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Speaker 1: Yo, I'm Superman, but I'm not. Every man thinks they superman,

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Speaker 1: but they're not dead ass. Hey, I'm Cadine and we're

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Speaker 1: the ellis Is. You may know us from posting funny

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Speaker 1: videos with our boys and reading each other publicly as

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Speaker 1: a form of therapy. Wait, I'll make you need therapy

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Speaker 1: most days. Wow. And one more important thing to mention,

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Speaker 1: we're married. We are. We created this podcast to open

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Speaker 1: dialogue about some of life's most taboo topics, things most

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Speaker 1: folks don't want to talk about through the lens of

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Speaker 1: a millennium married couple. Dead As is the term that

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Speaker 1: we say every day. So when we say dead ass,

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Speaker 1: we're actually saying facts, the truth, the whole truth, and

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Speaker 1: nothing but the truth. Were about to take Phillow Talk

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Speaker 1: to a whole new level. Dead As starts right now.

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Speaker 1: Before I introduced the gentleman here to my left. Um,

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Speaker 1: I'm gonna tell a story that I know one of

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Speaker 1: the gentlemen can relate to because he's married and he

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Speaker 1: got mad kids just like me. Um. The gentleman in

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Speaker 1: the middle here is not married. He has a son,

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Speaker 1: but I don't know if he can relate to this story.

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Speaker 1: But I'm about to tell his story. My wife is

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Speaker 1: pregnant for the fourth time, right, and during the pregnancy,

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Speaker 1: I've adopted this saying whatever you want to do, babe,

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Speaker 1: you know, whatever you wanna do. So for the last

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Speaker 1: eight months, because she's eight months pregnant, I've just been saying, hey, hey,

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Speaker 1: and I've been smiling while I say it. What what

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Speaker 1: you were? You wanna do that? Hey, Let's let's go

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Speaker 1: do it. So for eight months we've been doing that.

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Speaker 1: Right this past weekend, it's going on the ninth month,

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Speaker 1: my best friend wants to come to town. So he's like, Yo, dee,

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Speaker 1: I'm gonna come check you. Coaudina and I had an

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Speaker 1: argument on Tuesday when he told me he was coming by,

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Speaker 1: So it was my fault. I neglected to tell her

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Speaker 1: he was coming by because we was already arguing about

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Speaker 1: something completely slipped my mind. Whenesday Thursday goes by, Friday

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Speaker 1: comes up, get a text message from Reef yo, I'm

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Speaker 1: gonna be by you at six thirty. I immediately said ah,

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Speaker 1: because I already knew the ships thought that was gonna

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Speaker 1: come down, right, I already knew, but I was like

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Speaker 1: the funk that it's my house a man my house.

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Speaker 1: I've been saying whatever you want, baby, eight months. It's

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Speaker 1: gonna be fine. So I said, with a very light voice,

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Speaker 1: say hey, babe, hey, you know you know Reef Reef

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Speaker 1: said he's gonna come by. And I tried to run

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Speaker 1: out the room and then she was like what happened.

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Speaker 1: I said, oh, yeah, Reef had mentioned that he was

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Speaker 1: gonna come by, and she was like, from Miami. He

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Speaker 1: just mentioned. I said, yeah, hear this man. She's gonna

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Speaker 1: come by and stay a couple of days. Then I

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Speaker 1: tried to leave and she was like and I was like,

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Speaker 1: what's up? And she was like stay weird and I

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Speaker 1: was like, oh, he's just gonna stay here downstairs. And

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Speaker 1: then she didn't even get mad. She just sucked her

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Speaker 1: teeth and said and it triggered me, right, It triggered me,

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Speaker 1: And I'm gonna be honest. I was in my feelings

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Speaker 1: because I spent eight months saying whatever you want to do, baby,

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Speaker 1: So now when I want to do something and I

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Speaker 1: gotta get teeth sucking and eye rolling and heavy breathing,

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Speaker 1: it triggered me. So I was like, what's the problem.

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Speaker 1: I can't have a friend over. And then act came

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Speaker 1: into like a whole argument for about two days, and

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Speaker 1: it made me realize I need to talk to some

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Speaker 1: other brothers. And then then this, this doesn't only happen

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Speaker 1: in pregnancy, as you know, this happens all the time

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Speaker 1: in marriage, right. It made me realize, like I spent

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Speaker 1: all this time trying to be Superman until I implode,

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Speaker 1: and then when I implode, I implode on the smallest thing.

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Speaker 1: And I'm trying to figure out why does that happen?

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Speaker 1: And I need you guys to help me with that.

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Speaker 1: So that's what we're gonna talk about today. We're gonna

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Speaker 1: take a quick break and when we come back, I

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Speaker 1: gonna introduce our guests and we're gonna get into this

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Speaker 1: topic being Superman. Karaoke time. I got a special karaoke

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Speaker 1: for you guys today. There's no words to this song,

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Speaker 1: but I'm pretty sure everyone's gonna know this song all right.

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Speaker 1: I was singing it early and the gentleman heard it.

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Speaker 1: All right, do you want to jump in? You can

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Speaker 1: feel free to jump in. Pause dah da, dun. Everybody

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Speaker 1: shouldn't know what that song is. Thing, what's the next part?

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Speaker 1: I forgot to tasty? I don't be watching White Superman

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Speaker 1: like that. They need to make a Black Superman. Maybe

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Speaker 1: if it was a black super where I'd note, but

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Speaker 1: it's gonna have a little more really, that's what I'm saying.

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Speaker 1: I'm Superman song would be better. They'd be like poomoom,

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Speaker 1: That's what I think it would be. To my left

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Speaker 1: here I got two gentlemen who I share the TV

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Speaker 1: screen with often. One is my arch nemesis on sisters,

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Speaker 1: so we're nemesisis. I don't know if it's nemesisis or

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Speaker 1: Nemesis it's numbers. It's never don't. But to my left

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Speaker 1: here is brother Kevin Walton, Kevin Walters also known as Walton,

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Speaker 1: Kevin Walton, also known as Aaron. That's the anti Zach.

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Speaker 1: To his left my man Trinity Boy at Trinity White Side,

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Speaker 1: also known as Rodeo. I gave him that name. The Cowboys,

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Speaker 1: my two brother sisters. Can we give yourselves a round

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Speaker 1: of applause? Clap yourselves up, so real, real quick before

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Speaker 1: we get into the meat of the show. Pause. Um,

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Speaker 1: I'm gonna probably gonna pause a lot because I'm not

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Speaker 1: on the show with two men and the same stuff

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Speaker 1: like that. Just you know, I gotta come to let

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Speaker 1: y'all know what it is, but I want you to

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Speaker 1: introduce yourself. Kevin has been running a not only some

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Speaker 1: men's group, but you are really big for the past

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Speaker 1: ten years, over ten years helping men heal because you

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Speaker 1: had some things happen in your life that pretty much

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Speaker 1: changed you and changed the trajectory of your life. So

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Speaker 1: can you talk a little bit about what you do

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Speaker 1: and how that's gonna help us today? Yeah, for sure.

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Speaker 1: So I I do transformation work, spiritual guidance, activational speaking,

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Speaker 1: and I have a practice I developed called Creatorhood that

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Speaker 1: I've been teaching over ten years and it's creator itself

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Speaker 1: the practices for everyone men, women, children, families. And then

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Speaker 1: over the past like um say, three four or five years,

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Speaker 1: we've I've started also specialize in focusing on on men

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Speaker 1: and and connected with the brothers that that started the

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Speaker 1: Sacred Son's Organization that I'm a leader in, and so

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Speaker 1: it became a container for men to be able to

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Speaker 1: really meet themselves fully in spaces of receiving support where

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Speaker 1: that isn't very offered to men and in a way

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Speaker 1: that's far more comprehensive, you know. So the important work um.

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Speaker 1: It is. It is because like being able to process emotions,

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Speaker 1: being able to know you have a safe space to

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Speaker 1: really work through the things that, especially for men, we

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Speaker 1: don't always have an avenue for or don't feel like

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Speaker 1: we do right, not in not in the home, or

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Speaker 1: in friendships. If there's that old mentality of how a

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Speaker 1: man supposed to be, and so we created a container

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Speaker 1: for men to really step in and understand what it

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Speaker 1: means to really be vulnerable and why that's the source

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Speaker 1: of our greatest strength, and why it's so important to

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Speaker 1: shift the old paradigms of how we've you know, how

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Speaker 1: we thought men to be and what that means to

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Speaker 1: be right that. So I'm glad you talked about paradigms

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Speaker 1: and what we think meant to be and how that's

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Speaker 1: going to change. There isn't There's a reason why I

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Speaker 1: have both of you guys here to your left, Trinity right.

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Speaker 1: I call Trinity to O G. He's been married. I'm

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Speaker 1: considered the O G typically everywhere I go because I've

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Speaker 1: been married for eleven years. But Trinity has been married

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Speaker 1: longer than me. He has grown children, and there's a

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Speaker 1: lot of times when I talk about things that I'm

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Speaker 1: going through Trinity and hit me with that. Yeah, I've

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Speaker 1: been there before, so he's kind of been like a

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Speaker 1: mentor in a lot of ways. Is what I can

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Speaker 1: look forward to when my kids grow up, Trinity. Can

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Speaker 1: you introduce yourself to everyone? Tell them I'm like my

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Speaker 1: man said, I played Preston a k A Rodeo on

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Speaker 1: the show. Um, my husband, father, like devoce, head of

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Speaker 1: three children. My daughter's twenty two. M My older son

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Speaker 1: is a freshman in college. He's eighteen, and my youngest

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Speaker 1: is thirteen. He's in the eighth grade. Um, a lot

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Speaker 1: of things that de Val has been through going through

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Speaker 1: I've been through. Um, they're just growing pains, you know,

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Speaker 1: and and as time passes, your wish for those times again. Um.

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Speaker 1: But as far as you know, being married, Um, it's

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Speaker 1: it's a lifetime commitment of trying. You know. Yeah, Yeah,

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Speaker 1: I got married age of twenty. I just celebrated my

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Speaker 1: nineteenth anniversary. Appreciate it. Yeah, And um it's it's And

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Speaker 1: when I say trying, it's not like a New Year's

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Speaker 1: resolution where it is you know, I'm gonna try to

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Speaker 1: lose weight, I'm gonna try to eat better. I'm gonna

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Speaker 1: try to achieve this or that. It's it's a lifetime

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Speaker 1: commitment of trying, because if you ever quit trying, then

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Speaker 1: you're headed from major problems. So let me ask you

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Speaker 1: a question. You heard the story I told, right, and

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Speaker 1: I told that story. This whole season has been dedicated

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Speaker 1: to pregnancy. But people think that that story is a

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Speaker 1: pregnancy story where your wife may just be emotional or

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Speaker 1: maybe the hormones. But no things like this happen all

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Speaker 1: the time. So do you have any story stories that

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Speaker 1: you can relate to as far as you trying to

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Speaker 1: be everything for your wife and you feel like the

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Speaker 1: minute you ask for something, it's a problem. Do you

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Speaker 1: have any stories like that? Oh? Man, look, I could

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Speaker 1: take up the whole show with story anything like that.

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Speaker 1: You know, being married nineteen years, those things they occur

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Speaker 1: on the regular. It's not like you said, a pregnancy story.

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Speaker 1: It could be a Tuesday morning story, you know, and

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Speaker 1: so we we could be out to eat, you know,

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Speaker 1: have a good time wine and dine, us spending quality

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Speaker 1: time together or something like that. I might have something

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Speaker 1: I need to take care of. Like you said, it's

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Speaker 1: kind of similar to what you said with your friend by.

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Speaker 1: You know, my wife really doesn't like unannounced company, and

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Speaker 1: so my dad could be coming boy to see the kids.

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Speaker 1: He could have told me it like noon, I'm at

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Speaker 1: the gym or something like that. Okay, yeah, sure, come

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Speaker 1: on by completely slips in my mind. I'm off at

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Speaker 1: the mall or getting their haircut of taking the kids

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Speaker 1: somewhere like that. And I talked to my wife about

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Speaker 1: six pm. She's like, your dad's at the door. I'm like,

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Speaker 1: my god, I'm like, yeah, he uh, he told me earlier.

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Speaker 1: I had meant to tell you. I was, um, you know,

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Speaker 1: I started to like like like when your kids are

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Speaker 1: trouble and they're trying to explain, you know, why they

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Speaker 1: didn't turn their homework, and I'm like, yeah, so, um,

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Speaker 1: I couldn't find my phone and you would I think

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Speaker 1: you was washing your hair. I didn't want to bother you,

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Speaker 1: and I was trying to tell you. But yeah, he

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Speaker 1: was coming back. He's just not He's not gonna stay long.

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Speaker 1: He'll be in and out to see the kids. And

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Speaker 1: I'm sitting there, I'm waiting on a response, and then

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Speaker 1: the worst response I can get a dead silence, and

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Speaker 1: so I'm like, yeah, just Uh, I'll be I'm I'm

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Speaker 1: my way at home. Do you need anything there? You

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Speaker 1: go there, you go get them something, get them something

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Speaker 1: you need to ring a car, anything on my way

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Speaker 1: home that I can get you to help ease this pain.

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Speaker 1: But let me ask you a question, though, because this

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Speaker 1: is how I feel sometimes, this is I'm gonna be

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Speaker 1: the most honest I've I've ever been, right as a

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Speaker 1: guy and a husband who is dedicated to servant and

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Speaker 1: being a certain lead servant leader. Because I see myself

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Speaker 1: as a leader of my house. I watched my grandfather

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Speaker 1: on my father's side be a leader. I watched my

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Speaker 1: father be a leader at the home. I've it's honorable

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Speaker 1: for me to do anything in my power to make

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Speaker 1: my wife happy. Right, it doesn't matter what she asked for,

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Speaker 1: doesn't matter when she asked for it. It's it's honorable

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Speaker 1: for me as the husband to say, I'm gonna make

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Speaker 1: that happen for her. So for me, sometimes I feel

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Speaker 1: like it's I feel taken for granted when I just

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Speaker 1: asked for something, and it's a problem because I don't

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Speaker 1: understand why it has to be a problem, Like why

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Speaker 1: do all the things I ask for have to be

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Speaker 1: done on your terms in order for it to be

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Speaker 1: done right. But when it comes to you as my wife,

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Speaker 1: you can just ask me off for women, and I

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Speaker 1: gotta make it happen. And I watched my grandfather go

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Speaker 1: through that with my grandmother. I watched my father go

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Speaker 1: through that with my mom, and it made me start

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Speaker 1: to wonder, like how how do we get here? And

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Speaker 1: you talked about paradigms. Remember you just talked about cardims.

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Speaker 1: Is it us as men? Is it our fault that

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Speaker 1: once you get married you just look to please your

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Speaker 1: wife and then when you don't get it reciprocated the

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Speaker 1: same way you like, you explode or implode. You know

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Speaker 1: what I'm saying, Like, is it is it us? It's both?

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Speaker 1: Like the thing about life is understanding ownership of self

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Speaker 1: first in every respect. So even with what you just suxpressed,

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Speaker 1: the paradigm and thought of thinking you can make anyone

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Speaker 1: feel anything is also a misconception. I get that makes sense. Yeah,

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Speaker 1: when it comes to emotional health and feeling state, it's

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Speaker 1: not so much that your you want to make your

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Speaker 1: partner feel a certain way. It's your ability to support,

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Speaker 1: magnify or encouraging like them leave that so like, as

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Speaker 1: you know, you wouldn't be able to force right your

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Speaker 1: wife to be happy. She if she's happy, no, right,

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Speaker 1: then your job as a partner is to support that

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Speaker 1: encourage the same way would be if if they're feeling

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Speaker 1: any other emotional state. It's the ability to know that

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Speaker 1: it's okay to feel that I'm here with you, right,

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Speaker 1: that kind of space where there's a support of feeling state.

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Speaker 1: But the notion of um of a concept for for

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Speaker 1: men specifically as being like you have to do everything

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Speaker 1: and just shut up right. The concept of right even

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Speaker 1: that and that that to me is something I constantly

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Speaker 1: I'm dispelling when I do a lot of work with

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Speaker 1: individuals or couples, it's getting that concept to shift. But

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Speaker 1: there's also a reason why there's an essence of it

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Speaker 1: that work. So, for instance, in a household, when you

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Speaker 1: think of masculine and feminine principles of energy and the

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Speaker 1: way that they operate, there's very specific qualities to masculine,

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Speaker 1: very specific qualities to feminine, and we all have both

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Speaker 1: inside of us, and there's the way that dynamic plays

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Speaker 1: out in relationships outside of us. And so when it

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Speaker 1: comes to um, the qualities themselves the masculine. I'm gonna

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Speaker 1: talking about the quality first, then what it means to

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Speaker 1: be embodied as a man. Right, So the masculine is

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Speaker 1: the structural container and the sense of direction and movement, right,

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Speaker 1: the feminine. Before you finish, is this like a fact

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Speaker 1: or is this opinion? Because you know people will listen

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Speaker 1: and be like, well, all women ain't this way, all

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Speaker 1: men ain't that way. But masculine energy is described as that.

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Speaker 1: And I want to be clear about so, and this

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Speaker 1: is and and even when I teach my classes on this,

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Speaker 1: the first thing I speak on I said when I

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Speaker 1: when I talked about this, I'm talking about the energy

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Speaker 1: first before we even get to men and women, so

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Speaker 1: that people understand what's happening. Because so for that reason,

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Speaker 1: so what I'm talking about is factual information on how

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Speaker 1: how the principles of energy work, how um like, how

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Speaker 1: the laws and structure of existence works with this. So

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Speaker 1: there's very specific qualities that represent masculine principles of energy.

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Speaker 1: So how energy works, if we have to go the

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Speaker 1: science of it, I break that down I can. Right,

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Speaker 1: So in in the qualities of masculine, all the aspects

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Speaker 1: of being assertive, aggressive, commanding, living for purpose and freedom

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Speaker 1: and structure and all of that steadiness, consistency, responsibility, All

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Speaker 1: of that has to do with the qualities of masculine energy,

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Speaker 1: the mask and principle of energy. Feminine energy is the playful,

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Speaker 1: the creative cultivation, nurturing um, the suggestive, the gentle, the um,

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Speaker 1: the devotion, the fullness like sensuality and intuitive all that

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Speaker 1: and and we feel emotions to our feminine So the

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Speaker 1: whole premise of life is their design to work together. Right,

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Speaker 1: So when you think of that house a household space,

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Speaker 1: and you think of if masking is creative expression of

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Speaker 1: energy and feminist creative cultivation in a home, there's the

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Speaker 1: masculine that sets the tone for the container. So the structure,

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Speaker 1: the foundation, the steadiness, the safety of a container. Right.

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Speaker 1: The feminine is the nurturing quality of the appmosphere, the

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Speaker 1: emotional tone, the all of that is what the feminine

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Speaker 1: energy holds. Now, real quick, is there any place we

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Speaker 1: can you can quote to say this is where I

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Speaker 1: get this information from, Because I know the first thing

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Speaker 1: people are gonna ask, is, well, who created this? If

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Speaker 1: a man created this, why should we believe what a

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Speaker 1: man says? You know, there's a lot of arguments, yeah

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Speaker 1: you know what I'm saying, or they're gonna say a

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Speaker 1: woman created this is like, why should I believe a woman?

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Speaker 1: I'm a man. I always want to know if there's

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Speaker 1: any text in particular, we can put that on our

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Speaker 1: website or on our Instagram page so people can know

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Speaker 1: where to get this information. Yeah, well, actually, I love

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Speaker 1: you said that. I can. I could even offer you

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Speaker 1: some of the things, cause I've been teaching this for

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Speaker 1: a very long time and it's and the practice that

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Speaker 1: I teach has been organic development because even aside from

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Speaker 1: a couple of the people I know in my life,

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Speaker 1: very few people go to this depth of masking and

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Speaker 1: feminine understanding it. Most people approach mask and feminine from

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Speaker 1: just the man women's face. And there's um awesome people

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Speaker 1: that drop a lot of insight around it, like David

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Speaker 1: did as an author, He's he's great at understanding certain

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Speaker 1: relationship dynamics a masking of feminine. But there's the foundational pieces.

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Speaker 1: For me, it's it's what I teach and it's proven

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Speaker 1: over and over again. And I've been in the process

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Speaker 1: of developing the certification from our practice and all of

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Speaker 1: that but it doesn't define correct because gender gender, gender

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Speaker 1: and sex are two different things, right like male or

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Speaker 1: female is also different than gender. And so when I

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Speaker 1: speak on this, when I speak on it first, the

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Speaker 1: reason why it's important to understand the principles of energy

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Speaker 1: is then we can understand that dynamic inside of us

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Speaker 1: as individuals and then how it plays out. So for instance,

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Speaker 1: your ability, all of our abilities, and this is the

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Speaker 1: new stage of evolution for us as a species, is

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Speaker 1: that men understanding the importance of our feminine aspect, meaning

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Speaker 1: our ability to feel our emotions the record the time

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Speaker 1: that we actually it is for us to be gentle

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Speaker 1: and considerate, and then there's times for us to be

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Speaker 1: aggressive and assertive and knowing both and everyone ends up

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Speaker 1: being lad with one more than the other. So in

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Speaker 1: any relationship dynamic, you'll see someone's going to be more

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Speaker 1: femine leed, someone's gonna be more masters and then you.

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Speaker 1: But if you both don't have judgments about your mass

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Speaker 1: and the feminine sides, there's times to adjust to each other.

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Speaker 1: So like if if you guys, because you're in contine,

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Speaker 1: are are very much in the public eye working together

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Speaker 1: a lot of different dynamics there's spaces where she'll take

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Speaker 1: the lead on something right and you'll support her absolutely.

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Speaker 1: And that the relationship of how mass in a feminist

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Speaker 1: designed to work. It's like this, always moving and it's

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Speaker 1: never separates, always working together. So so let me ask

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Speaker 1: a question, right, based on even our wives don't talk.

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Speaker 1: So the stories you hear sounds so similar. But it's

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Speaker 1: not like there's a women's tribune and they said we're

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Speaker 1: gonna funk with out husbands today. Well, you know what

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Speaker 1: I'm saying. But even the way he even chose to

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Speaker 1: deal with, you know, trying to lower his tone, lower

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Speaker 1: the way he speaks, trying to you know, there's times

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Speaker 1: in my life where I feel like I'm trying to

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Speaker 1: be Superman the same way Trinity said he was probably

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Speaker 1: with the kids, doing this, doing that. He's he has

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Speaker 1: his mind set on so many other things, trying to help,

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Speaker 1: and then in doing all of that, he may just

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Speaker 1: be looking for a little reprieve somewhere and then when

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Speaker 1: it doesn't come, that's when the trouble hits you. Do

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Speaker 1: you do you feel like that? Absolutely? Absolutely? Um, It's

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Speaker 1: like I said that the rules to me are different,

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Speaker 1: and we had this conversation, Um, you can do wrong,

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Speaker 1: Like I've been in a situation where I've done something wrong,

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Speaker 1: where I've upset my wife and made heim mad, or

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Speaker 1: I didn't do something she wanted me to do, or

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Speaker 1: something of that nature. I apologize immediately. Oh, I know

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Speaker 1: where you're going with that. I apologize immediately, you know,

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Speaker 1: I'm like, hey, I'm sorry, I'm wrong. I like to

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Speaker 1: resolve things. I don't like to I don't like to

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Speaker 1: take time to myself. I don't like to let things

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Speaker 1: linger or let them steal in that gives you more

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Speaker 1: time to cultivate more emotion and think, oh, well, I'm

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Speaker 1: mad about this on top of him doing this, on

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Speaker 1: top of her doing that, and so I like to

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Speaker 1: resolve the issue and get back to the way things

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Speaker 1: are normally. So I can apologize for whatever wrong doing

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Speaker 1: it was and still get the silent treatment like like

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Speaker 1: like it's it's not enough, like that apology. Yeah, you apologize,

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Speaker 1: but I need more from you, because that apology isn't enough.

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Speaker 1: Whereas she could do something that upsets me or makes

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Speaker 1: me mad, and you yeah, yeah, and she and and

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Speaker 1: and and she's mad because I'm mad because of something

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Speaker 1: she did and gives me the silent treatment all day long.

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Speaker 1: It didn't come to me at bedtime. It's like, you know,

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Speaker 1: I thought about it over the last nine hours, and

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Speaker 1: that's my life, my life, and you were right. I

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Speaker 1: was wrong. I was wrong, and so forget about these

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Speaker 1: last three days of silence. If we just we should

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Speaker 1: go back to how we were now because I've apologized,

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Speaker 1: and me being me, I'll be like, alright, cool, we're fine.

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Speaker 1: But I'm just like, why is that not the case

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Speaker 1: when I apologize to you? Why is it not okay?

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Speaker 1: Let's get back to how it was. It's like the

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Speaker 1: apology isn't enough. I need more? What is that perfect?

403
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Speaker 1: So we're both going crazy. So what's actually being asked

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Speaker 1: for is the feeling state? This is and this is

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Speaker 1: something that's been overlooked for millennia when the role and

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Speaker 1: so now we'll go to male and female, right, the

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Speaker 1: role is is female is asking feeling states to be met.

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Speaker 1: Masculine is asking for like logic structure, What that's what

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Speaker 1: I want? So? What what right? So in the evolution

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Speaker 1: for us as men, if you can move past the

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Speaker 1: content of what if, if if anything? She says that

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Speaker 1: she's upset about right, It's less about the content and

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Speaker 1: more about the feeling. States. So when you apologize, you're

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Speaker 1: apologize for the action. But that's the logical masculine mind going,

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Speaker 1: Look I did this, I'll own it. That's the end

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Speaker 1: of the story. Well, can I be honest? Can I

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Speaker 1: just be on it before you finish? It? Seemed like

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Speaker 1: goal this evolution is happening for us. Why are we No? No, no, no, no,

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Speaker 1: it's not no, it is not bro, I've denied for

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Speaker 1: eleven years. For eleven years, I've been in a constant

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Speaker 1: state of compromise. Yes, understanding, right, right, that's the state

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Speaker 1: of compromise. Understanding, Bro. Yes, but that but that that's

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Speaker 1: on that's on you, but not just on you where

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Speaker 1: it's like a fault. This is the biggest misconception about

425
00:22:14,160 --> 00:22:16,879
Speaker 1: relationship dynamics is that people think compromise or sacrifice is

426
00:22:16,920 --> 00:22:19,760
Speaker 1: actually an act of love. And it's not. Okay, explain

427
00:22:19,800 --> 00:22:23,160
Speaker 1: that because I think love. Love doesn't sacrifice, It dedicates

428
00:22:23,160 --> 00:22:25,400
Speaker 1: and I'll talk about what that means. And you don't

429
00:22:25,400 --> 00:22:28,640
Speaker 1: want compromise and relationship to thrive, you want synergy. Synergy

430
00:22:28,720 --> 00:22:31,399
Speaker 1: is far different than compromise. Compromise over time will always

431
00:22:31,480 --> 00:22:33,720
Speaker 1: end up leading to bitterness and resentment no matter what.

432
00:22:33,800 --> 00:22:36,080
Speaker 1: Before you get going, are you married? No? That's why

433
00:22:36,119 --> 00:22:40,040
Speaker 1: you don't understand what I'm saying. Now, Now I get it. Wait,

434
00:22:40,119 --> 00:22:43,160
Speaker 1: but why aren't you married? Brother? Can we talk about that?

435
00:22:43,880 --> 00:22:46,320
Speaker 1: We could see you see smiling right, he's a whole

436
00:22:46,320 --> 00:22:51,560
Speaker 1: bunch of smiling life. Yeah. Why why haven't you gotten mad?

437
00:22:53,000 --> 00:22:57,600
Speaker 1: For me? Like, I've the idea of relationships and there

438
00:22:57,640 --> 00:22:58,800
Speaker 1: was a time in my life where I was like,

439
00:22:58,800 --> 00:23:00,720
Speaker 1: I don't know if you know, marriage or relationships is

440
00:23:00,760 --> 00:23:02,920
Speaker 1: in the cars for me like that now and I've

441
00:23:02,920 --> 00:23:05,840
Speaker 1: evolved past that space and I do realize how beautiful

442
00:23:05,880 --> 00:23:07,960
Speaker 1: relationship dynamics are and what they offer and have a

443
00:23:07,960 --> 00:23:11,120
Speaker 1: ton more insight around it. Now. You've been doing right

444
00:23:11,480 --> 00:23:15,159
Speaker 1: so for me personally, where I dedicate my heart in

445
00:23:15,200 --> 00:23:17,720
Speaker 1: my life too, that that means the most to me

446
00:23:17,880 --> 00:23:21,200
Speaker 1: is where I'm focused now and that's been um making

447
00:23:21,200 --> 00:23:23,240
Speaker 1: sure that I have an awesome coparent relationship with my

448
00:23:23,280 --> 00:23:25,600
Speaker 1: son's mother, which I do that Ma Fami dynamic, take

449
00:23:25,640 --> 00:23:28,040
Speaker 1: care of my son and where my time goes in dedication.

450
00:23:28,600 --> 00:23:31,480
Speaker 1: What I've now and the understanding too is also being

451
00:23:31,560 --> 00:23:34,399
Speaker 1: very clear about why I would get into a relationship again,

452
00:23:34,680 --> 00:23:37,440
Speaker 1: why or why not, and making sure that for me,

453
00:23:38,280 --> 00:23:42,320
Speaker 1: understanding the caliber relationship dynamic that that I'm open to

454
00:23:43,280 --> 00:23:46,120
Speaker 1: and knowing how important it is to ensure that I'm

455
00:23:46,119 --> 00:23:50,120
Speaker 1: continually owning my sense of self in presence is like

456
00:23:50,440 --> 00:23:54,280
Speaker 1: the ultimate and so where some yeah, so some some

457
00:23:54,320 --> 00:23:57,200
Speaker 1: concepts of life. Some people have, like you know, marriage

458
00:23:57,200 --> 00:23:59,840
Speaker 1: and all that is one of their top priorities. For me,

459
00:24:00,000 --> 00:24:02,879
Speaker 1: it would be something to to include in what my

460
00:24:02,960 --> 00:24:05,679
Speaker 1: greater purposes. But then that also means that relationship dynamic

461
00:24:05,680 --> 00:24:07,960
Speaker 1: would have to match that caliber of purpose. Now that's

462
00:24:08,000 --> 00:24:09,919
Speaker 1: that's fair because Kay and I talk about this all

463
00:24:09,960 --> 00:24:12,159
Speaker 1: the time, like marriage is not for everybody, and not

464
00:24:12,240 --> 00:24:14,840
Speaker 1: getting married it's not a failure in life. It's it's

465
00:24:14,840 --> 00:24:16,840
Speaker 1: also understanding what you want and what you need in

466
00:24:16,920 --> 00:24:19,840
Speaker 1: life before you decide that you want to involve with

467
00:24:20,200 --> 00:24:22,679
Speaker 1: be involved with someone. But I'm just I asked that

468
00:24:22,760 --> 00:24:26,040
Speaker 1: question because there's a certain understanding when you've been married

469
00:24:26,040 --> 00:24:30,240
Speaker 1: with someone for over a decade and you notice when

470
00:24:30,280 --> 00:24:32,719
Speaker 1: you feel like you're in a constant state of compromise

471
00:24:32,800 --> 00:24:34,840
Speaker 1: and that person is just in a constant state of

472
00:24:34,880 --> 00:24:37,560
Speaker 1: getting what they want and for for me for the

473
00:24:37,600 --> 00:24:40,200
Speaker 1: most part. And I can't generalize, but I know when

474
00:24:40,200 --> 00:24:42,479
Speaker 1: I get around all my married friends, all the husbands

475
00:24:42,480 --> 00:24:45,200
Speaker 1: have the same story. All the wives have the same story.

476
00:24:45,240 --> 00:24:47,760
Speaker 1: The wives are all saying, my husband don't understand me,

477
00:24:47,880 --> 00:24:51,200
Speaker 1: he's insensitive. All the husbands are saying, I just want

478
00:24:51,240 --> 00:24:53,399
Speaker 1: things to make sense and I want things to be fair,

479
00:24:53,840 --> 00:24:56,760
Speaker 1: but things don't seem to be fair. Meanwhile, and I'm

480
00:24:56,840 --> 00:24:59,600
Speaker 1: not talking about every husband, because every husband is not

481
00:24:59,640 --> 00:25:02,480
Speaker 1: created cool. All husbands are not good husbands. The husbands

482
00:25:02,480 --> 00:25:05,680
Speaker 1: I'm talking about the dudes that I know, like Trinity,

483
00:25:05,840 --> 00:25:09,120
Speaker 1: committed to committed, dedicated, but not only to just their

484
00:25:09,119 --> 00:25:12,119
Speaker 1: wife but their kids and also building for their family

485
00:25:12,119 --> 00:25:14,280
Speaker 1: and their legacy. So I'm talking about the type of

486
00:25:14,280 --> 00:25:17,120
Speaker 1: man who wakes up in the morning thinking, how can

487
00:25:17,160 --> 00:25:19,480
Speaker 1: I make my family's life better? How can I make

488
00:25:19,520 --> 00:25:21,639
Speaker 1: my wife's day better? How can I make my kids

489
00:25:21,680 --> 00:25:23,960
Speaker 1: day better. I'm talking about those type of man. And

490
00:25:24,040 --> 00:25:26,160
Speaker 1: I have to say that because the first thing people

491
00:25:26,160 --> 00:25:27,720
Speaker 1: would say is, well, my husband don't do ship. But

492
00:25:28,119 --> 00:25:30,359
Speaker 1: we ain't talking about that nigger. So you know what

493
00:25:30,400 --> 00:25:34,840
Speaker 1: I'm saying. So you thing, you gotta you gotta work.

494
00:25:34,880 --> 00:25:36,520
Speaker 1: And I'm talking about the type of men that are

495
00:25:36,560 --> 00:25:40,159
Speaker 1: trying to be Superman but feeling like no matter how

496
00:25:40,200 --> 00:25:42,439
Speaker 1: hard they go to create this sense of peace in

497
00:25:42,480 --> 00:25:45,520
Speaker 1: their home, it's just never a sense of peace. And

498
00:25:45,560 --> 00:25:47,680
Speaker 1: how we implode that because I've had I have I've

499
00:25:47,680 --> 00:25:51,120
Speaker 1: had breakdowns, and I've I've read listener letters. We're gonna

500
00:25:51,160 --> 00:25:53,560
Speaker 1: read a couple of listener letters later. I get emails,

501
00:25:53,600 --> 00:25:55,880
Speaker 1: I get dm from dudes who just be like, bro,

502
00:25:55,960 --> 00:25:57,680
Speaker 1: I need to be talked off the edge because I'm

503
00:25:57,680 --> 00:26:00,520
Speaker 1: either gonna fight this bitch or I'm leaving. And I

504
00:26:00,520 --> 00:26:02,399
Speaker 1: try to tell them, like, the way you're feeling is

505
00:26:02,480 --> 00:26:06,199
Speaker 1: not abnormal, Like you're not an anomaly in marverage, Like

506
00:26:06,240 --> 00:26:09,280
Speaker 1: we're all in this together, and that feeling of uncertainty

507
00:26:09,320 --> 00:26:12,680
Speaker 1: and being off balance, it's kind of normal, you know.

508
00:26:12,720 --> 00:26:14,879
Speaker 1: I'm saying. That's why I like having this conversation. Because

509
00:26:14,880 --> 00:26:16,760
Speaker 1: people do watch us on social media and they list

510
00:26:16,800 --> 00:26:18,640
Speaker 1: to the podcast. I feel like, oh, the Valencodeine got

511
00:26:18,640 --> 00:26:21,239
Speaker 1: everything figured out. Little do they know we argue just

512
00:26:21,280 --> 00:26:23,720
Speaker 1: as much as everybody. We have our moments where we

513
00:26:23,760 --> 00:26:26,159
Speaker 1: just don't like each other, and we get over it

514
00:26:26,240 --> 00:26:29,119
Speaker 1: and we work through it, But that doesn't that doesn't

515
00:26:29,200 --> 00:26:30,959
Speaker 1: change the fact that there are times even when I

516
00:26:31,000 --> 00:26:33,240
Speaker 1: can't speak to my wife about it. And I'll be

517
00:26:33,280 --> 00:26:35,640
Speaker 1: honest here, it's probably gonna be the first time she's

518
00:26:35,640 --> 00:26:38,080
Speaker 1: probably heard some of this. But I go through states

519
00:26:38,080 --> 00:26:40,960
Speaker 1: of depression where you feel like you're giving and giving

520
00:26:41,000 --> 00:26:43,800
Speaker 1: and giving to everyone and it's not being met. So

521
00:26:43,840 --> 00:26:45,320
Speaker 1: you just you you kind of like give up, like

522
00:26:45,600 --> 00:26:48,320
Speaker 1: you're just like I'm tired of I'm tired of just

523
00:26:48,359 --> 00:26:50,439
Speaker 1: giving to everybody. So then what you try to do

524
00:26:50,480 --> 00:26:52,680
Speaker 1: is you try to pull back from giving to everybody

525
00:26:52,720 --> 00:26:54,520
Speaker 1: because you feel like that's going to make things even.

526
00:26:54,920 --> 00:26:56,800
Speaker 1: But then in trying to pull back from everybody, that

527
00:26:56,880 --> 00:26:58,920
Speaker 1: gets you depressed because that's not what you naturally want

528
00:26:58,960 --> 00:27:01,640
Speaker 1: to do. I'm servant leader. I want to be able

529
00:27:01,680 --> 00:27:04,080
Speaker 1: to serve. So when my wife says she wants to

530
00:27:04,119 --> 00:27:06,480
Speaker 1: do something, the pettiness in me wants to be like,

531
00:27:06,560 --> 00:27:09,000
Speaker 1: am I doing that ship because she didn't do this

532
00:27:09,000 --> 00:27:10,920
Speaker 1: when I asked? And now I try to stick put

533
00:27:10,920 --> 00:27:12,880
Speaker 1: my foot down. But then I'm like, she really needs

534
00:27:12,880 --> 00:27:14,520
Speaker 1: my help, and then then I go do it and

535
00:27:14,520 --> 00:27:15,840
Speaker 1: I help her, and then she takes my hope and

536
00:27:15,920 --> 00:27:17,479
Speaker 1: she goes off and does whatever she want to do.

537
00:27:17,760 --> 00:27:19,440
Speaker 1: I asked her for something, she wrote her eyes and

538
00:27:19,480 --> 00:27:22,240
Speaker 1: then I'm like, now we're back to square one, you

539
00:27:22,240 --> 00:27:24,399
Speaker 1: know what I'm saying, Like I've I've put all my

540
00:27:24,400 --> 00:27:26,560
Speaker 1: ship aside to help you do something, but then when

541
00:27:26,560 --> 00:27:29,480
Speaker 1: I need something, I don't get the same. And how

542
00:27:29,680 --> 00:27:32,359
Speaker 1: how can we what are the tools but we can

543
00:27:32,440 --> 00:27:35,800
Speaker 1: utilize to get through those those moments Because I can't

544
00:27:35,880 --> 00:27:38,680
Speaker 1: drink alcohol every day, I can't smoke weed every day,

545
00:27:38,760 --> 00:27:40,600
Speaker 1: you know what I'm saying, And that and and that's

546
00:27:40,720 --> 00:27:43,040
Speaker 1: that's it, like being able to not be dependent on

547
00:27:43,119 --> 00:27:45,320
Speaker 1: things to feel a sense of peace, right, So being

548
00:27:45,320 --> 00:27:47,040
Speaker 1: able to shift that because the thing that's really asked

549
00:27:47,200 --> 00:27:50,440
Speaker 1: in us as men, especially now, and the realization of

550
00:27:50,920 --> 00:27:53,560
Speaker 1: to be to really embody that essence of masculine. It's

551
00:27:53,560 --> 00:27:55,240
Speaker 1: no longer about say, just the idea of being provider.

552
00:27:55,280 --> 00:27:58,280
Speaker 1: It's about being full presence. Bull presence is far different.

553
00:27:58,320 --> 00:28:00,399
Speaker 1: It's a different game because now you're you're living from

554
00:28:00,440 --> 00:28:03,040
Speaker 1: the inside out, which is the proper orientation. But full

555
00:28:03,080 --> 00:28:05,560
Speaker 1: presence mean like like performatively, what does that look like?

556
00:28:05,840 --> 00:28:08,679
Speaker 1: So like being fully so full presence is being engaged

557
00:28:08,680 --> 00:28:10,280
Speaker 1: with your life fully. So what I mean by that

558
00:28:10,440 --> 00:28:13,400
Speaker 1: is like you're aware, consciously aware of your emotional state,

559
00:28:13,400 --> 00:28:15,560
Speaker 1: and you don't overwrite it, you don't bypass it, you

560
00:28:15,560 --> 00:28:18,240
Speaker 1: don't suppress it. You genuinely take a moment to acknowledge

561
00:28:18,240 --> 00:28:20,520
Speaker 1: your own emotions. Suppressing it as part of the problem,

562
00:28:21,320 --> 00:28:24,160
Speaker 1: because because that's the depression is, and depression is actually

563
00:28:24,240 --> 00:28:26,680
Speaker 1: whenever there's some form of sadness. It doesn't mean it

564
00:28:26,720 --> 00:28:29,360
Speaker 1: has to be like full fledged bawling, but some form

565
00:28:29,359 --> 00:28:31,320
Speaker 1: of sadness that you don't know how to process, there's

566
00:28:31,359 --> 00:28:33,480
Speaker 1: gonna be a judgment about feeling sad and that and

567
00:28:33,480 --> 00:28:35,359
Speaker 1: that judgment is going to bring anger, and anger is

568
00:28:35,359 --> 00:28:37,680
Speaker 1: going to suppress the sadness. And that's where depression comes from,

569
00:28:37,800 --> 00:28:40,240
Speaker 1: is actually anger turned inward. So can I ask your question? Well,

570
00:28:40,240 --> 00:28:41,960
Speaker 1: I don't ask you a question because I know I

571
00:28:42,000 --> 00:28:43,920
Speaker 1: do this and I know that you you probably have

572
00:28:43,960 --> 00:28:47,160
Speaker 1: to do this. Sometimes there's times where I feel like

573
00:28:47,200 --> 00:28:50,120
Speaker 1: a moment of sadness or like anger, but in order

574
00:28:50,160 --> 00:28:52,680
Speaker 1: to keep my household running at the way it needs

575
00:28:52,680 --> 00:28:55,560
Speaker 1: to be, I can't express it to my wife or

576
00:28:55,640 --> 00:28:57,960
Speaker 1: my kids. You know I'm saying, when when you're married

577
00:28:57,960 --> 00:28:59,560
Speaker 1: to someone I know, if I expressed the way I

578
00:28:59,600 --> 00:29:03,320
Speaker 1: feel a out something to her, it automatically brings her down.

579
00:29:03,760 --> 00:29:06,240
Speaker 1: You know. She she she tends to take everything I

580
00:29:06,280 --> 00:29:08,960
Speaker 1: say personally, So if I say something to her, then

581
00:29:09,000 --> 00:29:10,560
Speaker 1: she takes it as or something's wrong with me, I'm

582
00:29:10,560 --> 00:29:13,120
Speaker 1: not doing something right, and then it brings the whole

583
00:29:13,120 --> 00:29:15,320
Speaker 1: aura of the house down, which then goes to the kids.

584
00:29:15,520 --> 00:29:18,239
Speaker 1: So a lot of times I find myself when I

585
00:29:18,240 --> 00:29:20,360
Speaker 1: do have an issue with something, just suppressing it for

586
00:29:20,400 --> 00:29:23,080
Speaker 1: the sake of the mood of the whole house, and

587
00:29:23,120 --> 00:29:25,720
Speaker 1: then that day turns into three days turns into we

588
00:29:25,720 --> 00:29:28,640
Speaker 1: had to do You experience the same thing, absolutely, um,

589
00:29:28,680 --> 00:29:32,560
Speaker 1: and I'm glad you touched on that, because, like when

590
00:29:32,680 --> 00:29:36,320
Speaker 1: when you're married and you have kids, your your own

591
00:29:36,440 --> 00:29:40,200
Speaker 1: self preservation is no longer your top problems. Your wife,

592
00:29:40,640 --> 00:29:43,200
Speaker 1: your kids above all else. You want to make sure

593
00:29:43,280 --> 00:29:46,840
Speaker 1: they're they're happy, they're good, they're they have no worries.

594
00:29:47,360 --> 00:29:51,840
Speaker 1: And um, so let's rewind back to when the pandemic

595
00:29:51,880 --> 00:29:56,560
Speaker 1: first hit. You're you're worried about your wife and kids.

596
00:29:56,600 --> 00:29:59,400
Speaker 1: You want to make sure they're safe. You know, everybody's COVID.

597
00:29:59,440 --> 00:30:03,520
Speaker 1: This COVID the you know, and I'm worried about them. Okay,

598
00:30:03,560 --> 00:30:09,360
Speaker 1: And at the same time, are our work is shut down?

599
00:30:09,120 --> 00:30:13,080
Speaker 1: We don't know when the money's coming in. I'm the

600
00:30:13,120 --> 00:30:17,440
Speaker 1: bread winner. I work. My wife, thank god now is

601
00:30:17,480 --> 00:30:19,640
Speaker 1: to stay at home mom. I'm able to do that

602
00:30:19,680 --> 00:30:22,760
Speaker 1: for her. But this is at a time when I

603
00:30:22,840 --> 00:30:25,920
Speaker 1: wasn't even serious regular yet it had been announced, but

604
00:30:25,960 --> 00:30:27,920
Speaker 1: I hadn't been paid like you. So now I'm like,

605
00:30:28,280 --> 00:30:33,000
Speaker 1: so when is the money coming? So then the gems

606
00:30:33,080 --> 00:30:36,520
Speaker 1: are closed for me. The gym is more than just

607
00:30:36,560 --> 00:30:39,760
Speaker 1: working out. It's stress relief. I go there and I

608
00:30:39,840 --> 00:30:41,680
Speaker 1: leave it all in there. When I come out, I

609
00:30:41,680 --> 00:30:44,880
Speaker 1: feel great. I've been going there for like the last

610
00:30:44,880 --> 00:30:48,040
Speaker 1: twenty years, six seven days a week. I can't do

611
00:30:48,120 --> 00:30:51,080
Speaker 1: that anymore. You go out into public, you gotta worry

612
00:30:51,080 --> 00:30:54,560
Speaker 1: about getting sick, your kids, your wife getting sick. Then

613
00:30:54,600 --> 00:30:57,000
Speaker 1: you gotta throw a masks. I'm a people person. I

614
00:30:57,040 --> 00:31:00,400
Speaker 1: love people, and my dad always says, anytime my son

615
00:31:00,520 --> 00:31:03,920
Speaker 1: is talking to somebody, he's always smiling. Well, you don't

616
00:31:03,920 --> 00:31:06,480
Speaker 1: get that no more because you can't see their smiles

617
00:31:06,840 --> 00:31:10,800
Speaker 1: because they're their masks now. And so then the stress

618
00:31:10,840 --> 00:31:13,400
Speaker 1: starts to sit in and it's kind of like a

619
00:31:13,440 --> 00:31:16,880
Speaker 1: domino effect for me. It was distress. It in is

620
00:31:16,920 --> 00:31:19,560
Speaker 1: everybody gonna be safe? My kids are gonna catch coked?

621
00:31:19,640 --> 00:31:23,960
Speaker 1: My wife? Okay, we got bills, where's the money coming.

622
00:31:24,920 --> 00:31:27,880
Speaker 1: I don't have an outlet like the gym anymore to

623
00:31:27,920 --> 00:31:31,360
Speaker 1: relieve distress. And you got a smile. Got to because

624
00:31:31,520 --> 00:31:35,440
Speaker 1: I don't want the kids worrying because they see me worrying,

625
00:31:35,520 --> 00:31:37,480
Speaker 1: or the wife worrying because they see me worrying because

626
00:31:37,520 --> 00:31:41,120
Speaker 1: I never worry. I'm always the one my wife is, oh,

627
00:31:41,240 --> 00:31:44,840
Speaker 1: this is coming, that's coming. I'm like, it always works

628
00:31:44,840 --> 00:31:47,720
Speaker 1: itself out. But now I found myself in a place

629
00:31:47,720 --> 00:31:51,480
Speaker 1: where she's like this, and I'm still like, don't worry,

630
00:31:51,480 --> 00:31:53,560
Speaker 1: It's gonna work itself out. But on the inside, I'm like,

631
00:31:55,120 --> 00:31:58,920
Speaker 1: how is this going to work itself out? That's bro.

632
00:31:59,640 --> 00:32:03,000
Speaker 1: You us explained how I'll be feeling every single day.

633
00:32:03,040 --> 00:32:05,000
Speaker 1: And I try to explain this to my wife on

634
00:32:05,200 --> 00:32:07,840
Speaker 1: days where even when because women say they want communication,

635
00:32:08,000 --> 00:32:09,440
Speaker 1: when I tell her I need something that I don't

636
00:32:09,440 --> 00:32:10,720
Speaker 1: get it, and then I try to express her that

637
00:32:10,760 --> 00:32:14,160
Speaker 1: makes me feel, then she'll be like, well, you just complaining.

638
00:32:14,760 --> 00:32:17,520
Speaker 1: I'm like, am I complaining? Or am I telling you

639
00:32:17,560 --> 00:32:20,960
Speaker 1: how I feel? So it's like if I don't say ship,

640
00:32:21,760 --> 00:32:24,880
Speaker 1: then I'm not being communicative and that's toxic. But then

641
00:32:24,880 --> 00:32:27,800
Speaker 1: if I'm saying ship, then I'm bitching and I'm complaining,

642
00:32:28,280 --> 00:32:30,280
Speaker 1: what the fund do you want me to do? And

643
00:32:30,280 --> 00:32:31,880
Speaker 1: then on top of that, I still got to deal

644
00:32:31,920 --> 00:32:34,920
Speaker 1: with these emotions regardless of what I say, I gotta

645
00:32:35,000 --> 00:32:36,560
Speaker 1: deal with it. And I feel a lot of times

646
00:32:36,640 --> 00:32:39,120
Speaker 1: we don't get no off switch. And men don't talk

647
00:32:39,160 --> 00:32:42,520
Speaker 1: about this a lot because we're even programmed not to talk.

648
00:32:42,880 --> 00:32:47,000
Speaker 1: You know what I'm saying. My grandfather condition, you'll be quiet,

649
00:32:47,040 --> 00:32:49,320
Speaker 1: you'll be steadfast, you'd be strong, and you'd be still.

650
00:32:49,480 --> 00:32:51,760
Speaker 1: That's how my my grandfather was. He talked my father

651
00:32:51,800 --> 00:32:54,120
Speaker 1: the same thing. My father never talked about financial problems

652
00:32:54,120 --> 00:32:55,960
Speaker 1: to us. He lost his job, I laid off a

653
00:32:55,960 --> 00:32:58,840
Speaker 1: couple of times, and he never let me know that

654
00:32:58,840 --> 00:33:01,080
Speaker 1: there were issues. But he is figured it out. So

655
00:33:01,120 --> 00:33:03,000
Speaker 1: I was walk in the house thinking we were always fine.

656
00:33:03,040 --> 00:33:05,040
Speaker 1: Come to find out there were times we were not fine.

657
00:33:05,640 --> 00:33:08,240
Speaker 1: But that feeling of not having to worry as a

658
00:33:08,320 --> 00:33:10,960
Speaker 1: child is what I want for my kids. So we

659
00:33:11,000 --> 00:33:13,200
Speaker 1: have to harbor all of this. There's no off days.

660
00:33:13,320 --> 00:33:15,280
Speaker 1: The thing that bothers me. I'm gonna let you interject.

661
00:33:15,720 --> 00:33:18,320
Speaker 1: My wife said something to me when I talked to

662
00:33:18,320 --> 00:33:21,760
Speaker 1: her about being consistent, and she said, sometimes I just

663
00:33:21,800 --> 00:33:23,680
Speaker 1: want to take a break, and I should be entitled

664
00:33:23,680 --> 00:33:25,280
Speaker 1: to take a break. And I say, fine, you get

665
00:33:25,320 --> 00:33:27,720
Speaker 1: to take breaks. Name a time in our marriage where

666
00:33:27,720 --> 00:33:30,160
Speaker 1: I got to take a break. I've been the breadwinner

667
00:33:30,200 --> 00:33:33,520
Speaker 1: since we've been married eleven years ago. There's no days

668
00:33:33,520 --> 00:33:35,520
Speaker 1: when I get to say, you know what, Kay, here

669
00:33:35,560 --> 00:33:38,200
Speaker 1: the bills for three months. I need to take a break.

670
00:33:38,480 --> 00:33:41,360
Speaker 1: You know what I'm saying. For men, sometimes I feel like,

671
00:33:41,400 --> 00:33:44,320
Speaker 1: and it's not complaints, it's just the fact when you're

672
00:33:44,320 --> 00:33:46,760
Speaker 1: trying to be a servant leader that when you don't

673
00:33:46,840 --> 00:33:49,080
Speaker 1: have no time to take breaks and you're always worried

674
00:33:49,080 --> 00:33:52,400
Speaker 1: about everyone's mental health, yours is not a priority. What

675
00:33:52,480 --> 00:33:55,800
Speaker 1: tools can we find to say, I need to get

676
00:33:55,800 --> 00:33:58,640
Speaker 1: out of this before I do something. What I'm saying, Yeah,

677
00:33:58,720 --> 00:34:00,480
Speaker 1: there's a couple of things in that. Because it's also

678
00:34:00,760 --> 00:34:02,240
Speaker 1: and this is why I mean like both men and

679
00:34:02,280 --> 00:34:06,120
Speaker 1: women and everyone in general evolving, because it's it's gonna

680
00:34:06,160 --> 00:34:08,520
Speaker 1: be a comprehensive thing, like when when we talk when

681
00:34:08,520 --> 00:34:11,600
Speaker 1: we talk about living from synergy and not compromise, right,

682
00:34:11,920 --> 00:34:15,759
Speaker 1: compromises a denial of self. Synergy is is a consideration

683
00:34:15,800 --> 00:34:19,839
Speaker 1: of the whole. So synergy recognizes everyone's individual sovereignty and

684
00:34:19,880 --> 00:34:22,560
Speaker 1: recognizes you're part of something greater, which means that when

685
00:34:22,600 --> 00:34:25,560
Speaker 1: things come, if disagreements arise or things come come about,

686
00:34:25,960 --> 00:34:28,279
Speaker 1: instead of the idea of being like yeah, whatever you say,

687
00:34:28,480 --> 00:34:32,920
Speaker 1: or shutting down, it becomes an exploration that both feeling

688
00:34:32,960 --> 00:34:35,520
Speaker 1: states get honored and you're guiding it in a direction

689
00:34:35,520 --> 00:34:38,920
Speaker 1: where you can meet and and it's always there. Not

690
00:34:39,040 --> 00:34:41,080
Speaker 1: some of the times the possibility that is always there,

691
00:34:41,360 --> 00:34:44,080
Speaker 1: but that's not what we've been that's not exactly. It

692
00:34:44,080 --> 00:34:46,799
Speaker 1: takes more patience and more dedication to do that because

693
00:34:46,920 --> 00:34:48,919
Speaker 1: it's a it's an easy out to be like yeah, fine,

694
00:34:48,960 --> 00:34:50,600
Speaker 1: But that's also a form of escape, which is a

695
00:34:50,640 --> 00:34:53,560
Speaker 1: misalignment of the masculine. So when we talk about purpose,

696
00:34:53,640 --> 00:34:56,160
Speaker 1: escape is a misalignment of the masculine. So rather than

697
00:34:56,160 --> 00:34:58,560
Speaker 1: dealing with problems when you drink or you smoke, or

698
00:34:58,600 --> 00:35:01,200
Speaker 1: you go out, that's a miss some mask. But you

699
00:35:01,239 --> 00:35:03,799
Speaker 1: know what we've been taught growing up, sometimes you need

700
00:35:03,800 --> 00:35:06,759
Speaker 1: to find an escape on your own, that's all. There's

701
00:35:06,840 --> 00:35:09,439
Speaker 1: so many exactly like, there's so many there's so many

702
00:35:09,480 --> 00:35:11,800
Speaker 1: things we've been taught that are literally in direct contradiction

703
00:35:11,880 --> 00:35:14,120
Speaker 1: with nature and our health and optimal and well being.

704
00:35:14,640 --> 00:35:17,680
Speaker 1: One one of the other ones being there are spaces

705
00:35:18,000 --> 00:35:20,480
Speaker 1: to work through things as men that your partner is

706
00:35:20,480 --> 00:35:25,080
Speaker 1: not designed to support you with. That is what struggles like,

707
00:35:25,400 --> 00:35:29,000
Speaker 1: So you your ability to express how you feel to

708
00:35:29,040 --> 00:35:32,319
Speaker 1: your partner is important for both, for both and and

709
00:35:32,400 --> 00:35:35,440
Speaker 1: everyone being able to receive their partner in that is

710
00:35:35,440 --> 00:35:40,160
Speaker 1: important and establish that container. Then there's depths of that

711
00:35:40,360 --> 00:35:43,040
Speaker 1: to work through that they're not meant to. That's not

712
00:35:43,120 --> 00:35:45,040
Speaker 1: that's not their role. The reason why we create a

713
00:35:45,080 --> 00:35:47,720
Speaker 1: secretty as a as a and having this this support

714
00:35:47,760 --> 00:35:50,040
Speaker 1: system for men is that there is a place that

715
00:35:50,120 --> 00:35:53,120
Speaker 1: men have to go to to go to the depths

716
00:35:53,160 --> 00:35:55,399
Speaker 1: of their pain, the depths of their emotion, the depths

717
00:35:55,440 --> 00:35:58,280
Speaker 1: of their mental capacity. That is that must be designed

718
00:35:58,280 --> 00:36:01,080
Speaker 1: to hold it. Your partners not signed to hold that effort.

719
00:36:01,239 --> 00:36:04,480
Speaker 1: What you're saying is for me, expecting to be able

720
00:36:04,520 --> 00:36:08,120
Speaker 1: to resolve all of my issues with my wife's part

721
00:36:08,120 --> 00:36:10,320
Speaker 1: of the problem. And that's part of the reason why

722
00:36:10,880 --> 00:36:14,200
Speaker 1: I always feel like she's not being irrational because she's

723
00:36:14,239 --> 00:36:17,680
Speaker 1: not even designed to understand she's pretty much. What you're

724
00:36:17,719 --> 00:36:21,400
Speaker 1: saying is you need a guy group, You need a

725
00:36:21,480 --> 00:36:24,040
Speaker 1: space of support for you. Yeah, every every man. And

726
00:36:23,880 --> 00:36:25,759
Speaker 1: that's been because you think about what we've been doing

727
00:36:25,800 --> 00:36:28,239
Speaker 1: for so long, right, Like we feel like we have

728
00:36:28,280 --> 00:36:31,440
Speaker 1: to be strong and don't let anyone see anything which

729
00:36:31,960 --> 00:36:34,120
Speaker 1: eats us up. And then we get around our boys

730
00:36:34,120 --> 00:36:35,680
Speaker 1: and it's the idea of a nine gonna be weak,

731
00:36:35,719 --> 00:36:37,600
Speaker 1: right and now it's cool, you know it's And we

732
00:36:37,600 --> 00:36:41,560
Speaker 1: don't ever go further in. We don't do that, but

733
00:36:41,640 --> 00:36:43,680
Speaker 1: we get together, like when we when we read together,

734
00:36:43,719 --> 00:36:46,240
Speaker 1: when me read my boys, we get together. I'm probably

735
00:36:46,280 --> 00:36:48,000
Speaker 1: the most vulnerable because I know I'm not going to

736
00:36:48,040 --> 00:36:50,239
Speaker 1: be judged, and I know I'm dealing with dudes who

737
00:36:50,239 --> 00:36:52,799
Speaker 1: are on the same level mindset that I'm on. There's

738
00:36:52,840 --> 00:36:54,840
Speaker 1: no there's no dick measurement contest. I don't got to

739
00:36:54,840 --> 00:36:56,520
Speaker 1: be the toughest guy in the room all the time.

740
00:36:56,520 --> 00:36:57,799
Speaker 1: You know, I'm saying, that's the sign of both of

741
00:36:57,800 --> 00:37:01,520
Speaker 1: your maturities, because what you guys represent is a recognition

742
00:37:01,600 --> 00:37:04,919
Speaker 1: of a moraligned and healthier form of masculine, and there's

743
00:37:04,920 --> 00:37:07,440
Speaker 1: still there's still another capacity to go. But the fact

744
00:37:07,480 --> 00:37:08,719
Speaker 1: that you already do that because I was, I was

745
00:37:08,760 --> 00:37:11,120
Speaker 1: the same way even when I didn't, wasn't this clear

746
00:37:11,680 --> 00:37:13,800
Speaker 1: and centered when it came to me and my friends,

747
00:37:13,840 --> 00:37:15,799
Speaker 1: we would have all kinds of in depth conversations around

748
00:37:15,800 --> 00:37:17,680
Speaker 1: the stuff because I and I would be vulnerable with them,

749
00:37:17,680 --> 00:37:19,440
Speaker 1: and like if I if and I see them, I'll

750
00:37:19,440 --> 00:37:20,520
Speaker 1: tell them I love them, you know what I mean?

751
00:37:20,560 --> 00:37:23,439
Speaker 1: Like it is that real. So the what you guys

752
00:37:23,480 --> 00:37:26,080
Speaker 1: represent and also the reason why your family dynamics are

753
00:37:26,160 --> 00:37:29,000
Speaker 1: are doing so well. What they is a part of

754
00:37:29,000 --> 00:37:33,040
Speaker 1: that the the but there's still always a another capacity

755
00:37:33,080 --> 00:37:34,960
Speaker 1: to go because for me, it's not just like say,

756
00:37:35,000 --> 00:37:36,759
Speaker 1: if you go to the gym. The gym is a

757
00:37:36,760 --> 00:37:38,520
Speaker 1: great way to let off steam and energy, but it

758
00:37:38,520 --> 00:37:40,399
Speaker 1: doesn't address why that was even there in the first

759
00:37:41,239 --> 00:37:43,719
Speaker 1: You see what I'm saying, Yeah, eventually it won't be enough.

760
00:37:44,239 --> 00:37:46,400
Speaker 1: And so what we're looking to do as we evolved,

761
00:37:46,400 --> 00:37:48,000
Speaker 1: because this is the things we have to start knowing

762
00:37:48,040 --> 00:37:50,920
Speaker 1: how to actually guide our children on and evolve relationship

763
00:37:51,000 --> 00:37:54,839
Speaker 1: dynamics to meet because the space of right, so to me,

764
00:37:55,120 --> 00:37:56,719
Speaker 1: it's and I do just want to teach my my

765
00:37:57,200 --> 00:38:00,680
Speaker 1: parenting worship. Number one rule for a parent be vulnerable

766
00:38:00,719 --> 00:38:05,360
Speaker 1: with your children. Yeah, told me the same thing. So

767
00:38:05,440 --> 00:38:09,840
Speaker 1: important because because they'll also learn through your own process

768
00:38:10,880 --> 00:38:14,080
Speaker 1: how to process emotions. That vulnerability is is an actual

769
00:38:14,360 --> 00:38:16,759
Speaker 1: source of our greatest strength, not a weakness. Right. We

770
00:38:16,760 --> 00:38:18,919
Speaker 1: were taught the opposite for so long, and that's why

771
00:38:18,960 --> 00:38:21,640
Speaker 1: it's there's no mistake why the dropout rate is highest

772
00:38:21,640 --> 00:38:23,920
Speaker 1: for men, the suicide rate is highest for men. Why

773
00:38:24,040 --> 00:38:27,480
Speaker 1: all mostly mass shootings, all this stuff are mostly men.

774
00:38:27,640 --> 00:38:29,759
Speaker 1: There's no reason why. There's there's a very reason why

775
00:38:29,840 --> 00:38:31,319
Speaker 1: that's the case. I'm going to read these off to

776
00:38:31,320 --> 00:38:33,040
Speaker 1: you just so I'm gonna read a couple of statistics off.

777
00:38:34,280 --> 00:38:37,320
Speaker 1: Forty seven thousand, five hundred and eleven Americans died by suicide,

778
00:38:37,400 --> 00:38:39,520
Speaker 1: making the tenth leading cause of death. That's a lot

779
00:38:39,520 --> 00:38:43,120
Speaker 1: of people. Men died by suicide three points six times

780
00:38:43,160 --> 00:38:46,560
Speaker 1: more often than females. And I'm not a scientist, but

781
00:38:46,600 --> 00:38:48,759
Speaker 1: I attributed that to the fact that women have been

782
00:38:48,760 --> 00:38:52,600
Speaker 1: conditioned to express their feelings, so they don't go you see,

783
00:38:52,600 --> 00:38:55,719
Speaker 1: they have expresses to do that men don't. Twelve million

784
00:38:55,760 --> 00:38:58,520
Speaker 1: Americans have serious thoughts of suicide. One point three seven

785
00:38:58,600 --> 00:39:02,400
Speaker 1: nine million Americans attempted suicide. Fifty of Americans have been

786
00:39:02,400 --> 00:39:04,640
Speaker 1: affected by suicide in some way. Now here's a very

787
00:39:04,640 --> 00:39:08,640
Speaker 1: important thing. Personal relationships and marriage in particular bear substantial,

788
00:39:09,000 --> 00:39:13,480
Speaker 1: substantially on self inflicted mortality risk, including suicide. As University

789
00:39:13,480 --> 00:39:16,440
Speaker 1: of Maryland sociologists Philip and Cohen noted in the working

790
00:39:16,440 --> 00:39:19,799
Speaker 1: paper last year, the increase in overall mortality rates among

791
00:39:19,840 --> 00:39:23,239
Speaker 1: white Americans so called deaths of despair, attributed to self

792
00:39:23,239 --> 00:39:26,360
Speaker 1: inflicted causes like drug over those, suicide, and alcohol abuse,

793
00:39:26,960 --> 00:39:30,160
Speaker 1: which is limited almost exclusively to those who are not

794
00:39:30,320 --> 00:39:34,560
Speaker 1: married for men and women. Which means marriage in a

795
00:39:34,600 --> 00:39:37,160
Speaker 1: way kind of helps people with those things. I guess

796
00:39:37,200 --> 00:39:39,360
Speaker 1: because we have the people to bounces and you have

797
00:39:39,400 --> 00:39:42,760
Speaker 1: a purpose, like you said, purpose driven, it says here um.

798
00:39:42,960 --> 00:39:47,560
Speaker 1: Research from the National Longitudinal Mortality Study finds that divorced

799
00:39:47,560 --> 00:39:50,840
Speaker 1: people in particular are twice as likely to commit suicide

800
00:39:50,880 --> 00:39:54,360
Speaker 1: compared to married people. So, with all of that being said,

801
00:39:54,440 --> 00:39:56,839
Speaker 1: I have a question to ask. We have a lot

802
00:39:56,880 --> 00:40:00,839
Speaker 1: of female listeners, and my wife is also listening. She's

803
00:40:00,880 --> 00:40:04,719
Speaker 1: over there shout out to you, baby, Um, yes, you

804
00:40:04,719 --> 00:40:06,480
Speaker 1: know I got a shout out the wife her pregnant

805
00:40:06,520 --> 00:40:12,480
Speaker 1: self that, Um, what are some tips pause that you

806
00:40:12,520 --> 00:40:16,799
Speaker 1: can I I gotta say that it's I can't say

807
00:40:16,840 --> 00:40:24,879
Speaker 1: that it's divine, masculine motherfucker. All right? Um, what are

808
00:40:24,880 --> 00:40:29,160
Speaker 1: are some tips that you can tell wives or women

809
00:40:29,200 --> 00:40:32,640
Speaker 1: who are in relationships how to deal because, like you said,

810
00:40:32,840 --> 00:40:34,920
Speaker 1: K is not designed to deal with some of the

811
00:40:34,960 --> 00:40:38,400
Speaker 1: issues I have. But for years I've been trying to

812
00:40:38,400 --> 00:40:41,799
Speaker 1: help her, help me, help us, and it has not

813
00:40:41,880 --> 00:40:44,719
Speaker 1: been working. And for the longest time, we've adopted this

814
00:40:45,000 --> 00:40:48,160
Speaker 1: saying we're just different, so we don't we don't argue

815
00:40:48,200 --> 00:40:49,560
Speaker 1: and fight no more. But when we get to that

816
00:40:49,560 --> 00:40:51,399
Speaker 1: point where it's like it's just it don't matter how

817
00:40:51,400 --> 00:40:53,320
Speaker 1: many times we have this discussion, it's like putting a

818
00:40:53,360 --> 00:40:54,719
Speaker 1: round peg in the square holes, like, you know what,

819
00:40:54,719 --> 00:40:57,360
Speaker 1: We're just different. Let's just figure it out. Um. But

820
00:40:57,560 --> 00:40:59,560
Speaker 1: I don't want to leave it as I gotta figure

821
00:40:59,560 --> 00:41:02,200
Speaker 1: it out on MYRT because this is what tends to happen.

822
00:41:02,360 --> 00:41:04,560
Speaker 1: And I have boys who hit me be like yo,

823
00:41:04,680 --> 00:41:08,400
Speaker 1: my wife think I'm cheating because I'd be out and

824
00:41:08,400 --> 00:41:10,680
Speaker 1: I say why why are you out? And he'll be

825
00:41:10,719 --> 00:41:12,800
Speaker 1: like bro. Sometimes I need to break. You know, I

826
00:41:12,920 --> 00:41:15,120
Speaker 1: go to the gym, and I'd rather not just go

827
00:41:15,160 --> 00:41:16,560
Speaker 1: to gym and go back home. I'll just be out

828
00:41:16,560 --> 00:41:18,160
Speaker 1: for a couple out. She want to know where I'm going.

829
00:41:18,360 --> 00:41:20,719
Speaker 1: It's like, this is my time for space. Why do

830
00:41:20,760 --> 00:41:22,600
Speaker 1: I have to give you all of this information? But

831
00:41:22,600 --> 00:41:24,080
Speaker 1: then when I try to sit down and talk to

832
00:41:24,080 --> 00:41:26,319
Speaker 1: you about what's the problem is now I'm annoying. So

833
00:41:26,360 --> 00:41:27,839
Speaker 1: I just want to be out and clear my mind.

834
00:41:27,920 --> 00:41:29,799
Speaker 1: And her first thing is, or you must be out

835
00:41:29,840 --> 00:41:33,000
Speaker 1: with someone else. A lot of women don't realize men,

836
00:41:33,160 --> 00:41:35,359
Speaker 1: especially men who want to be married, like I chose

837
00:41:35,360 --> 00:41:37,239
Speaker 1: to be married, Trinity chose me married. We don't want

838
00:41:37,239 --> 00:41:39,520
Speaker 1: to just go out and just cheat like sometimes we

839
00:41:39,600 --> 00:41:41,640
Speaker 1: just want to be by myself. The same thing with

840
00:41:41,640 --> 00:41:43,200
Speaker 1: my wife. And my wife says she wants to go

841
00:41:43,239 --> 00:41:45,520
Speaker 1: on the girl's retreat with her girls and they go

842
00:41:45,600 --> 00:41:47,200
Speaker 1: be going for two or three days. My first door

843
00:41:47,280 --> 00:41:50,000
Speaker 1: processes or she out somebody, you know what I'm saying.

844
00:41:50,239 --> 00:41:52,520
Speaker 1: But if I say yo, me and Trinity to guy's

845
00:41:52,560 --> 00:41:55,000
Speaker 1: going out, the first thing women typically think is, oh,

846
00:41:55,120 --> 00:41:57,560
Speaker 1: they're going to Brazil to go bitches. You know what

847
00:41:57,600 --> 00:41:59,319
Speaker 1: I'm saying. And I think a lot of women need

848
00:41:59,360 --> 00:42:01,920
Speaker 1: to realize that it's not always the case. But that's

849
00:42:01,920 --> 00:42:05,120
Speaker 1: also conditioned. Like so so we first of all, no

850
00:42:05,160 --> 00:42:08,000
Speaker 1: one conditions our programs as we condition and program ourselves, right,

851
00:42:08,040 --> 00:42:11,640
Speaker 1: and we do that for ways of wanting to be accepted, validated,

852
00:42:11,680 --> 00:42:15,040
Speaker 1: all those things. Right. So the way that we've conditioned

853
00:42:15,040 --> 00:42:18,120
Speaker 1: ourselves is we actually think a lot of what is

854
00:42:18,120 --> 00:42:21,680
Speaker 1: actually misalignments are the way that masks and and and

855
00:42:21,680 --> 00:42:24,080
Speaker 1: and feminine energy operate and how men and women are

856
00:42:24,120 --> 00:42:27,520
Speaker 1: And it's actually not true. It's been perpetual misalignments played

857
00:42:27,520 --> 00:42:30,160
Speaker 1: out over and over again. So like because when I

858
00:42:30,320 --> 00:42:32,839
Speaker 1: with all the work I've done in all honesty, men

859
00:42:32,840 --> 00:42:35,640
Speaker 1: and women want the exact same thing. I find there's

860
00:42:35,680 --> 00:42:38,359
Speaker 1: different thought processes, different mechanics, and different things. And what's

861
00:42:38,400 --> 00:42:41,080
Speaker 1: interesting is may I mentioned like the qualities are designed

862
00:42:41,080 --> 00:42:43,719
Speaker 1: to work together, so is the frame of mind. So

863
00:42:44,080 --> 00:42:47,799
Speaker 1: the minds are meant to explore. If you think like

864
00:42:47,920 --> 00:42:50,359
Speaker 1: this with these details in this process and I think

865
00:42:50,400 --> 00:42:52,879
Speaker 1: like this, you explore how it works together. It's not

866
00:42:53,040 --> 00:42:54,560
Speaker 1: why don't you think the way I think? Or why

867
00:42:54,560 --> 00:42:56,319
Speaker 1: don't you you know like or why don't you just

868
00:42:56,719 --> 00:42:58,200
Speaker 1: been trying to get there. We've been trying to get

869
00:42:58,239 --> 00:43:02,920
Speaker 1: there like a struggle. Bro. Like I'll sit here and

870
00:43:02,920 --> 00:43:04,960
Speaker 1: think I'm being the most logical I can, and then

871
00:43:04,960 --> 00:43:06,399
Speaker 1: I'd be like, hey, do you understand what I'm saying?

872
00:43:06,400 --> 00:43:09,920
Speaker 1: And she'd be like, right, But that's because that's exactly that.

873
00:43:09,960 --> 00:43:11,880
Speaker 1: But that's because you're approaching it from logic when the

874
00:43:11,880 --> 00:43:13,640
Speaker 1: first thing that's got to be met at the feeling state,

875
00:43:13,800 --> 00:43:16,279
Speaker 1: now this is this is not. This hasn't been as

876
00:43:16,280 --> 00:43:18,759
Speaker 1: common right for everyone. So even if with the nature

877
00:43:18,800 --> 00:43:21,279
Speaker 1: of like saying an apology, right, it's it's look, I

878
00:43:21,280 --> 00:43:24,080
Speaker 1: can imagine you're feeling like this, right, and I gotta

879
00:43:24,080 --> 00:43:25,839
Speaker 1: own I didn't quite communicate it. And I just want

880
00:43:25,880 --> 00:43:27,640
Speaker 1: you to know that I'm I'm here with you and

881
00:43:27,640 --> 00:43:29,080
Speaker 1: and you know, I'll make note of this. Right that

882
00:43:29,120 --> 00:43:32,880
Speaker 1: there's a different capacity of presence when sharing it is

883
00:43:32,920 --> 00:43:36,560
Speaker 1: not And this this is absolutely on on on men,

884
00:43:37,000 --> 00:43:40,279
Speaker 1: but it's a lack of awareness whenever. If if your

885
00:43:40,320 --> 00:43:44,560
Speaker 1: wife is upset that you shrink, retreat or walk on

886
00:43:44,600 --> 00:43:48,440
Speaker 1: eggshells or get quiet, that conditions that process too, so

887
00:43:48,480 --> 00:43:50,759
Speaker 1: then then there's less consideration of you. In a lot

888
00:43:50,800 --> 00:43:56,560
Speaker 1: of other spaces, invitation is actually to open up further

889
00:43:56,640 --> 00:44:00,280
Speaker 1: with more of your presence to be there. That goes, Okay,

890
00:44:00,560 --> 00:44:02,879
Speaker 1: what are you feeling right now? Right, Like, I'm gonna

891
00:44:02,920 --> 00:44:06,200
Speaker 1: cut you off though, because you're not married. Huh. But

892
00:44:06,280 --> 00:44:09,040
Speaker 1: when you do try that, then you get hit with

893
00:44:09,080 --> 00:44:12,560
Speaker 1: them shrinking and then being like you're being too aggressive

894
00:44:12,719 --> 00:44:15,800
Speaker 1: or you're being insensitive and I'm just giving your devil's

895
00:44:15,840 --> 00:44:19,480
Speaker 1: advocate because I've tried both. But you you can say

896
00:44:19,480 --> 00:44:21,200
Speaker 1: you try, but I have no idea what you've done,

897
00:44:21,239 --> 00:44:23,560
Speaker 1: and that that's not like you don't know what it

898
00:44:23,560 --> 00:44:27,680
Speaker 1: may look like, right, because because assertiveness and aggressiveness is

899
00:44:27,719 --> 00:44:30,160
Speaker 1: a healthy thing in a way that it's approached, it's

900
00:44:30,160 --> 00:44:34,399
Speaker 1: not dominance or conquering. Those are misalignments, right, So it's

901
00:44:34,400 --> 00:44:38,000
Speaker 1: a The approach I'm talking about isn't just like being

902
00:44:38,040 --> 00:44:40,960
Speaker 1: like anybody like taking control situation, right. Command is different.

903
00:44:40,960 --> 00:44:43,319
Speaker 1: When you live in command, it's led by the heart

904
00:44:43,360 --> 00:44:45,560
Speaker 1: first and your mind follows. But what you're doing is

905
00:44:45,640 --> 00:44:48,320
Speaker 1: knowing how to be in connection. And that's the key piece.

906
00:44:48,360 --> 00:44:49,920
Speaker 1: And for all the couples I work with when it

907
00:44:49,960 --> 00:44:52,200
Speaker 1: when it came to their relationship about beyond the verge

908
00:44:52,200 --> 00:44:54,440
Speaker 1: of falling apart, and this is marriage or just you know,

909
00:44:54,440 --> 00:44:57,240
Speaker 1: together when it was about to fall apart. It's literally

910
00:44:57,239 --> 00:45:00,880
Speaker 1: two adjustments about communication, command and surround under and presence,

911
00:45:01,280 --> 00:45:04,399
Speaker 1: and everything shifts where and then for some people being

912
00:45:04,400 --> 00:45:06,759
Speaker 1: able to do that actually revealed it isn't healthy for

913
00:45:06,800 --> 00:45:08,400
Speaker 1: them to be together, right, And so either way you

914
00:45:08,440 --> 00:45:11,440
Speaker 1: want that. But the space of sticking it out in commitment,

915
00:45:11,480 --> 00:45:13,680
Speaker 1: which is really important, and the fact and what with

916
00:45:13,719 --> 00:45:17,600
Speaker 1: what you guys have done. The invitation isn't just like

917
00:45:17,640 --> 00:45:19,920
Speaker 1: why I did that it didn't work. It's just like children,

918
00:45:20,080 --> 00:45:22,600
Speaker 1: right if you do if you say one thing to

919
00:45:22,640 --> 00:45:28,600
Speaker 1: a child, they're the support. Is it stays consistent? Right,

920
00:45:28,960 --> 00:45:30,640
Speaker 1: Like for instance, if you let your child know, hey,

921
00:45:30,680 --> 00:45:32,080
Speaker 1: it's okay you can tell me talk to me about

922
00:45:32,120 --> 00:45:34,520
Speaker 1: literally anything, and I'm here with you. And the first

923
00:45:34,560 --> 00:45:37,040
Speaker 1: time they do, you're with that. They'll go okay, cool.

924
00:45:37,120 --> 00:45:39,000
Speaker 1: But the next time they do, you judge what they're

925
00:45:39,000 --> 00:45:40,759
Speaker 1: what they're telling you, They're like, cool, I'm not safe

926
00:45:40,800 --> 00:45:42,239
Speaker 1: to do that. And then and now you have to

927
00:45:42,280 --> 00:45:45,799
Speaker 1: continue to establish the concerning that. So the same thing

928
00:45:45,800 --> 00:45:47,239
Speaker 1: in relationship, this is something you haven't done in a

929
00:45:47,239 --> 00:45:50,440
Speaker 1: relationship before, then it's going to be the invitation of consistency.

930
00:45:50,680 --> 00:45:53,920
Speaker 1: But you said, you said men are the divine mastering

931
00:45:53,920 --> 00:45:57,840
Speaker 1: in its consistency. That's not divine feminine, No, fluid, fluidity

932
00:45:57,840 --> 00:46:02,279
Speaker 1: is the feminine you know, all life not because right, So,

933
00:46:02,520 --> 00:46:04,719
Speaker 1: and that's that's also why that's also why don't don't

934
00:46:04,719 --> 00:46:07,000
Speaker 1: go over that we need to go that's actually important

935
00:46:07,120 --> 00:46:09,560
Speaker 1: steadiness and fluidity, right, And that's actually where flow lives.

936
00:46:09,560 --> 00:46:10,799
Speaker 1: So when we talk about being in a flow state,

937
00:46:10,840 --> 00:46:19,920
Speaker 1: it's but what that what that means is though, is

938
00:46:19,920 --> 00:46:22,480
Speaker 1: is because feminine is in the emotional space and the

939
00:46:22,520 --> 00:46:25,600
Speaker 1: sensuality of life, to experience it in its richness and fullness.

940
00:46:26,040 --> 00:46:28,120
Speaker 1: The masculine is the thing that keeps that moving into

941
00:46:28,120 --> 00:46:30,600
Speaker 1: greater expressions. So when if we're tuned into like divine

942
00:46:30,640 --> 00:46:33,400
Speaker 1: mask and embodiment, that means we live on wanting to

943
00:46:33,440 --> 00:46:36,640
Speaker 1: continually meet the edge of life, like where else can

944
00:46:36,680 --> 00:46:40,200
Speaker 1: we grow? Where? Understand that? So then but then in

945
00:46:40,200 --> 00:46:43,080
Speaker 1: that when we talk about steadiness, what matters to men

946
00:46:43,200 --> 00:46:45,400
Speaker 1: into the masculine space, and this is what the feminine

947
00:46:45,400 --> 00:46:48,520
Speaker 1: wants in masculine is is two things. Right that there's

948
00:46:48,560 --> 00:46:51,879
Speaker 1: there's the steady devotion to something greater, which is um

949
00:46:51,960 --> 00:46:54,360
Speaker 1: and it's being true to your word. Integrity, that's what

950
00:46:55,000 --> 00:46:58,759
Speaker 1: that's what the feminine wants, that's what masculine respects. So like,

951
00:46:58,840 --> 00:47:01,120
Speaker 1: if you and if of us are rocking and I

952
00:47:01,120 --> 00:47:04,400
Speaker 1: don't never keep my word right, you're gonna like respect

953
00:47:04,400 --> 00:47:09,640
Speaker 1: me and consider get that what the masculine one, because

954
00:47:09,680 --> 00:47:11,560
Speaker 1: that's what we're trying to get across our wives. Because

955
00:47:11,560 --> 00:47:13,600
Speaker 1: I don't know how to express that. Maybe you can

956
00:47:13,600 --> 00:47:14,840
Speaker 1: do a better job. And we have a lot of

957
00:47:14,840 --> 00:47:20,640
Speaker 1: women who listen, you're asking because here's here's one of

958
00:47:20,680 --> 00:47:22,880
Speaker 1: the here's one of the biggest misalignments in the feminine.

959
00:47:23,280 --> 00:47:26,040
Speaker 1: And and then and we'll go into the why this is,

960
00:47:26,080 --> 00:47:28,040
Speaker 1: but we'll go into the feminine to the female. Right, So,

961
00:47:28,760 --> 00:47:33,120
Speaker 1: when women or anyone feminine lead thinks that talking ship

962
00:47:33,160 --> 00:47:34,520
Speaker 1: to you is the best course of action to get

963
00:47:34,520 --> 00:47:36,360
Speaker 1: you to change or to clean stuff up or tighten up,

964
00:47:36,360 --> 00:47:40,560
Speaker 1: it's such a misconception. Right, A little encouragement goes a

965
00:47:41,680 --> 00:47:45,959
Speaker 1: and so, and what that means is the willingness to say, listen,

966
00:47:45,960 --> 00:47:47,759
Speaker 1: I'm here with you. I understand you're you're you're you're

967
00:47:47,760 --> 00:47:50,200
Speaker 1: going through some stuff, right, and I can be with

968
00:47:50,200 --> 00:47:51,680
Speaker 1: you in this and this is so for all the

969
00:47:51,680 --> 00:47:54,279
Speaker 1: women listening, it's so important that you hear this all right,

970
00:47:55,719 --> 00:47:59,360
Speaker 1: you will never talk shipped to someone and get the

971
00:47:59,400 --> 00:48:02,839
Speaker 1: best out of That's true, right, That's what it is,

972
00:48:02,920 --> 00:48:07,799
Speaker 1: that that nurturing aspect. There's something greater in you, and

973
00:48:07,880 --> 00:48:10,080
Speaker 1: I know you're going through something and I'm here with

974
00:48:10,120 --> 00:48:12,360
Speaker 1: you and I support you and we'll get through this.

975
00:48:12,880 --> 00:48:18,759
Speaker 1: That masking taking. The reason why the reason why I

976
00:48:18,760 --> 00:48:20,359
Speaker 1: asked that though, was because in all of these talks

977
00:48:20,400 --> 00:48:22,960
Speaker 1: people doing about relationships, all the accountability seems to be

978
00:48:23,000 --> 00:48:25,440
Speaker 1: on men. Men need to change this, Men need to

979
00:48:25,440 --> 00:48:27,399
Speaker 1: do this, We need to do that, as if there's

980
00:48:27,440 --> 00:48:30,240
Speaker 1: only one person in the relationship. And if you speak

981
00:48:30,239 --> 00:48:31,799
Speaker 1: on what women need to do, they say, I'm tired

982
00:48:31,840 --> 00:48:33,279
Speaker 1: of hearing men tell women what they need to do,

983
00:48:33,320 --> 00:48:34,880
Speaker 1: because realistically it has nothing to do with how you

984
00:48:34,960 --> 00:48:39,280
Speaker 1: dress or what you do. It's all about synergies and alignment.

985
00:48:39,280 --> 00:48:41,759
Speaker 1: But that what you talked about, when you speak empowerment

986
00:48:41,960 --> 00:48:44,480
Speaker 1: into someone, especially for a man, helps out. That's I mean,

987
00:48:44,600 --> 00:48:48,320
Speaker 1: that's whole character on sisters is the fact that Karen

988
00:48:48,480 --> 00:48:52,239
Speaker 1: didn't speak anything positive into him and Fatima did, and

989
00:48:52,280 --> 00:48:54,239
Speaker 1: that's like the whole man. And the thing is, if

990
00:48:54,280 --> 00:48:57,359
Speaker 1: you hear the arguments amongst the women, it's that ship

991
00:48:57,360 --> 00:48:59,720
Speaker 1: don't matter because they're like, no, it does matter exactly.

992
00:48:59,760 --> 00:49:02,440
Speaker 1: Team I did was speak positively, and the same thing

993
00:49:02,440 --> 00:49:05,839
Speaker 1: with Aaron speaking to Karen, because Zach was toxic as hell,

994
00:49:06,400 --> 00:49:12,040
Speaker 1: right so when he was but I mean, rather than

995
00:49:12,080 --> 00:49:14,640
Speaker 1: trying to find a way to interact with Karen, all

996
00:49:14,640 --> 00:49:16,520
Speaker 1: he did would just throw back at her exactly. He

997
00:49:16,560 --> 00:49:19,680
Speaker 1: threw knives and throw spikes back at her. Whereas opposed

998
00:49:19,680 --> 00:49:22,600
Speaker 1: to Aaron, who came in and was like, I'll receive

999
00:49:22,680 --> 00:49:24,359
Speaker 1: all the negativity you trying to give me, but I'm

1000
00:49:24,360 --> 00:49:26,920
Speaker 1: going to try to turn that stay in alignment and

1001
00:49:26,960 --> 00:49:29,360
Speaker 1: give you something different. And I think that's what we're seeing.

1002
00:49:30,400 --> 00:49:32,359
Speaker 1: And that's and so and and everything I do like

1003
00:49:32,480 --> 00:49:34,800
Speaker 1: in creativehood, and I get invited to women's circles to

1004
00:49:34,840 --> 00:49:36,759
Speaker 1: share like and I'll break things down in a lot

1005
00:49:36,800 --> 00:49:39,520
Speaker 1: of different ways that even women haven't known as much.

1006
00:49:39,560 --> 00:49:41,280
Speaker 1: And it's not the idea of like a man telling

1007
00:49:41,320 --> 00:49:44,319
Speaker 1: anyone anything. For me, in my practice, the whole guidances

1008
00:49:44,600 --> 00:49:47,600
Speaker 1: there's something more in everyone and my invitation, my the

1009
00:49:47,600 --> 00:49:49,520
Speaker 1: reason why I get called the work is to bring

1010
00:49:49,600 --> 00:49:52,000
Speaker 1: that forward and everyone, because to me, it's not just

1011
00:49:52,040 --> 00:49:54,680
Speaker 1: about having a healthy relationship, it's about evolving what it

1012
00:49:54,719 --> 00:49:56,840
Speaker 1: means to have a healthy relationship and what it standards

1013
00:49:56,880 --> 00:49:59,760
Speaker 1: of humanity. So when I when I share the stuff,

1014
00:49:59,800 --> 00:50:03,680
Speaker 1: it is everyone is responsible for themselves. Nobody gets a past, nobody.

1015
00:50:03,760 --> 00:50:05,759
Speaker 1: I like that. But before we keep going, because I

1016
00:50:05,840 --> 00:50:07,839
Speaker 1: know we gotta take a break, we gotta we gotta

1017
00:50:07,840 --> 00:50:10,000
Speaker 1: get to listener letters. But before we get going, I

1018
00:50:10,000 --> 00:50:11,719
Speaker 1: want we have a couple of letters. I know I've

1019
00:50:11,719 --> 00:50:12,960
Speaker 1: read a ready that I know I'm really good. I

1020
00:50:13,040 --> 00:50:15,200
Speaker 1: want to hear both of these perspectives on this. But

1021
00:50:15,239 --> 00:50:17,040
Speaker 1: we gotta pay some bills. So we'll be right back.

1022
00:50:17,400 --> 00:50:19,279
Speaker 1: After we pay these bills, and we'll get to these

1023
00:50:19,280 --> 00:50:32,160
Speaker 1: listener letters, and we're back. Kevin is singing. He's in

1024
00:50:32,200 --> 00:50:35,799
Speaker 1: his element when in the middle of takes, when we're

1025
00:50:35,840 --> 00:50:38,399
Speaker 1: on set. This is what Kevin is doing. He's he's

1026
00:50:38,480 --> 00:50:40,520
Speaker 1: therapizing everybody. I know that's not a word. I just

1027
00:50:40,560 --> 00:50:44,680
Speaker 1: made it up, but he's everybody's therapist. So he's therapizing everybody,

1028
00:50:44,760 --> 00:50:47,320
Speaker 1: all right. So what we've decided to do because Trinity

1029
00:50:47,360 --> 00:50:48,840
Speaker 1: and I have been trying to give him examples of

1030
00:50:48,880 --> 00:50:51,200
Speaker 1: what we go through in our marriage, and Kevin has

1031
00:50:51,239 --> 00:50:52,520
Speaker 1: been over here, you know a very piece of tell

1032
00:50:52,560 --> 00:50:55,040
Speaker 1: us no brother, no, no brother. That's what you gotta do.

1033
00:50:55,360 --> 00:50:58,759
Speaker 1: So rather than doing the traditional listener letters, I'm gonna

1034
00:50:58,840 --> 00:51:02,120
Speaker 1: let Trinity ask a question and then you can answer

1035
00:51:02,200 --> 00:51:04,440
Speaker 1: the question. And then I know I don't got no

1036
00:51:04,480 --> 00:51:06,160
Speaker 1: advice for you because I'll be struggling to I'm gonna

1037
00:51:06,200 --> 00:51:07,960
Speaker 1: let you answer the question. Then I have a question

1038
00:51:08,080 --> 00:51:10,799
Speaker 1: and I'm let you answer the question. Go ahead, okay. So,

1039
00:51:11,080 --> 00:51:14,400
Speaker 1: like what we were saying is um one thing that

1040
00:51:14,440 --> 00:51:16,600
Speaker 1: me and my wife has started doing that we didn't

1041
00:51:16,600 --> 00:51:19,400
Speaker 1: do in the past is learning to respect each other's

1042
00:51:19,680 --> 00:51:23,120
Speaker 1: time of expression. You know, early on, when we would

1043
00:51:23,160 --> 00:51:25,560
Speaker 1: have disagreements or arguments and we would come to one

1044
00:51:25,560 --> 00:51:27,680
Speaker 1: another and express how we were feeling and the thoughts

1045
00:51:27,719 --> 00:51:32,560
Speaker 1: we were having, we would well, two years ago, you

1046
00:51:32,600 --> 00:51:34,640
Speaker 1: did this, So how can you feel like this now?

1047
00:51:35,040 --> 00:51:38,000
Speaker 1: Or whatever? She would take her Yes, and it was

1048
00:51:38,040 --> 00:51:41,680
Speaker 1: your time, yes exactly. And so what I've learned to

1049
00:51:41,680 --> 00:51:44,440
Speaker 1: start saying is you know, hey, we've resolved that you

1050
00:51:44,560 --> 00:51:47,120
Speaker 1: had your time. I gave you your time. I respected

1051
00:51:47,120 --> 00:51:49,799
Speaker 1: your time of expression, and we got through it, which

1052
00:51:49,880 --> 00:51:52,719
Speaker 1: is why we're still here and still together today. So

1053
00:51:52,800 --> 00:51:54,919
Speaker 1: what I need you to do is respect my time

1054
00:51:54,960 --> 00:51:57,120
Speaker 1: of expression when I'm letting you know my thoughts and

1055
00:51:57,160 --> 00:52:00,560
Speaker 1: my feelings, and not bring back something that we've already

1056
00:52:00,600 --> 00:52:04,759
Speaker 1: worked through to counteract what I'm telling you. Now, how

1057
00:52:04,760 --> 00:52:07,719
Speaker 1: does she receive that? She received it well, and it's

1058
00:52:07,760 --> 00:52:10,560
Speaker 1: something that we've been using and it's made things go

1059
00:52:10,640 --> 00:52:12,840
Speaker 1: a whole lot smoother than they used to. You know,

1060
00:52:12,880 --> 00:52:15,800
Speaker 1: there were times initially would she would jump or revert

1061
00:52:15,840 --> 00:52:19,759
Speaker 1: back to old ways of handling things. Well, this is

1062
00:52:19,760 --> 00:52:23,759
Speaker 1: how I felt to five ten years ago. But now

1063
00:52:23,840 --> 00:52:27,719
Speaker 1: that she's kind of I don't know what the right

1064
00:52:27,800 --> 00:52:30,040
Speaker 1: word to use is, but she's she's kind of called

1065
00:52:30,080 --> 00:52:34,680
Speaker 1: on to this way of doing. How much better things

1066
00:52:34,760 --> 00:52:37,759
Speaker 1: go when there is that respect for each other's time

1067
00:52:37,800 --> 00:52:42,120
Speaker 1: of expression. And so that's something that's helped us out.

1068
00:52:42,200 --> 00:52:45,680
Speaker 1: And what what people need to realize is marriage is

1069
00:52:45,800 --> 00:52:49,520
Speaker 1: constant change, is constant growth. And the person you married

1070
00:52:49,560 --> 00:52:52,600
Speaker 1: one year ago, five year tenures, they're not the same

1071
00:52:52,640 --> 00:52:55,120
Speaker 1: as they were back then, and so there has to

1072
00:52:55,160 --> 00:52:58,080
Speaker 1: be a constant state of adaptability. You have to be

1073
00:52:58,120 --> 00:53:01,040
Speaker 1: able to adapt with your partners growth in order for

1074
00:53:01,080 --> 00:53:04,760
Speaker 1: things to stay on course, so we start using different

1075
00:53:04,760 --> 00:53:09,400
Speaker 1: ways to resolve different issues. And so why why do

1076
00:53:09,480 --> 00:53:14,040
Speaker 1: you think that is that whenever there's a situation where

1077
00:53:14,120 --> 00:53:18,839
Speaker 1: we're trying to express ourselves, we're not really looking to

1078
00:53:18,880 --> 00:53:23,239
Speaker 1: resolve the issue. We're looking to kind of CounterPunch. What's

1079
00:53:23,239 --> 00:53:26,040
Speaker 1: you're saying that's something your wife does too, Because whenever

1080
00:53:26,080 --> 00:53:29,000
Speaker 1: I express my feelings, I feel like my wife don't

1081
00:53:29,040 --> 00:53:30,800
Speaker 1: be listening to me. She'd just be staring at me

1082
00:53:30,840 --> 00:53:32,600
Speaker 1: until I'm done, because she in her mind, she'd be like,

1083
00:53:32,640 --> 00:53:34,880
Speaker 1: as soon as he's done, I'm gonna say this. Like

1084
00:53:40,000 --> 00:53:44,120
Speaker 1: it's like she's not actively listening. She's waiting until I

1085
00:53:44,160 --> 00:53:46,920
Speaker 1: throw my punch, until she has a clear shot to

1086
00:53:47,000 --> 00:53:51,760
Speaker 1: knock my ass out exactly. It's like she's she's biting

1087
00:53:51,800 --> 00:53:53,600
Speaker 1: up lip and she's got that fist back and she's like,

1088
00:53:53,640 --> 00:53:56,480
Speaker 1: as soon as he misses it, lights out. So is

1089
00:53:56,480 --> 00:53:58,080
Speaker 1: that like is that part like what is is that

1090
00:53:58,120 --> 00:54:00,799
Speaker 1: part of the feminine or that? So that's yeah, that's

1091
00:54:00,800 --> 00:54:03,879
Speaker 1: a really important pattern to acknowledge and shift through. So

1092
00:54:04,680 --> 00:54:08,040
Speaker 1: whenever whenever someone that there's a thing that drives everybody

1093
00:54:08,239 --> 00:54:10,080
Speaker 1: in a human experience, right, I call it the two

1094
00:54:10,120 --> 00:54:13,160
Speaker 1: generating appeals of operation. But to just be super specific,

1095
00:54:13,560 --> 00:54:16,279
Speaker 1: there's two things that everyone wants to feel, and if

1096
00:54:16,320 --> 00:54:18,279
Speaker 1: you're living from a healthy, centered place, you'll all you

1097
00:54:18,280 --> 00:54:21,160
Speaker 1: always feel them automatically, and your approach to life is

1098
00:54:21,200 --> 00:54:23,600
Speaker 1: far different. When you don't feel these two things, everything

1099
00:54:23,640 --> 00:54:25,239
Speaker 1: in your life is dedicating to wanting to get them,

1100
00:54:25,280 --> 00:54:27,480
Speaker 1: and it's never the actual real thing. And that's where

1101
00:54:27,840 --> 00:54:30,960
Speaker 1: and so what this is is is safety and significance. Right,

1102
00:54:31,040 --> 00:54:34,480
Speaker 1: safety and significance. This drives everything so that the two

1103
00:54:34,520 --> 00:54:38,240
Speaker 1: generating appeals, they generate what appeals to how we approach

1104
00:54:38,280 --> 00:54:40,719
Speaker 1: our lives. So if I don't feel safe and significant

1105
00:54:40,719 --> 00:54:43,200
Speaker 1: within my being, all I'm interested in my priority of

1106
00:54:43,200 --> 00:54:46,839
Speaker 1: focus comfort and validation. Comfort and validation, comfort, validation. When

1107
00:54:46,880 --> 00:54:49,000
Speaker 1: I feel safe and significant, what I'm what I'm after,

1108
00:54:49,120 --> 00:54:51,439
Speaker 1: growth and liberation. All I want to do is meet

1109
00:54:51,480 --> 00:54:53,799
Speaker 1: more of myself, expanding more life has to offer and

1110
00:54:53,840 --> 00:54:56,759
Speaker 1: be fully expressed. So then when you're not feeling safe

1111
00:54:56,760 --> 00:54:59,640
Speaker 1: and significant, that means that there's certain experiences you have

1112
00:54:59,719 --> 00:55:01,600
Speaker 1: where if you don't know how to identify your emotion

1113
00:55:01,680 --> 00:55:05,720
Speaker 1: and process it, you don't feel your actual state of power,

1114
00:55:05,800 --> 00:55:08,080
Speaker 1: and you feel powerless, and that's what happens in arguments,

1115
00:55:08,440 --> 00:55:11,480
Speaker 1: and in arguments, nobody's ever telling the truth. In the argument,

1116
00:55:11,680 --> 00:55:13,439
Speaker 1: you just want to win. You just want to feel

1117
00:55:13,440 --> 00:55:15,680
Speaker 1: more powerful again. Or if you feel like someone has

1118
00:55:16,040 --> 00:55:17,840
Speaker 1: command of the space and you want command because you

1119
00:55:17,840 --> 00:55:20,160
Speaker 1: don't feel strong, and that's and that's what happens in

1120
00:55:20,200 --> 00:55:23,520
Speaker 1: the battle, because people start wanting to be right rather

1121
00:55:23,560 --> 00:55:27,960
Speaker 1: than stay in connection. And so in in what training expressed,

1122
00:55:28,000 --> 00:55:30,279
Speaker 1: what was really dope in your expression is training? These

1123
00:55:30,320 --> 00:55:33,680
Speaker 1: example actually goes to the command surrender relationship of mass

1124
00:55:33,680 --> 00:55:35,799
Speaker 1: and of feminine right and command of surrender is not

1125
00:55:35,840 --> 00:55:38,920
Speaker 1: the same as control of submission. Command. Command means that

1126
00:55:38,960 --> 00:55:41,160
Speaker 1: you are centered with energy and you know how to

1127
00:55:41,200 --> 00:55:44,400
Speaker 1: direct it purposefully. Surrender means you allow the energy to

1128
00:55:44,440 --> 00:55:47,320
Speaker 1: flow as it is. Surrender represents the feminine aspect, Command

1129
00:55:47,320 --> 00:55:49,279
Speaker 1: represents the masculine. Or you know you're gonna hand some

1130
00:55:49,320 --> 00:55:58,719
Speaker 1: beef with debt, surrend submit and so here right, So

1131
00:55:58,719 --> 00:56:03,160
Speaker 1: here's the difference control and submission. Control is I don't

1132
00:56:03,200 --> 00:56:05,560
Speaker 1: feel saying significant, So I want to make things the

1133
00:56:05,600 --> 00:56:07,680
Speaker 1: way I want them to be, So hopefully maybe I'll

1134
00:56:07,680 --> 00:56:09,520
Speaker 1: feel like I have a grasp of my life. It's

1135
00:56:09,520 --> 00:56:11,520
Speaker 1: a misalignment because you won't. It's not how that works.

1136
00:56:11,520 --> 00:56:16,400
Speaker 1: No one ever controls anything that happens. And that's and

1137
00:56:16,400 --> 00:56:19,200
Speaker 1: that's that's the battle of the argument. Someone wants control.

1138
00:56:19,600 --> 00:56:21,600
Speaker 1: What happens, though, is if you don't get control and

1139
00:56:21,640 --> 00:56:24,960
Speaker 1: that's not working, right, which is that validation sense, you

1140
00:56:25,000 --> 00:56:28,640
Speaker 1: start going into submission. But submission, which is different than surrender,

1141
00:56:28,880 --> 00:56:31,840
Speaker 1: is now you acquiesce, right, whatever I didn't want to

1142
00:56:31,840 --> 00:56:34,040
Speaker 1: do with it anyway, or find whatever you want, or

1143
00:56:34,120 --> 00:56:38,200
Speaker 1: any any form of shutting off. That's submission, right. So

1144
00:56:38,320 --> 00:56:40,680
Speaker 1: that's and that's control and submission. So what happens is

1145
00:56:41,040 --> 00:56:43,680
Speaker 1: when you're in command and surrender, right, and they're not

1146
00:56:43,800 --> 00:56:45,840
Speaker 1: separate like you you the only way to be in

1147
00:56:45,880 --> 00:56:47,680
Speaker 1: surrender is to be in command, and the only way

1148
00:56:47,680 --> 00:56:49,359
Speaker 1: to be in command is being surrenderous. What that means

1149
00:56:49,400 --> 00:56:52,480
Speaker 1: is you're not looking to control anything. You are in

1150
00:56:52,560 --> 00:56:54,560
Speaker 1: command of the energy that is you what you do

1151
00:56:54,600 --> 00:56:57,000
Speaker 1: with your attention, where you direct your choices and actions

1152
00:56:57,120 --> 00:57:00,440
Speaker 1: and you allow things to unfold as necessary to receive

1153
00:57:00,480 --> 00:57:03,080
Speaker 1: information to make more moves. So, but the only way

1154
00:57:03,120 --> 00:57:06,279
Speaker 1: this works with a couple is if both people are

1155
00:57:06,320 --> 00:57:09,080
Speaker 1: constantly trying to be in a state of command, so

1156
00:57:09,239 --> 00:57:12,120
Speaker 1: they can openly here right. Well yeah, well not just

1157
00:57:12,160 --> 00:57:15,640
Speaker 1: the command there there yet you are constantly willing to

1158
00:57:15,680 --> 00:57:18,000
Speaker 1: meet each other in the principle of command surrender because

1159
00:57:18,000 --> 00:57:20,400
Speaker 1: there's gonna be time for you you have to But

1160
00:57:20,400 --> 00:57:24,280
Speaker 1: but but again, surrender is not happening without command if

1161
00:57:24,280 --> 00:57:27,920
Speaker 1: you're surrendering in submission. Right, So like for for what you,

1162
00:57:27,920 --> 00:57:31,400
Speaker 1: Trinity expressed hissibility to say, listen you, this is my

1163
00:57:31,560 --> 00:57:35,120
Speaker 1: time to share. Right. He's not. He's not. He's not

1164
00:57:35,240 --> 00:57:37,320
Speaker 1: downplaying her, he's not putting it down. He's not being like,

1165
00:57:37,520 --> 00:57:40,520
Speaker 1: you'll never listen to me, right, that's all bullshit. He's saying,

1166
00:57:40,960 --> 00:57:44,760
Speaker 1: this is my time to express my feelings. That is,

1167
00:57:46,040 --> 00:57:48,920
Speaker 1: I'm here, like i'm here, right, And then she goes, oh,

1168
00:57:49,040 --> 00:57:51,440
Speaker 1: now now there's a new space of awareness and so

1169
00:57:51,520 --> 00:57:54,440
Speaker 1: then she surrenders to that space and ghostly thank you

1170
00:57:54,480 --> 00:57:56,960
Speaker 1: for that. Okay, should be clear, surrender is not submission.

1171
00:57:58,720 --> 00:58:01,560
Speaker 1: That right, if they into it, but that's usually because

1172
00:58:01,600 --> 00:58:06,200
Speaker 1: they submit more than they command their lives. Shots. But

1173
00:58:06,240 --> 00:58:08,400
Speaker 1: we'll get we'll work on that. We'll work. That's why

1174
00:58:08,520 --> 00:58:10,120
Speaker 1: right here, come holl at me. I'll take you on

1175
00:58:10,120 --> 00:58:16,760
Speaker 1: a journey will destroy your life. So but what's dope

1176
00:58:16,760 --> 00:58:19,480
Speaker 1: about it is is because what happens with command and surrenders,

1177
00:58:19,520 --> 00:58:22,320
Speaker 1: it's in consideration of everything. And that's what actually authenticity is.

1178
00:58:22,680 --> 00:58:25,800
Speaker 1: Authenticity is I'm gonna be in this honest expression while

1179
00:58:25,880 --> 00:58:28,240
Speaker 1: being considerate of you and your feelings because we're in

1180
00:58:28,240 --> 00:58:31,000
Speaker 1: this together. Honesty is just this is how I feel

1181
00:58:31,080 --> 00:58:32,960
Speaker 1: right now. But and so you have to have honestly

1182
00:58:33,040 --> 00:58:36,600
Speaker 1: in authenticity, but authenticity is far greater. So when you're

1183
00:58:36,640 --> 00:58:39,160
Speaker 1: living in authenticity, you choose connection over being right. So

1184
00:58:39,200 --> 00:58:42,840
Speaker 1: in in Trinity's case, what he expressed was I in

1185
00:58:42,880 --> 00:58:46,280
Speaker 1: this moment, like underneath that statement because he's not attacking her,

1186
00:58:46,840 --> 00:58:48,960
Speaker 1: he's saying, right now, I want to be in connection

1187
00:58:49,000 --> 00:58:52,560
Speaker 1: with you, and it's important that you hear what I'm saying.

1188
00:58:51,720 --> 00:58:54,840
Speaker 1: And that's why it works exactly because then she'll receive

1189
00:58:54,920 --> 00:58:57,440
Speaker 1: that in a feeling state and go, I understand that

1190
00:58:57,520 --> 00:59:00,439
Speaker 1: why because she wants the same thing. Right. But if

1191
00:59:00,440 --> 00:59:03,080
Speaker 1: you're not used to doing that, you're gonna go to

1192
00:59:03,160 --> 00:59:05,960
Speaker 1: whatever your initial reaction is. So if the initial reaction

1193
00:59:06,040 --> 00:59:07,720
Speaker 1: was I'll bring up to sing in the past because

1194
00:59:07,760 --> 00:59:10,400
Speaker 1: in feminine states of if I feel this every memory

1195
00:59:10,400 --> 00:59:12,560
Speaker 1: linked to this feeling, I'm gonna reach because I want

1196
00:59:12,560 --> 00:59:14,840
Speaker 1: to feel more powerful. That's the argument space, right, Like

1197
00:59:14,880 --> 00:59:17,120
Speaker 1: I want to just win a win the situation, which

1198
00:59:17,160 --> 00:59:18,440
Speaker 1: is also why if you get caught up in that

1199
00:59:18,480 --> 00:59:21,120
Speaker 1: as a as a man, you will lose or masculine

1200
00:59:21,160 --> 00:59:23,000
Speaker 1: lead because this also applies to the the same sex relationships,

1201
00:59:23,000 --> 00:59:25,800
Speaker 1: but the masking lead, you'll lose that every time, right,

1202
00:59:25,840 --> 00:59:30,160
Speaker 1: because the feminine space all it wants is to feel differently.

1203
00:59:30,680 --> 00:59:32,520
Speaker 1: But what happens is if that feeling gets met. So

1204
00:59:32,560 --> 00:59:35,840
Speaker 1: if Trinity is like, listen, this is I'm with you,

1205
00:59:35,920 --> 00:59:37,800
Speaker 1: and this is my chance, and this is my opportunity

1206
00:59:37,800 --> 00:59:40,080
Speaker 1: to express my feelings, and it's important that you hear me,

1207
00:59:40,400 --> 00:59:44,080
Speaker 1: she'll her system will ease and go, Okay, he's with

1208
00:59:44,120 --> 00:59:46,880
Speaker 1: me and he's actually opening his heart and he wants

1209
00:59:46,920 --> 00:59:49,480
Speaker 1: to be met, which is different. Then why don't you

1210
00:59:49,560 --> 00:59:51,360
Speaker 1: just shut up and listen to me? So that changes

1211
00:59:51,360 --> 00:59:54,720
Speaker 1: the whole dynamics, right, And if you do that in completely,

1212
00:59:54,840 --> 00:59:57,520
Speaker 1: that becomes the standard of the relationships that don't do

1213
00:59:57,600 --> 00:59:59,440
Speaker 1: that enough, it doesn't meet the standard, and then you're

1214
00:59:59,480 --> 01:00:01,760
Speaker 1: gonna be and for all the time. See that that

1215
01:00:01,800 --> 01:00:04,880
Speaker 1: goes to what well. I had another listener letter ready

1216
01:00:04,880 --> 01:00:08,440
Speaker 1: that the person wanted to remain anonymous, But he was

1217
01:00:08,480 --> 01:00:11,480
Speaker 1: talking about how he grew up differently communicating with his

1218
01:00:11,640 --> 01:00:14,959
Speaker 1: siblings and his parents than his significant other, and because

1219
01:00:15,040 --> 01:00:19,360
Speaker 1: they grew up completely communicating completely differently, when they tried

1220
01:00:19,400 --> 01:00:22,720
Speaker 1: to have conversations, it was like oil and water, and

1221
01:00:22,720 --> 01:00:25,080
Speaker 1: I mean Codeine and I were very, very similar because

1222
01:00:25,160 --> 01:00:28,600
Speaker 1: kdein growing up her householdn't communicate well. Everybody swept stuff

1223
01:00:28,680 --> 01:00:30,680
Speaker 1: under the rug and they were quiet and they just

1224
01:00:30,800 --> 01:00:34,080
Speaker 1: let things harbor. In my household, we had family caucuses

1225
01:00:34,320 --> 01:00:37,479
Speaker 1: where my my family came My parents came down and said,

1226
01:00:37,880 --> 01:00:40,680
Speaker 1: you can express how you feel now. Once I expressed

1227
01:00:40,680 --> 01:00:42,720
Speaker 1: how I feel, and if it ever went against my

1228
01:00:42,760 --> 01:00:44,920
Speaker 1: parents thought, I was considered the wild child. So it

1229
01:00:44,920 --> 01:00:48,600
Speaker 1: wasn't really a family cause it was it was as

1230
01:00:48,600 --> 01:00:52,280
Speaker 1: a dictator ship, you know, disguised as a caucus where

1231
01:00:52,280 --> 01:00:54,080
Speaker 1: they just wanted to tell me exactly what they wanted

1232
01:00:54,120 --> 01:00:57,000
Speaker 1: me to do. But because we even had those, I

1233
01:00:57,040 --> 01:00:59,440
Speaker 1: always like to approach things head on. So when we

1234
01:00:59,480 --> 01:01:01,520
Speaker 1: have a cover station, I'm like, can you let's talk

1235
01:01:01,520 --> 01:01:03,080
Speaker 1: about this, And in her mom she's just like, I

1236
01:01:03,160 --> 01:01:06,160
Speaker 1: feel attacked, right, so you know, so listening to you

1237
01:01:06,200 --> 01:01:09,280
Speaker 1: talk about that, giving her her time to say, let's

1238
01:01:09,320 --> 01:01:13,040
Speaker 1: only discuss what's bothering you, and giving her her space

1239
01:01:13,280 --> 01:01:15,520
Speaker 1: will help with alignment because now I'm surrendering to what

1240
01:01:15,600 --> 01:01:18,080
Speaker 1: she feels, and now she will be able to express

1241
01:01:18,120 --> 01:01:20,720
Speaker 1: how she feels in totality, and this time is only

1242
01:01:20,760 --> 01:01:23,880
Speaker 1: dedicated to her with hopes that when it's my turn

1243
01:01:24,400 --> 01:01:27,480
Speaker 1: it can be reciprocated, not with hopes with the absolute

1244
01:01:27,520 --> 01:01:30,120
Speaker 1: standard that it will be reciprocated. It will have to

1245
01:01:30,160 --> 01:01:32,600
Speaker 1: be for you, for both of you, because because it's

1246
01:01:32,640 --> 01:01:36,240
Speaker 1: not like life, especially physical reality isn't about fairness right

1247
01:01:36,280 --> 01:01:39,400
Speaker 1: first and foremost, it's about awareness and choice. So when

1248
01:01:39,480 --> 01:01:41,920
Speaker 1: you are more aware, what do you do with that information?

1249
01:01:42,280 --> 01:01:44,880
Speaker 1: So in Trinity's case, where he expressed that his wife

1250
01:01:44,960 --> 01:01:47,800
Speaker 1: is now more aware of what he's expressing and then

1251
01:01:47,840 --> 01:01:50,560
Speaker 1: her choice is to meet that why because she cares

1252
01:01:50,560 --> 01:01:52,800
Speaker 1: about the relationship. She cares about their connection, she cares

1253
01:01:52,800 --> 01:01:54,520
Speaker 1: about the dynamic and their family. And if you know

1254
01:01:54,600 --> 01:01:58,040
Speaker 1: your wife's because if you have a wife that doesn't

1255
01:01:58,040 --> 01:02:01,120
Speaker 1: care about that, that relationship is over right. Why that like,

1256
01:02:01,160 --> 01:02:03,200
Speaker 1: that's that's done. See, that's a big. That's an even

1257
01:02:03,240 --> 01:02:05,960
Speaker 1: bigger statement. If you're dealing with someone who you know

1258
01:02:06,240 --> 01:02:09,880
Speaker 1: is not concerned with being of service to you, then

1259
01:02:09,920 --> 01:02:11,760
Speaker 1: there's no reason to even be ex and then you'd

1260
01:02:11,760 --> 01:02:14,720
Speaker 1: have to check in with why you chose that. That's

1261
01:02:14,720 --> 01:02:16,480
Speaker 1: another thing to do it right. So so then in

1262
01:02:16,520 --> 01:02:19,240
Speaker 1: this case when when it's too different, because because it's

1263
01:02:19,240 --> 01:02:21,520
Speaker 1: the case for everyone, right, like everyone's brought up and

1264
01:02:21,560 --> 01:02:23,680
Speaker 1: they condition themselves, they have patterns, ways that communicate is

1265
01:02:23,680 --> 01:02:25,800
Speaker 1: where their family base and that's and now you're meeting

1266
01:02:25,840 --> 01:02:28,800
Speaker 1: people and sometimes it's similar, sometimes it's different. The space

1267
01:02:28,840 --> 01:02:31,520
Speaker 1: where everyone meets is if you're willing to choose two

1268
01:02:31,560 --> 01:02:35,320
Speaker 1: things connection, right, I want to be in connection with

1269
01:02:35,360 --> 01:02:37,680
Speaker 1: you as we communicate, and you don't necessarily to say that,

1270
01:02:37,720 --> 01:02:40,040
Speaker 1: you can show that. And then the other part is

1271
01:02:40,120 --> 01:02:43,440
Speaker 1: always being in curiosity and wonderment. And that's who you

1272
01:02:43,440 --> 01:02:47,080
Speaker 1: talk about where everyone is constantly growing, involving whether you're

1273
01:02:47,080 --> 01:02:49,000
Speaker 1: in a in a marriage or not, you're gonna keep

1274
01:02:49,040 --> 01:02:51,560
Speaker 1: growing and evolving. The thing to remember in the marriage

1275
01:02:51,560 --> 01:02:54,880
Speaker 1: is that is still happening because you're two sovereign beings

1276
01:02:55,320 --> 01:02:57,400
Speaker 1: and that has to be an important aspect. That's that's

1277
01:02:57,920 --> 01:02:59,640
Speaker 1: I'm gonna let you finish because we've got a moment

1278
01:02:59,680 --> 01:03:01,840
Speaker 1: of truth. So I don't want you to finish because

1279
01:03:01,840 --> 01:03:03,320
Speaker 1: that sounds like a moment of truth. You actually just

1280
01:03:03,320 --> 01:03:05,960
Speaker 1: gave me my moment of truth. So let me just

1281
01:03:06,000 --> 01:03:07,600
Speaker 1: let me get this out. If you'd like to be featured,

1282
01:03:07,600 --> 01:03:11,400
Speaker 1: because that was a very unconventional listener letter, but I appreciate,

1283
01:03:11,400 --> 01:03:14,080
Speaker 1: I appreciate your experience, your perspective. I appreciate yours. And

1284
01:03:14,120 --> 01:03:15,680
Speaker 1: if you'd like to be featured as one of our

1285
01:03:15,680 --> 01:03:18,440
Speaker 1: listener letters, email us at dead as Advice at gmail

1286
01:03:18,520 --> 01:03:21,200
Speaker 1: dot com. That's D E A D A S S

1287
01:03:21,240 --> 01:03:25,000
Speaker 1: A D V I C E at gmail dot com. So, gentlemen, now,

1288
01:03:25,360 --> 01:03:27,240
Speaker 1: now was the moment of truth, right, And in a

1289
01:03:27,320 --> 01:03:30,360
Speaker 1: moment of truth we kind of pull it all together.

1290
01:03:30,800 --> 01:03:34,440
Speaker 1: Today we were talking about men feeling like they're Superman

1291
01:03:34,960 --> 01:03:36,760
Speaker 1: and trying to find an outlet or find a way

1292
01:03:36,800 --> 01:03:39,480
Speaker 1: to communicate better with their significant others so that they

1293
01:03:39,520 --> 01:03:43,360
Speaker 1: don't implode or explode. Right. Um, I got a lot

1294
01:03:43,400 --> 01:03:46,800
Speaker 1: of nuggets in gems today listening to both of you,

1295
01:03:46,880 --> 01:03:48,600
Speaker 1: and I know what my moment of truth is. I

1296
01:03:48,600 --> 01:03:50,080
Speaker 1: would like you all to go first, if you want

1297
01:03:50,120 --> 01:03:52,360
Speaker 1: me to go first. I'll go first. I'd love to

1298
01:03:52,360 --> 01:03:55,960
Speaker 1: hear what you got, mat So, my my moment of

1299
01:03:55,960 --> 01:03:58,160
Speaker 1: truth is this, and you really literally just said it.

1300
01:03:59,080 --> 01:04:03,040
Speaker 1: As a man, when you choose to be married, that's

1301
01:04:03,040 --> 01:04:05,919
Speaker 1: a choice you make, right, you also have to take

1302
01:04:05,960 --> 01:04:08,600
Speaker 1: ownership of who who you chose to be married to.

1303
01:04:09,400 --> 01:04:12,840
Speaker 1: And if you find yourself in a constant state of

1304
01:04:12,920 --> 01:04:18,960
Speaker 1: disagreement um, a state of depression, a state of not

1305
01:04:19,080 --> 01:04:21,600
Speaker 1: being aware of where you are because that person just

1306
01:04:21,640 --> 01:04:24,440
Speaker 1: doesn't seem to be as willing to serve as much

1307
01:04:24,480 --> 01:04:26,480
Speaker 1: as you are, you have to then ask yourself, why

1308
01:04:26,520 --> 01:04:29,880
Speaker 1: did I choose this person to get married to? If

1309
01:04:29,920 --> 01:04:33,040
Speaker 1: you constantly feel taken for granted, if you constantly feel

1310
01:04:33,040 --> 01:04:36,120
Speaker 1: like you're forgotten, you can't always blame the person. You

1311
01:04:36,160 --> 01:04:38,680
Speaker 1: have to start to look within, look at yourself and

1312
01:04:38,720 --> 01:04:41,040
Speaker 1: say how did I get here? Why did I choose

1313
01:04:41,080 --> 01:04:43,720
Speaker 1: to be here? And that's my moment of truth? Um.

1314
01:04:43,760 --> 01:04:46,400
Speaker 1: As a guy who claims to be superman at times,

1315
01:04:46,880 --> 01:04:49,479
Speaker 1: I'm going to take accountability of this. I'm not gonna

1316
01:04:49,480 --> 01:04:51,760
Speaker 1: look at my wife and say why do you make

1317
01:04:51,760 --> 01:04:55,280
Speaker 1: me feel like this? I'm gonna look at myself and say,

1318
01:04:55,280 --> 01:04:57,919
Speaker 1: why do I feel this way, and it goes back

1319
01:04:57,920 --> 01:05:00,560
Speaker 1: to the choices I've made. Did I make because you're

1320
01:05:00,760 --> 01:05:02,560
Speaker 1: you're not married yet, and that's a choice you made

1321
01:05:03,240 --> 01:05:05,720
Speaker 1: right and you found peace in that. Did I make

1322
01:05:05,720 --> 01:05:07,320
Speaker 1: the right choice to be married? And if I made

1323
01:05:07,360 --> 01:05:09,680
Speaker 1: the right choice to be married, did I choose the

1324
01:05:09,760 --> 01:05:11,920
Speaker 1: right person to get married to? And I do feel

1325
01:05:12,320 --> 01:05:14,479
Speaker 1: good about that, like I love being right on, enjoy

1326
01:05:14,520 --> 01:05:17,440
Speaker 1: being married. These moments we have a foreign few in between,

1327
01:05:17,480 --> 01:05:19,720
Speaker 1: but they still happen. And I want other men to

1328
01:05:19,760 --> 01:05:22,120
Speaker 1: know that when you feel this way, you're not alone

1329
01:05:22,560 --> 01:05:24,520
Speaker 1: and it's not something that's gonna last forever. If you

1330
01:05:24,600 --> 01:05:26,960
Speaker 1: learn how to deal with it. That's my moment of truth,

1331
01:05:27,320 --> 01:05:32,560
Speaker 1: so beautiful for me, my moment of truth. I'm sticking

1332
01:05:32,560 --> 01:05:35,840
Speaker 1: with the whole Superman theme and being married and being

1333
01:05:35,880 --> 01:05:38,640
Speaker 1: married for for so long is just the realization that

1334
01:05:39,960 --> 01:05:43,120
Speaker 1: I don't have to be Superman. I married the right

1335
01:05:43,200 --> 01:05:47,440
Speaker 1: woman for me m and things aren't going to be perfect.

1336
01:05:48,280 --> 01:05:51,040
Speaker 1: And that's a realization that a lot of people don't.

1337
01:05:51,520 --> 01:05:54,800
Speaker 1: They don't understand. They feel like, Okay, I married this person,

1338
01:05:55,520 --> 01:05:58,160
Speaker 1: they should be perfect. To me. Everything she goes smoothly, smoothly,

1339
01:05:58,240 --> 01:06:01,600
Speaker 1: And if you have that perspective that Okay, now this

1340
01:06:01,640 --> 01:06:05,520
Speaker 1: person has to be perfect than that relationship or marriage

1341
01:06:05,720 --> 01:06:07,840
Speaker 1: or what have you is doom from the start, because

1342
01:06:07,880 --> 01:06:12,360
Speaker 1: that's an expectation that nobody can meet. But just because

1343
01:06:12,400 --> 01:06:16,680
Speaker 1: things aren't perfect don't mean they aren't great. And so

1344
01:06:16,840 --> 01:06:19,280
Speaker 1: for me realizing that I don't have to be Superman,

1345
01:06:19,520 --> 01:06:24,080
Speaker 1: that I married a woman who allows me to realize

1346
01:06:24,120 --> 01:06:27,600
Speaker 1: that that, Okay, if I'm not Superman, I'm gonna be

1347
01:06:27,680 --> 01:06:30,120
Speaker 1: fine because of the partner I chose to walk through

1348
01:06:30,200 --> 01:06:34,520
Speaker 1: life with. And so just to revert back to like

1349
01:06:34,560 --> 01:06:38,400
Speaker 1: I said, it's it's a lifetime commitment of trying. It's

1350
01:06:38,480 --> 01:06:41,920
Speaker 1: trying not always succeeding because you're gonna try things that

1351
01:06:42,000 --> 01:06:45,640
Speaker 1: aren't gonna work. And so it's kind of like you

1352
01:06:45,680 --> 01:06:48,080
Speaker 1: go through these trials and you'll get to a point

1353
01:06:48,240 --> 01:06:52,760
Speaker 1: over however many years that Okay, this works. Okay, that

1354
01:06:52,800 --> 01:06:55,880
Speaker 1: didn't work, This works, and that eliminates a lot of

1355
01:06:55,920 --> 01:06:57,720
Speaker 1: the things and a lot of issues and problems you

1356
01:06:57,800 --> 01:07:00,720
Speaker 1: had earlier on in the marriage. And so that's my

1357
01:07:00,800 --> 01:07:03,720
Speaker 1: moment of truth. You know, the person, you don't have

1358
01:07:03,760 --> 01:07:07,760
Speaker 1: to be superman if you got the right woman, that's yeah,

1359
01:07:07,840 --> 01:07:09,560
Speaker 1: And I love and and I would even go as

1360
01:07:09,600 --> 01:07:11,720
Speaker 1: far as to say, instead of trying, you're actually doing,

1361
01:07:12,000 --> 01:07:14,600
Speaker 1: and you're using the information of the results of your

1362
01:07:14,600 --> 01:07:16,920
Speaker 1: of what you're doing, like you're not even trying thing,

1363
01:07:16,960 --> 01:07:18,880
Speaker 1: you're literally doing it. And that's I just want to

1364
01:07:18,920 --> 01:07:22,080
Speaker 1: make sure that's honored. Because you're trying. That's the real thing.

1365
01:07:22,240 --> 01:07:24,640
Speaker 1: And so and I love what you said because and

1366
01:07:24,640 --> 01:07:26,280
Speaker 1: this can also be part of my moment moment of truth.

1367
01:07:26,320 --> 01:07:28,040
Speaker 1: And in something else I'll share on top of it

1368
01:07:28,080 --> 01:07:31,560
Speaker 1: is it's always gonna be about resilience, not perfection. Right,

1369
01:07:31,720 --> 01:07:33,800
Speaker 1: the structure of existence is perfect. All of that is

1370
01:07:33,880 --> 01:07:36,720
Speaker 1: handled on how things operate. But this game for us

1371
01:07:36,800 --> 01:07:39,960
Speaker 1: is we're constantly meeting new edges of ourselves. We're constantly

1372
01:07:40,000 --> 01:07:42,320
Speaker 1: growing into more, We're constantly discovering more of what it

1373
01:07:42,320 --> 01:07:44,720
Speaker 1: means to be um, to be a man, to be

1374
01:07:44,760 --> 01:07:47,880
Speaker 1: a woman, to be creative, to be healthy, to be

1375
01:07:47,960 --> 01:07:50,479
Speaker 1: all these things. And there's so much more to expand into.

1376
01:07:50,480 --> 01:07:53,480
Speaker 1: So along the way, will make decisions, you'll get different results.

1377
01:07:53,480 --> 01:07:55,240
Speaker 1: There will be plot twist, the will be university. But

1378
01:07:55,280 --> 01:07:57,520
Speaker 1: the whole point is that you continue to step forward

1379
01:07:57,520 --> 01:07:59,960
Speaker 1: and meet yourself. And so if you have a conversation

1380
01:08:00,160 --> 01:08:02,400
Speaker 1: and you don't you say something different than what you

1381
01:08:02,400 --> 01:08:04,760
Speaker 1: actually wanted to say. It's the opportunity with that awareness

1382
01:08:04,800 --> 01:08:06,280
Speaker 1: to be resilient enough to go slow me make this

1383
01:08:06,280 --> 01:08:09,040
Speaker 1: a jo you know what I mean. And that's that's

1384
01:08:09,040 --> 01:08:12,000
Speaker 1: always the game. It's it's with the information I receive,

1385
01:08:12,680 --> 01:08:15,280
Speaker 1: do I compound my choices because it is actually getting

1386
01:08:15,280 --> 01:08:17,320
Speaker 1: the results I'm looking for? Or do I make adjustments?

1387
01:08:17,400 --> 01:08:19,600
Speaker 1: So we keep looking where the synergy is, where the

1388
01:08:19,600 --> 01:08:21,840
Speaker 1: harmony is, where the health is, where the optimization is,

1389
01:08:22,439 --> 01:08:25,400
Speaker 1: and that space for us and this is for men

1390
01:08:25,439 --> 01:08:28,760
Speaker 1: and women. It's important. What I've seen the same things

1391
01:08:28,760 --> 01:08:33,240
Speaker 1: that make all relationships work, um communication, the ability honor

1392
01:08:33,280 --> 01:08:36,880
Speaker 1: everyone's sovereignty and be in having a shared resonance. The

1393
01:08:36,960 --> 01:08:39,040
Speaker 1: moment of shared residence changes, meaning that you're no longer

1394
01:08:39,040 --> 01:08:40,840
Speaker 1: on the same page, or that your direction of life

1395
01:08:40,880 --> 01:08:43,880
Speaker 1: is changing, so does the relationship dynamic. But even as

1396
01:08:43,920 --> 01:08:47,280
Speaker 1: you grow to share, residance can always remain. And that

1397
01:08:47,280 --> 01:08:50,120
Speaker 1: that is what I've seen as a really important key

1398
01:08:50,200 --> 01:08:55,240
Speaker 1: UM too amazing relationships because everyone's at some point, everyone

1399
01:08:55,280 --> 01:08:57,920
Speaker 1: has to own themselves fully. If it's absolutely at some point,

1400
01:08:57,960 --> 01:08:59,920
Speaker 1: everyone has to be considered the other person, because if

1401
01:09:00,439 --> 01:09:02,519
Speaker 1: if you're in a relationship and you're only thinking about yourself,

1402
01:09:02,840 --> 01:09:06,000
Speaker 1: why are you there? Right, you're choosing to be in

1403
01:09:06,000 --> 01:09:08,000
Speaker 1: a dynamic with someone to be considerate of them, and

1404
01:09:08,040 --> 01:09:10,320
Speaker 1: that's absolutely invitation. But that what that means, though, is

1405
01:09:10,560 --> 01:09:12,880
Speaker 1: you said, and you said it perfectly. No one ever

1406
01:09:12,920 --> 01:09:15,559
Speaker 1: makes us feel anything. We choose how we feel in

1407
01:09:15,600 --> 01:09:18,559
Speaker 1: relation to how we're perceiving something, and so our ability

1408
01:09:18,560 --> 01:09:20,559
Speaker 1: to own that and go, listen, I feel like this,

1409
01:09:20,640 --> 01:09:21,920
Speaker 1: and I want to I want to have this moment

1410
01:09:21,960 --> 01:09:24,960
Speaker 1: to talk to you about it, and owning that, the

1411
01:09:25,040 --> 01:09:27,519
Speaker 1: space gets created for that to be received. And if

1412
01:09:27,520 --> 01:09:29,719
Speaker 1: you're with a partner that actually wants to own themselves

1413
01:09:29,760 --> 01:09:32,400
Speaker 1: and see the relationship thrive, they'll meet that. If they

1414
01:09:32,400 --> 01:09:34,640
Speaker 1: don't want to meet that, it's now a different conversation

1415
01:09:34,880 --> 01:09:37,880
Speaker 1: that see, But that's important for people to realize accountability

1416
01:09:37,920 --> 01:09:40,000
Speaker 1: is important. But if you realize your partner never wants

1417
01:09:40,000 --> 01:09:42,479
Speaker 1: to be accountable, that's a different conversation. Why are we

1418
01:09:42,520 --> 01:09:45,480
Speaker 1: even together if you're not even trying to be accountable

1419
01:09:45,520 --> 01:09:47,280
Speaker 1: for the things that you can change. If it's always

1420
01:09:47,360 --> 01:09:50,840
Speaker 1: me all the time, we need to have a different conversation.

1421
01:09:51,120 --> 01:09:54,360
Speaker 1: So fellas. One more thing, I don't know what it's

1422
01:09:54,520 --> 01:09:56,600
Speaker 1: on time. One more thing, moment of truth and this

1423
01:09:56,680 --> 01:09:59,799
Speaker 1: is for for men specifically. You must have an outlet

1424
01:09:59,800 --> 01:10:03,799
Speaker 1: of so report that is not you escaping so friends

1425
01:10:04,120 --> 01:10:06,400
Speaker 1: rather brother brotherhood, whatever. You gotta need to find a

1426
01:10:06,479 --> 01:10:08,760
Speaker 1: space that you can actually express yourself and be held

1427
01:10:08,760 --> 01:10:12,200
Speaker 1: in support and guided in a healthy way. Find it, like,

1428
01:10:12,560 --> 01:10:14,240
Speaker 1: open yourself up to it's out there. If you want

1429
01:10:14,240 --> 01:10:16,360
Speaker 1: to hit devot, hit me up, you know, like whatever

1430
01:10:16,360 --> 01:10:18,559
Speaker 1: you want to get there is important. There's there's avenues

1431
01:10:18,560 --> 01:10:22,599
Speaker 1: and support systems, and it is no longer. It's now

1432
01:10:23,200 --> 01:10:26,439
Speaker 1: fully aware that suppressing your emotions and running from them

1433
01:10:26,479 --> 01:10:28,400
Speaker 1: isn't the answer. It's not healthy and it's going to

1434
01:10:28,520 --> 01:10:30,840
Speaker 1: lead to all kinds of distoration of your life. So

1435
01:10:31,280 --> 01:10:34,360
Speaker 1: it's important to now like drop the guard and find

1436
01:10:34,360 --> 01:10:36,000
Speaker 1: a space where you can feel safe enough to be

1437
01:10:36,120 --> 01:10:38,640
Speaker 1: vulnerable and share. UM. That would be something else. I

1438
01:10:38,640 --> 01:10:41,360
Speaker 1: wanted to make sure this kids not keV. I appreciate you, Trinity,

1439
01:10:41,360 --> 01:10:43,160
Speaker 1: I appreciate you. Before we leave. Make sure you tell

1440
01:10:43,160 --> 01:10:46,400
Speaker 1: everybody what they could find you. What's your social media handles, websites,

1441
01:10:46,439 --> 01:10:51,320
Speaker 1: all that um Trinity white Side, Instagram, Trinity Underscore White Side,

1442
01:10:51,479 --> 01:10:56,760
Speaker 1: Twitter at he Man Underscore eighty two and Trinity white

1443
01:10:56,800 --> 01:11:02,360
Speaker 1: Side on Facebook as well. Appreciate you, um So, Kevin Walton.

1444
01:11:02,400 --> 01:11:05,920
Speaker 1: I'm at Source Radiance on Instagram, Source Radiance on YouTube,

1445
01:11:06,479 --> 01:11:09,960
Speaker 1: Soce Radiance on Twitter. His nicker name is Source Radiance.

1446
01:11:11,040 --> 01:11:13,320
Speaker 1: You know what type of alignment you have to have

1447
01:11:13,400 --> 01:11:16,519
Speaker 1: in your life to be a black man named Source

1448
01:11:16,640 --> 01:11:20,760
Speaker 1: Radiance on social media, I rock rock and every time

1449
01:11:20,760 --> 01:11:23,559
Speaker 1: I see you'd be smiling because you're not married. But

1450
01:11:24,640 --> 01:11:27,479
Speaker 1: I'm gonna just let that rock though you you deflected

1451
01:11:27,520 --> 01:11:29,919
Speaker 1: on it. But you're watching The Secrets to the Universe.

1452
01:11:30,040 --> 01:11:33,440
Speaker 1: You know you just got Yeah, I feel a complete opposite.

1453
01:11:33,439 --> 01:11:36,160
Speaker 1: Look if my wife is listening to watching, I didn't

1454
01:11:36,160 --> 01:11:40,160
Speaker 1: mean anything. I would just supposed to be our brotherhood,

1455
01:11:40,280 --> 01:11:42,840
Speaker 1: supposed to be the Brothers Circle. I was performing. If

1456
01:11:42,880 --> 01:11:44,760
Speaker 1: you need anything to eat, if you need me to

1457
01:11:44,800 --> 01:11:48,759
Speaker 1: break up, just text me. See brother he already built

1458
01:11:48,800 --> 01:11:53,000
Speaker 1: on this Brothers messed up. I'm stand on this block

1459
01:11:53,120 --> 01:11:55,560
Speaker 1: by myself. It's cold out here. That's why I'm the

1460
01:11:55,600 --> 01:11:58,479
Speaker 1: only one drinking see the gout water. But I got

1461
01:11:58,479 --> 01:12:01,920
Speaker 1: some Hendason here. You can be sure to find us

1462
01:12:01,960 --> 01:12:04,640
Speaker 1: on social Media at dead as the Podcast because d

1463
01:12:04,720 --> 01:12:06,760
Speaker 1: N I am y'all know her. That's my beautiful wife,

1464
01:12:06,760 --> 01:12:09,280
Speaker 1: and I am devout And if you're listening on Apple podcast,

1465
01:12:09,320 --> 01:12:13,200
Speaker 1: be sure to rate, review and subscribe and you know what,

1466
01:12:13,280 --> 01:12:19,360
Speaker 1: people we out. Dead as dead Ass is a production

1467
01:12:19,400 --> 01:12:22,000
Speaker 1: of I Heart Media podcast Network and is produced by

1468
01:12:22,040 --> 01:12:25,800
Speaker 1: the Norapinia and Triple Follow the podcast on social media

1469
01:12:25,880 --> 01:12:28,160
Speaker 1: at dead as the Podcasts and never miss a thing