Speaker 1: Good afternoon, Catherine. Karen, I always called you Karen. Oh
Speaker 1: my god, that's the you know. My old assistant's name
Speaker 1: is Karen, and she is really dealing with the wrath
Speaker 1: of being named and she's like, I hate being called Garrett.
Speaker 1: We actually got an email from someone who said that
Speaker 1: she's dealing with so much of like losing her love
Speaker 1: for her name, that she's having suicidal ideation, like it's
Speaker 1: really impacting. Yeah, maybe we should lay off the Karen
Speaker 1: and move on to another name then, yeah, or just
Speaker 1: stop acting like that exactly. So how's everything going? What's
Speaker 1: going on in your world? Wow? So I and my
Speaker 1: husband actually put our first offer in on a house. Congratulation.
Speaker 1: That's exciting. Yeah, we're shopping and it's all very new
Speaker 1: and sort of confusing, but oh that's exciting. That's fun,
Speaker 1: super stoked. We found a cute place and Alta Dina,
Speaker 1: which feels very far away, but think that's where I
Speaker 1: sell my breast Okay, Altodina excellent vaccinated in horny breast smolk.
Speaker 1: You can find it there. That's exciting. Karen. Congratulations. Well
Speaker 1: I hope you get the house. Thank you, And but
Speaker 1: you're still doing renovations on the house. Yes, and they
Speaker 1: came in with what began as one estimate as ballooned
Speaker 1: into a completely different numbers. So my business managers sent
Speaker 1: me an email last week that sounded like I was
Speaker 1: four years old. Um, they're like Chelsea in all caps.
Speaker 1: How could you possibly think this is an acceptable budget?
Speaker 1: I was just like, fuck off. I'm like, God, they're
Speaker 1: just such alarmists. Everything is so Meanwhile, you know you
Speaker 1: can never trust anything with budgets and contractors. I don't
Speaker 1: know what I'm doing. I mean, I've lost all Like
Speaker 1: I used to be so excited about projects. Now I'm
Speaker 1: just like whatever, Joe's renovating his house, I'm renovating my house.
Speaker 1: So we've been in a rental for almost a year together,
Speaker 1: which is nice. It's like a little nice ending spot.
Speaker 1: But it's in Beverly Hills. And I told you about
Speaker 1: all the plastic surgery faces I see walking around that
Speaker 1: I don't like that. That looks like my future. And
Speaker 1: I'm not down with you, know what I mean, Well,
Speaker 1: you still look like yourself, thankfully you don't look like
Speaker 1: plastic surgery. Well, thank you, because I haven't had plastic surgery,
Speaker 1: so I hope. I don't look like that. They all
Speaker 1: start to look like I know, because as soon as
Speaker 1: you start aging, you're like, oh, what would this look
Speaker 1: like if you pull your fucking you know, cheek back, Like, oh,
Speaker 1: I like this. But yeah, I don't want to have
Speaker 1: to get a facelift, but I don't know, as I
Speaker 1: probably will get one. I don't know. Joe won't be
Speaker 1: down with that, but you know, he doesn't really have
Speaker 1: any say in the matter anyway. I have shows coming
Speaker 1: up this weekend. I am in Pittsburgh on June second.
Speaker 1: June three, i am in d C. I have two
Speaker 1: shows in d C. There are tickets available for the
Speaker 1: second show, and then I am in Philadelphia on June four,
Speaker 1: and then I'm back in Huntington's Long Island for my
Speaker 1: third show there on Saturday night or is that a
Speaker 1: Sunday night, I don't know. It's this weekend though, Pittsburgh, Philly,
Speaker 1: d C and Huntington's Amazing. And my boyfriend is going
Speaker 1: to be with me, yeah, because he's directing my special,
Speaker 1: so he's going to be there and I'm going to
Speaker 1: drag him on stage. Excellent. I'm also going to pull
Speaker 1: up my horoscope what sign are you? Oh, I didn't
Speaker 1: know that. When's your birthday? Oh my god, that's my
Speaker 1: sister Simone's birthday of March. Yeah, Pisces are the most.
Speaker 1: That birthday is probably the most. My sister is the
Speaker 1: most diplomatic, easy person to get along with. Yeah, yeah,
Speaker 1: she's pretty much My coolest friend is Simone. Love that
Speaker 1: she's the one you're talking about retiring to Vermont with
Speaker 1: right and becoming Lesbian's right. She's the sister that I'm
Speaker 1: thinking romantically about futuristically. Well, not not really, because I
Speaker 1: have Joe now, so I can't even Yeah, I don't
Speaker 1: think we're gonna thropple up, although I think both my
Speaker 1: sisters would be open to it if I could be
Speaker 1: quite frank, which I believe I can be. They can
Speaker 1: live in the mother in law sweet in the back somewhere.
Speaker 1: Yeah yeah, yeah, something like that. But I told her
Speaker 1: to pack up her broken stocks because we're heading to Maine.
Speaker 1: I want to buy a farm, and who knows what's
Speaker 1: going to happen from there on out. I'm gonna get
Speaker 1: really into gardening. I know. I'm excited about our guest today.
Speaker 1: Me too, because she's sweet and She's a comedian. She
Speaker 1: hosts that HBO show which is called f Boy Island
Speaker 1: Right HBO Max, And she is the star of her
Speaker 1: own reality show which is now on e which is
Speaker 1: called Welcome Home Nicki Glazer. We have Nicki Glazer on
Speaker 1: the show today. Let's talk to her. Hi, Nikki, Hello, Hello, Hi,
Speaker 1: Hi COVID. I don't have CONVID. I just took a test.
Speaker 1: I thought I had it, and I sometimes you just
Speaker 1: give it to just like change your life. I was
Speaker 1: just coming to l A for a bunch of press,
Speaker 1: and I think this was the only thing I was
Speaker 1: looking forward to, to be honest with you, and I'm
Speaker 1: so glad it could be done remotely. But I think
Speaker 1: I just was like, yes, I have COVID. I gotta
Speaker 1: go home. But I know, I know what you mean.
Speaker 1: So do you think you had it? I tested positive
Speaker 1: back in um August for like the Delta Kinds, so
Speaker 1: I definitely capable of getting it. But I was in
Speaker 1: so my co host on my podcast and my guy
Speaker 1: who opens for me on the road, he's positive right
Speaker 1: now and he caught it from Natasha, but he's been
Speaker 1: positive for months. Natasha is a cesspool to shout out
Speaker 1: to Natasha. I just read her book that she has
Speaker 1: coming out. It's called The World Deserves My Children. It
Speaker 1: is the fucking funniest parenting book I've ever read. So
Speaker 1: anyone listening, please go to Natasha. Oh yeah, it's so
Speaker 1: good and it's so funny and Mosha her husband is
Speaker 1: so useless. So for anyone who's a parent, pre order
Speaker 1: this book. And even if you're not a parent and
Speaker 1: you want to instill and like met the idea that
Speaker 1: you've made the right decision, this book will also for you.
Speaker 1: That's good. Natasha, while she was possibly transmitting COVID to
Speaker 1: me in this little green room backstage, convinced me to
Speaker 1: freeze my eggs. I was so adamant that I don't
Speaker 1: need to do that. I just know what I want.
Speaker 1: And after talking to her for like four minutes, Cheep
Speaker 1: infected me with probably having a baby. At some point.
Speaker 1: I was like, don't do this to me. I don't
Speaker 1: want to have to do this whole thing. But are
Speaker 1: you gonna go freeze? Are you interested in having children? Nikki? No, No, Chelsea,
Speaker 1: I'm not. I feel really good about not doing it,
Speaker 1: but I'm just fearing that I will at some point.
Speaker 1: It's just I'm thirty. I'm about to be thirty eight
Speaker 1: in a month, so it's the time to freeze them.
Speaker 1: It's probably a little too late. Yeah, I think she
Speaker 1: was thirty eight when she throws hers. I'm so excited
Speaker 1: to talk to you today at all, really, because your
Speaker 1: most recent book meant a lot to me, and it
Speaker 1: makes me excited to confer things that I'm like kind
Speaker 1: of you know, avoiding, and so I actually did a
Speaker 1: lot during COVID, but I'm still running from something. You
Speaker 1: did a lot of therapy during COVID. I mean I've
Speaker 1: always done a lot of therapy, but during COVID it
Speaker 1: got bad. I got constant suicidal thoughts. I mean, I
Speaker 1: was living with my parents, I was in between apartments
Speaker 1: in New York. I was upgrading my life. I got
Speaker 1: rid of all my furniture, got an apartment that is
Speaker 1: three times as much of I ever even considered paying
Speaker 1: for rent. I was like it had an elevator opening
Speaker 1: onto Like I was like, I deserved this. I'm having
Speaker 1: a good year. And my least started March one, and
Speaker 1: I was in l A until the fifte and then
Speaker 1: I just never went back. I just went to my
Speaker 1: parents house to just wait it out, and then I
Speaker 1: stayed there, paid for this apartment for fucking eleven months
Speaker 1: until I found a sub letter on the last month,
Speaker 1: and then I just stayed in St. Louis. I moved
Speaker 1: down to my parents house, but I knew that when
Speaker 1: things shut down, I was not going to be okay
Speaker 1: on my own. I lived alone, but I didn't really.
Speaker 1: I just would always go home after doing sets all
Speaker 1: night long and being out all day doing podcasts, running around,
Speaker 1: and I would just go to sleep. I didn't like
Speaker 1: I never sat alone with myself. I couldn't like be
Speaker 1: alone with a book. It was just only going home
Speaker 1: to sleep. And so the idea of living alone and
Speaker 1: not having anywhere to go, I was so scared. So
Speaker 1: I just went to my parents and then well I
Speaker 1: wasn't good after a little bit. I think it just
Speaker 1: I was just so depressed during I mean, who wasn't
Speaker 1: and I just was. I've always struggled with like suicidal ideations,
Speaker 1: but they just there was nowhere. There was nothing to
Speaker 1: make them stop during that time, and so things were
Speaker 1: going well, like I was still like co hosting Jimmy
Speaker 1: Kimmel and doing Zoom appearances, people still remembered me. It
Speaker 1: wasn't like I was. I think initially I thought I
Speaker 1: was scared of being forgotten or something, but it just
Speaker 1: didn't matter. That's the other thing. It's like my parents
Speaker 1: being like, but you're killing it. Things are great, Why
Speaker 1: do you want to die? And I just like, I
Speaker 1: just I just do. And so I think that forced
Speaker 1: me to to get help. I got in recovery from
Speaker 1: my eating disorder, which became I wouldn't lear during COVID
Speaker 1: because there was nothing else that one I had been
Speaker 1: bearing forever. And so that was I think what got
Speaker 1: me to a place I am now where I am
Speaker 1: brutally honest, even though I was before. You know, like
Speaker 1: as a comedian, you're just like I just say everything
Speaker 1: and I share everything. But I wasn't really being honest.
Speaker 1: And now I think, looking at how terrible my food
Speaker 1: situation was in my relationship with it, it like really
Speaker 1: it forced me to like get help. And that was
Speaker 1: the one that was always like I quit drinking, I
Speaker 1: quit smoking weed, I would quit everything else, but that
Speaker 1: was like I don't want to give up binging and
Speaker 1: starving and all that, And then I finally had to
Speaker 1: give that up and that's where it gets all the
Speaker 1: all the feelings come in. And then there's no stand up.
Speaker 1: That's another drug, like just going on stage and getting it,
Speaker 1: just these little like dopamine hits. Doing podcasting, like I
Speaker 1: just filled my life with podcast That's why I started
Speaker 1: doing it four times a day. I was just like, there,
Speaker 1: I can't just do nothing. What do people do? Yeah? Yeah, well,
Speaker 1: I mean, you know, I feel like you're not alone.
Speaker 1: A lot of comedians are out there projecting onto the world.
Speaker 1: They're honesty when they are hiding things underneath that like that.
Speaker 1: You know, I can relate to that for sure. Personally,
Speaker 1: the thing is everyone has their ship. It's not like
Speaker 1: you're the only one struggling with something, you know. So
Speaker 1: it feels very lonely when you're experiencing an addiction, but
Speaker 1: it's so common. Yeah, I think I have to talk
Speaker 1: about like the reality of what my eating disorder looked like,
Speaker 1: because I would say, you know, oh I would binge,
Speaker 1: but like, what does that really look like? What does
Speaker 1: that mean? I'm also like a thinner woman. So people go, okay, sure,
Speaker 1: I'm sure you've been what is And I would say, oh,
Speaker 1: I wake up in the morning and there's like seven
Speaker 1: protein bar rappers because I've started all day and I
Speaker 1: eat throughout the night. They were really like seventeen. Like
Speaker 1: that's the kind of honesty I'm talking about where it's
Speaker 1: like you you say something shocking and honest, but what's
Speaker 1: the reality is. It was thousands and thousands of calories
Speaker 1: that I was putting in. And then I'm the same
Speaker 1: way of like I can kind of cold turkey something
Speaker 1: and put these like really hard limits on myself and
Speaker 1: stick to um. But to me, something else just pops
Speaker 1: for me, something else pops up to fill that. So
Speaker 1: with blieve me. And when I was throwing up, I
Speaker 1: just kept getting a mouth acne that just would no
Speaker 1: matter how much I scrub my face afterwards, brush my teeth,
Speaker 1: I just couldn't. And I couldn't. It was a vanity
Speaker 1: thing where I go, Okay, well, I can't throw up
Speaker 1: anymore because this is giving me gigantic volcano like volcano
Speaker 1: acne around my mouth. So then I go, okay, I'll
Speaker 1: run six miles every day no matter what. And then
Speaker 1: I fucking sprained my leg and then I'm like, okay,
Speaker 1: well then I'll just starve all day and call it
Speaker 1: intermittent fasting. And then suddenly it's something that I can
Speaker 1: I can get away with being anorexic now and just
Speaker 1: call it intermittent fasting, like this is awesome. So I
Speaker 1: just kept finding ways, and I think when COVID hit,
Speaker 1: I just I really at this moment where I woke
Speaker 1: up in bed and there were all these protein bar wrappers,
Speaker 1: because that's all I was living on was these protein
Speaker 1: bars and just starving all day and just trying to
Speaker 1: figure out what to do all day, so I didn't eat,
Speaker 1: and that's why I would fill up my life with stuff.
Speaker 1: And then I realized, oh my god, this is why
Speaker 1: I'm living with my parents, because why I don't have
Speaker 1: a Boyfriend's why I can't let anyone near me because
Speaker 1: I I have rappers in my bed. I'm not being honest.
Speaker 1: I can't let someone go grab my purse and get
Speaker 1: something for me ever, because I have so many gum
Speaker 1: rappers in there. Because I was also addicted to gum chewing,
Speaker 1: like I was like a cigarette smoker. I was like,
Speaker 1: I'm at four packs a day, like I've tried it.
Speaker 1: That was a small day, and I was just bloated
Speaker 1: and sick from it and wasting all this money on gum,
Speaker 1: like having to have Amazon ship me gum on the
Speaker 1: road just because this place wouldn't have my I mean,
Speaker 1: it was just sick. But it was so manageable because
Speaker 1: no one says anything, and I could sneak gum and
Speaker 1: pop pieces without people even noticing that I was doing it.
Speaker 1: I would clean up the rappers in the morning, but
Speaker 1: it was still like this part of my life that
Speaker 1: if someone opened that door and looked in, would go,
Speaker 1: what the fuck? And I think my reality show now
Speaker 1: is a response to having nothing to hide, Like you
Speaker 1: can go in my purse now, you can go in
Speaker 1: my closet. It's a mess, but there's not food rappers,
Speaker 1: it's not You're not gonna find throw up sains in
Speaker 1: my toilet. There might be like ship stains, but that's
Speaker 1: like an appropriate thing to be in the you know,
Speaker 1: Like I still have shameful things, but it's not the
Speaker 1: things that I'm deeply ashamed of and hiding. There's nothing
Speaker 1: I'm hiding anymore. So I think I always wanted to
Speaker 1: do a reality show, but I was like, I can't
Speaker 1: because I'm not It would be too hard to hide everything,
Speaker 1: and what if they found out this one thing and
Speaker 1: behind my back, the producers started a storyline and and
Speaker 1: it came out because you don't really have as much
Speaker 1: control as you think you have. But at this point,
Speaker 1: I was like, oh, well they could find anything. And
Speaker 1: I'm just like, yeah, all right, well I do that.
Speaker 1: That's fine. Yeah, that's a good way to keep yourself honest. Yeah.
Speaker 1: I just feel like if the world watches my reality show,
Speaker 1: and it's like I just always have this feeling my
Speaker 1: whole life of being disgusting. I can't keep a clean room,
Speaker 1: I stain everything. My mom always saying this is why
Speaker 1: you can't have nice things, Like I just I'm like
Speaker 1: a dirty person, always feel like inside stained. And now
Speaker 1: I just I'm like, yeah, I just have a d
Speaker 1: h D. Like that's kind of how that's what it is.
Speaker 1: And I'm not a bad person because I'm a disaster
Speaker 1: in terms of organization, like I need help. Whereas I
Speaker 1: really felt like a bad person with all this eating stuff,
Speaker 1: which I still have shame about, but at least I
Speaker 1: figured it out and it's not there anymore. And I
Speaker 1: feel like with the reality show, it's my final like
Speaker 1: get it. I didn't. I didn't buy new makeup. I
Speaker 1: didn't do my makeup, I didn't buy new clothes, I
Speaker 1: didn't straighten my house up before the cameras came. I
Speaker 1: really made an effort to be like this is I
Speaker 1: really want to be okay with myself. And I wanted
Speaker 1: to kind of teach my mom stop trying to be
Speaker 1: something for people. My mom's on the show, and it
Speaker 1: was a lesson for her to like, people are gonna
Speaker 1: see a side of you, literally that you might think
Speaker 1: you look heavy, or something like let's see what happens,
Speaker 1: see what happened, Like I would go the Housewives. You
Speaker 1: love all these women and they're deplorable. They're bad people,
Speaker 1: but you you love them, so people are gonna love
Speaker 1: you and you're not deplorable. I think doing the show
Speaker 1: as a test of like just self acceptance a little bit.
Speaker 1: Mm hmm. I like that. That's a good flip for
Speaker 1: a reality show, or I mean, a good way to
Speaker 1: talk about a reality show, because so many reality shows
Speaker 1: are not what you see like it's not it's so ridiculous.
Speaker 1: You know, like these scenes that they set up, and
Speaker 1: obviously you have to set up scenes, but you want
Speaker 1: them to take their natural path, and I typically do
Speaker 1: not watch reality television because of that. It's like I'd
Speaker 1: rather watch good actors act instead of regular people act.
Speaker 1: But I like what everything you're saying, Nikki, and I
Speaker 1: feel for you. I hope you reach out good. Reach
Speaker 1: out to me. Ever, any time you ever need to
Speaker 1: talk to like someone seriously, always reach out to me.
Speaker 1: I mean it because I feel that from you. Honestly,
Speaker 1: we don't know each other that well, but I you're
Speaker 1: just someone who's so non judgmental, and I mean that's
Speaker 1: what I find in my female comic friends. It's like
Speaker 1: we just we're so honest, and thank God for other
Speaker 1: female comics, you can just get so honest so fast,
Speaker 1: and and we are all all there for each other.
Speaker 1: So I appreciate that. I really am doing well though
Speaker 1: I I talked very honestly about the things I worry about,
Speaker 1: but I feel like overall, I'm feeling pretty confident and
Speaker 1: happy and living in St. Louis and like saying, Okay,
Speaker 1: I'm not going to live in l A or New York,
Speaker 1: which was an obsession of mine because I just didn't
Speaker 1: want anyone else to get better at comedy than me.
Speaker 1: Because it's all about competition. Like I was also out
Speaker 1: every night because you know, as a comedian, you're as
Speaker 1: good as as many times. Like it's like working out.
Speaker 1: You got to do it all the time. And if
Speaker 1: you're not doing it and you see someone else on
Speaker 1: a lineup, you're like, she's getting better than me. And
Speaker 1: it's always a she, because I'm a fucking human who
Speaker 1: feels competition where and there isn't room for all of us.
Speaker 1: So like I ate this idea of like, don't be
Speaker 1: jealous of other women, lift them up. I believe in
Speaker 1: lifting other women up. But it's okay to feel jealous
Speaker 1: of other women. There really isn't room for all of us.
Speaker 1: They kind of only have one quirky best friend in
Speaker 1: in in comedy movies, like there's not two, Like you
Speaker 1: might get you might not get a role because another
Speaker 1: woman exists, Like I have to embrace that. Sometimes I
Speaker 1: get jealous, and then it's okay for people to be
Speaker 1: better than me and work harder than me, and then
Speaker 1: I deserve a goddamn break. Yeah, And I also think
Speaker 1: that there is room for everybody. It's just not what
Speaker 1: you have in your mind. You have this idea like yeah,
Speaker 1: you there's a quirky best friend role. There's one in
Speaker 1: each movie. But how many movies have a quirky best
Speaker 1: friend role? Several? Listen, the jealousy thing is a natural
Speaker 1: human instinct that happens whatever you're doing. You know, it's
Speaker 1: very I have yet to meet somebody that's not jealous
Speaker 1: or doesn't have jealousy or look at someone else and
Speaker 1: be competitive and be like, wait, why are they getting that?
Speaker 1: Why am I not getting that? It's a matter of
Speaker 1: how you react to that jealousy, you know. It's it's
Speaker 1: a matter of how you respond to that feeling, because
Speaker 1: that is a human feeling and it's totally normal and typical.
Speaker 1: But anytime I don't get something and I go, oh,
Speaker 1: I would have liked that or something, I just go
Speaker 1: look at everything you have, Like, look at what you have?
Speaker 1: How could you ever ever be like I want that? Like,
Speaker 1: if anything, I should take a step back and say, Okay,
Speaker 1: I'm not gonna take anything any of these opportunities for
Speaker 1: however many years and just be generous, you know, I mean,
Speaker 1: I'm not going to do that, but you know what
Speaker 1: I'm saying, Yes, well, Louise, Hey, I don't know if
Speaker 1: you know, I've ever heard of this woman, but I
Speaker 1: found her like through YouTube and looking up like how
Speaker 1: to feel better and in gratitude. She has this great
Speaker 1: quote about whatever your God is the universe, if you're
Speaker 1: not grateful for what you have, they're not going to
Speaker 1: give you any more gifts. Like I would never give
Speaker 1: a gift to someone who every time I gave them something,
Speaker 1: they were like, I don't even like it. It's not
Speaker 1: even like what I wanted and it's not enough. And
Speaker 1: so that hearing that, I was like, okay, my concept
Speaker 1: of God or the universe like I need to just
Speaker 1: force myself to just be. So I try to do
Speaker 1: the thing where you like close the night with like
Speaker 1: what went well today, and wake up in the morning
Speaker 1: and go what I'm grateful for my hands. I'm like
Speaker 1: the just the bare minimum you know of gratitude. But
Speaker 1: it's and it's okay to like you said, jealousy does
Speaker 1: creep up, and I just I just mute j Lo,
Speaker 1: like I don't need to see j Lo on my feed.
Speaker 1: You know what, I see a lot of Hajlo on
Speaker 1: my feet. I wonder if that's everybody is j Loo?
Speaker 1: Is j Loo the most pre eminent person of our
Speaker 1: lifetime because I I have no problem gazing. Oh. Actually
Speaker 1: I watched a j Lo movie this weekend when I
Speaker 1: was in whatever city I was in, wait the documentary, No,
Speaker 1: not that, Yeah, but I'm all married to that. Oh.
Speaker 1: I watched Marry Me. I paid like twenty dollars for
Speaker 1: it in my hotel room because I was like, Okay,
Speaker 1: I was in a city that I wasn't interested in perusing,
Speaker 1: and so I was like, what am I going to watch?
Speaker 1: And I looked at all the movies and I tried one.
Speaker 1: I tried one period piece and it was a little
Speaker 1: too disney Ish for me, so I had to forego that.
Speaker 1: And then I watched the j Loo movie. And you know,
Speaker 1: it's so easy to watch her, her face, her her legs.
Speaker 1: You're just like, what the fuck is going on with
Speaker 1: your jeans? You know, like what kind of gene pool.
Speaker 1: I know she doesn't drink because I've been around her.
Speaker 1: She does not drink, so that's one thing. But she's
Speaker 1: also Latino, so that's a whole Latino. Well she might
Speaker 1: be Latino too. She's Latina and her fucking skin is
Speaker 1: a different world. I also know she's up to some tricks.
Speaker 1: You know that she doesn't admit, so I know that
Speaker 1: obviously she's fucking fifty something and does not our wrinkle
Speaker 1: or any you know, like your skin changes. Well you're
Speaker 1: probably too young, Nikki, but like around you start to
Speaker 1: go like is my skin thinning? Like it's creepy on
Speaker 1: my body, Like I have to lubricate when I wake up,
Speaker 1: when I go to bed. Now I have to lubricate
Speaker 1: Joe Koy's feet because he's always in my bed. He goes,
Speaker 1: he goes, don't look at my feet. Don't look at
Speaker 1: my feet. I go, honey, they're a cute little Filipino footbed.
Speaker 1: What are you talking about? I go, I can look
Speaker 1: at your feet any day. I go, what are you
Speaker 1: talking about? He's like, don't, don't they're so ugly. I go,
Speaker 1: your feet. I've had to do this with him. I'm like,
Speaker 1: your feet are beautiful, there's nothing wrong with your feet,
Speaker 1: And he's like, really you think so when we first
Speaker 1: got together, you got home. I love that he hasn't
Speaker 1: secured like someone tortured him about his feet. In his path,
Speaker 1: he steps on them when he's getting in the shower,
Speaker 1: like in orangitang. He puts his tucks his toes under
Speaker 1: his feet. I what are you doing? That's so bad
Speaker 1: for you? How can you even stand? And he's like, oh,
Speaker 1: I just fucking hate my feet to go sho you
Speaker 1: walk around with him talk he's trying to hide them.
Speaker 1: I bet something. It's so funny. That's shame that we
Speaker 1: have about those, Like I'm guessing someone said something about
Speaker 1: his feet, because that's such a weird thing to be
Speaker 1: so obsessive about. Other people don't. And it's so sweet
Speaker 1: that I love the reaction where he goes, wait, you
Speaker 1: do you like them? Like it's just a sweet little
Speaker 1: boy you sometimes see your boyfriend or like you know,
Speaker 1: even just your friends, just if you shrunk them, Like
Speaker 1: the way they move or the way you go that
Speaker 1: is a four year old. It's so sweet. I'm obsessed
Speaker 1: with you and Joe Koit can I I know you've
Speaker 1: just talked about it at nauseam, but I'm obsessed. We
Speaker 1: need to. I am so come on, girl, like I
Speaker 1: am so happy for you. It's you know, people love
Speaker 1: to talk about Chelsea and Joe Koy the comedians being
Speaker 1: like it's a thin it's just stuff. I mean, people
Speaker 1: are saying, I'll tell you what we're talking about. I've
Speaker 1: always been on your team and thought it was real.
Speaker 1: But people are like, no, it's just a thing to
Speaker 1: get people to buy tickets to their show. And I'm
Speaker 1: just like, you know what, it's not read humans at
Speaker 1: all paid and that like as I would pay. That's
Speaker 1: fucking fake create. I mean, they clearly don't know anything
Speaker 1: about you, have never you know. It's just people love
Speaker 1: to just be cynical. It's like the same people that
Speaker 1: thought that the Will Smith slap was fake. I'm just like,
Speaker 1: have you do know how to read people? Both the
Speaker 1: reactions afterwards from those people they're not actors, Like, It's
Speaker 1: just it makes me question people when they're like, oh,
Speaker 1: Chelsea and Joke are a fake, I'm like, well, then
Speaker 1: you have a bad read on people, because first of all,
Speaker 1: this is old Hollywood where people are set up to
Speaker 1: like for promotional purposes. Uh like that you would have
Speaker 1: to have two people agree to a fake narrative, like
Speaker 1: people Joe who's not fake and me who is also Like,
Speaker 1: I can't lie or even pretend you can vouch there
Speaker 1: is a decent amount of snuggling when he's in You
Speaker 1: guys are so in love. It's kind of like we're
Speaker 1: waiting for it that period to go away, Like you
Speaker 1: guys are like Courtney and Travis. There's a little bit
Speaker 1: of that, but it's for me. I love that ship.
Speaker 1: I love that unsustainable obsession. Cut Ce Boots. Stuff I
Speaker 1: need to know, And I'm sure you've covered this. What
Speaker 1: was the moment it shifted? And I know I've I've
Speaker 1: read extensively to try to find this answer. When did
Speaker 1: it become who said it first? Like who addressed it first?
Speaker 1: Like this I did? I was like, what did you say?
Speaker 1: We're in Vegas. I was at the Barrage. He came
Speaker 1: to see me perform, and I was doing my first
Speaker 1: new hour of this tour, vaccinated in horny, so I
Speaker 1: hadn't put it up. I just run it at the
Speaker 1: Bray Improv like eight shows, and so was my first
Speaker 1: bigger venue, and I was nervous. I was like, funk, okay,
Speaker 1: I gotta remember all this. I had like eight pages
Speaker 1: of notes, like I was really just getting it out
Speaker 1: of feet and he was just so sweet and so
Speaker 1: he showed up in Vegas and we had been hanging
Speaker 1: out a lot for months but we weren't. Nothing ever happened,
Speaker 1: Like Joe didn't feel anything before. No, Like I assumed
Speaker 1: he had a crush on me. But if I would
Speaker 1: just still with that when it became unmanageable, yes, like
Speaker 1: you've been through that before your guy friends. I was like,
Speaker 1: if he tries to fuck me, I won't be hanging
Speaker 1: out with him again. You know, you're waiting for that
Speaker 1: other suitor drop because okay, so you clocked that he
Speaker 1: had a crush on you. You though, you know in
Speaker 1: your quietest moments, was there like were you finding yourself
Speaker 1: dandream about him or was it truly just this moment
Speaker 1: where it was like nothing and then everything for Yeah,
Speaker 1: I mean it was a build. It was a build.
Speaker 1: But I was definitely not open to him. I was
Speaker 1: not attracted to him. My girlfriends would all be like,
Speaker 1: when are you gonna admit your fucking Joe KOI. I'm like,
Speaker 1: I'm not. I'm not sucking Joe koy. I would be
Speaker 1: the first to tell you if that were going on.
Speaker 1: And then so in Vegas, I remember he walked into
Speaker 1: the room. My sister was there, I had some group
Speaker 1: of friends there. He walked into the room and I
Speaker 1: just remember seeing him and looking at him like, wait
Speaker 1: a second, I want to fuck Joe koy. I think
Speaker 1: I want to suck him. And then it became an
Speaker 1: emergency because I had to see if his penis was
Speaker 1: the right size from my Pikachu, my God, and I
Speaker 1: had like I wasn't going to move forward until I
Speaker 1: had all the information already seen him naked. I feel
Speaker 1: like you with their Chelsea Lately parties, things get wild,
Speaker 1: like wasn't there already? So if he had ever gotten
Speaker 1: naked at one of my parties, that would have never
Speaker 1: sucked him. But anyway, you guys were like so close,
Speaker 1: did you talk about like your sex lights? Like were
Speaker 1: you hearing about his dating stuff? Like was there? He
Speaker 1: would have did not talk about He wouldn't talk about
Speaker 1: any women in front of me. He Joe has like
Speaker 1: he liked you. He just yeah, he always liked me.
Speaker 1: But he was never going to jeopardize our relationship. He
Speaker 1: was never going to make a move on me because
Speaker 1: he knew that I would go gross, get away from me,
Speaker 1: don't talk to me again. So he knew that it
Speaker 1: had to be my idea, which was right, And I
Speaker 1: just said to him, I was like you have do
Speaker 1: you have a crush on me? And he was like,
Speaker 1: oh god, Chelsea, why do you have to Was it
Speaker 1: before the show? After no, late night like two in
Speaker 1: the morning you see him in this he walks in
Speaker 1: your like horny for him, And so you said it
Speaker 1: in that moment or did you just go oh fun,
Speaker 1: did you like go back to your notes and You're
Speaker 1: like I can't even like focus right now because I'm
Speaker 1: like what is this feeling? And feeling? And then when
Speaker 1: did you finally say do you have a crush on me?
Speaker 1: When was late night like two thirty in the morning. No,
Speaker 1: I was able to focus. We did the show, shows great,
Speaker 1: we all went out gambling, had a great night, and
Speaker 1: then we were just getting more like snugly, like touchy feely,
Speaker 1: you know. I was like letting him know, like game on.
Speaker 1: And then we got back to the room in Vegas
Speaker 1: and I said do you have a crush on me?
Speaker 1: And he was like, well, what do you mean? And
Speaker 1: I was like, Joe, either you have a crush on
Speaker 1: me or don't, Like just were you touching when this happened,
Speaker 1: Like were you like hugging when he so, where where's
Speaker 1: this coming? I needed all the details to I wish
Speaker 1: I could give them to you, but we have to
Speaker 1: take fucking callers. Nikki, I mean, this is okay advice
Speaker 1: the podcast. I know, I know, but I I need
Speaker 1: advice about it. Okay, yes, we'll get to it. But
Speaker 1: I'll come on your podcast and talk about Joe and
Speaker 1: I was love details. I'm gonna I'm writing my new book.
Speaker 1: It's called The Filipino in Me, a love story. But
Speaker 1: I will give you all the details. Of course, I
Speaker 1: would never lie to keep them all to myself. I
Speaker 1: would never be so selfish. But okay, so this is
Speaker 1: how to advice people call. We really need to help them. Okay,
Speaker 1: are you you have your advice thinking cap on. Yeah,
Speaker 1: I'm so good at this, amazing, I'm so glad. The
Speaker 1: first question is how do you get out of something
Speaker 1: by pretending you have COVID? And we're gonna take a
Speaker 1: quick break and we'll be right back and we're back. Yeah,
Speaker 1: we're back. Thank god, Oh my god, thanks God. We're
Speaker 1: back with Nicki Glazer and my wonderful co host Catherine,
Speaker 1: and we are going to start taking questions and callers. Indeed,
Speaker 1: our first question comes from Haley. This all leans very
Speaker 1: f boy centric today, so we're keeping it on. Haley says,
Speaker 1: Dear Chelsea. I've been in a new relationship for six
Speaker 1: months and it's going great. He shows me he cares
Speaker 1: and thoughtful ways every day and really challenges me in
Speaker 1: all the ways I want to be challenged by a partner.
Speaker 1: Shortly after we started dating, he had to go to
Speaker 1: California for a month. We talked on the phone for
Speaker 1: hours every day and really got to know each other.
Speaker 1: While he was away, we would send each other what
Speaker 1: I like to call quote self portraits, which I knew
Speaker 1: he was saving to his hidden photos folder. About a
Speaker 1: month ago, I asked him about the self portraits and
Speaker 1: if I could look through them. I'm not sure what
Speaker 1: prompted me to ask. I think it was mostly out
Speaker 1: of vanity, but also I liked the idea of him
Speaker 1: having them in a private folder for himself. He quickly
Speaker 1: told me I couldn't and I asked if I was
Speaker 1: the only girlfriend in that folder. He immediately got defensive
Speaker 1: and tried to tell me that asking him to do
Speaker 1: anything about the contents of the folder would be an
Speaker 1: invasion of his privacy. His response took me by surprise.
Speaker 1: Since I haven't made any specific requests in that regard.
Speaker 1: I haven't cared for a boyfriend this deeply before. But
Speaker 1: I'm put off by how sketchy he's acting about this folder.
Speaker 1: I don't expect him to quote erase his past, his words,
Speaker 1: not mine, but knowing that he had those photos of
Speaker 1: me made me feel special. Now. I feel like I'm
Speaker 1: an option, even though his actions tell me I'm not.
Speaker 1: His reaction that day felt very contradictory to the man
Speaker 1: that I'm with, and I don't know what to do. Hayley,
Speaker 1: I'm sorry. So they he moved to California? Did I
Speaker 1: miss something? Are these back? Like? Yeah, they just spent
Speaker 1: like a month apart, But that was when she was
Speaker 1: like sending him these, let's say, nuty phonies And how
Speaker 1: long have they been together? Six months? Six months? Somebody's
Speaker 1: a better listener than the host, I'm really trying. Yeah,
Speaker 1: that's a big red flag, first of all, because those
Speaker 1: are pictures of you in there, So are you not
Speaker 1: allowed to see the pictures of you? Regardless of what
Speaker 1: other photos he has? Like, that's a big red flag. Well,
Speaker 1: so I think he because she said his own words
Speaker 1: were erased my past he must have definitely given some
Speaker 1: indication that there were other girls in that folder and
Speaker 1: he didn't want her to see those other girls? Is that,
Speaker 1: like X, and is that that's what I had assumed?
Speaker 1: And now upon like I've read this so many times,
Speaker 1: but somehow reading it out loud, I'm like, maybe there
Speaker 1: are other current girls and the absolutely current girls, or
Speaker 1: first of all, if there were ex girlfriends, it's completely
Speaker 1: reasonable and the right thing to do to go, oh,
Speaker 1: I'm going to delete these now that I'm in a
Speaker 1: relationship with you, Like that would be disrespectful to be
Speaker 1: jerking off in your spare time to your ex girlfriends,
Speaker 1: Like the folder should just be of you if you're
Speaker 1: dating him, and it's totally normal and fine for you
Speaker 1: to ask to see that, like there's nothing wrong with that.
Speaker 1: And the fact that he said no, yeah, that's a
Speaker 1: big red flag, like I wouldn't trust this guy at all. Yeah,
Speaker 1: you're absolutely right. It means there's current stuff. Because if
Speaker 1: she's cool with like, okay, I understand you have your excess,
Speaker 1: he could go, okay, I'll delete him right now. This
Speaker 1: is a good moment to do that done. But the
Speaker 1: fact that he got weird about it either he wants
Speaker 1: to hold onto those which shouldn't be that important to him,
Speaker 1: or something else is going on. If this sucks, I
Speaker 1: hate this kind of moment where everything's great except this
Speaker 1: one thing. Mmm. I wouldn't mind a guy keeping ex photos.
Speaker 1: I kind of get horned up for him. I like
Speaker 1: to see them, But you like to see his exes, yeah,
Speaker 1: would his exes like I like seeing like old like
Speaker 1: the hot ladies he's had in his pass. It really
Speaker 1: like horns me up. But it's basically what she wants
Speaker 1: and if he's not willing to give her that, that sucks.
Speaker 1: It's not a good So it's a it's a it's
Speaker 1: a big red flag. Why don't you what's her name? Haley? Haley?
Speaker 1: I think you should really like give him an ultimatum
Speaker 1: about seeing that when you're in person with him, so
Speaker 1: that he can either shut up or put up. And
Speaker 1: if he's not willing to show those to you, then
Speaker 1: like he's hiding something from you, and that's the only
Speaker 1: reason that he wouldn't show them to you. So you know,
Speaker 1: however you feel about that, I would definitely move on.
Speaker 1: I feel like he's gonna pit her to be like, oh,
Speaker 1: you're the girlfriend that just wants to go through my
Speaker 1: phone and you're like, no, I just wanted to see
Speaker 1: a hot picture of myself, and then it turned the
Speaker 1: whole thing. Right, I am only asking and this is
Speaker 1: only important to me because you're being so weird about it.
Speaker 1: I don't care about anything else. I trust you, but
Speaker 1: this reaction is leading me to not trust you, and
Speaker 1: I can't get over it until until you make this right.
Speaker 1: And if you can't, by Yeah, if you don't trust
Speaker 1: my reaction, you should trust the fact that if there's
Speaker 1: nothing unreasonable in here, I won't be up. Yes, too bad.
Speaker 1: There's not dates on photos? Right? And that folder? Would
Speaker 1: there be dates? No? There wouldn't be though, or would
Speaker 1: that You can see it in the metadata like if
Speaker 1: you yeah, well there you go. You should steal his
Speaker 1: phone if he doesn't give it to you and fuck
Speaker 1: it look through it and then you'll get your answers. Yes,
Speaker 1: face ib can work wonders when someone is sleep. I
Speaker 1: have no problem with people going through each other's phones.
Speaker 1: I think that's fine. There's nothing to hide. I think
Speaker 1: you shouldn't have anything to hide. It's kind of but
Speaker 1: it's kind of like the n s a thing of
Speaker 1: like I'm always like, who cares if they're listening at
Speaker 1: my conversation, I've got nothing to hide, And people are like, well,
Speaker 1: because they can like make up stuff to incriminate you,
Speaker 1: they can use your stuff that you're innocent when so
Speaker 1: it's a matter of sometimes I get worried that the
Speaker 1: person might invent something of all the data they're collecting
Speaker 1: on me and and get insane about it. But yeah,
Speaker 1: I generally I've whenever I'm trying to hide my phone
Speaker 1: from someone, i've got something to hide, it's never because
Speaker 1: it's like it's just for me. It's because I don't
Speaker 1: want them to know a part about myself that I'm
Speaker 1: trying to keep from them. Yeah, I think that's a
Speaker 1: good point. I was just actually talking about guys who
Speaker 1: don't put their girlfriends on their Instagram or their wives,
Speaker 1: and they do it as like I'm just honoring like
Speaker 1: her privacy, like their comedians that work the road, and
Speaker 1: they go, I just like my wife just she's a
Speaker 1: private person. It's like, no, you want to present as
Speaker 1: a man that doesn't have a wife. You're on the
Speaker 1: road when girls look you up and they go see
Speaker 1: you with clubs. It's like this whole thing of like
Speaker 1: I'm just being a good guy, like I just you know,
Speaker 1: it's like it's such bullshit. One of my best friends
Speaker 1: has a girlfriend. He and his wife got a divorce.
Speaker 1: He's been dating this girl for like probably two years
Speaker 1: they lived together. He has never posted a photo of
Speaker 1: a photo of her on his Instagram except two close friends,
Speaker 1: which means like, not everybody, I'm just like you, you're
Speaker 1: hiding her. I do understand. There's this whole storyline and
Speaker 1: the show the Ultimatum that I'm watching right now of like, yes,
Speaker 1: when you're an influencer and you post a picture, especially
Speaker 1: when you're a girl and you rely on male followers,
Speaker 1: if you post a picture of your boyfriend, you lose.
Speaker 1: You lose followers because men are just like I guess
Speaker 1: we can't have her now, like it was ever an
Speaker 1: option for them to get you. So I understand, like
Speaker 1: it's a branding thing. Even when I post something saying
Speaker 1: I have a boyfriend, I feel like less likes, just
Speaker 1: like people are just like not into it. Whereas guys
Speaker 1: when they're like look at my hot girlfriend, everyone fucking love,
Speaker 1: they get so much more. I definitely get I still
Speaker 1: get disgusting d M s when I post about Joe
Speaker 1: and me. I will still get d M saying I
Speaker 1: want to put my cock in your asshole, like I
Speaker 1: can't wait to fuck you. So it's not good. I
Speaker 1: will never go away. I have quite the opposite experience
Speaker 1: because people love. People seem to love our love story, well,
Speaker 1: the people who believe it anyway, um and and and
Speaker 1: and man, it hasn't stopped man from telling me that
Speaker 1: they're going to suck me. So I think men like
Speaker 1: to tell women like me that they're going to fuck
Speaker 1: because they know they're never going to fuck a woman
Speaker 1: like me, so they like to write that down anonymously
Speaker 1: because obviously, okay, what's what do we have next? Catherine?
Speaker 1: So our next is a caller? This is Brooke? Is
Speaker 1: this a picture of Vladimir Putin m who is actually
Speaker 1: um Borris Karloff as looking at Catherine sweatshirt Dracula, which
Speaker 1: is actually done by a friend of mine, Jonah Animoy
Speaker 1: and shout out all the school art, Jonah Animoy. It
Speaker 1: actually does look like Vladim. I guess Dracula and Vladimir
Speaker 1: Putin have a similar look on their face. So that
Speaker 1: works out perfectly. Uh. Well, Brooke is on the phone
Speaker 1: with us today. We have callers who call in, so
Speaker 1: she says, Dear Chelsea, My wife and I have been
Speaker 1: together for about ten years and married for five. Her sister, Megan,
Speaker 1: is married with two kids and one dog. Megan and
Speaker 1: her family have poor hygiene. They appear to have no
Speaker 1: awareness of the issue, and the rest of my wife's
Speaker 1: family has never brought it to their attention. Their dog
Speaker 1: is about eleven years old, and quite frankly, his physical
Speaker 1: needs are neglected. He's never bathed, his fur is matted,
Speaker 1: and he seems to have an underlying skin condition. He smells,
Speaker 1: his nails are long, he has anxiety, and he barks incessantly.
Speaker 1: Despite all this, my wife and I have watched the
Speaker 1: dog numerous times in the past. When he comes to
Speaker 1: our house, we bathe him immediately. It's a chore because
Speaker 1: he's not used to it, and it seems to be
Speaker 1: quite painful for him to be touched in certain areas.
Speaker 1: I know. We do our best to groom him, but
Speaker 1: it has become impossible due to the severity of the
Speaker 1: matted fur. He needs professional intervention. I watched him for
Speaker 1: five days by myself last year, and after that I
Speaker 1: set a boundary that I would not do it again.
Speaker 1: It was hard to look at him as someone who
Speaker 1: suffered emotional and physical neglect as a child. It is
Speaker 1: particularly triggering to see him and to feel powerless to
Speaker 1: intervene without creating family drama. My wife has asked me
Speaker 1: repeatedly to not say anything to her sister about the dog,
Speaker 1: and until recently, I reluctantly agreed. Last week, Megan asked
Speaker 1: my wife if I could watch the dog again. They
Speaker 1: do not want to hire someone. I stuck to my
Speaker 1: guns and said no. My wife made some excuses instead
Speaker 1: of communicating the underlying concerns and this kind of indirect
Speaker 1: communication is the norm and her family. Instead of accepting
Speaker 1: Noah's an answer, Megan proceeded to ask more specific questions
Speaker 1: about the excuses my wife had made and proceeded to
Speaker 1: guilt trip me via my wife, saying things like family
Speaker 1: helps family. I got upset, and I decided, with my
Speaker 1: wife's approval, to text her directly. I provided a list
Speaker 1: of three reasons why I did not want to watch
Speaker 1: her dog. I told her that I wanted to speak
Speaker 1: honestly and directly, even if it would upset her. The
Speaker 1: reasons were one, the dog is not bathed, two, its
Speaker 1: snails are very long, and I've just spent a lot
Speaker 1: of money refinishing my hundred year old hardwood floors. And
Speaker 1: three he barks incessantly, which makes it difficult for me
Speaker 1: to work. Megan freaked out. She called my wife and
Speaker 1: her entire family sobbing profusely, misstating my words. I did
Speaker 1: not say anything that was not true about the dog,
Speaker 1: nor anything that her other family members are not saying
Speaker 1: behind her back. My wife and the rest of her
Speaker 1: family are distancing themselves from me and my comments in
Speaker 1: an effort to soothe Megan. My wife thinks I went
Speaker 1: too far. Megan's telling her family that she no longer
Speaker 1: wants to see me or my wife ever again. My
Speaker 1: in laws feel like Omegan an apology. I disagree and
Speaker 1: stand by my words. I wish everyone could speak directly,
Speaker 1: but it's not the way they operate. What should I
Speaker 1: do moving forward? Brooke? And she's here with us today? Hi? Brook, Hi,
Speaker 1: it's so funny. I was listening to this email. By
Speaker 1: the way, This is Nikki Glazer, our special guest. Hi
Speaker 1: and Catherine, you've spoken to our producer, h I was
Speaker 1: listening to this letter and you kept referring to your wife, Megan,
Speaker 1: wife Megan, and I'm like, there is no way a
Speaker 1: straight man is calling into this podcast a woman. I
Speaker 1: was like that, be like, it's so ridiculous, Yes, Megan,
Speaker 1: although I think is actually the sister in law. Correct? Correct?
Speaker 1: So thank you for your time. What's the update, what's
Speaker 1: the what's going on right now? With this same no communication?
Speaker 1: You're being kind of ostracised a little bit. Yeah, So
Speaker 1: I realized when I was rereading that that I was
Speaker 1: pretty I think I was pretty angry when I wrote it,
Speaker 1: and now I think I'm just exhosted, right, So so
Speaker 1: that's uh, that's the update from me is just I'm
Speaker 1: ready to move on this issue, and I think I was.
Speaker 1: I was pretty upset, and now I just you know,
Speaker 1: nobody's a bad person, but I just want to figure
Speaker 1: out how to move forward from this event in a
Speaker 1: way that is I don't know how to repair it. So, yeah,
Speaker 1: what's happening now, I think is that no one from
Speaker 1: my wife's family has had direct communication with me, with
Speaker 1: the exception of her mother, who sent you short text
Speaker 1: saying we hope that you come to pass over the stater,
Speaker 1: which was Friday. She hadn't had any communication with me
Speaker 1: in the couple of weeks leading up to that. Uh,
Speaker 1: my wife's sister had agreed to go to the stater
Speaker 1: knowing that I may be there, but I did decline
Speaker 1: to go because I felt like it would be really
Speaker 1: tense and if the purpose of attending would be to
Speaker 1: celebrate or you know, and be with other people, I
Speaker 1: didn't feel like that purpose would be achieved by my presence,
Speaker 1: so I didn't go. And that's pretty much where we're at.
Speaker 1: What a what a bummer? Such a bummer? I mean,
Speaker 1: talking to you for this short period of time, like
Speaker 1: you can tell that you're a pretty rational regular You're
Speaker 1: not like a hot tempered kind of person, not generally. No,
Speaker 1: I'm pretty to the point, and I try to be
Speaker 1: relatively even keeled. So I think it was really just
Speaker 1: the directness of the communication that she wasn't accustomed to write. Well,
Speaker 1: you just said, you said yourself that they grew up
Speaker 1: in a family with indirect communication, So of course, what
Speaker 1: happens when that happens when you're direct with somebody who
Speaker 1: has that historical like framework then they immediately are a
Speaker 1: victim and they're crying and the whole family has to
Speaker 1: come and gather around them because they've never been told
Speaker 1: the truth before. Yeah, yes, that's exactly it. Well, it's
Speaker 1: it's almost like you look at these kind of family
Speaker 1: dynamics and they're incapable of telling the truth. It's not
Speaker 1: even like they know the truth and they're denying it.
Speaker 1: It's they cannot and they cannot take any accountability. There's
Speaker 1: zero accountability that this family can take. What I'm wondering,
Speaker 1: what was the sister's response to the dog is dirty,
Speaker 1: it barks incessantly, it has skin issues, all these things.
Speaker 1: Was there any like, No, it's not like what was
Speaker 1: that response? Yeah? And and part of the reason I
Speaker 1: think why my correspondence to her was a little bit snarky,
Speaker 1: admittedly in parts, was I wanted her to ask herself
Speaker 1: that question of when was the last time that I
Speaker 1: that I gave my dog a bath? Because truthfully, I
Speaker 1: have made that much more often than she has. So yeah,
Speaker 1: that that issue seems to be completely glossed over. Right,
Speaker 1: I've been told that my wife has been told that
Speaker 1: we're not to discuss the dog anymore. And that we're
Speaker 1: not really invited to be around it. I guess they
Speaker 1: don't want us to see whether or not they've made
Speaker 1: any paying you to watch this dock? Are you getting
Speaker 1: You're just expected to watch their barkie like kind of
Speaker 1: neglected dog. It's just well to be to be fair
Speaker 1: in families, you're not really paying your sister or your
Speaker 1: sister in law. You're just like they don't want to
Speaker 1: because you're not paying them. You go, okay, then you
Speaker 1: don't have to, Like that's the thing. When you're not
Speaker 1: paying family and they're like, I'd rather not, you just
Speaker 1: drop it. You don't go why, But that's the way
Speaker 1: I go, Okay, why does this woman just expect you
Speaker 1: to do this with her? And she knows her dog
Speaker 1: barks incessantly. It shows a lot of denial and just
Speaker 1: I feel like this is a no, no, this is
Speaker 1: me projecting but an alcoholic family. I was never asking
Speaker 1: for payment. It's really just a I would like for
Speaker 1: it to be clean before it gets here. And it's
Speaker 1: been pretty egregious in the past, and I think really
Speaker 1: the last straw for me was during the pandemic. We
Speaker 1: hadn't been watching it because nobody was going anywhere, and
Speaker 1: I hadn't bathed it, and my wife hadn't bathed it
Speaker 1: in over a year, and I think he didn't get
Speaker 1: a bath, right, And then it just became like really
Speaker 1: essentially too far gone. And you know, I looked into
Speaker 1: I called a bunch of different rumors. Nobody would accept
Speaker 1: him if I didn't have proof of vaccination. And also
Speaker 1: he's like a little bit aggressive when you try to
Speaker 1: bathe him. And I didn't really want to bring on
Speaker 1: that liability onto myself, so I just wanted to bow
Speaker 1: out and not make excuses moving forward. And I think
Speaker 1: I've accomplished that goal, but now I've created another problem. Well,
Speaker 1: so what's your wife's status on this right now? How
Speaker 1: does she Where does she sit with everything? She sits
Speaker 1: where she wants everybody to get along, like so desperately
Speaker 1: that she care what needs to be said. Right I
Speaker 1: think the way would be for me to issue an apology,
Speaker 1: which I think she knows is not likely to happen. Now.
Speaker 1: I really don't think you should do that. And I
Speaker 1: read there because that is like renegging, like you're the
Speaker 1: first person who told the truth. You could make an
Speaker 1: addendum to your original conversation point of the text, like
Speaker 1: you can I don't know, this might be too aggressive,
Speaker 1: but to send it to everybody so that everybody is
Speaker 1: copied on it, like so that there's yeah. But I mean,
Speaker 1: I think not to take the responsibility on but for
Speaker 1: you to just say as a follow up email to
Speaker 1: the entire family, this is one option. I'm not saying
Speaker 1: it's the right option, but I think it's good to
Speaker 1: like lay out your case of what you said and
Speaker 1: how that made you feel, how it made you feel
Speaker 1: because of your circumstances and your history and your neglect
Speaker 1: in your childhood, that it triggered you what you felt
Speaker 1: like as a child when you weren't you know, whatever
Speaker 1: you were referring to, and you take ownership of that,
Speaker 1: so it doesn't take away what you say being what
Speaker 1: you mean, but you're taking responsibility for it, so it's
Speaker 1: not putting it on them. You're like, these are all
Speaker 1: the things that really upset me because of stuff that
Speaker 1: I went through during my childhood, and I can't be
Speaker 1: around it. It's too upset. It's too upsetting to see
Speaker 1: anything being neglected. And quite frankly, not having a bath
Speaker 1: for over a year is neglect. You can put that
Speaker 1: in any other term that you want, but that's what
Speaker 1: it is. So there's ways to say this in a
Speaker 1: nuanced way so that you're really showing how much you care.
Speaker 1: I know how important this family is, not only to
Speaker 1: my wife but to me. I want us all to
Speaker 1: get along too, and me coming out and telling you
Speaker 1: how I feel, let me give you some more context
Speaker 1: about why it was such an issue, and we can
Speaker 1: move on from this in one of two ways, Like
Speaker 1: we don't have to ever discuss the dog again. You
Speaker 1: don't have to listen to anything I say, and you
Speaker 1: can continue doing what you do, but just don't expect
Speaker 1: us to watch your dog. It's too painful for me,
Speaker 1: you know. And it doesn't have to be that dramatic.
Speaker 1: But it can be nuanced enough so that you're being
Speaker 1: reasonable and you're taking accountability for your feelings, and then
Speaker 1: they can do whatever they want with that, and ended
Speaker 1: on a note saying I would love for us to
Speaker 1: move forward as a family. I'm really sorry that my
Speaker 1: directness cut you in this way, but I had to
Speaker 1: be honest. That's a promise I made to myself a
Speaker 1: long time ago that I would not look away in
Speaker 1: the face of neglect and without pointing finger finger finger,
Speaker 1: you already said it, They already know it. I think
Speaker 1: you made your point so that you're not going to be,
Speaker 1: you know, burdened with that watching that dog again. But
Speaker 1: it would be better if they actually did something and
Speaker 1: actually sat, because sometimes you say something and you remove it,
Speaker 1: Like I like that you didn't go to satar, Like
Speaker 1: I like that you didn't go to that dinner, because
Speaker 1: they're just now they just have to like like sitting
Speaker 1: and thinking about what you actually said. Like there's no
Speaker 1: way she's looking at her dog not going fuck. Is
Speaker 1: he neglected? Why haven't I bathed him? Or why someone
Speaker 1: bathed him? Yeah? I like the idea of maybe sending
Speaker 1: an email to the entire family because they have they've
Speaker 1: read my initial correspondence. I did send another text to
Speaker 1: my wife's sister asking her to have a conversation, and
Speaker 1: she didn't respond to me. She responded to my wife thing,
Speaker 1: I don't I don't know what a conversation would do.
Speaker 1: I don't want to speak to her again. But I
Speaker 1: kind of like involving other people because they're involved anyway,
Speaker 1: So right, the more the merrier. Yeah, Well, and I
Speaker 1: think too. At the end of the day, there is
Speaker 1: a dog that's not getting the care that he needs,
Speaker 1: like whether it's because he has a skin issue or
Speaker 1: whatever it is. I mean, obviously there's also neglect happening.
Speaker 1: I wonder, do you do they love this dog? They do? Yeah,
Speaker 1: it's really it truly is a lack of awareness. It's
Speaker 1: not that they don't love it. I mean, it spends
Speaker 1: a lot of time with them. It's not a bad dog.
Speaker 1: It's just you know, it's a little anxious and it's dirty. Well,
Speaker 1: that's also something good to say, like it better, Like
Speaker 1: it's very clear to me that you love your dog.
Speaker 1: That's very obvious. What is less obvious is the care
Speaker 1: that he's receiving. And that hurts me to watch it.
Speaker 1: Keep bringing it back to how it makes you feel
Speaker 1: instead of being like you're a fucking bad mother. Obviously, right,
Speaker 1: I wonder since they since they love the dog, it's
Speaker 1: probably not an issue of like, well maybe we were
Speaker 1: home this dog. In some instances it might be, but
Speaker 1: meybe it is something like I also really care for
Speaker 1: your dog, you know, can we pay for him to
Speaker 1: go to the groomer? You know once a year? Or
Speaker 1: once every six months or once every three months or whatever,
Speaker 1: like maybe there is some sort of compromise you can
Speaker 1: have there where it's like, we'd love to see this
Speaker 1: dog getting the like veterinary treatment he needs. And I
Speaker 1: don't know if that's something that you want to provide for,
Speaker 1: you know, your sister in law's dog. But I feel
Speaker 1: like they wouldn't accept it, and and that and the
Speaker 1: fact that they just closed down the dog talk like
Speaker 1: this isn't about the dog anymore, like they're not gonna
Speaker 1: I always find that whenever I'm dealing with a situation
Speaker 1: like this where I kind of know I'm in the
Speaker 1: right and I have to apologize to make things right
Speaker 1: just so people can get along. It's always really helpful
Speaker 1: in these kinds of emails. And I think Chelsea said
Speaker 1: coming from your place, like why you got triggered, what
Speaker 1: your background is with it, so that they can just
Speaker 1: kind of go, yeah, that's her issue, and then everything
Speaker 1: can be fine. Even though you know, but starting out
Speaker 1: the email and this is just a trick of apologizing,
Speaker 1: don't make any butts of like I did this, but
Speaker 1: like like you said, rereading that, I was very angry
Speaker 1: and I might have said some things in a way
Speaker 1: I didn't want to say it. So take accountability for
Speaker 1: maybe your tone, maybe how you could have approached things.
Speaker 1: Those things will go so far in making this kind
Speaker 1: of amends where you put up a boundary of just
Speaker 1: saying where you could have maybe done things differently, that
Speaker 1: will just give them something to grasp onto other than
Speaker 1: she's just wrong and she's just kind of like placating us,
Speaker 1: and um, yeah, because you can find something that you
Speaker 1: would have done differently, which is a beautiful thing that
Speaker 1: you're able to do even though you're freaking right. Yeah,
Speaker 1: that's absolutely true. And I think that's a good point
Speaker 1: because I think the way that I wrote the message
Speaker 1: a couple of weeks ago is not the way that
Speaker 1: I would write it today. And I think I was
Speaker 1: responding to being upset that no wasn't an acceptable answer
Speaker 1: and we couldn't just spawn and you know the history
Speaker 1: of this issue. And while I viewed it as I was,
Speaker 1: you know, for myself snarky on a scale of two
Speaker 1: or three out of ten, I probably would tone it down.
Speaker 1: Now you could go to a zero. You know, you
Speaker 1: could find something that you go I didn't need and
Speaker 1: you don't need to phrase it like I was mad
Speaker 1: because you didn't take no as an answer. That's again
Speaker 1: putting the blame on them like I was having a
Speaker 1: rough week, I was had all this. It's hard to do,
Speaker 1: but like making it, giving them something so they can go, oh,
Speaker 1: it's not our fault, even though you know what it it is. Like,
Speaker 1: it's that kind of thing. Go so far when you're
Speaker 1: dealing with dynamics like this where they take no accountability.
Speaker 1: But I'm sorry for the situation. Sucks. Well, let us
Speaker 1: know how it goes. Okay, keep us posting. We like
Speaker 1: these kinds of updates. Yes, for sure. Yeah, thank you
Speaker 1: for every time. I really appreciate Thanks Brook, good luck
Speaker 1: with everything. Thank you, bye bye. Brooke was so normal
Speaker 1: that you know her family is a fucking mess. You
Speaker 1: know she's going to be the level headed one. I'm
Speaker 1: so bad. I always just take sides, you know what
Speaker 1: I mean. I immediately take a person side, even if
Speaker 1: that's the only story side of the story I'm hearing. Yeah,
Speaker 1: I believe you, and they're the worst, and you just
Speaker 1: want your partner to like kind of turn their back
Speaker 1: on their family when they're being irrational too. But that
Speaker 1: family dynamic is so locked in, especially when it's one
Speaker 1: where they're just dealing with denial, no accountability, no apologizing,
Speaker 1: Like her wife is probably struggling with separating from that.
Speaker 1: But it just sounds like in the long run, this
Speaker 1: stuff is going to keep flaring up and there's going
Speaker 1: to have to be a moment of like, Okay, I
Speaker 1: can't be around you guys anymore unless you get honest.
Speaker 1: It's tough. Our next question comes from Live. She says,
Speaker 1: I need some tough love. I started secretly seeing my
Speaker 1: company's chief technology officer last summer, and I work in
Speaker 1: our HR department L O L. He currently lives in
Speaker 1: Florida and I live right outside of n y C.
Speaker 1: Our company is based in Manhattan, so he comes into
Speaker 1: the office frequently for work and meetings. I've also gone
Speaker 1: down to Florida to visit him. We go out to work,
Speaker 1: happy hours and functions together. We sneak off on dates
Speaker 1: just the two of us, and I stay at his
Speaker 1: hotel or he stays at my place when he visits.
Speaker 1: I know I'm in love with him, and we get
Speaker 1: along so great, and I've brought up taking things to
Speaker 1: the next level because I can see and would love
Speaker 1: a future and a real relationship with him. I also
Speaker 1: want to mention that I'm twenty five and he's forty two,
Speaker 1: and he's never been married and has never had children.
Speaker 1: The age difference isn't an issue for us. But I'm
Speaker 1: having a hard time figuring out what he wants out
Speaker 1: of this, and he's the master of giving me vague
Speaker 1: answers when I ask. He's told me he likes me
Speaker 1: a lot, and he's really an awesome guy. But am
Speaker 1: I being a pushover and just letting him dictate the relationship?
Speaker 1: Should I continue just casually seeing him whenever he's in
Speaker 1: town for work. Should I give him an ultimatum? I'm
Speaker 1: scared that if I push him too hard, he'll shut
Speaker 1: down and end what we have going on, which isn't
Speaker 1: what I want. Also, if we end up together, should
Speaker 1: we tell a company? Some days I wish I was
Speaker 1: strong enough to tell him to go kick rocks, and
Speaker 1: other days I want him to put a ring on
Speaker 1: my finger. What would you do in my situation? Live well, Nikki?
Speaker 1: Would you like to go first? I would love thank you? Okay,
Speaker 1: I know it's so scary because you're scared he's gonna
Speaker 1: be like, well, if you give me an ultimatum, I'm
Speaker 1: just gonna choose not being with you. No, he's not.
Speaker 1: This guy is having sex with a twenty five year
Speaker 1: old hot thing. He's probably so in love with you.
Speaker 1: This guy's never been married before, not really had relationships.
Speaker 1: He's scared a commitment. You're dealing with a guy who
Speaker 1: has never had a woman like challenge him. You need
Speaker 1: to say, this is what I want. It doesn't have
Speaker 1: to be a ring. I want a real relationship with you.
Speaker 1: And if I can't get that, I'm gonna go find
Speaker 1: one by And you just do it. And I know
Speaker 1: you're scared and you don't mean it, but and then
Speaker 1: you wait and you do not talk to him. You
Speaker 1: not reach out, you don't show up on his stories.
Speaker 1: You make sure that you give him nothing. And it's
Speaker 1: really good because you're long distance, so he's not gonna
Speaker 1: be able to like show up and see you at work.
Speaker 1: You need to completely cold turkey, take yourself away from
Speaker 1: him and see how it feels to him. He'll freak
Speaker 1: out and he will be back in no time. Read
Speaker 1: the book too. I do to help you with this,
Speaker 1: but it's true. Like you need to give it and
Speaker 1: give it eight weeks if he doesn't come back in
Speaker 1: eight weeks. And you know that's impossible to do as
Speaker 1: a year old who's in love with someone, but they
Speaker 1: always come back. But this guy needs an ultimatum that
Speaker 1: he needs it because he'll just Why would he ever
Speaker 1: decide to settle down with you and make his life
Speaker 1: more difficult when he's getting what he wants to fund you,
Speaker 1: when he he's available to talk to you on the phone,
Speaker 1: when you're available. Where is there any reason for him
Speaker 1: to lock this down anymore? You're not seeing anyone else,
Speaker 1: he's in your in love with him. You got to
Speaker 1: get these guys a reason to lock it down because
Speaker 1: they won't otherwise. M tough love. Yeah, I would say
Speaker 1: I would definitely say to be have a very direct
Speaker 1: conversation with him and don't let it linger. Like if
Speaker 1: he's like, hey, like, this is how I feel I
Speaker 1: want to be in a relationship, and it's totally fine
Speaker 1: if you don't. But if you don't, like I need
Speaker 1: you to be honest with me, because then I'm gonna
Speaker 1: go find somebody else and stick to that and stick
Speaker 1: to that plan as hard as it is. Your twenty
Speaker 1: five years old. I've been in love like six times
Speaker 1: since I was twenty five, So just I'm telling you
Speaker 1: this might seem like your world right now, but it's
Speaker 1: if it doesn't work out. It doesn't work out, and
Speaker 1: then you're gonna be on to the next person, and
Speaker 1: you're gonna be so grateful that you actually gave this
Speaker 1: guy an ultimatum to open up your life to meeting
Speaker 1: the next person and you didn't waste time waiting for him.
Speaker 1: So many girls waste so much time just giving guys
Speaker 1: because they think that if I wish someone would have
Speaker 1: told me this earlier, when you have a boundary that
Speaker 1: you're so scared to guy, I'll be like, well then
Speaker 1: I don't want you, I swear to god. They really
Speaker 1: don't ever respond that way. Guys like a girl who
Speaker 1: gives them boundaries. And when you're just available for him
Speaker 1: whenever you think that's the best way to keep him around,
Speaker 1: that's the best way to keep him around on his terms,
Speaker 1: which are not is not what you want. And I
Speaker 1: know you're probably thinking, I'd rather have what we have
Speaker 1: now than nothing. I don't think that's gonna be true.
Speaker 1: Further on down the road, you were going to lose
Speaker 1: so many years of your life waiting for this guy
Speaker 1: when you can have your answer now. But also your
Speaker 1: self respect, Like there's a lot of self respect and
Speaker 1: saying this is what I need and if I don't
Speaker 1: get it, I'm gonna move on, and not in an
Speaker 1: angry way. It doesn't have to be threatening. It just
Speaker 1: has to be like, hey, it's totally cool if you
Speaker 1: don't want to be in a relationship, but just let
Speaker 1: me know because I'm gonna move on and I'd rather
Speaker 1: not speak for a while until I figure out something,
Speaker 1: and I'll let you know, like if we can open
Speaker 1: up communication again, make sure that you are firm and
Speaker 1: that you're able to stick to your plan and don't
Speaker 1: call him wasted, you know, take his number out of
Speaker 1: your phone if you need to. But yeah, it's gonna
Speaker 1: give you a lot of strength and self confidence and
Speaker 1: then you respect yourself and then the next person who
Speaker 1: comes along is going to respect you just as much
Speaker 1: as you respect yourself. God, the problem is is so
Speaker 1: hard to do this. I'm like thinking from my five
Speaker 1: year old perspective of being like yeah, yeah, yeah, it's
Speaker 1: not nice to hear that from you older ladies. But
Speaker 1: I'm not doing like you just don't. You can't. It's
Speaker 1: so hard to do this ship. But I swear to God,
Speaker 1: I wish I could shake my twenty five year old
Speaker 1: self and listen to this kind of advice, because it's
Speaker 1: the only thing that works. I did it. I froze
Speaker 1: out a guy once I forget what the circumstances were.
Speaker 1: I said, I don't want to be with you unless
Speaker 1: you want to be in a committed relationship, and he
Speaker 1: came right back like it took two weeks, and I
Speaker 1: was steadfast. I did not speak to him. He called me,
Speaker 1: I didn't return his calls, and then eventually he's like,
Speaker 1: I want to be in a relationship, and guess what.
Speaker 1: I broke up with him like three months later, because
Speaker 1: I've done this. I did this when I was in
Speaker 1: my twenties too, and I was strong enough to do
Speaker 1: it because I was dating guys that are girlfriends and
Speaker 1: then eventually they'd be like, I'm gonna break up with her,
Speaker 1: and they never would and I would just hang on,
Speaker 1: and so I would go, I'm never speaking you again
Speaker 1: until you you you leave her, call me when you
Speaker 1: guys are broken up, not And both times I've done
Speaker 1: this in my life. They chose that girl over me,
Speaker 1: and thank fucking god they did. Thank god, Oh my god,
Speaker 1: I'm so glad I'm not with those fools. It's so
Speaker 1: it was the best gift ever. So sometimes it doesn't work.
Speaker 1: It works the way it's supposed to every single time. Yeah,
Speaker 1: And I also don't understand why people cheat on girlfriends.
Speaker 1: It's like, just fucking break up with your girlfriend, Like,
Speaker 1: why are you an affair on a girlfriend? It's so dumb,
Speaker 1: and they may read those girls. It's so crazy. I
Speaker 1: just go, how could you marry You don't cheat on
Speaker 1: a girlfriend and then marry her? You how could They're
Speaker 1: just it's just the worst. But thank god, thank god
Speaker 1: they didn't choose me. Yeah, all right, we'll keep us updated.
Speaker 1: Let us know what happens if you give him an
Speaker 1: ultimatum and what happens. And our last question comes from Christie.
Speaker 1: Christie says, Dear Chelsea, my boyfriend and I have lived
Speaker 1: in our rented house for the past four years, and
Speaker 1: I just found out that our landlord will be selling
Speaker 1: the house within the month. He's selling now to take
Speaker 1: advantage of the real estate market at present, and while
Speaker 1: I understand. I am heartbroken. We've truly made this our
Speaker 1: home for the last four years, with so many amazing memories,
Speaker 1: growing as a couple and loving and thriving in our
Speaker 1: small town community. Unfortunately, we're not in a financial position
Speaker 1: to buy right now, which has put us in a
Speaker 1: difficult spot. We have an opportunity to move in with
Speaker 1: a close friend and save for all the things we
Speaker 1: want but haven't been able to save for previously paying
Speaker 1: off debt, getting married, maybe even a down payment on
Speaker 1: our own house. This whole situation has brought up longstanding
Speaker 1: issues I have with comparison, unworthiness, and self esteem. I
Speaker 1: feel like a failure when I compare myself to where
Speaker 1: my friends or others are at in life, and I'm
Speaker 1: beating myself up for being in this position. I also
Speaker 1: love our home and our life here, and I'm terrified
Speaker 1: at the prospect of moving even to this new temporary solution.
Speaker 1: How can I wholeheartedly embrace this new unexpected chapter in
Speaker 1: my life and drop the comparison to myself and others? Christie, Hi, Christie, Hi, Hi.
Speaker 1: This is this is Nikki, our special guest for the day,
Speaker 1: and Catherine, you too. Okay, So you're going through a
Speaker 1: little bit of a difficult time in your frame of
Speaker 1: mind right now. Yeah, you don't know what's coming. You
Speaker 1: have to move out of your place, that's a fact.
Speaker 1: So while you had all those great experiences and all
Speaker 1: that wonderful time, like, that's a big gift you got
Speaker 1: from living there, So you take that with you to
Speaker 1: this next thing instead of being like, but I'm going
Speaker 1: miss it, I'm gonna miss it. It It doesn't matter. It's
Speaker 1: time to move on. So the sooner you accept reality
Speaker 1: and stop resisting reality, Hey, you're gonna be happier. You're
Speaker 1: just gonna understand like, Okay, this is moving forward. That
Speaker 1: was the past and you want to be in the
Speaker 1: present moment and be optimistic about the future. The comparing
Speaker 1: and the contrasting, like we were just talking about that,
Speaker 1: you know, we're talking. That's what we're doing. Yeah, And
Speaker 1: if your friends that bring out the j LO and
Speaker 1: them that bring out and just get them out of
Speaker 1: your feed. But listen, that's not what it's about. Your
Speaker 1: life is about your experience, your journey, for lack of
Speaker 1: a better term, your trajectory. What's going to happen in
Speaker 1: your life? And the more comfortable you are with the
Speaker 1: circumstances that you didn't actually ask for or expect. The
Speaker 1: more you embrace them, the happier you are going to become.
Speaker 1: Like your brain does a thing where it moves forward
Speaker 1: or gets stuck in the past, and when you're stuck
Speaker 1: in the past, it becomes a depressant, and when you're
Speaker 1: only thinking about all the good things you had instead
Speaker 1: of like, that was great, I'm going to take all
Speaker 1: those experiences with me to this next place. You have
Speaker 1: a huge opportunity to get everything you got out of
Speaker 1: that last place, but own this place because of this
Speaker 1: opportunity that's coming up right. Totally. Yeah, I think since
Speaker 1: like the past two weeks when this news broke to
Speaker 1: us and everything, like, I definitely went through the motions
Speaker 1: of grief a lot, like grieving our place, grieving our
Speaker 1: time here, kind of feeling angry at the situation. But
Speaker 1: now I'm like, Okay, this is our reality, and what
Speaker 1: I'm grappling with now is just like not comparing myself
Speaker 1: to where other people are at and just kind of
Speaker 1: like accepting where I'm at because I do play the
Speaker 1: comparison game big time, and I'm trying to step away
Speaker 1: from that and just like like you said, embraced, like
Speaker 1: this is what I'm doing now, this is a great opportunity,
Speaker 1: but it's it's so hard for me to not play
Speaker 1: that comparison game. Basically, how old are you, Christie? I'm thirty,
Speaker 1: So I mean there are plenty of people in their
Speaker 1: late twenties, thirties, even forties who, especially because of the
Speaker 1: last two years that we've all been through, are like
Speaker 1: living at home with their parents, which is totally fine,
Speaker 1: but like, I think this comparison a lot of it
Speaker 1: is like a lie on social media that like everybody
Speaker 1: is buying a house, everybody's having kids, everybody is getting
Speaker 1: married and having a great time. Like we post our
Speaker 1: high it's our highlight reels, you know, so you might
Speaker 1: find that you have an even better time now that
Speaker 1: you're moving in with this friend, that you and your
Speaker 1: boyfriend both a doore and you're having a great time.
Speaker 1: So make a highlight reel to yeah, make a highlight reel.
Speaker 1: And also like exercise like not going online and looking
Speaker 1: at that ship. Just just it's give yourself a period
Speaker 1: of time, like you're not going to believe how much
Speaker 1: happier you are if you're not scrolling through Instagram. Chelsea.
Speaker 1: You're so right, but it's so hard to do that.
Speaker 1: I think when people say like, oh, just take take
Speaker 1: a break from that stuff, my thought when I hear
Speaker 1: that is well, I'm still gonna know it's there, I'm
Speaker 1: still gonna think about it, and it's still gonna be there.
Speaker 1: Doesn't change. But I swear to God, when I started
Speaker 1: muting people, I would get triggered by a girl's skin.
Speaker 1: I would get triggered by a girl announcing she got
Speaker 1: a special on some kind of thing or whatever. I
Speaker 1: started muting literally everything that would trigger me on just
Speaker 1: and just accepting that I'm getting triggered by this dumb thing.
Speaker 1: And when it's not there, when you're not seeing it
Speaker 1: on your feet, it doesn't exist. It really doesn't. You
Speaker 1: think it's going to permeate your your mind even when
Speaker 1: it's not there. I swear to God. There used to
Speaker 1: be a girl that me and my friend used to
Speaker 1: send each other stuff of hers, and like, how can
Speaker 1: her skin look so good? How does her life look
Speaker 1: so perfect? We used to torture each other about how
Speaker 1: perfect she was, And one day I muted her, and
Speaker 1: I swear to God I for I don't even know
Speaker 1: she exists, and I used to be obsessed with her,
Speaker 1: and it really muting does work. It's this thing that
Speaker 1: you go, no, that can't work for me. I'll still
Speaker 1: remember it. It takes time, but it works. And honestly,
Speaker 1: I'm listening to your story about having a good boyfriend,
Speaker 1: like a boyfriend you love, being in a place for
Speaker 1: four years that you made look so cute and that
Speaker 1: you love so much, and I'm getting jealous of you.
Speaker 1: But I'm finding things about you. Then. I see your
Speaker 1: fucking luscious locks and your your the ability for you
Speaker 1: to even call into a podcast and have the courage
Speaker 1: to share a vulnerable story and then get on and
Speaker 1: talk to some celebrity. Like all of this stuff is
Speaker 1: stuff that your friends that you're comparing yourself to could
Speaker 1: not do any of that. Honestly, Like, there are things
Speaker 1: about you that I'm getting jealous of right now. So
Speaker 1: that is to say, like, be grateful for the things
Speaker 1: that you do have, and truly, I promise you. I
Speaker 1: know it just sounds like just bullshit when people are
Speaker 1: like that's just like their highlight reel. That's not really
Speaker 1: their lives. It really is go through your own Instagram
Speaker 1: feed and look at how much how much you are
Speaker 1: lying on it, and you'll understand that because I try
Speaker 1: to put things out there like so honestly, I've gone
Speaker 1: through my feed before and been like jealous of myself
Speaker 1: when I really go back and I go, wait, your
Speaker 1: hair didn't look like that was just like you put
Speaker 1: it all to the front. My skin looks so good
Speaker 1: than that. You put a filter, like we're lying. So
Speaker 1: look at really mute. Muting people is a eat and
Speaker 1: just try it and see if it works, and I
Speaker 1: bet it will. You're so right. Like even just the
Speaker 1: other day, I was talking about my boyfriend. I was like,
Speaker 1: maybe I'll just deact me my Instagram for a little
Speaker 1: while and just chill and do this move and kind
Speaker 1: of like get into the group of things and like
Speaker 1: enjoy it. He was like, why not, like just live
Speaker 1: your life, like do this next chapter. It's going to
Speaker 1: be good. He's always like just five, like just relax
Speaker 1: and guy, you're so lucky to have this guy. I'm
Speaker 1: jealous honestly, And if you don't have to be on
Speaker 1: Instagram for your work, get the funk off it for
Speaker 1: just a break. That is awesome. That you even have
Speaker 1: that ability to do that. Try it. That's so fun. Yeah,
Speaker 1: I honestly, I know. I think you should, and we're
Speaker 1: going to order you too. It's a mandate. You're gonna
Speaker 1: have to do it because seriously, like the immediacy of
Speaker 1: it starts to fade. The first twenty four hours might
Speaker 1: be like, oh, you'll reach for your phone and then go,
Speaker 1: oh wait, I'm not doing that, and then it might
Speaker 1: happen five or six more times, and then after twenty
Speaker 1: four hours you get into the groove of not checking,
Speaker 1: and then you're going to realize how much there's a
Speaker 1: lift that happens where you're not consumed. It's almost like
Speaker 1: that people cease to exist just to activate your social
Speaker 1: media or just don't go on, like take it off
Speaker 1: your things so you can't activate it on your phone
Speaker 1: or check just for like, try for five days, really
Speaker 1: monitor how you feel, and after five days like I
Speaker 1: like this, I'm gonna go another two weeks. And also,
Speaker 1: when you get up in the morning, name five things,
Speaker 1: make a list of five things that you're grateful for,
Speaker 1: and just say it every single morning. I'm grateful for
Speaker 1: this opportunity for us to save rent. You know, so
Speaker 1: we could save up for possibly getting married our own place.
Speaker 1: Blah blah blah. You know, I'm grateful for my boyfriend.
Speaker 1: I'm grateful for my hair that Nikki Glazer is jealous of.
Speaker 1: I am grateful for whatever. Bagels. I'm grateful for fucking bagels.
Speaker 1: Every morning I'm like, oh my god, I fucking love
Speaker 1: fucking bagels. But but you know, you are a happy person.
Speaker 1: We can see that just by talking to you in
Speaker 1: this short exchange. You're happy. Make the best out of yourself.
Speaker 1: Don't let anything drag you down to make the worst
Speaker 1: of you. Make the best of you, and do that experiment.
Speaker 1: I guarantee you're gonna have major changes and I can't
Speaker 1: wait to hear about them when you call in for
Speaker 1: an update or right in for an update. Yes, and
Speaker 1: change is good. I will write in for an update.
Speaker 1: I appreciate this so much, and I think it's really
Speaker 1: it's very true. It's just, you know, I need to
Speaker 1: drop the comparison game, and that's kind of the end
Speaker 1: goal for me. Also, Chelsea, I just want to say
Speaker 1: I saw you in Toronto recently and I forgot my
Speaker 1: glasses and you were kind of just like a blur
Speaker 1: on stage. So this is really nice. Everything I look
Speaker 1: at it is also blurry, So don't worry about that.
Speaker 1: Thanks for calling in. Thank you so much, appreciate it. Okay,
Speaker 1: good luck, bye bye. She'll be fine. Yeah, she's gonna
Speaker 1: she she did say when I talked to her, She's like,
Speaker 1: I am sort of just looking for that, like tough love,
Speaker 1: a little you can do it, get to the next step.
Speaker 1: And you know, change doesn't have to be a bad thing.
Speaker 1: It can be a good thing. It's always a good thing.
Speaker 1: I think change is always a good thing. A piece
Speaker 1: of advice my mom gave me when we moved, like
Speaker 1: a beloved apartment, was before you pack everything up, take
Speaker 1: pictures of your space, like just your space, because you
Speaker 1: have a lot of pictures of yourself in this space,
Speaker 1: but not of the space. And it's one of the
Speaker 1: best things we did. You know. My friend that's so interested.
Speaker 1: My friend just moved from her parents, moved out her
Speaker 1: childhood and she went around and just filmed like the
Speaker 1: sounds of the door handles, the sounds of the creaking,
Speaker 1: like would And I was like, I wish I would
Speaker 1: have done that so bad, every door handle, every door shutting,
Speaker 1: and opening every window unlocking, and I was like, those
Speaker 1: sounds are such a great thing to capture. So I
Speaker 1: hope she hears this and does that for this space
Speaker 1: because I know it meant a lot to her. But
Speaker 1: and then the thing about change, I like the quote
Speaker 1: for some reason. There's just some quotes that like per
Speaker 1: me and like really get in of. It's gonna be
Speaker 1: okay because it always has been okay. You look at
Speaker 1: other points in your life where you've been like God,
Speaker 1: and you go, well, I'm here now being it was okay.
Speaker 1: It's always gonna be okay because it always has been.
Speaker 1: And that that's a nice reminder. Well, we'll take a
Speaker 1: quick break and be back to a wrap up with
Speaker 1: Nookie and Chelsea. I think you just called her Nookie.
Speaker 1: I like that. I like it. I did it all
Speaker 1: for it, and we're back fabulous now, Nikki, is there
Speaker 1: some advice you wanted to get from Chelsea? Yes? I
Speaker 1: would like to honestly hear. How the fuck do I
Speaker 1: write a book? Oh? You just gotta start writing one, girl.
Speaker 1: You just gotta open your computer and start. That is
Speaker 1: the biggest hurdle is just started and right and just
Speaker 1: give yourself an hour day, thirty minutes. Whatever you can
Speaker 1: handle initially, and then you get into it. You start
Speaker 1: to get into it. Because I just did this the
Speaker 1: other day, because I was like, my book agents were like, oh,
Speaker 1: we need a book proposal. I'm like a book proposal.
Speaker 1: I fucking wade six New York Times number one sellers.
Speaker 1: I'm like, just, yeah, well, I'm not doing that. But anyway,
Speaker 1: I'm like, I'll write the book and I'll sell it.
Speaker 1: So you just have to start writing. I just opened
Speaker 1: my computer and I just literally wrote titled The Filipino
Speaker 1: in Me a love Story Chelsea Handler. And I started
Speaker 1: writing and I wrote two paragraphs and they're not going
Speaker 1: to ever end up like those are the first two
Speaker 1: paragraphs of my book. But once you just start, it flows,
Speaker 1: it comes. It comes, But you have to give yourself
Speaker 1: the avenue. You just have to open that document and
Speaker 1: say and write a title and start and it will
Speaker 1: come to you. You're a prolific performer, a comedian, a writer,
Speaker 1: like your creator. The first hurdle is the biggest hurdle,
Speaker 1: and then it all kind of works. It's it's just starting, yeah,
Speaker 1: and it's you know what's so great about it? Nikki
Speaker 1: You're gonna appreciate the cleverness and craftiness of that artistic
Speaker 1: endeavor because it differs from stand up yet it feeds.
Speaker 1: They both feed each other. You know, my books always
Speaker 1: turned into a stand up special and then turn into
Speaker 1: like a TV show that I want to develop, or
Speaker 1: and and the and a stand up tour. So like, yeah,
Speaker 1: just you know that it all works in that kind
Speaker 1: of creative circle and it all goes together, and then
Speaker 1: you're gonna just you're gonna get into it. I know
Speaker 1: you will. What about from your first book to your
Speaker 1: book you're writing now, what would you have told yourself
Speaker 1: when you started that first book that you maybe didn't
Speaker 1: know that you've learned from writing so many just the
Speaker 1: more authentic you are, you know, like there's so many
Speaker 1: people that are going to relate to your stories. I mean,
Speaker 1: my first book was about one night stands I just did.
Speaker 1: It was called My Hearts on a Life of Collection.
Speaker 1: When night stand and my last book, it was a
Speaker 1: life would be the death of a complete evolution from
Speaker 1: my twenty year old self to my forty year old self.
Speaker 1: And like self awareness, self discovery, self exploration, all those terms,
Speaker 1: and I was so into learning about writing and about
Speaker 1: sentence structure and about storytelling. That I was soaking it
Speaker 1: all up, you know. I would write, and then I
Speaker 1: my editor and I worked really closely together to edit,
Speaker 1: like three hours every morning. Once I had everything down
Speaker 1: on the page, and I couldn't get enough of it because,
Speaker 1: like I understood what certain phrases were, what words were,
Speaker 1: how you use a clause, like when do you use it?
Speaker 1: Like an M dash versus an en dash? All those
Speaker 1: little things. It's fun to learn the use of language.
Speaker 1: That's why I'm such a I love language like I
Speaker 1: love words. If I don't know a word, I have
Speaker 1: to look it up. I can't go. Yeah. So I
Speaker 1: think anyone who has a real love of language, which
Speaker 1: I think every comedian does, enjoys the process of writing
Speaker 1: a book. Alright, alright, it sounds like you just do it.
Speaker 1: You gotta just started started today, Open your good computer
Speaker 1: and just start. I mean I have started. As the problem, like,
Speaker 1: it's just hard for me. I'll write like a ton
Speaker 1: and I'll send it to Like I have a woman
Speaker 1: that I kind of hired to help me structure it
Speaker 1: and and help me figure out what the theme is
Speaker 1: and all this stuff it's just painful. I like stand
Speaker 1: up because I just get on stage and start talking
Speaker 1: and the jokes kind of come out, like I don't
Speaker 1: ever sit down and write. And I think it's just
Speaker 1: being okay with being uncomfortable. I'm just getting I've structured
Speaker 1: in my life so I'm never uncomfortable anymore and I
Speaker 1: just do what I want. And writing a book is
Speaker 1: it's just as uncomfortable as starting stand up and I
Speaker 1: just have to be open to it. Yeah. Well, I
Speaker 1: would argue that if you're not uncomfortable, you're not growing
Speaker 1: as much as you should be totally. You know, you
Speaker 1: have to be uncomfortable. Yes, yes, okay, I'll get uncomfortable.
Speaker 1: I'll do it. I mean that's kind of yeah. I
Speaker 1: just want to just do it like there's no trip.
Speaker 1: Just put on your Nikes and put on your Nike shirt.
Speaker 1: It says, just do it and then act like you're
Speaker 1: Serena Williams and write that fucking book. Alright, alright, it's
Speaker 1: as simple as that. It's simple, simple, easy, breezy. Well,
Speaker 1: this was just a delight, Nikki. This was awesome, so
Speaker 1: much fun. Oh my god, I love you guys. Yeah,
Speaker 1: this is great. Thank you, so much for your time today,
Speaker 1: Thank you so much for having me. And you can
Speaker 1: catch a Nikki show on E her reality shows on E.
Speaker 1: She's also on tour. It's called One Night with Nicki Glazer.
Speaker 1: You can get tickets at Nicki Glazer dot com or
Speaker 1: probably ticket Master right Nikki yep yep. And then my
Speaker 1: podcast I do every day Monday through Thursday. Okay, And
Speaker 1: where can people find your podcasts? It's just anywhere you
Speaker 1: get podcasts. It's called the Nicki Glazer Podcast and there's
Speaker 1: tons of episodes, but it's one of those podcasts that
Speaker 1: you can just jump in. You don't need to like
Speaker 1: listen to back ones. I think a lot of people
Speaker 1: don't listen to new podcasts because they're like, oh, how
Speaker 1: am I gonna catch up? Just jump on and join us.
Speaker 1: It's me and my roommate, just and my producer just
Speaker 1: like hanging out and talking and sharing and being really
Speaker 1: really super honest and it's funny and it's real and
Speaker 1: I just love it. So is that your roommate in St. Louis, Yeah,
Speaker 1: well he moved out. He's he's still in the same building,
Speaker 1: but he got a girlfriend, so we moved out. So
Speaker 1: now I live alone, but yeah, Andrew Colin, Oh, okay, cool,
Speaker 1: alright cool. Thank you, Nikki, I'll see you soon. Thank
Speaker 1: you Chelsea, thank you, Gather and bye guys soon bye. So,
Speaker 1: if you'd like to ask Chelsea a question, email us
Speaker 1: at Dear Chelsea Project at gmail dot com