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In fact, I think 0:01:43.120 --> 0:01:45.520 I'm sleeping better, and if I'm going to be woken 0:01:45.600 --> 0:01:47.360 up by my kids in the morning, it feels pretty 0:01:47.440 --> 0:01:49.680 nice to wake up feeling good and on top of things. 0:01:51.120 --> 0:01:54.000 If you've tried Applos, tell me what you think, and 0:01:54.080 --> 0:01:56.560 if not, it's one of those things you discover and 0:01:56.600 --> 0:01:59.480 you just want to tell everyone about it. If you've 0:01:59.480 --> 0:02:01.960 been trying to drink less alcohol or even hoping to 0:02:01.960 --> 0:02:06.600 go weekday sober, I one hundred percent recommend Applos. I 0:02:06.640 --> 0:02:08.919 believe in it so much I'm even investing in the 0:02:08.960 --> 0:02:12.680 company myself. I find it easiest to buy it online 0:02:12.760 --> 0:02:16.440 at applos dot world. Use code Emily at checkout for 0:02:16.520 --> 0:02:19.200 fifteen percent off your first order. I can't wait to 0:02:19.240 --> 0:02:35.040 hear how you enjoy it. It's like you rather tell 0:02:35.040 --> 0:02:36.799 somebody you have cancer than say that you had a miscarriage. 0:02:36.840 --> 0:02:46.760 People don't know how to react, especially back then. Welcome 0:02:46.800 --> 0:02:52.120 to She Pivots. I'm your host, Emily Tish Sussman. In 0:02:52.200 --> 0:02:54.920 twenty eighteen, I went through my own pivot. I had 0:02:55.000 --> 0:02:58.560 left my decade long political career in DC after having 0:02:58.560 --> 0:03:01.560 my first two kids during the Trump presidency and felt 0:03:01.680 --> 0:03:05.280 burnt out. At the time. I felt like I had 0:03:05.320 --> 0:03:08.160 lost my sense of myself and my idea of success. 0:03:08.760 --> 0:03:11.240 But after talking with so many interesting women on this 0:03:11.320 --> 0:03:14.680 show and beyond, I began to realize that so many 0:03:14.720 --> 0:03:18.560 women had pivoted due to personal reasons, and they still 0:03:18.600 --> 0:03:23.000 found success through non traditional paths. This new show celebrates 0:03:23.040 --> 0:03:25.600 these stories, and I'm so excited to bring them to 0:03:25.639 --> 0:03:32.880 you with She Pivots. You may have heard of Reshma's 0:03:32.880 --> 0:03:36.440 and Johnny from her incredibly successful organization Girls Who Code, 0:03:37.000 --> 0:03:40.400 or her books Brave Not Perfect in pay Up, or 0:03:40.440 --> 0:03:42.680 maybe you heard her talk about her Marshall plan for 0:03:42.800 --> 0:03:46.040 moms or perhaps you even caught her commencement speech for 0:03:46.160 --> 0:03:49.680 Yale this year. I've known Reshma for over a decade, 0:03:49.800 --> 0:03:53.040 and her drive and passion for change never seems to waiver. 0:03:53.840 --> 0:03:56.560 She's a fierce advocate for women and girls and has 0:03:56.600 --> 0:03:59.400 never been one to shy away from the issue. She's 0:03:59.440 --> 0:04:02.480 an inspiration for me and for so many others, and 0:04:02.520 --> 0:04:06.160 her ambition has led to her incredible success. So how 0:04:06.200 --> 0:04:08.760 did Reshma go from what looked like the top of 0:04:08.800 --> 0:04:12.800 her career to dismantling the idea of success for women 0:04:13.120 --> 0:04:15.680 and realizing that the ideas of corporate feminism that she 0:04:15.720 --> 0:04:19.039 was peddling in her many speeches was exactly what harmed 0:04:19.080 --> 0:04:22.480 women and mothers like her. Layered on top of her 0:04:22.520 --> 0:04:26.680 struggles with fertility, Reshma's journey to success is not what 0:04:26.720 --> 0:04:31.960 you might expect. Rashma sa Johnny. I am a mom, 0:04:32.880 --> 0:04:34.839 the CEO of marshal m and for Moms, and the 0:04:34.880 --> 0:04:37.960 founder of Girls. Who coulde you have had an incredibly 0:04:38.000 --> 0:04:42.080 successful career by any definition? Were you always so ambitious? Oh? 0:04:42.120 --> 0:04:45.960 My god, Yes, I was always so ambitious, you know, 0:04:46.000 --> 0:04:49.040 as my parents' careers refugees, So I was like an 0:04:49.120 --> 0:04:51.480 Indian girl whose parents were like, you can be a doctor, 0:04:51.480 --> 0:04:55.040 a lawyer, or an engineer. So you know, education was 0:04:55.080 --> 0:04:57.800 really stressed in our family. I also think we're a 0:04:57.880 --> 0:05:00.480 very young age. I just wanted to get out of 0:05:00.480 --> 0:05:03.880 my working class neighborhood, get out of you know, Schamberg, Illinois, 0:05:04.600 --> 0:05:07.400 and really always had my sights on like making a 0:05:07.440 --> 0:05:10.360 difference in the world. So yes, what did you think 0:05:10.480 --> 0:05:13.320 getting out looked like? Like Like? What did success look like? Well, 0:05:13.320 --> 0:05:15.440 I would say I think success looked like me going 0:05:15.480 --> 0:05:18.680 to Yale Law School. Returning to Yale for our keynote address, 0:05:18.960 --> 0:05:21.560 Rush Meshiel Johnny comes to share her journey and the 0:05:21.560 --> 0:05:23.920 wisdom collected along the way with the class of twenty 0:05:24.000 --> 0:05:26.480 twenty two. So without further ado, please join me and 0:05:26.520 --> 0:05:34.240 welcoming back to Yale. This rosh Meshio Johnny. Very it 0:05:34.279 --> 0:05:37.479 is an honor to be here. I want to thank you, know, 0:05:37.600 --> 0:05:40.800 like basically finding the most elite institution to accept you 0:05:41.040 --> 0:05:44.280 and validate you and getting there as fast as you could. 0:05:44.839 --> 0:05:49.719 I was going through my middle school yearbook and the 0:05:49.760 --> 0:05:52.680 reason why I was I was I was in a 0:05:52.760 --> 0:05:56.000 very serious fight when I was in eighth grade. I 0:05:56.000 --> 0:05:58.599 got beat up because I was a brown girl, and 0:05:59.480 --> 0:06:01.800 message and I were bullied in school. And she was 0:06:01.839 --> 0:06:04.120 telling me when I had seen her about a few 0:06:04.120 --> 0:06:05.560 months ago that the girl who had bullied her at 0:06:05.560 --> 0:06:08.279 school had actually facebooked her and she was like a 0:06:08.279 --> 0:06:12.159 mom of three, and she had apologized. And as my 0:06:12.200 --> 0:06:14.039 sister was telling me kind of her story, I was 0:06:14.080 --> 0:06:18.279 thinking of my own and trying to remember this my 0:06:18.400 --> 0:06:21.000 you know, one of my friends, you know, Fudoh, who 0:06:21.040 --> 0:06:24.040 had take walked me home after I had been beaten 0:06:24.120 --> 0:06:27.320 up with a baseball bat in the tennis racket. And 0:06:27.400 --> 0:06:29.520 so I was asking my dad do you remember her? 0:06:29.600 --> 0:06:31.680 Do you remember where she lives? And so my dad 0:06:31.680 --> 0:06:33.320 had pulled out because you know, I was coming home 0:06:33.760 --> 0:06:36.520 all of the yearbooks. So I and it was like 0:06:36.560 --> 0:06:40.640 I kind of just relived that experience. So maybe it 0:06:40.680 --> 0:06:42.480 was part of being in a community that I didn't 0:06:42.480 --> 0:06:46.200 feel accepted, you know, maybe it was part of again 0:06:46.440 --> 0:06:48.960 just this I just always I just remember laying down 0:06:49.600 --> 0:06:53.080 on the grass looking at the clouds, just waiting for 0:06:53.240 --> 0:06:56.440 quote life to begin and for me to you know, 0:06:56.600 --> 0:06:59.360 I just never felt like I belonged where I grew up. 0:06:59.880 --> 0:07:01.880 I will say that when my sister told me that 0:07:02.240 --> 0:07:06.039 she got that apology. I was like, you know, I 0:07:06.040 --> 0:07:08.320 had blocked so much of it out that I was like, gosh, 0:07:08.920 --> 0:07:12.400 I did kind of relive it all, you know. So 0:07:12.520 --> 0:07:14.280 that's a little bit of That's where kind of ambition 0:07:14.360 --> 0:07:17.880 comes from. I think if you are you know, especially 0:07:17.880 --> 0:07:20.000 I think a woman of color, or you know, even 0:07:20.000 --> 0:07:22.800 if there's something about you that's different, and you're in 0:07:22.840 --> 0:07:25.320 a community or a school or a group where you 0:07:25.440 --> 0:07:28.760 just don't feel like you belong, you're always kind of 0:07:28.800 --> 0:07:31.160 dreaming of getting out. And I think in many ways 0:07:31.160 --> 0:07:35.040 that's where my ambition began. I think for a lot 0:07:35.080 --> 0:07:37.960 of people, it drives them maybe inward, like not to 0:07:37.960 --> 0:07:40.840 be quite as successful as you had been. You know, 0:07:40.880 --> 0:07:43.400 you said you thought about success being going to Yell 0:07:43.440 --> 0:07:45.680 law school. Did you think about success beyond that, Like, 0:07:45.720 --> 0:07:48.160 did you envision what a life would look like? Yeah, 0:07:48.160 --> 0:07:51.000 oh gosh see, I think so. You know, some of 0:07:51.000 --> 0:07:54.520 the greatest athletes in the world always had this moment 0:07:55.360 --> 0:07:57.600 where it should have happened for them. They should have 0:07:57.600 --> 0:07:59.760 made that shot, they should have gotten on that team, 0:08:00.000 --> 0:08:02.760 they should have been the first NBA draft pick, and 0:08:02.800 --> 0:08:05.720 they didn't. And some of the greatest athletes always carry 0:08:06.080 --> 0:08:10.080 that chip on that shoulder, so I excel from having 0:08:10.080 --> 0:08:12.320 the chip on my shoulder, you know what I mean. 0:08:12.440 --> 0:08:14.840 So I always felt like, you know, for college, I 0:08:14.840 --> 0:08:16.320 had to go to the University of Illinois because my 0:08:16.320 --> 0:08:18.760 parents couldn't afford University of Michigan, which is where I 0:08:18.800 --> 0:08:21.400 really wanted to go. You know, I never got into 0:08:21.480 --> 0:08:23.679 I finally got into yet law school after three times 0:08:23.760 --> 0:08:26.920 after trying, never won my congressional race or my public 0:08:26.920 --> 0:08:31.280 advocate race. So I have a lot of things right, 0:08:32.160 --> 0:08:33.839 and I wasn't gonna let motherhood be one of those 0:08:33.880 --> 0:08:36.400 things right where it was like I wanted to be 0:08:36.440 --> 0:08:39.080 a mom and I didn't have an easy pathway there. 0:08:39.440 --> 0:08:42.160 And so I am definitely the girl who has her 0:08:42.200 --> 0:08:44.640 back up against the wall. The thing that I feel 0:08:44.640 --> 0:08:48.079 like I've earned or I deserve or I have worked 0:08:48.080 --> 0:08:50.599 really hard for doesn't happen for me. You know. I 0:08:50.640 --> 0:08:52.520 think a lot of people don't realize that, you know, 0:08:52.559 --> 0:08:55.520 as they're like reading my resume, but it's very true 0:08:55.559 --> 0:08:59.120 for me. And I think for me that creates it's okay, 0:08:59.160 --> 0:09:01.600 I'm going to show you all right, cool, like don't 0:09:01.640 --> 0:09:04.160 let me in like a drive one hundred percent one 0:09:04.200 --> 0:09:06.920 hundred percent. So you graduated ye law school and suddenly 0:09:07.000 --> 0:09:10.920 found yourself on Wall Street. Yeah, New York City. I 0:09:10.920 --> 0:09:13.280 had three hundred thousand dollars in student loan debt bush 0:09:13.640 --> 0:09:17.080 quote quote, I'm putting quotes. One. We all thought, yeah, 0:09:17.080 --> 0:09:19.200 we're all going to the DOJ. That didn't happen. So 0:09:19.360 --> 0:09:22.800 I guess it was Davis Polk, you know, And I'm 0:09:22.840 --> 0:09:26.040 now a corporate lawyer, you know, working in New York City. 0:09:26.559 --> 0:09:30.280 I was, I was naive. I knew I loved my 0:09:30.280 --> 0:09:32.320 first Martin when I was thirteen. I knew that I 0:09:32.400 --> 0:09:34.599 wanted to be a public servant. I always thought I 0:09:34.600 --> 0:09:37.760 would run for office, and I thought that maybe I 0:09:37.760 --> 0:09:40.640 would go back to Chicago and do that. But I 0:09:40.679 --> 0:09:43.679 found myself in and I loved New York City. So 0:09:43.720 --> 0:09:46.040 I found myself in the city that I loved with 0:09:46.160 --> 0:09:49.199 a hell of a lot of debt, a really big paycheck, 0:09:49.800 --> 0:09:52.199 and I never really did the math, you know what 0:09:52.240 --> 0:09:55.680 I mean of like, well, actually, you know, it looks 0:09:55.800 --> 0:09:57.640 like you can make some dent, but you're just me 0:09:57.720 --> 0:10:01.040 paying off your interest and so so I naively just 0:10:01.080 --> 0:10:03.600 thought that I would like live New York fun life 0:10:04.400 --> 0:10:06.439 and make a little bit of money and pay off 0:10:06.440 --> 0:10:08.199 my dad and then maybe in a couple of years 0:10:08.200 --> 0:10:10.040 and I'll just I'll go then run for office and 0:10:10.080 --> 0:10:12.160 be a public servant. And it just didn't play out 0:10:12.240 --> 0:10:23.760 that way. After her life in the fast lane, she 0:10:23.920 --> 0:10:27.080 finally decided it was time to run for office. I'm 0:10:27.120 --> 0:10:31.320 happy to welcome Resma Sojohnny to the program today. Her 0:10:31.400 --> 0:10:35.080 name may sound familiar to you. In twenty ten, she 0:10:35.200 --> 0:10:38.080 ran for Congress in New York City. In twenty twelve, 0:10:38.080 --> 0:10:41.400 I became an upstart in a New York City congressional race. 0:10:42.120 --> 0:10:46.040 I swore I was going to win. I had the 0:10:46.120 --> 0:10:48.880 endorsement from the New York Daily News, the Wall Street 0:10:48.920 --> 0:10:52.520 Journals snapped pictures of me on election day, and CNBC 0:10:52.640 --> 0:10:55.160 called it one of the hottest races in the country. 0:10:55.559 --> 0:10:57.040 I mean, luc a lot of us, right, we were 0:10:57.040 --> 0:11:01.000 actively involved in politics, like Emily's List, DNC, we were 0:11:01.120 --> 0:11:04.839 organizing already. So you know, I'm thirty three years old. 0:11:05.160 --> 0:11:08.160 You know, Congress Maloney is talking about retiring. She was 0:11:08.200 --> 0:11:10.880 gonna run against Joel Brand Christen Joel Senator Jill Brand 0:11:10.920 --> 0:11:13.600 for the Senate. There might be this open house seat. 0:11:14.000 --> 0:11:16.440 I'm in a job. I hated. I've reached my final 0:11:17.200 --> 0:11:19.240 For me, I don't, but I often make decisions by 0:11:19.440 --> 0:11:21.920 hitting rock bottom. So I'm really in this job that 0:11:21.960 --> 0:11:24.600 I hate. I haven't made all that progress on my debt. 0:11:25.040 --> 0:11:27.680 I'm literally just, you know, a little piece of me 0:11:27.800 --> 0:11:31.679 is just dying a little bit every day. And somebody 0:11:31.760 --> 0:11:35.360 probably was like, oh, there's this congressional seat and you 0:11:35.360 --> 0:11:38.120 should run, not really thinking that I would actually do it. 0:11:38.520 --> 0:11:41.920 And I was like, oh, yeah, yeah, and you know, 0:11:42.080 --> 0:11:44.480 I kind of work myself up into doing that, and 0:11:44.520 --> 0:11:47.360 I just kind of very quit, and I'm like, I'm in, 0:11:47.880 --> 0:11:50.480 and you know, I have a lot of people around me. 0:11:51.160 --> 0:11:53.920 I'm fair very blessed about this, who like support my 0:11:53.920 --> 0:11:58.000 crazy ideas and who are like, yes, run like and 0:11:58.040 --> 0:12:00.360 I'm you know, and so I just side I was 0:12:00.360 --> 0:12:04.240 gonna run. And now she decides she's not retiring and 0:12:04.280 --> 0:12:07.480 she's not running for Senate. But now I've already made 0:12:07.520 --> 0:12:10.920 this decision. And you know, Emily, back then in twenty ten, 0:12:11.320 --> 0:12:15.439 no one challenged democratic primaries in the entire country. There 0:12:15.520 --> 0:12:18.880 was not one Democratic challenger. Now there's this woman in 0:12:18.960 --> 0:12:22.400 Rushmassa Johnny, who's thirty three years old, and she's doing 0:12:22.480 --> 0:12:25.199 what And I think because I didn't know any better 0:12:25.280 --> 0:12:27.920 and I wasn't part of the system. And as you know, 0:12:28.000 --> 0:12:30.440 we had this little whole crew of people that were 0:12:30.520 --> 0:12:33.839 kind of, you know again like progressive politics, wanted to 0:12:33.920 --> 0:12:36.080 change the world. We just thought we could like meet 0:12:36.120 --> 0:12:39.120 every voter and shake every hand. In many ways, it's 0:12:39.160 --> 0:12:42.040 what Okazio did, you know ten years later, But my 0:12:42.160 --> 0:12:45.320 recent turnout the way that hers did. When Reshma decided 0:12:45.360 --> 0:12:48.080 to run for office, it was twenty ten, right on 0:12:48.160 --> 0:12:50.480 the heels of the two thousand and eight election of 0:12:50.520 --> 0:12:54.280 President Barack Obama and the passage of the Affordable Care Act, 0:12:54.640 --> 0:12:58.560 the country as a whole felt uneasy with change. I mean, 0:12:58.600 --> 0:13:02.840 I remember Geraldine Ferraro Oh called my finance director and 0:13:02.960 --> 0:13:04.720 was like, she can't run. I mean, I had all 0:13:04.760 --> 0:13:08.400 these women who I admired who were just like not 0:13:08.559 --> 0:13:11.240 happy about it. I mean, I remember I went up 0:13:11.280 --> 0:13:13.160 to Glorious Steinem and She's like, why are you doing that? 0:13:13.640 --> 0:13:14.960 And that's where I read a book after that. You know, 0:13:14.960 --> 0:13:16.640 women don't wait in line, because it was I was 0:13:16.760 --> 0:13:20.520 constantly told it's not your turn. Wait in line, it's 0:13:20.520 --> 0:13:23.080 not your turn. And here I was, again this brown 0:13:23.120 --> 0:13:26.080 girl you know, it's daughter of refugees who supposed to 0:13:26.120 --> 0:13:29.240 represent everything that we were talking about doing in this country, 0:13:29.679 --> 0:13:33.360 and I was constantly silenced. But then we had this 0:13:33.440 --> 0:13:37.240 group of like young up and comers who were like, go, 0:13:37.240 --> 0:13:39.760 go go. I mean, John Legend did a concert for me, 0:13:40.000 --> 0:13:42.000 you know, Jack Dorsey hosted an event for me, And 0:13:42.080 --> 0:13:44.320 at that time, both of them were just kind of 0:13:44.800 --> 0:13:47.680 building in their career, and I think we all saw 0:13:47.760 --> 0:13:51.920 the same thing in one another. So it was it 0:13:51.960 --> 0:13:56.200 was just again so much courage of so many yourself 0:13:56.200 --> 0:13:59.680 included right, of so many people who were going against 0:13:59.760 --> 0:14:03.600 this SYS in this really powerful way. So we've alluded 0:14:03.600 --> 0:14:06.040 to it. You did not win the national not even 0:14:06.080 --> 0:14:10.640 closed crushed housed. In twenty ten, she ran for Congress 0:14:10.640 --> 0:14:14.240 in New York City but didn't win. In twenty thirteen, 0:14:14.679 --> 0:14:17.960 she ran in the Democratic primary for public Advocate, but 0:14:18.120 --> 0:14:21.280 lost in the crowded field that included Letitia James and 0:14:21.360 --> 0:14:26.359 Daniel Squadron. Really bad. I was broke, I was humiliated. 0:14:27.280 --> 0:14:29.680 I felt ashamed. People felt sorry for me, and I'm 0:14:29.680 --> 0:14:31.760 one of those people I hate when people feel sorry 0:14:31.800 --> 0:14:35.280 for me. But on election day, the polls were right, 0:14:36.040 --> 0:14:39.600 and I only got nineteen percent of the vote, and 0:14:39.680 --> 0:14:42.280 the same papers that said I was a rising political 0:14:42.280 --> 0:14:47.240 star now said I wasted one point three million dollars 0:14:47.760 --> 0:14:53.080 on six thousand, three hundred and twenty one votes. Don't 0:14:53.080 --> 0:14:59.600 do the math. It was humiliating. It was not even closed. 0:14:59.600 --> 0:15:02.640 It was and it was really sad because I really 0:15:02.640 --> 0:15:05.560 thought I was going to win, you know, I really did, 0:15:05.560 --> 0:15:07.400 because this is what happens. It's like you're on in 0:15:07.400 --> 0:15:09.040 the subway stop and people like I thought it for you, 0:15:09.080 --> 0:15:11.920 and finally it feels like everyone's wow, everyone's voting for me, 0:15:11.960 --> 0:15:14.840 Like this is happening. And I just thought I could 0:15:14.880 --> 0:15:17.040 meet every hand and shake every voter, and I just 0:15:17.080 --> 0:15:19.800 didn't realize. And We've got a lot of attention, a 0:15:19.880 --> 0:15:22.920 lot of press. I'd raised more than enough money, but 0:15:23.240 --> 0:15:25.280 you just can't beat the machine, especially in New York City. 0:15:25.320 --> 0:15:28.560 It's really hard. But I also made a lot of mistakes. 0:15:28.640 --> 0:15:32.320 I was so not comfortable being a candidate. It was 0:15:32.360 --> 0:15:35.040 just the way I dressed, like the what I said, 0:15:35.200 --> 0:15:37.880 and I just wasn't it wasn't the same. I wasn't 0:15:37.920 --> 0:15:40.400 the same person I am today, And so that was 0:15:40.440 --> 0:15:43.920 a very it was a really amazing experience because I 0:15:44.120 --> 0:15:47.160 learned so much. I feel like listening to you talk 0:15:47.160 --> 0:15:49.280 about it now, people will be surprised to find out 0:15:49.280 --> 0:15:51.320 the next thing you did was run for off as 0:15:51.320 --> 0:15:54.720 a guy. Yes, because that's what happens right when you're 0:15:54.760 --> 0:15:57.280 like because I you know, afterwards, I'm crushed, but I'm 0:15:57.320 --> 0:16:01.040 not crush crushed, like I'm like, Okay, I did that wrong. 0:16:01.120 --> 0:16:02.960 I did that wrong. I wouldn't have hired that person. 0:16:02.960 --> 0:16:04.720 I would have done this. I can do it again. 0:16:04.840 --> 0:16:08.520 Now I know how to win. I run again. I 0:16:08.560 --> 0:16:11.680 lose again. That they did you win? I run again. 0:16:11.720 --> 0:16:13.000 I losse again. And let me tell you the first 0:16:13.000 --> 0:16:16.760 time I ran, I didn't cry on election day, and 0:16:16.960 --> 0:16:18.760 I would argue that in many ways. I got over 0:16:18.800 --> 0:16:21.520 it pretty quickly because I was ready for the next race. 0:16:21.880 --> 0:16:24.960 I had like like an ambitious type a woman. I 0:16:25.040 --> 0:16:26.680 was like, okay, I know what I did wrong, and 0:16:26.680 --> 0:16:28.760 now I know what's to right. And then on my 0:16:28.840 --> 0:16:32.440 second race, I was like, oh gosh, they just don't 0:16:32.480 --> 0:16:36.920 want me. They just don't want to vote for me. 0:16:37.120 --> 0:16:41.040 Because I had run a perfect campaign. I had no regrets. 0:16:41.560 --> 0:16:45.760 I was me just like I am now. I you know, 0:16:46.040 --> 0:16:48.600 had understood, you know I knew who to hire, who 0:16:48.640 --> 0:16:50.080 not to hire. I knew who was lying to me, 0:16:50.120 --> 0:16:53.320 who wasn't lying to me, and they just didn't vote 0:16:53.360 --> 0:16:57.720 for me. And that was just crushing because it was literally, 0:16:57.720 --> 0:17:00.160 since I was thirteen, all I've wanted to do, who 0:17:00.440 --> 0:17:04.160 is serve in public office? And it was this realization 0:17:04.359 --> 0:17:09.080 then at thirty six or you know whatever, that oh 0:17:09.119 --> 0:17:21.760 this is this might not happen in my lifetime. How 0:17:21.800 --> 0:17:24.800 did that feel? It felt really rough. Also, I had 0:17:24.800 --> 0:17:26.560 a lot of you know, I had a miscarriage right 0:17:26.560 --> 0:17:28.560 in the beginning of it, So there was just a lot. 0:17:28.680 --> 0:17:32.359 There's a lot that happened in a lot of heart 0:17:32.400 --> 0:17:35.160 that I had put into it, and so I think 0:17:35.160 --> 0:17:36.800 it was just I think, yeah, it was devastating. It 0:17:36.840 --> 0:17:39.480 was really devastating. It's still very devastating in some ways. 0:17:39.560 --> 0:17:41.879 The second one was much harder, much harder. Maybe I 0:17:41.920 --> 0:17:45.159 got more votes, I got more votes, you know, I 0:17:45.200 --> 0:17:48.320 was again, had no regrets. It didn't one would argue. 0:17:48.320 --> 0:17:50.800 In many ways it helped my career afterwards. I didn't 0:17:50.800 --> 0:17:52.560 have a lot of enemies. I had people who kind 0:17:52.560 --> 0:17:55.760 of supported me afterwards, but it was a little bit like, oh, 0:17:55.800 --> 0:17:58.560 this might not happen for me in this lifetime. So 0:17:58.960 --> 0:18:01.000 you mentioned that you had beennant and then lost that 0:18:01.040 --> 0:18:05.000 pregnancy on that race was running for office, lining up 0:18:05.160 --> 0:18:08.280 with you thinking about beginning a family. Yeah, because I 0:18:08.280 --> 0:18:09.359 mean I write a by this. I thought I was 0:18:09.359 --> 0:18:11.240 gonna be like the you know, Rosie the Riveter pregnant 0:18:11.240 --> 0:18:14.720 on the campaign trail, and the vision of it was 0:18:14.800 --> 0:18:18.080 just so perfect, and so it just yeah, it was 0:18:18.160 --> 0:18:23.080 never again. I had also lined everything up that I 0:18:23.119 --> 0:18:25.359 thought the baby, if I had a baby, you know, 0:18:25.440 --> 0:18:28.639 in this moment, it would just be, you know again, 0:18:28.760 --> 0:18:31.560 part of the story, not not get in the way 0:18:31.600 --> 0:18:34.919 of it. She'd always seen herself as a mom, but 0:18:35.040 --> 0:18:37.680 she was also socialized to believe that being a mom 0:18:37.920 --> 0:18:40.040 needed to be done in secret. I always wanted to 0:18:40.040 --> 0:18:42.280 be a mom. I like lived with stuffed animals all 0:18:42.320 --> 0:18:46.280 surrounded around me. I was obsessed with my cabbage patch 0:18:46.359 --> 0:18:53.199 kid doll. I loved babies, always, always, always, always desperately 0:18:53.240 --> 0:18:55.560 wanted to be a mom. I got pregnant while I'm like, 0:18:55.760 --> 0:18:58.320 you know again, about to launch my campaign, and I'm 0:18:58.440 --> 0:19:00.760 and get married, Oh my god, and I'm like this 0:19:00.880 --> 0:19:04.399 is great. I'm not like, oh shit, you know, this 0:19:04.560 --> 0:19:07.520 is not good. This is not good timing. I was 0:19:07.560 --> 0:19:09.439 not worried about it. I was actually excited about it. 0:19:09.600 --> 0:19:13.160 You know, being a candidate is physically very grueling, very grueling. 0:19:13.280 --> 0:19:15.359 Was it something that you took into consideration once you 0:19:15.400 --> 0:19:17.679 found out you were pregnant. No, I was just like 0:19:17.920 --> 0:19:20.800 naive and you know, listen to you know, and then I, 0:19:21.000 --> 0:19:23.440 you know, miscarried within twelve or thirteen weeks. So the 0:19:23.520 --> 0:19:26.159 dream was very small, you know what I meant, It 0:19:26.160 --> 0:19:29.919 didn't last long enough. But I think that I yeah, no, 0:19:30.000 --> 0:19:31.720 I think I think I thought we could all handle it. 0:19:31.760 --> 0:19:34.080 But also it's because like listen, I think, I think 0:19:34.119 --> 0:19:37.479 I've learned so much about the way people's bodies have 0:19:37.600 --> 0:19:41.920 to be built in order to carry pregnancies and carrie, 0:19:42.520 --> 0:19:45.520 you know, whatever they're doing physically, like my surguit. Amber 0:19:46.119 --> 0:19:50.320 is just physically, like meant, her body is just so 0:19:50.359 --> 0:19:53.560 she can be you know, an ear nurse and be 0:19:53.680 --> 0:19:55.440 on her feet as she was when she carried SI 0:19:56.160 --> 0:19:59.800 all night long and with the baby, and she's good, right. 0:20:00.119 --> 0:20:02.879 I never could do that, and when I was pretty 0:20:02.920 --> 0:20:04.480 much on bed rest by the time I had shot. 0:20:04.680 --> 0:20:08.360 You know, did it change your vision of yourself as 0:20:08.440 --> 0:20:11.200 the candidate. Did you think that you could still run? 0:20:11.240 --> 0:20:13.719 I mean, you clearly kept running, But did you mean 0:20:14.480 --> 0:20:16.840 after I miscarried? Yeah, did it change your vision of 0:20:17.440 --> 0:20:19.560 yourself in the role? You know? I think it did. 0:20:19.600 --> 0:20:21.679 I think in many ways it started what became a 0:20:21.720 --> 0:20:27.480 bad habit of being able to compartmentalize pregnancy loss with 0:20:27.520 --> 0:20:31.119 what was happening in my life, and so it became 0:20:31.240 --> 0:20:40.400 the beginning of many miscarriages that happened alongside many professional moments. 0:20:40.840 --> 0:20:43.760 The irony of the situation could not be more stark. 0:20:44.240 --> 0:20:48.840 Reshma did her TED talk titled Teach Girl's Bravery not Perfection. 0:20:49.400 --> 0:20:52.840 It's a powerful speech, but in contrast to her personal story, 0:20:52.920 --> 0:20:56.960 it's heartbreaking. The image of the girl boss Reshma had 0:20:56.960 --> 0:21:00.320 carefully constructed in her head slowly began to frack. Sure, 0:21:00.920 --> 0:21:04.119 no one talked about it, so I didn't really have 0:21:04.200 --> 0:21:07.360 anyone to talk to about it. No one said to me, Hey, 0:21:07.400 --> 0:21:09.679 you probably shouldn't go make that speech after you just 0:21:09.720 --> 0:21:12.360 walked out of the doctor's office and didn't have a heartbeat, 0:21:12.920 --> 0:21:16.359 because I think there's so much shame and silence around you. 0:21:16.560 --> 0:21:18.760 It's so amazing today that we would talk about getting 0:21:18.840 --> 0:21:21.639 days off to grieve once you have a miscarriage. That 0:21:21.840 --> 0:21:24.439 was not at all part of even the conversation or 0:21:24.480 --> 0:21:27.679 of what people did. So in many ways, one I 0:21:27.720 --> 0:21:31.240 think I thought that that was just the price of motherhood, 0:21:31.280 --> 0:21:33.880 of wanting to be a mom, of wanting of being 0:21:33.880 --> 0:21:38.000 a boss, a girl boss, that like, shit happens and 0:21:38.080 --> 0:21:41.040 it sucks, but you got to keep on moving and 0:21:41.600 --> 0:21:45.879 how unhealthy and it. Ironically, it wasn't until after I 0:21:45.920 --> 0:21:48.399 had my kid that I looked back at that period 0:21:48.400 --> 0:21:51.240