Speaker 1: Forever. Look man, oh I see you my way and
Speaker 1: look over there. How is that nulture? Yes, goodness, let's
Speaker 1: call j estas. Welcome to the stage. Lost Colt, Teresa's
Speaker 1: Matt Rodgers about ya. Day done, Lost Culturesa's calling Wildred
Speaker 1: were doing well. It's good to be home. We have
Speaker 1: before any other word gets spoken. Yeah, I just want
Speaker 1: to say something big has happened. And there's someone sitting
Speaker 1: next to me right now who has made history. Now
Speaker 1: sit down and sit down. No no, no, no, no
Speaker 1: no no no no no no no no, no no wow.
Speaker 1: Oh my god, he's the first white bitch on There's
Speaker 1: been a little but there's been no white bitch. Actually no, no, no.
Speaker 1: Victoria Jackson was a quarter white bitch. So it was
Speaker 1: Victoria Jas Victoria Jackson. She was her mom was half
Speaker 1: white bitchflit bitch. Oh my god, this is gonna be
Speaker 1: so good, damn fun. I like this blue light. I
Speaker 1: fucking I'm very much. It's very Pisces lightning. I could
Speaker 1: cry in a minute. I did almost cry just there,
Speaker 1: just there. I'm in a very Piscey's mood tonight. I'm
Speaker 1: also show exhausted, Okay, let's check in. So Mad just
Speaker 1: flew back in today from Biggest Bit Vegas, where he
Speaker 1: preformed the show. Game Show was fantastic. It was fun.
Speaker 1: But the real event the experience that I had of
Speaker 1: watching Christina Aguilera in Las Vegas. I can't report to
Speaker 1: the I don't think so, honey audience that the vocals
Speaker 1: are intact. There is a heartbeat. Now, I have you
Speaker 1: told me a little tidbit, which is that she was
Speaker 1: she had cut some numbers because she was Forty five
Speaker 1: minutes later, the woman took to the stage at I
Speaker 1: was supposed to go on a nine nine as if
Speaker 1: she was Billy Eilish herself, a new pop start coming up.
Speaker 1: She knew everyone would wait. I'm telling you it was
Speaker 1: so good in the production, Valu, Yeah, it looks very
Speaker 1: it looks very sure girls, it looked very like Vegas specific.
Speaker 1: I loved that, and it was Vega specific. The show
Speaker 1: was in Vegas now, so it's great that it felt
Speaker 1: that way. Talk about your um, your staying at the show. Cool,
Speaker 1: So as you as you guys who listens to the
Speaker 1: pod hals so you may be like well versed in
Speaker 1: you know, like my famous self control um I got
Speaker 1: absolutely tanked at Christina Aguilera. I turned to Dave Mazzoni
Speaker 1: afterwards and I said, I wish she had sang candy Man,
Speaker 1: and he goes, it was a huge set piece. She
Speaker 1: did candy Man, and it was like there was a
Speaker 1: costume change for candy Man, but there was. She was
Speaker 1: trunning out on like a whole a new set and
Speaker 1: I but I do wish I had remembered her do it?
Speaker 1: I do? I do love that number. And then afterwards, well,
Speaker 1: this morning, we were getting off the plane from the
Speaker 1: airport and I was looking at pictures I had taken,
Speaker 1: and I saw us at some sort of restaurant. We
Speaker 1: went to p F. Chang's and I didn't remember it
Speaker 1: at all. Apparently I ordered two hot in tower soups. Yeah,
Speaker 1: which has never been done before. It's it's what the
Speaker 1: natives do. Yeah what I That's what I used to do. Wow,
Speaker 1: I mean growing up. That's a white bitch. I would
Speaker 1: what a time for people to have a podcast with
Speaker 1: a co host named Matt to be this is um
Speaker 1: you legally can't go there there, but I can't, but
Speaker 1: I didn't. I was fully gagged when I saw their
Speaker 1: podcast charting higher than ours. Is that true? Yes, of course, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Speaker 1: I mean they have a closed subreddit. If you guys
Speaker 1: want to check that out, we will never subject to you. Guys.
Speaker 1: Check the sub People are aching for more of the story.
Speaker 1: They want to talk about it more. I want to
Speaker 1: talk about it. I will be talking if this is
Speaker 1: the thing. I will be asked about this. I'm sorry
Speaker 1: to go all like, oh woe is me my fame,
Speaker 1: but like, I will be asked about this for the
Speaker 1: rest of my life. And I fucking hate that. I
Speaker 1: fucking hate that. Anyway, I had a great vacation. Yeah,
Speaker 1: tell them, tell them, tell them about your vacation, all right,
Speaker 1: will Okay? I went to um Turks and Cagos and
Speaker 1: great um An Almanara. It's an it's an Amman resort.
Speaker 1: They're very fun there. It was. It was a great time. Yeah. Yeah,
Speaker 1: what what would you like to add? How much it costs? Oh,
Speaker 1: I will not be I was just kidding. But it
Speaker 1: doesn't want the wealth shamed? Yeah, just stop shaming. Well,
Speaker 1: as Cold School said, we need to stop stigmatizing. Well
Speaker 1: I agree, I absolutely agree. Stop stigmatizing. Stop it. Oh
Speaker 1: my god, what's going on today? Oh my god, Okay,
Speaker 1: what are the what are the current events are happening
Speaker 1: as we current events are happening as we speak. Honestly,
Speaker 1: what the fund is going is going? I guess politics,
Speaker 1: but like, who needs it? Wake me up in twelve
Speaker 1: months when we've chosen the person. Wait, oh my god,
Speaker 1: twelve months, it's going to be like the election. I'm
Speaker 1: I'm kim realizing this now in real time. I mean,
Speaker 1: oh my god, did you watch the m lgbt Q
Speaker 1: for him? I did not need watch did they? I
Speaker 1: feel like that I'm talking about the issues pertinent to me?
Speaker 1: How are Kelly Clarkson's ratings Kelly Clarkson's ratings for her
Speaker 1: daytime show is an lgbt Q issue? Is actually Roman
Speaker 1: culture number seven? Kelly Clarkson's ratings for her daytime show
Speaker 1: is an lgbt Q issue. I oh, we We've talked
Speaker 1: about this for so long. What is the ideal setting
Speaker 1: circumstance for you to actually meet her and talk to
Speaker 1: her like walk us through that. It's literally so scary
Speaker 1: that you do this, like she could walk in like
Speaker 1: this is this would be so that like soldier comes
Speaker 1: back for war moment for me? If she wouldn't trot
Speaker 1: herself in here right now, and you're gonna give you
Speaker 1: a German fucking shepherd running up the gayest, dumbest German shepherd.
Speaker 1: Um no, I mean where would I mean her? I
Speaker 1: don't know, Like it's now become a thing of like
Speaker 1: I know it'll be like so stupid because I'm gonna
Speaker 1: cry so much, like I'm gonna turn into someone that
Speaker 1: is not a person, and that's gonna scare her and
Speaker 1: she's gonna it's not gonna be cute, like wow, that
Speaker 1: was amazing to me a fan. It's gonna be like
Speaker 1: that person has a sick disease. Yeah, did you see
Speaker 1: on her show? Guarantee none of you did that. They
Speaker 1: brought back the three original American Isle Judges and Justin Guarini.
Speaker 1: So you guys are acting like it's fine between them. Um.
Speaker 1: Seventeen years later, they all got together and they spent
Speaker 1: at least six minutes on his audition for the Dr
Speaker 1: Pepper Little Sweet Guy. I was like, is this the
Speaker 1: most interesting thing we can talk about? Is like how
Speaker 1: you nailed that audition? Did the audition for it before
Speaker 1: the show or wait, I'm not familiar with them you
Speaker 1: don't know, Little Sweet, this is culture. This is culture.
Speaker 1: This is great. It's great to have a teaching moment
Speaker 1: at the Bellhouse. Um, so, little Sweet. Justin Gorny does
Speaker 1: those Dr Pepper commercials where it goes when that was
Speaker 1: actually pretty helped? Never nothing or not for about a
Speaker 1: falsetto Sorry, I do know. Um when what was this?
Speaker 1: This was sucking evermore, presents evermore, evermore, continuing evermore, it
Speaker 1: was evermore. This is racist, tired. No, he's been on TV.
Speaker 1: If you watch okay, I don't know, like NBC, which
Speaker 1: I do a support. Um you see commercials with just
Speaker 1: with Justin Guarini and like sort of like sexy like
Speaker 1: Prince costume, and he was and he's like the Dr
Speaker 1: Pepper guy, And I don't get it, but a lot
Speaker 1: of people do, and it got some a check. It's
Speaker 1: not for us, it's not for us. I don't think
Speaker 1: no commercial is for me. Matt famously can't be marketed
Speaker 1: to not anymore anymore since I've been friends with Bowen Yang,
Speaker 1: the smartest person who open my eyes. No, not since
Speaker 1: Matt Rodgers has been has not read, but has been
Speaker 1: told about trick mirror by Gia Talentino has has has
Speaker 1: his habit? Have his eyes been opened? Wow? It's not
Speaker 1: enough that I finally read less. It's like, there's no,
Speaker 1: there's always another fucking book. Oh it's not no, it's
Speaker 1: like this. It's like this, you know what, there can
Speaker 1: there can never be too much, too many books? Touch me,
Speaker 1: set your hands off of remember remember remember beauty the
Speaker 1: Beastman Bell like opens up the library and she's sober.
Speaker 1: All guys like that seems. I was like, that't enough.
Speaker 1: I want more. I want more books. No, Nott, tell
Speaker 1: everyone you thought of last Pulitzer Prize winning novel last Week?
Speaker 1: Have you guys read last your last? I thought it
Speaker 1: was good. I thought the ending was kind of whack.
Speaker 1: I thought the ending was like, well, spoiler alert, don't okay.
Speaker 1: So it's a happy ending. It's a happy ending, and
Speaker 1: it's like, really because, as Sudie Green said at twenty
Speaker 1: years old, when we were watching mad Men, human life
Speaker 1: is suffering and this show gets that. Yeah, twenty years old,
Speaker 1: someone was capable of that emotion watching mad menute saying,
Speaker 1: you know the show gets that human life is suffering.
Speaker 1: I turned her. I was like, you have your life
Speaker 1: ahead of you she wasn't wrong. She wasn't wrong. She
Speaker 1: wasn't wrong. Who's suffering? I know someone who isn't suffering.
Speaker 1: Now I know someone who isn't suffering too, and it's
Speaker 1: our guest. And it's our guest. And she, Um, she's
Speaker 1: been here since the beginning, and we can't wait to
Speaker 1: bring her out. She is an acclaimed actress, Yeah, this
Speaker 1: is she's an Antademy Award nominated actress who continually makes
Speaker 1: time to come do I don't think so, honey, and
Speaker 1: chat with us for a few minutes up top before
Speaker 1: we get into the real festivities. By the way, can
Speaker 1: you give it up for Chelsea Pierce? Give if you
Speaker 1: can even believe it? There's gonna be another performance later
Speaker 1: from another one in New York's Finest Queens. But speaking
Speaker 1: of queens, we have this this inclaimed actress, that actress.
Speaker 1: You've seen her in such movies as I was gonna say,
Speaker 1: Drifters Club? Isn't she her? What? You are one of
Speaker 1: the stupidest people. And it's crazy that the entertainment a
Speaker 1: street continue. Um, she was the trouble attacked me. It's
Speaker 1: from NBC's Laura put the trouble here to attack me.
Speaker 1: It's crazy. Every day I go home now and there's
Speaker 1: Lauren Spies. He's like, you can keep doing the podcast,
Speaker 1: but you shut the funk up. He's like my new star.
Speaker 1: Um we we you laugh, but he will kill me.
Speaker 1: I will die in his old white hands. Getting that
Speaker 1: we're gonna cut that out. I can't comment on his age.
Speaker 1: We were legally we're legally not allowed to say anything
Speaker 1: to do these things. Um, but we're we are going
Speaker 1: to be able to talk to a true like on
Speaker 1: a class. She was robbed of an oscar for the
Speaker 1: seven movie That First Wives Club, of course, which she
Speaker 1: wasn't even It's crazy that you rob for something you
Speaker 1: are thinking that age so well American beauty, um, and
Speaker 1: now please welcome to the stage. Be thank you so much.
Speaker 1: Are you are? Are you interested town for? Oh god?
Speaker 1: Are you just in town for this amazing what you've
Speaker 1: built here? It's community. Yeah. So they're just declared by
Speaker 1: you were not in the First Wives clause you were
Speaker 1: not first Wive's butub no, I was not right. That
Speaker 1: was Bette Midler. Yeah, Bette Midler died. He rolled the hand.
Speaker 1: There you go. Maggie Smith Stockard Channing stoccar traffic. Get
Speaker 1: started to Parker and yes, three, thank you for reminding me,
Speaker 1: of course, yeah course, and that you're you're seeping on
Speaker 1: diet cook. I would have taken you for like a
Speaker 1: no soda, no harmonated beverage, but you're wrong. And then
Speaker 1: where are you in town? For earth? Is there a
Speaker 1: farmer's market happening? Um? There there was, there was, Yeah,
Speaker 1: there was a big one on like sixty eight that
Speaker 1: West Street and it was beautiful. Wasn't a successful outing
Speaker 1: to the farmer? Oh yeah, yeah, yeah, yah, yeah, because
Speaker 1: I come for the apples. Yeah, I live in Los Angeles. Hi,
Speaker 1: who are you? Good to see you? And and um,
Speaker 1: there's no apples California. A lot of oranges in California. Yeah, yeah,
Speaker 1: yeah of course. So, um, I want to does Warren
Speaker 1: travel with you? Does Warren come out to New York
Speaker 1: with you? For the folks at home listening, my husband's
Speaker 1: name is Warren Beatty. Yeah, a lot of these young
Speaker 1: girls heard. Oh yeah, I mean kind of an institution
Speaker 1: in Hollywood. Yeah, Hollywood, Hollywood. So he he has not
Speaker 1: come with you? No, no, no, you can't walk he
Speaker 1: kind we have a little grape tree in the backyard
Speaker 1: with lemons and other fruit on it, and he just
Speaker 1: kind of walks out and big stuff. Yeah, but no apples.
Speaker 1: We've tried none to work. It's a tree that grows grapes, lemons,
Speaker 1: other fruits. Beautiful tree. It's a giving trade. It's beautiful. Yeah,
Speaker 1: it's giving trade, giving tree, really giving trade. So I
Speaker 1: was wondering, and we always love to ask you to
Speaker 1: take the temperature of what's going on. So we just
Speaker 1: want to know in terms of, like, you know, what's
Speaker 1: going on right now in America? What would you say
Speaker 1: to everyone who really looks to you primarily for your
Speaker 1: wisdom America? Yeah, yeah, that's going on. Yeah, the big
Speaker 1: major buttons are being pushed lives. But you know who
Speaker 1: well you know you know who's pushing these buttons. Absolutely,
Speaker 1: We've all been there. I'm in the debates, right, the debates.
Speaker 1: You know. The Climate March was yesterday, right, Yeah, big
Speaker 1: walk everyone talk because big yeah. Yeah. I'm just wondering
Speaker 1: if you could name like maybe two other things that
Speaker 1: are going on right yah. Known for that, yeah, you know,
Speaker 1: I'm going known for walking around in Hollywood kind of
Speaker 1: you know, what's the scoop? What's up? You know, I'm inquisitive.
Speaker 1: I have that. I'm an actor neighbor, the neighbor of all. Yeah, yeah,
Speaker 1: you know I am. But what's up? Yeah? Who are
Speaker 1: your neighbors? And and that Kathy Griffith who's been dealt
Speaker 1: a hard hat? Yeah, I mean as another red hat
Speaker 1: and show business crazy. Yes I would, okay, okay, all right.
Speaker 1: I think a lot of people don't. I think I
Speaker 1: fixture a net as a blonde. I think you're more
Speaker 1: of a blond. Well you know, I can I can
Speaker 1: shift yeah, yeah, yeah, that's what makes you so great
Speaker 1: at acting, the way you can shift with a wig.
Speaker 1: One of those faces. Yeah, you have one of those
Speaker 1: faces for wigs. Yeah. Yes, my neighbor's you. Griven is
Speaker 1: living in Marlon Brando's old which is cool because my husband,
Speaker 1: Worn Batty, had kind of a you know, him and
Speaker 1: Marlin would fuck sometimes, so you know that's cool. Yeah,
Speaker 1: I ask you a question I've always wanted to know,
Speaker 1: because I really I've always wanted to know what happened
Speaker 1: to Natalie would go, we're t talking about me. You
Speaker 1: can't talk. I can't, and then Liberty to say, right,
Speaker 1: but you do know, sure, I mean Christopher Walkin, dear friend,
Speaker 1: right of course, right of course, of course, though really
Speaker 1: in liberty to say, yeah, you know, and Jack Nicholson, Yeah,
Speaker 1: those guys, one of those guys. There's no statute of
Speaker 1: limitations on murder. You know, it's a very sense murder. Well,
Speaker 1: that's kind of, you know, presumptuous. I'm sorry, I didn't
Speaker 1: mean to. Yeah, that's presumptuous, truth situated. But I had
Speaker 1: anything to do. No, not you, not you, just your
Speaker 1: husband seas and allergic to apples, yes, not just been
Speaker 1: munch munch munching all day. It's great that you don't
Speaker 1: live in a state where they grow. You say that
Speaker 1: California arid all the almonds taking up all the water.
Speaker 1: It's crazy. The almond milk, the almond milk is crazy
Speaker 1: everywhere for everyone. They where they are, they are almond lovers.
Speaker 1: Thoughts on old milk, Well, you know, I'm we have
Speaker 1: we actually have big old milk. Yeah, a superpack in
Speaker 1: the house. You know, you know who they're supporting Buddha judge,
Speaker 1: big oat Field gets supporting Budda judge. Well he's you know,
Speaker 1: what do you think of him? Fooda judge? That's the
Speaker 1: gay boy. Right, he's a good little gay boy. Right, Yeah,
Speaker 1: so far so good, So salute your shorts kind of
Speaker 1: like can definitely tie am not you know that a
Speaker 1: little a little rascal energy. Yeah, sure you know. But
Speaker 1: the original of the Ickelodeon you're saying, there's there's a
Speaker 1: bunch of kids in a in a trench coat under him.
Speaker 1: Y he's got a lot of little boys underneath his
Speaker 1: big head. Yeah up, Yeah, you think that's his big
Speaker 1: political secret. Yeah, you know, big pharmaceutical companies will get
Speaker 1: a baby in there to hold him up. Big oat
Speaker 1: has a baby whole prod. So you know, while you're
Speaker 1: here talking about politics, I think it's important to bring
Speaker 1: up your upcoming project, which, of course, of course I
Speaker 1: I know that you know you're in this film. You're
Speaker 1: in a film called The Report where you play Cenator
Speaker 1: Diane Feinstein and you, my dear, are garnering some oscar
Speaker 1: But I put mession up blast. Are you want to
Speaker 1: say this is this year the year you play center?
Speaker 1: Diane finds that I want to know three things. Have
Speaker 1: you betterr? What's she like? And are you excited for
Speaker 1: the oscars? Haven't bet her? Um? When she like? I
Speaker 1: kind of made that up? Oh the character you mean? Yeah, yeah, yeah,
Speaker 1: I do kind of. Um And what was the third question? So? Sorry,
Speaker 1: are you excited? Everyone wants to know if I'm going
Speaker 1: to get an oscar for the report where you play
Speaker 1: Diane Feinstein. Well, I've been, Um, I've been a lot
Speaker 1: of years where it might have been mine and ends
Speaker 1: up kind of going somewhere else, you know, to some
Speaker 1: other girl, to some other women. Right, so I can't
Speaker 1: really say if it's mine because of nowhere like you're
Speaker 1: you seem angry, like you seem this is something that
Speaker 1: gives you know, you're taking my bless face and Shakespeare
Speaker 1: Okay where Shakespeare? Right? So the people down here are
Speaker 1: really who they're the voters right there at the raffle,
Speaker 1: they are the ground, the ground links exactly. You've staidied Shakespeare.
Speaker 1: Y u h, not not tesh. But I wasn't Tish
Speaker 1: you were wasn't in Tish? Interesting? No one well rags
Speaker 1: riches you know how these things work? Yeah, not really
Speaker 1: at all. I mean, it's it's you and the early
Speaker 1: the early front runners are you and Renee. You know,
Speaker 1: I am afraid for that flip film. Afraid. Why are
Speaker 1: you afraid for Judy the film, Well, someone, I'm mostly afraid.
Speaker 1: Someone's paying for Renee's press a lot of it, and
Speaker 1: I think it might be Big Oat. I think Big
Speaker 1: Oat Milk would support Rene's. It feels right to me.
Speaker 1: Judy was a big smoker too, so I think tobacco
Speaker 1: probably is having a little pause. And now I just
Speaker 1: want to ask you. I'm voting for Marian Williamson. I
Speaker 1: don't think she has much longer. She's not pulling you.
Speaker 1: She lives by me. Okay, she's one of your neighbors.
Speaker 1: Neighbors yea, yea yeah. Did you ever take one of
Speaker 1: her spiritual courses? I took no, but in the early
Speaker 1: nineties for sure. What has happened? My wigs falling on
Speaker 1: your wigs falling up? So you underneath this. I've shaved
Speaker 1: my head completely. Wow for a different project, which I
Speaker 1: kept really well, James Cameron, I can really say. Is
Speaker 1: it Avatar six, Rise of the Sexy Ponytails. That's that's it. Yeah.
Speaker 1: I have a glue a ponytail to the top of
Speaker 1: my bald head and they put a wire in it,
Speaker 1: so it kind of goes girl yeah with me there
Speaker 1: girl on top of the head hair braid of course,
Speaker 1: how that I have a line of green down my
Speaker 1: whole way, Well, we're looking out for that and we
Speaker 1: always love to have you. Thank you so much for coming,
Speaker 1: and I hope you picked lots of damn apples about
Speaker 1: it and thank you and you just put it. Yeah,
Speaker 1: you just put it out with actors equity. So I
Speaker 1: don't know if I could touch the one you can't
Speaker 1: touch equipment, but give it up. So um, I'm happy
Speaker 1: that we sort of have touched on some culture because
Speaker 1: right now, what we're gonna do is, I don't think
Speaker 1: so honey, lives people know? Do people know what? And
Speaker 1: I don't think so many is people those first time?
Speaker 1: And I don't think so money is it the first time?
Speaker 1: Is why don't you explain what? I don't think something
Speaker 1: so basically and I don't think so honey, is we
Speaker 1: take sixty seconds to rail against something in culture that
Speaker 1: we do not like, we think should be addressed fiercely
Speaker 1: and loudly. And so basically we have um fifty comedians
Speaker 1: that are backstage right now. They're all going to take
Speaker 1: to the stage in groups of five, one after the other,
Speaker 1: and they're all going to runse against culture. But in
Speaker 1: order to show you how that is done, I'm going
Speaker 1: to now ask my friend Bowen Yang take to the
Speaker 1: stage for he is going to do the very first.
Speaker 1: I don't think so, honey. I'll be evening. I'll take
Speaker 1: your phone, okay. So there's two types of I don't
Speaker 1: think so, honey. Okay, okay, turn to face them. They
Speaker 1: are your audience. And now everyone, this is Bowen Yang's
Speaker 1: pre prepared. I don't think so, honey. It's very hard
Speaker 1: for me to use a phone. Um and his time.
Speaker 1: We'll start now. I don't think so, honey. The Hollywood
Speaker 1: reporter for confusing me and Joel can Booster and for
Speaker 1: blaming it, for blaming it on a photo error. Just
Speaker 1: tell the truth. Get some journalist to integrity and say
Speaker 1: that it was the fault of a social media internamed
Speaker 1: Trilby or something who loved me on Silicon Valley. Here's
Speaker 1: what's going on. Joel and I were on Fire Island
Speaker 1: the summer. A group of Asians went up to him
Speaker 1: and said, are you bo and Yang? And Joel said, no,
Speaker 1: bow and Yang is over there, and then these Asians
Speaker 1: went no there to bow and Yang. This is crazy
Speaker 1: gay Asians are all US designers. They should have spatial
Speaker 1: awareness to know that it's not me. Okay. The only
Speaker 1: way I will forgive the Hollywood reporters if they host
Speaker 1: a round table to me Joel, Nico, Santo, Speedywong and
Speaker 1: George Takai and me and they get to talk about
Speaker 1: said Karen Anal. Okay, here's the thing. That's what I did.
Speaker 1: It No, watch Sunny Side on NBC on Thursday, and
Speaker 1: that's who I'm at, starring Joel, Kimbooscher and watch SNL
Speaker 1: starring me, Rob Schneider bone everyone I had to get off.
Speaker 1: I think it's only fair that I moderate that panel. Yes,
Speaker 1: I think I should moderate the panel. Oh yes, they
Speaker 1: normally have that one lady like now she gotta go,
Speaker 1: she's got that was I'm really prepared. I don't think, Sonny,
Speaker 1: you'll see a lot of those tonight. You'll also see
Speaker 1: something else, but and tell them what they're gonna say.
Speaker 1: So the second option for our performance tonight is to
Speaker 1: draw from the trouble right here. So the trouble has
Speaker 1: a lot of topics on it that are normally uh
Speaker 1: universally beloved thing. So you have I'm like trying to
Speaker 1: shake it. But this is literally me being so hungry
Speaker 1: for Christina Um. It has topics like oh, Princess Diana,
Speaker 1: Jane Ramsey Um, subsidized childcare like I one time pulled
Speaker 1: from the trouble the word diversity. Things that are hard
Speaker 1: to go negative on, but our performers have to go
Speaker 1: negative on them no matter what. They can't find some
Speaker 1: work around, like oh, no, you've gotta be a real bit.
Speaker 1: I'm gonna be a itch right now because I'm gonna
Speaker 1: do this. So give it up for Matt Rodgers, my
Speaker 1: very good friend Mint Robber. Wow, Okay, Matt, So I
Speaker 1: don't like doing day. Okay, Matt. This is something that
Speaker 1: I think you can find an angle on. But it's
Speaker 1: it's a it's a public service that we all rely
Speaker 1: on here in New York. Your trouble topic is public transportation,
Speaker 1: and I think your time starts now. First of all,
Speaker 1: I don't think it's honey bow when yank fronting public
Speaker 1: transportation and the fucking trouble, we all fucking hate it.
Speaker 1: You're losing it. You get a little bit of fame
Speaker 1: and you lose your edge. You know what, be a
Speaker 1: fucking brave as fish and put Laura during in the
Speaker 1: fucking bull. I was trying to tell some on the
Speaker 1: the part you give me the m t A. Okay,
Speaker 1: it's slow, it never comes, it's crowded. What the fuck?
Speaker 1: It's too cold. When it's cold, it's too fucking hot.
Speaker 1: When it's hot, it sucks. We've all literally talked about it,
Speaker 1: when every person in this room but the empty fucking A.
Speaker 1: I fucking hate it. It's why I'm leaving the city.
Speaker 1: I don't think so, honey, the R city. I'm out.
Speaker 1: This is my last fucking night here. I'm serious, and
Speaker 1: no one mentioned it. It's at all about Poe and
Speaker 1: I don't think so, honey. Bowen he cooks emptn in
Speaker 1: then troll Ball sunk my dick. Mt A five second.
Speaker 1: You know what m t A. It should be called
Speaker 1: mass transitory. I don't think so, honey. And that's why
Speaker 1: I minute. The topic was public transportation as a concept,
Speaker 1: didn't specify the MTA, didn't specify New York City. Also,
Speaker 1: I don't know what you meant. Also, um, I have
Speaker 1: been mourning the true loss of all losses. I am bereft.
Speaker 1: Matt Rodgers is leaving New York city. This is not
Speaker 1: about it is about that. And um, I haven't lived
Speaker 1: in New York with without Matt Rodgers in it. And
Speaker 1: I don't know what that's gonna be like. And you'll
Speaker 1: be busy. I don't have like a vital part of
Speaker 1: my support system here. It's great. Don't shut up. And
Speaker 1: the Ivory Tower shut which mentors the color of your skin? Wow,
Speaker 1: are you ready to see somebody? Don't think so, honey, tonight. Yes,
Speaker 1: we're the three people up in groups and five We're
Speaker 1: gonna call them up one by one and there each
Speaker 1: treaty there, I don't think so, honey. Is each group
Speaker 1: has a name. That what's this pint? We didn't name
Speaker 1: every group. And this group is called the name of
Speaker 1: what you're gonna hear on Oscar morning. It's called Jennifer
Speaker 1: Lopez Hustlers. Give it up for Marie Fountain, Georgey your
Speaker 1: Doyet trave give up for Peters Man, and for Alex English,
Speaker 1: Alice English. Okay, first up to the microphone. Welcome Marie Foust.
Speaker 1: It's time for Marie. Cut down, cut damn Marie. What
Speaker 1: is good? What is very good? Yes? Now let me
Speaker 1: ask you this very ultimately very important question. Can't you
Speaker 1: doing a preslet the topic or the trouball? Okay, when
Speaker 1: I tell you, I am fully unprepared to do anything selected,
Speaker 1: I am fully unprepared to do anything. I didn't pick anything,
Speaker 1: so I guess you guess it's gonna go out. But
Speaker 1: now what happens if it's something that I don't know,
Speaker 1: then you drown in front of this audience. Okay, she
Speaker 1: can't swim. But look, okay, say let's say, let's see. Okay,
Speaker 1: I think you're familiar with this, Marie. Marie, your trouble
Speaker 1: topic is blue checks or being verified? Oh I'm verified
Speaker 1: and your time starts now. I don't think so, honey,
Speaker 1: blue checks are being verified. I thought I'll then start
Speaker 1: it and free stacks. I thought I was gonna start
Speaker 1: getting flat on the tea and Malaysian wigs from India
Speaker 1: and virgin lashes from Black China. Shot. Look, I'm not
Speaker 1: getting nothing, Okay. Nahnis not a waste trainer, not a gringo,
Speaker 1: the bar from Neutral Brain Valley. Nothing. Listen, people aren't
Speaker 1: even signing too, my DM because they intimidated by my
Speaker 1: sexy blue trick. I don't think so, Blue check black
Speaker 1: and my dick bless trying to get my host antennial
Speaker 1: on and I feel like, what what like when we Okay,
Speaker 1: I have nothing else to say. I'm to roast for
Speaker 1: her community. Now, welcome to the microphone. George, Sorge, George, George,
Speaker 1: my darling, George, what's gonna be pre selected or troll?
Speaker 1: This is my fourth time doing this. You have done
Speaker 1: this four times, and it's gonna be my first troll?
Speaker 1: Boo right, it's time, right, I'm picking it out. Okay, Okay.
Speaker 1: So this is a concept, George Samaris. You I don't
Speaker 1: think so, honey. Topic is the concept of inclusivity, and
Speaker 1: your time starts now. I don't think so, honey. The
Speaker 1: concept of incancy. This is America, Okay, this isn't some
Speaker 1: Scandinavian faggotty country Bernie, get the fuck out of here. No,
Speaker 1: we live in a teared society. Second, and I'm proud
Speaker 1: of the fact that I don't have a lot of
Speaker 1: rights that other people do. And I think that's a
Speaker 1: sign of character. And if you don't, you're soft. Seconds,
Speaker 1: So guess what inclusivity? Real men? Go off. I've never
Speaker 1: even considered that concept. Seconds. I don't inclusivity roasted. It's over.
Speaker 1: As of tonight, this will be the last. I don't
Speaker 1: think so, honey. Because of that, I don't think so honey,
Speaker 1: We're done. Just kidding, Welcome to the microphone, your joy
Speaker 1: truff everyone? Yeah please, oh man, So go on saying look,
Speaker 1: I don't I got I got a prepared one, and
Speaker 1: that I can't prepare to the events prepared, something that's
Speaker 1: been on my chest for a long time. I don't
Speaker 1: think so. White men who think anime is for you,
Speaker 1: who the fuck are you like? Imagine the audacity, the
Speaker 1: popcacity to think to think that you own an entire
Speaker 1: fandom just because you jacked off to a Kira I
Speaker 1: checked off the sailor moon in. What is the difference?
Speaker 1: I swear to God, If one more y'all tells me
Speaker 1: the agent concent in Japan, I will lose my ship.
Speaker 1: Everybody knows anime was given to black people and lesbians
Speaker 1: and exchange, in exchange for streetwear, culture and breakdan. See
Speaker 1: there's now. I'm sorry. I don't think so white men
Speaker 1: in general, but those who think animes for them that
Speaker 1: having your role of culture, you know, I even you.
Speaker 1: He's given us a new rural culture. It's rural culture.
Speaker 1: Never seventy eight animate culture was given to black people
Speaker 1: and lesbian's please put it in the role black absolutely
Speaker 1: put it in. And now welcome to the microphone. Peter
Speaker 1: STI manny oh if I were a chameleon. Hi, good
Speaker 1: to see you, Great to see you for the first time,
Speaker 1: to see you? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, what will it be?
Speaker 1: I'm gonna do a recently pre select This is Peter Smith.
Speaker 1: I don't think so many of their time starts now, Okay,
Speaker 1: I don't think so. Honey, oh bitch, a longhead of
Speaker 1: the bait being taken this vape band. What are we
Speaker 1: supposed to do? People have been sticking things in their
Speaker 1: mouths to calm down for thousands of millions of years,
Speaker 1: and we finally got oh, batteries, that'll be good. Everyone's
Speaker 1: happy with sucking on a battery. And now we can't
Speaker 1: do this anymore. But we can't smoke cigarettes. We're not
Speaker 1: allowed to do that, so we're being We have to
Speaker 1: just hold these things all the time, all the time.
Speaker 1: I can't fuck you or huff you, or think you
Speaker 1: or like you on fire. I can only just keep
Speaker 1: my hands tied behind my back, whilst everyone else is fine.
Speaker 1: None of you smoke five seconds. I don't think so, honey,
Speaker 1: vaping band. We gotta do something, and we got we
Speaker 1: gotta get something that's an lgbteking issue as well a
Speaker 1: flar issue. Thank you so intial, Thank you creater, and
Speaker 1: now please welcome to close out this group. It's Alex Englet. Yes, holong,
Speaker 1: sir hi, sir h. It is wonderful to see you.
Speaker 1: Wonderful to see you too as well. Okay, now tell
Speaker 1: us this answer to this question, um pre selected our trouball.
Speaker 1: What are we thinking? This is Alex english Is. I
Speaker 1: don't think so, honey, he's got applies because time starts now,
Speaker 1: all right, I don't think so, honey. Justice small leg tournaments,
Speaker 1: I will say, will complete confidence that just Smalllett is
Speaker 1: an embarrassment to gay black liars everywhere. And I say
Speaker 1: that because I am a gay birds I actually appreciate
Speaker 1: him because we needed representation. Everybody else had representation. White
Speaker 1: women had Megan Kelly, black women have onmar Roses, white
Speaker 1: men have everyone. So fuck you, but also thank you
Speaker 1: Jesse small Land. Five seconds and that's what I did.
Speaker 1: Ju smar Roston. Please give it up. Hustler, Buston, Harris,
Speaker 1: Peter Smith and Alex Englash Wow, Bria, George and Joy
Speaker 1: and Peter right, Alex just killed that it now giving
Speaker 1: up for this next group. They're called hot Toast. Give
Speaker 1: it up for Meggan, So give it up for Peterson
Speaker 1: the last year. That's good, everybody good? Oh my god,
Speaker 1: get on those damn chairs and they'll welcome to the microphone.
Speaker 1: Megan's stalter a pre selected to this. Megan stalked, I
Speaker 1: don't think so, honey. Her time starts now. I don't think.
Speaker 1: I don't think so, honey. Of my teeth bleeding every
Speaker 1: time I brush them? Why are you doing honey? Why
Speaker 1: are you bleeding? Honey? I see you, sweetheart? Or what
Speaker 1: did you just get ran over? Honey? Don't you think
Speaker 1: how awkward it is with my teeth? I don't even
Speaker 1: know it, and I know you guys don't believe me,
Speaker 1: but it really does happen. And how awkward, sweet my honey,
Speaker 1: for a little interview and you don't realize your teeth
Speaker 1: been bleeding for forever? For how awkward When I'm making
Speaker 1: love to my beautiful brother and then all s and
Speaker 1: he says, give me that smile little girl. And then
Speaker 1: and he goes dead off. This is awkward, now, sweetie, honey,
Speaker 1: I don't and and and look at my ass my
Speaker 1: star Wow, Megan Star Star, Oh, oh my god, oh
Speaker 1: fuck unreal Bagan, thank you, Wow Star is born. That
Speaker 1: was the shallow of the shallow. That was the shallow
Speaker 1: to to the microphone EVA ficction. Oh my god, what's
Speaker 1: it gonna be? Pre selected? For sure? This is a
Speaker 1: victors I don't think so. Mahn of your time starts now,
Speaker 1: I don't think so, honey. Those of us who underestimate
Speaker 1: the power and value of Merrit Weaver. If you know
Speaker 1: who Mary Weaver is, come on, it's too few of you.
Speaker 1: Well you've not even been busy. I don't know schooling
Speaker 1: to don't photos of Timothy shall May, I don't know
Speaker 1: licking some girl on a canoe. Marion Weaver is proving
Speaker 1: time and time again that acting is staying with me. Reacting, well,
Speaker 1: you guys, they're talking about fucking stupid Joe Biden is
Speaker 1: which he is. Mary Weaver is convincing us again that
Speaker 1: it's less powerful to be like fuck you and more
Speaker 1: powerful to be like fuck you. Yes, fifteen seconds she
Speaker 1: got that far a new girl. Everybody raise your right hand,
Speaker 1: repeat after me. I will not underestimate Mary Weaver. I'm underestimate.
Speaker 1: We were home tonight and watch godless. I will go
Speaker 1: home tonight and watch god seconds. We were at an
Speaker 1: undeniable queer energy, Mary were energy. So you got still
Speaker 1: underestimate Mary. We are unbelievable. I think many more of
Speaker 1: us know who she is now, butfore of us, thank
Speaker 1: you for that. Think at least six six more people
Speaker 1: know about Merritt. Six more and now welcome to the
Speaker 1: microphone for Okay, guys, hello, and welcome back. Thank you
Speaker 1: so much for having you guys like gorgeous just you
Speaker 1: know of close. Um, thank you amazing. Okay, I'll do
Speaker 1: uh a pre selected Okay, Okay, I don't think so, honey.
Speaker 1: Our time starts now. I don't think so, honey. The
Speaker 1: iyres of late capitalism. Okay. So here's what I'm thinking.
Speaker 1: I'm thinking that all of our problems, both societally, environmentally
Speaker 1: and my personal problems, actually i'll stem from la capitalism. Okay,
Speaker 1: So I'll go ahead and attempt to explain that now.
Speaker 1: So start off, what's going on on? Is um? What
Speaker 1: so capitalism does exploit labor. Okay, there's a fact there's
Speaker 1: people profiting from exploiting us. Okay, we are exploited, Okay,
Speaker 1: hold ship so okay. So what I'm saying is if
Speaker 1: it was a not of capitalistic gain to destroy the environment,
Speaker 1: then we wouldn't do it. But that's why we have
Speaker 1: to do it, Okay. And then if if we didn't
Speaker 1: have to use our personalities as a capitalistic gain as well,
Speaker 1: then no one would ever feel competitive. And I feel
Speaker 1: a lot less anxious. Good five seconds. Okay, it excess dating,
Speaker 1: it excess your personal life, perhaps even your relationship with
Speaker 1: your mother. Um, so let's just think about it. Of
Speaker 1: capitalism have done us wrong, and perhaps we shouldn't think
Speaker 1: of something else. Thank you so much, you have what
Speaker 1: aceptionally World culture number one hundred. Capitalism has done us wrong,
Speaker 1: and we should make of something else. Thank you for
Speaker 1: Thank you for that lesson. And now welcome to the microphone.
Speaker 1: Your appears, oh looking absolutely runaway ready, Oh, we love
Speaker 1: to see it, to see it just just ex excellence.
Speaker 1: Now I would ask this question, I would ask this
Speaker 1: troll ball or or or I came in a matching
Speaker 1: skirt suit, I did the word her time starts. Now,
Speaker 1: I don't think so, honey, trying to kill me. You
Speaker 1: want to try to kill me, honey, I don't think so.
Speaker 1: I prefer to be alive. Who instead of trying to
Speaker 1: kill me, why don't you drink a glass of wine?
Speaker 1: Of them? Second he said, I don't think so. Thirty seconds, Honey,
Speaker 1: I don't trying to give me the time. Trying to
Speaker 1: kill me. It's like trying to give me the light
Speaker 1: when I'm doing my comedy. No, no, no, but I'm
Speaker 1: gonna let me. Killing me is fine. Step seven, I'm dead,
Speaker 1: But trying to kill me is mortifying your food, putting
Speaker 1: poison in my favorite forgetting which glassy put the poison?
Speaker 1: Then you want to organize crime. Seconds trying to push
Speaker 1: me up the cliff, but you trip and accidentally follow yourself. Congratulations,
Speaker 1: hang at you just kill yourself. Do not trying to
Speaker 1: kill her. Don't kill her, don't try, just do it, genius.
Speaker 1: There is no try, genius. Don't try to kill her.
Speaker 1: Just do it. We're gonna do it for goodness sakes.
Speaker 1: And now welcome to the microphone, the one the only
Speaker 1: She's gone. Why are you trying to focus listen, what
Speaker 1: who do you think looks more like Joe kin Boost?
Speaker 1: You are in joke? M drag right now the chest everyday? Wow,
Speaker 1: what would you like to what do you want to
Speaker 1: to do? Oh my god? What what would you like
Speaker 1: to do? Pre selected or trouble? Oh my god, I
Speaker 1: do Okay, I'm gonna do a pre selected I'm gonna
Speaker 1: look at my notes. Okay, it's pretty academic, So okay.
Speaker 1: If I miss a word, it's like none of it
Speaker 1: will work, you know. Yeah, so this is celestiums academic.
Speaker 1: I don't think so, honey. Her time starts now. I
Speaker 1: do not think so, honey. Anyone who falls in love
Speaker 1: with me. It isn't a brag. I'm genuinely trying to help.
Speaker 1: The only things I know for sure about love one
Speaker 1: you need it to survive too. It does not last.
Speaker 1: That means that when it ends, you're supposed to die.
Speaker 1: Falling in love is murder. Specifically, if you fall in
Speaker 1: love with me, I think you're wrong. The Tuesday I'm
Speaker 1: in consisting that are texting and being a nice person.
Speaker 1: My best friends will literally never be outranked by anyone.
Speaker 1: My parents clearly got divorced at a very formative age.
Speaker 1: I have a crush on everyone. The girl I did
Speaker 1: it this summer told me that literally, if you're in
Speaker 1: love with someone, you're allowed to look at their phone
Speaker 1: at any time for any reason, get mad about anything
Speaker 1: on it. I don't have a pass. Got on my
Speaker 1: phone because I'm twenty three and I don't know anything good.
Speaker 1: If you fall in love with me, I can't help you.
Speaker 1: Leave me alone. Fuck you before everyone don't. I can
Speaker 1: salter vector for of him booster herself. Wow, oh my god, unbelievable.
Speaker 1: Hot Toasts really was very existential and with a name
Speaker 1: like hot Toast, you gotta be, you gotta be. That
Speaker 1: toast is dead. It was once bread and now it's burnt.
Speaker 1: That's the life cycle of toast. Once it fell in
Speaker 1: love and now welcome this next group. What are they called?
Speaker 1: School for girls? School for girls? About the stage, same
Speaker 1: as Zoni. The stage actually was so loud, so low.
Speaker 1: Rachel Pegrass Sarah to everyone everyone, Dave is feeling maybe
Speaker 1: even worse than me. He should take to the plike
Speaker 1: right now. We saw Christina Regulator last night. Ris Lotus Rises,
Speaker 1: The Lotus Rose, The Lotus Rose. Dave, what's gonna be
Speaker 1: pre selected or trouble. I'm gonna do a pre selective. Okay,
Speaker 1: this is David Zonies. I don't Sonia's time starts now.
Speaker 1: I don't think so, honey. My friends telling me that, like,
Speaker 1: I can't get botox right now in my face. If
Speaker 1: I want to, I would like to start to funk
Speaker 1: with my face, please, it's my right. The other day
Speaker 1: on the train, someone came up to me and they
Speaker 1: were like, you look like somebody who maybe could have
Speaker 1: been on Glee. And I was like, oh, but in
Speaker 1: this big scenario, I'm not even positive if I booked
Speaker 1: or not. You know, I feel like there was a
Speaker 1: moment where I was like, you are only and now
Speaker 1: it's like maybe you could have, you know. I just
Speaker 1: feel like, if this is parent trap, I'm feeling kind
Speaker 1: of chessis, you know. I want to get to my
Speaker 1: Meredith moment. I don't want to see. I wonder what
Speaker 1: like Cameron Diaz in two thousand six, you know, and
Speaker 1: Matt and I are moving to light tomorrow. So as
Speaker 1: soon as we get off the plane, the first thing
Speaker 1: I'm doing is going to Dr Jacobsen. I'm getting my
Speaker 1: fucking tits done. Second, I'm in a day, this space,
Speaker 1: and there's nothing you've been just gonna do to stop me.
Speaker 1: I don't think so, honey, Dave Audrey of Dame Miss Honey,
Speaker 1: future Filler's Queen Davenna. Look at that face. It's the
Speaker 1: last time you'll see it. And now welcome to the
Speaker 1: microphone as suits, the suits, a suit moments ceo of
Speaker 1: a picnic. Honey, all right, so talk to me, Ash.
Speaker 1: We have a bowl here, it's full of trol and
Speaker 1: we also, i'm sure, have a gorgeous brain, full of
Speaker 1: gorgeous pre select the topics. What is the tea? I've
Speaker 1: been thinking about this and seething about it for eleven years.
Speaker 1: Tonight's the night. Tonight's tonight, eleven years in the vain game.
Speaker 1: I don't think so many our time starts now. I
Speaker 1: don't think so, honey. Tourists who have the audacity to
Speaker 1: sit down on the train before I do. Okay, excuse me.
Speaker 1: I pay federal, state, and local taxes. I think I
Speaker 1: actually own this supper. Your six year old looks super
Speaker 1: exhausted from an afternoon at the M and M store.
Speaker 1: I understand that, but he's gonna have to hold onto
Speaker 1: the pole from forty second fourteenth Street. Your sixty three
Speaker 1: bags full of century but really really heavy to carry.
Speaker 1: But you know it's a little heavier to carry the
Speaker 1: fact that I've worked two to three jobs at a
Speaker 1: time for the last seven years to try and make
Speaker 1: my or ites that right. I'm exhausted. I need a
Speaker 1: seat five seconds. Okay. There are exceptions you you're pregnant,
Speaker 1: if you're not able bodied, girl, they're all always get
Speaker 1: my chub for you. But I will make sure it
Speaker 1: look like a fucking murder as I do, of course,
Speaker 1: of my body, because we're not you. And now welcome
Speaker 1: to the microphone. Hannah so E, so yes Canada. Hi Hannah.
Speaker 1: First of all, hello, Hi, Okay, we're here. Now talk
Speaker 1: to me about the trouble versus pre selected question. You
Speaker 1: have an answer to that. I have an answer to it.
Speaker 1: I left my a this line in by accident, and
Speaker 1: who you are funking? You're going with it? Okay, so
Speaker 1: things reflected, this is pre selected. Hannah sell that her
Speaker 1: time starts. Okay. I don't think so, honey. All of
Speaker 1: my grandparents are dead like um, excuse me, what um? Okay?
Speaker 1: When my grandma died, I was dating someone who worked
Speaker 1: part time at Guitar Center. She died being like, damn,
Speaker 1: I hope he and his boyfriend gets some were hours.
Speaker 1: She didn't even get to see me get married to
Speaker 1: someone who shops I guitar. Okay, listen, I don't think so, honey.
Speaker 1: One of my grandpas is actually alive. He just does
Speaker 1: not speak to my family. Okay, so you know, I
Speaker 1: would love to meet him because he sounds like a
Speaker 1: petty bitch. I acted like he's dead, because he acted
Speaker 1: if I am dead. I choked in. I think we
Speaker 1: would get home. Okay, let's just say ultimately, my grandparents
Speaker 1: would kill on TikTok. Okay, it's so sorry, so sorry,
Speaker 1: so sorry about that. Less Wow, a grandparent who kills
Speaker 1: on TikTok, that's what we need. That's what we need today.
Speaker 1: That's the voice we need now. Absolutely, Oh my god.
Speaker 1: This this next person coming to the mic has one
Speaker 1: our show at Culture Fresh which what was it called
Speaker 1: Cluster Frest? No, not Culture, It's called the Gauntlett. You
Speaker 1: don't remember anything. She's an Icon Award winner. Please give
Speaker 1: it up for Rachel. To Rachel, it is very good
Speaker 1: to see you here in your element, you know, yes, yes,
Speaker 1: you know, yes, and I'm talking to me about troll
Speaker 1: ball or pre selected? What is going on? You know,
Speaker 1: there's been a lot of thoughts going through my brain. Okay,
Speaker 1: and it's been is it pre select? Is troll? Do
Speaker 1: I throw it all the way? Do I troll? And
Speaker 1: I'm gonna go with a pre select the ultimately select cis.
Speaker 1: I don't think so. When of your time starts now?
Speaker 1: I don't think so. Honey. One way streets, both ways
Speaker 1: down the street. What is this? Wait? Have the technology
Speaker 1: to make strips go to ways? Why are you wasting
Speaker 1: my time with just one direction? It was not horse
Speaker 1: and Buckey Town with not harms but people, so that
Speaker 1: we need to be able to travel both ways down
Speaker 1: the streets. I take that one ray streets or remedial
Speaker 1: classes make streets. I'm stupid as fun and I'm sorry
Speaker 1: your remedial classy streak are go with one direction? And
Speaker 1: that direction ain't up? Fine? Yeah, strips can eat let's
Speaker 1: who were with the ruling countess touch number twenty one way?
Speaker 1: Streets can't eat my clan. Wow, give it up for Sarah, Julie,
Speaker 1: Sara A little number number even Yes, Yes, we love
Speaker 1: we love the socks mass Sarah, what's it going to
Speaker 1: be pre selected or trouble. I'm gonna have to go
Speaker 1: a little ps a little yeah, I love you. Yeah, Okay,
Speaker 1: this is controversial, priest large, I don't think so. When
Speaker 1: Sara Julia's time starts, now, I don't think so. Honey,
Speaker 1: Maya in Lady Marmala because love me in the street. Honey.
Speaker 1: We've got Christina aguilera obvious choice. She's like, she makes
Speaker 1: the dirty as she's wanted to do. The next of
Speaker 1: course we have Pink Powerhouse voculash. She's like, yeah, raise
Speaker 1: your mother fucking glass bitch, okay. And then next of
Speaker 1: course we have Little Kim who does stay in her lane,
Speaker 1: but she staid brings it. She's like, hey, heyft seconds.
Speaker 1: Then we get to Maya. Okay. The producers like, this
Speaker 1: is the finale of the song, making all you got.
Speaker 1: She's like, because it's like Mariah Carry could have done that,
Speaker 1: you know what I mean. It's like, oh, Alicia Keiths
Speaker 1: would have done better. And that's really saying that that
Speaker 1: was the worst thing that happened in two thousand one.
Speaker 1: The School for Girls is not a listeners, thank you,
Speaker 1: schoopergram stay zone, Sarah to oh my God, making us
Speaker 1: not for not for a get, Let's get Well, let's
Speaker 1: got a couple more groups and for this next group
Speaker 1: is called damn Birds, sang Joe Firestone, who wants doing?
Speaker 1: I lolco the stat death and Pierre said, Choe find
Speaker 1: that find she's not here. She's not here, and welcome
Speaker 1: to stage. Christie shackle Fir, Wow, Chloe, you couldn't be here.
Speaker 1: I think she's in the Los Angeles. Think well, you know,
Speaker 1: I respect that. I respect that a lot we love.
Speaker 1: Can we give her the best to wherever she is?
Speaker 1: And now please welcome to the microphone. Joe, find Joe. Joe,
Speaker 1: what's going to be pre selected or trouball? I love
Speaker 1: this environment so much and I just want to say
Speaker 1: that I do. Did I do? Pre selected? O? That's
Speaker 1: good you said that because we have the question about it. Yes,
Speaker 1: this is Joe Firestones. I don't think someoney, her time
Speaker 1: starts now home. Okay, I don't think so, honey. Summersaults
Speaker 1: all right, they hurt your neck and they don't look
Speaker 1: cute real gimness, use beams, uh huh. Okay, if you're
Speaker 1: still doing summer sults. You need to grow up and
Speaker 1: start doing cart wheels. Summer Sault, Summer's over. Summer Sault
Speaker 1: is the ugliest role there is. You know what's a
Speaker 1: cute role, Philadelphia role, and that's the sushi my Cream
Speaker 1: Cheese seconds show. If you see someone doing a summer so,
Speaker 1: I want you to pick them up and throw them
Speaker 1: through a basketball. But that's what they're trying to be,
Speaker 1: all out basketball five seconds. Yeah, don't do it. Okay,
Speaker 1: We've got a roll of culture number five, Summer Special,
Speaker 1: Summers Over. Don't do it? Okay, do it okay, and
Speaker 1: now welcome to the microphone? Are good? Can you welcome?
Speaker 1: Dylan Mary Lamara, Hello, stud Hello, my beautiful girls, my style, beautiful?
Speaker 1: Thank you? Do you like my straight drag? Yeah? Yeah
Speaker 1: that's what I was thinking, you straight? Thank you? Yeah,
Speaker 1: that's what I was thinking. Yeah. I don't want to brag,
Speaker 1: but it's gonna be pretty selective and I'm going to
Speaker 1: be Everyone cheer when I say this reading from my phone. Okay,
Speaker 1: it's the reader that it started. Kate in Dylan Maren Uh,
Speaker 1: Dylan Marans. I don't think so many a time starts now,
Speaker 1: I don't think so honey, four thousand word essays about
Speaker 1: how Pete Buddha Judge is not gay enough to be president. Honey,
Speaker 1: you are so deep in the echo chamber that the
Speaker 1: reverberations have made you lose your goddamn mind. Just because
Speaker 1: you possess the cognitive ability to form a complex sentences
Speaker 1: doesn't mean you have anything complex to say. Pracing someone
Speaker 1: on how they practice their fagotry, Honey, you are just
Speaker 1: a remix version of the I'm not like the other
Speaker 1: girls girls. If my gay president isn't into leathern bondage,
Speaker 1: that's okay. Keeping kids out of cages and making healthcare
Speaker 1: accessible is good enough for me, Honey. I just want
Speaker 1: to be clear. I support your radical politics. Run for office,
Speaker 1: and I will knock on doors for you. Criticism is
Speaker 1: not a crime, but please do not turn your draft
Speaker 1: of a tweet into a dissertation. That is a crime.
Speaker 1: I don't think so, honey, pot using word essays about
Speaker 1: how you got Buddha judgesn't gain enough to be your president?
Speaker 1: Were in that you? Filter Number three Welcome to the Microphones,
Speaker 1: Jasin Tear, Hello, Jason, Yes, follow Us Bust Drives featuring
Speaker 1: Jenna Jackson what's it gonna be. I think it's gonna
Speaker 1: be a very scandalous pre select This is Jasmine Pierces.
Speaker 1: I don't think so many her time starts now. I
Speaker 1: don't think so honey. People that ask me how I
Speaker 1: survive without coffee, I know, thank you, thank you, three
Speaker 1: people in here coffee. This is like a crackhead asking
Speaker 1: me how I survived without crack. I don't want to
Speaker 1: hear it more. Okay, how do I wake up in
Speaker 1: the morning? I wake up with the twinkling of dawn.
Speaker 1: I thought, whoever is in my bed my day? I
Speaker 1: don't want it any more. Do you know how you
Speaker 1: wake up in the morning? All the rest of you
Speaker 1: like this? If someone you rolled up without a coffee
Speaker 1: machine in your house, you'd kill your kids that morning.
Speaker 1: I don't need to drink beam diarrhea. I know if
Speaker 1: it comes out of diarrhea, but it starts as diarrhea
Speaker 1: too anymore. It doesn't smell good. Someone got murdered outside
Speaker 1: in my Starbucks recently. Seconds that's why rolled up in
Speaker 1: a carpet, rolled up in plastic. Extremely murdered. But we're
Speaker 1: trying to get a cup of coffee in the morning,
Speaker 1: So that's all that. You don't need that. You don't
Speaker 1: need that to survive. How do I survive with that coffee?
Speaker 1: I don't get murdered. I'd my body left for all
Speaker 1: the world to see. Harlem doesn't eat anymore of that? Okay,
Speaker 1: how much? Okay? I honestly just wanted to hear more.
Speaker 1: I just needed to know. Honestly, it's true. I don't
Speaker 1: make coffee, but I drink it every day and it
Speaker 1: suxed me up. And it's a sick disease. And we
Speaker 1: all have it. We all have that. And now welcome
Speaker 1: to the microphone, Christie. Shame on, Christie, thank you. I
Speaker 1: love to be introduced after an Instagram celebrity does not
Speaker 1: show up. I love to be that consolation problem. Stop it,
Speaker 1: Christie star. We have two options here, right Bowen, Yes,
Speaker 1: pre selected or trouble Christie. I'm very nervous. But then
Speaker 1: I'm gonna troll. Yeah, okay, Christie. She famously did one
Speaker 1: of the best troubles to Julie Andrews. But tonight, I say,
Speaker 1: you will not be troubling a person. Rather know a concept. Okay,
Speaker 1: is it air? It's not? It is? However, unionization and
Speaker 1: your time starts now. I think any unionization, I'll have
Speaker 1: an agent right now? Okay, I have to do say
Speaker 1: I do love me union, you give me the health insurance.
Speaker 1: I can't get any word because I don't have my agent,
Speaker 1: because my union told me to fire them, which I did,
Speaker 1: and you know how they wanted me to fire them
Speaker 1: in a form letter that day. Route is noney, it's
Speaker 1: a right path for me. All write my own dang agent,
Speaker 1: a dang firing letter. I don't think so, honey, union
Speaker 1: is they should? What the fuck is Labor Day? Am
Speaker 1: I supposed to swim? Am? I supposed to barbecue workers? Right?
Speaker 1: I think we fucked Labor Day a little bit? I
Speaker 1: don't think so. Dan give it up for Joe fire
Speaker 1: show here persis shop we go one group from this
Speaker 1: first half, stick around this all the drag queens and
Speaker 1: the straight men. Are you ready called the Liberation World
Speaker 1: to Liberation World? Tops chose give it up for job,
Speaker 1: give it up for bike and Brucy for Diego, Loca
Speaker 1: giving up for print a filter? And the first up
Speaker 1: to the microphone is she entertained you earlier tonight? Chelsea?
Speaker 1: Be yes, Chelsea, what are you thinking? Are we talking
Speaker 1: presech This is pre selected. It's been in my soul
Speaker 1: for a long time, and I need to get it
Speaker 1: off my chest. Here we go, Chelsea. Here, So I
Speaker 1: don't think Son of Our Time starts now. I don't
Speaker 1: think so Honey, d J's in clothing stores. This this
Speaker 1: is an H and M, not a circuit party, Okay.
Speaker 1: I came here to get a clearance tank top, not
Speaker 1: take Molly and make out with someone who I'm gonna
Speaker 1: ignore and els catch him for the rest of my life.
Speaker 1: I already get funny enough looks from women while I'm
Speaker 1: shopping in the broad Apartment, and I would tell them
Speaker 1: that gender is a construct, Linda, but I can't hear
Speaker 1: my own thoughts over the goddamn music. Turny second, turn
Speaker 1: down post Malone and let me shop. It's actually culture
Speaker 1: number forty three. Stay with me, turn it out, post
Speaker 1: let me shop. Don't think for a moment that I
Speaker 1: won't take this fucking wig off and put on a
Speaker 1: gate gosslin pixie cut soccer mom and asked to speak
Speaker 1: to the fucking event in the world. I'm not be
Speaker 1: Rogers himself. I don't think so hawnty everyone I believe
Speaker 1: let's do what these straight men have to say. Give
Speaker 1: it up for Joe run sweet Oh my god. Wow.
Speaker 1: So here you are on stage, and I don't think
Speaker 1: Sony confronted with a question, that question trouble or pre
Speaker 1: slect this topic, myodness. You know, I love reaching into
Speaker 1: bowls and picking out a bunch of things. But I'm
Speaker 1: going to reach into my pocket because I jotted down something.
Speaker 1: I'm gonna do a pre slop tricky boys. I don't
Speaker 1: think so, honey. His time starts now. I don't think so, honey.
Speaker 1: Rube Goldberg machines. I mean, have you seen these things? Rube?
Speaker 1: I love you, but why has everything got to be
Speaker 1: a damn contraption with you? I mean, have you seen
Speaker 1: these things? Honey? Get to the fucking point three seconds? Yeah,
Speaker 1: I want the marble to go into the cup. But
Speaker 1: I'm not trying to sit through an entire set of
Speaker 1: an Okay Go music video. I all I have to
Speaker 1: do is wait for a candle's flame to burn through
Speaker 1: a taut wire. Bitch, I have places to be with this.
Speaker 1: You can be curing diseases, you could be uh, you know,
Speaker 1: fixing climate change. Uh No, but you're rigging Pulley systems
Speaker 1: for a boxing love to punch your chicken so that
Speaker 1: it lays an egg, and that egg travels down to
Speaker 1: hands with you hands a boot with a nail on
Speaker 1: the toe, and it pops a balloon and then that
Speaker 1: spells out a messaging clitter. Hey, you know what that
Speaker 1: message better spell You've wasted your life? That rule? Hum?
Speaker 1: I love you, but come on, oh my god, can
Speaker 1: you give it up? Pullas for Micael brucing my hello, listen, hot, Hi,
Speaker 1: what's gonna be pre selected? Oh? I have zero improvisational
Speaker 1: comedy training, so we will be going very written and
Speaker 1: very very written. This is Mike and Vercis. I don't
Speaker 1: think so many as time starts now, I don't think so. Honey.
Speaker 1: Hot guys reading books on the train, Hot guys reading
Speaker 1: books on the train? Do you think you're better than me? Twice?
Speaker 1: You can be hotter than me or smarter than me,
Speaker 1: but if you're both, it hurts my feeling. And I'm
Speaker 1: not saying that I'm not hot. I'm just hot to
Speaker 1: a very specific type of person, which is which is
Speaker 1: women that are attracted to Tony Soprano and men that
Speaker 1: are attracted to Tony soprano. It's twenty nineteen. Paper is
Speaker 1: a fine nite resource. We're doing audio books now, and
Speaker 1: audio books are just podcast without commercials, so they fucking suck.
Speaker 1: Five seconds if I don't know what kind of match
Speaker 1: was my favorite podcaster sleep? So I locked your fucking
Speaker 1: kill by tell if you need to buy a paper book,
Speaker 1: do like the rest of us with stability to buy
Speaker 1: a book, put it in your New Yorker or Outdoor
Speaker 1: Voices toe bag and let it fucking rot until you
Speaker 1: buy a new book and put the old one on
Speaker 1: the pile. I'm sure you'll never rang by a b
Speaker 1: say with a take that. And we just want to
Speaker 1: say thank you to Helix Sleep. Thank you a short
Speaker 1: sleep quiz with Helix Sleep and the for you brush
Speaker 1: your teeth with quip with tooth brush built in thirty seconds.
Speaker 1: Vibration in the guiding the guiding sensitive pulses. Now welcome
Speaker 1: to the microphone. Diego lou pack boy boys, what's how
Speaker 1: are you? What's up? Is here you are? And here
Speaker 1: we are asking you? Do you want to do priestly
Speaker 1: at the topic or the child I'm a pre boy
Speaker 1: boy boy, Yes, okay, diego locus. I don't think so
Speaker 1: many times starts now, I don't think so, Honey, guys,
Speaker 1: I tried to ruin how cool squirting is by telling
Speaker 1: me that it's p that's still cool. I don't know
Speaker 1: what to tell you. Grow up. Oh it's gross. You
Speaker 1: don't have these men come? Come? That's song? What are
Speaker 1: you meanqueasy about sex? It's insane. I made a woman
Speaker 1: pe with my mouth. Where my fucking David Blake. I
Speaker 1: don't care what it is. I care why it is?
Speaker 1: Okay someone to join my company and that feels nice.
Speaker 1: It's like, hey, you want the lottery. Great, it's a
Speaker 1: Canadian lottery. Still great, whatever it is, fifty fucking coward,
Speaker 1: Put a napkin into your shirt and eat up by
Speaker 1: the fucker with a toll a aption. Eat pussy. We
Speaker 1: love it. Speaking of pussy. Everyone giving up a grain
Speaker 1: of yes, shut up speaking of pussy. All right. Let
Speaker 1: let me ask you this question, which has to do
Speaker 1: with I don't think the audience pre select in our trouble.
Speaker 1: What do we feel? What do we think? I got
Speaker 1: a topic? Oh, she got a got a topic. I've
Speaker 1: been sitting on this topic for a while. Here we go.
Speaker 1: You're not trying to listen. I don't think so, honey.
Speaker 1: When someone's Instagram story is the size of a fucking
Speaker 1: grain of salt, pitch, I cannot sit. How obsessed are
Speaker 1: you with your motherfucking self that is the size of
Speaker 1: a grain of salt. Your ass in the shower, your
Speaker 1: ass going to the train, Especially when a bitches a
Speaker 1: drag queen and she's posting every fucking angle of herself
Speaker 1: doing the Saitan number she does every single day. Bitch,
Speaker 1: you ain't Christina Agulera. You can't be posting this ship
Speaker 1: very sac and I understand, oh, I understand if you're
Speaker 1: you're having a momentous occasion like a wedding, or you
Speaker 1: have a cute little toddler niece that you want to
Speaker 1: show up to the world, very cute, very cute. But
Speaker 1: can't you boss you that number one more fucking time
Speaker 1: from every single motherfucking angle. I'm gonna come for you
Speaker 1: and I'm gonna cut your wig up, bitch. I don't
Speaker 1: think so, honey. There we go and filter deliberation. Rolf
Speaker 1: child be here to run a first day past after
Speaker 1: day and spread a filter will remain on stage because
Speaker 1: fucking you are in for a treat everyone. Right now,
Speaker 1: I have the best track queen in this fucking country.
Speaker 1: Her name is Print Better, and we're gonna take a
Speaker 1: take it out head after her performance up He'll be
Speaker 1: taking away bitch. Yes, this is my favorite overdone number.
Speaker 1: Make sure you put it on Instagram and I'll redo.
Speaker 1: I'll repost it seven thousand times November. Ready all this
Speaker 1: will be the last six will be I'll wait it,
Speaker 1: this will be time any more. Her my name is Steady. Um.
Speaker 1: This is my first attempt um at a e harmony video,
Speaker 1: my first time at online dating. So I'm nervous, but
Speaker 1: I'm excited at the same time. Um. So I'm just
Speaker 1: gonna start talking about what I like and hope I
Speaker 1: get some replied not so this So I am a
Speaker 1: recent NBA grab. I love cats, Um, I just sorry,
Speaker 1: I'm getting you amotion. I love cats. Um, I love
Speaker 1: every company cat. Sorry, I just I really love cats
Speaker 1: and I just want to hug all of them. But yeah,
Speaker 1: because it's crazy, I get like every cat, but I
Speaker 1: just want to. I went to I want to. Um,
Speaker 1: I'm sorry, I just I get any time I hear cat.
Speaker 1: I just I love pushy pushy pushy, pushy, pussy pussy.
Speaker 1: I want to see pussy leather. Body says it's nice,
Speaker 1: and then I came and visit. I'll be at your
Speaker 1: house tonight. They tell me you're so off to touch,
Speaker 1: and really it's smooth. I can hardly wait to feel
Speaker 1: that pussy too. You want to play pussy all the
Speaker 1: time you had that prime pussy. This crime you send
Speaker 1: Your pussy's clever. It's so slick. But I think that
Speaker 1: you'll put she's good. So today I am a cat lover, um,
Speaker 1: and I love to run. I'm sorry, I'm thinking about
Speaker 1: cats again. I just I think about how many don't
Speaker 1: have a home and I should have them, and how
Speaker 1: cute they are and other ears and no one's good
Speaker 1: to know. I love every coney cat. I just love
Speaker 1: them and I want them and I want them in
Speaker 1: a basket. And I wasn't a boat tie and so
Speaker 1: you touch me. Um. I want them to being on
Speaker 1: a rainbow and just in my bad and I just
Speaker 1: went a house follow them and I just wanted still
Speaker 1: roll around. Oh yeah, I care forever. This has been
Speaker 1: a Forever Dog production executive produced by Brett Ballum, Joe
Speaker 1: Silio and Alex Ramsey. For more original podcasts, please visit
Speaker 1: Forever Dog Podcasts dot com and subscribe to our shows
Speaker 1: on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or wherever you get your podcasts.
Speaker 1: Keep up with the latest Forever Dog news by following
Speaker 1: us on Twitter and Instagram at Forever Dog Team, and
Speaker 1: liking our page on Facebook.