WEBVTT - My Family Vacation 0:00:00.120 --> 0:00:02.840 How many times do you think over to or under 0:00:02.880 --> 0:00:05.560 two that I was recognized in Portugal and it could 0:00:05.600 --> 0:00:09.400 be by American tourist as well. Over over under look 0:00:09.440 --> 0:00:21.239 how I'm dressed to you idiots? Tosh Tosh Show, Welcome 0:00:21.280 --> 0:00:34.360 to Tosh Show, are found Math three own Blueberry. Louis Armstrong. 0:00:34.440 --> 0:00:37.599 You like Louis Eddie? I like Louis man his voice. 0:00:37.920 --> 0:00:42.040 When you listen to him sing, it's hard not to 0:00:42.240 --> 0:00:46.720 feel like, is he doing a bit sound very like? 0:00:47.560 --> 0:00:50.800 Are there like white producers, like racist white producers in 0:00:50.840 --> 0:00:54.200 the back going yeah, yeah, you go with that, that's great? 0:00:55.320 --> 0:00:58.000 Or is it a beautiful voice and it's just of 0:00:58.040 --> 0:01:02.680 a time that that doesn't hold up today? I don't know, 0:01:03.880 --> 0:01:07.600 but dude, love it. I mean, I don't even know 0:01:07.600 --> 0:01:10.399 if I'm supposed to be doing a Louis Armstrong impression. 0:01:10.640 --> 0:01:12.600 Well, I think if you tell people that's what you're doing. 0:01:12.440 --> 0:01:14.760 You're okay, Yeah, that's Louis Armstrong. There you go. 0:01:14.920 --> 0:01:16.680 He's not just being a grace person over here? 0:01:16.720 --> 0:01:19.520 How did what's his name? Who's the original singer? Fat's? 0:01:19.520 --> 0:01:20.400 What's that domino? 0:01:20.640 --> 0:01:26.360 Fats Domino? How did he sound? I don't know. I 0:01:27.080 --> 0:01:30.279 can't I can't in my head think how Fats Domino sounded, 0:01:30.319 --> 0:01:33.880 but Louis's version. Then, of course Elvis did a version 0:01:34.520 --> 0:01:38.640 as he always did, stealing the cool from black people. 0:01:39.720 --> 0:01:44.959 Hhmm speaking a racist. Our president, you know, is as 0:01:45.560 --> 0:01:50.120 bad as I think he is, and as much as 0:01:50.120 --> 0:01:54.400 I give it to him for broken promises after broken promises. 0:01:54.720 --> 0:01:57.960 Here's I will say this. I do hope he has 0:01:58.520 --> 0:02:05.000 a healthy three and a half years of this final term. Well, 0:02:05.560 --> 0:02:08.240 because Eddie, I wasn't gonna end it at that. 0:02:09.200 --> 0:02:11.239 Okay, you got something coming here, all right. 0:02:11.800 --> 0:02:17.800 Because Heaven help us if Vance were given the keys 0:02:17.840 --> 0:02:21.399 to the car. I mean, this dip shit is off 0:02:21.520 --> 0:02:27.440 the chart. Everything you need to know about Vance can 0:02:27.480 --> 0:02:33.800 be summed up in him drop in the National Championship Trophy. 0:02:39.520 --> 0:02:44.160 That's just who he is. I'm this dip shit. I mean, 0:02:44.160 --> 0:02:47.360 I'm not. This isn't a unique take. I believe everyone 0:02:47.400 --> 0:02:51.880 hates this man. His wife hates him. I think Republicans 0:02:52.040 --> 0:02:54.320 for the most part, are like, oh no, no, he's 0:02:54.360 --> 0:02:58.320 not our guy. Anybody that read that memoir. Did you 0:02:58.360 --> 0:03:02.519 read his book? No Ah, but you own a copy? 0:03:02.960 --> 0:03:05.919 No, just see balance out. It was a bed's kind 0:03:05.919 --> 0:03:07.560 of like wobby got a leg. 0:03:07.600 --> 0:03:13.200 You got a wobbly bed. That's fucking crazy that a 0:03:13.280 --> 0:03:18.280 memoir could balance that. You know somebody that once went 0:03:18.360 --> 0:03:22.000 by initials. I had a roommate, an older roommate. His 0:03:22.080 --> 0:03:26.880 name was Daniel, and my father was Daniel, and you 0:03:26.919 --> 0:03:29.600 know one of my closest friends was Daniel. I went 0:03:29.639 --> 0:03:33.639 by DT for a long time. Uh, some close friends 0:03:33.639 --> 0:03:38.119 still call me DT. But uh, in general, if if 0:03:38.120 --> 0:03:42.800 you have like little initials, you're kind of a fucking idiot. 0:03:43.080 --> 0:03:47.360 You know what his real name is, James Dave Advance JD. 0:03:48.120 --> 0:03:50.880 I don't like anybody that tries to bumpin up their name. 0:03:51.400 --> 0:03:54.240 The only name that I remotely appreciate. That's kind of 0:03:54.280 --> 0:03:58.360 bumpkin up this old cousin baby billy. And see now 0:03:58.400 --> 0:04:02.400 they're they're like, hey, how do we mock these stupid people? Well, 0:04:02.440 --> 0:04:05.360 why don't we call them cousin baby billy? Oh all right, 0:04:05.560 --> 0:04:08.640 they did it? What about JD Vance? Now it's too 0:04:08.720 --> 0:04:11.840 nail on head? Let's go cousin baby billy. Now, you 0:04:11.880 --> 0:04:15.920 guys don't want to hear my elitist views on things. 0:04:16.040 --> 0:04:20.560 Speaking of elitist, The White Lotus season three, are they 0:04:20.600 --> 0:04:23.599 still talking about all the shenanigans that happened behind the 0:04:23.640 --> 0:04:26.680 scenes during the filming. Here's what they should have done. 0:04:26.720 --> 0:04:28.680 They should have just filmed that and aired it. I'd 0:04:28.760 --> 0:04:33.760 much rather watch Bachelor and Paradise White Lotus Thailand. I 0:04:33.760 --> 0:04:36.640 don't know what you'd call it. That's good. Sounds like 0:04:36.640 --> 0:04:39.159 they're all just having fun, you know, a couple married 0:04:39.200 --> 0:04:43.120 people doing what you do in Thailand, pretending you are 0:04:43.720 --> 0:04:49.599 that little Asian girl. I didn't enjoy the season, but 0:04:49.680 --> 0:04:52.640 I didn't not enjoy it, like I was like. I 0:04:53.000 --> 0:04:56.040 watched it and I was like, Okay, is this hotel 0:04:56.440 --> 0:04:58.840 kind of annoys me? I don't want to stay there 0:04:58.960 --> 0:05:02.719 after I see it. I don't know how somebody that 0:05:03.520 --> 0:05:07.839 murdered somebody at one of these hotels goes and buys 0:05:08.040 --> 0:05:11.880 a property at another one of their locations and doesn't 0:05:11.880 --> 0:05:16.200 think that that might come back to haunt them. Why 0:05:16.240 --> 0:05:19.839 wouldn't he be like, well, I can't. That's a great deal, 0:05:20.400 --> 0:05:23.800 but can't be the same property. If I killed my 0:05:23.839 --> 0:05:28.040 wife at a Marriott, you can just kiss those points goodbye. 0:05:28.640 --> 0:05:31.600 I'm never gonna redeem them. Those points are gone forever. 0:05:31.960 --> 0:05:34.160 It's you got to change properties. 0:05:34.480 --> 0:05:37.560 Yeah, speaking of a bunch of rich white people on 0:05:37.680 --> 0:05:48.520 vacation who wants to hear about mine? Enjoy casa, guys, 0:05:48.520 --> 0:05:52.680 I'm back from vacation. Now you didn't even notice because 0:05:53.560 --> 0:05:57.200 the people behind the scenes keep this show just churning. 0:05:57.640 --> 0:06:01.919 But last week Eddie and I went to work in 0:06:02.040 --> 0:06:07.800 New York, New Jersey and Philadelphia, and then we parted ways. 0:06:08.400 --> 0:06:11.600 Eddie went to Rome and I went to Portugal. This 0:06:11.640 --> 0:06:13.080 is how I dress when I'm in Portugal. 0:06:13.279 --> 0:06:13.880 I like it. 0:06:14.279 --> 0:06:17.680 Well, sure you do. I look sophisticated, Yeah you do. 0:06:18.200 --> 0:06:21.479 I blend in. People speak to me in Portuguese. They don't. 0:06:21.560 --> 0:06:26.920 They don't come at me. They're happy to see me. 0:06:27.360 --> 0:06:30.960 But before we get into it, let's Eddie. Let's tell 0:06:31.000 --> 0:06:33.360 people how the shows in New York went. See. I 0:06:33.440 --> 0:06:36.320 went to New York first because my wife and I 0:06:36.360 --> 0:06:38.680 had some meetings. By the way, when you go to 0:06:38.720 --> 0:06:41.119 New York City and you haven't been in a while, 0:06:41.640 --> 0:06:44.200 it does take you a few minutes to go Oh, 0:06:44.640 --> 0:06:49.479 I forgot, everything is filthy. Why did I bring my 0:06:49.520 --> 0:06:53.760 good sneakers? Yeah, that's just as soon as I got there, 0:06:53.760 --> 0:06:56.839 I was like, oh, it's been raining and I've got beautiful, 0:06:56.880 --> 0:07:01.760 brand new sneakers on this is discussed. Well, we went. 0:07:01.839 --> 0:07:06.000 We had some meetings. That's always stressful. I was meeting 0:07:06.040 --> 0:07:09.240 with book publishers. My wife and I are going to 0:07:09.279 --> 0:07:13.360 write a book together. It's a it's purely a sexual 0:07:13.640 --> 0:07:16.240 that's not what the book's about. Eh. Whatever, you heed 0:07:16.280 --> 0:07:20.680 these meetings, you just you sit in there and they 0:07:20.720 --> 0:07:23.040 bring in some book publishers and you get like thirty 0:07:23.040 --> 0:07:25.240 minutes to an hour with them, and you you just 0:07:25.440 --> 0:07:27.880 try to be funny. I guess I don't know, like, 0:07:28.080 --> 0:07:30.200 which one did you gel the most with? I'm like, 0:07:30.240 --> 0:07:32.040 I don't know which one's gonna pay me the most. 0:07:32.320 --> 0:07:36.400 I'll figure out the geling later. Anyway, my wife is 0:07:36.440 --> 0:07:38.760 really good in the meetings. I was probably better, but 0:07:38.800 --> 0:07:43.320 that's you know, I've got more experience. But she held 0:07:43.320 --> 0:07:46.240 her own. You know. We had we had written samples 0:07:47.280 --> 0:07:50.320 of what we would bring to the table, and they 0:07:50.360 --> 0:07:53.400 were blown away. Then they came to our show that night, 0:07:54.000 --> 0:07:56.760 well not all of them, but the ones that we liked. 0:07:57.040 --> 0:07:59.760 We offered them tickets. The ones that seemed like they 0:07:59.800 --> 0:08:02.640 were kicking the tires. Nah, you're not getting free tickets, 0:08:02.960 --> 0:08:05.080 especially when I'm sold out. I get a percentage of 0:08:05.120 --> 0:08:10.560 that door. Anyway, if you were to ask me, of 0:08:10.640 --> 0:08:12.960 the five shows that we did, Eddie, which was my 0:08:13.080 --> 0:08:15.800 least favorite, I would say, hands down the first show 0:08:15.800 --> 0:08:17.880 in New York City, Okay, because that was the only 0:08:17.920 --> 0:08:20.240 one that I had pressure on the rest of them, 0:08:20.240 --> 0:08:24.080 I was loose as a goose. Here's another thing. One 0:08:24.120 --> 0:08:26.680 of the head promoters came out to see me in 0:08:26.720 --> 0:08:30.040 New York and we were talking. He's like, Oh, you're 0:08:30.040 --> 0:08:32.439 gonna wear that tomorrow in New Jersey. I had like 0:08:32.480 --> 0:08:34.480 a pink jacket on or something. I'm like, I don't know. 0:08:35.280 --> 0:08:38.319 He was like those people, Yeah, we were in New Brunswick, 0:08:38.679 --> 0:08:42.560 New Jersey. I'm gonna say they were great. Yep, it 0:08:42.640 --> 0:08:45.680 was wonderful. The people, they were great, great size theater too. 0:08:45.920 --> 0:08:50.360 The theater's beautiful. Two shows. Wasn't my best show, I'm 0:08:50.360 --> 0:08:52.839 gonna say, yes, yeah, I mean, I'm gonna say it 0:08:52.920 --> 0:08:55.240 was my best show in New Jersey. Then we went 0:08:55.280 --> 0:08:58.880 to Philly, got ourselves a cheeseteak. Where do we get 0:08:58.920 --> 0:09:02.760 cheesteaks at from? Eddie? Oh brother, is that a good place? Eddie? 0:09:03.080 --> 0:09:05.160 I mean, I feel like they're all the same. 0:09:05.480 --> 0:09:09.400 Oh shit. By the way, that day before the Philly Show. 0:09:09.559 --> 0:09:12.480 The Philly Show was on a Sunday night. On the 0:09:12.520 --> 0:09:16.760 way there, we had from New York City. We had 0:09:16.800 --> 0:09:21.280 gotten two large pizzas from a place that we like. 0:09:21.600 --> 0:09:24.840 We're eating the pizzas on the drive there, and then 0:09:25.000 --> 0:09:26.920 we did the show, and then on the way back 0:09:27.240 --> 0:09:33.240 we were eating cheese steaks. That is disgusting. And then 0:09:33.240 --> 0:09:38.000 the next day, the next day, Eddie pulls off arguably 0:09:38.480 --> 0:09:43.200 the greatest father slash husband bullshit move of all time. 0:09:43.880 --> 0:09:47.680 Let me explain this to people. Were doing this these shows, 0:09:48.080 --> 0:09:50.920 we kind of hubbed in New York. We bopped around 0:09:51.240 --> 0:09:54.520 and did these shows, and then we were taking our 0:09:54.559 --> 0:09:58.520 families on vacation, separate vacations. I'm taking my family to 0:09:58.559 --> 0:10:02.600 Portugal and Eddie's taking his family to Rome. And we 0:10:02.640 --> 0:10:05.600 don't bring our families to the same places because Eddie 0:10:05.640 --> 0:10:09.480 doesn't like his kids to see how much better my 0:10:09.640 --> 0:10:12.760 kids have it, what life could be like, right, And 0:10:12.800 --> 0:10:15.040 I respect that, thank you. I respect that. So we 0:10:15.080 --> 0:10:18.680 always are like, well, will go similar places, but let's 0:10:18.760 --> 0:10:22.320 not have too much overlap because he's trying to raise 0:10:22.360 --> 0:10:24.680 well rounded kids and I don't give a shit what 0:10:24.760 --> 0:10:27.439 happens to mine. All right, We are going to go 0:10:27.480 --> 0:10:32.160 straight from New York City to Lisbon, easy six hour flight. 0:10:33.040 --> 0:10:37.839 Eddie his family is going to Rome. But what does 0:10:37.960 --> 0:10:41.080 Eddie do? By the ways, kids aren't young. My kids 0:10:41.080 --> 0:10:43.400 are two and six. His kids are Let me just 0:10:43.480 --> 0:10:47.880 guess right now, sixteen and eighteen. Perfect guess, Okay, sixteen 0:10:47.880 --> 0:10:51.959 and eighteen. This is what Eddie does for his wife 0:10:52.000 --> 0:10:59.040 and children. He flies New York to LA has five 0:10:59.120 --> 0:11:03.720 hours to kill a lax before boarding the family's plane 0:11:04.000 --> 0:11:09.040 NonStop to Rome. He went five hours backwards and then 0:11:09.360 --> 0:11:12.839 another five and a half. Is that the craziest thing 0:11:12.880 --> 0:11:14.760 you've ever heard? Would you? There? 0:11:14.840 --> 0:11:14.920 Is? 0:11:15.679 --> 0:11:19.079 I would? I would leave my family if they ever 0:11:19.240 --> 0:11:23.480 suggested that, Hey, would you be interested in fucking up 0:11:23.640 --> 0:11:29.240 your entire week by giving yourself the most horrible experience ever? 0:11:29.320 --> 0:11:29.480 Oh? 0:11:29.480 --> 0:11:32.760 My god? And then you and did you go home 0:11:32.800 --> 0:11:35.640 on that five hour a little layover? No, you stayed 0:11:35.640 --> 0:11:38.240 at the airport. At the airport, by the way, I 0:11:38.280 --> 0:11:42.440 just want everyone to know Eddie lives maybe fifteen minutes 0:11:42.559 --> 0:11:43.720 from Lax. 0:11:44.120 --> 0:11:47.040 Yeah, but why go home and tease myself with a pillow, 0:11:47.520 --> 0:11:48.199 maybe a bed? 0:11:48.720 --> 0:11:50.199 You could have napped for two hours? 0:11:50.320 --> 0:11:52.880 You probably could have, but you know, international travel. You 0:11:52.880 --> 0:11:53.760 want to get there early. 0:11:54.320 --> 0:11:56.720 How bad were you on that travel? Oh? 0:11:56.760 --> 0:11:59.760 When I got to Rome, I was I was beat up, 0:12:00.120 --> 0:12:00.720 pretty tired. 0:12:01.080 --> 0:12:04.520 How much time from when you landed till you said 0:12:04.520 --> 0:12:06.800 your first went in Rome? Joke? 0:12:07.760 --> 0:12:09.640 You know what I think? I was so tired I 0:12:09.679 --> 0:12:11.200 forgot to do it until the next day. 0:12:11.360 --> 0:12:13.200 Oh oh, the next day. 0:12:13.960 --> 0:12:16.280 I'll tell you this though, the Spirit Airlines flood I. 0:12:16.280 --> 0:12:18.280 Took from New York to l hold on, hold on. 0:12:19.280 --> 0:12:21.719 You think he's being funny right now, he is not. 0:12:22.160 --> 0:12:28.000 He took Spirit Airlines from New York to Los Angeles. 0:12:28.120 --> 0:12:31.800 And if you don't know, Spirit Airlines is garbage. And 0:12:31.840 --> 0:12:34.000 I don't even care if they're a sponsor of our show. 0:12:34.360 --> 0:12:37.520 That is this is There's no there's no first class 0:12:37.559 --> 0:12:39.120 in Spirit, there's no business class. 0:12:39.320 --> 0:12:41.839 They call it what do they call it? Big Wide, so. 0:12:41.960 --> 0:12:45.360 It's like a different big Wide. Were you in big 0:12:45.760 --> 0:12:49.559 Big Wide? Yeah? I did. That was embarrassing. That is humiliating. 0:12:49.960 --> 0:12:53.280 Everything everything you're saying makes me want this company to fail. 0:12:54.360 --> 0:12:56.760 And then and then did you what airline did you 0:12:56.760 --> 0:12:57.640 fly to Rome? 0:12:57.800 --> 0:13:00.040 We took Norse Atlantic. 0:12:59.679 --> 0:13:02.480 Air Way And were you in big Why there no. 0:13:02.920 --> 0:13:05.160 Big wye with reclining and did you. 0:13:05.160 --> 0:13:06.240 Were you in business class? 0:13:06.800 --> 0:13:09.760 Well, it's like there they call it premium flex ultra. 0:13:10.679 --> 0:13:12.440 All the games are different on these areas. 0:13:12.240 --> 0:13:14.160 Way, so it's not business it's it's a first class. 0:13:14.160 --> 0:13:17.760 It is first their first class. Yeah, it's their first class, 0:13:17.840 --> 0:13:18.439 right and. 0:13:18.400 --> 0:13:20.480 Then they there's like that section and then. 0:13:20.400 --> 0:13:24.040 The number seat? Were you in row seven? Okay? All right? Fine? 0:13:24.240 --> 0:13:26.640 By the way, how was the trip with the family 0:13:26.679 --> 0:13:27.160 in Rome? 0:13:27.360 --> 0:13:28.480 It was great? Loved it. 0:13:28.559 --> 0:13:29.400 What did you guys do? 0:13:29.800 --> 0:13:32.679 A lot of tours catacombs. Took a cooking class, probably 0:13:32.679 --> 0:13:34.040 the worst meal we had in roam with the one 0:13:34.040 --> 0:13:35.120 that we prepared ourselves. 0:13:35.360 --> 0:13:38.439 We do we do such different trips tour. I would 0:13:38.559 --> 0:13:39.760 never get in a tour. 0:13:40.960 --> 0:13:42.480 We got to kind of go private tour. 0:13:43.160 --> 0:13:45.120 So it's just you, No, I'm not going, but I 0:13:45.160 --> 0:13:47.559 don't want to listen to somebody. 0:13:47.600 --> 0:13:49.559 Well, yeah, you you'd hate it. Then you would have hated. 0:13:49.440 --> 0:13:52.960 My This is what we do. We fly to Lisbon, 0:13:53.200 --> 0:13:59.280 I go to our hotel. Uh, I'm staying in a 0:13:59.320 --> 0:14:01.720 cool room that has two bedrooms, so my children are 0:14:01.720 --> 0:14:03.439 and one and I'm in the other and I've got 0:14:03.440 --> 0:14:06.440 a balcony overlooking the rooftops of Lisbon. I see a 0:14:06.480 --> 0:14:10.640 castle lit up in the distance. There's a rooftop restaurant 0:14:10.679 --> 0:14:14.800 that we went to, and then it's nothing but spa appointments. 0:14:15.080 --> 0:14:18.680 I got a massage. I didn't enjoy my massage. The 0:14:18.760 --> 0:14:22.480 place is great, but they're tables. I don't know if 0:14:22.480 --> 0:14:25.440 people in Portugal are smaller than me, but my leg 0:14:25.600 --> 0:14:29.760 was hanging off a good foot and a half. You 0:14:29.800 --> 0:14:32.880 can't have your shin just resting off the edge of 0:14:32.920 --> 0:14:36.440 the table for an eighty minute massage. And then when 0:14:36.480 --> 0:14:39.920 you scoot your back, you even scoot further down. And 0:14:39.960 --> 0:14:42.680 now my knees, I'm just my legs just hanging down 0:14:42.760 --> 0:14:45.920 like a little kid, just wiggling my legs up and down. Anyway, 0:14:45.960 --> 0:14:48.800 that's not the problem that I had my massage. My masseuse, 0:14:49.000 --> 0:14:55.400 clearly before I came in, was pounding some salamis or 0:14:55.440 --> 0:14:57.640 some cold cuts. I don't know what she was eating, 0:14:57.680 --> 0:15:01.640 grabbing some bloga. She was having some bologne, because at 0:15:01.680 --> 0:15:05.000 one point I smelled something and I'm like, I think 0:15:05.040 --> 0:15:10.360 she just burped and she held it in, but I 0:15:10.400 --> 0:15:13.680 could still it was still wafting out occasionally. I'm like, 0:15:14.280 --> 0:15:18.440 maybe she didn't burp. But now I can't stop thinking 0:15:18.480 --> 0:15:21.160 about it for the next eighty minutes. I'm like, did 0:15:21.200 --> 0:15:25.520 she burp? And at one point she hip checked the 0:15:25.560 --> 0:15:28.160 table real hard and it hurt her and she was 0:15:28.200 --> 0:15:29.800 She's like, oh, I'm sorry. I'm like, oh, are you okay. 0:15:29.800 --> 0:15:32.960 It's like, yeah, I'm okay. Like my son. My son 0:15:33.000 --> 0:15:36.960 can't walk past a coffee table without taking it to 0:15:37.000 --> 0:15:41.480 the shin. Oh you know what, and one day my wife, 0:15:41.600 --> 0:15:46.480 Oh man, holy cow, I'm still furious about this. You 0:15:46.520 --> 0:15:49.960 have to understand I'm in tow are the in laws. 0:15:50.360 --> 0:15:52.920 You know, so I got two kids and then I've 0:15:52.960 --> 0:15:57.000 got two old kids. Somehow I'm responsible for all of 0:15:57.040 --> 0:16:01.640 them not being abducted. I have no special skills, yet 0:16:02.160 --> 0:16:04.920 I pull it off constantly. We're gonna go to this 0:16:05.000 --> 0:16:08.240 restaurant for lunch. I mean, great, where is it? Well, 0:16:08.480 --> 0:16:12.160 first we have to get on a ferry. Fuck what 0:16:12.880 --> 0:16:15.840 there's there's like a delivery guy with his bike. You know, 0:16:15.840 --> 0:16:19.280 there are hundreds of people wedging in. Everybody's racing to 0:16:19.320 --> 0:16:22.600 get a window because it's it's inside and so it's 0:16:22.640 --> 0:16:26.840 like smelly and gross. It's not good. I don't I 0:16:26.880 --> 0:16:29.440 didn't enjoy being on this ferry and I'm dressed like 0:16:29.520 --> 0:16:33.120 a fucking idiot, you know, like look at me and 0:16:33.160 --> 0:16:36.800 I and I've got little kids running everywhere eating off 0:16:36.840 --> 0:16:39.680 the ferry floor. They don't care, and we take this 0:16:39.800 --> 0:16:42.680 quick ferry. You know, my father in law's always got 0:16:43.080 --> 0:16:45.640 interesting question, did you know that the first ferry was 0:16:45.720 --> 0:16:48.040 invented at the University of Florida? And I'm like, no, 0:16:48.120 --> 0:16:51.920 it wasn't. Just shut up, it wasn't invented at the 0:16:52.000 --> 0:16:55.600 University of Florida. Whatever. He's always got some dumb gator 0:16:55.680 --> 0:16:58.760 fact that I have to care about. Now we get 0:16:59.080 --> 0:17:02.200 to the other side and I'm like, okay, which way 0:17:02.560 --> 0:17:04.800 to this resident. She goes, well, it says cool walk 0:17:05.080 --> 0:17:10.280 along the water and there's tons of graffiti on those walls, 0:17:10.320 --> 0:17:13.239 and it's all the graffiti I keep pointing out to 0:17:13.280 --> 0:17:16.679 my father in law is just anti American hate. And 0:17:16.760 --> 0:17:19.119 I'm like, oh, yeah, this is this is what Trump 0:17:19.240 --> 0:17:22.280 was bringing, this respect that the rest of the world. 0:17:22.560 --> 0:17:26.120 He is fresh American hate everywhere. You just see it. Anyway, 0:17:27.640 --> 0:17:31.320 sure enough, we start this walk and there's a guy 0:17:31.680 --> 0:17:35.960 building a wall, a makeshift wall, on this water pass, 0:17:36.520 --> 0:17:43.200 this sidewalk along the water he's building a wall almost 0:17:43.320 --> 0:17:48.760 just like to stop us from going. He says, gotta 0:17:48.800 --> 0:17:52.520 go this other way. We end up walking through not 0:17:52.640 --> 0:17:57.879 the nicest areas of town, and it's all uphill. And 0:17:57.920 --> 0:18:00.480 I got a father in law with one bad knee 0:18:00.600 --> 0:18:03.960 and one knee that he just replaced like six weeks ago, 0:18:04.440 --> 0:18:07.040 so it's just taking for then I've got two children, 0:18:07.880 --> 0:18:11.360 just one of them, doesn't you know, well, only if 0:18:11.400 --> 0:18:14.439 he holds your hand, he's like pulling you down. So 0:18:14.480 --> 0:18:18.679 it's just God. He falls on every cobblestone street, so 0:18:18.720 --> 0:18:22.119 he's just constantly crying because he's hurt whatever. I end 0:18:22.280 --> 0:18:25.600 up pushing up this mountain for forty five minutes. I 0:18:25.640 --> 0:18:27.960 get to the top of it, and then at the 0:18:28.080 --> 0:18:32.600 very top of it, there's three hundred stairs that were 0:18:32.600 --> 0:18:36.399 built before codes were even a thing. Oh good, and 0:18:36.440 --> 0:18:38.920 They're like the restaurant is at the bottom of this, 0:18:40.119 --> 0:18:42.720 and I'm like, well, I can only save one person's 0:18:42.760 --> 0:18:45.920 life here. So I carry the stroller with my daughter, 0:18:45.960 --> 0:18:50.359 and who's not sitting in the stroller like, she's leaning forward, 0:18:50.400 --> 0:18:53.480 so the weight is off. Everything is. It's just horrible 0:18:53.520 --> 0:18:56.240 the whole time I make it down these stairs and 0:18:56.280 --> 0:18:58.160 then on the way back. I say, I don't care 0:18:58.240 --> 0:19:00.640 what that guy said. We're going the other way. And 0:19:00.680 --> 0:19:04.240 we walk this river walk and it was it was fine. 0:19:04.800 --> 0:19:07.479 There was like one pothole, so my wife basically made 0:19:07.560 --> 0:19:12.040 us walk forty five minutes around the city to avoid 0:19:12.119 --> 0:19:12.760 a pothole. 0:19:13.080 --> 0:19:13.800 How is the food. 0:19:14.000 --> 0:19:19.760 The food's good. I got some monkfish stew. It's for 0:19:19.880 --> 0:19:22.119 two people, So I tell my father we're getting this 0:19:22.200 --> 0:19:25.280 monk fish. It's gonna be great. Anyway, they bring this 0:19:25.320 --> 0:19:29.080 big crock pot. There's liver in this monkfish. To that 0:19:29.119 --> 0:19:30.639 part I didn't like to eat. I made him eat it. 0:19:30.640 --> 0:19:34.480 He threw up a little bit in his mouth, but 0:19:34.680 --> 0:19:38.320 just huge portions. Oh my goodness. And my mother in law, 0:19:38.400 --> 0:19:43.000 she can't wrap her head around any food that's not, 0:19:43.520 --> 0:19:47.320 you know, from Long john Silver's. Wait. She like orders, 0:19:48.160 --> 0:19:50.480 I'll take the shrimp cocktail. Oh do you have fried shrimp? 0:19:50.560 --> 0:19:54.040 Like that's her meal everywhere. It's like, I can't One 0:19:54.040 --> 0:19:56.479 time they brought her she ordered fried shrimp and they 0:19:56.480 --> 0:19:58.960 had tiny little shrimp, but the heads and everything were 0:19:58.960 --> 0:20:00.520 on it, and you're supposed to eat the whole thing, 0:20:00.600 --> 0:20:03.679 just crunch him up, and she just this is her 0:20:03.720 --> 0:20:05.080 for it, like as soon as it was put in 0:20:05.119 --> 0:20:10.879 front of her, she's my wife. The whole time was 0:20:10.920 --> 0:20:14.800 pretending to be Parker Posey from White Lotus, which was 0:20:14.840 --> 0:20:20.560 making me laugh. But my drazapan okay. So I was 0:20:20.600 --> 0:20:22.760 only in Lisbon for a few days. That was just 0:20:22.800 --> 0:20:24.640 to get my bearings, and we headed off to Comporta, 0:20:25.040 --> 0:20:27.919 which you know they say is the Hamptons of Portugal, 0:20:28.119 --> 0:20:29.520 which I don't know if that's a compliment or not, 0:20:29.560 --> 0:20:31.560 because I hate the Hamptons. But we stayed at a 0:20:31.600 --> 0:20:35.320 beautiful place. It was nice, although they don't heat their pools. 0:20:35.560 --> 0:20:38.399 They have one little tiny pool in the spa that's heated, 0:20:38.440 --> 0:20:40.400 but it's like who wants to swim inside? I had 0:20:40.400 --> 0:20:44.119 a nice little three bedroom villa that my family and 0:20:44.160 --> 0:20:47.840 I were playing at. Oh so beautiful, but my father 0:20:47.880 --> 0:20:52.320 in law I put him in the biopool area and 0:20:52.359 --> 0:20:56.960 that's like these these these outdoor ponds, they kind of 0:20:56.960 --> 0:21:00.960 have an area roped off that's your pool. Like your 0:21:01.040 --> 0:21:03.679 room is like a little cabana over the water, and 0:21:03.720 --> 0:21:07.200 there's ear plugs because the frogs are so loud at night. 0:21:07.600 --> 0:21:10.480 But also there's supposed to be healing powers when you 0:21:10.520 --> 0:21:12.560 get in but the water's cold and he complains at 0:21:12.600 --> 0:21:15.280 anything that's not a jacuzzi, So I have forced him 0:21:15.320 --> 0:21:19.760 to jump in Night one. But there's snakes iguanas just 0:21:19.800 --> 0:21:22.000 swimming around everywhere and there I got photos of it all. 0:21:22.160 --> 0:21:25.119 I made my son go dive in it. In the 0:21:25.160 --> 0:21:26.840 middle of the night. We went, we walked there. We 0:21:26.840 --> 0:21:29.760 weren't on our normal sleeping schedule, so I'm like, hey, 0:21:29.840 --> 0:21:32.960 let's go jump in their biopool. And he was terrified, 0:21:33.560 --> 0:21:36.439 but we did it. It's enjoyable traveling with the end 0:21:36.440 --> 0:21:39.080 those because you know, at the start of the trip, 0:21:39.119 --> 0:21:41.399 my wife made all of us like hold hands and 0:21:42.760 --> 0:21:45.560 you know, repeat after her. I will try things. I 0:21:45.640 --> 0:21:48.360 will be open minded, you know, And that goes out 0:21:48.400 --> 0:21:51.199 the window. As soon as the first restaurant brings my 0:21:51.280 --> 0:21:53.560 mother in law a fish head, she starts freaking out. 0:21:53.960 --> 0:21:56.000 But my father in law, on the other hand, is 0:21:56.200 --> 0:22:00.320 just everything is the greatest thing he's ever tasted. You 0:22:00.800 --> 0:22:04.440 couldn't believe you have to try this role, honey. It's 0:22:04.520 --> 0:22:08.000 so delicious. Which is funny because he'll try stuff and 0:22:08.480 --> 0:22:11.159 that's fun to hang out with. But it's like we 0:22:11.240 --> 0:22:14.000 also know he enjoys a bag of circus peanuts. 0:22:14.400 --> 0:22:15.000 That's great. 0:22:15.560 --> 0:22:19.760 If you get him talking about the first burger king 0:22:19.880 --> 0:22:22.800 that was opened in Fort Pierce, he acts like it's 0:22:22.840 --> 0:22:26.200 the greatest hamburger that was ever created. So I don't 0:22:26.200 --> 0:22:28.720 really give him that much credit. I think it's funny, 0:22:28.800 --> 0:22:32.359 though I do. I do, like, I like laugh the 0:22:32.400 --> 0:22:36.760 whole time in my head of like that I'm responsible 0:22:37.560 --> 0:22:40.680 for some of these people. Who's who is the best 0:22:40.680 --> 0:22:43.439 person to travel with me? Because I can afford everything, 0:22:43.480 --> 0:22:45.280 of course I'm saying, like, but who is the best 0:22:45.320 --> 0:22:49.040 travel partner? You'd think I'd say my wife because she 0:22:49.119 --> 0:22:51.840 does all the legwork. She knows what kind of restaurants 0:22:51.920 --> 0:22:56.120 I'll actually appreciate, so she can handle me and when 0:22:56.119 --> 0:23:00.359 I start losing it. But there's something about my son 0:23:00.400 --> 0:23:03.959 he's got he's got a real spirit about him, and 0:23:04.000 --> 0:23:08.439 he's very excited to try things and see things, and 0:23:08.480 --> 0:23:11.040 like he like would go to a playground and just 0:23:11.200 --> 0:23:14.280 immediately play with a group of kids and you know, 0:23:14.640 --> 0:23:18.000