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Speaker 1: Family Secrets as a production of I Heart Radio Morning.

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Speaker 1: This episode contains discussion of abuse and suicide. Listener discussion

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Speaker 1: is advised. My childhood was very difficult. I share. One

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Speaker 1: of my first memories with my mother is sitting on

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Speaker 1: our knees by the sofa and my stepdad told me

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Speaker 1: to watch your fingernails and if our fingernails turned blue,

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Speaker 1: to call on one one. So it was very traumatic.

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Speaker 1: It's one of my early memories. I was in elementary

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Speaker 1: school and I remember growing up and you know, I

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Speaker 1: didn't want to invite friends over because I was ashamed

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Speaker 1: of the way we lived and I didn't want anyone

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Speaker 1: to know how my life really was. I just wanted

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Speaker 1: to be normal and pretend everything was okay. And I

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Speaker 1: didn't want them to come in the kitchen and turn

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Speaker 1: on a light, because when you turn the lights on,

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Speaker 1: you know, you see a gazillion roaches running everywhere, scattering.

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Speaker 1: That's Venus Maurice Griffin, single mother of seven, award winning

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Speaker 1: real estate agent and motivational speaker. Venuses is a story

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Speaker 1: of almost superhuman resilience and discipline, an homage to the

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Speaker 1: notion that where there's a will, there's a way. Away

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Speaker 1: out a way through a harrowing childhood that threatened to

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Speaker 1: repeat itself as such childhoods often do, often but not always.

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Speaker 1: Above all, this is one woman's journey from violence, secrecy,

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Speaker 1: and shame to a life filled with grace and love.

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Speaker 1: I'm Danny Shapiro, and this is family secrets, the secrets

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Speaker 1: that are kept from us, the secrets we keep from others,

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Speaker 1: and this secrets we keep from ourselves. I had a

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Speaker 1: stepfather who was a an alcoholic, very very scared of him,

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Speaker 1: and um, he was very abusive in many ways to

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Speaker 1: me and my siblings, have a half brother and half sister,

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Speaker 1: and my brother ended up in a maximum security prison.

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Speaker 1: You know, we all do with trauma differently, and he

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Speaker 1: could never get past the cycle of abuse and poor

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Speaker 1: choices which led him down this dark life of crime.

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Speaker 1: And my sister, the last time I saw her, she

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Speaker 1: was at the State Mental Hospital in Columbia, South Carolina,

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Speaker 1: trying to convince me that she was walking there vertusipatient

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Speaker 1: and lost her children very young age. Hasn't seen them,

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Speaker 1: probably in twenty five plus years. And uh, she was

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Speaker 1: a good soul, but just could not process everything that

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Speaker 1: had happened to her. And you know, my mother was

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Speaker 1: married prior to my stepfather, and I always thought he

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Speaker 1: was my biological father, along with my half brother and

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Speaker 1: half sister. I thought the three of us were all

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Speaker 1: full siblings. And the trauma that we went through living

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Speaker 1: with him, I don't I was young, but so I

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Speaker 1: don't remember a lot of it. But I do remember

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Speaker 1: one story in particular. My sister was telling me that, um,

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Speaker 1: you know, he would throw them in the closet and

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Speaker 1: threw firecrackers at I'm gonna hold the door. I mean

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Speaker 1: he'd have ten locks on the door, like all the

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Speaker 1: way down the doorway, and he'd locked on one, two

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Speaker 1: or three, you know, for safety. Just those memories that

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Speaker 1: are just burned into your mind that you can you

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Speaker 1: can never forget. So I would say my childhood was very,

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Speaker 1: very difficult, and you know the hardest part was sorting through,

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Speaker 1: Like I really adored my mother. I loved my mother.

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Speaker 1: I still love my mother. There's a lot of good

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Speaker 1: about my mother, just telling what I went through and

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Speaker 1: what I had to overcome to get to a good

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Speaker 1: place to hopefully help others. But you know, just watching

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Speaker 1: her go in and out of rehabs for alcohol abuse

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Speaker 1: and prescription drug abuse, and being called to the principle's

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Speaker 1: office when you're in grammar school and finding out that

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Speaker 1: your mom's just been arrested and she tried to put

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Speaker 1: her head in and told it to kill herself at

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Speaker 1: the police station, and having people tell you that, and

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Speaker 1: just you know, feeling alone and like you have no one,

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Speaker 1: and and knowing that everyone around you has basically thrown

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Speaker 1: the towel in on you. They just they're given up.

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Speaker 1: They know you're going to be a stat just like

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Speaker 1: my brother and sister. They know that your chances of

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Speaker 1: getting out of this life are slender none. And my

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Speaker 1: determination as a young child to not be like everyone

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Speaker 1: around me was great. Venus makes the conscious decision during

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Speaker 1: her adolescence to surround herself with good people. She studies

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Speaker 1: the seemingly happy, healthy families around her and patterns her

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Speaker 1: life after them. In the absence of role models within

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Speaker 1: her family, she seeks her own. She and her friends

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Speaker 1: don't drink or do drugs the way her mother and

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Speaker 1: siblings do. She's creating a map for her future, or

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Speaker 1: so she hopes. High school Sweetheart, his family was just

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Speaker 1: so good. I just remember looking at them and going

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Speaker 1: to their house and being so scared that they were

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Speaker 1: going to find out what I came from. But watching

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Speaker 1: them and how they genuinely loved each other and they

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Speaker 1: respected each other, and they all went to church together,

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Speaker 1: and then they actually practiced what they preached, and it

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Speaker 1: just was my saving grace because I had to figure

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Speaker 1: out a way to be like him. But I didn't

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Speaker 1: know how to do that. But again, I knew what

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Speaker 1: I didn't want to do, which is to be like

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Speaker 1: my brother or my sister, or my or my mother.

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Speaker 1: I wasn't like a straight A student by any means.

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Speaker 1: I was probably a average say student. I never had

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Speaker 1: someone to look at my grade, to my report carder

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Speaker 1: to see how I was doing. I never had someone

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Speaker 1: to care. Changed high schools I think six or seven

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Speaker 1: times within three years, and I know I had to

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Speaker 1: get out of my home life, um if I wanted

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Speaker 1: to do better. And so I went to summer school

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Speaker 1: to take an English class because I figured out I

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Speaker 1: had enough credits that I could skip my senior year

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Speaker 1: in high school and go straight to college. So that's

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Speaker 1: what I did. You know, I've pretty much been on

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Speaker 1: my own, I guess probably since I was fourteen, I

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Speaker 1: say I was on the verge of homelessness because I

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Speaker 1: was just living from you know, with friends and my

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Speaker 1: sister and my mom and in between beinges. It was

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Speaker 1: just it was just a tough life. But all at

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Speaker 1: the same time, I was joyful. I was happy, I

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Speaker 1: was grateful. I never looked at my life and thought

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Speaker 1: what was me. I never looked at you know, many

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Speaker 1: of my friends, a few of them were privileged. I

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Speaker 1: never looked at them and wanted what they had. I

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Speaker 1: just knew that I wanted something differently than I had.

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Speaker 1: Venus is incentivized to emerge for her traumatic upbringing. Her

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Speaker 1: hard work in school pays off, and she goes to college,

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Speaker 1: the first two years at a private Baptist college, then

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Speaker 1: she transfers to the University of South Carolina her junior year.

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Speaker 1: There she meets Tripp, who was five years older and

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Speaker 1: getting ready to graduate. They meet on a blind date,

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Speaker 1: and about a year and a half later, they get

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Speaker 1: married to No. Trip was to love Trip. He was dynamic,

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Speaker 1: he was fun, he was smart, he was good looking.

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Speaker 1: You know, he was president of his fraternity. They called

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Speaker 1: him the Killer. That was his nickname. All of us

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Speaker 1: her trinity brothers just really reveled around him. You walk

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Speaker 1: in the room, he's the shining star. You know, he

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Speaker 1: lit the room up. He gravitated to him. He was

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Speaker 1: a great dancer, he was funny um, and he was

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Speaker 1: so good to me. He made me feel like I

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Speaker 1: was the only person in the world when we were together.

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Speaker 1: He made everyone feel like that. He had a gift

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Speaker 1: with children. You know, we would be around his family

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Speaker 1: and his nieces and his nephews and he's pulling him

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Speaker 1: on a tractor behind with you know, fifteen kids and

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Speaker 1: a buggy behind it. He was just dynamic, and he

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Speaker 1: had really great qualities that made people naturally gravitate towards him.

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Speaker 1: This natural gravitation toward Trip happens just about everywhere with

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Speaker 1: his family, his friends, and at school where he's on

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Speaker 1: the football team. He's universally liked and likable. But on

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Speaker 1: the night before Trip and Venus get married, an unsettling

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Speaker 1: feeling sinks in. In addition to his effervescence, Trip has

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Speaker 1: a dark side. He rages at Venus in front of

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Speaker 1: the family, and she has a thought, a thought so

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Speaker 1: many have had on the eve of their weddings. You know,

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Speaker 1: you've got the dress and everything's been paid for in

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Speaker 1: the band is coming, and you had the thought that

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Speaker 1: you shouldn't marry him. Yeah, I knew that I should

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Speaker 1: not marry him, and that was not normal behavior, but

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Speaker 1: I just was so deep into it, and I thought,

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Speaker 1: you know what, he's got stress on him, and I'm

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Speaker 1: overreacting and like everybody's coming, and you know, I just

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Speaker 1: tucked it underneath my stomach and I just said I'm

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Speaker 1: gonna do this and pretendingly nothing happened. You would have

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Speaker 1: looked at us and thought we were the happiest couple

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Speaker 1: in the world. If Venus's childhood has prepared her for anything,

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Speaker 1: it's to pretend everything is okay. So that's what she

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Speaker 1: does when she has misgivings about the marriage, and over

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Speaker 1: the next several years, the pretending becomes reality. Venus and

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Speaker 1: Trip don't just look happy, they really are. Venus has

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Speaker 1: always longed for unconditional love, a growing family. She has

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Speaker 1: four kids within the first five years of her marriage,

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Speaker 1: and a kind of familial stability, and now she has it.

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Speaker 1: She's convinced that she's not repeating the history of her

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Speaker 1: fraud childhood. She has a strong family unit, a strong

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Speaker 1: faith and which he believes to be a strong, trusting partnership.

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Speaker 1: Trip is a great father. He's super active in the

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Speaker 1: church and in the kids schools and sports. He and

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Speaker 1: Venus have lunch together every day. But something else is

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Speaker 1: going on with Trip too. There's that dark side. Trip

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Speaker 1: struggles with mental illness, and soon he becomes abusive. I

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Speaker 1: think he was diagnosed with a polar disorder and maybe

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Speaker 1: a few other things, and he was on medication, and

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Speaker 1: he would have Tim's when he was medicated properly, that

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Speaker 1: he would do really well, and it was like he

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Speaker 1: was straight from heaven. And then he'd stopped taking his

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Speaker 1: medicine or his medicine would need to be tweaked, and

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Speaker 1: he would get really abusive and go under rages where

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Speaker 1: he would threatened to kill himself. You know, he would.

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Speaker 1: One time he said he tried to hang himself in

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Speaker 1: the little cabin next door to ours, and he pushed

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Speaker 1: me into a bathtub. I don't think he meant to

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Speaker 1: hurt me hurt me, but um, you know, I just remember,

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Speaker 1: like I thought I broke my back. I thought he'd

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Speaker 1: really done some permanent like I couldn't walk, you know,

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Speaker 1: I was like hunched over, and you know, he goes

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Speaker 1: out in the yard and gets a gun and she said,

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Speaker 1: I think he's killed himself. You know, I find him

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Speaker 1: out in the yard. But he was so remorseful after,

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Speaker 1: like just crying and begging and just please to help him,

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Speaker 1: and just how much he loved me, and that I

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Speaker 1: was the only person in the world he had. His

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Speaker 1: dad is remarried and he has a wonderful stepmother, but

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Speaker 1: his biological mother died in her late forties with clerosis

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Speaker 1: of the liver, and she battled alcoholism and I think

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Speaker 1: some mental issues and drugs, and you know, he would

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Speaker 1: just say he had no one. You know, I was

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Speaker 1: the only person he had, and and I wanted to

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Speaker 1: keep my family together at all costs. You know, I

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Speaker 1: wasn't I didn't intend on staying in an abusive marriage.

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Speaker 1: I just thought that I could fix him, and you

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Speaker 1: you can't fix someone else. And I know that now

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Speaker 1: i'm which is part of the reason I share the story.

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Speaker 1: You you can only fix yourself. You know, we had

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Speaker 1: many good years and even when the times were really

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Speaker 1: really bad, you know, whenever the abuse would get really

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Speaker 1: really bad, he would always be remorseful and beg for

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Speaker 1: forgiveness and tell me how much you loved me, and

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Speaker 1: how much he wanted to keep our family together, and

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Speaker 1: how he was going to be better, and he just

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Speaker 1: he was mentally sick, and he was you know, if

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Speaker 1: I would stand by him, that we had the best

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Speaker 1: family ever, and I believed him. I believed him, and

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Speaker 1: I did that. As bad as Trip was, it was

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Speaker 1: better than when I came from My mother told me

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Speaker 1: when I married Trip that I would be divorced within

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Speaker 1: a year, and I was hell bent on proving her wrong.

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Speaker 1: We'll be right back. In addition to the vile mood swings,

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Speaker 1: there are other red flags. There's suddenly a lot of debt,

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Speaker 1: Trip is overspending, and his financial decisions grand gestures included

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Speaker 1: are draining the family income. Venus decides to get her

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Speaker 1: real estate license so she can contribute financially. She begins

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Speaker 1: selling houses, and her first commission check is around five

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Speaker 1: thousand dollars. She's positioned to make about twenty dollars a year,

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Speaker 1: so just enough to help bolster the family's finances, but

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Speaker 1: not enough to support their large family. When Venus goes

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Speaker 1: to real estate school, she's pregnant with their sixth child,

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Speaker 1: I just wanted to be a mom. Prior to my

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Speaker 1: first child, I wanted to be in an attorney and

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Speaker 1: be in the corporate world. But once I had my

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Speaker 1: first child, and that's a whole another story, we trip

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Speaker 1: could not have children. He had um an undistended testicle

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Speaker 1: that was a tumor, and so as a result, when

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Speaker 1: we got married, I still at the hope, of course

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Speaker 1: we could have children naturally, but we could not, and

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Speaker 1: so we had a donor for the six alter in

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Speaker 1: the same dinner. So my first child, it took me

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Speaker 1: eight inseminations to to get pregnant, and the second one

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Speaker 1: it took me. For the third one it took me too,

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Speaker 1: and then um fourth, one, fifth, one, and six when

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Speaker 1: I got pregnant on the first insemination. And so when

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Speaker 1: I had my children, I had a whole different value

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Speaker 1: system that I had grown up thinking I wanted to

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Speaker 1: be this corporate person who was just knocking out of

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Speaker 1: the business world. I wanted to be a mom. Like

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Speaker 1: I realized how precious this life was. In that like,

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Speaker 1: I just wanted to help these children have everything that

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Speaker 1: I never had, which is a loving, stable family and

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Speaker 1: a mom that was dependable, and that you know, had

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Speaker 1: their back and that they could respect and look up to.

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Speaker 1: And when I got my license, it wasn't long after that,

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Speaker 1: but my life can crumbling down. But I just remember

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Speaker 1: telling the broker when I interviewed at may Bam, which

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00:14:54,240 --> 00:14:57,480
Speaker 1: is the company I'm slant, I said, listen, don't pressure

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Speaker 1: me to make a lot of money. I'm here to

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Speaker 1: make the minimum this company requires for me to keep

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Speaker 1: my license here, which was twenty dollars a year. That's

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Speaker 1: all I'm gonna make. And I didn't know the storm.

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00:15:08,560 --> 00:15:12,640
Speaker 1: I was about the weather. I never in a million

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Speaker 1: years dreamed that I would need to take over my

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Speaker 1: husband's role as the financial breadwinner in the house. But

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00:15:21,600 --> 00:15:25,800
Speaker 1: soon she will be solely responsible financially and otherwise for

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Speaker 1: herself and her six children. One night, shortly after she

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Speaker 1: has sold a few properties, she's at home nursing her youngest.

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Speaker 1: Trip is away, trip is often away, and she received

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Speaker 1: the phone call from a woman at a hotel. So

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00:15:42,400 --> 00:15:47,080
Speaker 1: the phone rings, and I'll never forget this girl was

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Speaker 1: on the line and she Sabrina's, my name is Jamie,

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Speaker 1: and I'm calling to tell you what an awful man

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Speaker 1: you're married to. And she went on to tell me

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Speaker 1: other stuff, and I was like, I didn't believe her.

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Speaker 1: I was in shock. And she said enough things where

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Speaker 1: I'm like, okay, I need to meet her. And so

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Speaker 1: I woke my son up and I said, you know, John,

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Speaker 1: can you watch her siblings? Listen up for your other ones?

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Speaker 1: And I gotta go meet with this lady. So I

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Speaker 1: got up and I'll never forget. I was driving on

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Speaker 1: Washington Road, which is where the hotel was at, and

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Speaker 1: I was thinking that she was lying. You know, I

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Speaker 1: was making every excuse for my husband like I always

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Speaker 1: did with everything, because there had been no signs of

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Speaker 1: him being unfaithful. And um, I get to the hotel,

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Speaker 1: I'll turn in there. I knock on the door and

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Speaker 1: I'll never forget. She comes to the door and she's

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Speaker 1: kind of fidgeting, and she's younger than me, and you know,

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Speaker 1: I'm pretty small and and she was, I mean, she

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00:16:47,800 --> 00:16:52,200
Speaker 1: was very small and just looked fragile. And so she

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00:16:52,280 --> 00:16:54,800
Speaker 1: opens the door and I come in and sit on

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Speaker 1: the bed and she's using the very descriptive language how

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Speaker 1: awful trip is and everything that he's done, and you know,

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Speaker 1: telling me he was a big man on campus all

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00:17:04,680 --> 00:17:07,880
Speaker 1: these women, you know, pretty much taken everything we had

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00:17:07,920 --> 00:17:10,720
Speaker 1: and the credit card. She said, these women want to

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00:17:10,720 --> 00:17:12,639
Speaker 1: go to Walmart with it, and just Trip was a

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Speaker 1: big man, and they just cleaned us out and like

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Speaker 1: all the kids to count. Everything we had was gone,

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Speaker 1: and we didn't have a lot of money, but what

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00:17:20,040 --> 00:17:23,280
Speaker 1: we had was gone. So then she starts showing me

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00:17:23,359 --> 00:17:26,879
Speaker 1: photos on her phone. At that point I knew she

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00:17:27,040 --> 00:17:30,080
Speaker 1: was not lying, because she's telling me things that Trip

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Speaker 1: was actually doing to me when he would get in

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Speaker 1: his rages, that he was doing to her. And I

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00:17:34,840 --> 00:17:36,639
Speaker 1: think maybe she fell in love with him, because she

306
00:17:36,640 --> 00:17:39,520
Speaker 1: said towards the end she wasn't even charging him per sect.

307
00:17:40,440 --> 00:17:43,960
Speaker 1: But she showed me his phone and you know pictures

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00:17:44,480 --> 00:17:48,320
Speaker 1: Trip and compromise positions and naked without clothes. You know,

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00:17:48,400 --> 00:17:51,960
Speaker 1: one particular photo was driving on the road like with

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Speaker 1: his pants down with an erection and just like smiling

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Speaker 1: for the picture. I'm like what, And so then I

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00:17:58,600 --> 00:18:02,560
Speaker 1: knew she was honest. And and I tell this, people

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00:18:02,560 --> 00:18:06,240
Speaker 1: are amazed. But I just looked in her eyes and

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Speaker 1: I just felt this connection to her. You know, I

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00:18:11,000 --> 00:18:13,960
Speaker 1: didn't hate her. I was just trying to get out

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Speaker 1: of my tragedy, and she had not figured out how

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Speaker 1: to get out of her tragedy, and I guess I

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00:18:19,960 --> 00:18:23,680
Speaker 1: hadn't either, but I was trying. I just connected with her,

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Speaker 1: and um, she wanted to me to give her money

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Speaker 1: for a bus to get thinking back to it ly,

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Speaker 1: and I think and because the trip was supposedly starting

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Speaker 1: to kill her, which I believe. And so I wrote

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Speaker 1: her a check for like a hundred dollars and I

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00:18:38,119 --> 00:18:39,840
Speaker 1: told her, Sai, Jamie, the money is not in the

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Speaker 1: bank right now, I said, so give me a few days.

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Speaker 1: I've got a close in this week, and once it's

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Speaker 1: in the bank, then you can cash it. I said,

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Speaker 1: but if you try to cash it now, they're going

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00:18:48,480 --> 00:18:51,040
Speaker 1: to reject it. They're gonna balance it. And she called

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Speaker 1: me like every day for the next week until I

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Speaker 1: had the money in there, and then I told her, yes,

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Speaker 1: she can cash it. So then of course she cashed it.

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Speaker 1: And I've never heard from her again, but I'll look

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00:19:02,960 --> 00:19:05,040
Speaker 1: back now, and I think how I felt to her.

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00:19:05,119 --> 00:19:09,199
Speaker 1: I just felt compassion, and I felt really sorry for

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00:19:09,320 --> 00:19:12,159
Speaker 1: and and I don't understand really fully myself, because you

337
00:19:12,359 --> 00:19:16,240
Speaker 1: just basically, you know what she told me, just stript

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00:19:16,280 --> 00:19:19,040
Speaker 1: my entire life for me, I guess in handsight, she

339
00:19:19,040 --> 00:19:23,159
Speaker 1: did me a favor. She was a messenger. Yeah, so

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00:19:23,240 --> 00:19:26,639
Speaker 1: then my journey changed. And I remember leaving and driving

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00:19:26,680 --> 00:19:28,800
Speaker 1: back on Washington Road again to get that come to

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00:19:28,880 --> 00:19:32,159
Speaker 1: my children, and I just thinking, Okay, you know, I

343
00:19:32,280 --> 00:19:35,640
Speaker 1: keep saying that I'm a Christian. What does a Christian mean?

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00:19:36,080 --> 00:19:38,440
Speaker 1: You know, just a Christian? Just stand by here? I

345
00:19:38,520 --> 00:19:41,359
Speaker 1: am making excuses again because the Christians still stand by

346
00:19:41,400 --> 00:19:44,560
Speaker 1: her husband during the good times, or do they like

347
00:19:44,720 --> 00:19:47,200
Speaker 1: stand by them during the really hard times? And I said,

348
00:19:47,280 --> 00:19:49,920
Speaker 1: you know what, I'm gonna stand by him. I said,

349
00:19:49,920 --> 00:19:53,840
Speaker 1: because this is a mental disease like sexdiction. What he's

350
00:19:53,840 --> 00:19:56,720
Speaker 1: done is terrible. It's violating. You know, you take it

351
00:19:56,800 --> 00:20:01,760
Speaker 1: personal when there's intimacy involved with some But I knew

352
00:20:02,080 --> 00:20:05,320
Speaker 1: that deep dealing his soul was good and that he

353
00:20:05,359 --> 00:20:09,359
Speaker 1: had made some terrible choices. And I was going to

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00:20:09,400 --> 00:20:11,360
Speaker 1: be a Christian and I was going to help him

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00:20:11,400 --> 00:20:14,640
Speaker 1: get through this. And I was gonna show I told

356
00:20:14,840 --> 00:20:18,000
Speaker 1: our kids, I'm gonna show our community, our friends for

357
00:20:18,240 --> 00:20:24,120
Speaker 1: forgiveness really means. I was determined to have a stronger

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00:20:24,200 --> 00:20:26,320
Speaker 1: family and to learn from it, and how I could

359
00:20:26,320 --> 00:20:29,440
Speaker 1: be a better wife to him too, you know, because again,

360
00:20:29,480 --> 00:20:33,639
Speaker 1: nobody's perfect. So my role leaving there was not to

361
00:20:33,800 --> 00:20:36,520
Speaker 1: crucify him or to leave him or divorce him. It

362
00:20:36,680 --> 00:20:39,720
Speaker 1: was to help him and to live my faith out

363
00:20:39,760 --> 00:20:42,119
Speaker 1: and to figure out how to keep my family together

364
00:20:42,160 --> 00:20:46,840
Speaker 1: still and his parents, he has a great family and

365
00:20:46,880 --> 00:20:50,480
Speaker 1: his parents, his step mom and his father sent him

366
00:20:50,520 --> 00:20:54,320
Speaker 1: to Hattiesburg, Mississippi. There's a sex rehab clinic there. He

367
00:20:54,480 --> 00:20:56,680
Speaker 1: was so remorseful, like, I'm gonna come out of here,

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00:20:57,000 --> 00:20:59,000
Speaker 1: I'm gonna be the best father, I'm gonna be the

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00:20:59,040 --> 00:21:01,879
Speaker 1: best husband, Like this is gonna make us stronger. I

370
00:21:02,040 --> 00:21:05,280
Speaker 1: love you, you know, my childhood with my mother being

371
00:21:05,280 --> 00:21:08,080
Speaker 1: an addict, and you know, I'm just messed up, and

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00:21:08,080 --> 00:21:10,520
Speaker 1: they're gonna help me get better. And if you stick

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00:21:10,600 --> 00:21:13,560
Speaker 1: by me, then then we're gonna have the best family ever.

374
00:21:14,200 --> 00:21:16,840
Speaker 1: That's all I ever wanted, was the best family ever.

375
00:21:17,080 --> 00:21:20,239
Speaker 1: So he immediately went there, and they actually put us

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00:21:20,240 --> 00:21:22,879
Speaker 1: in a hotel somewhere because we were, you know, scared

377
00:21:22,920 --> 00:21:25,679
Speaker 1: for her safety that he might, uh, you know, our

378
00:21:25,760 --> 00:21:28,119
Speaker 1: life might be in danger, and said they put us

379
00:21:28,119 --> 00:21:31,480
Speaker 1: in a hotel until they could get him situated where

380
00:21:31,520 --> 00:21:35,560
Speaker 1: he needed to be in Mississippi, and of course, you know,

381
00:21:35,600 --> 00:21:38,440
Speaker 1: once he got there, and part of the recovery process

382
00:21:38,480 --> 00:21:41,040
Speaker 1: for any kind of addict is, you know, coming clean.

383
00:21:41,119 --> 00:21:44,560
Speaker 1: And he came clean about cheating on me for years

384
00:21:44,560 --> 00:21:47,920
Speaker 1: with prostitutes and lying about the truly, basically his whole

385
00:21:47,920 --> 00:21:50,920
Speaker 1: life was aligned and you know, still in money from

386
00:21:50,920 --> 00:21:55,199
Speaker 1: his parents company. And I didn't realize, like he was

387
00:21:55,359 --> 00:21:59,439
Speaker 1: so convincing, I did not realize that he never played

388
00:21:59,440 --> 00:22:03,320
Speaker 1: football for the University of South Carolina until he was

389
00:22:03,920 --> 00:22:07,520
Speaker 1: at the sexual rehab clinic. We've been married nearly twenty years,

390
00:22:08,480 --> 00:22:12,560
Speaker 1: and I was on a plane with his stepmother and

391
00:22:13,040 --> 00:22:15,800
Speaker 1: I didn't understand why they had no photos of him

392
00:22:15,840 --> 00:22:18,639
Speaker 1: playing football, And so I said to her, I said,

393
00:22:19,040 --> 00:22:21,280
Speaker 1: I've looked through all the photo albums. I said, I

394
00:22:21,320 --> 00:22:24,120
Speaker 1: see the pictures of Tripp and a cheerleader. I said,

395
00:22:24,160 --> 00:22:26,680
Speaker 1: I don't see any football pictures of him, and and

396
00:22:26,760 --> 00:22:29,120
Speaker 1: she looked at me like I was crazy. And she's

397
00:22:29,160 --> 00:22:30,720
Speaker 1: like me because I don't know what you're talking about.

398
00:22:31,440 --> 00:22:34,360
Speaker 1: I said, you know when Tripp played football at Carolina

399
00:22:34,560 --> 00:22:38,800
Speaker 1: And she said, um, he never played football at Carolina,

400
00:22:39,000 --> 00:22:41,640
Speaker 1: And I'm like, yeah, he did. I mean he told

401
00:22:41,680 --> 00:22:44,679
Speaker 1: us stories about you know, the coach saying, if you

402
00:22:44,760 --> 00:22:47,240
Speaker 1: guys played with half the heart that Trip Moore has

403
00:22:47,240 --> 00:22:50,480
Speaker 1: played with it, we we'd win the national championship. And

404
00:22:50,560 --> 00:22:53,400
Speaker 1: he'd take my children in the locker room and show

405
00:22:53,480 --> 00:22:55,639
Speaker 1: him everything and tell him stories about every place and

406
00:22:55,680 --> 00:22:58,240
Speaker 1: the you know things that happened. And She's like, Venus,

407
00:22:59,000 --> 00:23:04,359
Speaker 1: Trip never aid football ever in college. He was a cheerleader,

408
00:23:04,840 --> 00:23:07,760
Speaker 1: you know. So when we we got to Hattiesburg, Mississippi,

409
00:23:07,960 --> 00:23:11,600
Speaker 1: we sat down. A part of recovering from six addiction

410
00:23:12,320 --> 00:23:14,600
Speaker 1: is kind of coming clean with everything that you've done.

411
00:23:14,600 --> 00:23:18,199
Speaker 1: And and so I just asked him, I said, like,

412
00:23:18,320 --> 00:23:20,160
Speaker 1: if you've been lying to me for twenty years about

413
00:23:20,240 --> 00:23:26,200
Speaker 1: playing football and and he said yeah. So that's when

414
00:23:26,240 --> 00:23:29,920
Speaker 1: I'm like, Okay, something is like really really wrong. Why

415
00:23:29,920 --> 00:23:33,040
Speaker 1: does somebody make up something like that? And while he

416
00:23:33,080 --> 00:23:35,640
Speaker 1: was there, some other things came out that he had done,

417
00:23:35,640 --> 00:23:38,000
Speaker 1: and and that's when it became a deal breaker for me.

418
00:23:38,600 --> 00:23:42,199
Speaker 1: And the things he had done compromised my children. I

419
00:23:42,240 --> 00:23:44,960
Speaker 1: didn't really believe that either at first, but I was

420
00:23:45,080 --> 00:23:48,600
Speaker 1: disturbed enough, and I was a good mother, I thought,

421
00:23:48,800 --> 00:23:51,480
Speaker 1: and I would never let him come back in the

422
00:23:51,520 --> 00:23:54,000
Speaker 1: home or around the children without knowing one way or

423
00:23:54,040 --> 00:23:59,840
Speaker 1: the other. The possibility that Tripp had been sexually abusive

424
00:23:59,880 --> 00:24:03,639
Speaker 1: to any of their children had simply never occurred to Venus,

425
00:24:04,240 --> 00:24:08,680
Speaker 1: the handsome, charismatic All American football coach and churchgoer who

426
00:24:08,720 --> 00:24:11,840
Speaker 1: people flocked to like he was the pied Piper. It

427
00:24:11,880 --> 00:24:15,880
Speaker 1: couldn't be, or could it? There was only one way

428
00:24:15,920 --> 00:24:21,080
Speaker 1: to find out. He agreed to take a lot of

429
00:24:21,160 --> 00:24:26,680
Speaker 1: tector tests and they gave him too at the hospital.

430
00:24:26,760 --> 00:24:28,639
Speaker 1: He failed the first one. In the second one that

431
00:24:28,800 --> 00:24:31,480
Speaker 1: the polygraphic Samar said, you know, he was so nervous.

432
00:24:31,680 --> 00:24:33,880
Speaker 1: He's like, can't can't even really get a result. He says,

433
00:24:33,960 --> 00:24:36,680
Speaker 1: you need to there's something out, a specific issue, a

434
00:24:36,720 --> 00:24:39,280
Speaker 1: lot of tector tests and and you need there's a

435
00:24:39,320 --> 00:24:41,919
Speaker 1: gun at Leona, and he gave me the name of

436
00:24:41,920 --> 00:24:45,040
Speaker 1: the person and you need to call him and set

437
00:24:45,040 --> 00:24:47,240
Speaker 1: an appointment up and you know he'll be able to

438
00:24:47,320 --> 00:24:49,760
Speaker 1: give you assurance one way or the other. And so

439
00:24:49,800 --> 00:24:53,000
Speaker 1: of course I immediately called him, and you know, the

440
00:24:53,040 --> 00:24:56,240
Speaker 1: guy's explaining the process and he's like, it's pretty full proof.

441
00:24:56,280 --> 00:24:58,760
Speaker 1: When when he lives here, you'll know if he did

442
00:24:58,800 --> 00:25:03,040
Speaker 1: these things. And Trip was very good at storytelling, as

443
00:25:03,040 --> 00:25:06,119
Speaker 1: you see what the stories I've told you. And I

444
00:25:06,160 --> 00:25:08,879
Speaker 1: think he really thought he could beat it. In Claire

445
00:25:08,920 --> 00:25:13,359
Speaker 1: his name in that VI it us reconcile, and he

446
00:25:13,440 --> 00:25:15,159
Speaker 1: went there took the test and I'll never forget that

447
00:25:15,200 --> 00:25:18,040
Speaker 1: guy called him and he's like, you know what he said,

448
00:25:18,480 --> 00:25:22,320
Speaker 1: I can tell you he's done these things. And he

449
00:25:22,480 --> 00:25:26,080
Speaker 1: said something like you'd be an unfit mother at best

450
00:25:26,119 --> 00:25:29,320
Speaker 1: if you did nothing about this. And so that was

451
00:25:29,359 --> 00:25:31,800
Speaker 1: it for me, Like there was no can I help

452
00:25:31,880 --> 00:25:39,399
Speaker 1: him anymore? Cannot? That was it. We'll be back in

453
00:25:39,480 --> 00:25:51,720
Speaker 1: a moment with more family secrets. When Venus thought it

454
00:25:51,760 --> 00:25:55,200
Speaker 1: was sex addiction and mental illness that was causing trips behavior,

455
00:25:55,760 --> 00:25:59,240
Speaker 1: she was gutted, but she had been seriously considering supporting

456
00:25:59,320 --> 00:26:02,439
Speaker 1: him through it for the sake of their family. But

457
00:26:02,520 --> 00:26:04,959
Speaker 1: when she learned the trip has violated one of her

458
00:26:05,040 --> 00:26:08,679
Speaker 1: daughters and is in fact a direct threat to their family,

459
00:26:09,119 --> 00:26:12,640
Speaker 1: she absolutely will not stand by him, no way, no how.

460
00:26:13,320 --> 00:26:16,160
Speaker 1: All she's ever wanted to do was create a sense

461
00:26:16,200 --> 00:26:19,200
Speaker 1: of stability and safety for her children, to give them

462
00:26:19,280 --> 00:26:24,080
Speaker 1: childhoods better than hers had been. This this is devastating,

463
00:26:24,680 --> 00:26:29,399
Speaker 1: but she springs into action a foul for divorce immediately,

464
00:26:29,680 --> 00:26:34,439
Speaker 1: because I would never bring someone like that around my children.

465
00:26:34,760 --> 00:26:38,840
Speaker 1: And you know, callna pediatrician who had been my pediatrician

466
00:26:38,880 --> 00:26:42,080
Speaker 1: for twenty years, fifteen years traveling was at the time,

467
00:26:42,640 --> 00:26:46,440
Speaker 1: and he says, you know, Venus, He said, You've got

468
00:26:46,440 --> 00:26:48,400
Speaker 1: to take your daughter to the hospital to be examined.

469
00:26:48,440 --> 00:26:50,280
Speaker 1: He says, I don't do that type of exam here,

470
00:26:50,359 --> 00:26:52,399
Speaker 1: he said, but I do have to tell you I

471
00:26:52,400 --> 00:26:54,800
Speaker 1: would lose my medical license about a report this. So

472
00:26:54,840 --> 00:26:59,160
Speaker 1: I've got to call the Department of Social Services and

473
00:26:59,200 --> 00:27:02,480
Speaker 1: make them aware of what's been said. And you know,

474
00:27:03,080 --> 00:27:05,200
Speaker 1: this is this is a serious business. And of course

475
00:27:05,240 --> 00:27:07,320
Speaker 1: I knew that, and I was devastated, and I agree

476
00:27:07,359 --> 00:27:10,080
Speaker 1: with him. So then at that point the Department of

477
00:27:10,119 --> 00:27:14,120
Speaker 1: Social Services came in and interviewed everybody and felt probable

478
00:27:14,160 --> 00:27:18,639
Speaker 1: calls and went to the district attorney, and Trip agreed

479
00:27:18,680 --> 00:27:21,920
Speaker 1: to come down to testify. And again, Tripp was so

480
00:27:22,160 --> 00:27:25,840
Speaker 1: nice and vaivable and likable. I think he just thought

481
00:27:26,280 --> 00:27:29,000
Speaker 1: he could talk his way out of it, like he'd

482
00:27:29,000 --> 00:27:32,399
Speaker 1: done his whole life. And it was really ultimately his

483
00:27:32,440 --> 00:27:36,240
Speaker 1: own testimony that that put him away. But um, they

484
00:27:36,320 --> 00:27:39,840
Speaker 1: arrested him right after the grand jury issued an indictment

485
00:27:39,880 --> 00:27:42,280
Speaker 1: and they didn't even give him parole because of the

486
00:27:42,359 --> 00:27:44,840
Speaker 1: risk they felt like he posed to me and the children.

487
00:27:45,480 --> 00:27:47,959
Speaker 1: He was sentenced to forty five years in prison and

488
00:27:48,160 --> 00:27:51,200
Speaker 1: just been there like eleven years now, ten or eleven years,

489
00:27:51,720 --> 00:27:53,920
Speaker 1: and he um, I think he has to start twenty

490
00:27:53,920 --> 00:27:59,400
Speaker 1: one years before he can get pro all Venus also

491
00:27:59,440 --> 00:28:01,800
Speaker 1: tells her Chidren that while she doesn't know what the

492
00:28:01,840 --> 00:28:04,840
Speaker 1: future will hold, she is their mother and she's going

493
00:28:04,880 --> 00:28:06,680
Speaker 1: to do everything in her power to be a good

494
00:28:06,720 --> 00:28:09,679
Speaker 1: mother to them. They're going to weather this storm together

495
00:28:10,160 --> 00:28:13,200
Speaker 1: and not be defined as a family by the terrible

496
00:28:13,240 --> 00:28:18,280
Speaker 1: things their father did. I was struck by your fact

497
00:28:18,320 --> 00:28:21,199
Speaker 1: that you didn't have a lot of support from the

498
00:28:21,240 --> 00:28:24,880
Speaker 1: community that you've been a part of for all these years. Well,

499
00:28:25,000 --> 00:28:28,040
Speaker 1: it was interesting. It is interesting looking back now, because

500
00:28:28,840 --> 00:28:31,679
Speaker 1: people that were barely my friends stepped up to the

501
00:28:31,720 --> 00:28:38,000
Speaker 1: plate and became really, really just amazing friends. I mean,

502
00:28:38,080 --> 00:28:41,280
Speaker 1: one lady who barely knew knocked on my door and

503
00:28:42,040 --> 00:28:44,560
Speaker 1: basically told me she could organize people to sew cartons,

504
00:28:45,360 --> 00:28:48,080
Speaker 1: you know, And I'm like, listen, I appreciate that, but

505
00:28:48,280 --> 00:28:52,480
Speaker 1: I'm fine without curtains. If I sell my house and

506
00:28:52,560 --> 00:28:54,600
Speaker 1: I'm living in a tent, then I'll take it, you know,

507
00:28:54,680 --> 00:28:56,680
Speaker 1: But let let me do what I gotta do first.

508
00:28:56,800 --> 00:28:59,520
Speaker 1: And I'm not above getting help, but let me try

509
00:28:59,560 --> 00:29:02,160
Speaker 1: to take of business at home before I reach out

510
00:29:02,240 --> 00:29:04,680
Speaker 1: and get other people to do these things. But it

511
00:29:04,800 --> 00:29:08,320
Speaker 1: was amazing. It's a beautiful gesture. And then I had

512
00:29:08,360 --> 00:29:10,360
Speaker 1: another friend who I was friends with, but we weren't

513
00:29:10,360 --> 00:29:13,120
Speaker 1: by any means really close friends or best friends. And

514
00:29:13,880 --> 00:29:18,960
Speaker 1: she started working for me and just walked the fire

515
00:29:19,040 --> 00:29:21,480
Speaker 1: with me and became my very best friend and she's

516
00:29:21,520 --> 00:29:23,960
Speaker 1: still my very best friend, and we will die being

517
00:29:24,000 --> 00:29:25,960
Speaker 1: best friends. And the first year I was so broke

518
00:29:26,040 --> 00:29:28,640
Speaker 1: I could not even pay her, like for a whole year,

519
00:29:29,480 --> 00:29:31,800
Speaker 1: And I'll never forget her telling me. She's like, nas,

520
00:29:31,800 --> 00:29:34,840
Speaker 1: don't worry about me. I'm okay, Um, you know, her

521
00:29:34,920 --> 00:29:37,080
Speaker 1: husband worked and support of the family, and she said,

522
00:29:38,000 --> 00:29:39,840
Speaker 1: you do what you need to do to take care

523
00:29:39,840 --> 00:29:42,560
Speaker 1: of you kids. You can catch me up. And she

524
00:29:42,600 --> 00:29:45,280
Speaker 1: would tell me like, I'm putting up billboards on Washington

525
00:29:45,360 --> 00:29:47,040
Speaker 1: Road and not knowing how I'm going to even pay

526
00:29:47,080 --> 00:29:48,520
Speaker 1: for him. But I knew I had to do something

527
00:29:48,600 --> 00:29:51,600
Speaker 1: dramatic and drastic to be successful and make a statement.

528
00:29:52,040 --> 00:29:53,800
Speaker 1: And she's like, you put the billboards up, and I'll

529
00:29:53,800 --> 00:29:55,640
Speaker 1: feed your family if I need to feed your family.

530
00:29:55,720 --> 00:29:57,560
Speaker 1: I believe in you. You get out there and you

531
00:29:57,640 --> 00:30:00,440
Speaker 1: do it. And I did, and I was s scessful

532
00:30:00,480 --> 00:30:03,480
Speaker 1: in on her second year. I paid her back for

533
00:30:03,520 --> 00:30:05,920
Speaker 1: the first year in full, and then I started paying

534
00:30:05,920 --> 00:30:09,760
Speaker 1: her for the second year. And she was faithful to me.

535
00:30:13,080 --> 00:30:16,520
Speaker 1: But not everyone remained faithful to Venus. Some turned on

536
00:30:16,600 --> 00:30:19,120
Speaker 1: her and blamed her for her husband's actions as well

537
00:30:19,160 --> 00:30:21,640
Speaker 1: as her own. She had been part of a prayer

538
00:30:21,680 --> 00:30:24,920
Speaker 1: group with five other couples. They had met every Wednesday

539
00:30:24,960 --> 00:30:29,000
Speaker 1: for ten years. They were, up until trips imprisonment, the

540
00:30:29,040 --> 00:30:35,520
Speaker 1: best friendships Venus had ever had. I had never really

541
00:30:35,560 --> 00:30:37,800
Speaker 1: had friends like that, you know, because I had moved

542
00:30:37,800 --> 00:30:39,680
Speaker 1: so much, I've been so much just function. I had

543
00:30:39,680 --> 00:30:41,800
Speaker 1: been in hiding my whole life. I didn't want anybody

544
00:30:41,880 --> 00:30:43,840
Speaker 1: to who I really was. I wanted to pretend like

545
00:30:43,880 --> 00:30:46,400
Speaker 1: I was normal and my cup as everybody else. And

546
00:30:46,440 --> 00:30:48,400
Speaker 1: so when I met these ladies, I mean they all

547
00:30:48,520 --> 00:30:51,560
Speaker 1: came from well, two of them came from extremely good families.

548
00:30:51,560 --> 00:30:54,080
Speaker 1: One of them had a really great mom and a

549
00:30:54,200 --> 00:30:57,400
Speaker 1: divorce situation. But she she was actually my very best friend.

550
00:30:57,920 --> 00:31:01,160
Speaker 1: And then there's another couple in the prayer group who

551
00:31:01,560 --> 00:31:03,440
Speaker 1: I was friends with, but I wasn't real close with them,

552
00:31:03,480 --> 00:31:06,520
Speaker 1: but um, and that couple actually was the nicest to me.

553
00:31:06,640 --> 00:31:09,920
Speaker 1: But the the other three couples in there, I'll never forget.

554
00:31:10,560 --> 00:31:13,760
Speaker 1: My husband's put in prison, and like they don't speak

555
00:31:13,800 --> 00:31:17,160
Speaker 1: to me from that point out. And the friend who

556
00:31:17,200 --> 00:31:19,600
Speaker 1: was my best friends, she says to me, I asked

557
00:31:19,600 --> 00:31:21,400
Speaker 1: her to go out to dinner with me and said, listen,

558
00:31:21,840 --> 00:31:24,040
Speaker 1: like we had to talk, like did I did I

559
00:31:24,120 --> 00:31:26,840
Speaker 1: do something wrong? I mean, like tell me. I mean,

560
00:31:26,840 --> 00:31:28,840
Speaker 1: you're like my best friend in the world. My husband's

561
00:31:28,880 --> 00:31:32,400
Speaker 1: just going to prison for six kids. Like what did

562
00:31:32,440 --> 00:31:36,160
Speaker 1: that do? And she said to me, she said, you know,

563
00:31:36,920 --> 00:31:40,760
Speaker 1: I am very Catholic and I'm very black and white,

564
00:31:41,840 --> 00:31:45,520
Speaker 1: and what you did was wrong conceiving your children with

565
00:31:45,600 --> 00:31:48,560
Speaker 1: a dinner and you didn't just do it one time.

566
00:31:49,200 --> 00:31:52,440
Speaker 1: You had six children by the dinner and you lied

567
00:31:52,480 --> 00:31:56,240
Speaker 1: to us and you didn't tell us this. And I'm

568
00:31:56,280 --> 00:31:58,880
Speaker 1: black and white and I just can't. I can't be

569
00:31:59,000 --> 00:32:04,040
Speaker 1: friends with you. The children were also paying for trips

570
00:32:04,080 --> 00:32:08,440
Speaker 1: behavior ostracized and judged. Other kids weren't allowed to come

571
00:32:08,440 --> 00:32:11,800
Speaker 1: to their home. They weren't invited to birthday parties in

572
00:32:11,840 --> 00:32:15,160
Speaker 1: a family that had been injured enough, the injuries piled

573
00:32:15,200 --> 00:32:20,320
Speaker 1: on my son Neil. He was only one when his

574
00:32:20,360 --> 00:32:25,560
Speaker 1: father went away, and he came home last week and said, Mom, like,

575
00:32:25,960 --> 00:32:28,719
Speaker 1: he doesn't even really know trips in prison or for

576
00:32:28,760 --> 00:32:31,240
Speaker 1: what anything about it, because he's never really been a

577
00:32:31,240 --> 00:32:34,840
Speaker 1: father figure. But he said, Mom, like this girl in

578
00:32:34,880 --> 00:32:38,320
Speaker 1: my class, like if I come into class irritated, or

579
00:32:38,320 --> 00:32:40,120
Speaker 1: if I say something to or she'll look at to

580
00:32:40,200 --> 00:32:42,960
Speaker 1: me and she'll say, are you in a bad mood? Charles?

581
00:32:42,960 --> 00:32:46,120
Speaker 1: Because your dad's in jail. I'm just like, what's wrong

582
00:32:46,160 --> 00:32:49,520
Speaker 1: with these kids? Like what is wrong with these kids?

583
00:32:50,120 --> 00:32:54,280
Speaker 1: And you know, like one of my kids came home devastated, like, Mom,

584
00:32:54,520 --> 00:32:56,520
Speaker 1: they want to die God mother you There're all these

585
00:32:56,520 --> 00:32:59,800
Speaker 1: people sing terrible things and they'll laugh and say where's

586
00:32:59,840 --> 00:33:02,480
Speaker 1: your adt yet today? And I'm like like, who are

587
00:33:02,480 --> 00:33:05,920
Speaker 1: these Christian people? Like what the hell? And you know,

588
00:33:06,040 --> 00:33:08,760
Speaker 1: I'm a little fighter, so I'm just like putting my

589
00:33:08,800 --> 00:33:11,360
Speaker 1: box in gloves on, just you know, if I weren't

590
00:33:11,400 --> 00:33:14,720
Speaker 1: grounded in myself and and my faith. I would have

591
00:33:14,800 --> 00:33:18,000
Speaker 1: left my faith because I'm sitting here thinking how to

592
00:33:18,000 --> 00:33:21,480
Speaker 1: I forgive my husband for having a sex addiction and

593
00:33:21,520 --> 00:33:25,160
Speaker 1: committed to trying to find a way. And they're never

594
00:33:25,200 --> 00:33:27,400
Speaker 1: speaking to me because my husband is going to prison

595
00:33:28,120 --> 00:33:33,040
Speaker 1: for cald molestation and they're thinking I knew something, you know,

596
00:33:33,040 --> 00:33:36,200
Speaker 1: I'm like, what is wrong with you? People? But I'll

597
00:33:36,200 --> 00:33:39,360
Speaker 1: forgive them. And one of the people I never mentioned names,

598
00:33:39,360 --> 00:33:40,960
Speaker 1: and I would never do that, but she sent me

599
00:33:41,000 --> 00:33:44,440
Speaker 1: this really ugly text message, and you know, I just said,

600
00:33:44,800 --> 00:33:47,160
Speaker 1: I can't believe what you're trying to do for fame

601
00:33:47,200 --> 00:33:49,240
Speaker 1: and for money and and I've told you to leave

602
00:33:49,240 --> 00:33:51,960
Speaker 1: my family out of your drama. And I was like,

603
00:33:52,280 --> 00:33:55,760
Speaker 1: Number one, I'm a self made millionaire. Nothing am I

604
00:33:55,800 --> 00:33:59,840
Speaker 1: am doing except with the intent of helping other women

605
00:34:00,120 --> 00:34:03,400
Speaker 1: or in extremely dark places, not go through what I've

606
00:34:03,440 --> 00:34:05,080
Speaker 1: gone through, to see their value, to see the word

607
00:34:05,080 --> 00:34:09,799
Speaker 1: In Number two, it's really hard to look at yourself

608
00:34:09,840 --> 00:34:12,640
Speaker 1: and this story. I know it is, but as Christians,

609
00:34:13,160 --> 00:34:16,200
Speaker 1: we all mess up. We're all sinners, so you know

610
00:34:16,320 --> 00:34:18,680
Speaker 1: you need to just own it and know that I

611
00:34:18,719 --> 00:34:21,640
Speaker 1: don't pass judgment. I forgive you, but this is my

612
00:34:21,719 --> 00:34:24,640
Speaker 1: story and it's a big part of it, because you know,

613
00:34:24,719 --> 00:34:28,040
Speaker 1: that's why people go into depression and anxiety, because you know,

614
00:34:28,120 --> 00:34:31,239
Speaker 1: something shameful like this happens and everyone turns it back

615
00:34:31,280 --> 00:34:34,359
Speaker 1: on you. And I've had women tell me until they

616
00:34:34,400 --> 00:34:37,640
Speaker 1: heard my story, they were on the verge of suicide,

617
00:34:37,719 --> 00:34:40,920
Speaker 1: and after hearing my story that I've given them hope

618
00:34:41,680 --> 00:34:44,560
Speaker 1: and they can get through what they're going through, and

619
00:34:44,600 --> 00:34:46,640
Speaker 1: that that their commitment is to be in the best

620
00:34:46,640 --> 00:34:49,719
Speaker 1: moment they can be. And to me, like this is

621
00:34:49,760 --> 00:34:53,880
Speaker 1: embarrassing the stuff I share. I'm getting a lot of support,

622
00:34:53,920 --> 00:34:57,840
Speaker 1: but I'm also getting a tremendous amount of criticism within

623
00:34:58,040 --> 00:35:01,480
Speaker 1: the community for for putting my stuff out there. But

624
00:35:01,640 --> 00:35:04,759
Speaker 1: you can get goodness out of bad and light out

625
00:35:04,760 --> 00:35:06,920
Speaker 1: of darkness if you do you let it, if you're

626
00:35:06,920 --> 00:35:09,759
Speaker 1: not ashamed of what's happened. Because we all mess up.

627
00:35:09,840 --> 00:35:12,320
Speaker 1: And I say, my pain, it is terrible, My story

628
00:35:12,400 --> 00:35:15,279
Speaker 1: is heartwrenching, but my pain really is no different than

629
00:35:15,600 --> 00:35:18,480
Speaker 1: the next person's pain. It's just different and it's all relative,

630
00:35:19,480 --> 00:35:26,280
Speaker 1: which brings me to talking to you. There's another embedded

631
00:35:26,320 --> 00:35:29,120
Speaker 1: secret at the core of this family dynamic. Are you

632
00:35:29,200 --> 00:35:32,760
Speaker 1: ready for this one? The children don't know that Trip

633
00:35:32,880 --> 00:35:36,479
Speaker 1: is not their biological father. Yes, you heard that right.

634
00:35:37,280 --> 00:35:40,400
Speaker 1: And since his arrest, Trip has been telling people the

635
00:35:40,440 --> 00:35:42,680
Speaker 1: secret that he and Venus planned to take to their

636
00:35:42,719 --> 00:35:48,880
Speaker 1: graves together. So I got um. I got a phone

637
00:35:48,920 --> 00:35:53,120
Speaker 1: call from someone who said, oh my god, Venus, I

638
00:35:53,200 --> 00:35:56,120
Speaker 1: just heard this terrible rumor, and I wanted to call

639
00:35:56,160 --> 00:35:59,520
Speaker 1: you because you know, I don't think it's true, but

640
00:35:59,760 --> 00:36:01,880
Speaker 1: I think you should know about it, just because I

641
00:36:01,880 --> 00:36:04,040
Speaker 1: think you should know about I'm like, what is it. Well?

642
00:36:04,200 --> 00:36:06,719
Speaker 1: Trip has gone around and he's telling some people that

643
00:36:06,760 --> 00:36:10,719
Speaker 1: these aren't even his biological kids, and I'm like what,

644
00:36:11,960 --> 00:36:13,640
Speaker 1: And I didn't know what what to say. You know,

645
00:36:13,680 --> 00:36:15,160
Speaker 1: at that point it's like, okay, no one in the

646
00:36:15,200 --> 00:36:17,560
Speaker 1: world do except for me and Trip. You know, at

647
00:36:17,560 --> 00:36:20,359
Speaker 1: that point, what do you what do you say? And

648
00:36:20,440 --> 00:36:22,360
Speaker 1: so I thought about it, and I said, you know,

649
00:36:22,400 --> 00:36:24,560
Speaker 1: I've got to go to all my kids because if

650
00:36:24,600 --> 00:36:27,360
Speaker 1: I don't, if this person has heard it, my kids

651
00:36:27,400 --> 00:36:29,440
Speaker 1: are going to hear it. And I don't want them

652
00:36:29,440 --> 00:36:32,480
Speaker 1: hearing this from someone else. This is not a conversation

653
00:36:32,520 --> 00:36:35,160
Speaker 1: that a stranger or you know, a friend or someone

654
00:36:35,239 --> 00:36:37,279
Speaker 1: making fun of them needs to have, especially with all

655
00:36:37,280 --> 00:36:40,319
Speaker 1: the scandal we're already going through, and so I just

656
00:36:40,360 --> 00:36:43,239
Speaker 1: set them down individually and I just said, you know,

657
00:36:43,800 --> 00:36:46,520
Speaker 1: you were conceived out of love, you were wanted, you

658
00:36:46,600 --> 00:36:50,839
Speaker 1: were wanted more than you could possibly know, and I'm

659
00:36:50,880 --> 00:36:54,960
Speaker 1: your mother and this is your father. But biologically, I said,

660
00:36:55,000 --> 00:36:58,319
Speaker 1: it's kind of like you're half adopted because your father

661
00:36:58,360 --> 00:37:01,560
Speaker 1: could not have children. And that's it. After trying for

662
00:37:01,560 --> 00:37:04,400
Speaker 1: a few years, we wanted a family, and we decided

663
00:37:04,600 --> 00:37:07,359
Speaker 1: getting a donor was the way we wanted to have

664
00:37:07,400 --> 00:37:11,399
Speaker 1: our family. And so here you guys are, and you're

665
00:37:11,440 --> 00:37:17,520
Speaker 1: all biologically related because we bought all of the sperm.

666
00:37:17,560 --> 00:37:20,719
Speaker 1: It was at a corporation called zy Text. One of

667
00:37:20,719 --> 00:37:23,480
Speaker 1: my children says, they were actually relieved, and they were

668
00:37:23,880 --> 00:37:26,239
Speaker 1: happy in a sense because they said, we don't have

669
00:37:26,360 --> 00:37:30,520
Speaker 1: his genes, meaning that they don't have whatever gene it

670
00:37:30,680 --> 00:37:34,279
Speaker 1: is that that's made him a child. Lester doesn't mean

671
00:37:34,320 --> 00:37:37,160
Speaker 1: that they don't want their grandfather and grandmother's geens, because

672
00:37:37,160 --> 00:37:39,880
Speaker 1: they adore my husband's family and my husband's family is

673
00:37:40,040 --> 00:37:44,000
Speaker 1: very good to them and they're still family. But they

674
00:37:44,000 --> 00:37:46,719
Speaker 1: were relieved that they didn't have to wonder. You know,

675
00:37:46,840 --> 00:37:49,080
Speaker 1: if you have a parent that has schizophrenia, you have

676
00:37:49,120 --> 00:37:52,240
Speaker 1: a greater chance of having that, or if you're BiPOL

677
00:37:52,280 --> 00:37:54,160
Speaker 1: and you have a parent, you have a greater chance

678
00:37:54,200 --> 00:37:57,600
Speaker 1: of having that, you know. So they weren't upset like

679
00:37:57,640 --> 00:37:59,920
Speaker 1: I thought they were going to be upset. They had

680
00:38:00,000 --> 00:38:03,520
Speaker 1: a sense of relief because of what he was convicted of,

681
00:38:03,560 --> 00:38:06,520
Speaker 1: that they didn't have to think, Okay, could this be

682
00:38:06,560 --> 00:38:09,319
Speaker 1: a possibility? You know, I know with my own mother

683
00:38:09,520 --> 00:38:13,160
Speaker 1: who struggles with whatever mental illness she has. You know,

684
00:38:13,200 --> 00:38:15,440
Speaker 1: when I was in my twenties, I used to wonder,

685
00:38:15,440 --> 00:38:17,000
Speaker 1: Oh my god, am I gonna end up like my mother?

686
00:38:17,400 --> 00:38:20,919
Speaker 1: I struggled with that. It was trumpantizing what their father did,

687
00:38:21,080 --> 00:38:24,080
Speaker 1: not only what he was convicted of, but the abuse.

688
00:38:24,160 --> 00:38:26,040
Speaker 1: I mean, he would towards the end there like act

689
00:38:26,120 --> 00:38:28,000
Speaker 1: like he was gonna kill himself in front of our children.

690
00:38:28,760 --> 00:38:31,000
Speaker 1: And so they were happy to know that they had

691
00:38:31,000 --> 00:38:33,959
Speaker 1: a better shot of not struggling with the same things

692
00:38:33,960 --> 00:38:41,920
Speaker 1: that he struggled with. In the midst of all these struggles,

693
00:38:42,280 --> 00:38:47,400
Speaker 1: Venus triumphantly pulls ahead in her career. She's really really good,

694
00:38:47,520 --> 00:38:52,280
Speaker 1: I mean, like stupendously good at selling houses. In ten years,

695
00:38:52,320 --> 00:38:55,680
Speaker 1: she does nearly five million dollars in real estate sales,

696
00:38:56,239 --> 00:39:02,239
Speaker 1: staggering accomplishment of tenacity and hard work. Well, I'll tell

697
00:39:02,280 --> 00:39:07,919
Speaker 1: you this. I'll tell you um, I never intended nor

698
00:39:08,000 --> 00:39:14,279
Speaker 1: wanted to be as financially as successful as I've turned

699
00:39:14,280 --> 00:39:18,319
Speaker 1: out to be. I have achieved a lot of financial success,

700
00:39:18,360 --> 00:39:24,600
Speaker 1: and I believe I'm no one special. That I was

701
00:39:24,640 --> 00:39:29,080
Speaker 1: put into a situation and I have six children depending

702
00:39:29,120 --> 00:39:31,600
Speaker 1: on me, and I knew if I failed that they

703
00:39:31,600 --> 00:39:34,080
Speaker 1: would fail, and that if I put my cross down,

704
00:39:34,080 --> 00:39:36,600
Speaker 1: then they would carry the cross the rest of their lives.

705
00:39:36,680 --> 00:39:40,680
Speaker 1: I was determined. I was determined not to let that happen,

706
00:39:40,719 --> 00:39:43,160
Speaker 1: and I didn't know what that meant. But as far

707
00:39:43,160 --> 00:39:46,279
Speaker 1: as my real estate success goes, I believe you can

708
00:39:46,320 --> 00:39:51,400
Speaker 1: be successful at anything, anything, and you can achieve whatever

709
00:39:51,440 --> 00:39:54,439
Speaker 1: you set your mind to. You just have to have

710
00:39:54,640 --> 00:40:00,160
Speaker 1: the work ethic and determination. You've gotta have forgiveness. But

711
00:40:00,400 --> 00:40:04,120
Speaker 1: I never set out, you know, to make seven figures

712
00:40:04,440 --> 00:40:07,360
Speaker 1: every year. That was never my intent. My intent was.

713
00:40:07,719 --> 00:40:11,759
Speaker 1: You know, money is nice. I like doing well, but

714
00:40:11,840 --> 00:40:13,440
Speaker 1: money is a means to an end. And I tell

715
00:40:13,480 --> 00:40:16,400
Speaker 1: my kids all the time, as long as you can

716
00:40:16,640 --> 00:40:20,680
Speaker 1: financially support yourself and meet your basic needs and have

717
00:40:20,920 --> 00:40:24,040
Speaker 1: a little extra for security, like your happiness. I don't

718
00:40:24,040 --> 00:40:28,880
Speaker 1: believe goes up with what your bank account reflects. So

719
00:40:29,200 --> 00:40:32,480
Speaker 1: again I tell people I'm nobody's special and they can

720
00:40:32,520 --> 00:40:35,759
Speaker 1: do what I've done and probably more because they don't

721
00:40:35,760 --> 00:40:39,680
Speaker 1: have seven children. I have seven children now because it's

722
00:40:39,719 --> 00:40:41,520
Speaker 1: a lot. You know, I get up at five o'clock

723
00:40:41,560 --> 00:40:44,040
Speaker 1: every morning, I go. You know, I put the oxygen

724
00:40:44,239 --> 00:40:48,080
Speaker 1: mask on myself. I learned early on in my journey

725
00:40:48,120 --> 00:40:50,120
Speaker 1: that you know, I couldn't take care of my six

726
00:40:50,200 --> 00:40:52,520
Speaker 1: kids if I didn't make myself a priority. Well, there's

727
00:40:52,560 --> 00:40:55,520
Speaker 1: no time when you're working seventy hours a week unless

728
00:40:55,560 --> 00:40:58,560
Speaker 1: you get a little uncomfortable. That fund five miles every

729
00:40:58,640 --> 00:41:01,400
Speaker 1: day because those in orphands going. So I could be

730
00:41:01,480 --> 00:41:04,759
Speaker 1: present and deal with the stress that I was under,

731
00:41:04,880 --> 00:41:07,839
Speaker 1: because you need some kind of outlet. So I researched

732
00:41:08,160 --> 00:41:12,040
Speaker 1: to hold the outlets for anxiety and depression and stress

733
00:41:12,160 --> 00:41:16,080
Speaker 1: and and exercise was it. So, you know, making myself

734
00:41:16,120 --> 00:41:21,279
Speaker 1: a priority and letting my kids know that what I

735
00:41:21,320 --> 00:41:23,960
Speaker 1: didn't want to do is become this real estate mongol

736
00:41:24,760 --> 00:41:28,600
Speaker 1: successful person. And then my kids I think that the

737
00:41:28,640 --> 00:41:31,640
Speaker 1: money was more important to them, and that I lost

738
00:41:31,680 --> 00:41:35,960
Speaker 1: sight of them in order to achieve financial recognition and games.

739
00:41:36,080 --> 00:41:39,640
Speaker 1: And so you know, I committed every every day when

740
00:41:39,640 --> 00:41:42,279
Speaker 1: my husband went to prison that first year, I got

741
00:41:42,320 --> 00:41:44,719
Speaker 1: up at five o'clock, I ran, I came home, I

742
00:41:44,760 --> 00:41:47,279
Speaker 1: got all six children up. I took them to church

743
00:41:47,400 --> 00:41:50,719
Speaker 1: every morning, but first school five days a week, and

744
00:41:50,760 --> 00:41:53,359
Speaker 1: then we went on Sundays. And then I committed, no

745
00:41:53,360 --> 00:41:56,279
Speaker 1: matter how long my work week was, to sitting down

746
00:41:56,640 --> 00:42:01,080
Speaker 1: having family dinner with my children every night, because letting

747
00:42:01,080 --> 00:42:03,720
Speaker 1: them know that, Okay, mom's got this crazy work schedule,

748
00:42:03,800 --> 00:42:06,040
Speaker 1: but she's here with us, and we're gonna go around

749
00:42:06,080 --> 00:42:07,520
Speaker 1: and we're gonna say a good thing and are not

750
00:42:07,600 --> 00:42:10,319
Speaker 1: so good thing, and she hears us, she loves us.

751
00:42:11,080 --> 00:42:15,360
Speaker 1: We matter. That's the life changing things. That's what you

752
00:42:15,360 --> 00:42:18,600
Speaker 1: build your family on. That's why I have this unbreakable

753
00:42:18,600 --> 00:42:21,800
Speaker 1: bond with my kids because they saw, no matter how

754
00:42:21,920 --> 00:42:25,279
Speaker 1: tough things were, that I was committed first to being

755
00:42:25,280 --> 00:42:28,719
Speaker 1: a mom to them, second taking care of them emotionally

756
00:42:28,760 --> 00:42:32,600
Speaker 1: and financially. And they also saw my commitment to taking

757
00:42:32,640 --> 00:42:35,719
Speaker 1: care of myself because I tell my kids, you've got

758
00:42:35,719 --> 00:42:38,279
Speaker 1: to take care of yourself, because you teach other people

759
00:42:38,280 --> 00:42:40,400
Speaker 1: how to treat you. So you've got to start with yourself.

760
00:42:40,960 --> 00:42:43,640
Speaker 1: And it's taking me a lifetime to learn these things.

761
00:42:44,040 --> 00:42:46,560
Speaker 1: But my goal is by sharing my story that I

762
00:42:46,560 --> 00:42:49,439
Speaker 1: can help other women learn in a lot less time

763
00:42:49,480 --> 00:42:51,680
Speaker 1: than I did their value and what they bring to

764
00:42:51,719 --> 00:42:54,359
Speaker 1: the table and to get out of a bad relationship

765
00:42:54,400 --> 00:42:57,160
Speaker 1: if it's not working. The rest is kind of history.

766
00:42:57,200 --> 00:43:00,120
Speaker 1: I've remarried. I'm actually I've had a seventh child at

767
00:43:00,160 --> 00:43:03,080
Speaker 1: forty four. It's my first unplayed pregnant saying we were

768
00:43:03,080 --> 00:43:06,680
Speaker 1: married a few years and um, we were married eight years.

769
00:43:06,719 --> 00:43:10,160
Speaker 1: We're actually going through divorced. And even with that, I'm like,

770
00:43:10,239 --> 00:43:12,560
Speaker 1: you know what has been married me and he had

771
00:43:12,600 --> 00:43:15,480
Speaker 1: never been married. He was private, fifty years old, no children,

772
00:43:15,520 --> 00:43:17,719
Speaker 1: and I'm like that tells you he's a saint just

773
00:43:17,760 --> 00:43:20,680
Speaker 1: to try to marry me with all this craziness. But um,

774
00:43:20,719 --> 00:43:22,440
Speaker 1: I'll look at the marriage with him and I'm like,

775
00:43:22,480 --> 00:43:25,279
Speaker 1: you know, even though it didn't work, it still was

776
00:43:25,320 --> 00:43:28,120
Speaker 1: a huge success because we've got this beautiful child together

777
00:43:28,120 --> 00:43:30,840
Speaker 1: and we're going to raise together. You just have to

778
00:43:31,320 --> 00:43:33,239
Speaker 1: look at what you have and focus on what you

779
00:43:33,280 --> 00:43:36,320
Speaker 1: have versus what you don't have. And then I think

780
00:43:36,400 --> 00:43:39,160
Speaker 1: that you can get through the ups and downs of

781
00:43:39,200 --> 00:43:47,359
Speaker 1: life and overcome. Veniss kids have gone through these ups

782
00:43:47,400 --> 00:43:52,239
Speaker 1: and downs in life, and they've overcome so much, particularly

783
00:43:52,280 --> 00:43:55,480
Speaker 1: her eldest son, John, who was sixteen when his father

784
00:43:55,520 --> 00:44:00,000
Speaker 1: went to prison. All of my kids are amazing, but John,

785
00:44:00,000 --> 00:44:03,000
Speaker 1: and you know, he had to step up and be

786
00:44:03,120 --> 00:44:06,399
Speaker 1: the dad in the family when his father went away,

787
00:44:06,400 --> 00:44:11,319
Speaker 1: and he is very, very protective over his siblings. And

788
00:44:11,560 --> 00:44:13,520
Speaker 1: you know, to this day, he's like, Mom, just if

789
00:44:13,520 --> 00:44:15,600
Speaker 1: you helped Charles study for his reading test? Have you

790
00:44:15,640 --> 00:44:19,279
Speaker 1: helped Charles is the youngest of the six children, and

791
00:44:19,320 --> 00:44:24,120
Speaker 1: he's just this amazing soul. And he's just good. I

792
00:44:24,160 --> 00:44:26,640
Speaker 1: asked him one time, I said, John, I said, like,

793
00:44:27,400 --> 00:44:29,799
Speaker 1: why are you so good? I mean, because I'm like,

794
00:44:30,160 --> 00:44:33,439
Speaker 1: there's no way I'm responsible for him being so good.

795
00:44:33,480 --> 00:44:35,040
Speaker 1: I mean, I just I mean, I try to be

796
00:44:35,040 --> 00:44:39,200
Speaker 1: a good mom, but like, he's just he's just good. Well,

797
00:44:39,239 --> 00:44:42,240
Speaker 1: for example, like when he was a senior in high school,

798
00:44:42,520 --> 00:44:45,040
Speaker 1: um he took his team, he was one of the captains,

799
00:44:45,040 --> 00:44:48,000
Speaker 1: and took them to the state championship. They won for

800
00:44:48,040 --> 00:44:49,719
Speaker 1: the first time and the last time in the history

801
00:44:49,760 --> 00:44:52,799
Speaker 1: of their school. And later that year his team they

802
00:44:52,840 --> 00:44:54,840
Speaker 1: have awards at the end of the year. They created

803
00:44:54,920 --> 00:44:58,200
Speaker 1: a special award for John that they give away now

804
00:44:58,320 --> 00:45:01,239
Speaker 1: every year and it's like just it's called the Heart

805
00:45:01,280 --> 00:45:04,719
Speaker 1: and Soul because they say he embodies the heart and

806
00:45:04,760 --> 00:45:08,400
Speaker 1: soul of what you want to see in a young athlete.

807
00:45:08,880 --> 00:45:12,919
Speaker 1: And so fast forward, he goes to dental school. He

808
00:45:13,080 --> 00:45:14,960
Speaker 1: had to get up and give a speech to everyone,

809
00:45:15,000 --> 00:45:18,160
Speaker 1: and all the parents were there, um, all the students,

810
00:45:18,239 --> 00:45:21,359
Speaker 1: the the whole faculty at the dental school. It's kind

811
00:45:21,400 --> 00:45:23,880
Speaker 1: of a big deal. And he goes through and he

812
00:45:23,920 --> 00:45:28,040
Speaker 1: thanks everyone, the faculty, and he recognizes a lot of

813
00:45:28,040 --> 00:45:31,680
Speaker 1: the students and just you know, highlights what's so good

814
00:45:31,680 --> 00:45:34,440
Speaker 1: about them and what they're achieving together. And and then

815
00:45:34,440 --> 00:45:37,120
Speaker 1: he ends and he says, but I can't end this

816
00:45:37,320 --> 00:45:42,120
Speaker 1: speech without I recognize in my mom. And so of

817
00:45:42,120 --> 00:45:44,000
Speaker 1: course I had no idea that he was to do this.

818
00:45:44,160 --> 00:45:46,840
Speaker 1: It's like, Mom, could you stand up? And I'm like what,

819
00:45:48,160 --> 00:45:51,160
Speaker 1: And so I'm there. It just makes me crack, sir.

820
00:45:51,320 --> 00:45:54,120
Speaker 1: Everyone in the whole place is like looking because a

821
00:45:54,120 --> 00:45:56,560
Speaker 1: lot of people knew what our family had gone through.

822
00:45:57,239 --> 00:46:02,400
Speaker 1: And he just basically said, he said, Mom, when the

823
00:46:02,520 --> 00:46:07,560
Speaker 1: whole world through the towel in on us. You stepped

824
00:46:07,640 --> 00:46:12,040
Speaker 1: up and you taught me to never quit. You taught

825
00:46:12,080 --> 00:46:16,200
Speaker 1: me to never settle, and you taught me to persevere

826
00:46:17,440 --> 00:46:20,520
Speaker 1: no matter what. And he said, for that, I will

827
00:46:20,560 --> 00:46:24,440
Speaker 1: be Dr John Morris because of the example that you

828
00:46:24,640 --> 00:46:28,279
Speaker 1: set for me and my siblings. You're the number one

829
00:46:28,320 --> 00:46:31,719
Speaker 1: mom in the world, and everybody else is competing for

830
00:46:31,719 --> 00:46:35,799
Speaker 1: a second place, and like the whole place was just

831
00:46:36,320 --> 00:46:41,759
Speaker 1: That's when you know, like everything I've been through, everything

832
00:46:42,480 --> 00:46:44,879
Speaker 1: is worth it, because when you have your children looked

833
00:46:44,880 --> 00:46:47,640
Speaker 1: at you and they have this love and respect for you,

834
00:46:47,760 --> 00:46:50,239
Speaker 1: even though again I am not the perfect mother. I

835
00:46:50,239 --> 00:46:52,000
Speaker 1: want to say that a hundred times, and I failed

836
00:46:52,000 --> 00:46:54,839
Speaker 1: and constantly, but when they look at you and they

837
00:46:54,960 --> 00:46:59,840
Speaker 1: generally love and respect you, I mean there is nothing,

838
00:47:00,280 --> 00:47:03,759
Speaker 1: no amount of success, no amount of money, nothing in

839
00:47:03,800 --> 00:47:08,200
Speaker 1: the world that can ever give you happiness and peace

840
00:47:08,280 --> 00:47:10,640
Speaker 1: in a sense of fulfillment as when you have your

841
00:47:10,719 --> 00:47:14,480
Speaker 1: children one by one look at you and recognize that

842
00:47:15,000 --> 00:47:18,960
Speaker 1: you know you've basically sacrificed yourself to try to be

843
00:47:19,040 --> 00:47:24,120
Speaker 1: a good parent to them. And again, my advice to

844
00:47:24,200 --> 00:47:26,799
Speaker 1: other people and what helped me when you go through

845
00:47:26,840 --> 00:47:29,640
Speaker 1: tough times, don't look at what you can do big

846
00:47:29,640 --> 00:47:32,520
Speaker 1: for your family. It's really the little things to having

847
00:47:32,640 --> 00:47:36,120
Speaker 1: dinner with them, you know, taking them to mass or

848
00:47:36,200 --> 00:47:39,520
Speaker 1: whatever your faith is, to go into their gains. Just

849
00:47:39,800 --> 00:47:42,120
Speaker 1: you know, I'll be at their games working. They won't

850
00:47:42,120 --> 00:47:44,239
Speaker 1: see me. I'll secretly have my phone hidden while they're

851
00:47:44,239 --> 00:47:47,000
Speaker 1: on the field, but they see me there, you know,

852
00:47:47,040 --> 00:47:51,160
Speaker 1: they see me there. And I'm producing sixty seventy million

853
00:47:51,160 --> 00:47:54,239
Speaker 1: dollars a year in real estate. That's hard. But they

854
00:47:54,400 --> 00:47:57,040
Speaker 1: see what you do and they love you for it,

855
00:47:57,120 --> 00:47:59,840
Speaker 1: and you just, I don't know, that's happiness is you know,

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Speaker 1: heard Oprah one time refer to m Martin Luther Keane

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Speaker 1: got everybody can be famous, but everybody can be happiness

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Speaker 1: because something like happiness is found in service. In service,

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Speaker 1: it can be in many ways your family too, you know,

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Speaker 1: to charity to other people that need you. You can serve.

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Speaker 1: And that's God has put me on the serve to

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Speaker 1: serve my children, to be a mom. And I just

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Speaker 1: happened to be successful at the same time because I

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Speaker 1: have to be successful to take care of them. Family

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Speaker 1: Secrets is a production of I Heart Radio. Molly z

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00:48:48,880 --> 00:48:51,520
Speaker 1: A Core is the story editor and Dylan Fagan is

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Speaker 1: the executive producer. If you have a family secret you'd

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00:48:55,320 --> 00:48:57,799
Speaker 1: like to share, please leave us a voicemail and your

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Speaker 1: story could appear on an upcoming episode. Our number is

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Speaker 1: one eight eight Secret zero. That's the number zero. You

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Speaker 1: can also find me on Instagram at Danny writer. And

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Speaker 1: if you'd like to know more about the story that

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Speaker 1: inspired this podcast, check out my memoir Inheritance. For more podcasts.

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Speaker 1: For my heart Radio, visit the I Heart Radio app,

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Speaker 1: Apple podcast, or wherever you listen to your favorite shows.