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Speaker 1: Welcome to Can't Belee Reckless, the production of iHeartRadio and

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Speaker 1: the Black Effects, And just like that, we're back with

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Speaker 1: yet another carefully reckless episode with your girl Jess. Hilarious.

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Speaker 1: Now we're going to jump straight into it because what

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Speaker 1: I'll be doing, I'll be fixing people messy on. Now.

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Speaker 1: We don't have a voice memo story today, so people

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Speaker 1: are leaving me to read their long run on sentences.

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Speaker 1: But we got some juicy stuff going on here, so

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Speaker 1: let's just get into it, y'all. Hi, Jess, please pick

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Speaker 1: my story because I've been contemplating writing you for months

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Speaker 1: since I've been listening to your show, one of your

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Speaker 1: first listeners. Oh, thank you, girl. Here's my story and

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Speaker 1: how I need advice. I've been seeing this man for

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Speaker 1: almost three years. He's fifteen years older than me, but

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Speaker 1: that's not the issue. Damn, fifteen years older than you. Sorry,

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Speaker 1: I will not judge. Here are my concerns. Okay. So

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Speaker 1: in parentheses, she says, believe before I typed this, I

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Speaker 1: thought of everything. I'm an overthinker. I've been seeing this

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Speaker 1: man for almost three years. I'm thirty four, he's fifteen

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Speaker 1: years older. Okay, So he about fifty, he about to

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Speaker 1: be fifty. He forty nine. Now here's the issue. He's married. Damn,

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Speaker 1: but hold on. When he told me that and started

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Speaker 1: explaining the situation, I immediately said no. But then he

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Speaker 1: courted me for months and I was still saying no,

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Speaker 1: ain't no way. He quoted you for months and you

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Speaker 1: was still talking about no. You was giving in, girl,

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Speaker 1: or you wouldn't be writing me. But I'm not that

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Speaker 1: type of person. Okay. Then he started showing me instead

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Speaker 1: of telling me. For months, he started showing me how

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Speaker 1: he lives, what it's like, and we both grown. He

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Speaker 1: didn't have to tell me. I could see what he

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Speaker 1: was doing. He pursued me for a while until I

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Speaker 1: gave in. Okay, I have four access to him. When

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Speaker 1: I say full, I mean full. Okay, Wait a minute,

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Speaker 1: that that was it? Like what the fuck? Okay? So

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Speaker 1: you stopped the story right there? Interesting enough. I don't

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Speaker 1: know what the hell you want me to help you with.

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Speaker 1: I mean, you did say please pick my story because

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Speaker 1: I've been contemplating on writing you for months, and then

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Speaker 1: you said, here's my story, and how I need advice.

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Speaker 1: I've been saying, this man who's fifteen years older than

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Speaker 1: me for three years, and I mean, you're thirty four,

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Speaker 1: he's fifty. He's married, but you not does hype of girl,

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Speaker 1: so you didn't want to involve yourself. But he courted

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Speaker 1: you for months and you finally gave in. And now

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Speaker 1: I'm guessing he'd told you he was going to leave

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Speaker 1: his wife for all this time, all this time, all

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Speaker 1: this time, and the date for him to leave her

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Speaker 1: keeps moving significantly back, back, back and back, it keeps

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Speaker 1: moving further back. That's what I can assume. I mean,

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Speaker 1: but you just ended your story. That was it bull

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Speaker 1: So I don't really know what the hell you want

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Speaker 1: me to say, Well, what specifically you need help on,

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Speaker 1: But I'm going to tell you right now you just

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Speaker 1: signed up to be an accomplice because we all know

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Speaker 1: what he's doing. I mean, I was reading between the

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Speaker 1: lines that you were giving me, and he basically sell drugs.

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Speaker 1: He in the streets and shit, you know all right, cool,

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Speaker 1: We've all had our share of those. I'm sorry. I

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Speaker 1: can't speak for all women. A lot of us have

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Speaker 1: had our experiences with men in the streets. Whether they're

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Speaker 1: older and younger, they're all kind of sort of the same.

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Speaker 1: So yeah, basically you've become a mistress and an accomplice.

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Speaker 1: I mean, are you helping him run his business? I

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Speaker 1: mean you're fifteen years younger, so he definitely could benefit

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Speaker 1: from having a young girl. This is like Diddy and Karasha,

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Speaker 1: you know mine is what did he going through? But

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Speaker 1: I've dated in the streets. I've dated older men in

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Speaker 1: the streets as well, and yeah, they love to pray

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Speaker 1: on younger women, they do. It's something about us that

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Speaker 1: keeps them youthful. They like to We keep them younger.

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Speaker 1: We keep our air to the streets. They use us

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Speaker 1: when it's convenient for them and their business and their

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Speaker 1: business affairs as well. We are much much easier to manipulate.

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Speaker 1: So of course he wasn't gonna give up pursuing you

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Speaker 1: to court you, you know, after him telling you that

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Speaker 1: he's married. I mean, shit, what is a young girl's dream?

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Speaker 1: A nigga with money who can buy them anything, who

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Speaker 1: can do anything, and who feels like she has loved

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Speaker 1: the right way. That's all a young girl needs, you know,

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Speaker 1: to give your heart to a man. That's all. I'm

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Speaker 1: speaking from experience. So I guess you just need advice

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Speaker 1: on one leaving this motherfucker. I guess you do. And

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Speaker 1: I'm telling you your thirty four year old ass got

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Speaker 1: a lot more life to live. This wouldn't be the

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Speaker 1: first time I told a young girl leave an older

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Speaker 1: nigga alone who is married, who is never obviously going

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Speaker 1: to leave their wife. I'm gonna tell you the same.

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Speaker 1: I think. Listen, you've had three years of fun, amazing sex,

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Speaker 1: I imagine, amazing gifts, everything, the thrill of being with

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Speaker 1: an older gentleman, sneaking around, not being caught, and all

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Speaker 1: of that shit. But I'm gonna tell you this Also,

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Speaker 1: if you think that wife has no idea what he's doing,

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Speaker 1: you're just as sick as he is. Trust me, she

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Speaker 1: knows what's going on. It's nigga fifty. He's been with

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Speaker 1: this woman for a long time, and imagine all the

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Speaker 1: bullshit that she's been through with this street nigga. So

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Speaker 1: even if she doesn't know about you specifically, she knows

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Speaker 1: that it's somebody else's turn. She knows it. I mean,

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Speaker 1: because you're probably more than likely not the only one

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Speaker 1: that you know he's cheating on her with or has

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Speaker 1: cheated hit with. But yeah, that's that's something that you

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Speaker 1: should just definitely walk away from. For one, it's not

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Speaker 1: good for you and your youthfulness because at age you're

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Speaker 1: real quick bull and it's just somebody out there for

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Speaker 1: you that deserves you and that you deserve you don't.

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Speaker 1: You don't need to share a man with a woman

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Speaker 1: because neither one of you are winning at that point,

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Speaker 1: you know what I mean, neither one of you. His

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Speaker 1: wife isn't winning, you know, because she's the wife and

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Speaker 1: all that shit. No, you weren't winning, oh, because you're

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Speaker 1: You're just the side bitch. You'll get all get all

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Speaker 1: the money, you get fucked on, and you get everything

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Speaker 1: handed to you. Nah, you're still not a priority of

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Speaker 1: his either. Nobody, nobody has the number one spot, you

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Speaker 1: know what I'm saying. So that's all I got for

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Speaker 1: that until you tell me what else I'm missing, or

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Speaker 1: you tell me what else you had to say, because girl,

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Speaker 1: you wasn't finished. If you love me, you'll listen to

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Speaker 1: this commercial and then we'll be right back, all right, y'all.

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Speaker 1: This person said, Hey, Jess, I would like your opinion

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Speaker 1: on weak friends. This has nothing to do with my

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Speaker 1: other situation, but this has been bugging me for a while.

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Speaker 1: I have a friend that's been with her baby daddy

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Speaker 1: for years, six plus years. During that time, he had

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Speaker 1: put her through the wringer. I'm talking about cheating with

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Speaker 1: the same girls, damn near The whole relationship had her

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Speaker 1: sleeping in a car while pregnant. She bailed him out

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Speaker 1: of jail multiple times. The side chick threatened her child.

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Speaker 2: MM.

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Speaker 1: Girl, I could go on for days about the shit

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Speaker 1: that he does. He's not the brightest color in the

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Speaker 1: crayon box. I mean, the man just stupid. So when

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Speaker 1: she needs to vent, guess who's the listening ear me? Okay?

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Speaker 1: She also sent me a voice note.

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Speaker 2: I'm always straightforward and honest with her. I tell her, look,

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Speaker 2: you just need to leave the situation alone. It's okay

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Speaker 2: to be alone, you know, working yourself. I give her

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Speaker 2: aller that, but each and every turn she continues.

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Speaker 1: To run back. Now I'm at the point where if

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Speaker 1: this is what you're going to keep.

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Speaker 2: Doing, I don't want to hear about the.

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Speaker 1: Bullshit no more.

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Speaker 2: And that's fair to me because it's my best friend

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Speaker 2: and it hurts.

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Speaker 1: Me to see her going through this shit.

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Speaker 2: But when I'm at my point, I'm at my breaking

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Speaker 2: point because you keep going back. Not even a day

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Speaker 2: after you say you're done, you run back. So is

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Speaker 2: it wrong to just cut her off completely and let

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Speaker 2: her deal with that shit? And whenever she decides she's done,

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Speaker 2: maybe we can come back. But I'm just tired of it.

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Speaker 2: I'm at the point of my life where i just

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Speaker 2: want strong females around me that we can help uplift

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Speaker 2: and encourage each other. And now I feel like I'm

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Speaker 2: the strongest one out of my friend group. But it's

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Speaker 2: like I'm talking to a brick ball sometimes, because what's

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Speaker 2: the point of asking for advice if you're not going

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Speaker 2: to take it?

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Speaker 1: You know, and this is six years and making At

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Speaker 1: what point do you get tired?

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Speaker 2: I know everybody will reach their breaking breaking point when

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Speaker 2: they're ready, but as a friend, I'm tired of hearing it.

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Speaker 2: I'm tired of seeing my best friend go through this bullshit.

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Speaker 2: So would it be wrong for me to cut her off?

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Speaker 1: And then you also said, oh, and the nigga don't

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Speaker 1: care for his kids either, neither have custody. But she

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Speaker 1: does her part. Okay, girl, let me tell you I've

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Speaker 1: actually been in a situation like this before with you know,

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Speaker 1: a family member of mine who just come to me

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Speaker 1: and just complain about what her boyfriend don't do and

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Speaker 1: what he you know, what he's not doing. And you

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Speaker 1: know how he's just not emotionally present. He's not mentally

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Speaker 1: present for her. He's hardly even sexually present. You know

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Speaker 1: what I'm saying. When it comes to times of intimacy,

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Speaker 1: you know, what can she do? What can I? What

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Speaker 1: can I do? Jays? And then I give her advice

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Speaker 1: and she just don't take it, you know what I mean?

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Speaker 1: Like so then it's like, damn, what am I talking for?

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Speaker 1: You know, because I told you what you need to do.

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Speaker 1: You need to leave this motherfucker alone, you know, because

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Speaker 1: y'all got a child and shit. But it's like he

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Speaker 1: come and whisper sweet, nothing's in your fucking ear, and

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Speaker 1: now he back the same day. You know, at least

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Speaker 1: your girl let one day go by God damn like this,

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Speaker 1: it's definitely traits of a weak minded woman. And these

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Speaker 1: are things that we are afraid to call our friends

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Speaker 1: out about. You know, if you're the strongest friend in

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Speaker 1: your group, it's time to elevate your group. You understand

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Speaker 1: what I'm saying, or go find another damn group, because

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Speaker 1: you can't be You can't always be the smartest and

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Speaker 1: the strongest one for so long, because then how do

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Speaker 1: you elevate? How do you grow? It has to be

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Speaker 1: somebody smarter than you always and somebody stronger than you

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Speaker 1: because you need guidance. Everybody needs guidance, some type of way.

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Speaker 1: So not saying leave those people alone who are not

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Speaker 1: growing and elevating and trying to find their way just

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Speaker 1: like you. Some people like just sit in a misery.

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Speaker 1: But you can't attach yourself to that. So what I

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Speaker 1: did with my cousin, I didn't cut my cousin off.

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Speaker 1: I cut her off from telling me anything about her relationship.

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Speaker 1: And there's a way that you can do that as well,

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Speaker 1: you know what I mean, Like, because that's your best friend.

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Speaker 1: You know you can't let her weak mindedness or you

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Speaker 1: can't let her beyond let's just be honest and call

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Speaker 1: a spade of space. You can't let her stupidity coming

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Speaker 1: between your friendship. Now. It can make things a lot

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Speaker 1: more tent. It can make things a little awkward between

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Speaker 1: you guys. That can even arise some issues. Okay, cool,

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Speaker 1: but no, you can't break up with your best friend

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Speaker 1: over some shit like this is man as mad as

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Speaker 1: it makes you, as mad as he makes you, as

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Speaker 1: bad as it seems, and as stupid as she seems

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Speaker 1: like she is. Trust me, she just she just needs

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Speaker 1: to get tired of it. And to be honest, you're

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Speaker 1: probably the only one that she has when it comes

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Speaker 1: to this, because if you tie the hand about this shit,

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Speaker 1: I know her sisters and brothers or cousins or other

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Speaker 1: friends or aunties or whoever the fuck else she talked to,

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Speaker 1: if she talks to other people about it, you know,

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Speaker 1: because this is embarrassing me just reading it, so I

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Speaker 1: know she's embarrassed just naturally, you know what I mean.

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Speaker 1: And he don't give a fuck about her embarrassment, you do,

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Speaker 1: you know, It's to the point where she don't even

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Speaker 1: care about herself being embarrassed. She don't give a fuck

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Speaker 1: how dumb she look at the end of the day.

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Speaker 1: But trust me, she knows. She's been going through this

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Speaker 1: shit for six years. She knows what's good for her,

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Speaker 1: She know what isn't. She's just not over him. Some

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Speaker 1: people have in their mind the man, these men will

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Speaker 1: change that. The longer I stick it out, he's gonna change.

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Speaker 1: She has to be close sort of change he has to.

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Speaker 1: He will, he will, I know it. All he's gonna

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Speaker 1: keep doing, you know, which I hate to say is

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Speaker 1: keep proving or wrong or he may just change. Who

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Speaker 1: knows that. But nobody got time to put in another

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Speaker 1: six fucking years for this or four years. It will

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Speaker 1: be a decade in four years, you know what I'm saying,

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Speaker 1: Like nobody got time to keep seeing their friend go

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Speaker 1: through to hurt and shit. I think you just cut

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Speaker 1: her off from that part. You just tell her. Look, man,

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Speaker 1: I'm about sick and tired of hearing so much about

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Speaker 1: this nigga, what he don't do, and you know, I

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Speaker 1: feel like I'm in a damn relationship with you and him,

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Speaker 1: you know, and I'm sick of it. So I just,

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Speaker 1: I really really don't want to cut you off as

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Speaker 1: my friend, as close as I am to doing it.

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Speaker 1: I love you so much, says I just rather not

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Speaker 1: hear anything about him. I don't want you to even

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Speaker 1: part your lips to tell me nothing about this nigga,

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Speaker 1: nothing until you're telling me you are absolutely done and

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Speaker 1: it's over. Like, I don't want to hear nothing else

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Speaker 1: about it. Everything, every piece of advice I give you

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Speaker 1: goes in one ear and out the other. You know,

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Speaker 1: every day you wake up and look in the fucking mirror,

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Speaker 1: you're not being treated right. You're not. And this is

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Speaker 1: not even setting an example for your children. Y'all got

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Speaker 1: kids together. He don't do shit for the kids. Nothing,

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Speaker 1: But do you want to fuck on you and lay

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Speaker 1: up with you and cheat on you and do all

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Speaker 1: this shit? Have his cake and eat it too? And

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Speaker 1: you're making that possible for him. You are giving him

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Speaker 1: the cake, You're cutting it for him and feeding it

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Speaker 1: to him. So we have to be honest with our

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Speaker 1: friends and the people around us. Man, I think you'll

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Speaker 1: be fine. I think you should keep it a buck

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Speaker 1: with her and just tell her straight up listen. I

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Speaker 1: don't want to lose you as a best friend. So

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Speaker 1: you keep all of that bullshit away from me about

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Speaker 1: your love life, and then we can move forward like that.

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Speaker 1: That's it. I don't want to hear nothing about him

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Speaker 1: if it ain't about my god kids. I mean, I

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Speaker 1: imagine you're a god moom or you know, you call

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Speaker 1: her kids your niece, so your nephew. You know, if

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Speaker 1: it ain't about them, I could care less about what

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Speaker 1: they father got going on with you and their father

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Speaker 1: got going on. I don't care. That's it. That's all.

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Speaker 1: Keep me updated, though, let me know and trust me.

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Speaker 1: I want to let you know something. You're not doing

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Speaker 1: anything wrong. You're not doing anything wrong. You're just trying

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Speaker 1: to be a good friend. And sometimes what we do

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Speaker 1: is not enough for somebody to open up their eyes

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Speaker 1: and see what they're really going through. You understand what

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Speaker 1: I'm saying, so it's not your fault and you're not

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Speaker 1: doing anything wrong. Hold up, hold up, I know the

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Speaker 1: shit getting good, But listen to just a couple seconds

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Speaker 1: of a commercial. If you love me, you'll listen. Okay,

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Speaker 1: moving on last, but not Looise. Hey, Jess first, I

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Speaker 1: love you so much. Now let's get into my mess.

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Speaker 1: I'm thirty from East Baltimore. Okay, fire cracker and have

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Speaker 1: a hard time letting go. I've been in a situation

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Speaker 1: on and off since middle school. The issue is he

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Speaker 1: has a drug problem, crack problem, damn. Over the years,

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Speaker 1: I've tried to save him, help him, and change him,

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Speaker 1: but obviously nothing has helped anything. I understand addiction is

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Speaker 1: something he has to want to change in order for

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Speaker 1: sobriety to work, but I have to go. I can't

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Speaker 1: waste any more time. I've moved on multiple times, but

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Speaker 1: I find myself missing him overall. We have a friendship

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Speaker 1: and he's fun, and these other men are boring and

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Speaker 1: I don't have a genuine friendship with them. I don't

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Speaker 1: do drugs and don't want to be with a drug user.

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Speaker 1: But how do I stop comparing? How do I find

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Speaker 1: friendship in these other men before I try and take

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Speaker 1: it further? I low key believe he's my person, and

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Speaker 1: I won't be happy with anyone because of this, But

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Speaker 1: I know God got better for me than a crackhead. Damn.

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Speaker 1: First of all, just relax with that, all right? Anyway?

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Speaker 2: Girl?

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Speaker 1: Yeah, I'm sure God has more for anyone than, you know,

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Speaker 1: just a crackhead. And just because he is struggling with

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Speaker 1: addiction now you know drug abuse now, does not mean

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Speaker 1: that that's his fate. You know, that doesn't mean that's

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Speaker 1: his path. That just means this is one of the

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Speaker 1: stops in his journey, you know what I mean. We

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Speaker 1: don't know why is it? Have you ever talked to

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Speaker 1: him about why he's even on this drug? How it

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Speaker 1: got into a system for the first time. Was it

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Speaker 1: by way of a gateway drug? Was he just smoking

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Speaker 1: weed at first? Was he bought up around drugs? Is

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Speaker 1: the environment that he's in. Does he have a lot

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Speaker 1: of buddies that does crack? Is in his household? You

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Speaker 1: know what I'm saying? What about his parents? How is

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Speaker 1: he you know, not making excuses for him? But nobody

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Speaker 1: just gets on crack. I think we should all. You know,

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Speaker 1: I'm from Baltimore too. You from ball You just set

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Speaker 1: it yourself. You're thirty from East Baltimore. I'm thirty one.

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Speaker 1: I'm from West Baltimore, born and raised. I grew up

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Speaker 1: watching people get high and you know, a lot my

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Speaker 1: friend's parents and my family members and shit like you

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Speaker 1: know what I'm saying, Like I've seen that myself. And

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Speaker 1: I'm telling you, nobody just starts smoking crack like off

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Speaker 1: the rip, like just off the jump off top, Like

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Speaker 1: nobody just does that shit. You understand what I'm saying.

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Speaker 1: So what prompted him to choose that drug of preference?

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Speaker 1: You know what I'm saying, Like, why does he prefer

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Speaker 1: crack or whatever? You know, I do know that there's

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Speaker 1: one of the cheapest drugs you know what I'm saying,

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Speaker 1: But why is he that down and out about it?

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Speaker 1: And you may have talked to him about it, but

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Speaker 1: you didn't put that here, So I need you to

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Speaker 1: let me know, Like have you ever talked about counseling,

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Speaker 1: a therapy or rehab for him? Does he tell you

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Speaker 1: things like he wants to get off of drugs? How

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Speaker 1: old is he? Like where did y'all meet? Is he

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Speaker 1: worth taking a break from the relationship aspect of it

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Speaker 1: and y'all build on a friendship while you help him

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Speaker 1: overcome this sediction, you know what I'm saying, And then

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Speaker 1: y'all revisit once he's clean and shit later to be together.

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Speaker 1: You know what I'm saying, saying, Like what is it

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Speaker 1: worth that? You know? Because you're thirty? You're thirty, you

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Speaker 1: know what I mean? Like, I get it, you want

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Speaker 1: to date, you want to be out there, you want

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Speaker 1: but if this is your soul mat and you really

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Speaker 1: feel like this is your person, then yeah, like you know,

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Speaker 1: is it worth fighting that fight? You know what I mean? Like,

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Speaker 1: obviously it is to you. You feel some type of way,

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Speaker 1: you know, and I know there is more for you.

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Speaker 1: Nobody deserves to be with you know, a drug addict,

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Speaker 1: but no person deserves to be a drug addict, you

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Speaker 1: know what I'm saying, So that could still be your friend.

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Speaker 1: Just take a break, take a pause on the intimate

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Speaker 1: part or looking at them as a lover, and just

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Speaker 1: be his friend, you know what I mean. If that's

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Speaker 1: not taking away from your life, if it's not causing

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Speaker 1: any detriment to you and what you got going on,

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Speaker 1: be his friend. Help them, but definitely get back to

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Speaker 1: me on that. I need to know what's happening with that.

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Speaker 1: But to all three of the storytellers, that's what I'm

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Speaker 1: gonna start calling you, all the storytellers. People who's messed

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Speaker 1: that I'll be at ten than too fixed. I love

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Speaker 1: all three of you. I love all three of you,

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Speaker 1: whether you be ladies or men, I definitely do love you.

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Speaker 1: And I thank y'all, each and every one of my

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Speaker 1: listeners every week tuning into Carefully Reckless with your Girl

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Speaker 1: just hilarious because I'll be doing well. I'll be fixed

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Speaker 1: and mess and in my deepest paying voice, catch me

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Speaker 1: next Wednesday. Can't Fully Reckless is a production of iHeartRadio

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Speaker 1: and The Black Effect. For more podcasts from iHeartRadio, visit

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Speaker 1: the iHeartRadio app, Apple podcasts, or wherever you listen to

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Speaker 1: your favorite shows.