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Speaker 1: My German host mom's son is a creep. I want out.

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Speaker 1: I never thought this would happen. I cannot sleep tonight

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Speaker 1: because of how helpless I'm feeling in this situation. I

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Speaker 1: am an O pair. I started at nineteen, went to

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Speaker 1: Australia and took care of two little girls and loved it.

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Speaker 2: What's an O pair It's kind of like a nanny, Okay.

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Speaker 1: After a year, I came back home and went to college,

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Speaker 1: but I decided that I wanted to travel again because

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Speaker 1: I am interested in teaching English abroad. One day I

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Speaker 1: met a really great family on an accredited website that

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Speaker 1: I went to last time for my O pair match

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Speaker 1: and met a German family. By the way, this comes

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Speaker 1: from O pair troubles X on the Best of Vetitor

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Speaker 1: Updates subridden. So they really liked me, and I really

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Speaker 1: liked them and the area. And I've always wanted to

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Speaker 1: go to Germany. So after about three months of talking

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Speaker 1: and making sure there were no other family I wanted

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Speaker 1: to go with more, we went through with it. Now

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Speaker 1: I am in Germany and I have been here for

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Speaker 1: two months.

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Speaker 2: Where in Germany?

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Speaker 1: That's what I want to know. Yeah, they have three children,

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Speaker 1: all boys, a one year old who's the cutest thing

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Speaker 1: on earth, a fourteen year old who's friendly and sweet,

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Speaker 1: and seventeen year old who I don't really provide much for.

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Speaker 1: He kept to himself a lot and didn't talk much

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Speaker 1: with me, which I didn't mind because I'm mainly there

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Speaker 1: for the two younger ones.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, you don't need to take care of a seventeen

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Speaker 2: year older.

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Speaker 1: Essentially, get Malcolm in the middle when they get a

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Speaker 1: babysitter for the boys.

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Speaker 2: Oh, I love that show.

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Speaker 3: For Alex and anyone who is watching. In all pair

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Speaker 3: is a young foreign person, typically a woman, who helps

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Speaker 3: with housework or childcare in exchange for a room and board.

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Speaker 2: I didn't know. Thank you, Jan, You're very welcome.

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Speaker 1: But some weird things started happening. I began to notice

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Speaker 1: that he started staring at me a lot whenever we

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Speaker 1: were alone. I believe this is the seventeen year old

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Speaker 1: or even at family dinners.

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Speaker 2: Wait, how old is op opte is?

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Speaker 4: I believe nineteen Okay, maybe a little bit older, so

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Speaker 4: within his age I started.

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Speaker 5: I started at nineteen oh, so she's like twenty.

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Speaker 1: So she's probably in her early twenties.

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Speaker 2: Okay.

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Speaker 1: He walks up to me at times, and it sounds

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Speaker 1: like he's asking me questions in German, but I can't

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Speaker 1: understand him. The oldest boys can speak English.

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Speaker 5: Oh wait, no, this is I think it is still

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Speaker 5: the seventeen year.

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Speaker 1: Old is okay, it is seventeen year old.

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Speaker 3: I think you're just saying that both the fourteen year

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Speaker 3: old and the fourteen Yeah, seventeen year old can speak English.

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Speaker 1: When I tell him I don't understand him, he just

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Speaker 1: walks away. I asked his brother once what he asked,

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Speaker 1: and he said it was something bad. Oh, and he's

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Speaker 1: told his brother to stop, but he won't listen.

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Speaker 4: So the seventeen year olds just walking up to her

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Speaker 4: saying some weird stuff in German.

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Speaker 1: And then walking away. And she's like what and he

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Speaker 1: was like he's like yeah, He's like oh.

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Speaker 2: The brother's like, you don't want to know.

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Speaker 1: You don't. Then, over these past two weeks, he's made

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Speaker 1: accidental contact with me. Sometimes he'll brush up against me,

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Speaker 1: even when there's enough room for us to not bump

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Speaker 1: into each other. One or two times when this happened,

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Speaker 1: I felt something on my waist, like his hand.

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Speaker 2: Oh, but I.

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Speaker 1: Thought maybe it was an accident. Now that they're out

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Speaker 1: of school, we're alone at the house during the day

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Speaker 1: while the parents work, and sometimes when I'm playing with

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Speaker 1: the baby, he'll come and play with the baby too,

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Speaker 1: but he will be very close to me, like to

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Speaker 1: the point where I have no personal space. I've had

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Speaker 1: to tell him a few times to give me space,

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Speaker 1: and his younger brother has even said the same thing,

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Speaker 1: at least have the younger brother on your side.

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Speaker 4: Yeah, at least that, and also glad you're like, yeah,

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Speaker 4: making an expense is bad. And also it must be

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Speaker 4: pretty bad if you like have to be like yes,

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Speaker 4: like can you move back, Let's take.

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Speaker 1: A stop back please. Still, for some reason, I thought

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Speaker 1: maybe he was just shy before and was starting to

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Speaker 1: get comfortable with me. I didn't want to jump to

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Speaker 1: conclusions or label him as anything, so most of this

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Speaker 1: I've let go. I really like hanging out with the

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Speaker 1: baby and playing board games and stuff with the fourteen

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Speaker 1: year old. He's a funny, nice kid. But the bad

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Speaker 1: thing that really happened was yesterday. Oh no, the family

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Speaker 1: went for a walk and I stayed behind because I

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Speaker 1: had bad cramps. The oldest boy also said he didn't

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Speaker 1: feel like walking, so he stayed behind. We were there alone,

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Speaker 1: and after they had left, I tried to go to

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Speaker 1: my room, but he blocked me.

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Speaker 2: That's scary. This is not like a child like.

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Speaker 1: This is this seventeen year old.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, it's like like could be like a big person.

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Speaker 1: I kept asking him to move, but he kept blocking me.

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Speaker 1: The look on his face like he thought it was

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Speaker 1: funny scared me. He would not speak English with me

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Speaker 1: when I kept asking him why he was doing this.

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Speaker 1: And at this point I felt scared and went to

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Speaker 1: walk the other way. I was going to hide in

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Speaker 1: a bathroom until the others came back. But then he

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Speaker 1: grabbed my arm and forced my body. God, I don't

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Speaker 1: know if it was a forced hug or what, but

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Speaker 1: I tried to pull away, but he reacted by tightening

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Speaker 1: his grip, so I just froze.

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Speaker 2: It's terrifying.

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Speaker 1: He let me go after a few seconds and just

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Speaker 1: left the room. That is so scary. Yeah, I'm so sorry. Op.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, that is unaccepted. You're a girl in a foreign

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Speaker 2: country and it's a grown man essentially grabbing.

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Speaker 1: You in when you're alone alone in that house.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, scary.

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Speaker 1: When the family came back, I went into my room

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Speaker 1: for the night because I felt like I would just

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Speaker 1: start crying in front of them. I don't know what

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Speaker 1: I should do. I feel ashamed that I couldn't fight

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Speaker 1: him off and that I'm literally being harassed by a

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Speaker 1: boy so much younger than me. I'm scared to tell

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Speaker 1: the host parents because I can tell they love their

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Speaker 1: son a lot, and at the end of the day,

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Speaker 1: I'm just a random girl that they've only known for

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Speaker 1: two months. But I mean, regardless, you are like a

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Speaker 1: professional doing a job. You're doing a service for them,

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Speaker 1: and you have a right to be treated with respect,

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Speaker 1: regardless of how how old the child is.

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Speaker 4: I mean, even if it's regardless of any like if

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Speaker 4: it's professional or not.

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Speaker 1: Well, no, absolutely, I'm just saying specifically in this so

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Speaker 1: he's like, oh, it's a seventeen year old, it's like

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Speaker 1: a child. Like you are working and you get to

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Speaker 1: like regardless of whether you're in that situation or not.

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Speaker 5: But like especially because.

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Speaker 1: You're trying to do a job and they need to

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Speaker 1: let you do that job.

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Speaker 3: Again, she did through an agency, right, so okay, Yeah.

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Speaker 1: So it's like that's what. Yeah, Like it's a professional thing.

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Speaker 1: You can go that like you have people who hopefully

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Speaker 1: back you up.

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Speaker 3: I feel like there's paper I mean, I don't know

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Speaker 3: how it works, but there has to be PaperWorks out

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Speaker 3: of a Yeah. If you break any of these codes

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Speaker 3: with the host family, yeah, you know, there would be punishment.

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Speaker 2: Yeah.

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Speaker 1: Sofia Colone says, there are witnesses to the other incidents.

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Speaker 1: We have the younger brother who would probably Yeah.

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Speaker 4: And also just the law, Yes, no one can grab

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Speaker 4: another human regardless of anything, and like press their you know, yeah,

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Speaker 4: no getting nanny camp.

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Speaker 5: Yeah. Yeah.

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Speaker 4: And also I feel like if the parents aren't crazy

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Speaker 4: as a woman, if you're like your son grabbed me, yeah,

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Speaker 4: I think most parents hopefully would be like, oh my god.

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Speaker 1: I'm so sorry.

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Speaker 2: That will never happen again, exactly. Yeah.

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Speaker 1: Lena Covenant says, no, this isn't your fault. Absolutely, Oh hope,

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Speaker 1: you need to tell the parents. This could escalate quickly

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Speaker 1: and it could hurt someone else. Yeah. I'm torn because

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Speaker 1: I love the younger two so much already and wanted

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Speaker 1: to have a good time in Germany. But this boy's

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Speaker 1: acting so weird. I don't know why he went from

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Speaker 1: basically ignoring me to doing this. I know that despite

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Speaker 1: all of this I should probably try to talk to

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Speaker 1: the host parents, probably by my host mom, as I'm

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Speaker 1: more comfortable sharing this with her, But I just don't

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Speaker 1: know how to bring that up. How do I basically

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Speaker 1: tell her that her son did something really weird to me.

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Speaker 1: I never thought I would have to do this or

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Speaker 1: be in a situation like this, and I need some

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Speaker 1: help please. And there are some relevant comments, but I mean,

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Speaker 1: I think first up is you go to the mom

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Speaker 1: and you say this happened, this is unacceptable behavior. I'm

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Speaker 1: trying to do a job for you, and I just

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Speaker 1: need you to talk to your son. And also I

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Speaker 1: think even if you do that, I also think it's

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Speaker 1: totally fine for you to leave. Yeah, Like your safety

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Speaker 1: is priority priority, Like, yeah, it sucks that you know

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Speaker 1: you liked these kids and you want to have fun

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Speaker 1: in Germany. Your safety is paramount.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, this could like easily escalate if he's willing to

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Speaker 2: do that. I don't think he's just gonna stop there.

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Speaker 4: He got away with it in his mind, And so yeah, again,

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Speaker 4: like that sucks that you have to that's uncomfortable to

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Speaker 4: share that with the parents, Like that's a child.

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Speaker 2: And also it's just uncomfortable to say that.

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Speaker 4: Yeah, but at the end of the day, like you

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Speaker 4: need to do whatever you can to protect your safety.

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Speaker 1: And also like again as someone who's babysit, and this

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Speaker 1: is I mean, I've never had to experience this, fortunately,

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Speaker 1: but you know, it's it was my part of my

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Speaker 1: job to go to the parents when the kid was

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Speaker 1: behaving badly and say like, hey, today he was doing this,

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Speaker 1: or like today they she did that or something, and

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Speaker 1: you know, maybe you should have a chat with them

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Speaker 1: about that. So it is that is in your like,

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Speaker 1: that is kind of what a part of being an

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Speaker 1: anny and being a you know, a person the caretaker

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Speaker 1: is for sure.

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Speaker 4: So yeah, Kimberly Fine, Yeah, Kimberly Fine says he was

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Speaker 4: amused by Op's fear reaction and discomfort. He's going to

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Speaker 4: want that stimulation again, and he's going to want to

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Speaker 4: up the dose it.

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Speaker 1: No, I think absolutely tell the parents do not stay there.

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Speaker 3: Yeah, he's going with baby stuff. He's like, oh, I

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Speaker 3: could do that. Yeah, What's what more? Can I push exactly? Much?

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Speaker 2: Can I push exactly? Get the f out there?

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Speaker 5: At least talk to someone the agency, Like mom.

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Speaker 1: I think you do both. I think you talked to

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Speaker 1: them and you leave.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, agreed.

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Speaker 1: Relevant comments. Cazap wn two says, if she doesn't believe you,

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Speaker 1: then just quit. Better than this little freak potentially doing

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Speaker 1: something f't up to you, and OP says, Yeah, that's

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Speaker 1: probably the most logical solution. But I've spent so much

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Speaker 1: time and money the plane ticket and saving up just

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Speaker 1: to come to Germany, just to leave after two months.

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Speaker 1: It feels like all my work would just be wasted.

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Speaker 1: That's why I want to try at least see if

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Speaker 1: I can talk to the host mom, But I don't

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Speaker 1: know what to say. I love the role and the

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Speaker 1: other two kids minus him and the last word. Sixty

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Speaker 1: three says, you do realize that you were sayed, don't you?

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Speaker 1: Even if the parents believe you, you still may not

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Speaker 1: be safe there, Yeah, which I think is the case.

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Speaker 2: Like, no matter how I you like the family, I

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Speaker 2: just don't think it's worth it.

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Speaker 1: Add Yes, Like I'm gonna preface by saying, you know,

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Speaker 1: like obviously money is very important, and you know it's

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Speaker 1: hard to make money, but money is something that you

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Speaker 1: can make back your safety and your life, and you

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Speaker 1: know that is much more important.

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Speaker 4: Yeah, yeah, that if it escalates exactly what Kian's saying, like,

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Speaker 4: the trauma of that is not something you could take back.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, Opie says, for some reason, my brain just can't

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Speaker 1: register it as SA, even though a part of me

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Speaker 1: knows it was definitely really wrong. I think I might

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Speaker 1: be in some sort of shock. It's really late here

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Speaker 1: and I still can't sleep. It doesn't feel that severe

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Speaker 1: to me to label it that way. Every time I

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Speaker 1: think about it, I feel so ashamed. He's like half

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Speaker 1: my age and I couldn't do anything about it. I

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Speaker 1: Fly twenty one hundred says some guy restrained you and

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Speaker 1: forced a hug after blocking your path. Does it help

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Speaker 1: to read it in third person? That is assault? Yes,

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Speaker 1: you're in shock, Opie says, Okay, I understand. Like I said,

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Speaker 1: it's a lot to deal with. I'm away from my

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Speaker 1: family in this country and now having to basically make

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Speaker 1: an escape plan slash worry about my safety. I'm having

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Speaker 1: some difficulty processing right now. I'm going to contact my

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Speaker 1: agency in the morning. I just feel humiliated. I'm going

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Speaker 1: to have to tell them what happened. I hope they

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Speaker 1: don't ask too many questions and just see if it's

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Speaker 1: possible to move on. I think also, I should call

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Speaker 1: my mom, but I even feel humiliated to tell her.

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Speaker 1: I just feel so much shame. It's a feeling in

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Speaker 1: this context I've never had to deal with before. Burnt

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Speaker 1: Toasted Butter says, not sure how this works. Is it

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Speaker 1: possible to find a different family to host you if

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Speaker 1: you can? Whenever you notice, try to get moments alone

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Speaker 1: with you. Put your phone on record and put it

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Speaker 1: in your pocket. It may not record what he's doing,

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Speaker 1: but the fourteen year old says, he's saying bad things,

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Speaker 1: probably inappropriate af things. If the parents are responsible, they

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Speaker 1: would do something. However, if they're my children, whenever kind

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Speaker 1: your safety is really compromised here. James Phillips says, please

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Speaker 1: don't go back. Kids always know how to get into

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Speaker 1: the house they grew up in. I don't think you'll

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Speaker 1: truly be able to be comfortable there, despite the host

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Speaker 1: family taking your seriously hope, he says, yeah, considering the

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Speaker 1: oldest boys behavior, you're probably right. I wouldn't put it

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Speaker 1: past him at all. Maybe he even feels vengeful towards me.

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Speaker 1: My heart is literally broken, though for the younger kids,

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Speaker 1: especially the fourteen year old, by his reaction, it seems

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Speaker 1: like maybe his brother ruins a lot of connections for him,

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Speaker 1: but at least he has friends from school and his

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Speaker 1: baby brother. It makes me feel somewhat better knowing is

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Speaker 1: not completely alone and there is an update. But like, oh, pe,

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Speaker 1: you have done nothing wrong. This is in no way

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Speaker 1: your fault, and shame is I mean yeah, Eleana Bean says,

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Speaker 1: shame is the biggest silence maker for victims of essay.

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Speaker 1: It is a very common feeling to feel like you've

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Speaker 1: done something wrong, like you've like there was something else

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Speaker 1: that you, like a boundary you could have put in place.

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Speaker 2: That is not true because.

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Speaker 4: You're put in a state of helplessness by someone that

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Speaker 4: you know physically can overpower you, overpower you, and so

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Speaker 4: that response makes complete sense. And I'm sure there's you know,

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Speaker 4: a lot of shock as well and not trying to like, yeah,

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Speaker 4: your body is not trying to like fully take it

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Speaker 4: on the reality of the situation.

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Speaker 2: But again, like safety.

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Speaker 1: Paramount, yes, Zach Taylor says, whether they believe OPI or not,

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Speaker 1: what are the chances they kick out the kid? Not

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Speaker 1: very likely, that's the thing their son there. I mean,

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Speaker 1: if they tell him off or not, it doesn't probably

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Speaker 1: wouldn't change him being in the house.

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Speaker 4: Yeah, and so the options again, you could tell the

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Speaker 4: agency you could just get out. There's and I know

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Speaker 4: she said like money, like she's a young woman, like

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Speaker 4: money is an issue, and so you could do you know,

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Speaker 4: there's work trades, there's.

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Speaker 1: Working at hostels where you get bored and stuff.

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Speaker 4: Yeah, there's board and food, working at hostels. There's so

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Speaker 4: many other options that you could go to immediately and

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Speaker 4: not have to pay any money at all.

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Speaker 1: And it seems like Opie has enough money to get home.

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Speaker 1: It's just like, oh, I spent a lot to get here,

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Speaker 1: so it's yeah, hostels is a great way to continue

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Speaker 1: traveling while also being able to pay for food and room,

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Speaker 1: door stuff. Lucy Ford says he did this before. I'm

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Speaker 1: sure of it.

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Speaker 5: Yeah, that is a yeah.

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Speaker 3: Wait, especially when she said the brother, the middle brother

318
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Speaker 3: said like he's had a lot of connections before, but

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Speaker 3: the oldest brother ruins those connections.

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Speaker 2: So I hope, I hope not, but it's possible.

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Speaker 3: But it's like you'd never you don't, especially if the

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Speaker 3: brother like knows this, Yeah, like the middle brother, not

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Speaker 3: the oldest brother.

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Speaker 4: Yeah, and if you just felt so comfortable doing that

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Speaker 4: and like felt amused by it, and also.

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Speaker 1: Like, as you know, as a woman who has experienced

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Speaker 1: been in danger and been in dangerous situations, you your

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Speaker 1: gut feeling like tells you a lot. Trust your gut feeling.

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Speaker 1: If you do not feel safe in this situation, don't

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Speaker 1: don't try and second guess, because sometimes our brains like

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Speaker 1: to like, oh, the second guess and say, oh, well,

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Speaker 1: you know, it's he's a kid something, It's fine, But

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Speaker 1: our guts no more. In these situations, our guts know

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Speaker 1: when we're in danger, and trust those. Ifenny says, it's

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Speaker 1: called self preservation, letting something happen in fear. If you respond,

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Speaker 1: it will escalate.

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Speaker 2: Sure, yeah, but there.

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Speaker 1: Is an update one day later. Hello, I posted not

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Speaker 1: so long ago about a really bad situation. I hope

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Speaker 1: that it's okay for me to post an update. Even

341
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Speaker 1: though it was, I received a lot of people reaching

342
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Speaker 1: out to me asking if I was okay and if

343
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Speaker 1: I could provide an update, so I wanted to give

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Speaker 1: some closure. In short, I am an au pair in

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Speaker 1: Germany and was being harassed by my host parents' son,

346
00:14:12,480 --> 00:14:15,960
Speaker 1: seventeen male. He basically assaulted me. It is still hard

347
00:14:15,960 --> 00:14:18,080
Speaker 1: for me to come full terms with that word, but

348
00:14:18,160 --> 00:14:20,440
Speaker 1: I know at least that it was in fact what

349
00:14:20,560 --> 00:14:23,280
Speaker 1: it was. Yesterday was my day off, and after reading

350
00:14:23,360 --> 00:14:26,960
Speaker 1: through everyone's advice and everything, I contacted my agency that morning.

351
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Speaker 1: I made sure to first get out of the house

352
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Speaker 1: so no one would overhear me, and to get away

353
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Speaker 1: from the older boy. The younger boy, the fourteen year old,

354
00:14:33,760 --> 00:14:35,440
Speaker 1: asked me if he could go with me. I was

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Speaker 1: going to the library, and I didn't mind taking him,

356
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Speaker 1: even though technically he could go by himself. I see

357
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Speaker 1: older children walking around alone a lot in Germany, but

358
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Speaker 1: he specifically kept asking to go with me, And like

359
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Speaker 1: I said before, he's a really good kid to be around,

360
00:14:49,640 --> 00:14:51,240
Speaker 1: so I don't mind. I wonder if he wants to

361
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Speaker 1: tell her something.

362
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Speaker 2: Maybe that's what that kind of feels like. Maybe I was.

363
00:14:55,040 --> 00:14:57,200
Speaker 1: Planning to go to a closed off area and make

364
00:14:57,280 --> 00:14:59,560
Speaker 1: my phone calls while he went around looking for books.

365
00:14:59,680 --> 00:15:02,240
Speaker 1: But while we were talking to the library, I could

366
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Speaker 1: tell he wanted.

367
00:15:03,120 --> 00:15:04,840
Speaker 2: To say, oh, okay.

368
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Speaker 1: After a while, I asked if there was anything wrong,

369
00:15:07,240 --> 00:15:09,200
Speaker 1: and after a bit of a pause, he asked me

370
00:15:09,240 --> 00:15:12,440
Speaker 1: nervously if I was okay and if anything happened. Yes,

371
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Speaker 1: he said he was wondering why I didn't see me

372
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Speaker 1: at all anymore. After they came back for home. I

373
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Speaker 1: didn't say anything at first because I didn't want to

374
00:15:19,200 --> 00:15:22,080
Speaker 1: tell him inappropriate information. I told him I just had

375
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Speaker 1: bad cramps, which was true, and wanted to sleep. But

376
00:15:24,720 --> 00:15:27,280
Speaker 1: he's a smart kid, and I think then he knew

377
00:15:27,520 --> 00:15:30,040
Speaker 1: because he asked if it was because of his older brother.

378
00:15:30,120 --> 00:15:32,200
Speaker 1: When I didn't say anything, I was so caught off

379
00:15:32,240 --> 00:15:34,600
Speaker 1: guard by his questions. He asked if I was leaving.

380
00:15:34,880 --> 00:15:37,480
Speaker 1: He honestly looked so sad. He said he was sorry

381
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Speaker 1: and that he hoped I don't have a bad impression

382
00:15:39,360 --> 00:15:44,080
Speaker 1: of Germany. Now that's so sad. I almost cried because

383
00:15:44,080 --> 00:15:46,480
Speaker 1: of how depressed he sounded. I told him not to

384
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Speaker 1: worry about it, and that I had nothing to do

385
00:15:48,280 --> 00:15:50,520
Speaker 1: with Germany or him or the baby, and that I'd

386
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Speaker 1: be okay. So I finally contact my agency when we

387
00:15:53,520 --> 00:15:55,880
Speaker 1: arrived at the library. I was so nervous that I

388
00:15:55,920 --> 00:15:57,960
Speaker 1: was shaking when I made the call, but they were

389
00:15:58,000 --> 00:16:01,240
Speaker 1: amazing and took everything I was saying seriously. I just

390
00:16:01,280 --> 00:16:03,640
Speaker 1: told him that the oldest child was making me feel

391
00:16:03,680 --> 00:16:06,920
Speaker 1: unsafe and in vague terms what happened, without going into

392
00:16:06,920 --> 00:16:09,920
Speaker 1: too much detail. They understood, thankfully, what I meant and

393
00:16:10,000 --> 00:16:12,280
Speaker 1: told me that they would work on replacing me if

394
00:16:12,280 --> 00:16:14,800
Speaker 1: that's what I wanted. They also said they would reach

395
00:16:14,840 --> 00:16:16,480
Speaker 1: out to the family to let them know of what

396
00:16:16,520 --> 00:16:18,760
Speaker 1: was happening and of my concern with their son.

397
00:16:18,840 --> 00:16:21,040
Speaker 2: Oh good that is. You don't have to yeah, it.

398
00:16:20,920 --> 00:16:22,360
Speaker 1: Doesn't have to do it. You have kind of a

399
00:16:22,400 --> 00:16:25,600
Speaker 1: mediator person. I then called my mom, being a mother,

400
00:16:25,760 --> 00:16:28,080
Speaker 1: after I told her everything that had happened. She yelled

401
00:16:28,120 --> 00:16:30,240
Speaker 1: at me a little, not in an abusive way, but

402
00:16:30,280 --> 00:16:33,080
Speaker 1: for not telling her sooner, and told me very sternly

403
00:16:33,160 --> 00:16:35,520
Speaker 1: that I was not going back to that house tonight.

404
00:16:35,720 --> 00:16:38,080
Speaker 1: Even being an adult, I don't argue with my mom

405
00:16:38,120 --> 00:16:39,640
Speaker 1: when she uses that type of domb.

406
00:16:39,960 --> 00:16:42,360
Speaker 2: I'm glad the mom like put down the line.

407
00:16:42,440 --> 00:16:44,760
Speaker 1: Yeah. I was like, do not like I will give you. Yeah,

408
00:16:44,800 --> 00:16:46,720
Speaker 1: it's very much the mom move like I will pay

409
00:16:46,960 --> 00:16:49,360
Speaker 1: yeah for you to stay in a hotel. Don't go

410
00:16:49,520 --> 00:16:53,680
Speaker 1: back there. Yeah. It Also I think sometimes having your parents,

411
00:16:53,840 --> 00:16:56,400
Speaker 1: you know, who is protective of you, telling them something

412
00:16:56,400 --> 00:16:58,720
Speaker 1: that you're kind of diminishing. You're like, oh, it wasn't

413
00:16:58,720 --> 00:17:00,840
Speaker 1: that bad and they're like, no, it was that bad

414
00:17:00,960 --> 00:17:01,240
Speaker 1: for sure.

415
00:17:01,280 --> 00:17:02,400
Speaker 2: Get out of there for sure.

416
00:17:02,440 --> 00:17:04,800
Speaker 1: Yeah, because I've again been in those situations where I

417
00:17:04,800 --> 00:17:06,320
Speaker 1: tell my mom something and I was like, it's fine,

418
00:17:06,359 --> 00:17:06,800
Speaker 1: She's like.

419
00:17:06,920 --> 00:17:09,760
Speaker 2: No, yeah, sometimes we need you just have it reflected

420
00:17:09,840 --> 00:17:10,520
Speaker 2: back by someone.

421
00:17:11,280 --> 00:17:11,639
Speaker 1: Yeah.

422
00:17:11,760 --> 00:17:14,359
Speaker 4: Harriet Spaghetti says, I wonder if the older brother is

423
00:17:14,400 --> 00:17:15,200
Speaker 4: abusing him too.

424
00:17:15,359 --> 00:17:16,199
Speaker 1: I hope not.

425
00:17:16,600 --> 00:17:18,119
Speaker 2: I really, she's hopefully not.

426
00:17:18,760 --> 00:17:22,240
Speaker 1: She sounded so frantic and sent me money to stand

427
00:17:22,359 --> 00:17:25,199
Speaker 1: hotel for a while. I didn't even read that, and

428
00:17:25,200 --> 00:17:27,280
Speaker 1: I knew that's what she would do. Yeah, until they

429
00:17:27,280 --> 00:17:29,399
Speaker 1: found me a new placement, even though she really just

430
00:17:29,440 --> 00:17:31,520
Speaker 1: wanted me to come home. I felt a lot better

431
00:17:31,560 --> 00:17:34,160
Speaker 1: after talking to her. After a while, the younger boy

432
00:17:34,240 --> 00:17:36,760
Speaker 1: came back over and told me very plainly, I'm going

433
00:17:36,800 --> 00:17:38,600
Speaker 1: to tell mom he would not listen to me when

434
00:17:38,600 --> 00:17:40,399
Speaker 1: I told him not to or not to put himself

435
00:17:40,440 --> 00:17:43,159
Speaker 1: in that situation. I can handle it. He seemed very angry.

436
00:17:43,280 --> 00:17:46,280
Speaker 1: What a lovely child, this fourteen year old.

437
00:17:46,280 --> 00:17:48,479
Speaker 2: Really standing up for her by looking out for her.

438
00:17:48,600 --> 00:17:51,199
Speaker 1: Tiberly Fine says it totally hasn't even registered that this

439
00:17:51,320 --> 00:17:54,280
Speaker 1: kid probably specifically does this to the au pairs because

440
00:17:54,280 --> 00:17:57,600
Speaker 1: they're isolated convenient, sure, but he knows he has them

441
00:17:57,600 --> 00:17:59,159
Speaker 1: cornered with no support.

442
00:17:58,800 --> 00:18:01,080
Speaker 2: In the country hopefully not. It's awful.

443
00:18:01,600 --> 00:18:04,200
Speaker 1: He tried to reassure me that his parents would listen

444
00:18:04,320 --> 00:18:07,720
Speaker 1: and that they know that the older brother causes trouble sometimes.

445
00:18:07,880 --> 00:18:10,320
Speaker 1: They had another girl a few years ago that left

446
00:18:10,359 --> 00:18:13,440
Speaker 1: because of him, and everyone thought maybe since he'd grown

447
00:18:13,520 --> 00:18:15,119
Speaker 1: up and changed, it would be different.

448
00:18:15,200 --> 00:18:19,240
Speaker 5: So there, like officially, Lucy called it, well.

449
00:18:19,200 --> 00:18:20,760
Speaker 1: Yeah, I mean, like you don't. This is not like

450
00:18:20,840 --> 00:18:23,439
Speaker 1: something that just kind of I mean, of course it

451
00:18:23,480 --> 00:18:26,320
Speaker 1: can happen where someone is feels that bold, but I

452
00:18:26,320 --> 00:18:28,240
Speaker 1: think it is something that people work up to.

453
00:18:28,720 --> 00:18:29,080
Speaker 2: Sure.

454
00:18:29,200 --> 00:18:31,760
Speaker 1: I stayed at the library while he went home and

455
00:18:31,880 --> 00:18:34,000
Speaker 1: just waited. I did not know what was going to happen.

456
00:18:34,160 --> 00:18:36,520
Speaker 1: I already had a hotel booked by then and new

457
00:18:36,560 --> 00:18:38,800
Speaker 1: I would probably need to go back to get my stuff.

458
00:18:38,840 --> 00:18:41,040
Speaker 1: About an hour and a half later, I left the library.

459
00:18:41,119 --> 00:18:43,280
Speaker 1: Since the parents were at home today, I felt somewhat

460
00:18:43,320 --> 00:18:45,720
Speaker 1: safe going back to get my stuff. Before I got back,

461
00:18:45,720 --> 00:18:47,880
Speaker 1: I received a call. It was from my host mom.

462
00:18:47,960 --> 00:18:50,320
Speaker 1: When I answered, she was frantic. She asked me if

463
00:18:50,359 --> 00:18:52,600
Speaker 1: I was okay and where I was when I got

464
00:18:52,640 --> 00:18:55,120
Speaker 1: to the house. The parents were in somewhat of an argument.

465
00:18:55,359 --> 00:18:57,679
Speaker 1: I didn't understand all of it because they went between

466
00:18:57,760 --> 00:19:00,560
Speaker 1: German and English, but I heard some words like not

467
00:19:00,720 --> 00:19:04,280
Speaker 1: again and ruining. In short, the mother pulled me aside.

468
00:19:04,320 --> 00:19:06,400
Speaker 1: She said that she wasn't aware that the oldest son

469
00:19:06,560 --> 00:19:09,840
Speaker 1: was still like this geeze. She begged me not to leave.

470
00:19:09,960 --> 00:19:12,080
Speaker 1: She told me she wanted her two youngest sons to

471
00:19:12,119 --> 00:19:14,879
Speaker 1: have healthy attachments to their caregivers and that it was

472
00:19:14,920 --> 00:19:18,360
Speaker 1: hard for them to do this with the oldest. Don't don't,

473
00:19:18,520 --> 00:19:19,160
Speaker 1: don't stay?

474
00:19:19,440 --> 00:19:22,200
Speaker 2: What is that logic? Like, I'm so sorry you don't

475
00:19:22,240 --> 00:19:23,760
Speaker 2: stay in an unsafe house.

476
00:19:23,840 --> 00:19:26,399
Speaker 1: That's crazy. She was actually crying during all of this

477
00:19:26,520 --> 00:19:28,600
Speaker 1: and told me she doesn't know why he acts like that,

478
00:19:28,680 --> 00:19:30,359
Speaker 1: but she did not raise him like that, and that

479
00:19:30,440 --> 00:19:32,320
Speaker 1: while she loved her son, she was not going to

480
00:19:32,320 --> 00:19:34,800
Speaker 1: tolerate that behavior anymore. She said that once he turns

481
00:19:34,840 --> 00:19:37,480
Speaker 1: eighteen next week, I had no idea his birthday was

482
00:19:37,520 --> 00:19:39,240
Speaker 1: next week, he will have to go live with his

483
00:19:39,359 --> 00:19:41,639
Speaker 1: uncle and cousin in the Netherlands for the sake of

484
00:19:41,680 --> 00:19:44,360
Speaker 1: everyone in the house. She told me they the parents

485
00:19:44,480 --> 00:19:47,120
Speaker 1: disgusted a bit when the first incident happened, but since

486
00:19:47,119 --> 00:19:49,400
Speaker 1: he seemed to act better, they dropped it at the time.

487
00:19:49,600 --> 00:19:51,840
Speaker 1: When I asked where he was, she said that he

488
00:19:51,920 --> 00:19:54,399
Speaker 1: left quickly when his brother came home, saying he was

489
00:19:54,400 --> 00:19:57,240
Speaker 1: going to a friend's house. He probably will not be back,

490
00:19:57,359 --> 00:19:59,480
Speaker 1: and she said that even if he does, she will

491
00:19:59,520 --> 00:20:01,240
Speaker 1: not let him in and will tell him to go

492
00:20:01,280 --> 00:20:03,600
Speaker 1: to his aunts who lives not that far until he

493
00:20:03,640 --> 00:20:06,560
Speaker 1: can go to the Netherlands. She actually looked very sincere

494
00:20:06,640 --> 00:20:08,800
Speaker 1: and stern when she said this, and even though the

495
00:20:08,800 --> 00:20:11,040
Speaker 1: father looked like he was in shock, he agreed with

496
00:20:11,080 --> 00:20:13,880
Speaker 1: what she said. I didn't know how to respond to them.

497
00:20:13,920 --> 00:20:16,000
Speaker 1: It was not the reaction I was expecting, but I

498
00:20:16,080 --> 00:20:18,359
Speaker 1: wanted to be honest. I told her that I was

499
00:20:18,400 --> 00:20:20,199
Speaker 1: going to stay at a hotel for a while and

500
00:20:20,200 --> 00:20:22,640
Speaker 1: that she will probably hear from the agency. I told

501
00:20:22,680 --> 00:20:25,080
Speaker 1: her that I love the two younger boys, but I

502
00:20:25,280 --> 00:20:28,040
Speaker 1: might not be back, which I think is that is

503
00:20:28,480 --> 00:20:32,240
Speaker 1: a great, you know solution, because pausing like real quick,

504
00:20:32,520 --> 00:20:35,080
Speaker 1: even if he's sent away someone. I think one of

505
00:20:35,080 --> 00:20:37,320
Speaker 1: the comments earlier said kids know how to get into

506
00:20:37,400 --> 00:20:40,320
Speaker 1: the house. Yeah, like he can. He knows where you live,

507
00:20:40,640 --> 00:20:42,879
Speaker 1: like you're staying and that is a danger in and

508
00:20:42,880 --> 00:20:43,920
Speaker 1: of itself.

509
00:20:43,600 --> 00:20:47,639
Speaker 2: And still processing the incident and being in that house

510
00:20:47,800 --> 00:20:49,760
Speaker 2: and just being in the house where it happened is

511
00:20:50,480 --> 00:20:51,959
Speaker 2: not the right environment for that.

512
00:20:52,440 --> 00:20:55,399
Speaker 1: She said she understood, but would appreciate it if I

513
00:20:55,600 --> 00:20:57,840
Speaker 1: at least thought about it for a day or two

514
00:20:58,000 --> 00:21:00,520
Speaker 1: before I left, I hugged the baby and fourteen year

515
00:21:00,560 --> 00:21:04,920
Speaker 1: old bye. And so yeah, so I'm just gonna read

516
00:21:04,960 --> 00:21:07,639
Speaker 1: it straight. You can join us live every week to

517
00:21:07,720 --> 00:21:10,840
Speaker 1: have three PMPSD on YouTube just tapper profile. And there

518
00:21:10,920 --> 00:21:12,960
Speaker 1: is a little bit left to the story. But do

519
00:21:13,000 --> 00:21:15,960
Speaker 1: you have any other thoughts? Actually, we're only halfway through. Sorry,

520
00:21:16,200 --> 00:21:17,480
Speaker 1: there's a lot more left at the stop.

521
00:21:17,600 --> 00:21:20,720
Speaker 2: Geez, sorry, not I have enough thoughts. It's just heavy.

522
00:21:20,920 --> 00:21:24,040
Speaker 1: Yeah, this is really yeah, and anyone, you know, I

523
00:21:24,080 --> 00:21:26,560
Speaker 1: hope that anyone who's been in a situation like this

524
00:21:26,680 --> 00:21:28,639
Speaker 1: or god through anything like this, you know, if you

525
00:21:28,720 --> 00:21:30,440
Speaker 1: need to take time, if you need to step out

526
00:21:30,440 --> 00:21:33,320
Speaker 1: of the stream, please do because this is a lot

527
00:21:33,359 --> 00:21:35,960
Speaker 1: to deal with. And I'm We're here for you and

528
00:21:36,000 --> 00:21:36,560
Speaker 1: we love you.

529
00:21:36,760 --> 00:21:39,000
Speaker 2: But yeah, if this is too triggering for sure, like,

530
00:21:39,000 --> 00:21:39,920
Speaker 2: don't subject yourself.

531
00:21:40,000 --> 00:21:42,680
Speaker 1: Yeah, story, Eleana Bain says, if your son has done

532
00:21:42,680 --> 00:21:44,439
Speaker 1: this in the past. Why would you ever leave him

533
00:21:44,440 --> 00:21:45,640
Speaker 1: alone with another O pair.

534
00:21:45,760 --> 00:21:49,000
Speaker 2: I wonder what happened in the past. I wonder what age,

535
00:21:49,000 --> 00:21:50,280
Speaker 2: how long ago it happened.

536
00:21:50,359 --> 00:21:51,600
Speaker 5: A couple of years ago, A couple of years, so

537
00:21:51,760 --> 00:21:52,440
Speaker 5: a couple of years.

538
00:21:52,760 --> 00:21:55,879
Speaker 4: Oh yeah, I mean you would help that, Like it

539
00:21:55,920 --> 00:21:57,760
Speaker 4: was just like, oh, he was, you know, an adolescent,

540
00:21:57,800 --> 00:22:00,399
Speaker 4: he did he did this awful thing, but like, you know,

541
00:22:01,480 --> 00:22:02,240
Speaker 4: still a child.

542
00:22:02,400 --> 00:22:02,680
Speaker 1: Yeah.

543
00:22:02,760 --> 00:22:04,520
Speaker 4: I guess as a parent you would still hope and

544
00:22:04,560 --> 00:22:07,000
Speaker 4: also be in a little bit of denial of like, oh,

545
00:22:07,119 --> 00:22:08,879
Speaker 4: like that that happened once but past.

546
00:22:09,320 --> 00:22:11,199
Speaker 1: No, it's like that behavior doesn't just go away on

547
00:22:11,240 --> 00:22:13,480
Speaker 1: its own. That is something that you have to actively,

548
00:22:13,600 --> 00:22:16,879
Speaker 1: like send him to therapy and have him working on that.

549
00:22:17,000 --> 00:22:21,000
Speaker 4: Yeah, and awesome. Also just sending him away. I don't

550
00:22:21,000 --> 00:22:22,960
Speaker 4: think he's sure either.

551
00:22:22,960 --> 00:22:25,440
Speaker 1: Like maybe maybe sending away plus stuff.

552
00:22:25,520 --> 00:22:27,800
Speaker 4: Yeah, maybe do that for the sake of your kids

553
00:22:27,840 --> 00:22:30,760
Speaker 4: to have like nanny's in the house. But like, yeah,

554
00:22:30,800 --> 00:22:34,760
Speaker 4: that kid, while he's still young, needs help, Yeah, in

555
00:22:34,840 --> 00:22:38,400
Speaker 4: some way to like if this behavior continues to escalate,

556
00:22:38,480 --> 00:22:39,560
Speaker 4: that's scary.

557
00:22:39,840 --> 00:22:43,280
Speaker 1: Yeah, no, very scary. So that is what happened. I

558
00:22:43,320 --> 00:22:44,359
Speaker 1: am safe in the hotel.

559
00:22:44,400 --> 00:22:44,640
Speaker 3: Now.

560
00:22:44,800 --> 00:22:47,240
Speaker 1: I didn't at all expect that reaction from them. I

561
00:22:47,320 --> 00:22:50,800
Speaker 1: felt almost sick with worry when I wrote my first

562
00:22:50,840 --> 00:22:53,959
Speaker 1: post of not being believed. But even though the oldest

563
00:22:53,960 --> 00:22:56,679
Speaker 1: boy probably won't be back and will eventually be forced

564
00:22:56,680 --> 00:22:59,840
Speaker 1: to leave, I still feel the effects of what happened lingering.

565
00:23:00,080 --> 00:23:03,400
Speaker 1: I still feel vulnerable and overwhelmed when I even think

566
00:23:03,440 --> 00:23:06,479
Speaker 1: about what happened, I feel so bad for the younger children.

567
00:23:06,760 --> 00:23:08,720
Speaker 1: I'm not sure if I should go back or not.

568
00:23:09,040 --> 00:23:10,680
Speaker 1: She told me to think about it. I will give

569
00:23:10,680 --> 00:23:12,880
Speaker 1: it some time and see what my agency says first

570
00:23:12,880 --> 00:23:15,359
Speaker 1: about other placements. I just wanted to thank everyone for

571
00:23:15,440 --> 00:23:17,840
Speaker 1: helping me through something really difficult. But I am safe

572
00:23:17,840 --> 00:23:20,000
Speaker 1: now in this hotel, and I'm not going to rush

573
00:23:20,040 --> 00:23:23,440
Speaker 1: back into any situation without thinking over my options and

574
00:23:23,560 --> 00:23:26,560
Speaker 1: asking for my mom's opinion. Thank you once again, And

575
00:23:26,640 --> 00:23:30,040
Speaker 1: there is I believe some relevant comments and an update.

576
00:23:30,200 --> 00:23:32,480
Speaker 1: But Kimberly Fine says, I don't know. I knew someone

577
00:23:32,520 --> 00:23:35,440
Speaker 1: who became known as a predator high school started way earlier.

578
00:23:35,520 --> 00:23:38,280
Speaker 1: They immediately sent her, yes or her to a facility,

579
00:23:38,280 --> 00:23:40,520
Speaker 1: and moved across the country. I think that, I mean,

580
00:23:40,520 --> 00:23:43,000
Speaker 1: it seems like she went to a facility, so it

581
00:23:43,200 --> 00:23:47,560
Speaker 1: was something there was like specific focus on that, trying

582
00:23:47,600 --> 00:23:50,000
Speaker 1: to fix that behavior rather than just send like sending

583
00:23:50,040 --> 00:23:51,000
Speaker 1: it to an uncle or something.

584
00:23:51,080 --> 00:23:53,280
Speaker 4: Yeah, like, well there's this problem, let's you know, shove

585
00:23:53,320 --> 00:23:54,400
Speaker 4: them away in the shadows.

586
00:23:54,480 --> 00:23:56,520
Speaker 1: Yeah, it's like that does prex the problem.

587
00:23:56,600 --> 00:23:59,320
Speaker 2: Things pushing the shadows grow even larger and.

588
00:23:59,280 --> 00:24:01,400
Speaker 1: Scarier, and it's like it's not and I'm not saying

589
00:24:01,400 --> 00:24:03,359
Speaker 1: this is like oh, like he needs like I want

590
00:24:03,359 --> 00:24:06,160
Speaker 1: to help them. It's like for the protection of everyone

591
00:24:06,240 --> 00:24:08,000
Speaker 1: around these people.

592
00:24:08,119 --> 00:24:09,960
Speaker 2: And the women.

593
00:24:10,119 --> 00:24:13,280
Speaker 1: Yeah, exactly women in the future, This like problem needs

594
00:24:13,320 --> 00:24:17,640
Speaker 1: to be solved. It needs immediate and like specific attention.

595
00:24:18,000 --> 00:24:21,960
Speaker 3: It's like sweeping crap under the rug. It's like, Okay,

596
00:24:22,080 --> 00:24:24,320
Speaker 3: you don't see it, but you can smell it, and

597
00:24:24,359 --> 00:24:26,520
Speaker 3: it's gonna smell worse, and it can smell worse and

598
00:24:26,520 --> 00:24:28,280
Speaker 3: worse and people are gonna walk over it and you're like,

599
00:24:28,320 --> 00:24:29,159
Speaker 3: what does that smell?

600
00:24:29,400 --> 00:24:32,480
Speaker 1: Yeah? Ali, have you guys seen the show Mind Hunters? Okay,

601
00:24:32,520 --> 00:24:36,320
Speaker 1: So it's basically about it's like a based off a

602
00:24:36,359 --> 00:24:40,240
Speaker 1: true story the Behavioral Science science unit at the FBI, Okay,

603
00:24:40,880 --> 00:24:44,320
Speaker 1: and so it's basically going into all of the talking

604
00:24:44,359 --> 00:24:47,040
Speaker 1: to all these like serial you know on the libras

605
00:24:47,560 --> 00:24:50,600
Speaker 1: true like true people, true stories and stuff, and them

606
00:24:50,880 --> 00:24:54,680
Speaker 1: finding out the behavioral stuff and where it came from.

607
00:24:54,760 --> 00:24:57,720
Speaker 1: And so it does develop in childhood and it is

608
00:24:57,760 --> 00:25:00,879
Speaker 1: like it can lead to just work worse behavior, So

609
00:25:00,920 --> 00:25:04,240
Speaker 1: it's so important to get it before it, you know,

610
00:25:04,440 --> 00:25:07,320
Speaker 1: goes even worse. But there are some relevant comments. Kelpy

611
00:25:07,359 --> 00:25:10,240
Speaker 1: Maine says, please make sure the agency understands that this

612
00:25:10,280 --> 00:25:12,840
Speaker 1: has happened before and that the parents still somehow thought

613
00:25:12,880 --> 00:25:14,760
Speaker 1: it was safe and fair to you to have another

614
00:25:14,800 --> 00:25:17,200
Speaker 1: O pair in the home depending on how your agency

615
00:25:17,240 --> 00:25:20,040
Speaker 1: placed you. If the agency have knowledge that another person

616
00:25:20,080 --> 00:25:23,160
Speaker 1: had left and continued with this family as a placement,

617
00:25:23,359 --> 00:25:25,840
Speaker 1: that is important information for you to know and maybe

618
00:25:25,840 --> 00:25:28,879
Speaker 1: a consideration in allowing them to place you elsewhere, among

619
00:25:28,920 --> 00:25:32,120
Speaker 1: other things. That's my question. They said we would replace Op,

620
00:25:32,560 --> 00:25:35,040
Speaker 1: would that person know all of this information?

621
00:25:35,480 --> 00:25:39,160
Speaker 4: Yeah, but at the point that they would now replace OP,

622
00:25:39,680 --> 00:25:42,200
Speaker 4: the man the kid wouldn't be in the house anymore.

623
00:25:42,400 --> 00:25:44,480
Speaker 1: Yes, but it's still I think it's still a relevant

624
00:25:44,680 --> 00:25:47,399
Speaker 1: information to know that the happened with those parents.

625
00:25:47,680 --> 00:25:49,600
Speaker 2: Yeah, sure, Yeah, if.

626
00:25:49,480 --> 00:25:51,800
Speaker 1: You don't already know, I'd ask this agency if they've

627
00:25:51,840 --> 00:25:54,320
Speaker 1: ever placed all pairs with this family before, or no

628
00:25:54,400 --> 00:25:57,119
Speaker 1: of other agencies who have do that prior to telling

629
00:25:57,160 --> 00:25:59,159
Speaker 1: them about what the family told you. I would not

630
00:25:59,200 --> 00:26:01,880
Speaker 1: suggest going back. Even if the older son leaves, He's

631
00:26:01,880 --> 00:26:03,960
Speaker 1: potentially going to be upset and may know how to

632
00:26:04,080 --> 00:26:06,040
Speaker 1: enter or talk his way into the house even if

633
00:26:06,119 --> 00:26:08,959
Speaker 1: sent elsewhere. There is now drama in the family as

634
00:26:09,000 --> 00:26:11,399
Speaker 1: a result of his actions. The younger child has been

635
00:26:11,440 --> 00:26:14,640
Speaker 1: exposed to stuff he shouldn't. It's just a bad situation

636
00:26:14,720 --> 00:26:17,120
Speaker 1: for us for you, Remember, the parents knew he did

637
00:26:17,119 --> 00:26:19,640
Speaker 1: this before and still brought you into the home. They

638
00:26:19,680 --> 00:26:21,720
Speaker 1: don't have your best interests at heart here and are

639
00:26:21,800 --> 00:26:24,080
Speaker 1: clearly more than a bit in denial. Yeah, they the

640
00:26:24,160 --> 00:26:26,520
Speaker 1: interests they are holding are further kids. At the end

641
00:26:26,560 --> 00:26:29,080
Speaker 1: of the day. I don't know much about being in

642
00:26:29,119 --> 00:26:31,280
Speaker 1: a pair, but there is an no pair specific separate it.

643
00:26:31,520 --> 00:26:34,080
Speaker 1: It may be worth posting there for any knowledge about

644
00:26:34,119 --> 00:26:36,640
Speaker 1: how to talk to the agency in future calls. Remember

645
00:26:36,800 --> 00:26:40,200
Speaker 1: they're trying to do damage control themselves right now. Opie says,

646
00:26:40,400 --> 00:26:43,160
Speaker 1: thank you, I honestly didn't think of that. It does

647
00:26:43,280 --> 00:26:45,879
Speaker 1: make me feel a bit strange that they didn't tell me,

648
00:26:46,040 --> 00:26:49,040
Speaker 1: and like you said, still invited another girl there after

649
00:26:49,119 --> 00:26:51,399
Speaker 1: what had happened. I think that the mother is maybe

650
00:26:51,440 --> 00:26:54,679
Speaker 1: really hurt at her son's behavior. She was crying really hard.

651
00:26:54,840 --> 00:26:58,240
Speaker 1: I actually felt bad, but still she brought me there.

652
00:26:58,359 --> 00:27:00,920
Speaker 1: The only one who seemed concerned about me before any

653
00:27:00,960 --> 00:27:03,199
Speaker 1: of this happened was the younger brother. A lot of

654
00:27:03,240 --> 00:27:05,600
Speaker 1: his behavior makes sense now, why he would follow the

655
00:27:05,640 --> 00:27:07,800
Speaker 1: baby and I everywhere, and why he didn't really speak

656
00:27:07,840 --> 00:27:12,600
Speaker 1: to his brother of yes, yeah, what like, I feel

657
00:27:12,840 --> 00:27:15,960
Speaker 1: so bad for this fourteen year old who is forced

658
00:27:16,040 --> 00:27:20,000
Speaker 1: to kind of take on this adult sure protector.

659
00:27:20,320 --> 00:27:23,560
Speaker 4: Yeah at fourteen, should not have you young and yeah,

660
00:27:23,560 --> 00:27:25,640
Speaker 4: he's needing to protect these women that are taking care

661
00:27:25,680 --> 00:27:26,400
Speaker 4: of him, like.

662
00:27:26,359 --> 00:27:28,439
Speaker 2: Taking care of him, care of him, Yeah, to be

663
00:27:28,480 --> 00:27:29,280
Speaker 2: taken care of them.

664
00:27:29,400 --> 00:27:32,119
Speaker 1: Yeah, I will definitely ask the agency that, though I

665
00:27:32,160 --> 00:27:34,919
Speaker 1: hope it isn't true, because otherwise they've been exceptional in

666
00:27:35,000 --> 00:27:38,520
Speaker 1: all other aspects. And Miss Twisted says, you've been through

667
00:27:38,560 --> 00:27:40,920
Speaker 1: something traumatic and the only person you need to worry

668
00:27:40,960 --> 00:27:44,159
Speaker 1: about right now is yourself. Listen to your mom. Maybe

669
00:27:44,160 --> 00:27:46,520
Speaker 1: these people do everything right and the boy never comes

670
00:27:46,560 --> 00:27:48,560
Speaker 1: anywhere near you again, You're still not going to be

671
00:27:48,600 --> 00:27:51,560
Speaker 1: comfortable in the house, you will not sleep properly. It's

672
00:27:51,560 --> 00:27:54,760
Speaker 1: sad for the younger kids, but they are their parents' responsibility.

673
00:27:54,840 --> 00:27:58,600
Speaker 1: Focus on yourself right now, Opie says, yes, Unfortunately the

674
00:27:58,640 --> 00:28:01,000
Speaker 1: trust with the host parents is broke. I did receive

675
00:28:01,080 --> 00:28:03,879
Speaker 1: some good news today through the agency. They said there

676
00:28:03,920 --> 00:28:06,359
Speaker 1: are three interested families that would like to interview with

677
00:28:06,400 --> 00:28:09,320
Speaker 1: me based on my profile. They're looking to start asap

678
00:28:09,400 --> 00:28:11,280
Speaker 1: and I have two of them lined up later today,

679
00:28:11,400 --> 00:28:13,840
Speaker 1: the other tomorrow. Hopefully things go well and one of

680
00:28:13,840 --> 00:28:15,879
Speaker 1: them is a good fit. Thank you for your comment.

681
00:28:16,200 --> 00:28:18,440
Speaker 1: I still can't help but think about the other two though,

682
00:28:18,520 --> 00:28:21,560
Speaker 1: but the night in hotel really helped clear my head

683
00:28:21,560 --> 00:28:23,560
Speaker 1: and everything. I'm going to try to make a report

684
00:28:23,640 --> 00:28:25,640
Speaker 1: and get in touch with some resources I was given

685
00:28:25,880 --> 00:28:27,359
Speaker 1: and there is another update.

686
00:28:27,560 --> 00:28:28,280
Speaker 2: Wow, okay, but.

687
00:28:28,240 --> 00:28:30,080
Speaker 1: I think all of the right steps are being tad

688
00:28:30,160 --> 00:28:30,639
Speaker 1: for sure now.

689
00:28:30,800 --> 00:28:31,960
Speaker 2: Yeah, yeah, and.

690
00:28:31,880 --> 00:28:34,160
Speaker 1: Be gentle with yourself. Take it's going to take time

691
00:28:34,560 --> 00:28:35,120
Speaker 1: and that's okay.

692
00:28:35,200 --> 00:28:36,520
Speaker 2: Yeah, it's lots of process.

693
00:28:36,600 --> 00:28:39,240
Speaker 1: Yeah. Garden B says second brother's eighteen. He'll be an

694
00:28:39,240 --> 00:28:42,920
Speaker 1: adult criminal and is awful and MH is awful for

695
00:28:43,000 --> 00:28:45,720
Speaker 1: eighteen year old MH. I don't know, but there is

696
00:28:45,720 --> 00:28:47,880
Speaker 1: an update. Any other thoughts before getting into it.

697
00:28:48,080 --> 00:28:48,920
Speaker 2: I just want to hear an update.

698
00:28:49,080 --> 00:28:51,560
Speaker 1: To give an update. I spoke with the agencies sometime

699
00:28:51,640 --> 00:28:54,080
Speaker 1: earlier today and ask them if there had been any

700
00:28:54,080 --> 00:28:56,400
Speaker 1: other repairs with his family. They said this is their

701
00:28:56,480 --> 00:28:59,520
Speaker 1: first time placing someone with the family, which is good

702
00:28:59,520 --> 00:28:59,720
Speaker 1: to know.

703
00:29:00,160 --> 00:29:01,920
Speaker 2: Yes, there was that, so they didn't know.

704
00:29:02,040 --> 00:29:04,520
Speaker 1: They didn't know about it, hopefully and if another OH

705
00:29:04,640 --> 00:29:07,120
Speaker 1: Pair was with the family before, it was probably through

706
00:29:07,160 --> 00:29:10,480
Speaker 1: another agency, which I wonder if maybe the other agency

707
00:29:10,480 --> 00:29:13,160
Speaker 1: didn't want to place anyone with them again because of that.

708
00:29:13,560 --> 00:29:13,760
Speaker 2: Yeah.

709
00:29:13,960 --> 00:29:16,840
Speaker 1: Possibly, But they had no knowledge of this, and when

710
00:29:16,840 --> 00:29:19,160
Speaker 1: they interviewed the family was told this was a new

711
00:29:19,280 --> 00:29:20,760
Speaker 1: experience for them.

712
00:29:20,640 --> 00:29:22,800
Speaker 2: So they so they lied. Yeah, they lied.

713
00:29:22,960 --> 00:29:25,400
Speaker 1: I am thinking maybe the other girl was through another agency.

714
00:29:25,480 --> 00:29:27,080
Speaker 1: There are a few of them. I'm not sure that

715
00:29:27,120 --> 00:29:29,480
Speaker 1: all O pair agencies can see the other's network, but

716
00:29:29,560 --> 00:29:31,720
Speaker 1: they said they will look further into it. They told

717
00:29:31,760 --> 00:29:34,120
Speaker 1: me that for now they will not be placing any

718
00:29:34,160 --> 00:29:36,200
Speaker 1: new girls with this family, so that gave me some

719
00:29:36,280 --> 00:29:38,720
Speaker 1: peace of mind. Great, Yeah, that was great to hear,

720
00:29:39,040 --> 00:29:42,000
Speaker 1: and then comments Kelpy Maine says, I hope that helps

721
00:29:42,040 --> 00:29:44,280
Speaker 1: make it clear to you why returning to this family

722
00:29:44,320 --> 00:29:46,520
Speaker 1: would be an issue. It sure sounds like they lied

723
00:29:46,520 --> 00:29:50,440
Speaker 1: to the agency and covered up what their son previously did. Absolutely.

724
00:29:50,520 --> 00:29:52,440
Speaker 1: I know you feel sorry for the mom, but this

725
00:29:52,560 --> 00:29:56,400
Speaker 1: is absolutely something that enabled to some extent. Think about it.

726
00:29:56,440 --> 00:29:58,680
Speaker 1: They knew their son was capable of doing this. They

727
00:29:58,720 --> 00:30:01,000
Speaker 1: intentionally lied to the ag you see, and brought another

728
00:30:01,040 --> 00:30:03,480
Speaker 1: young woman into the house after it happened. Once, was

729
00:30:03,520 --> 00:30:06,480
Speaker 1: the son clearly in therapy? Were they monitoring his behavior

730
00:30:06,480 --> 00:30:10,040
Speaker 1: around you? Why was he even irregularly around you unsupervised? Yeah,

731
00:30:10,120 --> 00:30:11,040
Speaker 1: they let him stay home.

732
00:30:11,080 --> 00:30:12,880
Speaker 2: It's all very important questions.

733
00:30:13,160 --> 00:30:16,280
Speaker 1: They failed you, and they even failed him to some extent,

734
00:30:16,440 --> 00:30:20,040
Speaker 1: since they basically created a situation by bringing you into

735
00:30:20,040 --> 00:30:22,560
Speaker 1: the home in which he was highly likely to do

736
00:30:22,600 --> 00:30:25,880
Speaker 1: something again. They are also severely failing their younger children.

737
00:30:25,920 --> 00:30:27,960
Speaker 1: Think about the younger son's position for a minute. He

738
00:30:28,040 --> 00:30:30,200
Speaker 1: knows his brother as a predator. He was following you

739
00:30:30,280 --> 00:30:33,200
Speaker 1: everywhere and clearly thought it was his job to protect you.

740
00:30:33,440 --> 00:30:36,520
Speaker 1: That's far too much to put on a child that age. Yeah,

741
00:30:36,560 --> 00:30:39,320
Speaker 1: they set him up to be traumatized and experience the

742
00:30:39,360 --> 00:30:42,000
Speaker 1: sudden loss of a caregiver. When this happened again. He

743
00:30:42,080 --> 00:30:45,440
Speaker 1: was very obviously upset about whatever happened last time, which

744
00:30:45,480 --> 00:30:47,960
Speaker 1: makes it clear they did not get him help processing

745
00:30:48,080 --> 00:30:51,400
Speaker 1: or coping with whatever happened last time. Instead, they set

746
00:30:51,440 --> 00:30:52,920
Speaker 1: him up to feel like he had to be the

747
00:30:52,960 --> 00:30:55,680
Speaker 1: adult in the situation, which he never should have been

748
00:30:55,760 --> 00:30:58,440
Speaker 1: and tell his parents slash protect you. He was put

749
00:30:58,480 --> 00:31:01,240
Speaker 1: in a highly inappropriate situation by them too, And it's

750
00:31:01,480 --> 00:31:04,320
Speaker 1: very clear that they aren't thinking about his well being either,

751
00:31:04,440 --> 00:31:06,760
Speaker 1: if they're asking you to return you returning as an

752
00:31:06,760 --> 00:31:09,480
Speaker 1: O pair creates an intense relationship between him and his

753
00:31:09,560 --> 00:31:11,400
Speaker 1: oh pair and which he knows things about you he

754
00:31:11,440 --> 00:31:14,000
Speaker 1: shouldn't and feels obligated to care for you in a

755
00:31:14,040 --> 00:31:16,480
Speaker 1: way he shouldn't. Again, that creates this kind of weird

756
00:31:16,760 --> 00:31:20,160
Speaker 1: not it Like it takes the role of you as

757
00:31:20,160 --> 00:31:22,600
Speaker 1: a caretaker and him as someone to be cared for

758
00:31:22,840 --> 00:31:23,200
Speaker 1: kind of.

759
00:31:23,200 --> 00:31:24,760
Speaker 2: And like switches it. Yeah, which just so.

760
00:31:24,800 --> 00:31:26,800
Speaker 1: Unfair really, yeah, out of balance?

761
00:31:26,920 --> 00:31:29,360
Speaker 2: Yeah, and you know the parents have a role in

762
00:31:29,440 --> 00:31:30,600
Speaker 2: putting him in that role.

763
00:31:30,720 --> 00:31:32,760
Speaker 1: Yeah, and yeah, it just makes it harder to try

764
00:31:32,800 --> 00:31:34,440
Speaker 1: and like care for him and be that pretector.

765
00:31:34,560 --> 00:31:38,400
Speaker 4: And also it's just wild to know that they I

766
00:31:38,440 --> 00:31:41,080
Speaker 4: mean what the comment was saying, Yeah, like they knew

767
00:31:41,120 --> 00:31:45,240
Speaker 4: this happened, and they like switched agencies, lied to the

768
00:31:45,320 --> 00:31:49,000
Speaker 4: new agency, and with no concern over the oh pairs

769
00:31:49,200 --> 00:31:51,640
Speaker 4: that they're bringing to the house into an unsafe house

770
00:31:51,720 --> 00:31:54,280
Speaker 4: and then also having to put the younger brother into

771
00:31:54,360 --> 00:31:56,080
Speaker 4: a role that is so inappropriate.

772
00:31:56,200 --> 00:31:58,560
Speaker 1: Yeah, well, even when you know he was bringing up

773
00:31:58,560 --> 00:32:01,000
Speaker 1: that she probably was gonna leave, the mother was crying,

774
00:32:01,080 --> 00:32:02,920
Speaker 1: is he like no, please stay, like we need you,

775
00:32:02,960 --> 00:32:04,800
Speaker 1: that the kids need you, and trying to guilter and

776
00:32:04,800 --> 00:32:07,560
Speaker 1: it's it kind of is evident that they just want

777
00:32:07,600 --> 00:32:09,800
Speaker 1: a person to care for their kids. Like sure, you know,

778
00:32:09,840 --> 00:32:12,000
Speaker 1: we don't know their work, maybe they're busy, and like

779
00:32:12,400 --> 00:32:14,920
Speaker 1: people have nanny's and no pairs for tons of different reasons,

780
00:32:14,960 --> 00:32:16,560
Speaker 1: which is I'm not saying like that's a bad thing

781
00:32:16,600 --> 00:32:18,760
Speaker 1: in and of itself at all, but like it does

782
00:32:18,800 --> 00:32:20,440
Speaker 1: seem like they just want people to care for their

783
00:32:20,520 --> 00:32:23,320
Speaker 1: kids and they don't really care about what happens to

784
00:32:23,400 --> 00:32:25,600
Speaker 1: those people. Mm hmm, which is sad.

785
00:32:25,800 --> 00:32:29,080
Speaker 2: Yeah, especially if it's you know, something like s the

786
00:32:29,600 --> 00:32:30,120
Speaker 2: in the question.

787
00:32:30,360 --> 00:32:32,040
Speaker 1: He should be getting some help to cope with this

788
00:32:32,120 --> 00:32:34,960
Speaker 1: brother's actions and to be able to have normal relationships

789
00:32:34,960 --> 00:32:38,280
Speaker 1: with other adults where he doesn't feel responsible for protecting them.

790
00:32:38,400 --> 00:32:40,760
Speaker 1: If you went back there, that's a bad dynamic for

791
00:32:40,880 --> 00:32:43,760
Speaker 1: him developmentally, since he clearly feels like he needs to

792
00:32:43,800 --> 00:32:45,800
Speaker 1: watch out for you at a level he should not

793
00:32:45,920 --> 00:32:49,080
Speaker 1: have to. Plus, their solution sending their older son away

794
00:32:49,200 --> 00:32:51,560
Speaker 1: is not ideal either. He just what gets to go

795
00:32:51,640 --> 00:32:54,120
Speaker 1: somewhere else where others likely don't know he does this

796
00:32:54,280 --> 00:32:57,520
Speaker 1: and probably offend again and increase behavior. He's going to

797
00:32:57,640 --> 00:33:01,000
Speaker 1: escalate over time because they aren't treating him the burgeonings

798
00:33:01,080 --> 00:33:04,240
Speaker 1: offender he is. They are basically telling you that their

799
00:33:04,240 --> 00:33:06,520
Speaker 1: hope is to wash their hands of him when he's eighteen,

800
00:33:06,880 --> 00:33:08,880
Speaker 1: knowing that he's going to keep doing stuff like this

801
00:33:09,080 --> 00:33:12,560
Speaker 1: and likely escalate to worse. They want him out of

802
00:33:12,600 --> 00:33:15,760
Speaker 1: the house and someone else's problem. Yet he's still their

803
00:33:15,880 --> 00:33:18,880
Speaker 1: minor child. Oh and they're fighting about it all in

804
00:33:18,920 --> 00:33:21,360
Speaker 1: a language you can't understand, So you have no idea

805
00:33:21,440 --> 00:33:24,440
Speaker 1: if the dad feels similarly or not, what his relationship

806
00:33:24,440 --> 00:33:26,760
Speaker 1: with his son is like, et cetera. Something is very

807
00:33:26,840 --> 00:33:30,160
Speaker 1: unhealthy in that home, and I strongly suspect you only

808
00:33:30,200 --> 00:33:32,640
Speaker 1: saw the surface of it. They are conflicted about when

809
00:33:32,680 --> 00:33:35,080
Speaker 1: to sweep things under the rug and when to address it.

810
00:33:35,280 --> 00:33:37,760
Speaker 1: And the parents are not parenting, but are putting all

811
00:33:37,800 --> 00:33:41,360
Speaker 1: their children in situations that are unsafe or too emotionally

812
00:33:41,400 --> 00:33:44,080
Speaker 1: complex for them to handle in an age appropriate way.

813
00:33:44,120 --> 00:33:47,000
Speaker 1: The younger brother knew his older brother was likely to reoffend,

814
00:33:47,200 --> 00:33:49,200
Speaker 1: so the parents nihle of that until it was A

815
00:33:49,320 --> 00:33:51,440
Speaker 1: parent says a lot about how they will continue to

816
00:33:51,480 --> 00:33:53,840
Speaker 1: behave in the future. Are the relatives he's going to

817
00:33:53,920 --> 00:33:56,440
Speaker 1: even going to even going to be worn or do

818
00:33:56,480 --> 00:34:00,480
Speaker 1: they have friends, babysitters or neighbors who will unsuspectedly be

819
00:34:00,600 --> 00:34:03,360
Speaker 1: thrown in his path and have no idea he's done

820
00:34:03,440 --> 00:34:05,960
Speaker 1: it multiple times before. You can have empathy for them

821
00:34:06,040 --> 00:34:08,759
Speaker 1: and the position they're in. His parents. It's an incredibly

822
00:34:08,840 --> 00:34:11,960
Speaker 1: hard and somewhat sad situation. You could feel sorry for

823
00:34:12,120 --> 00:34:15,120
Speaker 1: and miss their younger kids, but going back there would

824
00:34:15,120 --> 00:34:17,960
Speaker 1: be a mistake. They intentionally brought you into the house

825
00:34:18,120 --> 00:34:20,480
Speaker 1: knowing this might happen, and all they did to prevent

826
00:34:20,520 --> 00:34:22,759
Speaker 1: it was hope. Yeah. I mean they said, oh, we

827
00:34:22,920 --> 00:34:26,040
Speaker 1: hoped that he had changed, we thought it had gone away.

828
00:34:26,160 --> 00:34:26,359
Speaker 2: Yeah.

829
00:34:26,400 --> 00:34:30,120
Speaker 4: And there was no effort, yeah, put no constraints or

830
00:34:30,480 --> 00:34:36,399
Speaker 4: any serious efforts tense. Yes, an, that's something that seriously happened.

831
00:34:36,440 --> 00:34:39,240
Speaker 1: Again, their minor child was more aware of the problem

832
00:34:39,360 --> 00:34:42,160
Speaker 1: than they were. At best, they were negligent, and at worst,

833
00:34:42,280 --> 00:34:45,080
Speaker 1: they deliberately misled or lied to the agency. It would

834
00:34:45,080 --> 00:34:47,200
Speaker 1: be one thing if this is the first time it happened,

835
00:34:47,320 --> 00:34:49,560
Speaker 1: but it so clearly isn't. The mother came to you

836
00:34:49,680 --> 00:34:51,920
Speaker 1: crying and saying she doesn't know why her son is

837
00:34:52,000 --> 00:34:55,080
Speaker 1: like this. Well, presumably she's had several years since the

838
00:34:55,120 --> 00:34:57,880
Speaker 1: last incident to try to find that out by things

839
00:34:57,920 --> 00:35:00,600
Speaker 1: like seeking out expert help, talking to him, et cetera.

840
00:35:00,840 --> 00:35:02,880
Speaker 1: It sure doesn't sound like she did those things. She

841
00:35:02,920 --> 00:35:05,480
Speaker 1: says she's not going to tolerate his behavior anymore. The

842
00:35:05,520 --> 00:35:09,040
Speaker 1: implication there is that she has tolerated it in the past.

843
00:35:09,239 --> 00:35:11,799
Speaker 1: The younger son basically told you that they hoped he'd

844
00:35:11,840 --> 00:35:14,000
Speaker 1: just grow out of it. If you do trust the agency,

845
00:35:14,040 --> 00:35:16,399
Speaker 1: I'd let them know all of that. In businesses like this,

846
00:35:16,480 --> 00:35:19,600
Speaker 1: people talk occasionally and know people at other agencies, and

847
00:35:19,680 --> 00:35:22,439
Speaker 1: there are ways of getting out the word subtly such

848
00:35:22,520 --> 00:35:24,759
Speaker 1: that they don't just keep him in the house since

849
00:35:24,760 --> 00:35:27,239
Speaker 1: you're not coming back and get a new unsuspecting a

850
00:35:27,360 --> 00:35:29,960
Speaker 1: pair from yet another agency. It's not your job right

851
00:35:30,000 --> 00:35:32,239
Speaker 1: now to worry about anyone else. You need to take

852
00:35:32,280 --> 00:35:35,080
Speaker 1: care of yourself first and foremost. And the reality is

853
00:35:35,160 --> 00:35:37,239
Speaker 1: that their son is likely to keep doing this, and

854
00:35:37,280 --> 00:35:40,000
Speaker 1: the parents are likely to keep acting upset and confused

855
00:35:40,040 --> 00:35:43,640
Speaker 1: when it happens without recognizing their role in any of it.

856
00:35:43,800 --> 00:35:45,400
Speaker 1: Even if all they did was hope that he was

857
00:35:45,440 --> 00:35:48,000
Speaker 1: better and bring another person into the home, that is

858
00:35:48,040 --> 00:35:50,680
Speaker 1: still enabling the fact that their youngest son has attachment

859
00:35:50,680 --> 00:35:54,280
Speaker 1: issues with caregivers is precise precisely because they keep bringing

860
00:35:54,320 --> 00:35:57,120
Speaker 1: caregivers into the home when they aren't working to protect

861
00:35:57,120 --> 00:35:59,960
Speaker 1: those caregivers from the known predator living in the home.

862
00:36:00,200 --> 00:36:02,680
Speaker 1: Ami Boots says, also, the parents could have asked for

863
00:36:02,719 --> 00:36:05,120
Speaker 1: a male ow pair, which would presumably have prevented this

864
00:36:05,160 --> 00:36:05,720
Speaker 1: from happening.

865
00:36:05,719 --> 00:36:07,680
Speaker 2: Again, Sure, that's a great point, Jack.

866
00:36:07,600 --> 00:36:10,120
Speaker 1: Jack Jack says, if the agency was planning to put

867
00:36:10,160 --> 00:36:12,160
Speaker 1: another pair in the home after you just told them

868
00:36:12,200 --> 00:36:14,879
Speaker 1: what happened, I would reconsider working for them too. And

869
00:36:14,960 --> 00:36:16,960
Speaker 1: that is the end of that story.

870
00:36:17,200 --> 00:36:19,799
Speaker 4: Gee, but yeah, it was kind of one of those

871
00:36:19,800 --> 00:36:22,640
Speaker 4: commenters was spot on with like a lot of that.

872
00:36:23,000 --> 00:36:26,799
Speaker 1: Yeah, absolutely no, these parents definitely are culpable in many

873
00:36:26,800 --> 00:36:29,920
Speaker 1: ways for the behavior and for not preventing it.

874
00:36:30,040 --> 00:36:33,520
Speaker 4: But I'm glad op got out and I'm glad the

875
00:36:33,560 --> 00:36:37,400
Speaker 4: agencies of wear and I Yeah, I really hope a

876
00:36:37,440 --> 00:36:41,560
Speaker 4: lot of things changed and taken action to prevent this

877
00:36:41,960 --> 00:36:44,439
Speaker 4: and also to get support for the younger brother as well.

878
00:36:44,560 --> 00:36:47,120
Speaker 1: Yeah, but Mirkauwi says, I so feel for Opie wanting

879
00:36:47,120 --> 00:36:49,560
Speaker 1: to protect the kids. When I was fourteen, I babysat

880
00:36:49,640 --> 00:36:51,839
Speaker 1: kids from a troubled home and they called me when

881
00:36:51,840 --> 00:36:54,359
Speaker 1: I was home for help and it just broke my heart.

882
00:36:54,680 --> 00:36:57,399
Speaker 1: And Princess Goo says the minor child cared more than

883
00:36:57,480 --> 00:37:01,080
Speaker 1: the parents. Yeah, No, it's it's it's a very sad situation.

884
00:37:01,160 --> 00:37:02,080
Speaker 1: But I'm glad that it'd be.

885
00:37:01,960 --> 00:37:05,600
Speaker 2: A safe Yeah, audience, Yes, take a deep breath.

886
00:37:07,080 --> 00:37:08,760
Speaker 5: Breake a deep breath, do some stretching.

887
00:37:10,640 --> 00:37:11,680
Speaker 2: It's a lot, you know.

888
00:37:11,760 --> 00:37:14,120
Speaker 4: I saw in some of the comments that like the

889
00:37:14,200 --> 00:37:16,720
Speaker 4: story is bringing up some past history and past triggers

890
00:37:16,719 --> 00:37:19,600
Speaker 4: for people. So everyone just do what you need to

891
00:37:19,640 --> 00:37:23,400
Speaker 4: do to like to feel safe, to feel safe right now. Again,

892
00:37:23,640 --> 00:37:27,440
Speaker 4: deep breath. Also, there's something called orienting, which is just

893
00:37:27,560 --> 00:37:30,080
Speaker 4: looking around your room and it kind of like roots

894
00:37:30,080 --> 00:37:32,359
Speaker 4: you to the present moment and like, I'm safe right now.

895
00:37:32,560 --> 00:37:34,320
Speaker 2: Finding So if you think it's like that.

896
00:37:34,560 --> 00:37:40,560
Speaker 1: Finding five physical things, finding five colors, senses of smell,

897
00:37:40,880 --> 00:37:43,200
Speaker 1: you know, pointing out all of those concrete, you know

898
00:37:43,280 --> 00:37:45,759
Speaker 1: things in your room, and we're wherever you are to

899
00:37:45,840 --> 00:37:46,319
Speaker 1: ground you.

900
00:37:46,520 --> 00:37:50,359
Speaker 3: I'm very proud of Op doing it immediately. Yes, Like

901
00:37:50,680 --> 00:37:54,360
Speaker 3: she knew obviously something was wrong. She needed to you know,

902
00:37:54,480 --> 00:37:56,520
Speaker 3: grasp onto it, and she didn't want to, but she's like,

903
00:37:56,560 --> 00:37:58,160
Speaker 3: I have to do this so I can get out

904
00:37:58,200 --> 00:37:59,680
Speaker 3: of here asap.

905
00:37:59,520 --> 00:38:01,080
Speaker 1: You know what I mean. So I'm super Gattop he

906
00:38:01,120 --> 00:38:03,239
Speaker 1: came to read it. She might have downplayed it and

907
00:38:03,239 --> 00:38:06,480
Speaker 1: ignored it as victims do. It makes me so relieved

908
00:38:06,560 --> 00:38:08,439
Speaker 1: she felt safe enough to ask strangers for help.

909
00:38:08,640 --> 00:38:12,680
Speaker 4: And I'm and I'm glad that the mother, like you know,

910
00:38:12,760 --> 00:38:14,759
Speaker 4: put a hard line and protect her daughter as well.

911
00:38:14,960 --> 00:38:15,280
Speaker 1: Yeah.

912
00:38:15,320 --> 00:38:19,480
Speaker 3: Absolutely, yeah, because again in the moment, she couldn't think

913
00:38:19,600 --> 00:38:23,000
Speaker 3: completely straight. She was just like, did this happen? Oh,

914
00:38:23,480 --> 00:38:25,279
Speaker 3: I don't want to do the bad thing. It's like

915
00:38:25,320 --> 00:38:28,239
Speaker 3: there is no bad thing here. Yeah, no, that is no.

916
00:38:28,480 --> 00:38:30,160
Speaker 5: The only thing here is you being okay.

917
00:38:30,320 --> 00:38:32,560
Speaker 1: Yeah, the right choice is the one where you're safe,

918
00:38:32,600 --> 00:38:34,719
Speaker 1: and Sophia Colonn says five things you can see, four

919
00:38:34,760 --> 00:38:36,719
Speaker 1: things you can feel, three things you can hear.

920
00:38:36,840 --> 00:38:37,440
Speaker 5: Oh, I love that.

921
00:38:37,640 --> 00:38:39,759
Speaker 4: Or it could just be as simple as letting your

922
00:38:39,800 --> 00:38:43,520
Speaker 4: curiosity bring your eyes around, letting them land off whatever

923
00:38:43,600 --> 00:38:46,520
Speaker 4: it feels too good to land on. That's kind of

924
00:38:46,560 --> 00:38:49,600
Speaker 4: how I lead people in as well. So it could,

925
00:38:49,640 --> 00:38:52,200
Speaker 4: you know, some structure of like picking five things gonna

926
00:38:52,200 --> 00:38:54,240
Speaker 4: be helpful, or you could just let your eyes wander

927
00:38:54,239 --> 00:38:55,080
Speaker 4: around the room as well.

928
00:38:55,320 --> 00:38:56,760
Speaker 1: But that is the end of that story.

929
00:38:56,800 --> 00:39:00,000
Speaker 3: I same that story since again we had an hour.

930
00:39:00,360 --> 00:39:02,680
Speaker 3: We were at forty five, so we're gonna do more.

931
00:39:02,719 --> 00:39:03,080
Speaker 1: Other story.

932
00:39:03,760 --> 00:39:04,360
Speaker 2: You're gonna read it.

933
00:39:04,360 --> 00:39:06,000
Speaker 1: We have another you can read it. Do we have

934
00:39:06,000 --> 00:39:07,040
Speaker 1: another happier story?

935
00:39:07,719 --> 00:39:09,880
Speaker 5: I've tried to find something from the miss, but I

936
00:39:09,920 --> 00:39:12,360
Speaker 5: don't know as long as it's not as I know.

937
00:39:12,480 --> 00:39:14,480
Speaker 3: I tried. I tried, but I don't. I don't think

938
00:39:14,520 --> 00:39:15,640
Speaker 3: there's anything in the miss there.

939
00:39:15,680 --> 00:39:17,880
Speaker 1: But are you ready for this next story?

940
00:39:18,120 --> 00:39:18,319
Speaker 2: Yes?

941
00:39:18,440 --> 00:39:19,600
Speaker 3: Let me just go ahead and put up the tail

942
00:39:19,680 --> 00:39:21,320
Speaker 3: d R.

943
00:39:21,960 --> 00:39:23,280
Speaker 5: Did you get it open for Alex?

944
00:39:23,480 --> 00:39:23,680
Speaker 2: Yes?

945
00:39:23,719 --> 00:39:25,880
Speaker 3: It did so my family, Alex, you got that?

946
00:39:26,360 --> 00:39:29,520
Speaker 2: Yeah, Nikki says she did say she didn't care about

947
00:39:29,600 --> 00:39:32,320
Speaker 2: the shout out. Well, shout out anyways.

948
00:39:33,000 --> 00:39:35,359
Speaker 1: I love you. Moment of silence for Hannah. Also, if

949
00:39:35,360 --> 00:39:37,440
Speaker 1: I remember going like this in a story, it's because

950
00:39:37,440 --> 00:39:39,759
Speaker 1: my ears are plugged and I'm trying to unplug them.

951
00:39:40,120 --> 00:39:41,000
Speaker 2: Oh, because you're sick.

952
00:39:41,120 --> 00:39:45,319
Speaker 5: Yeah, because you did it, Alex. You are ready to go.

953
00:39:45,440 --> 00:39:48,839
Speaker 2: Let's do it, all right, Let's take another breath, all right,