1 00:00:00,760 --> 00:00:04,760 Speaker 1: Good afternoon, Catherine. Karen, I always called you Karen. Oh 2 00:00:04,840 --> 00:00:07,440 Speaker 1: my god, that's the you know. My old assistant's name 3 00:00:07,480 --> 00:00:09,840 Speaker 1: is Karen, and she is really dealing with the wrath 4 00:00:09,920 --> 00:00:13,440 Speaker 1: of being named and she's like, I hate being called Garrett. 5 00:00:13,680 --> 00:00:17,240 Speaker 1: We actually got an email from someone who said that 6 00:00:17,280 --> 00:00:20,239 Speaker 1: she's dealing with so much of like losing her love 7 00:00:20,280 --> 00:00:23,880 Speaker 1: for her name, that she's having suicidal ideation, like it's 8 00:00:24,000 --> 00:00:27,400 Speaker 1: really impacting. Yeah, maybe we should lay off the Karen 9 00:00:27,440 --> 00:00:29,880 Speaker 1: and move on to another name then, yeah, or just 10 00:00:29,920 --> 00:00:35,840 Speaker 1: stop acting like that exactly. So how's everything going? What's 11 00:00:35,840 --> 00:00:39,440 Speaker 1: going on in your world? Wow? So I and my 12 00:00:39,560 --> 00:00:44,000 Speaker 1: husband actually put our first offer in on a house. Congratulation. 13 00:00:44,640 --> 00:00:48,880 Speaker 1: That's exciting. Yeah, we're shopping and it's all very new 14 00:00:49,200 --> 00:00:53,720 Speaker 1: and sort of confusing, but oh that's exciting. That's fun, 15 00:00:54,000 --> 00:00:57,360 Speaker 1: super stoked. We found a cute place and Alta Dina, 16 00:00:57,400 --> 00:00:59,320 Speaker 1: which feels very far away, but think that's where I 17 00:00:59,320 --> 00:01:04,720 Speaker 1: sell my breast Okay, Altodina excellent vaccinated in horny breast smolk. 18 00:01:04,800 --> 00:01:10,040 Speaker 1: You can find it there. That's exciting. Karen. Congratulations. Well 19 00:01:10,280 --> 00:01:13,120 Speaker 1: I hope you get the house. Thank you, And but 20 00:01:13,200 --> 00:01:16,039 Speaker 1: you're still doing renovations on the house. Yes, and they 21 00:01:16,080 --> 00:01:18,680 Speaker 1: came in with what began as one estimate as ballooned 22 00:01:18,720 --> 00:01:21,800 Speaker 1: into a completely different numbers. So my business managers sent 23 00:01:21,840 --> 00:01:23,880 Speaker 1: me an email last week that sounded like I was 24 00:01:24,440 --> 00:01:28,600 Speaker 1: four years old. Um, they're like Chelsea in all caps. 25 00:01:28,959 --> 00:01:31,640 Speaker 1: How could you possibly think this is an acceptable budget? 26 00:01:32,080 --> 00:01:36,839 Speaker 1: I was just like, fuck off. I'm like, God, they're 27 00:01:36,880 --> 00:01:42,120 Speaker 1: just such alarmists. Everything is so Meanwhile, you know you 28 00:01:42,120 --> 00:01:45,199 Speaker 1: can never trust anything with budgets and contractors. I don't 29 00:01:45,200 --> 00:01:48,040 Speaker 1: know what I'm doing. I mean, I've lost all Like 30 00:01:48,200 --> 00:01:50,560 Speaker 1: I used to be so excited about projects. Now I'm 31 00:01:50,560 --> 00:01:54,880 Speaker 1: just like whatever, Joe's renovating his house, I'm renovating my house. 32 00:01:54,920 --> 00:01:58,160 Speaker 1: So we've been in a rental for almost a year together, 33 00:01:58,280 --> 00:02:00,600 Speaker 1: which is nice. It's like a little nice ending spot. 34 00:02:00,680 --> 00:02:02,360 Speaker 1: But it's in Beverly Hills. And I told you about 35 00:02:02,400 --> 00:02:04,960 Speaker 1: all the plastic surgery faces I see walking around that 36 00:02:05,480 --> 00:02:07,640 Speaker 1: I don't like that. That looks like my future. And 37 00:02:07,680 --> 00:02:09,959 Speaker 1: I'm not down with you, know what I mean, Well, 38 00:02:10,000 --> 00:02:12,480 Speaker 1: you still look like yourself, thankfully you don't look like 39 00:02:12,560 --> 00:02:16,079 Speaker 1: plastic surgery. Well, thank you, because I haven't had plastic surgery, 40 00:02:16,080 --> 00:02:19,359 Speaker 1: so I hope. I don't look like that. They all 41 00:02:19,400 --> 00:02:22,480 Speaker 1: start to look like I know, because as soon as 42 00:02:22,480 --> 00:02:24,200 Speaker 1: you start aging, you're like, oh, what would this look 43 00:02:24,280 --> 00:02:27,360 Speaker 1: like if you pull your fucking you know, cheek back, Like, oh, 44 00:02:27,400 --> 00:02:29,920 Speaker 1: I like this. But yeah, I don't want to have 45 00:02:29,960 --> 00:02:31,800 Speaker 1: to get a facelift, but I don't know, as I 46 00:02:31,880 --> 00:02:34,280 Speaker 1: probably will get one. I don't know. Joe won't be 47 00:02:34,320 --> 00:02:36,840 Speaker 1: down with that, but you know, he doesn't really have 48 00:02:36,840 --> 00:02:39,679 Speaker 1: any say in the matter anyway. I have shows coming 49 00:02:39,760 --> 00:02:43,880 Speaker 1: up this weekend. I am in Pittsburgh on June second. 50 00:02:44,840 --> 00:02:47,840 Speaker 1: June three, i am in d C. I have two 51 00:02:47,880 --> 00:02:49,680 Speaker 1: shows in d C. There are tickets available for the 52 00:02:49,720 --> 00:02:53,840 Speaker 1: second show, and then I am in Philadelphia on June four, 53 00:02:53,960 --> 00:02:56,400 Speaker 1: and then I'm back in Huntington's Long Island for my 54 00:02:56,480 --> 00:03:00,360 Speaker 1: third show there on Saturday night or is that a 55 00:03:00,400 --> 00:03:03,040 Speaker 1: Sunday night, I don't know. It's this weekend though, Pittsburgh, Philly, 56 00:03:03,160 --> 00:03:07,120 Speaker 1: d C and Huntington's Amazing. And my boyfriend is going 57 00:03:07,160 --> 00:03:11,840 Speaker 1: to be with me, yeah, because he's directing my special, 58 00:03:11,880 --> 00:03:13,040 Speaker 1: so he's going to be there and I'm going to 59 00:03:13,280 --> 00:03:18,200 Speaker 1: drag him on stage. Excellent. I'm also going to pull 60 00:03:18,480 --> 00:03:27,680 Speaker 1: up my horoscope what sign are you? Oh, I didn't 61 00:03:27,680 --> 00:03:31,040 Speaker 1: know that. When's your birthday? Oh my god, that's my 62 00:03:31,080 --> 00:03:35,320 Speaker 1: sister Simone's birthday of March. Yeah, Pisces are the most. 63 00:03:35,480 --> 00:03:39,200 Speaker 1: That birthday is probably the most. My sister is the 64 00:03:39,240 --> 00:03:42,960 Speaker 1: most diplomatic, easy person to get along with. Yeah, yeah, 65 00:03:42,960 --> 00:03:47,680 Speaker 1: she's pretty much My coolest friend is Simone. Love that 66 00:03:48,000 --> 00:03:49,880 Speaker 1: she's the one you're talking about retiring to Vermont with 67 00:03:50,040 --> 00:03:53,240 Speaker 1: right and becoming Lesbian's right. She's the sister that I'm 68 00:03:53,240 --> 00:03:57,840 Speaker 1: thinking romantically about futuristically. Well, not not really, because I 69 00:03:57,920 --> 00:04:00,560 Speaker 1: have Joe now, so I can't even Yeah, I don't 70 00:04:00,600 --> 00:04:02,640 Speaker 1: think we're gonna thropple up, although I think both my 71 00:04:02,680 --> 00:04:04,200 Speaker 1: sisters would be open to it if I could be 72 00:04:04,320 --> 00:04:06,960 Speaker 1: quite frank, which I believe I can be. They can 73 00:04:07,000 --> 00:04:08,840 Speaker 1: live in the mother in law sweet in the back somewhere. 74 00:04:09,040 --> 00:04:11,240 Speaker 1: Yeah yeah, yeah, something like that. But I told her 75 00:04:11,280 --> 00:04:13,440 Speaker 1: to pack up her broken stocks because we're heading to Maine. 76 00:04:14,320 --> 00:04:16,440 Speaker 1: I want to buy a farm, and who knows what's 77 00:04:16,440 --> 00:04:18,440 Speaker 1: going to happen from there on out. I'm gonna get 78 00:04:18,440 --> 00:04:22,159 Speaker 1: really into gardening. I know. I'm excited about our guest today. 79 00:04:22,520 --> 00:04:26,200 Speaker 1: Me too, because she's sweet and She's a comedian. She 80 00:04:26,320 --> 00:04:29,640 Speaker 1: hosts that HBO show which is called f Boy Island 81 00:04:30,080 --> 00:04:33,520 Speaker 1: Right HBO Max, And she is the star of her 82 00:04:33,520 --> 00:04:36,039 Speaker 1: own reality show which is now on e which is 83 00:04:36,080 --> 00:04:39,680 Speaker 1: called Welcome Home Nicki Glazer. We have Nicki Glazer on 84 00:04:39,720 --> 00:04:45,839 Speaker 1: the show today. Let's talk to her. Hi, Nikki, Hello, Hello, Hi, 85 00:04:46,400 --> 00:04:50,240 Speaker 1: Hi COVID. I don't have CONVID. I just took a test. 86 00:04:50,839 --> 00:04:53,720 Speaker 1: I thought I had it, and I sometimes you just 87 00:04:54,480 --> 00:04:57,080 Speaker 1: give it to just like change your life. I was 88 00:04:57,120 --> 00:04:58,640 Speaker 1: just coming to l A for a bunch of press, 89 00:04:58,680 --> 00:05:00,240 Speaker 1: and I think this was the only thing I was 90 00:05:00,279 --> 00:05:02,720 Speaker 1: looking forward to, to be honest with you, and I'm 91 00:05:02,760 --> 00:05:06,320 Speaker 1: so glad it could be done remotely. But I think 92 00:05:06,360 --> 00:05:08,040 Speaker 1: I just was like, yes, I have COVID. I gotta 93 00:05:08,080 --> 00:05:10,400 Speaker 1: go home. But I know, I know what you mean. 94 00:05:10,760 --> 00:05:13,200 Speaker 1: So do you think you had it? I tested positive 95 00:05:13,240 --> 00:05:16,039 Speaker 1: back in um August for like the Delta Kinds, so 96 00:05:16,080 --> 00:05:18,640 Speaker 1: I definitely capable of getting it. But I was in 97 00:05:19,040 --> 00:05:21,520 Speaker 1: so my co host on my podcast and my guy 98 00:05:21,520 --> 00:05:23,720 Speaker 1: who opens for me on the road, he's positive right 99 00:05:23,720 --> 00:05:26,760 Speaker 1: now and he caught it from Natasha, but he's been 100 00:05:26,800 --> 00:05:33,280 Speaker 1: positive for months. Natasha is a cesspool to shout out 101 00:05:33,279 --> 00:05:35,719 Speaker 1: to Natasha. I just read her book that she has 102 00:05:35,760 --> 00:05:39,000 Speaker 1: coming out. It's called The World Deserves My Children. It 103 00:05:39,200 --> 00:05:42,560 Speaker 1: is the fucking funniest parenting book I've ever read. So 104 00:05:42,640 --> 00:05:46,480 Speaker 1: anyone listening, please go to Natasha. Oh yeah, it's so 105 00:05:46,560 --> 00:05:50,960 Speaker 1: good and it's so funny and Mosha her husband is 106 00:05:51,480 --> 00:05:56,640 Speaker 1: so useless. So for anyone who's a parent, pre order 107 00:05:56,720 --> 00:05:58,440 Speaker 1: this book. And even if you're not a parent and 108 00:05:58,440 --> 00:06:01,160 Speaker 1: you want to instill and like met the idea that 109 00:06:01,200 --> 00:06:04,560 Speaker 1: you've made the right decision, this book will also for you. 110 00:06:04,920 --> 00:06:08,960 Speaker 1: That's good. Natasha, while she was possibly transmitting COVID to 111 00:06:09,000 --> 00:06:11,960 Speaker 1: me in this little green room backstage, convinced me to 112 00:06:11,960 --> 00:06:15,719 Speaker 1: freeze my eggs. I was so adamant that I don't 113 00:06:15,720 --> 00:06:17,320 Speaker 1: need to do that. I just know what I want. 114 00:06:17,400 --> 00:06:20,559 Speaker 1: And after talking to her for like four minutes, Cheep 115 00:06:20,600 --> 00:06:23,800 Speaker 1: infected me with probably having a baby. At some point. 116 00:06:24,000 --> 00:06:25,400 Speaker 1: I was like, don't do this to me. I don't 117 00:06:25,400 --> 00:06:26,880 Speaker 1: want to have to do this whole thing. But are 118 00:06:26,920 --> 00:06:31,800 Speaker 1: you gonna go freeze? Are you interested in having children? Nikki? No, No, Chelsea, 119 00:06:31,839 --> 00:06:34,080 Speaker 1: I'm not. I feel really good about not doing it, 120 00:06:34,120 --> 00:06:36,599 Speaker 1: but I'm just fearing that I will at some point. 121 00:06:36,680 --> 00:06:39,920 Speaker 1: It's just I'm thirty. I'm about to be thirty eight 122 00:06:39,960 --> 00:06:42,919 Speaker 1: in a month, so it's the time to freeze them. 123 00:06:42,960 --> 00:06:44,720 Speaker 1: It's probably a little too late. Yeah, I think she 124 00:06:44,800 --> 00:06:51,280 Speaker 1: was thirty eight when she throws hers. I'm so excited 125 00:06:51,320 --> 00:06:55,039 Speaker 1: to talk to you today at all, really, because your 126 00:06:55,120 --> 00:06:58,040 Speaker 1: most recent book meant a lot to me, and it 127 00:06:58,080 --> 00:07:01,159 Speaker 1: makes me excited to confer things that I'm like kind 128 00:07:01,160 --> 00:07:03,599 Speaker 1: of you know, avoiding, and so I actually did a 129 00:07:03,600 --> 00:07:07,640 Speaker 1: lot during COVID, but I'm still running from something. You 130 00:07:07,680 --> 00:07:10,080 Speaker 1: did a lot of therapy during COVID. I mean I've 131 00:07:10,080 --> 00:07:13,040 Speaker 1: always done a lot of therapy, but during COVID it 132 00:07:13,160 --> 00:07:15,520 Speaker 1: got bad. I got constant suicidal thoughts. I mean, I 133 00:07:15,520 --> 00:07:17,840 Speaker 1: was living with my parents, I was in between apartments 134 00:07:18,160 --> 00:07:20,920 Speaker 1: in New York. I was upgrading my life. I got 135 00:07:21,000 --> 00:07:23,640 Speaker 1: rid of all my furniture, got an apartment that is 136 00:07:24,080 --> 00:07:26,880 Speaker 1: three times as much of I ever even considered paying 137 00:07:26,880 --> 00:07:28,840 Speaker 1: for rent. I was like it had an elevator opening 138 00:07:28,880 --> 00:07:31,480 Speaker 1: onto Like I was like, I deserved this. I'm having 139 00:07:31,480 --> 00:07:35,080 Speaker 1: a good year. And my least started March one, and 140 00:07:35,080 --> 00:07:37,520 Speaker 1: I was in l A until the fifte and then 141 00:07:37,520 --> 00:07:38,920 Speaker 1: I just never went back. I just went to my 142 00:07:38,960 --> 00:07:41,120 Speaker 1: parents house to just wait it out, and then I 143 00:07:41,160 --> 00:07:44,400 Speaker 1: stayed there, paid for this apartment for fucking eleven months 144 00:07:44,880 --> 00:07:47,160 Speaker 1: until I found a sub letter on the last month, 145 00:07:47,600 --> 00:07:49,120 Speaker 1: and then I just stayed in St. Louis. I moved 146 00:07:49,160 --> 00:07:51,840 Speaker 1: down to my parents house, but I knew that when 147 00:07:51,880 --> 00:07:54,080 Speaker 1: things shut down, I was not going to be okay 148 00:07:54,080 --> 00:07:56,720 Speaker 1: on my own. I lived alone, but I didn't really. 149 00:07:56,760 --> 00:08:00,400 Speaker 1: I just would always go home after doing sets all 150 00:08:00,480 --> 00:08:03,720 Speaker 1: night long and being out all day doing podcasts, running around, 151 00:08:03,800 --> 00:08:05,320 Speaker 1: and I would just go to sleep. I didn't like 152 00:08:05,640 --> 00:08:08,160 Speaker 1: I never sat alone with myself. I couldn't like be 153 00:08:08,240 --> 00:08:11,440 Speaker 1: alone with a book. It was just only going home 154 00:08:11,440 --> 00:08:14,480 Speaker 1: to sleep. And so the idea of living alone and 155 00:08:14,520 --> 00:08:16,560 Speaker 1: not having anywhere to go, I was so scared. So 156 00:08:16,600 --> 00:08:18,720 Speaker 1: I just went to my parents and then well I 157 00:08:18,760 --> 00:08:20,920 Speaker 1: wasn't good after a little bit. I think it just 158 00:08:21,360 --> 00:08:24,520 Speaker 1: I was just so depressed during I mean, who wasn't 159 00:08:24,600 --> 00:08:27,680 Speaker 1: and I just was. I've always struggled with like suicidal ideations, 160 00:08:27,720 --> 00:08:30,040 Speaker 1: but they just there was nowhere. There was nothing to 161 00:08:30,040 --> 00:08:32,480 Speaker 1: make them stop during that time, and so things were 162 00:08:32,520 --> 00:08:35,400 Speaker 1: going well, like I was still like co hosting Jimmy 163 00:08:35,480 --> 00:08:39,200 Speaker 1: Kimmel and doing Zoom appearances, people still remembered me. It 164 00:08:39,240 --> 00:08:41,559 Speaker 1: wasn't like I was. I think initially I thought I 165 00:08:41,600 --> 00:08:44,040 Speaker 1: was scared of being forgotten or something, but it just 166 00:08:44,040 --> 00:08:46,640 Speaker 1: didn't matter. That's the other thing. It's like my parents 167 00:08:46,679 --> 00:08:50,160 Speaker 1: being like, but you're killing it. Things are great, Why 168 00:08:50,160 --> 00:08:52,000 Speaker 1: do you want to die? And I just like, I 169 00:08:52,080 --> 00:08:54,760 Speaker 1: just I just do. And so I think that forced 170 00:08:54,800 --> 00:08:57,040 Speaker 1: me to to get help. I got in recovery from 171 00:08:57,040 --> 00:09:01,120 Speaker 1: my eating disorder, which became I wouldn't lear during COVID 172 00:09:01,240 --> 00:09:04,000 Speaker 1: because there was nothing else that one I had been 173 00:09:04,040 --> 00:09:06,400 Speaker 1: bearing forever. And so that was I think what got 174 00:09:06,440 --> 00:09:09,800 Speaker 1: me to a place I am now where I am 175 00:09:09,800 --> 00:09:13,160 Speaker 1: brutally honest, even though I was before. You know, like 176 00:09:13,400 --> 00:09:15,360 Speaker 1: as a comedian, you're just like I just say everything 177 00:09:15,400 --> 00:09:17,640 Speaker 1: and I share everything. But I wasn't really being honest. 178 00:09:17,679 --> 00:09:21,920 Speaker 1: And now I think, looking at how terrible my food 179 00:09:21,960 --> 00:09:24,559 Speaker 1: situation was in my relationship with it, it like really 180 00:09:25,120 --> 00:09:27,640 Speaker 1: it forced me to like get help. And that was 181 00:09:27,679 --> 00:09:29,439 Speaker 1: the one that was always like I quit drinking, I 182 00:09:29,520 --> 00:09:31,400 Speaker 1: quit smoking weed, I would quit everything else, but that 183 00:09:31,480 --> 00:09:33,800 Speaker 1: was like I don't want to give up binging and 184 00:09:33,920 --> 00:09:36,600 Speaker 1: starving and all that, And then I finally had to 185 00:09:36,600 --> 00:09:39,280 Speaker 1: give that up and that's where it gets all the 186 00:09:39,400 --> 00:09:41,640 Speaker 1: all the feelings come in. And then there's no stand up. 187 00:09:42,120 --> 00:09:45,280 Speaker 1: That's another drug, like just going on stage and getting it, 188 00:09:45,480 --> 00:09:49,280 Speaker 1: just these little like dopamine hits. Doing podcasting, like I 189 00:09:49,320 --> 00:09:51,160 Speaker 1: just filled my life with podcast That's why I started 190 00:09:51,200 --> 00:09:53,880 Speaker 1: doing it four times a day. I was just like, there, 191 00:09:54,480 --> 00:09:59,079 Speaker 1: I can't just do nothing. What do people do? Yeah? Yeah, well, 192 00:09:59,120 --> 00:10:01,400 Speaker 1: I mean, you know, I feel like you're not alone. 193 00:10:01,480 --> 00:10:05,600 Speaker 1: A lot of comedians are out there projecting onto the world. 194 00:10:05,640 --> 00:10:09,120 Speaker 1: They're honesty when they are hiding things underneath that like that. 195 00:10:09,240 --> 00:10:11,360 Speaker 1: You know, I can relate to that for sure. Personally, 196 00:10:11,800 --> 00:10:14,400 Speaker 1: the thing is everyone has their ship. It's not like 197 00:10:14,640 --> 00:10:17,200 Speaker 1: you're the only one struggling with something, you know. So 198 00:10:17,320 --> 00:10:21,440 Speaker 1: it feels very lonely when you're experiencing an addiction, but 199 00:10:21,559 --> 00:10:24,840 Speaker 1: it's so common. Yeah, I think I have to talk 200 00:10:24,840 --> 00:10:27,320 Speaker 1: about like the reality of what my eating disorder looked like, 201 00:10:27,640 --> 00:10:29,640 Speaker 1: because I would say, you know, oh I would binge, 202 00:10:29,679 --> 00:10:31,120 Speaker 1: but like, what does that really look like? What does 203 00:10:31,160 --> 00:10:35,160 Speaker 1: that mean? I'm also like a thinner woman. So people go, okay, sure, 204 00:10:35,200 --> 00:10:37,280 Speaker 1: I'm sure you've been what is And I would say, oh, 205 00:10:37,320 --> 00:10:39,480 Speaker 1: I wake up in the morning and there's like seven 206 00:10:39,520 --> 00:10:41,640 Speaker 1: protein bar rappers because I've started all day and I 207 00:10:41,640 --> 00:10:44,280 Speaker 1: eat throughout the night. They were really like seventeen. Like 208 00:10:44,360 --> 00:10:46,040 Speaker 1: that's the kind of honesty I'm talking about where it's 209 00:10:46,040 --> 00:10:49,160 Speaker 1: like you you say something shocking and honest, but what's 210 00:10:49,160 --> 00:10:51,840 Speaker 1: the reality is. It was thousands and thousands of calories 211 00:10:51,840 --> 00:10:54,520 Speaker 1: that I was putting in. And then I'm the same 212 00:10:54,520 --> 00:10:56,560 Speaker 1: way of like I can kind of cold turkey something 213 00:10:56,600 --> 00:10:59,520 Speaker 1: and put these like really hard limits on myself and 214 00:10:59,559 --> 00:11:02,200 Speaker 1: stick to um. But to me, something else just pops 215 00:11:02,240 --> 00:11:04,000 Speaker 1: for me, something else pops up to fill that. So 216 00:11:04,080 --> 00:11:05,840 Speaker 1: with blieve me. And when I was throwing up, I 217 00:11:05,920 --> 00:11:08,200 Speaker 1: just kept getting a mouth acne that just would no 218 00:11:08,240 --> 00:11:10,559 Speaker 1: matter how much I scrub my face afterwards, brush my teeth, 219 00:11:11,160 --> 00:11:13,160 Speaker 1: I just couldn't. And I couldn't. It was a vanity 220 00:11:13,200 --> 00:11:14,520 Speaker 1: thing where I go, Okay, well, I can't throw up 221 00:11:14,520 --> 00:11:20,040 Speaker 1: anymore because this is giving me gigantic volcano like volcano 222 00:11:20,320 --> 00:11:22,920 Speaker 1: acne around my mouth. So then I go, okay, I'll 223 00:11:23,000 --> 00:11:26,200 Speaker 1: run six miles every day no matter what. And then 224 00:11:26,240 --> 00:11:29,080 Speaker 1: I fucking sprained my leg and then I'm like, okay, 225 00:11:29,120 --> 00:11:30,720 Speaker 1: well then I'll just starve all day and call it 226 00:11:30,720 --> 00:11:34,560 Speaker 1: intermittent fasting. And then suddenly it's something that I can 227 00:11:34,920 --> 00:11:37,000 Speaker 1: I can get away with being anorexic now and just 228 00:11:37,040 --> 00:11:40,360 Speaker 1: call it intermittent fasting, like this is awesome. So I 229 00:11:40,440 --> 00:11:43,040 Speaker 1: just kept finding ways, and I think when COVID hit, 230 00:11:43,080 --> 00:11:45,160 Speaker 1: I just I really at this moment where I woke 231 00:11:45,240 --> 00:11:47,920 Speaker 1: up in bed and there were all these protein bar wrappers, 232 00:11:47,960 --> 00:11:49,880 Speaker 1: because that's all I was living on was these protein 233 00:11:49,920 --> 00:11:52,320 Speaker 1: bars and just starving all day and just trying to 234 00:11:52,360 --> 00:11:55,120 Speaker 1: figure out what to do all day, so I didn't eat, 235 00:11:55,760 --> 00:11:57,680 Speaker 1: and that's why I would fill up my life with stuff. 236 00:11:57,840 --> 00:11:59,600 Speaker 1: And then I realized, oh my god, this is why 237 00:11:59,600 --> 00:12:01,120 Speaker 1: I'm living with my parents, because why I don't have 238 00:12:01,120 --> 00:12:04,199 Speaker 1: a Boyfriend's why I can't let anyone near me because 239 00:12:04,240 --> 00:12:08,000 Speaker 1: I I have rappers in my bed. I'm not being honest. 240 00:12:08,040 --> 00:12:11,320 Speaker 1: I can't let someone go grab my purse and get 241 00:12:11,360 --> 00:12:14,000 Speaker 1: something for me ever, because I have so many gum 242 00:12:14,080 --> 00:12:16,720 Speaker 1: rappers in there. Because I was also addicted to gum chewing, 243 00:12:16,760 --> 00:12:19,280 Speaker 1: like I was like a cigarette smoker. I was like, 244 00:12:19,280 --> 00:12:21,840 Speaker 1: I'm at four packs a day, like I've tried it. 245 00:12:22,080 --> 00:12:24,160 Speaker 1: That was a small day, and I was just bloated 246 00:12:24,200 --> 00:12:27,199 Speaker 1: and sick from it and wasting all this money on gum, 247 00:12:27,240 --> 00:12:29,960 Speaker 1: like having to have Amazon ship me gum on the 248 00:12:30,040 --> 00:12:32,000 Speaker 1: road just because this place wouldn't have my I mean, 249 00:12:32,040 --> 00:12:34,760 Speaker 1: it was just sick. But it was so manageable because 250 00:12:35,280 --> 00:12:37,320 Speaker 1: no one says anything, and I could sneak gum and 251 00:12:37,760 --> 00:12:40,400 Speaker 1: pop pieces without people even noticing that I was doing it. 252 00:12:40,440 --> 00:12:42,560 Speaker 1: I would clean up the rappers in the morning, but 253 00:12:42,600 --> 00:12:44,240 Speaker 1: it was still like this part of my life that 254 00:12:44,280 --> 00:12:46,320 Speaker 1: if someone opened that door and looked in, would go, 255 00:12:46,480 --> 00:12:49,600 Speaker 1: what the fuck? And I think my reality show now 256 00:12:49,679 --> 00:12:52,560 Speaker 1: is a response to having nothing to hide, Like you 257 00:12:52,559 --> 00:12:54,080 Speaker 1: can go in my purse now, you can go in 258 00:12:54,160 --> 00:12:57,120 Speaker 1: my closet. It's a mess, but there's not food rappers, 259 00:12:57,200 --> 00:12:59,719 Speaker 1: it's not You're not gonna find throw up sains in 260 00:12:59,800 --> 00:13:01,760 Speaker 1: my toilet. There might be like ship stains, but that's 261 00:13:01,760 --> 00:13:03,560 Speaker 1: like an appropriate thing to be in the you know, 262 00:13:03,600 --> 00:13:06,440 Speaker 1: Like I still have shameful things, but it's not the 263 00:13:06,480 --> 00:13:09,319 Speaker 1: things that I'm deeply ashamed of and hiding. There's nothing 264 00:13:09,360 --> 00:13:11,800 Speaker 1: I'm hiding anymore. So I think I always wanted to 265 00:13:11,880 --> 00:13:13,840 Speaker 1: do a reality show, but I was like, I can't 266 00:13:13,880 --> 00:13:16,720 Speaker 1: because I'm not It would be too hard to hide everything, 267 00:13:16,760 --> 00:13:19,000 Speaker 1: and what if they found out this one thing and 268 00:13:19,120 --> 00:13:22,080 Speaker 1: behind my back, the producers started a storyline and and 269 00:13:22,160 --> 00:13:24,120 Speaker 1: it came out because you don't really have as much 270 00:13:24,120 --> 00:13:26,360 Speaker 1: control as you think you have. But at this point, 271 00:13:26,360 --> 00:13:27,880 Speaker 1: I was like, oh, well they could find anything. And 272 00:13:27,880 --> 00:13:30,520 Speaker 1: I'm just like, yeah, all right, well I do that. 273 00:13:30,520 --> 00:13:35,000 Speaker 1: That's fine. Yeah, that's a good way to keep yourself honest. Yeah. 274 00:13:35,800 --> 00:13:38,080 Speaker 1: I just feel like if the world watches my reality show, 275 00:13:38,120 --> 00:13:40,719 Speaker 1: and it's like I just always have this feeling my 276 00:13:40,760 --> 00:13:43,920 Speaker 1: whole life of being disgusting. I can't keep a clean room, 277 00:13:43,960 --> 00:13:47,079 Speaker 1: I stain everything. My mom always saying this is why 278 00:13:47,080 --> 00:13:48,800 Speaker 1: you can't have nice things, Like I just I'm like 279 00:13:48,840 --> 00:13:53,000 Speaker 1: a dirty person, always feel like inside stained. And now 280 00:13:53,080 --> 00:13:55,280 Speaker 1: I just I'm like, yeah, I just have a d 281 00:13:55,480 --> 00:13:58,319 Speaker 1: h D. Like that's kind of how that's what it is. 282 00:13:58,720 --> 00:14:01,240 Speaker 1: And I'm not a bad person because I'm a disaster 283 00:14:01,360 --> 00:14:04,920 Speaker 1: in terms of organization, like I need help. Whereas I 284 00:14:04,960 --> 00:14:08,320 Speaker 1: really felt like a bad person with all this eating stuff, 285 00:14:08,320 --> 00:14:10,680 Speaker 1: which I still have shame about, but at least I 286 00:14:10,720 --> 00:14:12,280 Speaker 1: figured it out and it's not there anymore. And I 287 00:14:12,280 --> 00:14:15,040 Speaker 1: feel like with the reality show, it's my final like 288 00:14:15,600 --> 00:14:17,599 Speaker 1: get it. I didn't. I didn't buy new makeup. I 289 00:14:17,640 --> 00:14:19,480 Speaker 1: didn't do my makeup, I didn't buy new clothes, I 290 00:14:19,520 --> 00:14:22,000 Speaker 1: didn't straighten my house up before the cameras came. I 291 00:14:22,040 --> 00:14:25,320 Speaker 1: really made an effort to be like this is I 292 00:14:25,400 --> 00:14:27,360 Speaker 1: really want to be okay with myself. And I wanted 293 00:14:27,400 --> 00:14:29,960 Speaker 1: to kind of teach my mom stop trying to be 294 00:14:30,040 --> 00:14:32,000 Speaker 1: something for people. My mom's on the show, and it 295 00:14:32,040 --> 00:14:34,080 Speaker 1: was a lesson for her to like, people are gonna 296 00:14:34,080 --> 00:14:38,560 Speaker 1: see a side of you, literally that you might think 297 00:14:38,560 --> 00:14:41,120 Speaker 1: you look heavy, or something like let's see what happens, 298 00:14:41,520 --> 00:14:44,360 Speaker 1: see what happened, Like I would go the Housewives. You 299 00:14:44,600 --> 00:14:47,640 Speaker 1: love all these women and they're deplorable. They're bad people, 300 00:14:47,880 --> 00:14:50,400 Speaker 1: but you you love them, so people are gonna love 301 00:14:50,440 --> 00:14:53,280 Speaker 1: you and you're not deplorable. I think doing the show 302 00:14:53,320 --> 00:14:56,720 Speaker 1: as a test of like just self acceptance a little bit. 303 00:14:57,040 --> 00:14:59,360 Speaker 1: Mm hmm. I like that. That's a good flip for 304 00:14:59,360 --> 00:15:01,560 Speaker 1: a reality show, or I mean, a good way to 305 00:15:01,600 --> 00:15:04,360 Speaker 1: talk about a reality show, because so many reality shows 306 00:15:04,400 --> 00:15:08,000 Speaker 1: are not what you see like it's not it's so ridiculous. 307 00:15:08,040 --> 00:15:10,120 Speaker 1: You know, like these scenes that they set up, and 308 00:15:10,360 --> 00:15:12,320 Speaker 1: obviously you have to set up scenes, but you want 309 00:15:12,320 --> 00:15:15,040 Speaker 1: them to take their natural path, and I typically do 310 00:15:15,120 --> 00:15:17,440 Speaker 1: not watch reality television because of that. It's like I'd 311 00:15:17,520 --> 00:15:20,720 Speaker 1: rather watch good actors act instead of regular people act. 312 00:15:21,240 --> 00:15:23,440 Speaker 1: But I like what everything you're saying, Nikki, and I 313 00:15:23,480 --> 00:15:28,000 Speaker 1: feel for you. I hope you reach out good. Reach 314 00:15:28,080 --> 00:15:30,160 Speaker 1: out to me. Ever, any time you ever need to 315 00:15:30,200 --> 00:15:33,680 Speaker 1: talk to like someone seriously, always reach out to me. 316 00:15:33,760 --> 00:15:36,480 Speaker 1: I mean it because I feel that from you. Honestly, 317 00:15:36,520 --> 00:15:39,120 Speaker 1: we don't know each other that well, but I you're 318 00:15:39,160 --> 00:15:41,920 Speaker 1: just someone who's so non judgmental, and I mean that's 319 00:15:41,960 --> 00:15:44,720 Speaker 1: what I find in my female comic friends. It's like 320 00:15:45,240 --> 00:15:48,640 Speaker 1: we just we're so honest, and thank God for other 321 00:15:48,760 --> 00:15:51,320 Speaker 1: female comics, you can just get so honest so fast, 322 00:15:51,400 --> 00:15:53,560 Speaker 1: and and we are all all there for each other. 323 00:15:53,560 --> 00:15:56,080 Speaker 1: So I appreciate that. I really am doing well though 324 00:15:56,520 --> 00:16:00,320 Speaker 1: I I talked very honestly about the things I worry about, 325 00:16:00,360 --> 00:16:04,440 Speaker 1: but I feel like overall, I'm feeling pretty confident and 326 00:16:04,840 --> 00:16:08,440 Speaker 1: happy and living in St. Louis and like saying, Okay, 327 00:16:08,480 --> 00:16:10,320 Speaker 1: I'm not going to live in l A or New York, 328 00:16:10,360 --> 00:16:12,960 Speaker 1: which was an obsession of mine because I just didn't 329 00:16:12,960 --> 00:16:15,080 Speaker 1: want anyone else to get better at comedy than me. 330 00:16:15,160 --> 00:16:17,600 Speaker 1: Because it's all about competition. Like I was also out 331 00:16:17,640 --> 00:16:21,240 Speaker 1: every night because you know, as a comedian, you're as 332 00:16:21,320 --> 00:16:23,520 Speaker 1: good as as many times. Like it's like working out. 333 00:16:23,600 --> 00:16:25,720 Speaker 1: You got to do it all the time. And if 334 00:16:25,720 --> 00:16:27,880 Speaker 1: you're not doing it and you see someone else on 335 00:16:27,880 --> 00:16:29,680 Speaker 1: a lineup, you're like, she's getting better than me. And 336 00:16:29,680 --> 00:16:33,040 Speaker 1: it's always a she, because I'm a fucking human who 337 00:16:33,160 --> 00:16:36,240 Speaker 1: feels competition where and there isn't room for all of us. 338 00:16:36,800 --> 00:16:40,080 Speaker 1: So like I ate this idea of like, don't be 339 00:16:40,200 --> 00:16:42,200 Speaker 1: jealous of other women, lift them up. I believe in 340 00:16:42,200 --> 00:16:45,000 Speaker 1: lifting other women up. But it's okay to feel jealous 341 00:16:45,000 --> 00:16:47,000 Speaker 1: of other women. There really isn't room for all of us. 342 00:16:47,000 --> 00:16:50,600 Speaker 1: They kind of only have one quirky best friend in 343 00:16:50,600 --> 00:16:54,640 Speaker 1: in in comedy movies, like there's not two, Like you 344 00:16:54,760 --> 00:16:57,400 Speaker 1: might get you might not get a role because another 345 00:16:57,480 --> 00:17:00,520 Speaker 1: woman exists, Like I have to embrace that. Sometimes I 346 00:17:00,520 --> 00:17:02,840 Speaker 1: get jealous, and then it's okay for people to be 347 00:17:02,840 --> 00:17:05,320 Speaker 1: better than me and work harder than me, and then 348 00:17:05,320 --> 00:17:08,760 Speaker 1: I deserve a goddamn break. Yeah, And I also think 349 00:17:08,760 --> 00:17:10,960 Speaker 1: that there is room for everybody. It's just not what 350 00:17:11,080 --> 00:17:13,520 Speaker 1: you have in your mind. You have this idea like yeah, 351 00:17:13,680 --> 00:17:15,960 Speaker 1: you there's a quirky best friend role. There's one in 352 00:17:16,040 --> 00:17:18,480 Speaker 1: each movie. But how many movies have a quirky best 353 00:17:18,480 --> 00:17:21,720 Speaker 1: friend role? Several? Listen, the jealousy thing is a natural 354 00:17:22,000 --> 00:17:25,680 Speaker 1: human instinct that happens whatever you're doing. You know, it's 355 00:17:25,800 --> 00:17:28,360 Speaker 1: very I have yet to meet somebody that's not jealous 356 00:17:28,440 --> 00:17:31,239 Speaker 1: or doesn't have jealousy or look at someone else and 357 00:17:31,320 --> 00:17:33,520 Speaker 1: be competitive and be like, wait, why are they getting that? 358 00:17:33,600 --> 00:17:35,600 Speaker 1: Why am I not getting that? It's a matter of 359 00:17:35,680 --> 00:17:38,320 Speaker 1: how you react to that jealousy, you know. It's it's 360 00:17:38,320 --> 00:17:40,520 Speaker 1: a matter of how you respond to that feeling, because 361 00:17:40,560 --> 00:17:43,840 Speaker 1: that is a human feeling and it's totally normal and typical. 362 00:17:44,160 --> 00:17:46,960 Speaker 1: But anytime I don't get something and I go, oh, 363 00:17:46,960 --> 00:17:48,800 Speaker 1: I would have liked that or something, I just go 364 00:17:48,920 --> 00:17:51,760 Speaker 1: look at everything you have, Like, look at what you have? 365 00:17:52,160 --> 00:17:55,119 Speaker 1: How could you ever ever be like I want that? Like, 366 00:17:55,160 --> 00:17:57,760 Speaker 1: if anything, I should take a step back and say, Okay, 367 00:17:57,840 --> 00:18:01,080 Speaker 1: I'm not gonna take anything any of these opportunities for 368 00:18:01,160 --> 00:18:05,200 Speaker 1: however many years and just be generous, you know, I mean, 369 00:18:05,240 --> 00:18:06,760 Speaker 1: I'm not going to do that, but you know what 370 00:18:06,800 --> 00:18:10,720 Speaker 1: I'm saying, Yes, well, Louise, Hey, I don't know if 371 00:18:10,760 --> 00:18:12,240 Speaker 1: you know, I've ever heard of this woman, but I 372 00:18:12,240 --> 00:18:15,120 Speaker 1: found her like through YouTube and looking up like how 373 00:18:15,160 --> 00:18:18,000 Speaker 1: to feel better and in gratitude. She has this great 374 00:18:18,040 --> 00:18:21,080 Speaker 1: quote about whatever your God is the universe, if you're 375 00:18:21,080 --> 00:18:22,800 Speaker 1: not grateful for what you have, they're not going to 376 00:18:22,920 --> 00:18:24,960 Speaker 1: give you any more gifts. Like I would never give 377 00:18:25,000 --> 00:18:26,880 Speaker 1: a gift to someone who every time I gave them something, 378 00:18:26,920 --> 00:18:28,800 Speaker 1: they were like, I don't even like it. It's not 379 00:18:28,840 --> 00:18:31,400 Speaker 1: even like what I wanted and it's not enough. And 380 00:18:31,760 --> 00:18:34,720 Speaker 1: so that hearing that, I was like, okay, my concept 381 00:18:34,760 --> 00:18:37,239 Speaker 1: of God or the universe like I need to just 382 00:18:37,880 --> 00:18:40,240 Speaker 1: force myself to just be. So I try to do 383 00:18:40,280 --> 00:18:42,080 Speaker 1: the thing where you like close the night with like 384 00:18:42,400 --> 00:18:44,760 Speaker 1: what went well today, and wake up in the morning 385 00:18:44,800 --> 00:18:47,359 Speaker 1: and go what I'm grateful for my hands. I'm like 386 00:18:47,400 --> 00:18:51,040 Speaker 1: the just the bare minimum you know of gratitude. But 387 00:18:51,560 --> 00:18:54,359 Speaker 1: it's and it's okay to like you said, jealousy does 388 00:18:55,000 --> 00:18:57,520 Speaker 1: creep up, and I just I just mute j Lo, 389 00:18:57,800 --> 00:18:59,879 Speaker 1: like I don't need to see j Lo on my feed. 390 00:19:00,359 --> 00:19:02,159 Speaker 1: You know what, I see a lot of Hajlo on 391 00:19:02,200 --> 00:19:04,840 Speaker 1: my feet. I wonder if that's everybody is j Loo? 392 00:19:05,720 --> 00:19:07,800 Speaker 1: Is j Loo the most pre eminent person of our 393 00:19:07,960 --> 00:19:13,080 Speaker 1: lifetime because I I have no problem gazing. Oh. Actually 394 00:19:13,160 --> 00:19:15,080 Speaker 1: I watched a j Lo movie this weekend when I 395 00:19:15,119 --> 00:19:18,439 Speaker 1: was in whatever city I was in, wait the documentary, No, 396 00:19:18,640 --> 00:19:21,120 Speaker 1: not that, Yeah, but I'm all married to that. Oh. 397 00:19:21,160 --> 00:19:23,520 Speaker 1: I watched Marry Me. I paid like twenty dollars for 398 00:19:23,520 --> 00:19:25,840 Speaker 1: it in my hotel room because I was like, Okay, 399 00:19:25,880 --> 00:19:28,720 Speaker 1: I was in a city that I wasn't interested in perusing, 400 00:19:29,280 --> 00:19:31,160 Speaker 1: and so I was like, what am I going to watch? 401 00:19:31,200 --> 00:19:33,280 Speaker 1: And I looked at all the movies and I tried one. 402 00:19:33,440 --> 00:19:35,520 Speaker 1: I tried one period piece and it was a little 403 00:19:35,560 --> 00:19:38,360 Speaker 1: too disney Ish for me, so I had to forego that. 404 00:19:38,440 --> 00:19:40,840 Speaker 1: And then I watched the j Loo movie. And you know, 405 00:19:42,200 --> 00:19:47,400 Speaker 1: it's so easy to watch her, her face, her her legs. 406 00:19:47,480 --> 00:19:50,240 Speaker 1: You're just like, what the fuck is going on with 407 00:19:50,280 --> 00:19:53,440 Speaker 1: your jeans? You know, like what kind of gene pool. 408 00:19:53,680 --> 00:19:55,639 Speaker 1: I know she doesn't drink because I've been around her. 409 00:19:55,680 --> 00:19:57,520 Speaker 1: She does not drink, so that's one thing. But she's 410 00:19:57,520 --> 00:20:00,159 Speaker 1: also Latino, so that's a whole Latino. Well she might 411 00:20:00,160 --> 00:20:04,040 Speaker 1: be Latino too. She's Latina and her fucking skin is 412 00:20:04,040 --> 00:20:06,919 Speaker 1: a different world. I also know she's up to some tricks. 413 00:20:06,960 --> 00:20:09,000 Speaker 1: You know that she doesn't admit, so I know that 414 00:20:09,200 --> 00:20:13,520 Speaker 1: obviously she's fucking fifty something and does not our wrinkle 415 00:20:13,880 --> 00:20:17,120 Speaker 1: or any you know, like your skin changes. Well you're 416 00:20:17,119 --> 00:20:20,119 Speaker 1: probably too young, Nikki, but like around you start to 417 00:20:20,119 --> 00:20:23,760 Speaker 1: go like is my skin thinning? Like it's creepy on 418 00:20:23,880 --> 00:20:26,640 Speaker 1: my body, Like I have to lubricate when I wake up, 419 00:20:26,720 --> 00:20:28,960 Speaker 1: when I go to bed. Now I have to lubricate 420 00:20:29,000 --> 00:20:32,480 Speaker 1: Joe Koy's feet because he's always in my bed. He goes, 421 00:20:32,480 --> 00:20:33,919 Speaker 1: he goes, don't look at my feet. Don't look at 422 00:20:33,920 --> 00:20:36,160 Speaker 1: my feet. I go, honey, they're a cute little Filipino footbed. 423 00:20:36,520 --> 00:20:38,720 Speaker 1: What are you talking about? I go, I can look 424 00:20:38,720 --> 00:20:40,240 Speaker 1: at your feet any day. I go, what are you 425 00:20:40,240 --> 00:20:42,600 Speaker 1: talking about? He's like, don't, don't they're so ugly. I go, 426 00:20:42,680 --> 00:20:44,919 Speaker 1: your feet. I've had to do this with him. I'm like, 427 00:20:45,000 --> 00:20:48,760 Speaker 1: your feet are beautiful, there's nothing wrong with your feet, 428 00:20:49,359 --> 00:20:51,720 Speaker 1: And he's like, really you think so when we first 429 00:20:51,720 --> 00:20:54,600 Speaker 1: got together, you got home. I love that he hasn't 430 00:20:54,600 --> 00:20:57,560 Speaker 1: secured like someone tortured him about his feet. In his path, 431 00:20:59,000 --> 00:21:01,439 Speaker 1: he steps on them when he's getting in the shower, 432 00:21:01,600 --> 00:21:04,280 Speaker 1: like in orangitang. He puts his tucks his toes under 433 00:21:04,560 --> 00:21:07,879 Speaker 1: his feet. I what are you doing? That's so bad 434 00:21:07,960 --> 00:21:10,800 Speaker 1: for you? How can you even stand? And he's like, oh, 435 00:21:10,840 --> 00:21:12,240 Speaker 1: I just fucking hate my feet to go sho you 436 00:21:12,240 --> 00:21:15,960 Speaker 1: walk around with him talk he's trying to hide them. 437 00:21:16,000 --> 00:21:18,560 Speaker 1: I bet something. It's so funny. That's shame that we 438 00:21:18,600 --> 00:21:22,040 Speaker 1: have about those, Like I'm guessing someone said something about 439 00:21:22,080 --> 00:21:24,840 Speaker 1: his feet, because that's such a weird thing to be 440 00:21:24,920 --> 00:21:27,360 Speaker 1: so obsessive about. Other people don't. And it's so sweet 441 00:21:27,359 --> 00:21:29,480 Speaker 1: that I love the reaction where he goes, wait, you 442 00:21:29,560 --> 00:21:31,960 Speaker 1: do you like them? Like it's just a sweet little 443 00:21:32,000 --> 00:21:35,119 Speaker 1: boy you sometimes see your boyfriend or like you know, 444 00:21:35,240 --> 00:21:38,359 Speaker 1: even just your friends, just if you shrunk them, Like 445 00:21:38,440 --> 00:21:40,760 Speaker 1: the way they move or the way you go that 446 00:21:40,880 --> 00:21:43,400 Speaker 1: is a four year old. It's so sweet. I'm obsessed 447 00:21:43,440 --> 00:21:45,240 Speaker 1: with you and Joe Koit can I I know you've 448 00:21:45,280 --> 00:21:48,520 Speaker 1: just talked about it at nauseam, but I'm obsessed. We 449 00:21:48,600 --> 00:21:51,600 Speaker 1: need to. I am so come on, girl, like I 450 00:21:51,640 --> 00:21:55,320 Speaker 1: am so happy for you. It's you know, people love 451 00:21:55,440 --> 00:21:58,200 Speaker 1: to talk about Chelsea and Joe Koy the comedians being 452 00:21:58,240 --> 00:22:01,560 Speaker 1: like it's a thin it's just stuff. I mean, people 453 00:22:01,560 --> 00:22:04,760 Speaker 1: are saying, I'll tell you what we're talking about. I've 454 00:22:04,800 --> 00:22:07,640 Speaker 1: always been on your team and thought it was real. 455 00:22:07,680 --> 00:22:09,520 Speaker 1: But people are like, no, it's just a thing to 456 00:22:09,600 --> 00:22:12,040 Speaker 1: get people to buy tickets to their show. And I'm 457 00:22:12,080 --> 00:22:15,360 Speaker 1: just like, you know what, it's not read humans at 458 00:22:15,400 --> 00:22:19,920 Speaker 1: all paid and that like as I would pay. That's 459 00:22:19,920 --> 00:22:24,040 Speaker 1: fucking fake create. I mean, they clearly don't know anything 460 00:22:24,080 --> 00:22:27,240 Speaker 1: about you, have never you know. It's just people love 461 00:22:27,400 --> 00:22:30,119 Speaker 1: to just be cynical. It's like the same people that 462 00:22:30,240 --> 00:22:33,480 Speaker 1: thought that the Will Smith slap was fake. I'm just like, 463 00:22:33,880 --> 00:22:35,600 Speaker 1: have you do know how to read people? Both the 464 00:22:35,600 --> 00:22:39,280 Speaker 1: reactions afterwards from those people they're not actors, Like, It's 465 00:22:39,320 --> 00:22:41,800 Speaker 1: just it makes me question people when they're like, oh, 466 00:22:41,920 --> 00:22:43,760 Speaker 1: Chelsea and Joke are a fake, I'm like, well, then 467 00:22:43,840 --> 00:22:46,000 Speaker 1: you have a bad read on people, because first of all, 468 00:22:46,000 --> 00:22:48,240 Speaker 1: this is old Hollywood where people are set up to 469 00:22:48,320 --> 00:22:54,080 Speaker 1: like for promotional purposes. Uh like that you would have 470 00:22:54,119 --> 00:22:57,960 Speaker 1: to have two people agree to a fake narrative, like 471 00:22:58,440 --> 00:23:01,959 Speaker 1: people Joe who's not fake and me who is also Like, 472 00:23:02,040 --> 00:23:06,280 Speaker 1: I can't lie or even pretend you can vouch there 473 00:23:06,320 --> 00:23:10,040 Speaker 1: is a decent amount of snuggling when he's in You 474 00:23:10,080 --> 00:23:11,840 Speaker 1: guys are so in love. It's kind of like we're 475 00:23:11,840 --> 00:23:14,119 Speaker 1: waiting for it that period to go away, Like you 476 00:23:14,160 --> 00:23:17,840 Speaker 1: guys are like Courtney and Travis. There's a little bit 477 00:23:17,880 --> 00:23:20,160 Speaker 1: of that, but it's for me. I love that ship. 478 00:23:20,280 --> 00:23:25,560 Speaker 1: I love that unsustainable obsession. Cut Ce Boots. Stuff I 479 00:23:25,600 --> 00:23:27,960 Speaker 1: need to know, And I'm sure you've covered this. What 480 00:23:28,000 --> 00:23:30,160 Speaker 1: was the moment it shifted? And I know I've I've 481 00:23:30,160 --> 00:23:33,080 Speaker 1: read extensively to try to find this answer. When did 482 00:23:33,080 --> 00:23:36,160 Speaker 1: it become who said it first? Like who addressed it first? 483 00:23:36,200 --> 00:23:39,080 Speaker 1: Like this I did? I was like, what did you say? 484 00:23:40,560 --> 00:23:42,800 Speaker 1: We're in Vegas. I was at the Barrage. He came 485 00:23:42,840 --> 00:23:44,600 Speaker 1: to see me perform, and I was doing my first 486 00:23:44,680 --> 00:23:47,399 Speaker 1: new hour of this tour, vaccinated in horny, so I 487 00:23:47,400 --> 00:23:49,280 Speaker 1: hadn't put it up. I just run it at the 488 00:23:49,280 --> 00:23:52,280 Speaker 1: Bray Improv like eight shows, and so was my first 489 00:23:52,560 --> 00:23:55,280 Speaker 1: bigger venue, and I was nervous. I was like, funk, okay, 490 00:23:55,280 --> 00:23:57,159 Speaker 1: I gotta remember all this. I had like eight pages 491 00:23:57,200 --> 00:23:59,000 Speaker 1: of notes, like I was really just getting it out 492 00:23:59,000 --> 00:24:02,439 Speaker 1: of feet and he was just so sweet and so 493 00:24:02,640 --> 00:24:05,280 Speaker 1: he showed up in Vegas and we had been hanging 494 00:24:05,280 --> 00:24:08,800 Speaker 1: out a lot for months but we weren't. Nothing ever happened, 495 00:24:08,800 --> 00:24:11,800 Speaker 1: Like Joe didn't feel anything before. No, Like I assumed 496 00:24:11,840 --> 00:24:13,480 Speaker 1: he had a crush on me. But if I would 497 00:24:13,520 --> 00:24:16,639 Speaker 1: just still with that when it became unmanageable, yes, like 498 00:24:16,880 --> 00:24:19,560 Speaker 1: you've been through that before your guy friends. I was like, 499 00:24:19,600 --> 00:24:21,560 Speaker 1: if he tries to fuck me, I won't be hanging 500 00:24:21,560 --> 00:24:24,320 Speaker 1: out with him again. You know, you're waiting for that 501 00:24:24,400 --> 00:24:26,720 Speaker 1: other suitor drop because okay, so you clocked that he 502 00:24:26,760 --> 00:24:29,639 Speaker 1: had a crush on you. You though, you know in 503 00:24:29,680 --> 00:24:32,520 Speaker 1: your quietest moments, was there like were you finding yourself 504 00:24:32,600 --> 00:24:35,320 Speaker 1: dandream about him or was it truly just this moment 505 00:24:35,400 --> 00:24:37,640 Speaker 1: where it was like nothing and then everything for Yeah, 506 00:24:37,680 --> 00:24:39,399 Speaker 1: I mean it was a build. It was a build. 507 00:24:39,480 --> 00:24:41,480 Speaker 1: But I was definitely not open to him. I was 508 00:24:41,520 --> 00:24:43,800 Speaker 1: not attracted to him. My girlfriends would all be like, 509 00:24:43,800 --> 00:24:45,760 Speaker 1: when are you gonna admit your fucking Joe KOI. I'm like, 510 00:24:45,800 --> 00:24:48,080 Speaker 1: I'm not. I'm not sucking Joe koy. I would be 511 00:24:48,119 --> 00:24:50,040 Speaker 1: the first to tell you if that were going on. 512 00:24:50,480 --> 00:24:53,160 Speaker 1: And then so in Vegas, I remember he walked into 513 00:24:53,200 --> 00:24:55,120 Speaker 1: the room. My sister was there, I had some group 514 00:24:55,119 --> 00:24:57,239 Speaker 1: of friends there. He walked into the room and I 515 00:24:57,280 --> 00:25:00,399 Speaker 1: just remember seeing him and looking at him like, wait 516 00:25:00,600 --> 00:25:03,360 Speaker 1: a second, I want to fuck Joe koy. I think 517 00:25:03,400 --> 00:25:05,200 Speaker 1: I want to suck him. And then it became an 518 00:25:05,200 --> 00:25:07,560 Speaker 1: emergency because I had to see if his penis was 519 00:25:07,600 --> 00:25:09,720 Speaker 1: the right size from my Pikachu, my God, and I 520 00:25:09,800 --> 00:25:11,879 Speaker 1: had like I wasn't going to move forward until I 521 00:25:11,880 --> 00:25:14,320 Speaker 1: had all the information already seen him naked. I feel 522 00:25:14,359 --> 00:25:17,560 Speaker 1: like you with their Chelsea Lately parties, things get wild, 523 00:25:17,600 --> 00:25:19,840 Speaker 1: like wasn't there already? So if he had ever gotten 524 00:25:19,880 --> 00:25:21,239 Speaker 1: naked at one of my parties, that would have never 525 00:25:21,280 --> 00:25:24,640 Speaker 1: sucked him. But anyway, you guys were like so close, 526 00:25:24,760 --> 00:25:26,640 Speaker 1: did you talk about like your sex lights? Like were 527 00:25:26,640 --> 00:25:29,919 Speaker 1: you hearing about his dating stuff? Like was there? He 528 00:25:29,920 --> 00:25:32,040 Speaker 1: would have did not talk about He wouldn't talk about 529 00:25:32,040 --> 00:25:34,359 Speaker 1: any women in front of me. He Joe has like 530 00:25:34,680 --> 00:25:36,760 Speaker 1: he liked you. He just yeah, he always liked me. 531 00:25:36,760 --> 00:25:39,680 Speaker 1: But he was never going to jeopardize our relationship. He 532 00:25:39,760 --> 00:25:41,320 Speaker 1: was never going to make a move on me because 533 00:25:41,320 --> 00:25:43,480 Speaker 1: he knew that I would go gross, get away from me, 534 00:25:43,600 --> 00:25:46,520 Speaker 1: don't talk to me again. So he knew that it 535 00:25:46,600 --> 00:25:49,280 Speaker 1: had to be my idea, which was right, And I 536 00:25:49,840 --> 00:25:51,200 Speaker 1: just said to him, I was like you have do 537 00:25:51,240 --> 00:25:52,840 Speaker 1: you have a crush on me? And he was like, 538 00:25:52,880 --> 00:25:55,359 Speaker 1: oh god, Chelsea, why do you have to Was it 539 00:25:55,480 --> 00:25:58,199 Speaker 1: before the show? After no, late night like two in 540 00:25:58,200 --> 00:26:00,760 Speaker 1: the morning you see him in this he walks in 541 00:26:00,920 --> 00:26:03,199 Speaker 1: your like horny for him, And so you said it 542 00:26:03,200 --> 00:26:05,000 Speaker 1: in that moment or did you just go oh fun, 543 00:26:05,040 --> 00:26:06,320 Speaker 1: did you like go back to your notes and You're 544 00:26:06,320 --> 00:26:08,040 Speaker 1: like I can't even like focus right now because I'm 545 00:26:08,080 --> 00:26:11,000 Speaker 1: like what is this feeling? And feeling? And then when 546 00:26:11,040 --> 00:26:12,919 Speaker 1: did you finally say do you have a crush on me? 547 00:26:13,280 --> 00:26:15,440 Speaker 1: When was late night like two thirty in the morning. No, 548 00:26:15,560 --> 00:26:18,000 Speaker 1: I was able to focus. We did the show, shows great, 549 00:26:18,040 --> 00:26:20,199 Speaker 1: we all went out gambling, had a great night, and 550 00:26:20,200 --> 00:26:22,760 Speaker 1: then we were just getting more like snugly, like touchy feely, 551 00:26:22,880 --> 00:26:24,679 Speaker 1: you know. I was like letting him know, like game on. 552 00:26:25,200 --> 00:26:27,320 Speaker 1: And then we got back to the room in Vegas 553 00:26:27,320 --> 00:26:28,639 Speaker 1: and I said do you have a crush on me? 554 00:26:28,720 --> 00:26:30,960 Speaker 1: And he was like, well, what do you mean? And 555 00:26:31,000 --> 00:26:32,680 Speaker 1: I was like, Joe, either you have a crush on 556 00:26:32,720 --> 00:26:35,320 Speaker 1: me or don't, Like just were you touching when this happened, 557 00:26:35,359 --> 00:26:37,639 Speaker 1: Like were you like hugging when he so, where where's 558 00:26:37,680 --> 00:26:39,800 Speaker 1: this coming? I needed all the details to I wish 559 00:26:39,840 --> 00:26:41,000 Speaker 1: I could give them to you, but we have to 560 00:26:41,040 --> 00:26:43,840 Speaker 1: take fucking callers. Nikki, I mean, this is okay advice 561 00:26:43,920 --> 00:26:46,520 Speaker 1: the podcast. I know, I know, but I I need 562 00:26:46,560 --> 00:26:49,879 Speaker 1: advice about it. Okay, yes, we'll get to it. But 563 00:26:50,119 --> 00:26:52,480 Speaker 1: I'll come on your podcast and talk about Joe and 564 00:26:52,480 --> 00:26:55,520 Speaker 1: I was love details. I'm gonna I'm writing my new book. 565 00:26:55,560 --> 00:27:00,960 Speaker 1: It's called The Filipino in Me, a love story. But 566 00:27:01,119 --> 00:27:02,720 Speaker 1: I will give you all the details. Of course, I 567 00:27:02,720 --> 00:27:05,119 Speaker 1: would never lie to keep them all to myself. I 568 00:27:05,119 --> 00:27:07,840 Speaker 1: would never be so selfish. But okay, so this is 569 00:27:07,880 --> 00:27:11,080 Speaker 1: how to advice people call. We really need to help them. Okay, 570 00:27:11,160 --> 00:27:14,040 Speaker 1: are you you have your advice thinking cap on. Yeah, 571 00:27:14,119 --> 00:27:18,040 Speaker 1: I'm so good at this, amazing, I'm so glad. The 572 00:27:18,080 --> 00:27:20,200 Speaker 1: first question is how do you get out of something 573 00:27:20,240 --> 00:27:24,800 Speaker 1: by pretending you have COVID? And we're gonna take a 574 00:27:24,840 --> 00:27:32,119 Speaker 1: quick break and we'll be right back and we're back. Yeah, 575 00:27:33,040 --> 00:27:37,119 Speaker 1: we're back. Thank god, Oh my god, thanks God. We're 576 00:27:37,160 --> 00:27:40,840 Speaker 1: back with Nicki Glazer and my wonderful co host Catherine, 577 00:27:41,480 --> 00:27:45,080 Speaker 1: and we are going to start taking questions and callers. Indeed, 578 00:27:45,280 --> 00:27:49,040 Speaker 1: our first question comes from Haley. This all leans very 579 00:27:49,119 --> 00:27:54,400 Speaker 1: f boy centric today, so we're keeping it on. Haley says, 580 00:27:54,440 --> 00:27:57,600 Speaker 1: Dear Chelsea. I've been in a new relationship for six 581 00:27:57,640 --> 00:28:00,359 Speaker 1: months and it's going great. He shows me he cares 582 00:28:00,400 --> 00:28:03,199 Speaker 1: and thoughtful ways every day and really challenges me in 583 00:28:03,240 --> 00:28:05,520 Speaker 1: all the ways I want to be challenged by a partner. 584 00:28:06,040 --> 00:28:08,359 Speaker 1: Shortly after we started dating, he had to go to 585 00:28:08,400 --> 00:28:10,879 Speaker 1: California for a month. We talked on the phone for 586 00:28:10,960 --> 00:28:13,440 Speaker 1: hours every day and really got to know each other. 587 00:28:13,840 --> 00:28:16,119 Speaker 1: While he was away, we would send each other what 588 00:28:16,200 --> 00:28:19,840 Speaker 1: I like to call quote self portraits, which I knew 589 00:28:19,840 --> 00:28:23,240 Speaker 1: he was saving to his hidden photos folder. About a 590 00:28:23,280 --> 00:28:25,960 Speaker 1: month ago, I asked him about the self portraits and 591 00:28:25,960 --> 00:28:28,199 Speaker 1: if I could look through them. I'm not sure what 592 00:28:28,320 --> 00:28:30,440 Speaker 1: prompted me to ask. I think it was mostly out 593 00:28:30,440 --> 00:28:32,840 Speaker 1: of vanity, but also I liked the idea of him 594 00:28:32,880 --> 00:28:35,840 Speaker 1: having them in a private folder for himself. He quickly 595 00:28:35,880 --> 00:28:38,080 Speaker 1: told me I couldn't and I asked if I was 596 00:28:38,120 --> 00:28:42,160 Speaker 1: the only girlfriend in that folder. He immediately got defensive 597 00:28:42,240 --> 00:28:44,120 Speaker 1: and tried to tell me that asking him to do 598 00:28:44,160 --> 00:28:46,560 Speaker 1: anything about the contents of the folder would be an 599 00:28:46,600 --> 00:28:50,840 Speaker 1: invasion of his privacy. His response took me by surprise. 600 00:28:51,000 --> 00:28:53,880 Speaker 1: Since I haven't made any specific requests in that regard. 601 00:28:54,360 --> 00:28:56,800 Speaker 1: I haven't cared for a boyfriend this deeply before. But 602 00:28:56,840 --> 00:28:59,680 Speaker 1: I'm put off by how sketchy he's acting about this folder. 603 00:29:00,240 --> 00:29:04,000 Speaker 1: I don't expect him to quote erase his past, his words, 604 00:29:04,160 --> 00:29:06,960 Speaker 1: not mine, but knowing that he had those photos of 605 00:29:07,000 --> 00:29:09,360 Speaker 1: me made me feel special. Now. I feel like I'm 606 00:29:09,400 --> 00:29:11,880 Speaker 1: an option, even though his actions tell me I'm not. 607 00:29:12,640 --> 00:29:15,600 Speaker 1: His reaction that day felt very contradictory to the man 608 00:29:15,680 --> 00:29:18,160 Speaker 1: that I'm with, and I don't know what to do. Hayley, 609 00:29:19,200 --> 00:29:21,560 Speaker 1: I'm sorry. So they he moved to California? Did I 610 00:29:21,600 --> 00:29:23,760 Speaker 1: miss something? Are these back? Like? Yeah, they just spent 611 00:29:23,800 --> 00:29:26,200 Speaker 1: like a month apart, But that was when she was 612 00:29:26,200 --> 00:29:28,680 Speaker 1: like sending him these, let's say, nuty phonies And how 613 00:29:28,720 --> 00:29:32,560 Speaker 1: long have they been together? Six months? Six months? Somebody's 614 00:29:32,560 --> 00:29:37,760 Speaker 1: a better listener than the host, I'm really trying. Yeah, 615 00:29:37,800 --> 00:29:40,960 Speaker 1: that's a big red flag, first of all, because those 616 00:29:40,960 --> 00:29:42,800 Speaker 1: are pictures of you in there, So are you not 617 00:29:42,800 --> 00:29:45,520 Speaker 1: allowed to see the pictures of you? Regardless of what 618 00:29:45,600 --> 00:29:48,800 Speaker 1: other photos he has? Like, that's a big red flag. Well, 619 00:29:49,000 --> 00:29:51,840 Speaker 1: so I think he because she said his own words 620 00:29:51,880 --> 00:29:56,800 Speaker 1: were erased my past he must have definitely given some 621 00:29:56,880 --> 00:29:59,440 Speaker 1: indication that there were other girls in that folder and 622 00:29:59,520 --> 00:30:01,680 Speaker 1: he didn't want her to see those other girls? Is that, 623 00:30:01,920 --> 00:30:04,440 Speaker 1: like X, and is that that's what I had assumed? 624 00:30:04,480 --> 00:30:06,560 Speaker 1: And now upon like I've read this so many times, 625 00:30:06,560 --> 00:30:09,440 Speaker 1: but somehow reading it out loud, I'm like, maybe there 626 00:30:09,480 --> 00:30:14,600 Speaker 1: are other current girls and the absolutely current girls, or 627 00:30:14,720 --> 00:30:17,360 Speaker 1: first of all, if there were ex girlfriends, it's completely 628 00:30:17,400 --> 00:30:19,239 Speaker 1: reasonable and the right thing to do to go, oh, 629 00:30:19,280 --> 00:30:20,720 Speaker 1: I'm going to delete these now that I'm in a 630 00:30:20,760 --> 00:30:23,680 Speaker 1: relationship with you, Like that would be disrespectful to be 631 00:30:23,800 --> 00:30:26,640 Speaker 1: jerking off in your spare time to your ex girlfriends, 632 00:30:27,080 --> 00:30:29,000 Speaker 1: Like the folder should just be of you if you're 633 00:30:29,080 --> 00:30:32,000 Speaker 1: dating him, and it's totally normal and fine for you 634 00:30:32,040 --> 00:30:34,840 Speaker 1: to ask to see that, like there's nothing wrong with that. 635 00:30:35,040 --> 00:30:37,000 Speaker 1: And the fact that he said no, yeah, that's a 636 00:30:37,000 --> 00:30:40,240 Speaker 1: big red flag, like I wouldn't trust this guy at all. Yeah, 637 00:30:40,440 --> 00:30:43,040 Speaker 1: you're absolutely right. It means there's current stuff. Because if 638 00:30:43,080 --> 00:30:46,280 Speaker 1: she's cool with like, okay, I understand you have your excess, 639 00:30:46,320 --> 00:30:48,440 Speaker 1: he could go, okay, I'll delete him right now. This 640 00:30:48,480 --> 00:30:50,920 Speaker 1: is a good moment to do that done. But the 641 00:30:50,920 --> 00:30:52,960 Speaker 1: fact that he got weird about it either he wants 642 00:30:53,000 --> 00:30:56,360 Speaker 1: to hold onto those which shouldn't be that important to him, 643 00:30:56,480 --> 00:30:58,440 Speaker 1: or something else is going on. If this sucks, I 644 00:30:58,800 --> 00:31:01,239 Speaker 1: hate this kind of moment where everything's great except this 645 00:31:01,360 --> 00:31:07,040 Speaker 1: one thing. Mmm. I wouldn't mind a guy keeping ex photos. 646 00:31:07,240 --> 00:31:08,760 Speaker 1: I kind of get horned up for him. I like 647 00:31:08,800 --> 00:31:12,880 Speaker 1: to see them, But you like to see his exes, yeah, 648 00:31:13,080 --> 00:31:17,880 Speaker 1: would his exes like I like seeing like old like 649 00:31:18,040 --> 00:31:20,200 Speaker 1: the hot ladies he's had in his pass. It really 650 00:31:20,200 --> 00:31:24,000 Speaker 1: like horns me up. But it's basically what she wants 651 00:31:24,000 --> 00:31:26,920 Speaker 1: and if he's not willing to give her that, that sucks. 652 00:31:28,120 --> 00:31:29,800 Speaker 1: It's not a good So it's a it's a it's 653 00:31:29,800 --> 00:31:33,640 Speaker 1: a big red flag. Why don't you what's her name? Haley? Haley? 654 00:31:33,800 --> 00:31:36,360 Speaker 1: I think you should really like give him an ultimatum 655 00:31:36,440 --> 00:31:38,880 Speaker 1: about seeing that when you're in person with him, so 656 00:31:38,920 --> 00:31:41,600 Speaker 1: that he can either shut up or put up. And 657 00:31:41,720 --> 00:31:43,680 Speaker 1: if he's not willing to show those to you, then 658 00:31:43,760 --> 00:31:46,560 Speaker 1: like he's hiding something from you, and that's the only 659 00:31:46,600 --> 00:31:48,880 Speaker 1: reason that he wouldn't show them to you. So you know, 660 00:31:49,280 --> 00:31:52,120 Speaker 1: however you feel about that, I would definitely move on. 661 00:31:52,360 --> 00:31:54,200 Speaker 1: I feel like he's gonna pit her to be like, oh, 662 00:31:54,320 --> 00:31:56,160 Speaker 1: you're the girlfriend that just wants to go through my 663 00:31:56,200 --> 00:31:58,120 Speaker 1: phone and you're like, no, I just wanted to see 664 00:31:58,120 --> 00:32:00,080 Speaker 1: a hot picture of myself, and then it turned the 665 00:32:00,360 --> 00:32:04,280 Speaker 1: whole thing. Right, I am only asking and this is 666 00:32:04,320 --> 00:32:06,640 Speaker 1: only important to me because you're being so weird about it. 667 00:32:06,680 --> 00:32:08,960 Speaker 1: I don't care about anything else. I trust you, but 668 00:32:09,080 --> 00:32:12,000 Speaker 1: this reaction is leading me to not trust you, and 669 00:32:12,120 --> 00:32:15,080 Speaker 1: I can't get over it until until you make this right. 670 00:32:15,120 --> 00:32:18,240 Speaker 1: And if you can't, by Yeah, if you don't trust 671 00:32:18,280 --> 00:32:20,560 Speaker 1: my reaction, you should trust the fact that if there's 672 00:32:20,560 --> 00:32:24,200 Speaker 1: nothing unreasonable in here, I won't be up. Yes, too bad. 673 00:32:24,240 --> 00:32:26,760 Speaker 1: There's not dates on photos? Right? And that folder? Would 674 00:32:26,760 --> 00:32:29,080 Speaker 1: there be dates? No? There wouldn't be though, or would 675 00:32:29,080 --> 00:32:31,440 Speaker 1: that You can see it in the metadata like if 676 00:32:31,440 --> 00:32:33,840 Speaker 1: you yeah, well there you go. You should steal his 677 00:32:33,880 --> 00:32:35,600 Speaker 1: phone if he doesn't give it to you and fuck 678 00:32:35,640 --> 00:32:38,520 Speaker 1: it look through it and then you'll get your answers. Yes, 679 00:32:39,080 --> 00:32:41,400 Speaker 1: face ib can work wonders when someone is sleep. I 680 00:32:41,400 --> 00:32:43,440 Speaker 1: have no problem with people going through each other's phones. 681 00:32:43,560 --> 00:32:46,560 Speaker 1: I think that's fine. There's nothing to hide. I think 682 00:32:46,640 --> 00:32:48,560 Speaker 1: you shouldn't have anything to hide. It's kind of but 683 00:32:48,600 --> 00:32:50,120 Speaker 1: it's kind of like the n s a thing of 684 00:32:50,160 --> 00:32:52,160 Speaker 1: like I'm always like, who cares if they're listening at 685 00:32:52,200 --> 00:32:54,440 Speaker 1: my conversation, I've got nothing to hide, And people are like, well, 686 00:32:54,440 --> 00:32:57,520 Speaker 1: because they can like make up stuff to incriminate you, 687 00:32:57,840 --> 00:33:00,280 Speaker 1: they can use your stuff that you're innocent when so 688 00:33:00,360 --> 00:33:02,800 Speaker 1: it's a matter of sometimes I get worried that the 689 00:33:02,920 --> 00:33:06,240 Speaker 1: person might invent something of all the data they're collecting 690 00:33:06,520 --> 00:33:09,200 Speaker 1: on me and and get insane about it. But yeah, 691 00:33:09,240 --> 00:33:11,720 Speaker 1: I generally I've whenever I'm trying to hide my phone 692 00:33:11,720 --> 00:33:14,440 Speaker 1: from someone, i've got something to hide, it's never because 693 00:33:14,440 --> 00:33:17,200 Speaker 1: it's like it's just for me. It's because I don't 694 00:33:17,480 --> 00:33:19,120 Speaker 1: want them to know a part about myself that I'm 695 00:33:19,120 --> 00:33:21,720 Speaker 1: trying to keep from them. Yeah, I think that's a 696 00:33:21,760 --> 00:33:24,360 Speaker 1: good point. I was just actually talking about guys who 697 00:33:24,440 --> 00:33:28,440 Speaker 1: don't put their girlfriends on their Instagram or their wives, 698 00:33:28,520 --> 00:33:30,800 Speaker 1: and they do it as like I'm just honoring like 699 00:33:30,920 --> 00:33:33,320 Speaker 1: her privacy, like their comedians that work the road, and 700 00:33:33,320 --> 00:33:35,480 Speaker 1: they go, I just like my wife just she's a 701 00:33:35,520 --> 00:33:37,640 Speaker 1: private person. It's like, no, you want to present as 702 00:33:37,680 --> 00:33:39,800 Speaker 1: a man that doesn't have a wife. You're on the 703 00:33:39,880 --> 00:33:42,280 Speaker 1: road when girls look you up and they go see 704 00:33:42,280 --> 00:33:44,160 Speaker 1: you with clubs. It's like this whole thing of like 705 00:33:44,200 --> 00:33:46,840 Speaker 1: I'm just being a good guy, like I just you know, 706 00:33:46,920 --> 00:33:49,680 Speaker 1: it's like it's such bullshit. One of my best friends 707 00:33:49,920 --> 00:33:52,200 Speaker 1: has a girlfriend. He and his wife got a divorce. 708 00:33:52,560 --> 00:33:54,760 Speaker 1: He's been dating this girl for like probably two years 709 00:33:54,800 --> 00:33:57,440 Speaker 1: they lived together. He has never posted a photo of 710 00:33:57,560 --> 00:34:01,640 Speaker 1: a photo of her on his Instagram except two close friends, 711 00:34:01,840 --> 00:34:05,440 Speaker 1: which means like, not everybody, I'm just like you, you're 712 00:34:05,520 --> 00:34:09,279 Speaker 1: hiding her. I do understand. There's this whole storyline and 713 00:34:09,520 --> 00:34:12,160 Speaker 1: the show the Ultimatum that I'm watching right now of like, yes, 714 00:34:12,200 --> 00:34:14,560 Speaker 1: when you're an influencer and you post a picture, especially 715 00:34:14,600 --> 00:34:16,800 Speaker 1: when you're a girl and you rely on male followers, 716 00:34:16,840 --> 00:34:18,960 Speaker 1: if you post a picture of your boyfriend, you lose. 717 00:34:19,280 --> 00:34:21,560 Speaker 1: You lose followers because men are just like I guess 718 00:34:21,560 --> 00:34:23,160 Speaker 1: we can't have her now, like it was ever an 719 00:34:23,200 --> 00:34:26,000 Speaker 1: option for them to get you. So I understand, like 720 00:34:26,120 --> 00:34:29,399 Speaker 1: it's a branding thing. Even when I post something saying 721 00:34:29,440 --> 00:34:32,600 Speaker 1: I have a boyfriend, I feel like less likes, just 722 00:34:32,680 --> 00:34:34,799 Speaker 1: like people are just like not into it. Whereas guys 723 00:34:34,840 --> 00:34:38,160 Speaker 1: when they're like look at my hot girlfriend, everyone fucking love, 724 00:34:38,239 --> 00:34:42,040 Speaker 1: they get so much more. I definitely get I still 725 00:34:42,080 --> 00:34:44,600 Speaker 1: get disgusting d M s when I post about Joe 726 00:34:44,640 --> 00:34:46,799 Speaker 1: and me. I will still get d M saying I 727 00:34:46,840 --> 00:34:48,880 Speaker 1: want to put my cock in your asshole, like I 728 00:34:48,920 --> 00:34:51,400 Speaker 1: can't wait to fuck you. So it's not good. I 729 00:34:51,960 --> 00:34:54,879 Speaker 1: will never go away. I have quite the opposite experience 730 00:34:54,920 --> 00:34:58,560 Speaker 1: because people love. People seem to love our love story, well, 731 00:34:58,560 --> 00:35:02,359 Speaker 1: the people who believe it anyway, um and and and 732 00:35:02,600 --> 00:35:04,719 Speaker 1: and man, it hasn't stopped man from telling me that 733 00:35:04,760 --> 00:35:06,840 Speaker 1: they're going to suck me. So I think men like 734 00:35:06,920 --> 00:35:08,680 Speaker 1: to tell women like me that they're going to fuck 735 00:35:08,840 --> 00:35:10,560 Speaker 1: because they know they're never going to fuck a woman 736 00:35:10,640 --> 00:35:13,600 Speaker 1: like me, so they like to write that down anonymously 737 00:35:13,760 --> 00:35:17,320 Speaker 1: because obviously, okay, what's what do we have next? Catherine? 738 00:35:17,640 --> 00:35:20,759 Speaker 1: So our next is a caller? This is Brooke? Is 739 00:35:20,800 --> 00:35:24,840 Speaker 1: this a picture of Vladimir Putin m who is actually 740 00:35:25,200 --> 00:35:31,439 Speaker 1: um Borris Karloff as looking at Catherine sweatshirt Dracula, which 741 00:35:31,520 --> 00:35:34,200 Speaker 1: is actually done by a friend of mine, Jonah Animoy 742 00:35:34,320 --> 00:35:37,560 Speaker 1: and shout out all the school art, Jonah Animoy. It 743 00:35:37,640 --> 00:35:40,640 Speaker 1: actually does look like Vladim. I guess Dracula and Vladimir 744 00:35:40,680 --> 00:35:43,120 Speaker 1: Putin have a similar look on their face. So that 745 00:35:43,160 --> 00:35:47,720 Speaker 1: works out perfectly. Uh. Well, Brooke is on the phone 746 00:35:47,719 --> 00:35:50,439 Speaker 1: with us today. We have callers who call in, so 747 00:35:51,160 --> 00:35:53,680 Speaker 1: she says, Dear Chelsea, My wife and I have been 748 00:35:53,719 --> 00:35:57,640 Speaker 1: together for about ten years and married for five. Her sister, Megan, 749 00:35:58,160 --> 00:36:00,799 Speaker 1: is married with two kids and one dog. Megan and 750 00:36:00,840 --> 00:36:03,880 Speaker 1: her family have poor hygiene. They appear to have no 751 00:36:03,960 --> 00:36:06,160 Speaker 1: awareness of the issue, and the rest of my wife's 752 00:36:06,200 --> 00:36:09,040 Speaker 1: family has never brought it to their attention. Their dog 753 00:36:09,080 --> 00:36:11,920 Speaker 1: is about eleven years old, and quite frankly, his physical 754 00:36:11,960 --> 00:36:15,600 Speaker 1: needs are neglected. He's never bathed, his fur is matted, 755 00:36:15,640 --> 00:36:18,800 Speaker 1: and he seems to have an underlying skin condition. He smells, 756 00:36:18,920 --> 00:36:22,239 Speaker 1: his nails are long, he has anxiety, and he barks incessantly. 757 00:36:23,040 --> 00:36:25,400 Speaker 1: Despite all this, my wife and I have watched the 758 00:36:25,400 --> 00:36:28,120 Speaker 1: dog numerous times in the past. When he comes to 759 00:36:28,160 --> 00:36:31,440 Speaker 1: our house, we bathe him immediately. It's a chore because 760 00:36:31,440 --> 00:36:33,320 Speaker 1: he's not used to it, and it seems to be 761 00:36:33,400 --> 00:36:35,840 Speaker 1: quite painful for him to be touched in certain areas. 762 00:36:36,800 --> 00:36:39,880 Speaker 1: I know. We do our best to groom him, but 763 00:36:39,920 --> 00:36:42,440 Speaker 1: it has become impossible due to the severity of the 764 00:36:42,480 --> 00:36:46,600 Speaker 1: matted fur. He needs professional intervention. I watched him for 765 00:36:46,680 --> 00:36:49,200 Speaker 1: five days by myself last year, and after that I 766 00:36:49,239 --> 00:36:51,080 Speaker 1: set a boundary that I would not do it again. 767 00:36:51,320 --> 00:36:53,560 Speaker 1: It was hard to look at him as someone who 768 00:36:53,640 --> 00:36:56,480 Speaker 1: suffered emotional and physical neglect as a child. It is 769 00:36:56,520 --> 00:36:59,480 Speaker 1: particularly triggering to see him and to feel powerless to 770 00:36:59,520 --> 00:37:03,080 Speaker 1: intervene without creating family drama. My wife has asked me 771 00:37:03,160 --> 00:37:05,879 Speaker 1: repeatedly to not say anything to her sister about the dog, 772 00:37:05,960 --> 00:37:10,760 Speaker 1: and until recently, I reluctantly agreed. Last week, Megan asked 773 00:37:10,800 --> 00:37:13,400 Speaker 1: my wife if I could watch the dog again. They 774 00:37:13,400 --> 00:37:15,560 Speaker 1: do not want to hire someone. I stuck to my 775 00:37:15,600 --> 00:37:18,880 Speaker 1: guns and said no. My wife made some excuses instead 776 00:37:18,880 --> 00:37:22,000 Speaker 1: of communicating the underlying concerns and this kind of indirect 777 00:37:22,040 --> 00:37:25,640 Speaker 1: communication is the norm and her family. Instead of accepting 778 00:37:25,640 --> 00:37:29,200 Speaker 1: Noah's an answer, Megan proceeded to ask more specific questions 779 00:37:29,400 --> 00:37:31,880 Speaker 1: about the excuses my wife had made and proceeded to 780 00:37:31,920 --> 00:37:34,800 Speaker 1: guilt trip me via my wife, saying things like family 781 00:37:34,800 --> 00:37:38,160 Speaker 1: helps family. I got upset, and I decided, with my 782 00:37:38,160 --> 00:37:41,520 Speaker 1: wife's approval, to text her directly. I provided a list 783 00:37:41,560 --> 00:37:43,439 Speaker 1: of three reasons why I did not want to watch 784 00:37:43,440 --> 00:37:45,600 Speaker 1: her dog. I told her that I wanted to speak 785 00:37:45,680 --> 00:37:48,640 Speaker 1: honestly and directly, even if it would upset her. The 786 00:37:48,680 --> 00:37:52,040 Speaker 1: reasons were one, the dog is not bathed, two, its 787 00:37:52,040 --> 00:37:53,839 Speaker 1: snails are very long, and I've just spent a lot 788 00:37:53,880 --> 00:37:56,640 Speaker 1: of money refinishing my hundred year old hardwood floors. And 789 00:37:56,760 --> 00:37:59,520 Speaker 1: three he barks incessantly, which makes it difficult for me 790 00:37:59,560 --> 00:38:03,160 Speaker 1: to work. Megan freaked out. She called my wife and 791 00:38:03,200 --> 00:38:08,040 Speaker 1: her entire family sobbing profusely, misstating my words. I did 792 00:38:08,040 --> 00:38:10,080 Speaker 1: not say anything that was not true about the dog, 793 00:38:10,480 --> 00:38:12,839 Speaker 1: nor anything that her other family members are not saying 794 00:38:12,840 --> 00:38:15,160 Speaker 1: behind her back. My wife and the rest of her 795 00:38:15,160 --> 00:38:18,239 Speaker 1: family are distancing themselves from me and my comments in 796 00:38:18,280 --> 00:38:20,919 Speaker 1: an effort to soothe Megan. My wife thinks I went 797 00:38:20,960 --> 00:38:23,920 Speaker 1: too far. Megan's telling her family that she no longer 798 00:38:23,960 --> 00:38:27,279 Speaker 1: wants to see me or my wife ever again. My 799 00:38:27,360 --> 00:38:30,360 Speaker 1: in laws feel like Omegan an apology. I disagree and 800 00:38:30,440 --> 00:38:33,360 Speaker 1: stand by my words. I wish everyone could speak directly, 801 00:38:33,400 --> 00:38:36,000 Speaker 1: but it's not the way they operate. What should I 802 00:38:36,040 --> 00:38:41,200 Speaker 1: do moving forward? Brooke? And she's here with us today? Hi? Brook, Hi, 803 00:38:41,560 --> 00:38:43,839 Speaker 1: it's so funny. I was listening to this email. By 804 00:38:43,880 --> 00:38:48,080 Speaker 1: the way, This is Nikki Glazer, our special guest. Hi 805 00:38:48,640 --> 00:38:51,000 Speaker 1: and Catherine, you've spoken to our producer, h I was 806 00:38:51,000 --> 00:38:53,399 Speaker 1: listening to this letter and you kept referring to your wife, Megan, 807 00:38:53,520 --> 00:38:55,080 Speaker 1: wife Megan, and I'm like, there is no way a 808 00:38:55,120 --> 00:38:59,279 Speaker 1: straight man is calling into this podcast a woman. I 809 00:38:59,360 --> 00:39:02,680 Speaker 1: was like that, be like, it's so ridiculous, Yes, Megan, 810 00:39:02,800 --> 00:39:05,960 Speaker 1: although I think is actually the sister in law. Correct? Correct? 811 00:39:06,040 --> 00:39:08,719 Speaker 1: So thank you for your time. What's the update, what's 812 00:39:08,719 --> 00:39:13,080 Speaker 1: the what's going on right now? With this same no communication? 813 00:39:13,160 --> 00:39:16,399 Speaker 1: You're being kind of ostracised a little bit. Yeah, So 814 00:39:16,600 --> 00:39:18,960 Speaker 1: I realized when I was rereading that that I was 815 00:39:19,000 --> 00:39:21,200 Speaker 1: pretty I think I was pretty angry when I wrote it, 816 00:39:21,280 --> 00:39:24,160 Speaker 1: and now I think I'm just exhosted, right, So so 817 00:39:24,280 --> 00:39:26,560 Speaker 1: that's uh, that's the update from me is just I'm 818 00:39:26,560 --> 00:39:29,840 Speaker 1: ready to move on this issue, and I think I was. 819 00:39:29,880 --> 00:39:32,440 Speaker 1: I was pretty upset, and now I just you know, 820 00:39:32,520 --> 00:39:34,680 Speaker 1: nobody's a bad person, but I just want to figure 821 00:39:34,719 --> 00:39:37,680 Speaker 1: out how to move forward from this event in a 822 00:39:37,719 --> 00:39:41,640 Speaker 1: way that is I don't know how to repair it. So, yeah, 823 00:39:41,760 --> 00:39:44,560 Speaker 1: what's happening now, I think is that no one from 824 00:39:44,680 --> 00:39:47,360 Speaker 1: my wife's family has had direct communication with me, with 825 00:39:47,440 --> 00:39:50,719 Speaker 1: the exception of her mother, who sent you short text 826 00:39:50,719 --> 00:39:53,759 Speaker 1: saying we hope that you come to pass over the stater, 827 00:39:54,239 --> 00:39:57,880 Speaker 1: which was Friday. She hadn't had any communication with me 828 00:39:57,920 --> 00:40:00,160 Speaker 1: in the couple of weeks leading up to that. Uh, 829 00:40:00,600 --> 00:40:03,160 Speaker 1: my wife's sister had agreed to go to the stater 830 00:40:03,360 --> 00:40:06,400 Speaker 1: knowing that I may be there, but I did decline 831 00:40:06,440 --> 00:40:08,960 Speaker 1: to go because I felt like it would be really 832 00:40:09,040 --> 00:40:13,440 Speaker 1: tense and if the purpose of attending would be to 833 00:40:13,480 --> 00:40:16,279 Speaker 1: celebrate or you know, and be with other people, I 834 00:40:16,320 --> 00:40:19,640 Speaker 1: didn't feel like that purpose would be achieved by my presence, 835 00:40:19,719 --> 00:40:23,560 Speaker 1: so I didn't go. And that's pretty much where we're at. 836 00:40:25,440 --> 00:40:28,640 Speaker 1: What a what a bummer? Such a bummer? I mean, 837 00:40:28,719 --> 00:40:30,719 Speaker 1: talking to you for this short period of time, like 838 00:40:30,800 --> 00:40:33,960 Speaker 1: you can tell that you're a pretty rational regular You're 839 00:40:34,000 --> 00:40:37,680 Speaker 1: not like a hot tempered kind of person, not generally. No, 840 00:40:38,120 --> 00:40:41,040 Speaker 1: I'm pretty to the point, and I try to be 841 00:40:41,120 --> 00:40:44,440 Speaker 1: relatively even keeled. So I think it was really just 842 00:40:44,600 --> 00:40:49,000 Speaker 1: the directness of the communication that she wasn't accustomed to write. Well, 843 00:40:49,040 --> 00:40:50,840 Speaker 1: you just said, you said yourself that they grew up 844 00:40:50,840 --> 00:40:53,880 Speaker 1: in a family with indirect communication, So of course, what 845 00:40:54,080 --> 00:40:56,399 Speaker 1: happens when that happens when you're direct with somebody who 846 00:40:56,400 --> 00:41:00,480 Speaker 1: has that historical like framework then they immediately are a 847 00:41:00,560 --> 00:41:02,880 Speaker 1: victim and they're crying and the whole family has to 848 00:41:02,920 --> 00:41:05,959 Speaker 1: come and gather around them because they've never been told 849 00:41:05,960 --> 00:41:10,600 Speaker 1: the truth before. Yeah, yes, that's exactly it. Well, it's 850 00:41:10,640 --> 00:41:13,080 Speaker 1: it's almost like you look at these kind of family 851 00:41:13,120 --> 00:41:16,400 Speaker 1: dynamics and they're incapable of telling the truth. It's not 852 00:41:16,440 --> 00:41:18,719 Speaker 1: even like they know the truth and they're denying it. 853 00:41:18,719 --> 00:41:23,000 Speaker 1: It's they cannot and they cannot take any accountability. There's 854 00:41:23,080 --> 00:41:26,280 Speaker 1: zero accountability that this family can take. What I'm wondering, 855 00:41:26,320 --> 00:41:29,200 Speaker 1: what was the sister's response to the dog is dirty, 856 00:41:29,239 --> 00:41:32,000 Speaker 1: it barks incessantly, it has skin issues, all these things. 857 00:41:32,160 --> 00:41:34,680 Speaker 1: Was there any like, No, it's not like what was 858 00:41:34,719 --> 00:41:37,560 Speaker 1: that response? Yeah? And and part of the reason I 859 00:41:37,600 --> 00:41:40,440 Speaker 1: think why my correspondence to her was a little bit snarky, 860 00:41:40,520 --> 00:41:43,320 Speaker 1: admittedly in parts, was I wanted her to ask herself 861 00:41:43,320 --> 00:41:45,600 Speaker 1: that question of when was the last time that I 862 00:41:45,880 --> 00:41:49,200 Speaker 1: that I gave my dog a bath? Because truthfully, I 863 00:41:49,320 --> 00:41:53,080 Speaker 1: have made that much more often than she has. So yeah, 864 00:41:53,120 --> 00:41:56,000 Speaker 1: that that issue seems to be completely glossed over. Right, 865 00:41:56,320 --> 00:41:58,279 Speaker 1: I've been told that my wife has been told that 866 00:41:58,360 --> 00:42:02,319 Speaker 1: we're not to discuss the dog anymore. And that we're 867 00:42:02,360 --> 00:42:04,239 Speaker 1: not really invited to be around it. I guess they 868 00:42:04,239 --> 00:42:06,520 Speaker 1: don't want us to see whether or not they've made 869 00:42:06,520 --> 00:42:09,160 Speaker 1: any paying you to watch this dock? Are you getting 870 00:42:10,200 --> 00:42:13,160 Speaker 1: You're just expected to watch their barkie like kind of 871 00:42:13,239 --> 00:42:16,760 Speaker 1: neglected dog. It's just well to be to be fair 872 00:42:16,800 --> 00:42:19,680 Speaker 1: in families, you're not really paying your sister or your 873 00:42:19,719 --> 00:42:22,040 Speaker 1: sister in law. You're just like they don't want to 874 00:42:22,280 --> 00:42:24,400 Speaker 1: because you're not paying them. You go, okay, then you 875 00:42:24,400 --> 00:42:26,359 Speaker 1: don't have to, Like that's the thing. When you're not 876 00:42:26,400 --> 00:42:28,960 Speaker 1: paying family and they're like, I'd rather not, you just 877 00:42:29,080 --> 00:42:32,120 Speaker 1: drop it. You don't go why, But that's the way 878 00:42:32,200 --> 00:42:34,319 Speaker 1: I go, Okay, why does this woman just expect you 879 00:42:34,400 --> 00:42:36,839 Speaker 1: to do this with her? And she knows her dog 880 00:42:36,880 --> 00:42:40,200 Speaker 1: barks incessantly. It shows a lot of denial and just 881 00:42:41,400 --> 00:42:43,840 Speaker 1: I feel like this is a no, no, this is 882 00:42:43,840 --> 00:42:48,920 Speaker 1: me projecting but an alcoholic family. I was never asking 883 00:42:48,920 --> 00:42:52,040 Speaker 1: for payment. It's really just a I would like for 884 00:42:52,080 --> 00:42:54,759 Speaker 1: it to be clean before it gets here. And it's 885 00:42:54,760 --> 00:42:57,360 Speaker 1: been pretty egregious in the past, and I think really 886 00:42:58,400 --> 00:43:01,239 Speaker 1: the last straw for me was during the pandemic. We 887 00:43:01,280 --> 00:43:04,520 Speaker 1: hadn't been watching it because nobody was going anywhere, and 888 00:43:04,800 --> 00:43:07,560 Speaker 1: I hadn't bathed it, and my wife hadn't bathed it 889 00:43:07,680 --> 00:43:10,000 Speaker 1: in over a year, and I think he didn't get 890 00:43:10,000 --> 00:43:13,040 Speaker 1: a bath, right, And then it just became like really 891 00:43:13,840 --> 00:43:16,400 Speaker 1: essentially too far gone. And you know, I looked into 892 00:43:17,000 --> 00:43:19,560 Speaker 1: I called a bunch of different rumors. Nobody would accept 893 00:43:19,640 --> 00:43:24,200 Speaker 1: him if I didn't have proof of vaccination. And also 894 00:43:24,280 --> 00:43:26,239 Speaker 1: he's like a little bit aggressive when you try to 895 00:43:26,239 --> 00:43:28,080 Speaker 1: bathe him. And I didn't really want to bring on 896 00:43:28,640 --> 00:43:31,919 Speaker 1: that liability onto myself, so I just wanted to bow 897 00:43:31,960 --> 00:43:35,239 Speaker 1: out and not make excuses moving forward. And I think 898 00:43:35,239 --> 00:43:38,799 Speaker 1: I've accomplished that goal, but now I've created another problem. Well, 899 00:43:38,880 --> 00:43:41,319 Speaker 1: so what's your wife's status on this right now? How 900 00:43:41,320 --> 00:43:44,240 Speaker 1: does she Where does she sit with everything? She sits 901 00:43:44,320 --> 00:43:47,680 Speaker 1: where she wants everybody to get along, like so desperately 902 00:43:47,760 --> 00:43:51,680 Speaker 1: that she care what needs to be said. Right I 903 00:43:51,680 --> 00:43:54,719 Speaker 1: think the way would be for me to issue an apology, 904 00:43:54,840 --> 00:43:58,200 Speaker 1: which I think she knows is not likely to happen. Now. 905 00:43:58,239 --> 00:44:00,239 Speaker 1: I really don't think you should do that. And I 906 00:44:00,360 --> 00:44:03,480 Speaker 1: read there because that is like renegging, like you're the 907 00:44:03,480 --> 00:44:05,480 Speaker 1: first person who told the truth. You could make an 908 00:44:05,480 --> 00:44:09,000 Speaker 1: addendum to your original conversation point of the text, like 909 00:44:09,080 --> 00:44:11,360 Speaker 1: you can I don't know, this might be too aggressive, 910 00:44:11,360 --> 00:44:13,600 Speaker 1: but to send it to everybody so that everybody is 911 00:44:13,640 --> 00:44:18,040 Speaker 1: copied on it, like so that there's yeah. But I mean, 912 00:44:18,160 --> 00:44:20,359 Speaker 1: I think not to take the responsibility on but for 913 00:44:20,400 --> 00:44:22,440 Speaker 1: you to just say as a follow up email to 914 00:44:22,520 --> 00:44:25,480 Speaker 1: the entire family, this is one option. I'm not saying 915 00:44:25,520 --> 00:44:27,319 Speaker 1: it's the right option, but I think it's good to 916 00:44:27,400 --> 00:44:30,520 Speaker 1: like lay out your case of what you said and 917 00:44:30,600 --> 00:44:33,319 Speaker 1: how that made you feel, how it made you feel 918 00:44:33,360 --> 00:44:36,880 Speaker 1: because of your circumstances and your history and your neglect 919 00:44:36,920 --> 00:44:39,760 Speaker 1: in your childhood, that it triggered you what you felt 920 00:44:39,800 --> 00:44:41,920 Speaker 1: like as a child when you weren't you know, whatever 921 00:44:42,000 --> 00:44:45,080 Speaker 1: you were referring to, and you take ownership of that, 922 00:44:45,400 --> 00:44:47,839 Speaker 1: so it doesn't take away what you say being what 923 00:44:47,920 --> 00:44:50,759 Speaker 1: you mean, but you're taking responsibility for it, so it's 924 00:44:50,800 --> 00:44:52,880 Speaker 1: not putting it on them. You're like, these are all 925 00:44:52,920 --> 00:44:55,360 Speaker 1: the things that really upset me because of stuff that 926 00:44:55,440 --> 00:44:58,600 Speaker 1: I went through during my childhood, and I can't be 927 00:44:58,640 --> 00:45:01,439 Speaker 1: around it. It's too upset. It's too upsetting to see 928 00:45:01,800 --> 00:45:05,399 Speaker 1: anything being neglected. And quite frankly, not having a bath 929 00:45:05,440 --> 00:45:07,480 Speaker 1: for over a year is neglect. You can put that 930 00:45:07,520 --> 00:45:09,560 Speaker 1: in any other term that you want, but that's what 931 00:45:09,640 --> 00:45:12,239 Speaker 1: it is. So there's ways to say this in a 932 00:45:12,320 --> 00:45:14,839 Speaker 1: nuanced way so that you're really showing how much you care. 933 00:45:15,080 --> 00:45:17,960 Speaker 1: I know how important this family is, not only to 934 00:45:18,080 --> 00:45:20,360 Speaker 1: my wife but to me. I want us all to 935 00:45:20,400 --> 00:45:23,480 Speaker 1: get along too, and me coming out and telling you 936 00:45:23,520 --> 00:45:25,480 Speaker 1: how I feel, let me give you some more context 937 00:45:25,520 --> 00:45:27,680 Speaker 1: about why it was such an issue, and we can 938 00:45:27,719 --> 00:45:29,880 Speaker 1: move on from this in one of two ways, Like 939 00:45:30,040 --> 00:45:32,560 Speaker 1: we don't have to ever discuss the dog again. You 940 00:45:32,600 --> 00:45:34,360 Speaker 1: don't have to listen to anything I say, and you 941 00:45:34,400 --> 00:45:37,080 Speaker 1: can continue doing what you do, but just don't expect 942 00:45:37,160 --> 00:45:39,160 Speaker 1: us to watch your dog. It's too painful for me, 943 00:45:39,320 --> 00:45:41,840 Speaker 1: you know. And it doesn't have to be that dramatic. 944 00:45:41,960 --> 00:45:45,439 Speaker 1: But it can be nuanced enough so that you're being 945 00:45:45,480 --> 00:45:50,120 Speaker 1: reasonable and you're taking accountability for your feelings, and then 946 00:45:50,120 --> 00:45:52,439 Speaker 1: they can do whatever they want with that, and ended 947 00:45:52,480 --> 00:45:54,279 Speaker 1: on a note saying I would love for us to 948 00:45:54,320 --> 00:45:56,719 Speaker 1: move forward as a family. I'm really sorry that my 949 00:45:56,800 --> 00:45:59,799 Speaker 1: directness cut you in this way, but I had to 950 00:45:59,800 --> 00:46:01,920 Speaker 1: be honest. That's a promise I made to myself a 951 00:46:01,960 --> 00:46:03,840 Speaker 1: long time ago that I would not look away in 952 00:46:03,840 --> 00:46:07,439 Speaker 1: the face of neglect and without pointing finger finger finger, 953 00:46:07,480 --> 00:46:10,120 Speaker 1: you already said it, They already know it. I think 954 00:46:10,160 --> 00:46:12,399 Speaker 1: you made your point so that you're not going to be, 955 00:46:12,600 --> 00:46:15,319 Speaker 1: you know, burdened with that watching that dog again. But 956 00:46:15,440 --> 00:46:18,600 Speaker 1: it would be better if they actually did something and 957 00:46:18,640 --> 00:46:22,719 Speaker 1: actually sat, because sometimes you say something and you remove it, 958 00:46:22,800 --> 00:46:24,520 Speaker 1: Like I like that you didn't go to satar, Like 959 00:46:24,600 --> 00:46:26,280 Speaker 1: I like that you didn't go to that dinner, because 960 00:46:26,640 --> 00:46:28,880 Speaker 1: they're just now they just have to like like sitting 961 00:46:28,920 --> 00:46:31,440 Speaker 1: and thinking about what you actually said. Like there's no 962 00:46:31,520 --> 00:46:33,840 Speaker 1: way she's looking at her dog not going fuck. Is 963 00:46:33,880 --> 00:46:38,720 Speaker 1: he neglected? Why haven't I bathed him? Or why someone 964 00:46:38,800 --> 00:46:42,680 Speaker 1: bathed him? Yeah? I like the idea of maybe sending 965 00:46:42,719 --> 00:46:44,959 Speaker 1: an email to the entire family because they have they've 966 00:46:44,960 --> 00:46:48,360 Speaker 1: read my initial correspondence. I did send another text to 967 00:46:48,400 --> 00:46:51,359 Speaker 1: my wife's sister asking her to have a conversation, and 968 00:46:51,400 --> 00:46:54,359 Speaker 1: she didn't respond to me. She responded to my wife thing, 969 00:46:54,400 --> 00:46:56,480 Speaker 1: I don't I don't know what a conversation would do. 970 00:46:56,360 --> 00:46:58,320 Speaker 1: I don't want to speak to her again. But I 971 00:46:58,719 --> 00:47:01,920 Speaker 1: kind of like involving other people because they're involved anyway, 972 00:47:02,160 --> 00:47:06,399 Speaker 1: So right, the more the merrier. Yeah, Well, and I 973 00:47:06,440 --> 00:47:08,960 Speaker 1: think too. At the end of the day, there is 974 00:47:09,000 --> 00:47:11,480 Speaker 1: a dog that's not getting the care that he needs, 975 00:47:11,520 --> 00:47:14,080 Speaker 1: like whether it's because he has a skin issue or 976 00:47:14,120 --> 00:47:17,080 Speaker 1: whatever it is. I mean, obviously there's also neglect happening. 977 00:47:17,680 --> 00:47:21,719 Speaker 1: I wonder, do you do they love this dog? They do? Yeah, 978 00:47:21,760 --> 00:47:25,160 Speaker 1: it's really it truly is a lack of awareness. It's 979 00:47:25,200 --> 00:47:28,240 Speaker 1: not that they don't love it. I mean, it spends 980 00:47:28,480 --> 00:47:30,920 Speaker 1: a lot of time with them. It's not a bad dog. 981 00:47:31,040 --> 00:47:33,839 Speaker 1: It's just you know, it's a little anxious and it's dirty. Well, 982 00:47:33,840 --> 00:47:36,560 Speaker 1: that's also something good to say, like it better, Like 983 00:47:36,560 --> 00:47:38,439 Speaker 1: it's very clear to me that you love your dog. 984 00:47:38,640 --> 00:47:41,959 Speaker 1: That's very obvious. What is less obvious is the care 985 00:47:42,080 --> 00:47:44,640 Speaker 1: that he's receiving. And that hurts me to watch it. 986 00:47:44,800 --> 00:47:47,080 Speaker 1: Keep bringing it back to how it makes you feel 987 00:47:47,719 --> 00:47:51,560 Speaker 1: instead of being like you're a fucking bad mother. Obviously, right, 988 00:47:52,080 --> 00:47:54,799 Speaker 1: I wonder since they since they love the dog, it's 989 00:47:54,840 --> 00:47:56,799 Speaker 1: probably not an issue of like, well maybe we were 990 00:47:56,880 --> 00:47:59,680 Speaker 1: home this dog. In some instances it might be, but 991 00:47:59,840 --> 00:48:02,480 Speaker 1: meybe it is something like I also really care for 992 00:48:02,520 --> 00:48:04,880 Speaker 1: your dog, you know, can we pay for him to 993 00:48:04,920 --> 00:48:07,000 Speaker 1: go to the groomer? You know once a year? Or 994 00:48:07,120 --> 00:48:09,520 Speaker 1: once every six months or once every three months or whatever, 995 00:48:09,880 --> 00:48:13,200 Speaker 1: like maybe there is some sort of compromise you can 996 00:48:13,480 --> 00:48:15,400 Speaker 1: have there where it's like, we'd love to see this 997 00:48:15,520 --> 00:48:17,880 Speaker 1: dog getting the like veterinary treatment he needs. And I 998 00:48:17,880 --> 00:48:19,839 Speaker 1: don't know if that's something that you want to provide for, 999 00:48:20,120 --> 00:48:22,560 Speaker 1: you know, your sister in law's dog. But I feel 1000 00:48:22,560 --> 00:48:25,640 Speaker 1: like they wouldn't accept it, and and that and the 1001 00:48:25,680 --> 00:48:27,719 Speaker 1: fact that they just closed down the dog talk like 1002 00:48:27,760 --> 00:48:30,000 Speaker 1: this isn't about the dog anymore, like they're not gonna 1003 00:48:30,520 --> 00:48:33,400 Speaker 1: I always find that whenever I'm dealing with a situation 1004 00:48:33,440 --> 00:48:35,480 Speaker 1: like this where I kind of know I'm in the 1005 00:48:35,600 --> 00:48:38,160 Speaker 1: right and I have to apologize to make things right 1006 00:48:38,200 --> 00:48:40,880 Speaker 1: just so people can get along. It's always really helpful 1007 00:48:40,920 --> 00:48:43,000 Speaker 1: in these kinds of emails. And I think Chelsea said 1008 00:48:43,000 --> 00:48:46,360 Speaker 1: coming from your place, like why you got triggered, what 1009 00:48:46,520 --> 00:48:48,480 Speaker 1: your background is with it, so that they can just 1010 00:48:48,560 --> 00:48:50,520 Speaker 1: kind of go, yeah, that's her issue, and then everything 1011 00:48:50,520 --> 00:48:53,279 Speaker 1: can be fine. Even though you know, but starting out 1012 00:48:53,320 --> 00:48:56,520 Speaker 1: the email and this is just a trick of apologizing, 1013 00:48:57,040 --> 00:48:59,600 Speaker 1: don't make any butts of like I did this, but 1014 00:48:59,760 --> 00:49:02,880 Speaker 1: like like you said, rereading that, I was very angry 1015 00:49:02,920 --> 00:49:04,239 Speaker 1: and I might have said some things in a way 1016 00:49:04,280 --> 00:49:06,799 Speaker 1: I didn't want to say it. So take accountability for 1017 00:49:06,880 --> 00:49:09,560 Speaker 1: maybe your tone, maybe how you could have approached things. 1018 00:49:10,400 --> 00:49:13,759 Speaker 1: Those things will go so far in making this kind 1019 00:49:13,760 --> 00:49:16,520 Speaker 1: of amends where you put up a boundary of just 1020 00:49:17,080 --> 00:49:19,680 Speaker 1: saying where you could have maybe done things differently, that 1021 00:49:19,719 --> 00:49:22,600 Speaker 1: will just give them something to grasp onto other than 1022 00:49:23,160 --> 00:49:26,000 Speaker 1: she's just wrong and she's just kind of like placating us, 1023 00:49:26,040 --> 00:49:29,400 Speaker 1: and um, yeah, because you can find something that you 1024 00:49:29,440 --> 00:49:32,279 Speaker 1: would have done differently, which is a beautiful thing that 1025 00:49:32,320 --> 00:49:35,919 Speaker 1: you're able to do even though you're freaking right. Yeah, 1026 00:49:35,960 --> 00:49:37,920 Speaker 1: that's absolutely true. And I think that's a good point 1027 00:49:37,920 --> 00:49:41,200 Speaker 1: because I think the way that I wrote the message 1028 00:49:41,880 --> 00:49:43,920 Speaker 1: a couple of weeks ago is not the way that 1029 00:49:43,960 --> 00:49:46,200 Speaker 1: I would write it today. And I think I was 1030 00:49:46,280 --> 00:49:50,720 Speaker 1: responding to being upset that no wasn't an acceptable answer 1031 00:49:50,800 --> 00:49:53,600 Speaker 1: and we couldn't just spawn and you know the history 1032 00:49:53,640 --> 00:49:58,040 Speaker 1: of this issue. And while I viewed it as I was, 1033 00:49:58,400 --> 00:50:01,080 Speaker 1: you know, for myself snarky on a scale of two 1034 00:50:01,239 --> 00:50:04,279 Speaker 1: or three out of ten, I probably would tone it down. 1035 00:50:04,280 --> 00:50:06,000 Speaker 1: Now you could go to a zero. You know, you 1036 00:50:06,000 --> 00:50:08,160 Speaker 1: could find something that you go I didn't need and 1037 00:50:08,160 --> 00:50:10,399 Speaker 1: you don't need to phrase it like I was mad 1038 00:50:10,480 --> 00:50:12,839 Speaker 1: because you didn't take no as an answer. That's again 1039 00:50:12,880 --> 00:50:15,120 Speaker 1: putting the blame on them like I was having a 1040 00:50:15,239 --> 00:50:17,879 Speaker 1: rough week, I was had all this. It's hard to do, 1041 00:50:17,920 --> 00:50:20,719 Speaker 1: but like making it, giving them something so they can go, oh, 1042 00:50:20,760 --> 00:50:22,839 Speaker 1: it's not our fault, even though you know what it it is. Like, 1043 00:50:22,960 --> 00:50:25,680 Speaker 1: it's that kind of thing. Go so far when you're 1044 00:50:25,680 --> 00:50:29,040 Speaker 1: dealing with dynamics like this where they take no accountability. 1045 00:50:29,080 --> 00:50:32,719 Speaker 1: But I'm sorry for the situation. Sucks. Well, let us 1046 00:50:32,719 --> 00:50:35,520 Speaker 1: know how it goes. Okay, keep us posting. We like 1047 00:50:35,560 --> 00:50:38,920 Speaker 1: these kinds of updates. Yes, for sure. Yeah, thank you 1048 00:50:38,960 --> 00:50:41,359 Speaker 1: for every time. I really appreciate Thanks Brook, good luck 1049 00:50:41,400 --> 00:50:46,000 Speaker 1: with everything. Thank you, bye bye. Brooke was so normal 1050 00:50:46,840 --> 00:50:49,440 Speaker 1: that you know her family is a fucking mess. You 1051 00:50:49,480 --> 00:50:52,440 Speaker 1: know she's going to be the level headed one. I'm 1052 00:50:52,480 --> 00:50:54,680 Speaker 1: so bad. I always just take sides, you know what 1053 00:50:54,680 --> 00:50:57,120 Speaker 1: I mean. I immediately take a person side, even if 1054 00:50:57,120 --> 00:51:01,239 Speaker 1: that's the only story side of the story I'm hearing. Yeah, 1055 00:51:01,480 --> 00:51:05,560 Speaker 1: I believe you, and they're the worst, and you just 1056 00:51:05,640 --> 00:51:07,960 Speaker 1: want your partner to like kind of turn their back 1057 00:51:07,960 --> 00:51:10,560 Speaker 1: on their family when they're being irrational too. But that 1058 00:51:10,680 --> 00:51:14,239 Speaker 1: family dynamic is so locked in, especially when it's one 1059 00:51:14,320 --> 00:51:19,160 Speaker 1: where they're just dealing with denial, no accountability, no apologizing, 1060 00:51:19,239 --> 00:51:23,600 Speaker 1: Like her wife is probably struggling with separating from that. 1061 00:51:23,640 --> 00:51:25,920 Speaker 1: But it just sounds like in the long run, this 1062 00:51:26,000 --> 00:51:28,000 Speaker 1: stuff is going to keep flaring up and there's going 1063 00:51:28,040 --> 00:51:30,040 Speaker 1: to have to be a moment of like, Okay, I 1064 00:51:30,040 --> 00:51:32,840 Speaker 1: can't be around you guys anymore unless you get honest. 1065 00:51:33,560 --> 00:51:41,560 Speaker 1: It's tough. Our next question comes from Live. She says, 1066 00:51:41,600 --> 00:51:44,600 Speaker 1: I need some tough love. I started secretly seeing my 1067 00:51:44,680 --> 00:51:47,759 Speaker 1: company's chief technology officer last summer, and I work in 1068 00:51:47,760 --> 00:51:51,120 Speaker 1: our HR department L O L. He currently lives in 1069 00:51:51,160 --> 00:51:53,080 Speaker 1: Florida and I live right outside of n y C. 1070 00:51:53,800 --> 00:51:56,040 Speaker 1: Our company is based in Manhattan, so he comes into 1071 00:51:56,080 --> 00:51:58,960 Speaker 1: the office frequently for work and meetings. I've also gone 1072 00:51:58,960 --> 00:52:01,399 Speaker 1: down to Florida to visit him. We go out to work, 1073 00:52:01,440 --> 00:52:04,200 Speaker 1: happy hours and functions together. We sneak off on dates 1074 00:52:04,280 --> 00:52:05,880 Speaker 1: just the two of us, and I stay at his 1075 00:52:05,920 --> 00:52:08,080 Speaker 1: hotel or he stays at my place when he visits. 1076 00:52:08,600 --> 00:52:10,440 Speaker 1: I know I'm in love with him, and we get 1077 00:52:10,440 --> 00:52:12,480 Speaker 1: along so great, and I've brought up taking things to 1078 00:52:12,480 --> 00:52:14,640 Speaker 1: the next level because I can see and would love 1079 00:52:15,120 --> 00:52:18,080 Speaker 1: a future and a real relationship with him. I also 1080 00:52:18,080 --> 00:52:20,560 Speaker 1: want to mention that I'm twenty five and he's forty two, 1081 00:52:20,640 --> 00:52:22,880 Speaker 1: and he's never been married and has never had children. 1082 00:52:23,440 --> 00:52:25,719 Speaker 1: The age difference isn't an issue for us. But I'm 1083 00:52:25,760 --> 00:52:27,879 Speaker 1: having a hard time figuring out what he wants out 1084 00:52:27,920 --> 00:52:30,600 Speaker 1: of this, and he's the master of giving me vague 1085 00:52:30,640 --> 00:52:33,560 Speaker 1: answers when I ask. He's told me he likes me 1086 00:52:33,600 --> 00:52:35,640 Speaker 1: a lot, and he's really an awesome guy. But am 1087 00:52:35,680 --> 00:52:38,560 Speaker 1: I being a pushover and just letting him dictate the relationship? 1088 00:52:38,920 --> 00:52:41,640 Speaker 1: Should I continue just casually seeing him whenever he's in 1089 00:52:41,680 --> 00:52:44,520 Speaker 1: town for work. Should I give him an ultimatum? I'm 1090 00:52:44,560 --> 00:52:46,720 Speaker 1: scared that if I push him too hard, he'll shut 1091 00:52:46,760 --> 00:52:48,960 Speaker 1: down and end what we have going on, which isn't 1092 00:52:49,000 --> 00:52:51,880 Speaker 1: what I want. Also, if we end up together, should 1093 00:52:51,880 --> 00:52:54,279 Speaker 1: we tell a company? Some days I wish I was 1094 00:52:54,320 --> 00:52:56,360 Speaker 1: strong enough to tell him to go kick rocks, and 1095 00:52:56,440 --> 00:52:58,000 Speaker 1: other days I want him to put a ring on 1096 00:52:58,040 --> 00:53:03,160 Speaker 1: my finger. What would you do in my situation? Live well, Nikki? 1097 00:53:03,280 --> 00:53:08,040 Speaker 1: Would you like to go first? I would love thank you? Okay, 1098 00:53:08,160 --> 00:53:10,600 Speaker 1: I know it's so scary because you're scared he's gonna 1099 00:53:10,640 --> 00:53:13,000 Speaker 1: be like, well, if you give me an ultimatum, I'm 1100 00:53:13,000 --> 00:53:15,239 Speaker 1: just gonna choose not being with you. No, he's not. 1101 00:53:15,360 --> 00:53:17,839 Speaker 1: This guy is having sex with a twenty five year 1102 00:53:17,840 --> 00:53:19,879 Speaker 1: old hot thing. He's probably so in love with you. 1103 00:53:20,080 --> 00:53:22,400 Speaker 1: This guy's never been married before, not really had relationships. 1104 00:53:22,440 --> 00:53:24,560 Speaker 1: He's scared a commitment. You're dealing with a guy who 1105 00:53:24,640 --> 00:53:27,839 Speaker 1: has never had a woman like challenge him. You need 1106 00:53:27,880 --> 00:53:29,880 Speaker 1: to say, this is what I want. It doesn't have 1107 00:53:29,880 --> 00:53:32,440 Speaker 1: to be a ring. I want a real relationship with you. 1108 00:53:32,640 --> 00:53:34,400 Speaker 1: And if I can't get that, I'm gonna go find 1109 00:53:34,440 --> 00:53:36,680 Speaker 1: one by And you just do it. And I know 1110 00:53:36,719 --> 00:53:39,239 Speaker 1: you're scared and you don't mean it, but and then 1111 00:53:39,280 --> 00:53:41,000 Speaker 1: you wait and you do not talk to him. You 1112 00:53:41,080 --> 00:53:43,120 Speaker 1: not reach out, you don't show up on his stories. 1113 00:53:43,239 --> 00:53:45,000 Speaker 1: You make sure that you give him nothing. And it's 1114 00:53:45,040 --> 00:53:47,239 Speaker 1: really good because you're long distance, so he's not gonna 1115 00:53:47,239 --> 00:53:49,440 Speaker 1: be able to like show up and see you at work. 1116 00:53:49,920 --> 00:53:53,960 Speaker 1: You need to completely cold turkey, take yourself away from 1117 00:53:54,040 --> 00:53:56,000 Speaker 1: him and see how it feels to him. He'll freak 1118 00:53:56,040 --> 00:53:59,560 Speaker 1: out and he will be back in no time. Read 1119 00:53:59,600 --> 00:54:01,560 Speaker 1: the book too. I do to help you with this, 1120 00:54:02,080 --> 00:54:04,200 Speaker 1: but it's true. Like you need to give it and 1121 00:54:04,239 --> 00:54:05,680 Speaker 1: give it eight weeks if he doesn't come back in 1122 00:54:05,719 --> 00:54:07,799 Speaker 1: eight weeks. And you know that's impossible to do as 1123 00:54:07,840 --> 00:54:10,680 Speaker 1: a year old who's in love with someone, but they 1124 00:54:10,719 --> 00:54:15,040 Speaker 1: always come back. But this guy needs an ultimatum that 1125 00:54:15,200 --> 00:54:17,879 Speaker 1: he needs it because he'll just Why would he ever 1126 00:54:18,360 --> 00:54:20,799 Speaker 1: decide to settle down with you and make his life 1127 00:54:20,800 --> 00:54:23,239 Speaker 1: more difficult when he's getting what he wants to fund you, 1128 00:54:23,239 --> 00:54:26,120 Speaker 1: when he he's available to talk to you on the phone, 1129 00:54:26,120 --> 00:54:29,080 Speaker 1: when you're available. Where is there any reason for him 1130 00:54:29,120 --> 00:54:31,719 Speaker 1: to lock this down anymore? You're not seeing anyone else, 1131 00:54:31,960 --> 00:54:34,840 Speaker 1: he's in your in love with him. You got to 1132 00:54:34,840 --> 00:54:37,560 Speaker 1: get these guys a reason to lock it down because 1133 00:54:37,600 --> 00:54:41,719 Speaker 1: they won't otherwise. M tough love. Yeah, I would say 1134 00:54:41,760 --> 00:54:44,040 Speaker 1: I would definitely say to be have a very direct 1135 00:54:44,120 --> 00:54:46,600 Speaker 1: conversation with him and don't let it linger. Like if 1136 00:54:46,640 --> 00:54:48,400 Speaker 1: he's like, hey, like, this is how I feel I 1137 00:54:48,440 --> 00:54:50,680 Speaker 1: want to be in a relationship, and it's totally fine 1138 00:54:50,719 --> 00:54:52,799 Speaker 1: if you don't. But if you don't, like I need 1139 00:54:52,840 --> 00:54:54,279 Speaker 1: you to be honest with me, because then I'm gonna 1140 00:54:54,280 --> 00:54:57,520 Speaker 1: go find somebody else and stick to that and stick 1141 00:54:57,560 --> 00:54:59,400 Speaker 1: to that plan as hard as it is. Your twenty 1142 00:54:59,440 --> 00:55:02,120 Speaker 1: five years old. I've been in love like six times 1143 00:55:02,120 --> 00:55:05,000 Speaker 1: since I was twenty five, So just I'm telling you 1144 00:55:05,280 --> 00:55:08,120 Speaker 1: this might seem like your world right now, but it's 1145 00:55:08,280 --> 00:55:10,360 Speaker 1: if it doesn't work out. It doesn't work out, and 1146 00:55:10,360 --> 00:55:11,880 Speaker 1: then you're gonna be on to the next person, and 1147 00:55:11,920 --> 00:55:14,360 Speaker 1: you're gonna be so grateful that you actually gave this 1148 00:55:14,400 --> 00:55:16,520 Speaker 1: guy an ultimatum to open up your life to meeting 1149 00:55:16,520 --> 00:55:20,239 Speaker 1: the next person and you didn't waste time waiting for him. 1150 00:55:20,360 --> 00:55:22,920 Speaker 1: So many girls waste so much time just giving guys 1151 00:55:23,200 --> 00:55:25,920 Speaker 1: because they think that if I wish someone would have 1152 00:55:25,960 --> 00:55:29,480 Speaker 1: told me this earlier, when you have a boundary that 1153 00:55:29,560 --> 00:55:31,799 Speaker 1: you're so scared to guy, I'll be like, well then 1154 00:55:31,840 --> 00:55:34,840 Speaker 1: I don't want you, I swear to god. They really 1155 00:55:34,880 --> 00:55:37,960 Speaker 1: don't ever respond that way. Guys like a girl who 1156 00:55:38,000 --> 00:55:40,799 Speaker 1: gives them boundaries. And when you're just available for him 1157 00:55:40,880 --> 00:55:42,880 Speaker 1: whenever you think that's the best way to keep him around, 1158 00:55:43,120 --> 00:55:45,360 Speaker 1: that's the best way to keep him around on his terms, 1159 00:55:45,719 --> 00:55:47,920 Speaker 1: which are not is not what you want. And I 1160 00:55:47,920 --> 00:55:49,759 Speaker 1: know you're probably thinking, I'd rather have what we have 1161 00:55:49,800 --> 00:55:52,880 Speaker 1: now than nothing. I don't think that's gonna be true. 1162 00:55:53,000 --> 00:55:54,640 Speaker 1: Further on down the road, you were going to lose 1163 00:55:54,680 --> 00:55:56,600 Speaker 1: so many years of your life waiting for this guy 1164 00:55:57,040 --> 00:55:58,839 Speaker 1: when you can have your answer now. But also your 1165 00:55:58,880 --> 00:56:01,080 Speaker 1: self respect, Like there's a lot of self respect and 1166 00:56:01,120 --> 00:56:02,799 Speaker 1: saying this is what I need and if I don't 1167 00:56:02,800 --> 00:56:04,399 Speaker 1: get it, I'm gonna move on, and not in an 1168 00:56:04,400 --> 00:56:07,239 Speaker 1: angry way. It doesn't have to be threatening. It just 1169 00:56:07,280 --> 00:56:08,920 Speaker 1: has to be like, hey, it's totally cool if you 1170 00:56:08,920 --> 00:56:10,480 Speaker 1: don't want to be in a relationship, but just let 1171 00:56:10,480 --> 00:56:12,440 Speaker 1: me know because I'm gonna move on and I'd rather 1172 00:56:12,520 --> 00:56:14,640 Speaker 1: not speak for a while until I figure out something, 1173 00:56:14,880 --> 00:56:16,439 Speaker 1: and I'll let you know, like if we can open 1174 00:56:16,480 --> 00:56:20,120 Speaker 1: up communication again, make sure that you are firm and 1175 00:56:20,160 --> 00:56:22,239 Speaker 1: that you're able to stick to your plan and don't 1176 00:56:22,280 --> 00:56:24,920 Speaker 1: call him wasted, you know, take his number out of 1177 00:56:24,960 --> 00:56:27,160 Speaker 1: your phone if you need to. But yeah, it's gonna 1178 00:56:27,160 --> 00:56:29,319 Speaker 1: give you a lot of strength and self confidence and 1179 00:56:29,320 --> 00:56:31,520 Speaker 1: then you respect yourself and then the next person who 1180 00:56:31,560 --> 00:56:33,200 Speaker 1: comes along is going to respect you just as much 1181 00:56:33,200 --> 00:56:37,440 Speaker 1: as you respect yourself. God, the problem is is so 1182 00:56:37,520 --> 00:56:40,600 Speaker 1: hard to do this. I'm like thinking from my five 1183 00:56:40,640 --> 00:56:43,399 Speaker 1: year old perspective of being like yeah, yeah, yeah, it's 1184 00:56:43,520 --> 00:56:46,319 Speaker 1: not nice to hear that from you older ladies. But 1185 00:56:46,719 --> 00:56:49,440 Speaker 1: I'm not doing like you just don't. You can't. It's 1186 00:56:49,480 --> 00:56:51,760 Speaker 1: so hard to do this ship. But I swear to God, 1187 00:56:51,880 --> 00:56:53,719 Speaker 1: I wish I could shake my twenty five year old 1188 00:56:53,719 --> 00:56:55,839 Speaker 1: self and listen to this kind of advice, because it's 1189 00:56:55,840 --> 00:56:58,520 Speaker 1: the only thing that works. I did it. I froze 1190 00:56:58,520 --> 00:57:01,160 Speaker 1: out a guy once I forget what the circumstances were. 1191 00:57:01,400 --> 00:57:03,000 Speaker 1: I said, I don't want to be with you unless 1192 00:57:03,000 --> 00:57:04,680 Speaker 1: you want to be in a committed relationship, and he 1193 00:57:04,760 --> 00:57:06,799 Speaker 1: came right back like it took two weeks, and I 1194 00:57:06,880 --> 00:57:09,719 Speaker 1: was steadfast. I did not speak to him. He called me, 1195 00:57:09,760 --> 00:57:12,440 Speaker 1: I didn't return his calls, and then eventually he's like, 1196 00:57:12,480 --> 00:57:13,799 Speaker 1: I want to be in a relationship, and guess what. 1197 00:57:13,840 --> 00:57:15,479 Speaker 1: I broke up with him like three months later, because 1198 00:57:15,480 --> 00:57:18,520 Speaker 1: I've done this. I did this when I was in 1199 00:57:18,560 --> 00:57:20,920 Speaker 1: my twenties too, and I was strong enough to do 1200 00:57:20,920 --> 00:57:22,800 Speaker 1: it because I was dating guys that are girlfriends and 1201 00:57:22,800 --> 00:57:25,160 Speaker 1: then eventually they'd be like, I'm gonna break up with her, 1202 00:57:25,160 --> 00:57:27,080 Speaker 1: and they never would and I would just hang on, 1203 00:57:27,160 --> 00:57:29,040 Speaker 1: and so I would go, I'm never speaking you again 1204 00:57:29,120 --> 00:57:31,640 Speaker 1: until you you you leave her, call me when you 1205 00:57:31,640 --> 00:57:34,919 Speaker 1: guys are broken up, not And both times I've done 1206 00:57:34,920 --> 00:57:36,960 Speaker 1: this in my life. They chose that girl over me, 1207 00:57:37,000 --> 00:57:41,600 Speaker 1: and thank fucking god they did. Thank god, Oh my god, 1208 00:57:41,920 --> 00:57:44,320 Speaker 1: I'm so glad I'm not with those fools. It's so 1209 00:57:44,440 --> 00:57:47,880 Speaker 1: it was the best gift ever. So sometimes it doesn't work. 1210 00:57:48,400 --> 00:57:51,040 Speaker 1: It works the way it's supposed to every single time. Yeah, 1211 00:57:51,080 --> 00:57:53,160 Speaker 1: And I also don't understand why people cheat on girlfriends. 1212 00:57:53,200 --> 00:57:55,040 Speaker 1: It's like, just fucking break up with your girlfriend, Like, 1213 00:57:55,080 --> 00:57:58,840 Speaker 1: why are you an affair on a girlfriend? It's so dumb, 1214 00:57:59,440 --> 00:58:02,400 Speaker 1: and they may read those girls. It's so crazy. I 1215 00:58:02,480 --> 00:58:04,760 Speaker 1: just go, how could you marry You don't cheat on 1216 00:58:04,800 --> 00:58:08,160 Speaker 1: a girlfriend and then marry her? You how could They're 1217 00:58:08,200 --> 00:58:11,280 Speaker 1: just it's just the worst. But thank god, thank god 1218 00:58:11,320 --> 00:58:13,960 Speaker 1: they didn't choose me. Yeah, all right, we'll keep us updated. 1219 00:58:14,000 --> 00:58:15,400 Speaker 1: Let us know what happens if you give him an 1220 00:58:15,440 --> 00:58:21,520 Speaker 1: ultimatum and what happens. And our last question comes from Christie. 1221 00:58:21,640 --> 00:58:24,640 Speaker 1: Christie says, Dear Chelsea, my boyfriend and I have lived 1222 00:58:24,640 --> 00:58:26,680 Speaker 1: in our rented house for the past four years, and 1223 00:58:26,720 --> 00:58:28,880 Speaker 1: I just found out that our landlord will be selling 1224 00:58:28,880 --> 00:58:31,800 Speaker 1: the house within the month. He's selling now to take 1225 00:58:31,800 --> 00:58:34,400 Speaker 1: advantage of the real estate market at present, and while 1226 00:58:34,400 --> 00:58:38,040 Speaker 1: I understand. I am heartbroken. We've truly made this our 1227 00:58:38,080 --> 00:58:40,920 Speaker 1: home for the last four years, with so many amazing memories, 1228 00:58:41,040 --> 00:58:43,440 Speaker 1: growing as a couple and loving and thriving in our 1229 00:58:43,480 --> 00:58:47,360 Speaker 1: small town community. Unfortunately, we're not in a financial position 1230 00:58:47,400 --> 00:58:49,000 Speaker 1: to buy right now, which has put us in a 1231 00:58:49,000 --> 00:58:51,960 Speaker 1: difficult spot. We have an opportunity to move in with 1232 00:58:52,000 --> 00:58:54,080 Speaker 1: a close friend and save for all the things we 1233 00:58:54,120 --> 00:58:56,960 Speaker 1: want but haven't been able to save for previously paying 1234 00:58:56,960 --> 00:58:59,800 Speaker 1: off debt, getting married, maybe even a down payment on 1235 00:58:59,800 --> 00:59:03,400 Speaker 1: our own house. This whole situation has brought up longstanding 1236 00:59:03,440 --> 00:59:07,600 Speaker 1: issues I have with comparison, unworthiness, and self esteem. I 1237 00:59:07,600 --> 00:59:10,080 Speaker 1: feel like a failure when I compare myself to where 1238 00:59:10,080 --> 00:59:12,160 Speaker 1: my friends or others are at in life, and I'm 1239 00:59:12,200 --> 00:59:15,360 Speaker 1: beating myself up for being in this position. I also 1240 00:59:15,560 --> 00:59:17,960 Speaker 1: love our home and our life here, and I'm terrified 1241 00:59:17,960 --> 00:59:21,120 Speaker 1: at the prospect of moving even to this new temporary solution. 1242 00:59:21,400 --> 00:59:24,840 Speaker 1: How can I wholeheartedly embrace this new unexpected chapter in 1243 00:59:24,880 --> 00:59:31,520 Speaker 1: my life and drop the comparison to myself and others? Christie, Hi, Christie, Hi, Hi. 1244 00:59:31,680 --> 00:59:34,320 Speaker 1: This is this is Nikki, our special guest for the day, 1245 00:59:34,400 --> 00:59:41,040 Speaker 1: and Catherine, you too. Okay, So you're going through a 1246 00:59:41,040 --> 00:59:43,400 Speaker 1: little bit of a difficult time in your frame of 1247 00:59:43,440 --> 00:59:46,840 Speaker 1: mind right now. Yeah, you don't know what's coming. You 1248 00:59:46,920 --> 00:59:48,880 Speaker 1: have to move out of your place, that's a fact. 1249 00:59:49,080 --> 00:59:52,320 Speaker 1: So while you had all those great experiences and all 1250 00:59:52,320 --> 00:59:54,880 Speaker 1: that wonderful time, like, that's a big gift you got 1251 00:59:54,920 --> 00:59:57,120 Speaker 1: from living there, So you take that with you to 1252 00:59:57,240 --> 00:59:59,880 Speaker 1: this next thing instead of being like, but I'm going 1253 01:00:00,040 --> 01:00:01,840 Speaker 1: miss it, I'm gonna miss it. It It doesn't matter. It's 1254 01:00:01,880 --> 01:00:04,640 Speaker 1: time to move on. So the sooner you accept reality 1255 01:00:04,680 --> 01:00:08,280 Speaker 1: and stop resisting reality, Hey, you're gonna be happier. You're 1256 01:00:08,320 --> 01:00:10,840 Speaker 1: just gonna understand like, Okay, this is moving forward. That 1257 01:00:10,960 --> 01:00:12,360 Speaker 1: was the past and you want to be in the 1258 01:00:12,360 --> 01:00:15,840 Speaker 1: present moment and be optimistic about the future. The comparing 1259 01:00:15,920 --> 01:00:18,480 Speaker 1: and the contrasting, like we were just talking about that, 1260 01:00:18,520 --> 01:00:23,200 Speaker 1: you know, we're talking. That's what we're doing. Yeah, And 1261 01:00:23,320 --> 01:00:25,200 Speaker 1: if your friends that bring out the j LO and 1262 01:00:25,240 --> 01:00:29,240 Speaker 1: them that bring out and just get them out of 1263 01:00:29,280 --> 01:00:32,680 Speaker 1: your feed. But listen, that's not what it's about. Your 1264 01:00:32,720 --> 01:00:36,640 Speaker 1: life is about your experience, your journey, for lack of 1265 01:00:36,640 --> 01:00:39,720 Speaker 1: a better term, your trajectory. What's going to happen in 1266 01:00:39,760 --> 01:00:42,640 Speaker 1: your life? And the more comfortable you are with the 1267 01:00:42,640 --> 01:00:46,520 Speaker 1: circumstances that you didn't actually ask for or expect. The 1268 01:00:46,600 --> 01:00:49,720 Speaker 1: more you embrace them, the happier you are going to become. 1269 01:00:49,920 --> 01:00:52,280 Speaker 1: Like your brain does a thing where it moves forward 1270 01:00:52,400 --> 01:00:54,200 Speaker 1: or gets stuck in the past, and when you're stuck 1271 01:00:54,240 --> 01:00:57,000 Speaker 1: in the past, it becomes a depressant, and when you're 1272 01:00:57,080 --> 01:00:59,880 Speaker 1: only thinking about all the good things you had instead 1273 01:00:59,880 --> 01:01:01,760 Speaker 1: of like, that was great, I'm going to take all 1274 01:01:01,800 --> 01:01:04,040 Speaker 1: those experiences with me to this next place. You have 1275 01:01:04,040 --> 01:01:06,920 Speaker 1: a huge opportunity to get everything you got out of 1276 01:01:06,960 --> 01:01:09,320 Speaker 1: that last place, but own this place because of this 1277 01:01:09,360 --> 01:01:14,880 Speaker 1: opportunity that's coming up right. Totally. Yeah, I think since 1278 01:01:14,920 --> 01:01:17,080 Speaker 1: like the past two weeks when this news broke to 1279 01:01:17,200 --> 01:01:20,000 Speaker 1: us and everything, like, I definitely went through the motions 1280 01:01:20,040 --> 01:01:23,320 Speaker 1: of grief a lot, like grieving our place, grieving our 1281 01:01:23,360 --> 01:01:26,960 Speaker 1: time here, kind of feeling angry at the situation. But 1282 01:01:27,120 --> 01:01:30,080 Speaker 1: now I'm like, Okay, this is our reality, and what 1283 01:01:30,160 --> 01:01:33,440 Speaker 1: I'm grappling with now is just like not comparing myself 1284 01:01:33,520 --> 01:01:36,960 Speaker 1: to where other people are at and just kind of 1285 01:01:37,000 --> 01:01:40,560 Speaker 1: like accepting where I'm at because I do play the 1286 01:01:40,680 --> 01:01:44,160 Speaker 1: comparison game big time, and I'm trying to step away 1287 01:01:44,160 --> 01:01:46,920 Speaker 1: from that and just like like you said, embraced, like 1288 01:01:47,080 --> 01:01:50,240 Speaker 1: this is what I'm doing now, this is a great opportunity, 1289 01:01:50,320 --> 01:01:54,640 Speaker 1: but it's it's so hard for me to not play 1290 01:01:54,680 --> 01:01:59,200 Speaker 1: that comparison game. Basically, how old are you, Christie? I'm thirty, 1291 01:01:59,320 --> 01:02:01,560 Speaker 1: So I mean there are plenty of people in their 1292 01:02:01,760 --> 01:02:05,200 Speaker 1: late twenties, thirties, even forties who, especially because of the 1293 01:02:05,280 --> 01:02:07,240 Speaker 1: last two years that we've all been through, are like 1294 01:02:07,440 --> 01:02:10,400 Speaker 1: living at home with their parents, which is totally fine, 1295 01:02:10,480 --> 01:02:13,600 Speaker 1: but like, I think this comparison a lot of it 1296 01:02:13,680 --> 01:02:15,960 Speaker 1: is like a lie on social media that like everybody 1297 01:02:16,040 --> 01:02:18,320 Speaker 1: is buying a house, everybody's having kids, everybody is getting 1298 01:02:18,320 --> 01:02:20,600 Speaker 1: married and having a great time. Like we post our 1299 01:02:20,640 --> 01:02:24,120 Speaker 1: high it's our highlight reels, you know, so you might 1300 01:02:24,160 --> 01:02:26,000 Speaker 1: find that you have an even better time now that 1301 01:02:26,040 --> 01:02:27,800 Speaker 1: you're moving in with this friend, that you and your 1302 01:02:28,120 --> 01:02:30,720 Speaker 1: boyfriend both a doore and you're having a great time. 1303 01:02:30,800 --> 01:02:33,240 Speaker 1: So make a highlight reel to yeah, make a highlight reel. 1304 01:02:33,280 --> 01:02:36,120 Speaker 1: And also like exercise like not going online and looking 1305 01:02:36,120 --> 01:02:39,200 Speaker 1: at that ship. Just just it's give yourself a period 1306 01:02:39,240 --> 01:02:41,400 Speaker 1: of time, like you're not going to believe how much 1307 01:02:41,400 --> 01:02:44,680 Speaker 1: happier you are if you're not scrolling through Instagram. Chelsea. 1308 01:02:44,880 --> 01:02:47,560 Speaker 1: You're so right, but it's so hard to do that. 1309 01:02:47,680 --> 01:02:49,640 Speaker 1: I think when people say like, oh, just take take 1310 01:02:49,680 --> 01:02:52,200 Speaker 1: a break from that stuff, my thought when I hear 1311 01:02:52,240 --> 01:02:54,400 Speaker 1: that is well, I'm still gonna know it's there, I'm 1312 01:02:54,440 --> 01:02:56,440 Speaker 1: still gonna think about it, and it's still gonna be there. 1313 01:02:56,480 --> 01:02:59,560 Speaker 1: Doesn't change. But I swear to God, when I started 1314 01:02:59,640 --> 01:03:01,640 Speaker 1: muting people, I would get triggered by a girl's skin. 1315 01:03:01,720 --> 01:03:03,760 Speaker 1: I would get triggered by a girl announcing she got 1316 01:03:03,760 --> 01:03:06,120 Speaker 1: a special on some kind of thing or whatever. I 1317 01:03:06,160 --> 01:03:08,920 Speaker 1: started muting literally everything that would trigger me on just 1318 01:03:09,040 --> 01:03:11,960 Speaker 1: and just accepting that I'm getting triggered by this dumb thing. 1319 01:03:12,720 --> 01:03:15,360 Speaker 1: And when it's not there, when you're not seeing it 1320 01:03:15,400 --> 01:03:18,360 Speaker 1: on your feet, it doesn't exist. It really doesn't. You 1321 01:03:18,480 --> 01:03:21,120 Speaker 1: think it's going to permeate your your mind even when 1322 01:03:21,120 --> 01:03:22,800 Speaker 1: it's not there. I swear to God. There used to 1323 01:03:22,840 --> 01:03:24,280 Speaker 1: be a girl that me and my friend used to 1324 01:03:24,320 --> 01:03:27,000 Speaker 1: send each other stuff of hers, and like, how can 1325 01:03:27,000 --> 01:03:28,920 Speaker 1: her skin look so good? How does her life look 1326 01:03:28,920 --> 01:03:30,960 Speaker 1: so perfect? We used to torture each other about how 1327 01:03:30,960 --> 01:03:33,400 Speaker 1: perfect she was, And one day I muted her, and 1328 01:03:33,440 --> 01:03:35,400 Speaker 1: I swear to God I for I don't even know 1329 01:03:35,480 --> 01:03:37,640 Speaker 1: she exists, and I used to be obsessed with her, 1330 01:03:38,080 --> 01:03:40,880 Speaker 1: and it really muting does work. It's this thing that 1331 01:03:40,920 --> 01:03:43,360 Speaker 1: you go, no, that can't work for me. I'll still 1332 01:03:43,360 --> 01:03:46,520 Speaker 1: remember it. It takes time, but it works. And honestly, 1333 01:03:47,000 --> 01:03:49,480 Speaker 1: I'm listening to your story about having a good boyfriend, 1334 01:03:49,520 --> 01:03:51,600 Speaker 1: like a boyfriend you love, being in a place for 1335 01:03:51,640 --> 01:03:54,280 Speaker 1: four years that you made look so cute and that 1336 01:03:54,360 --> 01:03:56,720 Speaker 1: you love so much, and I'm getting jealous of you. 1337 01:03:57,240 --> 01:03:59,640 Speaker 1: But I'm finding things about you. Then. I see your 1338 01:03:59,680 --> 01:04:04,200 Speaker 1: fucking luscious locks and your your the ability for you 1339 01:04:04,240 --> 01:04:06,560 Speaker 1: to even call into a podcast and have the courage 1340 01:04:06,600 --> 01:04:09,640 Speaker 1: to share a vulnerable story and then get on and 1341 01:04:09,720 --> 01:04:13,360 Speaker 1: talk to some celebrity. Like all of this stuff is 1342 01:04:13,360 --> 01:04:16,280 Speaker 1: stuff that your friends that you're comparing yourself to could 1343 01:04:16,320 --> 01:04:19,160 Speaker 1: not do any of that. Honestly, Like, there are things 1344 01:04:19,200 --> 01:04:22,040 Speaker 1: about you that I'm getting jealous of right now. So 1345 01:04:23,000 --> 01:04:25,640 Speaker 1: that is to say, like, be grateful for the things 1346 01:04:25,920 --> 01:04:29,280 Speaker 1: that you do have, and truly, I promise you. I 1347 01:04:29,320 --> 01:04:31,920 Speaker 1: know it just sounds like just bullshit when people are 1348 01:04:31,920 --> 01:04:34,320 Speaker 1: like that's just like their highlight reel. That's not really 1349 01:04:34,360 --> 01:04:37,400 Speaker 1: their lives. It really is go through your own Instagram 1350 01:04:37,440 --> 01:04:39,920 Speaker 1: feed and look at how much how much you are 1351 01:04:40,000 --> 01:04:42,360 Speaker 1: lying on it, and you'll understand that because I try 1352 01:04:42,400 --> 01:04:44,840 Speaker 1: to put things out there like so honestly, I've gone 1353 01:04:44,840 --> 01:04:47,360 Speaker 1: through my feed before and been like jealous of myself 1354 01:04:47,960 --> 01:04:50,280 Speaker 1: when I really go back and I go, wait, your 1355 01:04:50,320 --> 01:04:52,280 Speaker 1: hair didn't look like that was just like you put 1356 01:04:52,320 --> 01:04:54,360 Speaker 1: it all to the front. My skin looks so good 1357 01:04:54,360 --> 01:04:57,080 Speaker 1: than that. You put a filter, like we're lying. So 1358 01:04:57,200 --> 01:05:00,360 Speaker 1: look at really mute. Muting people is a eat and 1359 01:05:00,400 --> 01:05:02,320 Speaker 1: just try it and see if it works, and I 1360 01:05:02,320 --> 01:05:05,200 Speaker 1: bet it will. You're so right. Like even just the 1361 01:05:05,200 --> 01:05:07,360 Speaker 1: other day, I was talking about my boyfriend. I was like, 1362 01:05:08,000 --> 01:05:10,960 Speaker 1: maybe I'll just deact me my Instagram for a little 1363 01:05:10,960 --> 01:05:13,160 Speaker 1: while and just chill and do this move and kind 1364 01:05:13,200 --> 01:05:15,680 Speaker 1: of like get into the group of things and like 1365 01:05:15,800 --> 01:05:18,919 Speaker 1: enjoy it. He was like, why not, like just live 1366 01:05:19,000 --> 01:05:22,080 Speaker 1: your life, like do this next chapter. It's going to 1367 01:05:22,160 --> 01:05:25,040 Speaker 1: be good. He's always like just five, like just relax 1368 01:05:25,120 --> 01:05:30,240 Speaker 1: and guy, you're so lucky to have this guy. I'm 1369 01:05:30,320 --> 01:05:33,080 Speaker 1: jealous honestly, And if you don't have to be on 1370 01:05:33,120 --> 01:05:35,360 Speaker 1: Instagram for your work, get the funk off it for 1371 01:05:35,480 --> 01:05:37,640 Speaker 1: just a break. That is awesome. That you even have 1372 01:05:37,680 --> 01:05:41,640 Speaker 1: that ability to do that. Try it. That's so fun. Yeah, 1373 01:05:41,720 --> 01:05:44,440 Speaker 1: I honestly, I know. I think you should, and we're 1374 01:05:44,440 --> 01:05:46,760 Speaker 1: going to order you too. It's a mandate. You're gonna 1375 01:05:46,800 --> 01:05:49,720 Speaker 1: have to do it because seriously, like the immediacy of 1376 01:05:49,760 --> 01:05:52,440 Speaker 1: it starts to fade. The first twenty four hours might 1377 01:05:52,520 --> 01:05:54,320 Speaker 1: be like, oh, you'll reach for your phone and then go, 1378 01:05:54,360 --> 01:05:56,520 Speaker 1: oh wait, I'm not doing that, and then it might 1379 01:05:56,560 --> 01:05:58,960 Speaker 1: happen five or six more times, and then after twenty 1380 01:05:59,000 --> 01:06:01,560 Speaker 1: four hours you get into the groove of not checking, 1381 01:06:01,840 --> 01:06:04,560 Speaker 1: and then you're going to realize how much there's a 1382 01:06:04,640 --> 01:06:07,920 Speaker 1: lift that happens where you're not consumed. It's almost like 1383 01:06:07,920 --> 01:06:10,800 Speaker 1: that people cease to exist just to activate your social 1384 01:06:10,840 --> 01:06:12,640 Speaker 1: media or just don't go on, like take it off 1385 01:06:12,640 --> 01:06:14,840 Speaker 1: your things so you can't activate it on your phone 1386 01:06:14,880 --> 01:06:18,480 Speaker 1: or check just for like, try for five days, really 1387 01:06:18,520 --> 01:06:21,440 Speaker 1: monitor how you feel, and after five days like I 1388 01:06:21,480 --> 01:06:24,000 Speaker 1: like this, I'm gonna go another two weeks. And also, 1389 01:06:24,040 --> 01:06:26,400 Speaker 1: when you get up in the morning, name five things, 1390 01:06:26,480 --> 01:06:28,440 Speaker 1: make a list of five things that you're grateful for, 1391 01:06:28,760 --> 01:06:30,960 Speaker 1: and just say it every single morning. I'm grateful for 1392 01:06:31,000 --> 01:06:33,160 Speaker 1: this opportunity for us to save rent. You know, so 1393 01:06:33,200 --> 01:06:36,200 Speaker 1: we could save up for possibly getting married our own place. 1394 01:06:36,440 --> 01:06:39,560 Speaker 1: Blah blah blah. You know, I'm grateful for my boyfriend. 1395 01:06:39,600 --> 01:06:42,360 Speaker 1: I'm grateful for my hair that Nikki Glazer is jealous of. 1396 01:06:42,800 --> 01:06:46,600 Speaker 1: I am grateful for whatever. Bagels. I'm grateful for fucking bagels. 1397 01:06:46,640 --> 01:06:48,680 Speaker 1: Every morning I'm like, oh my god, I fucking love 1398 01:06:48,840 --> 01:06:52,520 Speaker 1: fucking bagels. But but you know, you are a happy person. 1399 01:06:52,600 --> 01:06:54,200 Speaker 1: We can see that just by talking to you in 1400 01:06:54,200 --> 01:06:57,320 Speaker 1: this short exchange. You're happy. Make the best out of yourself. 1401 01:06:57,480 --> 01:06:59,560 Speaker 1: Don't let anything drag you down to make the worst 1402 01:06:59,560 --> 01:07:02,880 Speaker 1: of you. Make the best of you, and do that experiment. 1403 01:07:02,920 --> 01:07:05,200 Speaker 1: I guarantee you're gonna have major changes and I can't 1404 01:07:05,240 --> 01:07:06,440 Speaker 1: wait to hear about them when you call in for 1405 01:07:06,440 --> 01:07:08,960 Speaker 1: an update or right in for an update. Yes, and 1406 01:07:09,080 --> 01:07:12,480 Speaker 1: change is good. I will write in for an update. 1407 01:07:12,720 --> 01:07:14,920 Speaker 1: I appreciate this so much, and I think it's really 1408 01:07:15,560 --> 01:07:17,560 Speaker 1: it's very true. It's just, you know, I need to 1409 01:07:17,680 --> 01:07:20,840 Speaker 1: drop the comparison game, and that's kind of the end 1410 01:07:20,840 --> 01:07:23,160 Speaker 1: goal for me. Also, Chelsea, I just want to say 1411 01:07:23,240 --> 01:07:25,440 Speaker 1: I saw you in Toronto recently and I forgot my 1412 01:07:25,480 --> 01:07:27,200 Speaker 1: glasses and you were kind of just like a blur 1413 01:07:27,360 --> 01:07:32,920 Speaker 1: on stage. So this is really nice. Everything I look 1414 01:07:32,960 --> 01:07:34,840 Speaker 1: at it is also blurry, So don't worry about that. 1415 01:07:37,320 --> 01:07:40,760 Speaker 1: Thanks for calling in. Thank you so much, appreciate it. Okay, 1416 01:07:40,800 --> 01:07:44,640 Speaker 1: good luck, bye bye. She'll be fine. Yeah, she's gonna 1417 01:07:44,720 --> 01:07:46,400 Speaker 1: she she did say when I talked to her, She's like, 1418 01:07:46,440 --> 01:07:49,040 Speaker 1: I am sort of just looking for that, like tough love, 1419 01:07:49,080 --> 01:07:51,960 Speaker 1: a little you can do it, get to the next step. 1420 01:07:52,240 --> 01:07:54,200 Speaker 1: And you know, change doesn't have to be a bad thing. 1421 01:07:54,240 --> 01:07:55,760 Speaker 1: It can be a good thing. It's always a good thing. 1422 01:07:55,760 --> 01:07:57,760 Speaker 1: I think change is always a good thing. A piece 1423 01:07:57,760 --> 01:08:00,200 Speaker 1: of advice my mom gave me when we moved, like 1424 01:08:00,200 --> 01:08:04,080 Speaker 1: a beloved apartment, was before you pack everything up, take 1425 01:08:04,120 --> 01:08:06,800 Speaker 1: pictures of your space, like just your space, because you 1426 01:08:06,800 --> 01:08:08,480 Speaker 1: have a lot of pictures of yourself in this space, 1427 01:08:08,520 --> 01:08:10,520 Speaker 1: but not of the space. And it's one of the 1428 01:08:10,520 --> 01:08:14,040 Speaker 1: best things we did. You know. My friend that's so interested. 1429 01:08:14,080 --> 01:08:16,000 Speaker 1: My friend just moved from her parents, moved out her 1430 01:08:16,040 --> 01:08:19,000 Speaker 1: childhood and she went around and just filmed like the 1431 01:08:19,040 --> 01:08:21,320 Speaker 1: sounds of the door handles, the sounds of the creaking, 1432 01:08:21,520 --> 01:08:23,120 Speaker 1: like would And I was like, I wish I would 1433 01:08:23,120 --> 01:08:26,519 Speaker 1: have done that so bad, every door handle, every door shutting, 1434 01:08:26,520 --> 01:08:29,360 Speaker 1: and opening every window unlocking, and I was like, those 1435 01:08:29,400 --> 01:08:32,080 Speaker 1: sounds are such a great thing to capture. So I 1436 01:08:32,360 --> 01:08:34,479 Speaker 1: hope she hears this and does that for this space 1437 01:08:34,479 --> 01:08:35,920 Speaker 1: because I know it meant a lot to her. But 1438 01:08:36,200 --> 01:08:39,880 Speaker 1: and then the thing about change, I like the quote 1439 01:08:40,040 --> 01:08:42,080 Speaker 1: for some reason. There's just some quotes that like per 1440 01:08:42,120 --> 01:08:45,120 Speaker 1: me and like really get in of. It's gonna be 1441 01:08:45,120 --> 01:08:47,599 Speaker 1: okay because it always has been okay. You look at 1442 01:08:47,640 --> 01:08:50,759 Speaker 1: other points in your life where you've been like God, 1443 01:08:51,760 --> 01:08:54,960 Speaker 1: and you go, well, I'm here now being it was okay. 1444 01:08:55,000 --> 01:08:58,280 Speaker 1: It's always gonna be okay because it always has been. 1445 01:08:58,280 --> 01:09:01,120 Speaker 1: And that that's a nice reminder. Well, we'll take a 1446 01:09:01,160 --> 01:09:03,439 Speaker 1: quick break and be back to a wrap up with 1447 01:09:03,560 --> 01:09:06,479 Speaker 1: Nookie and Chelsea. I think you just called her Nookie. 1448 01:09:06,800 --> 01:09:09,280 Speaker 1: I like that. I like it. I did it all 1449 01:09:09,280 --> 01:09:18,040 Speaker 1: for it, and we're back fabulous now, Nikki, is there 1450 01:09:18,160 --> 01:09:22,400 Speaker 1: some advice you wanted to get from Chelsea? Yes? I 1451 01:09:22,439 --> 01:09:27,559 Speaker 1: would like to honestly hear. How the fuck do I 1452 01:09:27,760 --> 01:09:31,040 Speaker 1: write a book? Oh? You just gotta start writing one, girl. 1453 01:09:31,080 --> 01:09:33,439 Speaker 1: You just gotta open your computer and start. That is 1454 01:09:33,479 --> 01:09:36,840 Speaker 1: the biggest hurdle is just started and right and just 1455 01:09:36,880 --> 01:09:39,200 Speaker 1: give yourself an hour day, thirty minutes. Whatever you can 1456 01:09:39,240 --> 01:09:41,599 Speaker 1: handle initially, and then you get into it. You start 1457 01:09:41,640 --> 01:09:43,559 Speaker 1: to get into it. Because I just did this the 1458 01:09:43,600 --> 01:09:46,360 Speaker 1: other day, because I was like, my book agents were like, oh, 1459 01:09:46,439 --> 01:09:48,400 Speaker 1: we need a book proposal. I'm like a book proposal. 1460 01:09:48,439 --> 01:09:51,200 Speaker 1: I fucking wade six New York Times number one sellers. 1461 01:09:51,240 --> 01:09:54,120 Speaker 1: I'm like, just, yeah, well, I'm not doing that. But anyway, 1462 01:09:54,160 --> 01:09:55,880 Speaker 1: I'm like, I'll write the book and I'll sell it. 1463 01:09:55,960 --> 01:09:58,160 Speaker 1: So you just have to start writing. I just opened 1464 01:09:58,160 --> 01:10:01,560 Speaker 1: my computer and I just literally wrote titled The Filipino 1465 01:10:01,680 --> 01:10:04,200 Speaker 1: in Me a love Story Chelsea Handler. And I started 1466 01:10:04,200 --> 01:10:07,800 Speaker 1: writing and I wrote two paragraphs and they're not going 1467 01:10:07,840 --> 01:10:09,599 Speaker 1: to ever end up like those are the first two 1468 01:10:09,600 --> 01:10:13,000 Speaker 1: paragraphs of my book. But once you just start, it flows, 1469 01:10:13,120 --> 01:10:15,400 Speaker 1: it comes. It comes, But you have to give yourself 1470 01:10:15,760 --> 01:10:18,400 Speaker 1: the avenue. You just have to open that document and 1471 01:10:18,439 --> 01:10:21,639 Speaker 1: say and write a title and start and it will 1472 01:10:21,640 --> 01:10:24,559 Speaker 1: come to you. You're a prolific performer, a comedian, a writer, 1473 01:10:24,760 --> 01:10:27,719 Speaker 1: like your creator. The first hurdle is the biggest hurdle, 1474 01:10:27,800 --> 01:10:30,599 Speaker 1: and then it all kind of works. It's it's just starting, yeah, 1475 01:10:30,640 --> 01:10:32,479 Speaker 1: and it's you know what's so great about it? Nikki 1476 01:10:32,640 --> 01:10:36,400 Speaker 1: You're gonna appreciate the cleverness and craftiness of that artistic 1477 01:10:36,479 --> 01:10:38,880 Speaker 1: endeavor because it differs from stand up yet it feeds. 1478 01:10:39,520 --> 01:10:41,599 Speaker 1: They both feed each other. You know, my books always 1479 01:10:41,600 --> 01:10:43,439 Speaker 1: turned into a stand up special and then turn into 1480 01:10:43,479 --> 01:10:45,519 Speaker 1: like a TV show that I want to develop, or 1481 01:10:45,680 --> 01:10:49,000 Speaker 1: and and the and a stand up tour. So like, yeah, 1482 01:10:49,240 --> 01:10:51,040 Speaker 1: just you know that it all works in that kind 1483 01:10:51,040 --> 01:10:53,320 Speaker 1: of creative circle and it all goes together, and then 1484 01:10:53,320 --> 01:10:55,280 Speaker 1: you're gonna just you're gonna get into it. I know 1485 01:10:55,320 --> 01:10:57,280 Speaker 1: you will. What about from your first book to your 1486 01:10:57,400 --> 01:11:00,000 Speaker 1: book you're writing now, what would you have told yourself 1487 01:11:00,040 --> 01:11:01,800 Speaker 1: when you started that first book that you maybe didn't 1488 01:11:01,840 --> 01:11:04,560 Speaker 1: know that you've learned from writing so many just the 1489 01:11:04,640 --> 01:11:07,320 Speaker 1: more authentic you are, you know, like there's so many 1490 01:11:07,320 --> 01:11:09,559 Speaker 1: people that are going to relate to your stories. I mean, 1491 01:11:09,600 --> 01:11:11,720 Speaker 1: my first book was about one night stands I just did. 1492 01:11:11,800 --> 01:11:13,320 Speaker 1: It was called My Hearts on a Life of Collection. 1493 01:11:13,360 --> 01:11:15,439 Speaker 1: When night stand and my last book, it was a 1494 01:11:15,800 --> 01:11:18,080 Speaker 1: life would be the death of a complete evolution from 1495 01:11:18,080 --> 01:11:20,200 Speaker 1: my twenty year old self to my forty year old self. 1496 01:11:20,240 --> 01:11:24,400 Speaker 1: And like self awareness, self discovery, self exploration, all those terms, 1497 01:11:24,640 --> 01:11:27,719 Speaker 1: and I was so into learning about writing and about 1498 01:11:27,800 --> 01:11:31,880 Speaker 1: sentence structure and about storytelling. That I was soaking it 1499 01:11:31,920 --> 01:11:33,880 Speaker 1: all up, you know. I would write, and then I 1500 01:11:34,040 --> 01:11:36,479 Speaker 1: my editor and I worked really closely together to edit, 1501 01:11:36,560 --> 01:11:39,120 Speaker 1: like three hours every morning. Once I had everything down 1502 01:11:39,160 --> 01:11:42,000 Speaker 1: on the page, and I couldn't get enough of it because, 1503 01:11:42,000 --> 01:11:45,639 Speaker 1: like I understood what certain phrases were, what words were, 1504 01:11:45,640 --> 01:11:47,880 Speaker 1: how you use a clause, like when do you use it? 1505 01:11:48,200 --> 01:11:50,479 Speaker 1: Like an M dash versus an en dash? All those 1506 01:11:50,479 --> 01:11:54,040 Speaker 1: little things. It's fun to learn the use of language. 1507 01:11:54,240 --> 01:11:56,760 Speaker 1: That's why I'm such a I love language like I 1508 01:11:56,840 --> 01:11:58,360 Speaker 1: love words. If I don't know a word, I have 1509 01:11:58,439 --> 01:12:01,120 Speaker 1: to look it up. I can't go. Yeah. So I 1510 01:12:01,120 --> 01:12:03,559 Speaker 1: think anyone who has a real love of language, which 1511 01:12:03,600 --> 01:12:07,040 Speaker 1: I think every comedian does, enjoys the process of writing 1512 01:12:07,040 --> 01:12:10,240 Speaker 1: a book. Alright, alright, it sounds like you just do it. 1513 01:12:10,560 --> 01:12:13,400 Speaker 1: You gotta just started started today, Open your good computer 1514 01:12:13,479 --> 01:12:16,200 Speaker 1: and just start. I mean I have started. As the problem, like, 1515 01:12:16,600 --> 01:12:18,760 Speaker 1: it's just hard for me. I'll write like a ton 1516 01:12:19,400 --> 01:12:21,080 Speaker 1: and I'll send it to Like I have a woman 1517 01:12:21,120 --> 01:12:23,320 Speaker 1: that I kind of hired to help me structure it 1518 01:12:23,360 --> 01:12:25,439 Speaker 1: and and help me figure out what the theme is 1519 01:12:25,479 --> 01:12:28,280 Speaker 1: and all this stuff it's just painful. I like stand 1520 01:12:28,320 --> 01:12:29,960 Speaker 1: up because I just get on stage and start talking 1521 01:12:29,960 --> 01:12:31,639 Speaker 1: and the jokes kind of come out, like I don't 1522 01:12:31,640 --> 01:12:33,599 Speaker 1: ever sit down and write. And I think it's just 1523 01:12:34,160 --> 01:12:37,599 Speaker 1: being okay with being uncomfortable. I'm just getting I've structured 1524 01:12:37,600 --> 01:12:39,439 Speaker 1: in my life so I'm never uncomfortable anymore and I 1525 01:12:39,479 --> 01:12:41,519 Speaker 1: just do what I want. And writing a book is 1526 01:12:42,000 --> 01:12:44,320 Speaker 1: it's just as uncomfortable as starting stand up and I 1527 01:12:44,360 --> 01:12:46,120 Speaker 1: just have to be open to it. Yeah. Well, I 1528 01:12:46,120 --> 01:12:48,559 Speaker 1: would argue that if you're not uncomfortable, you're not growing 1529 01:12:48,600 --> 01:12:51,479 Speaker 1: as much as you should be totally. You know, you 1530 01:12:51,520 --> 01:12:56,000 Speaker 1: have to be uncomfortable. Yes, yes, okay, I'll get uncomfortable. 1531 01:12:56,120 --> 01:12:58,640 Speaker 1: I'll do it. I mean that's kind of yeah. I 1532 01:12:58,640 --> 01:13:01,360 Speaker 1: just want to just do it like there's no trip. 1533 01:13:01,439 --> 01:13:03,679 Speaker 1: Just put on your Nikes and put on your Nike shirt. 1534 01:13:03,880 --> 01:13:05,680 Speaker 1: It says, just do it and then act like you're 1535 01:13:05,680 --> 01:13:09,840 Speaker 1: Serena Williams and write that fucking book. Alright, alright, it's 1536 01:13:09,880 --> 01:13:13,680 Speaker 1: as simple as that. It's simple, simple, easy, breezy. Well, 1537 01:13:13,720 --> 01:13:16,360 Speaker 1: this was just a delight, Nikki. This was awesome, so 1538 01:13:16,439 --> 01:13:19,240 Speaker 1: much fun. Oh my god, I love you guys. Yeah, 1539 01:13:19,280 --> 01:13:22,000 Speaker 1: this is great. Thank you, so much for your time today, 1540 01:13:22,320 --> 01:13:24,120 Speaker 1: Thank you so much for having me. And you can 1541 01:13:24,120 --> 01:13:27,080 Speaker 1: catch a Nikki show on E her reality shows on E. 1542 01:13:27,240 --> 01:13:30,320 Speaker 1: She's also on tour. It's called One Night with Nicki Glazer. 1543 01:13:30,360 --> 01:13:32,320 Speaker 1: You can get tickets at Nicki Glazer dot com or 1544 01:13:32,360 --> 01:13:35,479 Speaker 1: probably ticket Master right Nikki yep yep. And then my 1545 01:13:35,520 --> 01:13:38,920 Speaker 1: podcast I do every day Monday through Thursday. Okay, And 1546 01:13:38,920 --> 01:13:41,840 Speaker 1: where can people find your podcasts? It's just anywhere you 1547 01:13:41,880 --> 01:13:44,040 Speaker 1: get podcasts. It's called the Nicki Glazer Podcast and there's 1548 01:13:44,080 --> 01:13:45,960 Speaker 1: tons of episodes, but it's one of those podcasts that 1549 01:13:46,000 --> 01:13:47,680 Speaker 1: you can just jump in. You don't need to like 1550 01:13:47,720 --> 01:13:49,160 Speaker 1: listen to back ones. I think a lot of people 1551 01:13:49,240 --> 01:13:51,760 Speaker 1: don't listen to new podcasts because they're like, oh, how 1552 01:13:51,760 --> 01:13:54,040 Speaker 1: am I gonna catch up? Just jump on and join us. 1553 01:13:54,040 --> 01:13:56,519 Speaker 1: It's me and my roommate, just and my producer just 1554 01:13:56,600 --> 01:13:59,599 Speaker 1: like hanging out and talking and sharing and being really 1555 01:13:59,600 --> 01:14:02,160 Speaker 1: really super honest and it's funny and it's real and 1556 01:14:02,320 --> 01:14:05,920 Speaker 1: I just love it. So is that your roommate in St. Louis, Yeah, 1557 01:14:06,040 --> 01:14:08,240 Speaker 1: well he moved out. He's he's still in the same building, 1558 01:14:08,240 --> 01:14:09,640 Speaker 1: but he got a girlfriend, so we moved out. So 1559 01:14:09,680 --> 01:14:13,120 Speaker 1: now I live alone, but yeah, Andrew Colin, Oh, okay, cool, 1560 01:14:13,200 --> 01:14:15,840 Speaker 1: alright cool. Thank you, Nikki, I'll see you soon. Thank 1561 01:14:15,880 --> 01:14:19,880 Speaker 1: you Chelsea, thank you, Gather and bye guys soon bye. So, 1562 01:14:19,880 --> 01:14:22,599 Speaker 1: if you'd like to ask Chelsea a question, email us 1563 01:14:22,600 --> 01:14:27,240 Speaker 1: at Dear Chelsea Project at gmail dot com