1 00:00:00,080 --> 00:00:02,160 Speaker 1: Am I the a hole for telling my stepdaughter she 2 00:00:02,240 --> 00:00:04,680 Speaker 1: is welcome to live with her mother full time because 3 00:00:04,760 --> 00:00:07,720 Speaker 1: I won't get rid of her Harry Potter themed bookcase. 4 00:00:07,960 --> 00:00:09,840 Speaker 2: We love Harry Potter, though, why are you getting rid 5 00:00:09,840 --> 00:00:10,120 Speaker 2: of that? 6 00:00:10,200 --> 00:00:12,120 Speaker 3: We are Harry Potter stands on this show. 7 00:00:12,360 --> 00:00:16,479 Speaker 1: Yeah, that's right, Jazz, like Original three five eight, attempts 8 00:00:16,520 --> 00:00:18,720 Speaker 1: to defend themselves. I'm having a bit of a family 9 00:00:18,800 --> 00:00:21,720 Speaker 1: drama and need a reality check about if I am. 10 00:00:21,640 --> 00:00:23,000 Speaker 3: Being unreasonable here. 11 00:00:23,120 --> 00:00:27,480 Speaker 1: I really need the perspective of LGBT plus sensitive individuals 12 00:00:27,520 --> 00:00:32,040 Speaker 1: because the drama surrounding transphobia perpetrated by JK Rowling. 13 00:00:32,440 --> 00:00:35,839 Speaker 2: My sister has nuanced opinions of this because she's a 14 00:00:35,880 --> 00:00:39,239 Speaker 2: Harry Potter lover and a JK Rowling on lover. I 15 00:00:39,320 --> 00:00:40,519 Speaker 2: wish she was here. 16 00:00:40,520 --> 00:00:42,640 Speaker 3: Sophia, don't Fia. 17 00:00:43,000 --> 00:00:45,040 Speaker 2: Actually, maybe we could call her and we could get 18 00:00:45,040 --> 00:00:45,839 Speaker 2: her perspective at the end. 19 00:00:45,960 --> 00:00:49,040 Speaker 3: Now she's off the clock, let her be, she's off the. 20 00:00:49,280 --> 00:00:51,400 Speaker 2: Fine, you're right, right, right? She would actually, I think 21 00:00:51,440 --> 00:00:52,840 Speaker 2: she would love this question. 22 00:00:52,600 --> 00:00:54,240 Speaker 3: Though, Yeah, we should have done earlier. 23 00:00:54,480 --> 00:00:56,360 Speaker 2: Brow what's up to? She's on a movie? 24 00:00:56,400 --> 00:00:57,040 Speaker 3: She's in a movie. 25 00:00:57,040 --> 00:00:59,240 Speaker 2: I think okay, all right, yeah, she's off. She's off. 26 00:00:59,360 --> 00:01:01,680 Speaker 1: So my yep, daughter is going through a pretty rough time. 27 00:01:01,760 --> 00:01:03,920 Speaker 1: The last couple of years have been really rough on her. 28 00:01:04,000 --> 00:01:06,800 Speaker 1: She's been dealing with bullying at school, being held back 29 00:01:06,840 --> 00:01:09,720 Speaker 1: a year, not getting along with her mom's new husband, 30 00:01:10,080 --> 00:01:13,560 Speaker 1: self harm, and identity issues. Lots of questions around her 31 00:01:13,600 --> 00:01:16,280 Speaker 1: sexuality and gender. We have been working on getting her 32 00:01:16,280 --> 00:01:18,800 Speaker 1: a good mental health team of doctors and therapists to 33 00:01:18,800 --> 00:01:21,880 Speaker 1: help her navigate all of this, because we know we 34 00:01:21,920 --> 00:01:24,520 Speaker 1: aren't throwing her to the wolves or the internet to 35 00:01:24,640 --> 00:01:27,119 Speaker 1: deal with it all herself. I've been in her life 36 00:01:27,120 --> 00:01:29,280 Speaker 1: since you was seven. We've always had a pretty good, 37 00:01:29,400 --> 00:01:32,360 Speaker 1: though not terribly close relationship. I have not taken on 38 00:01:32,440 --> 00:01:35,200 Speaker 1: a paternal role, but have always tried to make myself 39 00:01:35,240 --> 00:01:36,160 Speaker 1: available for her. 40 00:01:36,440 --> 00:01:39,600 Speaker 2: Okay, this is Op's step daughter that's having all these issues. 41 00:01:39,720 --> 00:01:43,560 Speaker 1: Yes, until last year, her mom had primary custody until 42 00:01:43,560 --> 00:01:47,360 Speaker 1: her dad had weekends with alternating holidays. Last year, due 43 00:01:47,400 --> 00:01:49,600 Speaker 1: to the issues with her school and mom's house, my 44 00:01:49,680 --> 00:01:53,800 Speaker 1: stepdaughter requested that custody arrangement changed. Then she came to 45 00:01:53,840 --> 00:01:56,560 Speaker 1: live with my husband and I full time. There has 46 00:01:56,600 --> 00:01:59,480 Speaker 1: been quite a bit of friction between the two of us. 47 00:01:59,680 --> 00:02:02,360 Speaker 1: One of the biggest points of contention is my Harry 48 00:02:02,360 --> 00:02:07,720 Speaker 1: Potter fandom, particularly the bookcase, and my supposed transphobia due 49 00:02:07,760 --> 00:02:10,840 Speaker 1: to my apparently wrong stance when it comes to the 50 00:02:10,880 --> 00:02:14,880 Speaker 1: politics regarding trans issues in our country. I grew up 51 00:02:15,080 --> 00:02:18,360 Speaker 1: in the heyday, the heyday of what oh of Harry Potter. 52 00:02:18,520 --> 00:02:19,440 Speaker 3: Maybe let's see. 53 00:02:19,600 --> 00:02:22,359 Speaker 1: So many of my childhood and team memories are tied 54 00:02:22,400 --> 00:02:24,200 Speaker 1: to the franchise of Harry Potter. 55 00:02:24,320 --> 00:02:28,760 Speaker 2: There you go, dude, Harry Potter heyday was immaculate. I 56 00:02:28,800 --> 00:02:31,760 Speaker 2: remember going to Harry Potter too with my dad. Oh 57 00:02:31,800 --> 00:02:34,839 Speaker 2: so super quick, okay, story time. I ended up reading 58 00:02:34,880 --> 00:02:37,200 Speaker 2: the Harry Potter series seven times, but this was before 59 00:02:37,320 --> 00:02:40,640 Speaker 2: I read everything all of them. My mom surprised me 60 00:02:40,960 --> 00:02:45,320 Speaker 2: on the last book released on my birthday, literally on 61 00:02:45,480 --> 00:02:48,320 Speaker 2: middle Day, and they tried to get me tickets but 62 00:02:48,360 --> 00:02:51,240 Speaker 2: it was also oubt like every Books a Million in town, 63 00:02:51,480 --> 00:02:55,400 Speaker 2: and then my babysitter's cousin was like, oh, I can't 64 00:02:55,400 --> 00:02:58,560 Speaker 2: make it. So they surprised me like flying back from 65 00:02:58,639 --> 00:03:01,160 Speaker 2: camp like that day, She's like, we are going tonight 66 00:03:01,240 --> 00:03:03,840 Speaker 2: to the Books a Million to get the book on 67 00:03:04,160 --> 00:03:05,840 Speaker 2: Earth low. 68 00:03:05,760 --> 00:03:08,200 Speaker 3: Key, like one of the littst days ever. 69 00:03:08,040 --> 00:03:11,560 Speaker 2: Heard that sounds sick? Yeah, dude, I have so many 70 00:03:11,720 --> 00:03:13,639 Speaker 2: fond memories connected to Harry Potter too. 71 00:03:13,680 --> 00:03:16,640 Speaker 3: Yeah. And I was so young. I was in like 72 00:03:16,680 --> 00:03:17,560 Speaker 3: elementary school. 73 00:03:17,760 --> 00:03:20,400 Speaker 2: Yeah, so I was like just elementary school. 74 00:03:21,760 --> 00:03:23,880 Speaker 3: Yep. I was too young to get the full wave, 75 00:03:23,919 --> 00:03:24,560 Speaker 3: but I got a guy. 76 00:03:24,639 --> 00:03:27,720 Speaker 1: I got a taste taste book Yeah, the book era. Anyways, 77 00:03:27,760 --> 00:03:28,440 Speaker 1: I digress. 78 00:03:28,520 --> 00:03:30,840 Speaker 3: There you go. There's no case we're about Harry Potter 79 00:03:30,919 --> 00:03:31,959 Speaker 3: like this, John bro. 80 00:03:32,000 --> 00:03:34,960 Speaker 1: I go harden the paint for my boy HP. Don't 81 00:03:34,960 --> 00:03:39,800 Speaker 1: get it twisted. Baltimore is an op. My friends and 82 00:03:39,840 --> 00:03:43,040 Speaker 1: I were really into it. We attended midnight book releases, 83 00:03:43,160 --> 00:03:46,280 Speaker 1: dressed up in costumes for movie releases, through Harry Potter's 84 00:03:46,320 --> 00:03:48,400 Speaker 1: theme parties, when we wanted to hang out, et cetera, 85 00:03:48,480 --> 00:03:50,920 Speaker 1: et cetera. In many ways, it shaped the course of 86 00:03:50,960 --> 00:03:54,040 Speaker 1: my entire life. Those same friends and I joined our 87 00:03:54,080 --> 00:03:57,920 Speaker 1: high school's botany club because herbology I cash, and that 88 00:03:58,040 --> 00:04:01,440 Speaker 1: unlocked a lifelong passion of mine in my career in 89 00:04:01,560 --> 00:04:02,800 Speaker 1: working with plants. 90 00:04:02,840 --> 00:04:05,920 Speaker 2: So literally, Harry Potter shaped your career. 91 00:04:06,280 --> 00:04:09,080 Speaker 3: That's fire, That's that's fire. 92 00:04:09,360 --> 00:04:11,800 Speaker 1: Over the years, I've collected quite a bit of memorabilia, 93 00:04:11,960 --> 00:04:14,520 Speaker 1: many of which are gifts, and they have always been 94 00:04:14,520 --> 00:04:18,839 Speaker 1: displayed on my most prized possessions. A monstrously large custom 95 00:04:18,880 --> 00:04:22,440 Speaker 1: bookcase my grandfather, a former woodworker, built for me when 96 00:04:22,440 --> 00:04:23,320 Speaker 1: I was a teenager. 97 00:04:23,400 --> 00:04:24,360 Speaker 3: I love this thing. 98 00:04:24,480 --> 00:04:25,040 Speaker 2: This is cute. 99 00:04:25,080 --> 00:04:26,320 Speaker 3: I see the ICU though. 100 00:04:26,360 --> 00:04:29,200 Speaker 1: Oh yeah, I totally see the ice ic you is like, 101 00:04:29,440 --> 00:04:32,000 Speaker 1: is Hagrid's family a giant? 102 00:04:32,360 --> 00:04:37,200 Speaker 3: Just boom boom fee five four FuMB ICYU here I came. 103 00:04:37,760 --> 00:04:39,600 Speaker 1: It's common, ladies, I put in the comments. If you 104 00:04:39,640 --> 00:04:42,080 Speaker 1: know what it is, it's pretty clear. I love this thing. 105 00:04:42,160 --> 00:04:46,599 Speaker 1: The shelves are live edge black walnut slabs all around 106 00:04:46,600 --> 00:04:51,279 Speaker 1: the casing. My grandpa carved beautiful Harry Potter themed imagery. 107 00:04:51,480 --> 00:04:56,360 Speaker 1: I'm talking owls, cauldrons, shooting stars, light bolts, and an 108 00:04:56,440 --> 00:05:00,320 Speaker 1: adorable little rat at the bottom and nibble. Mark's ram 109 00:05:00,400 --> 00:05:01,360 Speaker 1: said rat. 110 00:05:01,200 --> 00:05:06,240 Speaker 2: That is entirely thoughtful. Wow. Shout out to Gramps dude, 111 00:05:06,440 --> 00:05:11,760 Speaker 2: grandpa of human spacetime. Continuing, Yeah, orn, my god, it's 112 00:05:11,800 --> 00:05:15,200 Speaker 2: both sentimental and valuable. The slabs of walnut for the 113 00:05:15,200 --> 00:05:18,520 Speaker 2: shelf alone will be pushing a grant let alone. The 114 00:05:18,600 --> 00:05:22,120 Speaker 2: value of hand carved craftsmanship. So this book like to. 115 00:05:22,080 --> 00:05:23,120 Speaker 3: A Harry Potter fan. 116 00:05:23,440 --> 00:05:25,760 Speaker 1: Yeah, that would be worth oodle up to tens of 117 00:05:25,760 --> 00:05:28,719 Speaker 1: thousands of dollars, I would ask, Yeah, I could imagine. 118 00:05:28,760 --> 00:05:29,039 Speaker 3: Wow. 119 00:05:29,120 --> 00:05:31,719 Speaker 1: The bookcase has always been proudly displayed in my home. 120 00:05:31,800 --> 00:05:34,400 Speaker 1: It currently lives in our living room. During one of 121 00:05:34,400 --> 00:05:37,960 Speaker 1: our family therapy sessions, my stepdaughter expressed that seeing my 122 00:05:37,960 --> 00:05:41,400 Speaker 1: Harry Potter shelf made her feel really uncomfortable because of 123 00:05:41,480 --> 00:05:44,039 Speaker 1: the author, and that she was really disappointed in me 124 00:05:44,279 --> 00:05:47,120 Speaker 1: and her father for being so supportive of a bigot. 125 00:05:47,200 --> 00:05:47,400 Speaker 3: Yeah. 126 00:05:47,520 --> 00:05:51,599 Speaker 2: JK Rowling, I saw it, coving, we saw we saw 127 00:05:51,640 --> 00:05:55,280 Speaker 2: it coming. Giantic also shout out to chat for knowing 128 00:05:55,400 --> 00:05:56,680 Speaker 2: walnut is the hardest wood. 129 00:05:56,800 --> 00:05:57,479 Speaker 3: I didn't know that. 130 00:05:57,560 --> 00:06:00,279 Speaker 1: I apologize for making her feel uncomfortable in her own 131 00:06:00,320 --> 00:06:02,800 Speaker 1: home and said that I would take down the Harry 132 00:06:02,800 --> 00:06:05,760 Speaker 1: Potter stuff. So I packed up all the Harry Potter 133 00:06:05,800 --> 00:06:07,359 Speaker 1: theme merch off the shelves. 134 00:06:07,440 --> 00:06:09,480 Speaker 3: Wow. Made sure I didn't have. 135 00:06:09,440 --> 00:06:12,839 Speaker 1: The books or anything on display that said Harry Potter anywhere. 136 00:06:12,960 --> 00:06:15,800 Speaker 1: I bought some led grow lights and converted it into 137 00:06:15,880 --> 00:06:19,880 Speaker 1: a plant shelf to display succulents. Opie is doing the most. Honestly, 138 00:06:20,080 --> 00:06:22,440 Speaker 1: I wasn't even expecting that OPI would do that, like 139 00:06:22,480 --> 00:06:24,960 Speaker 1: I would have been just like it's the art versus 140 00:06:24,960 --> 00:06:27,080 Speaker 1: the artist kind of thing, Like I think it's fine 141 00:06:27,120 --> 00:06:29,160 Speaker 1: to enjoy someone's art, especially. 142 00:06:28,880 --> 00:06:31,000 Speaker 2: If it meant so much to this person, Yes, with 143 00:06:30,960 --> 00:06:31,560 Speaker 2: out their life. 144 00:06:31,600 --> 00:06:34,279 Speaker 1: I think it is case by case, and there's definitely 145 00:06:34,320 --> 00:06:36,200 Speaker 1: cases where it is and definitely cases where it's not. 146 00:06:36,240 --> 00:06:39,400 Speaker 2: And then there's bookcases, and then there's magical bookcases. 147 00:06:39,600 --> 00:06:43,160 Speaker 1: I bought some witchy but not overtly Harry Potter theme 148 00:06:43,240 --> 00:06:45,760 Speaker 1: pots for the little guys, the succulents that they would 149 00:06:45,760 --> 00:06:48,320 Speaker 1: go on the shelf. This was not an acceptable compromise 150 00:06:48,400 --> 00:06:51,080 Speaker 1: for my stepdaughter and has remained a point of contention 151 00:06:51,440 --> 00:06:54,520 Speaker 1: with my stepdaughter hurling that I slash we referring to 152 00:06:54,560 --> 00:06:57,640 Speaker 1: my husband broke a promise by saying we would get. 153 00:06:57,520 --> 00:06:59,040 Speaker 3: Rid of the Harry Potter stuff. 154 00:06:59,080 --> 00:07:01,919 Speaker 1: I tried to explo to my stepdaughter that while I 155 00:07:01,960 --> 00:07:04,640 Speaker 1: do not agree with JK. Rowling's political stance at all, 156 00:07:04,720 --> 00:07:07,760 Speaker 1: the media has a special place in my heart because 157 00:07:07,839 --> 00:07:10,600 Speaker 1: of the childhood association with it, and that shelf was 158 00:07:10,680 --> 00:07:12,920 Speaker 1: very important to me because it was a gift from 159 00:07:12,920 --> 00:07:15,720 Speaker 1: my grandpa and the media meaning the Harry Potter sherries 160 00:07:15,760 --> 00:07:18,400 Speaker 1: not the media talking about jak rolling, but she maintains 161 00:07:18,520 --> 00:07:20,920 Speaker 1: that none of that should matter because in twenty twenty four, 162 00:07:21,000 --> 00:07:23,800 Speaker 1: it is nothing but a symbol of transphobia and hate. 163 00:07:23,960 --> 00:07:26,440 Speaker 1: At first, my husband was supportive of me and my 164 00:07:26,520 --> 00:07:29,440 Speaker 1: desire to keep the bookcase, but lately the arguments are 165 00:07:29,520 --> 00:07:31,600 Speaker 1: wearing on him and he asked me if I would 166 00:07:31,640 --> 00:07:34,680 Speaker 1: reconsider keeping it in the living room. Suggested we rent 167 00:07:34,720 --> 00:07:36,200 Speaker 1: a storage unit to house it in. 168 00:07:36,440 --> 00:07:39,240 Speaker 2: But that's like, is your grandfather still alive? Like, that's 169 00:07:39,320 --> 00:07:41,800 Speaker 2: like commemorate the grandfather in the relationship. 170 00:07:41,400 --> 00:07:45,600 Speaker 1: Bare minimum, put it in your private bedroom. Not. 171 00:07:45,880 --> 00:07:47,560 Speaker 3: I would not suggest a storage unit. 172 00:07:47,640 --> 00:07:49,280 Speaker 1: That's a little bit of a slat, Like, if it's 173 00:07:49,320 --> 00:07:52,080 Speaker 1: in a storage unit, I'm sorry, but that's kind of whack. 174 00:07:52,160 --> 00:07:52,320 Speaker 3: Dude. 175 00:07:52,400 --> 00:07:55,320 Speaker 1: Memorabilia does go there, but that is not befitting of it. No, 176 00:07:55,560 --> 00:07:57,760 Speaker 1: this is art and this is also meant like I 177 00:07:57,760 --> 00:08:00,000 Speaker 1: feel like the grandfather built this to last. 178 00:08:00,040 --> 00:08:01,960 Speaker 2: A long time, beauty, Like Knight says, the fact that 179 00:08:01,960 --> 00:08:05,040 Speaker 2: the grandpa made the bookcase does bring nuance though, like 180 00:08:05,080 --> 00:08:08,200 Speaker 2: I think even for people who are like staunch jk 181 00:08:08,320 --> 00:08:11,840 Speaker 2: Rowling haters and like believe that she truly represents, like 182 00:08:12,040 --> 00:08:16,640 Speaker 2: transphobia in its most deplorable form, would maybe give a 183 00:08:16,640 --> 00:08:20,440 Speaker 2: little bit of leeway for a bookcase of this nature. 184 00:08:20,320 --> 00:08:22,520 Speaker 1: Right, Yeah, even considering all of that, it's like, with 185 00:08:22,600 --> 00:08:25,600 Speaker 1: this specific scenario we're looking at, there's leeway for the bookcase, 186 00:08:25,680 --> 00:08:27,600 Speaker 1: you know, not necessarily supporting jk. 187 00:08:27,720 --> 00:08:28,720 Speaker 3: Rowling in her views. 188 00:08:28,800 --> 00:08:31,920 Speaker 2: But also I'm like the stepdaughter is maybe not thinking 189 00:08:32,000 --> 00:08:34,040 Speaker 2: from that place a stepdaughter is going through like a 190 00:08:34,040 --> 00:08:34,680 Speaker 2: really hard time. 191 00:08:34,720 --> 00:08:35,240 Speaker 3: Probably not. 192 00:08:35,280 --> 00:08:39,480 Speaker 1: And also like the stepdaughter stepparent dynamic of like you're 193 00:08:39,520 --> 00:08:42,480 Speaker 1: trying to win my approval. Maybe we'll see, we'll see, 194 00:08:42,960 --> 00:08:44,800 Speaker 1: but that might be a play. After the most recent 195 00:08:44,800 --> 00:08:46,800 Speaker 1: blow up about it, I kind of lost my temper. 196 00:08:46,920 --> 00:08:49,120 Speaker 1: I didn't yell or anything, but it did very firmly 197 00:08:49,160 --> 00:08:51,680 Speaker 1: tell my stepdaughter that this is my home and my 198 00:08:51,760 --> 00:08:52,800 Speaker 1: bookshelf stays. 199 00:08:54,280 --> 00:08:55,840 Speaker 3: But now the lah boom, if. 200 00:08:55,679 --> 00:08:57,520 Speaker 1: It is such a big problem for her, she can 201 00:08:57,600 --> 00:08:59,360 Speaker 1: always go back to live with her mother. 202 00:08:59,480 --> 00:08:59,959 Speaker 3: Was that too far? 203 00:09:00,320 --> 00:09:02,960 Speaker 2: Is that too far because because the mother was pretty 204 00:09:03,040 --> 00:09:03,600 Speaker 2: terrible to her. 205 00:09:03,800 --> 00:09:06,360 Speaker 1: I don't know, I'm not sure on that, but just 206 00:09:06,440 --> 00:09:08,480 Speaker 1: kind of like you can get out of my house 207 00:09:08,679 --> 00:09:10,640 Speaker 1: kind of you can live elsewhere. 208 00:09:11,520 --> 00:09:14,760 Speaker 2: But it's been so many conversations. I think it's it's 209 00:09:14,800 --> 00:09:18,760 Speaker 2: not that bad, not the worst. Ever, when I say it, 210 00:09:18,880 --> 00:09:20,640 Speaker 2: I may say it, I don't think. I don't think 211 00:09:20,640 --> 00:09:21,160 Speaker 2: it's that bad. 212 00:09:21,240 --> 00:09:22,560 Speaker 3: I think it's a little bit too far. 213 00:09:22,679 --> 00:09:25,240 Speaker 2: But I mean, what did the mother do again, Kimberly 214 00:09:25,320 --> 00:09:27,600 Speaker 2: fines is not far enough send her to her aunt 215 00:09:27,640 --> 00:09:28,920 Speaker 2: to live under the staircase. 216 00:09:28,960 --> 00:09:29,160 Speaker 1: Ah. 217 00:09:31,880 --> 00:09:34,400 Speaker 2: Yes, I think it's like a really low blow where 218 00:09:34,440 --> 00:09:36,839 Speaker 2: like the mother has really been really terrible. I forget 219 00:09:36,880 --> 00:09:37,320 Speaker 2: what happened to. 220 00:09:37,280 --> 00:09:39,600 Speaker 1: Be sorry, sorry, yes, I found it. Last year, due 221 00:09:39,600 --> 00:09:43,160 Speaker 1: to the issues with her school and mom's house, my 222 00:09:43,200 --> 00:09:46,800 Speaker 1: stepdaughter requested that the custody arrangements be changed to live 223 00:09:46,840 --> 00:09:48,959 Speaker 1: with Ope and Opie's husband. 224 00:09:49,240 --> 00:09:49,480 Speaker 3: Yeah. 225 00:09:49,559 --> 00:09:53,720 Speaker 2: I think there is a slight maybe reframing where it's like, hey, 226 00:09:53,920 --> 00:09:56,920 Speaker 2: this is a bookcase that stays. I know this house 227 00:09:57,040 --> 00:10:00,040 Speaker 2: is maybe not the most comfortable, but like or I 228 00:10:00,040 --> 00:10:01,720 Speaker 2: don't even know. He's like, I know you might not 229 00:10:01,840 --> 00:10:04,200 Speaker 2: agree with everything, but and I want to make you 230 00:10:04,240 --> 00:10:07,840 Speaker 2: feel as comfortable as I can, but this is my house, 231 00:10:07,880 --> 00:10:10,120 Speaker 2: and I also want to make sure that I feel comfortable. 232 00:10:10,120 --> 00:10:12,680 Speaker 2: And also like I feel like I've heard you out 233 00:10:12,679 --> 00:10:15,319 Speaker 2: and made changes here's why, and here's what I did 234 00:10:15,360 --> 00:10:17,600 Speaker 2: and why. I personally feel that I've like done that 235 00:10:17,679 --> 00:10:20,240 Speaker 2: and that I respect and wanted to take action on 236 00:10:20,320 --> 00:10:21,440 Speaker 2: those things. But here's why. 237 00:10:21,480 --> 00:10:24,160 Speaker 1: This specific thing is something I want to keep here 238 00:10:24,200 --> 00:10:25,280 Speaker 1: and it is my house. 239 00:10:25,120 --> 00:10:25,839 Speaker 3: At the end of the day. 240 00:10:25,840 --> 00:10:27,920 Speaker 1: But it says I knew it was a low blow 241 00:10:28,000 --> 00:10:30,800 Speaker 1: pretty much as soon as I said it. I quickly apologized, 242 00:10:30,880 --> 00:10:33,200 Speaker 1: but it was out there. My stepdaughter has been on 243 00:10:33,280 --> 00:10:36,080 Speaker 1: an emotional downward spiral. My husband and I have been 244 00:10:36,200 --> 00:10:39,200 Speaker 1: arguing almost NonStop. I think it's mostly stressed because he 245 00:10:39,280 --> 00:10:41,480 Speaker 1: is at his wits end with how to help his daughter, 246 00:10:41,600 --> 00:10:44,440 Speaker 1: but he is becoming pretty mean and nasty towards me, 247 00:10:44,600 --> 00:10:47,040 Speaker 1: telling me to grow up and just get rid. 248 00:10:46,920 --> 00:10:49,320 Speaker 3: Of the effing bookcase. Oh get rid. 249 00:10:49,520 --> 00:10:51,600 Speaker 1: I know I was a dick for saying my stepdaughter 250 00:10:51,600 --> 00:10:53,240 Speaker 1: could always go back to live with her mom, and 251 00:10:53,280 --> 00:10:55,920 Speaker 1: I suspect that will be my main topic at hand 252 00:10:56,000 --> 00:10:58,320 Speaker 1: in our next family therapy session. But am I really 253 00:10:58,360 --> 00:11:02,480 Speaker 1: being unreasonable in wanting to keep my bookcase? And there 254 00:11:03,040 --> 00:11:06,280 Speaker 1: is an edit, there is relevant comments, and there is 255 00:11:06,640 --> 00:11:07,920 Speaker 1: a update. 256 00:11:08,320 --> 00:11:11,040 Speaker 2: Our members only chat says we asked too far to 257 00:11:11,080 --> 00:11:13,440 Speaker 2: say you can live with your mother. Most people said no, 258 00:11:13,640 --> 00:11:16,120 Speaker 2: sixty nine percent. Thirty percent of people said yes, I 259 00:11:16,120 --> 00:11:19,080 Speaker 2: think we kind of agree that it's like towing the line, 260 00:11:19,120 --> 00:11:22,080 Speaker 2: but probably better not said in that way. Yeah, I 261 00:11:22,080 --> 00:11:24,079 Speaker 2: think a little too far, and I think OPI also 262 00:11:24,160 --> 00:11:25,559 Speaker 2: said she was a little bit of a jen. I 263 00:11:25,600 --> 00:11:29,840 Speaker 2: felt that way off, so that's telling tone is everything too, Yes, 264 00:11:30,120 --> 00:11:31,640 Speaker 2: but I also think it's a little mean. And then 265 00:11:31,720 --> 00:11:34,360 Speaker 2: to the Tomlin had a good two dollars tip chat 266 00:11:34,400 --> 00:11:37,440 Speaker 2: and said, not the a hole. I'm a former Harry 267 00:11:37,440 --> 00:11:40,560 Speaker 2: Potter Stan in the LGBT community and do a lot 268 00:11:40,600 --> 00:11:44,200 Speaker 2: of DIY projects. JK ruined Harry Potter for me, but 269 00:11:44,520 --> 00:11:47,240 Speaker 2: the fandom believes the stories belonged to us now, and 270 00:11:47,320 --> 00:11:50,880 Speaker 2: she turned her back on her own message. Also, anything 271 00:11:51,000 --> 00:11:54,559 Speaker 2: fan made aka doesn't pay JK. And that's fine. 272 00:11:54,640 --> 00:11:57,560 Speaker 1: Oh that's another I didn't even think about that part 273 00:11:57,559 --> 00:11:59,520 Speaker 1: because it's like, hey, she's not even because that that 274 00:11:59,640 --> 00:12:01,200 Speaker 1: is a bit big in the art. 275 00:12:01,160 --> 00:12:02,839 Speaker 3: Versus the artist debate. That is a big point of 276 00:12:02,880 --> 00:12:03,520 Speaker 3: contention of. 277 00:12:03,400 --> 00:12:06,000 Speaker 1: Like, hey, the artist is getting paid off of you 278 00:12:06,080 --> 00:12:09,160 Speaker 1: continuing to watch movies play like whatever. But in this 279 00:12:09,240 --> 00:12:12,520 Speaker 1: specific case, there actually is no financial tie. 280 00:12:12,400 --> 00:12:15,920 Speaker 2: Back exactly which I think would make it completely fine. 281 00:12:15,960 --> 00:12:17,240 Speaker 2: It's just going off a story. 282 00:12:17,320 --> 00:12:20,920 Speaker 1: Yeah, in this specific case, I believe that the that 283 00:12:21,000 --> 00:12:24,280 Speaker 1: the art can be separated and not just the art 284 00:12:24,360 --> 00:12:28,840 Speaker 1: specifically the bookcase, because it's almost like yet another degree 285 00:12:28,880 --> 00:12:33,160 Speaker 1: of separation away from like the core works in core 286 00:12:33,559 --> 00:12:34,680 Speaker 1: arts and the artists. 287 00:12:34,760 --> 00:12:37,040 Speaker 2: Yeah debates, Yeah, I agree, But is there more to 288 00:12:37,080 --> 00:12:37,800 Speaker 2: the story there is? 289 00:12:37,960 --> 00:12:38,920 Speaker 3: Can we put up a poll? 290 00:12:39,000 --> 00:12:41,839 Speaker 1: Have you done a poll on like basically that the 291 00:12:42,200 --> 00:12:43,559 Speaker 1: the art of the artist. 292 00:12:43,320 --> 00:12:45,839 Speaker 2: In this Oh, yeah, that's a good poll. Maybe it's 293 00:12:45,920 --> 00:12:49,840 Speaker 2: it's like, is having the book case transphobic? 294 00:12:50,240 --> 00:12:53,360 Speaker 3: There we go, Well, let's go there, let's talk about it. 295 00:12:53,400 --> 00:12:56,120 Speaker 2: I feel like that's not like super Maybe that's a 296 00:12:56,120 --> 00:12:58,120 Speaker 2: little bit too like obtuse, I don't know. I'm using 297 00:12:58,160 --> 00:12:59,000 Speaker 2: UPTUC today. 298 00:12:59,000 --> 00:13:01,480 Speaker 1: There we go, Riley did, Ladies and gentlemen, Here we go. 299 00:13:01,880 --> 00:13:03,800 Speaker 1: All right, let's get into this edit while all those 300 00:13:03,880 --> 00:13:04,920 Speaker 1: results roll in here. 301 00:13:04,960 --> 00:13:05,520 Speaker 3: So edit. 302 00:13:05,600 --> 00:13:07,760 Speaker 1: Thank you to everyone, honestly, thank you for those who 303 00:13:07,840 --> 00:13:09,800 Speaker 1: share their insight and advice, and thank you to the 304 00:13:09,840 --> 00:13:12,160 Speaker 1: people who asked me hard questions that made me think, 305 00:13:12,280 --> 00:13:16,320 Speaker 1: especially those who asked what matters more a bookcase or 306 00:13:16,480 --> 00:13:17,600 Speaker 1: my child's slash? 307 00:13:17,640 --> 00:13:18,040 Speaker 3: A child. 308 00:13:18,040 --> 00:13:21,040 Speaker 1: I've been reflecting really hard on what my bookcase means 309 00:13:21,080 --> 00:13:23,440 Speaker 1: to me and why it is so important. I'm hitting 310 00:13:23,440 --> 00:13:25,720 Speaker 1: some deep truths I don't think I was ready to 311 00:13:25,760 --> 00:13:29,520 Speaker 1: recognize about how I really feel about my relationship with 312 00:13:29,559 --> 00:13:31,760 Speaker 1: my stepdaughter. All in all, I think we just need 313 00:13:31,760 --> 00:13:34,800 Speaker 1: to shelve things until our next therapy session. I'll see 314 00:13:34,840 --> 00:13:36,800 Speaker 1: myself out. But most people are saying no. 315 00:13:36,960 --> 00:13:38,120 Speaker 2: Yeah, most people are saying no. 316 00:13:38,280 --> 00:13:39,920 Speaker 3: Most people are saying no. That's the end of the 317 00:13:40,360 --> 00:13:41,120 Speaker 3: edit right there. 318 00:13:41,280 --> 00:13:44,079 Speaker 1: But as for some relevant comments here and then, we'll 319 00:13:44,120 --> 00:13:46,240 Speaker 1: be looking for relevant comments. If you guys have any well, 320 00:13:46,240 --> 00:13:47,560 Speaker 1: I would love to hear from you guys. 321 00:13:47,720 --> 00:13:50,400 Speaker 2: Yeah, so line up in the discord, doctor Riley. 322 00:13:50,559 --> 00:13:53,960 Speaker 1: That's right, malass is inevitable, says, telling me to grow 323 00:13:54,040 --> 00:13:56,280 Speaker 1: up and get rid of the effing bookcase. Telling you 324 00:13:56,320 --> 00:13:58,760 Speaker 1: to get rid of something your grandfather lovingly created for 325 00:13:58,880 --> 00:14:02,480 Speaker 1: you because his daughter is having a teenage strope about it. 326 00:14:02,679 --> 00:14:05,079 Speaker 1: F No, is there a room in your bedroom. 327 00:14:04,679 --> 00:14:05,320 Speaker 3: For the bookcase? 328 00:14:05,440 --> 00:14:06,240 Speaker 2: That's what John said. 329 00:14:07,000 --> 00:14:10,640 Speaker 1: Nice mentioned Interesting fifty eight says that's maybe the best choice. 330 00:14:10,920 --> 00:14:14,720 Speaker 1: Zoogma says, or inn Ope's place if my books and 331 00:14:14,760 --> 00:14:17,360 Speaker 1: bookshelves aren't welcome. It's not a home for me, and 332 00:14:17,440 --> 00:14:20,440 Speaker 1: none of my bookshelves were lovingly hand carved by now 333 00:14:20,480 --> 00:14:24,320 Speaker 1: deceased relatives. Teenagers are prone to being extreme and overreacting. 334 00:14:24,360 --> 00:14:26,520 Speaker 1: She will eventually grow up and realize how ridiculous and 335 00:14:26,600 --> 00:14:29,240 Speaker 1: there she is being deleted. Says, not to sound like 336 00:14:29,280 --> 00:14:31,560 Speaker 1: a boomer, but this has to be some sort of 337 00:14:31,600 --> 00:14:34,360 Speaker 1: generational thing. Right when we were kids, if one or 338 00:14:34,400 --> 00:14:37,040 Speaker 1: more of my friends or I demanded that our parents 339 00:14:37,040 --> 00:14:39,760 Speaker 1: remove a piece of furniture from their homes, they would 340 00:14:39,800 --> 00:14:45,040 Speaker 1: simply laugh in our faces. Revolutionary Yak says, seriously, Zeni'll 341 00:14:45,120 --> 00:14:48,680 Speaker 1: hear so gen x millennial cusper. My mother would have 342 00:14:48,760 --> 00:14:51,640 Speaker 1: ignored me the first time and told me to get 343 00:14:51,680 --> 00:14:54,040 Speaker 1: over it. The second time I asked, Dad would have 344 00:14:54,080 --> 00:14:58,440 Speaker 1: listened to me and then td'd me, timed out, grounded me, 345 00:14:58,640 --> 00:15:00,400 Speaker 1: and then would have told me when I paid for 346 00:15:00,440 --> 00:15:02,960 Speaker 1: the house, I could get what I wanted. The classic 347 00:15:02,960 --> 00:15:05,920 Speaker 1: boomer response, right there. Fitz Design says to Warty, comments 348 00:15:05,960 --> 00:15:08,800 Speaker 1: were harsh, they were understandable. We went through something similar 349 00:15:08,800 --> 00:15:10,760 Speaker 1: when one of our kids thought she might be trans 350 00:15:10,840 --> 00:15:12,960 Speaker 1: and it was a very challenging few years until she 351 00:15:13,560 --> 00:15:17,160 Speaker 1: identified as cisgendered. We try to be very supportive as 352 00:15:17,200 --> 00:15:19,560 Speaker 1: you have been, but every little mistake we made was 353 00:15:19,720 --> 00:15:22,400 Speaker 1: leapt upon by her and her sisters as being unsupportive. 354 00:15:22,480 --> 00:15:24,960 Speaker 1: We walked on eggshells for several years, trying not to 355 00:15:24,960 --> 00:15:27,360 Speaker 1: offend anyone. At the end we had to say, we 356 00:15:27,440 --> 00:15:29,840 Speaker 1: are sorry and we fully support you, but you need 357 00:15:29,840 --> 00:15:32,440 Speaker 1: to learn to manage yourself. Not everyone in the world 358 00:15:32,600 --> 00:15:34,920 Speaker 1: is going to bow down to ensure your comfort. We 359 00:15:34,960 --> 00:15:37,360 Speaker 1: fully support you and have gotten you the psychiatrist and 360 00:15:37,400 --> 00:15:40,120 Speaker 1: medical support that you need. However, you'd hammered us at 361 00:15:40,160 --> 00:15:42,960 Speaker 1: every tiny mistake, and enough is enough. We are your parents, 362 00:15:42,960 --> 00:15:45,320 Speaker 1: We support you, but we're not your punching bags. The 363 00:15:45,360 --> 00:15:47,560 Speaker 1: point was made and life calmed down. I see some 364 00:15:47,600 --> 00:15:50,120 Speaker 1: parallels here with your bookcase. It is part of you, 365 00:15:50,280 --> 00:15:52,520 Speaker 1: and she needs to see that you support her and 366 00:15:52,560 --> 00:15:54,680 Speaker 1: she has loved But at the same time, you are 367 00:15:54,720 --> 00:15:55,680 Speaker 1: not there for her. 368 00:15:55,600 --> 00:15:56,800 Speaker 3: To constantly beat on. 369 00:15:57,280 --> 00:15:59,320 Speaker 1: Not everything you do is going to be perfect, and 370 00:15:59,360 --> 00:16:01,840 Speaker 1: she needs to under stand and accept that just as 371 00:16:01,880 --> 00:16:04,280 Speaker 1: you are accepting her, your husband needs to be on 372 00:16:04,320 --> 00:16:06,840 Speaker 1: board with us as well as If he is sabotaging you, 373 00:16:07,040 --> 00:16:09,920 Speaker 1: then your efforts are doomed. If he can't support you, 374 00:16:10,000 --> 00:16:12,000 Speaker 1: then you may need to think about whether or not 375 00:16:12,080 --> 00:16:16,640 Speaker 1: your relationship is viable long term. Good luck, OP, really 376 00:16:16,760 --> 00:16:21,720 Speaker 1: thorough comment, very very thorough, to which OP responds and 377 00:16:21,760 --> 00:16:24,040 Speaker 1: we're getting into update after this. Thank you very much 378 00:16:24,040 --> 00:16:26,320 Speaker 1: for sharing your experience. It is very similar to what 379 00:16:26,320 --> 00:16:29,080 Speaker 1: we are going through. This is very validating. My stepdaughter 380 00:16:29,120 --> 00:16:32,480 Speaker 1: has definitely been trying on different identities and gets very 381 00:16:32,560 --> 00:16:34,480 Speaker 1: upset when we slip up and make a mistake and 382 00:16:34,600 --> 00:16:36,920 Speaker 1: use the wrong pronoun It is an intentional Over the 383 00:16:37,000 --> 00:16:40,960 Speaker 1: last three years she has identified as male, female, non binary, 384 00:16:40,960 --> 00:16:43,760 Speaker 1: fluid and other. Fluid was the toughest, as she expected 385 00:16:43,840 --> 00:16:46,280 Speaker 1: us to use different names and pronouns based on how 386 00:16:46,320 --> 00:16:49,360 Speaker 1: she was presenting that particular day. Problem being she most 387 00:16:49,480 --> 00:16:53,080 Speaker 1: often wears gender neutral attire. Sorry stepdaughter for all the 388 00:16:53,080 --> 00:16:56,360 Speaker 1: times I got it wrong when you wear sweatpants and 389 00:16:56,480 --> 00:16:59,280 Speaker 1: a T shirt. And that leads us to by the way, 390 00:16:59,400 --> 00:17:03,120 Speaker 1: the judgment on the post which was not the A 391 00:17:03,240 --> 00:17:05,480 Speaker 1: hole on OP, so judging OP not the A. 392 00:17:05,480 --> 00:17:07,960 Speaker 3: Whole, We haven't feel like we agree with that. Yeah, 393 00:17:07,960 --> 00:17:08,880 Speaker 3: we do have an update. 394 00:17:08,640 --> 00:17:10,680 Speaker 1: From two months later, but yeah, I think Pole says 395 00:17:10,880 --> 00:17:13,960 Speaker 1: point blank is the bookcase transphobic. It was a ninety 396 00:17:14,000 --> 00:17:15,960 Speaker 1: eight percent No, I totally agree. 397 00:17:16,200 --> 00:17:18,960 Speaker 2: I gus on the one person that said yes or 398 00:17:18,960 --> 00:17:21,399 Speaker 2: two people that said yes. I would be curious to 399 00:17:21,440 --> 00:17:21,800 Speaker 2: know why. 400 00:17:21,880 --> 00:17:22,639 Speaker 3: Please let us know. 401 00:17:22,760 --> 00:17:25,920 Speaker 1: Honestly, I think this is a very good discussion because 402 00:17:25,920 --> 00:17:28,680 Speaker 1: then you dive into the meat and no nuance of why, 403 00:17:29,119 --> 00:17:31,560 Speaker 1: because it is so easy to just label something as 404 00:17:31,640 --> 00:17:35,840 Speaker 1: transphobic or whatever, but what is the true reason behind 405 00:17:35,880 --> 00:17:39,199 Speaker 1: it and truly understand both understanding and then you know, 406 00:17:39,280 --> 00:17:42,320 Speaker 1: believing or not believing that that is the case. And yeah, 407 00:17:42,359 --> 00:17:46,000 Speaker 1: I think that OP did a lot to show that 408 00:17:46,000 --> 00:17:47,000 Speaker 1: they're like, hey. 409 00:17:47,320 --> 00:17:52,359 Speaker 2: P tried. OP tried to make consolation, our consolations, but 410 00:17:52,560 --> 00:17:56,040 Speaker 2: to make compromises with the step daughter by like literally 411 00:17:56,080 --> 00:18:00,760 Speaker 2: removing all of the memorabilia from the bookcase, so it's 412 00:18:00,800 --> 00:18:03,000 Speaker 2: like not getting rid of the whole bookcase. I think 413 00:18:03,080 --> 00:18:04,560 Speaker 2: was a little bit too much, and I think it's 414 00:18:04,600 --> 00:18:06,159 Speaker 2: okay for OP to stand that ground. 415 00:18:06,560 --> 00:18:09,480 Speaker 1: And I might be incorrect in this, but I believe 416 00:18:09,920 --> 00:18:13,679 Speaker 1: OP was like, yeah, I don't agree with JK. 417 00:18:13,840 --> 00:18:14,840 Speaker 3: Rowling's used. 418 00:18:14,920 --> 00:18:17,800 Speaker 2: What was the end bit of what OP said? That 419 00:18:17,840 --> 00:18:21,480 Speaker 2: one was more on oh about like oh she didn't 420 00:18:21,920 --> 00:18:23,560 Speaker 2: oh he didn't know about like. 421 00:18:23,560 --> 00:18:27,600 Speaker 1: Oh, discovering their own identity. Yeah, going through that journey. 422 00:18:27,640 --> 00:18:30,359 Speaker 1: But yeah, and as the Tomlett said, it's also not 423 00:18:30,440 --> 00:18:31,840 Speaker 1: financially reporting back. 424 00:18:31,880 --> 00:18:34,160 Speaker 3: So I think there's like kind of several layers here. 425 00:18:34,280 --> 00:18:36,560 Speaker 1: Two months later, in this update, someone asked if I 426 00:18:36,560 --> 00:18:38,800 Speaker 1: could update the situation, and I'll try my best to 427 00:18:38,840 --> 00:18:41,120 Speaker 1: summarize the past several weeks, my husband and I spoke 428 00:18:41,119 --> 00:18:43,960 Speaker 1: about the situation. He apologized for being snappish with me 429 00:18:44,080 --> 00:18:47,560 Speaker 1: and agreed that stepdaughter was being unreasonable about the bookcase. 430 00:18:47,640 --> 00:18:49,920 Speaker 1: He ultimately agreed to back me about it. He and 431 00:18:50,000 --> 00:18:51,840 Speaker 1: I are just as tight as we have ever been. 432 00:18:51,960 --> 00:18:53,760 Speaker 1: Let's go, Okay, that's great. 433 00:18:53,800 --> 00:18:54,400 Speaker 2: Great is good. 434 00:18:54,480 --> 00:18:54,720 Speaker 3: Great. 435 00:18:54,760 --> 00:18:56,880 Speaker 1: For the start bit of this update, I once again 436 00:18:56,920 --> 00:18:59,960 Speaker 1: apologized stepdaughter for my remark I said out of frustration 437 00:19:00,280 --> 00:19:01,680 Speaker 1: about her moving back with her mom. 438 00:19:01,760 --> 00:19:04,280 Speaker 3: I reiterated that our home is her home too, and 439 00:19:04,320 --> 00:19:06,320 Speaker 3: she is always welcome here. Love that that. 440 00:19:06,480 --> 00:19:10,520 Speaker 1: Even though family sometimes fight and disagree, we are family, 441 00:19:10,720 --> 00:19:15,000 Speaker 1: just like Harry Ron and Hermione. But the general argument 442 00:19:15,040 --> 00:19:18,080 Speaker 1: about Harry Potter, JK Rolling and my bookcase continue to 443 00:19:18,280 --> 00:19:21,600 Speaker 1: escalate for a couple of weeks. Oh it just comes back, 444 00:19:21,720 --> 00:19:24,440 Speaker 1: just keeps on chugging like the Hogwarts express. 445 00:19:24,520 --> 00:19:28,080 Speaker 2: Yeah, it's like, you know, let's see where Ron goes 446 00:19:28,160 --> 00:19:30,719 Speaker 2: eat slugs Mountfoy and then it just fires back at 447 00:19:30,760 --> 00:19:33,000 Speaker 2: him and he's just repeatedly throwing. 448 00:19:32,800 --> 00:19:34,320 Speaker 3: Up slugs bart slugs. Dude. 449 00:19:34,320 --> 00:19:35,480 Speaker 2: Oh you thought the gag was over. 450 00:19:35,720 --> 00:19:36,720 Speaker 3: No, it's back. 451 00:19:36,880 --> 00:19:39,880 Speaker 1: And then the discontent about that started to bleed over 452 00:19:39,960 --> 00:19:41,280 Speaker 1: into complaints about me. 453 00:19:41,600 --> 00:19:45,399 Speaker 3: She started to get more disrespectful and sarcastic teenagers. What 454 00:19:45,400 --> 00:19:45,919 Speaker 3: are you gonna do? 455 00:19:46,240 --> 00:19:48,320 Speaker 2: I thought it was like I thought it was going well, you. 456 00:19:48,359 --> 00:19:51,840 Speaker 1: Thought you freaking thought, you know, but guess what. Everyone 457 00:19:51,880 --> 00:19:54,960 Speaker 1: thought that Voldemort was gone we did, but he was back. 458 00:19:55,080 --> 00:19:55,800 Speaker 1: He came back. 459 00:19:55,960 --> 00:19:56,440 Speaker 3: That's right. 460 00:19:56,560 --> 00:19:57,720 Speaker 2: Got those horcruxes. 461 00:19:58,000 --> 00:19:58,760 Speaker 3: Yep, he did that. 462 00:19:58,920 --> 00:19:59,359 Speaker 2: He did that. 463 00:19:59,400 --> 00:20:01,240 Speaker 3: What he got? Vang wish again boiler alert. 464 00:20:02,400 --> 00:20:04,679 Speaker 1: During all of this, we were still attending our family 465 00:20:04,680 --> 00:20:08,000 Speaker 1: therapy sessions. Our therapist was pretty certain that the misbehavior 466 00:20:08,160 --> 00:20:10,920 Speaker 1: was anxiety related and didn't suggest that we give into 467 00:20:10,960 --> 00:20:13,800 Speaker 1: the demands to have the bookcase removed and wanted to 468 00:20:13,840 --> 00:20:16,200 Speaker 1: just keep working on the things that we have been well. 469 00:20:16,280 --> 00:20:20,320 Speaker 1: Stepdaughter's disrespectful attitude hit a climax. She called me the 470 00:20:20,359 --> 00:20:24,920 Speaker 1: sea word and some other choice things within my husband's earshot. 471 00:20:25,000 --> 00:20:27,040 Speaker 1: My husband kind of lost it on her. I don't 472 00:20:27,040 --> 00:20:30,040 Speaker 1: think I've ever seen him that angry before. He was 473 00:20:30,160 --> 00:20:33,239 Speaker 1: bright red and vain popping angry as he marched her 474 00:20:33,280 --> 00:20:35,919 Speaker 1: to her room and declared, you will not speak to 475 00:20:35,960 --> 00:20:37,400 Speaker 1: my wife in such a way. 476 00:20:37,560 --> 00:20:39,639 Speaker 2: All right, there we go, daddy. 477 00:20:39,440 --> 00:20:44,320 Speaker 1: Laying down the all okay, artisan walnut. This was probably 478 00:20:44,400 --> 00:20:47,639 Speaker 1: the first time my stepdaughter had ever seen her dad angry, 479 00:20:47,920 --> 00:20:50,760 Speaker 1: let alone anger directed at her, so not even just 480 00:20:50,840 --> 00:20:53,600 Speaker 1: angry in general. Yeah, so that's got to be pretty 481 00:20:53,680 --> 00:20:56,280 Speaker 1: uh hope, he says. It left her pretty shook, like 482 00:20:56,400 --> 00:20:58,639 Speaker 1: that was her rock bottom. We ended up needing to 483 00:20:58,680 --> 00:21:01,400 Speaker 1: do a couple emergency sets with her counselor because there 484 00:21:01,440 --> 00:21:04,280 Speaker 1: was a concern about her relapsing with some self destructive 485 00:21:04,320 --> 00:21:06,800 Speaker 1: issues she had been working on. But that incident led 486 00:21:06,800 --> 00:21:09,960 Speaker 1: to us having a breakthrough. Her counselor invited my husband 487 00:21:10,040 --> 00:21:12,440 Speaker 1: and I into one of her sessions and she had 488 00:21:12,480 --> 00:21:14,840 Speaker 1: a bit of a breakdown. Basically, she was dealing with 489 00:21:14,960 --> 00:21:17,520 Speaker 1: a lot of existential dread and a lot of fear 490 00:21:17,680 --> 00:21:20,640 Speaker 1: due to politics and it being an electioneer. This ended 491 00:21:20,720 --> 00:21:22,320 Speaker 1: up being an excellent opening for. 492 00:21:22,359 --> 00:21:23,000 Speaker 3: Us to bond. 493 00:21:23,080 --> 00:21:25,760 Speaker 1: This sounded silly, but I was able to pull up 494 00:21:25,880 --> 00:21:29,119 Speaker 1: my social media timelines back from twenty sixteen, and I 495 00:21:29,240 --> 00:21:31,560 Speaker 1: showed her some of the things I had written or 496 00:21:31,680 --> 00:21:33,640 Speaker 1: had shared with me back then. 497 00:21:33,800 --> 00:21:37,119 Speaker 2: So basically he's like, hey are Basically she's like, look 498 00:21:37,160 --> 00:21:39,639 Speaker 2: at what I've written from twenty sixteen on. I'm on 499 00:21:39,680 --> 00:21:41,520 Speaker 2: your side. Like politically, I think so, I. 500 00:21:41,520 --> 00:21:42,760 Speaker 3: Think we're about to get more context. 501 00:21:42,880 --> 00:21:45,120 Speaker 1: She was able to see that I shared a lot 502 00:21:45,160 --> 00:21:47,600 Speaker 1: of the same fears that she has. So we've all 503 00:21:47,680 --> 00:21:50,520 Speaker 1: had some really big talks about things like feeling helpless 504 00:21:50,520 --> 00:21:53,080 Speaker 1: when things are out of your control, about disengaging from 505 00:21:53,119 --> 00:21:55,520 Speaker 1: the media machine for your own mental health, et cetera, 506 00:21:55,520 --> 00:21:55,960 Speaker 1: et cetera. 507 00:21:56,119 --> 00:21:58,399 Speaker 2: Agreed, dude, I used to listen to the news religiously 508 00:21:58,440 --> 00:21:59,040 Speaker 2: and now I do not. 509 00:21:59,160 --> 00:22:01,679 Speaker 1: Yeah, things have been on the upswing sense then before 510 00:22:01,720 --> 00:22:03,960 Speaker 1: she left for her moms this past weekend, she even 511 00:22:04,000 --> 00:22:07,240 Speaker 1: gave me a Mother's Day gift, an adorable planter that 512 00:22:07,440 --> 00:22:09,720 Speaker 1: says haution Man Drakes. 513 00:22:10,440 --> 00:22:14,680 Speaker 3: She's buying it to the fandom we won her over. 514 00:22:15,000 --> 00:22:15,480 Speaker 3: I love it. 515 00:22:15,560 --> 00:22:17,679 Speaker 1: I put one of my favorite props in it, and 516 00:22:17,720 --> 00:22:20,480 Speaker 1: it is front and center in my bookcase. Now that 517 00:22:20,680 --> 00:22:23,280 Speaker 1: is freaking adorable. We got some quick relevant comments to 518 00:22:23,280 --> 00:22:26,760 Speaker 1: close us out. FU Creep's use her name says yes, yes, yes, 519 00:22:26,960 --> 00:22:29,919 Speaker 1: I love when communication actually comes to the rescue, although 520 00:22:29,960 --> 00:22:32,199 Speaker 1: I hate that sometimes it has to be about our 521 00:22:32,280 --> 00:22:36,800 Speaker 1: common plague of existential dread. Great job, everyone, and Fragrant 522 00:22:36,800 --> 00:22:39,840 Speaker 1: Reserve says it wasn't communication that came to the rescue. 523 00:22:39,920 --> 00:22:42,639 Speaker 1: It was an old fashioned bullocking by dad. 524 00:22:43,040 --> 00:22:45,040 Speaker 2: I think it was a little bit of both yeah. 525 00:22:44,920 --> 00:22:48,159 Speaker 1: Yeah, true and bex Calli says, well, this was an 526 00:22:48,280 --> 00:22:51,199 Speaker 1: unexpected type of communication, wasn't it. It woke her the 527 00:22:51,240 --> 00:22:54,200 Speaker 1: heck up, as it has never happened before, since she's 528 00:22:54,240 --> 00:22:57,159 Speaker 1: not stooped so low before while taking out her anxiety 529 00:22:57,200 --> 00:23:00,000 Speaker 1: on her stepmother, So she was extra receptive to these 530 00:23:00,000 --> 00:23:02,600 Speaker 1: subsequent communications at the therapist. 531 00:23:02,920 --> 00:23:05,560 Speaker 2: So I guess, yell at your kids? 532 00:23:07,280 --> 00:23:11,360 Speaker 1: Yeah, no, well I think it sounded like really The 533 00:23:11,480 --> 00:23:14,400 Speaker 1: final thing that pushed her over the edge was her 534 00:23:14,600 --> 00:23:16,399 Speaker 1: showing the receipts of her. 535 00:23:16,600 --> 00:23:19,399 Speaker 2: It seems like two things. It was one the dad 536 00:23:19,600 --> 00:23:21,560 Speaker 2: coming in and not being a passive parent. I was 537 00:23:21,560 --> 00:23:23,800 Speaker 2: seeing that in the chat, not being a passive parent 538 00:23:23,800 --> 00:23:26,479 Speaker 2: and saying, hey, you cannot talk to her like that, 539 00:23:26,640 --> 00:23:29,159 Speaker 2: not necessarily like I'm not condoning like yelling at your 540 00:23:29,240 --> 00:23:32,199 Speaker 2: kid yet, but being like laying down some boundaries. I 541 00:23:32,200 --> 00:23:35,720 Speaker 2: think boundaries weren't really drawn by the father at least 542 00:23:35,720 --> 00:23:38,280 Speaker 2: I didn't see any drawn in the in the early 543 00:23:38,359 --> 00:23:41,119 Speaker 2: of the stories. But I think that was part of it. 544 00:23:41,200 --> 00:23:43,320 Speaker 2: And then the other part I think was about what 545 00:23:43,359 --> 00:23:43,680 Speaker 2: you said. 546 00:23:43,760 --> 00:23:45,560 Speaker 3: Yes, it was the one to ditally do. 547 00:23:45,840 --> 00:23:48,800 Speaker 2: Yeah, like showing that hey, I am like you, I 548 00:23:48,840 --> 00:23:53,240 Speaker 2: am struggling with stuff like existential dread and the political 549 00:23:53,320 --> 00:23:55,960 Speaker 2: climate being crazy, like you just know that I'm also 550 00:23:56,000 --> 00:23:56,560 Speaker 2: on your side. 551 00:23:56,640 --> 00:23:59,000 Speaker 1: And then that brought them together in an amazing I 552 00:23:59,000 --> 00:24:01,080 Speaker 1: would say, this is kind of bolved at least for now. 553 00:24:01,200 --> 00:24:07,560 Speaker 3: There we go, read it, solve the case. Had we 554 00:24:07,640 --> 00:24:13,000 Speaker 3: got a caller jelly ball, Oh give them, they have 555 00:24:13,040 --> 00:24:14,320 Speaker 3: some thoughts on the story. 556 00:24:14,480 --> 00:24:19,080 Speaker 2: Okay, yeah, let's call them jellybuck. Can you hear us? Oh? Hello, Loo, 557 00:24:19,200 --> 00:24:19,800 Speaker 2: how's it going? 558 00:24:20,200 --> 00:24:22,159 Speaker 3: I just connected it, Storry, guys, there we go, we 559 00:24:22,240 --> 00:24:22,879 Speaker 3: just connected it. 560 00:24:22,920 --> 00:24:25,800 Speaker 1: But Jellibud just said that maybe he didn't really like 561 00:24:25,920 --> 00:24:28,520 Speaker 1: lay any boundaries before any of this happened for the 562 00:24:28,560 --> 00:24:29,400 Speaker 1: father specifically. 563 00:24:29,440 --> 00:24:30,760 Speaker 3: Yeah, then he finally did. 564 00:24:30,720 --> 00:24:32,960 Speaker 2: Like, what do you think about how he laid the 565 00:24:32,960 --> 00:24:36,000 Speaker 2: boundaries and what do you think about, Oh, he showing 566 00:24:36,119 --> 00:24:38,600 Speaker 2: like the the political history. 567 00:24:38,680 --> 00:24:41,720 Speaker 3: I think, yeah, on finally him setting down the boundaries. 568 00:24:41,800 --> 00:24:44,560 Speaker 3: He could have should have done it sooner. I get that. 569 00:24:44,800 --> 00:24:47,840 Speaker 3: You know, they're giving her freedom to discover herself. 570 00:24:48,080 --> 00:24:48,800 Speaker 1: Applaud that. 571 00:24:49,040 --> 00:24:53,760 Speaker 3: But she's a teenager in hormones, and yeah, she needs 572 00:24:53,760 --> 00:24:54,840 Speaker 3: a little structure. 573 00:24:55,119 --> 00:24:57,640 Speaker 2: Yeah, yeah, And I think that's what good parents do. 574 00:24:57,800 --> 00:24:59,040 Speaker 2: They provide structure. 575 00:24:59,200 --> 00:24:59,440 Speaker 3: Yeah. 576 00:24:59,560 --> 00:25:02,439 Speaker 1: And it it's like, ultimately, like you can't just in 577 00:25:02,480 --> 00:25:05,400 Speaker 1: the sake of your own like exploration, learning what you're 578 00:25:05,400 --> 00:25:08,520 Speaker 1: about and who you are. You can't like disrespect your 579 00:25:08,880 --> 00:25:10,520 Speaker 1: you know, the people who love you and care for you. 580 00:25:10,640 --> 00:25:16,240 Speaker 2: Identity doesn't come at the cost of other people's sanity. Yes, 581 00:25:16,400 --> 00:25:19,760 Speaker 2: it is so true. Well, Jelly, but thank you so 582 00:25:19,880 --> 00:25:23,080 Speaker 2: much for calling in, Thanks for having me of course 583 00:25:23,119 --> 00:25:25,080 Speaker 2: of course the rest of your day, and thanks for 584 00:25:25,119 --> 00:25:26,119 Speaker 2: closing out the stream. 585 00:25:26,359 --> 00:25:28,960 Speaker 3: Shoo shoao, good night, guys night. 586 00:25:29,880 --> 00:25:32,159 Speaker 2: I think that's it. That's a rap at, that's a wrap, 587 00:25:32,240 --> 00:25:36,760 Speaker 2: closing out with the okay fam, our little sillies, our 588 00:25:36,840 --> 00:25:40,040 Speaker 2: members only, and that closes out the members only stream. 589 00:25:40,119 --> 00:25:44,040 Speaker 2: And again This is going to be the recording of 590 00:25:44,080 --> 00:25:46,000 Speaker 2: the episodes that will come out in like one or 591 00:25:46,040 --> 00:25:51,200 Speaker 2: two weeks, so y'all will be immortalized in Okay Storytime history. 592 00:25:51,400 --> 00:25:53,800 Speaker 2: And get these episodes a little bit early, but make 593 00:25:53,840 --> 00:25:56,160 Speaker 2: sure to watch the edited versions later so you can 594 00:25:56,200 --> 00:25:58,200 Speaker 2: see all of you in that episode. 595 00:25:58,200 --> 00:26:01,439 Speaker 1: That is right, and we're serious time because if you 596 00:26:01,600 --> 00:26:04,919 Speaker 1: love us, make sure to subscribe we love you, and 597 00:26:05,240 --> 00:26:06,360 Speaker 1: see it tomorrow.