WEBVTT - Muting JLo with Nikki Glaser 0:00:00.760 --> 0:00:04.760 Good afternoon, Catherine. Karen, I always called you Karen. Oh 0:00:04.840 --> 0:00:07.440 my god, that's the you know. My old assistant's name 0:00:07.480 --> 0:00:09.840 is Karen, and she is really dealing with the wrath 0:00:09.920 --> 0:00:13.440 of being named and she's like, I hate being called Garrett. 0:00:13.680 --> 0:00:17.240 We actually got an email from someone who said that 0:00:17.280 --> 0:00:20.239 she's dealing with so much of like losing her love 0:00:20.280 --> 0:00:23.880 for her name, that she's having suicidal ideation, like it's 0:00:24.000 --> 0:00:27.400 really impacting. Yeah, maybe we should lay off the Karen 0:00:27.440 --> 0:00:29.880 and move on to another name then, yeah, or just 0:00:29.920 --> 0:00:35.840 stop acting like that exactly. So how's everything going? What's 0:00:35.840 --> 0:00:39.440 going on in your world? Wow? So I and my 0:00:39.560 --> 0:00:44.000 husband actually put our first offer in on a house. Congratulation. 0:00:44.640 --> 0:00:48.880 That's exciting. Yeah, we're shopping and it's all very new 0:00:49.200 --> 0:00:53.720 and sort of confusing, but oh that's exciting. That's fun, 0:00:54.000 --> 0:00:57.360 super stoked. We found a cute place and Alta Dina, 0:00:57.400 --> 0:00:59.320 which feels very far away, but think that's where I 0:00:59.320 --> 0:01:04.720 sell my breast Okay, Altodina excellent vaccinated in horny breast smolk. 0:01:04.800 --> 0:01:10.040 You can find it there. That's exciting. Karen. Congratulations. Well 0:01:10.280 --> 0:01:13.120 I hope you get the house. Thank you, And but 0:01:13.200 --> 0:01:16.039 you're still doing renovations on the house. Yes, and they 0:01:16.080 --> 0:01:18.680 came in with what began as one estimate as ballooned 0:01:18.720 --> 0:01:21.800 into a completely different numbers. So my business managers sent 0:01:21.840 --> 0:01:23.880 me an email last week that sounded like I was 0:01:24.440 --> 0:01:28.600 four years old. Um, they're like Chelsea in all caps. 0:01:28.959 --> 0:01:31.640 How could you possibly think this is an acceptable budget? 0:01:32.080 --> 0:01:36.839 I was just like, fuck off. I'm like, God, they're 0:01:36.880 --> 0:01:42.120 just such alarmists. Everything is so Meanwhile, you know you 0:01:42.120 --> 0:01:45.199 can never trust anything with budgets and contractors. I don't 0:01:45.200 --> 0:01:48.040 know what I'm doing. I mean, I've lost all Like 0:01:48.200 --> 0:01:50.560 I used to be so excited about projects. Now I'm 0:01:50.560 --> 0:01:54.880 just like whatever, Joe's renovating his house, I'm renovating my house. 0:01:54.920 --> 0:01:58.160 So we've been in a rental for almost a year together, 0:01:58.280 --> 0:02:00.600 which is nice. It's like a little nice ending spot. 0:02:00.680 --> 0:02:02.360 But it's in Beverly Hills. And I told you about 0:02:02.400 --> 0:02:04.960 all the plastic surgery faces I see walking around that 0:02:05.480 --> 0:02:07.640 I don't like that. That looks like my future. And 0:02:07.680 --> 0:02:09.959 I'm not down with you, know what I mean, Well, 0:02:10.000 --> 0:02:12.480 you still look like yourself, thankfully you don't look like 0:02:12.560 --> 0:02:16.079 plastic surgery. Well, thank you, because I haven't had plastic surgery, 0:02:16.080 --> 0:02:19.359 so I hope. I don't look like that. They all 0:02:19.400 --> 0:02:22.480 start to look like I know, because as soon as 0:02:22.480 --> 0:02:24.200 you start aging, you're like, oh, what would this look 0:02:24.280 --> 0:02:27.360 like if you pull your fucking you know, cheek back, Like, oh, 0:02:27.400 --> 0:02:29.920 I like this. But yeah, I don't want to have 0:02:29.960 --> 0:02:31.800 to get a facelift, but I don't know, as I 0:02:31.880 --> 0:02:34.280 probably will get one. I don't know. Joe won't be 0:02:34.320 --> 0:02:36.840 down with that, but you know, he doesn't really have 0:02:36.840 --> 0:02:39.679 any say in the matter anyway. I have shows coming 0:02:39.760 --> 0:02:43.880 up this weekend. I am in Pittsburgh on June second. 0:02:44.840 --> 0:02:47.840 June three, i am in d C. I have two 0:02:47.880 --> 0:02:49.680 shows in d C. There are tickets available for the 0:02:49.720 --> 0:02:53.840 second show, and then I am in Philadelphia on June four, 0:02:53.960 --> 0:02:56.400 and then I'm back in Huntington's Long Island for my 0:02:56.480 --> 0:03:00.360 third show there on Saturday night or is that a 0:03:00.400 --> 0:03:03.040 Sunday night, I don't know. It's this weekend though, Pittsburgh, Philly, 0:03:03.160 --> 0:03:07.120 d C and Huntington's Amazing. And my boyfriend is going 0:03:07.160 --> 0:03:11.840 to be with me, yeah, because he's directing my special, 0:03:11.880 --> 0:03:13.040 so he's going to be there and I'm going to 0:03:13.280 --> 0:03:18.200 drag him on stage. Excellent. I'm also going to pull 0:03:18.480 --> 0:03:27.680 up my horoscope what sign are you? Oh, I didn't 0:03:27.680 --> 0:03:31.040 know that. When's your birthday? Oh my god, that's my 0:03:31.080 --> 0:03:35.320 sister Simone's birthday of March. Yeah, Pisces are the most. 0:03:35.480 --> 0:03:39.200 That birthday is probably the most. My sister is the 0:03:39.240 --> 0:03:42.960 most diplomatic, easy person to get along with. Yeah, yeah, 0:03:42.960 --> 0:03:47.680 she's pretty much My coolest friend is Simone. Love that 0:03:48.000 --> 0:03:49.880 she's the one you're talking about retiring to Vermont with 0:03:50.040 --> 0:03:53.240 right and becoming Lesbian's right. She's the sister that I'm 0:03:53.240 --> 0:03:57.840 thinking romantically about futuristically. Well, not not really, because I 0:03:57.920 --> 0:04:00.560 have Joe now, so I can't even Yeah, I don't 0:04:00.600 --> 0:04:02.640 think we're gonna thropple up, although I think both my 0:04:02.680 --> 0:04:04.200 sisters would be open to it if I could be 0:04:04.320 --> 0:04:06.960 quite frank, which I believe I can be. They can 0:04:07.000 --> 0:04:08.840 live in the mother in law sweet in the back somewhere. 0:04:09.040 --> 0:04:11.240 Yeah yeah, yeah, something like that. But I told her 0:04:11.280 --> 0:04:13.440 to pack up her broken stocks because we're heading to Maine. 0:04:14.320 --> 0:04:16.440 I want to buy a farm, and who knows what's 0:04:16.440 --> 0:04:18.440 going to happen from there on out. I'm gonna get 0:04:18.440 --> 0:04:22.159 really into gardening. I know. I'm excited about our guest today. 0:04:22.520 --> 0:04:26.200 Me too, because she's sweet and She's a comedian. She 0:04:26.320 --> 0:04:29.640 hosts that HBO show which is called f Boy Island 0:04:30.080 --> 0:04:33.520 Right HBO Max, And she is the star of her 0:04:33.520 --> 0:04:36.039 own reality show which is now on e which is 0:04:36.080 --> 0:04:39.680 called Welcome Home Nicki Glazer. We have Nicki Glazer on 0:04:39.720 --> 0:04:45.839 the show today. Let's talk to her. Hi, Nikki, Hello, Hello, Hi, 0:04:46.400 --> 0:04:50.240 Hi COVID. I don't have CONVID. I just took a test. 0:04:50.839 --> 0:04:53.720 I thought I had it, and I sometimes you just 0:04:54.480 --> 0:04:57.080 give it to just like change your life. I was 0:04:57.120 --> 0:04:58.640 just coming to l A for a bunch of press, 0:04:58.680 --> 0:05:00.240 and I think this was the only thing I was 0:05:00.279 --> 0:05:02.720 looking forward to, to be honest with you, and I'm 0:05:02.760 --> 0:05:06.320 so glad it could be done remotely. But I think 0:05:06.360 --> 0:05:08.040 I just was like, yes, I have COVID. I gotta 0:05:08.080 --> 0:05:10.400 go home. But I know, I know what you mean. 0:05:10.760 --> 0:05:13.200 So do you think you had it? I tested positive 0:05:13.240 --> 0:05:16.039 back in um August for like the Delta Kinds, so 0:05:16.080 --> 0:05:18.640 I definitely capable of getting it. But I was in 0:05:19.040 --> 0:05:21.520 so my co host on my podcast and my guy 0:05:21.520 --> 0:05:23.720 who opens for me on the road, he's positive right 0:05:23.720 --> 0:05:26.760 now and he caught it from Natasha, but he's been 0:05:26.800 --> 0:05:33.280 positive for months. Natasha is a cesspool to shout out 0:05:33.279 --> 0:05:35.719 to Natasha. I just read her book that she has 0:05:35.760 --> 0:05:39.000 coming out. It's called The World Deserves My Children. It 0:05:39.200 --> 0:05:42.560 is the fucking funniest parenting book I've ever read. So 0:05:42.640 --> 0:05:46.480 anyone listening, please go to Natasha. Oh yeah, it's so 0:05:46.560 --> 0:05:50.960 good and it's so funny and Mosha her husband is 0:05:51.480 --> 0:05:56.640 so useless. So for anyone who's a parent, pre order 0:05:56.720 --> 0:05:58.440 this book. And even if you're not a parent and 0:05:58.440 --> 0:06:01.160 you want to instill and like met the idea that 0:06:01.200 --> 0:06:04.560 you've made the right decision, this book will also for you. 0:06:04.920 --> 0:06:08.960 That's good. Natasha, while she was possibly transmitting COVID to 0:06:09.000 --> 0:06:11.960 me in this little green room backstage, convinced me to 0:06:11.960 --> 0:06:15.719 freeze my eggs. I was so adamant that I don't 0:06:15.720 --> 0:06:17.320 need to do that. I just know what I want. 0:06:17.400 --> 0:06:20.559 And after talking to her for like four minutes, Cheep 0:06:20.600 --> 0:06:23.800 infected me with probably having a baby. At some point. 0:06:24.000 --> 0:06:25.400 I was like, don't do this to me. I don't 0:06:25.400 --> 0:06:26.880 want to have to do this whole thing. But are 0:06:26.920 --> 0:06:31.800 you gonna go freeze? Are you interested in having children? Nikki? No, No, Chelsea, 0:06:31.839 --> 0:06:34.080 I'm not. I feel really good about not doing it, 0:06:34.120 --> 0:06:36.599 but I'm just fearing that I will at some point. 0:06:36.680 --> 0:06:39.920 It's just I'm thirty. I'm about to be thirty eight 0:06:39.960 --> 0:06:42.919 in a month, so it's the time to freeze them. 0:06:42.960 --> 0:06:44.720 It's probably a little too late. Yeah, I think she 0:06:44.800 --> 0:06:51.280 was thirty eight when she throws hers. I'm so excited 0:06:51.320 --> 0:06:55.039 to talk to you today at all, really, because your 0:06:55.120 --> 0:06:58.040 most recent book meant a lot to me, and it 0:06:58.080 --> 0:07:01.159 makes me excited to confer things that I'm like kind 0:07:01.160 --> 0:07:03.599 of you know, avoiding, and so I actually did a 0:07:03.600 --> 0:07:07.640 lot during COVID, but I'm still running from something. You 0:07:07.680 --> 0:07:10.080 did a lot of therapy during COVID. I mean I've 0:07:10.080 --> 0:07:13.040 always done a lot of therapy, but during COVID it 0:07:13.160 --> 0:07:15.520 got bad. I got constant suicidal thoughts. I mean, I 0:07:15.520 --> 0:07:17.840 was living with my parents, I was in between apartments 0:07:18.160 --> 0:07:20.920 in New York. I was upgrading my life. I got 0:07:21.000 --> 0:07:23.640 rid of all my furniture, got an apartment that is 0:07:24.080 --> 0:07:26.880 three times as much of I ever even considered paying 0:07:26.880 --> 0:07:28.840 for rent. I was like it had an elevator opening 0:07:28.880 --> 0:07:31.480 onto Like I was like, I deserved this. I'm having 0:07:31.480 --> 0:07:35.080 a good year. And my least started March one, and 0:07:35.080 --> 0:07:37.520 I was in l A until the fifte and then 0:07:37.520 --> 0:07:38.920 I just never went back. I just went to my 0:07:38.960 --> 0:07:41.120 parents house to just wait it out, and then I 0:07:41.160 --> 0:07:44.400 stayed there, paid for this apartment for fucking eleven months 0:07:44.880 --> 0:07:47.160 until I found a sub letter on the last month, 0:07:47.600 --> 0:07:49.120 and then I just stayed in St. Louis. I moved 0:07:49.160 --> 0:07:51.840 down to my parents house, but I knew that when 0:07:51.880 --> 0:07:54.080 things shut down, I was not going to be okay 0:07:54.080 --> 0:07:56.720 on my own. I lived alone, but I didn't really. 0:07:56.760 --> 0:08:00.400 I just would always go home after doing sets all 0:08:00.480 --> 0:08:03.720 night long and being out all day doing podcasts, running around, 0:08:03.800 --> 0:08:05.320 and I would just go to sleep. I didn't like 0:08:05.640 --> 0:08:08.160 I never sat alone with myself. I couldn't like be 0:08:08.240 --> 0:08:11.440 alone with a book. It was just only going home 0:08:11.440 --> 0:08:14.480 to sleep. And so the idea of living alone and 0:08:14.520 --> 0:08:16.560 not having anywhere to go, I was so scared. So 0:08:16.600 --> 0:08:18.720 I just went to my parents and then well I 0:08:18.760 --> 0:08:20.920 wasn't good after a little bit. I think it just 0:08:21.360 --> 0:08:24.520 I was just so depressed during I mean, who wasn't 0:08:24.600 --> 0:08:27.680 and I just was. I've always struggled with like suicidal ideations, 0:08:27.720 --> 0:08:30.040 but they just there was nowhere. There was nothing to 0:08:30.040 --> 0:08:32.480 make them stop during that time, and so things were 0:08:32.520 --> 0:08:35.400 going well, like I was still like co hosting Jimmy 0:08:35.480 --> 0:08:39.200 Kimmel and doing Zoom appearances, people still remembered me. It 0:08:39.240 --> 0:08:41.559 wasn't like I was. I think initially I thought I 0:08:41.600 --> 0:08:44.040 was scared of being forgotten or something, but it just 0:08:44.040 --> 0:08:46.640 didn't matter. That's the other thing. It's like my parents 0:08:46.679 --> 0:08:50.160 being like, but you're killing it. Things are great, Why 0:08:50.160 --> 0:08:52.000 do you want to die? And I just like, I 0:08:52.080 --> 0:08:54.760 just I just do. And so I think that forced 0:08:54.800 --> 0:08:57.040 me to to get help. I got in recovery from 0:08:57.040 --> 0:09:01.120 my eating disorder, which became I wouldn't lear during COVID 0:09:01.240 --> 0:09:04.000 because there was nothing else that one I had been 0:09:04.040 --> 0:09:06.400 bearing forever. And so that was I think what got 0:09:06.440 --> 0:09:09.800 me to a place I am now where I am 0:09:09.800 --> 0:09:13.160 brutally honest, even though I was before. You know, like 0:09:13.400 --> 0:09:15.360 as a comedian, you're just like I just say everything 0:09:15.400 --> 0:09:17.640 and I share everything. But I wasn't really being honest. 0:09:17.679 --> 0:09:21.920 And now I think, looking at how terrible my food 0:09:21.960 --> 0:09:24.559 situation was in my relationship with it, it like really 0:09:25.120 --> 0:09:27.640 it forced me to like get help. And that was 0:09:27.679 --> 0:09:29.439 the one that was always like I quit drinking, I 0:09:29.520 --> 0:09:31.400 quit smoking weed, I would quit everything else, but that 0:09:31.480 --> 0:09:33.800 was like I don't want to give up binging and 0:09:33.920 --> 0:09:36.600 starving and all that, And then I finally had to 0:09:36.600 --> 0:09:39.280 give that up and that's where it gets all the 0:09:39.400 --> 0:09:41.640 all the feelings come in. And then there's no stand up. 0:09:42.120 --> 0:09:45.280 That's another drug, like just going on stage and getting it, 0:09:45.480 --> 0:09:49.280 just these little like dopamine hits. Doing podcasting, like I 0:09:49.320 --> 0:09:51.160 just filled my life with podcast That's why I started 0:09:51.200 --> 0:09:53.880 doing it four times a day. I was just like, there, 0:09:54.480 --> 0:09:59.079 I can't just do nothing. What do people do? Yeah? Yeah, well, 0:09:59.120 --> 0:10:01.400 I mean, you know, I feel like you're not alone. 0:10:01.480 --> 0:10:05.600 A lot of comedians are out there projecting onto the world. 0:10:05.640 --> 0:10:09.120 They're honesty when they are hiding things underneath that like that. 0:10:09.240 --> 0:10:11.360 You know, I can relate to that for sure. Personally, 0:10:11.800 --> 0:10:14.400 the thing is everyone has their ship. It's not like 0:10:14.640 --> 0:10:17.200 you're the only one struggling with something, you know. So 0:10:17.320 --> 0:10:21.440 it feels very lonely when you're experiencing an addiction, but 0:10:21.559 --> 0:10:24.840 it's so common. Yeah, I think I have to talk 0:10:24.840 --> 0:10:27.320 about like the reality of what my eating disorder looked like, 0:10:27.640 --> 0:10:29.640 because I would say, you know, oh I would binge, 0:10:29.679 --> 0:10:31.120 but like, what does that really look like? What does 0:10:31.160 --> 0:10:35.160 that mean? I'm also like a thinner woman. So people go, okay, sure, 0:10:35.200 --> 0:10:37.280 I'm sure you've been what is And I would say, oh, 0:10:37.320 --> 0:10:39.480 I wake up in the morning and there's like seven 0:10:39.520 --> 0:10:41.640 protein bar rappers because I've started all day and I 0:10:41.640 --> 0:10:44.280 eat throughout the night. They were really like seventeen. Like 0:10:44.360 --> 0:10:46.040 that's the kind of honesty I'm talking about where it's 0:10:46.040 --> 0:10:49.160 like you you say something shocking and honest, but what's 0:10:49.160 --> 0:10:51.840 the reality is. It was thousands and thousands of calories 0:10:51.840 --> 0:10:54.520 that I was putting in. And then I'm the same 0:10:54.520 --> 0:10:56.560 way of like I can kind of cold turkey something 0:10:56.600 --> 0:10:59.520 and put these like really hard limits on myself and 0:10:59.559 --> 0:11:02.200 stick to um. But to me, something else just pops 0:11:02.240 --> 0:11:04.000 for me, something else pops up to fill that. So 0:11:04.080 --> 0:11:05.840 with blieve me. And when I was throwing up, I 0:11:05.920 --> 0:11:08.200 just kept getting a mouth acne that just would no 0:11:08.240 --> 0:11:10.559 matter how much I scrub my face afterwards, brush my teeth, 0:11:11.160 --> 0:11:13.160 I just couldn't. And I couldn't. It was a vanity 0:11:13.200 --> 0:11:14.520 thing where I go, Okay, well, I can't throw up 0:11:14.520 --> 0:11:20.040 anymore because this is giving me gigantic volcano like volcano 0:11:20.320 --> 0:11:22.920 acne around my mouth. So then I go, okay, I'll 0:11:23.000 --> 0:11:26.200 run six miles every day no matter what. And then 0:11:26.240 --> 0:11:29.080 I fucking sprained my leg and then I'm like, okay, 0:11:29.120 --> 0:11:30.720 well then I'll just starve all day and call it 0:11:30.720 --> 0:11:34.560 intermittent fasting. And then suddenly it's something that I can 0:11:34.920 --> 0:11:37.000 I can get away with being anorexic now and just 0:11:37.040 --> 0:11:40.360 call it intermittent fasting, like this is awesome. So I 0:11:40.440 --> 0:11:43.040 just kept finding ways, and I think when COVID hit, 0:11:43.080 --> 0:11:45.160 I just I really at this moment where I woke 0:11:45.240 --> 0:11:47.920 up in bed and there were all these protein bar wrappers, 0:11:47.960 --> 0:11:49.880 because that's all I was living on was these protein 0:11:49.920 --> 0:11:52.320 bars and just starving all day and just trying to 0:11:52.360 --> 0:11:55.120 figure out what to do all day, so I didn't eat, 0:11:55.760 --> 0:11:57.680 and that's why I would fill up my life with stuff. 0:11:57.840 --> 0:11:59.600 And then I realized, oh my god, this is why 0:11:59.600 --> 0:12:01.120 I'm living with my parents, because why I don't have 0:12:01.120 --> 0:12:04.199 a Boyfriend's why I can't let anyone near me because 0:12:04.240 --> 0:12:08.000 I I have rappers in my bed. I'm not being honest. 0:12:08.040 --> 0:12:11.320 I can't let someone go grab my purse and get 0:12:11.360 --> 0:12:14.000 something for me ever, because I have so many gum 0:12:14.080 --> 0:12:16.720 rappers in there. Because I was also addicted to gum chewing, 0:12:16.760 --> 0:12:19.280 like I was like a cigarette smoker. I was like, 0:12:19.280 --> 0:12:21.840 I'm at four packs a day, like I've tried it. 0:12:22.080 --> 0:12:24.160 That was a small day, and I was just bloated 0:12:24.200 --> 0:12:27.199 and sick from it and wasting all this money on gum, 0:12:27.240 --> 0:12:29.960 like having to have Amazon ship me gum on the 0:12:30.040 --> 0:12:32.000 road just because this place wouldn't have my I mean, 0:12:32.040 --> 0:12:34.760 it was just sick. But it was so manageable because 0:12:35.280 --> 0:12:37.320 no one says anything, and I could sneak gum and 0:12:37.760 --> 0:12:40.400 pop pieces without people even noticing that I was doing it. 0:12:40.440 --> 0:12:42.560 I would clean up the rappers in the morning, but 0:12:42.600 --> 0:12:44.240 it was still like this part of my life that 0:12:44.280 --> 0:12:46.320 if someone opened that door and looked in, would go, 0:12:46.480 --> 0:12:49.600 what the fuck? And I think my reality show now 0:12:49.679 --> 0:12:52.560 is a response to having nothing to hide, Like you 0:12:52.559 --> 0:12:54.080 can go in my purse now, you can go in 0:12:54.160 --> 0:12:57.120 my closet. It's a mess, but there's not food rappers, 0:12:57.200 --> 0:12:59.719 it's not You're not gonna find throw up sains in 0:12:59.800 --> 0:13:01.760 my toilet. There might be like ship stains, but that's 0:13:01.760 --> 0:13:03.560 like an appropriate thing to be in the you know, 0:13:03.600 --> 0:13:06.440 Like I still have shameful things, but it's not the 0:13:06.480 --> 0:13:09.319 things that I'm deeply ashamed of and hiding. There's nothing 0:13:09.360 --> 0:13:11.800 I'm hiding anymore. So I think I always wanted to 0:13:11.880 --> 0:13:13.840 do a reality show, but I was like, I can't 0:13:13.880 --> 0:13:16.720 because I'm not It would be too hard to hide everything, 0:13:16.760 --> 0:13:19.000 and what if they found out this one thing and 0:13:19.120 --> 0:13:22.080 behind my back, the producers started a storyline and and 0:13:22.160 --> 0:13:24.120 it came out because you don't really have as much 0:13:24.120 --> 0:13:26.360 control as you think you have. But at this point, 0:13:26.360 --> 0:13:27.880 I was like, oh, well they could find anything. And 0:13:27.880 --> 0:13:30.520 I'm just like, yeah, all right, well I do that. 0:13:30.520 --> 0:13:35.000 That's fine. Yeah, that's a good way to keep yourself honest. Yeah. 0:13:35.800 --> 0:13:38.080 I just feel like if the world watches my reality show, 0:13:38.120 --> 0:13:40.719 and it's like I just always have this feeling my 0:13:40.760 --> 0:13:43.920 whole life of being disgusting. I can't keep a clean room, 0:13:43.960 --> 0:13:47.079 I stain everything. My mom always saying this is why 0:13:47.080 --> 0:13:48.800 you can't have nice things, Like I just I'm like 0:13:48.840 --> 0:13:53.000 a dirty person, always feel like inside stained. And now 0:13:53.080 --> 0:13:55.280 I just I'm like, yeah, I just have a d 0:13:55.480 --> 0:13:58.319 h D. Like that's kind of how that's what it is. 0:13:58.720 --> 0:14:01.240 And I'm not a bad person because I'm a disaster 0:14:01.360 --> 0:14:04.920 in terms of organization, like I need help. Whereas I 0:14:04.960 --> 0:14:08.320 really felt like a bad person with all this eating stuff, 0:14:08.320 --> 0:14:10.680 which I still have shame about, but at least I 0:14:10.720 --> 0:14:12.280 figured it out and it's not there anymore. And I 0:14:12.280 --> 0:14:15.040 feel like with the reality show, it's my final like 0:14:15.600 --> 0:14:17.599 get it. I didn't. I didn't buy new makeup. I 0:14:17.640 --> 0:14:19.480 didn't do my makeup, I didn't buy new clothes, I 0:14:19.520 --> 0:14:22.000 didn't straighten my house up before the cameras came. I 0:14:22.040 --> 0:14:25.320 really made an effort to be like this is I 0:14:25.400 --> 0:14:27.360 really want to be okay with myself. And I wanted 0:14:27.400 --> 0:14:29.960 to kind of teach my mom stop trying to be 0:14:30.040 --> 0:14:32.000 something for people. My mom's on the show, and it 0:14:32.040 --> 0:14:34.080 was a lesson for her to like, people are gonna 0:14:34.080 --> 0:14:38.560 see a side of you, literally that you might think 0:14:38.560 --> 0:14:41.120 you look heavy, or something like let's see what happens, 0:14:41.520 --> 0:14:44.360 see what happened, Like I would go the Housewives. You 0:14:44.600 --> 0:14:47.640 love all these women and they're deplorable. They're bad people, 0:14:47.880 --> 0:14:50.400 but you you love them, so people are gonna love 0:14:50.440 --> 0:14:53.280 you and you're not deplorable. I think doing the show 0:14:53.320 --> 0:14:56.720 as a test of like just self acceptance a little bit. 0:14:57.040 --> 0:14:59.360 Mm hmm. I like that. That's a good flip for 0:14:59.360 --> 0:15:01.560 a reality show, or I mean, a good way to 0:15:01.600 --> 0:15:04.360 talk about a reality show, because so many reality shows 0:15:04.400 --> 0:15:08.000 are not what you see like it's not it's so ridiculous. 0:15:08.040 --> 0:15:10.120 You know, like these scenes that they set up, and 0:15:10.360 --> 0:15:12.320 obviously you have to set up scenes, but you want 0:15:12.320 --> 0:15:15.040 them to take their natural path, and I typically do 0:15:15.120 --> 0:15:17.440 not watch reality television because of that. It's like I'd 0:15:17.520 --> 0:15:20.720 rather watch good actors act instead of regular people act. 0:15:21.240 --> 0:15:23.440 But I like what everything you're saying, Nikki, and I 0:15:23.480 --> 0:15:28.000 feel for you. I hope you reach out good. Reach 0:15:28.080 --> 0:15:30.160 out to me. Ever, any time you ever need to 0:15:30.200 --> 0:15:33.680 talk to like someone seriously, always reach out to me. 0:15:33.760 --> 0:15:36.480 I mean it because I feel that from you. Honestly, 0:15:36.520 --> 0:15:39.120 we don't know each other that well, but I you're 0:15:39.160 --> 0:15:41.920 just someone who's so non judgmental, and I mean that's 0:15:41.960 --> 0:15:44.720 what I find in my female comic friends. It's like 0:15:45.240 --> 0:15:48.640 we just we're so honest, and thank God for other 0:15:48.760 --> 0:15:51.320 female comics, you can just get so honest so fast, 0:15:51.400 --> 0:15:53.560 and and we are all all there for each other. 0:15:53.560 --> 0:15:56.080 So I appreciate that. I really am doing well though 0:15:56.520 --> 0:16:00.320 I I talked very honestly about the things I worry about, 0:16:00.360 --> 0:16:04.440 but I feel like overall, I'm feeling pretty confident and 0:16:04.840 --> 0:16:08.440 happy and living in St. Louis and like saying, Okay, 0:16:08.480 --> 0:16:10.320 I'm not going to live in l A or New York, 0:16:10.360 --> 0:16:12.960 which was an obsession of mine because I just didn't 0:16:12.960 --> 0:16:15.080 want anyone else to get better at comedy than me. 0:16:15.160 --> 0:16:17.600 Because it's all about competition. Like I was also out 0:16:17.640 --> 0:16:21.240 every night because you know, as a comedian, you're as 0:16:21.320 --> 0:16:23.520 good as as many times. Like it's like working out. 0:16:23.600 --> 0:16:25.720 You got to do it all the time. And if 0:16:25.720 --> 0:16:27.880 you're not doing it and you see someone else on 0:16:27.880 --> 0:16:29.680 a lineup, you're like, she's getting better than me. And 0:16:29.680 --> 0:16:33.040 it's always a she, because I'm a fucking human who 0:16:33.160 --> 0:16:36.240 feels competition where and there isn't room for all of us. 0:16:36.800 --> 0:16:40.080 So like I ate this idea of like, don't be 0:16:40.200 --> 0:16:42.200 jealous of other women, lift them up. I believe in 0:16:42.200 --> 0:16:45.000 lifting other women up. But it's okay to feel jealous 0:16:45.000 --> 0:16:47.000 of other women. There really isn't room for all of us. 0:16:47.000 --> 0:16:50.600 They kind of only have one quirky best friend in 0:16:50.600 --> 0:16:54.640 in in comedy movies, like there's not two, Like you 0:16:54.760 --> 0:16:57.400 might get you might not get a role because another 0:16:57.480 --> 0:17:00.520 woman exists, Like I have to embrace that. Sometimes I 0:17:00.520 --> 0:17:02.840 get jealous, and then it's okay for people to be 0:17:02.840 --> 0:17:05.320 better than me and work harder than me, and then 0:17:05.320 --> 0:17:08.760 I deserve a goddamn break. Yeah, And I also think 0:17:08.760 --> 0:17:10.960 that there is room for everybody. It's just not what 0:17:11.080 --> 0:17:13.520 you have in your mind. You have this idea like yeah, 0:17:13.680 --> 0:17:15.960 you there's a quirky best friend role. There's one in 0:17:16.040 --> 0:17:18.480 each movie. But how many movies have a quirky best 0:17:18.480 --> 0:17:21.720 friend role? Several? Listen, the jealousy thing is a natural 0:17:22.000 --> 0:17:25.680 human instinct that happens whatever you're doing. You know, it's 0:17:25.800 --> 0:17:28.360 very I have yet to meet somebody that's not jealous 0:17:28.440 --> 0:17:31.239 or doesn't have jealousy or look at someone else and 0:17:31.320 --> 0:17:33.520 be competitive and be like, wait, why are they getting that? 0:17:33.600 --> 0:17:35.600 Why am I not getting that? It's a matter of 0:17:35.680 --> 0:17:38.320 how you react to that jealousy, you know. It's it's 0:17:38.320 --> 0:17:40.520 a matter of how you respond to that feeling, because 0:17:40.560 --> 0:17:43.840 that is a human feeling and it's totally normal and typical. 0:17:44.160 --> 0:17:46.960 But anytime I don't get something and I go, oh, 0:17:46.960 --> 0:17:48.800 I would have liked that or something, I just go 0:17:48.920 --> 0:17:51.760 look at everything you have, Like, look at what you have? 0:17:52.160 --> 0:17:55.119 How could you ever ever be like I want that? Like, 0:17:55.160 --> 0:17:57.760 if anything, I should take a step back and say, Okay, 0:17:57.840 --> 0:18:01.080 I'm not gonna take anything any of these opportunities for 0:18:01.160 --> 0:18:05.200 however many years and just be generous, you know, I mean, 0:18:05.240 --> 0:18:06.760 I'm not going to do that, but you know what 0:18:06.800 --> 0:18:10.720 I'm saying, Yes, well, Louise, Hey, I don't know if 0:18:10.760 --> 0:18:12.240 you know, I've ever heard of this woman, but I 0:18:12.240 --> 0:18:15.120 found her like through YouTube and looking up like how 0:18:15.160 --> 0:18:18.000 to feel better and in gratitude. She has this great 0:18:18.040 --> 0:18:21.080 quote about whatever your God is the universe, if you're 0:18:21.080 --> 0:18:22.800 not grateful for what you have, they're not going to 0:18:22.920 --> 0:18:24.960 give you any more gifts. Like I would never give 0:18:25.000 --> 0:18:26.880 a gift to someone who every time I gave them something, 0:18:26.920 --> 0:18:28.800 they were like, I don't even like it. It's not 0:18:28.840 --> 0:18:31.400 even like what I wanted and it's not enough. And 0:18:31.760 --> 0:18:34.720 so that hearing that, I was like, okay, my concept 0:18:34.760 --> 0:18:37.239 of God or the universe like I need to just 0:18:37.880 --> 0:18:40.240 force myself to just be. So I try to do 0:18:40.280 --> 0:18:42.080 the thing where you like close the night with like 0:18:42.400 --> 0:18:44.760 what went well today, and wake up in the morning 0:18:44.800 --> 0:18:47.359 and go what I'm grateful for my hands. I'm like 0:18:47.400 --> 0:18:51.040 the just the bare minimum you know of gratitude. But 0:18:51.560 --> 0:18:54.359 it's and it's okay to like you said, jealousy does 0:18:55.000 --> 0:18:57.520 creep up, and I just I just mute j Lo, 0:18:57.800 --> 0:18:59.879 like I don't need to see j Lo on my feed. 0:19:00.359 --> 0:19:02.159 You know what, I see a lot of Hajlo on 0:19:02.200 --> 0:19:04.840 my feet. I wonder if that's everybody is j Loo? 0:19:05.720 --> 0:19:07.800 Is j Loo the most pre eminent person of our 0:19:07.960 --> 0:19:13.080 lifetime because I I have no problem gazing. Oh. Actually 0:19:13.160 --> 0:19:15.080 I watched a j Lo movie this weekend when I 0:19:15.119 --> 0:19:18.439 was in whatever city I was in, wait the documentary, No, 0:19:18.640 --> 0:19:21.120 not that, Yeah, but I'm all married to that. Oh. 0:19:21.160 --> 0:19:23.520 I watched Marry Me. I paid like twenty dollars for 0:19:23.520 --> 0:19:25.840 it in my hotel room because I was like, Okay, 0:19:25.880 --> 0:19:28.720 I was in a city that I wasn't interested in perusing, 0:19:29.280 --> 0:19:31.160 and so I was like, what am I going to watch? 0:19:31.200 --> 0:19:33.280