Speaker 1: Sex. Are you very traditional or you're somewhat be secure
Speaker 1: in your own life and body and also go with
Speaker 1: the flow. You can't seem so calculated.
Speaker 2: I would say the latter.
Speaker 1: Everybody said that that's fascinating. I think the rules are
Speaker 1: so archaic and ridiculous, and I think a person who's
Speaker 1: so repressed that if both people are really feeling something
Speaker 1: and it's strong, and they're adults, for like, you're not
Speaker 1: twenty two years old where you know? So I think
Speaker 1: it's different at a certain age that everyone has agreed
Speaker 1: with you, which I find shocking.
Speaker 2: Yeah, no, I think for sure.
Speaker 3: I mean, like you said, you were all adults, and
Speaker 3: if there's this poll that you feel, why not okay?
Speaker 1: Amazing? Like you have not experienced that someone's going to
Speaker 1: solely not like someone because they had sex with them.
Speaker 2: Yeah, I don't think that's I don't think that's right.
Speaker 3: I think if you know, we have enough information about
Speaker 3: each party, I might say, you know, she's the kiss
Speaker 3: on the cheek kind of girl on the first date.
Speaker 2: I would tell my client that, so he knows, but
Speaker 2: she might not be that night. I mean, who knows.
Speaker 3: Right, we don't have any rules, and I don't think
Speaker 3: it really matters. I think it just depends on what
Speaker 3: you're doing, how the date's going, all those things.
Speaker 1: How often do you see someone drinking too much out
Speaker 1: of nerves and blowing it?
Speaker 2: It's funny.
Speaker 3: I don't get that too often on the first date,
Speaker 3: but I've definitely gotten it on the second date.
Speaker 2: Sometimes it's happened.
Speaker 1: Interesting because it was going so well, people started to
Speaker 1: feel a little more comfortable on the second date, and
Speaker 1: then it's like whoa.
Speaker 3: Sometimes it happens like recently, I set up a date
Speaker 3: and it was five o'clock and she told me that
Speaker 3: he's sucked down in martini in about three minutes, and
Speaker 3: it was five pm. And he told me he thought
Speaker 3: she'd was so beautiful, so he was no risk, and
Speaker 3: he felt like he needs the sort of you know,
Speaker 3: the confidence juice a little bit, and he's like, I
Speaker 3: ordered a glass of wine up after that and just
Speaker 3: sipped it. But she was a little turned off about
Speaker 3: how quickly they went down.
Speaker 2: Well, I explained. I explained to.
Speaker 3: Her that he was a little nervous because he was
Speaker 3: taken by her beauty and she was flattered.
Speaker 2: But I don't know.
Speaker 3: I mean, you just have to watch it, but I
Speaker 3: don't hear it that often. Actually, I feel like so
Speaker 3: many people don't. A lot of people don't even drink anymore.
Speaker 3: We typically don't set up coffee dates, but you know,
Speaker 3: there's so many mocktails and things like that you can
Speaker 3: order that, so it hasn't been an issue.
Speaker 1: Okay, So if you Joe hires you, and he's very
Speaker 1: serious and he's good looking, and he's wealthy and he
Speaker 1: wants to meet someone, what, first of all, what's your
Speaker 1: success rate? How many people have gotten engaged and then
Speaker 1: married either like engaged and then a separate number is married.
Speaker 3: So I don't have the exact numbers because there are
Speaker 3: people who choose to let us know. Let's say they've
Speaker 3: dated for a long time, and we sort of can
Speaker 3: be as involved as little involved as they want. And
Speaker 3: part of our whole philosophy and I think edge, is
Speaker 3: that we are very private on both sides, so we
Speaker 3: don't share pictures or last being so your privacy is
Speaker 3: protected and that's important to us. So you know, there's
Speaker 3: been people that we found out ten years later that
Speaker 3: they're married and have kids, and we like, wow, we
Speaker 3: never knew.
Speaker 2: Oh really, yes, yes, okay.
Speaker 3: But not too often. And I also think it depends
Speaker 3: on what stage of life. There are people who have
Speaker 3: been married once twice and they don't want to get
Speaker 3: married again. So we don't measure success by marriages because
Speaker 3: I think it's twenty twenty four and some people just
Speaker 3: don't want to get married, you know, again or for
Speaker 3: the first time. They just want to be together. But
Speaker 3: we do have a very high success rate, and I
Speaker 3: think it's partially because we only work with people that
Speaker 3: we can help. So if you come in with unrealistic
Speaker 3: expectations or the wrong intentions, we are not going to
Speaker 3: work with you.
Speaker 1: Okay, So Joe comes to you, he is ready, he
Speaker 1: wants to commit, you believe him. How long does it
Speaker 1: usually take for that person that's a good catch. They
Speaker 1: take care of themselves, they're not a disaster. You wouldn't
Speaker 1: allow someone who's a disaster into your group. So how
Speaker 1: long is the average time it would take for you
Speaker 1: to proactively find someone for that person? What I'm trying
Speaker 1: to bridge for people who can't afford a matchmaker is like,
Speaker 1: if they proactively decide to treat it like a job,
Speaker 1: which I think that they should, if they have a
Speaker 1: sense of self, if they're happy, if they feel confident,
Speaker 1: if they're a whole person. If they're not, the pendulum
Speaker 1: isn't swinging as a rebound. So Jane is ready. She
Speaker 1: feels good, she's healthy, she's done the work, she's gone
Speaker 1: to therapy, she's over the X what. She's a solid person,
Speaker 1: she's healthy, she's fit, she's good. If she's treating this
Speaker 1: as a job. Obviously she probably has a main job,
Speaker 1: but she's treating this dating as a job. She might
Speaker 1: be going on the app asking people, she's looking at LinkedIn.
Speaker 1: She's on the case. I'm trying to bridge a gap
Speaker 1: for you're on the case for someone, and how long
Speaker 1: usually as experts, which Jane is not, how long is
Speaker 1: it usually taking you to find that person the right person?
Speaker 1: And then yeah, what the volume of dates, let's say
Speaker 1: per month they're going on?
Speaker 3: I would say, you know, I would say, keep your
Speaker 3: outlets to a minimum, don't overwhelm yourself, and go on
Speaker 3: like you know, even though you're treating it like a job,
Speaker 3: compartmentalize it a little bit because it will be very
Speaker 3: overwhelming otherwise.
Speaker 1: And then and you can lose taste in your mind.
Speaker 1: You can be disgusted by the whole process.
Speaker 2: And you might start sounding like a robot.
Speaker 3: You know, you just have the same narrative on every date,
Speaker 3: and it's not even it doesn't even feel good.
Speaker 2: It doesn't even feel natural good.
Speaker 3: So I think, you know, maybe say for the next
Speaker 3: three months, I'm going to do these two apps and
Speaker 3: then use my other outlets friends, family, But it may
Speaker 3: be I'm going to try to go.
Speaker 2: On one date a week.
Speaker 3: Okay, I think one to two, depending on again the
Speaker 3: stage of life. If you have kids and stuff like that,
Speaker 3: you maybe one. If you're single and you have work
Speaker 3: and stuff like that, maybe two.
Speaker 2: But I wouldn't overdo it because you will exhaust yourself.
Speaker 1: That's not unlike business either, though, people wouldn't do four
Speaker 1: business meetings in a week either.
Speaker 3: Right, So I think it's just really setting some boundaries
Speaker 3: for yourself. But then I think it's also important to
Speaker 3: take everything your criteria and what you're looking for and
Speaker 3: expanding it a little bit more because you will get
Speaker 3: more opportunities even if it's not in your parameters. I
Speaker 3: think it's important to get out of your comfort zone
Speaker 3: a little bit because we're all creatures of habit and
Speaker 3: we tend to gravitate towards the same things, and we
Speaker 3: miss so much of the peripheral because of that.
Speaker 1: That's a great note. Yeah, that's a great note.
Speaker 3: And the thing is, yeah, it's like we love the
Speaker 3: same restaurant, but the restaurant next door, and they keep
Speaker 3: going to that same restaurant because it's good, it's consistent.
Speaker 3: We know the leaders, and we're always happy when we leave,
Speaker 3: but the restaurant next door is just as good, but
Speaker 3: we don't try it because we just like what we're
Speaker 3: used to do.
Speaker 1: Yeah, you always pick up the same color lipstick and
Speaker 1: you don't try new things. And that's true too. And
Speaker 1: I've always been with the same sort of type of
Speaker 1: like concert like business guy that all. My friend Louis
Speaker 1: said to me, you've been with the same guy over
Speaker 1: and over like and he said rock stars need rock stars,
Speaker 1: which I didn't know exactly what he meant, and he
Speaker 1: doesn't mean a literal rock star, but like to think
Speaker 1: about athletes or actors or artists or something different. For me,
Speaker 1: that's that's you know, that's a yeah, leaving the comfort zone.
Speaker 3: No, I think give yourself, you know, a timeline and
Speaker 3: don't overwhelm yourself also, you know, maybe you know it's
Speaker 3: if it's two dates a week, maybe that one date
Speaker 3: is someone that you wouldn't have necessarily chosen on your.
Speaker 2: Own or picked because it's out of your comfort zone.
Speaker 3: But just to try new things and at least try it,
Speaker 3: because you just never know what you're missing unless you
Speaker 3: try that new thing.
Speaker 1: Okay, So for you, if you have that guy Joe,
Speaker 1: is it taking you six months usually to find them
Speaker 1: someone that they really like?
Speaker 3: Like?
Speaker 1: How long is it taking you when you're being proactive
Speaker 1: about it?
Speaker 3: I mean, we try to do it the sooner the better,
Speaker 3: because that's the goal. Right We're not trying to send
Speaker 3: them out on twenty dates. We're trying to send them.
Speaker 2: Out on three.
Speaker 3: And I think in the beginning, I would say in
Speaker 3: the beginning, we have to sort of know who they
Speaker 3: are and get an idea of what they're liking and
Speaker 3: what they're disliking. Because we've talked about past relationships, we've
Speaker 3: talked about their goals and all those things. But Einstein's
Speaker 3: definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and
Speaker 3: over again and expecting a different result. So our job
Speaker 3: is to sort of be the expert and say you
Speaker 3: know this is going to look good on you too,
Speaker 3: not just what you've chosen in the past, but you
Speaker 3: should try this as well. So I would say again,
Speaker 3: the younger client needs a little bit more time, and
Speaker 3: I find because they're not they have more going for
Speaker 3: them and they're a little bit more unsure of what's.
Speaker 1: Going to be in twenty directions. I don't have kids yet,
Speaker 1: they could do whatever they want. Yeah, and that well,
Speaker 1: I think what I'm saying is to me, I think
Speaker 1: it takes a while, and I think people have to
Speaker 1: be very patient to the point of earlier. So I
Speaker 1: guess it shouldn't take forever, but I don't think it
Speaker 1: should be, you know, six weeks. I think it takes
Speaker 1: months to to to if you're That's what I was
Speaker 1: trying to like get at based on that rushing.
Speaker 3: And I think you know the way we've designed and
Speaker 3: you can set these internal timelines for yourself. You know,
Speaker 3: let's say you go out on your five first states
Speaker 3: and you happen to like one of those people a lot.
Speaker 3: You know, give yourself an internal timeline. Don't tell the person,
Speaker 3: or you can tell your friends and say, you know what,
Speaker 3: I'm going to give this relationship three months or six weeks,
Speaker 3: we're going to go out, We're going to maybe take
Speaker 3: a trip, a weekend trip together.
Speaker 2: I don't know.
Speaker 3: Six weeks or I would say three months is more realistic.
Speaker 3: And if I'm not feeling the poll and I really
Speaker 3: don't feel different than I do today, then I'm going
Speaker 3: to shelve it, you know, like I'm going to.
Speaker 2: Do move on.
Speaker 1: I think most people that I hear from on my
Speaker 1: social media and in my comments, most won't even get
Speaker 1: to the second date. That's what I think they're frustrated
Speaker 1: with that they would be thrilled to have a situation
Speaker 1: where they'd want to go away on a vacation. I'm
Speaker 1: finding that most people, myself included, wouldn't even want to
Speaker 1: go on a second date, much less, in many cases,
Speaker 1: a first date.
Speaker 3: Yeah, well, mabe have I always tell people if they're
Speaker 3: doing the updating, maybe you'd if it's if we're talking about.
Speaker 1: Updating, I guess even even people introducing.
Speaker 2: I guess, yeah.
Speaker 3: I think second dates are super important because you just
Speaker 3: never know.
Speaker 1: What Okay, I noted. The other thing is I think,
Speaker 1: how different do you think what a fifty five year
Speaker 1: old or a fifty eight year old or a forty
Speaker 1: eight year old, a man who's divorced. He's how different
Speaker 1: is what he's looking for second time around than first chapter? Drastic?
Speaker 1: Very different. They were young, they made very different decisions,
Speaker 1: and what is that man looking for.
Speaker 3: I think it depends if the first marriage was successful
Speaker 3: and you know, maybe she loved him, or they had
Speaker 3: a very you know, really deep connection and it was successful,
Speaker 3: but they just sort of grew apart and it became
Speaker 3: you know, just cohabitating and it was more platonic, or
Speaker 3: if it was tumultuous and volatile and all those things.
Speaker 3: I find most men want something different than their first
Speaker 3: time around. They want something like a different look, a
Speaker 3: different mindset. I have a lot of men that married
Speaker 3: young and at that time, you know, when you're young,
Speaker 3: you sort of want someone at the same level. Maybe
Speaker 3: you went to like business school together, and you have
Speaker 3: the same pedigree, and everything was just sort of the
Speaker 3: way the same way.
Speaker 2: The corporate latter works.
Speaker 3: It is just everything that your family wanted and that yes,
Speaker 3: we're supposed to do. And then you reached a point
Speaker 3: in your life and you're like, okay, I just married
Speaker 3: basically like my sister or the same person but female,
Speaker 3: and I'm not learning from that person anymore.
Speaker 1: That's what I This is what I was getting at that.
Speaker 1: That was sort of getting at that because I've seen
Speaker 1: that a bit where someone's doing when you're younger, you're
Speaker 1: more impressionable. You're doing what your family thinks. Maybe it's
Speaker 1: a religious thing. You're doing what you should be marrying
Speaker 1: the person that has the same religion as you, or
Speaker 1: grew up in the same neighborhood, or the parents are friends.
Speaker 1: And people later are realizing it's their own journey, like
Speaker 1: this is this is my time on the planet, and
Speaker 1: I need to get what I want. Yeah, not my kids,
Speaker 1: cause my kids are older. I have to do this
Speaker 1: for me kind of thing.
Speaker 2: Yeah.
Speaker 3: So I do think in that second chapter, you know,
Speaker 3: a lot of my clients it was just good. I
Speaker 3: think a lot of people do work on themselves before
Speaker 3: they start that second chapter, because if you've been through divorce,
Speaker 3: you typically do that run yourself and your family and
Speaker 3: all those things, and you know, finding someone that compliments
Speaker 3: you is the better way to go because that relationship
Speaker 3: will lasts longer and you will sort of learn from
Speaker 3: each other. You know, you don't want to be with
Speaker 3: someone who's exactly like you.
Speaker 1: They have that sibling thing. I've heard that before, where
Speaker 1: relationships people become siblings and like roommates.
Speaker 2: Almost.
Speaker 1: Yeah, Okay, FaceTime. I believe that in many cases before
Speaker 1: someone goes out and gets dressed up and takes the
Speaker 1: and does whatever, that a FaceTime is a good idea.
Speaker 1: Do you agree?
Speaker 2: I disagree with that, Okay, I do.
Speaker 1: I had a feeling you were going to because your
Speaker 1: process is probably not to face time.
Speaker 3: Correct if it's a case where we feel like there's
Speaker 3: a strong connection and you really should meet and he
Speaker 3: won't do anything, you know, you can't be together for
Speaker 3: like a month or whatever, and maybe, but I even
Speaker 3: suggest a phone call is better. I think in FaceTime,
Speaker 3: you know, we're all in these zooms and face times
Speaker 3: all day, you know, for work, well most people are,
Speaker 3: and you can't make eye contact, like I'm looking at you,
Speaker 3: but you know I'm not looking at your eyes. Interesting,
Speaker 3: and I think so much of chemistry and the connection
Speaker 3: is looking into someone's eyes and even like the pheromones
Speaker 3: the field.
Speaker 2: The chemistry that that toll that you get is.
Speaker 1: Though okay, I don't know, I get a vibe off
Speaker 1: you I have a sense of you. I had no
Speaker 1: sense of you before I've heard of your business. I
Speaker 1: know so someone who used you. I had no sense
Speaker 1: of you, and now I have a total sense of you.
Speaker 3: I think that's very true, but I think the romantic
Speaker 3: part of it actual.
Speaker 2: That romantic chemistry.
Speaker 3: But I agree with you that you can get a
Speaker 3: sense because I've interviewed clients over zoom and I'm like
Speaker 3: Guid like him. I think he's great. This is why
Speaker 3: I think he's great. I've felt a good vibe right
Speaker 3: every time I meet them in person. After either it
Speaker 3: goes even more so I feel an even more of
Speaker 3: a pull to why I think we should work with.
Speaker 2: Him, or I'm sort of turned off.
Speaker 1: Well, let's establish that if someone's on apps before getting
Speaker 1: in a car, that they should do a FaceTime at
Speaker 1: least on apps, because I think with you, you're curating
Speaker 1: and you're meeting both people and you know, but if
Speaker 1: someone's just navigating apps, first of all, to make sure
Speaker 1: the person's a real person, but to just get a sense,
Speaker 1: because I think people lie about their photos. You're vetting
Speaker 1: and making sure. So I'm not talking about someone at
Speaker 1: a high level paying fifty thousand. I'm talking about someone
Speaker 1: sitting on bumble they should pass. I think they should
Speaker 1: FaceTime just for self preservation, to make sure the person exists.
Speaker 3: Yeah, I think that's fair. I would say when you
Speaker 3: can and try to meet in person, because I do
Speaker 3: feel like then both people are making the effort, they're
Speaker 3: getting dressed, they're showing up, and you can just be
Speaker 3: in a different environment and a different zone instead of
Speaker 3: sitting in your office or wherever you may be.
Speaker 2: You know.
Speaker 3: But and I do think it's it's better to talk
Speaker 3: on the phone or FaceTime versus texting. I think that's
Speaker 3: a huge mistake that people make. They have this whole
Speaker 3: narrative and conversation over text before.
Speaker 2: They even meet. And I'm like, why, you know, do
Speaker 2: that after you've met.
Speaker 1: But, by the way, that's a nightmare. And I will
Speaker 1: tell you that I have said to people and it's
Speaker 1: turned them off, and it's literally been a reason why
Speaker 1: they haven't ultimately wanted to go out with me because
Speaker 1: it's been a little abrasive. But you kind of give
Speaker 1: enough cues and then you're finally like, I'm not looking
Speaker 1: for a pen pal. Yeah, which is too aggressive to say.
Speaker 1: But if someone's staying. Some people could go weeks. I
Speaker 1: wasn't looking for new people to text, right, And I
Speaker 1: think it's such a turn off, and it's yeah, and
Speaker 1: sometimes I'll I I'm one of those high end apps
Speaker 1: in the past, I met someone over there, and sometimes
Speaker 1: they want to keep it over there, and you like
Speaker 1: want to put your phone number in the text over
Speaker 1: there in that app and be like hi, just to
Speaker 1: get over to here and then you can get to
Speaker 1: a phone call. You know, people are strange like that.
Speaker 3: Yeah, it is weird, and I think that's those are
Speaker 3: the type of people who are tweating it like a
Speaker 3: game versus something that's serious.
Speaker 1: So that's a red flag. There are some people that
Speaker 1: immediately it's two texts, so like Hi, would you like
Speaker 1: to set a call? And that's grown up. Yes, that's
Speaker 1: a grown up. Okay, awesome, Well you are amazing and
Speaker 1: exactly what you're doing and talking about. So and I
Speaker 1: know you have a partner, So if she has like
Speaker 1: a different point of view and different frame of reference,
Speaker 1: maybe we'll have her on sometime because we like, you know,
Speaker 1: because every person we talk to that's an expert in
Speaker 1: this space. I get excited when someone says something different
Speaker 1: that we haven't heard before. The sense of self is
Speaker 1: what you said. So I I love that.
Speaker 2: Good.
Speaker 3: Now, I listened to a bunch of your podcasts and
Speaker 3: they were really great. All of them have been amazing,
Speaker 3: And then I've really enjoyed.
Speaker 1: That Oh you did, oh great. Yeah, so it's cool,
Speaker 1: you know what I mean, even for you. You're probably all
Speaker 1: listening and it becomes a toolbox for everyone. I think
Speaker 1: I call boats rise with the tide, and no one's
Speaker 1: really there really are many people talking about dating. Don't
Speaker 1: you think it's interesting like on podcasts?
Speaker 2: One hundred percent? I think it's.
Speaker 3: It's so like everyone wants to talk about it at
Speaker 3: a dinner party.
Speaker 2: But on the podcast, You're right, it's they.
Speaker 1: Talk about it in like a cheesy, junk food way,
Speaker 1: like I slept with this guy last night, I had
Speaker 1: a date, But not in a like sociological research to
Speaker 1: help people do it better way. I've heard nothing like that.
Speaker 3: No, I agree. I think you're hitting the nail on
Speaker 3: the head. I think it's really interesting.
Speaker 1: Awesome. Well, thank you, I appreciate you, and I can't
Speaker 1: wait to talk again.
Speaker 2: Thanks Bethany.
Speaker 3: To do the faster to the after
Speaker 1: The the Conster