1 00:00:02,400 --> 00:00:05,120 Speaker 1: I am a Yamlah, and the reason I'm your guide 2 00:00:05,200 --> 00:00:10,120 Speaker 1: is because I've probably experienced everything you could possibly imagine 3 00:00:11,119 --> 00:00:18,040 Speaker 1: as a result of a relationship. Betrayal, abandonment, rejection, sheer, joy, sheer, utter, heartbreak, 4 00:00:18,320 --> 00:00:23,360 Speaker 1: and most of all, healing, growth and evolution. Welcome to 5 00:00:23,400 --> 00:00:27,520 Speaker 1: the Our Spot, a production of shondaland Audio in partnership 6 00:00:27,720 --> 00:00:45,160 Speaker 1: with I Heart Radio. Relationships are life's classroom. That's where 7 00:00:45,240 --> 00:00:49,040 Speaker 1: we go to learn to heal, to stretch, to grow, 8 00:00:49,479 --> 00:00:53,400 Speaker 1: to work through problems, to work out problems. We go 9 00:00:53,479 --> 00:00:57,680 Speaker 1: into relationships to learn how to communicate. We go into 10 00:00:57,720 --> 00:01:02,600 Speaker 1: relationships to learn where we're broken and wounded so that 11 00:01:02,640 --> 00:01:06,120 Speaker 1: we can have an opportunity to heal. And no place 12 00:01:06,440 --> 00:01:10,280 Speaker 1: do I find opportunities for healing more present than in 13 00:01:10,600 --> 00:01:16,600 Speaker 1: our relationships with our family. Family relationships, whether it's mother, child, 14 00:01:17,040 --> 00:01:22,319 Speaker 1: or sibling, and family relationships are lifetime relationships. If you 15 00:01:22,440 --> 00:01:25,080 Speaker 1: share blood with someone, that person is going to be 16 00:01:25,120 --> 00:01:27,679 Speaker 1: in your life forever. Now you get to choose how. 17 00:01:28,200 --> 00:01:31,320 Speaker 1: You get to choose if you see them or communicate 18 00:01:31,360 --> 00:01:35,039 Speaker 1: with them. You get to choose how you interact with them. 19 00:01:35,080 --> 00:01:38,240 Speaker 1: But you cannot throw a loved one out of your 20 00:01:38,280 --> 00:01:43,560 Speaker 1: heart and out of your mind. So today we are 21 00:01:43,600 --> 00:01:49,480 Speaker 1: going to journey into the breakdowns and betrayals that occur 22 00:01:50,120 --> 00:01:53,960 Speaker 1: in family relationships. And for some reason, we think that 23 00:01:54,360 --> 00:01:56,760 Speaker 1: because they are mother or father, or sister or brother, 24 00:01:56,800 --> 00:02:00,880 Speaker 1: they're not human, and because we're in relationship with someone 25 00:02:00,960 --> 00:02:04,200 Speaker 1: we're related to by blood, we may think that they 26 00:02:04,240 --> 00:02:10,240 Speaker 1: should behave other than human. Your mother shouldn't make any mistakes, 27 00:02:10,600 --> 00:02:14,800 Speaker 1: your father shouldn't have any deficiencies, your sister should behave 28 00:02:14,960 --> 00:02:18,560 Speaker 1: like you think she should, your brother shouldn't borrow money 29 00:02:18,840 --> 00:02:24,040 Speaker 1: the humans. But it's those blood ties and those expectations 30 00:02:24,120 --> 00:02:29,680 Speaker 1: and that closeness that we have experience that make family 31 00:02:29,840 --> 00:02:36,359 Speaker 1: betrayals all the more difficult to live through and sometimes 32 00:02:36,400 --> 00:02:41,920 Speaker 1: to heal. But family relationships there your foundation. That's where 33 00:02:41,960 --> 00:02:46,279 Speaker 1: you learned everything about relationship. So when there's a breakdown 34 00:02:46,360 --> 00:02:49,480 Speaker 1: in a family relationship, trust me when I tell you 35 00:02:49,560 --> 00:02:53,359 Speaker 1: it's gonna stir up all of your stuff. And if 36 00:02:53,400 --> 00:02:57,680 Speaker 1: you don't address it as if you're human are in 37 00:02:57,800 --> 00:03:03,080 Speaker 1: relationship with another human, if you don't surrender your expectations 38 00:03:03,440 --> 00:03:06,000 Speaker 1: of the other person, it's going to be really, really 39 00:03:06,000 --> 00:03:08,200 Speaker 1: hard to heal. But we're going to talk about that 40 00:03:08,320 --> 00:03:11,880 Speaker 1: and so much more today here on the Our Spot 41 00:03:12,320 --> 00:03:16,360 Speaker 1: as we take a deep, hard look at family betrayals. 42 00:03:18,960 --> 00:03:22,639 Speaker 1: Welcome to the Our Spot where we discuss all things 43 00:03:22,680 --> 00:03:27,600 Speaker 1: about all kinds of relationships. So glad you're here with us. 44 00:03:27,639 --> 00:03:31,839 Speaker 1: So tell me what is the challenge issue problem that 45 00:03:31,880 --> 00:03:35,080 Speaker 1: you're having and in what relationship that we can talk 46 00:03:35,160 --> 00:03:41,000 Speaker 1: about today that's been betrayed by a husband? Um? Friends, Um, 47 00:03:41,040 --> 00:03:44,680 Speaker 1: I got over them, but betrayed by family members, especially 48 00:03:44,720 --> 00:03:48,480 Speaker 1: your sisters and mothers and father. We cool up in 49 00:03:48,520 --> 00:03:53,000 Speaker 1: the same house, so I really, UM didn't expect that 50 00:03:53,080 --> 00:03:56,720 Speaker 1: at all from her. So your sister betrayed you, Yes, 51 00:03:56,840 --> 00:04:01,200 Speaker 1: my sister, Okay, tell me what happened. So happen is? Um? 52 00:04:01,240 --> 00:04:03,000 Speaker 1: I was at the time, I was young and I 53 00:04:03,040 --> 00:04:05,960 Speaker 1: was married, my first husband, and we had three little kids, 54 00:04:06,560 --> 00:04:09,080 Speaker 1: there were three, four and five, and I was going 55 00:04:09,120 --> 00:04:12,440 Speaker 1: through so much. I was losing apartment and she said, 56 00:04:12,560 --> 00:04:14,720 Speaker 1: Florida has had too bad. At least it's not cold. 57 00:04:14,720 --> 00:04:17,200 Speaker 1: Because I was in Connecticut. She said, why don't you 58 00:04:17,279 --> 00:04:19,560 Speaker 1: move to Florida and you can stay with me, and 59 00:04:19,960 --> 00:04:21,960 Speaker 1: you know from there you can get a job, and 60 00:04:22,040 --> 00:04:24,000 Speaker 1: you know you can get back on your feet and 61 00:04:24,040 --> 00:04:26,600 Speaker 1: you know, stuff like that, and it sounded good. So 62 00:04:26,800 --> 00:04:29,520 Speaker 1: I moved. I left her husband behind, and I told him, 63 00:04:29,560 --> 00:04:31,800 Speaker 1: you know, I was gonna move to Florida and get 64 00:04:31,800 --> 00:04:33,640 Speaker 1: a better job. When I get an apartment, and I 65 00:04:33,680 --> 00:04:36,080 Speaker 1: would call for him, you know, things like that. Um. 66 00:04:36,160 --> 00:04:39,240 Speaker 1: So when I came to Florida just two weeks later, 67 00:04:39,520 --> 00:04:41,520 Speaker 1: it was her boyfriend at the time, but they were 68 00:04:41,560 --> 00:04:44,680 Speaker 1: living in together, and this man started asking me out. 69 00:04:44,960 --> 00:04:47,640 Speaker 1: I wish I had met you first. Um. Every time 70 00:04:47,680 --> 00:04:50,480 Speaker 1: she goes to work, he will try to talk to me. Um, 71 00:04:50,600 --> 00:04:53,200 Speaker 1: let's go out. She want to know, And I didn't 72 00:04:53,200 --> 00:04:56,039 Speaker 1: feel right, just keep saying no to him and her 73 00:04:56,120 --> 00:04:59,000 Speaker 1: not knowing. So I just thought that was a bad man. 74 00:04:59,080 --> 00:05:01,960 Speaker 1: I'm gonna tell her, you know, don't marry someone like that, 75 00:05:02,000 --> 00:05:04,120 Speaker 1: you know, just take him to the curve. And so 76 00:05:04,200 --> 00:05:07,119 Speaker 1: I told her. Um. But I called her from work 77 00:05:07,160 --> 00:05:09,000 Speaker 1: and I told her, I said, I over her him 78 00:05:09,040 --> 00:05:11,039 Speaker 1: talking to all the women too, and not just me. 79 00:05:11,720 --> 00:05:13,880 Speaker 1: She said, oh my god, you're right, because the name 80 00:05:13,920 --> 00:05:16,000 Speaker 1: you told me, it's true. She said, when I come home, 81 00:05:16,040 --> 00:05:18,520 Speaker 1: it's gonna kick him out. So when she came home, 82 00:05:18,680 --> 00:05:20,960 Speaker 1: she had a night job, evening jobs, so she came 83 00:05:20,960 --> 00:05:23,560 Speaker 1: over on eleven thirty. I was sleeping by then with 84 00:05:23,600 --> 00:05:26,520 Speaker 1: the kids. Um, and next ting I know the police 85 00:05:26,560 --> 00:05:28,720 Speaker 1: were there. So the police said, she wants me to 86 00:05:28,760 --> 00:05:30,960 Speaker 1: get out right now, and AS thought she was kidding. 87 00:05:31,000 --> 00:05:33,000 Speaker 1: So I went back in my in the room where 88 00:05:33,000 --> 00:05:35,360 Speaker 1: I was staying, and I with the kids. The kids 89 00:05:35,360 --> 00:05:38,440 Speaker 1: were sleeping and we continued to sleep and next time 90 00:05:38,440 --> 00:05:40,120 Speaker 1: I know the police that I gotta get out or 91 00:05:40,120 --> 00:05:42,560 Speaker 1: they will already me. So I saw that she was 92 00:05:42,640 --> 00:05:46,880 Speaker 1: really um. She wasn't joking. So I was crying and crying. 93 00:05:47,240 --> 00:05:48,840 Speaker 1: So I got out. I didn't even have a car, 94 00:05:49,440 --> 00:05:51,480 Speaker 1: so I managed to call her best friend, and her 95 00:05:51,480 --> 00:05:54,320 Speaker 1: best friend came. She she came got me. I mean 96 00:05:54,360 --> 00:05:57,000 Speaker 1: think that was after that, but that's all. Bottom line 97 00:05:57,040 --> 00:06:00,920 Speaker 1: is I just couldn't believe that she would do that. Wow, 98 00:06:01,800 --> 00:06:04,800 Speaker 1: So that's the story. Yeah, So how long ago did 99 00:06:04,839 --> 00:06:08,000 Speaker 1: that happen? It happened so long ago, And that's what 100 00:06:08,040 --> 00:06:11,080 Speaker 1: I would think by now, she would, you know, be better. 101 00:06:12,120 --> 00:06:16,720 Speaker 1: My son was five and he's six now. Wow, So 102 00:06:16,839 --> 00:06:21,400 Speaker 1: twenty one years ago, your sister chose a man over you. Yes, 103 00:06:21,520 --> 00:06:24,120 Speaker 1: and it didn't last for her, It didn't even last. 104 00:06:24,320 --> 00:06:28,200 Speaker 1: That doesn't matter what we're looking at is what happened 105 00:06:28,320 --> 00:06:31,640 Speaker 1: and how you healed it, because the truth is it's 106 00:06:31,640 --> 00:06:35,920 Speaker 1: still not healed. Yes, if she still isn't speaking to you, 107 00:06:36,279 --> 00:06:39,840 Speaker 1: or if you'll still don't have a relationship, but it's 108 00:06:39,880 --> 00:06:45,839 Speaker 1: not me, it is you. It's always you. Yeah, it's 109 00:06:45,839 --> 00:06:52,159 Speaker 1: always you. And so the question becomes in your mind, 110 00:06:52,720 --> 00:06:56,240 Speaker 1: in your quiet times, in the darkness, when nobody else 111 00:06:56,320 --> 00:07:01,159 Speaker 1: is around, what are the doubts that you have or 112 00:07:01,200 --> 00:07:04,279 Speaker 1: the questions you have about whether or not you did 113 00:07:04,320 --> 00:07:08,840 Speaker 1: the right thing by telling her. Well, I still feel 114 00:07:09,000 --> 00:07:11,840 Speaker 1: that I did the right thing, because if I didn't 115 00:07:11,880 --> 00:07:14,640 Speaker 1: do that and she married him for all the things 116 00:07:14,640 --> 00:07:18,120 Speaker 1: that I've heard that she went through with him, then 117 00:07:18,160 --> 00:07:20,600 Speaker 1: I would feel guilty. I would have felt like, like 118 00:07:20,680 --> 00:07:22,840 Speaker 1: what now, I don't feel guilty because I don't feel 119 00:07:22,880 --> 00:07:25,680 Speaker 1: like I did anything wrong. But if I did tell 120 00:07:25,720 --> 00:07:29,360 Speaker 1: her and she married him and then they got a 121 00:07:29,360 --> 00:07:32,119 Speaker 1: divorce because she was cheating doing all these bad things, 122 00:07:32,120 --> 00:07:33,720 Speaker 1: then I would have thought that if because I didn't 123 00:07:33,760 --> 00:07:36,760 Speaker 1: tell her, to see, you did tell her, she married 124 00:07:36,840 --> 00:07:40,840 Speaker 1: him anyway and it ruined your relationship. So here's the question, 125 00:07:41,160 --> 00:07:43,360 Speaker 1: because we're just looking for the place that we can 126 00:07:43,400 --> 00:07:47,640 Speaker 1: go in and clean up any residue, and it's her choice. 127 00:07:47,760 --> 00:07:51,440 Speaker 1: She may maybe she don't like you. She she's got 128 00:07:51,480 --> 00:07:54,640 Speaker 1: that right. Her job is not to like you. She's 129 00:07:54,640 --> 00:07:57,880 Speaker 1: still your sister. She don't have to like you. The 130 00:07:58,040 --> 00:08:01,960 Speaker 1: question is we are in your mind and heart and 131 00:08:02,040 --> 00:08:07,800 Speaker 1: the secret places. Do you question or doubt? Maybe I 132 00:08:07,800 --> 00:08:10,520 Speaker 1: shouldn't have told her. Maybe if I hadn't told her, 133 00:08:11,000 --> 00:08:13,800 Speaker 1: maybe it wasn't my place to tell her. Do you 134 00:08:13,840 --> 00:08:16,880 Speaker 1: have any of those thoughts, feelings, you know in your 135 00:08:16,960 --> 00:08:20,480 Speaker 1: quiet time? Um? Yes, sometimes I do feel maybe I 136 00:08:20,520 --> 00:08:24,560 Speaker 1: should because, like her friend told me, she knew already. 137 00:08:24,720 --> 00:08:26,320 Speaker 1: She said, if you had told me first, I would 138 00:08:26,360 --> 00:08:28,320 Speaker 1: have told you. She already knew. So it would have 139 00:08:28,320 --> 00:08:30,160 Speaker 1: been a better just not to tell her because she 140 00:08:30,200 --> 00:08:34,680 Speaker 1: would have taken that path of marrying him. Anyway, What 141 00:08:34,800 --> 00:08:37,760 Speaker 1: was your intention for telling her? What did you want 142 00:08:37,800 --> 00:08:42,520 Speaker 1: to happen when you told her that? Yes, because she 143 00:08:42,559 --> 00:08:45,800 Speaker 1: had already married um from high school and that didn't 144 00:08:45,800 --> 00:08:49,080 Speaker 1: go well. That was the main reason she moved to 145 00:08:49,200 --> 00:08:51,880 Speaker 1: Florida and right away she met this guy and then 146 00:08:51,920 --> 00:08:54,640 Speaker 1: he was doing that again. So on my mind, like, well, 147 00:08:54,720 --> 00:08:57,960 Speaker 1: let me prevent her from making another mistake. That was 148 00:08:58,000 --> 00:09:02,040 Speaker 1: the main reason. Did she excuse to help her, No, 149 00:09:04,040 --> 00:09:08,240 Speaker 1: mm hmmm. And did she ask you to protect her 150 00:09:08,320 --> 00:09:13,640 Speaker 1: from her mistakes? No? No, no, mm hmm. So you 151 00:09:13,720 --> 00:09:17,000 Speaker 1: took it upon yourself to do that. And I'm not 152 00:09:17,040 --> 00:09:21,480 Speaker 1: saying it was wrong, because that is a challenge I 153 00:09:21,600 --> 00:09:25,960 Speaker 1: learned very young in my life with my best friend. 154 00:09:26,320 --> 00:09:29,640 Speaker 1: We're still friends to this very day. But I learned 155 00:09:29,800 --> 00:09:32,920 Speaker 1: very young in life the last thing you want to 156 00:09:32,960 --> 00:09:38,120 Speaker 1: do is tell a woman something about her. Man. Yeah, 157 00:09:38,240 --> 00:09:41,760 Speaker 1: I'm learned that now, but I wouldn't think that. Yes, 158 00:09:41,960 --> 00:09:46,280 Speaker 1: but I want to help you understand that's the last 159 00:09:46,280 --> 00:09:50,000 Speaker 1: thing you want to do. And I faced that situation twice. 160 00:09:50,520 --> 00:09:53,440 Speaker 1: I must have been about seventeen. It happened with my 161 00:09:53,480 --> 00:09:57,280 Speaker 1: best friend and I said something to her about him, 162 00:09:57,320 --> 00:09:59,880 Speaker 1: and she cut me off and it took us a 163 00:10:00,120 --> 00:10:04,000 Speaker 1: number of years to repair that relationship. But it was 164 00:10:04,080 --> 00:10:08,040 Speaker 1: when she got clear that, oh my god, you know 165 00:10:08,200 --> 00:10:09,960 Speaker 1: you were just trying to help me and I was 166 00:10:10,000 --> 00:10:14,000 Speaker 1: stupid and blah blah blah. The second time it happened, 167 00:10:14,720 --> 00:10:18,040 Speaker 1: because I learned from the first time, I didn't say 168 00:10:18,040 --> 00:10:21,880 Speaker 1: anything to her. I said it to him. I said, 169 00:10:21,960 --> 00:10:24,760 Speaker 1: if you ever open your mouth and say that to 170 00:10:24,800 --> 00:10:27,520 Speaker 1: me again. I'm gonna tell her, and I'm gonna tell 171 00:10:27,559 --> 00:10:32,040 Speaker 1: her in your face, because I learned it's very hard 172 00:10:33,000 --> 00:10:38,040 Speaker 1: to tell a woman something about her. Man. I get 173 00:10:38,240 --> 00:10:42,000 Speaker 1: that you were trying to protect your sister, but in 174 00:10:42,120 --> 00:10:44,920 Speaker 1: that moment, she was not your sister. She was just 175 00:10:45,000 --> 00:10:49,240 Speaker 1: another woman, and you were a threat to her. You 176 00:10:49,280 --> 00:10:53,400 Speaker 1: get that. I didn't see it like that at all. 177 00:10:53,400 --> 00:10:58,080 Speaker 1: I'm glad I called. The other thing is, can you 178 00:10:58,160 --> 00:11:03,000 Speaker 1: imagine how guilty, not guilty, but how embarrassed she is 179 00:11:03,559 --> 00:11:07,079 Speaker 1: that you were right? Mm hm, you know that's all 180 00:11:07,160 --> 00:11:09,319 Speaker 1: key tent right there. You're very right about that. I've 181 00:11:09,320 --> 00:11:11,400 Speaker 1: been thinking about that, lady, I said, she wants to 182 00:11:11,400 --> 00:11:13,880 Speaker 1: be embarrassed because she probably cannot believe that I'm willy 183 00:11:13,960 --> 00:11:17,960 Speaker 1: forgiving her also for taking me out. Maybe it has 184 00:11:18,040 --> 00:11:21,120 Speaker 1: nothing to do with her forgiving you, and everything to 185 00:11:21,200 --> 00:11:27,079 Speaker 1: do with her forgiving herself. Yeah, she cannot forgive you 186 00:11:27,559 --> 00:11:31,840 Speaker 1: until she forgives herself. And there's probably a laundry list 187 00:11:31,920 --> 00:11:35,400 Speaker 1: of things that she needs to forgive herself for. First 188 00:11:35,440 --> 00:11:38,000 Speaker 1: of all, she knew if you knew, and her best 189 00:11:38,040 --> 00:11:42,360 Speaker 1: friend knew she knew, and she hoped he would be different. Mhm. 190 00:11:42,920 --> 00:11:47,960 Speaker 1: That you saw it and knew that's embarrassing. Yes, that 191 00:11:48,080 --> 00:11:52,920 Speaker 1: this is her second failed relationship or just another failed relationship. 192 00:11:54,000 --> 00:12:00,079 Speaker 1: The shame in that, so her not wanting to you 193 00:12:00,280 --> 00:12:04,520 Speaker 1: this amend this even after twenty one years, doesn't have 194 00:12:04,559 --> 00:12:08,720 Speaker 1: anything to do with you and the betrayal there. While 195 00:12:08,840 --> 00:12:13,439 Speaker 1: she violated your trust, she invited you to Florida, told 196 00:12:13,440 --> 00:12:16,600 Speaker 1: you to come and live with her. When this situation 197 00:12:16,679 --> 00:12:20,880 Speaker 1: came up, she abandoned you. That is a form of betrayal. 198 00:12:21,360 --> 00:12:25,880 Speaker 1: But what you're really dealing with is watching her betray herself. Yeah, 199 00:12:25,920 --> 00:12:28,400 Speaker 1: I didn't see it like that. Wow. Then we'll talk 200 00:12:28,440 --> 00:12:37,800 Speaker 1: more about that right after this. Welcome back to the 201 00:12:37,960 --> 00:12:41,400 Speaker 1: art spot. I am yam La. Let's get back to 202 00:12:41,440 --> 00:12:45,760 Speaker 1: the conversation. So why can't I say what can I 203 00:12:45,840 --> 00:12:49,079 Speaker 1: do in order for her to know that I really considar. 204 00:12:49,840 --> 00:12:51,760 Speaker 1: So I went to see my father and my mom, 205 00:12:51,880 --> 00:12:54,600 Speaker 1: but my thought was sick and I that's when I 206 00:12:54,600 --> 00:12:56,800 Speaker 1: talked to her night. That's when I really wanted her 207 00:12:56,840 --> 00:12:59,959 Speaker 1: to see that I'm her friend, said, I didn't tell 208 00:13:00,080 --> 00:13:02,679 Speaker 1: about her past. I gave her money, I gave her 209 00:13:02,760 --> 00:13:05,080 Speaker 1: children money, and she's still not trying to get close 210 00:13:05,120 --> 00:13:10,199 Speaker 1: to me. Leave her alone, Okay, love her from a distance. 211 00:13:11,160 --> 00:13:15,000 Speaker 1: Stop trying to prove because every time now the fact 212 00:13:15,040 --> 00:13:18,160 Speaker 1: that you have elevated and grown and your life is 213 00:13:18,200 --> 00:13:22,240 Speaker 1: shifted and she may still be struggling, that's even more 214 00:13:22,280 --> 00:13:27,040 Speaker 1: embarrassing because that says that you're right and she was wrong, 215 00:13:28,000 --> 00:13:31,120 Speaker 1: and she will do everything in her power for you 216 00:13:31,360 --> 00:13:37,240 Speaker 1: not to see her wrongness. So every attempt that you 217 00:13:37,400 --> 00:13:43,000 Speaker 1: make to repair this deepens her. Probably I don't know 218 00:13:43,080 --> 00:13:45,960 Speaker 1: it to be true, but I'm just looking at it. 219 00:13:46,000 --> 00:13:52,040 Speaker 1: Probably deepens her shame, her embarrassment. But you know, because 220 00:13:52,280 --> 00:13:56,680 Speaker 1: trust me and her mind, you destroyed her life. Wow. 221 00:13:57,440 --> 00:14:02,040 Speaker 1: So that's why I say it is you. Wow. You 222 00:14:02,080 --> 00:14:06,000 Speaker 1: know cent her birthday card, a Christmas card? Leave her alone. 223 00:14:06,679 --> 00:14:09,680 Speaker 1: I never understood it before, but you just said something. 224 00:14:09,760 --> 00:14:12,440 Speaker 1: You said, um like, you just said that. It didn't 225 00:14:12,480 --> 00:14:16,480 Speaker 1: ask me. I have lost friends over my opinion. I'm 226 00:14:16,480 --> 00:14:18,600 Speaker 1: working on that. But I always felt like it's my 227 00:14:18,720 --> 00:14:21,360 Speaker 1: job to tell people what I think, because I always 228 00:14:21,360 --> 00:14:24,040 Speaker 1: thought that it was being honest. But I'm not so 229 00:14:24,080 --> 00:14:28,000 Speaker 1: many people. Sometimes people with ages, sometimes we're not want 230 00:14:28,000 --> 00:14:30,120 Speaker 1: to come close because they feel like, oh, she's gonna 231 00:14:30,160 --> 00:14:32,840 Speaker 1: tell me what I should do. Well, a good practice 232 00:14:33,000 --> 00:14:37,560 Speaker 1: that you can employ, or you could engage. Let's ask 233 00:14:37,640 --> 00:14:40,240 Speaker 1: them so you know, I have something on my heart 234 00:14:41,040 --> 00:14:44,920 Speaker 1: about you. For you, it's kind of personal, and i'd 235 00:14:44,920 --> 00:14:48,200 Speaker 1: like to know if you want to hear it. And 236 00:14:48,240 --> 00:14:51,160 Speaker 1: if they say, what's it about, Well, it's about your husband, 237 00:14:51,240 --> 00:14:53,560 Speaker 1: or it's about your son, or it's about money, or 238 00:14:53,600 --> 00:14:58,280 Speaker 1: it's about whatever. Give them the opportunity to make the choice. 239 00:14:58,320 --> 00:15:02,440 Speaker 1: That way, if you give them the information what they 240 00:15:02,520 --> 00:15:05,840 Speaker 1: they may still get mad at you, but at least 241 00:15:05,840 --> 00:15:10,640 Speaker 1: you're sharing with them with their permission. Your sister didn't 242 00:15:10,640 --> 00:15:14,360 Speaker 1: ask you to protect her. She didn't ask you to 243 00:15:14,400 --> 00:15:18,280 Speaker 1: stop anything because her her life is her lessons and 244 00:15:18,360 --> 00:15:21,240 Speaker 1: she's got to learn that. And that's the same is 245 00:15:21,280 --> 00:15:24,880 Speaker 1: true for everybody. And here you have, like I said, 246 00:15:25,200 --> 00:15:27,720 Speaker 1: in that moment, you were not her sister. You were 247 00:15:27,800 --> 00:15:32,480 Speaker 1: a threat to her relationship. But she was in love. Right. 248 00:15:32,840 --> 00:15:35,000 Speaker 1: Have you ever been in love with Boo Boo the Fool? 249 00:15:36,840 --> 00:15:41,720 Speaker 1: Me too? Every woman has loved Boo Boo the Fool 250 00:15:42,640 --> 00:15:46,000 Speaker 1: at some point or another. And and when we're in it, 251 00:15:46,640 --> 00:15:49,720 Speaker 1: you can't tell us he's a fool. I don't want 252 00:15:49,720 --> 00:15:52,840 Speaker 1: to hear that, and I probably don't need to hear 253 00:15:52,880 --> 00:15:55,800 Speaker 1: it because there's something Boo Boo has come to teach me. 254 00:15:56,080 --> 00:15:59,760 Speaker 1: Now I may have to marry six boo boos before 255 00:15:59,800 --> 00:16:03,560 Speaker 1: I the lesson. And if you are blind, deaf, dumb 256 00:16:03,760 --> 00:16:06,600 Speaker 1: to the fact that the person that you're with is dishonoring, 257 00:16:06,720 --> 00:16:11,480 Speaker 1: you're disrespecting you, betraying you, and somebody tried to tell you, 258 00:16:11,480 --> 00:16:13,960 Speaker 1: you probably wouldn't fall to your knees and say, oh, 259 00:16:14,000 --> 00:16:16,680 Speaker 1: thank you, thank you for saving me from this. You'd 260 00:16:16,720 --> 00:16:20,960 Speaker 1: probably have a little bit of response. Okay. So that's 261 00:16:20,960 --> 00:16:23,760 Speaker 1: when I say it to you. You show the compassion 262 00:16:24,800 --> 00:16:29,040 Speaker 1: um and protect yourself because it's painful to have your 263 00:16:29,080 --> 00:16:32,640 Speaker 1: sister reject you. One day, she's gonna come to you 264 00:16:32,920 --> 00:16:36,480 Speaker 1: and say, you know, I should have listened to you. 265 00:16:36,760 --> 00:16:39,600 Speaker 1: I should have listened to you. I promise you when 266 00:16:39,680 --> 00:16:42,800 Speaker 1: she gets clear, she's going to say that to you. 267 00:16:43,680 --> 00:16:46,200 Speaker 1: And once she does that, then you know that the 268 00:16:46,280 --> 00:16:51,120 Speaker 1: healing will happen because she has to forgive herself before 269 00:16:51,200 --> 00:16:55,920 Speaker 1: she can forgive you. Okay, thank you for calling, Thank 270 00:16:55,960 --> 00:16:58,560 Speaker 1: you for calling, and keep praying for her. Okay, Okay, 271 00:16:58,720 --> 00:17:02,360 Speaker 1: I will light and thank you light and love, thank you. 272 00:17:02,480 --> 00:17:12,439 Speaker 1: Ben betrayal, it's a really challenging topic. And while my 273 00:17:12,720 --> 00:17:18,879 Speaker 1: caller felt she was betrayed, the truth is she was 274 00:17:18,960 --> 00:17:23,080 Speaker 1: the witness to her sister betraying herself and she just 275 00:17:23,160 --> 00:17:27,159 Speaker 1: happened to be collateral damage. She was collateral damage because 276 00:17:27,160 --> 00:17:30,720 Speaker 1: she to call the police and put your sister and 277 00:17:30,880 --> 00:17:34,440 Speaker 1: three children out of your house in the midnight hour. 278 00:17:34,960 --> 00:17:41,920 Speaker 1: That goes beyond betrayal. That's bordering on insanity. And yes, 279 00:17:42,119 --> 00:17:48,359 Speaker 1: that was a betrayal of trust. However, my caller spoke 280 00:17:48,440 --> 00:17:52,480 Speaker 1: to something that is very very important for us to 281 00:17:52,640 --> 00:17:57,800 Speaker 1: understand when it comes to family breakdown. If you're looking 282 00:17:58,240 --> 00:18:01,000 Speaker 1: at your sister, you're younger sister, and you're trying to 283 00:18:01,040 --> 00:18:03,480 Speaker 1: take care of her or your younger brother, and you're 284 00:18:03,520 --> 00:18:06,639 Speaker 1: trying to guide him or your older sister, shouldn't be 285 00:18:06,680 --> 00:18:09,600 Speaker 1: telling you this or that. We've got to understand that 286 00:18:09,680 --> 00:18:13,760 Speaker 1: these are humans. So before they respond like a sister 287 00:18:13,960 --> 00:18:17,080 Speaker 1: or a brother, they're going to respond like a human 288 00:18:17,520 --> 00:18:20,600 Speaker 1: and we don't expect that, and then we take it 289 00:18:20,680 --> 00:18:23,159 Speaker 1: on that because this is my sister, she shouldn't do 290 00:18:23,240 --> 00:18:26,240 Speaker 1: that to me. Well, as I said to the caller, 291 00:18:26,359 --> 00:18:30,160 Speaker 1: you became another woman who was a threat in her relationship. 292 00:18:30,440 --> 00:18:33,120 Speaker 1: She didn't see you as a sister in that moment, 293 00:18:33,600 --> 00:18:36,919 Speaker 1: and she certainly didn't ask for your advice. And that's hard. 294 00:18:37,320 --> 00:18:40,600 Speaker 1: I get it. That's hard when you know something is 295 00:18:40,640 --> 00:18:45,560 Speaker 1: gonna hurt someone you love, you want to try to 296 00:18:45,640 --> 00:18:50,879 Speaker 1: prevent them from being hurt. But that's when I fall 297 00:18:51,040 --> 00:18:55,960 Speaker 1: into or recall something that one of my teachers told 298 00:18:56,000 --> 00:18:59,439 Speaker 1: me a long time ago. She said, it is hard 299 00:18:59,520 --> 00:19:03,080 Speaker 1: to why watch a loved one hit rock bottom, but 300 00:19:03,200 --> 00:19:07,120 Speaker 1: you must remember that God made the rock. Maybe they 301 00:19:07,160 --> 00:19:12,400 Speaker 1: need to fall there so that divine intervention can lift 302 00:19:12,440 --> 00:19:16,760 Speaker 1: them up. Oh, this thing with sisters, I've got another 303 00:19:16,840 --> 00:19:20,160 Speaker 1: caller who's got a problem with another set of sisters, 304 00:19:20,560 --> 00:19:23,040 Speaker 1: and we're gonna get to that call right after this 305 00:19:30,320 --> 00:19:33,199 Speaker 1: Welcome back to the art spot. I've got another caller 306 00:19:33,800 --> 00:19:38,000 Speaker 1: who has a challenge with her sister. Let's dive into that. 307 00:19:39,480 --> 00:19:42,480 Speaker 1: Welcome to the art spot. I am so glad to 308 00:19:42,520 --> 00:19:45,720 Speaker 1: have you here today. And what is the relationship challenge 309 00:19:45,760 --> 00:19:48,919 Speaker 1: your issue you're dealing with. Well, first of all, good morning, 310 00:19:49,040 --> 00:19:51,399 Speaker 1: thank you so much for taking my call. On The 311 00:19:51,440 --> 00:19:57,240 Speaker 1: relationship effect I'm having is directly with my knee that 312 00:19:57,359 --> 00:19:59,639 Speaker 1: it has always been with my sisters for two of 313 00:19:59,680 --> 00:20:05,320 Speaker 1: my sister put it that way. Tell me more. Mmr 314 00:20:05,359 --> 00:20:10,960 Speaker 1: A is the oldest Mster. B and C are twins, 315 00:20:11,960 --> 00:20:14,439 Speaker 1: and so you know you had that twin type of 316 00:20:14,480 --> 00:20:17,919 Speaker 1: relationship love hate, but they will always stick together no 317 00:20:17,960 --> 00:20:21,439 Speaker 1: matter what. And then my niece, I would say, it 318 00:20:21,480 --> 00:20:24,800 Speaker 1: will be me and she is the daughter of who 319 00:20:24,920 --> 00:20:27,040 Speaker 1: she's a daughter of one of the twins or the 320 00:20:27,119 --> 00:20:30,720 Speaker 1: older sister, the older sister. Okay, she's a daughter of 321 00:20:31,040 --> 00:20:33,960 Speaker 1: your niece. Is the daughter of your older sister. Okay, great. 322 00:20:34,480 --> 00:20:37,960 Speaker 1: My niece wanted to do a production, was doing Thanksgiving 323 00:20:38,040 --> 00:20:41,760 Speaker 1: three years ago, and it was okay that she did so. 324 00:20:42,040 --> 00:20:46,080 Speaker 1: And I was in charge of getting the bed and 325 00:20:46,200 --> 00:20:51,560 Speaker 1: breakfast of everything for Thanksgiving and everybody together. And when 326 00:20:51,600 --> 00:20:53,800 Speaker 1: she called me, she says she wanted to do it 327 00:20:53,960 --> 00:20:56,520 Speaker 1: six in the morning, and I said, oh, I don't 328 00:20:56,520 --> 00:20:59,440 Speaker 1: think that's a good idea because we had to get 329 00:20:59,440 --> 00:21:01,960 Speaker 1: a smaller place and people would have been sleeping out 330 00:21:02,000 --> 00:21:05,600 Speaker 1: over the place and bringing in cameras and you know, 331 00:21:05,640 --> 00:21:09,080 Speaker 1: people from the outside at that time. But for sure, 332 00:21:09,720 --> 00:21:14,080 Speaker 1: exactly how everybody will be situated in the in the 333 00:21:14,119 --> 00:21:16,800 Speaker 1: bed and breakfast that we rent it. She's got a 334 00:21:16,840 --> 00:21:21,359 Speaker 1: little hop and the phone hung up. Initially because I 335 00:21:21,440 --> 00:21:25,800 Speaker 1: thought we had this great relationship. I'm thinking something happened 336 00:21:25,840 --> 00:21:28,040 Speaker 1: because I think she was in a car accident the 337 00:21:28,080 --> 00:21:30,960 Speaker 1: way she found it, and I'm like, oh my god, 338 00:21:31,080 --> 00:21:33,840 Speaker 1: this happened to her, you know. So I tried calling 339 00:21:33,880 --> 00:21:37,600 Speaker 1: her back several times and kept going to voicemail, and meanwhile, 340 00:21:37,600 --> 00:21:40,360 Speaker 1: I'm turning to frantic because I'm thinking something that's happened 341 00:21:40,400 --> 00:21:44,320 Speaker 1: to my knees. About forty minutes later, sister and the 342 00:21:44,359 --> 00:21:47,040 Speaker 1: oldest sister called me and said, well, this is what 343 00:21:47,080 --> 00:21:50,119 Speaker 1: we're going to do, and proceeded to say what was 344 00:21:50,119 --> 00:21:53,760 Speaker 1: going to happen at the bed and breakfast? I said once, 345 00:21:54,000 --> 00:21:56,439 Speaker 1: And I said to my niece, I said, did you 346 00:21:56,520 --> 00:21:58,480 Speaker 1: paint that phone up for me? Because I'm trying to 347 00:21:58,560 --> 00:22:01,720 Speaker 1: call you back? And she said, I would never do that. 348 00:22:02,080 --> 00:22:04,440 Speaker 1: I said, but I kept trying to call you back, 349 00:22:04,480 --> 00:22:08,399 Speaker 1: so obviously you were getting the call. And from that 350 00:22:08,480 --> 00:22:11,359 Speaker 1: point on, everything just went downhill. What does that mean? 351 00:22:11,440 --> 00:22:16,639 Speaker 1: Went downhill? She stopped speaking to me. I said, okay, 352 00:22:16,840 --> 00:22:20,560 Speaker 1: And we were supposed to all go to Ghana together 353 00:22:21,040 --> 00:22:23,880 Speaker 1: and I decided not to go because I'm not gonna 354 00:22:23,880 --> 00:22:25,760 Speaker 1: spend this kind of money, had people not talk to me. 355 00:22:27,600 --> 00:22:32,920 Speaker 1: And of course sisters, the twin sisters B and C. 356 00:22:33,680 --> 00:22:36,880 Speaker 1: They just rallied around her, because that's just they were 357 00:22:36,960 --> 00:22:39,680 Speaker 1: rally around anybody. And when it comes to me, I know, 358 00:22:40,160 --> 00:22:43,399 Speaker 1: whatever I do something, if somebody doesn't like it, it 359 00:22:43,520 --> 00:22:47,280 Speaker 1: becomes just big fiasco. You did something she didn't like. 360 00:22:47,800 --> 00:22:53,240 Speaker 1: You offered her some unsolicited information and it became a 361 00:22:53,320 --> 00:22:58,240 Speaker 1: big fiasco, a three year fiasco. So you got exactly 362 00:22:58,640 --> 00:23:02,680 Speaker 1: what you expect it. Look at you, and I thought 363 00:23:02,720 --> 00:23:05,800 Speaker 1: myself with that, I just told you do that. And see, 364 00:23:05,920 --> 00:23:10,800 Speaker 1: here's the piece. When we go into anything, you may 365 00:23:10,840 --> 00:23:14,120 Speaker 1: not get what you ask for in life, you may not, 366 00:23:14,560 --> 00:23:18,479 Speaker 1: but you always get what you expect. And if you 367 00:23:18,680 --> 00:23:25,119 Speaker 1: expect it consciously or unconsciously, sometimes you know you're doing it, 368 00:23:25,200 --> 00:23:28,159 Speaker 1: sometimes you don't know you're doing it. You'll set it up. 369 00:23:29,119 --> 00:23:32,560 Speaker 1: So here you made a very innocent statement, I don't 370 00:23:32,560 --> 00:23:36,080 Speaker 1: think that's gonna work because we got the kids. Yes, 371 00:23:36,520 --> 00:23:39,240 Speaker 1: but that wasn't your job to tell her what was 372 00:23:39,280 --> 00:23:42,760 Speaker 1: gonna work and what wasn't gonna work. Because here's another possibility. 373 00:23:43,080 --> 00:23:46,480 Speaker 1: Oh okay, if you're all going to do this in 374 00:23:46,880 --> 00:23:49,600 Speaker 1: six o'clock in the morning. Then I don't think the 375 00:23:49,680 --> 00:23:52,440 Speaker 1: children and I are going to make that because that's 376 00:23:52,520 --> 00:23:55,679 Speaker 1: kind of early. But I get why you want to 377 00:23:55,680 --> 00:23:59,880 Speaker 1: do that, But that's really kind of early. But when 378 00:24:00,000 --> 00:24:04,080 Speaker 1: you said to her what she wanted to do wasn't 379 00:24:04,119 --> 00:24:07,400 Speaker 1: a good idea, do you get that you were out 380 00:24:07,400 --> 00:24:11,480 Speaker 1: of your lane? Yeah? I agree. What she did was 381 00:24:11,560 --> 00:24:15,480 Speaker 1: then she went to her mother, your older sister, knowing 382 00:24:15,520 --> 00:24:20,439 Speaker 1: that she could whip you into shape. Absolutely. And you 383 00:24:20,520 --> 00:24:26,320 Speaker 1: said another interesting thing. You said, the twins will rally 384 00:24:26,400 --> 00:24:29,960 Speaker 1: around anyone when it comes to me. What does that mean? 385 00:24:30,160 --> 00:24:36,080 Speaker 1: I'm involved and anything becomes contentuous. It's always which would 386 00:24:36,080 --> 00:24:38,600 Speaker 1: be her phone, no metal. But because it's just me, 387 00:24:38,880 --> 00:24:42,879 Speaker 1: We've always had this relationship like that. I'm not sure why, 388 00:24:43,000 --> 00:24:46,320 Speaker 1: but it's always been like that. Okay, so there's the 389 00:24:46,400 --> 00:24:50,639 Speaker 1: older sister, then there's you, then there's the twins. So 390 00:24:50,720 --> 00:24:54,880 Speaker 1: you're the middle child. That's why it happens. That's why 391 00:24:54,880 --> 00:24:59,280 Speaker 1: it happens because you're the middle child. And it ain't personal. 392 00:25:01,840 --> 00:25:04,720 Speaker 1: It's what they call the middle child syndrome. I can't 393 00:25:04,720 --> 00:25:08,480 Speaker 1: help being the middle child. Well no you can't. But 394 00:25:08,640 --> 00:25:15,040 Speaker 1: here's what the middle child is. Clutch your pearls the 395 00:25:15,080 --> 00:25:18,960 Speaker 1: middle child is a pain in the butt. Okay, the 396 00:25:19,119 --> 00:25:22,560 Speaker 1: middle child is a pain in the butt. And the 397 00:25:22,680 --> 00:25:26,320 Speaker 1: older one is always saying who side you on? And 398 00:25:26,359 --> 00:25:29,440 Speaker 1: the younger ones are saying whose side is she on? 399 00:25:30,080 --> 00:25:33,000 Speaker 1: The older one will say, you better be on my side, 400 00:25:33,040 --> 00:25:35,840 Speaker 1: and the younger ones will say, she ain't on my side. 401 00:25:36,240 --> 00:25:40,600 Speaker 1: It ain't personal, it's it's just how it happens with siblings. 402 00:25:42,480 --> 00:25:47,200 Speaker 1: And then if you happen, by some slight freaking nature, 403 00:25:47,760 --> 00:25:51,400 Speaker 1: you know, to be an opinionated middle child, well then 404 00:25:51,440 --> 00:25:59,359 Speaker 1: you just you just you jacked up. They you jacked 405 00:25:59,440 --> 00:26:03,280 Speaker 1: up you if you got an opinion, because the big 406 00:26:03,320 --> 00:26:06,600 Speaker 1: one thinks you need to follow me, and the little 407 00:26:06,600 --> 00:26:09,720 Speaker 1: one thinks if I follow her, the big one's gonna 408 00:26:09,720 --> 00:26:11,960 Speaker 1: get me, So I'm usually gonna do what the what 409 00:26:12,040 --> 00:26:15,960 Speaker 1: the older one is saying, that's just it's just sibling rivalry. 410 00:26:16,040 --> 00:26:21,399 Speaker 1: It's just how it happens. But if you hold it 411 00:26:21,480 --> 00:26:25,920 Speaker 1: in consciousness that the two of them, because they're twins 412 00:26:25,960 --> 00:26:28,800 Speaker 1: and they have that bond, are against you, and that 413 00:26:28,920 --> 00:26:32,040 Speaker 1: the older one thinks she's the boss of you, and 414 00:26:32,119 --> 00:26:34,240 Speaker 1: you're gonna do everything in your power to prove to 415 00:26:34,280 --> 00:26:37,639 Speaker 1: her she ain't the boss of you. If you hold 416 00:26:37,680 --> 00:26:41,359 Speaker 1: that in consciousness, yeah, it's always gonna be your fault 417 00:26:41,840 --> 00:26:45,960 Speaker 1: because you are going to get what you expect, and 418 00:26:46,040 --> 00:26:51,040 Speaker 1: that's to be who's faulted it. Now, if your son's 419 00:26:51,359 --> 00:26:55,360 Speaker 1: back up or withdraw, that creates an issue between them 420 00:26:55,400 --> 00:26:59,959 Speaker 1: and their aunt's, between them and their cousins. So how 421 00:27:00,160 --> 00:27:08,160 Speaker 1: one slight misunderstanding, how one misstep could create a total 422 00:27:08,200 --> 00:27:13,159 Speaker 1: breakdown in the family is very, very intriguing and exciting 423 00:27:13,240 --> 00:27:18,280 Speaker 1: to me. Well, it's not just one misstep. It's been 424 00:27:18,359 --> 00:27:22,679 Speaker 1: many over the forty something years. Yes, but but but 425 00:27:22,760 --> 00:27:26,200 Speaker 1: putting to that, there was always tension with the person 426 00:27:26,280 --> 00:27:28,680 Speaker 1: that I married. I found out after I was married 427 00:27:28,680 --> 00:27:31,280 Speaker 1: to him that she had went to bed with him us. 428 00:27:33,000 --> 00:27:36,840 Speaker 1: But I think that really masticized it. Hold up one second, 429 00:27:38,240 --> 00:27:42,080 Speaker 1: you found out that your sister slept with your husband. 430 00:27:42,600 --> 00:27:45,520 Speaker 1: Was he your husband when she slept with him? No, 431 00:27:45,880 --> 00:27:52,080 Speaker 1: he was not. No, Okay, So prior to prior to that, yeah, okay, 432 00:27:52,200 --> 00:27:55,040 Speaker 1: And she didn't she didn't tell you that. He didn't 433 00:27:55,080 --> 00:27:58,080 Speaker 1: tell me that, and he, of course he didn't tell 434 00:27:58,119 --> 00:28:01,239 Speaker 1: me that. And how I found out it was like 435 00:28:01,320 --> 00:28:04,760 Speaker 1: she was always calling me having something negative to say 436 00:28:04,800 --> 00:28:07,240 Speaker 1: about him. Do you have a pencil and a piece 437 00:28:07,240 --> 00:28:12,399 Speaker 1: of paper near you? I want you to write this down. Okay, 438 00:28:13,600 --> 00:28:25,560 Speaker 1: jay E A l you as why what what did 439 00:28:25,560 --> 00:28:29,639 Speaker 1: you just write? Now? Are you gonna act like you 440 00:28:29,680 --> 00:28:33,080 Speaker 1: don't know that exists? Because it's your sister. You're trying 441 00:28:33,080 --> 00:28:36,880 Speaker 1: to make sense out of it. But you're talking about 442 00:28:37,160 --> 00:28:45,120 Speaker 1: siblings and the natural things that happened amongst siblings. Oh, 443 00:28:45,160 --> 00:28:48,760 Speaker 1: she's doing it better, or she they like her more, 444 00:28:49,000 --> 00:28:54,440 Speaker 1: or she does it faster. You know, it's just jealousy 445 00:28:54,680 --> 00:29:02,600 Speaker 1: simply means it's an unpleasant suspicion or a perceived sense 446 00:29:02,680 --> 00:29:09,280 Speaker 1: of rivalry, which happens among siblings. Among sisters, then you're 447 00:29:09,280 --> 00:29:15,400 Speaker 1: talking about four girls. And then you know, if jealousy 448 00:29:15,480 --> 00:29:20,040 Speaker 1: doesn't get addressed or handled, it can elevate into envy, 449 00:29:20,120 --> 00:29:23,600 Speaker 1: which simply means I want what you have and I'm 450 00:29:23,640 --> 00:29:27,360 Speaker 1: mad because you have it. Remember that when it comes 451 00:29:27,400 --> 00:29:32,120 Speaker 1: to a breakdown in a family, one of the hardest 452 00:29:32,160 --> 00:29:35,360 Speaker 1: things to do, and one of the most important things 453 00:29:35,400 --> 00:29:39,480 Speaker 1: to do, is to get on the other person's side 454 00:29:39,480 --> 00:29:44,200 Speaker 1: of the table, look back at the experience and say, 455 00:29:44,360 --> 00:29:47,360 Speaker 1: what must they have been thinking or feeling to behave 456 00:29:47,520 --> 00:29:51,400 Speaker 1: like that? What must they have not what I did 457 00:29:51,440 --> 00:29:53,720 Speaker 1: and didn't do, and what I said and what they said. 458 00:29:54,400 --> 00:29:57,400 Speaker 1: Look back, get on the other side and look back, 459 00:29:57,640 --> 00:30:01,280 Speaker 1: because that's really the only way you can heal it. 460 00:30:02,080 --> 00:30:04,560 Speaker 1: The only way you can heal it is to see 461 00:30:04,600 --> 00:30:08,479 Speaker 1: my I must have hurt my niece or she she 462 00:30:08,760 --> 00:30:12,640 Speaker 1: misunderstood what I said or my tone of voice was 463 00:30:12,760 --> 00:30:16,640 Speaker 1: off that she could have perceived it. You have to 464 00:30:16,760 --> 00:30:22,240 Speaker 1: look back if you want to clean this up. What 465 00:30:22,400 --> 00:30:25,760 Speaker 1: I would offer is if your sister is the oldest, 466 00:30:26,280 --> 00:30:28,840 Speaker 1: write or a letter and I start right, you know, 467 00:30:29,200 --> 00:30:32,200 Speaker 1: wham bam, right between the eyes, I would ask her 468 00:30:32,640 --> 00:30:36,479 Speaker 1: sometimes I feel like, no matter what happens, I'm the blame. 469 00:30:36,960 --> 00:30:40,000 Speaker 1: I'm asking you to help me understand why I feel 470 00:30:40,080 --> 00:30:43,920 Speaker 1: like that. Do you have any idea why? And as 471 00:30:43,960 --> 00:30:47,880 Speaker 1: the middle child, I know that I can be annoying 472 00:30:48,240 --> 00:30:51,840 Speaker 1: or whatever, and it really makes me sad because see, 473 00:30:51,840 --> 00:30:55,000 Speaker 1: you're talking about all these problems. You're not talking about 474 00:30:55,000 --> 00:30:59,440 Speaker 1: your sadness. There's a sadness there that this is going 475 00:30:59,520 --> 00:31:04,000 Speaker 1: on with you and your sister's Okay, okay, this is good. 476 00:31:04,320 --> 00:31:07,160 Speaker 1: So there's a lot of healing that can be done here. 477 00:31:07,880 --> 00:31:11,800 Speaker 1: But I would encourage you to consider making your older 478 00:31:11,920 --> 00:31:16,400 Speaker 1: sister your ally. Does that sound like something you might 479 00:31:16,480 --> 00:31:20,440 Speaker 1: want to consider? Mm hmm. I want you to give 480 00:31:20,480 --> 00:31:22,640 Speaker 1: me a call in about three months and let me 481 00:31:22,680 --> 00:31:25,880 Speaker 1: know how this thing turned out. Okay, I will, and 482 00:31:25,920 --> 00:31:28,760 Speaker 1: I think I'm gonna have the conversation with Okay, well, 483 00:31:28,800 --> 00:31:32,800 Speaker 1: prepare yourself, get ready, pray about it, and move forward 484 00:31:33,560 --> 00:31:39,360 Speaker 1: so much okay, love, bye bye. When it comes to 485 00:31:39,480 --> 00:31:43,920 Speaker 1: any kind of breakdown, but specifically a breakdown among siblings 486 00:31:44,520 --> 00:31:47,720 Speaker 1: where they are more than one sibling involved, your birth 487 00:31:47,840 --> 00:31:52,200 Speaker 1: order plays a very important role because your birth order 488 00:31:52,240 --> 00:31:56,920 Speaker 1: has determined your bonding patterns, and those bonding patterns come 489 00:31:56,960 --> 00:32:00,680 Speaker 1: into play. So, as my caller said, it seems to 490 00:32:00,720 --> 00:32:03,560 Speaker 1: her that the two younger sisters bond together and the 491 00:32:03,600 --> 00:32:06,960 Speaker 1: fact that they're twins doesn't help, and that they bond 492 00:32:07,000 --> 00:32:09,840 Speaker 1: to the older sister, and then because she's the middle child, 493 00:32:09,880 --> 00:32:13,479 Speaker 1: she feels out of place. But it's really some of 494 00:32:13,520 --> 00:32:18,880 Speaker 1: the breakdowns that we experience among siblings or as siblings, 495 00:32:19,120 --> 00:32:21,720 Speaker 1: really have to do with our birth order and our 496 00:32:21,800 --> 00:32:26,280 Speaker 1: bonding pattern and how we see ourselves in that family. 497 00:32:27,400 --> 00:32:31,520 Speaker 1: But when you add to that the fact that because 498 00:32:31,600 --> 00:32:35,440 Speaker 1: of our birth water and because of our family dynamics. 499 00:32:35,680 --> 00:32:39,120 Speaker 1: We don't always speak the truth. We don't truth speak 500 00:32:39,200 --> 00:32:43,200 Speaker 1: to one another. That's what creates the dust bunnies under 501 00:32:43,240 --> 00:32:45,920 Speaker 1: the bed. And then there's a big blow up and 502 00:32:45,960 --> 00:32:48,719 Speaker 1: the whole bed is on fire and we can't figure 503 00:32:48,760 --> 00:32:52,960 Speaker 1: out why. It's because of those dust bunnies. The things 504 00:32:52,960 --> 00:32:55,480 Speaker 1: you haven't said, the things you have let go, the 505 00:32:55,600 --> 00:32:57,880 Speaker 1: things you've been holding in your mind, in your heart, 506 00:32:58,200 --> 00:33:04,160 Speaker 1: that become the filter and become your expectations. Mind this, 507 00:33:04,760 --> 00:33:08,400 Speaker 1: mind this. You may never get what you ask for, 508 00:33:08,920 --> 00:33:12,880 Speaker 1: you will always get what you expect, because an expectation 509 00:33:13,200 --> 00:33:17,520 Speaker 1: is a belief on steroids, and a belief is a 510 00:33:17,680 --> 00:33:22,239 Speaker 1: thought fueled by emotion, and emotion is what determines the 511 00:33:22,320 --> 00:33:26,479 Speaker 1: tides of our life. I really hope that my caller 512 00:33:26,600 --> 00:33:30,320 Speaker 1: and her sisters can start cleaning up some of those 513 00:33:30,400 --> 00:33:32,959 Speaker 1: dust bunnies. There's a lot of them. There are a 514 00:33:33,040 --> 00:33:36,840 Speaker 1: lot of them. It's doable. Just hold the vision. Hold 515 00:33:36,840 --> 00:33:39,400 Speaker 1: the vision. I don't care how deep the breakdown is. 516 00:33:39,720 --> 00:33:43,479 Speaker 1: Hold the vision that the relationship can be healed, and 517 00:33:43,520 --> 00:33:48,680 Speaker 1: then take appropriate steps and start with telling the truth, 518 00:33:49,320 --> 00:33:53,200 Speaker 1: not accusation. Tell the truth. This is how I feel, 519 00:33:53,840 --> 00:33:57,600 Speaker 1: This is what I'm thinking, this is what I thought? 520 00:33:58,280 --> 00:34:01,040 Speaker 1: What did you feel? What did you think? In other words, 521 00:34:01,120 --> 00:34:04,080 Speaker 1: get on the other side of the table, Get on 522 00:34:04,120 --> 00:34:07,200 Speaker 1: the other person side of the table, and look back 523 00:34:07,320 --> 00:34:10,759 Speaker 1: and be willing to hear what they say. Not try 524 00:34:10,800 --> 00:34:13,239 Speaker 1: to fix it or change it. Just be willing to 525 00:34:13,280 --> 00:34:17,440 Speaker 1: hear what they say. And sometimes for siblings, particularly because 526 00:34:17,480 --> 00:34:20,279 Speaker 1: of the birth order and the bonding pattern, that can 527 00:34:20,320 --> 00:34:26,120 Speaker 1: be difficult, but it can be healed. I hope this 528 00:34:26,160 --> 00:34:28,400 Speaker 1: has been helpful to someone, and if you have a 529 00:34:28,520 --> 00:34:33,239 Speaker 1: question about this or any other relationship issue, you can 530 00:34:33,280 --> 00:34:37,000 Speaker 1: call me live at seven seven five three zero seven 531 00:34:37,320 --> 00:34:39,960 Speaker 1: seven seven six eight. Now be sure to follow me 532 00:34:40,040 --> 00:34:43,440 Speaker 1: on social media for all of the calling times, and 533 00:34:43,600 --> 00:34:52,719 Speaker 1: until then, stay in peace and not pieces. The R 534 00:34:52,800 --> 00:34:56,759 Speaker 1: Spot is a production of Shondaland Audio in partnership with 535 00:34:56,880 --> 00:35:00,200 Speaker 1: I Heart Radio. For more podcasts from s on the 536 00:35:00,280 --> 00:35:04,440 Speaker 1: Land Audio, visit the I Heart Radio app, Apple podcast, 537 00:35:04,719 --> 00:35:10,360 Speaker 1: or wherever you listen to your favorite shows. H