1 00:00:00,120 --> 00:00:02,320 Speaker 1: You know, a bigger part of this, actually, if I 2 00:00:02,360 --> 00:00:05,880 Speaker 1: think about it, has been the more that I become 3 00:00:05,920 --> 00:00:08,880 Speaker 1: more comfortable and loving to myself, the more I'm able 4 00:00:08,920 --> 00:00:11,840 Speaker 1: to show up and feel like I am confident in 5 00:00:11,920 --> 00:00:14,480 Speaker 1: who I am. And that means you have to really 6 00:00:14,520 --> 00:00:17,480 Speaker 1: start to show love to yourself. Like, if you're constantly 7 00:00:17,520 --> 00:00:20,280 Speaker 1: trying to hide yourself, there's basically you telling your body 8 00:00:20,320 --> 00:00:23,120 Speaker 1: and yourself that you're not worthy of being in those rooms. 9 00:00:23,280 --> 00:00:25,880 Speaker 1: You're not beautiful enough, or you're not smart enough, or 10 00:00:25,920 --> 00:00:28,960 Speaker 1: you're not whatever enough. Like, stop saying that to yourself. 11 00:00:29,040 --> 00:00:30,920 Speaker 1: Every single thing that you are saying to yourself is 12 00:00:30,960 --> 00:00:33,120 Speaker 1: what you're conscious of other people thinking about you. 13 00:00:33,560 --> 00:00:34,240 Speaker 2: I'm Raley w. 14 00:00:34,440 --> 00:00:36,960 Speaker 1: Kiah and on my podcast A Really Good Cry, we 15 00:00:37,040 --> 00:00:41,080 Speaker 1: embrace the messy and the beautiful, providing a space for raw, 16 00:00:41,159 --> 00:00:45,320 Speaker 1: unfiltered conversations that celebrate vulnerability and allow you to tune 17 00:00:45,320 --> 00:00:49,239 Speaker 1: in to learn, connect and find comfort together. Something that 18 00:00:49,320 --> 00:00:52,000 Speaker 1: I have struggled with for a very very long time 19 00:00:52,080 --> 00:00:55,160 Speaker 1: since I can remember, to be quite honest, and as 20 00:00:55,200 --> 00:00:58,680 Speaker 1: time's gone on and I've had to go to bigger places, 21 00:00:58,760 --> 00:01:02,400 Speaker 1: places with more people, I noticed that it got worse 22 00:01:02,480 --> 00:01:04,480 Speaker 1: and worse and so I went to touch on the 23 00:01:04,480 --> 00:01:07,280 Speaker 1: topic of social anxiety. We all think that we're the 24 00:01:07,319 --> 00:01:10,680 Speaker 1: only one walking into a party feeling anxious, and then 25 00:01:10,840 --> 00:01:13,640 Speaker 1: suddenly you meet someone who doesn't make eye contact with you, 26 00:01:14,240 --> 00:01:17,520 Speaker 1: or another person who blurts random information out when you 27 00:01:17,680 --> 00:01:21,160 Speaker 1: actually didn't ask them for it, or someone else who 28 00:01:21,319 --> 00:01:24,280 Speaker 1: stays quiet in the corner and actually doesn't talk to anybody. 29 00:01:24,760 --> 00:01:27,000 Speaker 1: And then there's that one person who's so loud and 30 00:01:27,160 --> 00:01:30,759 Speaker 1: just won't stop talking. And one thing I've realized is 31 00:01:31,000 --> 00:01:34,080 Speaker 1: that most people, I say ninety nine percent of people 32 00:01:34,120 --> 00:01:38,280 Speaker 1: walk into a room having social anxiety, being worried about 33 00:01:38,280 --> 00:01:40,280 Speaker 1: walking in, getting worried about how they're going to make 34 00:01:40,280 --> 00:01:44,400 Speaker 1: conversation with people. It just manifests differently in every single person. 35 00:01:44,920 --> 00:01:47,440 Speaker 1: And so you may think, wow, how is that person 36 00:01:47,520 --> 00:01:50,200 Speaker 1: so confident because they're speaking so much, But actually that's 37 00:01:50,280 --> 00:01:53,440 Speaker 1: their way of coping with the anxiety is verbal diary. 38 00:01:53,520 --> 00:01:54,400 Speaker 2: I have a friend who's like, I. 39 00:01:54,400 --> 00:01:56,240 Speaker 1: Don't even know why I told that person that it 40 00:01:56,360 --> 00:01:58,800 Speaker 1: just came out of me. I wasn't intending to even 41 00:01:58,840 --> 00:02:01,520 Speaker 1: tell them that about myself that I did. And then 42 00:02:01,800 --> 00:02:04,480 Speaker 1: for me, I'm the type of person who will walk 43 00:02:04,520 --> 00:02:07,000 Speaker 1: into a room and try and be as invisible as possible, 44 00:02:07,440 --> 00:02:10,480 Speaker 1: or find somebody that I know very well. 45 00:02:10,240 --> 00:02:13,359 Speaker 2: And stick to them for the whole entire night. 46 00:02:13,880 --> 00:02:16,720 Speaker 1: And so I've met people who I've always thought are 47 00:02:16,760 --> 00:02:20,440 Speaker 1: so confident and they tell me how anxious they actually get. 48 00:02:20,680 --> 00:02:23,079 Speaker 1: And I've met people who are actually very quiet and they 49 00:02:23,120 --> 00:02:26,800 Speaker 1: actually ooze out being calm and confident, but they're really 50 00:02:26,840 --> 00:02:29,280 Speaker 1: panicked on the inside. So I feel like you can't 51 00:02:29,320 --> 00:02:32,799 Speaker 1: often tell when someone is going through anxiety when they're 52 00:02:32,840 --> 00:02:34,079 Speaker 1: in social situations. 53 00:02:34,680 --> 00:02:36,440 Speaker 2: Social interactions can actually. 54 00:02:36,200 --> 00:02:39,120 Speaker 1: Be so nerve wracking, and at times, for some it 55 00:02:39,160 --> 00:02:42,760 Speaker 1: can trigger the feelings of fear and avoidance. I honestly 56 00:02:42,800 --> 00:02:45,679 Speaker 1: cannot tell you how many times I have said yes 57 00:02:45,720 --> 00:02:48,680 Speaker 1: to going somewhere and pull down an hour before or 58 00:02:48,720 --> 00:02:53,000 Speaker 1: even got fully ready, put my outfit on, done my makeup, 59 00:02:53,320 --> 00:02:55,919 Speaker 1: got in in the car, and got right back out, 60 00:02:56,080 --> 00:02:58,640 Speaker 1: changed back into my pajamas or sweats, and said I 61 00:02:58,680 --> 00:03:01,959 Speaker 1: can't make it, purely because my anxiety. 62 00:03:01,520 --> 00:03:04,200 Speaker 2: Took over all logic and reason in that moment. 63 00:03:04,480 --> 00:03:07,120 Speaker 1: And honestly, there have been times where I've regretted doing it, 64 00:03:07,160 --> 00:03:08,959 Speaker 1: and times where I really haven't, and I was really 65 00:03:08,960 --> 00:03:11,640 Speaker 1: grateful that I listened to myself. It was just me 66 00:03:11,720 --> 00:03:15,480 Speaker 1: protecting myself from something that made me feel uncomfortable or 67 00:03:15,600 --> 00:03:17,320 Speaker 1: at a time that I didn't feel my best to 68 00:03:17,360 --> 00:03:19,800 Speaker 1: show up for other people. But really and truly, social 69 00:03:19,840 --> 00:03:23,160 Speaker 1: anxiety is just the fear that someone else is going 70 00:03:23,160 --> 00:03:26,160 Speaker 1: to see the things that we feel the most insecure about. 71 00:03:26,400 --> 00:03:30,800 Speaker 1: Whether it's physically, mentally, or emotionally. It's this heightened fear 72 00:03:30,840 --> 00:03:33,440 Speaker 1: of judgment and rejection. And it can be because of 73 00:03:33,440 --> 00:03:36,200 Speaker 1: so many things, right like, either it's a past negative experience. 74 00:03:36,200 --> 00:03:38,200 Speaker 1: You've gone to a party before, you've gone to an 75 00:03:38,240 --> 00:03:41,480 Speaker 1: event before and somebody made you feel uncomfortable and you'ved 76 00:03:41,520 --> 00:03:43,000 Speaker 1: and that's lingered on inside of you. 77 00:03:43,000 --> 00:03:44,520 Speaker 2: You've kept that with you, so. 78 00:03:44,480 --> 00:03:46,880 Speaker 1: Now every time you enter a similar zone or a 79 00:03:46,920 --> 00:03:49,240 Speaker 1: similar environment, it triggers that feeling. 80 00:03:49,320 --> 00:03:49,600 Speaker 2: Again. 81 00:03:49,800 --> 00:03:52,080 Speaker 1: It could be fear from the perception that others are 82 00:03:52,120 --> 00:03:55,840 Speaker 1: evaluating us critically. You know, we're used to thinking so 83 00:03:55,960 --> 00:03:58,280 Speaker 1: negatively about ourselves. We go into an environment and we 84 00:03:58,320 --> 00:04:01,080 Speaker 1: think that person must be thinking that about me. But also, 85 00:04:01,120 --> 00:04:03,480 Speaker 1: if you look back in time, us as a society, 86 00:04:03,920 --> 00:04:07,960 Speaker 1: from way back in the old ages, we are meant 87 00:04:08,040 --> 00:04:10,280 Speaker 1: to be part of a social group it was essential 88 00:04:10,320 --> 00:04:13,600 Speaker 1: to our survival and so genetically we probably still have 89 00:04:13,680 --> 00:04:16,679 Speaker 1: that in us that makes us fear rejection so deeply 90 00:04:17,240 --> 00:04:19,080 Speaker 1: that we just want to be part of a community, 91 00:04:19,120 --> 00:04:21,640 Speaker 1: We want to be part of something, and that desire 92 00:04:21,680 --> 00:04:24,040 Speaker 1: to be part of something in this day and age 93 00:04:24,120 --> 00:04:25,000 Speaker 1: creates a fear. 94 00:04:24,880 --> 00:04:26,360 Speaker 2: Of being rejected from it. 95 00:04:27,120 --> 00:04:29,400 Speaker 1: I know there's always a spectrum, right, Some have it 96 00:04:29,440 --> 00:04:32,080 Speaker 1: worse than others, and the fears may be deep rooted. 97 00:04:32,160 --> 00:04:34,799 Speaker 1: It may cause panic attacks. So some of these tips 98 00:04:34,800 --> 00:04:37,359 Speaker 1: may not help as much. But if you're someone like me, 99 00:04:37,880 --> 00:04:41,080 Speaker 1: who I really got tired of myself, I was like, 100 00:04:41,279 --> 00:04:43,920 Speaker 1: I am missing out on things. I'm not doing things 101 00:04:43,920 --> 00:04:45,839 Speaker 1: that I want to do that I'm excited to do 102 00:04:45,960 --> 00:04:49,560 Speaker 1: because of this overwhelming fear that takes over me. And 103 00:04:49,600 --> 00:04:52,520 Speaker 1: I honestly just got sick and tired of missing out 104 00:04:52,560 --> 00:04:55,360 Speaker 1: on things or being somewhere but not being fully present 105 00:04:55,400 --> 00:04:57,880 Speaker 1: because I was so in my head coming away from 106 00:04:57,880 --> 00:05:00,640 Speaker 1: things that I was spending time doing and not feeling 107 00:05:00,680 --> 00:05:03,680 Speaker 1: like I gained anything from it, because was I really there? 108 00:05:04,080 --> 00:05:06,440 Speaker 1: Was I even present in that moment? Was I even 109 00:05:06,560 --> 00:05:08,320 Speaker 1: enjoying myself the way that I know I could if 110 00:05:08,320 --> 00:05:10,880 Speaker 1: I wasn't so worried about what other people's people are thinking, 111 00:05:11,560 --> 00:05:14,719 Speaker 1: and so I decided I had to make a change, 112 00:05:14,839 --> 00:05:16,600 Speaker 1: like I needed to do something because I didn't want 113 00:05:16,600 --> 00:05:18,320 Speaker 1: to go the rest of my life feeling that way. 114 00:05:19,040 --> 00:05:20,720 Speaker 1: So ione to share some of the things that I 115 00:05:20,800 --> 00:05:23,920 Speaker 1: have done that have really helped me with social anxiety. 116 00:05:24,279 --> 00:05:26,880 Speaker 1: And some are small, some are big, but most of 117 00:05:26,880 --> 00:05:30,080 Speaker 1: them are very easy things to do and implement into 118 00:05:30,120 --> 00:05:33,159 Speaker 1: your life. So the first thing I want to share 119 00:05:33,160 --> 00:05:35,479 Speaker 1: with you as a reminder that I have to It's 120 00:05:35,480 --> 00:05:37,360 Speaker 1: like a mantra that I have to tell myself every 121 00:05:37,440 --> 00:05:39,599 Speaker 1: single time I get in my head. It is not 122 00:05:40,120 --> 00:05:43,880 Speaker 1: always about you. You may believe that the focus and 123 00:05:43,920 --> 00:05:46,000 Speaker 1: attention is going to be on you. You may think they're 124 00:05:46,000 --> 00:05:49,400 Speaker 1: going to notice every single thing that you could possibly 125 00:05:49,440 --> 00:05:52,320 Speaker 1: imagine is wrong with you. But let me tell you, 126 00:05:52,480 --> 00:05:55,560 Speaker 1: the focus is probably not as much on you as 127 00:05:55,600 --> 00:05:58,200 Speaker 1: you think. I read something along the lines of this 128 00:05:58,279 --> 00:06:00,000 Speaker 1: a while back, and it really shifted my mindset. 129 00:06:00,160 --> 00:06:02,760 Speaker 2: Because we are a little bit self obsessive, we. 130 00:06:02,640 --> 00:06:05,800 Speaker 1: Do think that the world revolves around us, So we 131 00:06:05,880 --> 00:06:07,440 Speaker 1: end up going into a room and saying, of course 132 00:06:07,480 --> 00:06:09,680 Speaker 1: they're going to notice the spot on my face, and 133 00:06:09,720 --> 00:06:11,520 Speaker 1: of course they're going to think I was rude because 134 00:06:11,520 --> 00:06:14,240 Speaker 1: I didn't say X, Y and Z, when really, most 135 00:06:14,240 --> 00:06:17,160 Speaker 1: people are so fixated on themselves in that moment they 136 00:06:17,160 --> 00:06:19,840 Speaker 1: probably don't even notice. They don't notice that spot on 137 00:06:19,880 --> 00:06:21,840 Speaker 1: your face when you're talking to them, They don't notice 138 00:06:21,839 --> 00:06:24,839 Speaker 1: that your hair's in a specific way that you're so 139 00:06:24,960 --> 00:06:28,279 Speaker 1: conscious of. So much of it is us projecting our 140 00:06:28,400 --> 00:06:32,080 Speaker 1: insecurities onto other people and believing that that's what they're seeing. 141 00:06:32,800 --> 00:06:34,640 Speaker 2: I actually have this really weird fear. 142 00:06:35,040 --> 00:06:36,479 Speaker 1: I don't know whether you guys can relate to this, 143 00:06:36,600 --> 00:06:39,200 Speaker 1: but I used to have a fear and still kind 144 00:06:39,200 --> 00:06:42,320 Speaker 1: of do it of being overdressed. And it all stems 145 00:06:42,320 --> 00:06:44,760 Speaker 1: from not wanting to stand out. So I wanted to 146 00:06:44,760 --> 00:06:47,119 Speaker 1: make sure that if I was going to an event, 147 00:06:47,640 --> 00:06:50,520 Speaker 1: my whole like my questioning. My line of questioning would be, 148 00:06:50,839 --> 00:06:53,560 Speaker 1: do you think this is too much? Is this overdressed? 149 00:06:53,600 --> 00:06:55,960 Speaker 1: Do you think I'm wearing something that's gonna stand out 150 00:06:56,000 --> 00:06:58,320 Speaker 1: too much? Are you sure this outfit isn't too much? 151 00:06:58,360 --> 00:07:00,719 Speaker 1: Are you sure this dress isn't too much? And that 152 00:07:00,720 --> 00:07:03,000 Speaker 1: would be the line of questioning before anything else that 153 00:07:03,040 --> 00:07:05,440 Speaker 1: I would ask either my husband or my friends. I'm 154 00:07:05,440 --> 00:07:08,040 Speaker 1: like you sure this isn't too much, and I realized 155 00:07:08,040 --> 00:07:09,840 Speaker 1: it literally was because I just didn't want to stand 156 00:07:09,840 --> 00:07:12,080 Speaker 1: out or seem like I cared too much and put 157 00:07:12,120 --> 00:07:12,880 Speaker 1: in too much effort. 158 00:07:12,920 --> 00:07:13,960 Speaker 2: How pathetic is that? 159 00:07:14,400 --> 00:07:16,080 Speaker 1: Or going to the gym as a beginner, That's something 160 00:07:16,120 --> 00:07:18,240 Speaker 1: I'm sure many people can relate to. You don't want 161 00:07:18,240 --> 00:07:20,200 Speaker 1: to embarrass yourself or for people to think that you 162 00:07:20,240 --> 00:07:22,880 Speaker 1: don't know what you're doing. But the problem with that 163 00:07:23,320 --> 00:07:25,440 Speaker 1: is that it stops you from showing up for yourself 164 00:07:25,520 --> 00:07:27,720 Speaker 1: or even getting better at something that you want to 165 00:07:27,760 --> 00:07:30,160 Speaker 1: be better at. So the first reminder you have to 166 00:07:30,160 --> 00:07:32,520 Speaker 1: give yourself is it's not always about you. And the 167 00:07:32,560 --> 00:07:34,560 Speaker 1: second thing that you have to really think about is, 168 00:07:35,200 --> 00:07:37,640 Speaker 1: am I doing this because it's going to make me 169 00:07:37,800 --> 00:07:40,600 Speaker 1: do something I want to do? Am I stopping myself 170 00:07:40,600 --> 00:07:42,640 Speaker 1: from doing something that's going to make me feel better, 171 00:07:43,000 --> 00:07:44,920 Speaker 1: something that is been on my to do list for 172 00:07:44,960 --> 00:07:47,880 Speaker 1: such a long time, something that is actually going to 173 00:07:47,920 --> 00:07:50,200 Speaker 1: make me feel better once I've done it. And so 174 00:07:50,520 --> 00:07:53,760 Speaker 1: sometimes you have to think about the end feeling and 175 00:07:53,920 --> 00:07:57,480 Speaker 1: the end result to get yourself out of your mind 176 00:07:57,520 --> 00:08:00,560 Speaker 1: in the moment. The next thing is, I feel like 177 00:08:00,600 --> 00:08:03,560 Speaker 1: we've all created these different personalities, especially if you're someone 178 00:08:03,560 --> 00:08:05,680 Speaker 1: who has an online platform, but even if you're going 179 00:08:05,720 --> 00:08:09,080 Speaker 1: to work or you have all these different versions of yourself, 180 00:08:09,120 --> 00:08:12,400 Speaker 1: these different hats that we wear. And what I've realized 181 00:08:12,440 --> 00:08:15,440 Speaker 1: is the more that there's duality in those personalities. So 182 00:08:15,640 --> 00:08:18,080 Speaker 1: I'm one person when I'm online, but then I'm a 183 00:08:18,080 --> 00:08:20,480 Speaker 1: completely different person when I'm offline, and then I'm a 184 00:08:20,480 --> 00:08:22,520 Speaker 1: completely different person when you meet me at an event. 185 00:08:23,320 --> 00:08:25,160 Speaker 1: So one thing I realized is when there's so much 186 00:08:25,200 --> 00:08:28,880 Speaker 1: duality between these different versions of ourself, it actually causes 187 00:08:28,880 --> 00:08:31,640 Speaker 1: a lot of disruption within us. It makes us less 188 00:08:31,640 --> 00:08:34,559 Speaker 1: confident to actually show up as ourself because if you 189 00:08:34,559 --> 00:08:36,480 Speaker 1: think about it, it's just all these different personalities that 190 00:08:36,520 --> 00:08:37,720 Speaker 1: are battling with each other. 191 00:08:37,800 --> 00:08:39,880 Speaker 2: But who are you really? And I think the more 192 00:08:39,920 --> 00:08:40,280 Speaker 2: that you. 193 00:08:40,200 --> 00:08:43,280 Speaker 1: Show up as yourself, whether it's online, offline, whether it's 194 00:08:43,320 --> 00:08:46,480 Speaker 1: at work, whether it's at home, the more comfortable you'll 195 00:08:46,480 --> 00:08:49,000 Speaker 1: feel when you have to go into these situations. You 196 00:08:49,000 --> 00:08:50,520 Speaker 1: don't feel like you have to put a mask on, 197 00:08:50,640 --> 00:08:53,400 Speaker 1: you don't feel like you're having to create a version 198 00:08:53,400 --> 00:08:56,439 Speaker 1: of yourself that doesn't actually exist within you. You get 199 00:08:56,480 --> 00:08:58,880 Speaker 1: to just show up as you, So the less you 200 00:08:59,000 --> 00:09:01,560 Speaker 1: create a version of yourself and you actually just be 201 00:09:01,840 --> 00:09:05,880 Speaker 1: who you are. The easier these situations actually get. I 202 00:09:05,920 --> 00:09:08,640 Speaker 1: can actually really relate to this because behind the camera 203 00:09:08,679 --> 00:09:11,760 Speaker 1: I can be quite confident. I can dance, I can sing, 204 00:09:11,760 --> 00:09:13,920 Speaker 1: I can do all these things. But when people would 205 00:09:13,920 --> 00:09:19,400 Speaker 1: meet me in real life, they'd expect that overtly expressive. 206 00:09:18,880 --> 00:09:20,080 Speaker 2: Person in real life. 207 00:09:20,160 --> 00:09:22,760 Speaker 1: And I am very expressive in real life, but usually 208 00:09:22,760 --> 00:09:24,240 Speaker 1: when I meet people for the first time, I can 209 00:09:24,280 --> 00:09:27,319 Speaker 1: be quite shy, and so that ended up being quite 210 00:09:27,360 --> 00:09:29,680 Speaker 1: confusing for the people I was meeting, because when they're 211 00:09:29,840 --> 00:09:32,160 Speaker 1: being so sweet and giving me so much energy, I 212 00:09:32,200 --> 00:09:35,040 Speaker 1: would recluse and become very shy. And I realized that 213 00:09:35,160 --> 00:09:38,480 Speaker 1: also wasn't fair, because of course they're expecting that person 214 00:09:38,520 --> 00:09:41,040 Speaker 1: that's all they've experienced of me. And so I started 215 00:09:41,120 --> 00:09:43,800 Speaker 1: learning how to match the energy that they had, or 216 00:09:44,200 --> 00:09:46,720 Speaker 1: match the person that I was online as the person 217 00:09:46,840 --> 00:09:49,560 Speaker 1: I am offline, and whether that meant me toning down 218 00:09:49,600 --> 00:09:53,600 Speaker 1: who I was online so that those two personalities met, 219 00:09:53,880 --> 00:09:55,960 Speaker 1: or whether it's bumping up the energy when I'm meeting 220 00:09:55,960 --> 00:09:58,680 Speaker 1: these people because that's who they deserve to meet. But 221 00:09:58,880 --> 00:10:01,920 Speaker 1: essentially it had to be an authentic version of me 222 00:10:02,000 --> 00:10:04,800 Speaker 1: had to be someone that I felt comfortable being, and 223 00:10:04,840 --> 00:10:06,520 Speaker 1: so the next thing that I start doing, I would 224 00:10:06,520 --> 00:10:09,240 Speaker 1: be like, Okay, let me ease myself into this. So 225 00:10:10,120 --> 00:10:12,360 Speaker 1: the first step is getting myself to the party. Let's 226 00:10:12,360 --> 00:10:14,560 Speaker 1: say I do that. I managed to get myself ready 227 00:10:14,840 --> 00:10:17,319 Speaker 1: dressed in the car and actually drive to the place, 228 00:10:17,720 --> 00:10:19,200 Speaker 1: get out of the car, and I end up at 229 00:10:19,240 --> 00:10:22,200 Speaker 1: the event. At this point, if you're someone who suffers 230 00:10:22,200 --> 00:10:25,120 Speaker 1: with social anxiety, your anxiety is probably at its peak 231 00:10:25,280 --> 00:10:27,880 Speaker 1: before even entering in. And I would also keep telling 232 00:10:27,920 --> 00:10:30,840 Speaker 1: myself before I left that you don't have to stay 233 00:10:30,840 --> 00:10:32,560 Speaker 1: there for that long. You can show up and you 234 00:10:32,600 --> 00:10:34,000 Speaker 1: can go for as long as you want, and you 235 00:10:34,040 --> 00:10:36,160 Speaker 1: can leave whenever you want. Just talk to one person 236 00:10:36,200 --> 00:10:38,480 Speaker 1: the whole night and you'll be fine. Give yourself these 237 00:10:38,520 --> 00:10:41,880 Speaker 1: like safety talks before you enter into a place that 238 00:10:41,880 --> 00:10:45,200 Speaker 1: doesn't feel safe. Tell yourself that it's okay to leave, 239 00:10:45,280 --> 00:10:47,880 Speaker 1: Tell yourself that it's okay to not speak to anybody. 240 00:10:48,679 --> 00:10:52,360 Speaker 1: Basically set yourself goals for that evening and that really helps, 241 00:10:52,400 --> 00:10:53,640 Speaker 1: and also give yourself a way out. 242 00:10:53,679 --> 00:10:54,720 Speaker 2: It's like, Okay, if I want to leave. 243 00:10:54,600 --> 00:10:56,440 Speaker 1: I'm just going to say I'm going to the bathroom 244 00:10:56,640 --> 00:10:58,720 Speaker 1: and do a quick Irish exit and just leave and 245 00:10:58,760 --> 00:11:01,120 Speaker 1: message the person after say I had to go somewhere, 246 00:11:01,920 --> 00:11:04,360 Speaker 1: And that really helped me to not feel like I 247 00:11:04,400 --> 00:11:06,600 Speaker 1: was committing to something that felt larger than what I 248 00:11:06,600 --> 00:11:10,640 Speaker 1: could handle. I also think it's important to start having 249 00:11:10,679 --> 00:11:13,640 Speaker 1: more in person conversations. You know, the way that our 250 00:11:13,679 --> 00:11:17,319 Speaker 1: society is now, everything is done via a screen, especially 251 00:11:17,400 --> 00:11:21,160 Speaker 1: after COVID, We've gotten used to having meetings over a screen. 252 00:11:21,200 --> 00:11:24,480 Speaker 1: We're used to having interactions with our friends more often 253 00:11:24,840 --> 00:11:27,960 Speaker 1: over WhatsApp or text message, and so I think it 254 00:11:28,040 --> 00:11:31,440 Speaker 1: basically has completely changed the way that we are used 255 00:11:31,520 --> 00:11:36,200 Speaker 1: to navigating social interactions. They become a one off rather 256 00:11:36,240 --> 00:11:39,120 Speaker 1: than a day to day occurrence, and so start talking 257 00:11:39,160 --> 00:11:42,600 Speaker 1: to people more in real life. It sounds so obvious, 258 00:11:42,640 --> 00:11:44,600 Speaker 1: but if you're not in a job where you have 259 00:11:44,720 --> 00:11:47,760 Speaker 1: in person interaction, you may actually not come into contact 260 00:11:47,800 --> 00:11:51,040 Speaker 1: with new people for days, maybe weeks. So whether it's 261 00:11:51,040 --> 00:11:55,400 Speaker 1: the cashier at a grocery store or someone at your gym, like, 262 00:11:55,559 --> 00:11:58,679 Speaker 1: start making conversation. It doesn't have to be in depth conversation, 263 00:11:59,440 --> 00:12:03,480 Speaker 1: but become comfortable with interacting with new people. Talk to 264 00:12:03,520 --> 00:12:06,400 Speaker 1: your Amazon delivery guy, I was probably there every single day, 265 00:12:06,880 --> 00:12:10,800 Speaker 1: like have conversations and interact with unfamiliar people, because the 266 00:12:10,800 --> 00:12:13,040 Speaker 1: more that you do something that makes you feel uncomfortable, 267 00:12:13,120 --> 00:12:15,760 Speaker 1: the more comfortable it will make you feel. It really 268 00:12:15,760 --> 00:12:19,720 Speaker 1: helps you to retrain and rewire your brain and create 269 00:12:19,960 --> 00:12:23,600 Speaker 1: a comfort level with something that you were once uncomfortable with. 270 00:12:24,000 --> 00:12:27,040 Speaker 1: And it really is such a debilitating thing. Like how 271 00:12:27,120 --> 00:12:30,600 Speaker 1: much energy is wasted in anxiety way more than in happiness. 272 00:12:31,320 --> 00:12:33,280 Speaker 1: I would be anxious all the way there, anxious in 273 00:12:33,320 --> 00:12:35,760 Speaker 1: my head throughout the party, worried about how they're seeing me, 274 00:12:36,160 --> 00:12:38,120 Speaker 1: and then waiting to leave as soon as I got there. 275 00:12:38,200 --> 00:12:41,200 Speaker 1: It was such a boring way to live. And as 276 00:12:41,280 --> 00:12:43,440 Speaker 1: much as I try to convince myself it's them and 277 00:12:43,480 --> 00:12:45,520 Speaker 1: it's not me, it's something that that person did to 278 00:12:45,559 --> 00:12:48,600 Speaker 1: make me feel uncomfortable, there really was a pattern that 279 00:12:48,640 --> 00:12:52,200 Speaker 1: I kept seeing and the common denominator was definitely me, 280 00:12:52,559 --> 00:12:55,280 Speaker 1: not them. And so I made a decision to stop 281 00:12:55,280 --> 00:12:59,120 Speaker 1: putting myself into these uncomfortable situations. No getting in the car, 282 00:12:59,160 --> 00:13:02,560 Speaker 1: getting ready, and no I had to show up and 283 00:13:02,679 --> 00:13:06,600 Speaker 1: have the uncomfortable conversations, make small talk, and I'll be honest, 284 00:13:06,640 --> 00:13:09,280 Speaker 1: I still get social anxiety but I can definitely hold 285 00:13:09,320 --> 00:13:12,679 Speaker 1: my own now. I can really walk into a room 286 00:13:12,880 --> 00:13:15,720 Speaker 1: or walk onto a stage, or walk into places that 287 00:13:15,760 --> 00:13:18,640 Speaker 1: I would have never thought I could, and have full 288 00:13:18,679 --> 00:13:21,720 Speaker 1: on conversations and maybe sweating on the inside, but I'm 289 00:13:21,800 --> 00:13:25,040 Speaker 1: able to show up and move past that and override it. 290 00:13:25,080 --> 00:13:26,240 Speaker 2: And I think that's the point, right. 291 00:13:26,720 --> 00:13:28,960 Speaker 1: Your body is constantly trying to keep you in comfort, 292 00:13:29,000 --> 00:13:31,800 Speaker 1: your mind's constantly trying to keep you in comfort. But 293 00:13:31,880 --> 00:13:34,800 Speaker 1: comfort isn't always where you need to be to do 294 00:13:34,880 --> 00:13:37,079 Speaker 1: the things that you want to do and to become 295 00:13:37,080 --> 00:13:39,080 Speaker 1: the person you want to become. And so once I 296 00:13:39,120 --> 00:13:41,720 Speaker 1: took one step, it became easy to take the next, 297 00:13:41,840 --> 00:13:44,160 Speaker 1: and the next and the next. And now when I 298 00:13:44,200 --> 00:13:46,720 Speaker 1: look back, I don't realize it, but my family does. 299 00:13:47,040 --> 00:13:50,040 Speaker 1: And every time I speak on stage or walk into 300 00:13:50,040 --> 00:13:52,160 Speaker 1: a room, my husband's like, oh my gosh, I can't 301 00:13:52,160 --> 00:13:55,000 Speaker 1: believe how confident you've become. And I don't often realize 302 00:13:55,000 --> 00:13:56,760 Speaker 1: it because it's been such a process for me that 303 00:13:56,800 --> 00:13:59,199 Speaker 1: it's been bit by bit by bit, but it seems 304 00:13:59,240 --> 00:14:00,880 Speaker 1: to be apparent so many more people. 305 00:14:00,920 --> 00:14:02,840 Speaker 2: And yeah, I still feel those feelings inside. 306 00:14:02,880 --> 00:14:05,199 Speaker 1: So that's probably also why I don't see the progress 307 00:14:05,720 --> 00:14:07,720 Speaker 1: but if I think about it, it's true, Like I 308 00:14:07,800 --> 00:14:10,960 Speaker 1: really can make good conversation when I go out and 309 00:14:11,200 --> 00:14:14,160 Speaker 1: I'm on flipping stages with like five hundred people in 310 00:14:14,200 --> 00:14:15,800 Speaker 1: front of me, and I'm giving a talk to them, 311 00:14:15,880 --> 00:14:17,640 Speaker 1: like that would have been something I would have never 312 00:14:17,679 --> 00:14:19,920 Speaker 1: even dreamt of doing five six years ago. 313 00:14:20,360 --> 00:14:22,200 Speaker 2: You know. Another big part of it for me was 314 00:14:22,200 --> 00:14:22,840 Speaker 2: a small talk. 315 00:14:22,880 --> 00:14:24,200 Speaker 1: I'm like, God, I'm going to run out of things 316 00:14:24,240 --> 00:14:26,120 Speaker 1: to say to these people, because what else am I 317 00:14:26,160 --> 00:14:26,840 Speaker 1: going to talk about? 318 00:14:26,840 --> 00:14:28,280 Speaker 2: The weather, what. 319 00:14:28,240 --> 00:14:30,280 Speaker 1: They've done in the day, what holidays they've got coming 320 00:14:30,360 --> 00:14:30,960 Speaker 1: up next? 321 00:14:31,200 --> 00:14:32,080 Speaker 2: Where are you based? 322 00:14:32,120 --> 00:14:34,600 Speaker 1: Like the same questions over and over again. And so 323 00:14:35,000 --> 00:14:37,840 Speaker 1: what I found is actually getting into a meaningful conversation 324 00:14:37,920 --> 00:14:42,480 Speaker 1: with someone feels like more of a win than having 325 00:14:42,520 --> 00:14:45,520 Speaker 1: lots of conversations with lots of small conversations or small 326 00:14:45,560 --> 00:14:49,360 Speaker 1: talk with lots of different people. And so actually trying 327 00:14:49,360 --> 00:14:52,840 Speaker 1: to have meaningful conversations it feels like you've created a 328 00:14:52,880 --> 00:14:55,800 Speaker 1: connection and you've learned something and you've come away with 329 00:14:55,840 --> 00:14:58,880 Speaker 1: something better, which actually boosts your confidence to have an 330 00:14:58,880 --> 00:15:02,240 Speaker 1: interaction the next time. And so what I've started learning 331 00:15:02,240 --> 00:15:04,960 Speaker 1: to do is just being honest with someone, like sometimes 332 00:15:05,000 --> 00:15:07,800 Speaker 1: being vulnerable and honest can create the best connections and 333 00:15:07,880 --> 00:15:09,920 Speaker 1: can skip the small talk them my god, I was 334 00:15:09,920 --> 00:15:12,080 Speaker 1: so nervous to be here today, and they're like, oh 335 00:15:12,080 --> 00:15:14,040 Speaker 1: my gosh, so was I. And then you suddenly have 336 00:15:14,080 --> 00:15:16,080 Speaker 1: a common thread of something and then you can start 337 00:15:16,120 --> 00:15:19,760 Speaker 1: talking about anything and everything. But creating a moment of 338 00:15:19,800 --> 00:15:23,480 Speaker 1: vulnerability when you are feeling that way or just being honest, 339 00:15:23,520 --> 00:15:25,280 Speaker 1: it relieves you because you feel like you've let go 340 00:15:25,320 --> 00:15:28,560 Speaker 1: of it and you've told someone, so your behavior or 341 00:15:28,600 --> 00:15:31,640 Speaker 1: how you're acting or whatever it is doesn't seem as 342 00:15:31,960 --> 00:15:34,320 Speaker 1: crazy because you've already told the person I'm feeling anxious, 343 00:15:34,760 --> 00:15:37,120 Speaker 1: and more often than not, they'll probably be like, you 344 00:15:37,120 --> 00:15:39,240 Speaker 1: know what, I was nervous to come here by myself too, 345 00:15:39,760 --> 00:15:43,320 Speaker 1: And so start off with honesty and vulnerability and it 346 00:15:43,440 --> 00:15:46,120 Speaker 1: kind of allows you to settle into the room and 347 00:15:46,120 --> 00:15:49,240 Speaker 1: settle into the situation better. The next thing is to 348 00:15:49,280 --> 00:15:52,040 Speaker 1: ask yourself, so what So what if they don't like 349 00:15:52,080 --> 00:15:54,040 Speaker 1: what you're wearing? So what if they don't like you? 350 00:15:54,280 --> 00:15:56,400 Speaker 1: So what if they didn't say hello to you? So 351 00:15:56,480 --> 00:15:59,160 Speaker 1: what if you embarrass yourself? So what if I got 352 00:15:59,240 --> 00:16:01,720 Speaker 1: verbal diarrhea? And give them more information than they asked for. 353 00:16:02,360 --> 00:16:05,280 Speaker 1: Go through all your worst case scenarios and ask yourself, 354 00:16:05,480 --> 00:16:09,720 Speaker 1: so what Working through your fears reduces the emotional power 355 00:16:09,720 --> 00:16:13,640 Speaker 1: of them. And so when you start realizing one how 356 00:16:13,720 --> 00:16:18,480 Speaker 1: sometimes irrational those thoughts are, and two what those fears 357 00:16:18,520 --> 00:16:20,640 Speaker 1: actually are, you get to a point of saying, Okay, so, 358 00:16:21,000 --> 00:16:24,120 Speaker 1: even if all these terrible things happen, what's the worst 359 00:16:24,640 --> 00:16:25,560 Speaker 1: repercussion of it? 360 00:16:25,600 --> 00:16:28,040 Speaker 2: What's the worst response? What's the worst. 361 00:16:27,800 --> 00:16:30,720 Speaker 1: Scenario I could be in? And you'll probably realize it's 362 00:16:30,760 --> 00:16:32,680 Speaker 1: not as bad as you actually think it will be. 363 00:16:33,200 --> 00:16:35,200 Speaker 1: You know, most of the time it'll be something so small, 364 00:16:35,200 --> 00:16:36,920 Speaker 1: and when you think about it over and over again, 365 00:16:36,960 --> 00:16:39,560 Speaker 1: you have a repeated thought over and over again, it 366 00:16:39,640 --> 00:16:42,400 Speaker 1: becomes bigger and bigger and bigger. So something that was 367 00:16:42,440 --> 00:16:46,480 Speaker 1: actually not that scary to you becomes way more scary 368 00:16:46,520 --> 00:16:49,080 Speaker 1: between getting ready and getting to your car, because that's 369 00:16:49,120 --> 00:16:50,320 Speaker 1: the only thought you've had. 370 00:16:50,200 --> 00:16:51,560 Speaker 2: Repeating in your mind. 371 00:16:51,720 --> 00:16:53,920 Speaker 1: And so you have to learn how to break that circuit. 372 00:16:54,640 --> 00:16:57,280 Speaker 1: And so the so what theory is your theory? There's 373 00:16:57,280 --> 00:17:00,840 Speaker 1: so what process is a good one to go through 374 00:17:00,840 --> 00:17:03,000 Speaker 1: in your mind? Rather than repeating the thought of this 375 00:17:03,080 --> 00:17:04,600 Speaker 1: is what's going to happen? This is how bad it's 376 00:17:04,640 --> 00:17:07,200 Speaker 1: going to be. I'm just so nervous about being there. 377 00:17:07,600 --> 00:17:09,760 Speaker 1: That's going to make it so much worse because you're 378 00:17:09,760 --> 00:17:13,639 Speaker 1: not finding a solution. All you're doing is repeating the negative, 379 00:17:14,080 --> 00:17:16,959 Speaker 1: anxious thought, which is making that thing bigger and bigger 380 00:17:16,960 --> 00:17:19,560 Speaker 1: and bigger in your mind. And so walk through your 381 00:17:19,600 --> 00:17:22,119 Speaker 1: fears and hopefully that I'll make you walk to the 382 00:17:22,119 --> 00:17:24,520 Speaker 1: car faster and get in it and get to the event. 383 00:17:25,200 --> 00:17:28,560 Speaker 1: Also focus on the other person, like ask questions, distract 384 00:17:28,560 --> 00:17:31,560 Speaker 1: your mind and fill it with curiosity, like take genuine 385 00:17:31,560 --> 00:17:34,560 Speaker 1: interest in other people. Listen to the words they're saying, 386 00:17:35,240 --> 00:17:37,320 Speaker 1: and start with simple questions like what do you do, 387 00:17:37,800 --> 00:17:41,040 Speaker 1: where do you live? Are you planning any vacations? And 388 00:17:41,080 --> 00:17:42,840 Speaker 1: then if you want to get to know them deeper, 389 00:17:43,000 --> 00:17:45,359 Speaker 1: ask what are they excited about in life right now? 390 00:17:45,800 --> 00:17:48,959 Speaker 1: Or ask about their culture and traditions. Humans are actually 391 00:17:49,000 --> 00:17:52,600 Speaker 1: so fascinating and also love talking about themselves. So if 392 00:17:52,640 --> 00:17:55,720 Speaker 1: you want the heat off, you become curious and create 393 00:17:55,760 --> 00:17:59,320 Speaker 1: good conversation with someone else. You could even go there 394 00:17:59,320 --> 00:18:01,520 Speaker 1: with planned questions. I know this all sounds very silly, 395 00:18:01,560 --> 00:18:04,000 Speaker 1: but it actually really helps. Like go there with three 396 00:18:04,080 --> 00:18:07,240 Speaker 1: culturally relevant topics to talk about you that you feel 397 00:18:07,240 --> 00:18:08,320 Speaker 1: really comfortable speaking on. 398 00:18:08,359 --> 00:18:09,880 Speaker 2: So it could be a show that's trending. 399 00:18:09,920 --> 00:18:13,840 Speaker 1: Oh my gosh, have you seen Nobody Wants This on 400 00:18:13,880 --> 00:18:14,720 Speaker 1: Netflix lately? 401 00:18:14,840 --> 00:18:15,600 Speaker 2: It is so good. 402 00:18:15,640 --> 00:18:17,400 Speaker 1: I really liked how they did this, this and this. 403 00:18:17,720 --> 00:18:19,680 Speaker 1: It was so wonderful how they brought in culture into 404 00:18:20,119 --> 00:18:21,160 Speaker 1: you know, a show, and. 405 00:18:21,080 --> 00:18:23,199 Speaker 2: It was just feel good. Whatever it is. 406 00:18:23,600 --> 00:18:25,919 Speaker 1: Find a show that you really like and something that 407 00:18:25,960 --> 00:18:29,560 Speaker 1: can lead to another conversation or a holiday that's coming up. 408 00:18:29,560 --> 00:18:30,960 Speaker 1: Oh my gosh, for the holidays and going back to 409 00:18:30,960 --> 00:18:34,159 Speaker 1: see my family. I'm so excited. Where are your family 410 00:18:34,200 --> 00:18:37,800 Speaker 1: based what traditions do you have for the holidays? Or 411 00:18:37,840 --> 00:18:39,879 Speaker 1: something from the news. You could get political if you 412 00:18:39,920 --> 00:18:43,600 Speaker 1: wanted to, probably shouldn't, but something on the news that happened, 413 00:18:43,640 --> 00:18:47,000 Speaker 1: that's happened. Oh my goodness. Did you hear about X 414 00:18:47,160 --> 00:18:51,120 Speaker 1: Y and Z in Arizona? It was so terrible. I've 415 00:18:51,119 --> 00:18:53,600 Speaker 1: heard things like that are happening so often. Is that 416 00:18:53,680 --> 00:18:55,880 Speaker 1: something you've experienced. I don't know, you know, just get 417 00:18:55,920 --> 00:18:59,240 Speaker 1: creative with the thoughts, with the topics that you can discuss. 418 00:18:59,240 --> 00:19:01,520 Speaker 1: It could even be rest that you visited that were amazing. 419 00:19:02,520 --> 00:19:04,119 Speaker 1: What I do is try and find topics that I 420 00:19:04,119 --> 00:19:06,119 Speaker 1: feel really comfortable talking about, and one of those is 421 00:19:06,160 --> 00:19:09,720 Speaker 1: obviously food, And so I'll usually start off about restaurants 422 00:19:09,840 --> 00:19:11,560 Speaker 1: or like, have you been anywhere fun to eat lately? 423 00:19:12,160 --> 00:19:14,160 Speaker 1: Or when was the last restaurant that you've really enjoyed, 424 00:19:14,480 --> 00:19:17,159 Speaker 1: And then it's going towards a conversation that I know 425 00:19:17,280 --> 00:19:21,840 Speaker 1: I'm comfortable with, and so I can then navigate the 426 00:19:21,840 --> 00:19:25,119 Speaker 1: conversation better because I feel comfortable with the topic. By 427 00:19:25,119 --> 00:19:26,840 Speaker 1: the way, if you're having people over to your house, 428 00:19:27,000 --> 00:19:28,919 Speaker 1: or if it's people that you already know but you 429 00:19:29,000 --> 00:19:32,159 Speaker 1: still get anxious, conversation cards are so good. We've started 430 00:19:32,200 --> 00:19:35,120 Speaker 1: using them a lot, and it helps you to one 431 00:19:35,240 --> 00:19:38,280 Speaker 1: have deeper, meaningful conversations, but also takes the heat of 432 00:19:38,400 --> 00:19:41,680 Speaker 1: having to create the thoughts in your mind or create 433 00:19:41,680 --> 00:19:44,560 Speaker 1: the questions in your mind. So if your friends coming over, 434 00:19:44,640 --> 00:19:47,080 Speaker 1: it's a really nice way to understand each other better. 435 00:19:47,560 --> 00:19:49,399 Speaker 1: Or even on a date situation, if you're getting really 436 00:19:49,400 --> 00:19:52,000 Speaker 1: anxious about going on a date, take some conversation cards 437 00:19:52,040 --> 00:19:57,000 Speaker 1: and get into a conversation with those prompts, because often 438 00:19:57,080 --> 00:20:00,639 Speaker 1: just starting the conversation is what's difficult. Here's another thing 439 00:20:00,680 --> 00:20:03,760 Speaker 1: that really hit me. Sometimes it's not about you. Sometimes 440 00:20:03,760 --> 00:20:06,520 Speaker 1: it's just showing up, because showing up is showing love. 441 00:20:07,400 --> 00:20:09,280 Speaker 1: And so you have to think about how much it 442 00:20:09,280 --> 00:20:11,879 Speaker 1: would mean to that person for you to show up, 443 00:20:11,920 --> 00:20:13,800 Speaker 1: how much it would mean to that person for you 444 00:20:13,920 --> 00:20:16,800 Speaker 1: to commit to what you said you were going to do. 445 00:20:17,320 --> 00:20:18,560 Speaker 2: And so sometimes you. 446 00:20:18,440 --> 00:20:20,639 Speaker 1: Have to just get show up because of duty, a 447 00:20:20,960 --> 00:20:24,119 Speaker 1: duty of being a good friend, of reciprocation, because that 448 00:20:24,160 --> 00:20:27,000 Speaker 1: person shows up for you in that way, and so 449 00:20:27,480 --> 00:20:30,840 Speaker 1: that has to often override the anxious feelings because you're like, 450 00:20:30,840 --> 00:20:33,520 Speaker 1: you know what, my love is more powerful than my anxiety. 451 00:20:33,600 --> 00:20:36,639 Speaker 1: My love for this person is what's going to drive me. 452 00:20:36,880 --> 00:20:39,320 Speaker 1: My anxiety is what's keeping me here. But let my 453 00:20:39,440 --> 00:20:43,280 Speaker 1: love drive me to actually do this, because often it 454 00:20:43,359 --> 00:20:46,200 Speaker 1: is some like for me, I realized it was selfish 455 00:20:46,240 --> 00:20:47,840 Speaker 1: a lot of the time. I don't want this person 456 00:20:47,880 --> 00:20:50,359 Speaker 1: to see this. I don't know if spot on my face. 457 00:20:50,359 --> 00:20:52,800 Speaker 1: So I'm going to bail because I don't feel comfortable. No, 458 00:20:53,080 --> 00:20:55,359 Speaker 1: but my friend is so excited about me showing up 459 00:20:55,400 --> 00:20:57,600 Speaker 1: for her, or this is an event that she's put 460 00:20:57,640 --> 00:21:00,120 Speaker 1: so much hard work into and if I cancel last minute, 461 00:21:00,520 --> 00:21:02,800 Speaker 1: it's just not a nice thing. To do, and so 462 00:21:03,160 --> 00:21:06,960 Speaker 1: morally as a friend or as a human, showing up 463 00:21:07,000 --> 00:21:09,919 Speaker 1: because you said you would is also something you have 464 00:21:09,960 --> 00:21:12,640 Speaker 1: to keep in mind that will get you to overcome 465 00:21:12,720 --> 00:21:16,080 Speaker 1: your anxiety. You know, and Ivada talks about how anxiety 466 00:21:16,280 --> 00:21:18,920 Speaker 1: is too much movement happening in the mind, too much 467 00:21:19,000 --> 00:21:22,399 Speaker 1: going through your mind. There, rapid movement happening. And so 468 00:21:22,520 --> 00:21:25,080 Speaker 1: because your mind and your body are connected, if you 469 00:21:25,080 --> 00:21:26,879 Speaker 1: try and find a way to slow down your body, 470 00:21:26,920 --> 00:21:29,080 Speaker 1: it will also help to slow down your mind. So, 471 00:21:29,119 --> 00:21:33,000 Speaker 1: whether that means taking deep breaths, three deep breaths, like 472 00:21:37,440 --> 00:21:40,160 Speaker 1: the goddessy is just taking that one breath has slowed 473 00:21:40,160 --> 00:21:44,560 Speaker 1: down my entire mind, whether it's grounding yourself, going outside 474 00:21:44,600 --> 00:21:47,879 Speaker 1: and being in nature, basically trying to slow down physically 475 00:21:47,960 --> 00:21:52,159 Speaker 1: to allow your mind to slow down internally too. Also, 476 00:21:52,320 --> 00:21:54,600 Speaker 1: like sing songs out loud to yourself, sometimes you just 477 00:21:54,640 --> 00:21:57,000 Speaker 1: need to get things out of your body too, because 478 00:21:57,080 --> 00:21:59,439 Speaker 1: you're holding it so much inside of you. And so 479 00:21:59,480 --> 00:22:01,320 Speaker 1: on your way to the even put on a loud 480 00:22:01,359 --> 00:22:04,040 Speaker 1: song and sing your heart out, like scream it at 481 00:22:04,040 --> 00:22:07,120 Speaker 1: the top of your lungs. And apparently you can't sing 482 00:22:07,240 --> 00:22:09,719 Speaker 1: and have anxious thoughts, so I really like that. So 483 00:22:09,720 --> 00:22:11,399 Speaker 1: now every time I'm like going somewhere, I put on 484 00:22:11,440 --> 00:22:13,720 Speaker 1: a song they're like a hype song, and I'll sing 485 00:22:13,720 --> 00:22:15,720 Speaker 1: to it and it makes me feel so much better. 486 00:22:16,600 --> 00:22:18,800 Speaker 1: There's also this feeling of like what am I missing 487 00:22:18,800 --> 00:22:22,280 Speaker 1: out on? And I noticed this about myself where because 488 00:22:22,440 --> 00:22:25,840 Speaker 1: I was so conscious of so many different things, I 489 00:22:25,880 --> 00:22:29,520 Speaker 1: was missing out on experiences with friends, with family, I 490 00:22:29,560 --> 00:22:32,160 Speaker 1: was missing out on creating memories with people. 491 00:22:32,600 --> 00:22:34,879 Speaker 2: I was missing out on being present at times. 492 00:22:34,920 --> 00:22:39,359 Speaker 1: And that's also why I noticed my memory lacks so much, 493 00:22:39,400 --> 00:22:42,199 Speaker 1: whether it's names, whether it's things that I've done in 494 00:22:42,240 --> 00:22:45,800 Speaker 1: the past. I realized I wasn't actually physically present because 495 00:22:45,800 --> 00:22:47,439 Speaker 1: I was so in my mind, because I was so 496 00:22:47,600 --> 00:22:51,440 Speaker 1: anxious about being in that place. I wasn't absorbing my surroundings. 497 00:22:51,440 --> 00:22:54,680 Speaker 1: I wasn't absorbing the conversation I was having. Someone tells 498 00:22:54,720 --> 00:22:56,960 Speaker 1: me their name, it doesn't even sit in my mind 499 00:22:56,960 --> 00:22:59,320 Speaker 1: for a second. It barely left their mouth and entered 500 00:22:59,320 --> 00:23:02,080 Speaker 1: my ears. And so I realized how much I was 501 00:23:02,119 --> 00:23:04,560 Speaker 1: missing out on. And so think about that at the 502 00:23:04,640 --> 00:23:06,480 Speaker 1: end of your life. And this sounds very morbid, but 503 00:23:07,000 --> 00:23:09,640 Speaker 1: are you going to care whether you showed up when 504 00:23:09,640 --> 00:23:12,560 Speaker 1: you felt like this or look like this, or are 505 00:23:12,560 --> 00:23:14,159 Speaker 1: you going to be so upset with yourself that you 506 00:23:14,160 --> 00:23:17,640 Speaker 1: didn't enjoy those experiences? Which part are you going to 507 00:23:17,680 --> 00:23:19,840 Speaker 1: take with you and which one's going to mean the most? 508 00:23:20,200 --> 00:23:22,040 Speaker 1: And you know, if you're someone who doesn't actually get 509 00:23:22,040 --> 00:23:25,479 Speaker 1: to interact with people very often, join a club, Like 510 00:23:26,040 --> 00:23:27,840 Speaker 1: we actually go to pick a ball courts a lot 511 00:23:27,920 --> 00:23:30,680 Speaker 1: and we met so many friends just by randomly talking 512 00:23:30,680 --> 00:23:32,200 Speaker 1: to people who are playing in the court. 513 00:23:32,080 --> 00:23:32,640 Speaker 2: Next to us. 514 00:23:33,000 --> 00:23:36,240 Speaker 1: Find hobbies or run clubs or bowling clubs, knitting clubs. 515 00:23:36,280 --> 00:23:39,119 Speaker 1: There's clubs for pretty much everything. Now, we are built 516 00:23:39,160 --> 00:23:42,280 Speaker 1: for connection, and the energy exchange that we get with 517 00:23:42,480 --> 00:23:46,480 Speaker 1: people in real life fuels and comforts us. It shouldn't 518 00:23:46,480 --> 00:23:48,879 Speaker 1: become a point of fear. Like it shouldn't become a 519 00:23:48,880 --> 00:23:51,840 Speaker 1: point of anxiety. We are humans, and humans are built 520 00:23:51,840 --> 00:23:54,840 Speaker 1: for connection. The energy exchange that we get with people 521 00:23:54,840 --> 00:23:58,080 Speaker 1: in real life fuels us and comforts us. It shouldn't 522 00:23:58,119 --> 00:24:01,439 Speaker 1: become a point of fear or anxiety. Unfortunately, we've just 523 00:24:01,520 --> 00:24:05,080 Speaker 1: reprogrammed our brains to feel that way because we've reduced 524 00:24:05,200 --> 00:24:08,560 Speaker 1: the social interaction so much. And so trust me when 525 00:24:08,600 --> 00:24:12,080 Speaker 1: I say, having these in person interactions is what's going 526 00:24:12,119 --> 00:24:14,520 Speaker 1: to fuel you and make you feel more content in 527 00:24:14,560 --> 00:24:18,680 Speaker 1: life than hiding and shying away from it. Make sure 528 00:24:18,720 --> 00:24:21,480 Speaker 1: you're going to these places feeling comfortable. I noticed when 529 00:24:21,480 --> 00:24:24,360 Speaker 1: I push myself to wear things out of my comfort zone, 530 00:24:24,440 --> 00:24:26,879 Speaker 1: or do my hair in ways that don't make me 531 00:24:26,880 --> 00:24:29,560 Speaker 1: feel comfortable, or my makeup, and I overdo it too much, 532 00:24:30,200 --> 00:24:32,879 Speaker 1: I'm already uncomfortable, and then I'm doing something out of 533 00:24:32,880 --> 00:24:35,320 Speaker 1: my norm, which is then making me even more anxious 534 00:24:35,359 --> 00:24:37,879 Speaker 1: about it, and so it just adds to the problem. 535 00:24:38,000 --> 00:24:40,200 Speaker 1: So go out in something that makes you feel yourself 536 00:24:40,240 --> 00:24:41,960 Speaker 1: and your best. It doesn't matter if you're repeating at 537 00:24:41,960 --> 00:24:45,199 Speaker 1: outfit for thee hundredth time. Maybe that's your comfort clothing 538 00:24:45,280 --> 00:24:47,200 Speaker 1: that allows you to show up as the best version 539 00:24:47,240 --> 00:24:51,520 Speaker 1: of you, as your authentic version of you. Whether it's clothes, makeup, jewelry, 540 00:24:51,960 --> 00:24:53,960 Speaker 1: just pick things that make you feel cute and make 541 00:24:53,960 --> 00:24:56,359 Speaker 1: you feel like a boss, not make you feel self 542 00:24:56,400 --> 00:25:00,680 Speaker 1: conscious or just uncomfortable, Like, who's got time to be uncomfortable? 543 00:25:00,760 --> 00:25:04,200 Speaker 1: These days were things that make you feel great. Clothing 544 00:25:04,240 --> 00:25:06,000 Speaker 1: can change the way that you carry yourself and that 545 00:25:06,040 --> 00:25:08,760 Speaker 1: you walk into a room. When I have worked with 546 00:25:08,800 --> 00:25:11,440 Speaker 1: stylists before. They always say I have such a distinct 547 00:25:12,200 --> 00:25:15,080 Speaker 1: they can easily tell when I feel happy in something 548 00:25:15,080 --> 00:25:17,400 Speaker 1: and when I don't. When I don't, I'll walk out 549 00:25:17,400 --> 00:25:21,119 Speaker 1: and I'm like tugging at areas or I'm slouching downwards. 550 00:25:21,160 --> 00:25:23,440 Speaker 1: I'm kind of not looking at myself in the mirror 551 00:25:23,480 --> 00:25:26,120 Speaker 1: as much. I'm like trying to hide different parts of myself. 552 00:25:26,320 --> 00:25:28,200 Speaker 1: And as soon as it's an outfit that I feel 553 00:25:28,200 --> 00:25:33,320 Speaker 1: amazing in, I walk out strutting my stuff like shoulders high, 554 00:25:33,440 --> 00:25:36,080 Speaker 1: head high, looking at myself in the mirror, and so 555 00:25:37,080 --> 00:25:39,960 Speaker 1: start to recognize what are those things that make you feel. 556 00:25:39,680 --> 00:25:41,040 Speaker 2: Really good in your own body. 557 00:25:41,520 --> 00:25:43,320 Speaker 1: At the end of the day, we are living in 558 00:25:43,359 --> 00:25:46,480 Speaker 1: an anxious generation. There is a book called The Anxious Generation. 559 00:25:46,640 --> 00:25:47,639 Speaker 2: I recommend reading it. 560 00:25:48,119 --> 00:25:51,159 Speaker 1: But I have to say this, all these little tips 561 00:25:51,200 --> 00:25:54,560 Speaker 1: have definitely helped me become more confident in shoving up. 562 00:25:54,600 --> 00:25:57,080 Speaker 1: And you know, a bigger part of this, actually, if 563 00:25:57,119 --> 00:26:00,360 Speaker 1: I think about it, has been the more that I 564 00:26:00,400 --> 00:26:03,440 Speaker 1: become more comfortable and loving to myself, the more I'm 565 00:26:03,480 --> 00:26:06,480 Speaker 1: able to show up and feel like I am confident 566 00:26:06,560 --> 00:26:09,000 Speaker 1: in who I am. And that means you have to 567 00:26:09,080 --> 00:26:11,960 Speaker 1: really start to show love to yourself. Like, if you're 568 00:26:11,960 --> 00:26:14,760 Speaker 1: constantly trying to hide yourself, there's basically you telling your 569 00:26:14,800 --> 00:26:17,080 Speaker 1: body and yourself that you're not worthy of. 570 00:26:17,040 --> 00:26:17,960 Speaker 2: Being in those rooms. 571 00:26:18,119 --> 00:26:20,760 Speaker 1: You're not beautiful enough, or you're not smart enough, or 572 00:26:20,760 --> 00:26:23,840 Speaker 1: you're not whatever enough. Like, stop saying that to yourself. 573 00:26:23,880 --> 00:26:25,800 Speaker 1: Every single thing that you are saying to yourself is 574 00:26:25,800 --> 00:26:28,800 Speaker 1: what you're conscious of other people thinking about you. And 575 00:26:28,880 --> 00:26:33,920 Speaker 1: so the less you negatively speak to yourself, the less 576 00:26:33,920 --> 00:26:36,720 Speaker 1: you're gonna imagine that other people are thinking that about you. 577 00:26:37,240 --> 00:26:40,520 Speaker 1: So start telling yourself better things about yourself, Like stop 578 00:26:40,520 --> 00:26:43,480 Speaker 1: putting yourself down, Stop looking at yourself in the mirror 579 00:26:43,520 --> 00:26:45,720 Speaker 1: and pointing out all the things that you hate about 580 00:26:45,760 --> 00:26:48,159 Speaker 1: your body. I think all those things really make a 581 00:26:48,160 --> 00:26:50,400 Speaker 1: difference on a daily basis. Look, you spend the most 582 00:26:50,440 --> 00:26:53,480 Speaker 1: amount of time with yourself, So forget what anybody else 583 00:26:53,560 --> 00:26:54,439 Speaker 1: is thinking or saying. 584 00:26:54,520 --> 00:26:58,200 Speaker 2: What you thinking or saying about yourself. That's what's really. 585 00:26:57,880 --> 00:27:00,879 Speaker 1: Causing all of these insecurities and anxiety in your mind. 586 00:27:01,560 --> 00:27:03,480 Speaker 1: And look, like I mentioned before, I know that this 587 00:27:03,720 --> 00:27:05,720 Speaker 1: is such a spectrum. I know friends who will have 588 00:27:06,080 --> 00:27:09,159 Speaker 1: honest panic attacks when they are in situations like that, 589 00:27:09,200 --> 00:27:11,840 Speaker 1: and things are very deep rooted from traumas that have 590 00:27:11,880 --> 00:27:14,960 Speaker 1: happened when you know, when you're younger or throughout your life, 591 00:27:15,000 --> 00:27:17,159 Speaker 1: and so seeing a therapist that can help you go 592 00:27:17,240 --> 00:27:21,479 Speaker 1: through this rewiring or retraining. You know, cognitive behavioral therapy 593 00:27:21,560 --> 00:27:24,320 Speaker 1: I've heard can be so useful in this, and so 594 00:27:24,440 --> 00:27:27,040 Speaker 1: trying different methods. If these don't work, then definitely try 595 00:27:27,080 --> 00:27:30,240 Speaker 1: and seek help in a therapist because life is too 596 00:27:30,280 --> 00:27:32,840 Speaker 1: precious and time is too precious to be going through 597 00:27:32,880 --> 00:27:37,360 Speaker 1: it in a state of anxiety every single day. Let 598 00:27:37,359 --> 00:27:39,280 Speaker 1: me know if this is helpful. We'd love to hear 599 00:27:39,440 --> 00:27:42,120 Speaker 1: any kind of feedback, and sending your so much love. 600 00:27:42,359 --> 00:27:45,480 Speaker 1: And next time you get scared about going somewhere, put 601 00:27:45,520 --> 00:27:49,080 Speaker 1: on your best clothes, put on your best jewelry, and 602 00:27:49,200 --> 00:27:52,639 Speaker 1: get yourself out there and have some meaningful interactions with people. 603 00:27:53,119 --> 00:27:55,560 Speaker 1: And if it isn't for you, at least you've tried. 604 00:27:56,280 --> 00:27:58,399 Speaker 1: But if you don't try, you will never ever know. 605 00:27:59,119 --> 00:28:02,240 Speaker 1: Thanks so much for listening everyone, and we will see 606 00:28:02,280 --> 00:28:02,840 Speaker 1: you next week. 607 00:28:05,760 --> 00:28:13,400 Speaker 2: Hm m hmmmmmmmmmmmm mm hmm