Speaker 1: Let's talk about the holidays. Let's talk about the stress
Speaker 1: of the holidays. Let's talk about the emotion of the holidays.
Speaker 1: Let's try to lock the door before we get robbed. Okay,
Speaker 1: the holidays are here. It's a combination of the changing
Speaker 1: of the seasons. If you're in a colder climate, daylight, savings, darkness.
Speaker 1: You know, these things affect our lives as a result
Speaker 1: of this change in temperature and light.
Speaker 2: We also eat differently, and the way that when we eat.
Speaker 1: Differently, we can get more depressed, have more anxiety. If
Speaker 1: you're drinking more, you're going to experience more anxiety and depression.
Speaker 1: If you're eating more sugar, you're going to experience more
Speaker 1: anxiety and depression. You're going to feel more anxious. The
Speaker 1: holidays are coming. It's subconscious, it's conscious or making plans.
Speaker 1: You're already bracing yourselves for who you're going to be seeing,
Speaker 1: who you have to make plans with, who's not doing
Speaker 1: what you need them to do, who you don't want
Speaker 1: to spend time with, who you are obligated to spend
Speaker 1: time with. You have to co exist with exes, and
Speaker 1: you have to blend families with new partners or if
Speaker 1: you are in a relationship with someone who has their
Speaker 1: own kids from their own divorces.
Speaker 2: It's kind of a shit show.
Speaker 1: So this is the time when you have to reduce
Speaker 1: your drinking ironically because it's the season for drinking. Increase
Speaker 1: your hydration, start doing things that will calm you down,
Speaker 1: taking walks, meditating, if possible, doing yoga. I just went
Speaker 1: up in my room that's upstairs at my house and
Speaker 1: just started doing yoga, like for twenty minutes on one
Speaker 1: of these apps. I'm a little unhinged. I'm feeling it.
Speaker 1: It's coming and everyone has their own relationship to it.
Speaker 1: Some people have a relationship to it because of their divorce.
Speaker 1: I have a relationship to it because of my divorce,
Speaker 1: because I pretty much because I'm an orphan, because my
Speaker 1: daughter has a small unit, because of challenges as it
Speaker 1: pertains to a very difficult divorce and custody situation. Because
Speaker 1: the holidays triggers my childhood and what it was like,
Speaker 1: even for brief periods, and now as an adult, what
Speaker 1: it's like, and trying to make it into something I
Speaker 1: want it to be, or gaslighted or pretend it doesn't exist.
Speaker 1: I talk to Denise Richards, and I've talked on my
Speaker 1: own about fake Christmas. Meaning let's say you're going through
Speaker 1: a terrible divorce and you have to navigate custody schedules,
Speaker 1: or even if you're not going through a divorce, if
Speaker 1: you have to navigate going to someone's house that you
Speaker 1: don't want to go to your kids not being.
Speaker 2: With you, you.
Speaker 1: Got to lock the door before you get rob You
Speaker 1: have to make plans. You can't just wish the problem away.
Speaker 1: If your kids can't be with you on Thanksgiving, do
Speaker 1: Thanksgiving on a Wednesday or Tuesday. If your kids, or
Speaker 1: your husband or fiance or partner or friends can't be
Speaker 1: with you on Christmas, do fake Christmas. Make Christmas Eve, Christmas,
Speaker 1: make the twenty second Christmas, put the tree up on
Speaker 1: the twenties.
Speaker 2: Whatever works for you.
Speaker 1: Do not try to fit into the constructs of a
Speaker 1: Hallmark holiday. Market it in a different way. Make Christmas
Speaker 1: on the twenty seventh, and then get all your presents
Speaker 1: the day after for fifty percent off. Whatever you need
Speaker 1: to do. Also, get organized with the gifts. Can you
Speaker 1: please write out a list, write everyone's name down, write
Speaker 1: out a list. Get creative, look at what you already have.
Speaker 1: I don't know if you ever buy ahead. I buy ahead.
Speaker 1: I've gone to the outlets in the past and bought
Speaker 1: things on sale. I'll go online and buy things on sale.
Speaker 1: I'll think before I jump. I don't just walk into
Speaker 1: a mall blind and look for things that are perfect
Speaker 1: for people. I come up with ideas. Is it a
Speaker 1: toiletry kit or a makeup kit for women? Is it
Speaker 1: a nice fuzzy robe. Is it monogramming? Because now monogramming
Speaker 1: is something that if you do now, it makes a
Speaker 1: gift seem so much more expensive and so much more elevated.
Speaker 1: But you have to do it in a timely fashion
Speaker 1: so it arrives. Can you just sit down and get
Speaker 1: organized with this? Can you get the Christmas stuff out
Speaker 1: before you start buying more crap? Can you get it
Speaker 1: all out, go through it and really be militant and
Speaker 1: be like, this is cheesy, this is kitchy, this is
Speaker 1: for when they were kids. I don't have to hold
Speaker 1: on to every single Christmas cheesy plaque, sign or wreath
Speaker 1: that I ever bought. Lean out before you decide adding new.
Speaker 1: That's the big suggestion that I have for you. I
Speaker 1: don't think you should just pile on. Don't walk into
Speaker 1: the store. I refuse to go to TJ Max. I
Speaker 1: just will not go in there because I all come
Speaker 1: out with a bunch of stuff and it will create anxiety.
Speaker 2: So use what you have.
Speaker 1: Also, start baking of batches of cookies and send them,
Speaker 1: you know, right after December first, like get organized. You
Speaker 1: don't have to wait to do everything on the twenty third.
Speaker 1: Just be crazy. I'm gonna be that crazy person that's
Speaker 1: sending gifts at Thanksgiving. I don't care the thought counts.
Speaker 1: I give three hundred gifts. I don't have to wait
Speaker 1: till December twenty third to give them out.
Speaker 2: I'm doing me. I'm doing what works for me.
Speaker 1: And the holidays are very stressful. So find your ways
Speaker 1: to lock your door before you get robbed. Thanksgiving it's
Speaker 1: coming up. How to avoid overeating, over drinking, over emoting.
Speaker 1: It will move pretty quickly. You'll be sitting with family
Speaker 1: that will trigger you. It's been a very polarizing election year.
Speaker 1: This will be a conversation that will also trigger you.
Speaker 1: What do I suggest. I suggest hydration. I suggest not
Speaker 1: drinking at your normal clip because when you get exasperated,
Speaker 1: which I know from housewives, and reality TV. When your
Speaker 1: nervous system starts kicking in, that's when you want to
Speaker 1: drink more. It almost feels like you're hydrating your body
Speaker 1: with alcohol. Believe me, I've done it. You need to
Speaker 1: mitigate this. In addition, get your played out, take a
Speaker 1: little bit of everything, but know what you've done versus
Speaker 1: just constantly going back and shoveling piles so you feel bloated, full,
Speaker 1: self low, and like you overdid it. Also, don't starve
Speaker 1: yourself all day until the main meal. You will end
Speaker 1: up eating four times the calories for an overall day.
Speaker 1: Then if you throughout the day, it's sensible. You had
Speaker 1: a salad, you had some high volume foods, you had
Speaker 1: some soup, you had some protein, You had some things
Speaker 1: that are filling, You had some period vegetable soup, you
Speaker 1: had some green juices days before. Just to make yourself
Speaker 1: feel a little calmer, clearer, cleansed. Come up with your
Speaker 1: plan and stick to it. Don't walk in cold like,
Speaker 1: don't walk in without a plan. Also for conversation, if
Speaker 1: somebody starts talking about something that makes you feel uncomfortable,
Speaker 1: or you know you're gonna get lit and you know
Speaker 1: you just want to fire a random shot and slap somebody.
Speaker 1: Stand up, Go take a walk around the block. You
Speaker 1: just do not need the stress and the aggravation. You
Speaker 1: don't need your nervous system pumping. You just don't need
Speaker 1: to coke bears in the zoo. You got to take
Speaker 1: deep breaths because everybody that I know gets into this.
Speaker 1: And if Thanksgiving isn't going to be what you remember
Speaker 1: it as as a child, or what you wanted to be,
Speaker 1: or you get depressed, that's okay too.
Speaker 2: Lean into that.
Speaker 1: Go don't try to make yourself do things that you
Speaker 1: don't want to do, because you'll end up getting unhinged
Speaker 1: and exploding. I have literally spent I think two Thanksgivings
Speaker 1: on my own happily. I've done yoga, I've hidden, I
Speaker 1: haven't told everybody so people feel sorry for me. I've
Speaker 1: not been able to handle it for different reasons in
Speaker 1: my life, a terrible divorce, family situations, and I've just
Speaker 1: wanted to be alone. And that's okay. It's a hallmark holiday.
Speaker 1: It doesn't mean that the day is actually any different
Speaker 1: than any other day. You've got to realize that, so
Speaker 1: do what works for you. If it's friendsgiving if it's
Speaker 1: being with you know, my daughter does a love Thanksgiving.
Speaker 1: Here's another thing about holidays, Christmas and Thanksgiving, Hanika, Kwanza,
Speaker 1: whatever it is, communicate with your kids and your family
Speaker 1: about it because everybody has this ideal about what it
Speaker 1: needs to be and if you get realistic. I've talked
Speaker 1: to my daughter about it because this year I'm with
Speaker 1: her and we decided to go to Florida. Now it
Speaker 1: doesn't have that feeling, it doesn't have that you know,
Speaker 1: all the different colored leaves.
Speaker 2: But I've talked to her about it.
Speaker 1: She doesn't love the Thanksgiving food, she doesn't love the
Speaker 1: holiday that much. So we are going down to Florida,
Speaker 1: and I said, Okay, do you want to go over
Speaker 1: these people's house. They're going to have kids, a lot
Speaker 1: of different people, so it means we're going to go over,
Speaker 1: have a reason to get dressed up. There'll be interesting
Speaker 1: people there, there'll be good Thanksgiving food. We get to
Speaker 1: feel like we're at a family house, but we don't
Speaker 1: have to do it. She was like, I love that.
Speaker 1: Another year we went out to a very cozy fireplacey
Speaker 1: like you know, brick fireplace in and we loved that too,
Speaker 1: because it was the two of us and we got
Speaker 1: to talk and we bonded. And that might not seem
Speaker 1: very Thanksgiving is, but for us it became a ritual.
Speaker 1: And I've talked to you before about traditions. We do
Speaker 1: different traditions that we create. One year, we cooked at
Speaker 1: just the two of us, and I think it was
Speaker 1: the night before and we used my airfire when we
Speaker 1: made this air fried turkey breast that we still remember.
Speaker 1: It was the best turkey breast we ever had. It
Speaker 1: wasn't the whole turkey. She doesn't like all the dark meats.
Speaker 1: She likes the white turkey breast. We each made our
Speaker 1: own sides and we had the best time cooking together.
Speaker 1: That was another tradition in ritual. It was non traditional
Speaker 1: for most people, but for us it became a tradition.
Speaker 1: And this year I said, okay, so during the day,
Speaker 1: do you want to go to this amazing big buffet
Speaker 1: in Florida and like have a brunch Mommy and me
Speaker 1: brunch because at dinner we're going to go to these
Speaker 1: people's houses. The point is, we talked about it and
Speaker 1: we decided what we wanted. In addition, for Christmas, we
Speaker 1: were supposed to be down in Florida. She said, I
Speaker 1: really want to go to the Hampton's because that's where
Speaker 1: we have the Christmas tree feeling, the holiday feeling. You know,
Speaker 1: that's where she remembers her childhood memories and us buying
Speaker 1: ornaments together and doing things together. So instead of three
Speaker 1: of the days that we'd be in Florida where it's warm,
Speaker 1: and that could be depressing too. If you're not near snow,
Speaker 1: you may feel depressed. You're not feeling it. The holiday
Speaker 1: didn't happen. A thousand things can trigger you. It doesn't
Speaker 1: have to be that it traditionally has to be snowy.
Speaker 1: It doesn't have to be that you have to be
Speaker 1: with other people. It's your own thing. So she said,
Speaker 1: can we go to the Hampton's because I want to
Speaker 1: feel that feeling. Because we talked about it. I said,
Speaker 1: do you want to feel the snowy feeling if you want?
Speaker 1: She's like yes, And now there are all these things
Speaker 1: we've done since she was a kid that we just remember.
Speaker 1: So yes, we're going to go for three nights to
Speaker 1: the Hamptons just to feel the fireplaces, snowy hickory smell
Speaker 1: feeling and that will give us what we need and
Speaker 1: it works in relationships too. I believe when you're in
Speaker 1: a relationship, you talk to the person in the new
Speaker 1: relationship about how you want the holidays to go, Like,
Speaker 1: are we going to feel sad if we're not together?
Speaker 1: Is it going to come too quickly? And we haven't
Speaker 1: made our plans and we think it's going to be okay,
Speaker 1: but then on the day it's going to be depressing.
Speaker 1: How is this all going to shake down? Because theory
Speaker 1: and reality are two very different things. So I just
Speaker 1: suggest that you mentally and emotionally plan and prepare for
Speaker 1: the holidays as much as you physically plan for the holidays. Thanks,
Speaker 1: Happy holidays. Most persons went to the past, almost went
Speaker 1: to the pastor