WEBVTT - The Fifth Hour: Hello Yellow, Into the Amazon 0:00:00.640 --> 0:00:01.400 Kabbooms. 0:00:02.240 --> 0:00:05.320 If you thought four hours a day, twelve hundred minutes 0:00:05.360 --> 0:00:09.120 a week was enough, think again. He's the last remnants 0:00:09.160 --> 0:00:12.440 of the Old Republic, a soul fashion of fairness. He 0:00:12.520 --> 0:00:15.440 treats crackheads in the ghetto gutter the same as the 0:00:15.560 --> 0:00:17.440 rich pill poppers in the penthouse. 0:00:18.000 --> 0:00:18.320 Wow. 0:00:18.520 --> 0:00:22.280 The Clearinghouse of Hot takes break free for something special. 0:00:22.600 --> 0:00:29.160 The Fifth Hour with Ben Maller starts right now in 0:00:29.240 --> 0:00:32.080 the air everywhere. 0:00:32.280 --> 0:00:35.000 The Fifth Hour with Me, Ben Maler and Danny G. 0:00:35.200 --> 0:00:40.000 The Weekend starts right now. Happy Friday is the nineteenth 0:00:40.080 --> 0:00:42.840 day of September. Just a few hours ago, I got 0:00:42.840 --> 0:00:45.400 done with the overnight show and here we are back 0:00:45.440 --> 0:00:49.280 in the podcast studio. Danny G Radio will join me 0:00:49.520 --> 0:00:53.120 at some point over the weekend. But on this podcast, 0:00:53.880 --> 0:00:59.800 The Friday Spectacular, we have Hello, Yellow Sugary Lollipop, and 0:01:00.200 --> 0:01:01.960 who knows what else, But we start with this. It 0:01:02.040 --> 0:01:07.840 is National Tradesman Day. That's right, National Tradesman Day celebrated 0:01:07.880 --> 0:01:12.160 the third Friday of September every year. It's relatively new. 0:01:12.800 --> 0:01:15.840 I brought this up because having met a number of 0:01:15.880 --> 0:01:18.440 you at various meet and greets over the years in 0:01:18.480 --> 0:01:21.800 different parts of the country. A number of you have 0:01:21.959 --> 0:01:26.280 worked in the trades you have right, whether you could 0:01:26.280 --> 0:01:30.080 be anything from a carpenter like just Josh, you're in 0:01:30.120 --> 0:01:36.000 the building maintenance, world, plumbing, electricity, any of that stuff, 0:01:36.920 --> 0:01:41.119 and the trades are are massive. I think I would 0:01:41.160 --> 0:01:43.759 have done okay in that if I'd learned a skill, 0:01:44.400 --> 0:01:49.440 obviously other than talking about sports. But listen, the great 0:01:49.480 --> 0:01:52.760 thing about the tradesmen, as you guys know, you don't 0:01:52.760 --> 0:01:55.480 really think about it much until you need them, and 0:01:55.720 --> 0:02:00.440 it would be almost impossible, if not impossible, to have 0:02:00.480 --> 0:02:04.920 a high quality of life without a bunch of tradesmen. 0:02:04.960 --> 0:02:08.440 Which is interesting because I did see the stat that 0:02:08.680 --> 0:02:10.200 this is not the fun fact, by the way, but 0:02:10.200 --> 0:02:13.440 I did you see a stat that one new tradesman 0:02:13.720 --> 0:02:17.520 comes into the profession for three old ones, meaning that 0:02:17.639 --> 0:02:22.600 every time three tradesmen retire from their profession, only one 0:02:23.160 --> 0:02:27.360 new one joins the forces. That is a supply shortage situation. 0:02:27.600 --> 0:02:32.840 And according to a recent study from the Hudson Institute, 0:02:32.880 --> 0:02:34.680 which I am not sure what that is, but they 0:02:34.960 --> 0:02:37.800 I saw this study and they said that the way 0:02:37.880 --> 0:02:41.239 things are going, barring some kind of change, there will 0:02:41.280 --> 0:02:44.680 be a shortage of tradesmen by twenty fifty, so that's 0:02:45.360 --> 0:02:49.520 a generation from now there will be not enough tradesmen 0:02:50.280 --> 0:02:54.280 in the world. And there's been this debate, but is 0:02:54.320 --> 0:02:57.120 it good for your health to be in the trades 0:02:57.160 --> 0:03:01.520 and whatnot. However, based on the fact that a lot 0:03:01.560 --> 0:03:04.240 of us have set jobs that we're sitting around, we're 0:03:04.280 --> 0:03:08.200 sitting at desk, I sit in the radio studio all night, 0:03:08.320 --> 0:03:11.040 that you're not moving, you're not getting your blood flowing. 0:03:11.080 --> 0:03:15.840 That actually, as opposed to those type of jobs, seditary jobs, 0:03:16.320 --> 0:03:21.000 that if you're in the trades, you're actually healthier because 0:03:21.040 --> 0:03:25.080 you're constantly moving your body around, your muscles, your joints, 0:03:25.120 --> 0:03:28.959 all that stuff. And I had some friends of mine 0:03:28.960 --> 0:03:31.239 that got into the trades and they've made good money, 0:03:31.720 --> 0:03:35.720 they've had consistent employment, and the only things they've complained 0:03:35.720 --> 0:03:37.800 about sometimes they are having to work on the holidays 0:03:37.800 --> 0:03:41.720 because if you're a plumber and somebody's toilet gets clogged 0:03:41.800 --> 0:03:44.120 or something like that on Christmas, who you're gonna call? 0:03:44.240 --> 0:03:47.000 Gonna call a plumber and all that. But anyway, so 0:03:47.040 --> 0:03:50.880 celebrate National Tradesman Day today. And the fun fact, the 0:03:51.000 --> 0:03:54.800 fun fact on National Tradesmen's Day, going back to the 0:03:54.840 --> 0:03:59.200 Middle Ages, Is it true that when you were a 0:03:59.320 --> 0:04:02.240 barber in the Middle Ages, not only were you a barber, 0:04:03.080 --> 0:04:08.880 but you also provided your service as a doctor to 0:04:09.480 --> 0:04:12.760 the lower class, the lower social class, the poor people 0:04:13.280 --> 0:04:18.240 who could not afford to go to an actual Middle 0:04:18.800 --> 0:04:24.479 Ages doctor, so they had aches and pains. The barber 0:04:25.440 --> 0:04:29.839 turned out to be the doctor. Sounds like something that 0:04:29.920 --> 0:04:34.400 Doc Mike out of Chicago would do. Now, on that note, 0:04:34.560 --> 0:04:37.560 we turned the page and a story that I was 0:04:37.600 --> 0:04:41.360 debating whether or not to share with you. I ultimately 0:04:41.400 --> 0:04:44.760 determined that that what happened to me this week is 0:04:44.960 --> 0:04:51.360 both educational and also perfect for this format because you, 0:04:51.640 --> 0:04:56.200 by listening to the Fifth Hour, are p one your 0:04:56.200 --> 0:04:57.960 next level. There's a lot of people. We do very 0:04:57.960 --> 0:04:59.600 well on the Overnight Show. There's a lot of people 0:04:59.640 --> 0:05:01.760 that listen, but a lot of the people listen just 0:05:01.800 --> 0:05:04.400 because we happen to be on at that time. Right, 0:05:05.400 --> 0:05:07.640 you have to go out of your way to find 0:05:07.680 --> 0:05:10.920 this podcast, right, the Fifth Hour podcast. It is promoted 0:05:11.160 --> 0:05:13.240 on the Overnight Show. We do promote it, but you 0:05:13.279 --> 0:05:15.920 have to go out of your way to find it. 0:05:16.920 --> 0:05:21.640 And you've done that. So it's story time on the 0:05:21.680 --> 0:05:26.000 Fifth Hour. Let me tell you about fasting. Now I 0:05:26.040 --> 0:05:29.080 have discovered it is not for whims. It's for lunatics, 0:05:29.200 --> 0:05:31.440 is what it's what it's for. So for many years 0:05:31.440 --> 0:05:34.760 now I have practiced innerminute fasting. You may know that 0:05:34.839 --> 0:05:37.160 if you've listened to these podcasts, you know I've talked 0:05:37.200 --> 0:05:40.720 about my life choices when it comes to that kind 0:05:40.760 --> 0:05:43.080 of thing. So for the most part, the way it 0:05:43.120 --> 0:05:46.880 works is one meal a day. Sometimes I will skip 0:05:46.960 --> 0:05:50.440 a day and I will stretch out the fast from 0:05:50.640 --> 0:05:53.720 say twenty three hours or twenty four hours. I will 0:05:53.760 --> 0:05:57.520 go to forty eight hours, sometimes even longer than that, 0:05:58.160 --> 0:06:02.360 and I would go without food. Is my personal Michigas. 0:06:02.560 --> 0:06:05.359 As my grandfather would say. It's it's kind of like 0:06:05.440 --> 0:06:08.040 rooting for the Clippers in the nineties or collecting ticket 0:06:08.080 --> 0:06:12.000 stubs from UC Irvine with a guy named Billy Mulligan 0:06:12.040 --> 0:06:15.840 who is the coach from their basketball games. You do 0:06:15.920 --> 0:06:19.200 it because it makes sense only to you, and that's 0:06:19.200 --> 0:06:22.159 why you do it. So this week, this week, though, 0:06:22.240 --> 0:06:27.200 the routine betrayed me. So my lovely wife and I 0:06:27.240 --> 0:06:29.919 we went out to a rare for US rare for 0:06:30.080 --> 0:06:34.280 US meal. Since I usually cook, I like futson around 0:06:34.279 --> 0:06:37.160 in the kitchen and so one of us will make 0:06:37.160 --> 0:06:40.600 it easy as me. But we'll make food and end 0:06:40.680 --> 0:06:43.080 up eating at home. Let's say six days a week, 0:06:43.080 --> 0:06:45.600 maybe go out once a week. And so we went 0:06:45.720 --> 0:06:49.400 to one of our favorite spots. It's a local spot, 0:06:49.600 --> 0:06:51.960 kind of a kind of a place that serves chicken 0:06:52.000 --> 0:06:55.000 fingers and pastromi fries. My kind of place, My kind 0:06:55.000 --> 0:07:00.559 of place that's soul food. It's so indulgent that if 0:07:00.600 --> 0:07:04.560 you had an offensive line or a sumo wrestling outfit, 0:07:05.120 --> 0:07:08.440 they would enjoy the food. They would enjoy. It's heavy food. It's, 0:07:08.800 --> 0:07:12.640 like I said, soul food. It's fried in memory and regret. 0:07:13.520 --> 0:07:15.720 So I broke my fast. I had been fasting for 0:07:16.680 --> 0:07:19.840 roughly forty eight hours, and I broke my fast with 0:07:20.040 --> 0:07:25.360 some gusto, some razzle dazzle. I gobbled down my delicious 0:07:25.480 --> 0:07:28.480 chicken fingers with the honey mustard, the barbecue and the 0:07:29.640 --> 0:07:32.960 house sauce, which is kind of like a Thousand Island 0:07:32.960 --> 0:07:36.640 type thing. So I hate that. I think Spacoli would approve. 0:07:37.400 --> 0:07:41.160 I hugged the wife goodbye as she went to work. Waddled, 0:07:42.200 --> 0:07:44.720 I waddled like a penguin out to the parking lot, 0:07:44.840 --> 0:07:48.160 to the mal ormobile, thinking was it worth it? Was 0:07:48.200 --> 0:07:51.000 it worth it? And see, I had ad home because 0:07:51.000 --> 0:07:53.840 I had to prepare for the Ben Mahler Show, and 0:07:54.600 --> 0:07:58.400 it takes a lot of time needed to prepare the monologues. 0:07:58.440 --> 0:08:00.480 There's bullet points that go into that, and I have 0:08:00.560 --> 0:08:03.200 to find things that I'm interested in. So then my 0:08:03.320 --> 0:08:08.400 stomach whispered back as I was settling in for the 0:08:08.520 --> 0:08:13.320 relatively short drive back to the Malor mansion, and the 0:08:13.440 --> 0:08:19.160 stomach whispered, oh you think so, huh okay. Now by 0:08:19.200 --> 0:08:22.960 the time I hit the road, that whisper had become 0:08:23.040 --> 0:08:28.960 a primal scream. And this restaurant's about ten minutes from 0:08:29.280 --> 0:08:33.240 the Malor Mansion, and yet I felt like I was 0:08:33.280 --> 0:08:37.480 carrying a live hand grenade in my gut. You ever 0:08:37.520 --> 0:08:39.960 had that, We've all had that, right, you've had that. 0:08:40.840 --> 0:08:42.520 I've had it before. I haven't had in a while. 0:08:43.200 --> 0:08:46.520 Now you should know, and maybe you do that roughly 0:08:46.640 --> 0:08:48.360 five or six years ago. I think it was six 0:08:48.440 --> 0:08:54.040 years ago. Now, I had my gallbladder removed. Yeah, Now, 0:08:54.400 --> 0:08:56.400 if you've had that happen, you know this. If not, 0:08:57.640 --> 0:09:00.680 if you lived long enough and eat fried food, that's 0:09:00.679 --> 0:09:04.360 going to happen. So it changes the way the machinery 0:09:04.800 --> 0:09:09.320 works in the body. Your body keeps score. Why would 0:09:09.320 --> 0:09:11.760 your body keep score? And the thing about it, it's 0:09:11.800 --> 0:09:14.840 a little trickerations because the body waits for the exact 0:09:14.920 --> 0:09:19.880 wrong time to remind you, and then all of a sudden, 0:09:19.920 --> 0:09:23.960 it is Dante's inferno. We are talking death con one 0:09:24.840 --> 0:09:30.120 as a gastro intestinal emergency situation. So keep in mind, 0:09:30.200 --> 0:09:32.840 I have a ten minute drive. I was staring down 0:09:33.320 --> 0:09:37.280 a red light parade, one after another after another, like 0:09:37.400 --> 0:09:41.400 rush hour in midtown Manhattan, a sea of red, a 0:09:41.559 --> 0:09:45.400 red sea. So now I'm doing inventory. I got what 0:09:45.480 --> 0:09:49.880 appears to be a gastro intestinal hand grenade in my 0:09:50.440 --> 0:09:57.960 stomach that is fertilized. I've got a good amount of 0:09:57.960 --> 0:10:00.800 time to go. And I did the malth and it 0:10:00.920 --> 0:10:03.400 wrote back in my head, no chance, in that little 0:10:03.400 --> 0:10:06.960 cartoon bubble them above my head. No chance. So now 0:10:07.000 --> 0:10:09.960 this becomes a two minute drill, but not not a 0:10:10.000 --> 0:10:14.120 two minute drill that you might think is going to 0:10:14.120 --> 0:10:16.840 be successful, because this is a two minute drill, except 0:10:16.880 --> 0:10:21.520 the quarterback had no timeouts. It was a pouring rainstorm. 0:10:21.920 --> 0:10:24.520 The quarterback also had two left feet, and the clock 0:10:24.800 --> 0:10:30.120 was mocking the quarterback. So I end up making it. 0:10:30.600 --> 0:10:32.600 I said about ten minutes, but I made it about 0:10:32.640 --> 0:10:35.640 eight minutes in and it was a couple of minutes 0:10:35.679 --> 0:10:42.600 from the Malor mansion. And suddenly, imagine the US Space program, 0:10:42.720 --> 0:10:52.480 NASA counting down five four, three two one. We have 0:10:52.640 --> 0:10:56.479 lift off. We have lift off. Apollo eleven has blasted 0:10:56.559 --> 0:10:59.760 off into space. Now, in my case, it wasn't a 0:10:59.760 --> 0:11:03.960 P eleven. It was kaboom. Let's just say, in that moment, 0:11:04.880 --> 0:11:09.040 I became a Cleveland Browns fan. In that moment, I 0:11:09.120 --> 0:11:14.200 became a Cleveland Browns fan. The Malormobile was christened in 0:11:14.400 --> 0:11:18.040 brown Town. If you will in Brownston, what can brown 0:11:18.120 --> 0:11:20.920 do for you? Now, for the record, I want to 0:11:20.920 --> 0:11:24.319 clarify this because some of you knuckleheads, like just Josh 0:11:23.960 --> 0:11:28.480 and others. We'll run with this. And I did have 0:11:28.520 --> 0:11:31.559 a famous incident at a park when I was walking 0:11:31.600 --> 0:11:36.680 around getting steps in and totally dropped a bomb on you, 0:11:37.559 --> 0:11:42.160 a poop bomb in a public restroom. That was like 0:11:42.200 --> 0:11:44.400 a crime scene. So this was not that. So I'm 0:11:44.440 --> 0:11:50.240 in the car. I mentioned kaboom. The Malomobile was disheveled, 0:11:50.920 --> 0:11:54.040 but for the record, it was technically not poop. This 0:11:54.240 --> 0:11:58.680 was Billy Ruben I am told is the term it's yellow, 0:11:59.400 --> 0:12:04.439 hello yellow, definitely not mellow yellow. It is not mellow yellow. 0:12:05.040 --> 0:12:09.760 It was Mana Zuma's revenge or in this case, Malar's revenge. 0:12:09.760 --> 0:12:13.679 We'll rebrand it Malar's revenge or put the highlight of 0:12:13.720 --> 0:12:17.320 their Malard's gut punch. So, in other words, the exact 0:12:17.440 --> 0:12:21.240 kind of technicality that only those of us who are 0:12:21.240 --> 0:12:26.680 middle aged men would cling to when describing our own humiliation. 0:12:27.440 --> 0:12:30.439 So technically, not poop is a phrase that could serve 0:12:30.480 --> 0:12:34.640 as an epithet for many things here that have gone 0:12:34.679 --> 0:12:37.840 on around this time and maybe my generation anyway. So 0:12:38.080 --> 0:12:40.560 the good news is, and this is the most important 0:12:40.600 --> 0:12:43.720 part to me, This is the most important part, because 0:12:43.800 --> 0:12:47.000 when we had five four three two one, we have 0:12:47.160 --> 0:12:50.800 lift off, we have lift off of Apollo eleven or 0:12:50.800 --> 0:12:54.000 in this case, you know what. So I was worried. 0:12:54.120 --> 0:12:56.360 Oh my god, I mean, this is this is a lot. 0:12:56.400 --> 0:12:59.400 There's a lot going on, and the car is going 0:12:59.480 --> 0:13:02.760 to be destroyed. I gotta use the car to I 0:13:02.800 --> 0:13:05.760 have a long drive. It's gonna stink, it's gonna be terrible. 0:13:05.800 --> 0:13:08.880 This is a nightmare situation. The good news one word 0:13:10.120 --> 0:13:17.160 one word, containment, very important word. Most of the bodily 0:13:17.200 --> 0:13:22.040 oil spill the Exxon Valdis, the Malar Valdis. Most of 0:13:22.040 --> 0:13:27.240 it was captured by the clothing and not the upholstery 0:13:27.240 --> 0:13:32.319 in the car. So this made it a messy, certainly humiliating, 0:13:32.720 --> 0:13:37.560 but survivable. Fumbo rooskate. All right again this I had 0:13:37.600 --> 0:13:41.240 no control at that point. I would have obviously not 0:13:41.440 --> 0:13:45.040 had that happen. I tried to find somewhere to stop 0:13:45.120 --> 0:13:48.520 along the way and the places I was looking to stop. 0:13:49.000 --> 0:13:51.360 By the time I figured out I needed to stop, 0:13:51.440 --> 0:13:54.120 I was not near anywhere to stop. So I did 0:13:54.240 --> 0:13:58.120 make it to the Malor mansion. I parked, and unfortunately, 0:13:59.240 --> 0:14:01.120 much to my disappoint I had to sit there for 0:14:01.160 --> 0:14:04.600 several minutes. It seemed like it was about three hours. 0:14:04.600 --> 0:14:07.040 It was probably only five minutes, but I was waiting 0:14:07.120 --> 0:14:09.719 because there's a kind of a green area, grassy area 0:14:09.760 --> 0:14:12.880 in front of the house, and one of my neighbors 0:14:13.120 --> 0:14:17.000 was walking her dog at the worst possible time. My 0:14:17.080 --> 0:14:20.120 whole plan was, all right, boom, get their park, run 0:14:20.160 --> 0:14:22.920 into the house, and take care of business. Now, keep 0:14:22.920 --> 0:14:25.520 in mind, I don't even know this middle aged woman 0:14:25.560 --> 0:14:27.960 who's my neighbor. I don't know a few of the neighbors, 0:14:27.960 --> 0:14:31.880 but not many. Nevertheless, you cannot make eye contact. In 0:14:31.960 --> 0:14:35.640 that moment. You are covered with shrapnel. Right you have 0:14:35.800 --> 0:14:41.480 been hit with some AMMO and your down range and 0:14:41.560 --> 0:14:44.920 it's just kind of soaking into everything. At this point, 0:14:44.960 --> 0:14:47.400 you can still feel it as you move around. It's 0:14:47.480 --> 0:14:50.240 a big mess. So you wait for the coast to clear. 0:14:51.000 --> 0:14:54.520 And then at that moment, all of a sudden, I realized, 0:14:54.520 --> 0:14:58.360 wait a minute, the path is clear. It's go time. Okay, 0:14:58.400 --> 0:15:03.120 it's go time? Was that me? So then you sprint? Okay, 0:15:03.160 --> 0:15:06.520 you sprint like you sained bolt across the lawn. I 0:15:06.560 --> 0:15:08.480 know Ferg dog's very fast, so he knows that I 0:15:08.520 --> 0:15:12.560 don't know about alf. So I had the laundry situation, 0:15:12.840 --> 0:15:19.880 which was unfortunately a hazmat situation, and then I had 0:15:19.880 --> 0:15:22.080 that on and then I had shame. There was some shame. 0:15:22.520 --> 0:15:23.880 Now the wife was at work, so I didn't have 0:15:23.880 --> 0:15:26.960 to worry about that. I get in the house and 0:15:27.240 --> 0:15:30.640 it was a malor rescue and recovery mission. It was swift. 0:15:31.640 --> 0:15:34.320 I went as fast as I could. The only one 0:15:34.320 --> 0:15:38.240 in the house was my dog, Moxie. Moxie opened her 0:15:38.240 --> 0:15:41.440 eyes and she looked at me in shame. There was 0:15:41.480 --> 0:15:45.520 some shame there. She didn't say anything because she can't talk, 0:15:45.560 --> 0:15:48.720 but my English bulldog Moxie definitely knew something was not 0:15:48.880 --> 0:15:51.440 right and that I was closer to her than I 0:15:51.520 --> 0:15:54.800 was another human being. So the clothes immediately go on 0:15:54.840 --> 0:15:59.960 the washer, all the clothes, everything. I then high tailored 0:16:00.080 --> 0:16:03.760 to the shower. The car has to be cleaned after 0:16:03.800 --> 0:16:08.960 the shower. And indignity, well, dignity is not not easy 0:16:09.920 --> 0:16:11.760 in this. But here's the lesson. All right, here's the 0:16:11.840 --> 0:16:17.720 lesson to my friends, you boys and girls. Fasting is 0:16:18.480 --> 0:16:23.000 kind of like life. This is a weird part of 0:16:23.040 --> 0:16:25.760 aging that and I don't think I'm that old. I 0:16:25.800 --> 0:16:28.520 don't feel that old, although this certainly made me feel older. 0:16:28.920 --> 0:16:32.000 But your body keeps finding new ways to remind you that. 0:16:32.200 --> 0:16:34.760 You might think you are in control, you might think 0:16:34.800 --> 0:16:37.240 you have a choke hold on the game of life, 0:16:37.680 --> 0:16:41.760 but you are not in control. You can be disciplined 0:16:42.360 --> 0:16:47.920 for years. You can control your schedule, fast every day. 0:16:48.760 --> 0:16:51.480 Think you're doing what's right at the time for the 0:16:51.560 --> 0:16:56.440 zeitgeist of the time. But one plate of delicious deep 0:16:56.520 --> 0:17:01.120 fried golden brown chicken fingers and a big bucket of 0:17:01.160 --> 0:17:06.520 pastromi fries. Will remind you that in the end, the 0:17:06.640 --> 0:17:10.680 randomness of life always wins. Right. You can plan the fast, 0:17:11.520 --> 0:17:15.960 you can plan the aftermath of said fast, all of that. 0:17:16.200 --> 0:17:18.760 Clearly I didn't do that properly. My game plan was 0:17:18.760 --> 0:17:24.399 not great. And every so often, when you get to 0:17:24.440 --> 0:17:27.879 the point of life that I'm at here and a 0:17:27.920 --> 0:17:30.120 lot of you guys are at in middle age, your 0:17:30.200 --> 0:17:32.639 body taps you on the shoulder and says, hey, buddy, 0:17:33.359 --> 0:17:37.119 hey about it. Remember me, Yeah, the warranty, it's expired. 0:17:37.160 --> 0:17:40.840 You need a new warranty. And so that was that 0:17:41.000 --> 0:17:44.680 was my very interesting afternoon. And I did not mention 0:17:44.800 --> 0:17:47.960 it on the radio show for obvious reasons. So if 0:17:48.000 --> 0:17:50.480 you hear this, you're listening right now, you're obviously hearing this. 0:17:50.960 --> 0:17:53.520 You're one of the few that have heard the story. 0:17:53.760 --> 0:17:56.639 So it's onward and upward. And next time I have 0:17:56.760 --> 0:17:59.639 a forty eight hour fast, I will remember to not 0:17:59.800 --> 0:18:04.919 eat pastrami fries, chicken, maybe some grilled chicken and some rice, 0:18:05.720 --> 0:18:08.520 and that'll be good. That'll be good. So moving on 0:18:08.560 --> 0:18:10.800 from that, I want to turn the page to the Amazon. 0:18:11.560 --> 0:18:14.600 We go to the Amazon all right, So the Amazon 0:18:14.880 --> 0:18:16.280 I saw this. I was gonna mention it on the 0:18:16.280 --> 0:18:19.480 Overnight Show. I didn't get to it. I wanted to 0:18:19.480 --> 0:18:21.800 bring it up with you here, and I don't know 0:18:21.800 --> 0:18:23.800 if you know exactly what I'm talking about. This is 0:18:23.800 --> 0:18:28.600 not about al Michael's performance last night on The Thrilling, 0:18:28.920 --> 0:18:33.879 Riveting Bill's Dolphins game. It's not about that. So the 0:18:33.960 --> 0:18:37.280 new basketball season is starting soon. Oh, you shouldn't talk 0:18:37.320 --> 0:18:40.200 about the NBA. It's not really about the NBA. It's 0:18:40.200 --> 0:18:43.639 about Amazon. So Amazon is about to jump into the 0:18:43.680 --> 0:18:47.600 deep end of the basketball pool. They are strutting around 0:18:47.640 --> 0:18:50.760 like not peacocks because that's NBC. But they're strutting around 0:18:50.800 --> 0:18:53.639 like the biggest, baddest company in the world, Amazon, and 0:18:53.880 --> 0:18:57.320 they're in bed now with the NBA and they us. 0:18:57.359 --> 0:18:59.600 They had to take the WNBA. Who's watching that crap? 0:19:00.320 --> 0:19:03.680 What's the first thing the big boss, this guy named 0:19:03.800 --> 0:19:06.560 Jay Marine that sounds like a fake name. What's the 0:19:06.600 --> 0:19:10.159 first thing this big boss, j Marine tells us? He 0:19:10.200 --> 0:19:15.919 says the mantra of Amazon NBA coverage, The mantra of 0:19:15.960 --> 0:19:22.760 this outfit is too It's three words, celebrate and educate, period. 0:19:22.800 --> 0:19:26.560 Stop celebrate and educate. Let me repeat that for those 0:19:26.600 --> 0:19:29.080 of you in the back of the room. Celebrate and educate. 0:19:29.760 --> 0:19:33.840 That's the plan for the Amazon Amazon Prime. Now my 0:19:34.040 --> 0:19:38.320 reaction is not three words, it's three letters. O MG 0:19:39.160 --> 0:19:45.720 O MG, as in, oh my god. Now I am 0:19:45.760 --> 0:19:47.399 not great at a lot of things. You might think 0:19:47.440 --> 0:19:51.639 I suck itt radio whatever. However, I have worked in 0:19:51.640 --> 0:19:55.240 the broadcasting business for a long time and that's not 0:19:55.320 --> 0:19:57.080 how I was raised. That was not how I was 0:19:57.160 --> 0:19:59.199 raised in broadcasting, and I don't know anyone else who 0:19:59.280 --> 0:20:02.320 wants that content. To me, that's not broadcasting. When you 0:20:02.359 --> 0:20:06.440 say celebrate and educate, that's not broadcasting. That's the Soviet 0:20:06.520 --> 0:20:09.520 prov the news service is what that is. That's propaganda 0:20:10.600 --> 0:20:15.800 in a stream. Celebrate and educate. That's a kindergarten slogan. 0:20:15.880 --> 0:20:19.960 That's a company picnic where everybody gets a little gold star. 0:20:20.840 --> 0:20:22.920 It's just for showing up. You get a little gold 0:20:22.920 --> 0:20:25.760 star and some potato salad. Congratulations. But I don't like 0:20:25.760 --> 0:20:29.840 potato salad. It's disgusting. Now as I understand it, the 0:20:29.920 --> 0:20:34.400 plan here is, instead of breaking down bad defenses, are 0:20:34.400 --> 0:20:37.119 calling out a star player who mailed it in, because 0:20:37.160 --> 0:20:40.920 God knows that never happens. Instead, what we're gonna get 0:20:41.080 --> 0:20:45.840 is a ten minute package of someone's dog rescue story. Right, Oh, 0:20:45.920 --> 0:20:49.359 he saved his dog from being eaten by a bunch 0:20:49.320 --> 0:20:54.480 of coyotes. The Amazon NBA logo should be a puffer 0:20:54.520 --> 0:20:59.520 fish who says no, who says no. It is sugarcoating, 0:20:59.640 --> 0:21:02.359 is what like? From what I have read again, I've 0:21:02.400 --> 0:21:05.080 read the trades on this. It's Amazon serving you a 0:21:05.160 --> 0:21:09.720 sugary lollipop and telling you it's a cheeseburger and fries. Well, 0:21:09.800 --> 0:21:13.080 I wanted a cheeseburger in fries. You get the sugary lollipop. 0:21:13.160 --> 0:21:15.760 I didn't want the lollipop. I wanted the cheeseburger and fries. 0:21:15.800 --> 0:21:19.119 It doesn't matter. We're serving sugar sugary lollipops. You should 0:21:19.240 --> 0:21:22.120 enjoy the sugary lollipop. It's on sale on Amazon Prime. 0:21:22.240 --> 0:21:24.760 But I wanted a cheeseburger and fries. It doesn't matter. 0:21:24.960 --> 0:21:29.720 Here's my main problem, all right, and listen. I understand 0:21:29.720 --> 0:21:32.760 everyone's different, and I get that. But for the most part, 0:21:32.920 --> 0:21:36.960 viewers are not dumb. Okay, some are, some are, but 0:21:37.040 --> 0:21:41.200 viewers are not dumb. You insult people's intelligence with puff pieces. 0:21:41.720 --> 0:21:46.480 It's like putting on a classic Sugar Loaf record. Don't 0:21:46.480 --> 0:21:49.439 call us, We'll call you. Don't call us, we'll call you. 0:21:50.680 --> 0:21:55.160 And that's what the fans will be humming when they 0:21:55.200 --> 0:22:00.159 tune out. You know, the nonsense. Because the goal you 0:22:00.160 --> 0:22:02.800 put me in charge, you make me the boss. The 0:22:02.880 --> 0:22:07.760 goal should be to entertain and to inform, not to 0:22:07.880 --> 0:22:12.560 sell me a cheesy version of pro basketball where everything 0:22:12.680 --> 0:22:18.199 is sunshine and rainbows, unicorns and the whole thing so 0:22:18.520 --> 0:22:26.320 bull of cherries. You're going against human nature. We're all hardwired, 0:22:26.760 --> 0:22:30.919 all of us. I don't care your gender or your race. 0:22:30.960 --> 0:22:33.600 I don't care about any of that stuff because we're 0:22:33.640 --> 0:22:36.119 all the same. When you peel back all the layers, 0:22:36.119 --> 0:22:39.960 it's human nature. If it bleeds, it leads. As a 0:22:40.000 --> 0:22:43.680 phrase in television news, the reason that is a phrase 0:22:44.280 --> 0:22:48.359 is because people love that crap. They can't get enough 0:22:48.560 --> 0:22:53.400 of that crap and spoiler alert. People love the negative, 0:22:53.520 --> 0:22:56.359 whether it's negative news or a negative story about an athlete, 0:22:57.080 --> 0:23:02.200 and they crave the train wreck, the drama orama, as 0:23:02.240 --> 0:23:05.720 we like to say the flame outs. You have to 0:23:05.840 --> 0:23:08.120 know what the customer wants, and you have to give 0:23:08.200 --> 0:23:12.520 the customer what they want, and that is what drives 0:23:12.600 --> 0:23:16.840 the conversation. Amazon has more than enough money. They have 0:23:17.000 --> 0:23:20.600 plenty of research, market research that they shows us. They 0:23:20.600 --> 0:23:24.560 are aware of the situation. This is not some kind 0:23:24.600 --> 0:23:28.520 of new situation from the Book of Revelations. Sports are 0:23:28.600 --> 0:23:32.159 filled with juicy drama. They just are players who hate coaches, 0:23:32.240 --> 0:23:35.680 coaches who hate the media, media who hate the players, 0:23:35.720 --> 0:23:40.760 and the coaches. And professional sports in particular are about 0:23:40.840 --> 0:23:44.840 the conflict. The star athlete who's more concerned about his 0:23:44.960 --> 0:23:49.960 TikTok than making the jump shot and practicing his jump shot, 0:23:50.119 --> 0:23:55.479 the Matador defense or ela that is a problem. So 0:23:55.520 --> 0:23:59.960 it's about someone. If you're doing it right, it's highlighting 0:24:00.119 --> 0:24:04.080 someone in an NBA game choking in the clutch, leaning 0:24:04.119 --> 0:24:07.639 into load management, or a coach losing the locker room. 0:24:08.760 --> 0:24:11.240 People will tune in for that. They're not going to 0:24:11.320 --> 0:24:15.720 tune in for the marshmallowy stuff. They don't flip on 0:24:15.840 --> 0:24:19.320 a game to hear a bedtime story. Amazon doesn't want 0:24:19.359 --> 0:24:23.960 to show you the warts, the soft underbelly, the screw ups, 0:24:24.000 --> 0:24:27.520 the reality of the game. They want to tuck you 0:24:27.560 --> 0:24:31.680 into bed with a warm glass of milk and a 0:24:31.720 --> 0:24:35.800 bedtime story about how everyone is a winner. You're a winner, 0:24:35.880 --> 0:24:39.360 Little Johnny, You're a winner. It's like Amazon is officially 0:24:39.400 --> 0:24:42.679 smoking the psychedelic rock pipe. The people involved in this 0:24:42.840 --> 0:24:46.440 NBA stuff like totally out of touch on this. And 0:24:46.480 --> 0:24:50.440 you know what this is. It's a kale smoothie. It's 0:24:50.440 --> 0:24:54.320 a kale smoothie with a bit of glitter on top. 0:24:54.440 --> 0:24:56.840 I don't need glitter. I don't want kale either. But 0:24:56.920 --> 0:25:04.399 Amazon thinks it's a party. It tastes like it's disgusting. Meanwhile, 0:25:04.720 --> 0:25:07.520 the fan, what does the fan want? I just want 0:25:07.520 --> 0:25:11.120 to chill out. Most people that consume sports, it's a pastime. 0:25:11.840 --> 0:25:14.240 It's something you do after a long day at work. 0:25:14.280 --> 0:25:16.240 It's something that you do to kind of chill out, 0:25:16.840 --> 0:25:18.320 and you just want to have a beer and some 0:25:18.359 --> 0:25:20.840 hot wings or whatever your jam is. For me, it's 0:25:20.920 --> 0:25:24.480 chicken fingers. You don't want some corporate ted talk about 0:25:24.520 --> 0:25:30.600 celebrating and educating. Celebrating and educating. This isn't broadcasting. It's 0:25:31.240 --> 0:25:35.120 narrow casting and it's marketing, is what it is. It's 0:25:35.200 --> 0:25:37.960