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Speaker 1: Pushkin, Hey, Happiness Lab listeners. Today is National Stress Awareness Day.

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Speaker 1: While we all face different challenges in life, there's one

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Speaker 1: thing we can all agree on. We are stressed. In

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Speaker 1: honor of National Stress Awareness Day, I wanted to reshare

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Speaker 1: this episode with author and clinical psychologist doctor Jenny Taits.

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Speaker 1: Doctor Taits explains what happens in our bodies and minds

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Speaker 1: when we're stressed, and what we can do to think

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Speaker 1: differently about the challenges we're facing. She'll give you some

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Speaker 1: strategies that you can use to make stress work for you,

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Speaker 1: not against you. I hope you enjoy rehearing this throwback

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Speaker 1: episode as much as I did, and here's to a

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Speaker 1: healthier relationship with stress. Stress sucks, but it's also a

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Speaker 1: normal part of life, and one that's also kind of useful.

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Speaker 1: Our stress response is just the body's natural reaction to

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Speaker 1: a perceived threat. Whenever we detect an income challenge, the

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Speaker 1: limbic systems of our brains kick in. We switch from

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Speaker 1: our usual breathing and digesting to a physiological state that's

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Speaker 1: revved up for action. Our stress response is there to

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Speaker 1: prepare us for big scary events like fighting off a tiger,

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Speaker 1: giving an important presentation. We're having a tough conversation with

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Speaker 1: our boss. But once less stressful events are over, our

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Speaker 1: bodies are supposed to return to normal. Our breathing should

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Speaker 1: slow down, and we should go back to digesting lunch.

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Speaker 1: At least that's the idea. Sadly, our modern stressed responses

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Speaker 1: aren't all that great at turning off, especially since we

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Speaker 1: keep challenges alive, ruminating about past events and worrying about

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Speaker 1: problems that haven't even come up yet. Thought patterns like

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Speaker 1: these cause our bodies to react as if we're in

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Speaker 1: immediate danger even when we are. And what's most ironic,

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Speaker 1: since we know that stress is bad for us, we

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Speaker 1: often get stressed out about just feeling stressed. So how

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Speaker 1: can we stop stressing about stress? To figure that out,

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Speaker 1: I've turned to one of my favorite experts.

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Speaker 2: My name is doctor Jenny Tates. I'm a clinical psychologist

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Speaker 2: and i am the author of Stress Resets, How to

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Speaker 2: Soothe Your Body and Mind in Minutes.

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Speaker 1: You're kind of an expert on this, But what is

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Speaker 1: stress like? How would we define it?

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Speaker 2: So? Stress is when there's like this mismatch between our resources,

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Speaker 2: what we have internally and the demands that we're facing

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Speaker 2: it's almost like our bandwidth. It's when there's just too

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Speaker 2: much coming at us and we feel like there's not

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Speaker 2: enough in us to cope. But the good news is

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Speaker 2: is there's a lot we can do to improve our

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Speaker 2: relationship with stress. Small things can make a huge difference

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Speaker 2: in how we face stress. And the most common measure

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Speaker 2: of stress is actually the perceived stress scale, which says

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Speaker 2: so much about how stress is a lot about our perception.

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Speaker 1: And so give me a sense of like how stressed

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Speaker 1: out people are these days? Like what are some stats

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Speaker 1: on what we're self reporting about our stress recorders of

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Speaker 1: people say that stress is a huge issue in their lives,

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Speaker 1: and stress is the most commonly searched term that people

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Speaker 1: want help with that they're asking Google to help them solve.

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Speaker 2: And that's kind of why I wrote this book, because

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Speaker 2: you shouldn't have to ask Google for help with this.

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Speaker 2: There are experts and there's a lot of counterintuitive wisdom

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Speaker 2: that a lot of people just don't know about that

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Speaker 2: I want people to know, and a lot of it

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Speaker 2: was even surprising to me and researching this book.

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Speaker 1: As we think about stressors in some way that sort

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Speaker 1: of makes sense evolutionarily, right, Like all animals have stress,

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Speaker 1: they've defined food or maybe there's predators and so on.

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Speaker 1: But an interesting thing about humans is that we seem

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Speaker 1: to do it a little bit differently. We seem to

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Speaker 1: kind of exacerbate the normal kinds of stress. And so

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Speaker 1: explain why this is, Like how humans make things worse

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Speaker 1: by the way we think about stress.

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Speaker 2: I love this. I mean, I think a downside to

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Speaker 2: being human is we have a knack when stress shows

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Speaker 2: up in our lives for inavertently making it so much worse.

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Speaker 2: I mean it's almost like if you imagine you have

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Speaker 2: a small stain and you start trying to remove it

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Speaker 2: in a way that only spreads it. I mean, it's

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Speaker 2: painfully ironic. It's like people that are worried about money

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Speaker 2: can easily go into overspending. People that have a tough

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Speaker 2: deadline that there is ambitious to reach, going to like

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Speaker 2: hyper perfectionism or total avoidance. And so I think one

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Speaker 2: of the reasons that stress excites me is when the

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Speaker 2: limbic system is on fire, we just don't think clearly.

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Speaker 2: But people are incredibly good at getting better if they're

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Speaker 2: given the right tools. And so if you even just

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Speaker 2: take a step back and think about it. I want

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Speaker 2: to first start by validating stress is a lot of

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Speaker 2: us are stressed for very good reasons right now. And

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Speaker 2: also that's all the more reason that we deserve to

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Speaker 2: be really kind to ourselves and compassionately. Notice if once

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Speaker 2: stress shows up in our lives, we fall into patterns

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Speaker 2: like overthinking and avoiding or acting in ways that keep

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Speaker 2: stress afloat. That could even be avoiding the things that

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Speaker 2: might help you, like spending time with family or sticking

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Speaker 2: with a nice plan for yourself or an exercise goal

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Speaker 2: even if the work is really piling on. And so

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Speaker 2: I think stress is real. And also we as people

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Speaker 2: animals don't overthink. We overthink and that's a deep downside

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Speaker 2: to being human. But with the right strategies, we can

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Speaker 2: reduce our stress, I think, exponentially.

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Speaker 1: And this is why I love your book so much,

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Speaker 1: because it's like this, like almost like a medicine cabinet

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Speaker 1: of different strategies that we can use when we're feeling

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Speaker 1: stressed out. Like if I'm feeling sick, like I could

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Speaker 1: go to my medicine cabinet and there are some like

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Speaker 1: cough drops or I viewprofen or if I need a

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Speaker 1: band aid, if I'm cut and like your book is

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Speaker 1: almost like a version of this for stress. I took

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Speaker 1: away so many very practical tips that I've been using,

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Speaker 1: and then I'm so excited to share with my Happiness

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Speaker 1: Lab listeners. And so I want to go through my

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Speaker 1: favorite tips that we get from your book, starting with

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Speaker 1: tip number one, which is that there are strategies we

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Speaker 1: can use when we need to reevaluate stress. Explain why

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Speaker 1: how we think about stress seems to matter.

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Speaker 2: How we think about stress is so impactful, so much

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Speaker 2: so that people who have stress and believe stress is

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Speaker 2: bad for their health actually or forty three percent more

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Speaker 2: likely to die due to stress related causes. And so

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Speaker 2: worrying about stress just compound stress and make stress more

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Speaker 2: harmful and stresses you out more. It's almost like once

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Speaker 2: you're really stressed and someone tells you to calm down,

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Speaker 2: might write you out more. And on the flip side,

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Speaker 2: normalizing stress seeing it as an opportunity for growth, almost

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Speaker 2: seeing it as a pop quiz in life about your

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Speaker 2: ability and manage emotions and live by your values, seeing

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Speaker 2: stress as normal and adopted, and also framing your body

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Speaker 2: stress response as helpful and useful and supporting you and

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Speaker 2: moving towards your goals actually reduces the negative impacts of cortisol,

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Speaker 2: reduces your corticel levels and allows you to persist in

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Speaker 2: pursuing meaningful goals.

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Speaker 1: And so any specific strategies for helping us to reappraise

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Speaker 1: stress is a more positive thing I think.

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Speaker 2: To really believe, and this is something that I wholeheartedly

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Speaker 2: believe that stress is the price of a meaningful life.

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Speaker 2: That is not sitting on the couch watching sports all

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Speaker 2: day and eating whatever and barely having any steps taken.

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Speaker 2: That is doing hard things. And we know when we

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Speaker 2: treat patients with depression that behavioral activation creating a schedule

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Speaker 2: full of opportunities for both pleasure and accomplishment and social connection,

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Speaker 2: which can be stressful, that is the path forward. And

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Speaker 2: so really changing your mindset about stress and also looking

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Speaker 2: at yourself of like what am I doing when I'm

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Speaker 2: living my best life? Maybe the things that are most

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Speaker 2: meaningful are also kind of stressful.

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Speaker 1: You've also talked about how we can reevaluate how our

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Speaker 1: emotions work. I think when we're in the thick of

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Speaker 1: really strong emotions like anxiety or kind of frustration, it

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Speaker 1: can feel like we're going to feel like that forever.

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Speaker 1: But what does the research really show about how quickly

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Speaker 1: emotions change?

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Speaker 2: I love this, So emotions are really transient. I was

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Speaker 2: going to get a tattoo, which I'm not going to get,

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Speaker 2: but it would be a small little picture of a

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Speaker 2: wave because this is one of my favorite things to

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Speaker 2: remind myself of emotions come in waves. And again, the

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Speaker 2: downside to being human is when something's upsetting, our brain

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Speaker 2: goes to I'm going to feel this way forever. It's

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Speaker 2: getting worse. This is how I feel now, I'll never

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Speaker 2: be able to survive. But that's just not life. Our

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Speaker 2: emotions really ebb and flow, and psychologists call this effective forecasting.

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Speaker 2: We're notoriously bad at predicting how we're going to feel

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Speaker 2: in the future, and we grossly underestimate our ability to

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Speaker 2: bounce back. And one of the interesting things that I

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Speaker 2: do with my clients is we watch movie clips. I mean,

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Speaker 2: people don't go to therapy expecting to watch short movie clips.

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Speaker 2: And we watch short clips of a deathbed scene, which

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Speaker 2: will make any person with a heart you'll move to

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Speaker 2: tears in a matter of sixty seconds. We watch a

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Speaker 2: scene where there's a gunshot, and that also understandably would

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Speaker 2: evoke fear, so we go from sadness to fear. There's

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Speaker 2: a short clip on the cost of college tuitions and

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Speaker 2: how difficult it is to pay off your college loans,

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Speaker 2: which if evokes anger in most people. Then we watch

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Speaker 2: something Happy and the Pharrell Happy Song, and people are

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Speaker 2: dancing in their chair and in a mere matter of

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Speaker 2: minutes people have gone through so many different emotions and

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Speaker 2: in our own lives, we might get really disappointing news.

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Speaker 2: But then also if we're able to anchor ourselves in

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Speaker 2: the present moment, be fully present. We might have a

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Speaker 2: moment of awe when looking at an adorable puppy passing

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Speaker 2: us by, but the key is really anchoring ourselves in

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Speaker 2: the present moment.

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Speaker 1: It's time to take a quick break, but we'll soon

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Speaker 1: be back with another top tip, one that's especially helpful.

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Speaker 1: If you let stress throw you into a doom loop,

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Speaker 1: the happiness lab will be right back. Psychologist doctor Jenny

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Speaker 1: Tates believes that stress is the price of a meaningful life.

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Speaker 1: But what we do need to guard against, she says,

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Speaker 1: is dwelling on what's stressful, worrying about it, and fearing it.

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Speaker 2: Rumination is what turns something briefly stressful into something chronically stressful.

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Speaker 2: So an event could have been a two minute exchange

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Speaker 2: with someone at work, and literally two weeks later it

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Speaker 2: could still be replaying on your mind. And this is

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Speaker 2: one of the habits that really correlates with an increased

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Speaker 2: risk of depression and anxiety. It is just awful for

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Speaker 2: our mental help. And as many of us know, we

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Speaker 2: could ruminate almost constantly. I talk about this myself, noticing

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Speaker 2: earlier in my career that I used to be in

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Speaker 2: yoga cross and notice that my mind was totally somewhere else.

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Speaker 2: And so this is such a sneaky habit that we

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Speaker 2: could have an internal news ticker that's going all the

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Speaker 2: time that's very unpleasant, that steals any opportunity for present joy.

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Speaker 2: And if a person is asked in a research setting

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Speaker 2: to talk about in detail the most upsetting thing that

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Speaker 2: happened to them, even if it a decades ago, their

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Speaker 2: body recreates the same physiological stress response decades later. And

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Speaker 2: so even talking about your stressors in a lot of

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Speaker 2: detail might seem therapeutic and cathartic, but it actually can

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Speaker 2: be kind of a version of remaining out loud and

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Speaker 2: even if you feel like you are a professional ruminator.

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Speaker 2: There are a lot of things that you can do

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Speaker 2: to break free of this noxious, sneaky habit.

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Speaker 1: So give us the details. How can we break for you?

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Speaker 1: What are some strategies we give you.

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Speaker 2: I think the first thing is taking a step back

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Speaker 2: and asking yourself what do you make of your thinking habit?

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Speaker 2: Because a lot of people have very interesting metacognition these

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Speaker 2: beliefs about their thoughts. Some people think if there's a

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Speaker 2: problem that hasn't been solved, thinking about it is somehow

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Speaker 2: inching me closer to some sort of big solution or epiphany.

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Speaker 2: Other people think, I'm going to drive myself crazy. And

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Speaker 2: what's interesting is like the same person can have both

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Speaker 2: very negative and very positive beliefs about their thinking. So

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Speaker 2: I think taking a step back and really taking a

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Speaker 2: look at is this habit helping you? Are you getting

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Speaker 2: closer to your goals? Is this removing you from the

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Speaker 2: ability to have a better perspective and managing your emotions

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Speaker 2: for a better problem solving? So I think the first

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Speaker 2: thing is really deciding that this is something you want

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Speaker 2: to put two feet into working on. And of course,

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Speaker 2: if you do want to think about it. They're constructive

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Speaker 2: ways to think in a more thoughtful way. Problem solving

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Speaker 2: is very different than this circular, vicious loop that's unproductive.

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Speaker 2: And if someone wants to start to work on this

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Speaker 2: and they feel like they do this all the time,

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Speaker 2: I think it's helpful to get really clear on a

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Speaker 2: specific goal. And so if you find that you're repeating

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Speaker 2: and upsetting work exchange after hours and it's coming up

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Speaker 2: in your dinner conversations and it's gnawing at you before work,

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Speaker 2: really setting a goal of like from six to seven

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Speaker 2: thirty pm, I am going to be present from seven

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Speaker 2: ahm to eight am during my morning commute and getting ready,

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Speaker 2: I'm going to be setting myself up for a better day.

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Speaker 2: So setting reasonable goals. I also really love swapping why

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Speaker 2: thoughts with how thoughts? Why did this happen? Why was

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Speaker 2: I sign this annoying assignment? And one else got a promotion?

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Speaker 2: The why thoughts with how how can I move forward?

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Speaker 2: Because one is kind of the tornado and a dead

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Speaker 2: end and another is kind of an empowered plan.

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Speaker 1: One of the ones I really love, and one that

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Speaker 1: we've talked about on the Happiness Lab before, is the

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Speaker 1: importance of switching from ruminating in your head to ruminating

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Speaker 1: maybe on paper, to kind of get into the mode

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Speaker 1: of expressive writing. How can writing help us kind of

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Speaker 1: get out of the ruminutative loop.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, so I would say that writing is a little

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Speaker 2: bit different than rumination because rumination is pretty circular, and

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Speaker 2: writing has a beginning, middle, and an end, so it

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Speaker 2: kind of closes things out rather than keeps things in

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Speaker 2: a spiral. And the goal with expressive writing is to

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Speaker 2: actually go deeper into your feelings, and so instead of

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Speaker 2: just glossing over things. The instruction that's given to people

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Speaker 2: college students who were given an assignment to write about

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Speaker 2: the most upsetting thing that happened to them in detail

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Speaker 2: for twenty minutes, and then go back the next day

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Speaker 2: for twenty minutes and write about how it had affected

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Speaker 2: their life in the past, and write again a third

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Speaker 2: day for twenty minutes about how it's affecting them in

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Speaker 2: the present, how it might affect them in the future.

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Speaker 2: People that wrote in this very detailed, structured way going

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Speaker 2: deeper into their feelings and actually, like processing, we're much

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Speaker 2: less likely to be depressed and had reductions on scores

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Speaker 2: and rumination even six months later, because writing is actually

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Speaker 2: creating some working distance and allowing you to feel rather

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Speaker 2: than kind of glossing over details with no structure.

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Speaker 1: So those are awesome tips for nipping your rumination in

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Speaker 1: the bud. Now we get to tip number three, which

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Speaker 1: is that we can reduce our stress by engaging in

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Speaker 1: a little distress tolerance. What's distressed tolerance. Distress tolerance is

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Speaker 1: a combination of things.

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Speaker 2: Distressed tolerance is I like to think about if you

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Speaker 2: step back and think about, how are you making your

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Speaker 2: life worse? You're usually not accepting, overthinking and doing things

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Speaker 2: that make you feel better short term, but that are

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Speaker 2: like high interest credit cards, you pay a big price

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Speaker 2: for it later. And so distress tolerance is all about

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Speaker 2: learning to radically accept what is just as it is

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Speaker 2: in this very moment that sounds overwhelming. Even accepting with

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Speaker 2: your face, just relaxing your face, the facial expression of

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Speaker 2: acceptance actually creates this mindset that allows you to be

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Speaker 2: more accepting. If I'm sitting in traffic and clenching and tensing,

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Speaker 2: that's just creating a space for me to get more

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Speaker 2: judgmental in my mind. But relaxing my face for myself,

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Speaker 2: not for other people. Actually kind of starts from the

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Speaker 2: outside and I start to feel more accepting. I love

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Speaker 2: the story. I have to tell you. I just taught

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Speaker 2: radical acceptance in a prison last week, and I learned

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Speaker 2: something so brilliant from one of the people in my

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Speaker 2: class who said it shouldn't be called radical acceptance, it

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Speaker 2: should be called radical options, because when you stop fighting,

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Speaker 2: there's so many options. Oh my gosh, it's so insightful.

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Speaker 1: I mean, you've also talked about how we can do

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Speaker 1: this simply through the act of labeling, just by kind

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Speaker 1: of being a little bit more specific about which kinds

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Speaker 1: of distress tolerance we're going through.

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Speaker 2: Right, even labeling your emotions just putting a word onto

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Speaker 2: what you're feeling, whether that's angry, then getting really specific

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Speaker 2: about I'm feeling angry, like on a zero to ten scale,

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Speaker 2: at a five. Just putting labels on your emotions actually

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Speaker 2: activates the part of your brain that will help you

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Speaker 2: regulate your emotions. So it seems very simple, like putting

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Speaker 2: a word on your emotion, but it actually starts the

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Speaker 2: process of regulating your emotions. And I even just think

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Speaker 2: about it as like you go from kind of swimming

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Speaker 2: in it to getting some working distance from it.

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Speaker 1: Using your example of that traffic. This is something that

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Speaker 1: I learned from your book is like the last time

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Speaker 1: I was sitting in really terrible traffic, I was like

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Speaker 1: limpic systems, you know, growing ridiculously crazy. I'm going to

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Speaker 1: just use the effic labeling. I was just like frustrated,

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Speaker 1: like really frustrated and you know, kind of like annoyed,

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Speaker 1: a little bit sad, And it was so funny. It

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Speaker 1: sounds so silly, and I think even when I first

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Speaker 1: started it, I was almost doing it a little like facetiously,

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Speaker 1: like I'm doing effect labeling, but I'm kind of not

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Speaker 1: sure it's going to work well. Like ultimately I'm like, yeah,

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Speaker 1: it's it's frustrated, Like that's what it is, Like, it's

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Speaker 1: just an emotion. I'll kind of get through it. And

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Speaker 1: so it has this this active labeling has this power

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Speaker 1: that I think we often don't expect where it really

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Speaker 1: takes like the own flot of our emotions when we realize,

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Speaker 1: you know, it's just a thing I'm experiencing totally.

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Speaker 2: And one thing that I like to do that's kind

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Speaker 2: of the next step to this is even just noticing

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Speaker 2: beyond this specific emotion we all have different states of mind.

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Speaker 2: We all have a kind of an emotional mind where

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Speaker 2: we're governed by our feelings. We all have a reasonable

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Speaker 2: mind where we're just focused on the facts. And then

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Speaker 2: we all also have like wise mind, which is the

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Speaker 2: integration of head and part and our intuition. And so

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Speaker 2: sometimes we're feeling really intense emotions and we keep them

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Speaker 2: afloat by we're really angry, and then we're thinking more

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Speaker 2: angry thoughts and getting more suspicious and agitated, and even

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Speaker 2: just simply categorizing I feel angry, I'm in emotion mind.

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Speaker 2: I'm very likely to be like velcrow or quicksand for

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Speaker 2: all sorts of content that is going to exacerbate that feeling.

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Speaker 2: We have spam filters in our inboxes, but we need

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Speaker 2: kind of test spam filters in our minds. And this

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Speaker 2: is one of the first most practical steps to mindfulness

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Speaker 2: is just noticing I'm in an emotion mind. I feel anxious,

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Speaker 2: I'm in emotion mind, And there's nothing wrong. By the way,

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Speaker 2: emotion mind is amazing. If you are at a concert,

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Speaker 2: if you're dancing, if you're watching an amazing movie, emotion

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Speaker 2: mind is amazing. We just want to make sure that

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Speaker 2: you're in the right state of mind at the right time.

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Speaker 2: So if you're about to go into a meeting and

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Speaker 2: you feel angry, noticing that you're on an emotion mind

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Speaker 2: is going to be a path towards freedom and wisdom.

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Speaker 1: And so that's a type of we can like navigate

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Speaker 1: our distress. But you've also argued that we don't just

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Speaker 1: need to sit with our distress. We can do something different.

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Speaker 1: We can take action so that we feel less stressed.

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Speaker 1: Why is it so hard to remember that we can

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Speaker 1: kind of change our stress around and take action to

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Speaker 1: fix things.

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Speaker 2: When we're stressed, we're just not thinking clearly, and we

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Speaker 2: our mind goes to like big fixes. But I think

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Speaker 2: we need to remember that, like small wheels on a

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Speaker 2: big suitcase, a little can go a long way. And

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Speaker 2: so because we're bad at remembering this, I like to

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Speaker 2: encourage people to create a whole kit, like a collection

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Speaker 2: of items that you can keep handy that just reminds

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Speaker 2: you about the things that have enriched your life and

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Speaker 2: give you a sense of faith and perspective and joy

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Speaker 2: in just looking at them. And this sounds kind of silly,

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Speaker 2: but even people are struggling with suicidality, or people who

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Speaker 2: are facing a cancer diagnosis. Having a hope kit actually

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Speaker 2: significantly increased hope. So again our mind goes to kind

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Speaker 2: of selectively filtering. Everything is terrible. I need to do

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Speaker 2: something big that's going to make me feel better right

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Speaker 2: now and make me feel so much worse later. But

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Speaker 2: if we do something small, it's less sexy. We've created

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Speaker 2: in a time of wisdom that we can access quickly,

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Speaker 2: we can make so much headway. And so for me,

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Speaker 2: just having a couple of notes people have written to

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Speaker 2: me handy and a picture of my grandma holding me

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Speaker 2: when I was a baby helps me bounce back so

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Speaker 2: much more in the face of rejection than what my

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Speaker 2: mind wants to do, which is like love every rejection

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Speaker 2: on top of the one that I'm experiencing in this moment.

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Speaker 2: And different things work for different people and for people

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Speaker 2: thinking about what would I want to put in a

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Speaker 2: hope kit, I think really thinking about things that touch

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Speaker 2: your senses that help you be mindful. But it's really

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Speaker 2: hard to be mindful. But if you can be mindful

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Speaker 2: by really taking a few minutes to look at photos

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Speaker 2: of you and your friends and maybe have a nice playlist,

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Speaker 2: going with the photos and have your favorite scented candle,

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Speaker 2: you know, at your desk so you don't have to

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Speaker 2: grab it from a closet, or like being truly self compassionate.

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Speaker 2: That the thing that I want to tell people is

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Speaker 2: like the difference between healthy self soothing or having a

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Speaker 2: hope kit and what we often want to do is

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Speaker 2: we often kind of totally avoid and don't do things

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Speaker 2: to kind of give ourselves a quick pick me up.

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Speaker 2: We take a total like detour. We you know, maybe

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Speaker 2: we need a little bit of gas, but we don't

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Speaker 2: want to like park ourselves in the gas station and

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Speaker 2: not go to our final destination. And so the hope

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Speaker 2: kit is kind of a little pick me up that

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Speaker 2: can then actually bring you forward.

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Speaker 1: Another way that we can take action is to literally

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Speaker 1: act the opposite. You've actually referred to this as the

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Speaker 1: ultimate mental health act, this idea of behavioral activation. What

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Speaker 1: does this mean?

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Speaker 2: So all emotions aren't just something that we feel. Emotions

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Speaker 2: are created when we have thoughts, and then the thoughts

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Speaker 2: create physical sensations in our bodies, and then we have

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Speaker 2: action urges. And so if I feel sad, I'm probably

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Speaker 2: thinking thoughts about not being good enough for things or

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Speaker 2: too much for me to handle, and I'm really overwhelmed

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Speaker 2: and lonely, and then maybe in my body I feel

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Speaker 2: heaviness and and then my behavior might be something like

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Speaker 2: withdrawing or overthinking or just mindlessly doom scrolling. And so

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Speaker 2: emotions don't just happen to us, but we have a

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Speaker 2: huge role in co creating them, the same way we

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Speaker 2: can co create our stress. And so a lot of

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Speaker 2: times people think that acting how they feel will kind

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Speaker 2: of help them, but these are actually technically known as

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Speaker 2: emotion driven behaviors, and what they do is they intensify

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Speaker 2: our feelings. And so you need to take a step

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Speaker 2: back and notice what is the emotion that you're feeling,

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Speaker 2: What is the emotion driving you to do, and is

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Speaker 2: doing that thing ultimately going to help you? And so

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Speaker 2: short term, it might feel kind of nice to do

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Speaker 2: the thing that your emotion wants you to do, but

435
00:20:49,196 --> 00:20:51,276
Speaker 2: if you actually want to change the course of your life,

436
00:20:51,396 --> 00:20:53,236
Speaker 2: you need to act differently than how you feel. So

437
00:20:53,276 --> 00:20:56,636
Speaker 2: if you feel ashamed and you withdraw, you're giving into shame.

438
00:20:56,756 --> 00:20:59,636
Speaker 2: Shame is winning, you are losing. You're going to maintain shame.

439
00:20:59,676 --> 00:21:02,676
Speaker 2: You're going to grow shame. Shame is going to be

440
00:21:02,756 --> 00:21:04,836
Speaker 2: the defining quality of your life. You're going to continue

441
00:21:04,836 --> 00:21:06,676
Speaker 2: to feel like the biggest loser. But if you feel

442
00:21:06,756 --> 00:21:09,756
Speaker 2: shame and put your phone away and make contact with

443
00:21:09,756 --> 00:21:11,916
Speaker 2: people at a party and introduce yourself to the people

444
00:21:11,916 --> 00:21:14,236
Speaker 2: that you actually want to speak to, like it's hard

445
00:21:14,236 --> 00:21:16,276
Speaker 2: to believe, like I'm okay. But when you have lived

446
00:21:16,276 --> 00:21:19,916
Speaker 2: experience that people are nodding and people are validating you,

447
00:21:19,916 --> 00:21:23,596
Speaker 2: your shame starts to shrink, and so across all mental

448
00:21:23,596 --> 00:21:26,596
Speaker 2: health conditions. The evidence based treatment is when an emotion

449
00:21:26,676 --> 00:21:31,076
Speaker 2: is not justified, acting opposite the emotion will significantly improve

450
00:21:31,476 --> 00:21:34,196
Speaker 2: not only how you feel, that your quality of life.

451
00:21:34,236 --> 00:21:37,236
Speaker 2: And so if you're unhappy in your marriage, maybe you

452
00:21:37,276 --> 00:21:39,996
Speaker 2: want to like replay the passim mistakes and send angry

453
00:21:40,036 --> 00:21:43,116
Speaker 2: text messages and complain to people, but doing something slightly

454
00:21:43,236 --> 00:21:45,636
Speaker 2: nice for your partner that feels like something you could

455
00:21:45,676 --> 00:21:48,956
Speaker 2: do without being resentful or begrudging. And the trick is

456
00:21:48,996 --> 00:21:50,916
Speaker 2: that you need to do this all the way. Opposite

457
00:21:50,956 --> 00:21:53,196
Speaker 2: action is like not the splits, it's two feet in

458
00:21:53,236 --> 00:21:55,276
Speaker 2: it's mind and body. So if you're doing something nice,

459
00:21:55,316 --> 00:21:57,916
Speaker 2: you're not having an inner narrative of no one does

460
00:21:57,956 --> 00:22:00,556
Speaker 2: this for me, This isn't right. It's with your head

461
00:22:00,596 --> 00:22:02,476
Speaker 2: and heart that I care about this person. I want

462
00:22:02,516 --> 00:22:04,436
Speaker 2: them to have a delicious cup of coffee when they

463
00:22:04,436 --> 00:22:06,836
Speaker 2: wake up, and see if my feelings will change as

464
00:22:06,836 --> 00:22:10,316
Speaker 2: a result of this. So apostash is with couples therapy.

465
00:22:10,356 --> 00:22:14,076
Speaker 2: Opposite action is the cornerstone of all treatments for anxiety disorders.

466
00:22:14,116 --> 00:22:16,436
Speaker 2: When your fear is not fit the situation you're in,

467
00:22:16,716 --> 00:22:19,876
Speaker 2: acting different than how you feel, whether that's actsing panic

468
00:22:19,916 --> 00:22:22,956
Speaker 2: as a cure for panic, or taking up public speaking

469
00:22:22,996 --> 00:22:24,676
Speaker 2: if that makes you want to run the other way.

470
00:22:24,916 --> 00:22:27,196
Speaker 1: And I think even kind of the typical emotions that

471
00:22:27,276 --> 00:22:30,996
Speaker 1: often go with stress, right like, even when you're feeling overwhelmed,

472
00:22:31,076 --> 00:22:33,876
Speaker 1: I think sometimes acting opposite has been the sort of

473
00:22:33,876 --> 00:22:35,516
Speaker 1: thing that helps me. Right Like, I'll look at my

474
00:22:35,556 --> 00:22:37,956
Speaker 1: calendar and the calendar will just be feeling like, oh

475
00:22:37,956 --> 00:22:40,476
Speaker 1: my god, it's overflowing. I'll take a moment and think like, well,

476
00:22:40,476 --> 00:22:42,876
Speaker 1: what I be doing if my calendar wasn't overflowing and

477
00:22:42,916 --> 00:22:45,916
Speaker 1: I was feeling overwhelmed, Like I'd text a friend and

478
00:22:45,996 --> 00:22:48,116
Speaker 1: sort of check in. I'd use these five minutes, and

479
00:22:48,196 --> 00:22:50,676
Speaker 1: there's sort of durishing ways rather than sort of ruminating

480
00:22:50,756 --> 00:22:52,556
Speaker 1: and checking my email and all of a sudden, when

481
00:22:52,596 --> 00:22:55,076
Speaker 1: you act like that, it doesn't change the overflowing schedule,

482
00:22:55,156 --> 00:22:56,916
Speaker 1: but it just puts you in a better mindset so

483
00:22:56,916 --> 00:23:00,276
Speaker 1: that your physiology is not feeling kind of overflowing and

484
00:23:00,316 --> 00:23:03,196
Speaker 1: overwhelmed in the same way. It's like such a powerful hack,

485
00:23:03,356 --> 00:23:05,076
Speaker 1: like even when you don't expect it to work, and

486
00:23:05,116 --> 00:23:07,156
Speaker 1: it's different than faking it. I think this is one

487
00:23:07,196 --> 00:23:09,476
Speaker 1: of the things that people get wrong about, this idea

488
00:23:09,516 --> 00:23:11,716
Speaker 1: of acting opposite. You think, well, I'll just pretend like

489
00:23:11,756 --> 00:23:14,956
Speaker 1: I'm not feeling overwhelmed. No, No, it's really about engaging

490
00:23:14,956 --> 00:23:16,876
Speaker 1: in the actions right, and just to come back to

491
00:23:16,876 --> 00:23:20,076
Speaker 1: the stress, because I think that's so powerful. When we're stressed,

492
00:23:20,116 --> 00:23:22,876
Speaker 1: we're often juggling too much. We're again putting ourselves in

493
00:23:22,916 --> 00:23:25,516
Speaker 1: this place where we can't possibly meet the demands because

494
00:23:25,556 --> 00:23:27,756
Speaker 1: we're juggling too many things. We're carrying too many bags,

495
00:23:27,756 --> 00:23:30,236
Speaker 1: something's going to break. But what if we just do

496
00:23:30,316 --> 00:23:32,356
Speaker 1: one thing at a time. Oftentimes when we're.

497
00:23:32,236 --> 00:23:35,396
Speaker 2: Stressed, also we start doing like pseudo productivity, which is

498
00:23:35,436 --> 00:23:38,396
Speaker 2: called like procrastivity, which is like clearing out your inbox

499
00:23:38,476 --> 00:23:41,076
Speaker 2: rather than working on the dog that you need to give,

500
00:23:41,316 --> 00:23:44,556
Speaker 2: and so just starting with a workable goal and doing

501
00:23:44,636 --> 00:23:46,676
Speaker 2: it with your singular focus and being clear on like,

502
00:23:46,676 --> 00:23:48,196
Speaker 2: what is the thing I would do if I felt

503
00:23:48,436 --> 00:23:50,676
Speaker 2: capable of doing this, or if I really was being

504
00:23:50,676 --> 00:23:52,796
Speaker 2: a good friend to myself and a good cheerleader. And

505
00:23:52,876 --> 00:23:54,476
Speaker 2: so I love this because I think the only way

506
00:23:54,516 --> 00:23:56,196
Speaker 2: out of stress is doing what you would do if

507
00:23:56,236 --> 00:23:59,876
Speaker 2: you were acting spacious, which is, you know, not being

508
00:23:59,916 --> 00:24:02,756
Speaker 2: overly perfectionistic and actually facing the thing that you need

509
00:24:02,796 --> 00:24:04,316
Speaker 2: to face, one thing at a time.

510
00:24:04,596 --> 00:24:07,716
Speaker 1: And stopping this procrastivity. I had not heard that word,

511
00:24:07,836 --> 00:24:10,556
Speaker 1: and it's like my new favorite word for twenty twenty five.

512
00:24:11,476 --> 00:24:13,716
Speaker 1: That is a thing I need to reject very very much.

513
00:24:13,836 --> 00:24:15,716
Speaker 2: The cool thing about that is even noticing it is

514
00:24:15,756 --> 00:24:18,236
Speaker 2: kind of like labeling your emotions. It's like this light

515
00:24:18,276 --> 00:24:20,356
Speaker 2: bulb moment where it's like, oh no, I think I

516
00:24:20,396 --> 00:24:22,916
Speaker 2: need to start cleaning up my desk procrestivity, And then

517
00:24:22,956 --> 00:24:26,196
Speaker 2: it's like a nice pivot. The thing about faking it

518
00:24:26,276 --> 00:24:29,556
Speaker 2: is faking it is when I think about that, that

519
00:24:29,756 --> 00:24:32,716
Speaker 2: sounds almost like suppressing your emotions. So it's like pretending

520
00:24:32,756 --> 00:24:34,876
Speaker 2: that you feel really calm when you're giving a keynote,

521
00:24:34,916 --> 00:24:36,596
Speaker 2: and that is going to be really stressful if you

522
00:24:36,596 --> 00:24:39,516
Speaker 2: feel really stressed. If instead you accept it makes total

523
00:24:39,556 --> 00:24:42,436
Speaker 2: sense that I feel a little shaky because this situation

524
00:24:42,556 --> 00:24:45,796
Speaker 2: really matters to me. And allow yourself to feel those feelings,

525
00:24:45,876 --> 00:24:47,636
Speaker 2: you're going to be in a much better position to

526
00:24:47,756 --> 00:24:51,156
Speaker 2: actually speak and sign up for those kinds of opportunities,

527
00:24:51,196 --> 00:24:52,636
Speaker 2: and so it's not faking it. And some of my

528
00:24:52,676 --> 00:24:54,956
Speaker 2: clients tell me that they don't feel like their emotions

529
00:24:54,956 --> 00:24:57,196
Speaker 2: are changing right away, and what I tell them is

530
00:24:57,236 --> 00:25:00,276
Speaker 2: it's okay. Like if you feel really annoyed with someone

531
00:25:00,276 --> 00:25:02,916
Speaker 2: in your family, but it matters to you. Part of

532
00:25:02,916 --> 00:25:05,636
Speaker 2: one of your values is including them in your life,

533
00:25:05,796 --> 00:25:08,436
Speaker 2: It's okay. The first time you meet up with them

534
00:25:08,436 --> 00:25:11,276
Speaker 2: for coffee, I don't immediately have more feelings. The goal

535
00:25:11,316 --> 00:25:13,316
Speaker 2: of opposite action is not just to feel better, it's

536
00:25:13,356 --> 00:25:15,676
Speaker 2: to have the life that you want to live.

537
00:25:16,676 --> 00:25:19,836
Speaker 1: Taking opposite action is such a clever strategy. If you're

538
00:25:19,836 --> 00:25:23,396
Speaker 1: feeling flustered and panicky, just act relaxed and you can

539
00:25:23,396 --> 00:25:25,596
Speaker 1: slow your role. If you're feeling like you want to

540
00:25:25,636 --> 00:25:28,276
Speaker 1: scream and let out your inner hulk, force yourself to

541
00:25:28,316 --> 00:25:29,676
Speaker 1: speak as calmly and.

542
00:25:29,676 --> 00:25:30,676
Speaker 2: Gently as possible.

543
00:25:31,436 --> 00:25:33,796
Speaker 1: It's time for another short break, but Jenny will be

544
00:25:33,836 --> 00:25:36,356
Speaker 1: back with more tips when the Happiness Lab returns.

545
00:25:36,436 --> 00:25:36,956
Speaker 2: In a moment.

546
00:25:42,596 --> 00:25:45,236
Speaker 1: So far, doctor Jenny Tates has explained that we need

547
00:25:45,276 --> 00:25:48,276
Speaker 1: to acknowledge and accept our stress response, but our next

548
00:25:48,316 --> 00:25:51,596
Speaker 1: tip was a big revelation, at least for me. Jenny says,

549
00:25:51,596 --> 00:25:54,436
Speaker 1: we deal better with stressful situations if we can keep

550
00:25:54,476 --> 00:25:56,796
Speaker 1: in mind that we're enduring the stress for some greater

551
00:25:56,996 --> 00:25:57,716
Speaker 1: noble cause.

552
00:25:58,596 --> 00:26:01,196
Speaker 2: I think when we're stressed, we're just zooming in on

553
00:26:01,236 --> 00:26:03,236
Speaker 2: what's immediately in front of us, and we don't have

554
00:26:03,276 --> 00:26:06,396
Speaker 2: a broad perspective about what matters. And there's like a

555
00:26:06,476 --> 00:26:08,756
Speaker 2: Zen story about a man riding a horse and someone

556
00:26:08,756 --> 00:26:11,196
Speaker 2: asks where you're going, he says, I don't know as

557
00:26:11,196 --> 00:26:14,316
Speaker 2: the horse, and that is a really stressful way to live.

558
00:26:14,636 --> 00:26:17,116
Speaker 2: The only reason to work in a job that you

559
00:26:17,116 --> 00:26:20,356
Speaker 2: don't necessarily like might be to feed your family, and

560
00:26:20,436 --> 00:26:23,116
Speaker 2: connecting the dots that I'm willing to do this even

561
00:26:23,156 --> 00:26:25,596
Speaker 2: though it's uncomfortable, because I care about putting food on

562
00:26:25,636 --> 00:26:29,116
Speaker 2: the table, actually make something that's difficult a little bit

563
00:26:29,156 --> 00:26:32,236
Speaker 2: more tolerable and meaningful. And so having a larger sense

564
00:26:32,276 --> 00:26:34,756
Speaker 2: of purpose actually helps us manage our emotions, and studies

565
00:26:34,796 --> 00:26:37,036
Speaker 2: people that have a clear sense of their life purpose

566
00:26:37,236 --> 00:26:40,596
Speaker 2: actually bounce back faster when they're faced with emotional content,

567
00:26:40,676 --> 00:26:42,956
Speaker 2: like looking at painful pictures. People that have a clear

568
00:26:42,956 --> 00:26:46,356
Speaker 2: sense of purpose, their body stress response bounces back faster.

569
00:26:46,676 --> 00:26:49,916
Speaker 2: And I just think if we just practically, we all

570
00:26:49,956 --> 00:26:51,756
Speaker 2: deserve to have kind of a sense of what we

571
00:26:51,796 --> 00:26:54,156
Speaker 2: want our lives to stand for. And one of my

572
00:26:54,196 --> 00:26:57,156
Speaker 2: favorite things to do when stress feels like it's all

573
00:26:57,156 --> 00:27:00,636
Speaker 2: consuming is simply taking a step back and listing. If

574
00:27:00,676 --> 00:27:02,316
Speaker 2: you like, I'm too busy, I don't have time to

575
00:27:02,316 --> 00:27:04,236
Speaker 2: think about my life purpose in like a big way

576
00:27:04,316 --> 00:27:08,076
Speaker 2: or like a mission statement that's really solidified, simply taking

577
00:27:08,076 --> 00:27:09,996
Speaker 2: a step back and thinking of out, Okay, these are

578
00:27:09,996 --> 00:27:12,276
Speaker 2: the things in my life that matter to me. You know,

579
00:27:12,316 --> 00:27:13,636
Speaker 2: I would love for people to take a moment to

580
00:27:13,676 --> 00:27:18,036
Speaker 2: think about this right now. You know, health, relationships, hobbies,

581
00:27:18,236 --> 00:27:21,516
Speaker 2: giving back, career, and there's so many things that matter

582
00:27:21,556 --> 00:27:23,676
Speaker 2: to us, right and taking a step back to write

583
00:27:23,676 --> 00:27:25,956
Speaker 2: out what matters to you and then maybe how you

584
00:27:25,996 --> 00:27:28,476
Speaker 2: want to show up in each of those domains, and

585
00:27:28,516 --> 00:27:32,996
Speaker 2: then depicting the relative weight of each of those facets

586
00:27:33,036 --> 00:27:36,236
Speaker 2: of your life in a pie chart can even help

587
00:27:36,276 --> 00:27:38,436
Speaker 2: give you some perspective. If things are not going well

588
00:27:38,516 --> 00:27:42,356
Speaker 2: right now with a specific relationship, maybe that's ten percent

589
00:27:42,396 --> 00:27:44,316
Speaker 2: of your life five, but in our minds it can

590
00:27:44,356 --> 00:27:47,196
Speaker 2: easily become eighty five percent of our life. Hi, And

591
00:27:47,276 --> 00:27:49,916
Speaker 2: so having a clear purpose helps us see our lives

592
00:27:49,916 --> 00:27:53,396
Speaker 2: more holistically and helps us be more willing to do

593
00:27:53,436 --> 00:27:54,276
Speaker 2: the things that are hard.

594
00:27:54,356 --> 00:27:56,636
Speaker 1: As we talk to all these strategies, like, you've given

595
00:27:56,716 --> 00:27:59,316
Speaker 1: us so many awesome, evidence based tips, but I know

596
00:27:59,356 --> 00:28:02,276
Speaker 1: that sometimes what happens when I'm stressed is like I

597
00:28:02,356 --> 00:28:05,036
Speaker 1: know these tips, but it can still feel like really

598
00:28:05,076 --> 00:28:07,996
Speaker 1: overwhelming to kind of engage with them. Right, there's this

599
00:28:08,036 --> 00:28:10,316
Speaker 1: sort of hesitation that creeps in that even though I

600
00:28:10,356 --> 00:28:12,556
Speaker 1: know these strategies, it's like, Oh, I don't have time

601
00:28:12,596 --> 00:28:14,076
Speaker 1: to think about my purpose. I just need to do

602
00:28:14,116 --> 00:28:16,556
Speaker 1: something that's an incredibly quick hack. And one of the

603
00:28:16,596 --> 00:28:18,316
Speaker 1: reasons I really love your book is that you also

604
00:28:18,356 --> 00:28:21,996
Speaker 1: have strategies for that too. What everything is feeling really overwhelming?

605
00:28:22,396 --> 00:28:24,436
Speaker 1: And that gets to tip number six, which is it

606
00:28:24,636 --> 00:28:27,396
Speaker 1: what all else fails? We can sort of hack our body?

607
00:28:27,556 --> 00:28:29,596
Speaker 1: Why is hacking our body? So helpful when it comes

608
00:28:29,596 --> 00:28:30,116
Speaker 1: to stress.

609
00:28:30,476 --> 00:28:33,116
Speaker 2: So many people think that they need something outside of themselves,

610
00:28:33,236 --> 00:28:36,436
Speaker 2: a medication or a drink to feel better. But your

611
00:28:36,436 --> 00:28:40,676
Speaker 2: body's actually your best pharmacy, and we often forget how

612
00:28:40,716 --> 00:28:43,236
Speaker 2: to lean into our body being our best pharmacy. But

613
00:28:43,316 --> 00:28:45,756
Speaker 2: in a matter of minutes, you can dramatically improve how

614
00:28:45,796 --> 00:28:46,796
Speaker 2: you feel if you know how.

615
00:28:46,916 --> 00:28:49,196
Speaker 1: And so, what are some like super simple hacks of

616
00:28:49,276 --> 00:28:50,916
Speaker 1: changing the way our body is responding.

617
00:28:50,996 --> 00:28:53,716
Speaker 2: There's one that I introduce called TIP, which I think

618
00:28:53,756 --> 00:28:56,716
Speaker 2: about as almost like the control all delete for your body.

619
00:28:56,956 --> 00:29:00,796
Speaker 2: And TIP is an acronym. T stands for temperature. I

620
00:29:01,036 --> 00:29:04,756
Speaker 2: is intense exercise, P is paste breathing at the final

621
00:29:04,756 --> 00:29:07,756
Speaker 2: P is progressive muscle relaxation, and we'll go through those.

622
00:29:08,036 --> 00:29:10,356
Speaker 2: The first thing with the temperature SURE is taking a

623
00:29:10,396 --> 00:29:13,516
Speaker 2: salad bowl and filling it with ice water and setting

624
00:29:13,516 --> 00:29:16,156
Speaker 2: a time work for thirty seconds, holding your breath and

625
00:29:16,156 --> 00:29:18,756
Speaker 2: submerging your face in the ice water. This sounds like

626
00:29:18,796 --> 00:29:21,476
Speaker 2: some sort of weird TikTok trend, but there's a lot

627
00:29:21,476 --> 00:29:23,916
Speaker 2: of research behind it. We all have a min miilion

628
00:29:23,956 --> 00:29:27,556
Speaker 2: diver reflex, and when the human body is submerged in

629
00:29:27,756 --> 00:29:31,556
Speaker 2: cold water without oxygen, It slows down our heart rate

630
00:29:31,636 --> 00:29:34,916
Speaker 2: and redirects blood flow from not essential to essential organs.

631
00:29:35,236 --> 00:29:37,236
Speaker 2: And so even if this sounds really weird, if you

632
00:29:37,276 --> 00:29:39,956
Speaker 2: are wearing an Apple watch, your heart rate will decrease

633
00:29:39,956 --> 00:29:43,476
Speaker 2: significantly when you do this. And yes, the point of

634
00:29:43,516 --> 00:29:45,396
Speaker 2: life is not to be submerging your face in ice water.

635
00:29:45,476 --> 00:29:47,276
Speaker 2: But if you're in a moment and you're making things

636
00:29:47,316 --> 00:29:50,476
Speaker 2: worse for yourself, and you feel like you're panicking, and

637
00:29:50,076 --> 00:29:53,316
Speaker 2: you have thoughts that aren't serving you, in thirty seconds,

638
00:29:53,396 --> 00:29:56,276
Speaker 2: you can do something that shifts your physiology and also

639
00:29:56,276 --> 00:29:58,556
Speaker 2: shifts your mental state and also reminds you that you

640
00:29:58,596 --> 00:30:01,396
Speaker 2: can do something difficult and that you can feel different

641
00:30:01,476 --> 00:30:03,916
Speaker 2: in a matter of seconds. I should just say that

642
00:30:03,956 --> 00:30:06,276
Speaker 2: this is not a good strategy for people that have

643
00:30:06,356 --> 00:30:09,076
Speaker 2: part conditions because your heart rate will come down quickly.

644
00:30:09,756 --> 00:30:11,796
Speaker 2: But the ice face is something that people are really

645
00:30:11,836 --> 00:30:14,636
Speaker 2: surprised when they're an a vicious cycle of rumination or

646
00:30:14,636 --> 00:30:18,156
Speaker 2: if they feel frozen, Freezing your face will surprisingly unfreeze you.

647
00:30:18,316 --> 00:30:20,476
Speaker 2: And then eye is intense exercise, and this is not

648
00:30:20,636 --> 00:30:24,636
Speaker 2: running a marathon or going to a sixty minute workout class,

649
00:30:24,796 --> 00:30:28,396
Speaker 2: just briefly doing something like urbis for a minute or two,

650
00:30:28,716 --> 00:30:30,916
Speaker 2: or running in place but bringing your knees up to

651
00:30:30,956 --> 00:30:33,316
Speaker 2: your nose as best you can. I'm doing something like that.

652
00:30:33,476 --> 00:30:35,716
Speaker 2: These things are changing or your body, and also in

653
00:30:35,716 --> 00:30:37,036
Speaker 2: your mind, you're not going to be able to be

654
00:30:37,076 --> 00:30:40,996
Speaker 2: thinking the same thoughts. Is peace. Breathing is slowing down

655
00:30:41,036 --> 00:30:44,196
Speaker 2: your respiratory rate. On average, we breathe about eighteen breaths

656
00:30:44,236 --> 00:30:46,596
Speaker 2: per minute, and if we slow our breath to about

657
00:30:46,636 --> 00:30:49,676
Speaker 2: a third of that by breathing in for five, we

658
00:30:49,716 --> 00:30:51,996
Speaker 2: can all do this together through your nose. You could

659
00:30:52,036 --> 00:30:54,436
Speaker 2: gently close your lips in for five and out for five.

660
00:31:01,556 --> 00:31:03,916
Speaker 2: If you do that for several minutes, that actually lowers

661
00:31:03,916 --> 00:31:05,156
Speaker 2: your blood pressure.

662
00:31:04,956 --> 00:31:07,836
Speaker 1: Or even just once. Honestly, I just did that with you,

663
00:31:07,916 --> 00:31:09,716
Speaker 1: and now all of a sudden, I'm like, oh, I

664
00:31:09,756 --> 00:31:11,716
Speaker 1: actually do feel better. Just so funny. It's one of

665
00:31:11,756 --> 00:31:13,556
Speaker 1: these things where people tell you if you're upset, like

666
00:31:13,636 --> 00:31:16,596
Speaker 1: take a deep breath, and it sounds so kind of frustrating,

667
00:31:16,796 --> 00:31:18,876
Speaker 1: but what it's really doing is it's hacking a part

668
00:31:18,876 --> 00:31:21,316
Speaker 1: of your body that's kind of incredibly hard to hack.

669
00:31:21,356 --> 00:31:23,876
Speaker 1: You really hacking your parasympathetic nervousness totally.

670
00:31:24,116 --> 00:31:25,956
Speaker 2: I think the only qualifiers. If you feel like you

671
00:31:25,996 --> 00:31:28,276
Speaker 2: can't breathe, that is not the one I would go to.

672
00:31:28,396 --> 00:31:31,356
Speaker 2: But other than times when you're feeling panic, yeah, taking

673
00:31:31,396 --> 00:31:32,756
Speaker 2: a deep breath. And I have to tell you, Laurie,

674
00:31:32,756 --> 00:31:35,556
Speaker 2: I was blown away working on this book. I interviewed

675
00:31:35,676 --> 00:31:39,036
Speaker 2: doctor Richard Brown and doctor Patricia Gerbarg, who or psychiatrists

676
00:31:39,036 --> 00:31:43,116
Speaker 2: affiliated with Columbia University who moved away from prescribing medications

677
00:31:43,356 --> 00:31:46,996
Speaker 2: to prescribing breath work, who are teaching breathing all over

678
00:31:47,036 --> 00:31:50,276
Speaker 2: the world, therapeutic breathing exercises, even right now to people

679
00:31:50,316 --> 00:31:54,436
Speaker 2: in Ukraine. And they are telling me that people in

680
00:31:54,876 --> 00:31:57,756
Speaker 2: war zones are actually finding tranquility within. And I was

681
00:31:57,796 --> 00:31:59,876
Speaker 2: so moved by this fact that a portion of the

682
00:31:59,916 --> 00:32:02,876
Speaker 2: proceeds from my book is going to their foundation. Because

683
00:32:02,956 --> 00:32:04,756
Speaker 2: we think, yeah, taking a breath is not going to

684
00:32:04,756 --> 00:32:07,436
Speaker 2: really change my reality, but it does. It expands your

685
00:32:07,476 --> 00:32:10,596
Speaker 2: ability to cope with your reality. And we need to

686
00:32:10,676 --> 00:32:14,156
Speaker 2: strengthen our inner system to deal with a stressful adder system.

687
00:32:14,716 --> 00:32:17,996
Speaker 2: And then the final P is progressive muscle relaxation. And

688
00:32:18,076 --> 00:32:20,276
Speaker 2: so a lot of times it might feel like the

689
00:32:20,316 --> 00:32:22,036
Speaker 2: only way for you to relax is to get a massage,

690
00:32:22,076 --> 00:32:24,836
Speaker 2: but you can give yourself a quick massage. Even if

691
00:32:25,396 --> 00:32:27,316
Speaker 2: this isn't something you've tried before, this is quite easy

692
00:32:27,356 --> 00:32:31,276
Speaker 2: to do by tensing your forehead and releasing and noticing

693
00:32:31,276 --> 00:32:33,716
Speaker 2: the difference between tension and relaxation your forehead, and then

694
00:32:33,836 --> 00:32:36,756
Speaker 2: with each in and out breath, releasing more, and then

695
00:32:36,796 --> 00:32:38,716
Speaker 2: doing the same with your lips, tensing your lips by

696
00:32:38,716 --> 00:32:41,356
Speaker 2: bringing your lips together releasing A lot of us don't

697
00:32:41,356 --> 00:32:44,036
Speaker 2: even realize that we're our shoulders are touching our ears,

698
00:32:44,036 --> 00:32:48,236
Speaker 2: and we're scowling, and we're tightening our fists especially, and

699
00:32:48,276 --> 00:32:50,596
Speaker 2: there's so many things we can do to just create

700
00:32:50,596 --> 00:32:52,596
Speaker 2: a little bit more space in our bodies. And again,

701
00:32:52,796 --> 00:32:56,316
Speaker 2: the temperature, intense exercise, pace breathing, and progressive muscle relaxation

702
00:32:56,556 --> 00:32:58,716
Speaker 2: are things we can all do really quickly in a

703
00:32:58,756 --> 00:33:02,316
Speaker 2: matter of minutes, and I don't think that you're going

704
00:33:02,356 --> 00:33:06,676
Speaker 2: to have anything but a sense of expansiveness and present focus.

705
00:33:06,796 --> 00:33:08,516
Speaker 1: Another thing we could do at a matter of minutes

706
00:33:08,596 --> 00:33:10,436
Speaker 1: is your tip verse seven, which is that we can

707
00:33:10,476 --> 00:33:14,196
Speaker 1: hack our senses. One of my favorite versions of this

708
00:33:14,356 --> 00:33:17,076
Speaker 1: is your idea that we can comfort ourself with touch,

709
00:33:17,156 --> 00:33:19,036
Speaker 1: which is something that I've taken from your book just

710
00:33:19,116 --> 00:33:21,756
Speaker 1: kind of remembering like, oh, I can put on some

711
00:33:21,876 --> 00:33:24,356
Speaker 1: fuzzy socks. You know, I can give myself a little

712
00:33:24,356 --> 00:33:26,596
Speaker 1: self hug. Talk about why our senses can be so

713
00:33:26,756 --> 00:33:28,916
Speaker 1: powerful for changing our stress response.

714
00:33:29,036 --> 00:33:31,276
Speaker 2: We get into this two punch of our mind is

715
00:33:31,276 --> 00:33:33,436
Speaker 2: bullying us, and then our bodies feel like they're rebelling

716
00:33:33,436 --> 00:33:36,276
Speaker 2: against us. But doing something like if you just received

717
00:33:36,396 --> 00:33:39,436
Speaker 2: difficult feedback, like putting two hands on your heart can

718
00:33:39,596 --> 00:33:41,876
Speaker 2: really feel like a hug. And this sounds corny, but

719
00:33:41,956 --> 00:33:45,036
Speaker 2: their studies that showed us to be true and doing

720
00:33:45,076 --> 00:33:48,516
Speaker 2: small things to self validate that communicate that our feelings

721
00:33:48,516 --> 00:33:51,356
Speaker 2: are moramal and to be expected. And I mean, I

722
00:33:51,356 --> 00:33:54,436
Speaker 2: think self compassion is so key and finding ways through

723
00:33:54,476 --> 00:33:56,996
Speaker 2: touch and from the moment we're born, we're comforted by

724
00:33:57,076 --> 00:33:59,836
Speaker 2: touch and this is something that people really crave and

725
00:34:00,156 --> 00:34:03,436
Speaker 2: really complained about during periods of isolation during the pandemic,

726
00:34:03,476 --> 00:34:05,836
Speaker 2: and giving your friends a hug is so lovely. And

727
00:34:06,396 --> 00:34:09,196
Speaker 2: if you're on your own, you know, massaging your.

728
00:34:09,676 --> 00:34:13,356
Speaker 1: Given yourself a hug works pretty well too. Yeah, so

729
00:34:13,396 --> 00:34:16,396
Speaker 1: those are all strategies we can use maybe after something

730
00:34:16,436 --> 00:34:19,196
Speaker 1: stressful happens. But your book also goes through things we

731
00:34:19,236 --> 00:34:22,036
Speaker 1: can do to get ahead of things before stress starts,

732
00:34:22,076 --> 00:34:23,956
Speaker 1: so we can kind of beat it. And one of

733
00:34:23,956 --> 00:34:26,556
Speaker 1: my favorite strategies in this, which is my tip number eight,

734
00:34:27,076 --> 00:34:30,756
Speaker 1: is that we could mentally rehearse to kind of protect ourselves.

735
00:34:30,916 --> 00:34:32,596
Speaker 1: What do you mean my mental rehearsal here.

736
00:34:32,636 --> 00:34:35,876
Speaker 2: So there's this incredible thing that when we imagine a

737
00:34:35,916 --> 00:34:39,716
Speaker 2: situation in our mind, if we actually rehearse ourselves in

738
00:34:39,756 --> 00:34:42,156
Speaker 2: that situation, we use the same parts of our brain

739
00:34:42,196 --> 00:34:45,876
Speaker 2: that we'll actually use in the situation. And so oftentimes

740
00:34:45,916 --> 00:34:48,396
Speaker 2: we're facing something that seems overwhelming and we do the

741
00:34:48,436 --> 00:34:51,956
Speaker 2: opposite of this. We worry, we dread, we expect the worst.

742
00:34:52,156 --> 00:34:55,956
Speaker 2: But if we swap dread with coping ahead, actually imagining,

743
00:34:56,436 --> 00:34:59,396
Speaker 2: not overly idealistically, but realistically, this thing is going to

744
00:34:59,476 --> 00:35:01,116
Speaker 2: come up. I'm going to sit down at my desk.

745
00:35:01,396 --> 00:35:03,916
Speaker 2: I'm going to want to go bounce around social media

746
00:35:03,916 --> 00:35:06,796
Speaker 2: and news sites, but instead I'm going to close everything out.

747
00:35:06,956 --> 00:35:09,516
Speaker 2: Set a time or for this amount of time actually

748
00:35:09,516 --> 00:35:12,276
Speaker 2: sets us up to do just that. The mental rehearsal,

749
00:35:12,356 --> 00:35:14,476
Speaker 2: this is something that a lot of sports psychologists use.

750
00:35:15,276 --> 00:35:17,516
Speaker 2: It's really helpful. I find it personally helpful with writing

751
00:35:17,516 --> 00:35:19,396
Speaker 2: this book, or just like the mental rehearsal of sitting

752
00:35:19,396 --> 00:35:21,516
Speaker 2: down to do deep work. But I think it's a

753
00:35:21,556 --> 00:35:24,636
Speaker 2: powerful way to use our resources to set us up

754
00:35:24,636 --> 00:35:27,636
Speaker 2: for success rather than to set us up for not

755
00:35:27,676 --> 00:35:29,076
Speaker 2: believing in ourselves and struggling.

756
00:35:29,236 --> 00:35:32,116
Speaker 1: Another resource we can use style ourselves kind of ahead

757
00:35:32,116 --> 00:35:33,916
Speaker 1: of time is we can use a little bit more

758
00:35:33,996 --> 00:35:36,916
Speaker 1: humor and we can find humor before the stress kicks in.

759
00:35:37,116 --> 00:35:39,516
Speaker 1: How is humor so helpful for fighting stress?

760
00:35:39,556 --> 00:35:40,996
Speaker 2: Oh? I love this. I just feel like if you

761
00:35:40,996 --> 00:35:43,116
Speaker 2: can make someone laugh and a hard moment that really

762
00:35:43,116 --> 00:35:47,476
Speaker 2: shifts their perspective. I find humor so personally liberating and

763
00:35:47,596 --> 00:35:49,636
Speaker 2: joyful and we all need. I mean, I think it's

764
00:35:49,636 --> 00:35:51,956
Speaker 2: almost like life is like a seesaw. The more positive

765
00:35:51,956 --> 00:35:55,116
Speaker 2: emotions we elevate, the more negative emotions come down. And

766
00:35:55,156 --> 00:35:57,156
Speaker 2: this is something that's true even in the research people

767
00:35:57,196 --> 00:36:00,276
Speaker 2: that are focused on in your treatment called positive ethic therapy,

768
00:36:00,316 --> 00:36:03,436
Speaker 2: they reduce their anxiety and depression, even if that's not targeted.

769
00:36:03,476 --> 00:36:06,436
Speaker 2: And so being able to laugh and play with yourself

770
00:36:06,596 --> 00:36:09,836
Speaker 2: and giving your anxiety of funny like I don't know.

771
00:36:09,876 --> 00:36:11,956
Speaker 2: When I was living in New York, I lived on

772
00:36:11,956 --> 00:36:14,876
Speaker 2: top of a candy store. In the window of the

773
00:36:14,876 --> 00:36:17,356
Speaker 2: candy store there was this big stuffed animal called grumpy cat.

774
00:36:17,516 --> 00:36:20,796
Speaker 2: Even just you know, noticing like, okay, grumpy cats coming around.

775
00:36:21,876 --> 00:36:23,796
Speaker 2: That's a quick way to kind of get some distance

776
00:36:23,796 --> 00:36:26,316
Speaker 2: and perspective and to play with it. And I think

777
00:36:26,636 --> 00:36:29,636
Speaker 2: going through life looking for funny things kind of shifts

778
00:36:29,636 --> 00:36:32,516
Speaker 2: your perspective and humor is not only good for you,

779
00:36:32,556 --> 00:36:34,116
Speaker 2: but also for the people around you.

780
00:36:34,396 --> 00:36:36,276
Speaker 1: Yeah, it's a way of kind of regulating not just

781
00:36:36,316 --> 00:36:38,196
Speaker 1: your stress, but the stress of the people that you

782
00:36:38,316 --> 00:36:40,436
Speaker 1: happen to find yourself with. It's such a good tip

783
00:36:40,516 --> 00:36:43,756
Speaker 1: number nine. Now we get to my final tip, which

784
00:36:43,796 --> 00:36:46,316
Speaker 1: sort of builds on this idea of bringing in positive emotions.

785
00:36:46,396 --> 00:36:49,756
Speaker 1: We can protect ourselves by plotting out our joy, and

786
00:36:49,876 --> 00:36:52,236
Speaker 1: you argue you should even make appointments with our joy.

787
00:36:52,476 --> 00:36:53,836
Speaker 1: Kind of explain what you mean there.

788
00:36:53,996 --> 00:36:56,356
Speaker 2: It's so easy to feel like, when I have time,

789
00:36:56,636 --> 00:37:00,756
Speaker 2: then I will call that friend or finally go to

790
00:37:00,796 --> 00:37:03,356
Speaker 2: see a movie in the theater, or figure out a

791
00:37:03,436 --> 00:37:06,996
Speaker 2: nice hiking trail in my neighborhood. But actually, like we

792
00:37:07,116 --> 00:37:10,396
Speaker 2: need to plot joy to have the energy. We need

793
00:37:10,436 --> 00:37:13,716
Speaker 2: to again expand our inner resources and doing things to

794
00:37:13,716 --> 00:37:17,996
Speaker 2: cultivate positive emotions actually reduces our vulnerability to negative emotions

795
00:37:17,996 --> 00:37:21,276
Speaker 2: and creates a buffer for stress, and so intentionally planning

796
00:37:21,316 --> 00:37:24,116
Speaker 2: things to look forward to and then learning to actually

797
00:37:24,196 --> 00:37:27,116
Speaker 2: really savor them. So if you did something pleasant, to

798
00:37:27,596 --> 00:37:29,796
Speaker 2: repeat it in your mind or even actually say it

799
00:37:29,796 --> 00:37:32,676
Speaker 2: out loud is what experts say to do the specific

800
00:37:32,756 --> 00:37:35,196
Speaker 2: highlight of that experience, like if you met up with

801
00:37:35,236 --> 00:37:37,196
Speaker 2: a friend, like even just the moment of your eyes

802
00:37:37,396 --> 00:37:39,756
Speaker 2: catching one another's across the room and then running to

803
00:37:39,796 --> 00:37:42,676
Speaker 2: give each other a hug, like in this cute coffee

804
00:37:42,676 --> 00:37:45,196
Speaker 2: shop it smelled like I don't know a fall. That

805
00:37:45,316 --> 00:37:47,716
Speaker 2: is so helpful, because again, I think we just go

806
00:37:47,796 --> 00:37:50,116
Speaker 2: from hard time to hard time, and we need to

807
00:37:50,156 --> 00:37:54,036
Speaker 2: realize that planning and savoring moments of pleasures like putting

808
00:37:54,036 --> 00:37:57,516
Speaker 2: money in your bank account that offsets your stress and

809
00:37:57,556 --> 00:38:00,636
Speaker 2: also allows you to enjoy your life. And a huge

810
00:38:00,676 --> 00:38:02,916
Speaker 2: thing that we need to remember is doing these things

811
00:38:02,956 --> 00:38:04,636
Speaker 2: is not just good for us, but good for the

812
00:38:04,636 --> 00:38:07,436
Speaker 2: people around us. And it's really hard to bring positivity

813
00:38:07,476 --> 00:38:10,356
Speaker 2: to the people that you care about are running low.

814
00:38:10,556 --> 00:38:12,396
Speaker 1: One of my favorite things about the strategy is that

815
00:38:12,476 --> 00:38:15,516
Speaker 1: you talk about planning this ahead of time, because I

816
00:38:15,556 --> 00:38:18,156
Speaker 1: know that for me, especially when I'm feeling really stressed

817
00:38:18,156 --> 00:38:20,676
Speaker 1: and overwhelmed, there can be some friction about adding in

818
00:38:20,716 --> 00:38:23,396
Speaker 1: these pleasant things. But if it's already in the calendar,

819
00:38:23,476 --> 00:38:25,436
Speaker 1: right I already have a movie night with my friends,

820
00:38:25,476 --> 00:38:27,676
Speaker 1: or I've already planned dinner, you know, with people I

821
00:38:27,716 --> 00:38:29,316
Speaker 1: really care about, I'm going to have a really fun

822
00:38:29,356 --> 00:38:32,316
Speaker 1: time with weeks in advance, then it winds up sticking around.

823
00:38:32,356 --> 00:38:35,436
Speaker 1: So I love the sort of anticipatory adding the pleasure

824
00:38:35,476 --> 00:38:37,276
Speaker 1: in ahead of time so that it's there.

825
00:38:37,116 --> 00:38:39,396
Speaker 2: When you really need it. Yeah, And I think what

826
00:38:39,396 --> 00:38:42,636
Speaker 2: you're saying is so impactful because we can anticipate it

827
00:38:42,876 --> 00:38:45,476
Speaker 2: and savor it and then re experience it afterwards. And

828
00:38:45,476 --> 00:38:48,356
Speaker 2: then I think also just strategically having it in your calendar.

829
00:38:48,596 --> 00:38:50,036
Speaker 2: This happens to me all the time. If I know

830
00:38:50,076 --> 00:38:52,516
Speaker 2: that I have a hard stop time, that makes the

831
00:38:52,556 --> 00:38:55,436
Speaker 2: time right before that much more productive. And so I

832
00:38:55,436 --> 00:38:57,636
Speaker 2: think just knowing I got to be finished by this

833
00:38:57,676 --> 00:38:59,836
Speaker 2: time because I have this dinner on the calendar actually

834
00:38:59,956 --> 00:39:03,036
Speaker 2: leads to less you know, bouncing around between tasks and

835
00:39:03,036 --> 00:39:05,436
Speaker 2: more monotasking. And so I think it's good for joint

836
00:39:05,476 --> 00:39:07,796
Speaker 2: It's also good for the things that are stressing us

837
00:39:07,796 --> 00:39:08,996
Speaker 2: out to actually tackle those.

838
00:39:09,356 --> 00:39:10,916
Speaker 1: So we talked about kind of ways that we can

839
00:39:10,956 --> 00:39:14,476
Speaker 1: deal with stress. But you know, sometimes stress dips into

840
00:39:14,476 --> 00:39:16,756
Speaker 1: the clinical right for example, if somebody is going through

841
00:39:16,756 --> 00:39:20,036
Speaker 1: a moment of total panic, any particular tips for tackling

842
00:39:20,076 --> 00:39:22,156
Speaker 1: that when things get really out of hand for.

843
00:39:22,236 --> 00:39:25,196
Speaker 2: People that have panic. One of the most surprising things

844
00:39:25,196 --> 00:39:28,796
Speaker 2: people don't realize is that practicing panic is the path

845
00:39:28,836 --> 00:39:31,596
Speaker 2: out of panic. And so rather than worrying I'm going

846
00:39:31,636 --> 00:39:33,676
Speaker 2: to be on the freeway and I'm going to start

847
00:39:33,716 --> 00:39:35,996
Speaker 2: sweating and I'm going to feel like I can't breathe,

848
00:39:36,196 --> 00:39:38,116
Speaker 2: and I'm going to feel like I can't drive safely,

849
00:39:38,396 --> 00:39:40,596
Speaker 2: rather than waiting for that moment to surprise you and

850
00:39:40,636 --> 00:39:43,596
Speaker 2: catch you off guard, if you can practice panic, if

851
00:39:43,636 --> 00:39:46,836
Speaker 2: you can recreate those very physical sensations that you are

852
00:39:46,996 --> 00:39:48,796
Speaker 2: i will never pop up in your life. If you

853
00:39:48,796 --> 00:39:51,236
Speaker 2: can actually practice those on purpose in a safe space,

854
00:39:51,316 --> 00:39:55,916
Speaker 2: bend a minute hyperventilating, surprisingly introceptive exposure or facing those

855
00:39:55,916 --> 00:39:58,636
Speaker 2: physical sensations that you want to avoid is one of

856
00:39:58,676 --> 00:40:01,436
Speaker 2: the most proven paths out of panic, and it works

857
00:40:01,436 --> 00:40:04,556
Speaker 2: surprisingly well, and it works in a relatively short amount

858
00:40:04,556 --> 00:40:06,916
Speaker 2: of time. Doing this in a safe environment helps you

859
00:40:06,996 --> 00:40:09,116
Speaker 2: kind of metaphorically put out a welcome that when these

860
00:40:09,196 --> 00:40:11,476
Speaker 2: things show up, because we often do as almost like

861
00:40:11,516 --> 00:40:14,996
Speaker 2: a Chinese finger trap, we feel physically uncomfortable, we judge it,

862
00:40:15,036 --> 00:40:17,396
Speaker 2: we feel more constricted. The more we fight, the more

863
00:40:17,636 --> 00:40:19,676
Speaker 2: stuck we are. But if we can lean in and

864
00:40:19,956 --> 00:40:22,116
Speaker 2: have an attitude of been there, done that. I've practice

865
00:40:22,156 --> 00:40:23,956
Speaker 2: this at home, I know what this is my just

866
00:40:23,996 --> 00:40:27,996
Speaker 2: like my emotions come in waves, my physiology changes when

867
00:40:27,996 --> 00:40:30,316
Speaker 2: I don't hyper focus on it. It's a really liberating

868
00:40:30,556 --> 00:40:33,236
Speaker 2: technique that I've been blown away by its impact on

869
00:40:33,476 --> 00:40:34,076
Speaker 2: my clients.

870
00:40:34,396 --> 00:40:36,236
Speaker 1: So listeners should definitely check out the book, and they

871
00:40:36,236 --> 00:40:39,076
Speaker 1: should also check out this stress reset deck you have,

872
00:40:39,196 --> 00:40:41,756
Speaker 1: which is just like little cards that explain these things.

873
00:40:41,836 --> 00:40:43,276
Speaker 1: You don't have to flip through a whole book to

874
00:40:43,316 --> 00:40:46,036
Speaker 1: find them. I'm just so curious writing this book has

875
00:40:46,276 --> 00:40:48,836
Speaker 1: kind of having all these strategies that they're ready helped

876
00:40:48,876 --> 00:40:50,876
Speaker 1: you get through really stressful periods.

877
00:40:50,996 --> 00:40:53,676
Speaker 2: I wrote this book because having these strategies that I've

878
00:40:53,756 --> 00:40:56,916
Speaker 2: learned over the past couple of decades has changed my life.

879
00:40:56,956 --> 00:40:58,516
Speaker 2: I mean, these are like beads of a necklace that

880
00:40:58,556 --> 00:41:01,516
Speaker 2: I wear constantly, and I feel like They're too precious

881
00:41:01,556 --> 00:41:03,956
Speaker 2: to keep to myself, and I want everyone to access them.

882
00:41:03,996 --> 00:41:06,916
Speaker 2: And certainly in moments when I stressed out, I take

883
00:41:06,916 --> 00:41:09,236
Speaker 2: a step back and notice what am I doing by

884
00:41:09,276 --> 00:41:11,236
Speaker 2: thinking not serving me? And what is a change in

885
00:41:11,236 --> 00:41:15,476
Speaker 2: my behavior that I can quickly pivot towards. Because we

886
00:41:15,516 --> 00:41:19,076
Speaker 2: all deserve to improve our moments, and these improve our days,

887
00:41:19,116 --> 00:41:21,556
Speaker 2: and this improves our whole life, and this creates a

888
00:41:21,556 --> 00:41:23,596
Speaker 2: positive ripple effect not only in us, but with the

889
00:41:23,636 --> 00:41:26,156
Speaker 2: people around us. And so they certainly have changed my

890
00:41:26,196 --> 00:41:29,676
Speaker 2: life and opposite action is a total way that I

891
00:41:29,676 --> 00:41:31,316
Speaker 2: live my life, a lifestyle.

892
00:41:32,236 --> 00:41:35,316
Speaker 1: I can't recommend Jenny's Stress Resets book enough. It's packed

893
00:41:35,356 --> 00:41:37,876
Speaker 1: with so much good advice, far more than we've been

894
00:41:37,916 --> 00:41:40,076
Speaker 1: able to fit into the show. Well, let's recap the

895
00:41:40,116 --> 00:41:43,716
Speaker 1: wisdom that Jenny's shared. Tip one sounds simple, but it's hard.

896
00:41:44,236 --> 00:41:46,236
Speaker 1: You have to accept that stress is the price of

897
00:41:46,276 --> 00:41:50,076
Speaker 1: a fulfilling life. Challenging things give us purpose and fun

898
00:41:50,236 --> 00:41:53,116
Speaker 1: and all the social connection we need. The next tip

899
00:41:53,236 --> 00:41:55,716
Speaker 1: is to stop all that rumination. Letting your mind think

900
00:41:55,756 --> 00:41:58,556
Speaker 1: about a stressful situation over and over doesn't do you

901
00:41:58,596 --> 00:42:01,036
Speaker 1: any good. Nip these looping thoughts in the butt by

902
00:42:01,076 --> 00:42:04,236
Speaker 1: asking yourself how you're going to move forward. Tip three

903
00:42:04,396 --> 00:42:07,876
Speaker 1: is all about building up distress tolerance. Practice accepting tough

904
00:42:07,876 --> 00:42:10,596
Speaker 1: feelings when they arrive so you don't drown in them.

905
00:42:10,796 --> 00:42:13,836
Speaker 1: Tip number four is not to let stressors dictate your behavior.

906
00:42:14,196 --> 00:42:16,956
Speaker 1: If you're feeling down, do the opposite and try something

907
00:42:16,996 --> 00:42:20,116
Speaker 1: fun and energetic. If you're feeling enraged with someone, do

908
00:42:20,236 --> 00:42:22,636
Speaker 1: something nice for them, even if you actually want to

909
00:42:22,676 --> 00:42:25,916
Speaker 1: be a bit mean. Tip number five zoom out from

910
00:42:25,996 --> 00:42:28,556
Speaker 1: your stress and remember why you're doing what you're doing.

911
00:42:28,916 --> 00:42:31,716
Speaker 1: Are you enduring a difficult situation to improve your life

912
00:42:31,836 --> 00:42:33,876
Speaker 1: or the life of someone you love. A bit of

913
00:42:33,876 --> 00:42:35,996
Speaker 1: stress might start to seem worth it for that long

914
00:42:36,076 --> 00:42:39,396
Speaker 1: term gain. Tip number six hack your body. Don't reach

915
00:42:39,436 --> 00:42:40,956
Speaker 1: for a drink or a point of ice cream to

916
00:42:41,036 --> 00:42:43,516
Speaker 1: change your mood. Shock yourself with a blast of water,

917
00:42:43,676 --> 00:42:46,036
Speaker 1: a deep breath, or even a burst of exercise to

918
00:42:46,036 --> 00:42:49,236
Speaker 1: halt that stress response in its tracks. Tip number seven

919
00:42:49,356 --> 00:42:52,396
Speaker 1: follows along from that. It's give yourself a hug. A

920
00:42:52,476 --> 00:42:54,916
Speaker 1: loved one's embrace can help you when you're struggling, so

921
00:42:54,996 --> 00:42:58,396
Speaker 1: if that's not possible, give yourself an encouraging squeeze. Your

922
00:42:58,396 --> 00:43:01,596
Speaker 1: brain won't know the difference. The next tip is to

923
00:43:01,636 --> 00:43:05,196
Speaker 1: plan ahead. Don't just stress about an upcoming challenge. Imagine

924
00:43:05,196 --> 00:43:08,236
Speaker 1: what you'll do to cope with that stressful situation. Rehearsing

925
00:43:08,356 --> 00:43:11,476
Speaker 1: really does pay off. Tip number nine is to see

926
00:43:11,476 --> 00:43:14,076
Speaker 1: the funny side. Actively looking for the humor of a

927
00:43:14,156 --> 00:43:17,476
Speaker 1: situation can lift your spirits and put your problems in

928
00:43:17,516 --> 00:43:20,916
Speaker 1: a more manageable perspective. And tip number ten is to

929
00:43:20,956 --> 00:43:23,996
Speaker 1: seek joy in times of stress. Don't hunker down and

930
00:43:24,036 --> 00:43:26,876
Speaker 1: be miserable. See a friend, catch a movie, and try

931
00:43:26,916 --> 00:43:29,996
Speaker 1: out that hike. Remember that joy is available to fill

932
00:43:30,036 --> 00:43:30,756
Speaker 1: your fuel tank.