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Speaker 1: Hey, Oh, it's Ryley here, and this is Carly, your

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Speaker 1: favorite Okay storytime hosts, and we've got some great stories

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Speaker 1: coming up.

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Speaker 2: Before you can do these wild stories, we have a

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Speaker 2: quick two minute break from the sponsors that keep the

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Speaker 2: show going.

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Speaker 3: My wife's friend tried to hit on me, so.

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Speaker 4: I exposed her like like with a trench coat.

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Speaker 3: This evening, I went out with my wife, two of

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Speaker 3: her friends, and one of our couple friends for dinner.

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Speaker 3: My wife is almost five months pregnant with our twin daughters.

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Speaker 3: I'm insanely happy in our marriage and I absolutely adore

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Speaker 3: her with all my heart. I'm aware of the fact

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Speaker 3: that she has a group chat with some of her

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Speaker 3: close friends where they maybe share some intimate things in

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Speaker 3: our marriage. She's made jokes about things some of her

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Speaker 3: friends have said. One of her older friends in particular,

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Speaker 3: has made jokes and has been maybe a little overly

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Speaker 3: playful about me, and I've kind of noticed she wasn't

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Speaker 3: always joking. I caught a bad vibe from her the

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Speaker 3: times I've met her, and she would ask me super

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Speaker 3: candid questions that were maybe not appropriate to ask a

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Speaker 3: friend's spouse. When I told my wife about things she

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Speaker 3: said she thought she was just joking and thought it

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Speaker 3: was funny, but I was ninety nine percent sure she wasn't.

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Speaker 3: By the way, this comes from Sad Supermarket thirty eight

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Speaker 3: seventy eight, And if you want to submit your own stories,

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Speaker 3: go to the our sash Okay Storytime subrend it.

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Speaker 4: I'm Savannah, I'm Dakota, I'm Kean, and we are here

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Speaker 4: to give some.

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Speaker 3: Good advice in a little goofy manner. But we don't

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Speaker 3: have all your answers. We only tell you what we

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Speaker 3: would do, and we don't know everything, but you might,

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Speaker 3: so let's know what you would do in the comments.

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Speaker 5: Dakota knows everything, as Op says.

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Speaker 3: Anyways, at dinner tonight, my wife and the other friend

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Speaker 3: left to go to the bathroom before the food arrived,

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Speaker 3: and the other couple was at the far end of

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Speaker 3: the table and she was just sitting next to me

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Speaker 3: on my right on the opposite end. As soon as

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Speaker 3: they walked away, she touched my arm and said something

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Speaker 3: along the lines of, hey, I know you and my

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Speaker 3: wife's name. Really you have a lot going on right now,

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Speaker 3: and that it's a lot. If you ever need to

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Speaker 3: talk about things, I'm always here and I'll always keep

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Speaker 3: it between us.

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Speaker 4: My genuine response, Ugh, get away from me.

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Speaker 3: My genuine response, how did you pinch me?

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Speaker 4: My genuine response, Oh, help ow.

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Speaker 5: Do you do a thing where like kids are like,

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Speaker 5: you're touching me, you're touching me? Just start screaming, Uh,

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Speaker 5: just don't touch me?

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Speaker 4: Help he waiter?

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Speaker 3: What har what art? It wasn't what she said, but

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Speaker 3: the way she said it, And it was very clear

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Speaker 3: what she meant. I work in sales leadership and read

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Speaker 3: people for a living, and there was no misunderstanding about

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Speaker 3: what she meant. And she's made several comments towards me

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Speaker 3: before and after I very directly dismissed it. She implied,

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Speaker 3: very suggestively that it was a standing offer.

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Speaker 4: Sam. This woman really hit you with the man your

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Speaker 4: wife sucks. You know who doesn't suck but does suck me?

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Speaker 3: You know who does but doesn't at the same time, yess.

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Speaker 4: Girl, let me know if you ever want to get

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Speaker 4: a clue in on that paradox, buddy, Lily.

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Speaker 3: That's when I was very certain she meant something very different.

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Speaker 5: It took you seven times to be like, I think

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Speaker 5: there's a there's a pattern here. It took the seventh

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Speaker 5: attempt for him to be like I read people for

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Speaker 5: a living. The seventh attempt is what really drew the

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Speaker 5: line here.

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Speaker 4: Guys, he's said he was ninety nine percent shot a

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Speaker 4: whole time. Okay, let's take him in his word. Who

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Speaker 4: was that Harold?

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Speaker 3: The point is I want to address this with my wife.

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Speaker 3: I want to do it the right way. I know

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Speaker 3: she won't be upset with me, but my biggest concern

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Speaker 3: is that she will be dismissive at first and think

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Speaker 3: it wasn't legitimate. She's also only been in the US

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Speaker 3: for about four years and moved here from Sweden, and

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Speaker 3: this girl is one of her first friends she has made,

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Speaker 3: and she has struggled to make friends a little bit.

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Speaker 3: I just want to be straight up without hurting her

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Speaker 3: too much. How do I handle this conversation the right way?

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Speaker 1: Ah?

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Speaker 4: You go, babe? Guess what? Remember how you made your

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Speaker 4: first friend, you also made your first enemy.

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Speaker 3: See, I would say, hey girl, hey girl, let me

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Speaker 3: sit you down right.

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Speaker 5: Now, Hey wifey, Guess what.

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Speaker 3: I'd be like. Listen. I know I know that things

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Speaker 3: have been tough between us, but I do want you

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Speaker 3: to know that your friend that you think is joking,

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Speaker 3: has made a pass at me seven times. I would

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Speaker 3: never act on it, and I want to be transparent before.

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Speaker 3: Maybe she tries to twist the story or whatever, but

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Speaker 3: I want you to know that I am faithful and

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Speaker 3: I do not want this woman, and I don't think

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Speaker 3: she is really truly your friend.

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Speaker 4: Maybe she's like Jenna Alpha and you need to be

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Speaker 4: like girl for real, busting No cap, your your chica

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Speaker 4: wants to.

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Speaker 5: Slide in your cheek.

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Speaker 4: I don't even know I had something and it's gone. Dude,

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Speaker 4: for real, no cap. Your lady wants to touch my panore.

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Speaker 4: She wants to drop on my peanuts. Your girl is

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Speaker 4: trying to drop my peanuts. Wife.

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Speaker 3: There's an update. I sat down and talked to my

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Speaker 3: wife about it this morning and just told her everything

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Speaker 3: directly and straight up, while offering her assurance. It's almost

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Speaker 3: like I said to do that. Ooh, no, get her.

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Speaker 4: She's a witch.

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Speaker 3: Shake advice from another woman, shall you?

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Speaker 4: Yes? Yes, she knew the future, a witch.

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Speaker 3: I know what women want. Mel Gibson, she has handled

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Speaker 3: it very well, but I think she is still processing

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Speaker 3: some stuff. She also admitted that one of her friends

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Speaker 3: told her in confidence that she may have said some

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Speaker 3: not nice things about her and made several comments about

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Speaker 3: me in conversations with other friends, so she was already

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Speaker 3: kind of suspicious.

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Speaker 5: Listen, I know it's a thing. I know we're just

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Speaker 5: saying it's like a several if it's really seven comments,

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Speaker 5: and like this is the seventh time, OPI why is

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Speaker 5: this not being brought up?

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Speaker 4: She just starts flicking her in the forehead.

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Speaker 5: Is it like? Is that like that's where Opie draws

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Speaker 5: the lines, like fool me once, now, for me twice? Good,

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Speaker 5: fool me seven times. But that's when you crossed the line.

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Speaker 4: It makes sense that it's like touching the arm, physical

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Speaker 4: contact and like, dude, I heard your wife sucks. I'm

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Speaker 4: better than her, just letting you know.

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Speaker 5: She's like I heard you. I heard your wife sucks.

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Speaker 5: Good thing, I swallows?

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Speaker 3: Why you.

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Speaker 4: What are we doing? What's going on?

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Speaker 3: The Other thing my wife picked up on that I

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Speaker 3: actually didn't is that we were sitting in a large

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Speaker 3: partitioned you shaped outdoor cabana booth kind of thing. That

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Speaker 3: was a mouthful.

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Speaker 4: I love the large outdoor petitioned you shaped cabana seating,

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Speaker 4: large partitions you shape outdoor cabana booth kind of thing.

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Speaker 3: Okay, got it? That can probably fit ten to twelve

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Speaker 3: people easily.

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Speaker 4: Easy, dude.

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Speaker 3: My wife was sitting to my left and she sat

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Speaker 3: directly to my right at the very end of the booth,

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Speaker 3: only sitting next to me instead of sitting next to

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Speaker 3: her or our other friends where there was a ton

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Speaker 3: of open space. So she picked up on that. We're

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Speaker 3: working on how to handle it. But I think the

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Speaker 3: best course of action is that I straight up messaged

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Speaker 3: this girl tell her I didn't appreciate that, and then

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Speaker 3: I told my wife she will have to figure out

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Speaker 3: how to address that with her friend group. But she

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Speaker 3: basically said she can f off.

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Speaker 5: Ha ha.

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Speaker 3: I'm proud of her for handling that in stride. Oh

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Speaker 3: there's a second update.

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Speaker 4: You guys should have made a little trap for her

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Speaker 4: to fall into.

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Speaker 3: Yeah, rope trap?

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Speaker 4: Well, no, I mean like a trap, like not a

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Speaker 4: real trap. Oh, like a yeah, come my wife's not over,

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Speaker 4: come on, come on, come on over early pop. And

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Speaker 4: then when she's like, yes, I've been waiting so long.

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Speaker 5: And then you have a what's his name?

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Speaker 4: You have Chris Hansen. You have Chris Hansoon Come again.

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Speaker 3: I just saw the whole thing about that.

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Speaker 5: Yeah, he just comes out and he says, so this

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Speaker 5: is the seventh time we've caught you and you're done.

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Speaker 3: Hello, I'm Chris Hansen, and I would just want to

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Speaker 3: say that you were on.

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Speaker 5: To catch a cheat.

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Speaker 4: My name is Woram Hanson. I'm here to tell you

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Speaker 4: your trash.

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Speaker 3: Update number two. I ended up messaging her on Instagram

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Speaker 3: yesterday evening and basically told her she was an awful

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Speaker 3: person and how disrespectful that was, and straight up told

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Speaker 3: her that my wife is aware. She has not responded,

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Speaker 3: but I know she's suck it.

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Speaker 4: I don't think this lady is she's getting off too easy. Well,

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Speaker 4: you should have shamed her. You should have. You should

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Speaker 4: have concocted a plot to ruin her life irreparably.

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Speaker 5: I don't know what if Opie's wife was like kind

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Speaker 5: of into it.

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Speaker 3: Well, that's a different story.

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Speaker 4: That's a different story, Kean. And it's not this story.

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Speaker 3: That story.

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Speaker 4: We're not reading that story, Keon, We're reading this story.

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Speaker 4: You get out of here with that.

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Speaker 3: Get your head out of the freaking gutter.

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Speaker 4: I was hoping that would hit you. Give him back, please.

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Speaker 3: My wife told a few people privately over the phone

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Speaker 3: what happened, and it kind of came out that several

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Speaker 3: of them did not like her.

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Speaker 4: God good several Again, everyone in your friend group hates

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Speaker 4: this lady.

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Speaker 5: Seven?

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Speaker 4: Why do you keep her around?

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Speaker 5: Seven of them?

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Speaker 4: Learn to speak up? Third, Oh did you not like that?

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Speaker 4: Tell me? Tell me about it?

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Speaker 3: Ud uh and were kind of put off by some

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Speaker 3: of the things she has said and done, but they

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Speaker 3: were nice to her because she was my wife and

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Speaker 3: one of the other girl's friends. Several of them again,

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Speaker 3: several actually genuinely apologize to her and me for not

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Speaker 3: saying anything because they didn't know she was actually serious

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Speaker 3: about some of the things she said. My wife has

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Speaker 3: handled it super well, and I think it's a positive

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Speaker 3: for her because she now knows who her true friends

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Speaker 3: are and can surround herself with only positive influences. And

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Speaker 3: I think that's great. I hate that she has to

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Speaker 3: deal with this, but sometimes we learn the most from

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Speaker 3: tough situations. And that's the end of this.

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Speaker 4: Yeah, you learn you only want to hang out with

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Speaker 4: your friends who who are real and who are your

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Speaker 4: friends now who are secretly scheming to take your husband

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Speaker 4: from you?

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Speaker 3: Yeah, she wasn't a real friend. She was a little

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Speaker 3: little snake in the grass. That's what we'll call it.

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Speaker 4: Her flippery little sneak, a little snob.

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Speaker 3: Yeah, those types of people aren't your friends. But that's

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Speaker 3: the end of that story, and we got another one

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Speaker 3: coming right up.

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Speaker 4: My wife wants to travel with her coworker and expects

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Speaker 4: me to support her.

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Speaker 3: Support a trip. I'm not even coming on a write.

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Speaker 4: This feels weird to type out. My wife and I

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Speaker 4: are both in our mid twenties. We have been married

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Speaker 4: for a few years. I feel like there's almost no

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Speaker 4: chance she is cheating on me. I don't think she

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Speaker 4: would ever do that, but I just hate the way

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Speaker 4: a recent situation is making me feel. She has a

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Speaker 4: new male coworker that she has really enjoyed spending time

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Speaker 4: with lately. That's great. I'm all four new friendships, regardless

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Speaker 4: of gender. We have never really had issues with insecurity

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Speaker 4: around members of the apples a gender. I have female friends,

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Speaker 4: she has male friends. It has always worked for us.

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Speaker 4: But over the past few months, my wife and this

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Speaker 4: coworker have grown increasingly close. They snap and send each

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Speaker 4: other memes constantly. Half the time I'm talking to her,

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Speaker 4: she is reacting to his messages. They've also been hanging

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Speaker 4: out a lot after work, going for drinks, often late

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Speaker 4: into the NIGHTE.

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Speaker 3: Sorry, that's suspicious.

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Speaker 4: I typically don't receive an invite. Ah. Even more suspicious,

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Speaker 4: my wife goes without any real secrecy. She texts me

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Speaker 4: to let me know her plans. But it's frustrating that

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Speaker 4: she just goes out without including me, often last minute,

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Speaker 4: especially since we haven't had much quality time together in weeks.

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Speaker 4: By the way, this story comes from Throwaway Why What

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Speaker 4: If you want to submit your own stories, go to

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Speaker 4: the arslash Okay stort, Tom Stubbert it I'm to go.

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Speaker 5: To I'm Savannah, I'm Keon.

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Speaker 4: We're gonna read this story, and we are gonna have thoughts,

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Speaker 4: and you're gonna have thoughts too, put them down in

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Speaker 4: the comments and we'll read them, and Opie says. More recently,

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Speaker 4: they have been talking about going on an overnight hiking

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Speaker 4: trip together, just the two of them.

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Speaker 5: What yeah, No, out of nowhere? What not?

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Speaker 4: You two?

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Speaker 3: Just them?

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Speaker 5: It makes sense because this is Opie's wife, But that's

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Speaker 5: Opie's wife's work husband.

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Speaker 4: Honey, can I go on an overnight trip with my boyfriend?

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Speaker 1: No?

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Speaker 4: What weird, weird for even wanting to do that and

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Speaker 4: thinking that it's not weird. I know people can travel platonically,

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Speaker 4: but I can't help feeling bothered by it. I don't

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Speaker 4: genuinely believe she would cheat on me. What really stings

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Speaker 4: is feeling like I've been moved to second place. Yeah,

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Speaker 4: while she goes to second base with her work husband.

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Speaker 3: Are bars bars baro bow? That was crazy?

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Speaker 4: It feels like she would rather go off and have

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Speaker 4: fun with someone new. Well, I'm just the guy back

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Speaker 4: home doing chores, offering comfort and holding things together. It

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Speaker 4: doesn't help that I've only met this coworker a handful

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Speaker 4: of times and don't really know him. I want to

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Speaker 4: be honest with her about how I'm feeling, but I

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Speaker 4: don't want to come across as controlling. Brother. You haven't

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Speaker 4: said anything to your wife about how you feel? Red flag.

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Speaker 4: I know she is looking forward to this trip, and

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Speaker 4: I would feel selfish taking that away from her. But

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Speaker 4: if I should just let it go, what do I

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Speaker 4: do with everything I'm feeling? We have an update from

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Speaker 4: a year and a half later. Oh, I say you

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Speaker 4: make a female friend of your own and start hanging

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Speaker 4: out with them without your wife and start having last

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Speaker 4: minute hangouts with them without your wife, and when your

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Speaker 4: wife goes, hey, I don't like that, you know, Oh

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Speaker 4: that's funny because you love doing that.

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Speaker 3: See. I wouldn't do that. I would just confront her

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Speaker 3: and be like, hey, uh, looks like you've been spending

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Speaker 3: a lot of time with this guy. Do you like

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Speaker 3: have a crush on him? And literally is what I would.

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Speaker 3: I would just outright out.

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Speaker 5: I don't know. I would be like, oh, so you

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Speaker 5: guys are going on a trip. No, no, no, no,

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Speaker 5: we're going on a trip US two and he's not coming.

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Speaker 3: Yeah.

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Speaker 5: Yeah, that makes a lot of sense, right.

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Speaker 4: The root problem of this is your wife is like,

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Speaker 4: I don't want to hang out with you. I'd rather

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Speaker 4: hang out with this, uh, the dude, and she sings

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Speaker 4: it to you like that and thinks is that she

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Speaker 4: can just get away with it because she's doing a

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Speaker 4: little song and dance.

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Speaker 3: I hope he goes I'm not gonna lie.

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Speaker 5: That was so cool.

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Speaker 3: I'm conflicted.

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Speaker 4: I think they broke up.

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Speaker 3: Yeah, I feel like they probably broke up.

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Speaker 4: Let's give it a shot. It's been about a year

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Speaker 4: and a half since I first posted. A lot has happened,

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Speaker 4: and things still aren't fully resolved. I'm really struggling to

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Speaker 4: process how I feel and what to do next. Oh

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Speaker 4: that doesn't sound good.

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Speaker 3: How do you let this go on for a year

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Speaker 3: and a half do nothing about it? I'm sorry, but

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Speaker 3: I couldn't. Like, you were having problems a year and

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Speaker 3: a half ago and you did nothing, and then now

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Speaker 3: you're up to like back up to speed, and it's like, oh,

325
00:15:09,040 --> 00:15:11,520
Speaker 3: things still have been horrible for a year and a half.

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Speaker 3: I couldn't. Sorry, I just could not.

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Speaker 4: Couldn't do it. After my original post, I sat down

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Speaker 4: and talked with my wife about the camping trip. She

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Speaker 4: immediately started crying. That's a great start. She kept saying

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Speaker 4: things like, I hate that you guys don't get along.

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Speaker 4: I'd be like, what do you mean, I don't even

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Speaker 4: know him, I'd love to get along with him. Maybe

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00:15:33,040 --> 00:15:36,720
Speaker 4: invite me out what. She apologized and ultimately backed out

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Speaker 4: of the trip. Things improved for a short while, but

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Speaker 4: then the hangouts with this coworker resumed at the same frequency.

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Speaker 4: We had more conversations about it. I knew he would

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Speaker 4: be moving away soon and thought things might resolve on

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Speaker 4: their own. The next couple of months were hard. I

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00:15:53,200 --> 00:15:56,880
Speaker 4: still felt undervalued, like my concerns weren't being truly heard.

340
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Speaker 4: She mentioned wanting to visit him after he moved, and

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Speaker 4: when I expressed concern she never ended up going. That

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00:16:05,000 --> 00:16:07,840
Speaker 4: seemed to cause a falling out between them. After that,

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00:16:08,320 --> 00:16:11,960
Speaker 4: my wife's perspective shifted. She started to feel like she

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Speaker 4: was a victim of this coworker and that he had

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Speaker 4: been pursuing her inappropriately. Whoa, ah, I see your cheating

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Speaker 4: wife is starting to spin the narrative so that she

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Speaker 4: can get away with it.

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Speaker 5: Wow.

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Speaker 3: There blatantly wasn't a fair that has happened. Cheating has

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Speaker 3: happened with this man. And then he's like, oh I'm

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Speaker 3: moving away, blah blah, And now it's her chance to

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Speaker 3: be like, oh, he can't defend himself. So uh, yeah,

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Speaker 3: there was something going on and he was so inappropriate

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Speaker 3: with me.

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Speaker 4: Yes, he pursued me inappropriately when I would go to

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Speaker 4: drink with him at a bar.

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Speaker 3: And wanted to go on a hiking trip with just

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Speaker 3: the two of her.

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00:16:51,920 --> 00:16:53,920
Speaker 4: Yes, he pursued me inappropriately.

360
00:16:54,040 --> 00:16:54,400
Speaker 3: Yeah.

361
00:16:54,680 --> 00:16:57,880
Speaker 4: Oh shut all the way up, Hi, brother, wake up.

362
00:16:58,040 --> 00:17:01,040
Speaker 4: I don't feel much for you right now because you

363
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Speaker 4: are you are blind? Willfully blind?

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Speaker 3: They literally had a falling out because now you can't

365
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Speaker 3: physically see each other.

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Speaker 4: She ended up burning some things he had given her,

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Speaker 4: including a letter he sent after the move. Brother they

368
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Speaker 4: were in love?

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00:17:17,240 --> 00:17:19,280
Speaker 3: Yeah, what to this day?

370
00:17:19,440 --> 00:17:21,679
Speaker 4: She gets defensive whenever his name comes up, and it's

371
00:17:21,680 --> 00:17:25,000
Speaker 4: impossible to have a real conversation about any of it. Eventually,

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00:17:25,160 --> 00:17:28,600
Speaker 4: contact between them faded out. In the meantime, she developed

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00:17:28,640 --> 00:17:31,639
Speaker 4: another close friendship with a different guy that followed a

374
00:17:31,680 --> 00:17:35,960
Speaker 4: similar pattern and only added to my growing sense of unease.

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Speaker 5: Give it another year and a half to figure that

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Speaker 5: one out.

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00:17:39,200 --> 00:17:42,040
Speaker 3: Yeah, like, op, come on, wake up, she's.

378
00:17:41,800 --> 00:17:44,280
Speaker 4: Doing the same exact things, doing the same thing with

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Speaker 4: another guy.

380
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Speaker 3: Recognize the pattern? Please, my dog?

381
00:17:47,960 --> 00:17:51,040
Speaker 4: Do you need some spelling salts to wake up? Like? Oho,

382
00:17:51,400 --> 00:17:55,439
Speaker 4: what are you doing? I continued to feel underappreciated and

383
00:17:55,480 --> 00:18:01,400
Speaker 4: emotionally dismissed. Our conversations about all of this remained and unresolved.

384
00:18:01,760 --> 00:18:04,400
Speaker 4: After a long time sitting with it, I finally let

385
00:18:04,440 --> 00:18:08,280
Speaker 4: myself feel the full weight of everything. I woke up

386
00:18:08,680 --> 00:18:11,359
Speaker 4: one night at three in the morning, unable to go

387
00:18:11,440 --> 00:18:14,680
Speaker 4: back to sleep. The smelling salts they hit you. Thank God,

388
00:18:15,240 --> 00:18:18,159
Speaker 4: eventually I looked through her old messages with the coworker.

389
00:18:18,640 --> 00:18:21,200
Speaker 4: There were a lot of them, lots of selfies sent

390
00:18:21,240 --> 00:18:24,640
Speaker 4: back and forth. Weird, a flirty energy running through many

391
00:18:24,720 --> 00:18:26,760
Speaker 4: of them, along with a lot of language about how

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00:18:26,800 --> 00:18:28,040
Speaker 4: much they meant to each other.

393
00:18:28,520 --> 00:18:32,280
Speaker 3: I mean, it can't get any clearer. Truthfully, I diagnosed

394
00:18:32,320 --> 00:18:33,280
Speaker 3: you with dumb brain.

395
00:18:33,600 --> 00:18:34,640
Speaker 5: Oh god.

396
00:18:34,880 --> 00:18:38,240
Speaker 4: There were texts sent much later into the night than

397
00:18:38,240 --> 00:18:40,960
Speaker 4: I ever knew about. There was talk after our own

398
00:18:41,000 --> 00:18:44,520
Speaker 4: conversations about boundaries of future camping trips and travel together.

399
00:18:45,080 --> 00:18:46,959
Speaker 4: There was a reference to a late night they had

400
00:18:47,000 --> 00:18:49,640
Speaker 4: spent together at a state park, which he called there

401
00:18:50,200 --> 00:18:51,439
Speaker 4: not camping trip.

402
00:18:51,960 --> 00:18:57,520
Speaker 6: Oh my god, Hope, come on, this is information you

403
00:18:57,600 --> 00:19:01,280
Speaker 6: gain and then you move in absolute darkness, You gather

404
00:19:01,440 --> 00:19:05,000
Speaker 6: all of your things, and you disappear into the night

405
00:19:05,119 --> 00:19:06,639
Speaker 6: on a not camping trip.

406
00:19:06,680 --> 00:19:11,760
Speaker 5: This is literally Aaron paul In breaking bad but screaming

407
00:19:12,200 --> 00:19:13,479
Speaker 5: she can't keep getting away with this.

408
00:19:13,760 --> 00:19:14,359
Speaker 4: You're lettinger.

409
00:19:14,720 --> 00:19:16,840
Speaker 5: I want to feel bad, but you're letting it happen.

410
00:19:17,000 --> 00:19:19,520
Speaker 4: Yeah, dude, call this guy Christian Letner because I don't

411
00:19:19,520 --> 00:19:20,320
Speaker 4: feel bad for you.

412
00:19:20,359 --> 00:19:23,159
Speaker 5: Call this guy Tami Paula because let it happen.

413
00:19:23,560 --> 00:19:25,840
Speaker 4: He mentioned that my wife had dirt on her clothes,

414
00:19:25,920 --> 00:19:28,760
Speaker 4: then said, well, what do you expect when we wrestled?

415
00:19:29,760 --> 00:19:30,160
Speaker 5: Huh?

416
00:19:30,160 --> 00:19:33,840
Speaker 4: And that's me. I'm out chief was the undertaker there.

417
00:19:34,080 --> 00:19:36,840
Speaker 4: Why do you keep why? There's not even any reason

418
00:19:36,880 --> 00:19:37,640
Speaker 4: to keep reading?

419
00:19:37,960 --> 00:19:40,439
Speaker 5: Why do you need more proof? I don't know.

420
00:19:40,600 --> 00:19:43,880
Speaker 3: Like, well, they wrestled, they didn't bang. There's no difference.

421
00:19:44,000 --> 00:19:46,600
Speaker 4: Yes, actually this evidence is inconclusive.

422
00:19:47,200 --> 00:19:52,080
Speaker 5: Did my wife win? Did she at least wind because

423
00:19:52,119 --> 00:19:53,080
Speaker 5: that would be hot.

424
00:19:53,440 --> 00:19:56,399
Speaker 4: Later in the same exchange, he wrote, I wish I

425
00:19:56,440 --> 00:19:59,360
Speaker 4: would have held you tightly for longer instead of getting angry,

426
00:19:59,720 --> 00:20:03,000
Speaker 4: and then a message where he described telling a coworker

427
00:20:03,000 --> 00:20:05,800
Speaker 4: about their night together and that coworker apparently being surprised

428
00:20:05,800 --> 00:20:08,440
Speaker 4: by what had or hadn't happened. I know this is

429
00:20:08,480 --> 00:20:11,080
Speaker 4: a lot. Even typing it out, I feel like I

430
00:20:11,080 --> 00:20:13,840
Speaker 4: should have seen it sooner. It's just hard for me

431
00:20:13,880 --> 00:20:17,440
Speaker 4: to picture a life without her at this point. Well, congrats,

432
00:20:17,480 --> 00:20:19,960
Speaker 4: you've had one for a year and a half. You've

433
00:20:19,960 --> 00:20:22,720
Speaker 4: had one since she started doing this, You've had one.

434
00:20:22,960 --> 00:20:23,520
Speaker 3: It's true.

435
00:20:24,160 --> 00:20:27,000
Speaker 4: Sometimes it feels like she genuinely loves and appreciates me

436
00:20:27,080 --> 00:20:31,080
Speaker 4: she's acting. Other Times I find myself wondering if she

437
00:20:31,160 --> 00:20:34,240
Speaker 4: regrets marrying me altogether, how do I get her to

438
00:20:34,320 --> 00:20:36,760
Speaker 4: truly understand how much this has hurt me? How do

439
00:20:36,800 --> 00:20:39,680
Speaker 4: I get her to take real accountability and apologize in

440
00:20:39,720 --> 00:20:42,120
Speaker 4: a way that means something. And there's another update about

441
00:20:42,119 --> 00:20:44,359
Speaker 4: a month later. My dog, you'll leave.

442
00:20:45,040 --> 00:20:48,280
Speaker 3: I hope this like I mean, besides all the other

443
00:20:48,320 --> 00:20:51,800
Speaker 3: evidence that you have, but this is also hard evidence.

444
00:20:52,080 --> 00:20:55,160
Speaker 3: So you should take this, leave, get out of there,

445
00:20:55,600 --> 00:20:56,639
Speaker 3: never look back.

446
00:20:56,480 --> 00:20:59,520
Speaker 4: Whatever you do. For the love of all that is holy,

447
00:21:00,160 --> 00:21:05,280
Speaker 4: do not let her JibJab you into some the long

448
00:21:05,359 --> 00:21:09,000
Speaker 4: winded nonsense explanation about why all of this is just

449
00:21:09,040 --> 00:21:12,920
Speaker 4: a misunderstanding. For the love of God, don't let her

450
00:21:13,000 --> 00:21:17,080
Speaker 4: talk you into a corner that you're in. You're in

451
00:21:17,160 --> 00:21:20,520
Speaker 4: the corner right now. Update two. I did confront her.

452
00:21:20,920 --> 00:21:23,239
Speaker 4: We went through a lot of the messages together. She

453
00:21:23,359 --> 00:21:26,760
Speaker 4: wasn't heated or defensive the way I expected. She was

454
00:21:26,800 --> 00:21:29,879
Speaker 4: apologetic and said she was sorry. We've had a few

455
00:21:29,920 --> 00:21:34,400
Speaker 4: couples counseling sessions since then. She claims nothing physical ever happened.

456
00:21:34,720 --> 00:21:37,919
Speaker 4: She had explanations for many of the messages, ways of

457
00:21:37,960 --> 00:21:40,760
Speaker 4: making them sound less damning than they appear, but she

458
00:21:40,800 --> 00:21:42,919
Speaker 4: had a hard time accounting for some of them in

459
00:21:43,000 --> 00:21:47,399
Speaker 4: any satisfying way. She apologized during that first conversation, but

460
00:21:47,680 --> 00:21:51,440
Speaker 4: since then there's been a lot of deflecting, a lot

461
00:21:51,440 --> 00:21:55,320
Speaker 4: of blaming other people and circumstances. She was afraid of

462
00:21:55,400 --> 00:21:58,199
Speaker 4: losing her job. She behaves a certain way because of

463
00:21:58,280 --> 00:22:01,560
Speaker 4: things in your past. He only burned his things because

464
00:22:01,600 --> 00:22:06,560
Speaker 4: a friend encouraged her to. The explanations kept shifting. What

465
00:22:06,600 --> 00:22:09,000
Speaker 4: I need from her is for her to own her

466
00:22:09,040 --> 00:22:12,840
Speaker 4: part in what happened. Instead, things have drifted further in

467
00:22:12,920 --> 00:22:16,440
Speaker 4: the other direction. She went from acknowledging that her behavior

468
00:22:16,520 --> 00:22:19,879
Speaker 4: was intimate and inappropriate to insisting she was simply a

469
00:22:19,960 --> 00:22:22,120
Speaker 4: victim of workplace harassment.

470
00:22:22,520 --> 00:22:25,040
Speaker 5: No, no way, that's insane.

471
00:22:25,960 --> 00:22:27,960
Speaker 3: And the guy can't defend himself, Like that's the thing.

472
00:22:28,119 --> 00:22:30,440
Speaker 5: Let me guess. Oh he's gonna believe it. Oh, p's

473
00:22:30,520 --> 00:22:32,600
Speaker 5: be like, you know what, you know, I'm the bad guy.

474
00:22:32,840 --> 00:22:34,480
Speaker 3: See the thing is, I don't even think he's gonna

475
00:22:34,520 --> 00:22:36,359
Speaker 3: believe it. I think he's just gonna be like, well,

476
00:22:36,400 --> 00:22:38,000
Speaker 3: that's just that's what she said.

477
00:22:38,720 --> 00:22:42,600
Speaker 4: Oh pee, I can't say this any clearer. Your wife

478
00:22:42,640 --> 00:22:46,520
Speaker 4: is serving you up a big fat, open faced crab

479
00:22:46,600 --> 00:22:47,960
Speaker 4: sandwich and you're just.

480
00:22:48,080 --> 00:22:50,719
Speaker 5: Eating it up and you say it's yummy.

481
00:22:51,080 --> 00:22:54,639
Speaker 4: Yeah, and you're going mmm, yum. Wake up, brother, you

482
00:22:54,760 --> 00:22:57,280
Speaker 4: did you woke up? You should have left that night.

483
00:22:58,680 --> 00:23:02,640
Speaker 4: Then this shifted into blaming me for not being supportive

484
00:23:02,720 --> 00:23:06,400
Speaker 4: enough of her when when she supposedly needed me. Mm right,

485
00:23:06,640 --> 00:23:09,399
Speaker 4: I've been a wreck. I'm struggling to function at work.

486
00:23:09,760 --> 00:23:12,639
Speaker 4: I just want to disappear for a while. I'm exhausted.

487
00:23:13,200 --> 00:23:15,320
Speaker 4: I can enjoy time with friends and lose myself in

488
00:23:15,359 --> 00:23:17,200
Speaker 4: hobbies for a little while. But the moment those things

489
00:23:17,240 --> 00:23:20,000
Speaker 4: are over, the pain comes rushing back. Because you're still

490
00:23:20,040 --> 00:23:21,639
Speaker 4: married to your cheating wife. Dog.

491
00:23:22,119 --> 00:23:24,000
Speaker 3: Yeah, just get out of it, op. I know that

492
00:23:24,040 --> 00:23:25,280
Speaker 3: you love her and everything, but.

493
00:23:25,600 --> 00:23:28,520
Speaker 4: She don't love you. Yeah, you love a fictional thing

494
00:23:28,600 --> 00:23:29,440
Speaker 4: that is not there.

495
00:23:29,960 --> 00:23:32,160
Speaker 3: Yeah, it's like going back like when you're in. It's

496
00:23:32,200 --> 00:23:35,560
Speaker 3: basically being in like a toxic relationship. It's bread crumbing,

497
00:23:35,600 --> 00:23:37,160
Speaker 3: Like you get a little bit and then it's like, oh,

498
00:23:37,160 --> 00:23:39,560
Speaker 3: things are good, things are good, and then nope, they're

499
00:23:39,600 --> 00:23:42,240
Speaker 3: completely horrible again. And then you just keep going through

500
00:23:42,280 --> 00:23:45,159
Speaker 3: that cycle and cycle and cycle, and just like like

501
00:23:45,200 --> 00:23:46,720
Speaker 3: one day you have to wake up and be like,

502
00:23:47,160 --> 00:23:49,560
Speaker 3: I don't want to put myself through this anymore. I

503
00:23:49,600 --> 00:23:52,040
Speaker 3: want to be happy now, so I'm going to leave

504
00:23:52,080 --> 00:23:55,159
Speaker 3: and find that somewhere else, because that is possible. You

505
00:23:55,160 --> 00:23:57,000
Speaker 3: can find happiness literally anywhere.

506
00:23:57,480 --> 00:24:01,120
Speaker 4: Wake up to reality. Wake up. Life is literally lying

507
00:24:01,119 --> 00:24:03,159
Speaker 4: to you through your teeth. If she loved you, she

508
00:24:03,160 --> 00:24:06,800
Speaker 4: wouldn't do that. My self esteem has taken a serious hit. Whoop.

509
00:24:07,600 --> 00:24:09,720
Speaker 4: I can't stop feeling like I need to figure everything

510
00:24:09,720 --> 00:24:12,560
Speaker 4: out right now. She was out of town for a

511
00:24:12,560 --> 00:24:15,719
Speaker 4: week and is coming back soon. I'm dreading it. Some

512
00:24:15,760 --> 00:24:17,800
Speaker 4: of that is dreading having to continue working through all

513
00:24:17,800 --> 00:24:19,560
Speaker 4: of this, but a lot of it is just dreading

514
00:24:19,560 --> 00:24:22,480
Speaker 4: her presence in general. Right now, I feel no excitement

515
00:24:22,520 --> 00:24:25,440
Speaker 4: about seeing her. I am living in a haze. None

516
00:24:25,480 --> 00:24:28,240
Speaker 4: of it feels real. I'm somehow putting one foot in

517
00:24:28,240 --> 00:24:30,520
Speaker 4: front of the other. I keep catching myself looking for

518
00:24:30,560 --> 00:24:32,840
Speaker 4: someone to just tell me what to do, and I

519
00:24:32,960 --> 00:24:35,159
Speaker 4: know that's not what I actually need. It is it

520
00:24:35,240 --> 00:24:38,520
Speaker 4: is what you need. Break up with her, leave. I

521
00:24:38,560 --> 00:24:41,040
Speaker 4: need to make a decision for myself right now. I

522
00:24:41,080 --> 00:24:42,359
Speaker 4: am leaning towards leaving.

523
00:24:42,800 --> 00:24:44,600
Speaker 5: Yes, lean real hard on that.

524
00:24:45,280 --> 00:24:48,680
Speaker 4: A few close friends have helped me ask the question honestly,

525
00:24:48,800 --> 00:24:51,880
Speaker 4: what am I actually getting out of this relationship? Yep,

526
00:24:51,920 --> 00:24:54,159
Speaker 4: and right now I don't have a good answer.

527
00:24:54,760 --> 00:24:57,840
Speaker 3: That's your first sign that the relationship is over.

528
00:24:58,280 --> 00:25:00,520
Speaker 4: I'm not sure if the hurt is just how I

529
00:25:00,560 --> 00:25:03,119
Speaker 4: see everything, or if I'm finally seeing things clearly for

530
00:25:03,280 --> 00:25:07,159
Speaker 4: the first time that one, but I'm starting to recognize

531
00:25:07,200 --> 00:25:09,680
Speaker 4: just how much I've given and how little has come back.

532
00:25:10,280 --> 00:25:12,480
Speaker 4: I keep getting stuck on the fear that leaving would

533
00:25:12,520 --> 00:25:14,960
Speaker 4: make me a bad person and that I would be

534
00:25:15,000 --> 00:25:17,520
Speaker 4: hurting her. I am trying to let go of that

535
00:25:18,040 --> 00:25:21,040
Speaker 4: because right now I need to be concerned with myself.

536
00:25:21,400 --> 00:25:23,600
Speaker 4: We've got a final update a year and a half later.

537
00:25:23,760 --> 00:25:26,840
Speaker 4: I swear to God, if you are not happily divorced,

538
00:25:27,359 --> 00:25:31,480
Speaker 4: I'm gonna run and find you. How far one thousand miles?

539
00:25:32,040 --> 00:25:34,199
Speaker 3: No, we walk five under.

540
00:25:36,359 --> 00:25:38,000
Speaker 5: That's the wrong song, but you know what, I'll give

541
00:25:38,040 --> 00:25:38,480
Speaker 5: it to you.

542
00:25:38,520 --> 00:25:42,320
Speaker 4: No, that was the one I was thinking length Yeah,

543
00:25:42,600 --> 00:25:48,240
Speaker 4: uh uh. It has been a while since my last update.

544
00:25:48,640 --> 00:25:50,440
Speaker 4: I'm not sure who still cares or wants to know

545
00:25:50,720 --> 00:25:53,520
Speaker 4: how this ended. I do, but I feel like someone

546
00:25:53,560 --> 00:25:55,440
Speaker 4: out there might need to read this, whether for hope,

547
00:25:55,480 --> 00:25:58,600
Speaker 4: for encouragement or just out of curiosity. This all started

548
00:25:58,640 --> 00:26:01,159
Speaker 4: when my wife formed in an appropriately close relationship with

549
00:26:01,200 --> 00:26:04,320
Speaker 4: a male coworker. I now realize I was in denial.

550
00:26:04,720 --> 00:26:08,200
Speaker 4: After that, we did therapy together and individually. We had

551
00:26:08,240 --> 00:26:11,320
Speaker 4: long conversations about what happened, about why she felt the

552
00:26:11,359 --> 00:26:14,000
Speaker 4: need to look outside our marriage, about where things could

553
00:26:14,040 --> 00:26:17,480
Speaker 4: go from there. More came out over time. My wife

554
00:26:17,520 --> 00:26:19,840
Speaker 4: was never fully able to meet what I needed from her.

555
00:26:20,160 --> 00:26:24,359
Speaker 4: We fought, we argued, we tried different therapists. Unsurprisingly to

556
00:26:24,440 --> 00:26:27,119
Speaker 4: many of you, things never genuinely improved.

557
00:26:27,359 --> 00:26:29,320
Speaker 5: I don't think we're surprised. Yeah.

558
00:26:30,160 --> 00:26:33,600
Speaker 3: Correct, I'm completely caught off guard here.

559
00:26:33,760 --> 00:26:37,080
Speaker 5: Oh really, but there is no way.

560
00:26:36,720 --> 00:26:39,040
Speaker 3: This didn't end in a good happily ever, after a

561
00:26:39,080 --> 00:26:41,240
Speaker 3: moment that we didn't know it did.

562
00:26:41,240 --> 00:26:43,879
Speaker 4: If there's a divorce involved, there were two things I

563
00:26:43,920 --> 00:26:46,879
Speaker 4: needed from her to even begin moving forward. Accountability and

564
00:26:46,920 --> 00:26:49,919
Speaker 4: a real commitment to new boundaries. She was unable to

565
00:26:49,920 --> 00:26:53,399
Speaker 4: take accountability. There was always someone else to blame, always

566
00:26:53,400 --> 00:26:56,880
Speaker 4: some outside circumstance that explained her behavior. For a time,

567
00:26:56,920 --> 00:26:59,439
Speaker 4: it seemed like we were making progress, but eventually she

568
00:26:59,600 --> 00:27:02,200
Speaker 4: arrived at a position where she had done nothing wrong

569
00:27:02,280 --> 00:27:02,640
Speaker 4: at all.

570
00:27:02,880 --> 00:27:05,000
Speaker 3: It was simply a victim throughout.

571
00:27:05,000 --> 00:27:07,479
Speaker 4: That framing then became a way to question whether I

572
00:27:07,640 --> 00:27:09,680
Speaker 4: could be a supportive partner to her in the future

573
00:27:09,880 --> 00:27:12,679
Speaker 4: if something difficult ever happened. I had a moment of

574
00:27:12,720 --> 00:27:15,520
Speaker 4: feeling completely unmoored by that, but I was able to

575
00:27:15,520 --> 00:27:18,440
Speaker 4: shake myself out of it. On the question of boundaries,

576
00:27:18,600 --> 00:27:21,359
Speaker 4: we had talks about her friendships and what I needed

577
00:27:21,440 --> 00:27:24,120
Speaker 4: them to look like going forward. There was another male

578
00:27:24,200 --> 00:27:27,840
Speaker 4: friend who caused problems during this period. In conversation, she

579
00:27:28,000 --> 00:27:30,720
Speaker 4: often seemed to understand and agree with what I was asking,

580
00:27:30,880 --> 00:27:34,760
Speaker 4: but her behavior never really changed. Two moments stand out.

581
00:27:35,040 --> 00:27:38,240
Speaker 4: The first was my birthday. We both had the day off.

582
00:27:38,560 --> 00:27:40,760
Speaker 4: She told me beforehand that she had a lot of

583
00:27:40,800 --> 00:27:43,080
Speaker 4: work to catch up on that morning and wouldn't be

584
00:27:43,119 --> 00:27:46,520
Speaker 4: available until our dinner that evening. I later found out

585
00:27:46,600 --> 00:27:49,920
Speaker 4: she had spent those hours with this other male friend.

586
00:27:49,960 --> 00:27:51,000
Speaker 3: On your birthday.

587
00:27:51,400 --> 00:27:54,119
Speaker 4: So let's just like make a little PSA for the

588
00:27:54,119 --> 00:27:56,200
Speaker 4: guys like this who were like, well, if.

589
00:27:56,000 --> 00:27:58,800
Speaker 3: I break up with her, it'll hurt her feelings and I'm.

590
00:27:58,640 --> 00:27:59,400
Speaker 4: The bad guy.

591
00:28:00,080 --> 00:28:04,400
Speaker 3: Be bad Yeah, be a bad man. I went through

592
00:28:04,440 --> 00:28:07,920
Speaker 3: that with my ex. I was like terrified. I didn't

593
00:28:07,920 --> 00:28:10,360
Speaker 3: want to well, I wasn't terrified. I like didn't want

594
00:28:10,359 --> 00:28:11,680
Speaker 3: to break up with him because I was like, well,

595
00:28:11,680 --> 00:28:14,280
Speaker 3: that makes me the bad guy. And then after a while,

596
00:28:14,280 --> 00:28:16,600
Speaker 3: I was like, you know what, I deserve to be

597
00:28:16,640 --> 00:28:19,560
Speaker 3: the bad guy, because my god, I mean, I gotta

598
00:28:19,560 --> 00:28:23,960
Speaker 3: get the heck out of here. You're alive and honestly good.

599
00:28:24,160 --> 00:28:26,840
Speaker 3: If I leave a toxic situation, I am considered a

600
00:28:26,840 --> 00:28:30,240
Speaker 3: bad person. Cool, I will be as bad as I

601
00:28:30,280 --> 00:28:30,560
Speaker 3: can be.

602
00:28:30,720 --> 00:28:33,760
Speaker 4: Then a bad Mamma, Gemma. She came home to find

603
00:28:33,760 --> 00:28:35,800
Speaker 4: me ready to head out and do something for the day,

604
00:28:35,880 --> 00:28:38,560
Speaker 4: and her face made clear she knew immediately what she

605
00:28:38,600 --> 00:28:42,280
Speaker 4: had done. She apologized. She even said, I don't know

606
00:28:42,360 --> 00:28:45,640
Speaker 4: why I keep hurting you. The second was when she

607
00:28:45,760 --> 00:28:48,440
Speaker 4: really wanted to go to a concert with this same guy,

608
00:28:48,680 --> 00:28:51,640
Speaker 4: just the two of them in another city. Oh please,

609
00:28:51,680 --> 00:28:53,920
Speaker 4: oh please let me go on a date with my boyfriend.

610
00:28:54,120 --> 00:28:56,240
Speaker 3: Please let me cheat on you. Please give me permission

611
00:28:56,240 --> 00:28:58,040
Speaker 3: to cheat on you. Please. I just want to cheat

612
00:28:58,080 --> 00:29:01,000
Speaker 3: on you so bad. Please Please, I won't tell you,

613
00:29:01,360 --> 00:29:02,200
Speaker 3: Just give me permission.

614
00:29:02,480 --> 00:29:06,160
Speaker 4: She didn't go after several conversations and after I told

615
00:29:06,240 --> 00:29:09,000
Speaker 4: her clearly that I wasn't okay with it. But she

616
00:29:09,200 --> 00:29:12,280
Speaker 4: was not happy about it, not even a little. I

617
00:29:12,320 --> 00:29:14,840
Speaker 4: do believe there's a world in which relationships can heal

618
00:29:14,920 --> 00:29:19,480
Speaker 4: after something like this. That is not my story. Yes, yes,

619
00:29:20,200 --> 00:29:21,720
Speaker 4: eventually I came to my senses.

620
00:29:21,840 --> 00:29:24,120
Speaker 3: Hallelujah.

621
00:29:24,160 --> 00:29:26,560
Speaker 4: It took longer and more suffering than it should have,

622
00:29:26,600 --> 00:29:29,080
Speaker 4: but I am now divorced.

623
00:29:29,520 --> 00:29:31,400
Speaker 3: Good move, Opie, check me.

624
00:29:32,280 --> 00:29:35,760
Speaker 4: It has been a strange mix of emotions. Some days

625
00:29:35,800 --> 00:29:38,360
Speaker 4: I feel deeply lonely and sad. Other days I feel

626
00:29:38,400 --> 00:29:41,720
Speaker 4: something closer to peace, even optimism. I never hated my

627
00:29:41,800 --> 00:29:45,040
Speaker 4: ex wife, and honestly I still don't. Well, I've got

628
00:29:45,160 --> 00:29:48,000
Speaker 4: enough for both of you, so don't worry. I am

629
00:29:48,040 --> 00:29:51,080
Speaker 4: still hurt and angry by what happened, but hatred was

630
00:29:51,160 --> 00:29:54,120
Speaker 4: never part of it. What ultimately moved me to leave

631
00:29:54,400 --> 00:29:56,560
Speaker 4: was that I found my way back to loving myself

632
00:29:56,720 --> 00:30:00,320
Speaker 4: enough to choose what I actually needed. I feel very

633
00:30:00,360 --> 00:30:02,880
Speaker 4: far from the person I was when this all started.

634
00:30:03,320 --> 00:30:06,000
Speaker 4: A little more confident, a little more free than I

635
00:30:06,000 --> 00:30:08,840
Speaker 4: have been in a long time. I am still figuring

636
00:30:08,840 --> 00:30:11,920
Speaker 4: out who I am outside of all this. I'm not

637
00:30:12,080 --> 00:30:14,600
Speaker 4: looking to date. I'm honestly not sure if a long

638
00:30:14,680 --> 00:30:18,120
Speaker 4: term relationship or marriage will ever be something I want again,

639
00:30:18,560 --> 00:30:21,720
Speaker 4: and I find I'm strangely okay with that. So much

640
00:30:21,720 --> 00:30:23,840
Speaker 4: of my identity had been wrapped up and being a

641
00:30:23,880 --> 00:30:26,640
Speaker 4: good partner. It's hard to remember who I was before

642
00:30:26,680 --> 00:30:28,760
Speaker 4: all of this and who I am apart from it.

643
00:30:29,240 --> 00:30:31,760
Speaker 4: That's what I'm trying to discover now. Thank you to

644
00:30:31,800 --> 00:30:35,040
Speaker 4: everyone who weighed in along the way. Almost all of

645
00:30:35,040 --> 00:30:37,760
Speaker 4: you said the same thing. Some of you were kinder

646
00:30:37,760 --> 00:30:40,440
Speaker 4: about it than others, but I won't complain thank you

647
00:30:40,720 --> 00:30:43,920
Speaker 4: because I've been rude. But hey, you need cold water.

648
00:30:44,000 --> 00:30:47,160
Speaker 4: Sometimes no one was giving you water cold enough to

649
00:30:47,200 --> 00:30:49,680
Speaker 4: wake you up. I mean, for God's sakes, reading your

650
00:30:49,720 --> 00:30:52,320
Speaker 4: wife's text messages with those guys and still staying with her,

651
00:30:52,840 --> 00:30:55,920
Speaker 4: you needed like a full blown polar plunge. My dude.

652
00:30:56,280 --> 00:30:58,600
Speaker 4: Being called out directly was part of what helped me

653
00:30:58,840 --> 00:31:02,600
Speaker 4: wake up. Family and close friends have been incredibly supportive

654
00:31:02,640 --> 00:31:05,480
Speaker 4: through the whole process and made the transition as manageable

655
00:31:05,520 --> 00:31:07,800
Speaker 4: as it could have been. A little bit more story left,

656
00:31:08,080 --> 00:31:10,520
Speaker 4: but my man has found the promised land. Do it.

657
00:31:10,760 --> 00:31:14,360
Speaker 3: Yeah, And honestly, I mean I would just say focus

658
00:31:14,360 --> 00:31:16,280
Speaker 3: on yourself. I don't think you need and I don't

659
00:31:16,320 --> 00:31:19,400
Speaker 3: think that you're looking for a new relationship or anything

660
00:31:19,400 --> 00:31:23,080
Speaker 3: like that. But you know, spend some time reflecting, stay

661
00:31:23,120 --> 00:31:25,880
Speaker 3: in therapy, get that help as well. Just know the

662
00:31:25,920 --> 00:31:29,240
Speaker 3: science next time, and you'll know earlier rather than later.

663
00:31:29,360 --> 00:31:31,640
Speaker 3: Sometimes you have to go through it in order to know.

664
00:31:32,120 --> 00:31:33,960
Speaker 3: You just went through it for a really long time,

665
00:31:34,240 --> 00:31:37,360
Speaker 3: which sucks. But we can tell you anything you want

666
00:31:37,400 --> 00:31:39,240
Speaker 3: to hear or anything you don't want to hear it.

667
00:31:39,280 --> 00:31:41,520
Speaker 3: But until you decide to do it, nothing sings. You know.

668
00:31:41,760 --> 00:31:43,560
Speaker 5: Yeah, I think you just need to love yourself a

669
00:31:43,600 --> 00:31:46,400
Speaker 5: little bit, Opie. I know it sucks. It took some time,

670
00:31:46,560 --> 00:31:48,880
Speaker 5: you did it. Pat yourself on the back, Take yourself

671
00:31:48,880 --> 00:31:51,720
Speaker 5: on a long vacation, Spend some time with yourself, Spend

672
00:31:51,760 --> 00:31:53,880
Speaker 5: some time in the gym.

673
00:31:53,880 --> 00:31:57,880
Speaker 4: One thing. I'm still sitting with my closest friend, Oh God,

674
00:31:58,000 --> 00:32:01,080
Speaker 4: who knew more about this situation than almost anyone. Was

675
00:32:01,120 --> 00:32:04,280
Speaker 4: supportive for a long time, but once I had actually

676
00:32:04,360 --> 00:32:07,080
Speaker 4: made the decision to divorce, he tried to talk me

677
00:32:07,360 --> 00:32:09,280
Speaker 4: out of it. He told me I was making a

678
00:32:09,320 --> 00:32:12,719
Speaker 4: mistake at the exact moment I needed support the most.

679
00:32:13,120 --> 00:32:15,200
Speaker 4: I haven't had the energy to address it or even

680
00:32:15,200 --> 00:32:18,160
Speaker 4: really process it yet. I'm not sure whether it's worth

681
00:32:18,200 --> 00:32:21,600
Speaker 4: having the conversation or whether I should let the friendship go.

682
00:32:22,000 --> 00:32:24,680
Speaker 4: If anyone has thoughts on that, I genuinely welcome them.

683
00:32:25,080 --> 00:32:27,320
Speaker 4: My god, I'm just glad you didn't say your friend

684
00:32:27,520 --> 00:32:29,640
Speaker 4: was one of her fair partners.

685
00:32:29,200 --> 00:32:31,880
Speaker 3: Saying now that's where I thought that was gonna go,

686
00:32:32,200 --> 00:32:35,320
Speaker 3: And I was like, no, everyone around him was in

687
00:32:35,400 --> 00:32:36,920
Speaker 3: on it. Could you imagine?

688
00:32:37,000 --> 00:32:37,200
Speaker 5: Yeah?

689
00:32:38,200 --> 00:32:40,600
Speaker 4: But yeah, I would talk to you and be like, hey, so,

690
00:32:40,760 --> 00:32:42,800
Speaker 4: why did you want me to stay with the worst

691
00:32:42,840 --> 00:32:44,080
Speaker 4: thing that's ever happened to me?

692
00:32:44,520 --> 00:32:46,920
Speaker 3: Yeah? I'd be like, what is your reasoning behind this

693
00:32:47,400 --> 00:32:48,360
Speaker 3: weird decision?

694
00:32:48,760 --> 00:32:51,680
Speaker 4: What's up buttercup? But that's the end of that story.

695
00:32:52,120 --> 00:32:54,120
Speaker 4: We've got another one coming right up.

696
00:32:55,000 --> 00:32:57,640
Speaker 3: My husband is torn between a once in a lifetime

697
00:32:57,680 --> 00:33:00,560
Speaker 3: opportunity and being there for our baby.

698
00:33:00,840 --> 00:33:03,360
Speaker 4: Baby, baby, baby. Oh.

699
00:33:03,600 --> 00:33:06,479
Speaker 3: My husband and I are expecting our first baby together

700
00:33:06,680 --> 00:33:09,560
Speaker 3: later this year after trying for a while. He's in

701
00:33:09,600 --> 00:33:12,280
Speaker 3: the final stages of a training program for his career

702
00:33:12,320 --> 00:33:15,760
Speaker 3: and was offered a one time opportunity to attend an

703
00:33:15,760 --> 00:33:20,560
Speaker 3: instructor training that would set him up really well long term.

704
00:33:20,600 --> 00:33:23,760
Speaker 3: This isn't something he can take later due to timing.

705
00:33:24,120 --> 00:33:27,760
Speaker 3: This is truly his only chance. However, this isn't his

706
00:33:27,880 --> 00:33:30,600
Speaker 3: only path to becoming an instructor. It's just a better

707
00:33:30,640 --> 00:33:33,480
Speaker 3: and faster path on a national level. By the way,

708
00:33:33,560 --> 00:33:36,760
Speaker 3: this comes from Kachie and if you want to submit

709
00:33:36,760 --> 00:33:38,320
Speaker 3: your own story to go to the our slash Okay

710
00:33:38,320 --> 00:33:40,360
Speaker 3: storytime subreda. I'm Savannah, I'm.

711
00:33:40,320 --> 00:33:42,640
Speaker 5: Dakota, I'm Keon, and we are here to give some.

712
00:33:42,520 --> 00:33:44,960
Speaker 3: Good advice goofley, but we don't have all the answers.

713
00:33:45,320 --> 00:33:46,800
Speaker 3: We only tell you what we would do, but you

714
00:33:46,840 --> 00:33:48,160
Speaker 3: should let us know what you would do down in

715
00:33:48,160 --> 00:33:52,040
Speaker 3: the comments. As Opi says, the issue is the training

716
00:33:52,120 --> 00:33:55,400
Speaker 3: falls during the exact week our baby is due, and

717
00:33:55,440 --> 00:33:57,920
Speaker 3: he would need to travel out of state for a week.

718
00:33:58,120 --> 00:34:00,760
Speaker 3: He told me he'd let me decide I want to do,

719
00:34:00,840 --> 00:34:03,480
Speaker 3: but also explain that missing this could impact his long

720
00:34:03,560 --> 00:34:07,520
Speaker 3: term career path. He said he likely feels some animosity

721
00:34:07,600 --> 00:34:08,439
Speaker 3: if he doesn't go.

722
00:34:08,640 --> 00:34:10,360
Speaker 5: Hey, I let you decide, but if you do the

723
00:34:10,440 --> 00:34:12,960
Speaker 5: wrong one, I'm gonna be really upset.

724
00:34:13,280 --> 00:34:14,640
Speaker 4: Yeah that's front loading.

725
00:34:15,280 --> 00:34:16,839
Speaker 5: Yeah, but you have the option here.

726
00:34:17,120 --> 00:34:17,359
Speaker 4: Yeah.

727
00:34:17,400 --> 00:34:21,000
Speaker 3: There technically there are two chances, but really there's one.

728
00:34:20,920 --> 00:34:23,120
Speaker 4: Really really good one.

729
00:34:23,120 --> 00:34:25,120
Speaker 3: On my side. I told him, I don't think I

730
00:34:25,120 --> 00:34:27,440
Speaker 3: could get past him missing the birth of our child.

731
00:34:28,080 --> 00:34:30,399
Speaker 3: I really want my husband there for support, and this

732
00:34:30,480 --> 00:34:33,040
Speaker 3: is something we've been trying for and looking forward to.

733
00:34:33,560 --> 00:34:36,480
Speaker 3: He also mentioned that from his perspective, there's not much

734
00:34:36,520 --> 00:34:39,760
Speaker 3: he can physically do during the birth, which I understand

735
00:34:39,840 --> 00:34:43,239
Speaker 3: in a practical sense, but emotionally it still matters a

736
00:34:43,280 --> 00:34:44,439
Speaker 3: lot to me that he's there.

737
00:34:44,560 --> 00:34:47,239
Speaker 4: There's no way this dumbass just trying to go, Well,

738
00:34:47,400 --> 00:34:50,440
Speaker 4: I'm not a doctor. What am I gonna do deliver

739
00:34:50,600 --> 00:34:51,120
Speaker 4: the baby?

740
00:34:51,280 --> 00:34:54,080
Speaker 3: Yeah, he's like, well, technically there's not really much for

741
00:34:54,120 --> 00:34:56,840
Speaker 3: me to do. Then just stand there and show you support.

742
00:34:57,080 --> 00:34:59,560
Speaker 4: You get to choose being there for the birth of

743
00:34:59,560 --> 00:35:04,040
Speaker 4: your child or your career path is just faster because

744
00:35:04,080 --> 00:35:07,560
Speaker 4: there's another way to do this. You know which one

745
00:35:07,640 --> 00:35:10,680
Speaker 4: you should pick. Yeah, if going on this trip does

746
00:35:10,719 --> 00:35:13,600
Speaker 4: it make you ten million dollars, it's not worth it.

747
00:35:13,680 --> 00:35:16,640
Speaker 3: So now I feel stuck. If he goes, I'll be

748
00:35:16,719 --> 00:35:18,719
Speaker 3: hurt and don't know if I'll fully get over it.

749
00:35:19,120 --> 00:35:22,560
Speaker 3: If he stays, he may feel long term resentment. I

750
00:35:22,560 --> 00:35:25,360
Speaker 3: can see both sides, which is what makes this so hard.

751
00:35:25,760 --> 00:35:28,279
Speaker 3: Am I being unreasonable for wanting him there? No matter

752
00:35:28,320 --> 00:35:32,399
Speaker 3: what given that this is truly a one time career opportunity,

753
00:35:32,880 --> 00:35:35,799
Speaker 3: what would you do or how would you feel it's

754
00:35:35,840 --> 00:35:36,560
Speaker 3: not a one.

755
00:35:36,400 --> 00:35:38,879
Speaker 4: Time opportunity because he can get this stuff he needs

756
00:35:38,920 --> 00:35:39,960
Speaker 4: in a different way.

757
00:35:40,160 --> 00:35:41,200
Speaker 3: What are you talking about?

758
00:35:41,360 --> 00:35:44,040
Speaker 5: I don't know, kid, he just not do it? Could

759
00:35:44,040 --> 00:35:44,640
Speaker 5: you just ask?

760
00:35:45,080 --> 00:35:48,080
Speaker 4: You know, what's a one time opportunity being there when

761
00:35:48,120 --> 00:35:49,440
Speaker 4: your child is born? Nah?

762
00:35:49,520 --> 00:35:50,879
Speaker 5: But I could do that for my second child.

763
00:35:51,120 --> 00:35:53,600
Speaker 4: You can't put the kid back in once it's out.

764
00:35:53,640 --> 00:35:55,440
Speaker 5: It's out, honey, Can you wait?

765
00:35:55,719 --> 00:35:58,360
Speaker 4: Just hold it? This kind of attitude makes me question

766
00:35:58,440 --> 00:36:00,319
Speaker 4: the viability of your relationship as.

767
00:36:00,200 --> 00:36:03,320
Speaker 5: A whole and the viability of him as being a father.

768
00:36:03,800 --> 00:36:07,960
Speaker 3: Yes, okay, so I'm gonna play a devil's advocate because

769
00:36:08,160 --> 00:36:11,880
Speaker 3: if I was giving birth and my husband was like,

770
00:36:12,120 --> 00:36:14,560
Speaker 3: oh I just got this offer to be in this

771
00:36:14,640 --> 00:36:18,840
Speaker 3: multimillion movie blah blah blah and it shoots that week.

772
00:36:19,120 --> 00:36:24,120
Speaker 4: Yeah, different is situation entirely Okay, completely different. Yeah, go

773
00:36:24,239 --> 00:36:26,799
Speaker 4: be a millionaire movie star and set our family up

774
00:36:26,840 --> 00:36:29,600
Speaker 4: for limitless success. Go ahead and do that kind of

775
00:36:29,840 --> 00:36:33,120
Speaker 4: not at all. Really, it's like a meetup to get

776
00:36:33,120 --> 00:36:36,719
Speaker 4: a certification. That's nothing. That's just I get to do

777
00:36:36,760 --> 00:36:41,840
Speaker 4: it faster. Oops, baby, baby being barn can't do faster,

778
00:36:42,320 --> 00:36:46,480
Speaker 4: ip barn. Shouldn't it really shouldn't even be a question.

779
00:36:47,120 --> 00:36:49,160
Speaker 4: If there's any other way to get this thing done,

780
00:36:49,280 --> 00:36:52,400
Speaker 4: which there is, you know, then there should be no question.

781
00:36:52,760 --> 00:36:53,440
Speaker 3: There's an update.

782
00:36:53,760 --> 00:36:55,840
Speaker 2: Hey, it's Smiley right of the hear from Okay, storytime.

783
00:36:56,080 --> 00:36:58,560
Speaker 2: We're gonna get back to these stories. But here's three

784
00:36:58,640 --> 00:37:00,440
Speaker 2: minutes worth of ads FROMERSWS.

785
00:37:01,400 --> 00:37:05,080
Speaker 3: This training program truly is a one time opportunity for him.

786
00:37:05,520 --> 00:37:08,560
Speaker 3: He is an apprentice in the union. This is an

787
00:37:08,600 --> 00:37:11,440
Speaker 3: apprenticeship training program for future instructors.

788
00:37:11,480 --> 00:37:14,320
Speaker 5: So does a big question? Does this only happen once

789
00:37:14,440 --> 00:37:16,000
Speaker 5: every ten years?

790
00:37:16,040 --> 00:37:19,799
Speaker 3: Well, this only takes place one week a year and

791
00:37:20,080 --> 00:37:21,839
Speaker 3: happens to be the week I give birth.

792
00:37:21,960 --> 00:37:24,120
Speaker 5: Holy crap. You know what you do, and you know

793
00:37:24,200 --> 00:37:26,239
Speaker 5: what they say, there's always next year.

794
00:37:26,360 --> 00:37:28,040
Speaker 4: Good things come to those who wait.

795
00:37:28,480 --> 00:37:30,960
Speaker 5: If it's like once at every ten years or once

796
00:37:31,080 --> 00:37:34,320
Speaker 5: like dude, every even five years, maybe, but this is

797
00:37:34,360 --> 00:37:37,880
Speaker 5: once a year, a week, once a year. I get it. Yeah,

798
00:37:37,920 --> 00:37:39,959
Speaker 5: but you know what, what's one year?

799
00:37:40,239 --> 00:37:42,360
Speaker 4: This guy's talking about working for a union too. This

800
00:37:42,560 --> 00:37:45,480
Speaker 4: not going anywhere. Your job's gonna be there.

801
00:37:45,680 --> 00:37:48,960
Speaker 3: This also happens to be his last year as an apprentice,

802
00:37:49,000 --> 00:37:51,680
Speaker 3: so it truly is his only chance to take this program.

803
00:37:51,840 --> 00:37:54,520
Speaker 4: Damn it, we were wrong. We were wrong. Well, whatever,

804
00:37:54,560 --> 00:37:56,200
Speaker 4: if this is your last year is an apprentice, then

805
00:37:56,200 --> 00:37:58,839
Speaker 4: you got there's a new training program for you next

806
00:37:58,920 --> 00:38:01,640
Speaker 4: year for not a apprentices. Did deut?

807
00:38:02,239 --> 00:38:05,560
Speaker 3: I don't know. I guess, like, you can't really tell them, Hey,

808
00:38:06,239 --> 00:38:09,239
Speaker 3: my wife's going into labor that week. I can't really

809
00:38:09,280 --> 00:38:11,520
Speaker 3: be away, Like, is there any way you can like

810
00:38:11,680 --> 00:38:14,879
Speaker 3: send me this stuff? But I figured it doesn't hurt

811
00:38:14,880 --> 00:38:19,560
Speaker 3: to ask doubts as doesn't hurt to ask. This program

812
00:38:19,640 --> 00:38:22,680
Speaker 3: gets his name out there on a national level, fast

813
00:38:22,719 --> 00:38:25,960
Speaker 3: tracks him to being an instructor, and puts him on

814
00:38:25,960 --> 00:38:29,239
Speaker 3: a higher priority list for becoming an instructor. It is

815
00:38:29,280 --> 00:38:32,719
Speaker 3: not the only way to become an instructor, obviously, but

816
00:38:32,760 --> 00:38:35,160
Speaker 3: it does have its benefits. And there's a second update

817
00:38:35,560 --> 00:38:39,279
Speaker 3: update number two. Yes, this training truly is a one

818
00:38:39,320 --> 00:38:42,160
Speaker 3: time opportunity. It is only available to apprentices.

819
00:38:42,400 --> 00:38:45,279
Speaker 4: Hold on, what about all the other years He didn't

820
00:38:45,280 --> 00:38:46,760
Speaker 4: do it last year, didn't do the year before.

821
00:38:47,000 --> 00:38:51,120
Speaker 3: Oh yeah, that's true. He could have done it like before.

822
00:38:51,280 --> 00:38:53,520
Speaker 3: But the thing is, we can't focus on like what

823
00:38:53,600 --> 00:38:55,440
Speaker 3: he did before, because well.

824
00:38:55,320 --> 00:38:57,279
Speaker 4: Yeah, but it's like the thing where it's like, oh,

825
00:38:57,320 --> 00:38:59,160
Speaker 4: but this is the one time it's like, it's not

826
00:38:59,320 --> 00:39:01,960
Speaker 4: actually and now it's the consequence of you'd waited to

827
00:39:01,960 --> 00:39:03,719
Speaker 4: do it, and now it lines up with the birth

828
00:39:03,719 --> 00:39:07,279
Speaker 4: of your child, which, if you're a person, you know

829
00:39:07,320 --> 00:39:08,439
Speaker 4: which one you should pick.

830
00:39:08,800 --> 00:39:11,440
Speaker 3: It is a grant given to the Union Hall every

831
00:39:11,480 --> 00:39:14,360
Speaker 3: other year. In the Union Hall hand picks the member

832
00:39:14,480 --> 00:39:17,960
Speaker 3: that goes. My husband was hand picked this year. This

833
00:39:18,000 --> 00:39:20,839
Speaker 3: is also his last year as an apprentice. Okay, so

834
00:39:20,880 --> 00:39:24,520
Speaker 3: he truly does not have any other opportunity.

835
00:39:23,880 --> 00:39:27,759
Speaker 4: To go Okay, everything that we're saying gets debunked. I know,

836
00:39:28,320 --> 00:39:31,440
Speaker 4: I don't know, man, it's just I don't know, you

837
00:39:31,480 --> 00:39:33,640
Speaker 4: know what. All this would be different if your husband

838
00:39:33,640 --> 00:39:36,160
Speaker 4: didn't say that dumb thing. But well, if you don't

839
00:39:36,200 --> 00:39:38,839
Speaker 4: let me go, I might grow animosity forever and ever.

840
00:39:39,200 --> 00:39:43,080
Speaker 3: Yeah, I don't know. This is tough, truly very tough.

841
00:39:43,120 --> 00:39:44,760
Speaker 4: This is an attitude problem.

842
00:39:45,160 --> 00:39:49,160
Speaker 3: Yes, I am going to ask about induction. I don't

843
00:39:49,200 --> 00:39:51,680
Speaker 3: want my husband to miss that training program, but I

844
00:39:51,760 --> 00:39:55,160
Speaker 3: also will not risk my or my baby's health for

845
00:39:55,239 --> 00:39:59,200
Speaker 3: an unneeded early induction. Oh yeah, that's the other thing

846
00:39:59,239 --> 00:39:59,560
Speaker 3: she could.

847
00:39:59,640 --> 00:40:01,640
Speaker 4: I would even be surprised, as guy hit you with

848
00:40:01,680 --> 00:40:03,719
Speaker 4: the what we can always make another one.

849
00:40:04,200 --> 00:40:07,600
Speaker 3: But then also, even if you have an early induction,

850
00:40:08,200 --> 00:40:11,319
Speaker 3: you know, then you're just home by yourself for a

851
00:40:11,440 --> 00:40:16,480
Speaker 3: week with a newborn. That's still hard as well, like

852
00:40:16,560 --> 00:40:19,400
Speaker 3: trying to do it all by yourself. That's a lot.

853
00:40:19,680 --> 00:40:22,279
Speaker 3: If my doctor says no, then my doctor says no.

854
00:40:22,880 --> 00:40:25,680
Speaker 3: This is my first child, but it is not my

855
00:40:25,840 --> 00:40:31,520
Speaker 3: husband's first child. Oh oh, we needed that context.

856
00:40:31,640 --> 00:40:34,640
Speaker 5: We really didn't. I mean doesn't really change, it doesn't,

857
00:40:34,680 --> 00:40:37,440
Speaker 5: but it makes it for him. It does for him.

858
00:40:37,480 --> 00:40:38,920
Speaker 5: It's just like I've got it before.

859
00:40:39,239 --> 00:40:42,120
Speaker 3: Yeah, he was at the birth of every single one

860
00:40:42,160 --> 00:40:43,840
Speaker 3: of his other children's births.

861
00:40:43,840 --> 00:40:45,359
Speaker 5: Wait how many does he have?

862
00:40:45,800 --> 00:40:46,720
Speaker 4: I don't know seven.

863
00:40:47,000 --> 00:40:49,840
Speaker 3: So I also have strong feelings because of that this

864
00:40:49,960 --> 00:40:53,200
Speaker 3: training program opportunity, while once in a lifetime, is not

865
00:40:53,400 --> 00:40:57,720
Speaker 3: necessary for his opportunity to becoming an instructor. I've already

866
00:40:57,719 --> 00:41:00,440
Speaker 3: mentioned this, but just saying it again. We are not

867
00:41:00,480 --> 00:41:03,520
Speaker 3: struggling financially by any means. We own a house, we

868
00:41:03,600 --> 00:41:06,840
Speaker 3: have two brand new vehicles. I make almost six figures

869
00:41:06,880 --> 00:41:10,239
Speaker 3: myself at my job, and him being union allows him

870
00:41:10,239 --> 00:41:13,280
Speaker 3: to make anywhere between eighty doing one hundred and fifty

871
00:41:13,719 --> 00:41:15,160
Speaker 3: plus a year.

872
00:41:16,360 --> 00:41:17,800
Speaker 4: Yeah, you guys are fine.

873
00:41:18,280 --> 00:41:21,680
Speaker 3: Him becoming an instructor will not line or pockets drastically.

874
00:41:21,880 --> 00:41:24,279
Speaker 3: It's a few extra hundred dollars a month.

875
00:41:24,360 --> 00:41:26,560
Speaker 4: Oh my god, that's it.

876
00:41:26,640 --> 00:41:29,640
Speaker 5: No, that's it. That's all on the line is he

877
00:41:29,719 --> 00:41:32,040
Speaker 5: can make a few hundred dollars extra a month.

878
00:41:32,320 --> 00:41:35,880
Speaker 3: No, but at the cost of missing our child's birth.

879
00:41:36,000 --> 00:41:38,120
Speaker 5: But he's done it multiple times, He's seen it.

880
00:41:38,239 --> 00:41:39,200
Speaker 4: It's at every other birth.

881
00:41:39,320 --> 00:41:41,520
Speaker 5: He's like, it's not my first roudio, I've seen it.

882
00:41:41,520 --> 00:41:44,160
Speaker 5: It's not that fun. Honestly, I'm tired of it. Kind

883
00:41:44,200 --> 00:41:44,440
Speaker 5: of thing.

884
00:41:44,880 --> 00:41:48,080
Speaker 3: To abandon your wife. I don't care, like how many

885
00:41:48,160 --> 00:41:51,960
Speaker 3: times you've seen birth happen, But to abandon your wife

886
00:41:52,440 --> 00:41:57,600
Speaker 3: on her first birth, that is something that she does

887
00:41:57,680 --> 00:41:59,800
Speaker 3: not forget, that she will not forget.

888
00:42:00,080 --> 00:42:02,520
Speaker 5: Yeah, when he said that ultimatum about if you do,

889
00:42:02,640 --> 00:42:05,080
Speaker 5: it'll make me upset, you should have responded with, yeah,

890
00:42:05,160 --> 00:42:07,680
Speaker 5: if I choose an option here, you're gonna make me upset.

891
00:42:07,840 --> 00:42:13,160
Speaker 3: Yeah. Like, I feel bad because when my brother had

892
00:42:13,200 --> 00:42:17,200
Speaker 3: like his baby, my sister in law felt so alone,

893
00:42:17,480 --> 00:42:20,040
Speaker 3: like he was there obviously, but she's just like even

894
00:42:20,120 --> 00:42:22,200
Speaker 3: then when he would leave to go home to get

895
00:42:22,280 --> 00:42:24,560
Speaker 3: sleep and I'd be in the hospital room, She's like,

896
00:42:24,600 --> 00:42:26,680
Speaker 3: I hated it. I hated being alone. I kept thinking,

897
00:42:26,680 --> 00:42:29,960
Speaker 3: oh my god, he left, he left newborn hormones everywhere

898
00:42:30,280 --> 00:42:33,360
Speaker 3: in a space where you're not familiar, like, it's crazy.

899
00:42:33,680 --> 00:42:35,839
Speaker 3: I talked to my husband about my feelings last night.

900
00:42:36,200 --> 00:42:38,680
Speaker 3: He expressed to me that he will absolutely be at

901
00:42:38,680 --> 00:42:41,000
Speaker 3: our baby's birth and that he doesn't want to miss that,

902
00:42:41,239 --> 00:42:43,480
Speaker 3: but that yes, of course, he would be upset if

903
00:42:43,480 --> 00:42:47,040
Speaker 3: he missed this opportunity, not upset at me, just at

904
00:42:47,040 --> 00:42:50,960
Speaker 3: the situation in general, which I of course understand. This

905
00:42:51,120 --> 00:42:53,120
Speaker 3: is truly a rock and a hard place, and it

906
00:42:53,200 --> 00:42:54,440
Speaker 3: really really sucks.

907
00:42:54,880 --> 00:42:58,240
Speaker 4: Your husband is being dumb for an extra couple hundred

908
00:42:58,280 --> 00:43:02,319
Speaker 4: bucks a week when y'all already make combined like two

909
00:43:02,400 --> 00:43:05,640
Speaker 4: hundred k. What are we talking about? And he can

910
00:43:05,719 --> 00:43:09,600
Speaker 4: still get it done. It's just not gonna be through this.

911
00:43:10,280 --> 00:43:13,000
Speaker 4: What are we talking about? Call his mom?

912
00:43:13,320 --> 00:43:15,719
Speaker 3: Mmm, that's true. He could tell the family, get the

913
00:43:15,719 --> 00:43:18,680
Speaker 3: family on your side, tell on him, but also your

914
00:43:18,680 --> 00:43:21,359
Speaker 3: two grown adults, like you don't want family drama to.

915
00:43:21,320 --> 00:43:23,400
Speaker 5: Become like I don't know. He's a grown adult, but

916
00:43:23,440 --> 00:43:25,719
Speaker 5: he can't make up his mind about what he wants

917
00:43:25,760 --> 00:43:26,200
Speaker 5: to do here.

918
00:43:26,480 --> 00:43:29,479
Speaker 4: He's prioritizing it. You know what it is. It's because

919
00:43:29,520 --> 00:43:32,080
Speaker 4: he got handpicked. So he's like, well, if I don't

920
00:43:32,120 --> 00:43:35,360
Speaker 4: call only guys at the union, they won't like me.

921
00:43:35,840 --> 00:43:38,200
Speaker 4: Did you tell him that you're having a baby.

922
00:43:38,480 --> 00:43:42,080
Speaker 5: That's also crazy to be like, hey, ope, I want

923
00:43:42,120 --> 00:43:42,800
Speaker 5: you to decide.

924
00:43:43,120 --> 00:43:45,960
Speaker 3: Yeah, and then also say, but you know, there's only

925
00:43:46,000 --> 00:43:49,080
Speaker 3: one decision that's gonna make me happy. I told him

926
00:43:49,080 --> 00:43:51,439
Speaker 3: that he cannot put that decision on me and that's

927
00:43:51,440 --> 00:43:55,120
Speaker 3: something he needs to decide, and he said that we

928
00:43:55,480 --> 00:43:57,680
Speaker 3: need to decide it together. So we talked about it

929
00:43:57,719 --> 00:44:00,239
Speaker 3: and came to an agreement that we will play it

930
00:44:00,280 --> 00:44:00,840
Speaker 3: by ear.

931
00:44:01,080 --> 00:44:01,880
Speaker 4: That's the watch.

932
00:44:02,239 --> 00:44:03,000
Speaker 5: That's the worst.

933
00:44:03,120 --> 00:44:05,799
Speaker 3: You didn't make a decision, You've done nothing. We're gonna

934
00:44:05,800 --> 00:44:06,600
Speaker 3: play it by ear.

935
00:44:06,960 --> 00:44:10,120
Speaker 4: Okay, well we're gonna play it by his ear.

936
00:44:10,520 --> 00:44:10,719
Speaker 3: Yeah.

937
00:44:11,400 --> 00:44:11,440
Speaker 5: Ugh.

938
00:44:11,880 --> 00:44:14,440
Speaker 3: He will plan to go and if baby isn't born

939
00:44:14,480 --> 00:44:16,759
Speaker 3: by the time he has to leave, he will still go.

940
00:44:16,880 --> 00:44:19,279
Speaker 3: But if I go into labor and call, he is

941
00:44:19,320 --> 00:44:20,839
Speaker 3: to be on a plane asap.

942
00:44:21,200 --> 00:44:24,799
Speaker 4: It's a terrible plan. Your husband is selfish, So.

943
00:44:24,960 --> 00:44:27,279
Speaker 3: He is going to miss the birth of your first child.

944
00:44:27,440 --> 00:44:29,839
Speaker 3: Just know that you just gave him permission to miss

945
00:44:29,880 --> 00:44:31,440
Speaker 3: the birth of your first child.

946
00:44:31,480 --> 00:44:33,400
Speaker 5: The worst outcomes.

947
00:44:33,120 --> 00:44:35,560
Speaker 4: Selfish, selfish, selfish husband.

948
00:44:35,960 --> 00:44:38,920
Speaker 3: I understand that child birth dates are up in the

949
00:44:38,960 --> 00:44:41,680
Speaker 3: air and not guaranteed. I'd hate for him to not

950
00:44:41,800 --> 00:44:44,160
Speaker 3: go at all and then our baby not even be

951
00:44:44,239 --> 00:44:47,000
Speaker 3: born until after the program is over. At least with

952
00:44:47,040 --> 00:44:49,919
Speaker 3: this option, he at least had the opportunity to go.

953
00:44:51,080 --> 00:44:54,839
Speaker 4: Yeah, so that we can change nothing about our financial

954
00:44:54,880 --> 00:44:58,600
Speaker 4: picture and he can just get this certification or get

955
00:44:58,640 --> 00:45:00,440
Speaker 4: on this list whatever faster.

956
00:45:00,960 --> 00:45:01,200
Speaker 3: Yeah.

957
00:45:01,480 --> 00:45:04,320
Speaker 4: No, I'm bad. I don't I'm bad.

958
00:45:04,560 --> 00:45:08,040
Speaker 3: Think this was not a good conversation because it really

959
00:45:08,080 --> 00:45:11,560
Speaker 3: didn't come to any agreement. It was more like, hey,

960
00:45:12,200 --> 00:45:14,640
Speaker 3: we you know, we should just play it by year. Yeah,

961
00:45:14,680 --> 00:45:17,160
Speaker 3: like we should just guess. It was an agreement that

962
00:45:17,280 --> 00:45:18,400
Speaker 3: I get to do what I want.

963
00:45:18,800 --> 00:45:20,840
Speaker 4: I agree, so we agree that I basically get what

964
00:45:20,920 --> 00:45:22,040
Speaker 4: I want no matter what.

965
00:45:22,200 --> 00:45:25,080
Speaker 3: Right, Yeah, great, It wasn't an agreement at all. It

966
00:45:25,120 --> 00:45:27,399
Speaker 3: was to appease his needs and what he wanted to see.

967
00:45:27,400 --> 00:45:29,840
Speaker 4: This is gonna ruin your guys' marriage. This is gonna

968
00:45:29,840 --> 00:45:32,400
Speaker 4: bubble up over and over again. No matter what happens,

969
00:45:32,600 --> 00:45:36,800
Speaker 4: he misses his stupid training thing. Great, he gets feisty

970
00:45:36,800 --> 00:45:39,600
Speaker 4: about that, he misses the birth of your child and

971
00:45:39,680 --> 00:45:40,640
Speaker 4: leaves you alone.

972
00:45:40,800 --> 00:45:43,600
Speaker 5: I did look this up. It's pretty fresh. This is

973
00:45:43,960 --> 00:45:47,480
Speaker 5: from like three weeks ago. Oh and just the comments

974
00:45:47,480 --> 00:45:49,280
Speaker 5: are just grilling online.

975
00:45:49,360 --> 00:45:53,680
Speaker 4: Yeah, sure, the comments are ripping into the husband.

976
00:45:54,040 --> 00:45:56,839
Speaker 5: One of the top comments here is quoting he'd let

977
00:45:56,880 --> 00:45:59,560
Speaker 5: me decide what I want to do, quoting Ope. This

978
00:45:59,640 --> 00:46:04,279
Speaker 5: is from Kea nineteen eighty one, saying, no, make him decide.

979
00:46:04,360 --> 00:46:08,239
Speaker 5: It's his training opportunity, but it's also his child. He

980
00:46:08,280 --> 00:46:10,319
Speaker 5: gets to decide which is more important. And obviously he's

981
00:46:10,360 --> 00:46:11,040
Speaker 5: already decided.

982
00:46:11,200 --> 00:46:13,200
Speaker 3: Yeah, he doesn't want to be the bad guy, and

983
00:46:13,239 --> 00:46:14,080
Speaker 3: I hate that.

984
00:46:14,320 --> 00:46:15,160
Speaker 5: He is the bad guy.

985
00:46:15,239 --> 00:46:17,040
Speaker 3: Yeah, you are the bad guy. You're still the bad

986
00:46:17,040 --> 00:46:19,319
Speaker 3: guy no matter what you choose, unless you choose to

987
00:46:19,360 --> 00:46:22,000
Speaker 3: be there for your wife and child. But that is

988
00:46:22,040 --> 00:46:24,880
Speaker 3: the end of that story. And we got another one coming.

989
00:46:24,719 --> 00:46:27,200
Speaker 4: Right, and may this never find me in my life.

990
00:46:27,440 --> 00:46:28,520
Speaker 5: All right, here we go.

991
00:46:28,760 --> 00:46:33,080
Speaker 1: Hey, it's Carly, your favorite Axelatel host. Here we're going

992
00:46:33,080 --> 00:46:35,320
Speaker 1: to get back to the stories. But here's three minutes

993
00:46:35,320 --> 00:46:37,000
Speaker 1: of ads from our sponsors.

994
00:46:37,400 --> 00:46:41,279
Speaker 4: My wife accumulated secret debt while I was deployed. She

995
00:46:41,360 --> 00:46:42,840
Speaker 4: had no explanation.

996
00:46:43,440 --> 00:46:45,120
Speaker 3: Oh, where's the money going?

997
00:46:45,280 --> 00:46:49,719
Speaker 4: Wifie, My male thirty wife, female thirty is a stay

998
00:46:49,719 --> 00:46:52,120
Speaker 4: at home mom to our two kids, two years old

999
00:46:52,160 --> 00:46:55,719
Speaker 4: and eight months. I'm military and have been gone from

1000
00:46:55,760 --> 00:46:58,840
Speaker 4: most of the past year, and things have been pretty rocky.

1001
00:46:59,480 --> 00:47:03,560
Speaker 4: She's brought up divorce in our last fight fun. She's

1002
00:47:03,640 --> 00:47:05,279
Speaker 4: been a stay at home mom for about two and

1003
00:47:05,280 --> 00:47:07,239
Speaker 4: a half years now, and I've been okay with that

1004
00:47:07,320 --> 00:47:09,880
Speaker 4: since I've made enough to make ends meet. We have

1005
00:47:09,920 --> 00:47:12,880
Speaker 4: a joint bank account and recently, ever since I got back,

1006
00:47:13,320 --> 00:47:15,520
Speaker 4: money has been tight. By the way, this comes Tom

1007
00:47:15,560 --> 00:47:18,040
Speaker 4: User Embarrassed Fact twenty one fifty four. If you want

1008
00:47:18,080 --> 00:47:19,399
Speaker 4: us meet your own stories, go to the our slash

1009
00:47:19,400 --> 00:47:22,879
Speaker 4: Okay storytime subrendit. I'm Dakota, I'm Savannah, I'm Keon. I'm

1010
00:47:22,880 --> 00:47:25,040
Speaker 4: gonna read this story. We're all gonna talk about it.

1011
00:47:25,040 --> 00:47:27,239
Speaker 4: We're gonna have our thoughts. We don't know everything, so

1012
00:47:27,400 --> 00:47:29,920
Speaker 4: why don't you have your own thoughts in the comments

1013
00:47:30,320 --> 00:47:33,880
Speaker 4: and let us know what you know? OPI says I

1014
00:47:33,920 --> 00:47:36,879
Speaker 4: saw her walking upstairs with pen and paper, and since

1015
00:47:36,920 --> 00:47:39,279
Speaker 4: this is unusual for her, I asked what that was

1016
00:47:39,320 --> 00:47:43,120
Speaker 4: for and she replied, just for finances. Since I'm the

1017
00:47:43,160 --> 00:47:46,480
Speaker 4: sole provider, I was interested what for, and she said

1018
00:47:46,640 --> 00:47:49,600
Speaker 4: it was for her credit card debt. I asked how

1019
00:47:49,680 --> 00:47:54,000
Speaker 4: much she had and she said seventeen thousand dollars.

1020
00:47:55,440 --> 00:47:58,040
Speaker 3: How do people do that? I like, if I don't

1021
00:47:58,080 --> 00:48:01,799
Speaker 3: pay things back immediately, I get so stressed. Yeah, it's

1022
00:48:01,840 --> 00:48:04,240
Speaker 3: seventeen dollars doll done.

1023
00:48:04,800 --> 00:48:08,719
Speaker 4: My jaw hit the floor. When I asked on what

1024
00:48:09,239 --> 00:48:11,400
Speaker 4: she couldn't give me a straight answer. But if it

1025
00:48:11,440 --> 00:48:14,040
Speaker 4: was anything like her past, it's just random junk from

1026
00:48:14,080 --> 00:48:16,440
Speaker 4: TJ Max thrift stores and Target.

1027
00:48:17,040 --> 00:48:17,320
Speaker 3: Yeah.

1028
00:48:17,440 --> 00:48:18,799
Speaker 5: Ah, the three t's.

1029
00:48:19,400 --> 00:48:21,719
Speaker 4: The three t's of the financial apocalypse.

1030
00:48:22,040 --> 00:48:24,520
Speaker 3: It's that's very true. I am guilty of that.

1031
00:48:24,920 --> 00:48:28,399
Speaker 4: The past three months, we've overdrawn our checking account every

1032
00:48:28,400 --> 00:48:31,680
Speaker 4: month because of her impulse purchases. Every time I bring

1033
00:48:31,719 --> 00:48:34,760
Speaker 4: it up, she gets very defensive and ends up being

1034
00:48:34,760 --> 00:48:38,120
Speaker 4: a fight. Last summer, I consolidated our credit card debt

1035
00:48:38,120 --> 00:48:40,680
Speaker 4: into a thirty two thousand dollars loan with a lower

1036
00:48:40,719 --> 00:48:43,600
Speaker 4: interest rate and have been making payments on that ever

1037
00:48:43,680 --> 00:48:47,360
Speaker 4: since we both had two credit cards. We agreed to

1038
00:48:47,440 --> 00:48:51,600
Speaker 4: freeze one and only use one each. She never froze

1039
00:48:51,640 --> 00:48:56,520
Speaker 4: the other one and continued to use both cards. Wow,

1040
00:48:56,719 --> 00:48:59,640
Speaker 4: so you already are paying thirty two thousand dollars of

1041
00:48:59,680 --> 00:49:02,800
Speaker 4: credit dead off and she added seventeen.

1042
00:49:02,440 --> 00:49:03,280
Speaker 5: It's almost fifteen.

1043
00:49:03,320 --> 00:49:07,640
Speaker 4: Oh god, I'm military and left for eight months. And

1044
00:49:07,680 --> 00:49:10,400
Speaker 4: she went and stayed at my parents, where most groceries

1045
00:49:10,440 --> 00:49:13,000
Speaker 4: were taken care of, with the exception of baby formula,

1046
00:49:13,360 --> 00:49:17,279
Speaker 4: so I couldn't see daily spending habits. My parents said

1047
00:49:17,320 --> 00:49:21,560
Speaker 4: there were boxes of Amazon packages nearly every day. Though

1048
00:49:22,360 --> 00:49:25,759
Speaker 4: I feel betrayed, I'm mad. I don't know what to

1049
00:49:25,800 --> 00:49:28,759
Speaker 4: think right now. Am I wrong to feel like she

1050
00:49:28,880 --> 00:49:31,200
Speaker 4: needs to get a part time or full time job

1051
00:49:31,480 --> 00:49:34,880
Speaker 4: and get separate bank accounts? I would obviously cover bills

1052
00:49:34,920 --> 00:49:36,799
Speaker 4: and expenses, but I don't know how to correct her

1053
00:49:36,800 --> 00:49:40,800
Speaker 4: financial problem. We basically break even as it is help

1054
00:49:41,320 --> 00:49:46,000
Speaker 4: and there's an update. Yeah, do that. I would think

1055
00:49:46,080 --> 00:49:51,680
Speaker 4: she isn't allowed to spend any money unless it's literally preapproved.

1056
00:49:52,000 --> 00:49:55,920
Speaker 4: She has lost her right to any semblance of a

1057
00:49:56,040 --> 00:49:57,920
Speaker 4: joint bank account or joint spending.

1058
00:49:58,239 --> 00:50:01,400
Speaker 3: Yeah, it's just that she's been so so careless with money,

1059
00:50:01,440 --> 00:50:04,080
Speaker 3: and you're out there trying to like do your job

1060
00:50:04,280 --> 00:50:07,120
Speaker 3: and make sure that you're still providing for your family

1061
00:50:07,160 --> 00:50:09,319
Speaker 3: even though you can't be there. And then you come

1062
00:50:09,360 --> 00:50:11,960
Speaker 3: back and she's like, by the way, I'm seventeen thousand

1063
00:50:12,040 --> 00:50:15,320
Speaker 3: dollars in credit card debt, and it's like, what happened

1064
00:50:15,320 --> 00:50:17,680
Speaker 3: while I was gone? What do you like? What are

1065
00:50:17,680 --> 00:50:18,200
Speaker 3: you doing?

1066
00:50:19,320 --> 00:50:22,000
Speaker 4: Update? Last night? I told her I didn't want to

1067
00:50:22,000 --> 00:50:24,120
Speaker 4: speak to her about this because I don't want to

1068
00:50:24,200 --> 00:50:27,200
Speaker 4: say something out of emotion and something I don't mean.

1069
00:50:27,840 --> 00:50:30,920
Speaker 4: And I got this as a response, go ahead and

1070
00:50:31,000 --> 00:50:33,880
Speaker 4: say what you want because you're clearly thinking it. I

1071
00:50:33,960 --> 00:50:36,239
Speaker 4: know I don't work, I don't make money, and I'm

1072
00:50:36,280 --> 00:50:39,160
Speaker 4: sorry for that. I'm the one to blame. I will

1073
00:50:39,160 --> 00:50:42,120
Speaker 4: go to work, I have no problem with that. Then

1074
00:50:42,200 --> 00:50:45,120
Speaker 4: help me find a daycare and finish applying for the childcare.

1075
00:50:45,320 --> 00:50:47,279
Speaker 4: I've done a lot in this and you haven't been

1076
00:50:47,320 --> 00:50:49,680
Speaker 4: any help with it. These are our kids, and this

1077
00:50:49,840 --> 00:50:53,759
Speaker 4: part of it isn't easy. Everyone in this world has debt. Unfortunately,

1078
00:50:54,239 --> 00:50:56,200
Speaker 4: I'm not proud of it, but it's something that doesn't

1079
00:50:56,200 --> 00:50:57,960
Speaker 4: you could just go away in a few years, as

1080
00:50:58,040 --> 00:50:59,359
Speaker 4: much as we would like it too.

1081
00:51:00,000 --> 00:51:03,520
Speaker 5: And I go, oh wow, my brain just melted from that.

1082
00:51:03,880 --> 00:51:06,680
Speaker 3: But you also spent that amount of money over the

1083
00:51:06,719 --> 00:51:07,879
Speaker 3: course of how many years.

1084
00:51:08,160 --> 00:51:10,160
Speaker 5: It's the thing of debt won't go away as long

1085
00:51:10,160 --> 00:51:11,120
Speaker 5: as you keep adding debt.

1086
00:51:11,520 --> 00:51:13,879
Speaker 4: You know what, I didn't get a I didn't get

1087
00:51:13,880 --> 00:51:18,920
Speaker 4: a single sniff of any accountability in that text message.

1088
00:51:19,000 --> 00:51:19,520
Speaker 3: No nothing.

1089
00:51:20,000 --> 00:51:22,760
Speaker 4: She literally tried to say, debt is like a cosmic

1090
00:51:22,880 --> 00:51:24,160
Speaker 4: force that just happens to.

1091
00:51:24,160 --> 00:51:28,600
Speaker 3: People, and then also was like, well, I've been doing

1092
00:51:28,680 --> 00:51:32,799
Speaker 3: all this research into finding a job, so like if

1093
00:51:32,840 --> 00:51:35,160
Speaker 3: I'm gonna do all this research, then you have to

1094
00:51:35,200 --> 00:51:37,680
Speaker 3: take care of the kids and find a nanny and

1095
00:51:37,680 --> 00:51:39,400
Speaker 3: find daycare and do all this stuff. And it's like,

1096
00:51:39,640 --> 00:51:43,080
Speaker 3: what you are a stay at home mom? Not saying that,

1097
00:51:43,200 --> 00:51:46,200
Speaker 3: like you're not doing anything, because apparently you are. You're

1098
00:51:46,239 --> 00:51:48,840
Speaker 3: buying stuff that you don't need and putting your family

1099
00:51:48,840 --> 00:51:51,399
Speaker 3: and debt when you have two kids to take care of.

1100
00:51:51,440 --> 00:51:55,759
Speaker 4: Your stay at home spender. Yeah, you're like, you need

1101
00:51:55,800 --> 00:51:58,080
Speaker 4: to help me out with this grab I've been deployed

1102
00:51:58,120 --> 00:51:59,040
Speaker 4: for eight months.

1103
00:51:59,280 --> 00:52:01,359
Speaker 5: Also, because she said she's a stay at home mom,

1104
00:52:01,640 --> 00:52:02,839
Speaker 5: whose money is she using?

1105
00:52:03,040 --> 00:52:04,200
Speaker 3: He's using his money.

1106
00:52:04,880 --> 00:52:07,400
Speaker 4: Ah, yeah, yeah, I don't know what's more frustrating and

1107
00:52:07,440 --> 00:52:11,960
Speaker 4: disturbing our financial situation, or her casualness and lack of

1108
00:52:12,000 --> 00:52:16,200
Speaker 4: responsibility or ownership for putting us in this situation. I

1109
00:52:16,280 --> 00:52:18,520
Speaker 4: make the most I ever have in my life right now,

1110
00:52:18,560 --> 00:52:21,799
Speaker 4: and yet this is the most upside down I've ever

1111
00:52:21,840 --> 00:52:26,839
Speaker 4: been in debt unreal. We've got some comments boil boy,

1112
00:52:26,880 --> 00:52:31,240
Speaker 4: I bet they're gonna be nice. Yeah, whatever, this guy's

1113
00:52:31,320 --> 00:52:35,000
Speaker 4: name is, read that droid seven K sixty FXD. She

1114
00:52:35,080 --> 00:52:38,400
Speaker 4: needs to go into the workforce, oh, he says. I agree.

1115
00:52:38,520 --> 00:52:40,840
Speaker 4: Since all the debt is in her name with her cards,

1116
00:52:40,880 --> 00:52:44,240
Speaker 4: I'm thinking separate accounts, and she solely uses her money

1117
00:52:44,320 --> 00:52:47,400
Speaker 4: to pay off her debt. K bar eight says I

1118
00:52:47,440 --> 00:52:51,040
Speaker 4: couldn't fathom seventeen thousand on useless purchases when you can't

1119
00:52:51,040 --> 00:52:54,120
Speaker 4: afford it. She doesn't even seem remorseful about it. You

1120
00:52:54,160 --> 00:52:56,479
Speaker 4: will be trapped in a cycle of credit card debt.

1121
00:52:56,840 --> 00:52:59,239
Speaker 4: Really think about whether or not you are better off

1122
00:52:59,280 --> 00:53:03,000
Speaker 4: cutting your laws now. Opie says, I really don't want

1123
00:53:03,000 --> 00:53:05,040
Speaker 4: it to come to that, but I agree with you.

1124
00:53:05,400 --> 00:53:08,480
Speaker 4: A partner is supposed to share loads and blows in life,

1125
00:53:09,120 --> 00:53:12,120
Speaker 4: and that's what we did last summer when we combined

1126
00:53:12,160 --> 00:53:15,640
Speaker 4: our debt and took that loan. This seventeen thousand is

1127
00:53:15,680 --> 00:53:18,120
Speaker 4: a ton of money with nothing to show for it.

1128
00:53:18,560 --> 00:53:21,480
Speaker 4: I'm just so upset at her selfishness and lack of

1129
00:53:21,600 --> 00:53:26,840
Speaker 4: thought about our family. KADK set two one six. What

1130
00:53:27,000 --> 00:53:30,000
Speaker 4: was the debt from before? Was that also from her spending?

1131
00:53:30,440 --> 00:53:34,399
Speaker 4: Opie says yes. When I consolidated our debt, she did

1132
00:53:34,440 --> 00:53:38,320
Speaker 4: have an additional credit card with five thousand on it. However,

1133
00:53:38,520 --> 00:53:41,080
Speaker 4: that was interest free for the first year, so that

1134
00:53:41,200 --> 00:53:43,200
Speaker 4: was not part of the loan. When I saw our

1135
00:53:43,239 --> 00:53:46,480
Speaker 4: bank statements credit card payments, I was under the impression

1136
00:53:46,480 --> 00:53:49,320
Speaker 4: that she was making payments on that. She also purchased

1137
00:53:49,320 --> 00:53:52,400
Speaker 4: a bedroom set for four thousand, but I set aside

1138
00:53:52,440 --> 00:53:55,400
Speaker 4: money for her money to pay that. Little did I know,

1139
00:53:55,480 --> 00:53:58,720
Speaker 4: none of that went towards the set and funded another

1140
00:53:58,840 --> 00:54:02,120
Speaker 4: spending spree. And there's an update again six months later.

1141
00:54:02,280 --> 00:54:05,960
Speaker 4: Oh me, crap, that is dude, She's not gonna take

1142
00:54:06,080 --> 00:54:08,799
Speaker 4: a shred of accountability for this. I think you got

1143
00:54:08,800 --> 00:54:11,440
Speaker 4: to separate at the very least and be like, you

1144
00:54:11,640 --> 00:54:14,680
Speaker 4: have to learn how to not put our family in

1145
00:54:15,080 --> 00:54:16,280
Speaker 4: financial ruin.

1146
00:54:16,680 --> 00:54:18,879
Speaker 7: Yeah, because I mean then the kids are gonna grow

1147
00:54:18,960 --> 00:54:22,719
Speaker 7: up and be like this is okay, yeah, that and

1148
00:54:22,719 --> 00:54:25,480
Speaker 7: then also like, oh, we don't have money for food

1149
00:54:25,560 --> 00:54:28,040
Speaker 7: now because my mom bought a five thousand dollars couch

1150
00:54:28,160 --> 00:54:28,840
Speaker 7: for some reason.

1151
00:54:28,880 --> 00:54:30,200
Speaker 4: My mom's buying vases.

1152
00:54:30,640 --> 00:54:31,560
Speaker 5: Where are you gonna put them?

1153
00:54:31,600 --> 00:54:34,279
Speaker 3: We have three kitchen tables that we don't use.

1154
00:54:34,680 --> 00:54:37,720
Speaker 4: Update six months later. I wish I could say things

1155
00:54:37,719 --> 00:54:40,719
Speaker 4: have gotten better, but they haven't. After discovering how much

1156
00:54:40,760 --> 00:54:43,560
Speaker 4: debt she had accumulated over those last eleven months, and

1157
00:54:43,640 --> 00:54:46,880
Speaker 4: having our joint bank account overdrawn four consecutive months, I

1158
00:54:46,920 --> 00:54:50,040
Speaker 4: opened a separate bank account to start rebuilding our finances.

1159
00:54:50,320 --> 00:54:52,920
Speaker 4: I give her two hundred dollars every two weeks four

1160
00:54:53,000 --> 00:54:56,279
Speaker 4: hundred dollars a month to spend however she likes. I

1161
00:54:56,440 --> 00:55:00,040
Speaker 4: transferred all bills, insurance, and payments of any kind to

1162
00:55:00,120 --> 00:55:03,239
Speaker 4: draw from my separate account. I started doing all of

1163
00:55:03,239 --> 00:55:06,160
Speaker 4: the grocery shopping. We had a serious sit down conversation

1164
00:55:06,239 --> 00:55:09,279
Speaker 4: about her re entering the workforce but picking up a

1165
00:55:09,280 --> 00:55:12,480
Speaker 4: part time job to start paying towards her debt, and

1166
00:55:12,640 --> 00:55:15,200
Speaker 4: she hated the idea of going back to work because

1167
00:55:15,280 --> 00:55:17,960
Speaker 4: that's not what the plan was when we first had kids.

1168
00:55:18,480 --> 00:55:20,239
Speaker 4: The original plan was for her to be a stay

1169
00:55:20,280 --> 00:55:23,120
Speaker 4: at home mom until our kids two and one started

1170
00:55:23,160 --> 00:55:25,960
Speaker 4: going to school. Hey, that was the plan before you

1171
00:55:26,000 --> 00:55:27,440
Speaker 4: put us into crippling debt.

1172
00:55:27,800 --> 00:55:29,680
Speaker 3: Yeah what oops?

1173
00:55:29,800 --> 00:55:32,839
Speaker 4: I guess we have to pivot now because of your decisions.

1174
00:55:33,080 --> 00:55:36,160
Speaker 4: See how that works. She went through three jobs in

1175
00:55:36,239 --> 00:55:40,239
Speaker 4: three weeks, quitting hours before her shift through text. I

1176
00:55:40,360 --> 00:55:43,279
Speaker 4: was trying to take over her life and being controlling.

1177
00:55:43,640 --> 00:55:46,120
Speaker 4: She's found a new job since November and she works

1178
00:55:46,200 --> 00:55:50,160
Speaker 4: ten hours a week. So was she going to pay

1179
00:55:50,200 --> 00:55:53,240
Speaker 4: off her debt in fifty years?

1180
00:55:53,680 --> 00:55:54,520
Speaker 3: I mean truly.

1181
00:55:55,480 --> 00:55:59,040
Speaker 4: We started going to therapy in November as well. Therapists

1182
00:55:59,040 --> 00:56:02,360
Speaker 4: said this was a class case of financial infidelity, and

1183
00:56:02,440 --> 00:56:04,719
Speaker 4: she compares it to cheating, but with a credit card.

1184
00:56:05,040 --> 00:56:08,000
Speaker 4: She refuses to do our couple's homework with this because

1185
00:56:08,040 --> 00:56:10,600
Speaker 4: she says it's pointless and doesn't see the point in it.

1186
00:56:10,600 --> 00:56:13,640
Speaker 4: Despite me expressing my desires to. She told her parents

1187
00:56:13,680 --> 00:56:16,280
Speaker 4: about the situation, how I made a separate bank account

1188
00:56:16,320 --> 00:56:19,520
Speaker 4: from her and that I'm financially awful to her. I

1189
00:56:19,560 --> 00:56:21,719
Speaker 4: walked into a conversation my mother in law was having

1190
00:56:21,760 --> 00:56:24,360
Speaker 4: with the mail lady about me, and I can honestly

1191
00:56:24,400 --> 00:56:27,160
Speaker 4: say they no longer like me. I think you should

1192
00:56:27,200 --> 00:56:29,360
Speaker 4: sit down and have a conversation with them yourself to

1193
00:56:29,440 --> 00:56:32,640
Speaker 4: I would know your daughter is absolutely delusional.

1194
00:56:32,719 --> 00:56:35,320
Speaker 5: I would show them the receipts and you'd be like, cool,

1195
00:56:35,680 --> 00:56:37,239
Speaker 5: do you want to spend the money on this?

1196
00:56:37,360 --> 00:56:39,440
Speaker 4: Yeah? How about to send her back home and you

1197
00:56:39,440 --> 00:56:42,840
Speaker 4: could pay off the seventeen grand literally plus more? What

1198
00:56:42,920 --> 00:56:45,440
Speaker 4: are we talking about? She has picked up on her

1199
00:56:45,600 --> 00:56:49,239
Speaker 4: drinking and finishes a box wine in two days, regardless

1200
00:56:49,239 --> 00:56:52,080
Speaker 4: of the day. A couple times when she was wasted,

1201
00:56:52,120 --> 00:56:53,680
Speaker 4: she brought up how nice it would be if we

1202
00:56:53,719 --> 00:56:56,840
Speaker 4: moved back to Indiana, but can't because of my job.

1203
00:56:58,280 --> 00:56:58,680
Speaker 3: Brother.

1204
00:56:59,160 --> 00:57:02,200
Speaker 5: She's deflecting. She learned a new move deflection.

1205
00:57:02,760 --> 00:57:06,400
Speaker 3: She said, hmmm, how can I make this his fault?

1206
00:57:07,000 --> 00:57:09,879
Speaker 4: She's slapping the bag, bro, It's time to leave. Conversations

1207
00:57:09,920 --> 00:57:12,759
Speaker 4: between my wife and I are cold, basically outside of

1208
00:57:12,760 --> 00:57:14,799
Speaker 4: the kids, and once they go to bed, she goes

1209
00:57:14,880 --> 00:57:17,760
Speaker 4: upstairs and closes the door. She despises the idea of

1210
00:57:17,800 --> 00:57:20,840
Speaker 4: having two separate accounts and regularly threatens how she will

1211
00:57:20,880 --> 00:57:23,880
Speaker 4: not be with someone who has separate bank accounts. Good

1212
00:57:24,000 --> 00:57:27,640
Speaker 4: leave begne with you. Yeah, be careful with who you

1213
00:57:27,640 --> 00:57:28,280
Speaker 4: have kids with.

1214
00:57:28,520 --> 00:57:31,840
Speaker 3: Folks, it's like you cause this. I don't understand how

1215
00:57:31,880 --> 00:57:34,920
Speaker 3: you can possibly blame me for giving you the money

1216
00:57:35,440 --> 00:57:38,040
Speaker 3: and then you going behind my back and putting us

1217
00:57:38,280 --> 00:57:41,640
Speaker 3: in debt. But for some reason that's my fault. Did

1218
00:57:41,640 --> 00:57:44,720
Speaker 3: I give you too much power with the credit cards?

1219
00:57:44,720 --> 00:57:45,720
Speaker 3: Like I don't understand.

1220
00:57:46,000 --> 00:57:47,960
Speaker 4: I love how your therapist too, is like this was

1221
00:57:48,040 --> 00:57:50,680
Speaker 4: financial infidelity and you need to do homework and she's

1222
00:57:50,720 --> 00:57:52,520
Speaker 4: like this homework is stupid and won't do anything.

1223
00:57:52,720 --> 00:57:53,120
Speaker 3: Yeah.

1224
00:57:53,160 --> 00:57:56,200
Speaker 4: Recently and currently, I was put on a three month

1225
00:57:56,280 --> 00:57:59,200
Speaker 4: tour overseas and she quit her job, quit therapy, packed

1226
00:57:59,240 --> 00:58:01,440
Speaker 4: up her stuff and kids stuff, and went back to

1227
00:58:01,480 --> 00:58:04,480
Speaker 4: Indiana until I come back. Oh, so she just absconded

1228
00:58:04,480 --> 00:58:05,520
Speaker 4: with your children. That's great.

1229
00:58:05,600 --> 00:58:08,000
Speaker 3: Oh that's not legal.

1230
00:58:08,880 --> 00:58:13,520
Speaker 4: Things have gotten so unbelievably messy. Some more comments from op.

1231
00:58:14,320 --> 00:58:17,200
Speaker 4: We live in a state where debt stays with the individual,

1232
00:58:17,320 --> 00:58:19,160
Speaker 4: not the couple, so that's good.

1233
00:58:19,240 --> 00:58:19,720
Speaker 5: At least.

1234
00:58:20,160 --> 00:58:23,400
Speaker 4: Every day is like the Twilight Zone. Nothing she's doing

1235
00:58:23,440 --> 00:58:25,800
Speaker 4: is helping us come together as a team again, or

1236
00:58:25,880 --> 00:58:28,600
Speaker 4: working on herself or her mental health, to the point

1237
00:58:28,600 --> 00:58:31,880
Speaker 4: where if I don't one thousand percent praise every decision

1238
00:58:31,960 --> 00:58:35,880
Speaker 4: she makes and let alone question anything she does. It's

1239
00:58:36,000 --> 00:58:38,520
Speaker 4: me just trying to control her life. Kids do make

1240
00:58:38,560 --> 00:58:41,160
Speaker 4: this extremely tricky to navigate. But I would fight my

1241
00:58:41,240 --> 00:58:46,040
Speaker 4: hardest for full custody. Oh brother, Yeah, I would start

1242
00:58:46,080 --> 00:58:46,920
Speaker 4: talking to lawyers.

1243
00:58:47,160 --> 00:58:50,120
Speaker 5: Yeah, you can't this, just like your debt, you can't

1244
00:58:50,120 --> 00:58:50,760
Speaker 5: savage this.

1245
00:58:51,040 --> 00:58:53,360
Speaker 4: Yeah, she's lying to her family, she's lying to you.

1246
00:58:53,640 --> 00:58:56,240
Speaker 4: She is uprooting the kids and taking them back to

1247
00:58:56,280 --> 00:58:59,440
Speaker 4: Indiana until whenever she feels like it, not until you

1248
00:58:59,440 --> 00:58:59,840
Speaker 4: get back.

1249
00:59:00,160 --> 00:59:03,400
Speaker 3: The whole problem here is that she doesn't take accountability

1250
00:59:03,760 --> 00:59:07,520
Speaker 3: and then also doesn't try to resolve the problem. She's like,

1251
00:59:07,920 --> 00:59:10,360
Speaker 3: it's you, it's them, it's that.

1252
00:59:10,440 --> 00:59:14,320
Speaker 5: It's the there's dog crap right there. It stinks. I'm

1253
00:59:14,320 --> 00:59:16,600
Speaker 5: gonna add more crap. Yeah it still stinks.

1254
00:59:17,000 --> 00:59:17,240
Speaker 4: Yeah.

1255
00:59:17,280 --> 00:59:20,280
Speaker 5: And it's like, oh, OPI, it's your fault because you're

1256
00:59:20,320 --> 00:59:21,120
Speaker 5: the one who got the rug.

1257
00:59:21,240 --> 00:59:23,680
Speaker 3: Yeah, you know it's there, so why haven't you cleaned

1258
00:59:23,680 --> 00:59:24,000
Speaker 3: it up?

1259
00:59:24,320 --> 00:59:27,800
Speaker 4: What I don't like this. I could not continue to

1260
00:59:27,880 --> 00:59:31,040
Speaker 4: stand by and do nothing as the paycheck gets drained

1261
00:59:31,120 --> 00:59:34,080
Speaker 4: within the first five days of getting it. The we

1262
00:59:34,120 --> 00:59:36,479
Speaker 4: need to look at what we're spending money on. Talk

1263
00:59:36,720 --> 00:59:39,560
Speaker 4: was useless. The be more careful on what we're buying

1264
00:59:39,640 --> 00:59:43,920
Speaker 4: talk was useless, The budgeting was useless. At the end

1265
00:59:43,920 --> 00:59:46,000
Speaker 4: of the day, I needed to protect myself and our

1266
00:59:46,040 --> 00:59:49,520
Speaker 4: family financially and separate the accounts because we were just

1267
00:59:49,720 --> 00:59:50,760
Speaker 4: hemorrhaging money.

1268
00:59:51,160 --> 00:59:55,160
Speaker 5: Don't say we again. Yeah, stop saying we. It's all

1269
00:59:55,720 --> 00:59:56,680
Speaker 5: on her.

1270
00:59:57,120 --> 01:00:00,200
Speaker 4: In some of our final months, our therapists did suggest

1271
01:00:00,240 --> 01:00:02,600
Speaker 4: I stop the allowance because it can be building an

1272
01:00:02,640 --> 01:00:06,160
Speaker 4: unhealthy power dynamic in the relationship, and suggested my wife

1273
01:00:06,240 --> 01:00:09,920
Speaker 4: going back to work full time and having our kids' daycare.

1274
01:00:10,200 --> 01:00:12,000
Speaker 4: But my wife didn't want to put the kids in

1275
01:00:12,080 --> 01:00:14,960
Speaker 4: daycare full time, so she didn't do it and instead

1276
01:00:15,080 --> 01:00:18,520
Speaker 4: just kept on asking me for money or to rejoin

1277
01:00:19,120 --> 01:00:22,920
Speaker 4: the military. I don't know, or to rejoin. That's the

1278
01:00:23,000 --> 01:00:25,600
Speaker 4: end of that story. Your wife sucks, bro, fight for

1279
01:00:25,600 --> 01:00:29,120
Speaker 4: full custdy and leave her. That's crazy talk to a lawyer.

1280
01:00:29,480 --> 01:00:31,760
Speaker 3: She's not gonna change, it's just gonna continue to get

1281
01:00:31,760 --> 01:00:35,080
Speaker 3: worse because especially because you're not there to keep her

1282
01:00:35,640 --> 01:00:38,440
Speaker 3: like in check, and it's also not your job to

1283
01:00:38,440 --> 01:00:41,720
Speaker 3: do that. She is just using you at this point,

1284
01:00:42,200 --> 01:00:44,680
Speaker 3: and we'll just try every which way to just get

1285
01:00:44,720 --> 01:00:47,240
Speaker 3: what she wants. And that's just that's not a marriage,

1286
01:00:47,240 --> 01:00:48,920
Speaker 3: that's not love, that's not a family.

1287
01:00:49,240 --> 01:00:51,600
Speaker 4: It's not coming back. Yeah, and as soon as you

1288
01:00:51,640 --> 01:00:54,720
Speaker 4: do leave, she'll go I'll do anything, I'll change. Don't listen.

1289
01:00:54,880 --> 01:00:56,560
Speaker 4: You gotta leave, you gotta get out of there. She's

1290
01:00:56,560 --> 01:00:57,120
Speaker 4: not gonna change.

1291
01:00:57,160 --> 01:00:59,520
Speaker 5: So she has a job, she's just gonna be living

1292
01:00:59,560 --> 01:01:01,840
Speaker 5: in debt. Get them of your life. And you know what,

1293
01:01:02,000 --> 01:01:04,600
Speaker 5: that's not for you to take care of or fix.

1294
01:01:04,520 --> 01:01:07,440
Speaker 3: Not your responsibility. You tried, but that is the end

1295
01:01:07,480 --> 01:01:10,240
Speaker 3: of that story and the end of this episode. So

1296
01:01:10,440 --> 01:01:12,400
Speaker 3: if you love us, make sure to subscribe.

1297
01:01:12,520 --> 01:01:13,280
Speaker 4: We love you

1298
01:01:13,720 --> 01:01:15,200
Speaker 3: And see you tomorrow.