1 00:00:02,880 --> 00:00:03,199 Speaker 1: Morning. 2 00:00:03,240 --> 00:00:05,120 Speaker 2: Everybody is the j n V. 3 00:00:05,360 --> 00:00:07,520 Speaker 1: Charlemagne and God. We are the Breakfast Club. We have 4 00:00:07,560 --> 00:00:10,080 Speaker 1: Laura La Rosa here, our special guest host, and we 5 00:00:10,119 --> 00:00:12,360 Speaker 1: got a special guest with us today. We had a 6 00:00:12,400 --> 00:00:14,720 Speaker 1: topic of talking about some statements that she said, ladies 7 00:00:14,720 --> 00:00:16,840 Speaker 1: and gentlemen, Williams. 8 00:00:16,560 --> 00:00:17,520 Speaker 3: Don't nobody stir it up? 9 00:00:18,960 --> 00:00:24,600 Speaker 2: What's up, Envy? What's up? Sharp morning? Good morning, Envy. 10 00:00:24,640 --> 00:00:26,599 Speaker 2: I was going to be very very pissed and disappointed 11 00:00:26,600 --> 00:00:29,680 Speaker 2: if you weren't skyping in so good. Why well, because 12 00:00:29,680 --> 00:00:31,200 Speaker 2: I didn't know if I'd ever be back up here 13 00:00:31,280 --> 00:00:32,280 Speaker 2: to be candid. 14 00:00:33,479 --> 00:00:34,640 Speaker 1: Why it was. 15 00:00:34,680 --> 00:00:36,280 Speaker 2: It was? It was tight last time. 16 00:00:36,760 --> 00:00:37,720 Speaker 1: Yeah, but God is good. 17 00:00:37,760 --> 00:00:40,680 Speaker 2: I came with my godly own. You don't godly on 18 00:00:41,200 --> 00:00:43,120 Speaker 2: We're good. It's really God is good. 19 00:00:43,320 --> 00:00:45,320 Speaker 1: I would say this. You know, every time we have 20 00:00:45,400 --> 00:00:47,440 Speaker 1: a conversation, we're always not going to agree, but you're 21 00:00:47,479 --> 00:00:49,560 Speaker 1: always invited up here regardless. I mean, we're not gonna 22 00:00:49,560 --> 00:00:51,760 Speaker 1: agree on everything. But the best thing about us is 23 00:00:51,800 --> 00:00:53,920 Speaker 1: just having a conversation. So never think that you can't 24 00:00:53,960 --> 00:00:55,560 Speaker 1: come up here for something. You say, No, that's what 25 00:00:55,600 --> 00:00:57,400 Speaker 1: these conversations and these platforms are about. 26 00:00:57,520 --> 00:01:00,000 Speaker 2: I'm half playing, but it's a good point, and it's 27 00:01:00,000 --> 00:01:01,920 Speaker 2: it's worth saying out loud. So I appreciate that. 28 00:01:01,960 --> 00:01:03,640 Speaker 1: And I love you, sister. I don't want you to 29 00:01:03,680 --> 00:01:05,240 Speaker 1: think I don't love you. I love you for real. 30 00:01:05,880 --> 00:01:07,000 Speaker 1: I appreciate everything that you do. 31 00:01:07,200 --> 00:01:09,000 Speaker 2: And it's just like anything else. You go hardest in 32 00:01:09,040 --> 00:01:10,160 Speaker 2: the paint with your family. 33 00:01:09,920 --> 00:01:12,440 Speaker 3: So in the paint and then the paint that's on 34 00:01:12,480 --> 00:01:13,600 Speaker 3: your face, and shut up. 35 00:01:14,280 --> 00:01:15,119 Speaker 4: I'm happy to you here. 36 00:01:15,360 --> 00:01:16,400 Speaker 2: Thank you. Yesterday. 37 00:01:16,400 --> 00:01:18,119 Speaker 4: I would love to have a conversation with you about 38 00:01:18,120 --> 00:01:18,479 Speaker 4: the video. 39 00:01:18,640 --> 00:01:20,440 Speaker 3: Now, what's the topic of conversation. 40 00:01:20,520 --> 00:01:22,480 Speaker 5: I feel like this is a conversation that men shouldn't 41 00:01:22,480 --> 00:01:23,320 Speaker 5: even be involved in. 42 00:01:23,360 --> 00:01:25,280 Speaker 3: What is the gist of the conversation? 43 00:01:25,440 --> 00:01:27,319 Speaker 2: It's not for you, Charlemagne. So I'm glad that you 44 00:01:27,360 --> 00:01:30,920 Speaker 2: said that this is a conversation for ladies. And I 45 00:01:30,959 --> 00:01:33,360 Speaker 2: texted my good friend Charlemagne. I said, it's a friend 46 00:01:33,400 --> 00:01:36,600 Speaker 2: of the show. I heard the conversation yesterday. I appreciated 47 00:01:36,640 --> 00:01:39,520 Speaker 2: the critique and the constructive nature of it, and I said, 48 00:01:39,520 --> 00:01:41,119 Speaker 2: you know, send something down the street on the train. 49 00:01:41,360 --> 00:01:43,880 Speaker 2: Let me pull up, and I want to hear from you, 50 00:01:43,959 --> 00:01:46,679 Speaker 2: Lauren about what you agree with and what you disagree 51 00:01:46,720 --> 00:01:49,520 Speaker 2: with and have a lady's conversation about let's do it. 52 00:01:49,680 --> 00:01:53,080 Speaker 4: Yeah, So I think for me, I'll start with the 53 00:01:53,160 --> 00:01:54,040 Speaker 4: what I disagree with? 54 00:01:54,280 --> 00:01:56,240 Speaker 1: Well, Kim first, for people that don't know, you want 55 00:01:56,280 --> 00:01:57,720 Speaker 1: to you want to play the clip of of what 56 00:01:57,760 --> 00:01:59,960 Speaker 1: went viral so people understand. 57 00:01:59,560 --> 00:02:03,640 Speaker 2: That reality is that our marriage and partnership market value 58 00:02:04,120 --> 00:02:07,760 Speaker 2: is depreciating with every passing year. No matter how good 59 00:02:07,760 --> 00:02:11,079 Speaker 2: we look, no matter how fit we are, men are 60 00:02:11,080 --> 00:02:16,520 Speaker 2: still seeing primarily our presumed dwindling fertility as a knock 61 00:02:16,520 --> 00:02:19,839 Speaker 2: against us. So here's my advice. If you are a 62 00:02:19,880 --> 00:02:23,240 Speaker 2: young Black woman in college and you know in your 63 00:02:23,320 --> 00:02:26,640 Speaker 2: heart and in your head that you want to prioritize family, 64 00:02:27,080 --> 00:02:30,720 Speaker 2: I suggest that you simultaneously pursue that mrs degree right 65 00:02:30,760 --> 00:02:33,680 Speaker 2: along with that BA or JD. Because a handful of 66 00:02:33,680 --> 00:02:36,720 Speaker 2: black college age men that actually do desire to get 67 00:02:36,720 --> 00:02:39,600 Speaker 2: married soon, and they do share that value system and 68 00:02:39,639 --> 00:02:42,960 Speaker 2: family is a priority for them too. Y'all. That is 69 00:02:42,960 --> 00:02:45,960 Speaker 2: an incredibly small pool, and it's shrinking as you get older, 70 00:02:46,400 --> 00:02:49,600 Speaker 2: and by the time you reach my age forty, you 71 00:02:49,680 --> 00:02:52,959 Speaker 2: will be faced with different choices relating to life, partnership, 72 00:02:53,080 --> 00:02:54,160 Speaker 2: and motherhood. 73 00:02:54,720 --> 00:02:58,399 Speaker 4: So I think, all right, so breaking it down into 74 00:02:58,440 --> 00:03:00,520 Speaker 4: what I agree and what I disagree with. So the 75 00:03:00,600 --> 00:03:04,000 Speaker 4: disagreeing for me came with the starting with the infertility 76 00:03:04,280 --> 00:03:08,640 Speaker 4: and the uh, the market value they're appreciating. So with 77 00:03:08,680 --> 00:03:11,040 Speaker 4: the infertility, I know some I said this yesterday, some 78 00:03:11,040 --> 00:03:13,440 Speaker 4: stuff is science, right, you can't get around that. But 79 00:03:13,520 --> 00:03:15,400 Speaker 4: I feel like when you start with that and you 80 00:03:15,480 --> 00:03:18,040 Speaker 4: lead with that, it then makes people get defensive and 81 00:03:18,040 --> 00:03:19,600 Speaker 4: they don't even hear the rest of it. I know, 82 00:03:19,600 --> 00:03:22,400 Speaker 4: when I first listened to it, I was like, oh God, 83 00:03:22,400 --> 00:03:24,279 Speaker 4: this is going to be another one of those conversations 84 00:03:24,280 --> 00:03:27,040 Speaker 4: where like someone's telling me, as a woman, by the 85 00:03:27,080 --> 00:03:29,480 Speaker 4: time you get this age, your life is over. And 86 00:03:29,720 --> 00:03:32,280 Speaker 4: you know when you're when you're like trying to figure 87 00:03:32,280 --> 00:03:34,560 Speaker 4: things out and you're like, I'm thirty one years old, right, 88 00:03:34,680 --> 00:03:37,800 Speaker 4: Like I'm recently out of a very long relationship. You 89 00:03:37,840 --> 00:03:38,880 Speaker 4: want to feel not. 90 00:03:38,840 --> 00:03:48,400 Speaker 2: A Charlamagne Jesus, but I feel there's life after go ahead. 91 00:03:49,920 --> 00:03:52,880 Speaker 4: But that's my point. It's like for me, I made 92 00:03:53,040 --> 00:03:55,040 Speaker 4: a very conscious decision with a lot of things in 93 00:03:55,040 --> 00:03:57,920 Speaker 4: my life going to college, being in the relationship that 94 00:03:57,960 --> 00:04:00,440 Speaker 4: I was in, not being in that relationship with my 95 00:04:00,520 --> 00:04:03,280 Speaker 4: like recent you know, back and forth to East coast 96 00:04:03,320 --> 00:04:05,560 Speaker 4: West coast, Like I've always had to be very conscious 97 00:04:05,600 --> 00:04:08,160 Speaker 4: and cognitant of the fact that, like you know, as 98 00:04:08,200 --> 00:04:10,640 Speaker 4: a woman, as a black woman, right, especially working in 99 00:04:10,680 --> 00:04:12,760 Speaker 4: the space that I work in, I might not get 100 00:04:12,760 --> 00:04:14,680 Speaker 4: that that other chance, Like I gotta do it right 101 00:04:14,720 --> 00:04:18,240 Speaker 4: the first time. And I think talking about professionally, professionally 102 00:04:18,240 --> 00:04:20,800 Speaker 4: and personally, okay, and only because. 103 00:04:20,480 --> 00:04:22,560 Speaker 2: That's what are your personal goals? Just so we're clear. 104 00:04:22,640 --> 00:04:23,680 Speaker 2: Do you want marriage? 105 00:04:23,760 --> 00:04:25,000 Speaker 4: Person I want married? 106 00:04:25,200 --> 00:04:28,800 Speaker 2: I want yes, family foundation, I want all of that. 107 00:04:29,480 --> 00:04:31,080 Speaker 4: I don't even have a number of kids. Once we start, 108 00:04:31,120 --> 00:04:31,600 Speaker 4: we start just. 109 00:04:33,279 --> 00:04:33,320 Speaker 3: That. 110 00:04:33,400 --> 00:04:37,480 Speaker 4: But yeah, but yes, I'm going to be an amazing mom. 111 00:04:37,600 --> 00:04:39,440 Speaker 4: But I just feel like when you lead with the 112 00:04:39,440 --> 00:04:43,120 Speaker 4: stuff that you lead with, it instantly turns the conversation negative. 113 00:04:43,160 --> 00:04:45,480 Speaker 4: And for someone like me who is watching and learning 114 00:04:45,520 --> 00:04:48,440 Speaker 4: and listening to you, it makes it where now I 115 00:04:48,480 --> 00:04:50,920 Speaker 4: am defensive. I don't want to watch, listen and learn. 116 00:04:51,040 --> 00:04:52,680 Speaker 4: I don't hear the rest of what you're saying, So 117 00:04:52,720 --> 00:04:54,680 Speaker 4: now I'm not being taught, and I should feel like 118 00:04:55,040 --> 00:04:57,080 Speaker 4: I can listen to you and learn from you and 119 00:04:57,120 --> 00:04:59,680 Speaker 4: not feel like you're the op right, And that's how 120 00:04:59,720 --> 00:05:03,360 Speaker 4: it's starts off when you instantly are telling me everything 121 00:05:03,400 --> 00:05:06,120 Speaker 4: negative about what I already am facing every single day. 122 00:05:06,120 --> 00:05:07,599 Speaker 4: And I think that that's a big part of it too. 123 00:05:07,640 --> 00:05:09,480 Speaker 4: It's like when you put certain truths in front of people, 124 00:05:09,760 --> 00:05:12,240 Speaker 4: it hurts, people don't want to hear it. But beyond that, 125 00:05:12,480 --> 00:05:14,640 Speaker 4: you can't get around the infertility. The second thing was 126 00:05:14,680 --> 00:05:18,560 Speaker 4: the market value, right, I don't agree. I don't know 127 00:05:18,640 --> 00:05:20,800 Speaker 4: where you were at thirty one, but for me, I 128 00:05:20,880 --> 00:05:23,560 Speaker 4: feel like I'm just now getting to the space where 129 00:05:23,560 --> 00:05:25,880 Speaker 4: like the people that I'm able to or not even 130 00:05:25,920 --> 00:05:28,080 Speaker 4: able to, but the people that I'm dating, the life 131 00:05:28,080 --> 00:05:30,599 Speaker 4: experiences that I'm experiencing that are teaching me what I want, 132 00:05:30,640 --> 00:05:33,360 Speaker 4: what I don't want. I'm right now in the best 133 00:05:33,400 --> 00:05:35,479 Speaker 4: space that I've ever been in. And that wasn't me 134 00:05:35,520 --> 00:05:37,080 Speaker 4: in college. I didn't know what I wanted in college. 135 00:05:37,080 --> 00:05:39,159 Speaker 4: I didn't know who I was. In college. I seen nothing, 136 00:05:39,160 --> 00:05:44,080 Speaker 4: haven't done anything. Also, I didn't agree with that, But. 137 00:05:43,640 --> 00:05:45,920 Speaker 2: Yeah, that's just because you put two big ones out 138 00:05:45,960 --> 00:05:48,760 Speaker 2: and let's break them down before we get ahead of ourselves. Okay, 139 00:05:48,839 --> 00:05:52,520 Speaker 2: so you're thirty one years old, a college educated woman 140 00:05:53,200 --> 00:05:56,920 Speaker 2: enjoying a very successful career in a high profile space. 141 00:05:57,640 --> 00:05:59,960 Speaker 2: I'm going to put my hands together for all of that. Now, 142 00:06:00,160 --> 00:06:03,640 Speaker 2: when I say market value depreciating, Lauren, did you hear 143 00:06:03,640 --> 00:06:06,120 Speaker 2: what I said before that, Did you hear the specificity 144 00:06:06,120 --> 00:06:08,239 Speaker 2: of the particular marketplace I'm speaking about? 145 00:06:08,720 --> 00:06:09,480 Speaker 4: No, which was that? 146 00:06:09,640 --> 00:06:11,440 Speaker 2: Okay, So I want to just go back actually to 147 00:06:11,440 --> 00:06:13,680 Speaker 2: your first point, Lauren, which I think you are conceding 148 00:06:14,040 --> 00:06:18,520 Speaker 2: that you had a reaction to my commentary that was 149 00:06:18,560 --> 00:06:21,840 Speaker 2: so fisceral in nature that you actually shut down your 150 00:06:21,880 --> 00:06:26,920 Speaker 2: listening comprehension skills. He said that, Okay, So because of that, though, right, 151 00:06:27,440 --> 00:06:29,919 Speaker 2: I'm not going to sit in a posture of ownership 152 00:06:30,240 --> 00:06:33,560 Speaker 2: because you made a choice to be limited in the 153 00:06:33,560 --> 00:06:36,320 Speaker 2: way in which you received and process the information. Now, 154 00:06:36,480 --> 00:06:39,440 Speaker 2: you are grown woman, and you have autonomy over what 155 00:06:39,520 --> 00:06:42,760 Speaker 2: you choose to consume and what you choose to not consume. 156 00:06:43,160 --> 00:06:47,719 Speaker 2: So when I was giving the advice the strategy the game, 157 00:06:47,839 --> 00:06:50,200 Speaker 2: putting you know, certain people up on some game, I'm 158 00:06:50,200 --> 00:06:53,840 Speaker 2: talking to a very limited pool of young black ladies, 159 00:06:54,680 --> 00:06:58,800 Speaker 2: the ones that are currently in school or immediately following 160 00:06:58,800 --> 00:07:01,760 Speaker 2: school or graduate school. And then the other caveat, I'll say, 161 00:07:01,760 --> 00:07:05,600 Speaker 2: the other place this information is in real time relevant 162 00:07:05,640 --> 00:07:09,920 Speaker 2: to are the mothers or even the fathers of those 163 00:07:10,000 --> 00:07:12,640 Speaker 2: young women. That's who this is for. So you, this 164 00:07:12,720 --> 00:07:15,440 Speaker 2: is actually not even applicable to you, Lauren. So you know, no, 165 00:07:15,560 --> 00:07:16,120 Speaker 2: let me finish. 166 00:07:16,160 --> 00:07:20,360 Speaker 4: No I have to finish, because no, no, no, to finish. 167 00:07:20,840 --> 00:07:22,920 Speaker 4: I just want to wait before you finish your thoughts. 168 00:07:23,360 --> 00:07:26,000 Speaker 4: I just want to, like, let's rewind a little bit, 169 00:07:26,040 --> 00:07:29,160 Speaker 4: because I also think to the reason why people also 170 00:07:29,200 --> 00:07:30,920 Speaker 4: because not just me or the people, because even the 171 00:07:30,960 --> 00:07:32,480 Speaker 4: people it's meant for, I'm sure some of them did 172 00:07:32,520 --> 00:07:34,720 Speaker 4: the same exact thing as well. They're not right and 173 00:07:34,760 --> 00:07:37,000 Speaker 4: some deny because not right? Right because you read all 174 00:07:37,000 --> 00:07:39,880 Speaker 4: the comments, right, yeah, I did. What I think happens 175 00:07:39,960 --> 00:07:42,640 Speaker 4: is with you and I saying this in the most 176 00:07:42,680 --> 00:07:45,960 Speaker 4: respectful way. I think that the way that you approach 177 00:07:46,040 --> 00:07:49,160 Speaker 4: things like even this conversation right now, it can make 178 00:07:50,400 --> 00:07:53,559 Speaker 4: it does that it dilutes the whole point of you 179 00:07:54,040 --> 00:07:58,080 Speaker 4: for you talking to me specifically, I agree with certain 180 00:07:58,120 --> 00:08:00,880 Speaker 4: parts of it, but I think that the my whole 181 00:08:00,920 --> 00:08:02,480 Speaker 4: point is what I'm saying right because right now I 182 00:08:02,480 --> 00:08:05,360 Speaker 4: feel like you're taking what I didn't agree with and 183 00:08:05,440 --> 00:08:08,280 Speaker 4: the fact that I don't remember specific words or whatever I'm. 184 00:08:08,160 --> 00:08:10,560 Speaker 2: Not, Lauren, really, I really think this would be better 185 00:08:10,600 --> 00:08:13,520 Speaker 2: served and more productive if just like it's kind of 186 00:08:13,520 --> 00:08:16,120 Speaker 2: like an opening statement in a court of law. I 187 00:08:16,160 --> 00:08:18,280 Speaker 2: gave you a good amount of time to lay out 188 00:08:18,480 --> 00:08:22,280 Speaker 2: two prongs of disagreement, and I respect and appreciate both 189 00:08:22,320 --> 00:08:25,119 Speaker 2: of your positions. I'm not saying they are wrong, Okay, 190 00:08:25,200 --> 00:08:27,840 Speaker 2: and be messy. I'm not saying they're wrong at all, 191 00:08:29,440 --> 00:08:34,559 Speaker 2: But I am saying that I don't know how productive 192 00:08:34,600 --> 00:08:37,600 Speaker 2: it is to be the time manner and delivery police. Right. 193 00:08:37,760 --> 00:08:41,360 Speaker 2: So when we talk about and also the nature of 194 00:08:41,400 --> 00:08:44,000 Speaker 2: this work that we all do in this space of 195 00:08:44,120 --> 00:08:46,320 Speaker 2: media and journalists, whatever we want to call it, right, 196 00:08:46,440 --> 00:08:49,600 Speaker 2: it's very subjective in nature. So for everybody, Lauren that 197 00:08:49,679 --> 00:08:52,480 Speaker 2: takes your position, which is very valid, it was visceral 198 00:08:52,520 --> 00:08:55,360 Speaker 2: to me. I found it triggering. It felt hurtful, I 199 00:08:55,360 --> 00:08:58,480 Speaker 2: felt attacked, I felt policed, I felt shit it on whatever. 200 00:08:58,520 --> 00:09:03,439 Speaker 2: It is also a whole nother contingency of black women 201 00:09:03,520 --> 00:09:07,080 Speaker 2: that felt seen by that commentary that fell heard. I 202 00:09:07,120 --> 00:09:09,200 Speaker 2: had sores coming up to me. We had a fundraiser 203 00:09:09,480 --> 00:09:11,439 Speaker 2: shout out to the PI Kapa Mega Chapter of Alpha 204 00:09:11,480 --> 00:09:14,960 Speaker 2: Kapa office already incorporated Ski. We had a fundraiser that 205 00:09:15,080 --> 00:09:17,920 Speaker 2: very night that that commentary dropped, and I had sores 206 00:09:17,960 --> 00:09:20,320 Speaker 2: coming up to me who are more in my age group, right, 207 00:09:20,360 --> 00:09:22,560 Speaker 2: Because that's the first thing we need to acknowledge. Lauren 208 00:09:22,640 --> 00:09:24,480 Speaker 2: and I are not the same age. There's a good 209 00:09:24,480 --> 00:09:26,720 Speaker 2: ten years between me and this lovely young lady. So 210 00:09:26,920 --> 00:09:30,760 Speaker 2: I'm speaking from a purview of experience that looks a 211 00:09:30,800 --> 00:09:34,080 Speaker 2: bit different. Not vastly so, but a bit different. I agree, 212 00:09:34,120 --> 00:09:37,920 Speaker 2: And my peers who are fortying up are like I 213 00:09:38,000 --> 00:09:40,719 Speaker 2: wish someone would have told me. And the fact that 214 00:09:40,760 --> 00:09:44,280 Speaker 2: you are doing the labor Ebany, you are doing the 215 00:09:44,320 --> 00:09:47,880 Speaker 2: service of letting young girls that are currently in position 216 00:09:48,240 --> 00:09:52,319 Speaker 2: to put themselves in best practices because they are currently 217 00:09:52,360 --> 00:09:56,719 Speaker 2: in school or graduate school or shortly thereafter matters. And 218 00:09:57,280 --> 00:10:00,120 Speaker 2: it's good that somebody is rolling up their sleeves and 219 00:10:00,200 --> 00:10:04,120 Speaker 2: doing the work and having the conversation publicly that quiet 220 00:10:04,120 --> 00:10:09,880 Speaker 2: as kept many pockets of black elite culture are having 221 00:10:09,920 --> 00:10:13,360 Speaker 2: with their children generationally every day. Many of my peers, Lauren, 222 00:10:13,400 --> 00:10:15,400 Speaker 2: when I went to UNC Chapel Hill, who were black 223 00:10:15,520 --> 00:10:18,079 Speaker 2: just like me and you, right, they were taught going 224 00:10:18,120 --> 00:10:21,199 Speaker 2: into the front end of freshman year, keep your eyes open, 225 00:10:21,480 --> 00:10:24,240 Speaker 2: you know, get those grades, get that degree. I expect 226 00:10:24,240 --> 00:10:26,480 Speaker 2: you to go to medical school or law school or PhD. 227 00:10:26,840 --> 00:10:30,320 Speaker 2: And also if you want the traditional model, and that's 228 00:10:30,320 --> 00:10:32,400 Speaker 2: a big if. This is going to be the best 229 00:10:32,400 --> 00:10:37,280 Speaker 2: time to be surrounded by the highest concentration of black 230 00:10:37,360 --> 00:10:41,360 Speaker 2: men that are also pursuing the educational and fiscal model 231 00:10:41,559 --> 00:10:44,240 Speaker 2: that you are and you desire. And it's really no 232 00:10:44,320 --> 00:10:45,199 Speaker 2: more or less than that. 233 00:10:45,520 --> 00:10:47,439 Speaker 3: I don't disci but only. 234 00:10:47,280 --> 00:10:49,640 Speaker 1: One second, guys. On the one second, ladies, we got 235 00:10:49,640 --> 00:10:51,520 Speaker 1: to take a break, so we'll come back, and we 236 00:10:51,559 --> 00:10:54,679 Speaker 1: also want to take some calls eight hundred five one 237 00:10:55,040 --> 00:10:57,079 Speaker 1: and if you just join us, that's Laura Laosa, she's 238 00:10:57,080 --> 00:10:59,360 Speaker 1: our special guest host today and Ebony Kay Williams is 239 00:10:59,440 --> 00:10:59,760 Speaker 1: up here. 240 00:11:00,040 --> 00:11:01,600 Speaker 5: I think it's very important when we come back, let's 241 00:11:01,600 --> 00:11:03,040 Speaker 5: talk about what we agree with in this. 242 00:11:03,480 --> 00:11:04,080 Speaker 2: Yeah, I want to. 243 00:11:04,040 --> 00:11:05,719 Speaker 4: Compet to that too, because I don't want you to 244 00:11:05,760 --> 00:11:08,040 Speaker 4: feel like because what, yeah, we. 245 00:11:08,040 --> 00:11:08,600 Speaker 2: Don't come back. 246 00:11:09,160 --> 00:11:15,520 Speaker 1: All right, it's the Breakfast Club. Good morning. So now 247 00:11:15,679 --> 00:11:17,839 Speaker 1: right before we left, I cutle of you guys off 248 00:11:17,880 --> 00:11:19,760 Speaker 1: so we can pay some bills and get some music on. 249 00:11:19,880 --> 00:11:21,959 Speaker 1: So I know everybody came. Williams you were talking. 250 00:11:22,200 --> 00:11:25,600 Speaker 2: I was so I was acknowledging Lauren's right right to 251 00:11:25,760 --> 00:11:30,120 Speaker 2: consume content that she enjoys and feels comfortable with and 252 00:11:30,160 --> 00:11:32,720 Speaker 2: also reject that which she doesn't because her critique at 253 00:11:32,720 --> 00:11:34,560 Speaker 2: this point, I understand is it's a bit about my 254 00:11:34,679 --> 00:11:36,880 Speaker 2: It's about my delivery as much as the substance of 255 00:11:36,920 --> 00:11:39,560 Speaker 2: what I'm saying. And I was asking you about the 256 00:11:39,679 --> 00:11:44,000 Speaker 2: last time you had a conversation with a man about 257 00:11:44,040 --> 00:11:47,080 Speaker 2: what he values in women, because I want to be 258 00:11:47,160 --> 00:11:48,960 Speaker 2: very clear, Laurinn, because you make a really good point 259 00:11:48,960 --> 00:11:51,720 Speaker 2: that I think was misconstrued by a few. I am 260 00:11:51,760 --> 00:11:55,400 Speaker 2: in no way saying that the market value a life 261 00:11:55,880 --> 00:11:59,280 Speaker 2: of black women is depreciating as we age, as we 262 00:11:59,320 --> 00:12:01,920 Speaker 2: get more edge, as we get more fiscally fit, as 263 00:12:01,960 --> 00:12:04,839 Speaker 2: we buy properties, as we build in our careers. Our 264 00:12:04,880 --> 00:12:09,439 Speaker 2: market value in life, Lauren, is ascending beyond the greatest 265 00:12:09,480 --> 00:12:12,800 Speaker 2: heights of God. But I'm talking about the dating market. 266 00:12:12,800 --> 00:12:15,959 Speaker 2: I'm talking about how men are perceiving us in terms 267 00:12:16,000 --> 00:12:20,960 Speaker 2: of marketplace value for their partnership desires. So let's have 268 00:12:21,040 --> 00:12:23,440 Speaker 2: that conversation. If you don't mind, what do you think 269 00:12:23,559 --> 00:12:27,920 Speaker 2: most hetero We're just gonna kind of focus on black 270 00:12:27,960 --> 00:12:30,079 Speaker 2: men and black women for the sake of this conversation, 271 00:12:30,160 --> 00:12:33,280 Speaker 2: for this moment, what do you think most hetero educated 272 00:12:33,320 --> 00:12:35,560 Speaker 2: black men are looking for in a woman partner? 273 00:12:35,720 --> 00:12:37,440 Speaker 3: Come on, lord, Kevin Sami's prepared you for this. 274 00:12:37,760 --> 00:12:40,800 Speaker 2: Stop Let the dead rest in p Charlemagne. 275 00:12:41,240 --> 00:12:43,559 Speaker 4: I think age does come into it. I think that 276 00:12:43,600 --> 00:12:46,480 Speaker 4: they're looking younger. I think that they want someone who 277 00:12:46,520 --> 00:12:49,400 Speaker 4: is like very supportive across all across the board, like 278 00:12:50,559 --> 00:12:51,880 Speaker 4: my man is my king type of thing. 279 00:12:52,000 --> 00:12:53,080 Speaker 2: How about availability? 280 00:12:53,200 --> 00:12:56,640 Speaker 4: Availability is also a thing as well too. I also 281 00:12:56,720 --> 00:12:58,640 Speaker 4: think that especially when you start talking about like men 282 00:12:58,640 --> 00:13:00,680 Speaker 4: who are like planning for like family and things of 283 00:13:00,720 --> 00:13:03,439 Speaker 4: that nature. Sure they definitely want somebody that is going 284 00:13:03,440 --> 00:13:05,280 Speaker 4: to be, when you talk about availability, be able to 285 00:13:05,360 --> 00:13:09,120 Speaker 4: really tend to family, to keep like all of that stuff. Like, 286 00:13:09,160 --> 00:13:12,160 Speaker 4: I think that that is very important. I don't necessarily 287 00:13:12,200 --> 00:13:15,640 Speaker 4: think that the men that I've had conversations with recently 288 00:13:15,960 --> 00:13:17,960 Speaker 4: are upfront and honest about that. 289 00:13:18,000 --> 00:13:21,360 Speaker 2: So they're lying, yeah, on the same page, not at all. 290 00:13:21,440 --> 00:13:23,320 Speaker 2: But let's just make a pause on that though, just 291 00:13:23,360 --> 00:13:25,120 Speaker 2: for the sake of not we understand that, but let's 292 00:13:25,200 --> 00:13:27,920 Speaker 2: kind of expand that. So what Lauren is saying and 293 00:13:27,960 --> 00:13:32,640 Speaker 2: it's very important is that oftentimes men like to be 294 00:13:32,720 --> 00:13:35,320 Speaker 2: the good guy? Right? Can we just acknowledge that men 295 00:13:35,360 --> 00:13:37,640 Speaker 2: for despite their behaviors and choices and the way they 296 00:13:37,640 --> 00:13:39,960 Speaker 2: oftentimes show up in the world. You notice, like a 297 00:13:40,000 --> 00:13:42,640 Speaker 2: man will keep a girlfriend have fifteen million side chicks 298 00:13:42,640 --> 00:13:44,160 Speaker 2: because why he don't want to be the bad guy 299 00:13:44,160 --> 00:13:45,800 Speaker 2: and break up with his girlfriend. That's the kind of 300 00:13:45,800 --> 00:13:48,800 Speaker 2: stuff men tend to do, right, And I can spoiler 301 00:13:48,840 --> 00:13:51,800 Speaker 2: alert it does not get better as they age anyway. 302 00:13:52,200 --> 00:13:55,200 Speaker 2: So I believe that men mean well when they say 303 00:13:55,240 --> 00:13:58,280 Speaker 2: they're looking for their Michelle Obama, when they say they're 304 00:13:58,320 --> 00:14:01,720 Speaker 2: looking for the Beyonce to their jay Z, but they're lying. 305 00:14:02,400 --> 00:14:04,600 Speaker 4: They can't they can't handle that ego rise as well. 306 00:14:05,160 --> 00:14:08,240 Speaker 2: I'm not going to set go in that direction. What 307 00:14:08,320 --> 00:14:11,120 Speaker 2: I am going to say is what they prioritize are 308 00:14:11,120 --> 00:14:13,840 Speaker 2: the things you just laid out. They want a woman 309 00:14:13,880 --> 00:14:16,880 Speaker 2: who is accommodating to them. They want a woman who, 310 00:14:17,200 --> 00:14:20,320 Speaker 2: especially more successful men. They want a woman that when 311 00:14:20,320 --> 00:14:23,440 Speaker 2: they say, hey, yo, I'm going to the South of 312 00:14:23,480 --> 00:14:26,320 Speaker 2: France for two weeks, pack your bag, let's go. Let 313 00:14:26,360 --> 00:14:27,600 Speaker 2: me tell you what they don't want to hear. Lauren 314 00:14:27,840 --> 00:14:29,960 Speaker 2: Oh I got to go to La to shoot Judge 315 00:14:29,960 --> 00:14:31,840 Speaker 2: Eponye for three days. Oh, I got to go be 316 00:14:31,880 --> 00:14:37,240 Speaker 2: at a conference in Florida for Black women attorneys gathering. Oh, 317 00:14:37,280 --> 00:14:38,600 Speaker 2: I got to go to sobrity thing. 318 00:14:38,720 --> 00:14:40,040 Speaker 3: It's not like based on a true story. 319 00:14:40,080 --> 00:14:41,120 Speaker 2: It's all based on true story. 320 00:14:41,160 --> 00:14:44,080 Speaker 1: I went Charlamage s let these women talk please. Yeah. 321 00:14:44,120 --> 00:14:45,480 Speaker 4: No, no, But I'm gonna hate said that because when 322 00:14:45,480 --> 00:14:47,800 Speaker 4: you when you said that, I'm like, damn, so she yes, 323 00:14:48,240 --> 00:14:52,240 Speaker 4: lived experience, Yes, you got some some background, like personally. 324 00:14:52,040 --> 00:14:54,640 Speaker 2: Yeah, there's a vulnerability in this conversation that I really 325 00:14:54,680 --> 00:14:56,800 Speaker 2: want people to feel right now because. 326 00:14:56,600 --> 00:14:59,920 Speaker 4: Because and then you're just pointing out the delivery. Yeah, 327 00:15:00,000 --> 00:15:02,440 Speaker 4: point that I was trying to make earlier in your delivery. 328 00:15:02,440 --> 00:15:04,760 Speaker 4: And I know content right, and I understand what you do. 329 00:15:04,800 --> 00:15:07,000 Speaker 4: You're really good at what you do content wise, always 330 00:15:07,040 --> 00:15:11,400 Speaker 4: cross the beach. I don't know, but I think I 331 00:15:11,400 --> 00:15:14,560 Speaker 4: think for me, like when I say that I disagree 332 00:15:14,600 --> 00:15:16,520 Speaker 4: with those things that we talked about, what I wanted 333 00:15:16,520 --> 00:15:18,760 Speaker 4: to make clear earlier was and I think we kind 334 00:15:18,800 --> 00:15:21,400 Speaker 4: of got to this me disagreeing doesn't mean that what 335 00:15:21,400 --> 00:15:23,040 Speaker 4: you're saying to me is just like, oh, this is 336 00:15:23,120 --> 00:15:25,560 Speaker 4: BS oh, this isn't true because what I just said 337 00:15:25,680 --> 00:15:27,040 Speaker 4: goes to a lot of the points that you made. 338 00:15:27,440 --> 00:15:29,560 Speaker 4: I think that the disagreement again comes in with how 339 00:15:29,600 --> 00:15:31,520 Speaker 4: you say it, and we don't get that vulnerability right. 340 00:15:31,600 --> 00:15:33,800 Speaker 4: So me sitting here with you right now is like, 341 00:15:34,040 --> 00:15:35,680 Speaker 4: this is what I want to feel when I see 342 00:15:35,680 --> 00:15:37,280 Speaker 4: the content. I might not always get that though, and 343 00:15:37,320 --> 00:15:38,920 Speaker 4: maybe it's not like you said. It wasn't for me, 344 00:15:38,960 --> 00:15:40,640 Speaker 4: it was for the girls that's still in college, right, 345 00:15:40,720 --> 00:15:43,080 Speaker 4: But at the same time, it's placed on my timeline. 346 00:15:43,080 --> 00:15:44,080 Speaker 4: So I get it and I feel it, and I 347 00:15:44,080 --> 00:15:45,400 Speaker 4: stop and I listen either way. 348 00:15:45,800 --> 00:15:47,320 Speaker 2: But I'm glad you do. Shout out to the team 349 00:15:47,320 --> 00:15:47,800 Speaker 2: at the grille. 350 00:15:47,880 --> 00:15:48,280 Speaker 1: Go ahead. 351 00:15:48,360 --> 00:15:51,520 Speaker 4: But but I was going to get to that. But 352 00:15:51,640 --> 00:15:53,800 Speaker 4: what I did agree with was the fact, like when 353 00:15:53,840 --> 00:15:56,840 Speaker 4: you started talking about the pool of men getting smaller 354 00:15:56,880 --> 00:15:58,880 Speaker 4: when it comes to those men who men who will 355 00:15:58,920 --> 00:16:01,000 Speaker 4: be honest about what they when it comes to the 356 00:16:01,040 --> 00:16:05,520 Speaker 4: family a woman, they are actually worth the time, the energy. 357 00:16:05,680 --> 00:16:08,120 Speaker 4: It's it's consistent, you're getting the same energy that you're 358 00:16:08,160 --> 00:16:10,920 Speaker 4: putting out. It does get smaller as you get older. 359 00:16:10,920 --> 00:16:12,920 Speaker 4: And like, now that I'm out here in the dating world, 360 00:16:12,920 --> 00:16:13,800 Speaker 4: I'm like oh, okay. 361 00:16:13,960 --> 00:16:17,160 Speaker 2: Keep in mind, you're only thirty thirty one, so it's 362 00:16:17,240 --> 00:16:20,560 Speaker 2: like as you get to forty, the pole the pool 363 00:16:20,560 --> 00:16:24,280 Speaker 2: has shrunk further, fifty even more so. And I've dated. 364 00:16:24,480 --> 00:16:26,400 Speaker 4: I'm having a man from fifty. I'm having a men. 365 00:16:26,760 --> 00:16:31,800 Speaker 2: Listen, I'm not even I actually believe in the power 366 00:16:31,800 --> 00:16:34,400 Speaker 2: of the tongue. So I believe. So you speak, so 367 00:16:34,480 --> 00:16:36,880 Speaker 2: you you have and you will desire. I do want 368 00:16:36,920 --> 00:16:39,120 Speaker 2: to speak to the fertility park because it's very important. 369 00:16:39,200 --> 00:16:39,440 Speaker 6: It is. 370 00:16:39,720 --> 00:16:42,680 Speaker 2: As I sit here with y'all today, you know I'm 371 00:16:42,880 --> 00:16:45,080 Speaker 2: literally on some fertility drugs. I am preparing for my 372 00:16:45,160 --> 00:16:48,280 Speaker 2: embryo transfer in the next few weeks. Now. I am 373 00:16:48,320 --> 00:16:50,400 Speaker 2: forty years old, just turned forty a couple of weeks ago. 374 00:16:50,440 --> 00:16:53,200 Speaker 2: Y'all know, I've been very transparent about my motherhood journey. 375 00:16:53,200 --> 00:16:55,920 Speaker 2: I'm doing it solo by choice. Y'all know, a froze 376 00:16:55,920 --> 00:16:58,320 Speaker 2: eggs at thirty four years old. I'm doing this. I'm 377 00:16:58,320 --> 00:17:00,720 Speaker 2: excited to be a mom. I'm scared as hell. I 378 00:17:00,720 --> 00:17:02,040 Speaker 2: know it's going to be the hardest thing I've ever 379 00:17:02,040 --> 00:17:03,800 Speaker 2: done in my life, and yet I cannot wait to 380 00:17:03,960 --> 00:17:08,240 Speaker 2: enter this mother era of my life. And also Lauren 381 00:17:08,280 --> 00:17:09,800 Speaker 2: I don't think this is how most black women want 382 00:17:09,840 --> 00:17:10,080 Speaker 2: to do it. 383 00:17:11,119 --> 00:17:12,360 Speaker 4: Why solo by choice? 384 00:17:13,600 --> 00:17:16,760 Speaker 2: Well, several reasons. Number one, I'm no longer willing to 385 00:17:16,880 --> 00:17:21,520 Speaker 2: wait to activate my pursuit of motherhood. I'm no longer 386 00:17:21,520 --> 00:17:23,399 Speaker 2: willing to wait. I've been married and divorced in my 387 00:17:23,520 --> 00:17:26,680 Speaker 2: late twenties. I had also a long term relationship many 388 00:17:26,760 --> 00:17:30,400 Speaker 2: years ago. I ended up engagement during the pandemic. I'm 389 00:17:30,440 --> 00:17:33,359 Speaker 2: ready for my baby. I am ready to build my 390 00:17:33,480 --> 00:17:36,240 Speaker 2: legacy in this way. I am ready to pour into 391 00:17:36,320 --> 00:17:38,399 Speaker 2: someone other than me. Finally, it took me a very 392 00:17:38,400 --> 00:17:42,680 Speaker 2: long time to get here. But when she's ready, she ready. Okay. Now, 393 00:17:43,359 --> 00:17:47,359 Speaker 2: I don't think that most women, most black women, desire 394 00:17:47,480 --> 00:17:51,480 Speaker 2: doing this journey alone. I don't. It's very important. And 395 00:17:51,840 --> 00:17:54,280 Speaker 2: I know that you mentioned yesterday the egg freezing, So 396 00:17:54,359 --> 00:17:57,600 Speaker 2: let's talk about that because I think that that is marketed. 397 00:17:57,680 --> 00:17:59,800 Speaker 2: Not just you, Lauren, I think in general, that is 398 00:17:59,840 --> 00:18:02,080 Speaker 2: an a lot of these comments. Right, well, girl, just 399 00:18:02,119 --> 00:18:04,320 Speaker 2: freeze your eggs and don't worry about the rest. Now 400 00:18:04,440 --> 00:18:06,320 Speaker 2: that's some bullshit, because I'm here to tell you because 401 00:18:06,359 --> 00:18:08,919 Speaker 2: I'm living it. Right. I frozeggs at thirty four. I 402 00:18:08,960 --> 00:18:11,080 Speaker 2: never thought in a million years, I would need to 403 00:18:11,200 --> 00:18:13,680 Speaker 2: use them, right because why I was in a loving, 404 00:18:13,680 --> 00:18:18,359 Speaker 2: committed relationship. These were my spare Have you frozen eggs 405 00:18:18,359 --> 00:18:19,040 Speaker 2: at this point, dude? 406 00:18:19,119 --> 00:18:20,760 Speaker 4: No, I thought about doing it last year. I thought 407 00:18:20,760 --> 00:18:21,760 Speaker 4: about starting the process. 408 00:18:21,800 --> 00:18:24,880 Speaker 2: Okay, So let me just and this is not investigative, 409 00:18:24,880 --> 00:18:26,639 Speaker 2: this is I'm just trying to see something here. Do 410 00:18:26,720 --> 00:18:30,320 Speaker 2: you know how many eggs on average a woman should 411 00:18:30,359 --> 00:18:34,840 Speaker 2: have on ice on reserve frozen for a probability of 412 00:18:34,960 --> 00:18:39,119 Speaker 2: one live birth? No, I don't about twenty. Then if 413 00:18:39,160 --> 00:18:42,760 Speaker 2: I say, okay, how many egg retrievals are required to 414 00:18:42,840 --> 00:18:45,560 Speaker 2: get about twenty eggs and a woman that's say thirty 415 00:18:45,600 --> 00:18:48,560 Speaker 2: five and up, the answer is at least two. What's 416 00:18:48,600 --> 00:18:51,800 Speaker 2: the cost average of an egg retrieval? Amy probably knows this, 417 00:18:52,040 --> 00:18:55,280 Speaker 2: but he knows it's between twelve and fifteen thousand dollars 418 00:18:55,920 --> 00:18:57,240 Speaker 2: per retrieval cycle. 419 00:18:57,560 --> 00:19:00,680 Speaker 1: Got Most assurances don't cover Most of do. 420 00:19:00,600 --> 00:19:02,760 Speaker 2: Not cover unless you working at Google or Amazon. And 421 00:19:02,800 --> 00:19:04,520 Speaker 2: by the way, you probably need to be married for 422 00:19:04,600 --> 00:19:07,520 Speaker 2: them to cover it. Otherwise they consider it elective. They 423 00:19:07,520 --> 00:19:10,920 Speaker 2: don't recognize it as infertility in the way that married 424 00:19:10,960 --> 00:19:13,800 Speaker 2: couples that struggle to conceive half. So what I'm saying 425 00:19:13,880 --> 00:19:17,679 Speaker 2: is the egg freezing route, the single motherhood by Choice route, 426 00:19:17,720 --> 00:19:21,280 Speaker 2: the IVF route are amazing technological tools, Lauren, but they 427 00:19:21,320 --> 00:19:24,960 Speaker 2: are wealthy women tools period. Let's be very clear, that 428 00:19:25,080 --> 00:19:28,120 Speaker 2: is a rich woman option if you are. And nobody's 429 00:19:28,119 --> 00:19:30,440 Speaker 2: more important to me and our society than our educators. Right. 430 00:19:30,600 --> 00:19:32,320 Speaker 2: So let's say I'm talking to my soul who's a 431 00:19:32,359 --> 00:19:35,800 Speaker 2: teacher in Memphis, Tennessee, who's probably on average making sixty 432 00:19:35,800 --> 00:19:38,200 Speaker 2: five to seventy five thousand dollars a year doing most 433 00:19:38,440 --> 00:19:41,359 Speaker 2: something of the most incredible work of our community. Where's 434 00:19:41,400 --> 00:19:44,280 Speaker 2: that sister getting thirty thousand dollars for two retrievals or 435 00:19:44,320 --> 00:19:46,800 Speaker 2: even fifteen thousand for one. And that's before I've done 436 00:19:46,800 --> 00:19:50,080 Speaker 2: a transfer. That's before I've had a failed transfer and 437 00:19:50,160 --> 00:19:52,439 Speaker 2: having to do another one, which MB has experienced, you know, 438 00:19:52,480 --> 00:19:56,240 Speaker 2: and thank god they had a healthy baby subsequent that naturally. 439 00:19:56,680 --> 00:19:58,520 Speaker 2: But you see what I'm saying, it's just more to 440 00:19:58,560 --> 00:19:59,680 Speaker 2: it than just freezing egg. 441 00:20:00,280 --> 00:20:02,200 Speaker 4: I think with that part, for me, I was speaking 442 00:20:02,200 --> 00:20:04,800 Speaker 4: from my own personal experience, and I think that like 443 00:20:04,920 --> 00:20:08,000 Speaker 4: hearing you respond to it, I can understand your response 444 00:20:08,040 --> 00:20:10,359 Speaker 4: to what I said, But I think maybe I should 445 00:20:10,359 --> 00:20:12,120 Speaker 4: have been a little bit more clear because for. 446 00:20:12,119 --> 00:20:15,199 Speaker 2: Me at that at the money, at that. 447 00:20:15,240 --> 00:20:17,159 Speaker 4: Time, when I was thinking about doing it, it was 448 00:20:17,200 --> 00:20:19,280 Speaker 4: because the insurance that I was getting through my employer 449 00:20:19,400 --> 00:20:22,760 Speaker 4: supported that to a certain extent where anything like, yes, 450 00:20:22,800 --> 00:20:24,760 Speaker 4: it is expensive, but I would have been able to 451 00:20:24,760 --> 00:20:25,280 Speaker 4: figure it out. 452 00:20:25,320 --> 00:20:26,919 Speaker 2: So I would think you should still do it. I 453 00:20:26,960 --> 00:20:28,760 Speaker 2: want that to I don't want that missed here. I'm 454 00:20:28,840 --> 00:20:30,919 Speaker 2: still encouraging you to do I will. 455 00:20:30,760 --> 00:20:32,439 Speaker 4: Say I got a little bit. I got like scared 456 00:20:32,480 --> 00:20:34,960 Speaker 4: out of it a little bit only because of God, 457 00:20:35,040 --> 00:20:37,280 Speaker 4: don't do that, but but more so because of what 458 00:20:37,359 --> 00:20:39,479 Speaker 4: like MV shared with me, what you talked about, like 459 00:20:39,760 --> 00:20:41,760 Speaker 4: going through all of that and then it I'll go 460 00:20:41,800 --> 00:20:43,040 Speaker 4: with you to not work, right. 461 00:20:42,960 --> 00:20:45,399 Speaker 2: I'll go with you. We could talk about I'm very 462 00:20:45,440 --> 00:20:47,919 Speaker 2: serious really so so I'm saying two things here, and 463 00:20:47,960 --> 00:20:50,520 Speaker 2: this is important this conversation, y'all. People have got I 464 00:20:50,600 --> 00:20:53,160 Speaker 2: encourage people, I'll say, to hold space for more than 465 00:20:53,160 --> 00:20:55,600 Speaker 2: one thing at one time. Y, I am saying. 466 00:20:55,359 --> 00:20:57,880 Speaker 4: And that was that was my reasoning, right, because well, 467 00:20:58,080 --> 00:20:59,359 Speaker 4: first I me get back to one thing. So then 468 00:20:59,359 --> 00:21:01,119 Speaker 4: you talked about the people with the resources who were 469 00:21:01,119 --> 00:21:03,880 Speaker 4: able or not able to do it because of financial reasons. Right. 470 00:21:03,920 --> 00:21:06,080 Speaker 4: And when I heard you say the women in college, 471 00:21:06,119 --> 00:21:08,600 Speaker 4: because another issue that that that I agreed with but 472 00:21:08,600 --> 00:21:12,080 Speaker 4: people some people were like oh about was because I 473 00:21:12,080 --> 00:21:16,880 Speaker 4: think the headlines didn't help, right, because what the headlines 474 00:21:16,920 --> 00:21:19,400 Speaker 4: are saying is like Evan y. K. Williams is saying, 475 00:21:19,400 --> 00:21:21,159 Speaker 4: why you're in college, you also should be trying to 476 00:21:21,160 --> 00:21:23,480 Speaker 4: get a ring tour like people if there's a big 477 00:21:23,520 --> 00:21:27,320 Speaker 4: ISSU pointed that out, because that that matters, right, if. 478 00:21:27,240 --> 00:21:29,959 Speaker 2: That is one of your primary goals, if you choose that. 479 00:21:30,080 --> 00:21:32,120 Speaker 4: But this is but I think when you said that 480 00:21:32,160 --> 00:21:34,119 Speaker 4: with the women in college, I thought about me and 481 00:21:34,160 --> 00:21:35,920 Speaker 4: my friends in college. Right, while we're in college, we 482 00:21:35,960 --> 00:21:38,280 Speaker 4: don't have the money to do that, but when we graduated, 483 00:21:38,520 --> 00:21:42,200 Speaker 4: we all became very successful in our careers financially doing well. 484 00:21:42,480 --> 00:21:44,600 Speaker 4: We had that resource because we were black women who 485 00:21:44,680 --> 00:21:46,600 Speaker 4: took the time to get our education and then apply 486 00:21:46,640 --> 00:21:48,359 Speaker 4: it to what we wanted in life. So I instantly 487 00:21:48,400 --> 00:21:50,120 Speaker 4: put those women in that category. So I didn't even 488 00:21:50,160 --> 00:21:52,720 Speaker 4: think about the people who weren't financially able, because I 489 00:21:52,720 --> 00:21:54,360 Speaker 4: thought that the people that you were speaking to. Back 490 00:21:54,359 --> 00:21:56,120 Speaker 4: to your point of who you were talking to were 491 00:21:56,160 --> 00:21:57,800 Speaker 4: women that one day would be able to do it. 492 00:21:58,000 --> 00:22:00,960 Speaker 4: And the reason why I was like that, that's not 493 00:22:01,000 --> 00:22:03,359 Speaker 4: what I wanted to hear was because I felt like, 494 00:22:03,920 --> 00:22:06,320 Speaker 4: how I've been spoken to is like people will tell 495 00:22:06,359 --> 00:22:09,040 Speaker 4: you not to do things right because they will say, Okay, 496 00:22:09,040 --> 00:22:11,160 Speaker 4: well it's going to be financially hard or where will 497 00:22:11,200 --> 00:22:13,040 Speaker 4: you get the resources? And it's like, why can't I 498 00:22:13,080 --> 00:22:13,639 Speaker 4: afford to do it? 499 00:22:13,680 --> 00:22:15,960 Speaker 2: Like yeah, but you understand clearly if you've I'm not 500 00:22:16,000 --> 00:22:17,960 Speaker 2: sure for how familiar you are with my content, Lauren, 501 00:22:18,040 --> 00:22:20,960 Speaker 2: but the folks here in this room that are Everything 502 00:22:20,960 --> 00:22:23,800 Speaker 2: I talk about is about prosperity and living a first 503 00:22:23,840 --> 00:22:27,320 Speaker 2: class American, wealthy existence for black folks period. 504 00:22:27,359 --> 00:22:29,720 Speaker 4: I know that you do that, but what what I 505 00:22:30,040 --> 00:22:32,760 Speaker 4: When I hear that, and I know how people will 506 00:22:32,800 --> 00:22:35,240 Speaker 4: take it in the conversation will run. Some people will 507 00:22:35,280 --> 00:22:37,439 Speaker 4: take it and the conversation will run. They may not 508 00:22:37,520 --> 00:22:39,040 Speaker 4: know that and they may not present it that way. 509 00:22:39,080 --> 00:22:41,240 Speaker 4: So now to me, I said, I feel like I 510 00:22:41,280 --> 00:22:43,640 Speaker 4: put a dark cloud because now you're like, Okay, these 511 00:22:43,640 --> 00:22:45,879 Speaker 4: women are in college, and then most of the the 512 00:22:46,080 --> 00:22:47,800 Speaker 4: I know I'm a black woman, So when I'm hearing that, 513 00:22:47,960 --> 00:22:50,199 Speaker 4: I'm instantly like, okay, people are going to use this 514 00:22:50,280 --> 00:22:52,520 Speaker 4: to be like the black women who graduate with the degrees, 515 00:22:52,560 --> 00:22:54,720 Speaker 4: they don't have those options because of ABC and D 516 00:22:54,960 --> 00:22:57,400 Speaker 4: number one being financial right and that side of conversation. 517 00:22:57,600 --> 00:22:59,399 Speaker 2: I don't want no no necessarily, So I think that's 518 00:22:59,440 --> 00:23:01,480 Speaker 2: so interesting saying that that's the way you heard it. 519 00:23:01,760 --> 00:23:03,359 Speaker 2: I believe that's the way you heard it. But I 520 00:23:03,359 --> 00:23:05,800 Speaker 2: think that there are also people that hear it the 521 00:23:05,840 --> 00:23:07,560 Speaker 2: complete opposite way, lor and we have to make the 522 00:23:07,560 --> 00:23:09,639 Speaker 2: space for that. I hear you saying you heard my 523 00:23:09,680 --> 00:23:13,040 Speaker 2: commentary in general, and you heard a woman advocating for 524 00:23:13,119 --> 00:23:16,520 Speaker 2: a glass being half full, they're excuse me, half empty rather, 525 00:23:16,760 --> 00:23:18,320 Speaker 2: And then there are those that heard what I was 526 00:23:18,359 --> 00:23:21,960 Speaker 2: saying it was like, shit, that's some great perspective. I 527 00:23:22,040 --> 00:23:24,560 Speaker 2: wish someone would have told me when I was positioned 528 00:23:24,600 --> 00:23:26,959 Speaker 2: to do something about it. I am certainly going to 529 00:23:27,040 --> 00:23:31,000 Speaker 2: advance this piece of advice and commentary to my children, 530 00:23:31,080 --> 00:23:33,040 Speaker 2: or the kids in my church, or the kids in 531 00:23:33,080 --> 00:23:35,399 Speaker 2: my you know, Jack and Jail chapters or whatever in 532 00:23:35,440 --> 00:23:38,440 Speaker 2: the world, and making sure that they have this piece 533 00:23:38,440 --> 00:23:42,440 Speaker 2: of knowledge or optionality that I've never had because no 534 00:23:42,480 --> 00:23:44,719 Speaker 2: one ever told me. And they're seeing it as the 535 00:23:44,720 --> 00:23:46,280 Speaker 2: glass half full. 536 00:23:46,119 --> 00:23:47,640 Speaker 4: And I love that for them. But do you feel 537 00:23:47,640 --> 00:23:49,240 Speaker 4: like the blogs and a lot of people that reported 538 00:23:49,240 --> 00:23:50,560 Speaker 4: on it picked it up that way? 539 00:23:50,920 --> 00:23:52,080 Speaker 2: I think the la Times did. 540 00:23:52,680 --> 00:23:54,119 Speaker 5: And I feel like whatever you just said now is 541 00:23:54,160 --> 00:23:57,080 Speaker 5: very important. All Ebany is saying is this isn't ideal 542 00:23:57,480 --> 00:23:58,199 Speaker 5: and you don't want it. 543 00:23:58,200 --> 00:23:59,480 Speaker 2: It's not it's not you don't. 544 00:23:59,280 --> 00:24:01,240 Speaker 3: Want folks to have to necessarily go through. 545 00:24:01,119 --> 00:24:03,919 Speaker 2: That for me. Let me just reiterate that, because that's 546 00:24:03,960 --> 00:24:05,960 Speaker 2: very important, because this is this is these these takes 547 00:24:05,960 --> 00:24:10,359 Speaker 2: are very high, Lauren. I'm fifty thousand dollars into IVF 548 00:24:10,480 --> 00:24:12,760 Speaker 2: journey by myself, so I don't have a husband splitting 549 00:24:12,760 --> 00:24:14,960 Speaker 2: that with me, which I which there's reasons why that's 550 00:24:15,000 --> 00:24:17,640 Speaker 2: preferable for me. But I really need people to hear that. 551 00:24:17,840 --> 00:24:19,800 Speaker 2: And I'm taking shots and I'm giving them to myself, 552 00:24:19,840 --> 00:24:22,359 Speaker 2: and I'm doing all this to bring life into this world. 553 00:24:22,680 --> 00:24:24,520 Speaker 2: And I don't take it lightly because it's a very 554 00:24:24,520 --> 00:24:27,200 Speaker 2: serious thing. So I think when we were very cavalier, 555 00:24:27,280 --> 00:24:29,760 Speaker 2: not not just you, right, but in general, with oh 556 00:24:29,960 --> 00:24:33,920 Speaker 2: just IVF or oh just marry outside the race obviously 557 00:24:34,000 --> 00:24:37,040 Speaker 2: been there, done that too. That that well, I heard 558 00:24:37,040 --> 00:24:47,720 Speaker 2: some snow no King commentary. 559 00:24:44,320 --> 00:24:46,320 Speaker 1: Hold of guys, guy. We got to take some calls. 560 00:24:46,480 --> 00:24:48,800 Speaker 1: We got to take some calls. We got to take some. 561 00:24:48,720 --> 00:24:54,199 Speaker 2: Calls because if you watch, if you listen, Okay, let's go. 562 00:24:54,480 --> 00:24:55,639 Speaker 1: We got to take some calls when we come back. 563 00:24:55,680 --> 00:24:57,400 Speaker 1: And I just want to say this. I just want 564 00:24:57,440 --> 00:24:59,800 Speaker 1: to say this. Most people don't know what what Ebany's 565 00:24:59,800 --> 00:25:02,600 Speaker 1: going through right now with the with the in vitro fertility. 566 00:25:02,720 --> 00:25:05,199 Speaker 1: No because because most people haven't been through it, and 567 00:25:05,200 --> 00:25:05,680 Speaker 1: the fact that. 568 00:25:08,520 --> 00:25:11,040 Speaker 2: People that listen to hold the court every day. 569 00:25:11,080 --> 00:25:12,520 Speaker 1: But the fact that she has to do it by 570 00:25:12,560 --> 00:25:15,320 Speaker 1: herself is a lot. Like she has to put them 571 00:25:15,359 --> 00:25:18,080 Speaker 1: shots in her stomach and and and all that by herself, 572 00:25:18,160 --> 00:25:20,160 Speaker 1: Thank you. Most people don't know it. Like I can't 573 00:25:20,200 --> 00:25:22,280 Speaker 1: even imagine if my wife had to do it by herself, 574 00:25:22,359 --> 00:25:24,199 Speaker 1: or a woman having to do it by herself and 575 00:25:24,240 --> 00:25:26,560 Speaker 1: goes through those doctors appointment. So it is a lot 576 00:25:26,680 --> 00:25:27,520 Speaker 1: room by yourself. 577 00:25:27,640 --> 00:25:28,080 Speaker 3: It's a lot. 578 00:25:28,320 --> 00:25:29,199 Speaker 4: I can't imagine that. 579 00:25:29,440 --> 00:25:31,960 Speaker 1: It's transfer. We'll talk, will take some calls when we 580 00:25:32,000 --> 00:25:32,239 Speaker 1: come back. 581 00:25:32,240 --> 00:25:33,639 Speaker 4: I got to talk about this stuff that we agreed 582 00:25:33,680 --> 00:25:35,040 Speaker 4: with too, because a lot of people agree. 583 00:25:34,800 --> 00:25:36,520 Speaker 2: With something that you should have callers get to some 584 00:25:36,560 --> 00:25:36,720 Speaker 2: of it. 585 00:25:36,800 --> 00:25:39,679 Speaker 1: But but we man got all that much time. Guys, 586 00:25:39,840 --> 00:25:41,879 Speaker 1: five five one, five one, let's go. It's the breakfast 587 00:25:41,920 --> 00:25:48,800 Speaker 1: level morning morning. Everybody is tj NV Charlamagne to God. 588 00:25:48,840 --> 00:25:50,920 Speaker 1: We are a breakfast club. Our special guest host Laura 589 00:25:50,960 --> 00:25:53,600 Speaker 1: la Rossa is here, and Ebony K. Williams is still here. 590 00:25:53,960 --> 00:25:56,360 Speaker 1: We're having a grown up discussion this morning, and we're 591 00:25:56,359 --> 00:25:58,600 Speaker 1: opening up the phone line. We're gonna let h you 592 00:25:58,600 --> 00:26:00,560 Speaker 1: guys out there get a chance to chop it up 593 00:26:00,600 --> 00:26:03,320 Speaker 1: with Ebony K. Williams. All right, eight hundred and five 594 00:26:03,359 --> 00:26:05,240 Speaker 1: A five one oh, five to one, and we just 595 00:26:05,240 --> 00:26:07,560 Speaker 1: want to say it's a respectful conversation. So as soon 596 00:26:07,560 --> 00:26:10,679 Speaker 1: as the disrespect happens, we're banging on you right right now. 597 00:26:10,720 --> 00:26:14,359 Speaker 3: Okay, let's rovigate has happened. We're on to something else. 598 00:26:14,440 --> 00:26:17,200 Speaker 2: Now you stop it. Charlemagne, Hello, who's this? 599 00:26:17,640 --> 00:26:18,200 Speaker 3: Good morning? 600 00:26:18,320 --> 00:26:18,800 Speaker 2: Chris? 601 00:26:19,080 --> 00:26:21,679 Speaker 1: Hey, Chris, this is I don't even I. 602 00:26:21,680 --> 00:26:24,560 Speaker 2: Don't want to hear from any man. This is not 603 00:26:24,560 --> 00:26:27,399 Speaker 2: a ment a conversation for men to co op and 604 00:26:27,480 --> 00:26:28,600 Speaker 2: celebrate their mediocrity. 605 00:26:28,720 --> 00:26:33,320 Speaker 3: I agree, Jesus. Back to the bigotry of low expectations. 606 00:26:32,640 --> 00:26:37,600 Speaker 2: For you thank you. No, I got that that co 607 00:26:37,680 --> 00:26:40,040 Speaker 2: op is happening. I don't see it in the comment. 608 00:26:40,119 --> 00:26:42,080 Speaker 4: I can't wait to use that in the argument. Jesus, 609 00:26:42,119 --> 00:26:43,480 Speaker 4: you just co op in your media. 610 00:26:44,920 --> 00:26:46,680 Speaker 1: Ask But all right, let's go to another caller, Hello, 611 00:26:46,680 --> 00:26:47,520 Speaker 1: who's this did. 612 00:26:47,520 --> 00:26:48,840 Speaker 4: Y'all don't identify this? 613 00:26:49,359 --> 00:26:52,800 Speaker 1: Hello? Oha, Hey, Alicia? Good morning? 614 00:26:54,040 --> 00:26:55,400 Speaker 6: Hey, how are you good? 615 00:26:55,440 --> 00:26:55,920 Speaker 3: Good? Good? 616 00:26:56,200 --> 00:26:57,840 Speaker 1: Ebanie K. Williams to say, hey, you gotta you got 617 00:26:57,880 --> 00:26:59,480 Speaker 1: a question comment, let's discuss. 618 00:27:00,680 --> 00:27:02,639 Speaker 6: Oh well, I just kind of wanted to agree with her. 619 00:27:02,680 --> 00:27:06,480 Speaker 6: First of all, she stated that if this is the 620 00:27:06,880 --> 00:27:08,440 Speaker 6: if this is what you want, and you're like, this 621 00:27:08,480 --> 00:27:10,720 Speaker 6: is what I suggest, So she was not pushing that 622 00:27:10,840 --> 00:27:14,000 Speaker 6: on anyone. But if we're being honest, that's when I 623 00:27:14,080 --> 00:27:16,680 Speaker 6: counterparts teach their girls so go to college and find 624 00:27:16,680 --> 00:27:19,479 Speaker 6: a husband. The education is almost taking they to, especially 625 00:27:19,560 --> 00:27:23,160 Speaker 6: white Southern women, So I don't see a problem with it. 626 00:27:23,200 --> 00:27:23,720 Speaker 3: Is that true? 627 00:27:23,760 --> 00:27:26,040 Speaker 2: Thank you? Sis? Absolutely is true. So you know, I 628 00:27:26,080 --> 00:27:29,280 Speaker 2: went to UNC Chapel Hill, a very predominantly white institution 629 00:27:30,000 --> 00:27:32,520 Speaker 2: in the South, as the good sister just mentioned, and 630 00:27:32,800 --> 00:27:37,040 Speaker 2: that ring before Spring. Shit is serious for them, and 631 00:27:37,520 --> 00:27:40,400 Speaker 2: it's it's twofold what they're looking to do because our 632 00:27:40,440 --> 00:27:44,280 Speaker 2: counterparts tend to view marriage primarily through a lens of 633 00:27:44,359 --> 00:27:48,080 Speaker 2: economic stability. Let's be clear, and historically we know that 634 00:27:48,280 --> 00:27:52,720 Speaker 2: is the nature of marriage. Correct, It's a transaction of sorts. 635 00:27:52,760 --> 00:27:55,240 Speaker 2: And I know once again, you know the tears are 636 00:27:55,240 --> 00:27:56,760 Speaker 2: going to roll when I say that out loud for 637 00:27:56,840 --> 00:28:01,040 Speaker 2: some because wait, because they they are not willing to 638 00:28:01,600 --> 00:28:05,560 Speaker 2: really stand in the reality of the tenets of marriage 639 00:28:05,600 --> 00:28:09,280 Speaker 2: in America today. Pay mortgage right, So that's the reality, 640 00:28:09,560 --> 00:28:11,320 Speaker 2: and our kind of parts to do it all the time. 641 00:28:11,440 --> 00:28:13,800 Speaker 2: The difference is they are not shamed when they do it. 642 00:28:13,840 --> 00:28:16,520 Speaker 2: I think that when you see black girls and black 643 00:28:16,560 --> 00:28:20,840 Speaker 2: young women going and making the space for marriage as 644 00:28:20,880 --> 00:28:23,520 Speaker 2: as much of a priority as education, it flies in 645 00:28:23,560 --> 00:28:26,119 Speaker 2: the face of a generation that told me and mine, 646 00:28:26,600 --> 00:28:30,080 Speaker 2: go to school, stay focused, don't get pregnant. Boys are 647 00:28:30,080 --> 00:28:33,120 Speaker 2: a distraction, Right, They're gonna throw you off your game. 648 00:28:33,640 --> 00:28:36,920 Speaker 2: Get your education, get your money, get your house, get 649 00:28:36,960 --> 00:28:40,400 Speaker 2: your power, figure out who you are, stand in it, 650 00:28:40,720 --> 00:28:43,920 Speaker 2: and then go partner, get married and live happily ever after. 651 00:28:44,240 --> 00:28:47,120 Speaker 2: The challenge with that, because that's the model I took. 652 00:28:47,360 --> 00:28:49,000 Speaker 2: I'm proud to have taken it. I had a little 653 00:28:49,040 --> 00:28:51,000 Speaker 2: default starting marriage that was not for me, so I 654 00:28:51,040 --> 00:28:54,080 Speaker 2: divorced him. Not a problem, great guy. Here's the thing. 655 00:28:54,640 --> 00:28:59,080 Speaker 2: Here's the thing is most black women do want the 656 00:28:59,160 --> 00:29:02,520 Speaker 2: traditional man or told nuclear family model. And when you 657 00:29:02,600 --> 00:29:05,320 Speaker 2: get to a certain level of income as black women, 658 00:29:05,520 --> 00:29:08,360 Speaker 2: a certain level of power, a certain level of being 659 00:29:08,400 --> 00:29:10,719 Speaker 2: able to travel the world on your own dime and 660 00:29:10,760 --> 00:29:13,880 Speaker 2: be in the sky lounge without some dusty sun swipe, 661 00:29:13,920 --> 00:29:16,640 Speaker 2: that's okay, the shrinking happens. And also, I'm gonna tell 662 00:29:16,640 --> 00:29:19,160 Speaker 2: you what else you move? Differences you move? You You 663 00:29:19,440 --> 00:29:21,400 Speaker 2: think your swag is on a thousand today and it's 664 00:29:21,520 --> 00:29:24,080 Speaker 2: very high and I love seeing it. Wait till you, 665 00:29:24,240 --> 00:29:26,520 Speaker 2: wait till you're over that million dollar a year mark 666 00:29:26,720 --> 00:29:29,800 Speaker 2: of income, Wait till it's like wait till you own 667 00:29:29,840 --> 00:29:32,720 Speaker 2: your your one point seven million dollar property and your 668 00:29:32,760 --> 00:29:34,240 Speaker 2: own name and only your name is. 669 00:29:34,240 --> 00:29:35,560 Speaker 3: On the deed based on the true story. 670 00:29:36,400 --> 00:29:39,560 Speaker 2: That's what I'm just saying you. Nobody's gonna be able 671 00:29:39,560 --> 00:29:42,360 Speaker 2: to tell you shit unless they're coming all the way, correctio, 672 00:29:42,480 --> 00:29:45,640 Speaker 2: And that's gonna make that pool rather even smaller. Go ahead, 673 00:29:45,640 --> 00:29:48,120 Speaker 2: and yes, sorry, who's this? 674 00:29:50,720 --> 00:29:55,760 Speaker 1: Hello? Hey? What's your name? So Hey, Sophia, what's your 675 00:29:55,800 --> 00:29:56,560 Speaker 1: question for m d. K. 676 00:29:56,640 --> 00:30:00,600 Speaker 7: Williams, not question. That's a question. Then I have a 677 00:30:00,640 --> 00:30:04,880 Speaker 7: few things, like how were you raised? I was I 678 00:30:04,960 --> 00:30:08,280 Speaker 7: seen that you were forty. I'm forty eight. I'm a 679 00:30:08,320 --> 00:30:12,160 Speaker 7: black woman raised with black women. We were not raised 680 00:30:12,160 --> 00:30:15,520 Speaker 7: to go look for a man. We were not raised 681 00:30:15,520 --> 00:30:19,400 Speaker 7: to it doesn't matter like we wasn't raised to just 682 00:30:19,440 --> 00:30:21,959 Speaker 7: go look for a ring. Oh my god, I just 683 00:30:22,040 --> 00:30:25,200 Speaker 7: have to have a man. We were raised to respect ourselves, 684 00:30:25,280 --> 00:30:28,720 Speaker 7: to love God, and if God shaw fit for us 685 00:30:28,800 --> 00:30:33,160 Speaker 7: to be married, our husband would find us. Like it's 686 00:30:33,200 --> 00:30:37,280 Speaker 7: like you putting your your failures or how that you 687 00:30:37,440 --> 00:30:40,360 Speaker 7: seem like you failed because you didn't get a ring 688 00:30:40,480 --> 00:30:44,000 Speaker 7: in college, that you putting it off on other women, 689 00:30:44,360 --> 00:30:48,840 Speaker 7: especially black women, when that's not how black women. I 690 00:30:48,840 --> 00:30:51,160 Speaker 7: don't know any other race, but that's not how I 691 00:30:51,200 --> 00:30:51,800 Speaker 7: was raised. 692 00:30:52,120 --> 00:30:54,480 Speaker 3: Okay reponse, Oh yeah, good morning. 693 00:30:54,520 --> 00:30:57,720 Speaker 2: It says so listen. I was raised by God fearing, 694 00:30:57,760 --> 00:31:00,920 Speaker 2: incredible black woman named Gloria who were to go to school, 695 00:31:01,120 --> 00:31:03,000 Speaker 2: go to more school, get the bag, and stand in 696 00:31:03,040 --> 00:31:05,400 Speaker 2: my truth and power. So that's the first answer to 697 00:31:05,480 --> 00:31:08,360 Speaker 2: your question. As for failure, I don't have any in 698 00:31:08,400 --> 00:31:10,840 Speaker 2: the space, dear. I actually was married. I had a 699 00:31:10,840 --> 00:31:13,560 Speaker 2: beautiful cushion cut diamond on my finger until I decided 700 00:31:13,600 --> 00:31:15,000 Speaker 2: to give it back because I no longer want it 701 00:31:15,000 --> 00:31:16,920 Speaker 2: to be married, so I don't have failure in the space. 702 00:31:16,920 --> 00:31:18,800 Speaker 2: The only reason I'm not married is because I divorced 703 00:31:18,880 --> 00:31:21,800 Speaker 2: my husband. Now, as to putting this on black women, 704 00:31:22,040 --> 00:31:24,520 Speaker 2: I'm doing no such thing. What I know for fact, 705 00:31:24,920 --> 00:31:27,480 Speaker 2: because I have sorority sisters, I have good friends. I 706 00:31:27,520 --> 00:31:31,600 Speaker 2: have a strong global sisterhood of black women who tell me. 707 00:31:31,880 --> 00:31:35,480 Speaker 2: Some of them tell me that despite their success, despite 708 00:31:35,520 --> 00:31:39,000 Speaker 2: their careers, and despite their money, they in their car 709 00:31:39,080 --> 00:31:44,280 Speaker 2: to hearts still desire marriage. It is something that they want, 710 00:31:44,640 --> 00:31:46,560 Speaker 2: and I think we got to get rid of shaming 711 00:31:46,600 --> 00:31:49,640 Speaker 2: black women for wanting what they want. I'll give you 712 00:31:49,680 --> 00:31:54,040 Speaker 2: this as a handbag example. Some people like burking bags. 713 00:31:54,280 --> 00:31:56,880 Speaker 2: If Lauren comes and tells me, Ebany, I want to 714 00:31:56,880 --> 00:31:58,480 Speaker 2: get a Burking bag, let me tell you what I'm 715 00:31:58,480 --> 00:32:00,320 Speaker 2: not gonna do. I'm not gonna try to cons her 716 00:32:00,320 --> 00:32:02,200 Speaker 2: to get another kind of bag. I'm not gonna say, girl, 717 00:32:02,200 --> 00:32:04,400 Speaker 2: have you seen the Chanelle's? What about the Louis Bittons. 718 00:32:04,560 --> 00:32:07,640 Speaker 2: I'm not going to talk to you about how uh 719 00:32:07,840 --> 00:32:10,560 Speaker 2: rmez bags are or priced out of range, and and 720 00:32:10,560 --> 00:32:13,000 Speaker 2: and and they should be more accessible to people. No, 721 00:32:13,240 --> 00:32:15,080 Speaker 2: I'm gonna talk to you about how to get the 722 00:32:15,160 --> 00:32:18,080 Speaker 2: money situation together so we can walk in Ermez right 723 00:32:18,080 --> 00:32:21,000 Speaker 2: there on Madison and make your dream a reality. And 724 00:32:21,080 --> 00:32:23,480 Speaker 2: that's all I'm doing for the black women that that 725 00:32:23,720 --> 00:32:26,320 Speaker 2: is already a desire of their heart to be married 726 00:32:26,320 --> 00:32:29,040 Speaker 2: in a timely fashion. That's who this advice is for. 727 00:32:29,280 --> 00:32:32,080 Speaker 2: If you don't want that, I want nothing. But what 728 00:32:32,120 --> 00:32:33,600 Speaker 2: you want for yourself. 729 00:32:33,360 --> 00:32:37,160 Speaker 4: Is the Carlos said on the line. 730 00:32:37,640 --> 00:32:39,080 Speaker 3: That go get the Michael Cores. 731 00:32:39,120 --> 00:32:41,360 Speaker 4: I will say though, I think I think a lot 732 00:32:41,360 --> 00:32:43,360 Speaker 4: of people take the stance that she took because you 733 00:32:43,480 --> 00:32:45,840 Speaker 4: literally like a lot of people don't know certain things, right, 734 00:32:45,840 --> 00:32:48,080 Speaker 4: they don't listen. But I also think that say they part. 735 00:32:47,920 --> 00:32:49,959 Speaker 2: One more time, they don't know certain things and they 736 00:32:49,960 --> 00:32:50,400 Speaker 2: don't listen. 737 00:32:50,480 --> 00:32:52,840 Speaker 4: But wait, another important point is I think a lot 738 00:32:52,840 --> 00:32:55,520 Speaker 4: of people take you just as a personality and all 739 00:32:55,560 --> 00:32:57,880 Speaker 4: that you have going on as like you look and 740 00:32:57,920 --> 00:32:59,960 Speaker 4: speak down on people. And I think with the black 741 00:33:00,080 --> 00:33:03,760 Speaker 4: women is instantly triggering because we've had that happen so much, right, 742 00:33:04,080 --> 00:33:06,800 Speaker 4: And that's why that happens where she's like, well, how 743 00:33:06,800 --> 00:33:08,600 Speaker 4: were you raised? Like, even the way that she came 744 00:33:08,640 --> 00:33:10,920 Speaker 4: into that call was like, you think that you're better 745 00:33:11,000 --> 00:33:13,320 Speaker 4: or you think that you're doing something that other people 746 00:33:13,360 --> 00:33:14,920 Speaker 4: have not done, right, And I think that happens a 747 00:33:14,960 --> 00:33:15,600 Speaker 4: lot with you. 748 00:33:15,680 --> 00:33:17,800 Speaker 2: Yeah, it's a projection. Yeah, so I'm forty right, So 749 00:33:17,800 --> 00:33:19,520 Speaker 2: none of that's new, Lauren. Just so you know, like 750 00:33:19,800 --> 00:33:22,360 Speaker 2: when you walk through the world carrying yourself the way 751 00:33:22,400 --> 00:33:26,600 Speaker 2: I do, having my esthetic projections and presumptions about who 752 00:33:26,640 --> 00:33:29,840 Speaker 2: I am and what my values are come with the territory. 753 00:33:29,960 --> 00:33:31,320 Speaker 2: But that's also why I do the work I do. 754 00:33:31,360 --> 00:33:33,520 Speaker 2: I got one hundred episodes a Holding Court. People can watch. 755 00:33:33,600 --> 00:33:35,840 Speaker 2: I'm on every day here locally in New York Channel 756 00:33:35,840 --> 00:33:40,360 Speaker 2: fifty five eleven thirty AM Equal Justice with Judge Ebanie Yes, 757 00:33:40,400 --> 00:33:43,200 Speaker 2: I'm judging you and several other things. I got two 758 00:33:43,200 --> 00:33:46,120 Speaker 2: books out of ything. Ben. I'm back what you said, Abby. 759 00:33:46,160 --> 00:33:47,320 Speaker 3: I saw Equal Justice in Vegas. 760 00:33:47,400 --> 00:33:49,760 Speaker 2: You saw, Yeah. Yes, it's nationally syndicated. I'm in eighty 761 00:33:49,760 --> 00:33:52,160 Speaker 2: five percent of American home so there's lots of content 762 00:33:52,200 --> 00:33:52,640 Speaker 2: to consume. 763 00:33:52,760 --> 00:33:54,280 Speaker 1: Well, let's go to another call, and I just want 764 00:33:54,320 --> 00:33:56,840 Speaker 1: to put out there. Ebony Ca Williams is talking that talk. 765 00:33:56,920 --> 00:33:59,640 Speaker 1: She has a gold thirty five breaking bag with thank 766 00:33:59,640 --> 00:34:00,960 Speaker 1: you baby, look like gold hardware. 767 00:34:01,160 --> 00:34:04,640 Speaker 2: You're correct, yellow gold, thank you's looking like a true 768 00:34:04,640 --> 00:34:05,280 Speaker 2: man of her mess. 769 00:34:05,680 --> 00:34:07,160 Speaker 3: You're rich. 770 00:34:07,200 --> 00:34:13,719 Speaker 2: I said, please, Hello, who's saying. 771 00:34:15,719 --> 00:34:16,120 Speaker 1: Hello? 772 00:34:17,400 --> 00:34:17,680 Speaker 6: Hello? 773 00:34:18,120 --> 00:34:18,319 Speaker 2: Hey? 774 00:34:18,360 --> 00:34:18,919 Speaker 1: What's your name? 775 00:34:20,040 --> 00:34:20,319 Speaker 8: All right? 776 00:34:20,400 --> 00:34:22,960 Speaker 6: My name is from hey Tis. 777 00:34:23,040 --> 00:34:24,640 Speaker 1: What's your question for King Williams. 778 00:34:25,400 --> 00:34:28,240 Speaker 8: It's not really a question. I'm just saying I'm well, 779 00:34:28,280 --> 00:34:30,200 Speaker 8: first of all, good morning and everybody. I just want 780 00:34:30,239 --> 00:34:32,719 Speaker 8: to say that I am team Ebany and I don't 781 00:34:32,719 --> 00:34:38,279 Speaker 8: see anything that she's saying is wrong. She's letting her platform. 782 00:34:38,520 --> 00:34:41,600 Speaker 8: Everyone who follows her know that. As an older woman, 783 00:34:42,120 --> 00:34:45,440 Speaker 8: I'm just giving you advice. I've been there, I've been 784 00:34:45,480 --> 00:34:49,239 Speaker 8: through college, and this is my feelings based on my experiences, 785 00:34:49,239 --> 00:34:51,440 Speaker 8: and I just feel like she should be respected for it. 786 00:34:52,360 --> 00:34:53,959 Speaker 1: Okay, well, thank you for calling. 787 00:34:54,000 --> 00:34:57,120 Speaker 2: Mama, appreciate it, says, thank you so much. Good day. 788 00:34:57,880 --> 00:34:59,520 Speaker 5: Let's put a button on this man, because you know 789 00:35:00,080 --> 00:35:02,439 Speaker 5: this out. I think this was very informative and very 790 00:35:03,600 --> 00:35:06,160 Speaker 5: very very very educational. And I would like to say 791 00:35:06,400 --> 00:35:09,160 Speaker 5: Evane K Williams is not Kevin Samuels with a silk press. 792 00:35:09,320 --> 00:35:12,680 Speaker 3: Okay, mediocrity, She's Evane K. 793 00:35:12,760 --> 00:35:14,880 Speaker 5: Williams, and I believe if we listen with the intent 794 00:35:14,960 --> 00:35:17,920 Speaker 5: to understand and not reply, you would learned something. 795 00:35:18,120 --> 00:35:20,560 Speaker 2: I appreciate listen. I appreciate the platform. I appreciate the 796 00:35:20,560 --> 00:35:23,760 Speaker 2: conversation I need too. I think that as black women 797 00:35:23,800 --> 00:35:26,160 Speaker 2: in particular, we got to hold the space to have 798 00:35:26,200 --> 00:35:28,239 Speaker 2: the difficult conversations. I saw a lot of people to chat. 799 00:35:28,239 --> 00:35:29,640 Speaker 2: Are we still talking about this? Are we all with this? 800 00:35:29,840 --> 00:35:32,200 Speaker 2: Clearly people feel away about the topic. 801 00:35:31,880 --> 00:35:33,840 Speaker 4: And I think it's also good for people to see that, like, 802 00:35:34,880 --> 00:35:37,200 Speaker 4: now I know you a bit differently, so I probably 803 00:35:37,239 --> 00:35:39,600 Speaker 4: will see things differently, but I probably will still disagree 804 00:35:39,600 --> 00:35:41,960 Speaker 4: with some things and it's totally fine. 805 00:35:42,080 --> 00:35:42,520 Speaker 3: That's a life. 806 00:35:42,920 --> 00:35:43,120 Speaker 1: Yeah. 807 00:35:43,120 --> 00:35:45,000 Speaker 4: But I'm just saying that because I think another thing 808 00:35:45,000 --> 00:35:46,400 Speaker 4: too that I don't want to happen from this is 809 00:35:46,400 --> 00:35:48,480 Speaker 4: people to take the points where we didn't disagree or 810 00:35:48,480 --> 00:35:51,279 Speaker 4: where you were stronger, I was stronger vice versa and 811 00:35:51,360 --> 00:35:54,840 Speaker 4: be like, it's combative, it's not. It's yeah, but I 812 00:35:54,960 --> 00:35:56,520 Speaker 4: but I want to put it on record that that 813 00:35:56,600 --> 00:35:58,160 Speaker 4: is that can happen. And then at the end of 814 00:35:58,160 --> 00:35:59,279 Speaker 4: the day, is we're going to talk because I do 815 00:35:59,280 --> 00:36:00,840 Speaker 4: want to know more about the fertility thing. I do 816 00:36:00,920 --> 00:36:02,480 Speaker 4: want to top you little. I want you know what 817 00:36:02,520 --> 00:36:04,160 Speaker 4: I mean, Like that's important to put. 818 00:36:04,000 --> 00:36:07,080 Speaker 2: Out and I appreciate that. I just think that the 819 00:36:07,080 --> 00:36:09,879 Speaker 2: moral of the story is people are going to eat 820 00:36:09,920 --> 00:36:12,400 Speaker 2: the meat and spit up and spin out the seeds. 821 00:36:12,400 --> 00:36:16,680 Speaker 2: Excuse me, they're going to eat you know what, somebody somebody, somebody. 822 00:36:16,440 --> 00:36:18,040 Speaker 4: Nasty and because somebody got a good die. 823 00:36:18,600 --> 00:36:20,320 Speaker 2: You're gonna eat the meat and spit out the seeds 824 00:36:20,360 --> 00:36:22,680 Speaker 2: as we do with watermelon. Get your heads out of 825 00:36:22,719 --> 00:36:26,240 Speaker 2: the gutter, as we do with watermelon. What is wrong 826 00:36:26,280 --> 00:36:32,800 Speaker 2: with you? People? Raise? I'm just playing and that goes 827 00:36:32,880 --> 00:36:35,440 Speaker 2: with this conversation. That goes whether we're talking about bus 828 00:36:35,520 --> 00:36:37,520 Speaker 2: drop and gay, whether we're talking about black men in school, 829 00:36:37,560 --> 00:36:40,719 Speaker 2: whether we're talking about wealth or anything else. So the 830 00:36:40,800 --> 00:36:43,799 Speaker 2: content is for the taking. I welcome the critique and 831 00:36:43,840 --> 00:36:44,520 Speaker 2: the conversation. 832 00:36:44,960 --> 00:36:46,840 Speaker 1: All right, Well, we appreciate you and. 833 00:36:48,920 --> 00:36:49,960 Speaker 3: Holding Court podcast. 834 00:36:50,360 --> 00:36:51,640 Speaker 2: We're back with season three soon. 835 00:36:51,800 --> 00:36:53,920 Speaker 4: I mean, did I keep the same energy the energy 836 00:36:54,000 --> 00:36:54,400 Speaker 4: was needed? 837 00:36:55,719 --> 00:36:58,120 Speaker 3: I don't know, man drunk a little bit. 838 00:37:00,120 --> 00:37:01,360 Speaker 2: You know about for me? 839 00:37:03,200 --> 00:37:05,120 Speaker 4: I asked you, I don't even know why you. 840 00:37:08,360 --> 00:37:12,160 Speaker 2: Watch Equal Justice to thank you, thank you for your localistings. 841 00:37:12,440 --> 00:37:15,360 Speaker 1: Sending BA comeback. Nyla will be joining us past the AUCS. 842 00:37:15,360 --> 00:37:17,480 Speaker 1: It don't go anywhere. It's a Friday, thank you ladies. 843 00:37:17,520 --> 00:37:21,200 Speaker 1: It's the Breakfast Club. Wake up in the morning, The 844 00:37:21,360 --> 00:37:22,200 Speaker 1: Breakfast Club.