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Speaker 1: The Hookup is a production of iHeart Podcasts, Blumhouse Television

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Speaker 1: and Ember twenty listener discretion is totally advised.

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Speaker 2: Love Though County Psychiatric Health Center.

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Speaker 3: Have you tried exercising.

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Speaker 1: Damien Santi a nervous I wasn't until you asked that.

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Speaker 4: Oh, you're right, nothing to be worried about. They barely

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Speaker 4: do the bottomies anymore.

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Speaker 5: Eh.

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Speaker 1: Look at this. It's called the Japanese Mukad centipede. They're

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Speaker 1: like Kaiju, big and super aggressive.

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Speaker 6: Oh wow, yeah, that thing wants to fuck you up hard.

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Speaker 1: And it says they have really good sense of direction,

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Speaker 1: so if you throw it outside, it'll just find its

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Speaker 1: way right back into your house and you can't squash

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Speaker 1: them or else. They release a pheromone that attracts all

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Speaker 1: the other centipedes in the vicinity.

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Speaker 6: Then what do you do surrender your home to the centipedes?

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Speaker 1: Well quote of nat Geo, the only way to kill

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Speaker 1: the mukad without summoning the whole is to boil it alive.

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Speaker 6: Okay, can we just get back to talking about the bottomies?

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Speaker 1: Please? No, but you're welcome to head out. I appreciate

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Speaker 1: the ride over, but you really don't need to wait

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Speaker 1: for me. I can just uber back to campus.

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Speaker 6: Are you kidding and miss this? Edited for TV version

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Speaker 6: of Grow Interrupted weird choice for a psychiatrist office. Besides,

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Speaker 6: I want to meet this doctor Wiley character when she

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Speaker 6: comes out.

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Speaker 7: I gotta ask her her intentions with my Boyoh show

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Speaker 7: her my shotgun.

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Speaker 1: That's awfully territorial for someone you're not even dating.

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Speaker 6: I don't know when i'd say we're dating.

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Speaker 1: I mean we go on dates, we go to the

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Speaker 1: dining hall.

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Speaker 5: Do mind?

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Speaker 6: Meal swipes mean nothing to you?

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Speaker 1: They mean everything to me. That's literally what I'm saying.

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Speaker 1: I really really like being with you.

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Speaker 6: Then what's the problem? Why can't we just enjoy enjoying

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Speaker 6: each other?

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Speaker 5: Okay?

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Speaker 4: How can I put this in Damien terms? Oh, we're

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Speaker 4: more than nates, but less than soulmates. We're consummates.

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Speaker 7: Consummates Yeah, yeah, like mates who also consummate the relationship.

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Speaker 1: No, I got the joke. It's just not really accurate though.

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Speaker 1: I mean, we haven't actually consummated anything. Do you want to?

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Speaker 6: I haven't pushed for full consummation because I didn't want

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Speaker 6: to pressure you. But if you think you're ready, I

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Speaker 6: would love to slide my lobottomy. Pick all the way

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Speaker 6: up to your brain.

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Speaker 1: That's That's like the sweetest thing anyone's ever said to me.

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Speaker 1: It's a date, Dani.

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Speaker 8: I asked about your week, right?

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Speaker 1: Sorry? Uh, spaced out. I started seeing doctor Wiley about

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Speaker 1: a month before Santy went missing, and not for any

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Speaker 1: single reason. I just always felt like maybe the way

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Speaker 1: I am inside isn't like the way I'm supposed to be.

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Speaker 1: And I like doctor Wiley well enough. She takes my

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Speaker 1: insurance and hasn't been sued for malpractice in this state.

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Speaker 1: But if I'm being totally honest, I'm not sure what

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Speaker 1: I'm meant to be getting out of these sessions. So

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Speaker 1: in lieu of just asking doctor Wiley to explain my

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Speaker 1: mental health care plan, I decided to make a game

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Speaker 1: out of it make doctor Wiley laugh at my jokes.

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Speaker 1: Success rate so far is zero, which is outrageous given

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Speaker 1: these golden nuggets of wit from our intake session.

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Speaker 8: Do you or have you ever had thoughts about hurting.

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Speaker 1: Others just in general or right now?

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Speaker 8: Do you have any children?

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Speaker 1: I already ate? Thanks?

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Speaker 8: Why Damien?

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Speaker 1: Sorry? Sorry?

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Speaker 5: Uh?

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Speaker 8: What was the question I asked about your week?

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Speaker 1: Right? M M honestly not the greatest.

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Speaker 8: I'm sorry to hear that.

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Speaker 1: Thanks. I remember that guy I was telling you about

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Speaker 1: last week, Matteo.

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Speaker 8: The one who looks like your ex Santy.

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Speaker 1: Yes, your honor, that one. Doctor Wiley knows all about Santy,

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Speaker 1: just except for the whole he vanished into the night piece.

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Speaker 1: As far as Doctor Wiley knows, Santy and I just

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Speaker 1: had a bad breakup.

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Speaker 8: And how is it going with Matteo?

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Speaker 7: Ummmm, I'm a doppel ganger of your missing X.

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Speaker 6: Are you shitting me, Damien Teo?

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Speaker 7: Oh, and then you have the audacity to act like

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Speaker 7: I'm the crazy one for falling for you so fast. Meanwhile,

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Speaker 7: you're playing out some fucked up lookalike fantasy? Is that

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Speaker 7: why you hit me up? Is that why you hit

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Speaker 7: me up in the first place? Because I look like Santy? No? No, nothing,

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Speaker 7: you have nothing to add? Okay, well, yeah that's a first.

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Speaker 5: Tail.

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Speaker 1: What are you doing the same thing Santy did?

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Speaker 6: Getting as far away from you as possible?

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Speaker 8: Wow, that sounds like it went about as poorly as

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Speaker 8: it could have.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, twas not the best. Still, I get where Mattella's

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Speaker 1: coming from, wanting more with someone who just doesn't have

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Speaker 1: more to give. I was in his shoes not too

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Speaker 1: long ago.

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Speaker 8: You would be referring to your relationship with Santy.

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Speaker 1: Yes, yeah, kind of a role reversal when you think

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Speaker 1: about it. Back then, I was the one who wanted

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Speaker 1: to be official.

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Speaker 8: And Santy didn't. I thought Santy was your first time.

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Speaker 1: Okay, so you're right and you're wrong. The truth is,

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Speaker 1: although I told you Santy was the register in which

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Speaker 1: I swiped my V card, I haven't been totally fourth. Right,

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Speaker 1: there was someone else before Santy. But to really understand

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Speaker 1: what happened, we have to go all the way back

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Speaker 1: to freshman orientation week, Damian. Uh hey, it's Meg.

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Speaker 3: I led the orientation seminary yesterday.

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Speaker 1: Oh right, I totally went to that, Amien.

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Speaker 2: And just don't worry about all this, Okay, I am

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Speaker 2: a cool all right, all right?

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Speaker 1: Thanks? Uh do you know my roommate Jacko.

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Speaker 3: We met last night at the Crustacean Ball.

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Speaker 8: I'm sorry, the Crustacean Ball.

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Speaker 1: Yeah. Our school mascot is the Crustwick Crustaceans. So the

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Speaker 1: Crustacean Ball happens every year during orientation week.

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Speaker 8: Oh okay, so it's like homecoming.

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Speaker 1: Now, homecoming is homecoming. This is the crustacean ball.

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Speaker 3: I okay, go on, So, Dame, what's it like living

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Speaker 3: with Jack?

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Speaker 1: Uh? Pretty much just like this?

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Speaker 3: Oh you're so lucky.

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Speaker 2: My roommate developed skaties on her face the second night,

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Speaker 2: so I'm making her.

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Speaker 3: Sleep in the library to look clears up.

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Speaker 2: Oh, Wade over here, Damien.

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Speaker 3: This is Wade.

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Speaker 2: He and I went to high school together, even dated

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Speaker 2: for a second and seventh grade.

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Speaker 3: You couldn't get.

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Speaker 1: It up though.

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Speaker 3: Wade meets Damien. This is his room.

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Speaker 5: So man, thanks for letting us Kicky.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, no problem, No problem, bro, I'm confused.

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Speaker 8: So this Wade he was the real person? You lost

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Speaker 8: your virginity too? Yeah, but you told me it was Santy.

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Speaker 1: I told Santy that too, So.

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Speaker 8: You lied to me.

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Speaker 1: I didn't not engage in a mild falsehood.

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Speaker 8: Yes, do you lie often?

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Speaker 1: Wait? I prepared something for this exact situation. Where is it? Okay?

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Speaker 1: So you know how in competition reality shows, the host

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Speaker 1: is always bringing on special guests, and you know they'll

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Speaker 1: make a huge deal, like this week's guest photographers none

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Speaker 1: other than the Jeremy Swindon and all, like the models

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Speaker 1: will go as if anyone has ever heard of Jeremy Swindon.

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Speaker 8: Well, I think I may actually have heard of him.

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Speaker 1: What No, I made him up?

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Speaker 8: You light again?

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Speaker 1: I'm making a point. Mmmmm. So just imagine that moment

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Speaker 1: if all the contestants stayed quiet, smiled and nodded, but

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Speaker 1: didn't even pretend to know who this Jeremy Swindon is.

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Speaker 8: Yeah, I suppose that would be a little rude.

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Speaker 1: Way rude, riddled with shame. Jeremy Swindon would have gone

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Speaker 1: home that night and drunk himself into a stupor, passing

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Speaker 1: out with a lit cigarette and burning down the house. Okay, Well,

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Speaker 1: so if you follow that thread, you could logically argue

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Speaker 1: that sometimes it's wrong not to stretch the truth. Hm,

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Speaker 1: not the enthused response I was gunning for anyway. A

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Speaker 1: couple weeks after meeting Wade, I was at the library,

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Speaker 1: rushing to meet a deadline for the Barnacle.

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Speaker 8: The school paper.

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Speaker 1: I presume, right. Oh I must have dozed off.

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Speaker 5: Hey, Damien Wade, Jess you.

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Speaker 1: What are you doing?

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Speaker 5: Meg told me I might find you here.

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Speaker 1: Oh okay, Uh, what's up?

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Speaker 5: Nothing?

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Speaker 1: Nothing? I almost just had a heart attack for nothing.

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Speaker 5: I never see you anymore.

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Speaker 1: Oh yeah, Jacko actually got busted for trying to grow

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Speaker 1: shrooms in the community garden. So we're easing up on

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Speaker 1: the parties. Not even the cool ra was cool enough

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Speaker 1: to let that slide.

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Speaker 5: Brutal. Oh sorry already to hear that. But we can

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Speaker 5: still hang out though, right.

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Speaker 8: Did you know Wade liked men before this?

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Speaker 1: I barely remembered Wade existed. It made sense, though, I mean,

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Speaker 1: it's probably why he couldn't get it up with Megan

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Speaker 1: in the seventh grade.

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Speaker 8: Okay, did you guys, did you fool around in the

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Speaker 8: library that night?

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Speaker 1: Wade wanted to, but I declined. I knew this girl

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Speaker 1: in high school. His boyfriend went down on her in

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Speaker 1: the library, and to this day she can only get

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Speaker 1: off if she's surrounded by all thirty two volumes of

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Speaker 1: the Encyclopedia Britannica. Which edition, Uh, not sure. Anyway, since

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Speaker 1: both our roommates were home, Wade suggested we take a

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Speaker 1: walk around the badminton courts instead.

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Speaker 5: Okay, okay, your turn. What is your biggest dating pet peeve?

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Speaker 1: I would have to say useless dating apple bios such

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Speaker 1: as like you know of sushi, travel and watching Netflix,

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Speaker 1: as if that doesn't describe ninety five percent of the

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Speaker 1: California population. And don't say you like to watch Netflix.

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Speaker 1: That tells me nothing. Tell me what you watch on Netflix.

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Speaker 1: It's like it's like saying you like using the toaster.

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Speaker 5: It's almost as bad as looking for someone to go

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Speaker 5: on adventures with.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, like what does that mean? What adventures are? Are

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Speaker 1: they referring to sunken pirate treasure?

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Speaker 5: Like?

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Speaker 1: What is that anyway?

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Speaker 8: Uh?

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Speaker 1: Well, seeing you tonight was I don't know, a pleasant surprise.

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Speaker 1: I guess well after the initial unpleasant surprise.

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Speaker 5: I am known at times to be surprisingly pleasant.

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Speaker 8: Did that conversation actually happen? That doesn't sound like how

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Speaker 8: people talk.

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Speaker 1: Maybe you don't run in witty enough circles.

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Speaker 8: I'll take that into consideration. So was that the night

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Speaker 8: you and Wade had sex?

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Speaker 1: But we did get to third base on the baseball field.

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Speaker 8: When you say third base, are you referring to the

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Speaker 8: third base.

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Speaker 1: Or uh, just like third base.

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Speaker 8: As in the actual physical third base on the you know,

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Speaker 8: the baseball diamond.

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Speaker 1: Oh yeah, it was definitely physical.

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Speaker 8: I don't okay, never mind. Was it a positive experience?

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Speaker 1: Yeah?

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Speaker 5: I mean right up until it wasn't so you can't

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Speaker 5: tell anyone about this? Uh huh, I'm not out. So

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Speaker 5: you need to keep this completely between the two of us.

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Speaker 5: Oh h.

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Speaker 1: Totally.

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Speaker 5: I'm serious, Damien, no one can know.

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Speaker 1: Are you still paying attention? Why do you stop taking notes?

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Speaker 8: No, I'm I I'm sorry.

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Speaker 1: You're right.

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Speaker 8: I've just heard this story so many times.

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Speaker 1: Oh, I'm sorry? Am I boring you? Doctor?

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Speaker 8: Oh?

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Speaker 5: No?

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Speaker 8: Of course? Please continue. So you and Wade were the

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Speaker 8: overplayed closeted not closeted relationship show. That must have been

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Speaker 8: difficult for you.

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Speaker 1: It was. I mean, before Wade, the most I'd done

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Speaker 1: with the guy was make out. Now suddenly I was

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Speaker 1: experiencing all this exhilarating and scary sex stuff, but I

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Speaker 1: couldn't talk about it. It became very isolated.

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Speaker 3: Damien, grab your shit.

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Speaker 2: We are gonna go get a blackout at the froo

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Speaker 2: Place again.

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Speaker 1: Jesus beg, who let you in my room? Hi? Aren't

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Speaker 1: you banned? If I'm going back to the Froyo Place anyway?

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Speaker 1: I can't I have a thing tonight? Sorry?

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Speaker 2: Meg uh yeah, right, that infamous thing we've heard so

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Speaker 2: little about.

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Speaker 3: Okay, you know, if you're going to keep blowing us off.

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Speaker 3: At least be upfront about it.

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Speaker 1: I'm not blowing you off. It's David.

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Speaker 2: You've been about as fun as a kronoscopy lately without

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Speaker 2: the tingling sensation.

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Speaker 1: She did not say that, No she didn't, but I

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Speaker 1: could tell you were drifting again. Regardless, the point remains,

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Speaker 1: the longer Wade and I were intermittently hooking up, the

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Speaker 1: further I drifted from my friends.

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Speaker 8: Why did you keep seeing him?

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Speaker 1: Hm? The question in question. I still wonder that myself.

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Speaker 1: I mean, there wasn't even anything about Wade that I

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Speaker 1: particularly liked, but it was a new kind of attention

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Speaker 1: for me, and I mistook the intimacy for affection. Thankfully,

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Speaker 1: the stuff with Wade cooled down once I started seeing

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Speaker 1: Santy for a while, but then came the annual Brine

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Speaker 1: Shrimp charity luncheon for a degenerative bone disease. I had

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Speaker 1: assumed that Santy and I would attend the galap together,

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Speaker 1: but when he told me he had other plans, an

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Speaker 1: argument ensued. It wasn't a particularly new one, started with

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Speaker 1: why can't we make this official? And ended with find Santy,

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Speaker 1: if you won't commit to not fucking other people, then

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Speaker 1: neither will.

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Speaker 8: I was that the end of you and Santy n He.

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Speaker 1: Bought me a Costco Truro and we made up like

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Speaker 1: two days later, right before I started seeing you. Actually,

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Speaker 1: I do stand by how I felt about the situation,

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Speaker 1: but I also recognized my reaction was perhaps a little extreme.

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Speaker 8: And was said extreme reaction having sex with Wade during

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Speaker 8: the two days when you and Santy.

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Speaker 1: Were apart yep. Pissed at Santy, I texted Wade for

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Speaker 1: the first time in months. I asked if you wanted

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Speaker 1: to hang out? That he knew what I meant. He

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Speaker 1: eventually replied, putting me on stand by.

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Speaker 8: Wade put you on stand by?

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Speaker 1: Oh yeah, that was his shorthand for I'll text you

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Speaker 1: if I'm able to sneak you into my room without

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Speaker 1: anyone seeing us together. Hmm. The hardest part about the

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Speaker 1: sworn secrecy was that no body could point out to

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Speaker 1: me how Wade was, to put it lightly, the absolute

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Speaker 1: fucking worst. No one to call a Wade a spade.

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Speaker 5: If you will, calculating joke score, I give up.

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Speaker 1: Not even a gosh dang chortle.

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Speaker 8: Is that what you focus on during these sessions? Making

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Speaker 8: me laugh?

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Speaker 5: Uh?

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Speaker 1: Oh? Cover blown abort.

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Speaker 8: I've noticed how you tune out. Sometimes it's never for long,

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Speaker 8: just seconds at a time, as if you're you're thinking

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Speaker 8: really hard. I want you to try something for the

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Speaker 8: remainder of today's session. Don't think, Okay, just talk to me.

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Speaker 1: Okay, good?

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Speaker 8: Now, let me ask has anyone ever told you that

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Speaker 8: you use humor to avoid uncomfortable situations?

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Speaker 1: She did not just say that, are there any centipedes nearby?

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Speaker 1: Because my blood is boiling? Yo?

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Speaker 5: Fuck?

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Speaker 8: What?

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Speaker 2: Fuck? That?

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Speaker 8: What you're doing right now? I want you to stop

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Speaker 8: the internal monologue. If you have something to say, just

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Speaker 8: say it out loud.

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Speaker 1: Well I would have if well, I would have said

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Speaker 1: it out loud if you had a better sense of humor.

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Speaker 8: Doc, Okay, let's continue. So you were on standby for

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Speaker 8: a text from Wade that the coast was clear, right.

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Speaker 1: Well, Finally, by the mid afternoon I got the text.

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Speaker 5: Ow.

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Speaker 1: A sorry, zoned out again. I was just thinking about

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00:17:35,600 --> 00:17:40,639
Speaker 1: that affordable and functional product. Anyway. Finally I get the

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Speaker 1: text from Wade. What was this message?

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Speaker 5: You can come over now use the back entrance.

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Speaker 8: Wade sounds quite troubled.

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Speaker 1: What Wade is trouble? I was the one being troubled.

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Speaker 8: Well, it's common for people who display this type of

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Speaker 8: behavior to actually be deeply insecure themselves, and they're only

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Speaker 8: taking out their insecurities on others.

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Speaker 1: I do not subscribe to that philosophy the whole. He's

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Speaker 1: only a bully because he's insecure. Line like, Hello, I'm insecure,

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Speaker 1: but I don't treat people like barn animals. No, certain

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00:18:19,560 --> 00:18:23,159
Speaker 1: kids aren't bullies because they're insecure. They're bullies because they

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Speaker 1: are rotten. And while we're dishing out hot takes, let

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00:18:26,320 --> 00:18:28,399
Speaker 1: me just say, all dogs do not go to heaven.

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Speaker 8: Do you think Matteo would agree?

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Speaker 1: Probably? He says drug sniffing dogs are class traders.

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Speaker 8: Do you think Matteo would agree that you never hurt

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Speaker 8: people out of an avoidance to address your own insecurities?

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00:18:42,840 --> 00:18:47,280
Speaker 1: I mean do I? Well, what's your point?

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Speaker 8: There must have been a reason Wade didn't feel comfortable

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00:18:50,480 --> 00:18:54,720
Speaker 8: coming out, and just like you, those anxieties drove him

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Speaker 8: to act poorly.

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Speaker 1: Wade is not just like me, and that's such a

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Speaker 1: double standard. I mean, why is it okay for Wade

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00:19:01,880 --> 00:19:04,880
Speaker 1: to be a dick to avoid uncomfortable topics? But I'm

347
00:19:04,920 --> 00:19:07,679
Speaker 1: getting spit roasted for making a couple of harmless jokes.

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00:19:08,520 --> 00:19:10,359
Speaker 1: You know what, don't answer that. I just want to

349
00:19:10,359 --> 00:19:14,560
Speaker 1: finish the story. It's me, Damien.

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00:19:17,400 --> 00:19:18,679
Speaker 5: Hey, come in.

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00:19:19,520 --> 00:19:22,840
Speaker 1: Thanks. So are your roommates at the luncheon?

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00:19:23,680 --> 00:19:28,600
Speaker 5: Yeah? Cool? Your hands are shaking?

353
00:19:29,680 --> 00:19:33,480
Speaker 1: Are they sorry? I'm just a little nervous. I guess

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00:19:33,640 --> 00:19:35,560
Speaker 1: I'm sorry I brought my vapor.

355
00:19:35,600 --> 00:19:37,359
Speaker 5: Yeah. We should really get on with it. The guys

356
00:19:37,359 --> 00:19:39,200
Speaker 5: are gonna notice if I'm not back soon.

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Speaker 1: Right, Sorry? Yeah? Sorry? So have you ever done it with?

358
00:19:49,359 --> 00:19:52,960
Speaker 1: The word virgin is so antiquated? Like am I being

359
00:19:53,119 --> 00:19:56,639
Speaker 1: sacrificed into a volcano to reawaken the ancient ones?

360
00:19:57,760 --> 00:20:00,359
Speaker 5: I can't speak to that, but I have fucked for

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00:20:00,400 --> 00:20:01,240
Speaker 5: the first time before.

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00:20:02,000 --> 00:20:07,760
Speaker 1: Oh splendid anything I should know?

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00:20:08,160 --> 00:20:13,000
Speaker 5: Yeah, Damnien, stop talking? Why back.

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00:20:14,680 --> 00:20:18,480
Speaker 1: Eighteen minutes? I checked the clock when I got there.

365
00:20:18,800 --> 00:20:22,120
Speaker 1: I was in and out of his room in eighteen minutes.

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Speaker 5: Here puncheon's almost over. My friends are expecting me back.

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00:20:28,960 --> 00:20:39,320
Speaker 9: So oh oh yeah, right, yeah, sorry about that.

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00:20:39,680 --> 00:20:41,360
Speaker 1: I'll yeah, I'll get.

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00:20:43,040 --> 00:20:54,159
Speaker 5: Ready. Whoa, Damien, are you crying? No? Okay, yeah, so

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00:20:54,560 --> 00:20:58,119
Speaker 5: let's bounce. I'll text you when I'm free.

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Speaker 8: That sounds like a are you disappointing.

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00:21:00,840 --> 00:21:05,600
Speaker 1: First time, disappointing in myself. Yes, I'm not wired to

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00:21:05,720 --> 00:21:09,399
Speaker 1: hold my tongue when someone cheats me that way. So

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Speaker 1: I didn't Wade.

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00:21:17,160 --> 00:21:23,399
Speaker 2: Damien Meg, Hey, why do you look so guilty right now?

376
00:21:23,640 --> 00:21:26,400
Speaker 2: Were you just smoking pot in the dorms?

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00:21:27,000 --> 00:21:27,359
Speaker 1: Kidding?

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00:21:28,320 --> 00:21:30,680
Speaker 3: That's totally fine. I'm a cool all right?

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00:21:30,960 --> 00:21:31,360
Speaker 1: Remember?

380
00:21:32,359 --> 00:21:35,080
Speaker 5: Oh good, I forget and yeah, we were just pre

381
00:21:35,160 --> 00:21:38,040
Speaker 5: gaming the Brian Trim Charity luncheon. I ran out of week,

382
00:21:38,080 --> 00:21:44,560
Speaker 5: so Damien brought over his vape, right, Damien, Damien, I

383
00:21:44,600 --> 00:21:45,600
Speaker 5: said we were just vaping.

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00:21:46,359 --> 00:21:53,240
Speaker 1: Right, you were high, Wade, You never fucked me sober?

385
00:21:54,040 --> 00:21:55,080
Speaker 8: You outed him?

386
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Speaker 1: Oh now she's paying attention. Eh, don't make me feel bad.

387
00:21:59,359 --> 00:22:01,640
Speaker 1: You're supposed to take a neutral tone about everything.

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Speaker 8: You outed him. That's a very serious thing to do.

389
00:22:06,240 --> 00:22:09,119
Speaker 1: I know, and I wasn't planning on it. It was

390
00:22:09,160 --> 00:22:11,760
Speaker 1: just just hurt and embarrassed.

391
00:22:12,080 --> 00:22:13,600
Speaker 8: Have you and Wade spoken since then?

392
00:22:14,200 --> 00:22:14,360
Speaker 5: No?

393
00:22:14,560 --> 00:22:16,840
Speaker 1: I generally avoid him at all costs.

394
00:22:17,280 --> 00:22:22,159
Speaker 8: So there's been no apology from who? From you?

395
00:22:23,160 --> 00:22:23,600
Speaker 1: Negative?

396
00:22:24,359 --> 00:22:25,159
Speaker 8: Are you sorry?

397
00:22:26,119 --> 00:22:31,840
Speaker 1: I mean, I'm sorry about how it all went down.

398
00:22:32,040 --> 00:22:34,680
Speaker 1: I acknowledge that I broke a colden rule.

399
00:22:35,000 --> 00:22:37,240
Speaker 8: But are you sorry for outing him.

400
00:22:37,840 --> 00:22:42,119
Speaker 1: Okay, so here's the thing about him. Look, Wade finally

401
00:22:42,160 --> 00:22:45,200
Speaker 1: came out this year, and he's doing swimmingly like talk

402
00:22:45,240 --> 00:22:46,000
Speaker 1: about adapting.

403
00:22:46,000 --> 00:22:48,680
Speaker 8: Well, so you feel like that means you don't owe

404
00:22:48,760 --> 00:22:49,560
Speaker 8: him an apology?

405
00:22:49,960 --> 00:22:53,040
Speaker 1: No, but it means I'm less inclined to give him one.

406
00:22:53,160 --> 00:22:56,160
Speaker 1: I mean, my God, is annoying. He's so woke now

407
00:22:56,560 --> 00:22:59,119
Speaker 1: ever since coming out, his social media is all about

408
00:22:59,680 --> 00:23:05,360
Speaker 1: LGBTQ activism and gay rights legislation and kidneys for starving

409
00:23:05,440 --> 00:23:06,240
Speaker 1: k orphans.

410
00:23:06,480 --> 00:23:07,560
Speaker 8: And this is bad.

411
00:23:08,240 --> 00:23:11,920
Speaker 1: It's annoying. I spent a semester feeling like the little

412
00:23:11,960 --> 00:23:17,520
Speaker 1: shit about myself and my sexuality because of his unaddressed bullshit.

413
00:23:18,400 --> 00:23:22,320
Speaker 1: But now he gets to be celebrated for his wokenness. Well,

414
00:23:22,560 --> 00:23:28,600
Speaker 1: I still feel well.

415
00:23:29,800 --> 00:23:33,199
Speaker 8: On the bright side, it sounds like your virgin sacrifice

416
00:23:33,240 --> 00:23:34,639
Speaker 8: placated the ancient ones.

417
00:23:36,600 --> 00:23:39,879
Speaker 1: What's that? Did you just make a joke?

418
00:23:41,359 --> 00:23:44,760
Speaker 8: Looks like that's all the time we have today. I'll

419
00:23:44,800 --> 00:23:50,240
Speaker 8: see you next week. Try to consider what I said

420
00:23:51,440 --> 00:23:55,840
Speaker 8: burying the hatchet, I mean truly making amends. It can

421
00:23:55,840 --> 00:23:57,840
Speaker 8: alleviate you of weight you'd forgotten you.

422
00:23:57,840 --> 00:24:09,240
Speaker 1: Carrie, right, Thanks Doctor Wiley TV's playing Cuckoo's nest today.

423
00:24:09,359 --> 00:24:12,239
Speaker 1: I'm sorry? What is going on? Oh?

424
00:24:12,320 --> 00:24:14,960
Speaker 8: And Damien, you can think now?

425
00:24:16,720 --> 00:24:17,160
Speaker 5: All right?

426
00:24:17,760 --> 00:24:23,239
Speaker 1: Back in business, neural pathways are up and running. Come on,

427
00:24:23,320 --> 00:24:25,879
Speaker 1: weren't there any spicy hot takes I wanted to dish

428
00:24:25,920 --> 00:24:26,320
Speaker 1: back there?

429
00:24:27,960 --> 00:24:32,360
Speaker 8: Burying the hatchet, I mean, truly making amends. It can

430
00:24:32,400 --> 00:24:33,440
Speaker 8: alleviate you of weight.

431
00:24:33,480 --> 00:24:37,760
Speaker 1: You'd forgotten your Carrien ough, Oh god no, not that.

432
00:24:38,440 --> 00:24:41,040
Speaker 1: Doctor Wiley's advice is never supposed to leave the threshold

433
00:24:41,080 --> 00:24:43,600
Speaker 1: of this office. You can't bring that shit home with you.

434
00:24:45,359 --> 00:24:51,280
Speaker 1: The thing is, I know she's right. The way she

435
00:24:51,320 --> 00:24:55,639
Speaker 1: talks about truly making amends. It's like it's like that

436
00:24:55,720 --> 00:24:59,040
Speaker 1: mccade centipede I saw on nat Geo. I have all

437
00:24:59,119 --> 00:25:02,840
Speaker 1: these centipede in my life, like Wade and Matteo, and

438
00:25:02,920 --> 00:25:05,040
Speaker 1: I don't deal with them properly, so they keep coming

439
00:25:05,080 --> 00:25:09,280
Speaker 1: back in droves, causing deeper cuts and bigger blow ups.

440
00:25:10,760 --> 00:25:13,840
Speaker 1: But if I really want to be happy or happier,

441
00:25:14,920 --> 00:25:19,160
Speaker 1: I can't keep stomping on their problems. No, I've got

442
00:25:19,160 --> 00:25:23,160
Speaker 1: to boil the centipede once and for all. Ah Shit

443
00:25:24,200 --> 00:25:40,240
Speaker 1: Bug written and directed by Noah Feinberg. That's me. Sound

444
00:25:40,240 --> 00:25:44,720
Speaker 1: design and score by Jeremiah Zimmerman, starring Noah Feinberg. That's

445
00:25:44,760 --> 00:25:49,119
Speaker 1: Me as Damien, Ray, Santiago as Santy and Matteo, Nico

446
00:25:49,200 --> 00:25:53,640
Speaker 1: Greatham as Wade, Augustus Prue as Elias, Scott Evans as

447
00:25:53,680 --> 00:25:57,160
Speaker 1: Big Tough, Jeffrey Self as bell Boy, Tina Majorino as

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00:25:57,200 --> 00:26:00,760
Speaker 1: Doctor Wiley, Obi A Bailey as p and Peter Gabrielle

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00:26:00,840 --> 00:26:05,080
Speaker 1: Ruiz as Joma, Sadie Dickinson as Meg. Additional voices by

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00:26:05,200 --> 00:26:09,280
Speaker 1: Megan Taylor, Harvey, Susan C. Bennett, Verona, blue Mark Bramhall,

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00:26:09,480 --> 00:26:14,120
Speaker 1: Bryan Daniel Porter, Chris Dicky, Aaron Kocher, Christopher Corbin, Kith

452
00:26:14,200 --> 00:26:18,359
Speaker 1: Danden Wavel, and Rhys Griffman. Opening theme by Alex Yoder,

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00:26:18,680 --> 00:26:23,160
Speaker 1: Casting director Sonny Bowling and Meg Mormon. Executive producers from iHeart,

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Speaker 1: Trevor Young and Matt Frederick. Executive producers from Blumbhouse, Chris

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00:26:27,560 --> 00:26:32,160
Speaker 1: Sticky and Noah Feinberg. That's Me. Executive producers from Mber

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00:26:32,200 --> 00:26:36,840
Speaker 1: twenty David Wwaits and Jimmy Jellina. Supervising producer Rachel Foley,

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Speaker 1: Editor Noah Feinberg. That's Me,