Speaker 1: Nicky. Here's Nicky. Hello Here, I am Nicky Laser Podcast.
Speaker 1: I apologize for my voice. This morning I choked on
Speaker 1: some oatmeal and now today the rest of like you know,
Speaker 1: just it got lodged in my throat and I went
Speaker 1: on a coughing fit and now I have a horse
Speaker 1: throat old oat mouth. Hey, um, if you want to
Speaker 1: see on your Marina, the singer of our theme song,
Speaker 1: UM in New York City, you can go see her
Speaker 1: March seventeen, Thursday at Rockwood Music Hall. I told her
Speaker 1: i'd give her a shout out for this because she's
Speaker 1: doing a live show for the first time and forever
Speaker 1: and uh yeah, So if you're in New York City
Speaker 1: Rockwood Musical Stage three Thursday March, I know she would
Speaker 1: love to see any busties who are like, oh, I'm
Speaker 1: here because I love I love your theme song. Uh.
Speaker 1: Speaking of a theme song, I wrote one yesterday for we. Oh.
Speaker 1: I knew you would do this, you son of a bitch.
Speaker 1: I want not only write credit production credit, and if
Speaker 1: it goes since syndicated, I'm gonna I'm gonna someday I'll
Speaker 1: kill you. I just want you to be more. If
Speaker 1: you ever die. It will have been me. Just stop looking.
Speaker 1: Listen back to this episode. I did it, y'all. I
Speaker 1: did it. I did it, y'all, Dick, I did it.
Speaker 1: That's how you would get to kill me for sure. Yeah,
Speaker 1: I'd get hurt hit woman. Yeah yeah, I'll need lots
Speaker 1: of Lara and then her boyfriend will go bury me.
Speaker 1: He'll put me on a skateboard, take me to the park. Uh, good,
Speaker 1: good morning, guys. How are you? Andrew's been up since
Speaker 1: the crack yep crack? Maybe five am workouts, little sunlight?
Speaker 1: Did you really? Are you listening to Goggins? You're in
Speaker 1: a Goggins? When's this? When's this gonna? This is gonna
Speaker 1: be your life now? No, it's all gonna fall apart.
Speaker 1: What did you say to me about a meme you
Speaker 1: read that was so funny about people that get up early? Oh,
Speaker 1: people that get up? People don't like I get up
Speaker 1: at five am. There you're like, yeah, that's cool. You
Speaker 1: also go to bed at seven pm. Lose her? And
Speaker 1: that's me now. I went to bed at nine pm
Speaker 1: last night. I know. I went to dinner with Um
Speaker 1: Robin and Woo. Who is our She's the best we
Speaker 1: have a funny joke going what what? Well? Who was
Speaker 1: was the dp UM the double Penetration of Our love
Speaker 1: the reality show? Yeah? Director of photography at our Yeah,
Speaker 1: director of photography at um. I know I love DPS too?
Speaker 1: What's like all I wash? DPS? What just almost sound
Speaker 1: like you said I don't want to eat pizza? Am
Speaker 1: I saying? Do? I don't? Okay, I should write Skins
Speaker 1: says don't I don't like pizza? Um? Okay, So DPS
Speaker 1: we again before we get back to woo no way
Speaker 1: you are you like watching DPS? I had my my phase? Yes,
Speaker 1: I know. It's isn't it interesting? We go through phases
Speaker 1: with stuff? What's your ideal? I'm up to dude, it's
Speaker 1: not It's not good. Dude, it's not good. Would do
Speaker 1: a guy with two dicks? I mean that would be
Speaker 1: your dream? Then no, because they have to be like
Speaker 1: like next you. They have to be like, you know,
Speaker 1: apart from each other enough that they can be you
Speaker 1: don't want like a like a splitting head turtle. Well,
Speaker 1: there's you know, you watch a lot of poor Yeah,
Speaker 1: I don't want to. Well, there's a lot of porn
Speaker 1: that's like d P in v versus or d P
Speaker 1: in V and it's sometimes. I mean I've gone I've
Speaker 1: watched quadruple where's the force too? Too? Baby mouth? But
Speaker 1: you don't count. That's not you don't. That's called a
Speaker 1: spit roast. You've seen a quadruple, dude, they're so I've seen.
Speaker 1: That's what I'm asking, when does it stop? I have
Speaker 1: seen women that I'm very concerned about what is going
Speaker 1: to happen afterwards to them. But it's no different than
Speaker 1: watching a childbirth. Uh. Sometimes they just put the dick
Speaker 1: in through a C section scar too big, they gotta
Speaker 1: put it through this they got open, yeah, just to
Speaker 1: do it. Yeah yeah, yeah, yeah, I'm thinking just a scar.
Speaker 1: I mean they got a fully Yeah. When does this end?
Speaker 1: That's what I That's what I want to know because
Speaker 1: I let me just tell you something that you got
Speaker 1: to go c section to get to the pussy. Yeah,
Speaker 1: that's well. I'm at a point where if there isn't
Speaker 1: DP going on, I don't want to watch it. It's
Speaker 1: like amateur It's it wou'd be like two teens making out.
Speaker 1: I'm like, this ain't gonna do it for me. This
Speaker 1: is not what I need in my own life. Let
Speaker 1: me just tell you, but this is absolutely what I need.
Speaker 1: I I won't even it's like child's play to me,
Speaker 1: And I don't mean to bring the word child into this.
Speaker 1: Actually a couple of ye three times when did I
Speaker 1: say child? Oh child, child birth? Teen kissing? Oh yeah, okay,
Speaker 1: well that those were eighteen year olds and what I said? Um,
Speaker 1: but what's your idea? One guy in obviously, so what
Speaker 1: is the position now? Because my favorite is when they're
Speaker 1: holding the girl hostage. Um, well that's yeah, that's part
Speaker 1: of the whole arrangement. That's the more figurative holding. Um.
Speaker 1: When I like a girl that is not doing any work,
Speaker 1: they're holding her hands, they're holding her legs, they're holding her,
Speaker 1: they're pulling her up. She's just being used. But she
Speaker 1: decided drinking hand she wait, what was the song that
Speaker 1: you guys wrote yesterday? He started talking about the song
Speaker 1: she wrote it, and then I definitely he just goes
Speaker 1: the eye like that one not true? Can you give
Speaker 1: me credit a little? Min No? You helped, like say
Speaker 1: which one? But if I was a producer, right and
Speaker 1: you came in and you didn't know me at all
Speaker 1: and you came OUTLP you did help. You were like,
Speaker 1: I think that should be I say alone if I
Speaker 1: was so, I came up with another word that rhymed
Speaker 1: with home, that wasn't alone, and that was me. No,
Speaker 1: you added alone before home, and then you took out
Speaker 1: but and that was mine. Okay, I took out the word.
Speaker 1: But that was like a connect. It's already three sentences.
Speaker 1: That's a that's This was the theme song for my
Speaker 1: theme songs to my reality show, UM, for my reality show,
Speaker 1: so they I got asked to UM to write my
Speaker 1: theme song, which is really nice of them. That's really good.
Speaker 1: I was walking back to It's very catchy, almost wanting
Speaker 1: to sing it now. UM, I don't know. I mean
Speaker 1: I probably could, but I don't even remember it. It's like, um,
Speaker 1: I want to miss math flight. I think I'll spend
Speaker 1: another wait. I'm sick of wait. I want to miss
Speaker 1: math flight. Can of something about the road? Road? Yeah?
Speaker 1: Hold on, I'll let me look up the lyrics. I
Speaker 1: already forget the lyrics to a seventh second, literally seventh.
Speaker 1: I'm okay, I want to miss m flight. I spent
Speaker 1: too many knots out on the road. Can you welcome
Speaker 1: me home? Welcome home Nicky Glazer Perfect. So they're gonna, like,
Speaker 1: you know, they're gonna talk to the higher ups at
Speaker 1: E to see if instead and be likes my floor
Speaker 1: a lunar road. Welcome me home? Yeah my kick? Wait
Speaker 1: is what is your What is your joke? With wo
Speaker 1: r TP? She's also the DP. She wasn't only the
Speaker 1: double penetration on the reality show, she was also the
Speaker 1: double penetration on Perfect trators to job title was DP.
Speaker 1: I would love a prestigious role. We should let everyone know.
Speaker 1: It's like it's a it's a very big role. It's
Speaker 1: your number, your She's like so badass. I don't really
Speaker 1: know exactly what she does, but she sets up camera shots,
Speaker 1: she's in show. She's like with her a lot, and
Speaker 1: we have a joke she's an Asian woman, and I go,
Speaker 1: I had no idea eur Asian until I saw you
Speaker 1: without a mask. And so now every time I see her,
Speaker 1: she goes Asian. She'll take her mask down. Go wait,
Speaker 1: this is gonna sound like a racist joke, but it's
Speaker 1: not what I could be. No, no, no, what I'm
Speaker 1: about to say. I only knew she was Asian because
Speaker 1: she was wearing a mask old I'm not talking I'm
Speaker 1: not talking her face, I'm talking the mask because yeah,
Speaker 1: I mean I used to have a joke about getting
Speaker 1: a manicure and how what a dumb thing it is,
Speaker 1: like getting manicures and stupid prison of you know, vanity
Speaker 1: for women. You're like paralyzed these women doing your nails.
Speaker 1: You can't do anything. You just have to uh you know,
Speaker 1: you can't even talk to the woman doing your nails
Speaker 1: because she doesn't speak the same language as you, because
Speaker 1: she's like a fucking slave most of the time. Well,
Speaker 1: in New York City, that was the way it was.
Speaker 1: And then I was like, and they're always wearing them.
Speaker 1: It doesn't fly anymore because everyone knows masks. But the
Speaker 1: only people that were wearing masks before this were uh
Speaker 1: sut like your hand manicuristsans, yeah, hand as musicians, right noah,
Speaker 1: Like in life, you don't see people in doctors on
Speaker 1: the subway. And it was Asian people because I think
Speaker 1: wherever they originate from or came from, they probably wore
Speaker 1: masks because there's way more people, so there's way more
Speaker 1: likely and there are people who care about other people,
Speaker 1: and so when they're sick, no, it's about other people. Actually,
Speaker 1: I know, I always thought that that's how the American way.
Speaker 1: I was like, no, that is that's true. They think
Speaker 1: they're sick and so they're trying to protect other people
Speaker 1: from it in case they get sick. But they're also um.
Speaker 1: Someone that I knew taught in China and said that
Speaker 1: he was like hitting out the um the chalk, the racers,
Speaker 1: and he was like beating them out, you know, on
Speaker 1: like the playground, and the kids like screamed and ran
Speaker 1: because of the dust. Like they're very um that their
Speaker 1: culture is scared of. You know, obviously their air is
Speaker 1: extremely polluted, so I'm maybe masks help with that. It's
Speaker 1: better to breathe in your own oxygen. But I used
Speaker 1: to say about manicurists and the joke I was like,
Speaker 1: they wear those masks because they know they're breathing in
Speaker 1: the same chemical as we are. Were they're just as
Speaker 1: close to him as we are. Yet they know these
Speaker 1: are very harmful, and I go, that's probably the only
Speaker 1: good part of their day is that they know we're
Speaker 1: getting cancer and they're not from like dipping our hands
Speaker 1: in different things. But now it doesn't really work because ever,
Speaker 1: you know, master ubiquitous. Yeah probably. I always wondered if
Speaker 1: you had one hand, would you get half off of manicure?
Speaker 1: And that is not me being quirky or funny. I
Speaker 1: really do wonder that. Well, why don't you do this
Speaker 1: chop off sharks swimming? Just go in there and go
Speaker 1: I just want one hand done. Can we do a
Speaker 1: half off and see what they say? You don't have
Speaker 1: to lose your whole arm to figure this out? What
Speaker 1: if I want to shark it shark shark tank sharky,
Speaker 1: I get one of my hands bit off so that
Speaker 1: I can go into a nail salon and finally answer
Speaker 1: the age old question, if you have one hand, can
Speaker 1: you get a half off manicure? I'm listening, but do
Speaker 1: you think so I would do that if I ran
Speaker 1: a manicure salon. I think I think half off for
Speaker 1: half half. It depends how clothes it was too. When
Speaker 1: they lost the arm, I think you get ten years
Speaker 1: of half off, and then after that, I'm sorry you
Speaker 1: just also, let's paint the nails on the little robot thing,
Speaker 1: you know, if we're if we're really going on it,
Speaker 1: I mean children's clothes are cheaper than adults clothes because
Speaker 1: it's less fabric, correct now do I don't know? Is
Speaker 1: extra large like clothing. That's a whole other up. Sneakers
Speaker 1: are more expensive. It should be. It's more fabric, it's
Speaker 1: more stitching, there's more to do. But also you're like,
Speaker 1: you shouldn't be you shouldn't have to hey, because your
Speaker 1: body is the way it is. But also, if I
Speaker 1: was a little person and I was getting a spray tan,
Speaker 1: it's gonna be less straight. I'm serious, it's gonna be
Speaker 1: less It would take away less time if I was
Speaker 1: a dwarf. That's just true. So YEAHS paid barely nothing.
Speaker 1: I've heard. I wonder what they used. I wonder if
Speaker 1: it was Sally Hanson on the set. I know, I
Speaker 1: mean it was. That's my goal color, Yeah, I told
Speaker 1: Did I say it on the podcast the other day? Um?
Speaker 1: I posted a picture of me us with that fucking
Speaker 1: camel and someone was like, Mickey, I love you, but
Speaker 1: you look like a legit carrot? Did I tell you
Speaker 1: guys that? And I said, thank you. That's that's the goal.
Speaker 1: I would rather look orange than pale. That's that's a
Speaker 1: good thing. You were a snack. I am a snack.
Speaker 1: I love that when people are like, you're a snack.
Speaker 1: I gave you to the camel open pom, you go open,
Speaker 1: you gotta that's everyone has. You gotta go open. Um.
Speaker 1: I like that bit you have with WOU. What was
Speaker 1: I gonna say? Oh? Not only did I write? Did
Speaker 1: we write the theme song? Yesterday? I'll give it thank you? Um.
Speaker 1: I also wrote my first song top to bottom yesterday. Yesterday, Yes,
Speaker 1: I did it. I wrote three verses wait sorry, two verses,
Speaker 1: a chorus, a pre chorus, a bridge, and a fucking outro.
Speaker 1: I did it. I finally did one song. Thank you
Speaker 1: to everyone who believed in me. Here we go. You
Speaker 1: want to You don't want to do this over Twitter?
Speaker 1: I mean, what do you mean a speech? Oh yeah,
Speaker 1: because the oscars are Twitter now. UM. I having it
Speaker 1: out of the way because I've been writing so many
Speaker 1: like little lyrics here and there. I've been writing verse
Speaker 1: like you know, just versus or choruses is, and like
Speaker 1: never putting it all together. And yesterday I sat down.
Speaker 1: I said, you're not getting up until you can just
Speaker 1: it doesn't matter if it's good. You just gotta finish it.
Speaker 1: And it's ship, you know. But I finished it. I
Speaker 1: don't know if it's ship. You are a very good writer, man.
Speaker 1: You gotta get this fucking negative ship out of your head.
Speaker 1: Whoever tells you you can't be good for thirty years,
Speaker 1: your first song should be kind of ship. You're a
Speaker 1: writer before you were a musician. I know you're not
Speaker 1: a fucking twelve year old kid being like I like cheese.
Speaker 1: Cheese is cool, you know what? The words I don't
Speaker 1: care about as much as like I want it melodically
Speaker 1: to sound cool and different and like actually sound professional.
Speaker 1: And that's what that's what makes it not that good
Speaker 1: because it takes so much. It takes so long to
Speaker 1: become good and unique about what your music sounds like.
Speaker 1: I mean, it's like comedy. You know, it takes forever
Speaker 1: to find your like Vlace, But writing jokes for twenty
Speaker 1: years has helped you write songs. It's word economy. It's
Speaker 1: how rhythm. You understand rhythm. That's better than when we rhyme,
Speaker 1: when we're doing perfect strangers. You're extremely good at it.
Speaker 1: Jeff Tweety I was reading his memoir and he was
Speaker 1: talking about how he writes songs so he'll get like
Speaker 1: a melody. Let's say that's like, let's do the theme song.
Speaker 1: We just said nun nun nut don nun nut nanna
Speaker 1: and he just makes up jibberish assume the pasa nata
Speaker 1: xenies on get denis a ninda for you Ukraine? Yeah
Speaker 1: you want to again? What if? What if that translates
Speaker 1: to I stand with Russia or something? Oh my God
Speaker 1: is the best Nikki? This is not I swear to God,
Speaker 1: I was doing hear um. But he does. He does that,
Speaker 1: and he listens to it over and he starts like
Speaker 1: to sing it along because I've noticed. I'm not I've noticed.
Speaker 1: I hate to be like as a songwriter, but like
Speaker 1: when you were working on a song, it just gets
Speaker 1: stuck in your head and you just like keep singing
Speaker 1: it over and over. And he says that the words
Speaker 1: will find him like the lyrics. And that's what makes
Speaker 1: him such a great lyricist to me is because it's
Speaker 1: he's very different than like Taylor Swift, where she's like
Speaker 1: very deliberate, she has like a storyline, whereas he's more poetic,
Speaker 1: like whatever whatever words just seemed to naturally go and
Speaker 1: fit in it. Sometimes his lyrics, I'm just like, what
Speaker 1: the fund does this mean? But they're so they have
Speaker 1: such um imagery that makes me put my own story
Speaker 1: into it. I just I love the way he writes.
Speaker 1: But I thought that was very interesting in a different approach,
Speaker 1: because sometimes with comedy, I think even you just gotta
Speaker 1: I'm just gonna come out like Wilco. When I did
Speaker 1: listen to them for a little while, I got in
Speaker 1: that one song a lot. Obviously, Um Jesus, don't cry
Speaker 1: Camerolla on my honey. Yeah, yeah, yeah, So that album.
Speaker 1: The lyrics when they're a little obscure, obscure, obscure, when
Speaker 1: they're up skirt, I can't. They gotta be a little simpler,
Speaker 1: more like a merle you like a country like I
Speaker 1: went down the road. But even the Strokes don't really
Speaker 1: give you the whole story. I mean, are we human?
Speaker 1: Or are we dancer? I know that's not the Strokes,
Speaker 1: but that that lyric bothers me so freaking much. I
Speaker 1: think about I know we have, but it's coming up again.
Speaker 1: I don't like it. It's coming up again like I'm
Speaker 1: about to vomit. I hate are we dancer? It bothers me.
Speaker 1: I introduced you to Dominic fike A couple of days ago, remember,
Speaker 1: and uh So I watched the Euphoria finale last night
Speaker 1: and he's an amazing musician. We're talking about like hot guys. Yeah,
Speaker 1: and I was like, how about this young stud? Anyways,
Speaker 1: he played a song on the finale where I thought
Speaker 1: it was acoustic and he played it for uh Rue
Speaker 1: or whatever Zendaya, and I thought they were going to
Speaker 1: do like five seconds you know of this song, like, hey,
Speaker 1: what do you think it is? They did like a
Speaker 1: straight up, like three minute song, and then everyone on
Speaker 1: the internet was like what the funk? Was like, can
Speaker 1: we get back to the story? Just destroyed it. And
Speaker 1: I thought this song was it was a beautiful moment,
Speaker 1: like I'm a very crying with how good this song?
Speaker 1: But but but obviously you kind of felt that way
Speaker 1: too a little bit at first. Yes, at first, I
Speaker 1: guess because I thought, yeah, I got really into it
Speaker 1: and I like him a lot. Let's talk more about
Speaker 1: this kind of thing when we get back from break
Speaker 1: because I have some thoughts on music inside of the show,
Speaker 1: just inside anything in the end up, all that did
Speaker 1: come down Now when you say whenever I go Andrew
Speaker 1: and you go, get out of comment, it still reminds
Speaker 1: me so much of the time that I laughed harder
Speaker 1: than I think you've ever made me laugh, which is
Speaker 1: saying a lot, because I laughed very hard at so
Speaker 1: many things you do. We were at the baseball game
Speaker 1: and every time a foul ball would get hit and
Speaker 1: it would come up in our section. Not even that
Speaker 1: just goes in the stands. Before it even starts going
Speaker 1: in the stands, I sweart of God before it even
Speaker 1: gets hit. Andrew knows it's going in stands, and he
Speaker 1: just starts going, yeah, come now, now, now he wants
Speaker 1: the ball to come because we were sitting down, like,
Speaker 1: you know, we have pretty good so like on the ground.
Speaker 1: I don't know where that is baseball talk, but we're
Speaker 1: like on the level with the baseball, and so we
Speaker 1: would get hit up into the stands and it would bounce,
Speaker 1: you know, people are trying to catch it, and he
Speaker 1: would just go, come now, no, that's now. My favorite
Speaker 1: part about that bit is the people looking at me
Speaker 1: like I'm an insane purpose. It's so funny because my
Speaker 1: favorite part is that I know it started as a joke,
Speaker 1: but it hay. Sometimes you when you get um positive
Speaker 1: affirmation for something that's funny. And I think this is
Speaker 1: for most people. What causes you to do that funny
Speaker 1: thing again is not like I'm gonna be funny right now.
Speaker 1: It's like your brain just has automaticity of just let's
Speaker 1: now do the funny thing always. It's like when we
Speaker 1: say it's like you have that like Tourette's, you have
Speaker 1: comedy Turette's. And I don't mean to diminish Tourette's. I
Speaker 1: know it's a serious thing that you know, people throw
Speaker 1: a lot around a lot with comedy. What I don't
Speaker 1: mean comedy. God, I would never ever associate what Andrew
Speaker 1: does with a comedy. I know that comedy is a
Speaker 1: very serious art. Yeah no, but you just the knock
Speaker 1: of the ball and you wouldn't even think. Like usually
Speaker 1: for me, it's like something funny is happening. Let me
Speaker 1: think of something funny to say now, I'll say it.
Speaker 1: There's a delay of a split second. But with you,
Speaker 1: it's hit no to come now. No. There's just UCB
Speaker 1: shirts that say don't think. And that's what's good. Comedy
Speaker 1: is is like when you stop thinking and you just
Speaker 1: do the funniest thing happens. What was the other thing
Speaker 1: the other day. You were you were doing something the
Speaker 1: other day, and I was like, God, you remind me
Speaker 1: so much of something that in my life, and then
Speaker 1: I remembered it was Ava Ryan, the little girl in
Speaker 1: the little five year old Ava Ryan. Oh my god,
Speaker 1: and I try to have her on you up back
Speaker 1: in the day. She is so funny, her mom, Katie Ryan.
Speaker 1: If you look at it up on Instagram YouTube, she's
Speaker 1: all over, but she does. There's this one clip of
Speaker 1: she's the funniest little girl ever. And she's not one
Speaker 1: of these Instagram She was around during the Vine days.
Speaker 1: She was probably like, you know, three or four when
Speaker 1: Vine started, and now she's like thirteen or something, so
Speaker 1: she's like modeling for bait like gap kids. She's so cute,
Speaker 1: but um, she's one of the most naturally talented funny
Speaker 1: people I think ever to exist that I've seen. As
Speaker 1: a baby. She makes me want to have a baby
Speaker 1: so fucking bad, because there's that one There's this one
Speaker 1: clip that's my favorite, and I took me so long
Speaker 1: to find the other day, and I'm not even gonna
Speaker 1: play it because I can just do an impression of it.
Speaker 1: She's her mom's filming her and she's just like two
Speaker 1: Jews going to a bar. Right, Yeah, it was that one.
Speaker 1: She's like playing with her purse and she's like three
Speaker 1: years old, and her mom's like, what are you doing
Speaker 1: in there? She's like just putting some crap, and then
Speaker 1: she realizes she said crap, and then she looks at
Speaker 1: her mom and she was just like crafts cats. She
Speaker 1: just tries to cover it. It's so perfect. Us at Andrew,
Speaker 1: I gotta find it. I send it to you, Right,
Speaker 1: I didn't do I can find it. It's man, we
Speaker 1: we fucking text a lot. You ever go back and
Speaker 1: look through text and you're like Jesus went through Starbucks
Speaker 1: order the other day and I was like, God, are
Speaker 1: we having search? You could search your text, but I
Speaker 1: don't even know how a search for what I was looking.
Speaker 1: Oh here it is. Oh yeah, I searched VENTI or
Speaker 1: fired and then came out, Oh, this is a George
Speaker 1: Costanza clip. Goddamn it. I did send you a picture
Speaker 1: of Megan Fox yesterday. Oh my god, I know what's
Speaker 1: going on here. And they just had a new cat
Speaker 1: and I thought I thought it was her. Oh that
Speaker 1: was cute. Wait, did we have another word for that
Speaker 1: when we said a word at the same not jinks obviously,
Speaker 1: but I don't remember another word for it. Um. Yeah,
Speaker 1: it's out of control what these girls are doing to
Speaker 1: their face. You know, if you want to go get
Speaker 1: on a deep dive, can someone put Megan Fox's head
Speaker 1: on that cat? Please thinks or the other way around, appreciate.
Speaker 1: I don't know. Do we want to do? We want to? Yeah,
Speaker 1: we want that. I'm not catch haming. It's more her.
Speaker 1: I would never make fun of cats. It's inside. Like
Speaker 1: I'm looking at the picture right now, I'm going to
Speaker 1: show it just on. Just don't. It's just I'm not
Speaker 1: trying to be a dick. I just don't. It's a filming.
Speaker 1: She looks like a brad or like a filter, Like
Speaker 1: I don't. I really, I mean that's the look everyone's
Speaker 1: going for it, dude. It's like it's called the ponytail lift,
Speaker 1: and it makes your eyes go like this, like if I,
Speaker 1: holy sh it, I saw a TikTok of what you
Speaker 1: were talking about. Ponytail lift. It's for girls who are
Speaker 1: under forty who don't. It's not a facelift. It's not
Speaker 1: gonna like fix sagging skin. It just pulls. That's what
Speaker 1: Belahadid has, That's what Gidida Grande has. Everyone's getting it,
Speaker 1: and it's a facelift. I mean it's very invasive. You go,
Speaker 1: I feel like I'm about to get attacked by a boma.
Speaker 1: It really looks like I felt like I need to
Speaker 1: slowly back away. I was like, remember your survival skills
Speaker 1: right now when you sent me that. Fuck, it's just
Speaker 1: and these waste and these butts. Have you seen Kanye
Speaker 1: who every woman he dates is just a Kim Kardashian replica.
Speaker 1: It's it's like that eminem video where he has all
Speaker 1: of the high my name is like all those It's
Speaker 1: just it's that for is just finding girls that look
Speaker 1: like Kim with less of strong opinions. We both watched well,
Speaker 1: I watched half of the Kanye Duck. Have you watched
Speaker 1: the Kanye Duck on Netflix? Noah, Oh, I didn't even
Speaker 1: know there was one available. Yeah, it's called well, it's
Speaker 1: the worst name. It's called GENA j E E n Y.
Speaker 1: You h Genia like genius ys And it's like it's
Speaker 1: it's not a good name. Sorry, I thought at the ending, No,
Speaker 1: it's it's why you h I'm almost positive it should
Speaker 1: have an US because Genius hasn't. I know, I don't
Speaker 1: know it's Genia. Maybe that is it's all about Kanye
Speaker 1: when he first started. I don't know why this here's
Speaker 1: my thing. There's like, if you guys have seen it,
Speaker 1: the guy who is the narrator talks like this the
Speaker 1: whole movie. He's talking like this. Sometimes Kanye. I believed
Speaker 1: in him and in it, like it's that is a
Speaker 1: spot on impression. Was like that is. I was like Coody.
Speaker 1: He was a stand up comedian who started this UM
Speaker 1: show did you see it? Yea and a cable access
Speaker 1: UM you know show in Chicago, and he started following
Speaker 1: around all these rappers in Chicago. He started noticing that
Speaker 1: Kanye was like this up and coming, like really like
Speaker 1: a phenom. But I didn't realize. I don't know the
Speaker 1: history of Kanye or R and B or rap or
Speaker 1: really anything. I mean European UH, soccer war anything. I
Speaker 1: don't know anything, any dynasties in China. I'm bad. I
Speaker 1: literally looked up the difference between NATO and EU because
Speaker 1: I know that Ukraine got in the EU, and I'm like,
Speaker 1: is that NATO is that a different word for NATO,
Speaker 1: is it? Do you know Andrew it's not. Do you
Speaker 1: want to know the difference between NATO and EU. Well,
Speaker 1: I can't tell you because I read about it, but
Speaker 1: it didn't stick. Just like foot ball rules, Baby, I
Speaker 1: can tell you Kanye, you know, I'll tell you everything
Speaker 1: about Kanye. We should go toe to tell on what
Speaker 1: we both got from that Kanye documentary and if who
Speaker 1: who knows more? Let's go right now? Because I thought
Speaker 1: you were ticking and talking all the night through No,
Speaker 1: I wasn't not that one because when I watched it
Speaker 1: on my phone. Okay, well maybe a TikTok up on
Speaker 1: your old desktop. I did learn that you can watch
Speaker 1: HBO Max while looking at Instagram last night. Oh I
Speaker 1: know you can put up in the corner. That's amazing.
Speaker 1: That's a nice little feature that they have. So now
Speaker 1: their numbers can be even though they don't release their
Speaker 1: ratings streaming services. Here's the thing, Kanye, that documentary, no
Speaker 1: one filmed themselves so much before making it than him,
Speaker 1: you know what I mean? Like he had this guy
Speaker 1: follow him. It's like me being followed. Remember there was
Speaker 1: a comedian that comedian lev he did a documentary of
Speaker 1: himself when he was like twenty and everyone made fun
Speaker 1: of Yeah, but if he was Kanye that talented, he
Speaker 1: would have been a genius. Say though Kanye was having
Speaker 1: a documentary follow him. But he he did produce the Blueprint. Yeah,
Speaker 1: he produced, well, he produced like h to the is
Speaker 1: a like whatever is? Oh? Yeah? Do you know what
Speaker 1: Hova is? Do you know where that came from? Because
Speaker 1: I'm always like, why does jay Z call himself Hova?
Speaker 1: What does that even mean? I know Hova as the
Speaker 1: h OV line lane is like the carpool lane? Is that?
Speaker 1: Do you know what Hova is? I looked it up
Speaker 1: because I was like, I need to understand this. I can't. Well,
Speaker 1: Hova is Jehovah, And so he took Hova off of Jehovah,
Speaker 1: which is like the biblical name that he's maybe maybe
Speaker 1: he's knocking on doors bugging people. That's what Kanye did.
Speaker 1: I mean, that was the beauty of it. Is like
Speaker 1: he was playing a song. Yeah, he just had no shame. Well,
Speaker 1: Kanye did have shame. Like there was the thing about
Speaker 1: Kanye is he knew he was the best. And that's
Speaker 1: what I loved about him. And sometimes I gotta say
Speaker 1: I feel this way about myself, is that I related
Speaker 1: to Kanye because maybe I'm a narcissist, but I related. No,
Speaker 1: I'm I mean, I'm not like but I feel like,
Speaker 1: you know what he said in the thing he said
Speaker 1: the difference between me and and I'm not I'm I'm
Speaker 1: I think you know, there's many better comedy writers than
Speaker 1: like most better, like I'm pretty good, but like I'm
Speaker 1: not the best Kanye writer by stretch, and Kanye would
Speaker 1: definitely say he's the best. And so I'm not doing
Speaker 1: Kanye thing, but I related to when he said, um
Speaker 1: he So he was releasing his own rap album and
Speaker 1: he only produced up until that point, and no one
Speaker 1: was taking him seriously because they just saw him as
Speaker 1: a producer, a really good producer that would make amazing beats,
Speaker 1: and he would sell beats to people. So the biggest
Speaker 1: rappers in the world would just go to him and go,
Speaker 1: do let me see what you got, and he would
Speaker 1: literally pull up in his car and like play them
Speaker 1: the beats and they go great, and they would like
Speaker 1: hand a CD and it's like five bucks whatever. Well eventually,
Speaker 1: but then some people would were wanting them for free.
Speaker 1: Because they were such big stars that they were like,
Speaker 1: you should be happy to even have this and um.
Speaker 1: But then he said when people weren't taking him seriously,
Speaker 1: he goes, well, guess what. Now I get to make
Speaker 1: my own beats, So you're gonna people are gonna ask,
Speaker 1: oh my god, where'd you get this beat? And it's
Speaker 1: like it's mine. You never even got to see it
Speaker 1: because I made the product. So like, that's kind of
Speaker 1: how I felt about Um, I guess jokes or something
Speaker 1: like I could write these for other like I being
Speaker 1: a joke writer for a TV show would have been
Speaker 1: very hard for me, and I would have felt a
Speaker 1: little bit like Kanye, like of like I gotta get
Speaker 1: because I know Kanye probably didn't like having his name
Speaker 1: super small in the bottom of the thing on the record.
Speaker 1: I think it related to that of like, I don't
Speaker 1: think i'd maybe I would do well as a writer,
Speaker 1: but I feel like sometimes when you know I write
Speaker 1: jokes for perfect strangers for you, and like you're the
Speaker 1: star of perfect strangers, there are times where I'm like
Speaker 1: I could hold something I mean in my brain, but
Speaker 1: then I and I go, that could come and do
Speaker 1: time too. But I could also do this at the
Speaker 1: time where I'm making good money, and it's like, yes,
Speaker 1: I could think past my ego, but you can think yeah,
Speaker 1: instead of being like I want that now, it's like
Speaker 1: I aspire to that because I used to be behind
Speaker 1: the scenes of things and write for other people and
Speaker 1: be on people's shows and be like I was not
Speaker 1: I was in the same way, like I'm happy to
Speaker 1: be here. It'd be cool to do this someday. I
Speaker 1: don't know that I'm necessarily ready, but I'm learning a lot.
Speaker 1: I think I'm learning this ship done through this stuff. Yeah.
Speaker 1: I did also coach some perfect Strangers host the other day,
Speaker 1: not sorry, not having watched the documentary. I also think that,
Speaker 1: like everything is a process, and maybe if Kanye didn't
Speaker 1: see his music played, you know, like by someone else
Speaker 1: and like being like, Okay, well I want to do
Speaker 1: this for me, maybe it wouldn't have pushed him to
Speaker 1: become what he is today. Yeah that's how oh man.
Speaker 1: Because sometimes you give a joke to someone and and
Speaker 1: I know that happens with Andrew. You'll give me a
Speaker 1: joke and I go, it's just not for me, and
Speaker 1: you're like, no, it's so funny, and we all laugh
Speaker 1: in the room because Andrew's delivery, and it's like, it
Speaker 1: must be hard to go, Oh, she's not going to
Speaker 1: use this joke that I know would work if she
Speaker 1: just said it like this, but she's not going to
Speaker 1: and so it's not gonna work. Like Kanye was probably like,
Speaker 1: they're taking this beat that I could make fucking spin
Speaker 1: gold out of it, and they're just gonna Well Kanye was.
Speaker 1: If you watch, like, there's a couple of things about
Speaker 1: the documentary that I noticed about him. One, he's a
Speaker 1: little awkward. Obviously we all see that he's awkward now,
Speaker 1: but even back then, I think he I don't know
Speaker 1: if he's on the scale of autism or not, but
Speaker 1: he's not like scale yet. I don't know if he's
Speaker 1: standing on the scale. But if you see the other rappers,
Speaker 1: they're all they got there. You know, they're all very similar,
Speaker 1: and they're all very tough and like confident New York rappers.
Speaker 1: And then here you have a Chicago kid wearing a
Speaker 1: backpack with like a Teddy Bear on his head with
Speaker 1: his retainer. That's where I related to, And that was
Speaker 1: before the accident. I think, yes, it was, so I
Speaker 1: think he got overlooked because he was People roll their
Speaker 1: eyes at me when I have my invisilione on the counter,
Speaker 1: just a just a random counter that I haven't wiped down,
Speaker 1: and I plopped them right back in my mouth. Or
Speaker 1: Kanye does it too. And I know that's maybe not
Speaker 1: the best thing that maybe two years ago, saying Kanye
Speaker 1: does it too did it doesn't sound the same as
Speaker 1: it does now. But when I saw Kanye do that,
Speaker 1: when he was at like the pinnacle of this, he
Speaker 1: was with like the biggest rapper at the time. I
Speaker 1: got I forgot his name. Fuck he called him who
Speaker 1: I didn't. I don't remember his name. But he came
Speaker 1: in to listen to some of Kanye's beats and that
Speaker 1: album that they're going over is like the Kanye album
Speaker 1: that I know the best. So it's just so gratified.
Speaker 1: And but the guy goes, what the funk are these?
Speaker 1: And he points at Kanye's retainers and kind of goes
Speaker 1: to my retainers. He goes, man, don't get that ship
Speaker 1: out of here. He's like, I don't want to say that,
Speaker 1: that's not a place for it, because that's and he
Speaker 1: didn't even move him, He just like leaped him out
Speaker 1: and then Ganie plops him back in his mouth as
Speaker 1: soon as the guy leaves. It was so funny. So
Speaker 1: I think that behavior and stuff like that, I'm sure
Speaker 1: other rappers were like, I don't know what the fund
Speaker 1: to do with this guy. I mean, when he goes
Speaker 1: in with his tape college dropout, he's playing and it
Speaker 1: all falls down. I'll tell you that that song falls down.
Speaker 1: He brings in it, which is one of the best
Speaker 1: fucking songs ever, and who knows if upon first listen
Speaker 1: you think it's the best. He's playing it for these
Speaker 1: A and R people at Rockafella Records. I'm almost like
Speaker 1: tearing up because it's in these women's office and he
Speaker 1: puts it, you know, on a CD player in these
Speaker 1: women's offices, and they are just having people come in
Speaker 1: and out with papers like they could give two ships.
Speaker 1: And the song is about black women and the struggle
Speaker 1: of a black black woman, and he's trying to like
Speaker 1: kind of have it resonate with them, and they are
Speaker 1: just like he's so awkward. He's like playing with the
Speaker 1: pictures on the wall like it's so awkward, like and
Speaker 1: they're like, all, Kanye, look, he's gonna make it someday
Speaker 1: and they're kind of like putting he's doing a documentary, Kanye,
Speaker 1: Oh look at you. But he knew, he knew all long.
Speaker 1: And I always used to kind of roll my eyes
Speaker 1: about his mom, like I'm just like anyone who just
Speaker 1: puts their mom in this pedestal. I always kind of
Speaker 1: gos and and you know, obviously it was very tragic
Speaker 1: that she died and she was a single mother, and
Speaker 1: you know, I didn't I didn't realize how amazing she was.
Speaker 1: And I don't know, and I know that's stupid that
Speaker 1: I talked like that whole thing, But just the way
Speaker 1: she remembered his wraps and was remember that one, Kanye, Kanye,
Speaker 1: and she kept saying Kanye, Kanye, and shed Kanye, remember
Speaker 1: that one that was so good Kanye. She was just
Speaker 1: so gentle, so sweet, so encouraging and very very adamant
Speaker 1: about him staying humble and not being too braggadocious and
Speaker 1: he uh, but but also saying you're you know, you're
Speaker 1: a genius. When he rapped with most deaf, remember when
Speaker 1: they're just backstage and yes, oh my god, that became
Speaker 1: awkward too. But it went from awkward, no, because the
Speaker 1: Most Deaf does like this thing where he's like, but
Speaker 1: that wasn't he wasn't freestyling, that was it was. So
Speaker 1: he's with Most Deaf backstage. It was after content and
Speaker 1: they're all like kind of getting lit and like fucking drinking,
Speaker 1: and um, there's the documentary camera, which cameras weren't always
Speaker 1: around back then, so I think they're kind of hamming
Speaker 1: it up. And Most Deaf is like doing this rap
Speaker 1: that him and Kanye did together, and he's doing his
Speaker 1: lines and it sounds amazing. Then it goes over to Kanye.
Speaker 1: You gotta see it, because it goes from being like, wow,
Speaker 1: that's good, like Kanye and him are like getting along.
Speaker 1: They're both doing this, and then Kanye doesn't stop, and
Speaker 1: it goes does that same thing in comedy that Family
Speaker 1: Guy uses all the time where Peter would do something
Speaker 1: like so dumb and just it'll keep doing it and
Speaker 1: it goes from being funny then not funny to hilarious
Speaker 1: again because it keeps going, and that's what happens with Kanye.
Speaker 1: Goes from great, too awkward to like, oh, everyone in
Speaker 1: the room is like, oh, you show off like enough,
Speaker 1: and then it goes to like wait a second, he's
Speaker 1: closing it out strong, and then at the end you're
Speaker 1: kind of waiting, like is everyone gonna like this as
Speaker 1: much as he just did? And then there's oh my god,
Speaker 1: there's so much talking about jay Z and everything. I mean,
Speaker 1: I gotta see everything at the concert. At jay Z's concert. No,
Speaker 1: in the production room, jay Z gave him a verse
Speaker 1: on one of the so so I didn't see that yet.
Speaker 1: Destroys it, just fucking destroys. Yeah, it's gotta be talented, though,
Speaker 1: you gotta be talented. And that's what he knew he was.
Speaker 1: He had no question about that. And that's that's what
Speaker 1: you need, is like the ability to You just need
Speaker 1: that confidence man spaceship like Kanye's like my love that.
Speaker 1: I mean, whole album came out my sophomore year. I
Speaker 1: just transferred to sophomore three years. I ain't put the
Speaker 1: career she like, funk it. I'll just stayed on here
Speaker 1: and do her because that's enough money. Yeah, I love it. Um, Okay,
Speaker 1: let's get to the news. Like one story I love.
Speaker 1: We gotta do Deep Dive unwrapped. I think it's so
Speaker 1: just do like people to deep diving wrap I mean yeah,
Speaker 1: I could. I need to learn more. No, let's get
Speaker 1: to the news. Boy. It's Tuesday, folks, you know what
Speaker 1: that means. It is Tuesday. I hope you're having all
Speaker 1: the swells out there. And when I say all the swells,
Speaker 1: I mean all of them. Gobble them up. Let's have
Speaker 1: a good time. Noah, what is the lines? Okay? The
Speaker 1: headlines are Jordan Burglar. Okay, a man who was struggling
Speaker 1: to breathe was flabbergasted after Mount Sinai surgeons discovered a
Speaker 1: half inch long tooth growing inside his right nostril. Oh
Speaker 1: my god, a half inch long. That's pretty long tooth
Speaker 1: he was turning into in his nostral Yeah, teeth can
Speaker 1: hide out in weird places. That might be the funny
Speaker 1: ascentence you've ever said. That was rich. We just let
Speaker 1: that ship very second because that was a fantastic line.
Speaker 1: That was so funny. Well, teeth can hide out, and
Speaker 1: you said it's so they Sure, Nikki, they can. They
Speaker 1: Sometimes they're in people's chess. My roommate had one in
Speaker 1: her fucking stomach too, that she didn't eat. She grew itself. Yes, yes,
Speaker 1: she had to get it removed. Yeah, tooth are weird. Man.
Speaker 1: She had like a whole like other animal growing in
Speaker 1: their stomach. I don't know what it was, but she
Speaker 1: had a tooth and it had an eye. I think,
Speaker 1: I don't know. Oh my god, I mean yes, okay,
Speaker 1: the condition that he had affects point one to one
Speaker 1: percent of the population. Well that don't you think we
Speaker 1: hear about it more? If it was every thousand people?
Speaker 1: Why are we here when they give these stats of
Speaker 1: like it affects this disease where the guy who the
Speaker 1: boy who has no skin, it affects point zero one people.
Speaker 1: I go, there's a skeleton walking no, like, there's like,
Speaker 1: there's all these things that I watched from this this
Speaker 1: fucking YouTube channel. Follow the YouTube channel truly, and you
Speaker 1: will see the boy with two heads, the boy who
Speaker 1: can't go outside, the girls an umbrella head like it's
Speaker 1: just like the boy with two heads bringing up the
Speaker 1: enagers again a gay. Okay, wait, wait, let's go back.
Speaker 1: Because if I told you that I was having trouble breathing,
Speaker 1: and I said I think there's a tooth in there,
Speaker 1: you would go, Andrew read the book How to Get
Speaker 1: I would say, Andrew read the Book of Feeling nose
Speaker 1: Teeth by Dr John Sarno. Um, yeah, I would go,
Speaker 1: you're foolish it. But if you go it's one in
Speaker 1: every thousand people, I go, well, maybe you're one in
Speaker 1: a thousand. But don't you agree those stats when they
Speaker 1: go affects point one, that means one in a thousand,
Speaker 1: right point one person in the world is one in like, No,
Speaker 1: it's way lower. Point one percent of people would be
Speaker 1: a thousand, one in a thousand. I don't I can't
Speaker 1: agree with that. I don't think one of people. How
Speaker 1: many is that one person that we've met millions of
Speaker 1: people telling Listen to me though, If they say it
Speaker 1: affects point one person of the population. If they said
Speaker 1: it affects one person of the population, how out of
Speaker 1: how many of a hundred is that? Okay? So point
Speaker 1: one is how it goes into one? How many times
Speaker 1: I would say I'm not disagree with your math. I'm
Speaker 1: saying I don't know. Can we can you type what's
Speaker 1: the name of this disease? I want to see you
Speaker 1: know what? Just read it. It affects point one person
Speaker 1: of the population. Andrew, I'm I'm serious, that's one in
Speaker 1: a thousand people. I swear. I I hear what you're saying. Yeah,
Speaker 1: but I don't agree. That's what I'm saying. I don't
Speaker 1: agree either. When they say that, I'm like, there's no
Speaker 1: way it's one in a thousand people. But that's what
Speaker 1: it says. Okay. Wait, so this might make it more
Speaker 1: palatable because it has to do with a deviated septum, right,
Speaker 1: and we know so many people with deviated septoms well
Speaker 1: or just big noses that yeah, big nose in high
Speaker 1: school is so funny. That's a new band that's mad
Speaker 1: at about uh swallow Palooza but knows in high school
Speaker 1: and what wait? So okay, So basically it's the the
Speaker 1: deviated septom pushes the partition to the side and it
Speaker 1: allows the tooth like teeth to grow up. Okay. So
Speaker 1: I love the description of these things of like the
Speaker 1: tooth being like get out of the way, partition like
Speaker 1: it's like I'm coming through. It always reminds me, what
Speaker 1: do you say? No, did you hang out with Hollow
Speaker 1: the other day? Yes, you did a picture. You guys
Speaker 1: have fun. Her curtain clothes her curtain. Okay, this is
Speaker 1: halla is going to be laughing if she's listening to this.
Speaker 1: Halla was born prematurely. I don't know why I'm laughing already. Halla,
Speaker 1: please forgive me. But Halla Um, I was told she
Speaker 1: was really premature. Oh my god, the picture of her
Speaker 1: as a premi baby, I mean she was two. She
Speaker 1: was not supposed to live, and they when they took
Speaker 1: a picture of her, she looked like a little elf
Speaker 1: on the shelf, like doll, and they crossed her legs
Speaker 1: for some reason, so she looks like she's just like
Speaker 1: like modeling and it's like a fetus with cross legs.
Speaker 1: It's so funny looking, even though it's very sad because
Speaker 1: she was just so tiny and because she was born premature.
Speaker 1: She has like obviously she's pretty like she grew up unscathed.
Speaker 1: I mean she peas when she laughs sometimes, but that
Speaker 1: could be a whole other issue. But she has this
Speaker 1: thing where I don't know if it's macular degeneration or something,
Speaker 1: but it's something in her eye that her doctor told
Speaker 1: her in high school that that she would at one
Speaker 1: point go totally blind and that the curtain would come,
Speaker 1: that it would just one day look like it wouldn't
Speaker 1: be gradual, it would just be But I always pictured
Speaker 1: like a little man inside her eye, being like the
Speaker 1: show's Elva folks, and like the curtains like and like
Speaker 1: roses are being thrown into her eye, like she used
Speaker 1: to get something an eye and she'd be like the
Speaker 1: curtains closing. Oh my god, you're wearing sunglasses the whole time,
Speaker 1: just so you know. Oh, she does love Stevie. Wonder wait,
Speaker 1: bump Into. Have they done anything medically where they think that. No,
Speaker 1: I mean her curtain hasn't closed, so she's still fine.
Speaker 1: I mean she's still think the curtain is going to close.
Speaker 1: I don't know, we'd have to ask all but I
Speaker 1: just remember menopause. You know what, someday your curtain will close.
Speaker 1: Oh my god, I can't believe them in an age
Speaker 1: where like talking about menopause is starting to be a
Speaker 1: thing that I even wrapped my head around. It's fucking nuts. Okay, um,
Speaker 1: let's keep going with news. Okay, what other story? Abnormalities
Speaker 1: are found in bodies? All right? A wave of sex
Speaker 1: mayhem has apparently been sweeping New York City, prompting residence
Speaker 1: to lodge an increasing number of noise complaints to a
Speaker 1: government helpline. M hmm. People calling three one one about
Speaker 1: some that hang yep. One complaint that was filed was
Speaker 1: about people dressed up as Freddy Krueger Pennywise in the
Speaker 1: Easter Bunny having sex as the theme song of velveteen Dream,
Speaker 1: a pro wrestling pro wrestler blasted in the background. I
Speaker 1: think the Easter Bunny got the wrong invitation. Yeah, the
Speaker 1: Easter Bunny showed up to the wrong theme part. What's
Speaker 1: going on here, Freddy? I understand doing some fun stuff
Speaker 1: like masks, but not a Halloween mask. Like I understand
Speaker 1: like not wanting your identity to be shown. It makes
Speaker 1: you kind of freer to like be yourself. Like sometimes
Speaker 1: I like a good um slate mask on so I
Speaker 1: could doze off in the middle of it. But also
Speaker 1: because I just want to I want to lose control,
Speaker 1: right Yeah, And I feel like and protect like you know,
Speaker 1: and in a group sex setting, I could see how
Speaker 1: people would want a ask. But yeah, I mean that
Speaker 1: is I mean, fucking Freddie. That's like a boy with
Speaker 1: did you ever get? Did you ever ever? Very loud?
Speaker 1: Have you ever had? Have you ever had? I love
Speaker 1: when I hear fucking hotel dum people. I love it.
Speaker 1: It's I love it. I don't know why to have
Speaker 1: you know, uh, oh, my gosh. I used to live
Speaker 1: in an apartment and I could hear the people upstairs
Speaker 1: banging all the time. From the bed. I heard my
Speaker 1: dad really your stepmom, I hope, so thank god, I've
Speaker 1: never heard my parents. I think one time my sister,
Speaker 1: my sister came in my room because my sister her
Speaker 1: room was above my parents room. And I think one
Speaker 1: time in high school, my sister was like, Nicky, I
Speaker 1: can't sleep, and she was like, mom and dad are
Speaker 1: making noises. And I was just like, get in and
Speaker 1: I just was like we just held each other like
Speaker 1: we were sucking and they were just singing Louie Arms Room. Yeah,
Speaker 1: well I you go. I was your mom's like do
Speaker 1: and they are, Oh they are funny. Don't tell me no, no, no,
Speaker 1: no no no. Like my mom can really hit some
Speaker 1: good notes on that song. She sings with my dad
Speaker 1: sometimes and she hits she does the hit the road jack,
Speaker 1: she does the um. That's what he was referencing, Ham
Speaker 1: drip um uh. Robin was saying that there's someone in
Speaker 1: the room above her at the hotel you're staying at. Sorry,
Speaker 1: things are happening. There's a tooth in my throat. Um.
Speaker 1: I think the point when oh, no, I believe you,
Speaker 1: but you Robin said she hurt someone jerking off, which
Speaker 1: is such a different sound. That's the way sadder sound,
Speaker 1: you know of just like it sounds like a dog
Speaker 1: who needs water. Oh and just going and just hearing
Speaker 1: the tissue thingle Yeah, did I ever tell you I've
Speaker 1: told this story before. I have to have of when
Speaker 1: I got written up. I was I was staying at up,
Speaker 1: I was renting a place for like a month um
Speaker 1: in l A. And it was like in this courtyard,
Speaker 1: and I guess and I really, I really, I know.
Speaker 1: I talked about sex a lot in my sex life,
Speaker 1: and I'm so free with it and everything. I never
Speaker 1: want someone to hear me in the act doing it.
Speaker 1: It's not something I would ever be, like, let's be
Speaker 1: loud so people know we're having sex like cool, which
Speaker 1: obviously seems like something I would do because I talked
Speaker 1: about my sex life so much. But there's something nothing
Speaker 1: makes me more that we've talked about this before. I
Speaker 1: didn't know that I was loud until people started going
Speaker 1: like making little comments, you know, like you know my
Speaker 1: the people i'd be with their family and friends would
Speaker 1: be like, oh, we heard something lessen and be like,
Speaker 1: I wouldn't even know what you were talking about because
Speaker 1: I would try to be so quiet. It would boggle
Speaker 1: my mind that they could hear me. But one time
Speaker 1: I got written up. UM. I got a message while
Speaker 1: I was at work from uh the guy was renting
Speaker 1: the apartment from, and he said, Nikki, I have to
Speaker 1: ask you, are you okay? My I've gotten there's been
Speaker 1: several complaints coming from my apartment of a woman screaming
Speaker 1: at night, and I just want to make sure everything's okay.
Speaker 1: And I was so horror. I mean, I know exactly what.
Speaker 1: I was so horrified. I didn't know what to do.
Speaker 1: And I was in a writer's room at the time,
Speaker 1: and I shared it with my friends to be like
Speaker 1: what do I do? And my friend Benji l Flowow,
Speaker 1: I'll never forget he was like, just tell them you
Speaker 1: had an audition you were working. You were working on
Speaker 1: an audition for a horror And I was like, thank
Speaker 1: you so much. And that's what I wrote back. And
Speaker 1: the guy knew what it was. He was trying to
Speaker 1: make it into a domestic abuse situation so that it
Speaker 1: would be like he was trying to be like I'm
Speaker 1: worried about you, as opposed to like you're fucking and
Speaker 1: it's really annoying to stop it. You know, It's like
Speaker 1: a different vibe to be I'm worried about you. There's
Speaker 1: someone screaming, but like people knew what it was, No,
Speaker 1: it'd be great. It's like you kept going with that
Speaker 1: like audition, You're like, I got the part, and like
Speaker 1: four months later you're on location in like this is
Speaker 1: hard desert. You're like, oh, I write a movie around
Speaker 1: that scene so that I can the guy can. It's
Speaker 1: like a Seinfeld episode that gets you know, like, now
Speaker 1: I got to do the movie. Jerry. Well he's gonna know.
Speaker 1: I don't want him to think of a failure and
Speaker 1: didn't get the part. I gotta do it, Jerry. And
Speaker 1: then it's like to write a movie so that the guy.
Speaker 1: It all comes to fruition. I want to use the
Speaker 1: word fruition and this, do you know what the sounds
Speaker 1: or was it just sounds or were you saying words?
Speaker 1: Because I wonder if you actually thought you were getting
Speaker 1: abused or something. I think I'm like, I think I
Speaker 1: was screaming, just screaming, not like like not like listen,
Speaker 1: who knows what I was doing. Sometimes someone once heard
Speaker 1: me having sex and they said I sounded like They
Speaker 1: called me Wolfie the rest of the trip because they
Speaker 1: said I was howling like a wolf I have. I
Speaker 1: don't even know what that could be. We gotta go
Speaker 1: to break. We'll come back with We'll come back with
Speaker 1: Reddit node karaoke mode. This is your Reddit dum he
Speaker 1: it's never read a dump. I will, I will, thanks
Speaker 1: so much. Okay, let's see what I got for y'all.
Speaker 1: Um Oh, okay, So this was a really funny thing.
Speaker 1: It was on TikTok Cringe. It's a video, but I
Speaker 1: didn't send this one to Noah because it's like it's
Speaker 1: not even worth um like playing. It's this guy that
Speaker 1: went around his Brooklyn neighborhood and he's like imploring to
Speaker 1: all of like the guy at this bodega, all the
Speaker 1: guys on the street corner, like all these people in
Speaker 1: his little Brooklyn neighborhood. He goes around. He's like, I'm
Speaker 1: about to go on a date with my ex girlfriend
Speaker 1: and I just you just act like you know me
Speaker 1: and like that. I like saved your life and that
Speaker 1: I was there for you during COVID. And so then
Speaker 1: he walks around with his ex girl and all these
Speaker 1: guys are like, hey, Tony, you were the best man man.
Speaker 1: This guy's a hero, and they're like, hey, you're still
Speaker 1: dating that supermodel? Like they had all these like hilarious lines.
Speaker 1: I mean, this total bit. I mean, there's no way
Speaker 1: this girl actually believed it or whatever. But he was
Speaker 1: a comedian's funny. Who was his name? Sam something? Uh?
Speaker 1: Sam brnown Bronowski. Um, so funny. Okay, this one, Oh,
Speaker 1: this is so interesting today I learned. Okay, less than
Speaker 1: half the population can actually smell asparagus P. Do you
Speaker 1: guys smell asparagus P? Right away? Okay? Noah, you have
Speaker 1: the gene that that has it, Andrew. If you don't,
Speaker 1: then you don't have it. I got it. It smells
Speaker 1: weird to you. Well, this is interesting, I do not. Uh.
Speaker 1: It says there are two separate genes at work here. No,
Speaker 1: this is interesting. One is the gene that hauses smelling
Speaker 1: asparagus P. The second is the gene that allows you
Speaker 1: to smell it. So some people don't. They're pea after
Speaker 1: a spirit eating asparagus does not smell, and they can
Speaker 1: smell other people's asparagus P. And some people have smelling
Speaker 1: asparagus and can smell it, and some people can't. Don't
Speaker 1: have smell asparagus. So I don't smell a spit asparagus P.
Speaker 1: But I could have it. I wouldn't know. I don't
Speaker 1: smell it. But Noah has both because I'm guessing you
Speaker 1: smell your own P not others. Oh, I hate it.
Speaker 1: That's why I don't like eating a sperit. What does
Speaker 1: it smell like? Uh, it's it's almost like if you
Speaker 1: turn P into a soup. I just imagine soup? Do
Speaker 1: you also hate? Is cilantro like soap? To you? You're
Speaker 1: one of those people, right, Yeah? I don't. I can't
Speaker 1: eat um. I don't mind it. I'm not It's it's okay.
Speaker 1: I want to play the one, the Peter Poor Peter
Speaker 1: Parker one, Noah. This one is about how to do
Speaker 1: a ventriloquist trick. This guy is teaching you how to
Speaker 1: say things with your mouth shut, and you get you
Speaker 1: can say poor Peter Parker by following. This guy looks
Speaker 1: like Anthony spider Man. This one is perfect The letter
Speaker 1: P is very hard to say as a been triloquist
Speaker 1: because you gotta go pub pub, you gotta move your P.
Speaker 1: The P is hard. So what I'm gonna do is
Speaker 1: I'm going to replace all those pas with ts. So
Speaker 1: I'm gonna say tour Peter Tarteter, and I'm gonna try
Speaker 1: to do the lizard's voice at the same time. All right,
Speaker 1: So I'm gonna touch my tongue on the roof of
Speaker 1: my mouth for every soul. So I'm goody Peter Tarqueter,
Speaker 1: slowly together, hard, Peter Harker, Peter Parker, Poor Peter harcouter
Speaker 1: or Peter Parker, poor your Parker feature whoa. So there's
Speaker 1: all these I went through the subreddit, like the comments,
Speaker 1: there's all these tricks trill Quest used to make this
Speaker 1: sounds like to say fuck you put to do any
Speaker 1: kind of f sound you use. Wait, let me just
Speaker 1: look fun. It's taking forever to load. There's a trick
Speaker 1: for like every letter that's hard to say with your
Speaker 1: mouth closed, you know, like so you for for peas
Speaker 1: you'd say tease, cure fu cu cu cuir fuir. Are
Speaker 1: you saying okay, yeah, say it? Put your tongue at
Speaker 1: the root of your mouth and put the mic to
Speaker 1: your mouth. Yeah, that's that could help too, That could
Speaker 1: really help. Are you good at beat boxing? Cats? Cats? Cats?
Speaker 1: Putin kits ks? Are you? All I know is putine cats?
Speaker 1: Pink cats cats? That was taught to me by Radu
Speaker 1: Bandar shout out Okay. This was from Too Afraid to
Speaker 1: Ask the subreddit. Is the sole purpose of wearing a
Speaker 1: thong to reduce panty lines? Or is there another reason?
Speaker 1: Great question, because thongs annoying the funk out of me,
Speaker 1: And I really think it's just because women don't want
Speaker 1: panty lines. But what is the problem with a panty line?
Speaker 1: It just tells people you're wearing underwear. What is the
Speaker 1: problem with wearing underwear? If you're not wearing underwear, then
Speaker 1: you're just getting all your juices all over your pants
Speaker 1: or your skirt, or you're not wearing underwear. And is
Speaker 1: it to seem sexy? Is it too? Is it so
Speaker 1: distracting to see a panty line? Like? What is it?
Speaker 1: Why do we fear the panty line? I'll tell you
Speaker 1: it's because whenever I wear regular underwear, it always bunches
Speaker 1: up and gives me like a wedgy, So i'd they're
Speaker 1: a thong than a wedgie. Just commit to the wedgy,
Speaker 1: because the thong is a committed wedgy. It is a
Speaker 1: committed it is Yes, by like an hour of having
Speaker 1: the wedgy, do you even feel the wedgie anymore? Do
Speaker 1: you feel the wedgie? Because it's not. It is a
Speaker 1: constant wedging. And so after a while it becomes like
Speaker 1: tennitus tenitus tendus. I think it's the way you say it.
Speaker 1: It's just like you don't if you focus. Tendus is
Speaker 1: annoying for people all day long. But it's like the fan,
Speaker 1: you know, when you hate the sound of a fan worrying,
Speaker 1: but you're like, sometimes you forget about it. That's to
Speaker 1: me what wearing a thong is like, I haven't getting
Speaker 1: shipped on it because I would think about, Yeah, I
Speaker 1: I used to have a joke that my dentist he
Speaker 1: used to know I wasn't flossing or wasn't wearing a
Speaker 1: thong because wait, wait, what was it he knew? I
Speaker 1: used to Don't you hate when you have to lie
Speaker 1: to your dentist about that you haven't been flossing wearing
Speaker 1: a thong or something about how my thong had like
Speaker 1: he you, I was like, I didn't wear because on it.
Speaker 1: Um no. Someone said that they wear a thong in
Speaker 1: the comment state said they wear a thong because they
Speaker 1: get acne on their butt cheeks. Okay, and then they
Speaker 1: don't when they wear a thong. Someone said, um no,
Speaker 1: that was a good reason. Someone said, I use cotton
Speaker 1: thongs and they are the most comfortable underwear I've ever had.
Speaker 1: I don't. Someone says, I don't like feeling the sensation
Speaker 1: of the underwear edge on my cheeks when I regularly
Speaker 1: we were regular underwear. I feel the line on my
Speaker 1: butt of where the underwear ends. Um yeah, okay, So
Speaker 1: I guess that's settled. But I still maintain that. I
Speaker 1: think they're mostly for avoiding panty lines, and I don't
Speaker 1: like that. I'll buy a thong and I'll wear it
Speaker 1: all day, and I'll see different with balls and stuff,
Speaker 1: you know, like because it really pulled sometimes even my
Speaker 1: I have like a baggy pussy day, and I don't
Speaker 1: want it to be so scrunched up in that thong.
Speaker 1: And sometimes it's splits your vagina in half, like the
Speaker 1: thong rides up in the like in between your vagina
Speaker 1: towoob yes, split it's with her nose. Uh like three episodes. Um.
Speaker 1: This is from the subretted Bone Apple Tea, which is
Speaker 1: a great one for us because it's about mispronunciations and
Speaker 1: miss miswritten things and it's you know, obviously bone appetite.
Speaker 1: Someone just one time on the internet wrote bone Apple
Speaker 1: Tea instead and everyone thought it was so funny. So
Speaker 1: this is from the subret Bone Apple Tea. And it
Speaker 1: says and it's a review of a business and it's
Speaker 1: giving it one star. And this is someone writing a
Speaker 1: review of a business who just didn't really know how
Speaker 1: to what this turn of phrases and maybe recognize this, Andrew,
Speaker 1: what kind of business is this? They hire off putting
Speaker 1: delivery drivers who looks sketchy and like hoodlums, off footing. Dude,
Speaker 1: you're not the only one. I don't think I'm alone.
Speaker 1: Pudding there it is, folks. Did she get ship for it? No?
Speaker 1: I mean it's it's a screen grab of someone else,
Speaker 1: you know what I mean? Um, it feels I love it.
Speaker 1: So then there was uh the ask reddit men have Reddit?
Speaker 1: What's something you've always wanted to ask a woman but
Speaker 1: thought it was would be too embarrassing to ask them.
Speaker 1: So some of the questions are as it loads, so sorry,
Speaker 1: Kim and Kim, what do you want to ask underneath
Speaker 1: your chin by putting your tongue on the roof of
Speaker 1: your mouth. I just thought of it because it's a
Speaker 1: Peter thing. If you suck on the roof of your
Speaker 1: mouth this fat, well we'll go in Well. I remember
Speaker 1: girls used to be able to do like a froggy
Speaker 1: thing where you're like, and I think that's where you know,
Speaker 1: I think that's doing it. So final thought, men have
Speaker 1: read it. What's something you always wanted to ask a
Speaker 1: woman but thought it would be too embarrassing? Desk so
Speaker 1: one said, I always assumed periods where a constant stream
Speaker 1: of blood. Apparently this is like a cut, as another
Speaker 1: redditor put in it, apparently this is wrong, So how
Speaker 1: does it work? Small gushes? So he didn't think it
Speaker 1: was blood gushing out all the time. He just went
Speaker 1: during your period it was constantly dripping out. Is that
Speaker 1: something you relate to thinking, um, yeah, maybe, yeah, sure, okay,
Speaker 1: I thought those interesting. I don't think it's constant, but
Speaker 1: I probably think the same thing, is it? No, it's
Speaker 1: like it comes out like with your muscle, like when
Speaker 1: you sneeze, when you when you get up from a
Speaker 1: chair with different kinds of gravity push it out. But
Speaker 1: it is and then there's there's days where it's heavy,
Speaker 1: there's days where it's light, and it can go back
Speaker 1: and forth between those days. It's not like it starts
Speaker 1: like goes to heavy and then goes light again. It's
Speaker 1: not always like that, right, Noah, would you say the
Speaker 1: same thing. Yeah, exactly, heavy and warm, but sometimes it
Speaker 1: can go start light, go heavy, go back to like,
Speaker 1: go back to heavy. Like it's not one like you know,
Speaker 1: it's family, like a family guy bit. Yes, yeah, yeah,
Speaker 1: it's like a Kanye freestyle. Um, here's another question. Do
Speaker 1: you really like it when men roll up their sleeves.
Speaker 1: Oh that's a good question. I loved that question. And
Speaker 1: the truth is yes, because it just looks like you're
Speaker 1: getting down to business with every shirt. Someone said yes,
Speaker 1: can't really tell you why, something about the forearms. It's
Speaker 1: important to note that it's a phenomenon specific to having
Speaker 1: long sleeves that are rolled up. A shirt with three
Speaker 1: quarter sleeves does not produce the same effect. No, uh,
Speaker 1: I never thought about it, but yeah, I guess I
Speaker 1: do like it. It just already like gets me kind
Speaker 1: of horned up to think about that, to think about
Speaker 1: my guy rolling up as sleep. Yeah, it's like I'm
Speaker 1: down to fuck, Like I'm ready to go um or
Speaker 1: build your house. Uh okay, let's go to one more thing.
Speaker 1: Oh okay. You know I love um foreigners doing American
Speaker 1: accents or like non speaking English people doing fake English.
Speaker 1: It's just so funny to me to hear what we
Speaker 1: sound like to other people. So this is an Irish
Speaker 1: man doing an American accent, a thick Irish accent. You
Speaker 1: can hear it slip out sometimes, but he's pretty good
Speaker 1: at in. This is the funniest part about this is
Speaker 1: the things he picks to say that are so American.
Speaker 1: And this guy is so hot, by the way, and
Speaker 1: this is on TikTok cringe. How do you dudes? Sorry
Speaker 1: to barge in on your game of Texas? Hold them?
Speaker 1: But I have not chill news. Brett and Cody are
Speaker 1: in hospital. They were driving their Mustang Chevrolet truck up
Speaker 1: in Boston City, but the motorway was slippy and they
Speaker 1: almost hit tree trees and ended up hitting a Starbucks
Speaker 1: bullet Starbucks. The car looks like absolute shite, but but
Speaker 1: the boys will be grand. Hey, the American football match
Speaker 1: HD to hate remarkable. Pass me some crisps and a
Speaker 1: red Solo cup and a Budweiser camouflage. A Starbucks bullet factory. Wait,
Speaker 1: what is he an actor? No? I mean he's just
Speaker 1: a fucking Irish TikTok guy. But he's should base gorgeous man.
Speaker 1: But I just like the idea of what people think
Speaker 1: of us a Starbucks bullet factory or whatever the fund
Speaker 1: is it. Um, I just send me any people doing
Speaker 1: fake English things. I love when we're made fun of
Speaker 1: by other people. To close this out, um, I liked this.
Speaker 1: What life hack became your daily routine? What life hack
Speaker 1: became your This is from ask Credit. Um. Someone said
Speaker 1: I flipped my pill bottles after taking them, so I
Speaker 1: remember if I took them or not. Really helps if
Speaker 1: you take the same pill in the morning and at night. Wow,
Speaker 1: that's a good one, because I really forget if I
Speaker 1: take all the time, I forget every time and I
Speaker 1: only take one pill. Now, Wow, that's good. Okay. Someone
Speaker 1: said sleeping with a pillow between my knees. No more
Speaker 1: lower back pain. Um. Someone said. The chef who taught
Speaker 1: me to cook said, at at the get go, cooking
Speaker 1: is cleaning. So just like clean while you cook. Pretty much. Um.
Speaker 1: Someone said, don't put it down, put it away, don't
Speaker 1: put it down. That's to do it twice. Um. Washing
Speaker 1: dishes while cooking. Someone said, that's another one of those
Speaker 1: cooking ones. I bought twenty four pairs of the same
Speaker 1: sox and through the rest of mismatching ones away. Man,
Speaker 1: I gotta do that, but I can never find a
Speaker 1: sock I want to commit to. I don't understand where
Speaker 1: they go. I know it's a old hack, but where
Speaker 1: the fund do they go? Man, Well, you just learned
Speaker 1: how to clean out the dryer limp things, so maybe
Speaker 1: they're all in there. You didn't know that that was
Speaker 1: a thing to clean. Someone said, moisturizing my face right
Speaker 1: after a shower. Oh God, welcome to being a woman.
Speaker 1: Is that that's a man? I'm sure. Um. Someone said,
Speaker 1: in the bed before you masturbate. Uh, so you don't
Speaker 1: have to get up and like carry the puddle to
Speaker 1: the or walk with it on you. When I'm trying
Speaker 1: to sleep in bed at night, I go over what
Speaker 1: I did that day and think of everything I did
Speaker 1: in a positive light or as if it's part of
Speaker 1: the goal I'm working towards. Wow, is this fucking Kanye.
Speaker 1: I've never been depressed or at least diagnosed with it,
Speaker 1: but this helps feeling like I've accomplished something and I
Speaker 1: can feel better about what I've done. So every little
Speaker 1: thing you did, and also it helps me fall asleep
Speaker 1: a bit faster. That's good to go over your day,
Speaker 1: even if it's been completely worthless to go. This one
Speaker 1: thing helped me get to this next. Thank counting cheap,
Speaker 1: counting crows. In a long day and I spend most
Speaker 1: of it in bed, but at least I can't say that.
Speaker 1: Maybe I'll write a bit about depression someday and be
Speaker 1: able to use what I learned today. Okay, right, I mean,
Speaker 1: even even on a day where you spend all day
Speaker 1: in bed, maybe that day is maybe something that happened
Speaker 1: that day is going to lead towards There's no wasted moments,
Speaker 1: but god, it feels like it, especially like the last riff.
Speaker 1: All right, guys, thank you so much for listening to
Speaker 1: the pod. I got zoned in it zoned me indo.
Speaker 1: Oh man, I felt like you were zoned out. But
Speaker 1: if that makes sense, it seems like a compliment wrapped
Speaker 1: in an insult. We gotta go SuperFect, Stranger Set. Thank
Speaker 1: you so much for listening. We'll see you tomorrow on
Speaker 1: the podcast. Make sure subscribe on YouTube. Hey I'm coming
Speaker 1: to Austin coming up, and also a lot of other
Speaker 1: dates Winnipeg, Vancouver, Austin, other places in Texas. Uh fucking
Speaker 1: Nashville Ryman Auditorium. Um, I mean so many dates I
Speaker 1: can't even like for Lauderdale, New Orleans, Houston, Dallas, come
Speaker 1: out and meet us. Tickets available at you know, they'll
Speaker 1: be at the UH if you If you can't get
Speaker 1: them online, you can purchase them at the merch booth too.
Speaker 1: So UM, I hope to meet you guys there and
Speaker 1: see you there. I can't wait. Um all right, that's
Speaker 1: it for us, don't we Ki