Speaker 1: From Transmitter Media. This is Rebel Eaters Club and I'm
Speaker 1: your host, Virgie Tovar. My next guest is a disability
Speaker 1: justice advocate, a LEO, and an all around babe. Their
Speaker 1: name is Alex Locust. Alex is a self described queer, black,
Speaker 1: biracial glam beautee proudly offering you a leg up on
Speaker 1: disability justice. Today, we'll be getting into something I've wanted
Speaker 1: to cover for a while, dating an intimacy, and I'm
Speaker 1: so excited to do it with Alex in particular because
Speaker 1: they have helped me think so many new thoughts about
Speaker 1: this topic ever since we were introduced by a friend
Speaker 1: who said we were going to connect like milk and cookies.
Speaker 1: Welcome Alex, Hey, Virgilia, I don't think I had the
Speaker 1: milk and cookies part of maybe I'm a little bit embellished,
Speaker 1: but I basically feel like he said, I have a
Speaker 1: feeling that you might connect, and it's just been like
Speaker 1: giggles and tea. He's ever since. It's a it's a
Speaker 1: giggle fist. Yes, okay, So before we get started, before
Speaker 1: we get into it, we have some snacks. Alex, why
Speaker 1: did you pick this snack for us today. You were like,
Speaker 1: what's your favorite snack? Immediately my mind went to like
Speaker 1: guaba and cheese Pastelito's. I spent a lot of time
Speaker 1: living in Miami, and those were like such a treasure
Speaker 1: and I haven't been able to really find ones that
Speaker 1: I super loved. But then I had this amazing snack,
Speaker 1: this guaba lime tart that a new friend Salamatu made
Speaker 1: for his project Black Feast, and it just is like
Speaker 1: not only like one of the most delicious things that
Speaker 1: I've eaten recently, it just really I feel like embodies
Speaker 1: what I feel like food can represent. Food is medicine,
Speaker 1: food as activisms. Food is like community building. You know
Speaker 1: what Salamatu and Anica are doing with Blackfeast. You know,
Speaker 1: it's a food art event celebrating black artists and writers
Speaker 1: through culinary interpretations of their work, right, And so like
Speaker 1: to get to eat this like love that a black
Speaker 1: queer person created for the community, and I was like,
Speaker 1: I want to show this a virtue because it just
Speaker 1: like takes me there. You know, Oh, I love that
Speaker 1: story so much. So we're having lime guavatarts made by Blackfeast,
Speaker 1: and I am stoked. Are you ready to try oh
Speaker 1: my god, artific my foregament. I was like, where do
Speaker 1: we go? Okay, we go? Now ready? Three? Two? One?
Speaker 1: Mmmmmm mmmm yep mmm wow, m hmmm. So the guava,
Speaker 1: I mean, this is true of tropical fruit in general.
Speaker 1: It's just so good, like it's tangy and you can
Speaker 1: just taste the sun or something. I don't know, you know, yeah,
Speaker 1: I was just gonna say something. It feels it's guava lime,
Speaker 1: and there's maple meringue. It's sweet, its tar, it's a triumph. Yes,
Speaker 1: the meringue has almost like a perlescent chen and and
Speaker 1: then you get down, so that's the first layer. There's
Speaker 1: also like a beautiful little an edible flower on top
Speaker 1: for a little bit of flourish. And then you get
Speaker 1: into the pinky guava the next layer, and then the
Speaker 1: layer after that is like shredded coconut. And is it
Speaker 1: gram cracker? What is it? I really wish I could
Speaker 1: tell you. I feel like more of it to find out,
Speaker 1: I'm just gonna get lost and you're gonna lose me.
Speaker 1: I'll be gone. I'm just really thinking. By the desert,
Speaker 1: I love it well, so I'm kind of crust. It
Speaker 1: has a coconuttiness to it, which I love, Like, I
Speaker 1: really feel confident that I'm not hyping it up too much. Alex,
Speaker 1: thank you for bringing this dessert into my world and
Speaker 1: for introducing me to black Feast. I'm just stoked. As
Speaker 1: I said, you're a disability justice advocate. You run an
Speaker 1: amazing workshop called Spilva Disability where people can learn about
Speaker 1: the movement and how they can participate in it. Under COVID.
Speaker 1: It's also become an Instagram live series called sippin Saturday
Speaker 1: is where you're continuing to spread the good word about access.
Speaker 1: I think there's a lot of overlap between the disability
Speaker 1: justice and fat liberation movements. One that you and I
Speaker 1: have talked a lot about is dating an intimacy. Like,
Speaker 1: in my mind, diet culture and the dating status quo
Speaker 1: are sneaky cousins. Can you talk about how that shows
Speaker 1: up in your work. Yeah, I feel able is a
Speaker 1: sneaky cousin in there. You know, It's it's still communicating
Speaker 1: which bodies are desirable, which bodies are worthy. There's a
Speaker 1: lot of like moralism. I think the overlaps between diet
Speaker 1: culture and ableism right around this like false belief that
Speaker 1: people within the medical industrial complex know best about your body,
Speaker 1: and if you're not adhering to these like standards that
Speaker 1: are often like a racist and sexist and paphobic and
Speaker 1: all these things that like you're not doing your body
Speaker 1: right right and building off that idea of which bodies
Speaker 1: are desirable. Something you've said to me about dating that
Speaker 1: I love is that the way we do dating and
Speaker 1: intimacy right now in mainstream society is all about being casual,
Speaker 1: being chill, being low maintenance, and basically not having any means.
Speaker 1: Can you unpack this? Oh yeah, I mean I almost imagine,
Speaker 1: like this is so specific, but like, um, if you
Speaker 1: roll up a luminum foil and you like buffet in
Speaker 1: a ball, like you just keep buffing it, you can
Speaker 1: actually create almost this like perfect sphere and it's just
Speaker 1: like smooth and edge. And I think a lot of that.
Speaker 1: How like early dating or there's like performance around like
Speaker 1: being like cool and easy and like you're texting me
Speaker 1: ten minutes before you want to hang out and expect
Speaker 1: me to come like, yeah, I'm available. You cancel on
Speaker 1: me ten minutes before our date and I'm already at
Speaker 1: the restaurant. Oh, no worries like something came up right,
Speaker 1: Like all of these things are kind of ways that
Speaker 1: I feel like it's like standing that aluminum ball to
Speaker 1: be like I have no like edges. There's no way
Speaker 1: for me to like cut or harm you. I'm so
Speaker 1: easy to like fit into whatever situation is being foised
Speaker 1: upon me. And it's like at what cost, you know,
Speaker 1: like when do you get what you need? When do
Speaker 1: your needs get met? When do you get to also
Speaker 1: experience like nourishment and healing and um support And again,
Speaker 1: I just I want to dismantle or like disrupted this
Speaker 1: binary of like disabled people are the ones with needs
Speaker 1: disabled people have to conform. I feel like I spent
Speaker 1: so much of my early dating particularly feel like I
Speaker 1: had to compensate for being disabled, you know, like I'm
Speaker 1: lucky that this like hot person is willing to go
Speaker 1: on this date with me, Yes, you know, and it's
Speaker 1: for me reflecting on it for this conversation. It's like
Speaker 1: those even almost as like it feels like like Greek
Speaker 1: like myth level of like cosmic irony of like being
Speaker 1: an imputee. I'm living in a society that like literally
Speaker 1: sees my body as as lacking right, as like I'm
Speaker 1: at a deficit, like I'm missing not just a limb,
Speaker 1: but I'm missing part of my wholeness, my whole self.
Speaker 1: And so I had this understanding or this assumption that
Speaker 1: like I had to then make up for what was missing, Right,
Speaker 1: So I have to be even more available, I have
Speaker 1: to be even more casual and thun and easy. And
Speaker 1: you know what's missing from that equation. It assumes that
Speaker 1: non disabled people, you know, people with four limbs, like
Speaker 1: four limbers, right, I don't know if you have a
Speaker 1: disabled yes, you know. It's like it's it's this assumption
Speaker 1: that I'm the one who's supposed to compensate. And then
Speaker 1: I'm dating people who like aren't in a place to
Speaker 1: like name their needs or aren't asking me about mine,
Speaker 1: people who don't have some of that like emotional magic
Speaker 1: and like capacity for like deep listening and intimacy and
Speaker 1: care that I have, Right, Yeah, I mean I relate
Speaker 1: to this as a fat woman, and I think specifically,
Speaker 1: I'm thinking a lot about how much I tried to
Speaker 1: hide my body, which is just so it's just so
Speaker 1: absurd actually, right, Like, I mean, I was an early
Speaker 1: adopter of Internet dating because I was fat shamed so relentlessly,
Speaker 1: and I really relish the opportunity to be able to
Speaker 1: hide my body, and I fully subscribe to this idea
Speaker 1: that I could like trick someone into falling in love
Speaker 1: with me, you know, because there's no way that they
Speaker 1: could like my body, there's no way they could enjoy it.
Speaker 1: I'd have to like dupe somebody into falling in love
Speaker 1: with my personality, which, of course I had worked so
Speaker 1: hard on to be extra charming and extra smart and
Speaker 1: have a huge vocabulary and all of these kinds of
Speaker 1: things that were meant to make up for what I
Speaker 1: understood as you know, like a societal deficit, a privilege deficit,
Speaker 1: you know, and that sense of coming hat in hand
Speaker 1: to any exchange is so humiliating. Yeah, I mean you
Speaker 1: for you to use the word dupe like you're you're
Speaker 1: using words that I've used literally to describe, like when
Speaker 1: I came out when I was dating in Miami, you know,
Speaker 1: I was on Grinder and Okay Cupid, and on Okay Cupid,
Speaker 1: I'm like, Okay, So my understanding of this website is
Speaker 1: that like people are seeking like dating right, They want
Speaker 1: to like go on dates, they want to get to
Speaker 1: know people, and so my my thinking there was like
Speaker 1: none of my pictures you could see that I was
Speaker 1: an imputee. I'm like, you know, you want to get
Speaker 1: to know me as a person, and it shouldn't matter
Speaker 1: what my body looks like, and so I would kind
Speaker 1: of like not show that, and then I would I
Speaker 1: would disclose like before the date, like by the way,
Speaker 1: I'm a put and I would ask people. I would
Speaker 1: be like, is that okay with you? Right? And with grinder,
Speaker 1: I'm like, well, if you're just trying to fuck, then
Speaker 1: I'm down. My body's ready, and if you just want
Speaker 1: to have casual sex and it shouldn't matter what I
Speaker 1: look like either, and still would do that, like I'm
Speaker 1: going to roll up to your house in like an hour.
Speaker 1: Also I'm an emput is that okay? And that kind
Speaker 1: of like a asking for permission? And you know, it's
Speaker 1: really like weighs on my heart that I used to
Speaker 1: offer people that opportunity to deny me or and then
Speaker 1: it also to your point, like I think that trying
Speaker 1: to control our bodies, our body minds to appear more desirable,
Speaker 1: it's like this fallacy of like, well if I approximate
Speaker 1: the identities in power, right, if I appear less disabled,
Speaker 1: if I you know, if I like perform thinness, if
Speaker 1: I if I do these things that make people more comfortable,
Speaker 1: then I'll experience less violence. Then people will find me
Speaker 1: more desirable. And it's just it's such a trap because
Speaker 1: it's like, if you succeed at that, if that works,
Speaker 1: then you have to maintain that to stay desirable, which
Speaker 1: means you're just contorting in a relationship where you're supposed
Speaker 1: to be able to be present and yourself and authentic,
Speaker 1: whether it's a casual sex or like a deep partnership.
Speaker 1: And then if it fails, right, if people see through it,
Speaker 1: if people tire of it, if people you know, I've
Speaker 1: had situations where I'm like dressed the most flamboyantly I've
Speaker 1: ever been dressed, and situations where I'm dressed real casual,
Speaker 1: and both times people have hurled like violent microaggressions to me.
Speaker 1: So it doesn't matter what I'm wearing, count dressed, how behave,
Speaker 1: I'm still an enable a society. And like I just
Speaker 1: I feel I've been joking with friends that I'm like
Speaker 1: horny for healing. I feel like I'm like, yeah, I want,
Speaker 1: I want connections that feel like they're like fertile soil
Speaker 1: for my liberation work, I have a lot of unlearning
Speaker 1: to do. I have. I've had very hard lessons in
Speaker 1: the past couple of years where I have to reckon
Speaker 1: with ways that I have been complicit with these systems
Speaker 1: that I'm trying to dismantle. I can't just go out and,
Speaker 1: you know, speak the good word about things that I'm
Speaker 1: not living myself. And I think ultimately in my perspective,
Speaker 1: I can hold up in my room and have this
Speaker 1: b a sanctuary, and I can read everything, and I
Speaker 1: can listen to everything, and I can consume all of
Speaker 1: this amazing content that's out there. I have to be
Speaker 1: able to put it into practice, and a lot of
Speaker 1: that is in relationship. And so I want relationships that
Speaker 1: promote that kind of healing for myself and reciprocal healing. Right.
Speaker 1: I don't want to just use people for healing. I
Speaker 1: want to be there for other people. I'm with partners
Speaker 1: who express self consciousness in their bodies, and I'm like,
Speaker 1: I get it, you know, and I want I want
Speaker 1: to help offer a space where you can feel sexy
Speaker 1: and hot unconditionally, just the way that I see you
Speaker 1: and the way that I feel seen by you. And
Speaker 1: that doesn't just like to be sexual partners, that can
Speaker 1: be friends, that can be you know, a community, all
Speaker 1: of these kind of things like the more that we
Speaker 1: orient towards like healing liberatory relationships, right, like trying to
Speaker 1: tear these systems down rather than like our individual liberation,
Speaker 1: it's it propagates, it kind of like builds off of
Speaker 1: itself for for everyone's freedom. Oh yes, I mean Alex
Speaker 1: Horney for Healing twenty twenty two. Yeah, Horny for Healing
Speaker 1: for President. Um, I wonder Alex, like, can you talk
Speaker 1: about that transition from a person who is like hiding
Speaker 1: and disclosing, you know, disclosing your disability an hour before
Speaker 1: a day and asking for permission to someone who's horny
Speaker 1: for healing. Mmm? I mean what a what a transition?
Speaker 1: Talk about character development. I'm really proud of her. Horny
Speaker 1: for healing is rooted and like all of this work,
Speaker 1: you know, growing healing, committing to liberation, like it is
Speaker 1: a like daily practice. I feel like I have to
Speaker 1: be like a devotee to this pursuit and so like therapy,
Speaker 1: being in community with other people who are healing art.
Speaker 1: Art has been so healing to me, and I've gotten
Speaker 1: to be in like several drag performances during the pandemic.
Speaker 1: I got to perform with a choreographer to the song
Speaker 1: might Us Touch, and like I'm in the music video
Speaker 1: and like all purple propped balro with like big shoulder
Speaker 1: pats and floey pants, and I'm like kind of giving
Speaker 1: you some like prints, you know, gender queer, like furry realness.
Speaker 1: And it's like these are things that I had to
Speaker 1: like really commit to and and find people who supported
Speaker 1: that and then support them in kind, and like I
Speaker 1: think that's how I've gotten to this place of seeking
Speaker 1: those kind of like liberatory relationships. Like I feel like
Speaker 1: I'm like coming into like non binary identity because of
Speaker 1: non binary and like trans babies in my life who
Speaker 1: have helped space for these kind of explorations and like
Speaker 1: love you know, and care. So I think anytime you
Speaker 1: can find people in your life that like see you
Speaker 1: and all of you, those are the people that I
Speaker 1: would I would say you should ride hard for because
Speaker 1: like that's where my healing has has truly stent from.
Speaker 1: So yeah, totally, access is a big part of the
Speaker 1: work that Alex does. It's a central idea within disability justice.
Speaker 1: So I wanted to ask Alex to break it down
Speaker 1: for me. Can you just tell me a bit about
Speaker 1: what access is, Like, what does it mean to you? Alex?
Speaker 1: What a question? I don't want to find acces access
Speaker 1: from a very like functional maybe you know, a da
Speaker 1: legally's like compliance. Space is like there are certain physical
Speaker 1: things that are required for disabled people to access spaces, right,
Speaker 1: you know, assign language interpreters, ramps and elevators for people
Speaker 1: who use wheelchairs or people with mobility challenges. Right, there's
Speaker 1: also access around is your event near public transportation? Right?
Speaker 1: Is there daycare? Right? Are there people with kids? Can
Speaker 1: they access that space in the same way that other
Speaker 1: people can? Right? So, I think when we start to
Speaker 1: expand access not to just like zoom in on this
Speaker 1: binary of are you disabled or are you not? But
Speaker 1: again thinking about everybody benefits from access, you know. So
Speaker 1: I think access just really is like how do you
Speaker 1: in your body mind? Like what are your needs to
Speaker 1: be able to be present in a space and be
Speaker 1: able to like enjoy equally or even equitably, Rather than
Speaker 1: just focusing on like disabled people have you know, the
Speaker 1: quote special needs. Right, Yes, I mean this is one
Speaker 1: of the things that I feel like I've honestly learned
Speaker 1: from you, though it's so obvious. But again, I think
Speaker 1: there is that there's that sort of the normative framework
Speaker 1: isn't actually enable us framework, but I mean the idea,
Speaker 1: the idea that access is only needed for a very
Speaker 1: small group of people who are somehow, you know, asking
Speaker 1: for something extra, expanding the notion of access to every
Speaker 1: single person, every single body, every single mind needs access
Speaker 1: in fact, yep, yeah, I mean it's it's I think
Speaker 1: the way that I've been trying to shift away from
Speaker 1: because I don't like how it feels or like sits
Speaker 1: in my spirit is you know, there's kind of this
Speaker 1: like morbid joke around disability that like, you know, if
Speaker 1: you have the privilege of growing old enough, like you
Speaker 1: will become disabled at some point. Yeah, It's like we
Speaker 1: have a relationship to our bodies where we understand the
Speaker 1: future of other people's bodies, right, we understand what other
Speaker 1: people may and or will experience at some point in
Speaker 1: their lives. And so turning to that wisdom around access,
Speaker 1: around interdependence, right, all of that benefits everybody. And so
Speaker 1: then when we're thinking, like you said about all body
Speaker 1: minds being able to access things. You know, having chairs
Speaker 1: that are accessible to fat people is not like a
Speaker 1: special need. That's just making sure that everybody who comes in,
Speaker 1: regardless of how you look or you know, how big
Speaker 1: you are, like that you can also participate. And I
Speaker 1: just I often see that framing of like special needs,
Speaker 1: of honing in on marginalized bodies often is irrespective of
Speaker 1: the fact that, like, anybody can become disabled, and so
Speaker 1: if you treat it as like in us them like,
Speaker 1: really you're ignoring the fact that like times of ticket,
Speaker 1: you know, especially in society and a culture that's really violent. Yeah. Absolutely.
Speaker 1: I mean what I love Alex that you are not
Speaker 1: only critical of the dating status quo, but you are
Speaker 1: also what I might call a Venusian visionary. Specifically, you
Speaker 1: talk about dating from an access perspective, and honestly, I
Speaker 1: think this is the key to the romance revolution, right
Speaker 1: because I mean, when you think about it, access is
Speaker 1: just about admitting and accepting that humans have human bodies.
Speaker 1: And I think what's really wild about this is, you
Speaker 1: know this seems obvious, but actually we're still in this
Speaker 1: age of like scientific materialism, which is the idea that
Speaker 1: our body is just a machine and food is just fuel,
Speaker 1: and our muscles and our bones and all that are
Speaker 1: just pulleys and you know, a series of complicated mechanics.
Speaker 1: And I'm really curious what you think, Alex, what is wrong?
Speaker 1: Let's define the problem. What is wrong with the current
Speaker 1: dating climate the romance industrial complex? If you will, can
Speaker 1: you give us a breakdown from an access perspective, go,
Speaker 1: just just lay it out real quick. I wow. I
Speaker 1: would say that your your reference to this like bodies
Speaker 1: as machines, right or like robots, is a huge piece
Speaker 1: of the puzzle. One of the ten principles of disability
Speaker 1: justice that Patty Burn proposed is anti capitalism. And you know,
Speaker 1: anti capitalism not just around you know, like deconstructing the
Speaker 1: violence of capitalism, but interrogating how we deem bodies to
Speaker 1: produce right as more worthy right or produce more as
Speaker 1: more worthy. And so when disabled bodies, because of the
Speaker 1: environments that we're in, like literally cannot access the same
Speaker 1: amounts of like productivity nor maybe have the desire to,
Speaker 1: then those people are deemed as like less worthy. And
Speaker 1: so I think that plays out in dating in this
Speaker 1: very strange way where it's like this like double standard. Right.
Speaker 1: We have these like rom coms and these big sweeping
Speaker 1: romances in movies and TV and literature that are all
Speaker 1: about like the tenderness about these like grand sweeping gestures around,
Speaker 1: you know, the the extravagance of trying to like sweep
Speaker 1: someone off their feet. But if we say that like
Speaker 1: people who have needs are less valuable because having needs
Speaker 1: means you can produce less. When disabled people like share
Speaker 1: their access needs or have access needs, or anyone has
Speaker 1: access needs, it creates this like inappropriate burden I think
Speaker 1: in some ways of people date and connect. And it's
Speaker 1: it's really unfortunate because I think when we interrogate that,
Speaker 1: when we dismantle that, when we demand that everyone's access
Speaker 1: needs are attended to, I think that's where those are
Speaker 1: the sites of like the most for me, the most tenderness,
Speaker 1: the most intimacy, like the hottest sex, the most sustainable
Speaker 1: like partnerships, lovers, like connections that I've had. And so
Speaker 1: it's it's disheartening to see that like all of this
Speaker 1: performance really gets in the way of the connections that
Speaker 1: people are actually desiring. Oh I love this. I mean
Speaker 1: going back to it takes work, it takes bravery, it
Speaker 1: takes you know, all these things, right, I think what
Speaker 1: you're proposing is so beautiful, and also it can be terrifying.
Speaker 1: Like I just I remember for years I was not
Speaker 1: in a place where I could be witnessed, Like it
Speaker 1: actively upset me to be witnessed, and I couldn't be
Speaker 1: in partnership with people who were willing to witness me.
Speaker 1: And so I think one of the biggest tragedies, and
Speaker 1: we talk about this, you know, on the podcast a
Speaker 1: lot is like most of us are born with this
Speaker 1: innate ability to do these things, to connect to you know,
Speaker 1: eat in a way that feels good and right, um,
Speaker 1: you know, all of these things. And then we're kind
Speaker 1: of going back to the metaphor of this, you know
Speaker 1: ball that's smoothed down. There's sort of these forces, these
Speaker 1: cultural forces that just sort of shave us down and
Speaker 1: shave us down and shave us down. How can you
Speaker 1: call that anything besides trauma, Like that's absolutely oppression, that's
Speaker 1: absolutely right, And yet a lot of us are operating
Speaker 1: from that place and trying to make things work from
Speaker 1: a thing that is pretty broken. I mean, I mean, like,
Speaker 1: do you have any advice for the person who's like,
Speaker 1: you know what, I'm sick of being in this cycle.
Speaker 1: I'm having a really hard time taking that like first
Speaker 1: step out. Do you do you have ideas of what
Speaker 1: that first step might be. I know, for me, something
Speaker 1: that hit hard at the beginning and like I'm still
Speaker 1: navigating is the reality that when you enter into the
Speaker 1: Church of Disability Justice right when you like, you know,
Speaker 1: I'm singing the gospel, like this is something that is
Speaker 1: a north star for me. This is how I'm orienting
Speaker 1: in my relationships moving forward, you kind of can't. You
Speaker 1: can't turn back from that, you know. And so then
Speaker 1: when you are in conversations with people, whether it's like
Speaker 1: just friends, hearing the way that they talk about dating
Speaker 1: or the way that you pursue your own dating life, like,
Speaker 1: once you know how to embody liberation or at least
Speaker 1: like theoretically right, you kind of can't go back on that.
Speaker 1: And so it is really hard to then realize, like
Speaker 1: addressing it can create you know, people can respond defensively,
Speaker 1: people can respond violently, and so it's really I think
Speaker 1: that one of the first steps is shoring up your
Speaker 1: resources and preparing to like engage with this lifelong journey
Speaker 1: because what you then become as a mirror for people
Speaker 1: to see the ways that they are perpetuating ableism, and
Speaker 1: people do not respond well when they are encountered with
Speaker 1: how they're perpetuating oppression, you know, and so just kind
Speaker 1: of like bracing for that, and I think understanding that
Speaker 1: there may be a transition of like because of how
Speaker 1: connecting with people who are not interrogating these things might
Speaker 1: have felt quote easier, you know, like We've had this
Speaker 1: whole conversation today around like this like alleged ease of
Speaker 1: like dating and sex and intimacy that a lot of
Speaker 1: people perform, and so it can feel like, oh, now
Speaker 1: all my connections are harder or people are more off
Speaker 1: put by the way that I'm presenting. But it's like
Speaker 1: that's because those people aren't also doing the work. Those
Speaker 1: people aren't in alignment with how you are now navigating
Speaker 1: the world. And so just like understanding that you will
Speaker 1: probably I experience kind of like a shedding. You're emerging
Speaker 1: from this crystalists and that process is painful. It's it's
Speaker 1: hard to realize that people you really care about, people
Speaker 1: you're really attractive to people who may have provided you
Speaker 1: a lot of support and care. Also, we're doing so
Speaker 1: conditionally upon the conceit that like we don't interrogate hard
Speaker 1: body eat minds and access needs and the ways that
Speaker 1: we're like perpetuating harm and that I know for me
Speaker 1: it was a hard transition and it's still hard to
Speaker 1: reckon with today if I'm like, well, I really like
Speaker 1: this connection for these reasons, but I can tell this
Speaker 1: person doesn't do X, Y and Z right, and how
Speaker 1: do you how do you square that? Ah? Wow, shedding
Speaker 1: that's an amazing tool. I mean, there's so many things
Speaker 1: you've taught me that I kind of want to I
Speaker 1: kind of want to share with rebel eaters. I'm thinking
Speaker 1: specifically about turning sexy on its head, right, you know,
Speaker 1: like why can't it be sexy when we say this
Speaker 1: or we ask this? Can you offer some like you know,
Speaker 1: it's projecting into the future of like a world where
Speaker 1: we're not living in a love pyramid scheme? Um, you know,
Speaker 1: what is sexy? What are those sexy whisperers pillow talks?
Speaker 1: What might that look like? I mean, you know, I
Speaker 1: felt so cared for by people in my life when
Speaker 1: like they witness a microaggression in public and like check
Speaker 1: on me immediately. You know. Um, I think that that
Speaker 1: is like sexy in the broader term of like I
Speaker 1: feel so cared for you know that I didn't have
Speaker 1: to say to my friend, hey, like that was really painful.
Speaker 1: I don't feel good in my body right now, you know,
Speaker 1: like that they just like jump and know like my
Speaker 1: friend has been harmed, and like what do they need?
Speaker 1: And I think that kind of pillow talk can happen
Speaker 1: of like you know, what do you want to do today?
Speaker 1: How can I how can I provide you care? Like
Speaker 1: do you want breakfast in bed? Do you want meeded?
Speaker 1: Like go out and get it? We can order in
Speaker 1: Like any of those kind of things aren't just about
Speaker 1: are you disabled? Are you not? It's like what do
Speaker 1: you want? What are you looking for? What? How can
Speaker 1: I make this like a hot ass day for you?
Speaker 1: I think that's all all very sexy. You know, we're
Speaker 1: horny for kneeling, so if that's something you're into, slide
Speaker 1: of my DM I'm ready. Yay, Alex. Thank you so
Speaker 1: much for talking with me. This has been absolutely incredible.
Speaker 1: Thank you for all your work, Orgie I just I
Speaker 1: love this podcast, So I love you. I love the
Speaker 1: work that you're doing. It's it's a real honor to
Speaker 1: be here. Wow. Well, I'm definitely horny for healing you.
Speaker 1: Reach out and let us know your dating gripes, romance,
Speaker 1: horror stories, and or your hacks for finding love in
Speaker 1: the intimacy Pyramids game DMUs on Instagram, at Transmitter Pods,
Speaker 1: or email us at Rebel Eaters Club at gmail dot com.
Speaker 1: You can find more of Alex's work on social media
Speaker 1: at glamput on Instagram, and if you want to support
Speaker 1: Blackfeast so they can keep making yummy guava lime charts,
Speaker 1: find them on Instagram at Black dot Feast. Rubbel Eaters
Speaker 1: Club is brought to you by Transmitter Media. This episode
Speaker 1: was written and produced by Isabel Carter. Sarah Knicks is
Speaker 1: Transmitters executive editor. Wilson Sarah is our managing producer, and
Speaker 1: Greta Khan as our executive producer, and I'm your host.
Speaker 1: Virgie Tobar Rick Kwan is our mix engineer and thanks
Speaker 1: to Taka Yasuzawa who wrote some of the music we
Speaker 1: use in the show. If you love Rebel Eaters Club,
Speaker 1: tell your friends and share the love by writing your
Speaker 1: review on your favorite podcast app. See you next weekly