Cush. That was
Speaker 1: like the best weed you could always be selling, and
Speaker 1: so I always I have a deep love and connection
Speaker 1: with O. G. Cush used to sell fake acid. Just
Speaker 1: doing that out there, Wow, that's that's that's a lot
Speaker 1: of confidence. We actually have him, uh selling fake acid
Speaker 1: in our archives. Do you want to do some of
Speaker 1: that now? We do? This is bag in middle school?
Speaker 1: By the way, Nicol, what's going on? What what do
Speaker 1: you want? Do you want some acid? Uh? Yeah, I
Speaker 1: definitely want some asthid if I said, U some acid?
Speaker 1: Who you hang out with me? Yeah? There's some little
Speaker 1: triangles that cut at a little paper squares and I
Speaker 1: spread it with the raid. I caught it white Tornado.
Speaker 1: Do you have any without raid? The raid is an
Speaker 1: acronym for just take it. Okay, thank you. I'm not
Speaker 1: really into it into acid culture as you are. All right,
Speaker 1: Ari Ari Ari? What are you doing? I heard that
Speaker 1: you're selling kids drugs right now, I'm selling acid. Acid
Speaker 1: is an acronym for athletic. In a minute, you're better
Speaker 1: or something quick. Rester athletic cats in diapers exactly, Okay,
Speaker 1: well slide alright, cats and diapers. You know there's semester.
Speaker 1: Your grades are that. I really want you to focus
Speaker 1: on your grades and maybe a little lesser turn into
Speaker 1: the athletic cards and diapers added this tune and to
Speaker 1: things about me. We thought you were selling drugs are
Speaker 1: and we we came to intervene because you want the
Speaker 1: best outcome for you, Mr Crandell, and I we care
Speaker 1: deeply about your future. My future has already said the Frankly,
Speaker 1: fuck up what I leave this school and the high peach.
Speaker 1: This guy is so cool, so cool you and it's
Speaker 1: send school again, Mr Cramly. He's kind of a real
Speaker 1: he's super cool. Alright, watch me wrap the third flannel
Speaker 1: around my waist. Oh my god, sorry, you want to, like,
Speaker 1: I mean, this is pretty unorthodox. Yeah, you want to
Speaker 1: come hang out of my place. We love your vibe.
Speaker 1: We love your vibe. They're so cool because we're chair
Speaker 1: empty for me to see if I show up. Okay,
Speaker 1: that's fine. I wonder if R is just chill out
Speaker 1: you were Honestly, I just made all this, I know,
Speaker 1: but you're you're you're you're acting real thirsty. We lost
Speaker 1: our last drug connect. Hopefully this young man can come
Speaker 1: through with the with the bomb acid. But we can
Speaker 1: agree he's so cool, right, well, yeah, obviously I want
Speaker 1: to around him. It's already weird that like we're lying
Speaker 1: about hanging out with his students. So let's just let's
Speaker 1: play who's at the door. Nobody's at the door, not
Speaker 1: to you the breakfast clip song, thank you forgetting at me?
Speaker 1: Oh sorry, it's not really, don't think you show come
Speaker 1: we got we love to seat here for I just
Speaker 1: came to chick out the vibe. I'm not feeling any
Speaker 1: slap bracelet bracelets that takes lab brace there you go
Speaker 1: here and have some more we have We have a
Speaker 1: flavored popcorn too. Yeah you guys, let me ask, Yeah,
Speaker 1: have any pods? Do what? God? I told you? I'm
Speaker 1: sucking at you? Look on alright, hold on, hold on?
Speaker 1: How about it? How about that luded me with magic cards?
Speaker 1: How about my magic gus? How about my sobriety chip
Speaker 1: that's kind of like a slammer, right, fifteen years sober?
Speaker 1: How about my wedding right, check my wading ring. He
Speaker 1: just landed on something important motherfucker. The braddy chips are
Speaker 1: fucking slop a pound slammerge. Which there you go, that's
Speaker 1: the braty chip. They're har they're heavier the longer you've
Speaker 1: been in the program. Let me see a fave you chip.
Speaker 1: It's plastic. I'm sorry, God, I'm gonna get all the pugs.
Speaker 1: Take my turn to your sux dediction tchip. It's like
Speaker 1: in like a way, by the way, you're ten years six,
Speaker 1: sobriety chip. It's just a busty way of just saying
Speaker 1: you can't get anybody. Oh he's so cool. God you
Speaker 1: heard stand up shilling you really hurt. But also when
Speaker 1: I I have somebody as cool as him roast me
Speaker 1: that way. Yeah, that was a chip denman. Anyways, So
Speaker 1: back to I guess that was trippy man. That sounds
Speaker 1: kind of sucked up that your teachers were like, kind
Speaker 1: of they sound like scumbags, to be honest, And then
Speaker 1: he's more fun that they recorded it all that we
Speaker 1: can be anything about that either. Yeah, because they never
Speaker 1: asked him for permission, they're podcasting it. So you took
Speaker 1: some Crabmga classes. Oh Yeahga crab Maga was really cool.
Speaker 1: Play ace. Uh you know it. They tell you it's
Speaker 1: a self defense thing with a lot of like former
Speaker 1: Israeli special forces guys teaching the class, and the classes
Speaker 1: would be super wild. I was there to like get
Speaker 1: out my teen anger and directed in somewhere where like
Speaker 1: I go punch things that weren't drywall in my house.
Speaker 1: It was a good outlet. And it was like a
Speaker 1: mixture of like agro teens, old guys who were trying
Speaker 1: to like recapture their like virility through like combat stuff,
Speaker 1: and then like people who are really interested in self defense. Um.
Speaker 1: But like a lot of the instructors were just like
Speaker 1: these agro ex soldier dudes who only taught you, like
Speaker 1: essentially how to creatively beat people up. It was never
Speaker 1: really like you know, self defense stuff. Yeah, exactly right
Speaker 1: there on Olympic I have to confess I recorded to
Speaker 1: you pretty much your whole career. Wow, I did do that.
Speaker 1: I placed microphones. I live with the city, and then
Speaker 1: sometimes I get jackpots fish and play my god class step.
Speaker 1: I recorded a bunch of different ones. There's the Israeli
Speaker 1: teacher that I remember his teaching Sam. That's the class me.
Speaker 1: If I can find Sam's class not that one. Not
Speaker 1: that one. Sam. Here we go. Yeo, guys, get in,
Speaker 1: get in, let's talk. Alright, We're gonna we're gonna do
Speaker 1: a lot of hard work today. We're gonna do a
Speaker 1: lot of different kind of training today to make sure
Speaker 1: that you guys are defending yourself in a way that
Speaker 1: is consuctive. You know, you have a question, there's a
Speaker 1: good place to reclaim my use. Yeah, but you can
Speaker 1: reclaim anything you want. Blendy were to fade him question
Speaker 1: where my first follow up question? Yeah, hold on, hold on.
Speaker 1: I like this energy. Yeah, this is how we're gonna
Speaker 1: defend ourselves with intensity. Here's species ship. He's always telling
Speaker 1: me he's going to be using the laundry matter Monday.
Speaker 1: You're gonna let him say that to you, man, I mean,
Speaker 1: I gosh, it's kind of state na Sunday night and
Speaker 1: I say it's Sunday night, and he he looked at
Speaker 1: his watch. It pat day, just one days. This is
Speaker 1: basically scheduling conflict that we have here. This is perfect, guys.
Speaker 1: This is a perfect opportunity to like really train you
Speaker 1: guys and get you in the mindset of self defense. Right.
Speaker 1: So you're saying this guy he's embarrassing you at the
Speaker 1: laundry mat. Yeah, he's just making me feel like ashole,
Speaker 1: I'm not see and you have to defend yourself from
Speaker 1: something like that right here? How do I do with
Speaker 1: the course? What you do? Hold on? Hold on, man,
Speaker 1: you're a real asshole. Right now, this is what you do.
Speaker 1: You're gonna show up at the laundry mat, right and
Speaker 1: you're gonna defend yourself by sneaking up behind him, and
Speaker 1: you're gonna take or get the laundry mat. You're gonna
Speaker 1: put a bunch of cordas in a sock in the yeah,
Speaker 1: and you're gonna use this. You're gonna wrap athletics suck
Speaker 1: however you like, could be a dress, can be a
Speaker 1: gold toll, whatever you like. Well, I've got the sucks
Speaker 1: at low below the ankles, perfect, perfect, But as long
Speaker 1: as it can keep some form of currency and its
Speaker 1: hard coins, you're going to wrap it around your hand.
Speaker 1: And you want to come up when he's not looking
Speaker 1: at get him in the back of the head. Self
Speaker 1: defense at its finest. Is it a problem the fact
Speaker 1: that he heard what I'm gonna do and we're a
Speaker 1: week from now. No, because what you're gonna do is
Speaker 1: You're gonna pretend that there's no problems, there's no beef
Speaker 1: or nothing like that. He's gonna have his guard I
Speaker 1: ever question, how do I defend myself? Year when he's
Speaker 1: defending himself. I need to stop that as a state's
Speaker 1: evidence is that if you know, I mean I do
Speaker 1: because I record everything that there's two old man killing
Speaker 1: each other. Yeah, Sam was, I mean he obviously he
Speaker 1: was brought up on charges because he had that sort
Speaker 1: of underground elderly fight club that he was running. I
Speaker 1: would love me. I'm gonna find an episode of my
Speaker 1: recordings where Sam is chaining you. I'm trying to find it.
Speaker 1: Is this one. I just want to five people. I
Speaker 1: think that's great. Man, you know that I want to
Speaker 1: show you all these things. You're gonna defend yourself. You
Speaker 1: know I'm only ten years old, though. That's okay. You
Speaker 1: think I'm sure people talking to you that you have
Speaker 1: to beat up. That's what self defense is about. It's
Speaker 1: about someone's gonna talk shit to you and then you
Speaker 1: kill them like that guy. Cavin you What did I do? Well?
Speaker 1: You kind of sing all these weird songs, join the
Speaker 1: class and it's really discructive. It's an audition. I was
Speaker 1: supposed to sing songs. I don't get it. How do
Speaker 1: I kill him when he doesn't know? Yes, this is great,
Speaker 1: this is great. He's launching at me right now. Why
Speaker 1: why you do when this I thought we were from
Speaker 1: In a second, I'm going to punch you, man. I
Speaker 1: don't want to lie. You know. That ship is really annoying.
Speaker 1: But what you're gonna do to him is what you
Speaker 1: want to do is you're gonna set up a fake
Speaker 1: audition and you're gonna tell him, hey, I heard you're
Speaker 1: really working on your singing. And then you invite him
Speaker 1: and it's a set up and you just pounce on
Speaker 1: him when he gets then you beat the ship out
Speaker 1: of him to self defense. You know that that was
Speaker 1: also state's evidence. Yeah, he's against you, and everybody would
Speaker 1: happen between you and Kevin. I'm sure all that's gonna
Speaker 1: come up later. Everything I do could ever come together.
Speaker 1: In the third beat, Mad's thank you so much for
Speaker 1: being a part of this show? Is there? Andy? Does
Speaker 1: that mean you when it say to me? It's right? Motherfucker? Wow?
Speaker 1: A lot of tension here coming up Act three. The First,
Speaker 1: a word from our sponsors, who make this high quality
Speaker 1: program possible. Stay with us. Act three Separation anxieties. What
Speaker 1: happens when you can't find your phone? Sometimes your phone
Speaker 1: is like a friend now these days, and phones are
Speaker 1: so smart a personality, almost less appendage and more of
Speaker 1: a companion. Can't find it. I can't find it. I
Speaker 1: can't find it. I can't find it. Honey, Wake up, honey,
Speaker 1: wake up what? I can't find it. I can't find
Speaker 1: what my telephone. It's even the morning. I don't care.
Speaker 1: I have to sleep while I need to find my phone.
Speaker 1: So one of us is gonna get what they want
Speaker 1: to press me whatton on the thing that tells you
Speaker 1: where it is? What button on? What thing on the
Speaker 1: little button with the thing, and it says over a year?
Speaker 1: Are you talking about on my phone? Oh? Yeah, How
Speaker 1: am I gonna do that? If I can't find my phone?
Speaker 1: Go back to sleep. Think of some better ideas than
Speaker 1: wake up and tell me your ideas and how to
Speaker 1: find that tomorrow. Just go to the phone store. What
Speaker 1: let's go to the phone store and get another file.
Speaker 1: How am I supposed to find the rightist to the
Speaker 1: phone store if I don't have my phone. You realize
Speaker 1: that the only option he had was to go to
Speaker 1: a phone store. Yeah, well, welcome, never rising on here.
Speaker 1: What's what's up? Yeah? I can't find my phone and
Speaker 1: I want to know how I can. WHOA dude, you're like,
Speaker 1: turn off? I got fifteen? Man, straight up, you can't
Speaker 1: find your phone? Like, yeah, look for it. Of course
Speaker 1: I tried looking for it. That was the first thing
Speaker 1: I did. There isn't there some sort of a tracking
Speaker 1: or help you find it? All right? Dude? What's your number?
Speaker 1: When he value? All right, that's not the white hit?
Speaker 1: Somebody answer? Yeah, hold on, somebody? Where did he are? Hello? Hey?
Speaker 1: What dude? You? Yes, dude, this is Ace, Dude Aces
Speaker 1: the homie. Wait, wait where are you? I'm at work, bro,
Speaker 1: This dude fucking lost his phone. He's like, YO number
Speaker 1: in there and you picked it up? Dude? This is crazy.
Speaker 1: Ask him where he is? Hold on? Are you asking?
Speaker 1: Here's that guy asking? Dude? I don't know? You don't
Speaker 1: ignore him? Are you? My brother? Logan and Jake, dude,
Speaker 1: we're they're doing like some image consultant thing whatever? Hell
Speaker 1: yea for those new backpacks, For those brand new backpacks, dude, Bro,
Speaker 1: who's on the phone? What dude, who's on the phone?
Speaker 1: D Hey, dude, this guy's like asking about it? All right,
Speaker 1: So I'm sorry, dude, Hey, I'm sorry. What was your
Speaker 1: name again? Dude? Who lost the phone? Dude? Okay, dude,
Speaker 1: this dude Raved is like, oh my bad, dude, I
Speaker 1: don't have his phone here. You just tell me where
Speaker 1: the guys bad? Where are dude? Sorry? Where are you?
Speaker 1: Like your chill that he has it? Like, you're not
Speaker 1: gonna call the cops right, Like, no, I'm not gonna
Speaker 1: because I'd be like super fucking lam dude. All right,
Speaker 1: how did you? Where are you at? Dude? Can day
Speaker 1: Bed come get the phone from you? Like? No? It
Speaker 1: was clear that David whened to take things into his
Speaker 1: own hands doing back home. Then Oh it's black clothes,
Speaker 1: black the spenders, black dance, black T shirts. Sorry, honey,
Speaker 1: it just he has to be done, all right. What
Speaker 1: are you going? Called street justice? And I got it right,
Speaker 1: get it? Just come home soon from your street justice.
Speaker 1: When you're done. I'm serious, I'm serious street justice and
Speaker 1: they're gonna be real. Sorry, Well, when you're done with
Speaker 1: your street justice. Just you're seeing that in a in
Speaker 1: a contestending way, like're over has arrived. Okay, the ober
Speaker 1: is coming, It's here. I'm gonna go get my street justice. Now.
Speaker 1: Just whoever's taking you there, I just hope that he's
Speaker 1: smart enough to teach you a little bit of a
Speaker 1: thing or two before you go have some street justice.
Speaker 1: Let me see who's your driver's name? Sam? I hope
Speaker 1: he knows what he's doing. Okay, the street come on?
Speaker 1: Come on? Okay, what are you gonna keep dancing outside
Speaker 1: of my high blid? Just get in, man, Just just
Speaker 1: trying to build up the confidence to get it. Yeah, okay,
Speaker 1: but do you know I gotta start running the met
Speaker 1: man if you don't get in? Okay, started, okay, okay
Speaker 1: do alright? So all right, I'm here in the car.
Speaker 1: I'm going to get some street justice. I'm just so
Speaker 1: you know, you go into a really bad part of town. Man,
Speaker 1: what are you doing here? You're gonna get with you
Speaker 1: gonna get sleep justice in the bad part of town? Yeah,
Speaker 1: street justice. I don't know what's that mean? You're just
Speaker 1: like a funk up you know, cosplay Ninja or something. Yeah,
Speaker 1: I'm gonna do you have any pointers or get my Justice.
Speaker 1: I gotta get well, do you know, first you gotta
Speaker 1: establish like, are you even going to attack somebody? Is
Speaker 1: it even justified? You know, you're just being you know,
Speaker 1: so the frivolous with your violence stole my phone. Somebody
Speaker 1: stole your phone. Yeah. Ten minutes later they were in
Speaker 1: the parking lot, dam it turned off the meter. Decided
Speaker 1: to take this on as a personal thing, and he
Speaker 1: was teaching David how to set up at tax and
Speaker 1: tap the pulls, which knew he was gonna you have to,
Speaker 1: he was gonna be David versus Logan. What's the other
Speaker 1: paus needs? Jake? Jake, Jake lace in a look the
Speaker 1: pals all right, so you know this, I mean, look
Speaker 1: it sounds like we had well matched, you know, split
Speaker 1: on too. I don't like those numbers, especially you don't
Speaker 1: look like you can fight. Yeah, no, I don't not
Speaker 1: at all. So what we're gonna do is we're gonna
Speaker 1: use you as as a decoy and then I'm going
Speaker 1: to come out of the shadows, the shoot out of them,
Speaker 1: get your phone, screech Justice style stabs him in the neck.
Speaker 1: You know they kind of that kind of seems unwarranted.
Speaker 1: A little stick justice. Man, you don't gold your phone back,
Speaker 1: We're gonna kill somebody. No, no, no, no no, I
Speaker 1: just wanted to scare him a little, kill him still, guys, No,
Speaker 1: don't come over here. No, don't forget it, forget it.
Speaker 1: I want to call it all. You want to call
Speaker 1: it all? Pause, backed up, and then David realized he
Speaker 1: sucked up because he didn't wanted is felling back like,
Speaker 1: you know what, I don't want to call it up
Speaker 1: because I want my phone back. Okay, come back, and
Speaker 1: David realized he needed to consult Sam first before we
Speaker 1: just started calling back. Okay, stand there, don't call it
Speaker 1: back all the way yet, and okay, I got it.
Speaker 1: This is fucking weird. B sorry, fucking fights him jump
Speaker 1: the gun. Well, they look fucking stupid. There. He has
Speaker 1: to be a way that I can get my phone
Speaker 1: back without murdering somebody. Hold. You know what I'm gonna do.
Speaker 1: I'm gonna pretend I'm injured and when they come close
Speaker 1: to me, supplies attacks him and then you're gonna take
Speaker 1: the phone. Okay, but they're gonna live. Yeah, they're gonna live.
Speaker 1: We're gonna live. Okay, Oh my god, Paul, I please
Speaker 1: I need I needed He can you three fellas come
Speaker 1: help my driver? Close to call it an ambulance. What's
Speaker 1: going out of here? What is it? You need to
Speaker 1: call an ambulance, but not for me? Motherfucker? Is this
Speaker 1: your phone? David? Come on? No, No, that's fuck. David
Speaker 1: takes the phone anyways, hitting the way. There was lung missing,
Speaker 1: and he gets a don't call How can I help you? Yeah, yes,
Speaker 1: this is your dad. Who's this? It's me Junior. Oh,
Speaker 1: come home, come mom? When you come over. And so
Speaker 1: I told you I know what you take with school
Speaker 1: because he manages down. I'm writing this down. You didn't
Speaker 1: want need to take him to school because we said
Speaker 1: you were fucking ugly. Um, don't worry, son, because I'm
Speaker 1: your father. I'll be right there back. Oh God, they're
Speaker 1: gonna know it's not me. I gotta wrap my face
Speaker 1: up in bandages so I'm in disguise and we'll never
Speaker 1: know what it was. I have to change my voice
Speaker 1: to an opportunity. David took. He was already dissatisfied with
Speaker 1: his home life. This is a perfect way for him
Speaker 1: to disappear. Living in the bandages. Nobody would know that
Speaker 1: it was David and that Martin, your father, Martin, we
Speaker 1: love you so much, Thank you so much. I miss you, Dad.
Speaker 1: You smell like black ice air fresheners. Thank you. Don't
Speaker 1: you miss the mansion, work erect and Mom's big boot.
Speaker 1: It was clear that David had leveled up. We have
Speaker 1: to keep his benches down for the rest of his life,
Speaker 1: but he didn't care. You don't have to deal with
Speaker 1: his wife who didn't give a shit about him, who
Speaker 1: was missing phone ever again produced Andy and her special
Speaker 1: guest contributed, Miles Gray. I'm your host, sorry, and this
Speaker 1: was This is an Americans Live during this next time.
Speaker 1: This is Americans Live can be found wherever you get
Speaker 1: your podcasts. Be sure to subscribe, rate and review. You
Speaker 1: can also find This is Americans Live on Instagram at
Speaker 1: this is Americans Live and on Twitter at Americans Live.