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Speaker 1: Welcome into Real America's Voice News. This is Sunday the

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Speaker 1: Road Forward, with a word of hope and encouragement for

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Speaker 1: you and those you love. I'm doctor Tim Clinton. I'll

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Speaker 1: be your host our special guest joining this week. He's

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Speaker 1: the President of American Values and Senior vice President for

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Speaker 1: Public Policy for the Doctor James Dobson Family Institute. Gary

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Speaker 1: Bauer is back with this. She is the best selling author, speaker, podcaster.

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Speaker 1: Hidie Saint John is back and he is a leading

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Speaker 1: clinical psychologist Professor of Clinical Psychology at Liberty University. Doctor

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Speaker 1: Gary Sipsy is with us and she is the founder

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Speaker 1: and president of safe Haven Relationship Counseling Center and Marriage Intensatives.

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Speaker 1: Marriage and Family therapist extraordinaire, Doctor Sharon May is with us.

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Speaker 2: Thanks for watching well.

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Speaker 1: The longest government shut down in US history is finally

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Speaker 1: coming to a close. The Senate bill restores funding, protects

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Speaker 1: federal workers, and keeps benefits flowing to those in need.

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Speaker 1: All eyes again have been on the House and we

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Speaker 1: finally got to that pivotal step where we've got approval.

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Speaker 1: Thank god President Trump. He's been pushing for that filibuster

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Speaker 1: to deal with some critical issues, citing that DEM's are

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Speaker 1: going to do this for sure, we need to have

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Speaker 1: that conversation. Also, President Trump has announced a two thousand

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Speaker 1: dollars tariff dividend. He said, We're going to issue a

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Speaker 1: dividend to our middle income people, lower income people of

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Speaker 1: about two thousand dollars, and we're going to use the

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Speaker 1: remaining tariffs to lower our debt. Gay marriage hit the

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Speaker 1: news this week in the United States as the Supreme

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Speaker 1: Court rejected a petition filed by a former Kentucky County clerk,

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Speaker 1: Kim Davis, to reconsider the twenty fifteen ruling legal in

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Speaker 1: gay marriage nationwide. And then Christian leaders, by the way,

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Speaker 1: are sending a message that Scotus needs to note that

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Speaker 1: this isn't going to go away. Meghan Basham this week said,

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Speaker 1: with more than a decade now to understand the harms

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Speaker 1: that same sex marriage is done to the rights of

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Speaker 1: children committed Christians are going to keep fighting for the

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Speaker 1: fall of Oberfelp, just as we did fight for the

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Speaker 1: fall of Row. If it has to be a multi

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Speaker 1: generational fight, so be it.

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Speaker 2: She said.

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Speaker 1: We will not tire chaos erupted at a TPUSA turning point,

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Speaker 1: USA event at UC Berkeley this week, a reported coordinated attack.

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Speaker 1: Some pretty sick protesters out there mocking Charlie Kirk's death.

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Speaker 1: People were messing with the ticketing system, yet there were

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Speaker 1: thousands who I'm told were not even able to get

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Speaker 1: into the event. A man professing Christ as King had

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Speaker 1: his cross ripped off his neck. He was punching the faith.

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Speaker 1: I think some fifteen times. He never threw a punch back. Instead,

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Speaker 1: he struggled just to retrieve his cross. Just unreal, the

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Speaker 1: violence we're seeing across our country. Hey, in times like these,

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Speaker 1: our hope, our strength comes from the Lord. Here's a

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Speaker 1: great verse to hold on to this week, comes from

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Speaker 1: the Bible. It's a reminder of how much we need

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Speaker 1: each other. The Apostle Paul wrote first Thessalonians five eleven. Therefore,

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Speaker 1: encourage one another, build one another up, just as in

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Speaker 1: fact you are doing. In other words, keep it going,

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Speaker 1: and we're going to pray. We're going to get started.

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Speaker 1: God be with us, bless our time here. Thank you

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Speaker 1: for this privileged use it for your glory. I pray

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Speaker 1: all this in this strong name of Jesus.

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Speaker 2: Amen. Let's get started.

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Speaker 3: For more encouragement and to stay connected. Follow doctor Tim

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Speaker 3: Clinton on Facebook, Instagram, and X. We love being a

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Speaker 3: part of your life.

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Speaker 2: Johnny so now is Gary Bauer.

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Speaker 1: Bauer served in President Ronald his administration for eight years

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Speaker 1: as Under Secretary of Education and Chief Domestic Policy Advisor. Today,

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Speaker 1: he serves as president of American Values, an educational nonprofit

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Speaker 1: organization there in Washington, d C. He's also Senior vice

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Speaker 1: president of public Policy for the doctor James Dobson Family Institute.

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Speaker 2: Gary, welcome back, Thank you for joining me.

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Speaker 4: Thank you Tim. Great to be with you as.

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Speaker 2: Always, Gary. Great news.

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Speaker 1: Finally the longest government shut down in US history is

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Speaker 1: coming to a close. The Senate and the House finally

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Speaker 1: got something done. Gary, What a journey again. Yeah, you

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Speaker 1: sit back and reflect on it, you think just more

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Speaker 1: Snanagan's if you will, just to quote come against the president,

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Speaker 1: and so much more. But my goodness, I'm so glad

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Speaker 1: we're home.

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Speaker 5: Yeah.

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Speaker 4: Not only did the government shutdown end. That not only

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Speaker 4: did the government shutdown end, but the forty plus days

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Speaker 4: of lies that the Democrats and their immediate friends have

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Speaker 4: been telling and it that we've been the American people

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Speaker 4: have been told for weeks now that this was a

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Speaker 4: Republican shutdown, that Republicans could end the shutdown any when,

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Speaker 4: anytime they wanted to sure, and that Democrats had nothing

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Speaker 4: to do with it. And we now it's clear to

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Speaker 4: everybody know that the exact opposite was the truth. If

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Speaker 4: all those other things were true, why are so many

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Speaker 4: Democrats screaming mad? That eight Democrats finally joined the Republicans

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Speaker 4: to vote to end the shutdown. Before that, every Democrat

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Speaker 4: repeatedly was voting over and over and over again to

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Speaker 4: continue to punish the American people.

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Speaker 1: And willing, by the way, let Americans starve. Basically, Gary

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Speaker 1: go without food, etc. And some unreal and again Shenanigan's games.

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Speaker 1: It's just ridiculous. More coming out of Washington. Here we go, Gary,

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Speaker 1: want to go to the president. President Trump has been

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Speaker 1: talking a lot about the filibuster, and I wanted to

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Speaker 1: bring some clarity to it. He says that it's important

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Speaker 1: for Republicans to get beyond that because we got some

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Speaker 1: critical issues around voting, et cetera that they want to

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Speaker 1: get in play. Gary, can you help bring some clarity

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Speaker 1: to it for us?

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Speaker 4: Yeah? You know, reasonable people I think can disagree on

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Speaker 4: this one, Tim, but I leaned heavily toward the idea

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Speaker 4: of abandoning or in some major way, amending when and

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Speaker 4: how the filibuster can be used, the argument that if

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Speaker 4: we do it, if we get rid of the filibuster,

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Speaker 4: then the Democrats will do it when they're in power.

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Speaker 4: How many times have we fallen for this argument, Oh no,

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Speaker 4: we can't redistrict. If we do, they'll redistrict. Oh no,

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Speaker 4: we can't spend this amount of money, because if we do,

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Speaker 4: then they'll spend It's all ridiculous. They the Democrats get

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Speaker 4: up every morning ready to punch us in the nose,

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Speaker 4: and they will do anything and everything they have to

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Speaker 4: do in order to do that because they have a cause.

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Speaker 4: They want to transform America. I believe it's pretty clear

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Speaker 4: by now they want to make it into a socialist,

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Speaker 4: authoritarian country, as we saw somebody get elected in New

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Speaker 4: York City that wants to do that. So the filibuster

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Speaker 4: is going to end, I believe soon, whenever the Democrats

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Speaker 4: get a majority again. I think the President's put his

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Speaker 4: finger on it. Well, if that's going to happen, let's

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Speaker 4: do it now so I can get my agenda through

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Speaker 4: and by the way, that will make it less likely

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Speaker 4: that the Democrats will get elected next November or two

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Speaker 4: years after that, because the president we will have this

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Speaker 4: list of achievements that have been accomplished.

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Speaker 1: Gary, I don't think I've ever seen such division and

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Speaker 1: such a contrast between the parties.

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Speaker 2: It's crazy. You look at where they're.

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Speaker 1: At, what's happening up in New York, what's happened to

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Speaker 1: the elections, et cetera. People, the American people are really

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Speaker 1: getting tired of all this craziness, don't you, Garry? What

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Speaker 1: are you sensing when you when you talk to voters

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Speaker 1: across the country.

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Speaker 4: Well, you know, Tim, I wish I could say there's

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Speaker 4: an overwhelming backlash to to all of this, but I

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Speaker 4: don't think the public generally obviously embraces violence, and almost

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Speaker 4: all the violence now is coming from the political left,

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Speaker 4: and not one major Democrat does anything to try to

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Speaker 4: restrain it or to support the Trump administration when they

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Speaker 4: try to crack down on it and hold people accountable

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Speaker 4: for the kind of things we saw just this week

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Speaker 4: again at Berkeley University, when the turning point USA was there.

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Speaker 4: On the other hand, as we saw from these election

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Speaker 4: results last week, the public has also got other things

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Speaker 4: on their mind. And unfortunately of those things is that

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Speaker 4: a lot of American families are feeling strapped. And nobody

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Speaker 4: Demogogue's issues like this better than the Democrats. They're willing

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Speaker 4: to give everybody free things, and to a lot of

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Speaker 4: Americans that sounds good if you're having a hard time

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Speaker 4: paying your bills. So we're going to have to be

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Speaker 4: very articulate. The President is going to have to do

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Speaker 4: a great job on this and explaining that all that

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Speaker 4: free stuff comes out of the hides of taxpayers, and

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Speaker 4: that if we keep growing the size of government and

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Speaker 4: adding more bureaucrats and more big government programs and more

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Speaker 4: aid for illegal aliens, we'll never get our economic economy,

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Speaker 4: our economic system working the way it needs to benefit

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Speaker 4: average working class Americans.

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Speaker 1: Gary, I want to close this way. We're starting to

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Speaker 1: move in toward the holiday season, Thanksgiving, Christmas, all of

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Speaker 1: a heart's turned toward home. We reflect on the goodness

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Speaker 1: of God and the birth of his son who was

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Speaker 1: born in the shadow of Across that message of hope,

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Speaker 1: Charlie Kirk said, I want to be known as someone

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Speaker 1: who was courageous or my faith. Can you give his

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Speaker 1: closing thought, Gary, just about as you are reflecting on

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Speaker 1: the holidays.

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Speaker 4: Well, Tim, you said it really well. This period were

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Speaker 4: entering is incredibly important in Christianity, obviously, but it's also very.

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Speaker 2: Very important for America.

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Speaker 4: We've spent decades moving away from the God of the Bible,

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Speaker 4: the God that our founders said was the author of

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Speaker 4: our liberty. And there are every place that secularism has prevailed.

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Speaker 4: They've destroyed those institutions, the universities, to some extent, the family.

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Speaker 4: So as we entered the period of Thanksgiving, which is

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Speaker 4: in some ways an American Christian holiday, and then Christmas,

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Speaker 4: where we celebrate the birth of the baby that split

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Speaker 4: history in half. We measure history for everything that happened

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Speaker 4: before his birth and everything that happened after his birth.

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Speaker 4: This is a time to remember that God is in charge.

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Speaker 4: It's a time to remember that whatever we've done in

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Speaker 4: our national life as a country, and what we've done

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Speaker 4: in our personal lives that we're ashamed of or were

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Speaker 4: a violation of God's word, those things have been forgiven

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Speaker 4: by the birth of Christ and then his sacrifice on

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Speaker 4: the cross. This is a great time, while there's signs

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Speaker 4: of revival, to make this Christmas about more than just

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Speaker 4: a list of presents, some decorations in the window. This

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Speaker 4: is a time to sit down, particularly with your children

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Speaker 4: and grandchildren, and with your friends and neighbors. If you

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Speaker 4: love them and care about them and held them the

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Speaker 4: gospel of Jesus Christ and why he is the Way

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Speaker 4: and truth and the light.

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Speaker 1: You bet we'll pray to that end. And always great

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Speaker 1: to see you, my friend, Gary Bauer, Thank you for

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Speaker 1: joining me.

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Speaker 4: Thank you Tim.

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Speaker 2: Great to be with you.

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Speaker 1: Coming up next, she has the best selling author, speaker

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Speaker 1: podcaster Hid the Saint John is back. You know, I

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Speaker 1: realize there are a lot of choices when it comes

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Speaker 1: to who you choose or your cell phone service, and

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Speaker 1: there are a lot of new ones popping up all

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Speaker 1: the time.

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Speaker 2: But here's the truth.

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Speaker 1: There's only one that boldly stands in the gap for

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Speaker 1: every American that believes that freedom is worth fighting for,

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Speaker 1: believe in simply by joining Patriot Mobile, I sure have Switching,

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Speaker 1: or call nine seven to two Patriot and make the

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Speaker 1: switch today. Johnny's now is Heidi Saint John's. She's the

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Speaker 1: best selling author, podcaster, speaker, mom to seven.

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Speaker 2: Children, bunch of gre and children.

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Speaker 1: She's a strong and fearless voice for the family and

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Speaker 1: righteousness and culture.

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Speaker 2: How do you welcome back?

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Speaker 6: Thank you for joining me, Hey, my friend, thanks for

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Speaker 6: having me.

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Speaker 1: How as we get started? Boy, I'll tell you a

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Speaker 1: TPUSA continues to roll. But they were at UC Berkeley

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Speaker 1: this week and a total mess. We're talking about a

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Speaker 1: violent left that really is showing its head. Some really

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Speaker 1: sick protesters mocking Charlie's death, coordinated attack. They say they

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Speaker 1: were out there messing with their ticket system, you know,

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Speaker 1: trying to quote take the tickets and then make it

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Speaker 1: look like nobody was showing up. But I'm told thousands

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Speaker 1: were outside waiting anyway to get in. How do some

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Speaker 1: dude out there also, I mean, standing for the Lord Christ,

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Speaker 1: the King, and he has a cross on his chest.

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Speaker 1: Next thing you know, he's in the middle of a

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Speaker 1: brawl and he gets punched in the face fifteen or

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Speaker 1: so times.

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Speaker 2: What's going on.

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Speaker 1: With this radical left craziness that we're continuing to see.

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Speaker 6: Well, I think what we're seeing now is the evil

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Speaker 6: that used to be sort of tiptoeing around and in

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Speaker 6: the shadow, and we heard about it on the lips

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Speaker 6: of people that were called conspiracy theorists. Now we recognize

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Speaker 6: that this is real. It is a spiritual battle. It

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Speaker 6: goes back to what you and I have said many

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Speaker 6: times on your show before that spiritual battles require spiritual weapons.

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Speaker 6: This is not a right versus left anymore. This is

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Speaker 6: not democrat versus Republican. This is good versus evil. And

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Speaker 6: we've seen, because we just watched this with Charlie Kirk,

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Speaker 6: these people would shoot you in the face and mock

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Speaker 6: you and you're dead, and dance on your grave. And

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Speaker 6: that's what we're seeing happening. And unlesson, until people of

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Speaker 6: conscience stand up against it, unlesson, until we start to

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Speaker 6: see pastors addressing this rising evil from their pulpits, I

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Speaker 6: think we're going to continue to see episodes like what

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Speaker 6: we're seeing at the University of California, Berkeley. It's a

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Speaker 6: sad day for the country.

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Speaker 1: Rising fear and concern. Heidi shift to cities like Chicago,

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Speaker 1: ICE agents being targeted, I mean openly blatantly. I mean

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Speaker 1: it's unbelievable going after federal agents in the middle of

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Speaker 1: trying to quote, bring peace to the country. Then, I

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Speaker 1: don't know if you said all that piece around Halloween

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Speaker 1: where the FBI thwarted this kind of like mass thing

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Speaker 1: that was going to go down a real act of terrorism.

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Speaker 1: I think that's what scares people the most. They see

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Speaker 1: all these people who came in through that open border.

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Speaker 1: They know there's a bunch of radicals. I mean, we're

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Speaker 1: talking real, true bad dudes in this country that Trump's

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Speaker 1: trying to get to them and get them out of here.

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Speaker 1: But Heidi again, people, I mean, are you sensing the

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Speaker 1: fear and concern, especially as we're going to the holiday season.

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Speaker 6: Well, I think what's upsetting to me is I'm starting

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Speaker 6: to hear more and more people whispering words like civil war.

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Speaker 6: And I do not think that the people who use

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Speaker 6: that language understand what that means. That means brother against brother,

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Speaker 6: that means the end of any kind of semblance of

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Speaker 6: unity that we had in the United States. And the

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Speaker 6: problem that the problem that is now front and center

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Speaker 6: in the headlines every single day, is that I don't

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Speaker 6: know how you find unity with people who literally want

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Speaker 6: to kill you. Charlie Kirk was not killed for the

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Speaker 6: things that he said. He was killed because the things

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Speaker 6: that he said were making sense. They were working, they

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Speaker 6: were removing the needle. And it shows you the depth

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Speaker 6: and the depravity of these people. And when they show

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Speaker 6: you who they are, which they are repeatedly here on

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Speaker 6: the streets of Portland where I live, and over in

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Speaker 6: Chicago and Minneapolis. When these people show you who they are,

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Speaker 6: you should believe them. There lies the problem in the

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Speaker 6: United States right now. We are dealing with truly evil

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Speaker 6: people and demonic forces at work in the United States,

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Speaker 6: and it's going to take a spiritual revival and more

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Speaker 6: than an awakening. I think we're in the middle of

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Speaker 6: an awakening right now. I don't know that we're at

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Speaker 6: a revival point. I think revival happens when we start

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Speaker 6: to see repentance. But we are in an epic spiritual

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Speaker 6: battle right now, and it will require spiritual weapons.

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Speaker 1: How do you when you look at the landscape, the

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Speaker 1: political landscape, I mean, it just makes you stop and

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Speaker 1: pause for a second. You look at the J six

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Speaker 1: event and you're starting to hear all kinds of different

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Speaker 1: narratives around it, and you know, the facts are coming out,

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Speaker 1: and it's like, what in the world happened on Jay six?

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Speaker 1: You hear what I'm saying. You go to New York

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Speaker 1: City and seeing ma'am Danny get selected, It's like, what

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Speaker 1: in the world, how could that happen in the United

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Speaker 1: States of America? And then you're hearing stories like takeovers

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Speaker 1: in Texas all kinds of different things.

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Speaker 2: Again, it's just how do how do we how do

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Speaker 2: we corral ourselves?

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Speaker 1: I guess and begin to think, Okay, hey listen, hey,

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Speaker 1: you overcome evil with good, you get you get some

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Speaker 1: type of strategy plan going, you start thinking differently, you

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Speaker 1: band together. I mean, the goal is to traumatize people

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Speaker 1: so that they get silenced and kind of like locked down,

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Speaker 1: shut down if you will. But we got to find

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Speaker 1: our voice again here.

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Speaker 6: Yeah, well we need to find our voice. But I'm

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Speaker 6: here to say not to keep beating this drama because

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Speaker 6: I've been beating it for a long time. But I

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Speaker 6: think you can blame a whole lot of what's going

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Speaker 6: on in our country right now on our disgusting, evil

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Speaker 6: socialist education system. We are cranking out of our high

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Speaker 6: schools and our public universities, and our private universities, I

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Speaker 6: mean Harvard and Yale, for goodness sake, people who have

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Speaker 6: openly radical ideas on their college campuses. And it is

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Speaker 6: a five alarm fire if we do not correct the

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Speaker 6: problem in our education system and start bringing American civics

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Speaker 6: back and teaching getting rid of this revisionist garbage history

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Speaker 6: that's teaching children to hate the country and to hate

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Speaker 6: ideas that are opposite of their own instead of having

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Speaker 6: conversations and letting the best ideas bubble to the surface.

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Speaker 6: We're going to quickly find ourselves out numbered, and we

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Speaker 6: won't be able to fix it via politics. It has

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Speaker 6: to come from the bottom up, and we've got to

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Speaker 6: care about the education system in our country, starting in

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Speaker 6: kindergarten all the way through our universities.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, people constantly talk about education versus indoctrination. It started

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Speaker 1: sinking in. If you win the fight for your kids,

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Speaker 1: I mean, that's the real battleground here. You get the kids, man,

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Speaker 1: you change the course of history, you change the future.

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Speaker 6: Yeah, I mean this is right in the Communist manifesto.

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Speaker 6: One of their very, very very first big ideas was

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Speaker 6: to infiltrate the curriculum in our public schools and universities

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Speaker 6: and use it to change public opinion. And that's exactly

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Speaker 6: what's happened. When you see young people defending these thugs

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Speaker 6: on the ground in like Portland, organ it's unbelievable. Yeah,

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Speaker 6: and it's and they and these This is a product

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Speaker 6: of years and years and years of parental disengagement and

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Speaker 6: the actual indoctrination of our students into radical ideologies via

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Speaker 6: our education system.

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Speaker 1: How do we how do we win our kids back?

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Speaker 1: I mean, we talked about the decimation of the family.

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Speaker 1: It's somewhere we've got to get back to. We're going

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Speaker 1: to have a piece today on our broadcast about emotional

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Speaker 1: closest and connectedness with our kids. We've got to get

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Speaker 1: our kid We've got to get back back to just

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Speaker 1: some simple stuff of what what does it mean to

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Speaker 1: love each other in our homes?

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Speaker 2: Yeah?

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Speaker 6: Yeah, it's so important. I mean, listen, I have raised

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Speaker 6: seven children, I have one child still at school age

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Speaker 6: left at home, and I am kind of to the

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Speaker 6: point now where I'm telling parents, you've got to stop

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Speaker 6: taking this lazy approach to parenting. It takes work to

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Speaker 6: build relationships. You get out of the relationships with your

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Speaker 6: children and your family and your spouse what you put

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Speaker 6: into them, and it needs to matter to us. And

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Speaker 6: this year in particular, I decided, you know, I'm getting

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Speaker 6: up at six in the morning, and I'm meeting my

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Speaker 6: daughter downstairs by the fire at six thirty when it's

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Speaker 6: still dark outside, and we're reading the Bible together, and

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Speaker 6: we're reading right now we're going through mere Christianity. You

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Speaker 6: got to ask some coffee your system to do that

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Speaker 6: with a fifteen year old kid. But I got to

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Speaker 6: tell you, I'm doing it not necessarily because this is

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Speaker 6: you know, I want to get up really early in

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Speaker 6: the morning, but because I want to see fruit in

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Speaker 6: the life of my daughter. And that takes determination, It

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Speaker 6: takes work, it takes commitment, and we need to see

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Speaker 6: that again on the part of parents. You don't just

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Speaker 6: lose a generation of children. You lose a generation of grandparents.

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Speaker 6: You lose a generation of parents, and then you lose

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Speaker 6: a generation of children. The time for lazy Christianity and

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Speaker 6: lazy parenting in this country is over because the results

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Speaker 6: are in and we need to love our children enough

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Speaker 6: to invest in them.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, parenting isn't for cowards, as doctor Dobson used to say,

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Speaker 1: It's really an intentional work and what glorious work it is.

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Speaker 1: It's an opportunity. I believe, it's a responsibility. I mean

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Speaker 1: that we've got to do this very We've got to

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Speaker 1: do it well. We've got to yeah, stop being so

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Speaker 1: soft too, and help our kids learn to do hard

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Speaker 1: things and battle through and become more resilient. You can

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Speaker 1: actually teach resilience, Heidi, as we look to the holidays

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Speaker 1: and just you know, thanking God for his goodness and

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Speaker 1: grace and looking at the miracle of Christmas, the spirit

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Speaker 1: of Christmas, my favorite time of the year. Just some

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Speaker 1: reflections or thoughts from you as we as families move

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Speaker 1: in to this special season.

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Speaker 6: Yeah, I always just do a recording about this season yesterday.

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Speaker 6: I'm with you. This is my favorite time of year,

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Speaker 6: starting with Thanksgiving, which is my favorite holiday because it's

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Speaker 6: all of the family togetherness without the pressure of the

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Speaker 6: presence and the commercialization that has become so prevalent in

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Speaker 6: the United States around Christmas time. I think my encouragement

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Speaker 6: to people this year is let's keep Christ at the

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Speaker 6: center of Christmas. It doesn't have to be perfect, it

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Speaker 6: doesn't have to match what we see on Pinterest or

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Speaker 6: the covers of magazines. But what we want to do

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Speaker 6: is create those memories with our children to keep Christ

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Speaker 6: at the center of it, so that when the season

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Speaker 6: is over, long after the wrapping paper has been put

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Speaker 6: in the garbage or burned in your fireplace, the memories

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Speaker 6: of the time that you invested with the people that

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Speaker 6: you loved, and your honoring of Jesus Christ is what

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Speaker 6: your children will remember for years to come and pass

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Speaker 6: on to their children. We have an opportunity every year

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Speaker 6: to keep Christ at the center of Christmas, and I

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Speaker 6: hope to see this year and I think we will

437
00:23:53,280 --> 00:23:55,640
Speaker 6: see it more and more people turning back to that.

438
00:23:56,040 --> 00:23:58,240
Speaker 1: Hidy Saint John. I always like to have you. Thank

439
00:23:58,240 --> 00:23:59,320
Speaker 1: you so much for joining me.

440
00:24:00,000 --> 00:24:01,000
Speaker 6: Thank you for having me my friend.

441
00:24:01,080 --> 00:24:02,040
Speaker 7: Always good to see.

442
00:24:01,840 --> 00:24:03,760
Speaker 2: You coming up next.

443
00:24:03,880 --> 00:24:07,200
Speaker 1: He is a leading clinical psychologist Professor of Clinical Psychology

444
00:24:07,240 --> 00:24:08,359
Speaker 1: at Liberty University.

445
00:24:08,640 --> 00:24:10,240
Speaker 2: Doctor Gary Sipsy is with us.

446
00:24:13,359 --> 00:24:16,240
Speaker 3: For more encouragement and to stay connected, follow doctor Tim

447
00:24:16,280 --> 00:24:19,520
Speaker 3: Clinton on Facebook, Instagram, and X. We love being a

448
00:24:19,520 --> 00:24:25,480
Speaker 3: part of your life.

449
00:24:28,400 --> 00:24:31,880
Speaker 1: Johnny's now is doctor Gary Sipsy. He's a licensed clinical psychologist,

450
00:24:31,880 --> 00:24:36,000
Speaker 1: professor and Director of Psychological Services for the American Association

451
00:24:36,080 --> 00:24:39,199
Speaker 1: of Christian Counselors. Gary is also a best selling author,

452
00:24:39,440 --> 00:24:43,520
Speaker 1: governor appointed board member, Vice Chair of the Virginia Board

453
00:24:43,600 --> 00:24:44,600
Speaker 1: of Psychology.

454
00:24:45,240 --> 00:24:46,880
Speaker 2: Gary welcome, Thank you for joining me.

455
00:24:47,600 --> 00:24:50,000
Speaker 8: Thank you, Tim, I appreciate it. Always good to be

456
00:24:50,080 --> 00:24:50,320
Speaker 8: with you.

457
00:24:50,640 --> 00:24:53,879
Speaker 1: Gary's We're going to the holiday season. It's an interesting time.

458
00:24:54,359 --> 00:24:56,880
Speaker 1: We know that holiday stress for whatever reason, even though

459
00:24:56,880 --> 00:24:58,520
Speaker 1: it's the best time of the year, they wind up

460
00:24:58,800 --> 00:25:02,400
Speaker 1: fighting more in families. And you know what, Gary, I'm

461
00:25:02,440 --> 00:25:04,600
Speaker 1: noticing is a lot of moms and dads are in

462
00:25:04,680 --> 00:25:07,160
Speaker 1: particular concerned about their kids.

463
00:25:07,800 --> 00:25:07,919
Speaker 5: Uh.

464
00:25:07,960 --> 00:25:10,560
Speaker 1: They want to figure out this emotional closeness piece. They

465
00:25:10,560 --> 00:25:12,760
Speaker 1: don't want to lose their kids. And we know, Gary,

466
00:25:13,240 --> 00:25:16,359
Speaker 1: a lot of kids are battling mental health related issues.

467
00:25:16,400 --> 00:25:17,080
Speaker 2: What are you seeing?

468
00:25:19,080 --> 00:25:23,320
Speaker 8: Well, yeah, I mean parents are concerned that their kids

469
00:25:23,359 --> 00:25:28,520
Speaker 8: are really exposed to so much input that's outside of

470
00:25:28,560 --> 00:25:33,919
Speaker 8: their control through the social media, uh, and through so

471
00:25:34,000 --> 00:25:39,960
Speaker 8: many different avenues that sometimes it's difficult to to get

472
00:25:39,960 --> 00:25:43,640
Speaker 8: a real gauge of how how's my kid doing right,

473
00:25:43,800 --> 00:25:46,760
Speaker 8: and how they how they coping with things, how they

474
00:25:46,960 --> 00:25:51,760
Speaker 8: emotionally kind of getting along through the day. And so

475
00:25:51,800 --> 00:25:54,600
Speaker 8: sometimes it's it's hard for them to get a read

476
00:25:55,440 --> 00:25:59,400
Speaker 8: And you know, as kids get older and get into adolescents,

477
00:25:59,440 --> 00:26:02,280
Speaker 8: and they're not necessarily so easy to talk to. So

478
00:26:02,920 --> 00:26:05,199
Speaker 8: those are some of the concerns we see. And then

479
00:26:05,240 --> 00:26:07,320
Speaker 8: of course there's more and more kids who are struggling

480
00:26:07,320 --> 00:26:14,040
Speaker 8: with anxiety and emotional types of struggles that can you know,

481
00:26:14,400 --> 00:26:18,040
Speaker 8: begin to snowball into other types of problems potentially lead

482
00:26:18,080 --> 00:26:22,399
Speaker 8: to addictions or other kinds of behavioral things. So there

483
00:26:23,320 --> 00:26:27,240
Speaker 8: is a real, real increase in the number of anxiety

484
00:26:27,280 --> 00:26:29,000
Speaker 8: disorders and emotional disorders and kids.

485
00:26:29,240 --> 00:26:31,600
Speaker 1: Gary saw some Yeah, I saw some memes out there.

486
00:26:31,720 --> 00:26:34,680
Speaker 1: This one in particulars said hey, back a few years ago,

487
00:26:34,720 --> 00:26:37,200
Speaker 1: it was get in your room. Now it's like come

488
00:26:37,240 --> 00:26:40,560
Speaker 1: out of your room. In other words, yeah, we're really

489
00:26:40,640 --> 00:26:43,719
Speaker 1: struggling for connectedness. And yeah, I think the online world

490
00:26:44,440 --> 00:26:47,840
Speaker 1: is doing and having impact that we don't even really

491
00:26:47,920 --> 00:26:51,440
Speaker 1: understand yet. But let's go to the issue of relationship. Gary,

492
00:26:51,520 --> 00:26:53,840
Speaker 1: you and I for a long time have been talking

493
00:26:53,880 --> 00:26:57,240
Speaker 1: about the significance of the relationship between the parent and

494
00:26:57,240 --> 00:27:01,720
Speaker 1: the child. Every parent, for example, watching now knows whether

495
00:27:01,840 --> 00:27:05,000
Speaker 1: or not you're close to your son and or daughter.

496
00:27:05,600 --> 00:27:08,440
Speaker 2: You just know it. It's wired into you. You know it.

497
00:27:08,560 --> 00:27:13,160
Speaker 1: Say their name right now, Zach Meghan From me as

498
00:27:13,200 --> 00:27:15,760
Speaker 1: a dad, I know whether or not I'm close to

499
00:27:15,800 --> 00:27:19,000
Speaker 1: my kids. Gary, talk to us about the significance of

500
00:27:19,080 --> 00:27:22,439
Speaker 1: relationship here. We've even said things like the quality of

501
00:27:22,480 --> 00:27:26,919
Speaker 1: your relationship with your child will even determine the effectiveness

502
00:27:26,920 --> 00:27:29,880
Speaker 1: of your discipline. Strategies and more. You've got to get

503
00:27:29,880 --> 00:27:32,920
Speaker 1: this piece right, this emotional connectedness piece.

504
00:27:34,920 --> 00:27:38,280
Speaker 8: Well, this is you know, a huge piece of being

505
00:27:38,400 --> 00:27:40,760
Speaker 8: emotionally connected to your kids. But a lot of times

506
00:27:40,840 --> 00:27:46,480
Speaker 8: parents aren't really sure about what that means or how

507
00:27:46,520 --> 00:27:51,200
Speaker 8: to actually achieve it, and so every relationship is different.

508
00:27:51,240 --> 00:27:54,280
Speaker 8: Every child's different, so the relationship you had with one

509
00:27:54,320 --> 00:27:57,879
Speaker 8: child could be very different than with the other. We typically,

510
00:27:58,920 --> 00:28:03,320
Speaker 8: you know, talk about there needs to be this as

511
00:28:03,440 --> 00:28:07,600
Speaker 8: part of the parenting relationship. There needs to be this connectedness.

512
00:28:07,840 --> 00:28:12,080
Speaker 8: There's a sense of you crawling into their world and

513
00:28:12,160 --> 00:28:15,680
Speaker 8: taking an interest in what they're doing, even if what

514
00:28:15,720 --> 00:28:20,280
Speaker 8: they're doing is not necessarily something that resonates with you

515
00:28:20,400 --> 00:28:23,600
Speaker 8: in your own area of interest. You're interested in it

516
00:28:23,680 --> 00:28:26,760
Speaker 8: because they are. And so we a lot of times

517
00:28:26,800 --> 00:28:30,560
Speaker 8: talk with parents about trying to make that connection, kind

518
00:28:30,560 --> 00:28:32,840
Speaker 8: of the ideas that you got to connect before you

519
00:28:32,960 --> 00:28:37,560
Speaker 8: redirect your kids, and so we really work on trying

520
00:28:37,560 --> 00:28:41,520
Speaker 8: to help parents identify some concrete ways to crawl into

521
00:28:41,560 --> 00:28:43,400
Speaker 8: the world of each of their kids.

522
00:28:43,520 --> 00:28:45,880
Speaker 1: Gary, I wanna go a little bit further here. Some

523
00:28:46,080 --> 00:28:50,360
Speaker 1: moms and dads struggle with children and maybe some things

524
00:28:50,360 --> 00:28:53,160
Speaker 1: about them or their personalities, different temperaments, different or whatever.

525
00:28:53,320 --> 00:28:58,760
Speaker 1: They don't necessarily say like everything about their son or daughter.

526
00:28:58,920 --> 00:29:00,600
Speaker 1: But you've got to fit figure that out.

527
00:29:00,720 --> 00:29:04,120
Speaker 2: Gary. You remember that old song what I Like about you?

528
00:29:03,920 --> 00:29:06,760
Speaker 1: You better figure you better figure that out with your

529
00:29:06,760 --> 00:29:09,560
Speaker 1: son or daughter because they know they read it in you.

530
00:29:10,680 --> 00:29:10,880
Speaker 2: Oh.

531
00:29:10,920 --> 00:29:13,640
Speaker 8: Absolutely yeah. And this is such a hard part for

532
00:29:14,320 --> 00:29:16,800
Speaker 8: us as parents. I mean, some of some of us

533
00:29:16,840 --> 00:29:21,080
Speaker 8: have kids that are you know, our temperaments are in

534
00:29:21,200 --> 00:29:24,200
Speaker 8: total sync, and we call that a good the goodness

535
00:29:24,240 --> 00:29:26,840
Speaker 8: of fit. Like you know, it's just so easy to

536
00:29:26,920 --> 00:29:31,280
Speaker 8: get along and to connect with su whereas those other

537
00:29:31,360 --> 00:29:34,960
Speaker 8: children are much harder to get into the world and

538
00:29:35,160 --> 00:29:38,720
Speaker 8: to to to sort of get them to engage you.

539
00:29:39,120 --> 00:29:43,400
Speaker 8: But they also may have very different interest and so

540
00:29:43,440 --> 00:29:48,280
Speaker 8: sometimes I really work with helping parents learn how to

541
00:29:48,320 --> 00:29:51,640
Speaker 8: develop an interest in their child. I remember one dad

542
00:29:51,680 --> 00:29:53,800
Speaker 8: telling me that he just couldn't get his son to

543
00:29:53,840 --> 00:29:56,000
Speaker 8: talk to him at all, and most of the time,

544
00:29:56,200 --> 00:29:57,800
Speaker 8: you know, he would sit down and go, well, how

545
00:29:58,280 --> 00:30:01,560
Speaker 8: school has the great you know you're getting in trouble

546
00:30:01,600 --> 00:30:03,719
Speaker 8: at school. Of course, this led to a bunch of

547
00:30:03,720 --> 00:30:06,800
Speaker 8: one word answers but no elaboration. I asked him, well,

548
00:30:06,840 --> 00:30:09,440
Speaker 8: what is it that your son really likes? He said, well,

549
00:30:09,560 --> 00:30:12,360
Speaker 8: you know, he just likes to listen to music, Like

550
00:30:12,440 --> 00:30:14,240
Speaker 8: that's all that's all the kid wants to do is

551
00:30:14,280 --> 00:30:16,600
Speaker 8: listen to music. So well, that's the place that you're

552
00:30:16,600 --> 00:30:18,080
Speaker 8: actually going to have to start. He goes, what, but

553
00:30:18,160 --> 00:30:20,800
Speaker 8: I hate his music. I can't stand him. Like, well,

554
00:30:21,440 --> 00:30:24,640
Speaker 8: I get it right, but start with asking him about

555
00:30:24,680 --> 00:30:26,920
Speaker 8: his music, like who is this? Let me let me

556
00:30:26,960 --> 00:30:29,520
Speaker 8: hear what they have to say. I what are they

557
00:30:29,560 --> 00:30:33,520
Speaker 8: actually saying in these words? But with really a spirit

558
00:30:33,720 --> 00:30:36,520
Speaker 8: of I want to know because you're interested in it.

559
00:30:36,880 --> 00:30:39,240
Speaker 8: So we're helping the parents sort of build a delight

560
00:30:39,840 --> 00:30:42,040
Speaker 8: that they have for their child and their own unique

561
00:30:42,080 --> 00:30:45,560
Speaker 8: interest and concerns. Well, anyway, so as he did this,

562
00:30:45,680 --> 00:30:48,600
Speaker 8: the child began to like, well, Dad, here's what the

563
00:30:48,640 --> 00:30:51,080
Speaker 8: word's say, and he would print him out and Dad

564
00:30:51,120 --> 00:30:53,959
Speaker 8: would listen to the word, I mean, read the words,

565
00:30:54,000 --> 00:30:58,000
Speaker 8: listen to the music, and honestly really tried to, you know,

566
00:30:59,040 --> 00:31:02,280
Speaker 8: at least take an in interest in it. And as

567
00:31:02,280 --> 00:31:05,960
Speaker 8: he did, you know, his son wanted to talk to

568
00:31:06,040 --> 00:31:08,920
Speaker 8: him more and more. He bring him new artists, new songs.

569
00:31:09,800 --> 00:31:11,920
Speaker 8: Next thing, you know, he wanted him to you know,

570
00:31:11,960 --> 00:31:14,440
Speaker 8: maybe go see him in concert, but this became a

571
00:31:14,480 --> 00:31:19,400
Speaker 8: big part of making that initial connection with his son

572
00:31:19,480 --> 00:31:23,400
Speaker 8: and not the music dad really preferred, but because his

573
00:31:23,520 --> 00:31:28,880
Speaker 8: son was into this and music was his thing. Gary,

574
00:31:28,920 --> 00:31:29,760
Speaker 8: it's about kind of next.

575
00:31:29,920 --> 00:31:32,800
Speaker 1: Yeah, it's about opening that closed spirit. And you see

576
00:31:32,800 --> 00:31:34,880
Speaker 1: that so often in families. You want to close this way, Gary,

577
00:31:35,080 --> 00:31:41,600
Speaker 1: fighting time. There's nothing more significant than special time. Yeah,

578
00:31:41,640 --> 00:31:43,840
Speaker 1: you and I've been talking about this twenty twenty five years.

579
00:31:44,680 --> 00:31:50,320
Speaker 1: Really crawling into that child's space, getting on their level

580
00:31:50,600 --> 00:31:55,920
Speaker 1: twenty so minutes a day can absolutely revolutionize your relationship

581
00:31:55,920 --> 00:31:58,000
Speaker 1: with your son or daughter. Give us a closing thought

582
00:31:58,040 --> 00:32:00,320
Speaker 1: on what is so significant about that?

583
00:32:01,640 --> 00:32:06,000
Speaker 8: Well, very similar to what I just described, And there's

584
00:32:06,200 --> 00:32:08,719
Speaker 8: plenty of ways to get connected to this idea and

585
00:32:08,720 --> 00:32:10,680
Speaker 8: some of the stuff that we've written and published, but

586
00:32:11,520 --> 00:32:14,040
Speaker 8: the basic idea is use a parent being able to

587
00:32:14,040 --> 00:32:18,160
Speaker 8: set aside fifteen to twenty minutes with your child. Set

588
00:32:18,200 --> 00:32:22,360
Speaker 8: it up so that it's pretty consistently at least three

589
00:32:22,440 --> 00:32:26,760
Speaker 8: or four times a week fifteen to twenty minutes where

590
00:32:27,000 --> 00:32:29,560
Speaker 8: you are going to follow their lead. So whatever is

591
00:32:29,560 --> 00:32:32,239
Speaker 8: they want to do, you're going to follow. Keep it

592
00:32:32,520 --> 00:32:35,120
Speaker 8: to things that you can do in the house, activities,

593
00:32:35,120 --> 00:32:38,000
Speaker 8: out in the front yard, whatever it might be. But

594
00:32:38,080 --> 00:32:41,200
Speaker 8: the focus in this period is that you follow your

595
00:32:41,280 --> 00:32:45,880
Speaker 8: child's lead and you're doing the things that they want

596
00:32:45,960 --> 00:32:48,800
Speaker 8: to do for this period of time so that you

597
00:32:48,840 --> 00:32:53,560
Speaker 8: can make that connection and crawl into their world. I

598
00:32:53,600 --> 00:32:56,000
Speaker 8: tell parents this is only from fifteen to twenty minutes,

599
00:32:56,320 --> 00:32:59,320
Speaker 8: but it is a powerful way of saying to your child,

600
00:33:00,240 --> 00:33:04,280
Speaker 8: I'm interested in you and I'm delighted to be with you.

601
00:33:04,360 --> 00:33:07,760
Speaker 8: Let's let's let's be together. Now, what this does is

602
00:33:07,800 --> 00:33:11,600
Speaker 8: it strengthens the bonding in the relationship. So what we

603
00:33:11,720 --> 00:33:15,240
Speaker 8: find is that this is what helps discipline work better.

604
00:33:15,480 --> 00:33:18,040
Speaker 8: So it's kind of like putting oil into your car.

605
00:33:18,520 --> 00:33:18,720
Speaker 5: Right.

606
00:33:19,240 --> 00:33:21,760
Speaker 8: Sometimes it doesn't look so glamorous and you don't enjoy

607
00:33:21,840 --> 00:33:24,640
Speaker 8: doing it, but if the oil leaks out and you

608
00:33:24,720 --> 00:33:27,080
Speaker 8: have nothing in there, then you know the whole thing's

609
00:33:27,120 --> 00:33:29,920
Speaker 8: going to lock up. So look into seeing if you

610
00:33:29,920 --> 00:33:32,440
Speaker 8: can find that twenty minute period of time and work

611
00:33:32,480 --> 00:33:35,680
Speaker 8: it into your life with the child that you need

612
00:33:35,720 --> 00:33:36,840
Speaker 8: to connect with a little more.

613
00:33:36,880 --> 00:33:40,040
Speaker 1: There's so much that you begin to learn about each other,

614
00:33:40,600 --> 00:33:45,720
Speaker 1: what motivates each other, what communicates love to each other.

615
00:33:45,800 --> 00:33:46,000
Speaker 2: Too.

616
00:33:46,120 --> 00:33:48,640
Speaker 1: You know that Gary, that's the dynamic. How wich moms

617
00:33:48,680 --> 00:33:52,880
Speaker 1: and dads would just just get that one piece, Gary,

618
00:33:52,920 --> 00:33:55,160
Speaker 1: I know, a no better time of the year than

619
00:33:55,240 --> 00:33:58,480
Speaker 1: the holidays to maybe, hey, start pressing in a little

620
00:33:58,520 --> 00:34:00,960
Speaker 1: closer to your kids and build a little bit more

621
00:34:01,000 --> 00:34:04,440
Speaker 1: of an emotional bond together and letting God do the rest.

622
00:34:04,600 --> 00:34:06,080
Speaker 2: Yeah. You always great to have you. Thank you so

623
00:34:06,160 --> 00:34:06,800
Speaker 2: much for joining us.

624
00:34:06,800 --> 00:34:07,840
Speaker 8: Thanks, we appreciate it.

625
00:34:09,360 --> 00:34:13,800
Speaker 1: Coming up next, marriage and Family Therapist Extraordinaire, Doctor Sharon

626
00:34:13,840 --> 00:34:21,360
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627
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656
00:35:58,920 --> 00:36:01,560
Speaker 1: She's the founder of the Safe Relationship Center and the

657
00:36:01,600 --> 00:36:05,400
Speaker 1: originator of the well known Safe Haven marriage intensives.

658
00:36:06,040 --> 00:36:07,560
Speaker 2: Sharon, what had it like to have you? Thank you

659
00:36:07,600 --> 00:36:08,200
Speaker 2: for joining me.

660
00:36:08,920 --> 00:36:10,879
Speaker 7: I'm so glad to be here, Tim.

661
00:36:10,880 --> 00:36:13,880
Speaker 1: Hey, char As we get started, we're moving into the holidays,

662
00:36:13,920 --> 00:36:16,440
Speaker 1: the most wonderful time of the year. I love the holidays,

663
00:36:16,440 --> 00:36:19,400
Speaker 1: you know that, and you and I've had many conversations

664
00:36:19,400 --> 00:36:23,520
Speaker 1: about just the goodness and grace of God. But it's interesting, Sharon,

665
00:36:23,920 --> 00:36:28,120
Speaker 1: when it comes to couples and families, research shows that

666
00:36:28,280 --> 00:36:32,239
Speaker 1: conflict actually goes up during the holidays, And I just

667
00:36:32,280 --> 00:36:35,640
Speaker 1: wanted to ask upfront, what do you think contributes to

668
00:36:35,719 --> 00:36:37,640
Speaker 1: that and what are you hearing from couples?

669
00:36:38,680 --> 00:36:38,879
Speaker 7: Oh?

670
00:36:38,960 --> 00:36:43,239
Speaker 5: Yes, I think the stress of holidays being perfect and

671
00:36:43,560 --> 00:36:48,400
Speaker 5: idealic and dreamy. We have this hope that everything's going

672
00:36:48,480 --> 00:36:52,640
Speaker 5: to come together, that people will change, that finances will

673
00:36:52,719 --> 00:36:55,520
Speaker 5: fit all our expectations and dreams.

674
00:36:55,840 --> 00:36:56,640
Speaker 7: But it doesn't.

675
00:36:56,760 --> 00:37:00,799
Speaker 5: Holidays are a season of high stress, especially and families.

676
00:37:01,520 --> 00:37:01,840
Speaker 2: Sharon.

677
00:37:02,440 --> 00:37:06,920
Speaker 1: A lot of people describe their relationships or their homes

678
00:37:06,920 --> 00:37:09,640
Speaker 1: as tired, and we're tired all the time and tense.

679
00:37:09,680 --> 00:37:13,400
Speaker 1: Everybody's tense. It's like, you know, you'll bear what's the

680
00:37:13,440 --> 00:37:16,280
Speaker 1: matter with you and sharing, you know, behind closed doors.

681
00:37:16,719 --> 00:37:18,840
Speaker 1: I think in the quiet corners of a lot of hearts,

682
00:37:18,880 --> 00:37:22,560
Speaker 1: there is there's a lot of stress from love gone bad,

683
00:37:22,600 --> 00:37:25,720
Speaker 1: if you will, and things that just don't make sense.

684
00:37:26,280 --> 00:37:28,280
Speaker 2: Are you seeing that too?

685
00:37:28,800 --> 00:37:29,000
Speaker 5: Oh?

686
00:37:29,040 --> 00:37:29,840
Speaker 7: Absolutely?

687
00:37:30,000 --> 00:37:34,319
Speaker 5: And I think the holidays highlight our great disappointments in

688
00:37:34,360 --> 00:37:39,600
Speaker 5: our marriage and in our families. The extra pressure of

689
00:37:39,840 --> 00:37:43,120
Speaker 5: Christmas being have to be perfect, we have to get together,

690
00:37:43,239 --> 00:37:46,359
Speaker 5: we have to all be in good moods, and the

691
00:37:46,400 --> 00:37:50,800
Speaker 5: to do lists and the pressure that's put us put

692
00:37:50,840 --> 00:37:54,239
Speaker 5: on us at the holidays highlights that we don't get

693
00:37:54,280 --> 00:37:57,040
Speaker 5: along with our spouse, so we don't agree with things

694
00:37:57,480 --> 00:38:01,719
Speaker 5: and we stay stuck arguing. And with families, it highlights

695
00:38:01,760 --> 00:38:05,799
Speaker 5: disappointments of mom and Dad who they never were for us,

696
00:38:05,920 --> 00:38:12,120
Speaker 5: our siblings who are still the same annoyance or difficult

697
00:38:12,320 --> 00:38:17,560
Speaker 5: or argumentative, and it all gets squished together and highlighted

698
00:38:18,000 --> 00:38:21,240
Speaker 5: under the magnifying glass during the holiday seasons.

699
00:38:21,320 --> 00:38:25,319
Speaker 1: Yeah, homes our most favorite destination. Everybody's going home, and

700
00:38:25,400 --> 00:38:29,560
Speaker 1: you're right. We come with this expectation that maybe just

701
00:38:29,680 --> 00:38:32,680
Speaker 1: this year is going to be fantastic, and home's supposed

702
00:38:32,680 --> 00:38:34,440
Speaker 1: to be the place that, no matter what, people are

703
00:38:34,440 --> 00:38:37,240
Speaker 1: supposed to love you warts and all, Sharon.

704
00:38:37,719 --> 00:38:38,600
Speaker 2: And when the.

705
00:38:38,800 --> 00:38:42,759
Speaker 1: First quote proverbial shoe drops and people go at each other,

706
00:38:44,080 --> 00:38:44,960
Speaker 1: Katie bar the door.

707
00:38:44,960 --> 00:38:50,080
Speaker 5: Here we go again, Oh absolutely, and we hurt and

708
00:38:50,160 --> 00:38:53,920
Speaker 5: are wounded by our families because we care. Families is

709
00:38:54,000 --> 00:38:57,919
Speaker 5: where we're supposed to find grace and mercy and unconditional love.

710
00:38:58,280 --> 00:39:01,440
Speaker 5: But a lot of times what we mind in families

711
00:39:01,719 --> 00:39:04,920
Speaker 5: is differences and our ability to not know how to

712
00:39:04,960 --> 00:39:08,200
Speaker 5: cope with it, you know, a little sarcasm and oh,

713
00:39:08,239 --> 00:39:11,719
Speaker 5: don't bring up that topic, and oh your children or

714
00:39:11,719 --> 00:39:14,960
Speaker 5: what you're wearing, or the dish you brought, or your

715
00:39:15,040 --> 00:39:20,520
Speaker 5: lifestyle that we don't agree with. We long to have

716
00:39:20,560 --> 00:39:23,239
Speaker 5: our families just love and care for us, and holidays

717
00:39:23,320 --> 00:39:25,359
Speaker 5: highlight the differences between us.

718
00:39:25,760 --> 00:39:25,960
Speaker 7: Sure.

719
00:39:26,400 --> 00:39:29,719
Speaker 1: An issue or two that seems to be becoming more

720
00:39:30,280 --> 00:39:34,640
Speaker 1: prevalent is this whole issue of parental alienation and ghosting

721
00:39:34,760 --> 00:39:37,800
Speaker 1: that people kind of do when all of a sudden,

722
00:39:37,800 --> 00:39:41,440
Speaker 1: people get hacked off about something next thing, you know, fine,

723
00:39:41,520 --> 00:39:44,480
Speaker 1: I'm gone, I'm taking the kids with me, or I'll

724
00:39:44,520 --> 00:39:48,000
Speaker 1: never talk to you again type thing. It's horrific to

725
00:39:48,120 --> 00:39:50,360
Speaker 1: think that people who love each other, who's supposed to

726
00:39:50,360 --> 00:39:53,400
Speaker 1: love each other, go to those extremes. Why do we

727
00:39:53,840 --> 00:39:56,960
Speaker 1: push that you know, nuclear button so often? It's just like,

728
00:39:57,040 --> 00:39:58,480
Speaker 1: what's the matter with everyone?

729
00:40:00,320 --> 00:40:03,879
Speaker 5: And you know that is deep, deep pain, and when

730
00:40:03,920 --> 00:40:06,880
Speaker 5: we don't know how to deal with a deep loss

731
00:40:07,200 --> 00:40:12,239
Speaker 5: and grief and sadness of you know what our family isn't.

732
00:40:12,600 --> 00:40:13,719
Speaker 7: It's very hard for.

733
00:40:13,760 --> 00:40:16,480
Speaker 5: Us to know how to accept what our family is,

734
00:40:17,080 --> 00:40:21,600
Speaker 5: and those deep dragons I call it, are triggered and

735
00:40:21,640 --> 00:40:24,239
Speaker 5: how we cope and protect our hearts when we feel

736
00:40:24,280 --> 00:40:27,759
Speaker 5: we're going to be attacked or rejected. You know, we

737
00:40:27,840 --> 00:40:33,640
Speaker 5: get angry, we pout, we defend ourselves, we shut down

738
00:40:33,719 --> 00:40:36,359
Speaker 5: and pull away, and a part of that is we

739
00:40:36,400 --> 00:40:38,160
Speaker 5: feel I need to go out and protect myself.

740
00:40:38,280 --> 00:40:40,040
Speaker 7: I'm not going to show up. I don't want to

741
00:40:40,120 --> 00:40:40,680
Speaker 7: see them.

742
00:40:40,760 --> 00:40:44,440
Speaker 5: I'll just avoid or oh, I'm going to go to holidays,

743
00:40:44,760 --> 00:40:47,240
Speaker 5: but I'm not going to put up with them stepping

744
00:40:47,280 --> 00:40:48,040
Speaker 5: over boundaries.

745
00:40:48,040 --> 00:40:49,840
Speaker 7: I'm going to give them a piece of my mind.

746
00:40:50,440 --> 00:40:53,840
Speaker 5: That is part of our deep longing to actually be

747
00:40:53,920 --> 00:40:55,760
Speaker 5: loved and accepted by our family.

748
00:40:56,239 --> 00:41:01,480
Speaker 1: Sharon, you talk a lot about safe haven relationships, and

749
00:41:01,520 --> 00:41:06,040
Speaker 1: I know inside that you talk about feeling safe, being

750
00:41:06,200 --> 00:41:09,759
Speaker 1: kind of seen if you will, and ultimately getting to

751
00:41:09,800 --> 00:41:12,480
Speaker 1: a place where you're able to soothe yourself your emotions

752
00:41:12,760 --> 00:41:15,359
Speaker 1: even if they're real raw, and then begin to feel

753
00:41:15,400 --> 00:41:18,799
Speaker 1: more secure in the relationship. But talk to us from

754
00:41:18,920 --> 00:41:22,120
Speaker 1: your perspective, what does that really look like? How do

755
00:41:22,239 --> 00:41:25,759
Speaker 1: I make that a goal and is it even attainable?

756
00:41:25,840 --> 00:41:29,560
Speaker 1: I guess, you know, especially when you've got some toxic chaos,

757
00:41:29,640 --> 00:41:32,640
Speaker 1: you know some of those people, and it seems like

758
00:41:32,680 --> 00:41:35,479
Speaker 1: we just somewhat, we've got to give forgiveness to try

759
00:41:35,480 --> 00:41:39,040
Speaker 1: and we've got to do something. Let's just let's get

760
00:41:39,239 --> 00:41:43,240
Speaker 1: back to civility and kindness and grace.

761
00:41:44,760 --> 00:41:48,760
Speaker 5: Absolutely, And before you go into the holiday season, before

762
00:41:48,760 --> 00:41:52,399
Speaker 5: you go to those family gatherings, you know, decide who

763
00:41:52,480 --> 00:41:54,560
Speaker 5: you want to be. Do you want to be an

764
00:41:54,600 --> 00:41:58,800
Speaker 5: agent of healing and forgiveness? Do you want to bring

765
00:41:58,920 --> 00:42:02,840
Speaker 5: that kindness? And how are you going to regulate yourself

766
00:42:02,880 --> 00:42:05,880
Speaker 5: when you get triggered? And you know, we can hold

767
00:42:05,920 --> 00:42:10,560
Speaker 5: on to hope for family changing, but more than likely

768
00:42:11,000 --> 00:42:16,240
Speaker 5: your family will heal or change in small, little increments.

769
00:42:16,520 --> 00:42:20,480
Speaker 5: Maybe it's that the aunt actually smiled at you, or

770
00:42:20,520 --> 00:42:23,040
Speaker 5: you were able to at least say how are you

771
00:42:23,280 --> 00:42:27,680
Speaker 5: to the uncle? All that you know, you manage to

772
00:42:27,960 --> 00:42:32,400
Speaker 5: not say something snarky when all the grandkids were running

773
00:42:32,400 --> 00:42:36,760
Speaker 5: around a wild That we can hold on to hope

774
00:42:36,800 --> 00:42:40,840
Speaker 5: for family changing, but more than likely it is holding

775
00:42:40,880 --> 00:42:44,880
Speaker 5: on to I want to bring a piece of forgiveness

776
00:42:45,400 --> 00:42:49,720
Speaker 5: and love and kindness and understanding into my family system

777
00:42:50,360 --> 00:42:52,360
Speaker 5: and I want to be that light.

778
00:42:53,520 --> 00:42:56,319
Speaker 1: Probably a lot of people watching too, However, they're going

779
00:42:56,320 --> 00:42:59,919
Speaker 1: into this Christmas with some real sorrow heaviness in their heart.

780
00:43:00,719 --> 00:43:03,239
Speaker 1: You know it's going to be an empty chair, or

781
00:43:03,360 --> 00:43:07,920
Speaker 1: they have a diagnosis that's pretty scary, or again just

782
00:43:08,640 --> 00:43:12,480
Speaker 1: you know, some type of broken relationship and there's just sadness.

783
00:43:13,600 --> 00:43:16,000
Speaker 1: How do you speak into that? How can people approach

784
00:43:16,040 --> 00:43:20,880
Speaker 1: the holidays and maybe find some type of joy in

785
00:43:20,920 --> 00:43:22,040
Speaker 1: the midst of sorrow?

786
00:43:23,080 --> 00:43:26,560
Speaker 5: Yes, And I think for us to be emotionally healthy,

787
00:43:27,120 --> 00:43:33,760
Speaker 5: we mustn't stuff or numb or escape what is real

788
00:43:33,880 --> 00:43:38,720
Speaker 5: in our life, which is the diagnosis all the death

789
00:43:38,840 --> 00:43:42,120
Speaker 5: or loss of someone very dear in the family. It

790
00:43:42,200 --> 00:43:45,160
Speaker 5: is to be able to name it and to recognize

791
00:43:45,160 --> 00:43:48,920
Speaker 5: it and then to allow life to grow around it.

792
00:43:49,400 --> 00:43:52,920
Speaker 5: To find what is something you can be grateful for

793
00:43:53,440 --> 00:43:57,920
Speaker 5: uh and savor it and to have small little moments

794
00:43:57,920 --> 00:44:02,600
Speaker 5: of savoring, of just enjoy allowing little bits of moments.

795
00:44:02,960 --> 00:44:05,799
Speaker 5: You know, it is watching aging parents and watching your

796
00:44:05,840 --> 00:44:11,600
Speaker 5: parents not remember events, and the sadness and grief of

797
00:44:11,640 --> 00:44:14,760
Speaker 5: seeing our parents that we relied on to be strong

798
00:44:15,000 --> 00:44:19,879
Speaker 5: and secure and our safe haven's age and deteriorate. It's

799
00:44:19,880 --> 00:44:22,520
Speaker 5: be able to grieve that and then to find those

800
00:44:22,600 --> 00:44:27,640
Speaker 5: sweet moments to just enjoy what is within our family.

801
00:44:27,960 --> 00:44:28,920
Speaker 2: Yeah, Sharon.

802
00:44:28,920 --> 00:44:32,759
Speaker 1: If people want to learn more about you and your resources,

803
00:44:32,840 --> 00:44:35,040
Speaker 1: your intensives, or what have you, where can they go?

804
00:44:35,840 --> 00:44:40,560
Speaker 5: Yes, safe Haven Relationships Center dot com. We would love

805
00:44:40,640 --> 00:44:44,760
Speaker 5: to pass on information and resources to you for your marriage,

806
00:44:44,800 --> 00:44:47,080
Speaker 5: for your family, and your own personal growth.

807
00:44:47,920 --> 00:44:49,600
Speaker 2: Doctor Sharon May, what did it like to have you?

808
00:44:49,640 --> 00:44:50,560
Speaker 2: Thank you for joining me.

809
00:44:51,320 --> 00:44:52,320
Speaker 7: Thank you, Tim.

810
00:44:52,480 --> 00:44:59,200
Speaker 3: Blessings for more encouragement and to stay connected. Follow doctor

811
00:44:59,200 --> 00:45:02,600
Speaker 3: Tim Clinton on Facebook, Instagram, and x. We love being

812
00:45:02,600 --> 00:45:03,239
Speaker 3: a part of your.

813
00:45:03,120 --> 00:45:14,640
Speaker 1: Life, Andy and closing. These are unprecedented times. They're difficult times.

814
00:45:14,680 --> 00:45:17,719
Speaker 1: But I know this and I believe it. God's in control.

815
00:45:18,320 --> 00:45:21,439
Speaker 1: I believe he's at work. Press send to him. Get

816
00:45:21,480 --> 00:45:24,080
Speaker 1: close to God. Know that God loves you and that

817
00:45:24,120 --> 00:45:26,480
Speaker 1: he wants to be in your life. Our hope, our

818
00:45:26,520 --> 00:45:30,360
Speaker 1: strength comes from the Lord. Here again is an encouraging

819
00:45:30,440 --> 00:45:32,480
Speaker 1: verse from the Bible to hold on to this week.

820
00:45:32,800 --> 00:45:35,239
Speaker 1: It's a reminder again of how much we need each

821
00:45:35,280 --> 00:45:40,240
Speaker 1: other Verus Thessalonians five, verse eleven. Therefore, encourage one another,

822
00:45:41,040 --> 00:45:44,120
Speaker 1: build one another up, just as in fact you're doing.

823
00:45:44,360 --> 00:45:47,160
Speaker 1: In other words, keep it going. Help you know that

824
00:45:47,200 --> 00:45:50,040
Speaker 1: you can look to God for wisdom and direction in

825
00:45:50,080 --> 00:45:53,040
Speaker 1: your everyday life. Let me also say I've learned as

826
00:45:53,080 --> 00:45:56,720
Speaker 1: a professional counselor that it's normal to have concern, maybe

827
00:45:56,719 --> 00:46:00,799
Speaker 1: some fear of worry when things aren't the way they're

828
00:46:00,800 --> 00:46:01,400
Speaker 1: supposed to be.

829
00:46:02,200 --> 00:46:03,040
Speaker 2: But I've also.

830
00:46:02,840 --> 00:46:05,960
Speaker 1: Learned that if you aren't careful, it can begin to

831
00:46:06,000 --> 00:46:10,319
Speaker 1: consume you, maybe control you easy, loose perspective. Some feel

832
00:46:10,360 --> 00:46:13,160
Speaker 1: like they've lost hope. It can get so dark, some

833
00:46:13,200 --> 00:46:16,200
Speaker 1: feel like life would be better off without them. We

834
00:46:16,239 --> 00:46:20,600
Speaker 1: all know someone who's had thoughts of taking their life.

835
00:46:20,719 --> 00:46:22,359
Speaker 1: I say this every week. You don't have to live

836
00:46:22,480 --> 00:46:25,399
Speaker 1: like that. Simply taking a step reaching out for help

837
00:46:25,440 --> 00:46:27,319
Speaker 1: it's often the gateway to a new day or a

838
00:46:27,360 --> 00:46:30,120
Speaker 1: new you. And if you or someone you love is struggling,

839
00:46:30,280 --> 00:46:33,279
Speaker 1: I hope you'll do that reach out for help. There

840
00:46:33,280 --> 00:46:36,239
Speaker 1: are wonderful counsels and pastors who care you can help

841
00:46:36,280 --> 00:46:39,240
Speaker 1: you find the hope, the answers that you're looking for. Also,

842
00:46:39,360 --> 00:46:42,000
Speaker 1: there are a lot of resources out there now love

843
00:46:42,040 --> 00:46:43,799
Speaker 1: to connect you with some of those. You can learn

844
00:46:43,840 --> 00:46:47,760
Speaker 1: more about what we have to offer at our website

845
00:46:47,800 --> 00:46:53,319
Speaker 1: AACC dot net. That's AACC dot net. You would like

846
00:46:53,360 --> 00:46:55,520
Speaker 1: to find a Christian mental health leader in your area.

847
00:46:55,760 --> 00:47:01,120
Speaker 1: A check out our new website, christiancareconnect dot com Christiancare

848
00:47:01,239 --> 00:47:05,239
Speaker 1: connect dot com. If you don't have a personal relationship

849
00:47:05,280 --> 00:47:08,000
Speaker 1: with God in Christ, you can do that right now

850
00:47:08,040 --> 00:47:10,960
Speaker 1: by asking God to come indo your life simply praying

851
00:47:10,960 --> 00:47:14,600
Speaker 1: a prayer from your heart to his heart something like this.

852
00:47:14,719 --> 00:47:17,839
Speaker 1: You can pray it with me, Lord Jesus, I need you.

853
00:47:18,760 --> 00:47:21,400
Speaker 1: I know I'm a sinner. I believe you died for

854
00:47:21,600 --> 00:47:24,560
Speaker 1: my sins. I want to turn from the way I'm

855
00:47:24,600 --> 00:47:27,040
Speaker 1: living and invite you to come into my heart and life.

856
00:47:27,560 --> 00:47:29,319
Speaker 1: I want to trust you. I want to follow you

857
00:47:29,360 --> 00:47:33,120
Speaker 1: as my Lord and savior. God, Thank you for loving me,

858
00:47:33,680 --> 00:47:36,000
Speaker 1: for giving you a life for me. Thank you for

859
00:47:36,040 --> 00:47:39,200
Speaker 1: the gift of grace and forgiveness, the gift of eternal

860
00:47:39,239 --> 00:47:42,600
Speaker 1: life Heaven. Pray all this in Jesus's name.

861
00:47:43,120 --> 00:47:43,480
Speaker 2: Amen.

862
00:47:43,960 --> 00:47:45,839
Speaker 1: Yeah, I believe that if you've prayed that prayer from

863
00:47:45,880 --> 00:47:47,480
Speaker 1: your heart to God's heart, that he heard you. You

864
00:47:47,560 --> 00:47:50,120
Speaker 1: know what, the Bible says John three point sixteen. For

865
00:47:50,280 --> 00:47:52,279
Speaker 1: God so loved the world that he gave is only

866
00:47:52,280 --> 00:47:56,080
Speaker 1: begotten son, that whosoever believes in him would not perish

867
00:47:56,120 --> 00:47:58,920
Speaker 1: but have ever lasting life and Romans ten to nine.

868
00:47:58,960 --> 00:48:01,319
Speaker 1: It says that if you confess with your mouth that

869
00:48:01,440 --> 00:48:03,279
Speaker 1: Jesus is Lord, and believe in your heart that.

870
00:48:03,280 --> 00:48:04,640
Speaker 2: God raised him from the.

871
00:48:04,640 --> 00:48:08,920
Speaker 1: Dead, here's what the Bible says, you will be saved.

872
00:48:09,520 --> 00:48:11,439
Speaker 1: Best thing you can do if you pray that prayer. Now,

873
00:48:11,920 --> 00:48:15,680
Speaker 1: just go live for God as best you can, and

874
00:48:15,719 --> 00:48:17,840
Speaker 1: He'll give you the strength to do it. I believe

875
00:48:17,920 --> 00:48:21,480
Speaker 1: that if you're struggling with hopelessness and you think it's

876
00:48:21,520 --> 00:48:24,239
Speaker 1: really dark and tell my need help, hope you'll pick

877
00:48:24,320 --> 00:48:27,640
Speaker 1: up the phone, call the suicide hotline and talk with someone.

878
00:48:27,760 --> 00:48:33,399
Speaker 1: That number is nine eight eight, the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline. Hey,

879
00:48:33,440 --> 00:48:35,799
Speaker 1: before we go, maybe God's gifted you with a heart

880
00:48:35,840 --> 00:48:38,319
Speaker 1: to help other people. Someone helped you, and you've got

881
00:48:38,320 --> 00:48:40,160
Speaker 1: that same heart inside of you. You want to help

882
00:48:40,200 --> 00:48:42,520
Speaker 1: other people. I hope you'll consider being a part of

883
00:48:42,520 --> 00:48:46,920
Speaker 1: our Mental Health Coach first Responder Training program. Over seventy

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00:48:46,960 --> 00:48:49,920
Speaker 1: five thousand people have now enrolled in that program. You

885
00:48:49,960 --> 00:48:52,200
Speaker 1: can be on your way to becoming a board certified

886
00:48:52,280 --> 00:48:55,319
Speaker 1: mental health coach. Everything you need to know about that

887
00:48:55,320 --> 00:49:00,400
Speaker 1: program is up at our website, lightuniversity dot com Forward

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00:49:00,480 --> 00:49:04,920
Speaker 1: slash Mental Health Coach. Lightuniversity dot com Forward slash Mental

889
00:49:04,920 --> 00:49:07,600
Speaker 1: Health Coach. It's a forty two hour training program featuring

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00:49:07,600 --> 00:49:10,080
Speaker 1: some of the world's leading mental health and ministry experts,

891
00:49:10,239 --> 00:49:12,560
Speaker 1: all on video. You could study twenty four seven three

892
00:49:12,680 --> 00:49:16,160
Speaker 1: sixty five Best news program usually costs about twenty four

893
00:49:16,200 --> 00:49:18,560
Speaker 1: hundred dollars. There might be a scholarship up there for

894
00:49:18,640 --> 00:49:23,640
Speaker 1: someone just like you. Lightuniversity dot com Forward slash Mental

895
00:49:23,880 --> 00:49:26,840
Speaker 1: Health Coach. I'm doctor Tim Clinton has always thanks for watching.

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00:49:27,280 --> 00:49:29,520
Speaker 1: See you next week right here on Sunday The Road

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00:49:29,560 --> 00:49:31,560
Speaker 1: Forward on Real America's Voice News

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00:49:35,520 --> 00:49:37,520
Speaker 7: Mean by God Come