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Speaker 1: I'm just so mad because my wedding isn't vegan, so

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Speaker 1: my stepmom wants to cancel the wedding. So here's what

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Speaker 1: I did.

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Speaker 2: Dude, These vegans are getting more and more militant. You know,

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Speaker 2: first they were trying to save the trees, and then

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Speaker 2: the bees, and then now they're trying to cancel weddings.

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Speaker 2: The bees and trees actually have nothing to do with vegans,

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Speaker 2: but you know, I just love vegans and tree huggers

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Speaker 2: and be bee butts.

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Speaker 1: Maybe the bees are like like maybe the vegans are like,

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Speaker 1: we can't let them know our next move, so they're

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Speaker 1: they're coming for the bees. Next they're like, you thought

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Speaker 1: we'd rock with the bees. No, we cancel them the bees. Oh,

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Speaker 1: they cancel the vegans then done with. They're actually vicious.

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Speaker 1: A few days ago, I saw a bee completely dismantle

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Speaker 1: a dragonfly and it carried away, you know, the little

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Speaker 1: like like it's like the dragonfly. Yeah, and then it

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Speaker 1: has a little butt. It chopped off its butt and

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Speaker 1: then flew away with the butt.

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Speaker 2: Dang bro bees be out crazy, But vegans I think

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Speaker 2: are even crazier than those bees.

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Speaker 1: Well, well let's find out. I'm thirty, and since I

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Speaker 1: was a child, I've always.

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Speaker 2: Said that I would uh jump off a bridge when

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Speaker 2: I turned thirty because it's all down.

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Speaker 1: The hill from there. I'm just a sack of bones

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Speaker 1: ready to die. Since I was a child, my dad

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Speaker 1: has always said that he wanted to pay for my wedding.

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Speaker 1: About five years ago, he started a relationship with a

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Speaker 1: lady with some quite extreme views. H what are those

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Speaker 1: extreme views? Johnny Boy? Eating plants? This murder? Not just kidding,

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Speaker 1: pro plant murder? Hardcore?

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Speaker 2: Can vegans be tree huggers or are the anti trees

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Speaker 2: because they eat the trees to surroved?

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Speaker 1: Oh, they're tree murderers. Like save there, That's what I'm

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Speaker 1: trying to say, freaking killing all the broccoli. It's like,

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Speaker 1: you know, a Chick fil a is like eat more chicken.

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Speaker 1: It's a bunch of cows. It's gonna be like a

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Speaker 1: bunch of trees, like eat more meat. And they're like,

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Speaker 1: save us, please, save the trees. Please. Now, my stepmom

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Speaker 1: is a vegan, which is totally fine, but she is

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Speaker 1: very judgmental to how I live. Is it fine though?

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Speaker 1: Is it okay? Ope? He doesn't sound like you're fine

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Speaker 1: with it. Yeah. For example, she doesn't agree with cancer

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Speaker 1: scans like smear tests, mammograms, et cetera, because vegans, quote

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Speaker 1: donte get cancer.

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Speaker 2: You know, one way to remove a cancerous group of

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Speaker 2: people is for them to all believe the K kit cancer.

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Speaker 2: I'd never get a check up. Okay, Now I'm not

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Speaker 2: saying vegans are all vegans are bad. I'm just saying

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Speaker 2: the ones that judge you for not being vegan can

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Speaker 2: go h not suck a like, you know, because that

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Speaker 2: would not be vegan.

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Speaker 1: Not the pig.

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Speaker 2: Can vegans do oral? Or is that anti vegan? Is

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Speaker 2: like putting any animals meat in your mouth?

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Speaker 1: Yeah? Get even sausage means you get Nope, none of that.

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Speaker 1: Vegans are anti cuddling. Non'll meet for you. We're just

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Speaker 1: this is the anti vegan campaign over here. Geez, I don't.

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Speaker 1: I don't hate on vegans, just the ones they hate

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Speaker 1: on me. I actually I actually rock with vegans, but

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Speaker 1: I feel like we're ron swansoning today. So I'm rocking

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Speaker 1: with it. Now.

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Speaker 2: If you rock with the vegans that are like fuck you,

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Speaker 2: I've just never run into them.

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Speaker 1: Yeah.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, my roommate's actually a vegan and she's awesome, super

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Speaker 2: chill vegan.

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Speaker 1: Now, when I had my daughter, she said, I should

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Speaker 1: be feeding her almond milk.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, that's actually terrible for your baby. That's terrible almond

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Speaker 2: milk for you, dude, You will literally malnourish your child

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Speaker 2: if you do that.

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Speaker 1: It's worse it because guess what, it doesn't come from

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Speaker 1: a brazen vegan.

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Speaker 2: Would you rather have your child survived into adulthood or

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Speaker 2: would you rather, I guess a cow have one less

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Speaker 2: gallon of milk drained?

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Speaker 1: There we go. Now we're talking.

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Speaker 2: Cows literally need us to milk them or they have

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Speaker 2: uncomfortable utters.

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Speaker 1: Their utters will explode, their utters have to explode. Sam

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Speaker 1: and she once came to my house for dinner, and

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Speaker 1: I cooked a chicken for me and my family and

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Speaker 1: a nut roast for my father and her, which Loki

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Speaker 1: kind of hilarious. That is a nut roast. She later

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Speaker 1: dug a hole in my garden to give the chicken

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Speaker 1: bones a proper funeral because she was so heartbroken to

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Speaker 1: see us eating blood and flesh.

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Speaker 2: That's like my Scott going like, we must give a

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Speaker 2: funeral for this bird. It's cute, it's funny, but it's

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Speaker 2: a little over the top.

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Speaker 1: Oh, he says, I wish I was joking. She also

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Speaker 1: accused me of trying to steal her father's house. Okay, what,

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Speaker 1: here's the thing, Sam, I've never met her father. I've

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Speaker 1: never set foot in her father's house. All I know

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Speaker 1: is that her father passed away recently. I had communicated

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Speaker 1: some cost of living worries to my dad, not asking

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Speaker 1: for money, though, and she ran with it and said

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Speaker 1: I was trying to manipulate her into giving me her

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Speaker 1: entire inheritance.

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Speaker 2: I do not want her inheritance. This escalated quickly. Maybe

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Speaker 2: this lady, I think, might be crazy. I feel like

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Speaker 2: they put like crazy vegan, like haha, like you wanna

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Speaker 2: don't want to eat cows, crazy vegan, blah blah blah.

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Speaker 2: But I think this is like a legitimately mentally ill vegan.

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Speaker 2: Like I'm worried about the mental state of this vegan

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Speaker 2: because she seems delusional.

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Speaker 1: This is bad. This is like everyone jokes, but they're

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Speaker 1: like like vegan people. I feel like vegan people. You

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Speaker 1: actually me are never like actually like this. This lady

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Speaker 1: is actually like that.

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Speaker 2: She is single handedly giving the name and reputation vegans

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Speaker 2: currently have, which is that they're trying to take your

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Speaker 2: meats away from you.

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Speaker 1: Now, long story short, my father will only pay for

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Speaker 1: the wedding if it's vegan. That's so lame.

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Speaker 2: The only way low key the vegans as much shit

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Speaker 2: as we have given them in this podcast. The vegans

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Speaker 2: have been at work like they're making frickin' cauliflower tastes

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Speaker 2: like una is insane. Vegan vegan dishes are low key,

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Speaker 2: like they can be fired and they can taste like

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Speaker 2: the real thing.

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Speaker 1: But Sam, the vegan wedding does not only include the food,

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Speaker 1: but shoes, alcohol, other things people wear, like leather, and

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Speaker 1: literally anything else you can think of.

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Speaker 2: So no one could wear leather like a loather belt. No,

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Speaker 2: so someone wears a leather belt, they're uninvited from the wedding.

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Speaker 2: Is that like how strict they're being. That's kind of crazy,

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Speaker 2: that's crazy.

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Speaker 1: They should have vegan security. Leather, get them, get them boys.

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Speaker 2: Let's take his leather turn turn turn, get into human leather.

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Speaker 1: Oh yeah, there we go you now, Opie says, I

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Speaker 1: might have been okay with vegan food, but I'm not

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Speaker 1: okay with policing what other people wear or food they

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Speaker 1: might bring or their baby formula, et cetera. Baby formula.

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Speaker 1: Come on, bro, excuse me?

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Speaker 2: Are you beating your baby with your big ass titties?

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Speaker 1: Uh? No, way, that ain't vegan basic there you this

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Speaker 1: upset me. I can imagine it's not really about the money.

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Speaker 1: We're having a very small and cheap wedding anyways, it's

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Speaker 1: the run up to the wedding that this woman has

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Speaker 1: also been extremely rude to my mother. On reflection, I

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Speaker 1: have now decided that it's best all around to kick

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Speaker 1: them out of the wedding. Damn, they're gone. No daddy,

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Speaker 1: no step mommy.

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Speaker 2: My stepmommy. Sounds sounds like not a loss dad. Maybe

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Speaker 2: a little bit of a loss though, Yeah, that dad's

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Speaker 2: a loss. I mean, but Dad, he's supporting it though,

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Speaker 2: like he's doing.

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Speaker 1: Too Vegan mommy.

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Speaker 2: He must be getting some of that good good because

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Speaker 2: this woman's definitely crazy, and for him to be just

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Speaker 2: given into all of this crazy shits, she's given him

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Speaker 2: some something on the side.

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Speaker 1: There is one kind of meat that he that that

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Speaker 1: she is consumed. That's that's all awful.

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Speaker 2: Or you know, maybe he's just praying at them her

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Speaker 2: vegan temple. Who knows who knows, but she's she's got him.

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Speaker 2: She's got some for sure, She's definitely she adds him

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Speaker 2: by the balls and she has something because God knows,

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Speaker 2: her personality is not winning any affection.

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Speaker 1: Oh lord, no, sir. And now she's telling my dad's

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Speaker 1: side of the family that it's just because of the

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Speaker 1: money and that I'm bitter because I didn't get her

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Speaker 1: dad's house, which again, why on earth would I be

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Speaker 1: given my stepmom's dad's house, and that my dad isn't

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Speaker 1: paying for the wedding. But to be honest, it's not

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Speaker 1: really about the money. I don't want to be controlled

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Speaker 1: over what I can and can't do on my wedding day.

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Speaker 1: I'm sick of her judgment and his now that she's

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Speaker 1: gotten his closet to him, and I just think it

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Speaker 1: will be better for me, my siblings, and my mother

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Speaker 1: if they don't go. I also don't want to be

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Speaker 1: lectured over milk, dairy, honey, paulm Oyle, you name it

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Speaker 1: on my wedding day. And I do not want to

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Speaker 1: put my guests to that either. Am I've a hole? Nah? Bro?

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Speaker 2: I mean, okay, what I can understand which could be reasonable?

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Speaker 2: This could be reasonable, right, Hey, we're down to pay

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Speaker 2: for it, but you have to because we're vegan. We

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Speaker 2: just want to you don't. It's still weird, but like

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Speaker 2: we just don't want to pay for not vegan food.

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Speaker 2: Would you mind having all vegan?

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Speaker 1: More reasonable? For sure?

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Speaker 2: Yeah, that's more reasonable. Still weird to police someone else's wedding, like,

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Speaker 2: if you're going to pay for it, pay for it,

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Speaker 2: but like a little weird. But I understand if you're

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Speaker 2: the one paying for it, you can maybe put some Yes,

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Speaker 2: you got some say you got some wiggle room, you

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Speaker 2: got some leverage, right, But to police everyone for their

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Speaker 2: freaking belt or shoes make me sick.

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Speaker 1: You know what I would do. I would invite everyone.

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Speaker 1: I would invite two of them, and then literally completely

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Speaker 1: changes the menu and be like, you know, you know

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Speaker 1: those like medieval fairs where they just have like a

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Speaker 1: giant like a mutton, a mutton, like literally everyone is

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Speaker 1: just a mutton on everyone's plate, and they're.

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Speaker 2: Just like and change the dress code from like normal

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Speaker 2: like linens and everything to everyone has to wear leather

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Speaker 2: gimp suits. Oh with fricking like those balls and them,

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Speaker 2: you know, And then the main dish is a roast

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Speaker 2: pig with an apple inside its mouth, also in a gimpsuit,

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Speaker 2: and that.

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Speaker 1: Show I don't know why, Like that's that's an interesting sight.

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Speaker 1: Like the roasted pig in the gimp thing. I don't know.

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Speaker 1: I like like a graffiti Like I feel like I

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Speaker 1: could see like a graffiti artist like.

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Speaker 2: Making that that has to exist. I'm looking this up. Yeah,

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Speaker 2: there is a pig gimp suit and there is miss

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Speaker 2: Piggy in a gimp suit.

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Speaker 1: That one I can see a little bit more. This

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Speaker 1: is actually terrifying. Can you send it to me? I

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Speaker 1: want to see it. Are you sure? Yeah? Scar me. Oh,

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Speaker 1: that's not as bad as I thought it was gonna be.

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Speaker 1: That's weird though. You know, if I robbed a bank,

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Speaker 1: I would wear a pig shaped give mask. Oh yeah,

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Speaker 1: I feel like that would just throw everyone off. So

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Speaker 1: like you just take the money, just get out of

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Speaker 1: your please.

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Speaker 2: Okay. So I don't think OP is a whole by

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Speaker 2: any means. I understand that, you know, if someone's paying

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Speaker 2: for your wedding, they might want to put some restrictions

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Speaker 2: on it. But those restrictions are absolutely ridiculous as far

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Speaker 2: as not inviting them if they're not paying for it

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Speaker 2: like I still might invite the dad.

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Speaker 1: That's what I'm saying. I would reach out to him

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Speaker 1: and be like, could you just like come to the

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Speaker 1: wedding and just just see you know what I mean, Just.

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Speaker 2: Like you be like my father before you're a vegan,

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Speaker 2: you know, like like sitting.

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Speaker 1: It out veganism, motherhood. Brother, Yeah, your priority is strange. Today,

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Speaker 1: effed up by kissing my deaf friend. There was awkward silence,

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Speaker 1: and then I realized I didn't remember a key fact.

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Speaker 1: OKAYOPI this is Okayop.

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Speaker 2: I'm samuel daughter and I'm John for and we tell

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Speaker 2: the funniest stories on the internet in the world. We

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Speaker 2: dive deep into the depths of Reddit, bringing back diamonds

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Speaker 2: for you to glare at it.

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Speaker 1: Look at it, Oh, look at it.

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Speaker 2: And then we cut those diamonds into smaller diamonds and

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Speaker 2: then we sell them at a at a one thousand

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Speaker 2: dollars profit in the Diamond district of downtown LA. Todayed

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Speaker 2: up by kissing my deaf friend. There was awkward silence,

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Speaker 2: and then I realized I didn't remember a key fact.

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Speaker 1: The question is, though, isn't there always there's always an

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Speaker 1: awkward silence with that person. Oh, just smite me now, Lord,

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Speaker 1: don't deserve this laugh anymore.

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Speaker 2: I met a girl through a mutual friend. We've known

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Speaker 2: each other for roughly a year, but haven't spent time

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Speaker 2: alone yet, always in a group. She's very sweet and

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Speaker 2: very pretty, and very deaf. She's not completely deaf, although

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Speaker 2: she could still hear a bit, but with the help

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Speaker 2: of hearing aids. I guess mild deftness. Not sure though.

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Speaker 2: Yesterday we met up with our mutual friends. We were

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Speaker 2: having a barbecue and later on we ran out of snack,

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Speaker 2: so the other two went to the grocery store.

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Speaker 1: Thus we were alone in the yard chatting. I know

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Speaker 1: something I could eat. I'm so sorry. John's just going

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Speaker 1: at it. I'm just really terrible today. This is gonna

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Speaker 1: be bad.

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Speaker 2: I heard like because so like you know how like

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Speaker 2: you know, like how Helen Keller like didn't know how

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Speaker 2: to speak, and she was kind of like boo. I

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Speaker 2: heard like, deaf sex noises are absolutely wild.

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Speaker 1: Let out.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, I just like those noises. Hey, deaf community, let

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Speaker 2: out those noise.

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Speaker 1: Let it out. You be yourself, yeah, be yourself. Express.

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Speaker 2: We're all about embracing you. We are and just everyone

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Speaker 2: in the community. We're not terrible people.

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Speaker 1: I promise we're We're actually Nobel Prize can running.

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Speaker 2: We were alone in the yard chatting and I noticed

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Speaker 2: that she kept staring at my lips. So I thought

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Speaker 2: to myself, wait, does she want to kiss me?

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Speaker 1: Oh?

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Speaker 2: Since she I know where this is going now, since

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Speaker 2: she didn't stop staring, I thought, this is obvious she

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Speaker 2: wants me to make a move, and this time I'm

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Speaker 2: not going to miss that hint.

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Speaker 1: I leaned in to give her a kiss, and I

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Speaker 1: mean she.

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Speaker 2: Kind of kissed back, but afterwards it was like dead silence,

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Speaker 2: like so silent. It's what I would imagine that she

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Speaker 2: hears all the time.

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Speaker 1: Oh my gosh.

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Speaker 2: Thank god. The other two arrived a few minutes later.

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Speaker 2: The rest of the evening was super awkward between us. Later,

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Speaker 2: as she left, I told the other two friends that

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Speaker 2: I had kissed her because she kept staring at my lips.

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Speaker 2: They started saying, of course she's staring at your lips.

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Speaker 2: She's lip reading, you dummy.

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Speaker 1: Man.

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Speaker 2: I totally forgot that deaf people are also lip reading

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Speaker 2: to communicate, and since she's never actually done that before,

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Speaker 2: I didn't even take that into consideration. This will definitely

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Speaker 2: be one of the moments that will make me stay

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Speaker 2: up at night and cringe. Plus I probably ruined the

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Speaker 2: friendship dude.

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Speaker 1: That's that is literally the textbook classic dude move of like, man,

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Speaker 1: I've missed signs in the past, but I'm getting this

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Speaker 1: sign right now, and gosh durn it, I'm going for it. Man.

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Speaker 1: Yeahlip reading, dude is a thing.

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Speaker 2: Also, like, lip reading is kind of cool because you

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Speaker 2: can you can read lips through through like windows and

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Speaker 2: uh and then in cases where you can't hear people.

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Speaker 1: Cross like people watching is like takes off.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, yeah, hold of that. But we've got a pair

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Speaker 2: of binoculars. You can hear what everyone's hearing. We also

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Speaker 2: be a little bit creepy, but that's okay. Uh, there's

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Speaker 2: an up date. Okay, guys. I sent her a message

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Speaker 2: asking if she wants to come over. He's shooting a shot.

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Speaker 1: Ooh.

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Speaker 2: She says she'll be over in an hour. I'm nervous.

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Speaker 2: I'm trying to convince my roommate to go on a

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Speaker 2: long walk. Update two, she just left five minutes ago.

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Speaker 2: I didn't tell her beforehand that I wanted to talk

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Speaker 2: to her about the kiss, so it was a bit

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Speaker 2: awkward approaching the topic. Can't go into full detail now,

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Speaker 2: but I told her that I didn't make to her.

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Speaker 2: But I told her I didn't mean to make her

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Speaker 2: uncomfortable and that I had misread the signs. We had

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Speaker 2: a good laugh and afterwards, again Opie's shooting a shot.

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Speaker 2: I asked her if she'd be down to maybe try

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Speaker 2: things out if she's interested. The thing is, she's going

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Speaker 2: to move to Munich, Germany in a few months end

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Speaker 2: of March. I live in France and she told me that,

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Speaker 2: and while she does like me, she didn't plan on

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Speaker 2: making any She didn't plan on making any romantic interests

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Speaker 2: because she doesn't want to get too attached due to

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Speaker 2: her moving. Anyways, she admitted to liking me a lot

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Speaker 2: and would like to give it a shot to spike

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Speaker 2: the circumstances. They're still gonna do it, oh, only under

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Speaker 2: the condition that I am being serious about it, since

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Speaker 2: she doesn't want something that's only casual.

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Speaker 1: Wow. Wow, that was that was a cool. Uh one

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Speaker 1: more tidbit.

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Speaker 2: Oh yeah, We're going on a date on Tuesday and

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Speaker 2: we'll see if it works out between us.

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Speaker 1: Very nice. I like that, you know, op He did

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Speaker 1: the right thing. He he like, you know, sat down

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Speaker 1: and he was honest. He's like, hey, like I misad

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Speaker 1: the situation, you know, like shout out to him. That

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Speaker 1: was that was a cool move on his.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, super cool move. I think it's like I think

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Speaker 2: it's a uh, I think it's good vibes. I think

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Speaker 2: it's good vibes. Like it was a today ft up,

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Speaker 2: but now it's like, hey, maybe I got a girlfriend today.

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Speaker 2: I succeeded, finally succeeded. Also, I just love when it's

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Speaker 2: a wholesome reddit end the wholesome.

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Speaker 1: The wholesome are Yeah, we need to start one today

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Speaker 1: ft up, but tomorrow I succeeded.

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Speaker 2: I love that. I think that's just the motto for life. Yeah,

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Speaker 2: I've got tomorrow. I succeeded. And actually, you know, the

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Speaker 2: best way to succeed in life, oh my good and

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Speaker 2: tomorrow and today and for the rest of.

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Speaker 1: Infinity, that is to subscribe to okop. Ladies and gentlemen.

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Speaker 2: Subscribe on YouTube, follow us on the Spotify, on the

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Speaker 2: bie guys, you know, everywhere, and also if you really

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Speaker 2: want to hit port, support us on Patreon.

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Speaker 1: Support us on Patreon, like be like the og Kathy Quigley,

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Speaker 1: Keegan Simmons and Desiree Canterbury. The real heroes.

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Speaker 2: You the real heroes. These are the people that are

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Speaker 2: making it all possible. Thank you so much, and we'll

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Speaker 2: see you next week or tomorrow, probably tomorrow. You will

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Speaker 2: succeed